123 | Pt 2 | Cryptid Road Trip | Unveiling The Mysteries of the Pacific Northwest - Black Cat Report | UFOs, Cryptids, True Crime & Paranormal

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Get your favorite snacks together, your tiny cut up
peanut butter sandwiches withoutthe crust, your bags of goldfish
because it's hard not to eat allof them so you don't bring the
whole container. Get your travel buddy the one he
can do the directions, pick the good road trip playlist.
And finally, turn on your car, because today you get to join us

(00:24):
on our second part of our Cryptid road trip as we traverse
the Pacific Northwest. I didn't see you there.
It all started early this morning.
From hunting ghosts to Bigfoot UFOs.
Cryptids, true crime, paranormal, and more I.
Always. Wanted to see.
AUFO Oh, I was. I was researching for your
entertainment. That's Bigfoot's guess.

(00:45):
He basically wrote the book on Monarch.
We aren't really comedians. What if Buddha did cocaine?
The Addams family on meth. This is the Black Hat report.
See you on the other side and. I just imagine in my head the
intro to the boom boom boom. What if Buddha did?

(01:08):
Kotang, turn around. Yep, that's actually well, hello
and welcome to the Black Cat report and episode 1-2 three
123. I am Joey and with me is the
beer Swillin high steppin sign stealin mic dropping 80s heart

(01:32):
robbing Gill. Hello.
Hello. Everyone, I would like to make a
quick note here. I paid the ticket for those
signs that I stole, so I am completely in the clear.
Some might say exonerated, but but yeah, no.
So it's not hanging over my headanymore.

(01:53):
Well, the sign is I have it on the ceiling but.
Yeah, well, as Gil was looking at the sign that said stop, he
decided. You know what?
I like Monopoly better. It is hammer time.
Time to take the sign. Well, today we're going to take
a nice little drive through the Pacific Northwest.

(02:15):
Like we said earlier, searching for some cool ass cryptids Rico.
Yes. Cool when?
As you know from episode 99, the1st edition of our Cryptid Road
Trip, we like to take a nice long drive through the US and
visit it on some favorite regional cryptids.

(02:35):
Before we hop into our episode, we want to take a moment and ask
that you give our Patreon a follow if you haven't already.
It's free, comes with some awesome perks.
Even on a free tier, you can getcup of Joey Midnight Mass, and
there's a shit ton more that we pretty much deliver straight to
the Patreon. We give most of our updates to
the Patreon. We just like to talk to the

(02:56):
Patreon. It's a separate person, I think.
Yeah, pretty much. It's it's a little bit like the
Borg. I'm pretty sure most folks that
listen to our show are, are Trekkies.
But yeah, so at a certain point you just kind of assimilate, you
know, into the Patreon. Yeah, they pretty much as soon

(03:17):
as we you subscribe it says collect us I believe is the
Borg's saying collect us like Pokémon.
I believe the Borg and Pokémon had a crossover event one time
and it was got to catch them alland they did well.
Joey, that joke was terrible. As I'm glossing over it, for

(03:41):
those of you that already followus, we want to thank you all for
following us. And obviously you're watching us
tonight. For the most part.
You probably are on our Patreon,so you get all this live stuff
that we do. You probably get the terrible
jokes that I make and sometimes the way that Gil tells me also,
my jokes are terrible. So I'm this is what we do.
That's what we do in person too,so it kind of makes sense.

(04:05):
Yep, but we want to hop or driveright into it, so let's go.
Our first stop of a crypted roadtrip is the state of Washington
and well, mostly known for the hairy big ape like creature
roaming around the hills and caves, the tall tall Evergreen

(04:25):
trees. We aren't going to visit
Bigfoot. He's just.
Yeah, this has nothing to do with snatch twat.
Nothing to do with snatch twat tonight.
No. Sorry, Dwayne.
Sorry, I mean, everybody does episodes about him.
We've done interviews about him and it's just, he's great.
You know, Bigfoot is amazing, but we got to do some other
people and this one is an awesome one.

(04:49):
We'll be going more on an aquatic adventure today, at
least for Washington. Our first Cryptid is the Lake
Chelan Dragon and the Lake Chelan.
Lake Chelan. Like Chelan?
Dragon I like. Chelan just chilling, Yeah,
chilling like a dragon. This Cryptid has been rumoured
about for over 200 years. And actually in some, you know,

(05:12):
and some mythological folklore, it's also been done for maybe
like 5-6 hundred years. But for our purpose 200 years
with a few sightings happening in the 1800s that led to the
rumor growing of the dragon living below the surface.
The Lake Chellin dragon has a pretty mythological beginning.
The Dragon's origin supposedly was in the 1800s.

(05:34):
It was brought over from Fort Augustus, Scotland when the
captain of the ship, Captain Chellin, who also apparently the
lake is named for, took a treasure chest from the Fort
where Captain's Chellin's fatherserved.
Well, before I go into that, I did also learn some interesting
stuff is that there was a NativeAmerican tribe called the

(05:56):
Chelens that were in that area. I don't think that's how you say
that part, but they were also part of why the lake was named
wild. It was them and the captain that
was going to there. So is it like a mixture?
Well, you. Know honestly, everybody got
there and they were just chilling.
Chilling like a dragon, that's gonna be a new thing, 'cause

(06:16):
Dragons, honestly, when they're not murdering, they're pretty
chill, you know? They're just chill, yeah.
They're not always like they're not standing on business,
they're sleeping on it because every time you see them, they're
just sleeping on top of a bunch of gold and jewels.
Until you take those jewels, I respect it.
I respect it for sure. I'm.
A fan. Lustfully and greedily, Chelin

(06:39):
hoped and figured that the chestwas full of riches of gold and
jewels as you would normally think.
That a chest that you took from a Scottish.
Scottish question. He took it all the way from
Scotland to the Pacific Northwest and never looked
inside until he got out to this isolated lake.

(07:02):
Correct. All right, well, this tracks.
This makes sense. I'm.
I'm here for it. Yes.
So as I was saying, you would normally think the chest was
full of gold. So obviously he didn't look in
it. And the chest was actually
guarded by a lot of soldiers while he was in the lake castle
because his dad was like, no oneshould steal this, this is a
chest, it's sacred and blah blahblah.

(07:25):
But I actually like. To shipment of new parts to.
Scott. We got to protect these boys.
We. Got to protect.
These are like gold where we're from.
Scotland. Scotland is where we're from.
Well, I like to imagine the chest being surrounded by like,
30 or 40 soldiers, just literally all facing away from
the chest. And just like, the captain

(07:47):
Chillin was just just walked in and grabbed the chest, looked
around. Yeah.
And they're really not going to do anything.
He just walked out. And the soldiers were like,
well, they told us to form a circle around the treasure and
guard it. And he's like I.
Sadly boys, we've we spent so much time together these past
few days, I realize the real treasure is friendship.

(08:09):
He's bringing in for a hug, everyone.
Yeah, they brought in for a hug and the captain just murdered,
then hung them all. You didn't do your duty.
Fill them all. Yeah, yeah, Well, after the
chest was taken, Captain Chelan took it on a nice long sea
journey just like you're talkingabout to the New World.
For some freaking reason, he just is.
Like, I'm not going to look in it because it's got to be filled

(08:32):
with treasure, right? It's that's exactly what it's
been guarding for throughout thelong journey.
I'm sure the captain met his share of storms and challenges.
You know, scurvy, dysentery, dysentery.
You know, when all the seamen get together on top of the ship
and just completely roast the captain, That's what I think of
a dysentery or probably some typhus and maybe some storms.

