January 12, 2022 • 24 mins
This week we sit down with Julia Royster. She teaches us that "living your best life" means living in your truth and not the truth of someone else. It means living the life that you were meant to live and being okay with it deep down inside yourself and not based on what others think, believe, or approve of.
This week's episode of Black Family Table Talk podcast/blog is sponsored by Frans Body Care.
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Julia Royston (00:02):
I'm like, you know what if I ever get out of
here, but ever get a chance todo what I love full time, now I
was still doing it, been doingmy thing for 20 years, but I'm
like if I ever get a chance tobe able to do what I love full
time, as they say bet on blackme. Oh, I'm going all out.
Tony (00:23):
Welcome to season six of Black Family Table Talk. We are
your host, Tony and Tony.
Listening weekly as we shareunique stories that inspire,
build and give voice tostrengthen black families.
Toni Henson (00:37):
This season is sponsored by Frans body care.
These are handmade products madefrom organic ingredients. I
personally recommend you tryFree Me deodorant. It really
works! And it's free ofaluminum, taupe perfumes and
other harmful pore cloggingsubstances. You can shop these
and other black businesses onour website at
(00:59):
BlackFamilyTableTalk.com.
We appreciate you we know this.
This has been a long timecoming. And we so happy to have
you. Miss Julia Royston, Welcometo Black Family Table Talk!
Julia Royston (01:13):
Thank you. Thank you. So glad to be here.
Tony (01:15):
Welcome!
Toni Henson (01:16):
So tell us your story, you've got a very, very
positive spin on everything youdo. And I absolutely love that.
We need your energy on thisearth is.
Julia Royston (01:32):
Well, thank you so much for having me. My
parents said that I was prettypositive and an extrovert at
birth. So it kind of comesnaturally for me. My story
started, I was married before,in 1994, I was getting my first
master's and going throughdivorce at the same time. So
(01:53):
getting a degree and a divorceat the same time is not very
positive. It's extremelynegative, and very emotional.
But what was very therapeuticfor me was the ability to
journal so as soon as I had mydegree in my hand, I started
journaling. As a matter of fact,it had nothing to do with my
divorce. It had nothing to dowith the hardships I had endured
(02:16):
the years before. It hadeverything to do with a bright
future. I knew with that degreein my hand, and the future was
bright. So I really strive toinstill that in everything I do.
I write in multiple genres. Sotherefore, I want to instill
that to the next generation. Inmy children's books. I want to
(02:38):
empower adult women in what theydo. I want to empower those who
are entrepreneurs, or start onthe entrepreneur journey,
because as you will know, it isnot for the faint of heart. And
so therefore, I really strive toempower, educate, but also
encourage as I go along thejourney. I've been teased often
(03:01):
I have one of my clients whotell me, Julius, social media is
so boring. It has nocontroversy. It's all that you
can do it, you can be it, youcan have it- all that
encouragement scriptures.
Positivity. Whoo! It's soboring. No drama. I'm like, No,
it's not that I don't have dramagoing on in my life. I just
(03:22):
don't need to share with theworld. I don't need that. And I
don't want to exude that for mybrand.
Toni Henson (03:29):
I love that. I love that. So how did you get started
with this whole live your bestlife thing? How did that come
about? You know, you talkedabout your journey through
through getting a divorce andtrying to get a master's degree
at the same time, which is in ofitself on so many levels
challenging?
Julia Royston (03:47):
Yes, on so many levels.
Toni Henson (03:49):
What did it culminate into?
Julia Royston (03:51):
Well, it culminated into a second
master's or doctorate and all ofthat, educationally wise, and
then entrepreneurship, marryinga new great husband. That's the
reason why I'm able to be on theroad and travel and do as much
as I can because I connectedwith the right person. So
(04:12):
therefore, I mean, I reallyencourage that a lot, too, as
well. My husband is BrianRoyston. And, entrepreneurial
single women is like I want myBrian as a baby. He's already
taken. He's already mine. ButI'm praying that God sent you
yours. Now, as far as live yourbest life. I'm a retired teacher
(04:34):
and librarian. So I wascorporate law, medical, school
libraries for 30 years andsimultaneously, I was also the
computer technology teacher. Ikind of did that at the same
time so therefore, sittingthere, teaching children, as
they say, being cussed out byeight year olds. I'm like, You
(04:56):
know what, if I ever get out ofhere, if I ever get a chance to
do what I love full time, now Iwas still doing it, been doing
my thing for 20 years. But I'mlike, if I ever get a chance to
be able to do what I love fulltime, as they say bet on black
me, oh, I'm going all out. Andso therefore when I was
(05:18):
approached about having abroadcast and having a show, and
and having a podcast, I said, Iwanted it to be live your best
life, because I want it not tobe my life but I want you to
live your best life.
