September 16, 2025 • 26 mins
The Brain-Based Parenting team explores how technology can positively impact families when used with intention and appropriate boundaries.
Technology, when used wisely, can be a powerful tool for families. Instant access to information fuels children’s curiosity and learning, while calls, texts, and video chats help family members stay connected across distances. Safety features like location tracking give parents peace of mind, and educational apps, YouTube tutorials, and even Bible apps or faith-based podcasts provide unique opportunities for growth. Games and creative tools can build skills and encourage parent–child bonding. At the same time, practicing good “technology hygiene” is essential, being intentional about both the quantity and quality of tech use. Setting clear expectations from the start, modeling healthy habits as parents, and keeping devices in shared family spaces rather than bedrooms all help prevent conflict and strengthen family connection.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys
Ranch podcast for families.
We all know how hard being aparent is and sometimes it feels
like there are no good answersto the difficult questions
families have when their kidsare struggling.
Our goal each week will be totry and answer some of those
tough questions, utilizing theknowledge, experience and
(00:21):
professional training CalFarley's Boys Ranch has to offer
.
Now.
Here is your host.
Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has tooffer Now.
Here is your host.
Cal Farley's Staff DevelopmentCoordinator, joshua Sprott.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello and welcome.
Today we're going to discussthe positive side of technology
use.
Through that today, I'm joinedby Emily Tennyson.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Clinical Intervention Specialist Suzanne Wright.
Vice President of Training andClinical Intervention, Chloe
Hewitt, Youth Programs.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
Administrator.
Speaker 6 (00:43):
Sam Serna, Assistant Administrator of Residential
Communities.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
All right.
So today, since we're talkingabout technology, I thought for
our question today, I'd ask youall what is your favorite phone
app and how much time per day doyou use it?
Speaker 5 (00:57):
I don't feel like mine is very exciting.
So it's either going to be myemail, because I check my email
all the time, or it is going tobe my fitness app that I track
my protein and has my workoutson it.
So that is the app I probablyuse the most.
Probably an hour, hour and ahalf or more on that.
I have no idea on my email.
Speaker 6 (01:13):
My favorite app is YouTube.
It's because I like to learnthings.
If I want to learn how to dosomething, I can go to YouTube
and learn.
I learned how to change analternator during YouTube and
there's a lot of good podcastsand informational videos.
I'm into a lot of things.
I keep up with my favoriteshows and my favorite games
things like that all throughYouTube and listen through music
, so it's a big part of my day.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I
watch a lot of TikToks and I'velearned a lot of wonderful life
hacks through that.
But recently I've reallyenjoyed the chat GPT app,
because you can turn a dog intoa person or vice versa, and I
refuse to admit how much timeI've spent doing that.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Mine would probably be Instagram, specifically the
Instagram stories, because I getto follow my niece and what
she's doing throughout her dayas she grows up.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
So I love Instagram.
How about you, Josh?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
You have to answer the question too, yeah mine's
probably the most embarrassingof everyone's, and you probably
all know what mine is is PokemonGo.
I've been playing since thefirst day it came out and it's
been I don't even probablyembarrassing how much time I do
spend playing it, but I do get alot of walking in using it.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
You taught my daughter how to use Pokemon Go
before we took a trip, all right.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
So we're going to talk about the positive side of
technology today.
So how have you seen technologybenefit kids and families when
used well?
Speaker 5 (02:36):
So I think it's amazing to see how phones can
give us information.
Sometimes my kids havequestions like I have no idea
how to answer.
So like, for example, mydaughter had a field trip at the
zoo yesterday.
So we get in the car and I'mlike what was your favorite
animal?
She's like the cheetah.
How fast does a cheetah run?
I don't know the answer to that.
So then I use my phone to lookup how fast a cheetah runs,
right, and so I think thatthere's some of that that we can
(03:01):
kind of like.
That are really coolinquisitive questions our kids
have and we have a tool that wecan use to answer that for them,
right?
I also think there's a lot ofcool learning apps that I've
seen my kids use now and Iactually used.
I type pretty decently fast andI used a kids dunking
basketball game to learn how totype fast when I was like in
eighth grade, and so it's justfunny like I was thinking back
on like on the things that I'veused technology for growing up
(03:23):
and and so I do think that andcurrently my kids I use like
sight reading and sight words,letter sounds for my daughter
and that's usually what I put onin the background when we're
getting ready.
So I think there is a lot ofthings that can be used well,
that we can.
Sometimes we always viewtechnology as a negative and
there are positives.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
You know, when your kids are old enough to have cell
phones, it really increasesyour ability to stay in touch
and to communicate, especiallyif they play sports or they're
involved in other activities.
It's great to know where arethey.
You know what time should I gopick them up, and I wonder how
we ever managed that type ofthing before we had cell phones.
But even outside of that, itwas a way to maintain playful
(04:02):
engagement with my teenagers,who, you know, may have woke up
in a bad mood, or maybe we werein a conflict over you know
something.
But I could send a playful memeand kind of keep a connection
there.
Speaker 6 (04:14):
Yeah, I think it also can be used to communicate with
distant family members.
Yeah, so FaceTime is a goodtool to be able to see people
face to face.
Yeah, obviously, phone callswhat phones do, so it's a good
way to keep the family connected.
Even though you're, you got alot of space.
Also, I like to, I like to like.
I have grown up kids and mydaughter's, you know, super
(04:34):
special.
I'll send her a little heartemoji.
Yeah, and just that's all Igotta do.
A little blue heart and sheknows that, hey, I'm thinking
about you today yeah, doesn'thave to be a big conversation.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Yeah, well, and emily , you already mentioned it's a
cool way to keep up with yourniece.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Yes, we send videos to our little family group chat
all the time to watch her growup.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
So what might be some surprising underrated positive
effects of phones and technologyfor kids today?
Speaker 5 (04:58):
You know, I think we've already talked about that.
You can get a hold of them.
Suzanne was kind of talkingabout that.
That is helpful.
I kind of have like aninteresting story when I was
thinking about this Our lifegroup leader at church, like the
first week of school, herhusband is a principal at the
elementary.
So her oldest son was at theintermediate this year and had
to take a bus over to theelementary school to get to her
husband.
Well, he doesn't have a phonebut he has an Apple Watch and
(05:20):
they pay for a service on it.
Well, the bus didn't take himthere, it took him to the high
school.
And so he notices that theydrive past his dad's work.
So he calls his mom on hiswatch and she tracks him and she
talks and tells me the story asshe was freaking out.
She's like I'm just freakingout like trying to get to my kid
, she's like.
But I just tracked him, I wentas fast as I could to catch up
to that bus because I couldtrack his watch.
(05:42):
And then I stood, I was, I wasbehind him and so he could see
me and I drove all the way andthen I got him.
