Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Andy (00:00):
Now I'm not doing this one
because I'm getting a bit older
.
You with me, then.
Sian (00:04):
I'm absolutely with you.
Andy (00:05):
Okay, all right.
Sian (00:08):
Welcome to Big Questions.
Short Answers.
I'm Sian.
Andy (00:12):
And I'm Andy Sian's
husband asking the big life
questions.
Sian (00:16):
And possibly adding a
little bit of unsolicited advice
.
Andy (00:21):
This podcast is brought to
you by Sian's value-based
online course.
Visit sianjaquet.
com to find out more.
Today we don't want to blowpeople's minds or whatever, but
I think this exists just nomatter what age you are.
Maybe it does become moreimportant as you get older.
But I want to talk about legacywhat kind of you want to leave
(00:43):
in this planet?
This is a massive, massive, bigsubject.
You love these big subjects,but I suppose maybe we can bring
it down to and I know thatyou're part of your coaching and
all the rest of it.
It's a very important part ofgetting people's head in the
game, as it were, and sometimesyou talk about people thinking
(01:07):
about their obituary you've castnatives out, aren't you?
yeah, yes, whenever I talk aboutthat and the idea that, like, I
don't know, it's all fallingapart or whatever, or stuff is
going on for people at work andand it's a part of your course,
I think as well in terms of youronline course the idea of
creating an obituary foryourself, as if you're looking
(01:29):
at your own funeral and somebodyis reading out here's this man,
woman lived this life.
What legacy did they leave onthe world and why that's
important?
Sian (01:43):
What sort of legacy do
people first of all, it's, it's
you know the why's, why do it?
Yeah, right, and and everyhuman being's different.
We start with that premise, butthere is a generalization in
this that you get to, you know.
You get to a situation in yourlife where you're working all
the hours god sends, you'reearning money, you're solving
problems.
You're doing this, and when Isit in front of people, they
(02:06):
tell me why they're doing all ofthis for their family, or
they're doing all of this forwhatever, whatever.
You come to the part in theconversation when you say, well,
who are you?
Have you disassociated with whoand what you truly are?
Or what's the point?
What, what is this really allabout?
yeah because, if you take it toits logical conclusion, I don't
(02:29):
think anybody who would have theability to look at their own
funeral from up there or downthere.
Obviously I'll be down there.
Who's sitting on that back pewwatching it with your arms
folded and looking and thinking,oh, oh great.
They're reading out how much isin my bank account.
They're reading out how much mylife insurance is worth.
Yeah, those three over thereare going to squabble over my
(02:54):
jewellery.
You know what I mean.
Andy (02:57):
What you want is he sold
an awful lot of cars, right, ok,
whatever.
Sian (03:05):
But you want to know what
he meant to people.
You want to know.
Your legacy is an emotionallegacy of what you've left, and
that doesn't mean that if you'rethe greatest architect, you've
left some incredible buildingsor you've solved some major
issues in life, or whatever.
Andy (03:22):
it is, yeah, a lot of us
don't have that, but at the end
of the day it's the end of theday.
Sian (03:25):
It's the people that
you've loved and the people that
you've emotionally connectedwith.
Yeah, and one of the reasons II will ask people to do their
obituary.
It's like a short, sharp slapacross the face of oh my god,
I've got this all wrong.
Yeah, that's normally theresponse they get.
Yeah, and if indeed people arecourageous enough to do it,
because a lot of people, somepeople just won't even go there
(03:50):
because they know that they'reon the wrong trajectory, but
they don't know how to bepresent emotionally in their
intimate and familyrelationships.
They know how to be in charge,they know how to be at work,
they know how to do all of that,but they don't actually know
how to be present.
Andy (04:08):
We talked about that
earlier, didn't we?
The other podcast about beingpresent, because at the end of
it none of us are getting out ofhere alive.
I mean, it's a scary thought,but that's true that you can be
so profound but what do youthink?
It is that why, in your mind,what is the most important thing
(04:33):
?
Let's put to you, isn't it?
What's the most important thing, and I think you know?
Sian (04:36):
to me, love are the people
that I love.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, let's havea whole different podcast on
family, and what does thatactually mean?
Andy (04:47):
yeah, well, I don't think
that's a bit of a scary thought.