(08:58):
Well, on the coast of Washington, presumably to what
was very close to their destination, they met the most
violent storm yet. And this was in the year 1812.
Another big event in U.S. history happened in 1812.
So to make this story a little, how can I say, unbelievable,
somehow during the storm, the ship was transported to what we

(09:22):
now call Lake Chelan, which to be fair, has no visible outlets
or inlets to the Pacific Ocean. So somehow it jumped, jumped
some land, a good bit of land, because Lake Chelan's pretty far
inland and landed on Lake Chelan.
I mean, maybe it was just like one of those Asheville storms

(09:44):
that come through that just could have been.
Possible yeah just like it just roamed over the land and he they
were just like surfing onto intolike chum could be just.
Chilling all the way in. Well, as the storm was hitting
them, it was tossing the ship violently, throwing back and
forth, almost losing all of its cargo and the people that were

(10:07):
on board. The chest itself that the
captain had risked so much for was thrown overboard.
So the captain jumped overboard to grab the chest, but he could
not however, keep the chest fromsinking, no matter how hard he
tried. And slowly, slowly, slowly, he
sank down to the depths of the lake.

(10:29):
Now the lake itself reaches around 1500 feet deep, so
imagine the pressure he was under.
Probably as much pressure as. 15inches.
No, no, no, no. He's just sitting on the top
like trying to. I can't do it.
Can't even lift this thing. Dear God.

(10:51):
This is a godless. Land yes.
Well, there actually was two female stowaways that were on
board this and it was like, you know, very at the right, right.
They were actually the ones watching the chest.
So they were like the guardians,the caretakers of the chest,
which is weird that they have a chest they're guarding, but it's

(11:13):
fine. They were protecting the
precious contents of the chest because it wasn't gold that was
in the chest, but it was something else.
The two women jumped into the water after the chest and after
the captain. So one went after the captain,
one went after the chest. As soon as they hit the water,
they changed into mermaids. Tracks.

(11:37):
Tracks. Yeah, one grabbed the chest, the
other grabbed the captain. The captain was somehow saved
and taken to the shore of the lake safely.
The chest, however, was grabbed by the other mermaid, then taken
deep, deep, deep down into an underwater cavern where the
contents of the chest were revealed.

(11:58):
Inside the chest was a dragon egg and it cracked open under
the pressure and the hatchling emerged.
Right, this is this is all tracking I.
Believe. Yeah.
All right, All right. Yep, and a little.
Dicey there at first, but it's been good.
I like this. I feel like it's not.
It's getting there, yeah. The dragon said, and it was

(12:19):
Herbert. And it was Herbert the dragon,
you know, Herbert the Dragon, the forefather of Herbert,
actually. What was in that chest next to
him? The dragon.
It was a count. It was a count.
Sing Yeah, it's Count Saint Germain.
They're both hatched out and we're just like ha, ha, this is

(12:40):
not the right place. This is not the right place.
Well, thus became the Lake Chilling Dragon right after the
hatchling emerge. Now I want to say as
unbelievable or in your opinion as believable as that sounds,
unbelievable does make a good story because this has been
passed down again for over 200 years and maybe more.

(13:02):
And the indigenous tribes of thearea, which were probably the
Chela natives, a tribe that was split off from the Wenatchee
tribe, from what I could figure,that tribe called the Sea
Dragon. And I'm really, really, really
sorry for the pronunciation of this because there is a lot of
they're basically just N in H inas in this word.

(13:26):
And it's nahahateq. I think that's what it's what it
what it pronounces as. So apologize if you know how to
pronounce that NHAHAHATQ, pleaselet me know.
But I think it's nahahateq. It's very hard to pronounce.

(13:47):
Well, the dragon itself, to me, yeah, the dragon itself was
described as having the legs andbody of an alligator, the head
and eyes of a snake, a scaly tail and bat wings.
And you know, you kind of think of it, that sounds like a modern
day dragon, right? Yeah, kind of.

(14:10):
I mean, at first I thought you were going to be like the head
and the body of an alligator. The legs of an alligator.
The stomach of an alligator. In the head of Herbert, his bona
fide sea serpent. Well, from all my mythical

(14:33):
knowledge, not that I have knownmany Dragons that live
underwater, especially with the idea that they all breathe fire
and such things. Honestly, I don't the logistics
on this are a little bit iffy, but you know, it's, it's a it's,
yeah, it's encrypted. It's the physics that you get
hung up on. It's the physics, it's not the

(14:54):
story, it's the physics of the body.
Well supposedly the legend has it that the dragon was actually
the offspring of the Loch Ness Monster, which is another.
Just throwing this out there forno one because Nessie is
considered a female and for somereason that I cannot find the

(15:14):
exact reason female Loch Ness Monster dragon things cannot
fly. That's for there is no, It's
just one of those things that they just gets thrown out there
every time there's a story. And then they're like, well,
they can't fly. And it's like, OK, And it's like
the lake chilling dragon is reportedly a male, so apparently

(15:36):
it can fly. It's misogyny.
It's best probably from telling the stories.
Yeah. Yeah, well, this would help it
escape. Out there chasing the ladies.
Well, this would help it escape with its victims, and that gets
us to the couple of witnesses and experiences to this winged
Cryptid. The first written account of the

(16:00):
Lake Chelan Dragon came from thedaily Pickanen on December 2nd,
1892. On a day, probably maybe weeks
before the newspaper article came out, three men were bathing
in the water together. The dragon suddenly burst forth
from the depths and grab one of the men by the leg, dragging him

(16:21):
away. The other two heard him scream
as you would because an animal grabbed your leg with super
super sharp teeth. That'll do it.
Well, slowly they were able to drag their friend back onto the
beach from the water. However, the dragon maintained
its grip on the man. The other two men thought of a

(16:43):
genius idea to slay the dragon. They start to attack it with
knives, rocks and sticks. Just like our 8th fathers did
before our forefathers. Exactly.
And, you know, but if we think about it, Dragons are impervious
to most weapons unless it's their secret spot.

(17:04):
Every story a dragon has a secret vulnerable spot that they
can get hit and they can die. Apparently this dragon did not
have a secret spot. Well, they quickly surmised,
that ain't going to do it. They've sought.
They thought maybe fire would get rid of the dragon as you do,

(17:28):
But instead of killing the. Dragon with.
Fire. Exactly.
That's like my house is on fire.So I'm going to throw more fire
and my house, I'm going to startburning candles in the house.
That's that'll fight it, yeah. But it's still, I mean,
honestly, that that's like a West Coast government tradition
at this point. 100% don't use water.

(17:52):
Yeah, yeah. Fuck that.
Nope. But instead of killing the
dragon, it just flew up really quick and then disappeared right
back down into the deep water with the man still in its teeth
to rest at the bottom of the lake as dragon poop just never
came back. This crazy tale, however, would

(18:16):
not be the last sighting of the dragon.
In 1945, a school bus full of children had a major accident.
And this sounds really sad because the school bus flew over
railing into the depths of Lake Chelan, OH.
Geez. Yeah, yeah, that part had
nothing to do with the dragon. The dragon wasn't devious like

(18:37):
that. The bus just went over the edge
and all the kids disappeared. So.
Fucking Miss Frizzle. Just fucking What was the name
of the little lizard? The name of the little lizard
that was with Miss. We're going to go find your mom,
Your dad, Miss Grandkids. Oh God, and this time they did

(18:59):
not shrink down. I.
Thought they suspended dear life.
This school bus wasn't so magic so well days after the accident,
divers were sent down into the lake to search for the bus and
recover the bodies of the victims so the families can lay
their children to rest. Cause a few children died in
this. I think about 1520 children died

(19:22):
and. Just a few.
Yeah, just a few. And the diver and the driver
actually died too. Miss Frizzle actually died too,
and nobody escaped. The divers searched the lake's
bottom for the bus, but as they were around about 200 feet from
the recollection of one of the divers, a big and shadowy figure
or creature was circling them, just watching and staying just

(19:45):
out of sight. One of the divers, as they came
back up. And pretty much they didn't even
get down to the bus. It was so shaken from this
experience that the divers like,Nah, fuck that, I'm never going
back to diving again. Let it go.
And so this was attributed to the late chilling Dragon because
they said it was like, enormous in size.
It was moved super quick in the water.

