January 29, 2024 • 33 mins
Embrace the courage to break free from the shackles of disordered eating and body image struggles. Our latest episode is a roadmap to rediscovering the power of intuition in your eating habits, charting a course through the murky waters of diet culture and into the clear skies of body trust. We confront the top ten fears that bind us to patterns of self-sabotage and offer insights on how to cultivate a compassionate, grounded approach to embracing food freedom.
Join us as we dissect the myths of the 'perfect diet' and challenge the notion of control in eating patterns. We unravel the allure of diet success and the ensuing shame, steering you towards a more sustainable, intuitive approach. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone who's ever felt lost in the cycle of dietary dos and don'ts, revealing how to rebuild trust with your body's natural signals and find a deep-seated respect for your own health journey.
We wrap up with an empowering discussion on achieving food and body image freedom, proving that fear can indeed walk hand-in-hand with bravery on the path to what we truly deserve. For those ready to confront their fears and reclaim their lives from the clutches of diets and disordered eating, we extend an offer: a special mini-course designed to be your companion on this transformative journey. Tune in and be inspired to take those steps towards the liberation you've been yearning for, free from the binds of shame and full of hope for the freedom that awaits.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Jamie.
I know what I need to do, but Ifear Today that is what we're
going to be talking about.
We're going to be talking aboutthe top 10 fears when it comes
to working, moving forward,knowing you know what you need
to do.
You know you need to become anintuitive eater, you know you
need to build trust with yourbody.
(00:22):
You know you need to get rid ofthose destructive behaviors,
you know you need to explore abody image, but you fear these
things, and those fears are veryself-sabotaging and they are
very strong and very real andthey're very valid, very valid.
So what do you do?
(00:43):
When you know the path toultimate freedom?
You found it.
You know you have to ditchdieting.
You know you have to ditchdisorder dating.
You know what you've been doinghas not been working.
When you know that focus on thescale it needs to go, but
things seem too scary, you mayfeel like you totally know the
(01:09):
way.
You know what you need to bedoing and what you need to be
exploring and learning, and youknow you need to be diving into
the work, leaving no stoneunturned.
But it's just too scary.
These butts really get in ourway.
They really create a lot ofself-sabotaging behaviors and I
(01:32):
don't want to shame them at allbecause really they're there to
protect you.
Those fears coming up are thoseprotective parts of you that are
making sure and trying to makesure they're doing what's best
for you.
And they're not doing what'sbest for you.
They are driving the bus forour whole self.
(01:54):
That one part of us is drivingthe bus for our whole being and
not all parts are on board withits decision, and so we want to
give that part of us some timeand some space and some
understanding and listen to it.
And that's exactly what we'regoing to be doing today.
We're going to be listening tothose fears and then, after we
(02:19):
give it the space, it will allowus to speak from a more
grounded, compassionate part ofour self that should be driving
the bus, that knows we know whatwe need to do to move forward.
That part just has to get outof the way and stop bleeding.
We can come up with a ton offears and all the reasons that
we shouldn't be moving forwardwith the decision of our
(02:41):
grounded part forever.
So we don't want to continue tolet it lead us and we want to
really dive in not dismiss butdive into those fears.
I have sat with so many peopleand their fears and they're very
valid and we have to thankthose protective parts, but we
(03:02):
also have to let those partsknow and decide as an integrated
whole being that although thatpart's trying to protect us and
we don't want it to go away, wewant it to stay there.
We just want it to get to theback of the bus and it could
stop us and let us know itsfears whenever it needs to.
We don't want it to feelunheard, but we have to
(03:24):
acknowledge it, sit with it andmake that conscious decision to
let our grounded part that knowswhat we need to be doing to
ultimately transform ourrelationship with food and body.
We need that to guide our wholesystem.
Okay, so we're going to betalking about these top 10 that
are the most that I find to bethe most experienced of the
(03:47):
fears.
All right, let's get into thefears in no particular order.
Here we go.
I fear I will lose control.
That fear is oh so valid andwhere it comes from is your own
experience of feeling likeyou're losing control when you
are losing control of being ableto be around certain foods
(04:11):
binging, losing control overfeeling like you can manage your
body and manage your weight,feeling like you are losing
control after you get off a dietor when you're not able to
maintain a diet.
Losing control is very scaryand it feels very, very real
(04:33):
when you are in it, and so thisis a very common fear.
But I want to challenge you witha few questions.
When did you lose control, whendid you start to feel like you
were losing control over yourrelationship with food and body,
your control over stopping whenyou're full, and lose control
(04:58):
of your hunger and fullness cues, lose control over whether or
not you want to eat that wholething of Oreos?
When did you lose control anddid you always have a lack of
quote unquote control?
And the reason I want you toassess this is because, most
likely, there was a time whenyou had control, whether it was
(05:21):
when you were a very young kidor a couple of years ago, before
you started dieting.
Okay, it's going to bedifferent for everyone, and I
want to remind you of thatbecause at one point, you most
likely had control, becausewe're born with control, and the
(05:41):
reason we lack control quoteunquote is because when we get
into this restrictive mentality,this diet mentality.
When we get on this cycle ofdieting and disorder eating and
trying to manipulate our size,this is when our relationship
with food starts to shift andbecomes way more distrusting and
(06:04):
our relationship with our bodybecomes more distrusting.
We start to manipulate, useexternal, distrust, internal, we
lose insight and trap and areunable to understand our cues or
hear our cues.
So all of those things largelycontribute and create this
feeling of lacking control.
(06:26):
But what is actually causingthe lack of control is these
disordered behaviors, are theseshameful behaviors, are these
disrespectful behaviors?
And I want to name that becauseif we had control at one point
and if these destructive thingsare taking away our control,
(06:46):
then when we think about movingin the direction of doing the
things we know we need to do,like learning, intuitive eating,
bringing back all foods anddoing body image work, if we go,
if those are the opposites ofwhat is, that is the opposite
path of what is taking controlaway from much from us, which is
(07:07):
diets, disordered eating,focusing on weight and size,
right.
So, although moving in adifferent direction is going to
be scary and you may quoteunquote lose control for a
little because, well, you'vealways tried to control food and
you have this distrust that'salso very, very much making it
(07:27):
scary.
