September 9, 2025 • 33 mins
Award-winning comedian, actor and writer Steph Tisdell is one of Australia’s brightest creative forces. Known for her quick wit and powerful storytelling, she uses humour to break down barriers and spark conversations about identity, culture and mental health.
In this episode, host Mundanara Bayles sits down with Steph for an open yarn about what it means to live authentically and use your platform for change. Steph reflects on her journey from aspiring lawyer to celebrated performer, the wisdom she’s received from Elders, and the way running, love and community have shaped her wellbeing. She speaks candidly about representation, self-acceptance and the importance of making space for others to shine.
Steph’s story is one of laughter, courage and deep connection. From viral comedy moments to acclaimed young adult author, she continues to use her voice to challenge stereotypes and open doors for the next generation.
This conversation is open, funny and inspiring - and a reminder that building mental fitness is about courage, connection and showing up as your whole self.
Resources and links
Find out more about Gotcha4Life at www.gotcha4life.org and follow us on Instagram and Facebook @gotcha4life and on Instagram @blackmagicwomanpodcast.
Follow Steph on Instagram
About the podcast
Hosted by award-winning Indigenous businesswoman and Gotcha4Life Board Member Mundanara Bayles, and produced in partnership with Black Magic Woman, Mental Fitness Conversations centres First Nations voices in powerful conversations about culture, connection and what truly sustains mental fitness.
Content note
This episode includes discussion of mental health challenges which may be confronting. Please practise self-care and reach out if you need support. Services available 24/7 include 13YARN on 13 92 76 and Lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Black Cast Unite our voices.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Gotcha for Life and Black Magic Woman podcast acknowledges the
traditional owners of the land which we recorded this episode.
We also acknowledge the traditional owners of the land from
where you the listener or viewer are tuning in. We
would like to pay our respects to elders, both past
and present. We acknowledge that this land always was and
always will be Aboriginal land. This podcast talks about mental health,
(00:32):
suicide and lived experience. If that brings anything up for you,
please take care while listening and remember you don't need
to worry alone. Welcome to Mental Fitness Conversations, a podcast
about how real people build their mental fitness through connection,
community and simple everyday actions. Brought to you by Gotcha
(00:52):
for Life in partnership with Black Magic Woman.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Here's your host, Monda Narrabels.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Hello, are you mob, and welcome back to this exciting
partnership series. We've Got You for Life a foundation that
I feel privileged to sit on the board of. But
this is a opportunity for more Australians and particularly First
Nations peoples to hear about our stories, our people, to
(01:20):
talk about mental health well being, but also talk about culture, connection, community,
resilience and everything that makes us feel black and deadly
and the best person.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I don't think I could think of anyone else.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
After seeing you at the Aboriginal Comedy All Stars first
time ever, got to see you recently and I just
thought to myself, people, if you don't know Steph Tisdal,
she does have a book that we're going to talk about.
But you have been out there making people laugh. And
the first time I saw you was on TV at
(01:55):
the Melbourne Comedy Festival and I thought, oh.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
My god, there's a black woman.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
First time I seen a black woman on stage in
that environment. So, my sister, I'm excited and I hope
you too that are listening to this yarn. Do you
want to introduce yourself? However, you want to introduce yourself
to my listeners? You know your mob, your name, a
little bit about where.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
You grew up.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Ye. So my name is Steph Tisdale. I'm a proud
Yetinji woman. I was born in mont iSER On Calcadoon Country,
but mostly mostly raised in Brisbane the Engine and I
am a comedian, nonpracticing, nonpracticing comedians.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Just I just make people laugh.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
You just be you I'm an actress and a writer
as well, So that's that's me, I suppose, And it
feels weird saying that too, just being like, oh, yeah,
this is what I do. Like when people go, oh,
what do you do for a living? If you stop
for a bit, I think what do I do?
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Whoever?
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Yeah, but also just that they go oh, you're a comedian,
like and you go, yeah, I guess.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I mean, but yes, is it a good thing when
people hear that you're a comedian? What's the next thing
they say? Do they actually crack a joke? Yes, straight away?
Speaker 5 (03:09):
And the one that we go to is this one
time I had a guy during Melbourne Comedy Festival. A
lot of the tourist things are free for comedians, and
I was like, well, that's fine. I've never done any
touristy things in Melbourne. And so I went to the
that tall building and I said, oh, is there a
discount for comedians?
Speaker 4 (03:24):
And he was like no, and I was so embarrassed.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
And then he went why why are you a comedian?
And I went no, yeah. But then he goes, here,
I've got a joke for you. And now I've heard
this a million times. This one was the best and
I use it constantly. Tell me, this isn't the best
dad joke you've ever heard? What do you call a
chuck looking at lettuce, a chicken caesar salad?
Speaker 3 (03:48):
You know, thinking about you know, cracking jokes and you know,
making people laugh and sometimes even taken the piss out
of our ourselves and ours, our families, our mob, some
of the chaos and stuff and kind of turn.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
It into a bit of a comedy.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
I think our lives are fascinating as black fellows, all
different people, we come from, all walks of life. We
are not one people in a sense, we're not one
homogeneous group.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
Yes, well, this has been someone I've been quite passionate about, right,
like diversity within diversity in that and it's always been
something that the reason why I'm passionate about it is
because I've always struggled to I always stressed that I
wasn't black enough, like my whole life right, So I
grew up in middle class suburban Brisbane with no black
(04:41):
fellows anywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Like.
Speaker 5 (04:42):
My parents were business owners and super busy. We didn't
see them a lot, We didn't get the opportunity to
go home a lot, because they were so busy, and
the reason why they were so busy. A big part
of it was that Mum was like, well, my old
people didn't fight for nothing. I'm going to be successful
and I'm going to make sure each of you kids
gets into UNI and.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
All of that, right.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
But she wasn't mucking around, no.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
But the sort of sad part of that was then
that we were kind of stuck in a very white
world and you don't get to explore that until you're
a certain age, and then by the time that you do,
you wonder did I do it rite or did I
do it wrong?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
And I'm different.
Speaker 5 (05:19):
Yeah, And I wanted to tell that yng because I
know that's a really common yarn, especially for blackfellows in
metro areas.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Talking about the book, well, that's exactly yeah, Well that's
why I put.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
That in the book, right, what I'm exactly right, because
the book was kind of it was funny. They approached
me after I went viral comedy and they were like, oh,
we haven't seen a voice like this before, so would
you write a book? And I went yeah, and I said,
but I'm writing sci fi and they went okay, well
we just sort of and I went I want to
write a sci fi started writing and then they said, oh,
we just need to see it a sample of your writing.
(05:52):
And the only thing that I could write about was
my experience as a black woman, and they went, that's
kind of what we want to read instead of sci fi.
Sounds cool, but that feels like that's a bit easier
for you. I was like, don't put me in a box.
And then I and I really need to tell this
this yarn, like just of the we when we've shown
black followers in different areas, the representation is often people
(06:13):
who are super connected or people that have had a
lot of real difficulties. Like there's a lot of like
trauma trauma impacted have one hundred percent and we all
carry that trauma. But I wanted to show that kind
of the disconnection and what like the trauma that that
itself brings, and that it's not always that you know
(06:36):
that you've been downtrodden for like I don't know how
to describe I don't know why I've lost my words.
I would say this, and I'm not trying to speak
for you, but a lot of us that are kind
of it's not that we're stuck in our trauma, but
sometimes fear was like there's no there's no light at
(06:56):
the end of the tunnel. Whereas in my aunt always
said to me always, she said, you're not a victim.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
You're not a victim. When you think about our people.