I want to bring helpful tools,people, information to help you
live your best life. But Iwanted those tools selflessly
(05:39):
for me so that I can live mybest life. Once you have an
opportunity, and the world iswide open to you, and you
control your time, you controlyour efforts, you control what
you do, because my husband'sretired too, as well. So we're
to retirees on the road, we arejust like, Ooh, what have we
(05:59):
always wanted to do? Because wecontrol that. No one controls
that. We can say yes, and we cansay no. And we can say, Oh, I'm
gonna stay in the city anotherday or another week. I mean,
whatever we choose. So it's abeautiful thing. But I realize
everybody is in different stagesof their life, that live your
best life for me at 58 istotally different than the 28
(06:21):
year old, who's just gettingstarted, still got a mortgage,
still got a little children,still trying to find a way,
maybe a single mother lookingfor Mr. Wonderful. That whole
facet, but I feel like a part ofmy purpose is to help you live
your best life by saying, Okay,now you can do it, it's gonna be
(06:43):
a minute for you get to be 58.
But along your journey, don'tmake the same mistakes, don't
repeat generational cycles, orgenerational curses. Let's do
better, be better, have betterand do better for the next
generation that might not havebeen done for our generation. So
that's really, in a nutshell,what live your best life all in
a nutshell is and moreimportantly, your best life, not
(07:06):
mine, and not what livingvicariously your parents won't
and Big Momma said you shoulddo. You need to sit down and map
out that strategy for you.
Because at the end of the day,you want no regrets. You want to
live your best life on yourterms.
Tony (07:24):
Julia, let me let me ask you, so you mentioned living
your best life. You mentionedyour age, most women don't get
that age.
Julia Royston (07:31):
I don't care when I was 18 They said I wouldn't
live. They said I wouldn't liveto be 21, so when you live past
21 I don't care nothing abouttelling my age.
Tony (07:41):
That's quite all right. So let me ask you at age 58 and
this stage you are in your liferight now, your second husband
and you're retired, you have alot of flexibility to really
kind of cultivate your bestlife. Yes. What will you tell
your 28 year old self on how tolive her best like if you can go
(08:01):
back and speak to her.
Julia Royston (08:03):
Keep going. Don't stop you have what it takes
those gifts, talents andabilities that you think are
hard right now are gonna come inhandy in that next life. Drop
negativity, people are gonnahate forever, people are gonna
hate and be jealous of youforever. Love hard, work hard,
(08:23):
but play harder. I don't thinkI'm kind of a workaholic. So I
don't relax as much as I shouldor could. I'm learning how to do
that now. My husband's helpingme with that. But probably then
I was just on my grind and neverdid stop to smell the roses,
cups of tea and coffee and andeven if it's a peanut butter and
(08:46):
jelly sandwich by the back riverwith a lawn chair. Taking that
self care time for you and thenrealizing my 28 self, girl you
in the pramod life, keep goinggirl! Keep going! You are worth
it. You are enough. You haveenough. Back then it's all about
self doubt. It's all about howyou look. Are you small enough?
(09:11):
Which I never was but are youthin enough? Are you cute
enough? Do I need weave, do Ineed hair. You are enough.
Tony (09:19):
A follow up to that because you mentioned some life
trappings, living for others,living for your parents, living
for your friends. Theresponsibility of trying to find
a husband, should I havechildren. All those things. How
do you tell a young person tolive their best life when you
got all of that on you. You'retrying to live for everybody
(09:41):
else, you're not really livingfor yourself, trying to make
everybody else happy. So goingback, how would you do things
differently and move forward?
Julia Royston (09:49):
Well, I was a real people pleaser. I mean, I'm
who I am now because you have tohave those experiences. You have
to have those disappointmentsand some things be avoided, it's
just a part of life. So, youhave to, I wish I could go back
and relive but some of it, Idon't want to relive, I don't
(10:09):
want to go back through it. ButI am who I am today, just
because I endured it, I wentthrough it. And so therefore
having that private time ofsitting down devotional prayer,
meditation, whatever you do,yoga, have you get it, but
centering yourself, based onyou, and not, not on waiting
(10:32):
20/30/40 years until eitheryou're don't have the energy or
you don't have the money to doit. Now, this generation of 20,
somethings, they kind of clearon what they want. The
millennials, they really have anidea, they don't have a problem
doing different. Me, I was still80s graduating from high school,
(10:54):
and it was all about then, thezen and they got a whole lot
more options. They got diversityand inclusive, when I start
seeing commercials, and the maincharacter is about a 20 to 24
size, I know we've come a longway from the 80s. When I started
seeing the diversity of biracialcouples, children, all of that
(11:16):
it's a little bit more open. SoI don't think the 28 year olds
now do not have the pressure,they're really living their best
life. And I'm gonna do it on myterms. I don't care who now as
far as me, it was a learnedlesson. It took a while, it took
(11:38):
the hurt, the tears, pain, andall of that to realize, when I
was 38, almost headed to 40like, come on bigger, what you
gonna do? How are you going todo this? Because they do what
they want to do, are you goingto ever do what you want to do?