This path will ultimately,although uncomfortable and may
cause you to feel a little outof control at some points, will
bring you back to a place whereyou have all the tools and the
mindset and the beliefs and thetrust and the intuition that
then helps you to understand whyyou lose.
(07:48):
You lost control in the firstplace.
What causes someone to quote,unquote lose control, and how?
We don't need control over food, we don't need control over our
bodies.
But once we move in this paththat is respectful and helpful
for us, ultimately, in asustainable, happy relationship
with food in our body, we willgain back that trust and
(08:11):
intuition and never feel likeyou know, we will lose control
again because we have and weunderstand and we're grounded in
our intuition, in ourunderstanding and our knowledge
and our new experiences.
So that's a big one, so that'sa good one to start with.
So just ask yourself thosequestions.
(08:32):
All right, the next fear, andwith fear I should also say the
next objection.
So, fear or objection that Iget, I fear I just have not
found the right diet.
All of these other dietsweren't good for me they weren't
the right diet, but I just needto find the right diet for me.
(08:52):
And this I challenge you tothink about how one diet is
different from the other and how.
What are the similarities withall diets, or quote unquote
lifestyles that are sold to youNow, what makes up a diet?
And when I think of what is adiet and what is your own true,
intuitive trust and groundedeating.
(09:14):
Diets are going to be built onexternal rules.
They're going to be built ongood and bad foods You're going
to have.
You're going to have rules inplace and these are external
rules.
When you have external rules,you cannot listen to yourself
because those go against eachother.
Because if you want to, let'ssay, if you're on, if you're
(09:35):
intermittent fasting and yourbody gets hungry but you're not
allowed to eat in those hours,you're not going to be able to
build trust with what your bodyis telling you and you're not
going to build this relationshipwhere you two are listening to
each other.
So when, if your argument inyour mind, if it may be, I just
haven't found the right diet, Iwant to ask you how many diets
(09:57):
have you been on?
How many things have you tried?
What do you think this magicdiet is going to be and is going
to bring you?
And how are all these dietssimilar?
How are they all built on?
Distrust with your body,external rules, these false
ideals, these false promises,these miracle solutions.
(10:19):
And again, I emphasize, Iemphasize with you, very much so
because we are really sold thatif the diet doesn't work that's
because we didn't find theright one or we failed the diet.
But they're all structured inthe same way.
They're all created from thatsame place of trying to sell you
(10:40):
on shame and distrust of foodin your body to buy the diet
product that is being sold toyou.
Another similar I guess this isa similar objection and fear is
Well, it worked once before.
Okay, a diet has worked oncebefore.
(11:01):
Restriction has worked oncebefore.
Punishing exercise has workedonce before.
So I just have to get back to aplace where it works again.
It just I keep failing at it, Ican't keep it up as long or I
missed something, I just it'snot successful anymore.
But I just need to get back tothe place where it is successful
(11:22):
because it has worked in thepast.
And to that I challenge you byasking you, and again, I'm not
just going to give you my.
I want you to look at the yourown experiences and ask yourself
what does it mean for somethingto have worked?
If something worked before, whywouldn't it continue to work If
(11:50):
this diet has promised you asustainable, healthy
relationship with food, whereyou feel in control, where you
feel confident with food, whereyou don't have these binges,
where you don't, where you cankeep all food in the house,
where your friends with yourbody?
If it was sustainable, it wouldcontinue to work.
(12:13):
But the fact of the matter isis the fact that you're saying
it did work before?
Right in that sentence is theanswer that it doesn't work,
because if something would haveworked, it would continue to
work.
It worked.
It worked quote-unquote shortterm and maybe providing you
some confidence with your body,confidence with food, weight
(12:37):
loss, feeling more in controlagain, bringing some of that
confidence for thatquote-unquote success at that
time with the diet or withmanipulating and managing your
body.
But it's short lived becausewhat you're implementing is not
something that's sustainable, isnot something that's healthy,
is not something that is takingcare of your holistic health.
(12:59):
If it was, it's something thatyou can keep going.
It's something that willcontinue to work and will not
have you relying on it in thisconstant cycle of a Little bit
of success, quote-unquote andthen failure.
The next fear I get a lot is Ido not know how to Trust my body
signals.
(13:19):
So if I move into intuitiveeating but I cannot hear what my
body is telling me anymore, Idon't know when it's full, I
don't know when it's it needs toeat.
I don't trust when it needs toeat, I don't trust when I feel
out of control, all of thosethings when that is going to
keep people in a fearful place.
(13:40):
Very Understandably, becausevery much intuitive eating
requires you to listen to yourbody and that is part of it.
It's not all of intuitiveeating.
There's other things toconsider other than just
listening to your body, andthat's for another episode.
However, this is a Foundationof intuitive eating to build
(14:01):
back understanding and trustwith your internal cues.
Now, when people have that fearand they say I've been trying to
get back back my cues and Idon't have them yet, or I
haven't been trying to get backmy cues but I In fearful I will
not be able to get those cuesback because I've been dieting
or in this disorder eating forso long.
(14:22):
It's very understandable andwhat I have to say there is that
we need to give the the timeand space for our bodies to get
those cues back.
What happens with our cues ourhunger and fullness cues and I
see it so often with so manyfolks and I've seen it with
myself is that you lose thosecues because your bodies Stop
(14:46):
sending those cues.
When you stop listening to it,it shuts it off.
It says, hey, this person isnot listening to when I'm hungry
and so I'm gonna stop givingthose cues.
And you start to just getreally disembodied and Unable to
Be in tune, like like you usedto before the dieting and
(15:09):
disorder eating now with that.
It just takes time.
It takes consistent practicesof respect for your body, it
takes Getting uncomfortable bydoing things that help you to
get back your hunger cues and ittakes some time.
So if you have an argument thatyou tried getting your cues back
(15:31):
, I would.
I would be very Curious to hearabout how you've tried to get
those cues back for how long.
What are you doing to get thosecues back and where is the fear
as well that's holding you backfrom consistently moving in the
direction to get those cuesback and get In tune with your
body.
Is body image holding you back?
Next fear that I hear so oftenis I Will lose motivation.
(15:56):
Without diets, without disordereating, without external rules,
how am I going to have themotivation to move my body?