We're owners and runners of country.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
And it wasn't that long ago that we were running
an entire country.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And we run this country.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Without any interference for thousands of years.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
So you speak from that point of view as an
owner and run of country, not from a victim.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
I think it's so important, right because I think what happened,
I think everybody's searching for reason, right, and we have
so many reasons to.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Feel the way that we feel as black fathers.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Like I think there's a lot of pain, and the
pain runs like it's in your genetics, it's in your blood,
you know. And I think the side effect of that
kind of knowing what's wrong is that we I think
we turn on ourselves. I think that's what happens, do
you know what I mean? Like, we're so afraid of
getting the messaging wrong because the messaging has been wrong
(07:59):
for so long that now that we're in control of it,
there's this real fear that if we ever devi eight
from what is seen as the correct messaging, and that
we have to nip it in the bud straight away.
And like I've been, I've been at the receiving end
of that, and it's hard because you go, but my
intention is this, and it's it's so hard to know
(08:20):
the difference between intentionality versus the outcome of something, And
at what point do you take responsibility for that?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
You know, like, how did you bounce back from that moment?
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Because I watched that publicly play out on social media.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Oh, I almost took my life several times. It was
a really hard time for me.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
At the same time, I was going through a DV
relationship and was leaving that and you know, fearing for
my life. And it was probably the hardest time of
my entire life. And I'm not totally sure how I
dealt with it. I think I recognized that I needed
to step back from that, that I needed to build
up a lot more strength to feel confident in saying
(09:01):
the things that I wanted to say.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
I knew why I was saying them.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
I had felt like, as a black woman in a
space where there hadn't really been a lot of black women.
I needed to be edgy and cutthroat and hit right
between the eyes of white followers because I had this
mainstream audience and I thought, if they're listening, I got
to just hit hard. And I think, what's really hard
(09:24):
is that then you end up excluding your own people
from the narrative you're trying to tell.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
And that it came.
Speaker 5 (09:30):
Share and it was so hard because I was like,
but I'm not speaking to that, I'm speaking to this,
you know, And I got this platform. Yeah, and so
I knew why I was doing it, but you know,
when you have to, when you so publicly make a mistake,
it's really hard to know how to deal with it.
And the entire industry of stand up and that whole
(09:52):
sort of world where you're sort of in the public
is incredibly lonely. Like you know, you don't sleep well,
you're performing till late at night, you're eating it. Like
my my weight had gotten out of control, which just
you know, fed back into what the trolls say to you,
and it's this highly pressurized thing and you go, man,
I only did this because I wanted to make a change,
and I want to white people to listen and if
(10:14):
you can make them laugh, you can make it.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
So you achieved that because getting an invitation to like
the Melbourne Comedy Festival or whatever these other mainstream space
says that we have not been.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Invited to for a very long time.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, So would you say that you've achieved what you've
set out to achieve in terms of getting your messages
across and telling it how it is, like it's a
lot of it is just truth telling.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
I think actually for me it felt disingenuous because in
my life I was doing so many things that were
really community focused and mentoring a lot of people and
you know, building a lot of people up, and then
it kind of felt like I had to justify myself
by almost sharing that. I thought, that's not why I'm
doing it, Like I don't want to be that person
who's trying.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
To virtue signal.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
And I recognized that I wasn't strong enough to tell
those things because I knew that my I wanted to
tell the story of what it feels like to have
all of the expectation of being black, you know, like
you want to be and fight for your people, and
then going I'm lacking knowledge and I'm lacking cultural grounding
(11:18):
because I didn't grow up there, and so you feel
like an impostor. Yeah, and so it's it's hard because
you have to speak, you know. It was just so
much pressure.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You're trying to constantly justify Yeah, big do you your identity?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Your existence? Yeah, why you're doing what you're doing?
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah, Oh my gosh, I still think of it like
it's quite it's still obviously quite raw for you as well, yeah,
big time. Well, mental health is in Australia in general, right,
there's a lot of people impacted, but our mob in
particular as well, because of that intergenerational trauma time and
all of the grief loss and trauma and that you know,
(11:59):
sorry business.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Sometimes like I always say, you know, when are we
going to just get together and cele it?
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Prey?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, when can we see each other without going to
a funeral? Well exactly, feel like one hundred you don't
feel right having a laugh with your cousins because someone,
you know, the coffins there, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, so we don't really go to weddings. I've
been at two weddings in my life, two weddings, and
I never knew anyone in my family to get married. Yeah,
(12:27):
and I'm pretty sure one they're probably financial. There's money
behind it, there's reasons behind it. But for mob to
come together, and I love that about our people in
terms of that sense of community. How have you been
able to one ground yourself and culture to keep doing
the work that you're doing.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
I think the thing that saved me when I went
through that time was because I was I was really
afraid that I brought a lot of shame to the family,
you know, And so I called up my elders and
you know, I kind of said, look, this is what
I've done. I want to apologize, and like here's what
I was trying to do. And all of my elders went, yeah,
it's very obvious that's what you're trying to do. I
don't know who's getting at you, you know, And I said, oh, no,
(13:07):
you know, like I see their point and everything. You know,
same time, you know, if you apologize, it makes it
seem like you did have intention. Like that's the whole thing.
It's really hard to know how to handle the situation.
And they said, come up here and just ground yourself
back on the country. And my auntie took me out
to these big carry pines on our like so Lake
(13:28):
Breena up there, that's my country.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
And she took me up to the carry pines.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
They're really old trees and she said, these are your
real elders.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
She went. You know why she made me stand next
to this big tree, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
All over my body.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Yeah, this changed everything for me, it really did. She said,
see these trees here, she said.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Now they've been here. They're thousands of years old.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
She went, They've looked after at least a thousand generations
of your people, right, she went, Now, what I want
you to do is look, they're fatter at the bottom.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
That's like your belly. She went.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
And they got scars all the way up and where
been hit by lightning or fire, you know. And she went,
but they keep on growing up so they can grow
out and they shade, They take care of the land.
They feed us because they've got these nuts on them.
And she went, what they do is they keep on
pushing up so that they can spread their light. And
(14:22):
she went, they got roots underground, and you know, you
need to make sure that your roots are sturdy, and
you just keep on growing up. Don't get caught grown
out at this part. You go up and that's how
you provide. That's how to be generous.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I can imagine stuff in that moment, what it must
have felt like.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Things.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Now, this makes sense to me how our old people
can use our environment, but on our own country even
more powerful.
Speaker 5 (14:48):
And I even just remember, you know, like the kind
of the conversation my Anie was having with me about
you know, kind of how why why well, you know,
got to kind of lean on each other and remember that,
you know, one person can be affected by their own
trauma or their own story, but as a people, we
all come together. And she was explaining about, you know,
(15:10):
when the wattle, when the wattle flowers fall on the
on the creek, right the flowers, then the little bugs
come there. So then the little bugs that live on
top of the water or the tree trunks come out there,
and they might fall into the water, which brings in
the smaller fish, which brings.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
In the bigger fish.
