August 27, 2024 • 16 mins
What really turns women on? Is it a well-toned forearm or the ability to reverse park like a pro? In this episode of Big Questions, Short Answers, we crack open an article listing 50 random things that women find attractive and dive headfirst into a lighthearted yet insightful exploration of these traits. Andy rolls up his sleeves—literally—and humorously evaluates his own appeal while Sian doesn't hold back on her honest commentary, especially when it comes to Andy's driving skills. Ever wondered whether manual competence can outshine a striking set of salt and pepper hair strands? We've got some hilarious takes on that.
Confidence, competence, and quirky traits—what's the real magic formula for attraction? Join us as we dissect the intriguing nuances that make someone alluring. From the charm of broad shoulders to the mysterious allure of a deep voice, we debate how personal preferences shape our perception of attractiveness. With a dash of humor, we tackle the influence of social media and its often unrealistic standards. Who knew that having a big nose could make the list? Tune in for a candid chat on how deeply personal attraction truly is.
But it’s not all fun and games; we touch upon the deeper dynamics of finding meaningful connections. Reflecting on personal experiences, we highlight how values like kindness, generosity, and empathy often take the front seat over superficial traits. In an era where social media dictates much of our self-worth, we emphasize the importance of critical thinking and self-validation. Why do we seek approval for our looks from unverified sources? What role do core values play in sustaining relationships? Join us for an engaging conversation that balances humor with heartfelt insights, offering a thoughtful look at the complex landscape of attraction and self-worth.
For more content, check out Sian's website sianjaquet.com, and her online course: Create The Life You Truly Love.
www.sianjaquet.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm rolling up my sleeves.
I'll explain this later.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's a bit of a worry .
Why are you rolling up yoursleeves?
Welcome to Big Questions, ShortAnswers.
I'm Sian.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big
life questions.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited
advice.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's
value-based online course.
Visit sianjackeycom to find outmore.
I'm going to kick it off todaywith something a bit different,
because I came across thisarticle which was entitled 50
random things in men that turnwomen on.
Oh, really Okay, and I reckon Icover a lot of them.
(00:42):
So a few of them anyway.
Like, one of the things rollingup your sleeves is forearms,
apparently, like forearms aremeant to be sexy.
Rolled up sleeves.
There we go.
I've done that.
You can't see that, butCharlotte's looking at me
thinking they're sexy forearms.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Which bit of that sexy.
You've got psoriasis at the top.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Yeah, the other thing is salt and pepper hair, which
is oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that'squite sexy.
I quite like good with kids.
Yeah, manual competence.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yeah, good dancer oh, you think you hit that category
.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, I really do, I really do.
I don't think so you need to doa bit of market validation on
that, but anyway, Dead dancingand one of the things that is
quite weird is reversing a carand like with your over the back
seat and you're reversing andit's like the forearms shut
that's apparently.
Look, I'm just reading thisstuff.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Before I pass a comment on this right, Give me
the detail who wrote thisarticle?
Where's it come?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
from oh, it's from a, it's an american thing, it's
like a men's magazine, okaystuff, and I just it's just an
interesting in terms of the bigquestions is what makes men sexy
, or, or, you know, to women, orthe attraction process being
(02:04):
sexy and being attractive aretwo very different things.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
How did you get to be as old as you are without
realizing that right?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
okay, turn women on.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
That's the random things the ability to clean and
shower.
I realized that I'd come backto that.
I'll hold it.
We'll come back to that on theinstructions.
Okay, I will actually.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Because what it's about?
It's about attraction.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I will step into this one.
Right, I'm sitting herethinking really, but when you
mentioned being able to reversea car, I'm not sure I can go
into the space of sexy orattractive, but maybe if I were
to reframe it, I mean, I don'thave a problem sharing with the
world that you are a pretty shitdriver.
You are, yeah, one most of thetime, but one thing you do
(02:53):
incredibly well is reverse car.
Okay, you know, there aren'tmany times in life when, then,
you know me well, when I willliterally just put my hands up
and say no, I'm not even goingto try, yeah, and parking a car
in a city.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
When there's a real finite amount of space Reverse
park but not just to get the carin, but to actually reverse it,
because there's cars on theother side of the road that are
parked very narrow.