But I just thought like howcool is that?
That it couldn't have happenedwhen I was a kid, but it was a
way that, like it, there was apositive effect of she could see
where her son is, as he was, ashe was stressed out and she was
like talking him throughbreathing techniques because
she's a counselor, and so shewas like breathing with him as
(06:02):
she was like behind him and hecould see her, and so I felt
that was a really cool way offelt safety in that situation.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Those trackers are cool Like my daughter's been
learning how to drive and theyhave an app on the phone that
kind of tells you where yourkids are and as they've gone on
their first like solo trips, youknow around the neighborhood or
out into the McDonald's orwherever you know.
It's kind of nerve wracking,wondering if they're okay.
But I just watched them on myapp the whole time and the death
(06:30):
scene drive.
It tells the speed limitthey're going, that they weren't
speeding and doing all kinds ofgood stuff.
So it gave me a lot of peace ofmind being able to kind of
watch that too.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
My daughters used an app and I apologize, I can't
think of the name of it right inthe moment, but it's a way to
study for tests, and so youenter in questions and you type
in the answers and then it willrandomly give you a quiz.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Quizlet.
That's what it's called Quizlet.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
And if other people have studied for the same test,
maybe using the same textbook,you could share your quiz, and
so my kids always thought what acool use of technology, but in
reality they were studying.
They were entering theinformation, and so it looked
like it was cooler than justlooking at a piece of paper to
study.
But in reality it was just away to use technology to pique
(07:13):
their interest and keep themengaged, and I thought that was
a great tool.
My daughter still uses it incollege.
Speaker 5 (07:20):
I will say I also use a timer frequently with my
children, so like if we'resomewhere and they've already
given them a five minute limitor they're needing to switch a
toy, they're like well, you setthe timer and so ironically,
that has been used for bedtimeand for toys and all the things
I really enjoy YouTube tutorials.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
You can learn so many skills just looking up a
tutorial on YouTube.
So true, from crafting tocooking.
I agree.
Speaker 6 (07:44):
Yeah, also can boost creativity, you know, because a
lot of a lot of kids have.
Well, they know what it is now.
I mean, they have a lot ofaccess to some of the things,
depending on what the parentslet them do.
But it's a good form ofself-expression for teenagers
and things.
My little grandson at one timewas building Legos and then I
(08:10):
saw him we had a little Kindle.
It's a very limited thing butit does have a camera.
I guess he can record thingsand I'm like what are you doing
he's like I'm making a video.
So he was making a step-by-stephow to build something and I
thought that was really cool,although he didn't have a method
into post 86, but he had seenYouTube and understands that
people get in front of camerasand build things, so for him
this is like normal and so he'strying to teach them.
I thought that was really cool.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
There's so many creative things.
You mentioned YouTube.
There's a creator that puts outvideos that are to help you if
you struggle with ADHD.
They help you study.
And so it's a framework.
You have it on in thebackground and it guides you
through certain things, and Iknow some adults with ADHD who
put that on while they work on aproject for their job and
(08:46):
they've found that to be veryeffective.
So so many resources out there.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Speaking of creative ways, what are some creative
ways to make phones andtechnology a tool for connection
as opposed to isolation?
Speaker 5 (08:58):
So it's funny.
I was like, when I was thinkingabout this question, I was
thinking about, like what myhusband does with my son
frequently.
So when we're waiting forsomewhere, you know it is easy
for us to pull up YouTube orsomething that he wants to watch
, because he also likes to watchall of the building or the new
toys as they unleash them andshow them all.
But my husband plays chess onhis phone and he has taught my
son how to play chess on hisphone, and so what they do is
(09:20):
they actually learn chess.
If we're sitting at a restaurantwaiting, or the other day we
were waiting for our daughter'sprogram to start, and so austin
lets him put it on like thebeginner, which actually shows
him an assist, and then he makeslayton do like the next step,
the more challenging one, whereit doesn't assist you, and so
that's something that they haveshared together is they both are
interested in chess and do ittogether.
My daughter loves to look atall the old photos, so her thing
(09:44):
is when she has my phone isshe'll pull up all her old
photos or videos of herbirthdays or when she was a baby
, and so that's kind of like we.
It's funny.
She makes me go down memorylane with my phone.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
So, speaking of games , I love with iPhones you can
send games and play like in textmessage.
I think it's pigeon pigeon andI love playing the eight ball or
the basketball game.
Those are two of my favorites.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
So what about?
How can you use technology tosupport faith development?
Speaker 5 (10:09):
You know, this one was easy for me to my daughter I
talked about this in a previouspodcast is obsessed with Joseph
, so much.
And so now we listen to.
She wanted to learn more aboutJoseph, so I was like, let me
find this podcast and so it's aBible study for kids, and so it
is a like 40 minute.
They have two parts on Joseph.
So she and so frequently atleast once a week on our drive
(10:29):
out to ranch it's an hour welisten to Joseph, or we listen
to part two of Joseph on the wayhome.
So that is one way that we'veutilized it.
She also has the crazy biggestheart for worship, and so she
has her own worship play mixthat I'll put on as well, and
then she will be worshiping inthe backseat.
So that's some ways we haveused faith development with her.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I think it's so wonderful that you can have the
Bible app on your phone.
I was never good at rememberingto grab a Bible as I headed out
the house to church or wherever, but I always have it right
there on my phone.
It's just, you know, a touchaway, and I find that great.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Kind of embarrassed to say I've never actually read
through the Bible from start tofinish until two years ago, and
it was using the Bible app tolisten to on the way to work
every day.
My wife and my daughters and I,we just went through it every
single day and it was a good wayto just kind of hear it all
together and talk about it andit was just a real good way to
kind of finally complete theentire Bible.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Well, and just like with anything, if you have a
question, google's at yourfingertips, you know, and so
that you can use that technologyto answer your questions, to
solve a dispute, you know.
But again, if there's somemisunderstanding, it's so much
easier now to find the answersthat you need.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
There's so many times my girls will have pretty deep
questions about things andsometimes I don't know the
answer and then so I'll just goto ChatGPT or one of the other
AIs and just ask it, and itgives you all kinds of different
things and never consider that.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
It's also a way for people to stay connected with
their church groups.
Yeah, message, prayer boards ormessage with your groups and
things.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Me's what I, we're me and like five girls from church
are actually doing this like 75faith and hard challenge.
So it's actually just as muchabout being fit and eating well
as it is growing your faith.
And so you have to read achapter of the Bible, and so
we're doing Luke right now.
But it's just reallyinteresting, as we're studying
it, we're all like, hey, whatdid you get from this parable,
or what did this parable or whatdid this, and so that's, we've
(12:23):
spent like a lot of times likeresearching different things
just by having more dialogueeach day.