So that's the biggest thing. Andit is a lot, and making that
decision to not have children. Idon't have children, my husband
(12:00):
doesn't have children, either.
And making that decision to bethe great aunt and uncle that we
are, is a decision that we hadto make and people like I can't
believe it. I know me. Sogetting to know you is really
key to that as well. What othersthink and keeping people from
the inside of you, and keepingthem on the outside saying thank
(12:23):
you for your opinion, I really,you know, that's good. And that
worked for you. But that's notgonna work for me.
Toni Henson (12:30):
I really think it's so important to keep having
these conversations. And becauseI think what happens is we get
into a grind. And then we don'treally realize that we know that
intellectually. Everything yousaid, everybody really truly
knows that intellectually, butwe get into a grind and before
we know we were in the habit ofthe grind, and not able to come
(12:55):
out of it. I absolutely love,love, love that you are talking
it and continue to talk it inspite of what you said in the
beginning. When you said, why isit all this positivity? Because
I think that that's thenarrative that we need to
promote. Here's a quickquestion. What do you wish you
(13:17):
knew when you started out thatyou didn't know, that you know
now, but you wish you'd knownbefore you started?
Julia Royston (13:24):
Ooh, this started my businesses are started. Um, I
wish I had been better moneymanager. I wish I had saved
more. I wish I had been aninvestor. My current husband's
big on that. So I'm playingcatch up as far as that's
concerned. I wish I hadn'twasted as much money on the
(13:47):
outward appearance as I did.
Now, I want to be cute. I liketo dress but going into debt for
it really at this juncture wasnot worth it because culture has
changed. And so the only addedis then it was it was a bigger
deal about how you looked on theoutside, because people accepted
(14:08):
you or rejected you a lot onwhat you your parents. So I
spent a lot of time, I sang inchurch, I spent a lot of time on
stage. So that have dictated alot but I wish I had been a
better saver and a betterinvestor. That's one of the main
regret I really have. Everythingelse, just came with life. But
(14:29):
that was a choice that I madeand didn't make.
Tony (14:35):
That was very powerful.
You sound like someone who'sgrounded in faith. How how did
that play a role and in yourjourney?
Julia Royston (14:45):
It's everything.
It's everything. It's the reasonwhy I'm able to sit here still
clothed, and in my right mind.
They brought me to church at sixweeks old, but it wasn't the
church's response. My parentswere committed to raising their
own children. They didn't bringme to church and say y'all
(15:08):
raised them, it was just a partof my whole life. So even though
I was raised Pentecostal, veryfundamentalist, apostolic, we
had a whole life. We didparticipate in activities at
school. We're active incommunity activities. We did
(15:29):
travel. We did take vacations.
My sisters did learn how toswim. We did go to the beach. So
we had a whole life. And then myfather was a teacher in the day
and then we had a janitorservice in the evening. We had
at one time 50 employees, soentrepreneurship was just a part
of our whole life. But we had awhole life. It was work hard,
(15:52):
play hard. Enjoy your life, too,as well. So believing God was
going to help you and do it wasjust not a fantasy now. A lot of
people say, Oh, I'm waiting onthe Lord. Well, no, boo, what
you doing. We believe the faithwithout work to do. So we
believe in a lot of working. Butwe also believe God was going to
(16:16):
open the door, if you preparedyourself, if you educated
yourself, if you controlledyourself and discipline
yourself, you would have thefavor of God on your life. But
coming into empty handed, youhaven't done any preparation.
You haven't done any work, youhaven't put any effort in, you
have invested your time, moneyand effort in any any part,
(16:38):
Okay, well, you just sit thereand still hope and pray. But
results require work. Resultsrequire effort. Results require
faith and going to school. Faithand putting in the effort, and
all of that working together,not just one part and not the
(16:59):
other.
Tony (17:02):
Amen. Toni, I got one follow up question. So as you
gone through life, and you haddifferent trials and errors,
what would you say was yourturning point? What was your aha
moment that you said, Okay, thisis not working. I'm going in
different direction. Youmentioned the difficulties of
(17:23):
your first marriage and, andgoing through graduate school,
getting your masters andeverything. Was it during that
time before that time after thattime? Or what was that light
bulb moment for you?