Speaker 5 (15:25):
And so she was just talking about the interconnectedness of everything,
and it just made me go, Okay, well, even if
I have copped this backlash, it's fine. I know that
what it's taught me is that that's not actually the
right world for me. And I'd been quite sad and
lonely in that space anyway, and it'd become quite a
(15:45):
dangerous place to be for the DV stuff anyway, and
I was like, I need to step away from this
because I'm not strong enough to either completely back myself
or to say the right thing in the first instance.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Oh yeah, there's a lot of in our self work
or just time way yeah, yeah, to reflect.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
And it made all the difference in the world because
then I could, I don't know, think about who I
am and what I want and then you know, I
sort of randomly fell into acting and then that felt
like more of a space for me because it's not
lonely and it's supportive, and because every time that I'm
(16:30):
on screen, if I see a script, I go, no, no,
this is a black character now, and I am you know,
bring that.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Advocate what you're what you've learned, you've been able to
now use it in another space, Yeah, to make sure
that yeah, people are well, the.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Coolest thing is the right way.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Yeah, Well, I can advocate in a way that I
couldn't advocate before when it's just yourself it's all wrapped
up in your own biases and your own personal fears
and all of that.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Right.
Speaker 5 (16:56):
But so here's an example of the coolest thing that happened.
So I was approached to write on a BBC show
Australian adaptation of BBC Show and Broke because I'm broke man.
So they say, oh, you know, do you want this
writing job? And I said, look, they said, oh, do
you want to take anything?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
No?
Speaker 5 (17:14):
No, but they said, oh, you want to be the
cultural consultant. And I went, that's not I don't have
knowledge of I don't have enough knowledge of cultural protocol.
I said, like, a cultural consultant is so different to
a writer and I said I'm still learning, you know, yeah,
And I said, you need to distinguish these two. These
are two completely separate roles. If you're asking me to write,
you don't get to ask me to also be the
cultural consultant, you know. And I said, those are two
(17:35):
separate roles. If you want to do this correctly, then
you need to have at least two black writers.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
And a cultural consultant.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
And I thought to myself, I'll just talk myself out
of cash injection I could have used, right, but they
turned around, they went, yeah, you're right, and they gave
me the job plus two other blackfellows.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
And I was like, yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Created space for others to come in.
Speaker 5 (17:55):
Yeah, because I advocated, you know, And I go, okay,
that's that's what I can do. Is that when you're
in spaces where you've I don't know, you get this
like I knew. So I originally studied law and journalism.
I thought I wanted to write policy and give speeches
and be a politician. All that I wanted was to
change things for my people. Right, my Nan was under
(18:16):
the exemption, right, which is still shameful I think for
a lot of black follows. So so your Nan was
exempt from the Protection of Our Brigines Act, which meant
your Nan was a free woman and not.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Still under surveillance.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yes, yeah, yeah, right, anytimes she'd go back under that
Protection Act, but that exemption.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yeah, there's a bit of shame there.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Big shame. I think.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
I think that's still well when you look back at
any of that. We've got all the archives.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Because they had to live white, yeah they did.
Speaker 5 (18:48):
They weren't allowed to speak language, they weren't allowed to
hang with other black follows.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Unless they reproved because are exempted.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
So if you had your exemption certificate, you basically met
the criteria to live a white life.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Yeah, like in the archives, because it was my great granddad.
He like in the archives, it says is good for Abbo, right,
Like it's awful and you spoken about yeah, and it
was because he spoke English and that was like you know,
and then he was indentured labor because all of his
(19:23):
money was sent back to the government and given back
to him in rations, right, but he didn't want the captivity.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Yeah, it was awful.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
It was awful, but it just meant that his the
kids weren't taken right. And so when my mom was
growing up, she said her mum was like, don't talk
about it, you follow the rules because of everything that
she went through. And so it was survival since yeah, yeah, yeah,
big time exactly. But I think all I'm getting at
(19:51):
is that like, basically I think that there is this
this undercurrent that must have existed at the time, just
riadding between the lines and the kind of the the archives,
and that that that was giving up or giving in,
right and so and so I was so passionate, right
because I was like I can see that the disconnection
that I feel is because of all of this. Right,
(20:13):
and so I was like, all I want to do
is create be in spaces where I can change policy
and actually add that people.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Did you go to law school? Yeah, I studied Laura journalist.
That's when I started with this.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
You thought you were going to write policies and advocate
for people. Yeah, because you started looking at the archives.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, when had happened to your yeah, exact great grandfather. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:33):
And then and then I went, okay, I got halfway
through the degree and went, oh my god, this is
the worst. And then I quite accidentally fell into stand
up and it's a long story, but I got dad
to do it, and I did it and it went
really well, right, and I went, now that if I
can build a platform there that.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
You found all exists.
Speaker 5 (20:52):
Yeah, And that's what my elders always saying that my
auntie Annie San she's passed now, but she always said
to me, you know, that's the old people like they
they because every time I'd veer off that path, something's happened, happened.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
We need to get stories out there to the broader community.
But in particular, there's not enough for our own mob.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
No, there's not.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
You can ring one three yarn, I do often, do you.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
That's actually a big thing for me. That's that's what
got me out of that space.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Okay, yeah, so laster.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
You tell people about one three y Yeah, so one
three yarn is it's like lifeline but for black fellows.
And you speak to black people so they get it.
You don't have to spend half your time explaining. And
then this happened. But oh that's only upsetting because of this.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You know, you don't want to tell them everything because
then you feel like you're getting judged.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Yeah, exactly right, honestly, Like, yeah, but one three yarn
they get it. They get all the nuance, they get
all the different parts of it. And I use one
three yarn a lot, especially through that time.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Well, running marathons is a is a big kind of
I don't know, from writing books and being a writer
and then are doing stand up comedy. Yeah, sis, when
I saw your post about this doc go that you're
working on, Yeah, have it running a marathon. I'm not joking.
I haven't said this to my husband. I'm like, if
(22:09):
she can do it, I can yeah, literally on training.
You're training and you've lost a lot of weight. Yes, yes, so.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
At the moment, I've lost thirty three and a half kilos, Yes, I've.
But the biggest coolest thing is just the yeah, the
running and the reason why I decided to run a
marathon was, yeah, my mental health was poor and my
physical health was poor, and I just was like, looked
at through my life, every major trauma has been associated
with a huge weight gain, right, Like, my weight has
(22:38):
always been tied up with my mental health, and I went,
why aren't we talking about that?
Speaker 4 (22:42):
I just couldn't find.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
What I wanted to learn, and so I was like,
all right, I'm going to do a documentary. And the
other side of this is I was like, if I
have a documentary crew with me or producers, then I'm
not allowed to give.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Up, right, It's accountability.
Speaker 5 (22:57):
Yeah, And so I reached out to a producer and
like a few put together something I said to a
production company and they were.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Like, still do it, yeah, And so we started.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
And then I actually had a group of support around
me to help me get in touch with the right people.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
So I'm training with.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
Deadly runners and then as well, my life has completely
changed because the side effects of doing it as a doco, right,
so I have to keep video diaries. I don't know,
there's something you can write something in a with your
pen and paper and read it back and go oh God.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
When you have to look at.
Speaker 5 (23:30):
Your own face and cry to your own self and
then watch it back, you both get perspective and a
little bit more kind of compassion for yourself as well,
you know, like I'm full of self loathing, but having
to watch myself and go, oh, you don't need to
stress that much, steph. You know that kind of being
able to see yourself from a different perspective. So that's helped.
I also stop dating men. That's number one.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Look at sorry shop shop for your fellers.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
This friend of mine, on one of the jobs I
was doing, said aren't you queer? And I went no,
and she went, yes you are. We had a big
yellow maybe I am. Maybe I am, because she just
she just said to me, you know, like it's about people,
and I just went, that is true. I've never given
a ship. And then you never labeled yourself. Well, I
just had always dated men and then.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And yeah, a minute, what are you married up?
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Now?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Are you I've never been happier.
Speaker 5 (24:23):
She's the most wonderful person I've ever show. Jesseurned that way,
She's She's just the most wonderful, beautiful I've never had
a healthy life.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I was going to say to you, who who is
your community?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
How how do they support you? And who are they?