So I mean that is true Likewe've developed this group and
learned a lot from each other.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
So how can technology help students who struggle with
traditional classroom learning?
Speaker 5 (12:34):
You know, I am amazed .
You know, with my son being inkinder, he comes home and he
tells me what brain breaks are,right, like I guess I should
just know that, and I don't knowwhat that is.
But essentially it's that theyjust get him up and watch a
short video and it might be thatthey dance around or they jump
around or they sing a song, andso I've been amazed that they
have now implemented that morein the classroom, because as we
were kids, it was like you weregoing to sit there and you're
(12:55):
not allowed to move.
If you move or you get up, andit's that we've just come so far
.
I know, even in training, wheny'all do training, josh and
Suzanne you're always like, hey,let's get up and move.
So I think that there's a lot tosay that we allow that in the
classroom now.
But I also think it's coolbecause they have that giant
smart board and they'll play agame on it together or do the
brain break.
And one of the things weutilize at our high school and
our middle school is that theycan have headphones and listen
(13:16):
to music while working, and thathas come light years.
You know, we couldn't do thatas kids and so.
But I put music on when I workon a project and so I think
those are some ways that we canbreak it up compared to what it
was before.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
And if you have a learning struggle, there's an
app for that.
Yeah Right, there's so manycreative people who put
structure around helping anytype of challenge or disability,
and so if you, you know, if youknow your child has anxiety or
ADHD, you can look up an app forthat.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I'll say too, like just helping my kids with their
homework.
That was one of the moststressful things ever until I
started figuring out how toutilize different resources on
phone and apps and stuff likethat, and it's really made
homework time a lot lessstressful for me, not feeling so
inadequate, helping my kidswith their just basic fractions
and stuff.
So in what ways can phones ortablets support a child's
learning or in creativity?
Speaker 5 (14:06):
You know, I have a really close friend that her son
is obsessed with drawing and sothere is like Emily was talking
about.
There are different tutorials,so it is literally called Art
Hub and they can draw anythingand it breaks it down from the
very first line to all and hecan draw any Pokemon Godzilla,
which my son's obsessed withgodzilla and so because he loved
it and he was showing how goodhis drawings were, my son was
(14:28):
like, oh, I want to learn andwatch art hub and I was like I
didn't even know this existedand so it's so cool like they
learn how to draw it and thenthey color it like it, so that I
thought that's a really neatway.
I mean, there's just so much onyoutube that you can learn so
well and sam sharing that storyabout your grandson.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
who knows that he won't grow up and have a YouTube
channel?
But it's you know, it's just.
You have access to so many morethings to spark your creativity
than prior to the Internet.
We were reading a book orplaying in the dirt, and both of
those are excellent activities.
I highly recommend.
But we didn't know.
Speaker 5 (15:02):
You know, it was just , our world was more limited you
know, and it's not really aphone or tablet, but like my son
loves wildcrats and so I lovethat show too, because I like
they literally compared like analligator and a crocodile and
all the differences they have,all the similarities, and then
like shows them and educatesthem on all of it and I'm like,
hey, that's really neat and heloves all that kind of stuff.
His favorite books are like whoWould Win and it gives two
(15:25):
battles of like whale and asquid is what we read about last
night, and so I have learned alot just because of what his
interests are.
Wild Kratts is pretty nice.
Speaker 6 (15:32):
Wild.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Kratts is awesome.
Speaker 6 (15:35):
Yeah, it supports, right.
So whatever they're learningalready, like at school and
things and things.
You know, I like to use thisapp called duolingo to learn
just different languages.
I already speak spanish, so Ihad bought a subscription for
the whole family.
So if you guys want to learnspanish, let's all get in there
and let's and, and you cancompete and you can join
together and do like challengesand things like that.
So it was fun for a while.
(15:55):
But also, if they're doingspanish at school, this is just
a way to support and I'm surethere's tons of apps, yeah, like
apps and things.
So if you're having a struggle,there's a way to reinforce
something and maybe a more funor creative way, because some
kids learn Everybody learns indifferent ways, so maybe that's
another creative approach for it.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
So what do you hope kids will carry with them into
adulthood about how they usetechnology?
Speaker 5 (16:16):
You know, I really hope my kids are better than I
am at technology really becauseI don't feel like I'm that great
at it, and so I really do hopethat they have more talent with
it, because there's so manycareers that are beneficial to
that.
But I also really hope thatthey're good at typing.
I feel like nowadays sometimespeople aren't typing as much
like traditional typing, so Ireally want them to both still
(16:36):
have that skill.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I hope kids will understand that technology can
be used as a tool to enhancetheir life but also recognize
when it's draining to kind ofhave those boundaries set up in
place.
Speaker 6 (16:47):
It's a tool.
Technology is a tool.
It's not a replacement forrelationships.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
So that actually transitions perfectly into my
next question.
What comes to your mind whenyou hear the phrase technology,
technology, hygiene?
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Being aware of your technology use and watching the
amount you use.
It is what comes to my mind, Ithink you also have to focus on.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
what apps are you on?
Are you looking at information,like Emily said, that drains
you, or are you looking atinformation that bolsters you?
You know, even you knowFacebook's been around a long
time now but are you on Facebookwatching people post negative
things that fire you up and makeyou angry?
You know, then, that's nothealthy, that's not good for you
(17:28):
, and so sometimes you need to.
Even for us as adults, we needto put boundaries around how we
use technology and the amount oftime we spend.
What time of the day are we?
You know, if you're looking attechnology on your phone right
before you go to bed, it cancause sleep interruptions.
So I think all of that'simportant for kids, but just as
(17:48):
important for us as adults.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
I do think boundaries are very important.
I have an iPhone, and one of myfavorite parts of an iPhone is
the focus settings, and so I canset up a very specific time for
my phone to go to sleep, and itwill absolutely limit the
notifications I receive, and Ionly have it set up to where
calls come through from my momor my dad or very important
family, and everything else issilenced, and it probably starts
(18:12):
45 minutes before I want toactually go to sleep.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
I think hygiene is health right, and so when I was
in the military, I mean therewas time set up they call it
personal hygiene time and it waslike a short time, but that's
the time the soldier's supposedto brush their teeth and take
care of your stuff, no matterwhere you are in the field or at
the barracks, or you had thistime.
So I equate that to just likeeverything else.
Right, it's important enough.
The military builds it into aschedule.
(18:36):
It's that important.
So that just means being aware.
Be that important.
So that just means being aware.
Be aware that you got to takecare of yourself in all aspects.
Take care of your and thatincludes your technology use,
like I think Suzanne saidsomething real good too you got
to be careful what you're alsoputting in right.
So, hey, if I'm hearingsomething that just upsets me in
the morning, that's probablynot something I need to be doing
(18:57):
first thing, right?
I may not really like thesethings, but maybe I don't want
to hear something controversialfirst thing in the morning or
things like that.