Julia Royston (17:34):
Okay, so, have you ever seen the Eddie Murphy
stand up? It's back in the 80s.
I think he had the red jumpsuit,the purple suit on. When he
said, as long as a black womanis crying and fussing and
cussing you out, you're good togo. But when she goes calm on
you and shuts down and doesn'tsay anything, you're in big
(17:56):
trouble. Well, that's me. Aslong as I've caught crying I
said, Okay. And that was my ahamoment, with as far as my ex
husband, and the same to thisday, as long as I'm trying to
figure it out and get a solutionand you're still not, then I
finally go silent on you. Mycurrent husband will tell you,
(18:18):
uh-oh, Julie's not talking.
That's not a good thing. Becausethat means I have made a
decision. That means I clearlyweighed all my options,
determine what you're going todo and what you're not going to
do, and how much it cost and thepath to take. That social media
(18:41):
famous thing move in silence.
That's me. I arrived and theysay, Oh, she's here. Yes.
Because while I'm waiting andtalking, okay, you still got a
chance to change my mind butwhen I go solid on you, it was
during all of that. When I ambegging you and please you, Oh,
come on, come on, we're goingback and forth. And what about
(19:01):
this? What about that? But whenI finally said, Okay- you're in
deep trouble. It means I'mmaking moves for myself without
you. That means I'm determininga path and a plan for my life
that doesn't include you. Wedon't have to fight and fallout.
(19:21):
It just goes silence. And thenyou know, it's over. It's done.
Even in business today, I don'thave a "You can go on my page.
You can go all my social media."I'm not calling anybody out. I
just don't answer the phone. Wedon't do lunch. I clearly do
silence and we move head into atotally different direction.
(19:46):
You'll see me somewhere else.
And those are my aha momentswhen I'm when I'm done. I'm
done.
Tony (19:54):
So what you just mentioned was kind of contrary to being a
people pleaser. So you no longerpeople pleaser now?
Julia Royston (20:01):
No, I'm no longer a people pleaser unless it's a
client. That's paying me somereal money. And then I want to
make you happy that you continuebeing a client. But after that,
no, I'm done with that. Myhusband, Brian Royston helped me
with that. He helped me clearlywith that, and, and no means no.
(20:23):
And I even had a shirt on "noand no". He's always concerned
that people are going to takeadvantage of me. And he's like,
no, and no. If you didn't getthe first No, you're going to
get the second No.
Toni Henson (20:38):
I love it. Last question. What are the three
things that you want people totake away about Julia Royston
and her journey? What are thethree things that absolutely
want hands down, want people toknow.
Julia Royston (20:54):
There is a purpose and a plan for your
life. It's going to take timefor you to discover it. But know
that there is a purpose andplan. Be not dismayed. God will
open up a door and provide away. The second thing is, once
you discover your purpose andplan, you've got to work it,
it's not going to be handed toyou. It's not going to be
(21:19):
without effort, sweat, andtears. And then number three,
you're going to have to investin that work, you're going to
have to invest in it. As amatter of fact, I was recently
told, We don't get any of thebehind the scenes because you,
you make it look so easy. Peoplethink anybody can do it. And
they don't see the effort, theydon't see the work that goes
(21:40):
into it. So you might need tostart a video blog so that you
show people the behind thescenes, the packing the car, the
messy hotel room, thepreparation, the what goes into
what you do every day. I know mypurpose, I know the path that
(22:01):
I'm on, and I'm willing to workfor it. But I'm also willing to
invest my blood, sweat andtears, money, time and effort to
get that done and get thataccomplished. So those are my
top three things. It's all aboutwhatsoever a man do shall
prosper.
Tony (22:19):
Amen.
Toni Henson (22:20):
Julia how can people get in touch with you?
Julia Royston (22:24):
They can go to solo.to forward slash
JuliaARoyston that haseverything there. I know. It
looks like a strange website.
but believe you me it's a onepager, it has my social media,
all my bookstores, all my otherwebsites, it's all there. So
solo.to forward slashJuliaARoyston for everything you
want that's Julia Roystonrelated
Toni Henson (22:49):
Awesome. That's Black Family Table Talk!
Tony (22:53):
That's what's up! That concludes this week's talk. We
hope you found some tools to addto your strong black family
toolbox. And be sure to sign upfor a free subscription at
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(23:35):
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(23:56):
LLC production.
I'm like, you know what if I ever get out of
here, but ever get a chance todo what I love full time, now I
was still doing it, been doingmy thing for 20 years, but I'm
like if I ever get a chance tobe able to do what I love full
time, as they say bet on blackme. Oh, I'm going all out.