Sian (04:49):
Yeah, um, but there are
people in my life that, come the
day I'm in the box in thecrematorium.
I don't actually want my legacyto be anything other than she
made a difference.
I don't know.
I suppose, if I'm absolutelyhonest, is that I loved
unconditionally and it didn'tmatter who you were, what you
were, where you were, how youwere dressed, where you are and
(05:12):
the scale of anything.
Andy (05:13):
Right right.
Sian (05:15):
And I have a slightly left
field belief about
unconditional love that manypeople would argue with me, but
I would that to be my legacythat sean represented how you
can love you're getting me allemotional.
Andy (05:29):
Now I don't want to think
about your obituary um I'm okay,
you read around because I'll goaway.
I don't think you say this, butI don't think that's
necessarily the case,necessarily the case, but nobody
on their gravestone is going tohave.
He stayed late every night atwork.
Sian (05:46):
Well, exactly, but how
does he make that shit?
We all do it at times in ourlives because we believe we have
to or because it's demanded ofus.
You started this by talkingabout legacy, and the question
is why am I doing this and whatdo I want to leave afterwards?
Yeah, because legacy isn'talways about relationships.
(06:07):
It can be about, I mean, comeon, how many people do we know
that want to make sure that theyleave their children something
after they've gone?
Yeah, well, that's literallylegacy.
Yeah, I mean, it's a veryinteresting concept at the
(06:27):
moment, because I think theworld has changed them and I
think even the basicunderstanding of a legacy you're
leaving your house, you'releaving whatever to your kids,
you know the abc stuff um, Ithink that's changed.
I don't think people can affordto.
I don't think they should.
That's us as well, by the way,okay um bad luck kids because I
have and I know you have a veryfirm belief that we were gonna
(06:50):
save and make sensible decisionsso that our kids at some point
had some money that could helpthem out.
Yeah, but I'm kind of changingmy mind on that.
Well, because it's not.
You can't do it.
You can't do it in the samelinear way that you did before.
So legacy it is.
Andy (07:10):
That's different.
That's inheritance.
What we're talking about hereis legacy, which is something
that's beyond any financialmeasure.
You know it's like I know youwork with.
You know some families that arein a.
You know quite senior familieswithin new zealand and they're
(07:30):
leaving a legacy.
It's not a case of oh how muchcash can we give them.
Sian (07:34):
You know the kids well,
that's fun you best, it's you
stop and you work out who are we.
What is this about?
All of this has been created byour parents or our grandparents
or whatever, and it's you knowwe're talking substantial
amounts of money, um, and I amthe custodian of my generation,
so what do I do with that?
yeah, um you're talking aboutsomething slightly different.
(07:57):
I suppose it is a legacy insome ways, but but essentially
it's planning um a in acommercial way.
It's the state planning, it'sall of those things.
My role in that is, you know,I'm not the accountant, I'm the
person that says well, just havea look at the research about
the chances of that amount ofmoney destroying the next
(08:18):
generation.
Andy (08:19):
Yeah.
Sian (08:19):
Yeah, how do you educate
them?
How do you protect them?
How do you protect the legacyof what your great-grandparents
or your great-great-grandparentsstarted?
Yeah, yeah, I suppose one ofthe most obvious is land, isn't
it?
My family have been on thisland for three generations and
this is what we've done, and youknow, through literally hard
(08:40):
work and breaking you back withhere, we've now decided to sell
it all and it's all going to beused for housing.
You know, wow, really, is thatthe legacy?
Is that the emotional story,you know, or is that the right
thing to do?
I'm not saying it's right orwrong.
What I'm saying is thatlegacies are, if it it's.
You know you're talking about asignificant amount of money
(09:01):
here and presence in who andwhat you are as a family.
It's an extremely challengingand difficult thing to do and
it's not something that Ibelieve you can do by sitting in
a solicitor's office and sayingwrite the will.
In that way.
I think there need to beconversations.
There needs to be a very clearunderstanding of your role and
responsibility as a custodian ofa legacy.
(09:21):
In that way, explain to me whatyou mean.
I'm talking, but what do youmean by legacy?
What do you mean by it?
Well, I don't know For you.
Andy (09:30):
Well, what's your legacy?