Where is the motivation to havea vegetable going to come from?
I am going to lose motivationand again, very Understandable
when the motivation has come toyou from a place of diet rules
(16:18):
and structure that the dietCreates and what's off limits,
what's on limits, how often youneed to exercise, and taking you
away from your own intuitionand understanding Of your body.
Right it places.
It gives you all that structure.
So many times people feel likewithout that structure of the
diet, without the motivation ofthe diet, there's no way I'm
going to want to continue tomove my body, there's no way I'm
(16:40):
going to want to eat avegetable.
And that argument is very.
I could just ask you right now,okay, so I can say there, of
course, you feel like you don'twant to exercise at this point,
right now, and you don't want tohave movement because you just
bent on rigid Plan after rigidplan of how you should be moving
(17:02):
your body.
It's been built on stress andanxiety.
You've had to exercise in acertain way for a certain amount
of time, regardless of howyou're feeling in that moment
and regardless of if you want todo that exercise or want to do
that exercise that day.
So you have.
It makes sense.
I wouldn't want to exerciselike that either and I don't
have motivation to exercise likethat, and so it's.
(17:25):
It's very understandable thatyou may think that you'll never
want to move again, and you maynot.
You may need to take a hiatusfrom exercise or from the
exercise you're doing right now,maybe when in your journey, you
just start to do some lightwalking and light yoga again and
move your body in ways thatfeel really calm and peaceful
(17:49):
and Bring you joy To heal yourrelationship with exercise.
And maybe that's all you wantto do for right now or forever,
and that's absolutely fine.
But many times people feel thatthey are going to lose their
motivation for healthy habits,right Like movement included.
Another thing that people worryabout is is losing all
(18:11):
motivation to Incorporatenutrient-dense foods in their
diets, and again, it's veryunderstandable If all you are
allowing yourself is the samekind of one food and it's all.
You can only have Certainvegetables, lean meats, whole
grains, whatever your diet maybe, and so you're gonna be
(18:32):
really sick of those foods.
But additionally, those foodsbecome really boring when you
have to Stick to a strict way ofeating those types of foods and
you can't get creative with itand bring fats in and and
Incorporate other things thatenhance that that particular
nutrient-dense item as well.
(18:52):
So, anyways, to that I would saythat when you think of the
motivation of diets, it's verymotivated on shame, distrust and
disrespect.
And what studies have seen timeand time again is that when
Motivation is through shame,that motivation is very
(19:15):
short-lived, it cannot.
It cannot sustain itself.
And you can think of that interms of when you think about a
Child's being motivated ifthey're shamed into Doing their
chores, if they're shamed intogetting their homework done,
whatever it might be, there's alot of resentment that's gonna
(19:37):
grow around doing homework,doing chores.
It's not gonna be internal,it's going to be.
They're gonna feel very Crappydown on themselves, have low
self-esteem when it comes tothose items.
So the shame is just again.
According to research, it isvery, not sustainable, whereas
(19:58):
when you're coming from a placeof trust respect your values,
intuition, self-compassion now.
Those are behaviors that aresuper sustainable.
So I would say the exactopposite.
If someone said I'm so fearfulI'm gonna lose motivation, I
would say, with what you'redoing right now, you will
(20:18):
absolutely lose motivation.
Absolutely.
If not today, if not tomorrow,if not in a year, you will lose
motivation for this healthy,quote-unquote lifestyle you're
trying with this diet or withthis extreme exercise routine
built on shame and distrust.
You will absolutely do that.
If you want true Motivationthat will last a lifetime, that
(20:40):
will feel really good, then weneed to move in the direction of
trust and respect with our bodyand with exercise and with food
.
So All right.
So the next one is I fear I willnot be able to stop eating X,
okay.
So, whatever it might be put,place your binge food on there,
(21:02):
place your input, put in yourrestricted food in there and
Finish that sentence foryourself, so we can go over this
, this fear.
This is similar to losingcontrol, but I do want to keep
it as a second, a separatecategory to chat about, or a
second, a Separate fear.
Okay, so I fear I am going tonot be able to stop eating X
(21:25):
food when I introduce this foodback in, and I want you to close
your eyes as I'm chatting,unless you're driving.
Don't close your eyes.
I want you to envision what I'mgoing to be going over right
now.
Okay, picture this.
Envision a day when you'rerestricted to consuming only one
type of food let's say it'sdonuts and picture waking up to
(21:48):
a day filled with donuts,allowing yourself to indulge in
one or two for breakfast.
You feel a sense of excitementand satisfaction as you relish
in the fact that you have fullpermission to enjoy this food.
As the morning progresses, youhave another donut for a snack
without thinking much about it.
By lunchtime, you're stillquite enthusiastic about Having
(22:12):
exclusively donuts.
As the day goes on, youcontinue to nourish yourself
solely with donuts.
Now, how are these off-limitsdonuts working for you as the
only food for the day?
By this time your perspectiveof your answer you persist with
the donut only day and consume afew more to sustain yourself.
(22:33):
And as night approaches, I'mreally curious how you would
feel After consuming only donutsand how you would feel toward
donuts.
You might have a head full ofjudgments about the fact that
you only ate donuts.
However, if you attune yourselfto your body, how do you
believe your body would reactand in my experience, when I
(22:56):
post this question, clientsoften swiftly express that they
anticipate feeling pretty unwell.
They also anticipate feeling alack of energy and bored with
consuming donuts and Also havinga longing for something else a
bowl of soup, some carrots, nicesteak, right?
(23:18):
The key message to rememberhere is that the fatigue of
eating those donuts, the boredomwith those donuts, that energy
dip and not feeling great witheating only donuts all day, that
desire for other types of foodsis your body's way of
(23:41):
communicating with you aboutwhat foods it wants and is
communicating with you that youcan trust its signals and it's
going to tell you, tell you youcan trust that expertise.
Okay so, and when you're?
When you're thinking about this, maybe you have two days of
donuts, three days, only ofdonuts.
(24:02):
It's depending on where you'reat with your level of
restriction.
You may be totally fine withthe day of donuts and it might
take two or three or four, butthe fact of the matter is, if
you continue with donuts longenough, you will not feel the
same way about donuts.
So that's the.