My theory is it's because youlove to drive in the centre of
london, and if you didn't knowhow to do that, well, there's a
stop anywhere so, apart from myamazing driving skills, the
(03:33):
question no no, nobody said youhad amazing driving skills.
It's just, it's the point.
You can park a car incrediblywell.
It is an attractive thing forme to see you park the car
nicely.
Okay, my point is that I can'tsay it's a generic thing.
I don't sit in the car and seea man in the car in front of me
reversing and they go he's asexy creature.
(03:54):
I don't think that's true.
It's your competence, right,and your skill that I am
attracted to.
Okay, and it's the confidencein truth.
Yes, you are, because who woulda sense of confidence when
you're reversing a car?
That it's, I'm not saying it'snot used to other parts of your
life, but it never stops beingimmediately switched on.
(04:17):
You stop, I see your brainworking.
There's a competence, there's aconfidence.
So I suppose what I'm reallysaying is there's a confidence
and competence is attractive.
If I could reframe it in thatway, I'm not sure I can get into
the word sexy, but go on.
What else is on then?
Oh, out of interest.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Well, hold on one second.
Let me pull this up Deep voice.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, I quite like one of them.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, yeah.
So this is a deep voice.
What else have we got?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
My mum when I first met you.
That was the first thing shesaid oh, he's got a lovely voice
.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Yeah, come Skateboarding.
Well, we won't go there.
Nothing remotely attractiveabout skateboarding.
White T-shirts no, got to washit.
No, got to wash it.
Buttoned-down shirts with thetop button undone that's what
I'm wearing at the moment.
For goodness, wearing a toolbelt?
(05:08):
No, no, not into that.
No, but broad shoulders.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
well, yeah, we got that got a bit of that going on.
You find broad shouldersattractive.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
No, no, I mean, you know I, I'm asking you this.
The big question is in terms ofyou hardly make five foot five.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
You are not a man with broad shoulders.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well, you know, you kind of but when you put it all
together, because I'm sure maybemy shoulders look broad.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Put together kind of in a general normal human sense.
But, darling, I don't knowwhere you get these ideas that
you've got broad shoulders, butanyway, lovely shoulders.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I like them.
Big nose I've got big nose.
You do have a big nose, butit's an interesting thing, isn't
it?
In terms of what creates that?
What's this?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
person on when they wrote this list.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I have no idea, but it's an interesting thing, isn't
it?
In terms of that sense of whatmakes attraction and what can
you do to make yourself moreattractive?
As we come into a more seriouspart of the conversation, yeah,
I'm not on your same page.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Where are you going with this?
Is it just to blow my mind witha list of these are the things
I'm supposed to find sexy.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Well, no, I found it interesting.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Only because you read it and thought oh, this is me,
which it isn't.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
There's a few of them .
I can count on a few of them.
Now you roll your sleeves up,yeah, and sort them in.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
That's the thing you've got psoriasis.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Sort a big nose.
You can reverse a car.
I'm the full package.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
I make coffees of you out of the venue.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
So, as I come back to the interesting thing in terms
of attraction, yeah, it'sabsolutely individual.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
What somebody else, what somebody, finds attractive,
somebody else won't.
Yeah, come on now, why am Ieven having to say this?
We all know that.
Well, you know, it's soindividual.
Yeah, the things that irritateme are that we've got a social
media-led construct.
What's the construct?
Construct of what somebody,what's attractive when you look
(07:16):
at magazines and all the rest ofit's a crock of shit.
I think, from my perspectiveand I'm not speaking for every
woman, but you know my wisdomthat I've gathered from
listening to women it's actuallykind of scientific genetics,
whatever.
That gets the hormones and thewhatever go in, because that's
the man I want.
Man it is, you know, is itvalues, is it quality?
(07:40):
I don't know, but a bit youknow.
You see, I can remember when wewere younger, right, and we
house sat for a family inAustralia and they had three
small boys and we moved in andwe looked after these three boys
when the parents went away.
And how old were you?
