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August 20, 2024 12 mins

Can family gatherings really be harmonious, even with a history of dramatic interactions? Join us as Andy and I, Sian, recount a sunny Sunday family gathering that exceeded our expectations. Andy opens up about his initial doubts and fears of potential conflicts, while I paint a picture of the day filled with cherished "Kodak moments." We dive into the delicate balance of managing negative expectations and savouring positive experiences, highlighting how shifting perspectives can make a world of difference. Whether your family is full of strong personalities or not, there's a lesson in finding joy and connection amidst it all.

Looking to amplify your personal growth journey? We’ve got you covered. Andy shares his transformative experience with Sian's values course Create The Life You Truly Love, which he found immensely enriching. We'll also encourage you to send in your questions through my website, share the podcast with friends, and subscribe for more insightful content. As we wrap up this heartfelt episode, we extend our deepest gratitude for your listenership and invite you to continue your learning journey with us. Don't miss out on this blend of personal reflections and practical recommendations!

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For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You need a little bit of a ditty at the front.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
This is left field, but I want to talk about Sunday.
Invite the family round.
Okay, Welcome to Big Questions.
Short Answers.
I'm Sian.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
And I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big life
questions.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited
advice.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's
value-based online course.
Visit sianjackeycom to find outmore.
A slight diversion we'reactually going to talk about our
family, which is always a bitdangerous, but actually this is
a good part of it which happenedon Sunday, and I know you
wanted to talk about it, becausewhenever we get the kids

(00:41):
together we've got three kidsthey're all, thankfully, not
living with us anymore.
They're in their early 30s andwe see them.
Of course, we see them on aregular bit, but they all came
round on Sunday with some otherfriends of ours as well.
There's always a little bit ofexpectation of what shit's going

(01:02):
to go down or who's not goingto play.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Are you saying that?
That's how it makes you feelwhen they're all coming around,
that there's a part of you thatthinks, oh my god.
Well, when is this gonna youknow who's gonna kick off, who's
gonna be in a mood, who's gonnacontribute?
I don't know.
I'm asking do you actuallythink that before they arrive?

Speaker 1 (01:19):
well, this is.
You know.
You know this family deals withdrama, so there's always
potentially something.
You know, what mood are theygonna be in?
Because, uh, when you havethree kids, I don't know what
happens.
Is it just because you havethree kids but like all of a

(01:40):
sudden it like one of them'sgoing to be off?
And it is a kind of a worrywhen you have events like that.
I mean, it was lovely.
I loved being in the garden, itwas a beautiful sunny day, it
was gorgeous, but there's alwaysthat.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Did something happen that I wasn't aware of on Sunday
, because I've got completelythe opposite view of Sunday.
I thought Sunday was one ofthose moments that I I call them
my kodak moments yeah yeah, andanybody who's not as old as I
probably doesn't know what kodakis.
It was a massive internationalcompany that did photographs and
they did the film that you tookphotographs with in the ye

(02:19):
olden days.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
Um and taking a picture is that and I take a
Kodak moment.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, that I.
On Sunday I took a couple ofKodak moments of oh my god,
they're all in good mood,they're all here because they
want to be, they're allcontributing to really lovely
conversations.
They have all, at differenttimes, contributed yes in an
adult, mature, fabulous way yeahand yeah, for me it was a

(02:49):
sunday of codec moments and Ithink that it's interesting.
I mean, of course, you'rebloody right.
There are times when I was sonervous you know who's going to
kick off that one's vulnerable.
Well, whatever you know, anyparent that's listening to this
knows exactly what I'm talkingabout yeah but what I want to
highlight is that just becareful that you don't entrench

(03:12):
a belief that once all thefamilies together, there's
always fighting, there's alwaysa horrible time, there's always
an atmosphere, there's always.
It never ends.
Well, you know that.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Never and always, yeah, conversation yeah, we were
talking about negative beliefsyeah.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
So what I want to do is just suggest that just make
sure you just check yourself,yeah, and that when it is good,
you put thought to that as well.
Yeah, because all I know is andI'm can be blatant as much as
anybody else we tend to be ableto see the negative and
highlight the negative and put abonfire under the bed.