And then you mentioned Jesse.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
Well, Jesse is probably the big one for me, like
at the moment, you know, but my brothers. I'm really
close with my brothers and you know, my mum and
my dad and we've always been quite tight in insula.
I've made it a really big focus of mine ever
since I did the comedy All Stars, because Kevin is
my greatest mentor my life.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Yep, Kevin Crapinery.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
He's one of the most important men in my life
and he changed everything for me as well, because when
I kind of started doing stand up, I said, oh, well,
I probably shouldn't talk in those spaces.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
I'm not black enough. You know.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
I'm still working on my connection and was really in
the process of trying to find my feet on country
and spend more time there and that. And he's like, Sis,
that's how that's how yng Like he said, you know,
that's that's true for a lot of black fellows out there,
that we live in two worlds, and that's all part
of it. He said, I recognize it was a privilege
for me to grow up in my community with my
(25:37):
culture around me. But you know, like it's harder to
do that, you know, like, And so he said, I
want you to I want you to speak for our people,
you know, because he used to do a lot of things.
And he said, I'll get you to start touring with us.
And I was living out of my car. I was
broke as anything, and I was struggling, and I don't
have any money. I was working too much in comedy
(25:58):
to have a full time job, but wasn't working making
enough money to you.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Know, stay myself.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Yeah, So he would get me on tour and then
he'd say to the boys, all right, you follows, let's
give a little bit of our money Steph's way because
she's sleeping in the car.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Are you serious?
Speaker 5 (26:12):
Yeah, this is what he used to do, right, So
he did these kind things for me. I love our
mob so much, But how much even better than that?
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Is this? Right?
Speaker 5 (26:20):
Because he everything he ever told me has changed me
as a personal He's to say when you love your audience,
they love you back, which is true, and.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
I always just put love out.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
That's why I prefer live stand up instead of anything
for TV. I started hating when I was doing TV,
but then I this one day. I broke down because
I said, oh, how do I ever repay you for
everything you've done for me? Like you got me in
touch with this person and that gave me this gig
and now I'm doing this gig.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
And I said, how can I ever repay you?
Speaker 5 (26:45):
I was like in tears, and he said, hey, I
don't do this for and he you know, I don't
do this for get and payment in return. There's no expectations. Yeah,
he said, I'm not He said, I haven't done anything
for you. He said, all I did was open a
door for you. What I ask of you is you walked.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
Through that door.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
Now what I'm want you to do is hold that
door open for somebody else. And as soon as he
said that, I was out there like I was mentoring
different people, I was finding opportunities, I was making contacts
with different people and setting up all of this stuff
right so that there was a space for a mob
to come through. And I started you know, like I
was living with this comedian and I said, and he
(27:25):
was so good, but was trying to find, you know,
that big breakthrough thing. And so I spoke to my
management and I said, all right, that job that I
got and wanted anymore, we're giving it to this fuller
was like you know, four grand and it was a
TV gig, and I said, I think he's ready. This
is what I needed to do. And then that set
off his career. And then next one came through, you know,
a corporate and I said, I don't need that money
right now. I mean I did, but you know, I
(27:46):
don't know. Here's another one.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
And then someone was in need, in more need than you.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Yeah, exactly, because but that's what Kevin had taught me.
And all of a sudden I started to just build
community by going, well, that's that's what I was shown,
and that's what I'll show now.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
In terms of for a message to leave our audience listeners,
what kind of words, not of hope or wisdom, but
like just in terms of speaking to mob that are
listening right now, they might be trying to find their way.
I'm not too sure if they're doing what they're meant
(28:23):
to be doing. What would you say to them?
Speaker 5 (28:25):
The big thing that got me through hard times and
I'm in a really good place now was I own
my truth and I own my story because that's the thing.
Nobody can tell you what your story is. And if
you own your truth and you own your story and
you speak vulnerable, I think the vulnerability is a big
key to it right, And I think that being authentic
(28:45):
is a big key. If you speak from your own
truth and from your own story, then it doesn't matter
if it's not the right or the perfect story, because
it's a true story, you know what I mean, Like
nobody's perfect, but everyone can tell truth. So just own
your own story, on your own truth would be my thing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
What a good way to finish up.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
And I want everyone to literally especially our mob, to
read your book to start with that that's in audio books.
Steph is the voice and it feels like she's there
with your telling her yeah and her whole life. And
then you're quite approachable online as well, Like I see
people just reach out to you and probably DM you.
Speaker 5 (29:24):
I'm off socials, I mean I'm on them, but my
management right so.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Much you wanted me, you got to do what you've
got to do. Yeah, yeah, you still got.
Speaker 5 (29:32):
To be out there to say yeah, but my management
takes care of it and that you have removed all right.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Well, look, if you want to get in touch with Steph,
I know her peek my people, but you know, I
got you for life is close to my heart. Yeah,
the work that we do and trying to share these
stories and they're not always easy to hear, some of
our stories, and that's okay.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
And they're not always easy to tell.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
No, That's why I want to say thank you for
just straight away, no questions asked. You're like, I'll be there,
let's do this you but yeah, I'm really grateful that
you have loaned us, you know, your voice to this.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
It's not a cause, but it's a.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Movement where we don't want people to worry alone, and
we want people to know that they are part of
a community and to make sure they reach out to
their community in times of yeah, just being you know,
I'm definitely always available for that, So I do check
my socials and any messages like that, I always they
(30:34):
always come through to me so deadly.
Speaker 5 (30:36):
Anybody can hit me up for my phone number, give
me a cause, you need it, but she's married taken well.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
On that note, I just want to say, keep doing
what you're doing, and thank you so much for being
part of the amazing series where we could talk about
mental health and well being.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
Thank you. It's really special.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yeah, just being black in our lived experience and yeah, yeah,
how deadly we are, how deadly you are.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
Yeah, and you might come back from too. You are
not as bad as your worst moment.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I love this. I just want to go to another
stand up. Yes, want you, I'll be back. I can't wait.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yeah, STEP's making a comeback, making a come back, and
I hope all you mob enjoyed this deadly yarn.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Now you know who Steph tisdill is.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
And just remember I always say to people, man, we
got so much going for us.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
As black fellows.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Absolutely don't focus on the negatives. There's too much positives
in our lives, opportunities out there in society. You know,
you know you've got to take I always say, you know,
my little ones as well, about taking control of their
own life and making them think about, you know, making
their own decisions, thinking for themselves. So supporting people, sharing stories,
(31:54):
but they're letting people.
Speaker 5 (31:55):
One last thing you tell Sorry, one last thing. Do
you know what One of the best bit of advice
that I've got from one to three yarn was this
follower he said to me. The counselor on the phone said,
I know it feels really scary right now, but think
in twenty years just that thing that you did that
you felt like it was a mistake. Now, is it
going to have a positive outcome and nothing outcome or
(32:16):
negative outcome? And I was like, probably either positive or nothing,
you know. And that was a really big thing as
well as just putting things into context. So often we
can't do that when the world feels overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Of course, and sometimes we need someone else to help
us think about Yeah, mon.
Speaker 5 (32:34):
Three Yana change saved my life several times, so definitely
use that.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Sadly, well, look on that note, I hope all your
mob had the most amazing time listening to this. Yeah,
I just will say thank you, keep doing what you do.
And I can't wait to see the documentary. Thank your marathon.