(20:07):
And they were just like, no, no,no, no, we're not going back
down there. Screw that.
So. Damn.
Yeah. I wouldn't go back in the water
either because I'm already pretty scared of going down then
in the depths because you can't see anything.
How sure are we, and I don't want to be a Debbie Downer here,
but how sure are we that he didn't just see the bus because

(20:32):
it was a bus? He said that the guy said, I
mean, you can never, it's 1945, it's hard to be sure about
anything and that's happening. But he said that it was moving
around them. It wasn't like stationary.
He said he saw the the shadowy figure and creature, what he
said was moving around him and was like in circles, pretty much

(20:55):
just out of their sight. And if you've ever dived, if you
have you ever dipped a dove before, gone like actually scuba
dive or like scuba diving, It's weird.
It's creepy. I did it when I was 1718.
I got licensed to do scuba diving for a year and my mom

(21:16):
was, you know, helping me do it.We went down in this quarry.
Quarries are freaky because it'sjust like not really that
natural of water. So it's like you're going down
into this crazy water. And quarries a lot of times are
known to house like some weird stuff because a lot of them have
so many like inlets and outlets and caves and caverns down there
just from normal, from, you know, water moving around.

(21:39):
It's just a dumping ground for everybody for a long period.
For a lot of deaths. So you go down there and like
you can just, you'll see random stuff, but the visibility,
there's barely any visibility. So if you're looking around, you
can't see anything. So pretty much stuff is like
maybe 5-10 feet away before you can.
It's just. All jump scares.

(22:01):
It is very much jump scares and there's a lot of fit.
I mean, in quarries there's a lot of fish down there usually
and it's normal. But it also gets very, very,
very cold. So not even maybe 1520 feet down
you can go and you're already freezing.
You need the wet suit pretty much to keep you warm.
Or dry suit. Sorry, you need the dry suit to
keep you warm. But yeah, it's freaky.

(22:24):
I don't do it because I was always really scared to go down
that deep. When I had other people, like
six or seven other people, I waslike, oh, this is fine.
Like one of us dies, we all die,so it's fine.
No big deal, right? But well, there are a lot of
stories of ships being sunk, towns being destroyed and things
like that happen around Lake Chelan.

(22:46):
I actually could not find any modern day examples of those.
It's just one of those kind of like he said, she said kind of
things and like kind of lore of like the Lake Chelan Dragon is
the, oh, there is a bunch of towns destroyed, maybe a ship or
two being sunk. I'm like, those are not really
ships in that lake. So it's hardly that big of a

(23:06):
lake, but it is probably more like smaller, you know, fishing
boats in there, fishing canoes and stuff.
But I did find a local Salus story, which was the local
native tribe, one of the local native tribes around there and
was told around fires and repeated over and over again.
The Lake Chelan dragon was a badspirit.

(23:29):
And this is what they said. That was in a fight with the
forces of good. And their story, it presents the
evil serpent, the Lake Chelan Sea dragon.
Like I like to call him Lake Chelan Sea Dragon 'cause that's
what he was. But just like Chelan dragon that
would rise from the depths of the lake to destroy everything
around it, eating and scaring away all of their food, fish and

(23:49):
animals alike. To stop this from happening, the
good spirits made like a rock dam on the mouth of the Chelan
river. They did this thinking that it
would trap the dragon and then drown it.
But apparently those spirits didn't know that it was a Lake
Sea dragon and it lives in the water so it's not going to

(24:10):
drowned the Dragons seeing this right?
The Dragons seeing this decided Nope, nobody is stopping me and
went crazy destroying everythingin and around the river,
villages and villagers alike. One of the reasons that the
story was believed to have passed down was a young girl was

(24:32):
out picking berries and she was the sole survivor of the
destruction. Here's where we get to the sad
part. Waters rose.
She was the bus driver. Yeah, she was the bus driver
that lived later. Yeah, yeah.
Exactly. Sadly, the waters kept rising
around her from the dam and she could not escape.

(24:55):
But before she had perished in the raising in the raging
waters, she apparently had enough time to paint her whole
life story and the trauma inducing events right before her
death so that the legend of the sea dragon lived on in stories.
Have you ever, have you ever just like, I don't know, you get

(25:17):
that anxiety about something that you like, really have to do
like you like, you really gotta poop, but for whatever reason,
you're like, I have to file my taxes and fold my laundry before
I poop. Like you just, you know, you get
all that's just me. Anyways, I can relate to this,
this that I would, I would do this.
I, I would start taking paintingclasses and be like, oh God, the

(25:40):
water's rising quick. I got to find a YouTube
playlist. Oh, there's apparently a sale on
LinkedIn for painting. I probably got time to order
some shit on Amazon. Just gonna just like the whole
times building up around me, I'mlike, well yeah, I'm not going
to run out of materials for watercolors.
I thought for a second that was going a different way when you

(26:02):
said when you were going to go to the bathroom and you were
like, shit, I got to paint stuffliterally and figuratively.
And you're like, I'm not runningout of any paint right now.
And then that is your life story.
Painted my pants. Yeah, yeah.
And your life story was painted in the bathroom.
Actually, you know what? Honestly, on a couple of

(26:25):
occasions I've painted my life story mostly after Taco Bell,
but. Yeah, yeah, A mix of Taco Bell,
Chipotle and Pizza Hut, I think.That'll do it.
I think I mix. I think I said something like
that in the last cup of Joe. It was had something to do with
the Taco Bell Chipotle in a mix and some sort of joke.

(26:45):
I don't know, I forget everything.
A Holy Trinity. Yeah, Yeah.
Well, I do want to mention this because I have literally been
chomping at the bit to find someseaworthy stuff.
The lake. Also, and I have to mention this
because it's me, they have a yearly Lake Chelan Pirate

(27:07):
festival. It returns every August.
There's a whole market. No, it's in Seattle.
I can't go to that. That's way too.
It's in August so it is plenty of time, but it's a long way to
go for a pirate festival. Is it though?

(27:27):
Is there even such thing as that?
No. Well, I could go to the Tampa
one. I think that's July.
Right now that. Doesn't seem as easy to.
It feels like it feels like it's, yeah, actual Gasparilla.
No, I mean, I helped open up a cafe like in Ybor, like where
Gasparilla happens. It's if that's your scene,

(27:49):
that's cool. It's not.
This one might be funnier. More fun.
Yeah, I think. I think a a pirate festival
based around a lake with a flying, swimming dragon.
Way cooler. Yeah.
Well, sounds more chilling. Does Gasparilla have a pirate
carnival? Yes, yeah, a bunch of times.

