The Trap of Unforgiveness - Part 1

The struggle of unforgiveness … that’s the topic on today’s BOLD STEPS with Pastor Mark Jobe. We’re going to talk about the trap of unforgiveness … and the relationship between our joy and grieving the Holy Spirit. It’s an important concept to grasp. And one that can easily rob us of our spiritual joy and become destructive in our attitudes and behavior.

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Episode Transcript

S1 (00:00):
The struggle of unforgiveness. That's our topic today on Bold
Steps with Mark Jobe.

S2 (00:06):
If you are here today and you have unforgiveness in
your heart, I know that you struggle with experiencing real joy.
It makes you feel distant from the presence of God.
So that tangible, exciting presence of God feels like other
people that can experience it, but you can't.

S1 (00:38):
Welcome to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Mark is president
of Moody Bible Institute. He's the senior pastor of New
Life Community Church in Chicago, and I'm Wayne Shepherd. Mark,
we're going to talk about the trap of unforgiveness and
the relationship between our joy and grieving the Holy Spirit.

S2 (00:54):
Yeah, Wayne. Scripture tells us that we can actually grieve
the Holy Spirit inside of us. So it's impossible for
us to be grieving the spirit and experiencing joy at
the same.

S1 (01:08):
Can't do it? No.

S2 (01:09):
And it specifically points to unforgiveness as one of the
root causes that grieves the spirit. And so today, I
want you to listen, soften your hearts, open your ears,
because just maybe God is pointing to a root that
may be in your life that is causing you not
to be able to experience joy.

S1 (01:31):
Such an important message. Let's get started with today's message
titled The Trap of Unforgiveness.

S2 (01:37):
My daughter was probably about 5 or 6 years old.
We had rented a grade school called Davis School by
38th and Kedzie because we didn't fit in our building anymore,
and I had just finished up one of the services
and an usher came running to me and said, pastor, pastor,

(02:00):
They need you in the back. I said, who needs me?
Your wife. So I said okay. He seemed a little panicked,
and so I made my way quickly to the back,
and I saw my wife, and she looked at me,
big eyes, and she said, it's our daughter, Marissa. I said, well,
is everything okay? And she said, well, look at her.

(02:22):
And as I glanced over there she was, my five
year old daughter, her head stuck between two bars. She
had made her way up the stairs and stuck her
head within two bars, but then she couldn't get her
head out. There she was. Hi, dad. I said, Marissa,

(02:46):
are you okay? I can't get my head out. And
my wife was like, I think we're going to have
to call the firemen. We've been trying to get her
head out, but we can't. And I, I said, okay,
let's try this. And one of the ushers said, we've
been trying, but we don't want to hurt her. We
don't want to cut her ears off. So we figured,
I don't know. So, um, I said, alright, Marissa. So

(03:08):
I lifted her up and and when I got her
high enough in the bars, the bars, I guess, were
a little wider and I was able to get her
little head out, and she gave me a big hug. And, um,
I thought it would be bad if she was there.
A month later, with her head still stuck and we
were feeding her, that would be a bad thing. Some

(03:29):
of you today are stuck like that. Your head is
between two bars, not metal bars, but your head is
between the bars of unforgiveness. There's something about unforgiveness that
traps us. Something about unforgiveness that doesn't let us move.

(03:53):
Something about unforgiveness that when you're in the grip of unforgiveness,
you can't experience joy very well. The presence of God
is pushed away from us. We feel a numbness about
our heart and usually a sense of anger in our spirit.

(04:16):
Unforgiveness is a grip that needs to be broken in
your life. Today is the final message on untangling relationships,
and there's probably no better topic to talk about than
the grip of unforgiveness. In this final message. So I

(04:37):
turn your attention to Ephesians chapter four. There are so
many passages in the Bible that talk about unforgiveness, but
this is a very powerful passage by the Apostle Paul
in Ephesians chapter four. The entire chapter of Ephesians, chapter
four is about unity, relationships, interaction with one another how

(05:00):
to use our gifts. But he ends up this chapter with.
With two very powerful verses. I will begin reading in
verse 30 of Ephesians chapter four. And do not grieve
the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed

(05:21):
for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness,
rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form
of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another. Here goes.
Forgiving each other just as in Christ. God forgave you.