Tony (00:23):
Welcome to season six of Black Family Table Talk. We are
your host, Tony and Tony.
Listening weekly as we shareunique stories that inspire,
build and give voice tostrengthen black families.
Toni Henson (00:37):
This season is sponsored by Frans body care.
These are handmade products madefrom organic ingredients. I
personally recommend you tryFree Me deodorant. It really
works! And it's free ofaluminum, taupe perfumes and
other harmful pore cloggingsubstances. You can shop these
and other black businesses onour website at
(00:59):
BlackFamilyTableTalk.com.
We appreciate you we know this.
This has been a long timecoming. And we so happy to have
you. Miss Julia Royston, Welcometo Black Family Table Talk!
Julia Royston (01:13):
Thank you. Thank you. So glad to be here.
Tony (01:15):
Welcome!
Toni Henson (01:16):
So tell us your story, you've got a very, very
positive spin on everything youdo. And I absolutely love that.
We need your energy on thisearth is.
Julia Royston (01:32):
Well, thank you so much for having me. My
parents said that I was prettypositive and an extrovert at
birth. So it kind of comesnaturally for me. My story
started, I was married before,in 1994, I was getting my first
master's and going throughdivorce at the same time. So
(01:53):
getting a degree and a divorceat the same time is not very
positive. It's extremelynegative, and very emotional.
But what was very therapeuticfor me was the ability to
journal so as soon as I had mydegree in my hand, I started
journaling. As a matter of fact,it had nothing to do with my
divorce. It had nothing to dowith the hardships I had endured
(02:16):
the years before. It hadeverything to do with a bright
future. I knew with that degreein my hand, and the future was
bright. So I really strive toinstill that in everything I do.
I write in multiple genres. Sotherefore, I want to instill
that to the next generation. Inmy children's books. I want to
(02:38):
empower adult women in what theydo. I want to empower those who
are entrepreneurs, or start onthe entrepreneur journey,
because as you will know, it isnot for the faint of heart. And
so therefore, I really strive toempower, educate, but also
encourage as I go along thejourney. I've been teased often
(03:01):
I have one of my clients whotell me, Julius, social media is
so boring. It has nocontroversy. It's all that you
can do it, you can be it, youcan have it- all that
encouragement scriptures.
Positivity. Whoo! It's soboring. No drama. I'm like, No,
it's not that I don't have dramagoing on in my life. I just
(03:22):
don't need to share with theworld. I don't need that. And I
don't want to exude that for mybrand.
Toni Henson (03:29):
I love that. I love that. So how did you get started
with this whole live your bestlife thing? How did that come
about? You know, you talkedabout your journey through
through getting a divorce andtrying to get a master's degree
at the same time, which is in ofitself on so many levels
challenging?
Julia Royston (03:47):
Yes, on so many levels.
Toni Henson (03:49):
What did it culminate into?
Julia Royston (03:51):
Well, it culminated into a second
master's or doctorate and all ofthat, educationally wise, and
then entrepreneurship, marryinga new great husband. That's the
reason why I'm able to be on theroad and travel and do as much
as I can because I connectedwith the right person. So
(04:12):
therefore, I mean, I reallyencourage that a lot, too, as
well. My husband is BrianRoyston. And, entrepreneurial
single women is like I want myBrian as a baby. He's already
taken. He's already mine. ButI'm praying that God sent you
yours. Now, as far as live yourbest life. I'm a retired teacher
(04:34):
and librarian. So I wascorporate law, medical, school
libraries for 30 years andsimultaneously, I was also the
computer technology teacher. Ikind of did that at the same
time so therefore, sittingthere, teaching children, as
they say, being cussed out byeight year olds. I'm like, You
(04:56):
know what, if I ever get out ofhere, if I ever get a chance to
do what I love full time, now Iwas still doing it, been doing
my thing for 20 years. But I'mlike, if I ever get a chance to
be able to do what I love fulltime, as they say bet on black
me, oh, I'm going all out. Andso therefore when I was
(05:18):
approached about having abroadcast and having a show, and
and having a podcast, I said, Iwanted it to be live your best
life, because I want it not tobe my life but I want you to
live your best life.