(28:11):
A whole. Market Pirate Carnival.
It's pretty. Much.
It's like a it's like a six block long Mardi Gras or 4, four
or five block long Mardi Gras. It's very small.
Can you? Can you camp out there?
A lot of people do, but a lot ofpeople do every night in Ybor

(28:31):
City, mostly just just in the alleys and on the sidewalks
around the bars. So yeah, you can.
I totally can. Not legally I guess.
I guess they just do it. This is better than driving and.
There's no laws. Yeah, if it's a pirate festival,
ain't no laws anyways. Ain't.

(28:51):
No laws anyways. Well, you can camp at this one
legally and it's around the lakeand you can have fun.
Yeah. And you can go to the markets.
It's a pirate market. I hope to God it's only barter
It it has to be only barter if it's a pirate market.
Like they're just like, oh, I'llget Yar.
I'll give you my leg for for that sourdough.

(29:13):
You know, it's like, no. I couldn't take your, I couldn't
take your wood. Like, no, the other one just
started sawing it. Oh my God, how can I turn that
down? Such a good deal, Yeah.
Well, that'll catch me a lot on the black market.
Just tosses it in the tosses in the lake and the dragon just
comes up. Perfect.

(29:35):
And it's appeased another year and.
That's a piece for a. That's why they have the
festival. They toss in.
They toss in random body parts. A lot of weird traditions around
this town, yeah. It is a good one.
Keep your diet. But I'm beginning to think that
the catastrophes and and the thehorrible situations that
happened were mostly due to people doing idiotic shit and

(30:00):
had less to do with random offense.
I think the three men that were there but probably murdered the
other man and then. My gerbils got into my napalm
collection. Everybody run.
Yeah, I think the the three men were murdered by one.
One of the men murdered the other 1/2 of the men murdered
the other man and we're like oh a dragon got him.

(30:22):
Was it triple cherry or was it cherry triple Lucy?
It was gerbil Lucy. Why did you teach her to use a
lighter GAR? Gar, we don't use lighters
anymore for that reason. Well, we don't get trained.
Gerbils to use lighters anymore?Yeah.
It's. No, we do not.
Neither cats because they are fire starters.

(30:45):
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, Gil, I want you to keep your diving suit on, OK.
OK. Yeah.
Keep your sea legs attached. Your river legs, you know,
whatever you want to call them. Are they attached?
Yep. All right, we're going to take
tiny bit of driving. We're just going to drive
though. Keep your stuff on Keep.
You know we're going to drive for a little bit not too.

(31:06):
Long doing more swimming than driving.
OK, well, we're going to drive for a little bit to get to the
next swimming hole, OK, We're going to drive down to Oregon
because we're doing the Pacific Northwest.
We're driving down to Oregon. We're in Washington.
You drive straight down to Oregon.
We've done it many a times, you know.
You know, it'll be our next stopon this road trip.

(31:27):
We're going to drive our half amphibious, half land roving car
down to the Columbia River in Central Oregon.
No, I think you should all know by now that I love alliterations
in my cryptids like Sinkhole Sam, Bermuda Bob, Cactus Cat, or
Tahoe Tessie. And we might do Bermuda Bob in

(31:51):
the future because Bermuda Bob is a pirate Cryptid, which is
again another one, but pirate Cryptid.
It is a pirate themed Cryptid. It is very interesting because
pirates used to see Bermuda Bob on the water and it was on

(32:12):
another ship there. It's a whole lore.
There is a whole pirate lore behind this that I don't even
want to get into today. And I kind of knew you would
ask. This feels like foreshadowing.
Yeah. But I didn't want to look into
it because I was like, I'm just,it's going to go way too far and
I need to write this episode. So it's.
Going to be me. It's he's going to become your

(32:35):
Kiuchi. Here's Saruko Kiuchi.
You're just going to be like, itwas just going to be 1 episode
but I'm going to need about 3 months now.
It's going to be 6 episodes for Bermuda Bob.
Fuck yes, yes, maybe that'll be future because Bermuda Bob is
interesting. But our second Cryptid today,
because I love alliterations, iscalled Colossal Claude.

(33:00):
I love the name. It's one of my favorite names
actually, for a Cryptid, it's pretty great.
It also has a beer named after it by Rogales.
It's in Newport, OR I mean, you know, a lot of cryptids have
beers named after him, but RogueAles made it cool.
It's American IPAI think so. Kind of love IPA.
It's kind of like right wing pundits and they all have their

(33:22):
own like nicotine pouches that they sell now.
Tactical bass you. Know they.
They have. Everything, like every right
wing pundit, is coming out with those little.
Designs. What are they?
Yeah, Zins or whatever The Yeah.What?
Yeah, every. It's a thing.
Yeah, this scripted colossal Claude has been massively

(33:45):
capitalized on because a crap ton of the websites I went to
had pins, plushies, paintings, and everything else for sale to
capitalize on CC. And who is there to represent
Claude to make sure that he's getting his cut, Huh?
Nobody. Who's there to Coral?

(34:08):
Claude? He needs a spokesperson.
He needs a representative. He needs me.
GAIL. Which is why I've officially
just become Colossal Claude's attorney.
Yes, you're also like his WWE manager too.
So you'd like walk, you're walking him down the swimming

(34:32):
him down the river. All right, Claude, you're going
to your spokesman for this Rogales today.
What are you gonna say? That's right.
Nothing. Can I take some home with me?
Yes. And make sure to get the extra
stout. Not like last time when you got
that weak ass pilsner. All right?

(34:54):
I can't drink that. I can't.
Are you supposed to pay me all this representation I give you,
Claude? I travel all the way up here
from North Carolina just for this.
Nope, come on CC. And I've shortened it to CC now.
Colossal Claude. Anyways, Claude is said to roam

(35:14):
the Columbus River and feed on the salmon swimming through the
area. He actually was of no dangerous
origin or had any violent run insurance as the earlier sea
dragon that we discard. What I like to describe colossal
Claude as is just your cool and quiet neighbor that you wave to
every once in a while and you see at the grocery store and you
give, you know, a nice nod before finishing your shopping.

(35:37):
Claude isn't really interested in you, nor is Claude going to
be violent. He just wants to live out his
life, right? That's kind of what I like to
see Claude as. I do want to say I feel like
Claude is part of the Council ofCryptids, and I know that's the
name of it. I feel like he's just kind of
like an overseer of all the cryptids, you know, and I don't

(36:00):
it. Sounds like the cat, like the
capybar of cryptids. Yeah, yeah.
He's just like unbothered chilling, you know?
Pretty much there is not really doing anything and and I like
to, I don't like to think of thecouncil as of cryptids as like
bad cryptids, right? Because it's really like what
you said earlier and we are talking offline.

(36:22):
There is no bad cryptids, you know.
The cryptids are just neutral ifanything.
I mean, it's just like, you know, like no human is born
racist, right? No Cryptid is is summoned evil.
They just, it's, it's people that make them evil, you know,
or random rock dams. Yeah, that kind of did it, I

(36:48):
feel like. Turns out that he had spent like
the past like 40 years practicing meditation that was
his like delicately manicured like stone garden that they just
completely fucking ruined. He's like.
And that was the last straw thatday.
They had just cancelled Friends and he just is like just the

(37:10):
last episode. And he was like I.
Load and a gun. Bam bam bam bam.
I can. See that?
So no one told you life was? Life was gonna end this way.
Well, Speaking of the nonviolentlife, the first recorded

(37:31):
sighting of Colossal Claude was on March of 1934.
The ship that cited him was called the Viv and it spotted an
unknown creature. The Viv Leviv spotted an under
creature near the mouth of the Columbia River and a few
different journals of the day had different descriptions

(37:52):
provided by the light ship tender Rose.
So basically the person that's like up top with the light
looking being like there's goes some fish basically.
I don't know, I just made that up.
I. Don't know the fuck they do.
Yeah, a a light ship tender. I imagine that they just tend
the light of the ship. Mostly I'm the smelliest 1 here

(38:16):
and they put me up here. They don't like me.
They don't like me. Well, they describe Colossal
Claude as a long body, at least 40 feet in length.
Right? So that was the light ship
tender, Captain JF Jensen and all the members of the crew.
The other members had seen the serpent and said the neck was

(38:39):
about 8 feet long and had a large head accompanied by a huge
mouth. So not super detailed but like
you know I was given some given some length of the head so this
would not be the last sighting of the fishing by a fishing boat
in the area. In 1939, the crew of the Argo

(39:02):
saw Clod coming up out of the water about 10 feet from the
ship. This much closer look of Claude
gave the crew a much better lookat him.
They described it as having a camel like head with coarse Gray
fur, had glossy eyes and a bent snout.