You might see me doing a marathon.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Who knows, Yeah, let's all do a marathon.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
See Okay, thank you, thank you for joining me, and
I hope you've enjoyed this episode until next time, Bye
for now.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Thanks for tuning in to mental fitness conversations. Keep building
your emotional muscles with the free Mental Fitness Gym app
packed with tools, tips, and everyday actions to support your
mental fitness. Download it from the App Store or Google
Play Store or visit the Mentalfitnessgym dot org. If anything
in this episode brought something up for you, you don't have
(33:25):
to worry alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or
family member and know that support is available. You can
contact Lifeline on one three double one, one four or
one three yarn at one three nine two seven six
for free and confidential support for Aboriginal and Torrostrad Islander people.
If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a rating, share
(33:47):
it with someone in your village, or drop us a message.
We'd love to hear what you think, and don't forget
to follow Black Magic Woman and Gotcha for Life on
all socials to keep the conversation going
Black Cast Unite our voices.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Gotcha for Life and Black Magic Woman podcast acknowledges the
traditional owners of the land which we recorded this episode.
We also acknowledge the traditional owners of the land from
where you the listener or viewer are tuning in. We
would like to pay our respects to elders, both past
and present. We acknowledge that this land always was and
always will be Aboriginal land. This podcast talks about mental health,
(00:32):
suicide and lived experience. If that brings anything up for you,
please take care while listening and remember you don't need
to worry alone. Welcome to Mental Fitness Conversations, a podcast
about how real people build their mental fitness through connection,
community and simple everyday actions. Brought to you by Gotcha
(00:52):
for Life in partnership with Black Magic Woman.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Here's your host, Monda Narrabels.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Hello, are you mob, and welcome back to this exciting
partnership series. We've Got You for Life a foundation that
I feel privileged to sit on the board of. But
this is a opportunity for more Australians and particularly First
Nations peoples to hear about our stories, our people, to
(01:20):
talk about mental health well being, but also talk about culture, connection, community,
resilience and everything that makes us feel black and deadly
and the best person.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I don't think I could think of anyone else.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
After seeing you at the Aboriginal Comedy All Stars first
time ever, got to see you recently and I just
thought to myself, people, if you don't know Steph Tisdal,
she does have a book that we're going to talk about.
But you have been out there making people laugh. And
the first time I saw you was on TV at
(01:55):
the Melbourne Comedy Festival and I thought, oh.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
My god, there's a black woman.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
First time I seen a black woman on stage in
that environment. So, my sister, I'm excited and I hope
you too that are listening to this yarn. Do you
want to introduce yourself? However, you want to introduce yourself
to my listeners? You know your mob, your name, a
little bit about where.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
You grew up.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Ye. So my name is Steph Tisdale. I'm a proud
Yetinji woman. I was born in mont iSER On Calcadoon Country,
but mostly mostly raised in Brisbane the Engine and I
am a comedian, nonpracticing, nonpracticing comedians.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Just I just make people laugh.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
You just be you I'm an actress and a writer
as well, So that's that's me, I suppose, And it
feels weird saying that too, just being like, oh, yeah,
this is what I do. Like when people go, oh,
what do you do for a living? If you stop
for a bit, I think what do I do?
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Whoever?
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Yeah, but also just that they go oh, you're a comedian,
like and you go, yeah, I guess.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I mean, but yes, is it a good thing when
people hear that you're a comedian? What's the next thing
they say? Do they actually crack a joke? Yes, straight away?
Speaker 5 (03:09):
And the one that we go to is this one
time I had a guy during Melbourne Comedy Festival. A
lot of the tourist things are free for comedians, and
I was like, well, that's fine. I've never done any
touristy things in Melbourne. And so I went to the
that tall building and I said, oh, is there a
discount for comedians?
Speaker 4 (03:24):
And he was like no, and I was so embarrassed.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
And then he went why why are you a comedian?
And I went no, yeah. But then he goes, here,
I've got a joke for you. And now I've heard
this a million times. This one was the best and
I use it constantly. Tell me, this isn't the best
dad joke you've ever heard? What do you call a
chuck looking at lettuce, a chicken caesar salad?
Speaker 3 (03:48):
You know, thinking about you know, cracking jokes and you know,
making people laugh and sometimes even taken the piss out
of our ourselves and ours, our families, our mob, some
of the chaos and stuff and kind of turn.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
It into a bit of a comedy.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
I think our lives are fascinating as black fellows, all
different people, we come from, all walks of life. We
are not one people in a sense, we're not one
homogeneous group.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
Yes, well, this has been someone I've been quite passionate about, right,
like diversity within diversity in that and it's always been
something that the reason why I'm passionate about it is
because I've always struggled to I always stressed that I
wasn't black enough, like my whole life right, So I
grew up in middle class suburban Brisbane with no black
(04:41):
fellows anywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Like.
Speaker 5 (04:42):
My parents were business owners and super busy. We didn't
see them a lot, We didn't get the opportunity to
go home a lot, because they were so busy, and
the reason why they were so busy. A big part
of it was that Mum was like, well, my old
people didn't fight for nothing. I'm going to be successful
and I'm going to make sure each of you kids
gets into UNI and.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
All of that, right.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
But she wasn't mucking around, no.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
But the sort of sad part of that was then
that we were kind of stuck in a very white
world and you don't get to explore that until you're
a certain age, and then by the time that you do,
you wonder did I do it rite or did I
do it wrong?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
And I'm different.
Speaker 5 (05:19):
Yeah, And I wanted to tell that yng because I
know that's a really common yarn, especially for blackfellows in
metro areas.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Talking about the book, well, that's exactly yeah, Well that's
why I put.
Speaker 5 (05:30):
That in the book, right, what I'm exactly right, because
the book was kind of it was funny. They approached
me after I went viral comedy and they were like, oh,
we haven't seen a voice like this before, so would
you write a book? And I went yeah, and I said,
but I'm writing sci fi and they went okay, well
we just sort of and I went I want to
write a sci fi started writing and then they said, oh,
we just need to see it a sample of your writing.
(05:52):
And the only thing that I could write about was
my experience as a black woman, and they went, that's
kind of what we want to read instead of sci fi.
Sounds cool, but that feels like that's a bit easier
for you. I was like, don't put me in a box.
And then I and I really need to tell this
this yarn, like just of the we when we've shown
black followers in different areas, the representation is often people
(06:13):
who are super connected or people that have had a
lot of real difficulties. Like there's a lot of like
trauma trauma impacted have one hundred percent and we all
carry that trauma. But I wanted to show that kind
of the disconnection and what like the trauma that that
itself brings, and that it's not always that you know
(06:36):
that you've been downtrodden for like I don't know how
to describe I don't know why I've lost my words.
I would say this, and I'm not trying to speak
for you, but a lot of us that are kind
of it's not that we're stuck in our trauma, but
sometimes fear was like there's no there's no light at
(06:56):
the end of the tunnel. Whereas in my aunt always
said to me always, she said, you're not a victim.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
You're not a victim. When you think about our people.
We're owners and runners of country.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
And it wasn't that long ago that we were running
an entire country.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And we run this country.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Without any interference for thousands of years.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
So you speak from that point of view as an
owner and run of country, not from a victim.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
I think it's so important, right because I think what happened,
I think everybody's searching for reason, right, and we have
so many reasons to.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Feel the way that we feel as black fathers.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Like I think there's a lot of pain, and the
pain runs like it's in your genetics, it's in your blood,
you know. And I think the side effect of that
kind of knowing what's wrong is that we I think
we turn on ourselves. I think that's what happens, do
you know what I mean? Like, we're so afraid of
getting the messaging wrong because the messaging has been wrong
(07:59):
for so long that now that we're in control of it,
there's this real fear that if we ever devi eight
from what is seen as the correct messaging, and that
we have to nip it in the bud straight away.