That's the thing I really liketo educate people on when they
(24:25):
come to me with that objection.
The next fear and objection Iget is I cannot like and accept
my here and now body.
I have to focus on weight loss.
I have to focus on diets.
It has to change first.
My body has to change first.
Before I'm able to move in thedirection of building a healthy
(24:48):
relationship that's trusting,with food and body, I have to
change my body first.
All right, this is such a toughone and I have some questions
for you.
If you were to change your bodyright now, say you could snap
your fingers and you are in whatyou say is your ideal body.
(25:09):
Now, if it was built ondistrust, disrespect, how are we
going to move forward withtrust and with bringing foods
back in without the fear of ourbody changing?
How are we going to lean in anddecide we're going to respect
(25:29):
our body, listen to its, listento its cues, no matter what, do
what feels good mentally,physically, and move in that
correct direction.
If it is built, if you come toa place of starting, only when
you feel comfortable in yourbody I can tell you your body is
(25:50):
.
You're still not going to feellike it's good enough.
It's not enough weight loss,it's not there.
You're always going to feellike you can have a quote
unquote better and more idealbody.
Because body image is built offvery unsustainable things and
body image is centered around.
And you put the focus on andsaid that having a confident
(26:14):
relationship with your body andhaving a good body image is what
your body looks like, period.
And we know and there's anepisode on this, you should go
listen to it that that is notthe case.
Body image does not equate towhat your body looks like.
So, anyway, so you come totrying to navigate your
relationship with food and bodyin a respectful way, but only
(26:36):
after you have achieved thisideal body through distrust and
disrespect.
If you're even able to getthere With going through your we
know just right there how isthat going to be able to?
How are we going to be able todo that?
And, additionally, when haveyou tried to get this ideal body
or even gotten this ideal body?
And we're still miserable, waseven more distrusting around
(27:00):
food, even more uncomfortable inyour body, even more fearful of
if your body were to change,even more, feeling like you need
to manage and manipulate yourbody and take more foods out
right?
It just does not work that way.
We cannot build a healthyrelationship with food and body
based on shame, distrust anddisrespect.
(27:23):
It's very, very common to feellike it's it's scary to move in
a direction that doesn't focuson weight loss, that doesn't
focus on external diets, when weare so fearful and
uncomfortable in body.
But what happens is when youmove in the direction of
practicing respectful andacceptance techniques with food
(27:45):
and body image is new doors openfor your understanding and your
relationship and yourconfidence with your body.
And lastly, I wanted I want tospeak to this one last, because
it's just a great one to end on.
And this objection is I havetried something like this before
and it doesn't work.
I have tried intuitive eatingand it has not worked.
(28:09):
It completely fails.
I have tried developing ahealthier relationship with
exercise by listening to my bodyand it did not work.
Now, this is why I say peopleneed support and education from
an expert and from someone whocan hold hope in those scary
moments, because when you'removing forward with doing
(28:31):
something brand new likeintuitive eating, after years of
diets and disordered eating,you're going to feel like you
are moving in a very, very scarydirection and it's going to be
very easy to to give up, to feellike you're.
You're failing to feeling likeit's too scary to feel like you
gave it enough time and it justdoesn't work.
But the fact of the matter isis that when you go in this
(28:55):
direction, you absolutely willget to full food and body image
freedom.
You just have to keep moving inthat direction, and what I
would recommend is steak is,first of all, is not putting a
time limit on on navigatingthrough developing these new
(29:15):
behaviors.
It's gonna take time.
Think of how long you were indisordered eating and how long
you were dieting for and howlong you were bashing your body.
We have to rewire your brain.
We have to build in those trustaround those behaviors.
It's going to take some timeand we need support.
(29:36):
We need support so that whenyou're in those stuck moments
and you need some education, youneed some cheerleading, you
need some people holding hope tohelp you to keep navigating
that path.
It's very, very easy to justjump out and say intuitive
eating is way too hard, givingup these disordered eating
(29:56):
behaviors is way too hard,trying to have a new
relationship with my body is waytoo scary, and so we need the
support of people who have beenthrough it themselves, who have
helped other people get throughit, who can be your cheerleader,
support system and who haseducation and tools to help you
to not give up on that path.
(30:16):
So if you say that it hasn't so, if your argument is it hasn't
worked for you in the past, Iwould ask how long did you give
it?
What resources and support didyou have?
Did you work with anyone?
How long?
What did you do?
Are we just, did we just getinto a place where we got really
(30:38):
afraid and we didn't wanna sitin that discomfort?
Did we just get reallyuncomfortable and want to escape
that discomfort, being in leanon our more comfortable,
disordered behaviors?
That's my question I wannaleave to you.
So, with these fears andobjections, my heart goes out to
you.
Big hugs.
It is so, so hard and I want tochallenge you and say we should
(31:04):
not let fear lead us.
If we're letting fear lead us,it's not going to lead us in the
right direction.
If part of you knows that thedirection of true food and body
image freedom is scary, but it'sthere and you know the things
you need to do to get there.
You owe it to yourself to bebrave, to get support and move
(31:27):
in the direction that is goingto ultimately free you.
I don't want your fears todrive.
I want your part of you that iscurious, calm, clear,
compassionate, confident,creative, connected and
courageous be the one to guideyou and that is the voice
(31:50):
telling you to move forward inan unfamiliar direction that you
know is the right way and tostop moving in the direction
that those anxious and fearfulparts are telling you to go in,
which is going to be disorder,eating, dieting and body shame.
These fears are very valid andyou just have not had the right
(32:10):
support, education, opportunityto move in the right direction,
and you deserve it.
I don't want you to stay stuckdue to these fears.
So, anyways, I hope you foundmoving through these fears and
kind of chatting with them,communicating with them, to be
(32:31):
helpful, and I really encourageyou.
If we didn't go over some ofthese fears, I want you to go
over your fears by yourself.
Practice writing them out,practice speaking back and forth
to the different parts of you.
Ask that anxious part that'sfearing something why is it
fearful?
And ask yourself part what itthinks.
(32:51):
Let it also be able to speak,and you can work through and
understand your fears better inthis way.
Now, if you're ready to dive indespite your fears because, hey,
the fears are still going to bethere.
We're not trying to get rid ofthem, we're just trying to.