But I do think it's all aboutawareness and mindfulness too.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
When I think about hygiene, I think about how we
learned hygiene, and it'susually from our parents and
caregivers, and I think the samething's true with technology
hygiene.
We, as adults and caregivers,need to make sure we're modeling
how we want our kids to use ittoo.
We can't tell them one thingand us do the complete opposite.
If you could give one piece ofadvice to a parent about guiding
their kids in tech use, whatwould that be?
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Connection is key.
Not all technology is bad, butmonitoring it and realizing we
all need to limit it.
That includes us and it's okayto put it down.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
It'll be there tomorrow.
Yeah, I think you need to besure there's a balance between
on-screen time and in real lifetime.
Real life connections, reallife relationships.
Go outside, look at the sun putyour feet in the grass.
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Stay engaged with what they're doing and ask
questions.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Mine kind of goes off of that.
Stay curious, what apps arethey using?
What needs are those appsmeeting, and is there another
way those needs could be metoutside of technology, to help
find that balance.
Speaker 6 (20:06):
That's great, emily, and also you've got to be aware
as a parent because there's allthese apps too that they're free
and then they're not free.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (20:15):
Depending on what you're doing, right.
That's why I think it'simportant to pay attention.
What are they doing?
Because you know you canaccidentally spend money or you
know they're built to also kindof suck you in.
So parents do got to be awarethat there's real predatory apps
out there that seem fun,especially like games.
They seem fun, but they're kindof pay to win that's what
gamers call it pay to win andthose things can suck anybody
(20:36):
into that.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
So what are some simple ways that parents can
model healthy tech habits fortheir kids?
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Putting the phones, tablets, computers away.
We're going to Colorado and soI am very excited to not have
any service.
Sam, you cannot call me Samdoesn't call me on vacation.
I'm having a hard time, but,yeah, like I think, you can take
a vacation where maybe thereisn't service or you, or even
you as a family, are intentionalabout.
(21:01):
Hey, I'm not going to get mycomputers or any of that out
today.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Put the phones down during dinner, I think,
depending on the age of yourchild.
Not having a phone in thebedroom overnight, I think it's
just so tempting for kids tostay up late anyway, but late
engaged with other people, whichmakes the next morning really
difficult.
It makes it harder to payattention at school.
I think.
Also computers have trained ourbrains to have a short
(21:27):
attention span right.
There's a 30-second TikTok or aminute TikTok, and if it lasts
longer than that I'm alreadybored and my brain wants to go
on to the next thing, and so wehave to balance that out with
being able to again payattention in real life.
Speaker 6 (21:42):
Stay engaged with what you're doing.
Unplug intentionally.
When I was hanging out withsome friends some years ago and
one of us noticed that we werejust on our phones and we were
sitting at a restaurant and wewere at a conference, and one of
them said, hey, hang up andhang out.
And I was like oh, what a coolstatement, so that became my
motto for the week hey.
And I was like, oh, what a coolstatement.
So that became our motto forthe week hey, hang up and hang
(22:02):
out.
When we're here, let's bepresent with each other, let's
enjoy each other, let's learneach other so that was really
cool.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
So how would you create boundaries around
technology without making itfeel like a punishment?
Speaker 3 (22:11):
I think this goes back to open communication.
Just talk with your kids aboutwhy boundaries are important and
offer choices when possible.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
Would you rather have your screen time after homework
or after dinner?
So yeah, I mean exactly whatEmily's saying.
I frequent conversations aboutthis is the expectation from the
beginning, like hey, you havethis many shows or you have this
amount of time At our house.
For the most part we try tomake them do their homework.
If it's not right after school,then it's outside play, and
then just because I know that,like, once my son has his show,
then he's less like hey, and sothen we're done right, like
(22:44):
that's less of a battle for himand that's a conversation we've
had with him.
Hey, there's less of a battlenow, because you've already got
your homework done.
Now, my daughter really doesn'tlove TV at all and so obviously
they, and obviously they don'thave phones, so it's not a
battle with her really.
But I do think maybe notnecessarily making it look as a
punishment or taking away Nowkind of like what we do with the
kids out here, like if theirexpectations aren't taken care
(23:06):
of, so if their beds aren't madeor they haven't done their
homework, then hey, you don'tget that until then.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
And so it's not necessarily that it's a
punishment, it's just you've gotto take care of business before
that's given to you and alsoagain set the role model, set
the standard by how you manageyour use of technology, so that
if you're doing it and you'reexpecting the same of them, it
feels less like punishment thanif you've restricted their
technology time but you're gluedto your phone.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Well, and I think that's so true, like I don't
really even sure some, but Ireally try to put my phone down
and I don't really watch TV tillmy kids go to bed.
If I watch a show, it's thatjust because I really am trying
to be intentional.
They go to bed pretty earlyanyways, and so it's like I can
give them those three hours.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
The best advice we got from a family member was to
make sure you set theexpectations ahead of time and
we actually found some contractsonline of things that were our
expectations and went over themwith our girls before they got
their cell phones and we'repretty upfront with them we're
going to be looking at yourphones, we'll be, checking them
whenever we want, not to, youknow, invade their privacy, but
(24:04):
just to make sure they're beingsafe on them, that they're going
to put them up at night andcharge them out of their rooms.
And doing that all up front keptit from being a battle, if
something happened.
And so that was real helpfulfor us and there's a lot of good
sample contracts online thatyou can kind of pick and choose
from if you want to do that.
That was kind of helpful for usto make it just work for your
family.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
I like that.
Everybody here said it's somuch about the conversation
about it, and I'd just like toadd that it's how you frame it.
Let's talk about what they'regaining and not what they're
losing Gaining some more timewith us or some connection time
with us, or a time to learn andbe with us, which is really
important, if they think aboutit later.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
You know, my kids are grown now.
But when they were at home theywould say why can't we have a
TV in our bedroom?
And that was just never allowedat my house and you weren't
allowed to have the computer inyour bedroom.
Those were, you know, publicspace activities in the living
room, and they would come homeand say, well, but so-and-so
gets to do this and so-and-sogets to do that, and I would
jokingly say that's because herparents don't like her as much
(25:01):
as I like you.
Right, I like you, I want tospend time with you, and so I,
you know I want to beinteracting with you.
If I were to allow you to havea TV and a computer in your room
, you'd never come out, right,your needs for connection, you
would feel like they were metadequately, and so for that
reason, you're going to have tocome out here in the living room
with me.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Well, thank you so much for using your technology
to listen to us today.
A really great use of yourtechnology would be to give us a
five-star review and share withall your friends on social
media and your family about howmuch you love brain-based
parenting.
Until next time you might haveto loan out your frontal lobes,
Just make sure you remember andget them back.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Thank you for listening to Brain Based
Parenting.