And like I've been, I've been at the receiving end
of that, and it's hard because you go, but my
intention is this, and it's it's so hard to know
(08:20):
the difference between intentionality versus the outcome of something, And
at what point do you take responsibility for that?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
You know, like, how did you bounce back from that moment?
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Because I watched that publicly play out on social media.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Oh, I almost took my life several times. It was
a really hard time for me.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
At the same time, I was going through a DV
relationship and was leaving that and you know, fearing for
my life. And it was probably the hardest time of
my entire life. And I'm not totally sure how I
dealt with it. I think I recognized that I needed
to step back from that, that I needed to build
up a lot more strength to feel confident in saying
(09:01):
the things that I wanted to say.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
I knew why I was saying them.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
I had felt like, as a black woman in a
space where there hadn't really been a lot of black women.
I needed to be edgy and cutthroat and hit right
between the eyes of white followers because I had this
mainstream audience and I thought, if they're listening, I got
to just hit hard. And I think, what's really hard
(09:24):
is that then you end up excluding your own people
from the narrative you're trying to tell.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
And that it came.
Speaker 5 (09:30):
Share and it was so hard because I was like,
but I'm not speaking to that, I'm speaking to this,
you know, And I got this platform. Yeah, and so
I knew why I was doing it, but you know,
when you have to, when you so publicly make a mistake,
it's really hard to know how to deal with it.
And the entire industry of stand up and that whole
(09:52):
sort of world where you're sort of in the public
is incredibly lonely. Like you know, you don't sleep well,
you're performing till late at night, you're eating it. Like
my my weight had gotten out of control, which just
you know, fed back into what the trolls say to you,
and it's this highly pressurized thing and you go, man,
I only did this because I wanted to make a change,
and I want to white people to listen and if
(10:14):
you can make them laugh, you can make it.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
So you achieved that because getting an invitation to like
the Melbourne Comedy Festival or whatever these other mainstream space
says that we have not been.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Invited to for a very long time.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, So would you say that you've achieved what you've
set out to achieve in terms of getting your messages
across and telling it how it is, like it's a
lot of it is just truth telling.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
I think actually for me it felt disingenuous because in
my life I was doing so many things that were
really community focused and mentoring a lot of people and
you know, building a lot of people up, and then
it kind of felt like I had to justify myself
by almost sharing that. I thought, that's not why I'm
doing it, Like I don't want to be that person
who's trying.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
To virtue signal.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
And I recognized that I wasn't strong enough to tell
those things because I knew that my I wanted to
tell the story of what it feels like to have
all of the expectation of being black, you know, like
you want to be and fight for your people, and
then going I'm lacking knowledge and I'm lacking cultural grounding
(11:18):
because I didn't grow up there, and so you feel
like an impostor. Yeah, and so it's it's hard because
you have to speak, you know. It was just so
much pressure.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You're trying to constantly justify Yeah, big do you your identity?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Your existence? Yeah, why you're doing what you're doing?
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah, Oh my gosh, I still think of it like
it's quite it's still obviously quite raw for you as well, yeah,
big time. Well, mental health is in Australia in general, right,
there's a lot of people impacted, but our mob in
particular as well, because of that intergenerational trauma time and
all of the grief loss and trauma and that you know,
(11:59):
sorry business.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Sometimes like I always say, you know, when are we
going to just get together and cele it?
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Prey?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, when can we see each other without going to
a funeral? Well exactly, feel like one hundred you don't
feel right having a laugh with your cousins because someone,
you know, the coffins there, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, so we don't really go to weddings. I've
been at two weddings in my life, two weddings, and
I never knew anyone in my family to get married. Yeah,
(12:27):
and I'm pretty sure one they're probably financial. There's money
behind it, there's reasons behind it. But for mob to
come together, and I love that about our people in
terms of that sense of community. How have you been
able to one ground yourself and culture to keep doing
the work that you're doing.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
I think the thing that saved me when I went
through that time was because I was I was really
afraid that I brought a lot of shame to the family,
you know, And so I called up my elders and
you know, I kind of said, look, this is what
I've done. I want to apologize, and like here's what
I was trying to do. And all of my elders went, yeah,
it's very obvious that's what you're trying to do. I
don't know who's getting at you, you know, And I said, oh, no,
(13:07):
you know, like I see their point and everything. You know,
same time, you know, if you apologize, it makes it
seem like you did have intention. Like that's the whole thing.
It's really hard to know how to handle the situation.
And they said, come up here and just ground yourself
back on the country. And my auntie took me out
to these big carry pines on our like so Lake
(13:28):
Breena up there, that's my country.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
And she took me up to the carry pines.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
They're really old trees and she said, these are your
real elders.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
She went. You know why she made me stand next
to this big tree, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
All over my body.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Yeah, this changed everything for me, it really did. She said,
see these trees here, she said.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Now they've been here. They're thousands of years old.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
She went, They've looked after at least a thousand generations
of your people, right, she went, Now, what I want
you to do is look, they're fatter at the bottom.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
That's like your belly. She went.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
And they got scars all the way up and where
been hit by lightning or fire, you know. And she went,
but they keep on growing up so they can grow
out and they shade, They take care of the land.
They feed us because they've got these nuts on them.
And she went, what they do is they keep on
pushing up so that they can spread their light. And
(14:22):
she went, they got roots underground, and you know, you
need to make sure that your roots are sturdy, and
you just keep on growing up. Don't get caught grown
out at this part. You go up and that's how
you provide. That's how to be generous.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I can imagine stuff in that moment, what it must
have felt like.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Things.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Now, this makes sense to me how our old people
can use our environment, but on our own country even
more powerful.
Speaker 5 (14:48):
And I even just remember, you know, like the kind
of the conversation my Anie was having with me about
you know, kind of how why why well, you know,
got to kind of lean on each other and remember that,
you know, one person can be affected by their own
trauma or their own story, but as a people, we
all come together. And she was explaining about, you know,
(15:10):
when the wattle, when the wattle flowers fall on the
on the creek, right the flowers, then the little bugs
come there. So then the little bugs that live on
top of the water or the tree trunks come out there,
and they might fall into the water, which brings in
the smaller fish, which brings.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
In the bigger fish.
Speaker 5 (15:25):
And so she was just talking about the interconnectedness of everything,
and it just made me go, Okay, well, even if
I have copped this backlash, it's fine. I know that
what it's taught me is that that's not actually the
right world for me. And I'd been quite sad and
lonely in that space anyway, and it'd become quite a
(15:45):
dangerous place to be for the DV stuff anyway, and
I was like, I need to step away from this
because I'm not strong enough to either completely back myself
or to say the right thing in the first instance.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Oh yeah, there's a lot of in our self work
or just time way yeah, yeah, to reflect.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
And it made all the difference in the world because
then I could, I don't know, think about who I
am and what I want and then you know, I
sort of randomly fell into acting and then that felt
like more of a space for me because it's not
lonely and it's supportive, and because every time that I'm
(16:30):
on screen, if I see a script, I go, no, no,
this is a black character now, and I am you know,
bring that.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Advocate what you're what you've learned, you've been able to
now use it in another space, Yeah, to make sure
that yeah, people are well, the.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Coolest thing is the right way.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Yeah, Well, I can advocate in a way that I
couldn't advocate before when it's just yourself it's all wrapped
up in your own biases and your own personal fears
and all of that.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Right.
Speaker 5 (16:56):
But so here's an example of the coolest thing that happened.
So I was approached to write on a BBC show
Australian adaptation of BBC Show and Broke because I'm broke man.