Well, it's interesting, isn'tit?
Well, I'm asking.
I probably need to think aboutit before I open my mouth, but a
lot of it is to do with being acaring individual who looks
after their family, does no harmto other people and lives a
good life.
Sian (09:50):
Does no harm to you.
Andy (09:56):
But there are people that
are not particularly good
individuals.
Sian (10:00):
Let's bring this back to
talking about that personal
obituary and, whilst obviouslylegacy is part of that, but that
personal obituary about whyit's important well, there are
several elements to it, but Ithink one of the most profound
and the bits when I'm doing thiswork with people and they've
(10:22):
done it and then we'rereflecting on it and I'm asking
them to share what they thinkand what it was like doing it.
I think what it actually does isit gives somebody a moment in
time when you're lifting amirror at yourself, but in an
incredibly positive way, whenyou allow yourself to be
acknowledged.
This is who I am, this is whatI achieved, this is how much
(10:45):
people love me.
Um, I think there's a muchdeeper thing to it and and
that's when I see the biggestshift.
You know, I've seen some prettyburly human beings who probably
hadn't got a tissue out for 55years, who would have tears
rolling down their face.
You know when I lead them to apoint that says your grandson or
(11:07):
your middle child or youryoungest daughter has stood up
and what have they said aboutyou?
Or even the people who workedwith you for 20 years.
We're not given muchopportunity in life to actually
stop and think what we're goodat and what we are contributing
and what a fantastic human beingI am.
Andy (11:28):
We have to stop and
actually consider that.
Sian (11:31):
I mean, I realise that
writing your victory is a right
out there way of doing it, butthe faster your life is spinning
and the more off center ofbeing your authentic self and
being who you are and who youwould choose to be because is
going on in your world, yeah,the more profound it is.
Um, and it's just an incrediblyquick way to reset.
(11:55):
You know that light bulbs go offall over the place as you're
doing it yeah and you feelsignificant and you feel like
there is a purpose to my life,that I've lived this and I've
left people or I've left.
You're using the word legacy Ihave left.
I bring it down to abcs.
You know I carry around a spacein my heart for the people that
(12:18):
have died that I loved and youhad a significant effect in my
life.
Now that's their legacy.
I have found a house room in myheart and soul for them.
Andy (12:29):
Do you think it's because
people actually don't, don't
believe they loved and that'swhy they're frightened to
actually go forward in terms of,you know, writing this, writing
this down?
Sian (12:41):
I don't think, when you
start the process, you're aware
that it actually is about love,yes, and about that emotional
self.
I mean, if you're opening thedoor to have a conversation
about as human beings, do welove ourselves?
I mean, you know, there's awhole industry that's in the.
Andy (13:02):
We'll leave that for
another day, but is it?
Sian (13:04):
But it's about having the
courage, I suppose, to start it
who do I want to be, so that,when it comes to the end, I've
achieved some of it.
Andy (13:16):
Maybe not all of it, but
some of it and, of course, it
gives you the opportunity toreset because you're still above
the ground, that's me.
Sian (13:24):
I want to be a good father
.
I want to be a good parent.
I want to be a good me.
I want to be a good father.
I want to be a good parent.
I want to be a good grandparent.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good leader.
I want to be a good boss.
I want to be a good this, thatand the other.
I mean I've yet to meet anybodywho's literally said to me I
don't want to be good at any ofthose things, yeah, yeah, well,
(13:50):
the only person that can do thatis you.
And to stop and to reset thephrase that you use a lot
writing your own obituary is anincredibly powerful way of
starting that journey ofresetting by looking at what's
really important in life.
Andy (14:00):
Absolutely.
Join us next time on BigQuestions.
Sian (14:05):
Short Answers with Sian
Jaquet and me, Andy if you have
any questions you want to ask,please send them via the website
Sianj aquetcom if you enjoyedthis podcast, please subscribe
and share it with everyone youknow we really do appreciate you
sharing 15 minutes with us andif you want to do a bit more
learning, go on to Sian'swebsite Sianjaquet.
(14:26):
com.
Andy (14:27):
There's a course on values
to create the life you truly
love.
I did it and it really does dowhat it says on the can.
Sian (14:34):
See you next time.