I want to bring helpful tools,people, information to help you
live your best life. But Iwanted those tools selflessly
(05:39):
for me so that I can live mybest life. Once you have an
opportunity, and the world iswide open to you, and you
control your time, you controlyour efforts, you control what
you do, because my husband'sretired too, as well. So we're
to retirees on the road, we arejust like, Ooh, what have we
(05:59):
always wanted to do? Because wecontrol that. No one controls
that. We can say yes, and we cansay no. And we can say, Oh, I'm
gonna stay in the city anotherday or another week. I mean,
whatever we choose. So it's abeautiful thing. But I realize
everybody is in different stagesof their life, that live your
best life for me at 58 istotally different than the 28
(06:21):
year old, who's just gettingstarted, still got a mortgage,
still got a little children,still trying to find a way,
maybe a single mother lookingfor Mr. Wonderful. That whole
facet, but I feel like a part ofmy purpose is to help you live
your best life by saying, Okay,now you can do it, it's gonna be
(06:43):
a minute for you get to be 58.
But along your journey, don'tmake the same mistakes, don't
repeat generational cycles, orgenerational curses. Let's do
better, be better, have betterand do better for the next
generation that might not havebeen done for our generation. So
that's really, in a nutshell,what live your best life all in
a nutshell is and moreimportantly, your best life, not
(07:06):
mine, and not what livingvicariously your parents won't
and Big Momma said you shoulddo. You need to sit down and map
out that strategy for you.
Because at the end of the day,you want no regrets. You want to
live your best life on yourterms.
Tony (07:24):
Julia, let me let me ask you, so you mentioned living
your best life. You mentionedyour age, most women don't get
that age.
Julia Royston (07:31):
I don't care when I was 18 They said I wouldn't
live. They said I wouldn't liveto be 21, so when you live past
21 I don't care nothing abouttelling my age.
Tony (07:41):
That's quite all right. So let me ask you at age 58 and
this stage you are in your liferight now, your second husband
and you're retired, you have alot of flexibility to really
kind of cultivate your bestlife. Yes. What will you tell
your 28 year old self on how tolive her best like if you can go
(08:01):
back and speak to her.
Julia Royston (08:03):
Keep going. Don't stop you have what it takes
those gifts, talents andabilities that you think are
hard right now are gonna come inhandy in that next life. Drop
negativity, people are gonnahate forever, people are gonna
hate and be jealous of youforever. Love hard, work hard,
(08:23):
but play harder. I don't thinkI'm kind of a workaholic. So I
don't relax as much as I shouldor could. I'm learning how to do
that now. My husband's helpingme with that. But probably then
I was just on my grind and neverdid stop to smell the roses,
cups of tea and coffee and andeven if it's a peanut butter and
(08:46):
jelly sandwich by the back riverwith a lawn chair. Taking that
self care time for you and thenrealizing my 28 self, girl you
in the pramod life, keep goinggirl! Keep going! You are worth
it. You are enough. You haveenough. Back then it's all about
self doubt. It's all about howyou look. Are you small enough?
(09:11):
Which I never was but are youthin enough? Are you cute
enough? Do I need weave, do Ineed hair. You are enough.
Tony (09:19):
A follow up to that because you mentioned some life
trappings, living for others,living for your parents, living
for your friends. Theresponsibility of trying to find
a husband, should I havechildren. All those things. How
do you tell a young person tolive their best life when you
got all of that on you. You'retrying to live for everybody
(09:41):
else, you're not really livingfor yourself, trying to make
everybody else happy. So goingback, how would you do things
differently and move forward?
Julia Royston (09:49):
Well, I was a real people pleaser. I mean, I'm
who I am now because you have tohave those experiences. You have
to have those disappointmentsand some things be avoided, it's
just a part of life. So, youhave to, I wish I could go back
and relive but some of it, Idon't want to relive, I don't
(10:09):
want to go back through it. ButI am who I am today, just
because I endured it, I wentthrough it. And so therefore
having that private time ofsitting down devotional prayer,
meditation, whatever you do,yoga, have you get it, but
centering yourself, based onyou, and not, not on waiting
(10:32):
20/30/40 years until eitheryou're don't have the energy or
you don't have the money to doit. Now, this generation of 20,
somethings, they kind of clearon what they want. The
millennials, they really have anidea, they don't have a problem
doing different. Me, I was still80s graduating from high school,
(10:54):
and it was all about then, thezen and they got a whole lot
more options. They got diversityand inclusive, when I start
seeing commercials, and the maincharacter is about a 20 to 24
size, I know we've come a longway from the 80s. When I started
seeing the diversity of biracialcouples, children, all of that
(11:16):
it's a little bit more open. SoI don't think the 28 year olds
now do not have the pressure,they're really living their best
life. And I'm gonna do it on myterms. I don't care who now as
far as me, it was a learnedlesson. It took a while, it took
(11:38):
the hurt, the tears, pain, andall of that to realize, when I
was 38, almost headed to 40like, come on bigger, what you
gonna do? How are you going todo this? Because they do what
they want to do, are you goingto ever do what you want to do?