We hope you enjoyed this show.
If you would like moreinformation about Cal Farley's
Boys Ranch, are interested inemployment, would like
information about placing yourchild, or would like to help us
help children by donating to ourmission, please visit
calfarleyorg.
You can find us on all socialmedia platforms by searching for
Cal Farley's.
Thank you for spending yourtime with us and have a blessed
(26:04):
day.
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys
Ranch podcast for families.
We all know how hard being aparent is and sometimes it feels
like there are no good answersto the difficult questions
families have when their kidsare struggling.
Our goal each week will be totry and answer some of those
tough questions, utilizing theknowledge, experience and
(00:21):
professional training CalFarley's Boys Ranch has to offer
.
Now.
Here is your host.
Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has tooffer Now.
Here is your host.
Cal Farley's Staff DevelopmentCoordinator, joshua Sprott.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello and welcome.
Today we're going to discussthe positive side of technology
use.
Through that today, I'm joinedby Emily Tennyson.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Clinical Intervention Specialist Suzanne Wright.
Vice President of Training andClinical Intervention, Chloe
Hewitt, Youth Programs.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
Administrator.
Speaker 6 (00:43):
Sam Serna, Assistant Administrator of Residential
Communities.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
All right.
So today, since we're talkingabout technology, I thought for
our question today, I'd ask youall what is your favorite phone
app and how much time per day doyou use it?
Speaker 5 (00:57):
I don't feel like mine is very exciting.
So it's either going to be myemail, because I check my email
all the time, or it is going tobe my fitness app that I track
my protein and has my workoutson it.
So that is the app I probablyuse the most.
Probably an hour, hour and ahalf or more on that.
I have no idea on my email.
Speaker 6 (01:13):
My favorite app is YouTube.
It's because I like to learnthings.
If I want to learn how to dosomething, I can go to YouTube
and learn.
I learned how to change analternator during YouTube and
there's a lot of good podcastsand informational videos.
I'm into a lot of things.
I keep up with my favoriteshows and my favorite games
things like that all throughYouTube and listen through music
, so it's a big part of my day.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I
watch a lot of TikToks and I'velearned a lot of wonderful life
hacks through that.
But recently I've reallyenjoyed the chat GPT app,
because you can turn a dog intoa person or vice versa, and I
refuse to admit how much timeI've spent doing that.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Mine would probably be Instagram, specifically the
Instagram stories, because I getto follow my niece and what
she's doing throughout her dayas she grows up.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
So I love Instagram.
How about you, Josh?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
You have to answer the question too, yeah mine's
probably the most embarrassingof everyone's, and you probably
all know what mine is is PokemonGo.
I've been playing since thefirst day it came out and it's
been I don't even probablyembarrassing how much time I do
spend playing it, but I do get alot of walking in using it.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
You taught my daughter how to use Pokemon Go
before we took a trip, all right.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
So we're going to talk about the positive side of
technology today.
So how have you seen technologybenefit kids and families when
used well?
Speaker 5 (02:36):
So I think it's amazing to see how phones can
give us information.
Sometimes my kids havequestions like I have no idea
how to answer.
So like, for example, mydaughter had a field trip at the
zoo yesterday.
So we get in the car and I'mlike what was your favorite
animal?
She's like the cheetah.
How fast does a cheetah run?
I don't know the answer to that.
So then I use my phone to lookup how fast a cheetah runs,
right, and so I think thatthere's some of that that we can
(03:01):
kind of like.
That are really coolinquisitive questions our kids
have and we have a tool that wecan use to answer that for them,
right?
I also think there's a lot ofcool learning apps that I've
seen my kids use now and Iactually used.
I type pretty decently fast andI used a kids dunking
basketball game to learn how totype fast when I was like in
eighth grade, and so it's justfunny like I was thinking back
on like on the things that I'veused technology for growing up
(03:23):
and and so I do think that andcurrently my kids I use like
sight reading and sight words,letter sounds for my daughter
and that's usually what I put onin the background when we're
getting ready.
So I think there is a lot ofthings that can be used well,
that we can.
Sometimes we always viewtechnology as a negative and
there are positives.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
You know, when your kids are old enough to have cell
phones, it really increasesyour ability to stay in touch
and to communicate, especiallyif they play sports or they're
involved in other activities.
It's great to know where arethey.
You know what time should I gopick them up, and I wonder how
we ever managed that type ofthing before we had cell phones.
But even outside of that, itwas a way to maintain playful
(04:02):
engagement with my teenagers,who, you know, may have woke up
in a bad mood, or maybe we werein a conflict over you know
something.
But I could send a playful memeand kind of keep a connection
there.
Speaker 6 (04:14):
Yeah, I think it also can be used to communicate with
distant family members.
Yeah, so FaceTime is a goodtool to be able to see people
face to face.
Yeah, obviously, phone callswhat phones do, so it's a good
way to keep the family connected.
Even though you're, you got alot of space.
Also, I like to, I like to like.
I have grown up kids and mydaughter's, you know, super
(04:34):
special.
I'll send her a little heartemoji.
Yeah, and just that's all Igotta do.
A little blue heart and sheknows that, hey, I'm thinking
about you today yeah, doesn'thave to be a big conversation.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Yeah, well, and emily , you already mentioned it's a
cool way to keep up with yourniece.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Yes, we send videos to our little family group chat
all the time to watch her growup.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
So what might be some surprising underrated positive
effects of phones and technologyfor kids today?
Speaker 5 (04:58):
You know, I think we've already talked about that.
You can get a hold of them.
Suzanne was kind of talkingabout that.
That is helpful.
I kind of have like aninteresting story when I was
thinking about this Our lifegroup leader at church, like the
first week of school, herhusband is a principal at the
elementary.
So her oldest son was at theintermediate this year and had
to take a bus over to theelementary school to get to her
husband.
Well, he doesn't have a phonebut he has an Apple Watch and
(05:20):
they pay for a service on it.
Well, the bus didn't take himthere, it took him to the high
school.
And so he notices that theydrive past his dad's work.
So he calls his mom on hiswatch and she tracks him and she
talks and tells me the story asshe was freaking out.
She's like I'm just freakingout like trying to get to my kid
, she's like.
But I just tracked him, I wentas fast as I could to catch up
to that bus because I couldtrack his watch.
(05:42):
And then I stood, I was, I wasbehind him and so he could see
me and I drove all the way andthen I got him.
But I just thought like howcool is that?
That it couldn't have happenedwhen I was a kid, but it was a
way that, like it, there was apositive effect of she could see
where her son is, as he was, ashe was stressed out and she was
like talking him throughbreathing techniques because
she's a counselor, and so shewas like breathing with him as
(06:02):
she was like behind him and hecould see her, and so I felt
that was a really cool way offelt safety in that situation.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Those trackers are cool Like my daughter's been
learning how to drive and theyhave an app on the phone that
kind of tells you where yourkids are and as they've gone on
their first like solo trips, youknow around the neighborhood or
out into the McDonald's orwherever you know.