(39:22):
Looks weird. He sounds like a capybara.
Yeah, right. Yeah, the the bent.
He literally sounds like a greatcapybara.
Was Gray fur, Yeah, the fur on the neck.
Camel like head. Yeah, yeah, definitely just a
sippy Barra. A sippy Barra, I guess, you
know, just a one in the ocean. Well, the Argo crew said that it

(39:43):
basically came up out of the water, grab some fish, then just
swam away, dipping back down into the water a little further
away from the boat. So there is one weird thing that
a couple in 1937 saw. So this is like 2 years earlier
than that. They saw the creature come out
by the water and this is all happening in the Columbia River.

(40:08):
The couple were just chilling onthe beach, having a nice beach
and wine day near a place calledDevil's Churn, which also sounds
like what they were going to do after their beach day, the two
of them. There churn, if you know what I
mean. Yeah.
Well, the two of them saw just offshore a huge.

(40:29):
Need to make butter for the week?
The two of them saw just offshore a huge hairy thing,
which is also what she said whenthey were churning butter that
looked again like an aquatic giraffe with the neck and maned

(40:50):
head sticking up about 15 feet above the water.
But they said it looked like an aquatic giraffe, which is just
like. Huh.
Just when I'm starting to not feel insecure, nature's got to.
Go out of its way. She's like.
I I'm not even in the mood. In the mood?

(41:10):
Well, they also said it was about 50 feet in overall length,
which is actually isn't too far away from the 40 feet the
fisherman said it was. It's, you know, it's kind of
depends on how far away you see it, you know, the length of
wherever it is from you, from the sun, whatever you're seeing
right as it was sighted, the monster goes.

(41:30):
Yeah. Yeah.
The Coriolis effect and then youknow, honestly, too, and you
know, you have the the shift from the from the blue light to
the red light depending on the seasons, like which solstice
you're in too, that can completely change the
reflections on the water when you get those leaves mixed in
there like a bunch of is it red tea?

(41:52):
Is it black tea? Is it a white tea?
You know, like what did the whatdid the lake become?
So many things could have happened, you know, anything but
but CC gaining a little bit of weight.
Exactly. Yeah, because that that wouldn't
happen. You know, we, we got to stop.
We got to stop fat shaming our cryptids.

(42:13):
We can't we can't be doing that anymore.
Not us. Not us.
I would never. I would never in any way shame
my client. That is true.
You are the one that is promoting them, so you're doing
a good job, you know. Thanks.
Yeah, you kind of slipped this. You know what?
You know what I think happened? Reason why I did this, this
Cryptid, I think you had like, send me just like behind the

(42:36):
scenes, you know, you kept sending me, you know, little,
little hints. You know, first you were just
like, hey, can I get your CC number?
And then I was like, no, I'm notgiving you my credit card
number. And you're like, oh, OK.
And you're like, hey, I'm going to CC you on this e-mail.
And I was like, oh, OK, cool. And then slowly, as I, you know,
you kept saying CC and, you know, you would say Claude every

(42:57):
once in a while and colossal, I had no idea what you're talking
about. And then I saw this and I was
like, not a clue. Yeah, I was like, this is cool.
What a great This whole podcast has actually been my indirect
way, telling you that I am legalcounsel for Colossal.

(43:17):
That's true. This.
Is the whole time. So you are also legal counsel,
not just managing? That was kind of like building
up to it. But yeah, I mean.
It's OK, you're just slowly. Slowly, it's a complicated
relationship with the Cryptid. It's very complicated.
That's because I never see them.But.

(43:37):
I I won't question anymore. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I will not.
That's OK. Questionership then.
Yeah. Well, the couple, they ran to
their car after seeing it and they gunned it up the road
trying to catch another glimpse of it.
And as they got to the area, they call his seat ahead.
This is Christ. I'm feeling like someone's

(43:59):
trolling me on this one. And arrived just in time to get
their second look at Claude. He came just in time.
I this. This.
Yeah, I can. I can tell what goes on at this
leg. Oh, yeah.
Hey, you want to go out? It's not just.

(44:20):
The cryptids that are wet. That's all I'm saying.
No for sure. Well, as Claude finished
trolling the waters for some nice and tasty fish, Claude just
headed out to sea and they're like, good to see you.
Hi, Claude. There actually wasn't any more

(44:40):
sightings of that of Claude anymore.
It's been really sad. Damn, because there's a few
things and a few theories and why Claude or what Claude was
right? So I want to get into two of
them. There's a bunch of theories, but
two of them that I guess I couldsay makes the most sense.
All right. The first one is that the boring

(45:02):
1 is that it's just a deformed whale that grew a longer neck
than normal. I like to throw that one out as
sometimes it seems as a big weather balloon theory as far as
UFOs go, it's someone being like, no, it's just a whale.
And they say that with all the cryptids that are in the water.
I. Saw a chupacabra.
They told me it was a whale. Saw the moth man told me it was

(45:25):
a whale. Saw a squonk.
A tiny little squonk. Turns out it was it was.
It was a malformed whale. It was a malformed.
I went to the inauguration. It was a whale.
It was a whale. No, I didn't go to that shit.
I'm I'm scared of Washington. He's scared of you, too.

(45:49):
Well, the second one, I'd like to prescribe two more because it
seems a lot more fun. Right.
It says that Colossal Claude is actually a Plesiosaurus, right?
A dinosaur. OK.
Yeah, honestly, with the way he acted, he kind of did have that
vibe that he was constantly trying to like, please everyone.
This kind of does make the most sense, like.

(46:13):
But you know what he never says?Please.
No, but he he had that that likepleasant, you know, demeanor
about him, you know, like even when like he he went to go get
the fish, he was just taking himinside because he had dinner
ready. He doesn't even eat fish.
Nope, homies, algae and only theinvasive gun.

(46:35):
He's the chillest motherfucker. He honestly, he's the capybara
of cryptids. I'm I'm declaring it.
Well, I'm here for it. Me too.
The Cabba bar of cryptids on theCouncil of Cryptids, the Plesia
swords need a level head. You need a level.
You do needle. You need somebody that's just
like going to be calm and through every drama filled

(46:57):
moment. And especially with the Council
of Cryptids, you got Mothman up there causing so much stuff.
You got Bigfoot going crazy. When you can see him.
When you can see him. Yeah, honestly, you know CC and
This is why I love him so much. You know he is.
Every group of cryptids need oneof them to talk to the cops.