You were in your middle 20s.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Mid-20s.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, and I do remember sitting there watching
you play and look after theseboys, and I can't use the word
sexy, that's not what was in myhead.
But did I look and think, wow,that's impressive.
Yeah, or it stirred somethingin me, that was for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, somebody's look after your future children.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, which was a bit weird at the time because I
didn't think I was ever going tomarry them, I didn't think I
was ever going to have kids, butthere was an admiration and a
respect and an acknowledgementthat I was looking at a man that
was incredibly comfortablearound young kids.
I think, possibly, that thatwas to do with the fact that I
(08:39):
had a father that was like that.
Yeah, that you know we wereticking boxes here, I didn't
know it was.
But yeah, not only was Iacknowledging that you were
comfortable around kids andgenuinely comfortable, but that
I was able to relate it tohaving a father and my dad in
the 60s who was a real hands-onparent in every sense of the
(09:01):
word was really unique andunusual.
So I think that possibly me Ifound attractive.
Yeah, maybe that's a good word,I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
This is a bizarre conversation it is a bizarre
conversation, it's slightly leftfield for our normal podcast,
but I just think it was quiteinteresting in terms of some
that whole process of attractionwhich you know these days,
unfortunately, kids are in, oryoung people and people indeed
(09:31):
in middle age are In a situationwhere attraction is so, I don't
know, swiping left, swipingright, kind of stuff.
It's.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Can I be a real novel and say really and truly what I
find attractive?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
OK, people's values, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Kindness, generosity, empathy, ability those are the
things that make me find a humanbeing attractive and wanting to
be around, let down my guardand let them inside to know who
I really am.
Nothing to do with sex, yes.
It's not a sexy thing, yeah, butI can honestly say that that's
probably the most significantdecisions and sense of the
(10:15):
filters that I go through as ahuman being.
Somebody's values and the morethat incongruence to kind of
have a match with mine, yeah themore likely I am to spend more
time and to lean in.
Interestingly, when I meetpeople for the first time, when
I'm working with them I mean, myjob is not to judge anybody in
any way, shape or form and Iwork very, very hard at being
(10:38):
able to do that but every nowand again I'll meet somebody for
the first time and the coachingsession we have will be on a
level that is you couldn't havepredicted.
There will be a profoundsomething that's happened in
that time that we've spenttogether, spent together, and if
(11:01):
there is a common denominator,it's probably because some of
that person's core values are inalignment with mine and
therefore the discussion and thedepth of the way in which we
communicate exponentially movesmuch faster because it's based
on a trust, because values arealigned.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
that's got nothing to do with you picking up an
article but I thought it was aninteresting, slightly left field
part of the conversation so thequestion I want to ask you is
why were you attracted to it?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
because I actually think that social media, these
why was I attracted to thearticle?
Yeah, I think we all do it.
We look at articles and wethink, oh, where's me in that?
yeah I want to be affirmed.
I want to be able to takewhatever this person has written
and it was very interestingthat you completely body swerved
whether or not it was any value, whether it's been researched,
(11:47):
whether it was written bysomebody on drugs, you know, I
mean, that's fine.
Whatever you know, write yourvote as you want, but there was
no validation behind it and it'sjust oh ooh.
If I can see myself in that andI'm not picking on you because
I do it too yeah, yeah, yeah.
I found myself a couple of weeksago clicking onto a website
about women over the age of 60,what hairstyles you should have
(12:07):
or you shouldn't have.
Right, and halfway through it,after scrolling for about 10
minutes, I actually caughtmyself and just stopped and
thought what am I doing?
What?
Caught myself and just stoppedand thought what am I doing?
What am I doing?
What am I doing here?
Yeah, why do I need somebodyelse to tell me what I need to
look like and whether I havepermission to have my hair here,
here?
It doesn't mean it was, butit's the same kind of thing,
(12:30):
isn't it?
You're looking for affirmation.
Where do I fit into this?
What's going to tell me which?