We're trying to hold them atthe same time as we move forward
(33:14):
in our courageousness, in ourbravery, to get what we deserve.
Okay, so if you are ready forthat, if you're fearful but
still ready and willing andexcited to finally reach full
food and body image freedom, Iwant you to DM me the word
freedom at jamieRD underscoreand I'm going to send you a
(33:35):
three two day mini course thatis going to walk you through
understanding how we can ditchdiets and disordered eating and
finally achieve food and bodyimage freedom without the shame.
I'm so excited to see you inthere.
I hope this episode was helpfuland I will see you next time.
Stay brave and stay strong.
Jamie.
I know what I need to do, but Ifear Today that is what we're
going to be talking about.
We're going to be talking aboutthe top 10 fears when it comes
to working, moving forward,knowing you know what you need
to do.
You know you need to become anintuitive eater, you know you
need to build trust with yourbody.
(00:22):
You know you need to get rid ofthose destructive behaviors,
you know you need to explore abody image, but you fear these
things, and those fears are veryself-sabotaging and they are
very strong and very real andthey're very valid, very valid.
So what do you do?
(00:43):
When you know the path toultimate freedom?
You found it.
You know you have to ditchdieting.
You know you have to ditchdisorder dating.
You know what you've been doinghas not been working.
When you know that focus on thescale it needs to go, but
things seem too scary, you mayfeel like you totally know the
(01:09):
way.
You know what you need to bedoing and what you need to be
exploring and learning, and youknow you need to be diving into
the work, leaving no stoneunturned.
But it's just too scary.
These butts really get in ourway.
They really create a lot ofself-sabotaging behaviors and I
(01:32):
don't want to shame them at allbecause really they're there to
protect you.
Those fears coming up are thoseprotective parts of you that are
making sure and trying to makesure they're doing what's best
for you.
And they're not doing what'sbest for you.
They are driving the bus forour whole self.
(01:54):
That one part of us is drivingthe bus for our whole being and
not all parts are on board withits decision, and so we want to
give that part of us some timeand some space and some
understanding and listen to it.
And that's exactly what we'regoing to be doing today.
We're going to be listening tothose fears and then, after we
(02:19):
give it the space, it will allowus to speak from a more
grounded, compassionate part ofour self that should be driving
the bus, that knows we know whatwe need to do to move forward.
That part just has to get outof the way and stop bleeding.
We can come up with a ton offears and all the reasons that
we shouldn't be moving forwardwith the decision of our
(02:41):
grounded part forever.
So we don't want to continue tolet it lead us and we want to
really dive in not dismiss butdive into those fears.
I have sat with so many peopleand their fears and they're very
valid and we have to thankthose protective parts, but we
(03:02):
also have to let those partsknow and decide as an integrated
whole being that although thatpart's trying to protect us and
we don't want it to go away, wewant it to stay there.
We just want it to get to theback of the bus and it could
stop us and let us know itsfears whenever it needs to.
We don't want it to feelunheard, but we have to
(03:24):
acknowledge it, sit with it andmake that conscious decision to
let our grounded part that knowswhat we need to be doing to
ultimately transform ourrelationship with food and body.
We need that to guide our wholesystem.
Okay, so we're going to betalking about these top 10 that
are the most that I find to bethe most experienced of the
(03:47):
fears.
All right, let's get into thefears in no particular order.
Here we go.
I fear I will lose control.
That fear is oh so valid andwhere it comes from is your own
experience of feeling likeyou're losing control when you
are losing control of being ableto be around certain foods
(04:11):
binging, losing control overfeeling like you can manage your
body and manage your weight,feeling like you are losing
control after you get off a dietor when you're not able to
maintain a diet.
Losing control is very scaryand it feels very, very real
(04:33):
when you are in it, and so thisis a very common fear.
But I want to challenge you witha few questions.
When did you lose control, whendid you start to feel like you
were losing control over yourrelationship with food and body,
your control over stopping whenyou're full, and lose control
(04:58):
of your hunger and fullness cues, lose control over whether or
not you want to eat that wholething of Oreos?
When did you lose control anddid you always have a lack of
quote unquote control?
And the reason I want you toassess this is because, most
likely, there was a time whenyou had control, whether it was
(05:21):
when you were a very young kidor a couple of years ago, before
you started dieting.
Okay, it's going to bedifferent for everyone, and I
want to remind you of thatbecause at one point, you most
likely had control, becausewe're born with control, and the
(05:41):
reason we lack control quoteunquote is because when we get
into this restrictive mentality,this diet mentality.
When we get on this cycle ofdieting and disorder eating and
trying to manipulate our size,this is when our relationship
with food starts to shift andbecomes way more distrusting and
(06:04):
our relationship with our bodybecomes more distrusting.
We start to manipulate, useexternal, distrust, internal, we
lose insight and trap and areunable to understand our cues or
hear our cues.
So all of those things largelycontribute and create this
feeling of lacking control.
(06:26):
But what is actually causingthe lack of control is these
disordered behaviors, are theseshameful behaviors, are these
disrespectful behaviors?
And I want to name that becauseif we had control at one point
and if these destructive thingsare taking away our control,
(06:46):
then when we think about movingin the direction of doing the
things we know we need to do,like learning, intuitive eating,
bringing back all foods anddoing body image work, if we go,
if those are the opposites ofwhat is, that is the opposite
path of what is taking controlaway from much from us, which is
(07:07):
diets, disordered eating,focusing on weight and size,
right.
So, although moving in adifferent direction is going to
be scary and you may quoteunquote lose control for a
little because, well, you'vealways tried to control food and
you have this distrust that'salso very, very much making it
(07:27):
scary.
This path will ultimately,although uncomfortable and may
cause you to feel a little outof control at some points, will
bring you back to a place whereyou have all the tools and the
mindset and the beliefs and thetrust and the intuition that
then helps you to understand whyyou lose.
(07:48):
You lost control in the firstplace.
What causes someone to quote,unquote lose control, and how?
We don't need control over food, we don't need control over our
bodies.
But once we move in this paththat is respectful and helpful
for us, ultimately, in asustainable, happy relationship
with food in our body, we willgain back that trust and
(08:11):
intuition and never feel likeyou know, we will lose control
again because we have and weunderstand and we're grounded in
our intuition, in ourunderstanding and our knowledge
and our new experiences.