(47:21):
Every group, and that is colossal for sure, is colossal
Claude. I love it.
I'm such a huge fan. Hey, I hope you don't mind.
I'm just kind of passing throughwith some of my buddies.
They're asleep on my back. We're we're going to be out of
here in just a moment. I, I did my best to cover up my
tracks on the way out of town. You let me know you, I'll give

(47:46):
you my home address. I'm not that there very often.
It's it's more of APO box, you know.
But anyways, do do me a favor. I really hate to set you back
like this, but here's here's $0.50.
It's for a stamp. I need you to write and tell me
what the damages were and well, I'm going to pay you back double

(48:08):
anyways. I got to get moth man out of
here so I'll see you later. Boom boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom. That's what I picture.
It's like the check like do you know how disarming a Cryptid
encounter would be if they were that chill?
It would be like every crypto because like heart stops and

(48:29):
you're freaking out or you're inshock or you're in fear and
you're fright. And he's just like, but if they
acted the same way towards you, but we're calm.
They were like, Oh my Lord, I'm so sorry to scare you.
Hey, I'm just passing through right now and damn it, I left
footsteps again. Hey, but I'm gonna need you to
do. Here's $0.50.

(48:51):
I'm gonna give you my PO Box number.
You just traveling around time? Honestly, you know I haven't
been able to go to the laundromat.
Wow. That's the only reason why
people see me out of the lakes. I hate to admit it, but it's OK.
It's better for this firm. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I'm here for it. I'm here for this mild mannered

(49:13):
man of monstrosity. I don't know.
I. Like it?
I like it. You did forget his famous like
goodbye catch phrase which was CC out stay wet connection made
well. Fuck.

(49:34):
Shit, I'm actually on my way to go meet up with my friend
Ronald. Hey there CC.
How you doing my man? How you doing?
Hey, you still down for flying lessons?
I think I'll just balk. Fantastic.
No big deal. I think I'll pass.
Colossal Colossal Claude is the most reasonable person ever.

(49:57):
Knows what's going on, doesn't care.
Met him when he crashed in the forest for some powerage.
Yeah, yeah. I wasn't able to save his pants
so I gave him my PO Box number and $0.50 and I sent you.
You mail me the damage and I'll send you the rest.
I'll pay double. Well, the Plesiosaurus, which

(50:22):
colossal clod was, was a water dwelling dinosaur that could in
theory. This is a big theory.
Survived the extinction level event that killed most of the
dinosaurs, and it could have lived in the depths of the
oceans for many, many millions of years.
Kind of like I feel like crocodiles and sharks were also

(50:44):
dinosaurs, you know, they were similar to dinosaurs and they
survived. They evolved a lot, obviously,
but this theory prescribes that some dinosaurs could have
actually lived. And I want to say the
Plesiosaurus idea I love becauseit's just console clods, just
something different, you know, aCryptid dinosaur, a cryptosaur.

(51:07):
I don't know, That's the new probably fucking crypto that
they're coming out with later, but.
The West Coast Cryptid chill. Yeah, Yeah.
Well, the Plesiosaurus, what kind of throws water on that
Actually, it doesn't actually make it work.
Was the Plesiosaurus actually breathed air, so it doesn't
didn't breathe water. So live.

(51:28):
It lived under the water for a long, long time.
It would probably die, would die.
It would drown. Happy Barra's do the same thing,
just saying you're on the same They can hold their breath for a
long fucking time. They go down, they eat and and
then just chill in Hot Springs all day and invade rich people's

(51:49):
neighborhoods in Central and South America.
And I love that. I love that about them.
I guess they could have travelled up the coast and just
grown about 30,000 times their normal is.
Way. The whole yeah.
Their normal body. It might have happened.

(52:11):
Oh, Plesiosaurus. Made their way right through New
Mexico while there was some testing going on.
Oh yeah, it could be. It could be.
Oh no, your egg ship crashed right on my Hut.
Oh, it's scratched. Hey, it's OK, just talking to

(52:33):
the aliens. Yeah.
Just out of sight from from Remy.
Yeah, yeah, there's about $0.50.I know it's a lot of money, but
I'm going to here's $0.50 for you.
Mail me. Mail me what the damages were.
Mail me. To the aliens, well Plesiosaurus

(52:55):
would actually have to be like seals and find places they could
plop their big bodies to rest and breathe the air outside
instead of being in the depths of the ocean for most of the
life. But that also could explain why
it was seen by all the ships with its head above the water.
Looking around. Honestly coming up, getting food
and just looking around, gettingair and then going back down
breathing. It could also have been the last

(53:18):
of its kind. And here's where it get real
sentimental, because poor Colossal Clod could have been
looking for the other last of its kind.
It could be looking for whateverit likes.
You know the last big mutated cop to bear after that was
coming up from New Mexico. Another.

(53:41):
Looking for a big booty South American capybara, just making
my way. Hey, it disappeared.
I like them thick and petite andI'm just kind of working my way
down there. It might have found a good South
American one and we just never saw it again.

(54:03):
Living, living life. And I hope that's how it ended
for Colossal Clot, because it hadn't been seen since I think
the 1949. He got down there, you know,
found, found the perfect little,you know, Colombian capybara and
and you know that it's sadly they weren't, they weren't able

(54:26):
to have their own children, but due to the political turmoil at
the at the time that they were kind of settling down, they
ended up adopting an orphan named Pablo Escobar.
You know, I knew his. His family pictures look funny.

(54:47):
The last thing that we have of Colossal Claude.
Colossal Claude is a beer. And some pens that are sold on
the Internet. RIP Colossal Claude, I got $0.50
for you. I mean that's you're going to
need a little bit more for for some stamps there buddy.
Now. Honestly honestly I've been

(55:07):
afraid to come out because of inflation and it seems like
everywhere I go I end up owing money and I just can't afford
it. On this, I tried to learn coding
but I lost right after I graduated.
I lost that job prospect, the AI.
Yep, it's a different world for me.
You should see CC bills. His credit card I did send.

(55:30):
I did send some money to Microsoft for putting him
through the hassle of having to make the AI.
So apologetic. So yeah, I.
Did beautiful clausiosaurus. Mm hmm, Yep, I'd like the
Plesiosaurus well. I suspect he came from Canada.
That's it's very strong Canadianvibes.

(55:53):
He was working his way down fromCanada.
Yeah. Which is where he met Ronald.
True, but yeah. That makes sense.
Neither the Council of Cryptids.You know, that's gonna be a
thing. It's going to be a thing.
Council of Cryptids, we're goingto here for it.
We're going to elect or find outwho was elected to the Council
of Cryptids, you know. Yeah, I'm not really super
familiar with their procedures or when they meet, but yeah, I'm

(56:20):
here for this. I'm here for this Council of
Cryptids. If you know when or where they
meet, we would like to get an e-mail from you or a message on
Instagram for us contact at black cat dot report.
We would like to know when the cryptids meet.
We're not going to we're not going to plug in.
We're not going to go in there and and throw our, you know,

(56:40):
throw our podcasting wait around.
We're not going to go in there and just I'm not.
I just want to be there to represent my client.
That's that's all I care about. Got to be someone's got to speak
for him, you know, and stop. He's got to stop getting IO us
to everybody, given IO us to everybody.
Mostly I just have to make sure he has enough money to pay me,

(57:00):
that's all. So $0.50 a a minute.
Anyways, we're going to get intoour last Cryptid for it today
and we're going to take our another little drive.
We're going to start driving a bit E to get to the state that
is literally almost all nationalparks and it is one of my
favorite states. Idaho because you not the hoe.

(57:23):
Idaho. I am really sorry for saying
that. I said that so much in high
school. Actually, I won't even say I
didn't say it in high school. I said that in like middle
school. Yet you cannot tell me you did
not say you to hoe Gil. A million I'm I'm not.