So that's the biggest thing. Andit is a lot, and making that
decision to not have children. Idon't have children, my husband
(12:00):
doesn't have children, either.
And making that decision to bethe great aunt and uncle that we
are, is a decision that we hadto make and people like I can't
believe it. I know me. Sogetting to know you is really
key to that as well. What othersthink and keeping people from
the inside of you, and keepingthem on the outside saying thank
(12:23):
you for your opinion, I really,you know, that's good. And that
worked for you. But that's notgonna work for me.
Toni Henson (12:30):
I really think it's so important to keep having
these conversations. And becauseI think what happens is we get
into a grind. And then we don'treally realize that we know that
intellectually. Everything yousaid, everybody really truly
knows that intellectually, butwe get into a grind and before
we know we were in the habit ofthe grind, and not able to come
(12:55):
out of it. I absolutely love,love, love that you are talking
it and continue to talk it inspite of what you said in the
beginning. When you said, why isit all this positivity? Because
I think that that's thenarrative that we need to
promote. Here's a quickquestion. What do you wish you
(13:17):
knew when you started out thatyou didn't know, that you know
now, but you wish you'd knownbefore you started?
Julia Royston (13:24):
Ooh, this started my businesses are started. Um, I
wish I had been better moneymanager. I wish I had saved
more. I wish I had been aninvestor. My current husband's
big on that. So I'm playingcatch up as far as that's
concerned. I wish I hadn'twasted as much money on the
(13:47):
outward appearance as I did.
Now, I want to be cute. I liketo dress but going into debt for
it really at this juncture wasnot worth it because culture has
changed. And so the only addedis then it was it was a bigger
deal about how you looked on theoutside, because people accepted
(14:08):
you or rejected you a lot onwhat you your parents. So I
spent a lot of time, I sang inchurch, I spent a lot of time on
stage. So that have dictated alot but I wish I had been a
better saver and a betterinvestor. That's one of the main
regret I really have. Everythingelse, just came with life. But
(14:29):
that was a choice that I madeand didn't make.
Tony (14:35):
That was very powerful.
You sound like someone who'sgrounded in faith. How how did
that play a role and in yourjourney?
Julia Royston (14:45):
It's everything.
It's everything. It's the reasonwhy I'm able to sit here still
clothed, and in my right mind.
They brought me to church at sixweeks old, but it wasn't the
church's response. My parentswere committed to raising their
own children. They didn't bringme to church and say y'all
(15:08):
raised them, it was just a partof my whole life. So even though
I was raised Pentecostal, veryfundamentalist, apostolic, we
had a whole life. We didparticipate in activities at
school. We're active incommunity activities. We did
(15:29):
travel. We did take vacations.
My sisters did learn how toswim. We did go to the beach. So
we had a whole life. And then myfather was a teacher in the day
and then we had a janitorservice in the evening. We had
at one time 50 employees, soentrepreneurship was just a part
of our whole life. But we had awhole life. It was work hard,
(15:52):
play hard. Enjoy your life, too,as well. So believing God was
going to help you and do it wasjust not a fantasy now. A lot of
people say, Oh, I'm waiting onthe Lord. Well, no, boo, what
you doing. We believe the faithwithout work to do. So we
believe in a lot of working. Butwe also believe God was going to
(16:16):
open the door, if you preparedyourself, if you educated
yourself, if you controlledyourself and discipline
yourself, you would have thefavor of God on your life. But
coming into empty handed, youhaven't done any preparation.
You haven't done any work, youhaven't put any effort in, you
have invested your time, moneyand effort in any any part,
(16:38):
Okay, well, you just sit thereand still hope and pray. But
results require work. Resultsrequire effort. Results require
faith and going to school. Faithand putting in the effort, and
all of that working together,not just one part and not the
(16:59):
other.
Tony (17:02):
Amen. Toni, I got one follow up question. So as you
gone through life, and you haddifferent trials and errors,
what would you say was yourturning point? What was your aha
moment that you said, Okay, thisis not working. I'm going in
different direction. Youmentioned the difficulties of
(17:23):
your first marriage and, andgoing through graduate school,
getting your masters andeverything. Was it during that
time before that time after thattime? Or what was that light
bulb moment for you?
Julia Royston (17:34):
Okay, so, have you ever seen the Eddie Murphy
stand up? It's back in the 80s.
I think he had the red jumpsuit,the purple suit on. When he
said, as long as a black womanis crying and fussing and
cussing you out, you're good togo. But when she goes calm on
you and shuts down and doesn'tsay anything, you're in big
(17:56):
trouble. Well, that's me. Aslong as I've caught crying I
said, Okay. And that was my ahamoment, with as far as my ex
husband, and the same to thisday, as long as I'm trying to
figure it out and get a solutionand you're still not, then I
finally go silent on you. Mycurrent husband will tell you,
(18:18):
uh-oh, Julie's not talking.