Speaker 1 (12:39):
again, we know, we flim open the doors to a whole
set of 20 podcasts about thepros and cons, the good, the bad
, the right, the wrong withsocial media and the information
and how we gather informationand how we filter it well, I
think the important thing fromthis I suppose this lesson for
today, as we have to wind upbecause it's we, we try and do
things in a short amount of timeis, you know that validation
(13:03):
from unvalidated sources exactly, and having, I suppose, a sense
of self that's strong enough toreject that and just be who you
are, is that right well, yeah,I suppose so, but equally, and
don't personalize this, allright, don't give me that face
when I say it, but I don't.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
It's not a big stretch, is it to say that, you
know, when you're in your 60s?
I mean that could have beenrelated to women.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I don't think the hairy arms go.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well.
No, what I mean is that nowyou've lost my train of thought.
Now this could relate to men orwomen, you know, is it?
I don't know if we're braveenough to even have a
conversation about it, but whenyou're in your 60s, you do start
questioning.
You know, what is myrelationship to my sexuality and
my body and my physical needfor sex and all the rest of it?
I mean, I don't want to blowthis out of the water, but I
(13:54):
think on some level you werelooking at that.
Or people, let's do a generic,let's not make it about you,
although you were the one thatdid it, but people would look at
that at your age.
Yes, because it's looking foraffirmation or what.
What things are still making mea sexy male?
Yeah, because when you're anadolescent in your 20s be under
(14:15):
no illusion.
You and I know that that'sprobably one of the top three
things that every male thinksabout am I attractive?
Am I you know?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
what do you mean adolescent?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
well, that's my point , isn't it?
That you are thinking about it,and that's not a bad thing.
That's not a bad thing at allin any way, shape or form.
I'm just.
You know, on the surface it'sreasonably humorous, but I
suppose what I would be sayingto you is the question of okay,
well, you stopped and you usedso many minutes of your life to
read that and it clearly lodgeditself somewhere in your brain.
Well, rather than delvingdeeper into an article that it
(14:48):
is about as thin as what's thesmallest measure millimeter or
smaller than a millimeter but,why you needed to do it.
yeah, so that's really I don'tknow.
There's a lot of things you canget out of it, but what I want
to frame it as I think is to saywhen you read something or you
see something on social media,it's probably a good job to stop
(15:09):
after a few minutes or secondsand just check.
I'm doing this way.
Yeah, what need am I meetinghere?
And if I'm going to meet a need, should we just filter through
that through some criticalthinking of is the person giving
me this advice?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
True.
Well, unfortunately we've runout of time.
Bloody fascinating subject whatyour big nest, my sexy forearms
, and we'll leave it there.
Join us next time on BigQuestions.
Short Answers with Sian Jacquetand me, andy.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
If you have any questions you want to ask,
please send them via the websitesianjacquetcom.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and
share it with everyone you know.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
We really do appreciate you sharing 15
minutes with us.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to
Sian's website, sian'sjacketcom.
There's a course on values tocreate the life you truly love.
I did it and it really does dowhat it says on the can See you
next time.
I'm rolling up my sleeves.
I'll explain this later.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's a bit of a worry .
Why are you rolling up yoursleeves?
Welcome to Big Questions, ShortAnswers.
I'm Sian.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, I'm Andy Sian's husband asking the big
life questions.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And possibly adding a little bit of unsolicited
advice.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Maybe this podcast is brought to you by Sian's
value-based online course.
Visit sianjackeycom to find outmore.
I'm going to kick it off todaywith something a bit different,
because I came across thisarticle which was entitled 50
random things in men that turnwomen on.
Oh, really Okay, and I reckon Icover a lot of them.
(00:42):
So a few of them anyway.
Like, one of the things rollingup your sleeves is forearms,
apparently, like forearms aremeant to be sexy.
Rolled up sleeves.
There we go.
I've done that.
You can't see that, butCharlotte's looking at me
thinking they're sexy forearms.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Which bit of that sexy.
You've got psoriasis at the top.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Yeah, the other thing is salt and pepper hair, which
is oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that'squite sexy.
I quite like good with kids.
Yeah, manual competence.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yeah, good dancer oh, you think you hit that category
.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, I really do, I really do.
I don't think so you need to doa bit of market validation on
that, but anyway, Dead dancingand one of the things that is
quite weird is reversing a carand like with your over the back
seat and you're reversing andit's like the forearms shut
that's apparently.