It's kind of nerve wracking,wondering if they're okay.
But I just watched them on myapp the whole time and the death
(06:30):
scene drive.
It tells the speed limitthey're going, that they weren't
speeding and doing all kinds ofgood stuff.
So it gave me a lot of peace ofmind being able to kind of
watch that too.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
My daughters used an app and I apologize, I can't
think of the name of it right inthe moment, but it's a way to
study for tests, and so youenter in questions and you type
in the answers and then it willrandomly give you a quiz.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Quizlet.
That's what it's called Quizlet.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
And if other people have studied for the same test,
maybe using the same textbook,you could share your quiz, and
so my kids always thought what acool use of technology, but in
reality they were studying.
They were entering theinformation, and so it looked
like it was cooler than justlooking at a piece of paper to
study.
But in reality it was just away to use technology to pique
(07:13):
their interest and keep themengaged, and I thought that was
a great tool.
My daughter still uses it incollege.
Speaker 5 (07:20):
I will say I also use a timer frequently with my
children, so like if we'resomewhere and they've already
given them a five minute limitor they're needing to switch a
toy, they're like well, you setthe timer and so ironically,
that has been used for bedtimeand for toys and all the things
I really enjoy YouTube tutorials.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
You can learn so many skills just looking up a
tutorial on YouTube.
So true, from crafting tocooking.
I agree.
Speaker 6 (07:44):
Yeah, also can boost creativity, you know, because a
lot of a lot of kids have.
Well, they know what it is now.
I mean, they have a lot ofaccess to some of the things,
depending on what the parentslet them do.
But it's a good form ofself-expression for teenagers
and things.
My little grandson at one timewas building Legos and then I
(08:10):
saw him we had a little Kindle.
It's a very limited thing butit does have a camera.
I guess he can record thingsand I'm like what are you doing
he's like I'm making a video.
So he was making a step-by-stephow to build something and I
thought that was really cool,although he didn't have a method
into post 86, but he had seenYouTube and understands that
people get in front of camerasand build things, so for him
this is like normal and so he'strying to teach them.
I thought that was really cool.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
There's so many creative things.
You mentioned YouTube.
There's a creator that puts outvideos that are to help you if
you struggle with ADHD.
They help you study.
And so it's a framework.
You have it on in thebackground and it guides you
through certain things, and Iknow some adults with ADHD who
put that on while they work on aproject for their job and
(08:46):
they've found that to be veryeffective.
So so many resources out there.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Speaking of creative ways, what are some creative
ways to make phones andtechnology a tool for connection
as opposed to isolation?
Speaker 5 (08:58):
So it's funny.
I was like, when I was thinkingabout this question, I was
thinking about, like what myhusband does with my son
frequently.
So when we're waiting forsomewhere, you know it is easy
for us to pull up YouTube orsomething that he wants to watch
, because he also likes to watchall of the building or the new
toys as they unleash them andshow them all.
But my husband plays chess onhis phone and he has taught my
son how to play chess on hisphone, and so what they do is
(09:20):
they actually learn chess.
If we're sitting at a restaurantwaiting, or the other day we
were waiting for our daughter'sprogram to start, and so austin
lets him put it on like thebeginner, which actually shows
him an assist, and then he makeslayton do like the next step,
the more challenging one, whereit doesn't assist you, and so
that's something that they haveshared together is they both are
interested in chess and do ittogether.
My daughter loves to look atall the old photos, so her thing
(09:44):
is when she has my phone isshe'll pull up all her old
photos or videos of herbirthdays or when she was a baby
, and so that's kind of like we.
It's funny.
She makes me go down memorylane with my phone.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
So, speaking of games , I love with iPhones you can
send games and play like in textmessage.
I think it's pigeon pigeon andI love playing the eight ball or
the basketball game.
Those are two of my favorites.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
So what about?
How can you use technology tosupport faith development?
Speaker 5 (10:09):
You know, this one was easy for me to my daughter I
talked about this in a previouspodcast is obsessed with Joseph
, so much.
And so now we listen to.
She wanted to learn more aboutJoseph, so I was like, let me
find this podcast and so it's aBible study for kids, and so it
is a like 40 minute.
They have two parts on Joseph.
So she and so frequently atleast once a week on our drive
(10:29):
out to ranch it's an hour welisten to Joseph, or we listen
to part two of Joseph on the wayhome.
So that is one way that we'veutilized it.
She also has the crazy biggestheart for worship, and so she
has her own worship play mixthat I'll put on as well, and
then she will be worshiping inthe backseat.
So that's some ways we haveused faith development with her.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I think it's so wonderful that you can have the
Bible app on your phone.
I was never good at rememberingto grab a Bible as I headed out
the house to church or wherever, but I always have it right
there on my phone.
It's just, you know, a touchaway, and I find that great.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Kind of embarrassed to say I've never actually read
through the Bible from start tofinish until two years ago, and
it was using the Bible app tolisten to on the way to work
every day.
My wife and my daughters and I,we just went through it every
single day and it was a good wayto just kind of hear it all
together and talk about it andit was just a real good way to
kind of finally complete theentire Bible.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Well, and just like with anything, if you have a
question, google's at yourfingertips, you know, and so
that you can use that technologyto answer your questions, to
solve a dispute, you know.
But again, if there's somemisunderstanding, it's so much
easier now to find the answersthat you need.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
There's so many times my girls will have pretty deep
questions about things andsometimes I don't know the
answer and then so I'll just goto ChatGPT or one of the other
AIs and just ask it, and itgives you all kinds of different
things and never consider that.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
It's also a way for people to stay connected with
their church groups.
Yeah, message, prayer boards ormessage with your groups and
things.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Me's what I, we're me and like five girls from church
are actually doing this like 75faith and hard challenge.
So it's actually just as muchabout being fit and eating well
as it is growing your faith.
And so you have to read achapter of the Bible, and so
we're doing Luke right now.
But it's just reallyinteresting, as we're studying
it, we're all like, hey, whatdid you get from this parable,
or what did this parable or whatdid this, and so that's, we've
(12:23):
spent like a lot of times likeresearching different things
just by having more dialogueeach day.
So I mean that is true Likewe've developed this group and
learned a lot from each other.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
So how can technology help students who struggle with
traditional classroom learning?
Speaker 5 (12:34):
You know, I am amazed .
You know, with my son being inkinder, he comes home and he
tells me what brain breaks are,right, like I guess I should
just know that, and I don't knowwhat that is.