(05:46):
So here's the thing. If you are here today and
you have unforgiveness in your heart, here's what I know
about you. I know that you struggle with experiencing joy,
real joy. You may have moments of happiness, but joy,
that's not how you operate. Here's what else I know

(06:09):
about you. I know that you will struggle with bouts
of anger. Now, anger can be explosive and outward, or
anger can simmer within and make you crabby and grouchy
and moody all the time. I know that if you're
wrestling with unforgiveness, it makes you feel distant from the

(06:32):
presence of God so that that tangible presence of God
feels like other people that can experience it, but you can't.
And so if that's your case this morning, and if
you really want to be free from it, you really
need to listen up, because I believe that you can
walk out of this auditorium today at the end of

(06:54):
this service, having opened up the bars of unforgiveness that
have kept you stuck for a while. There's three things
I want you to understand about unforgiveness. Out of this passage,
if you're taking notes, I want you to write this down.
Number one, unforgiveness robs you of your spiritual joy. I

(07:18):
want you to notice that the Apostle Paul says, and
do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. He starts
with a challenge. Some of you are grieving God because
of unforgiveness. He gives us a challenge at the beginning
of verse 30, and then he gives us a solution

(07:41):
at the end of verse 32, forgiving each other. What
does it mean to grieve the Holy Spirit? Well, the
Bible talks about in first Thessalonians 519. Paul talks about
quenching the spirit. In acts chapter seven, verse 51, Steven
tells listeners to stop resisting the spirit. In Hebrews ten

(08:06):
chapter chapter ten, verse 29, he says, you can insult
or outrage the spirit, but only once in the Bible,
once in the New Testament, do we hear about grieving
the spirit. The New Testament was written in the Greek language.

(08:29):
And some of you know that the reason it was
written in the Greek language is the Old Testament was
written in Hebrew and Aramaic. Some of you know this,
but some of you are new to your Bibles. Greek
was introduced into the ancient world through a man by

(08:49):
the name of Alexander the Great. You may have heard
of him. Uh, he was someone that by the age
of 28, had pretty much conquered the known world. And
everywhere he he conquered, he would hellenize them, which means
he would bring the Greek culture to those areas. And
so they had their own language. But all of these

(09:09):
places also understood Greek. So Greek back then was what
English is to the world today. It was the international language.
So the New Testament is written in ancient Greek. The
word for Greek is Lupino. Lupino is found in this scripture,

(09:32):
only one time, related to grieving the spirit. And it
means to cause to feel sorrow, pain, unhappiness, or distress.
Think about this for a moment that if you have
unforgiveness in your heart, you are actually causing the third

(09:57):
person of the Godhead, the Holy Spirit, to operate with
the sense of sadness, distress or grief right now in
your life. You say, well, pastor, why is that so important? Well,
let me just explain the function of the Holy Spirit
because he says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,

(10:20):
by whom you have been sealed unto the day of redemption.
The Holy Spirit, if you are a believer today, if
you have given your life to Christ or had an
experience where you surrendered your life to Christ and pointed
to the cross of Jesus as the only way of
forgiveness of your sins, and you repented and believed, there

(10:41):
is something powerful, dynamic, supernatural that that happens at that moment.
In John chapter three, it calls it being born again.
Paul refers to it as you are a new creation.
Sometimes we commonly know it as being saved. The point

(11:01):
is that from there's a before and an after. When
that happens, here's what happens. If you are a believer
in Christ today and you are born again, you have
the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Triune God,
living inside of you. In fact, you cannot be saved
without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. It's the Holy

(11:24):
Spirit that makes you saved. He's the one that redeems you.
He's the one that comes inside of you. He's the
one that lives within your body. First Corinthians chapter three
verse 16 says, do you not know that you are
God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells inside of you?
First Corinthians chapter six, verse 19 and 20. Listen to this.

(11:46):
Or do you not know that your body is the
temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have
from God? You are not your own, for you were
bought at a price. So glorify God in your body.
So listen to me. Well, if you are a believer
of Jesus Christ and you are born again today, the

(12:07):
address of God is your body. You say, well, pastor,
I come to church and I experience God. Hold on.
The church is a gathering of people where God dwells.
You are a temple of God. Your body is the

(12:29):
dwelling place of God. When wherever you go, you bring
God where you walk. God goes where you drive, God drives.
When we dismiss today, we are dismissing thousands of people
that go into every corner of Chicago. And if you're
born again, you are taking the presence of God, the

(12:50):
manifest presence of the Holy Spirit with you. We're going
into every nook and cranny of Chicago because the church scatters,
but God doesn't stay in the building. The manifest presence
of God is with you via the Holy Spirit. And
so wherever you go, you take God in a powerful
way with you.

S1 (13:14):
We'll continue our message in just a moment here on
Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. But first, Mark, if you'll
permit me, I want to share something that's been weighing
on my heart lately. I've been thinking about how throughout history,
God has always raised up people who prioritized his mission,
even during some pretty turbulent times. Whether it was the
early church during persecution, or believers during world wars, or
missionaries and hostile territories, there have always been those who

(13:37):
kept their focus on advancing the gospel despite everything happening
around them. And we've got a lot happening around us
right now.

S2 (13:45):
And Wayne, oftentimes.

S3 (13:46):
It's in the midst of a lot of turbulence and
turmoil that people start looking to the heavens in special.