Look, I'm just reading thisstuff.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Before I pass a comment on this right, Give me
the detail who wrote thisarticle?
Where's it come?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
from oh, it's from a, it's an american thing, it's
like a men's magazine, okaystuff, and I just it's just an
interesting in terms of the bigquestions is what makes men sexy
, or, or, you know, to women, orthe attraction process being
(02:04):
sexy and being attractive aretwo very different things.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
How did you get to be as old as you are without
realizing that right?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
okay, turn women on.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
That's the random things the ability to clean and
shower.
I realized that I'd come backto that.
I'll hold it.
We'll come back to that on theinstructions.
Okay, I will actually.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Because what it's about?
It's about attraction.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I will step into this one.
Right, I'm sitting herethinking really, but when you
mentioned being able to reversea car, I'm not sure I can go
into the space of sexy orattractive, but maybe if I were
to reframe it, I mean, I don'thave a problem sharing with the
world that you are a pretty shitdriver.
You are, yeah, one most of thetime, but one thing you do
(02:53):
incredibly well is reverse car.
Okay, you know, there aren'tmany times in life when, then,
you know me well, when I willliterally just put my hands up
and say no, I'm not even goingto try, yeah, and parking a car
in a city.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
When there's a real finite amount of space Reverse
park but not just to get the carin, but to actually reverse it,
because there's cars on theother side of the road that are
parked very narrow.
My theory is it's because youlove to drive in the centre of
london, and if you didn't knowhow to do that, well, there's a
stop anywhere so, apart from myamazing driving skills, the
(03:33):
question no no, nobody said youhad amazing driving skills.
It's just, it's the point.
You can park a car incrediblywell.
It is an attractive thing forme to see you park the car
nicely.
Okay, my point is that I can'tsay it's a generic thing.
I don't sit in the car and seea man in the car in front of me
reversing and they go he's asexy creature.
(03:54):
I don't think that's true.
It's your competence, right,and your skill that I am
attracted to.
Okay, and it's the confidencein truth.
Yes, you are, because who woulda sense of confidence when
you're reversing a car?
That it's, I'm not saying it'snot used to other parts of your
life, but it never stops beingimmediately switched on.
(04:17):
You stop, I see your brainworking.
There's a competence, there's aconfidence.
So I suppose what I'm reallysaying is there's a confidence
and competence is attractive.
If I could reframe it in thatway, I'm not sure I can get into
the word sexy, but go on.
What else is on then?
Oh, out of interest.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Well, hold on one second.
Let me pull this up Deep voice.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, I quite like one of them.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, yeah.
So this is a deep voice.
What else have we got?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
My mum when I first met you.
That was the first thing shesaid oh, he's got a lovely voice
.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Yeah, come Skateboarding.
Well, we won't go there.
Nothing remotely attractiveabout skateboarding.
White T-shirts no, got to washit.
No, got to wash it.
Buttoned-down shirts with thetop button undone that's what
I'm wearing at the moment.
For goodness, wearing a toolbelt?
(05:08):
No, no, not into that.
No, but broad shoulders.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
well, yeah, we got that got a bit of that going on.
You find broad shouldersattractive.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
No, no, I mean, you know I, I'm asking you this.
The big question is in terms ofyou hardly make five foot five.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
You are not a man with broad shoulders.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well, you know, you kind of but when you put it all
together, because I'm sure maybemy shoulders look broad.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Put together kind of in a general normal human sense.
But, darling, I don't knowwhere you get these ideas that
you've got broad shoulders, butanyway, lovely shoulders.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I like them.
Big nose I've got big nose.
You do have a big nose, butit's an interesting thing, isn't
it?
In terms of what creates that?
What's this?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
person on when they wrote this list.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I have no idea, but it's an interesting thing, isn't
it?
In terms of that sense of whatmakes attraction and what can
you do to make yourself moreattractive?
As we come into a more seriouspart of the conversation, yeah,
I'm not on your same page.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Where are you going with this?
Is it just to blow my mind witha list of these are the things
I'm supposed to find sexy.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Well, no, I found it interesting.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Only because you read it and thought oh, this is me,
which it isn't.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
There's a few of them .