But essentially it's that theyjust get him up and watch a
short video and it might be thatthey dance around or they jump
around or they sing a song, andso I've been amazed that they
have now implemented that morein the classroom, because as we
were kids, it was like you weregoing to sit there and you're
(12:55):
not allowed to move.
If you move or you get up, andit's that we've just come so far
.
I know, even in training, wheny'all do training, josh and
Suzanne you're always like, hey,let's get up and move.
So I think that there's a lot tosay that we allow that in the
classroom now.
But I also think it's coolbecause they have that giant
smart board and they'll play agame on it together or do the
brain break.
And one of the things weutilize at our high school and
our middle school is that theycan have headphones and listen
(13:16):
to music while working, and thathas come light years.
You know, we couldn't do thatas kids and so.
But I put music on when I workon a project and so I think
those are some ways that we canbreak it up compared to what it
was before.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
And if you have a learning struggle, there's an
app for that.
Yeah Right, there's so manycreative people who put
structure around helping anytype of challenge or disability,
and so if you, you know, if youknow your child has anxiety or
ADHD, you can look up an app forthat.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I'll say too, like just helping my kids with their
homework.
That was one of the moststressful things ever until I
started figuring out how toutilize different resources on
phone and apps and stuff likethat, and it's really made
homework time a lot lessstressful for me, not feeling so
inadequate, helping my kidswith their just basic fractions
and stuff.
So in what ways can phones ortablets support a child's
learning or in creativity?
Speaker 5 (14:06):
You know, I have a really close friend that her son
is obsessed with drawing and sothere is like Emily was talking
about.
There are different tutorials,so it is literally called Art
Hub and they can draw anythingand it breaks it down from the
very first line to all and hecan draw any Pokemon Godzilla,
which my son's obsessed withgodzilla and so because he loved
it and he was showing how goodhis drawings were, my son was
(14:28):
like, oh, I want to learn andwatch art hub and I was like I
didn't even know this existedand so it's so cool like they
learn how to draw it and thenthey color it like it, so that I
thought that's a really neatway.
I mean, there's just so much onyoutube that you can learn so
well and sam sharing that storyabout your grandson.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
who knows that he won't grow up and have a YouTube
channel?
But it's you know, it's just.
You have access to so many morethings to spark your creativity
than prior to the Internet.
We were reading a book orplaying in the dirt, and both of
those are excellent activities.
I highly recommend.
But we didn't know.
Speaker 5 (15:02):
You know, it was just , our world was more limited you
know, and it's not really aphone or tablet, but like my son
loves wildcrats and so I lovethat show too, because I like
they literally compared like analligator and a crocodile and
all the differences they have,all the similarities, and then
like shows them and educatesthem on all of it and I'm like,
hey, that's really neat and heloves all that kind of stuff.
His favorite books are like whoWould Win and it gives two
(15:25):
battles of like whale and asquid is what we read about last
night, and so I have learned alot just because of what his
interests are.
Wild Kratts is pretty nice.
Speaker 6 (15:32):
Wild.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Kratts is awesome.
Speaker 6 (15:35):
Yeah, it supports, right.
So whatever they're learningalready, like at school and
things and things.
You know, I like to use thisapp called duolingo to learn
just different languages.
I already speak spanish, so Ihad bought a subscription for
the whole family.
So if you guys want to learnspanish, let's all get in there
and let's and, and you cancompete and you can join
together and do like challengesand things like that.
So it was fun for a while.
(15:55):
But also, if they're doingspanish at school, this is just
a way to support and I'm surethere's tons of apps, yeah, like
apps and things.
So if you're having a struggle,there's a way to reinforce
something and maybe a more funor creative way, because some
kids learn Everybody learns indifferent ways, so maybe that's
another creative approach for it.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
So what do you hope kids will carry with them into
adulthood about how they usetechnology?
Speaker 5 (16:16):
You know, I really hope my kids are better than I
am at technology really becauseI don't feel like I'm that great
at it, and so I really do hopethat they have more talent with
it, because there's so manycareers that are beneficial to
that.
But I also really hope thatthey're good at typing.
I feel like nowadays sometimespeople aren't typing as much
like traditional typing, so Ireally want them to both still
(16:36):
have that skill.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I hope kids will understand that technology can
be used as a tool to enhancetheir life but also recognize
when it's draining to kind ofhave those boundaries set up in
place.
Speaker 6 (16:47):
It's a tool.
Technology is a tool.
It's not a replacement forrelationships.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
So that actually transitions perfectly into my
next question.
What comes to your mind whenyou hear the phrase technology,
technology, hygiene?
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Being aware of your technology use and watching the
amount you use.
It is what comes to my mind, Ithink you also have to focus on.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
what apps are you on?
Are you looking at information,like Emily said, that drains
you, or are you looking atinformation that bolsters you?
You know, even you knowFacebook's been around a long
time now but are you on Facebookwatching people post negative
things that fire you up and makeyou angry?
You know, then, that's nothealthy, that's not good for you
(17:28):
, and so sometimes you need to.
Even for us as adults, we needto put boundaries around how we
use technology and the amount oftime we spend.
What time of the day are we?
You know, if you're looking attechnology on your phone right
before you go to bed, it cancause sleep interruptions.
So I think all of that'simportant for kids, but just as
(17:48):
important for us as adults.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
I do think boundaries are very important.
I have an iPhone, and one of myfavorite parts of an iPhone is
the focus settings, and so I canset up a very specific time for
my phone to go to sleep, and itwill absolutely limit the
notifications I receive, and Ionly have it set up to where
calls come through from my momor my dad or very important
family, and everything else issilenced, and it probably starts
(18:12):
45 minutes before I want toactually go to sleep.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
I think hygiene is health right, and so when I was
in the military, I mean therewas time set up they call it
personal hygiene time and it waslike a short time, but that's
the time the soldier's supposedto brush their teeth and take
care of your stuff, no matterwhere you are in the field or at
the barracks, or you had thistime.
So I equate that to just likeeverything else.
Right, it's important enough.
The military builds it into aschedule.
(18:36):
It's that important.
So that just means being aware.
Be that important.
So that just means being aware.
Be aware that you got to takecare of yourself in all aspects.
Take care of your and thatincludes your technology use,
like I think Suzanne saidsomething real good too you got
to be careful what you're alsoputting in right.
So, hey, if I'm hearingsomething that just upsets me in
the morning, that's probablynot something I need to be doing
(18:57):
first thing, right?
I may not really like thesethings, but maybe I don't want
to hear something controversialfirst thing in the morning or
things like that.
But I do think it's all aboutawareness and mindfulness too.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
When I think about hygiene, I think about how we
learned hygiene, and it'susually from our parents and
caregivers, and I think the samething's true with technology
hygiene.
We, as adults and caregivers,need to make sure we're modeling
how we want our kids to use ittoo.
We can't tell them one thingand us do the complete opposite.