So that's a big one, so that'sa good one to start with.
So just ask yourself thosequestions.
(08:32):
All right, the next fear, andwith fear I should also say the
next objection.
So, fear or objection that Iget, I fear I just have not
found the right diet.
All of these other dietsweren't good for me they weren't
the right diet, but I just needto find the right diet for me.
(08:52):
And this I challenge you tothink about how one diet is
different from the other and how.
What are the similarities withall diets, or quote unquote
lifestyles that are sold to youNow, what makes up a diet?
And when I think of what is adiet and what is your own true,
intuitive trust and groundedeating.
(09:14):
Diets are going to be built onexternal rules.
They're going to be built ongood and bad foods You're going
to have.
You're going to have rules inplace and these are external
rules.
When you have external rules,you cannot listen to yourself
because those go against eachother.
Because if you want to, let'ssay, if you're on, if you're
(09:35):
intermittent fasting and yourbody gets hungry but you're not
allowed to eat in those hours,you're not going to be able to
build trust with what your bodyis telling you and you're not
going to build this relationshipwhere you two are listening to
each other.
So when, if your argument inyour mind, if it may be, I just
haven't found the right diet, Iwant to ask you how many diets
(09:57):
have you been on?
How many things have you tried?
What do you think this magicdiet is going to be and is going
to bring you?
And how are all these dietssimilar?
How are they all built on?
Distrust with your body,external rules, these false
ideals, these false promises,these miracle solutions.
(10:19):
And again, I emphasize, Iemphasize with you, very much so
because we are really sold thatif the diet doesn't work that's
because we didn't find theright one or we failed the diet.
But they're all structured inthe same way.
They're all created from thatsame place of trying to sell you
(10:40):
on shame and distrust of foodin your body to buy the diet
product that is being sold toyou.
Another similar I guess this isa similar objection and fear is
Well, it worked once before.
Okay, a diet has worked oncebefore.
(11:01):
Restriction has worked oncebefore.
Punishing exercise has workedonce before.
So I just have to get back to aplace where it works again.
It just I keep failing at it, Ican't keep it up as long or I
missed something, I just it'snot successful anymore.
But I just need to get back tothe place where it is successful
(11:22):
because it has worked in thepast.
And to that I challenge you byasking you, and again, I'm not
just going to give you my.
I want you to look at the yourown experiences and ask yourself
what does it mean for somethingto have worked?
If something worked before, whywouldn't it continue to work If
(11:50):
this diet has promised you asustainable, healthy
relationship with food, whereyou feel in control, where you
feel confident with food, whereyou don't have these binges,
where you don't, where you cankeep all food in the house,
where your friends with yourbody?
If it was sustainable, it wouldcontinue to work.
(12:13):
But the fact of the matter isis the fact that you're saying
it did work before?
Right in that sentence is theanswer that it doesn't work,
because if something would haveworked, it would continue to
work.
It worked.
It worked quote-unquote shortterm and maybe providing you
some confidence with your body,confidence with food, weight
(12:37):
loss, feeling more in controlagain, bringing some of that
confidence for thatquote-unquote success at that
time with the diet or withmanipulating and managing your
body.
But it's short lived becausewhat you're implementing is not
something that's sustainable, isnot something that's healthy,
is not something that is takingcare of your holistic health.
(12:59):
If it was, it's something thatyou can keep going.
It's something that willcontinue to work and will not
have you relying on it in thisconstant cycle of a Little bit
of success, quote-unquote andthen failure.
The next fear I get a lot is Ido not know how to Trust my body
signals.
(13:19):
So if I move into intuitiveeating but I cannot hear what my
body is telling me anymore, Idon't know when it's full, I
don't know when it's it needs toeat.
I don't trust when it needs toeat, I don't trust when I feel
out of control, all of thosethings when that is going to
keep people in a fearful place.
(13:40):
Very Understandably, becausevery much intuitive eating
requires you to listen to yourbody and that is part of it.
It's not all of intuitiveeating.
There's other things toconsider other than just
listening to your body, andthat's for another episode.
However, this is a Foundationof intuitive eating to build
(14:01):
back understanding and trustwith your internal cues.
Now, when people have that fearand they say I've been trying to
get back back my cues and Idon't have them yet, or I
haven't been trying to get backmy cues but I In fearful I will
not be able to get those cuesback because I've been dieting
or in this disorder eating forso long.
(14:22):
It's very understandable andwhat I have to say there is that
we need to give the the timeand space for our bodies to get
those cues back.
What happens with our cues ourhunger and fullness cues and I
see it so often with so manyfolks and I've seen it with
myself is that you lose thosecues because your bodies Stop
(14:46):
sending those cues.
When you stop listening to it,it shuts it off.
It says, hey, this person isnot listening to when I'm hungry
and so I'm gonna stop givingthose cues.
And you start to just getreally disembodied and Unable to
Be in tune, like like you usedto before the dieting and
(15:09):
disorder eating now with that.
It just takes time.
It takes consistent practicesof respect for your body, it
takes Getting uncomfortable bydoing things that help you to
get back your hunger cues and ittakes some time.
So if you have an argument thatyou tried getting your cues back
(15:31):
, I would.
I would be very Curious to hearabout how you've tried to get
those cues back for how long.
What are you doing to get thosecues back and where is the fear
as well that's holding you backfrom consistently moving in the
direction to get those cuesback and get In tune with your
body.
Is body image holding you back?
Next fear that I hear so oftenis I Will lose motivation.
(15:56):
Without diets, without disordereating, without external rules,
how am I going to have themotivation to move my body?
Where is the motivation to havea vegetable going to come from?
I am going to lose motivationand again, very Understandable
when the motivation has come toyou from a place of diet rules
(16:18):
and structure that the dietCreates and what's off limits,
what's on limits, how often youneed to exercise, and taking you
away from your own intuitionand understanding Of your body.
Right it places.
It gives you all that structure.
So many times people feel likewithout that structure of the
diet, without the motivation ofthe diet, there's no way I'm
going to want to continue tomove my body, there's no way I'm
(16:40):
going to want to eat avegetable.
And that argument is very.