I can count on a few of them.
Now you roll your sleeves up,yeah, and sort them in.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
That's the thing you've got psoriasis.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Sort a big nose.
You can reverse a car.
I'm the full package.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
I make coffees of you out of the venue.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
So, as I come back to the interesting thing in terms
of attraction, yeah, it'sabsolutely individual.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
What somebody else, what somebody, finds attractive,
somebody else won't.
Yeah, come on now, why am Ieven having to say this?
We all know that.
Well, you know, it's soindividual.
Yeah, the things that irritateme are that we've got a social
media-led construct.
What's the construct?
Construct of what somebody,what's attractive when you look
(07:16):
at magazines and all the rest ofit's a crock of shit.
I think, from my perspectiveand I'm not speaking for every
woman, but you know my wisdomthat I've gathered from
listening to women it's actuallykind of scientific genetics,
whatever.
That gets the hormones and thewhatever go in, because that's
the man I want.
Man it is, you know, is itvalues, is it quality?
(07:40):
I don't know, but a bit youknow.
You see, I can remember when wewere younger, right, and we
house sat for a family inAustralia and they had three
small boys and we moved in andwe looked after these three boys
when the parents went away.
And how old were you?
You were in your middle 20s.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Mid-20s.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, and I do remember sitting there watching
you play and look after theseboys, and I can't use the word
sexy, that's not what was in myhead.
But did I look and think, wow,that's impressive.
Yeah, or it stirred somethingin me, that was for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, somebody's look after your future children.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, which was a bit weird at the time because I
didn't think I was ever going tomarry them, I didn't think I
was ever going to have kids, butthere was an admiration and a
respect and an acknowledgementthat I was looking at a man that
was incredibly comfortablearound young kids.
I think, possibly, that thatwas to do with the fact that I
(08:39):
had a father that was like that.
Yeah, that you know we wereticking boxes here, I didn't
know it was.
But yeah, not only was Iacknowledging that you were
comfortable around kids andgenuinely comfortable, but that
I was able to relate it tohaving a father and my dad in
the 60s who was a real hands-onparent in every sense of the
(09:01):
word was really unique andunusual.
So I think that possibly me Ifound attractive.
Yeah, maybe that's a good word,I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
This is a bizarre conversation it is a bizarre
conversation, it's slightly leftfield for our normal podcast,
but I just think it was quiteinteresting in terms of some
that whole process of attractionwhich you know these days,
unfortunately, kids are in, oryoung people and people indeed
(09:31):
in middle age are In a situationwhere attraction is so, I don't
know, swiping left, swipingright, kind of stuff.
It's.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Can I be a real novel and say really and truly what I
find attractive?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
OK, people's values, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Kindness, generosity, empathy, ability those are the
things that make me find a humanbeing attractive and wanting to
be around, let down my guardand let them inside to know who
I really am.
Nothing to do with sex, yes.
It's not a sexy thing, yeah, butI can honestly say that that's
probably the most significantdecisions and sense of the
(10:15):
filters that I go through as ahuman being.
Somebody's values and the morethat incongruence to kind of
have a match with mine, yeah themore likely I am to spend more
time and to lean in.
Interestingly, when I meetpeople for the first time, when
I'm working with them I mean, myjob is not to judge anybody in
any way, shape or form and Iwork very, very hard at being
(10:38):
able to do that but every nowand again I'll meet somebody for
the first time and the coachingsession we have will be on a
level that is you couldn't havepredicted.
There will be a profoundsomething that's happened in
that time that we've spenttogether, spent together, and if
(11:01):
there is a common denominator,it's probably because some of
that person's core values are inalignment with mine and
therefore the discussion and thedepth of the way in which we
communicate exponentially movesmuch faster because it's based
on a trust, because values arealigned.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
that's got nothing to do with you picking up an
article but I thought it was aninteresting, slightly left field
part of the conversation so thequestion I want to ask you is
why were you attracted to it?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
because I actually think that social media, these
why was I attracted to thearticle?
Yeah, I think we all do it.
We look at articles and wethink, oh, where's me in that?
yeah I want to be affirmed.