If you could give one piece ofadvice to a parent about guiding
their kids in tech use, whatwould that be?
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Connection is key.
Not all technology is bad, butmonitoring it and realizing we
all need to limit it.
That includes us and it's okayto put it down.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
It'll be there tomorrow.
Yeah, I think you need to besure there's a balance between
on-screen time and in real lifetime.
Real life connections, reallife relationships.
Go outside, look at the sun putyour feet in the grass.
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Stay engaged with what they're doing and ask
questions.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Mine kind of goes off of that.
Stay curious, what apps arethey using?
What needs are those appsmeeting, and is there another
way those needs could be metoutside of technology, to help
find that balance.
Speaker 6 (20:06):
That's great, emily, and also you've got to be aware
as a parent because there's allthese apps too that they're free
and then they're not free.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (20:15):
Depending on what you're doing, right.
That's why I think it'simportant to pay attention.
What are they doing?
Because you know you canaccidentally spend money or you
know they're built to also kindof suck you in.
So parents do got to be awarethat there's real predatory apps
out there that seem fun,especially like games.
They seem fun, but they're kindof pay to win that's what
gamers call it pay to win andthose things can suck anybody
(20:36):
into that.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
So what are some simple ways that parents can
model healthy tech habits fortheir kids?
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Putting the phones, tablets, computers away.
We're going to Colorado and soI am very excited to not have
any service.
Sam, you cannot call me Samdoesn't call me on vacation.
I'm having a hard time, but,yeah, like I think, you can take
a vacation where maybe thereisn't service or you, or even
you as a family, are intentionalabout.
(21:01):
Hey, I'm not going to get mycomputers or any of that out
today.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Put the phones down during dinner, I think,
depending on the age of yourchild.
Not having a phone in thebedroom overnight, I think it's
just so tempting for kids tostay up late anyway, but late
engaged with other people, whichmakes the next morning really
difficult.
It makes it harder to payattention at school.
I think.
Also computers have trained ourbrains to have a short
(21:27):
attention span right.
There's a 30-second TikTok or aminute TikTok, and if it lasts
longer than that I'm alreadybored and my brain wants to go
on to the next thing, and so wehave to balance that out with
being able to again payattention in real life.
Speaker 6 (21:42):
Stay engaged with what you're doing.
Unplug intentionally.
When I was hanging out withsome friends some years ago and
one of us noticed that we werejust on our phones and we were
sitting at a restaurant and wewere at a conference, and one of
them said, hey, hang up andhang out.
And I was like oh, what a coolstatement, so that became my
motto for the week hey.
And I was like, oh, what a coolstatement.
So that became our motto forthe week hey, hang up and hang
(22:02):
out.
When we're here, let's bepresent with each other, let's
enjoy each other, let's learneach other so that was really
cool.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
So how would you create boundaries around
technology without making itfeel like a punishment?
Speaker 3 (22:11):
I think this goes back to open communication.
Just talk with your kids aboutwhy boundaries are important and
offer choices when possible.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
Would you rather have your screen time after homework
or after dinner?
So yeah, I mean exactly whatEmily's saying.
I frequent conversations aboutthis is the expectation from the
beginning, like hey, you havethis many shows or you have this
amount of time At our house.
For the most part we try tomake them do their homework.
If it's not right after school,then it's outside play, and
then just because I know that,like, once my son has his show,
then he's less like hey, and sothen we're done right, like
(22:44):
that's less of a battle for himand that's a conversation we've
had with him.
Hey, there's less of a battlenow, because you've already got
your homework done.
Now, my daughter really doesn'tlove TV at all and so obviously
they, and obviously they don'thave phones, so it's not a
battle with her really.
But I do think maybe notnecessarily making it look as a
punishment or taking away Nowkind of like what we do with the
kids out here, like if theirexpectations aren't taken care
(23:06):
of, so if their beds aren't madeor they haven't done their
homework, then hey, you don'tget that until then.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
And so it's not necessarily that it's a
punishment, it's just you've gotto take care of business before
that's given to you and alsoagain set the role model, set
the standard by how you manageyour use of technology, so that
if you're doing it and you'reexpecting the same of them, it
feels less like punishment thanif you've restricted their
technology time but you're gluedto your phone.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Well, and I think that's so true, like I don't
really even sure some, but Ireally try to put my phone down
and I don't really watch TV tillmy kids go to bed.
If I watch a show, it's thatjust because I really am trying
to be intentional.
They go to bed pretty earlyanyways, and so it's like I can
give them those three hours.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
The best advice we got from a family member was to
make sure you set theexpectations ahead of time and
we actually found some contractsonline of things that were our
expectations and went over themwith our girls before they got
their cell phones and we'repretty upfront with them we're
going to be looking at yourphones, we'll be, checking them
whenever we want, not to, youknow, invade their privacy, but
(24:04):
just to make sure they're beingsafe on them, that they're going
to put them up at night andcharge them out of their rooms.
And doing that all up front keptit from being a battle, if
something happened.
And so that was real helpfulfor us and there's a lot of good
sample contracts online thatyou can kind of pick and choose
from if you want to do that.
That was kind of helpful for usto make it just work for your
family.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
I like that.
Everybody here said it's somuch about the conversation
about it, and I'd just like toadd that it's how you frame it.
Let's talk about what they'regaining and not what they're
losing Gaining some more timewith us or some connection time
with us, or a time to learn andbe with us, which is really
important, if they think aboutit later.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
You know, my kids are grown now.
But when they were at home theywould say why can't we have a
TV in our bedroom?
And that was just never allowedat my house and you weren't
allowed to have the computer inyour bedroom.
Those were, you know, publicspace activities in the living
room, and they would come homeand say, well, but so-and-so
gets to do this and so-and-sogets to do that, and I would
jokingly say that's because herparents don't like her as much
(25:01):
as I like you.
Right, I like you, I want tospend time with you, and so I,
you know I want to beinteracting with you.
If I were to allow you to havea TV and a computer in your room
, you'd never come out, right,your needs for connection, you
would feel like they were metadequately, and so for that
reason, you're going to have tocome out here in the living room
with me.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Well, thank you so much for using your technology
to listen to us today.
A really great use of yourtechnology would be to give us a
five-star review and share withall your friends on social
media and your family about howmuch you love brain-based
parenting.
Until next time you might haveto loan out your frontal lobes,
Just make sure you remember andget them back.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Thank you for listening to Brain Based
Parenting.
We hope you enjoyed this show.
If you would like moreinformation about Cal Farley's
Boys Ranch, are interested inemployment, would like
information about placing yourchild, or would like to help us
help children by donating to ourmission, please visit
calfarleyorg.
You can find us on all socialmedia platforms by searching for
Cal Farley's.
Thank you for spending yourtime with us and have a blessed
(26:04):
day.
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