(57:44):
You're not joking. Smirking and laughing.
Yeah, I'm not smirking and laughing about the joke being
bad. There's no shame in being a hoe,
no shame in that. No shame.
I'm laughing about Before you finished your breath, you were
already defending the joke. I was already apologizing for

(58:04):
the joke. I was already apologizing.
You've been hanging out with Colossal Claude too much, bro.
I just read a lot about him and I felt like I connected.
Go ahead, check your Venmo. Go ahead, check your Venmo.
Oh damn, $0.50. Yep, $0.50.
Damn. OK, cool.

(58:27):
Well, for our last crypto today,we're going with a little closer
to our heart. We're going to go, well, the
podcast's heart, right? We're going to go with the cat.
This cat still lives on as the mascot for the Clark Fork High
School in Idaho. This is called the Wampus Cat.

(58:52):
The Wampus Cat has origins from the Cherokee in the southwestern
Appalachian region. It is a completely different
cat. OK, I know the one that you're
talking. I'm remembering the one you're
talking about. We're going to focus on the
Idaho Wampus Cat for this road trip because we're in Idaho, so
we're going to focus on that part of it.

(59:14):
The Idahoan Wampus Cat origin started with the Mountain Men of
the Stanley Basin, which funny enough, I've actually been to
Stanley ID. Is there a story to it or do you
just? It smells like piss.
Smells like cat piss from all that womp pussy that's running

(59:34):
around. Really, I and I'm sorry,
Stanley, Idahoans, there's not much there.
We stopped in at a Walmart 'cause we had to.
I forgot what we're doing. We're driving from some venue to
another venue and we're travelling and we were going to
catch them. Idaho or something like that,
Sun Valley ski towns. And we stopped, got out of the
car. We're like, oh, we got to grab

(59:55):
some from Walmart and the whole entire town smelled like piss.
It wasn't just the Walmart parking lot and.
I guess there's a lot of farms around there, I don't know.
Some call it the New York of theWest.
You know, that's what I heard, that's what people were saying.
And I did definitely hear a verybig hint of Brooklyn accents in

(01:00:20):
in. The Walmart in Stanley ID.
I completely believe this. That's also because they want to
sound like they're saying Boise,Boise ID and not Boise ID.
It's Boise. I had no idea that that you were

(01:00:41):
such an authority on. People are authorities and told
me I don't. I love Idaho, it's one of my
favorite states, but when I was staying there we had a bunch of
friends that told us that it's Boise.
Just like just bored in. The Room.
Just a whiteboard lungs. Boise.

(01:01:03):
Yeah, I'm sorry. We're going to need to turn the
TV off. I got to cover something
important if you're going to be here.
Yeah, if you're going to stay around here for a few days, it's
Boise. I don't want you going out to
one of the one of the local water and holes, having one too
many drinks and getting wrapped up in the very heated political

(01:01:23):
atmosphere that's just searing under the surface here.
Frankly, after running out of wood, it's the only thing.
It's the only thing keeping us hot over this winter.
That is how to pronounce Boise. So if you're going to be here,
if you're going to survive on the mean streets, Stanley ID.
This timely idea, you know this.Town will kick the piss out of
you. I know you notice the smell.

(01:01:48):
There also is a town called Moscow ID too.
Yeah, yeah, it's up north. It's one of the college towns,
the. Only thing you love more than
Idaho is bus stop. Is Utah the bus stop?
Yeah, we'll stop the post office.
Oh, the post office, dude, they have a lot of cool post offices

(01:02:08):
there. You should go take your take a
trip up to the post op. You know what we're going to do
Instead of a Cryptid road trip next time we're going to be
doing a post office road trip where we visit the cool post
offices and read off their reviews.
Don't tempt me with a good time,Gil.
I this is. It's what I do for fun when I'm

(01:02:28):
not writing at the. Same part of tracking Colossal
Claude. We have to find where all these
goddamn letters. Oh my God.
Yes. Frank Oldfield.
Colossal Claude. Well, during the olden days, a
trapper who is trapping Beavers and his dog surprised a Beaver
and because it was caught prettyfar.

(01:02:51):
There's a lot of hoes out here. I'm going to find these Beavers.
I'm going to find them. The Beaver couldn't get back.
Come on. Claude, I told you I'm going to
Columbia. I'm going.
Nah, it's OK. I know a great yelling upon Leo
Box. Well, you should have said so
sooner. I'm sorry I got upset.
Here's $0.50. Come on.
I can't carry any more money. Now we're out here for tail.

(01:03:12):
Ting Ting, Ting, Ting. God, we're going to buy a lot of
hose with this, with this money.Well, Gil, this is actually the
origin story of the Wampus Cat, believe it or not.
It starts off with the B. The of the Wampusy.
And if we know anything about Beavers, they can't climb trees.

(01:03:33):
I guess that fuels their constant rage to knock them
down. They don't want anything.
To be taller than they. Are they're like I cannot climb
this. I will cut it down.
Nothing can be taller than me. Beavers are fucking insane
though. They are, and that's the reason
they couldn't calm the tree to escape the dog.

(01:03:54):
So the Beaver turned into a Wampus cat and climbed the tree.
Came turned into a whoop ass catbeat the shit out.
Beat the shit out of the the trapper and the dog.
Oh it's OK, I'm clawed. You don't.
Need to Who's the hoe now? I don't think you know what that

(01:04:14):
means. Who's the hoe now?
Bitch, I know we are really getting tied up on semantics
here. Well, I guess I'm just going to
go home. Here's $0.50.
I'm out. Peace.
Just chill out, Boise. You just chill out.
You just said Boise. That's not how he's saying.
That's not how he's saying around here.

(01:04:35):
It's Boise. What am I seeing?
What am I seeing? Boise.
You know what guys? I'm just going to keep heading
on right on over to Washington. I hope you guys work this out.
I'll send money for you. I'll send double what it costs
to fix these trees Stay wet. CCL CC.

(01:04:59):
That is one of the origins of it.
Basically that it couldn't climba tree so it turned into a
Wampus Cat. Just involved super fucking
quick. Yeah, that's the origin story of
the Wampus Cat. There is however, another origin
of the Wampus Cat and I think I like this one better.
OK, it's. Almost like a superhero, maybe

(01:05:19):
even a super villain creature origin story.
This one has the Wampus Cat being created by the US
government in the 1940s. It was bred with six legs, four
that would allow it to be similar to passenger pigeons of
World War One. Moving really fast to deliver
notes to deliver the post. You know, deliver $0.50 and a

(01:05:41):
stamp to Colossal Claude and thetwo two other legs for.
Fight to an unforeseen rising demand in the Postal Service
exactly to come from it had to react.
Yeah, to add two more legs to it, it the other two legs were
for fighting. It was a mix of Colossal Claude.

(01:06:04):
And Frank Oldfield. I love it.
It did not just only have the two legs for fighting. 6 legged
cat, Yeah. 6 legged cat basically it also had like a
Mace like tail that would swing back and forth that would be
used for bashing its prey's headin.

(01:06:25):
And because the government testing and creating of an
animal, the Wampus Cat, has mythologically been described as
a massive creature with six legs, glowing eyes, and
supernatural powers. One of the powers it's purported
to have is that it's eyes glow so hotly they can start forest

(01:06:46):
fires. Am I supposed to say something
that? No, especially because.
This is rational. It's just kind of the, it's
almost like you just delivered some shit to me and like, OK,
Gil, so I'm going to explain thephysics of acceleration of of
achieving critical velocity in gravity.