I want to be able to takewhatever this person has written
and it was very interestingthat you completely body swerved
whether or not it was any value, whether it's been researched,
(11:47):
whether it was written bysomebody on drugs, you know, I
mean, that's fine.
Whatever you know, write yourvote as you want, but there was
no validation behind it and it'sjust oh ooh.
If I can see myself in that andI'm not picking on you because
I do it too yeah, yeah, yeah.
I found myself a couple of weeksago clicking onto a website
about women over the age of 60,what hairstyles you should have
(12:07):
or you shouldn't have.
Right, and halfway through it,after scrolling for about 10
minutes, I actually caughtmyself and just stopped and
thought what am I doing?
What?
Caught myself and just stoppedand thought what am I doing?
What am I doing?
What am I doing here?
Yeah, why do I need somebodyelse to tell me what I need to
look like and whether I havepermission to have my hair here,
here?
It doesn't mean it was, butit's the same kind of thing,
(12:30):
isn't it?
You're looking for affirmation.
Where do I fit into this?
What's going to tell me which?
Speaker 1 (12:39):
again, we know, we flim open the doors to a whole
set of 20 podcasts about thepros and cons, the good, the bad
, the right, the wrong withsocial media and the information
and how we gather informationand how we filter it well, I
think the important thing fromthis I suppose this lesson for
today, as we have to wind upbecause it's we, we try and do
things in a short amount of timeis, you know that validation
(13:03):
from unvalidated sources exactly, and having, I suppose, a sense
of self that's strong enough toreject that and just be who you
are, is that right well, yeah,I suppose so, but equally, and
don't personalize this, allright, don't give me that face
when I say it, but I don't.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
It's not a big stretch, is it to say that, you
know, when you're in your 60s?
I mean that could have beenrelated to women.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I don't think the hairy arms go.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well.
No, what I mean is that nowyou've lost my train of thought.
Now this could relate to men orwomen, you know, is it?
I don't know if we're braveenough to even have a
conversation about it, but whenyou're in your 60s, you do start
questioning.
You know, what is myrelationship to my sexuality and
my body and my physical needfor sex and all the rest of it?
I mean, I don't want to blowthis out of the water, but I
(13:54):
think on some level you werelooking at that.
Or people, let's do a generic,let's not make it about you,
although you were the one thatdid it, but people would look at
that at your age.
Yes, because it's looking foraffirmation or what.
What things are still making mea sexy male?
Yeah, because when you're anadolescent in your 20s be under
(14:15):
no illusion.
You and I know that that'sprobably one of the top three
things that every male thinksabout am I attractive?
Am I you know?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
what do you mean adolescent?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
well, that's my point , isn't it?
That you are thinking about it,and that's not a bad thing.
That's not a bad thing at allin any way, shape or form.
I'm just.
You know, on the surface it'sreasonably humorous, but I
suppose what I would be sayingto you is the question of okay,
well, you stopped and you usedso many minutes of your life to
read that and it clearly lodgeditself somewhere in your brain.
Well, rather than delvingdeeper into an article that it
(14:48):
is about as thin as what's thesmallest measure millimeter or
smaller than a millimeter but,why you needed to do it.
yeah, so that's really I don'tknow.
There's a lot of things you canget out of it, but what I want
to frame it as I think is to saywhen you read something or you
see something on social media,it's probably a good job to stop
(15:09):
after a few minutes or secondsand just check.
I'm doing this way.
Yeah, what need am I meetinghere?
And if I'm going to meet a need, should we just filter through
that through some criticalthinking of is the person giving
me this advice?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
True.
Well, unfortunately we've runout of time.
Bloody fascinating subject whatyour big nest, my sexy forearms
, and we'll leave it there.
Join us next time on BigQuestions.
Short Answers with Sian Jacquetand me, andy.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
If you have any questions you want to ask,
please send them via the websitesianjacquetcom.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe and
share it with everyone you know.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
We really do appreciate you sharing 15
minutes with us.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And if you want to do a bit more learning, go on to
Sian's website, sian'sjacketcom.
There's a course on values tocreate the life you truly love.
I did it and it really does dowhat it says on the can See you
next time.
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