I could just ask you right now,okay, so I can say there, of
course, you feel like you don'twant to exercise at this point,
right now, and you don't want tohave movement because you just
bent on rigid Plan after rigidplan of how you should be moving
(17:02):
your body.
It's been built on stress andanxiety.
You've had to exercise in acertain way for a certain amount
of time, regardless of howyou're feeling in that moment
and regardless of if you want todo that exercise or want to do
that exercise that day.
So you have.
It makes sense.
I wouldn't want to exerciselike that either and I don't
have motivation to exercise likethat, and so it's.
(17:25):
It's very understandable thatyou may think that you'll never
want to move again, and you maynot.
You may need to take a hiatusfrom exercise or from the
exercise you're doing right now,maybe when in your journey, you
just start to do some lightwalking and light yoga again and
move your body in ways thatfeel really calm and peaceful
(17:49):
and Bring you joy To heal yourrelationship with exercise.
And maybe that's all you wantto do for right now or forever,
and that's absolutely fine.
But many times people feel thatthey are going to lose their
motivation for healthy habits,right Like movement included.
Another thing that people worryabout is is losing all
(18:11):
motivation to Incorporatenutrient-dense foods in their
diets, and again, it's veryunderstandable If all you are
allowing yourself is the samekind of one food and it's all.
You can only have Certainvegetables, lean meats, whole
grains, whatever your diet maybe, and so you're gonna be
(18:32):
really sick of those foods.
But additionally, those foodsbecome really boring when you
have to Stick to a strict way ofeating those types of foods and
you can't get creative with itand bring fats in and and
Incorporate other things thatenhance that that particular
nutrient-dense item as well.
(18:52):
So, anyways, to that I would saythat when you think of the
motivation of diets, it's verymotivated on shame, distrust and
disrespect.
And what studies have seen timeand time again is that when
Motivation is through shame,that motivation is very
(19:15):
short-lived, it cannot.
It cannot sustain itself.
And you can think of that interms of when you think about a
Child's being motivated ifthey're shamed into Doing their
chores, if they're shamed intogetting their homework done,
whatever it might be, there's alot of resentment that's gonna
(19:37):
grow around doing homework,doing chores.
It's not gonna be internal,it's going to be.
They're gonna feel very Crappydown on themselves, have low
self-esteem when it comes tothose items.
So the shame is just again.
According to research, it isvery, not sustainable, whereas
(19:58):
when you're coming from a placeof trust respect your values,
intuition, self-compassion now.
Those are behaviors that aresuper sustainable.
So I would say the exactopposite.
If someone said I'm so fearfulI'm gonna lose motivation, I
would say, with what you'redoing right now, you will
(20:18):
absolutely lose motivation.
Absolutely.
If not today, if not tomorrow,if not in a year, you will lose
motivation for this healthy,quote-unquote lifestyle you're
trying with this diet or withthis extreme exercise routine
built on shame and distrust.
You will absolutely do that.
If you want true Motivationthat will last a lifetime, that
(20:40):
will feel really good, then weneed to move in the direction of
trust and respect with our bodyand with exercise and with food
.
So All right.
So the next one is I fear I willnot be able to stop eating X,
okay.
So, whatever it might be put,place your binge food on there,
(21:02):
place your input, put in yourrestricted food in there and
Finish that sentence foryourself, so we can go over this
, this fear.
This is similar to losingcontrol, but I do want to keep
it as a second, a separatecategory to chat about, or a
second, a Separate fear.
Okay, so I fear I am going tonot be able to stop eating X
(21:25):
food when I introduce this foodback in, and I want you to close
your eyes as I'm chatting,unless you're driving.
Don't close your eyes.
I want you to envision what I'mgoing to be going over right
now.
Okay, picture this.
Envision a day when you'rerestricted to consuming only one
type of food let's say it'sdonuts and picture waking up to
(21:48):
a day filled with donuts,allowing yourself to indulge in
one or two for breakfast.
You feel a sense of excitementand satisfaction as you relish
in the fact that you have fullpermission to enjoy this food.
As the morning progresses, youhave another donut for a snack
without thinking much about it.
By lunchtime, you're stillquite enthusiastic about Having
(22:12):
exclusively donuts.
As the day goes on, youcontinue to nourish yourself
solely with donuts.
Now, how are these off-limitsdonuts working for you as the
only food for the day?
By this time your perspectiveof your answer you persist with
the donut only day and consume afew more to sustain yourself.
(22:33):
And as night approaches, I'mreally curious how you would
feel After consuming only donutsand how you would feel toward
donuts.
You might have a head full ofjudgments about the fact that
you only ate donuts.
However, if you attune yourselfto your body, how do you
believe your body would reactand in my experience, when I
(22:56):
post this question, clientsoften swiftly express that they
anticipate feeling pretty unwell.
They also anticipate feeling alack of energy and bored with
consuming donuts and Also havinga longing for something else a
bowl of soup, some carrots, nicesteak, right?
(23:18):
The key message to rememberhere is that the fatigue of
eating those donuts, the boredomwith those donuts, that energy
dip and not feeling great witheating only donuts all day, that
desire for other types of foodsis your body's way of
(23:41):
communicating with you aboutwhat foods it wants and is
communicating with you that youcan trust its signals and it's
going to tell you, tell you youcan trust that expertise.
Okay so, and when you're?
When you're thinking about this, maybe you have two days of
donuts, three days, only ofdonuts.
(24:02):
It's depending on where you'reat with your level of
restriction.
You may be totally fine withthe day of donuts and it might
take two or three or four, butthe fact of the matter is, if
you continue with donuts longenough, you will not feel the
same way about donuts.
So that's the.
That's the thing I really liketo educate people on when they
(24:25):
come to me with that objection.
The next fear and objection Iget is I cannot like and accept
my here and now body.
I have to focus on weight loss.
I have to focus on diets.
It has to change first.
My body has to change first.
Before I'm able to move in thedirection of building a healthy
(24:48):
relationship that's trusting,with food and body, I have to
change my body first.
All right, this is such a toughone and I have some questions
for you.
If you were to change your bodyright now, say you could snap
your fingers and you are in whatyou say is your ideal body.
(25:09):
Now, if it was built ondistrust, disrespect, how are we
going to move forward withtrust and with bringing foods
back in without the fear of ourbody changing?