So they say, oh, you know, do you want this
writing job? And I said, look, they said, oh, do
you want to take anything?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
No?
Speaker 5 (17:14):
No, but they said, oh, you want to be the
cultural consultant. And I went, that's not I don't have
knowledge of I don't have enough knowledge of cultural protocol.
I said, like, a cultural consultant is so different to
a writer and I said I'm still learning, you know, yeah,
And I said, you need to distinguish these two. These
are two completely separate roles. If you're asking me to write,
you don't get to ask me to also be the
cultural consultant, you know. And I said, those are two
(17:35):
separate roles. If you want to do this correctly, then
you need to have at least two black writers.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
And a cultural consultant.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
And I thought to myself, I'll just talk myself out
of cash injection I could have used, right, but they
turned around, they went, yeah, you're right, and they gave
me the job plus two other blackfellows.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
And I was like, yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Created space for others to come in.
Speaker 5 (17:55):
Yeah, because I advocated, you know, And I go, okay,
that's that's what I can do. Is that when you're
in spaces where you've I don't know, you get this
like I knew. So I originally studied law and journalism.
I thought I wanted to write policy and give speeches
and be a politician. All that I wanted was to
change things for my people. Right, my Nan was under
(18:16):
the exemption, right, which is still shameful I think for
a lot of black follows. So so your Nan was
exempt from the Protection of Our Brigines Act, which meant
your Nan was a free woman and not.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Still under surveillance.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yes, yeah, yeah, right, anytimes she'd go back under that
Protection Act, but that exemption.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yeah, there's a bit of shame there.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Big shame. I think.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
I think that's still well when you look back at
any of that. We've got all the archives.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Because they had to live white, yeah they did.
Speaker 5 (18:48):
They weren't allowed to speak language, they weren't allowed to
hang with other black follows.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Unless they reproved because are exempted.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
So if you had your exemption certificate, you basically met
the criteria to live a white life.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Yeah, like in the archives, because it was my great granddad.
He like in the archives, it says is good for Abbo, right,
Like it's awful and you spoken about yeah, and it
was because he spoke English and that was like you know,
and then he was indentured labor because all of his
(19:23):
money was sent back to the government and given back
to him in rations, right, but he didn't want the captivity.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Yeah, it was awful.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
It was awful, but it just meant that his the
kids weren't taken right. And so when my mom was
growing up, she said her mum was like, don't talk
about it, you follow the rules because of everything that
she went through. And so it was survival since yeah, yeah, yeah,
big time exactly. But I think all I'm getting at
(19:51):
is that like, basically I think that there is this
this undercurrent that must have existed at the time, just
riadding between the lines and the kind of the the archives,
and that that that was giving up or giving in,
right and so and so I was so passionate, right
because I was like I can see that the disconnection
that I feel is because of all of this. Right,
(20:13):
and so I was like, all I want to do
is create be in spaces where I can change policy
and actually add that people.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Did you go to law school? Yeah, I studied Laura journalist.
That's when I started with this.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
You thought you were going to write policies and advocate
for people. Yeah, because you started looking at the archives.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, when had happened to your yeah, exact great grandfather. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:33):
And then and then I went, okay, I got halfway
through the degree and went, oh my god, this is
the worst. And then I quite accidentally fell into stand
up and it's a long story, but I got dad
to do it, and I did it and it went
really well, right, and I went, now that if I
can build a platform there that.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
You found all exists.
Speaker 5 (20:52):
Yeah, And that's what my elders always saying that my
auntie Annie San she's passed now, but she always said
to me, you know, that's the old people like they
they because every time I'd veer off that path, something's happened, happened.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
We need to get stories out there to the broader community.
But in particular, there's not enough for our own mob.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
No, there's not.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
You can ring one three yarn, I do often, do you.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
That's actually a big thing for me. That's that's what
got me out of that space.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Okay, yeah, so laster.
Speaker 5 (21:22):
You tell people about one three y Yeah, so one
three yarn is it's like lifeline but for black fellows.
And you speak to black people so they get it.
You don't have to spend half your time explaining. And
then this happened. But oh that's only upsetting because of this.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You know, you don't want to tell them everything because
then you feel like you're getting judged.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Yeah, exactly right, honestly, Like, yeah, but one three yarn
they get it. They get all the nuance, they get
all the different parts of it. And I use one
three yarn a lot, especially through that time.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Well, running marathons is a is a big kind of
I don't know, from writing books and being a writer
and then are doing stand up comedy. Yeah, sis, when
I saw your post about this doc go that you're
working on, Yeah, have it running a marathon. I'm not joking.
I haven't said this to my husband. I'm like, if
(22:09):
she can do it, I can yeah, literally on training.
You're training and you've lost a lot of weight. Yes, yes, so.
Speaker 5 (22:16):
At the moment, I've lost thirty three and a half kilos, Yes, I've.
But the biggest coolest thing is just the yeah, the
running and the reason why I decided to run a
marathon was, yeah, my mental health was poor and my
physical health was poor, and I just was like, looked
at through my life, every major trauma has been associated
with a huge weight gain, right, Like, my weight has
(22:38):
always been tied up with my mental health, and I went,
why aren't we talking about that?
Speaker 4 (22:42):
I just couldn't find.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
What I wanted to learn, and so I was like,
all right, I'm going to do a documentary. And the
other side of this is I was like, if I
have a documentary crew with me or producers, then I'm
not allowed to give.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Up, right, It's accountability.
Speaker 5 (22:57):
Yeah, And so I reached out to a producer and
like a few put together something I said to a
production company and they were.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Like, still do it, yeah, And so we started.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
And then I actually had a group of support around
me to help me get in touch with the right people.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
So I'm training with.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
Deadly runners and then as well, my life has completely
changed because the side effects of doing it as a doco, right,
so I have to keep video diaries. I don't know,
there's something you can write something in a with your
pen and paper and read it back and go oh God.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
When you have to look at.
Speaker 5 (23:30):
Your own face and cry to your own self and
then watch it back, you both get perspective and a
little bit more kind of compassion for yourself as well,
you know, like I'm full of self loathing, but having
to watch myself and go, oh, you don't need to
stress that much, steph. You know that kind of being
able to see yourself from a different perspective. So that's helped.
I also stop dating men. That's number one.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Look at sorry shop shop for your fellers.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
This friend of mine, on one of the jobs I
was doing, said aren't you queer? And I went no,
and she went, yes you are. We had a big
yellow maybe I am. Maybe I am, because she just
she just said to me, you know, like it's about people,
and I just went, that is true. I've never given
a ship. And then you never labeled yourself. Well, I
just had always dated men and then.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And yeah, a minute, what are you married up?
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Now?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Are you I've never been happier.
Speaker 5 (24:23):
She's the most wonderful person I've ever show. Jesseurned that way,
She's She's just the most wonderful, beautiful I've never had
a healthy life.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I was going to say to you, who who is
your community?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
How how do they support you? And who are they?
And then you mentioned Jesse.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
Well, Jesse is probably the big one for me, like
at the moment, you know, but my brothers. I'm really
close with my brothers and you know, my mum and
my dad and we've always been quite tight in insula.
I've made it a really big focus of mine ever
since I did the comedy All Stars, because Kevin is
my greatest mentor my life.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Yep, Kevin Crapinery.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
He's one of the most important men in my life
and he changed everything for me as well, because when
I kind of started doing stand up, I said, oh, well,
I probably shouldn't talk in those spaces.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
I'm not black enough. You know.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
I'm still working on my connection and was really in
the process of trying to find my feet on country
and spend more time there and that. And he's like, Sis,
that's how that's how yng Like he said, you know,
that's that's true for a lot of black fellows out there,
that we live in two worlds, and that's all part
of it. He said, I recognize it was a privilege
for me to grow up in my community with my
(25:37):
culture around me. But you know, like it's harder to
do that, you know, like, And so he said, I
want you to I want you to speak for our people,
you know, because he used to do a lot of things.