S2 (13:54):
Ways. And I believe that we live in a moment
like that. And I just want to say that as
a pastor, I've been a pastor for over 30 some
years in the city of Chicago. I have never seen
the openness that I've seen now. That's incredible. I'm having
these conversations, especially with young people. We've seen at our

(14:15):
church over a thousand people come to Christ and get
baptized in the last 24 months, mainly under the age
of 35. Many that had no religious background and are
just hungry for God. And I think the turbulence of
the world has caused them to say I need something.
And many of us as believers, we're getting too distracted

(14:39):
by what's happening and not focused enough on the gospel.
And so I want to bring your attention back to
the opportunities that you have around you. That's what Bold
Steps is all about. Regardless of what's happening in our world,
we believe that the greatest news that needs to be
proclaimed is the good news that Jesus Christ is here.
He's the Savior, and we do not want to miss

(15:01):
this window of opportunity of so many people being open.
So join us as we continue to boldly, passionately, powerfully,
24 hours a day through moody radio, proclaim the good
news of Jesus.

S1 (15:15):
And at Moody, we're sending workers into that harvest, aren't we?

S2 (15:18):
We are. And so excited about that as well. Uh,
we're sending people focused on the gospel. Bold steps, as
you know, is making sure that we include a call
to the gospel on a regular basis. And so excited
to see people coming to Jesus.

S1 (15:35):
Well, you who are listening can invest your resources in
sharing God's life changing truth. To make a gift, simply
go online to Bold steps.org or our phone number is
800 Moody. That's [phone]. And your partnership makes an eternal difference.
And we'll send you, by request, a special bold step

(15:55):
gift as a token of our appreciation. We'll talk more
about that gift later in today's message, but consider partnering
with bold steps. Now back to the message. Here again
is Mark.

S2 (16:09):
Now that's a reminder that your body is the temple
of the Holy Spirit. What does that mean? Well, when
you were born, you're born physically, but you have a soul.
You have a spirit and you have a body. Your spirit.
Not not Holy Spirit, but your spirit is dead. Ephesians
chapter two tells us that your spirit is dead because

(16:31):
of sin. But when you come to God, he makes
it alive. So the Holy Spirit interacts with your spirit.
And as you live your life, when you sin, he
brings you under conviction. He brings joy to your life.
He guides you. He corrects you. He instructs you. He
opens up your eyes to the Word of God. He's
called the Paraclete, which means the coach, the trainer, the

(16:52):
one that walks alongside of you. You have a personal
coach living inside of you via the Holy Spirit in
your body. That wherever you go, whatever you do, the
Holy Spirit is there to guide you, push you, instruct you,
help you worship. He cries, ABBA, father, when you worship today,
when you were worshiping God, the Holy Spirit was saying,
come on, worship the father. Come on, worship he's ABBA, father,

(17:15):
lift up your voice. Do you sense his presence? Do
you feel him? It's the Holy Spirit. When you're tempted
to sin, the Holy Spirit convicts you. You feel the
guilt of sin. You feel the tug of the spirit saying,
that's not who you are, that's who you were, but
not who you are anymore. When you open up the
Word of God and start reading, the Holy Spirit enlightens
your mind and he starts teaching you about the Word

(17:37):
of God. So your spirit is inflamed by the Holy Spirit.
So he teaches you about the Word of God. You
have God living inside of you. You say, well, pastor,
I don't understand that. Well, we worship one God, but
we worship one God in three persons. Since he's a

(18:00):
triune God, it's hard to explain. It's the mystery of
what theologians call the Trinity. But the essence of God
is the same God the Father, God the Son, and
God the Holy Spirit. He's the same. So he's got
the same essence. He's got the same heart. He's got

(18:21):
the same essence of his being, but yet three distinct persons.
God has always existed that way. God the father never
created the son. He's always existed as God the Father,
God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Any teaching
that teaches you otherwise? Listen to me. It's heresy. Any

(18:44):
teaching that devaluates the son or takes away from the
Holy Spirit is not from the Word of God. And
there's a lot of weird, uh, crazy doctrines about the
Trinity or about the Godhead. But there is one God
made up of three persons that have distinct functions. For example,

(19:05):
when you pray, you pray to God the Father, but
you pray through Jesus the Son that gives you access
to God the Father. And it's the Holy Spirit that
teaches you how to pray and what to pray. So
it's one God operating in three distinct functions and three
distinct ways helping you live out your walk in God.

(19:28):
So the Bible tells us that when there is unforgiveness
within our heart, we grieve the Holy Spirit. We cannot
be grieving the spirit and have the joy of the
spirit at the same time. When you are grieving the spirit,
the spirit is who should be producing joy in your life.