How are we going to lean in anddecide we're going to respect
(25:29):
our body, listen to its, listento its cues, no matter what, do
what feels good mentally,physically, and move in that
correct direction.
If it is built, if you come toa place of starting, only when
you feel comfortable in yourbody I can tell you your body is
(25:50):
.
You're still not going to feellike it's good enough.
It's not enough weight loss,it's not there.
You're always going to feellike you can have a quote
unquote better and more idealbody.
Because body image is built offvery unsustainable things and
body image is centered around.
And you put the focus on andsaid that having a confident
(26:14):
relationship with your body andhaving a good body image is what
your body looks like, period.
And we know and there's anepisode on this, you should go
listen to it that that is notthe case.
Body image does not equate towhat your body looks like.
So, anyway, so you come totrying to navigate your
relationship with food and bodyin a respectful way, but only
(26:36):
after you have achieved thisideal body through distrust and
disrespect.
If you're even able to getthere With going through your we
know just right there how isthat going to be able to?
How are we going to be able todo that?
And, additionally, when haveyou tried to get this ideal body
or even gotten this ideal body?
And we're still miserable, waseven more distrusting around
(27:00):
food, even more uncomfortable inyour body, even more fearful of
if your body were to change,even more, feeling like you need
to manage and manipulate yourbody and take more foods out
right?
It just does not work that way.
We cannot build a healthyrelationship with food and body
based on shame, distrust anddisrespect.
(27:23):
It's very, very common to feellike it's it's scary to move in
a direction that doesn't focuson weight loss, that doesn't
focus on external diets, when weare so fearful and
uncomfortable in body.
But what happens is when youmove in the direction of
practicing respectful andacceptance techniques with food
(27:45):
and body image is new doors openfor your understanding and your
relationship and yourconfidence with your body.
And lastly, I wanted I want tospeak to this one last, because
it's just a great one to end on.
And this objection is I havetried something like this before
and it doesn't work.
I have tried intuitive eatingand it has not worked.
(28:09):
It completely fails.
I have tried developing ahealthier relationship with
exercise by listening to my bodyand it did not work.
Now, this is why I say peopleneed support and education from
an expert and from someone whocan hold hope in those scary
moments, because when you'removing forward with doing
(28:31):
something brand new likeintuitive eating, after years of
diets and disordered eating,you're going to feel like you
are moving in a very, very scarydirection and it's going to be
very easy to to give up, to feellike you're.
You're failing to feeling likeit's too scary to feel like you
gave it enough time and it justdoesn't work.
But the fact of the matter isis that when you go in this
(28:55):
direction, you absolutely willget to full food and body image
freedom.
You just have to keep moving inthat direction, and what I
would recommend is steak is,first of all, is not putting a
time limit on on navigatingthrough developing these new
(29:15):
behaviors.
It's gonna take time.
Think of how long you were indisordered eating and how long
you were dieting for and howlong you were bashing your body.
We have to rewire your brain.
We have to build in those trustaround those behaviors.
It's going to take some timeand we need support.
(29:36):
We need support so that whenyou're in those stuck moments
and you need some education, youneed some cheerleading, you
need some people holding hope tohelp you to keep navigating
that path.
It's very, very easy to justjump out and say intuitive
eating is way too hard, givingup these disordered eating
(29:56):
behaviors is way too hard,trying to have a new
relationship with my body is waytoo scary, and so we need the
support of people who have beenthrough it themselves, who have
helped other people get throughit, who can be your cheerleader,
support system and who haseducation and tools to help you
to not give up on that path.
(30:16):
So if you say that it hasn't so, if your argument is it hasn't
worked for you in the past, Iwould ask how long did you give
it?
What resources and support didyou have?
Did you work with anyone?
How long?
What did you do?
Are we just, did we just getinto a place where we got really
(30:38):
afraid and we didn't wanna sitin that discomfort?
Did we just get reallyuncomfortable and want to escape
that discomfort, being in leanon our more comfortable,
disordered behaviors?
That's my question I wannaleave to you.
So, with these fears andobjections, my heart goes out to
you.
Big hugs.
It is so, so hard and I want tochallenge you and say we should
(31:04):
not let fear lead us.
If we're letting fear lead us,it's not going to lead us in the
right direction.
If part of you knows that thedirection of true food and body
image freedom is scary, but it'sthere and you know the things
you need to do to get there.
You owe it to yourself to bebrave, to get support and move
(31:27):
in the direction that is goingto ultimately free you.
I don't want your fears todrive.
I want your part of you that iscurious, calm, clear,
compassionate, confident,creative, connected and
courageous be the one to guideyou and that is the voice
(31:50):
telling you to move forward inan unfamiliar direction that you
know is the right way and tostop moving in the direction
that those anxious and fearfulparts are telling you to go in,
which is going to be disorder,eating, dieting and body shame.
These fears are very valid andyou just have not had the right
(32:10):
support, education, opportunityto move in the right direction,
and you deserve it.
I don't want you to stay stuckdue to these fears.
So, anyways, I hope you foundmoving through these fears and
kind of chatting with them,communicating with them, to be
(32:31):
helpful, and I really encourageyou.
If we didn't go over some ofthese fears, I want you to go
over your fears by yourself.
Practice writing them out,practice speaking back and forth
to the different parts of you.
Ask that anxious part that'sfearing something why is it
fearful?
And ask yourself part what itthinks.
(32:51):
Let it also be able to speak,and you can work through and
understand your fears better inthis way.
Now, if you're ready to dive indespite your fears because, hey,
the fears are still going to bethere.
We're not trying to get rid ofthem, we're just trying to.
We're trying to hold them atthe same time as we move forward
(33:14):
in our courageousness, in ourbravery, to get what we deserve.
Okay, so if you are ready forthat, if you're fearful but
still ready and willing andexcited to finally reach full
food and body image freedom, Iwant you to DM me the word
freedom at jamieRD underscoreand I'm going to send you a
(33:35):
three two day mini course thatis going to walk you through
understanding how we can ditchdiets and disordered eating and
finally achieve food and bodyimage freedom without the shame.
I'm so excited to see you inthere.
I hope this episode was helpfuland I will see you next time.
Stay brave and stay strong.
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