That's not a good thing. Becausethat means I have made a
decision. That means I clearlyweighed all my options,
determine what you're going todo and what you're not going to
do, and how much it cost and thepath to take. That social media
(18:41):
famous thing move in silence.
That's me. I arrived and theysay, Oh, she's here. Yes.
Because while I'm waiting andtalking, okay, you still got a
chance to change my mind butwhen I go solid on you, it was
during all of that. When I ambegging you and please you, Oh,
come on, come on, we're goingback and forth. And what about
(19:01):
this? What about that? But whenI finally said, Okay- you're in
deep trouble. It means I'mmaking moves for myself without
you. That means I'm determininga path and a plan for my life
that doesn't include you. Wedon't have to fight and fallout.
(19:21):
It just goes silence. And thenyou know, it's over. It's done.
Even in business today, I don'thave a "You can go on my page.
You can go all my social media."I'm not calling anybody out. I
just don't answer the phone. Wedon't do lunch. I clearly do
silence and we move head into atotally different direction.
(19:46):
You'll see me somewhere else.
And those are my aha momentswhen I'm when I'm done. I'm
done.
Tony (19:54):
So what you just mentioned was kind of contrary to being a
people pleaser. So you no longerpeople pleaser now?
Julia Royston (20:01):
No, I'm no longer a people pleaser unless it's a
client. That's paying me somereal money. And then I want to
make you happy that you continuebeing a client. But after that,
no, I'm done with that. Myhusband, Brian Royston helped me
with that. He helped me clearlywith that, and, and no means no.
(20:23):
And I even had a shirt on "noand no". He's always concerned
that people are going to takeadvantage of me. And he's like,
no, and no. If you didn't getthe first No, you're going to
get the second No.
Toni Henson (20:38):
I love it. Last question. What are the three
things that you want people totake away about Julia Royston
and her journey? What are thethree things that absolutely
want hands down, want people toknow.
Julia Royston (20:54):
There is a purpose and a plan for your
life. It's going to take timefor you to discover it. But know
that there is a purpose andplan. Be not dismayed. God will
open up a door and provide away. The second thing is, once
you discover your purpose andplan, you've got to work it,
it's not going to be handed toyou. It's not going to be
(21:19):
without effort, sweat, andtears. And then number three,
you're going to have to investin that work, you're going to
have to invest in it. As amatter of fact, I was recently
told, We don't get any of thebehind the scenes because you,
you make it look so easy. Peoplethink anybody can do it. And
they don't see the effort, theydon't see the work that goes
(21:40):
into it. So you might need tostart a video blog so that you
show people the behind thescenes, the packing the car, the
messy hotel room, thepreparation, the what goes into
what you do every day. I know mypurpose, I know the path that
(22:01):
I'm on, and I'm willing to workfor it. But I'm also willing to
invest my blood, sweat andtears, money, time and effort to
get that done and get thataccomplished. So those are my
top three things. It's all aboutwhatsoever a man do shall
prosper.
Tony (22:19):
Amen.
Toni Henson (22:20):
Julia how can people get in touch with you?
Julia Royston (22:24):
They can go to solo.to forward slash
JuliaARoyston that haseverything there. I know. It
looks like a strange website.
but believe you me it's a onepager, it has my social media,
all my bookstores, all my otherwebsites, it's all there. So
solo.to forward slashJuliaARoyston for everything you
want that's Julia Roystonrelated
Toni Henson (22:49):
Awesome. That's Black Family Table Talk!
Tony (22:53):
That's what's up! That concludes this week's talk. We
hope you found some tools to addto your strong black family
toolbox. And be sure to sign upfor a free subscription at
BlackFamilyTableTalk.com forspecial discounts and product
offers reserved exclusively foryou.
Toni Henson (23:13):
Don't forget to tell a friend about our weekly
podcast and blog. Available onApple pod Google, Pandora,
Spotify and everywhere podcastsare heard. Under Section 107 of
the Copyright Act 1976.
allowance is made for fair usefor purposes such as criticism,
comment, news reporting,teaching, scholarship and
(23:35):
research. fair use is a usepermitted by a copyright statute
that may otherwise beinfringing. The news and
opinions expressed on blackfamily tabletop do not
necessarily reflect variousplatform hosts. All topics are
for entertainment purposes onlydiscretion to strongly advise
and all commentary is allegedThis is a Micah six eight media
(23:56):
LLC production.
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