(03:46):
Oh yeah but, we don't actuallystop and acknowledge the
positive, put sunshine andspangles around it and
acknowledge that it's happeningyeah yeah, um, and I literally
in a little bit of a clunky way,but I did that that on the
Sunday, when we were all sittingout there, there was a moment
or two when I just withdrew.

(04:08):
I looked at it, took my Kodakpicture and thought to myself
there is hope.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
There is hope.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
That we will not be a dysfunctional crazy family, but
actually wow.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah are quite.
We have been quite loud.
There's a lot of assertivepeople in the family.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Put it that way you may have been loud.
I can't remember any time I'vebeen loud you must be joking, um
.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
You know we, we have three very uh, confident,
assertive kids, um, who all liketo know their opinions heard,
not necessarily agreeing with us, but, yes, absolutely, and you
do.
It is You're in this.
I suppose you're in this kindof fright or flight mode, is it?

(04:59):
And I think you know we'reharking back to COVID and nobody
wants to talk about that again.
But you know, we actually livedwith our three kids at that
time and that was a very, very,very dense time.
But there is that kind of youhave that in yourself where you
think something's going to gowrong.
And if you think something'sgoing to go, wrong and if you

(05:19):
think something's going to gowrong, what happens?

Speaker 2 (05:22):
well, that's yeah, you know it becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy, butequally, let's not turn this
into a bubble conversation.
You know there are people thatdo have aggressive.
You know the dial.
You know like I like everythingon a bell curve yeah you know,
there are people who do haveabusive, seriously hardcore
families where it is actuallynot safe to walk through the

(05:44):
door.
So preparing yourself for thatis equally as important.
But all I'm suggesting is, in anice way, just try and find a
little bit of headspace, shufflearound the perspective and see
it from a different way andallow the sunshine to come in.
So one of the things I say topeople who are digging this hole

(06:08):
of negativity everything's bad,everything.
There have been times in mylife and your life where you get
there, you just you know youcan't see any sunshine at all.
Yeah, um, there are people allover the world as we speak
having a little think tothemselves when they clean their
teeth, that's what I suggestyou do when you clean your teeth

(06:28):
, and I at the moment, I'm goingthrough a gratitude between
high teeth and blindings,because it's something I always
do.
Yeah, um it's something Ialways do.
It's something that takes, youknow, it's two minutes or
whatever it is, and in that timeI focus on acknowledging three
things that I'm proud, pleased,whatever that I achieved.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
And it doesn't have to be monumental.
You know I didn't solve worldpeace by five o'clock, right,
it's not that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I think you're exactly the person to be able to
do that.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Oh, darling Bullshit.
My point is that I know itsounds so simple it's not even
worth stopping and thinkingabout, but I can absolutely
categorically guarantee if youstart a regular time, do you

(07:20):
just take a couple of minutes ofthinking about good things?
Um, and there's a reason why Ido it at night, because I think
that it take it, tips my headspace into a positive space.
About sean, I feel good aboutbeing me.
Um, you know, my thoughts asI'm going to bed are in a
positive place yeah, I mean itdoesn't work all the time.
It's not some kind of, you know,major mind manipulation, but

(07:45):
after a while you start thinkingabout it.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
I mean I started by saying your three things that
you thought about yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, well, about the,you know the weekend, yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:54):
But on Sunday night, I mean, obviously it was that
we'd had a really lovely daywith the kids.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
And that everybody was in a good space and it was
lovely.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
The lasagna was good.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, yeah.
I was really happy that when Igot up in the morning and made
lasagna you know there was adish that would have fed
everybody and lovely.
I made double the amountbecause I wanted everybody to go
home with their lunch and stufffor tomorrow and I loved that
yeah I loved watching peoplewalking out the front door with
their brown paper carrier bags,with their goody bags.