(01:07:07):
I have like, I wouldn't have anypunch lines of just listen and
you know, you're dropping truth,you're dropping knowledge.
Would you like me to explain? How I see it, I I mean, I kind
of already see where this is going.
The LA fires started due to a a whomper doodle that somebody
brought into the town. A whomper.

(01:07:28):
It's another hybrid. Oh, OK.
No, they hybridized it. Yeah.
OK. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
Well. It's got more than that, though.
It's got. It's got more than that.
It is. Actually Tinder.
It the. Hell you think made it to help
you think decided to call it Tinder.
Yeah, they actually stopped that.

(01:07:49):
You can't use Tinder in in California anymore.
They also cancel. I was trying to trying to help
Claude figure out if there were any hotties down in South
America before you walk there for 14 years.

(01:08:10):
Oh, fucker took off before we can invent microchips.
I'm so sorry about that. You got my investment though,
right? I didn't want to tell you this
at the time. I know it's worth a lot now, but
he was actually just a gift. That's all yours, brother.
Hey, I'm so sorry. Damn, always so sorry.
Colossal Claude. Their powers.

(01:08:34):
The Wampus cats powers also include shape shifting.
It can shape shift into other animals or sometimes even
humans. It could also shape shift into
Beavers, which apparently is what it started as.
No, my God. What do they hunt?
You asks. Do you ask that?
Joey, what the hell did they hunt?

(01:08:54):
What do they hunt? They, you know, dogs.
They put Tinder down. They hunt hunters.
They hunt, hunt, actually, in theory, yes, they hunt birds
just kind of like a normal cat, right?
But they don't just hunt any birds.
They hunt bald eagles, the biggest birds.

(01:09:15):
Hell yeah. Hell.
Yeah, that's right. The freedom loving weapon tote
national anthem screeching bald eagles.
Hell yeah. And what's funny, his trappers
in the old days would say that bald eagles were bad for salmon
and deer populations. They thought that the freaking

(01:09:36):
bald eagles would actually screech down and jump and eat
deer. I do think deer are actually too
big for eagles, but. That'll probably happen once
decent amount back then. Oh yeah, yeah.
You know, back when things were allowed to grow a little bit
bigger true out and there was more, there's more.

(01:09:59):
I don't know. I mean, cause like there's,
there's a shit ton of accounts of eagles grabbing up like human
babies. So I imagine like grabbing,
grabbing fawns and grabbing like, you know, those little
little baby deers, little Bambis.
Bald eagles are already big. Like nowadays they're big, but

(01:10:20):
they could have been bigger. Yeah, they're.
Like. 6 foot I did. Wingspan pretty pretty huge.
You didn't think that I thought you were gonna, I thought you
were going somewhere else, but that at first I thought you were
going to say that the the hunterstarted complaining that they
were finding bald eagles with gunshot wounds and that's.
The Wampus. Cat.

(01:10:42):
Damn, not another Wampus Cat. God damn freedom hating feline,
you know. I mean, what is it that one cat
that that one little that well, like one of the tiniest cats is
like the most deadly predator. Yeah, yeah, it's like the
deadliest predator in the world 'cause it kills the most birds

(01:11:04):
and the most like, yeah, yeah. Well, the Wampus cat runs into
the problem with once they eradicate all the bald eagles,
they have an overabundance of Wampus cats.
So that's the problem. They release all these Wampus
cats into the. Into the tail as old as time.

(01:11:24):
Right. And the Wampus cat as it still
runs today, right. So you introduce the, you know,
the snake to get rid of the rat.Then you're like, shit, I got to
put in a hawk or a bald eagle toget rid of the snakes and
introduce a Wampus cat to get rid of the bald eagles.
And you're like, now you're juststuck with a funkin bunch of
Wampus cats. And then what do you?
Do you got wampus cat and a forest full of animals that

(01:11:46):
aren't maintaining the ecosystem?
And then the wampus cats start fighting, Shit pops off.
There you go. That's how you get California
wildfires. That too.
Both of those things. Are happening well and you did
say they came from around this area.

(01:12:08):
We've been having wildfires nearhere.
It is Wampus cat mating season. You know, friction so hot, eyes
so aglow. Now I want to leave you the
Wampus Cat. There's no more on the Wampus
Cat. It's very, very small amount of
stuff that if we go to the Cherokee, there is a different

(01:12:29):
style of Wampus Cat. But I want to leave you with
this quote that I found on a message board, an old, old
message board for the Wampus Cat.
And it was most likely for the mascot of the Clark Fork High
School football team, Wampus Cat.
And I wanted to share this one post because I thought it
encapsulated the maybe colossal clawed a little better, but the

(01:12:52):
Wampus Cat mixed in. You ready?
OK ease really took me. It really gave me inspiration.
OK, this quote. I never smoked a joint so fat
until I fired one up with a Clark Fork Wampus Cat.

(01:13:14):
As soon as I read that quote I was like my life changed.
Wampus Cat changed. Yeah, it's like a full.
Armband tattoo, time to put downyour snacks if you want, turn
off your car, get a hotel for the next few maybe weeks or
months until our next little Cryptid road trip.

(01:13:35):
Because next week we might be getting into some more and what
happened will that'll be the only for the viewers on the
video, so. Nope, I I don't know what's
going on. I was here too.
You didn't miss anything. OK, well, next week we're going

(01:13:56):
to get into some more. Yes, yes, next week.
We are not going to tell you what we're going to get into.
I was just kidding on the last few bits of it.
We shall see, but thank you all for listening to this episode,
and if you have a chance to signup for a Patreon, it's literally
free. You get some fun content like

(01:14:17):
our Midnight Mass show 2 * a month and our Cup of Joey 1 * a
month, plus a crap ton of other stuff that comes out in and out
pretty quickly pretty easily. We have a lot of fun doing
stuff, and we just throw stuff up there randomly that we enjoy
doing. So these are all specifically
Patreon content, they're almost all free too, so you'll get to

(01:14:37):
enjoy them for just signing up. And remember, you don't want to
pay. Can if you want, helps us out
and Gil can promise you, you will enjoy it.
I promise you will enjoy. It and we want to say here's
cheers to our Patreon members sofar.

(01:14:59):
We want to thank Tim, Max, Ian Morgan, Dragon Ball, Miller's
Monsters, Marissa, Leader of theChicken Cult, Rachel Ave.
Jayden, Jackie Lucas, Yellow Bear, Dwayne Alyssa, Free
Michael, Paranormal Podcast, James and always But last not

(01:15:24):
least. Copy this Kitty.
Hey Wampus Kitty, Copy Kitty, thank you so much.
All Happy Kitty is just the Wampus Kitty of Texas.
That's true. Gil, do you have anything else
you would like to add? Do we got any more news?
Do we got anything? Huh.

(01:15:47):
No, my brain is still recoveringfrom Ronald True.
Yeah, my brain is off, baby, buthope y'all's brain is on.
Yeah, I got nothing. I got nothing.
Cool. I just want to say this was a
little breath mint, you know, just a little mint in there in

(01:16:08):
between of our like big series is that we do we like to have
like a little palate cleanser just to get back into the mood.
It's always fun little Cryptid stuff, but we will be getting
back into some fun stuff for youguys.
So, as always, we love you and.

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123 | Pt 2 | Cryptid Road Trip | Unveiling The Mysteries of the Pacific Northwest

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}123 | Pt 2 | Cryptid Road Trip | Unveiling The Mysteries of the Pacific Northwest