And he said, I'll get you to start touring with us.
And I was living out of my car. I was
broke as anything, and I was struggling, and I don't
have any money. I was working too much in comedy
(25:58):
to have a full time job, but wasn't working making
enough money to you.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Know, stay myself.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Yeah, So he would get me on tour and then
he'd say to the boys, all right, you follows, let's
give a little bit of our money Steph's way because
she's sleeping in the car.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Are you serious?
Speaker 5 (26:12):
Yeah, this is what he used to do, right, So
he did these kind things for me. I love our
mob so much, But how much even better than that?
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Is this? Right?
Speaker 5 (26:20):
Because he everything he ever told me has changed me
as a personal He's to say when you love your audience,
they love you back, which is true, and.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
I always just put love out.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
That's why I prefer live stand up instead of anything
for TV. I started hating when I was doing TV,
but then I this one day. I broke down because
I said, oh, how do I ever repay you for
everything you've done for me? Like you got me in
touch with this person and that gave me this gig
and now I'm doing this gig.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
And I said, how can I ever repay you?
Speaker 5 (26:45):
I was like in tears, and he said, hey, I
don't do this for and he you know, I don't
do this for get and payment in return. There's no expectations. Yeah,
he said, I'm not He said, I haven't done anything
for you. He said, all I did was open a
door for you. What I ask of you is you walked.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
Through that door.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
Now what I'm want you to do is hold that
door open for somebody else. And as soon as he
said that, I was out there like I was mentoring
different people, I was finding opportunities, I was making contacts
with different people and setting up all of this stuff
right so that there was a space for a mob
to come through. And I started you know, like I
was living with this comedian and I said, and he
(27:25):
was so good, but was trying to find, you know,
that big breakthrough thing. And so I spoke to my
management and I said, all right, that job that I
got and wanted anymore, we're giving it to this fuller
was like you know, four grand and it was a
TV gig, and I said, I think he's ready. This
is what I needed to do. And then that set
off his career. And then next one came through, you know,
a corporate and I said, I don't need that money
right now. I mean I did, but you know, I
(27:46):
don't know. Here's another one.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
And then someone was in need, in more need than you.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Yeah, exactly, because but that's what Kevin had taught me.
And all of a sudden I started to just build
community by going, well, that's that's what I was shown,
and that's what I'll show now.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
In terms of for a message to leave our audience listeners,
what kind of words, not of hope or wisdom, but
like just in terms of speaking to mob that are
listening right now, they might be trying to find their way.
I'm not too sure if they're doing what they're meant
(28:23):
to be doing. What would you say to them?
Speaker 5 (28:25):
The big thing that got me through hard times and
I'm in a really good place now was I own
my truth and I own my story because that's the thing.
Nobody can tell you what your story is. And if
you own your truth and you own your story and
you speak vulnerable, I think the vulnerability is a big
key to it right, And I think that being authentic
(28:45):
is a big key. If you speak from your own
truth and from your own story, then it doesn't matter
if it's not the right or the perfect story, because
it's a true story, you know what I mean, Like
nobody's perfect, but everyone can tell truth. So just own
your own story, on your own truth would be my thing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
What a good way to finish up.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
And I want everyone to literally especially our mob, to
read your book to start with that that's in audio books.
Steph is the voice and it feels like she's there
with your telling her yeah and her whole life. And
then you're quite approachable online as well, Like I see
people just reach out to you and probably DM you.
Speaker 5 (29:24):
I'm off socials, I mean I'm on them, but my
management right so.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Much you wanted me, you got to do what you've
got to do. Yeah, yeah, you still got.
Speaker 5 (29:32):
To be out there to say yeah, but my management
takes care of it and that you have removed all right.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Well, look, if you want to get in touch with Steph,
I know her peek my people, but you know, I
got you for life is close to my heart. Yeah,
the work that we do and trying to share these
stories and they're not always easy to hear, some of
our stories, and that's okay.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
And they're not always easy to tell.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
No, That's why I want to say thank you for
just straight away, no questions asked. You're like, I'll be there,
let's do this you but yeah, I'm really grateful that
you have loaned us, you know, your voice to this.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
It's not a cause, but it's a.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Movement where we don't want people to worry alone, and
we want people to know that they are part of
a community and to make sure they reach out to
their community in times of yeah, just being you know,
I'm definitely always available for that, So I do check
my socials and any messages like that, I always they
(30:34):
always come through to me so deadly.
Speaker 5 (30:36):
Anybody can hit me up for my phone number, give
me a cause, you need it, but she's married taken well.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
On that note, I just want to say, keep doing
what you're doing, and thank you so much for being
part of the amazing series where we could talk about
mental health and well being.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
Thank you. It's really special.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yeah, just being black in our lived experience and yeah, yeah,
how deadly we are, how deadly you are.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
Yeah, and you might come back from too. You are
not as bad as your worst moment.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I love this. I just want to go to another
stand up. Yes, want you, I'll be back. I can't wait.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yeah, STEP's making a comeback, making a come back, and
I hope all you mob enjoyed this deadly yarn.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Now you know who Steph tisdill is.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
And just remember I always say to people, man, we
got so much going for us.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
As black fellows.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Absolutely don't focus on the negatives. There's too much positives
in our lives, opportunities out there in society. You know,
you know you've got to take I always say, you know,
my little ones as well, about taking control of their
own life and making them think about, you know, making
their own decisions, thinking for themselves. So supporting people, sharing stories,
(31:54):
but they're letting people.
Speaker 5 (31:55):
One last thing you tell Sorry, one last thing. Do
you know what One of the best bit of advice
that I've got from one to three yarn was this
follower he said to me. The counselor on the phone said,
I know it feels really scary right now, but think
in twenty years just that thing that you did that
you felt like it was a mistake. Now, is it
going to have a positive outcome and nothing outcome or
(32:16):
negative outcome? And I was like, probably either positive or nothing,
you know. And that was a really big thing as
well as just putting things into context. So often we
can't do that when the world feels overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Of course, and sometimes we need someone else to help
us think about Yeah, mon.
Speaker 5 (32:34):
Three Yana change saved my life several times, so definitely
use that.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Sadly, well, look on that note, I hope all your
mob had the most amazing time listening to this. Yeah,
I just will say thank you, keep doing what you do.
And I can't wait to see the documentary. Thank your marathon.
You might see me doing a marathon.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Who knows, Yeah, let's all do a marathon.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
See Okay, thank you, thank you for joining me, and
I hope you've enjoyed this episode until next time, Bye
for now.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Thanks for tuning in to mental fitness conversations. Keep building
your emotional muscles with the free Mental Fitness Gym app
packed with tools, tips, and everyday actions to support your
mental fitness. Download it from the App Store or Google
Play Store or visit the Mentalfitnessgym dot org. If anything
in this episode brought something up for you, you don't have
(33:25):
to worry alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or
family member and know that support is available. You can
contact Lifeline on one three double one, one four or
one three yarn at one three nine two seven six
for free and confidential support for Aboriginal and Torrostrad Islander people.
If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a rating, share
(33:47):
it with someone in your village, or drop us a message.
We'd love to hear what you think, and don't forget
to follow Black Magic Woman and Gotcha for Life on
all socials to keep the conversation going
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.