(08:28):
It made me feel good, made mefeel like a good mother, made me
feel like I was a good humanbeing and you made it with your
mother's dish yeah, I did.
Let's go down that road becauseshe made me cry yeah yeah, it
was.
That's the kind of thing.
Yeah, it's not necessarilymonumentally huge.
Uh, you know I've moved thedial on the civilization.
Yeah, um, it's much more aboutacknowledging what you are proud

(08:52):
of, achieving what you'repleased, and just having the
ability to capture thosepositive thoughts, because most
of us are.
You know, we're experts atbeing negative yeah, life is.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Life is pretty bloody challenging, isn't it?
I mean, you've got to get up inthe morning, you've got to make
a living, you've got to putmoney in, you've got to pay
bills.
You've got to do this.
You know the what's everhappened to the kids?
And especially when you've gotkids all of a sudden and a
partner, you're no longer justworrying about yourself, you're
worrying about you.
Know everybody else.
I'm a nervous wreck.
I need botox.
Probably you can talk about thebenefits of botox at a later

(09:31):
episode, but it's.
It's.
Yes, you're right in terms ofhaving those moments of
gratitude.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
You can be quite negative.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Oh yeah, you can be negative.
Well, that's a Jewishbackground isn't it really?

Speaker 2 (09:43):
And we've got one son well, both of them at times,
but who also have thatpersonality, that ladle of
negativity that you have.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Boom and bum, bum, bum, bling and oomph.
It's going to put a bad word inthe middle there.
But yeah, you can camp outthere.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
But most of the time I have a very positive frame of
mind in terms of being reallythankful about everything, and
obviously you know alwayswanting more, but that's, I
don't know what that's about.
But you're right try to bethankful for just that moment,

(10:22):
because modern day living's noteasy.
Looking at it well, I thinkthen why?

Speaker 2 (10:28):
what have I done now?
I want you to go back to sharewith me when you are in a
negative space.
What's it like?
How do you know you're in anegative space?

Speaker 1 (10:39):
oh, well, obviously, life becomes a lot, a lot harder
, doesn't it?
I mean, and I still think thatit's a case of sometimes you
just have to flick, I mean, aslong as you don't have any, you
know mental issues, but like youhave uh, you know what I mean.
Like, like you know wordsmatter andy yeah, okay, they do

(11:00):
matter, so long as you don'thave some condition that is
affecting your personality.
Uh, the idea that if you canmove yourself into a more
positive space, life becomes alittle bit easier, isn't it?

Speaker 2 (11:16):
you know, tracks become a little bit easier to
well, yes, but all we can do forourselves and for the people
around us, whatever thoserelationships would be, is you
can offer a step forward yes inplenty of having positive
thoughts.
Go for a walk and acknowledgethe sunshine, yeah, smell the

(11:37):
flowers, you know all of thatstuff.
But in isolation, when you doit once, it's unlikely to
massively change the dial.
It's about a way of being, yeah, yeah, and you need to practice
it.
You need to practice thatgratitude and that
acknowledgement, yeah, that youfind those moments to look at
life in a positive way.

(11:58):
It's not going to happen byaccident.
You've got to practice it andlearn to massage that muscle of
gratitude and acknowledgementthat there is sunshine.
Beautiful, what me?
The words that are coming outof my mouth, yeah, Join us next
time on Big Questions.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Short Answers with Sian Jacquet and me, andy.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
If you have any questions you want to ask,
please send them via the websitesiansjacquetcom.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and
share it with everyone you know.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
We really do appreciate you sharing 15
minutes with us.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
And if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to
Charles' websitecharlesjackaycom.
There's a course on values tocreate life you truly love.
I did it and it really does dowhat it says on the can.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
See you next time.
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