(19:51):
When you are grieving, the spirit that is should be
producing joy. You cannot have the joy of God when
you're grieving the Spirit of God at the same time.
Some of us who should be experiencing the joy of
God do not have the joy of God because the
Spirit of God is grieving inside of us. So you
feel the grieving of God instead of the joy of

(20:13):
the spirit.

S1 (20:18):
This is bold steps. You're listening to the Bible teaching
of Mark job, and today's message is titled The Trap
of Unforgiveness. It's only part one, so be sure to
listen tomorrow when we'll continue the lesson. Remember, you can
always revisit these daily messages over on our website at
Bold steps.org. You can also catch Mark's bold and passionate
teaching on our popular Bold Steps podcast, or by downloading

(20:40):
the free Bold Steps app to your phone or mobile device. Mark,
we have authors with us for a moment here. The
authors of Lies Boys believe Aaron and Jason Davis, the
parents of four boys, and they've written this book. Now.
They say that they wish every boy who reads this
book could come spend a day on their farm. He
could pick an apple from their orchard. Scramble up some

(21:00):
eggs straight from the chicken coop. Catch a jar full
of lightning bugs. Uh, Aaron and Jason. Is that offer
open to men as well as boys? I think I'd
like to sign up for that.

S4 (21:11):
Come on, everybody, come.

S1 (21:13):
Aaron. You both have written this wonderful book. What's the
difference between boys and girls when it comes to these
lies that we're talking about?

S4 (21:21):
You know, even that statement shouldn't be. But it is
countercultural that boys and girls are different. Uh, God made
us different. And our boys are growing up in a
culture where that's really, really confusing and we're trying to
erase all of those lines. And so one of the
things we address in the book is that God made
boys and girls different, and that those differences are good. Now,

(21:43):
all of us are prone to deception. Unfortunately, we all
are prone to sin and the enemy lies to all
of us. So lies are for all of us, big
or small, boy or girl. But I think just some
of the ways that God designed, uh, boys from the beginning,
that desire to lead, that desire to matter, that desire
to shepherd. Those are all God given desires. But the

(22:04):
enemy slithers in as he did in the garden, and
he can tend to warp those desires. And so we
tried to help boys think about, yeah, you're different than
your sister. You're different than your mom. And that's good.
We celebrate that. But how do you need to be
on guard as a boy and in the future, as
a man?

S2 (22:22):
Yeah. That's so good, Aaron. You know, I raised two
boys and one daughter, and I didn't have to teach them.
They just naturally gravitated towards just different things. Uh, my
boys always were. They wanted to be the warriors and
sword fighters and my daughters brave. But she wasn't that

(22:43):
attracted to sword fighting that much. She had other interests.
And and it's a beautiful thing that God has created
us differently. Uh, Jason, as you raise your boys, as
you speak into your boys lives, uh, especially at this age.
and you have teenagers. But this. This book is from
6 to 12. What is the truth? That you feel like?

(23:06):
This is the main truth I want to impart to
them to combat these lies?

S5 (23:11):
Well, there are a lot of truths that combat these lies,
but one of the main ones is that we all
often feel like we're isolated and alone, and that we
can't communicate about our struggles, uh, with the people around us,
because they wouldn't understand. But the truth is, we all struggle.

(23:34):
We all have faced sin. We need to live in
community where we can be open and honest about our
struggles so that we can help each other and and
grow in Christ likeness together. And so that isolation that
a lot of times, uh, Satan wants us to live in,
feel like we're the only ones that are struggling with this,

(23:56):
or we're the only ones that are involved and that
nobody would understand where we're coming from. It's a lie,
and we live better and we live more complete. When
we live in community and we're open with the people
around us.

S1 (24:12):
Well, we are offering this book, Mark, to our listeners. Lies,
boys believe. I can't think of a better thing to
put in the hands of parents and grandparents can.

S2 (24:19):
You know, this is a great resource tool. Thank you
for writing it. And I think there's a lot of
parents that will be excited about getting this book.

S1 (24:29):
Yes. And we want to send you a copy of
Lies Boys Believe. When you make a donation of any
amount to support bold steps, just call us at 800 Moody.
That's [phone] or give online at Bold Steps. And you
can also send your gift through the mail. Write to
us at bold steps. 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois

(24:51):
606 ten. Just be sure to tell us you want
a copy of Lies Boys Believe when you write. By
the way, we'd love to hear from you and get
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(25:13):
That's our time for today, but thanks for joining us.
I'm Wayne Shepherd, inviting you to come back again tomorrow,
and we'll continue Mark's message about unforgiveness and being robbed
of our spiritual joy. In the meantime, why not sign
up for The Bold Stepper Weekly Pastor Mark's free weekly devotional?
It's designed to help you start your week with powerful
biblical truths to guide you through life's challenges. Sign up

(25:35):
today at bird-stamps.org under the devotional tab. And that is
it for today. We'll see you Tuesday right here on
Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Bold steps is a production
of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.