February 11, 2025 • 24 mins
Ever felt that asking for help might make you seem inadequate? You're not alone. We explore why reaching out for assistance is, in fact, a sign of strength. This episode of Brain-Based Parenting dives into the unique self-care journeys of parents and caregivers and how recognizing personal needs can be challenging amidst daily stress. We also shine a light on the role of supportive communities and the importance of embracing vulnerability in fostering resilience.
Balancing the demands of work and parenting can be a tightrope walk, fraught with fears of rejection and self-doubt. We delve into how faith groups, parenting circles, and professional networks can provide a safe haven for sharing experiences and receiving empathy. We also focus on the struggles faced by single parents, offering practical strategies for integrating self-care into their routines and building a network of supportive friends. Through our conversation, we reinforce the idea that no one should feel isolated in their parenting journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys
Ranch podcast for families.
We all know how hard being aparent is, and sometimes it
feels like there are no goodanswers to the difficult
questions families have whentheir kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be totry and answer some of those
tough questions, utilizing theknowledge, experience and
(00:21):
professional training CalFarley's Boys Ranch has to offer
.
Now here is your host, calFarley's Staff Development
Coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello and welcome.
Today we're going to continueto talk about the importance of
incorporating self-care intoyour daily and weekly routines.
To do that today, I'm againjoined by Sam Serna, Assistant
Administrator of Residential.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Programs Cole Smith.
I work in the TransitionalLiving Department.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Jill Ortega.
I'm the Direct Care StaffTraining Specialist.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
For our question of the day.
Last week, I asked what yourgo-to self-care thing was.
So this week I thought I'd askyou what is something that
others find helpful forself-care that does not work for
you?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
I don't do quiet and listening to music by myself,
and I'm going to pick thatbecause that's what Julie said
worked for her, and so that isnever my choice to sit quietly
and have music playing.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
My thing that does not work for me is something
that Cole does.
That does not work for me andthat's running I tried it a few
years ago and it was not mything and also fishing.
I like to be there, I like tobe by the water.
I don't want to touch a fish, Idon't want to put a worm on a
hook.
I will accompany you and beyour cheerleader, but I do not
(01:31):
want to fish.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
That's a great role for self-care.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I typically I don't really like reading for
self-care.
I think that's more of abuilding block versus a make me
calmer thing.
I want to.
Sometimes I just like to moveor do something mindless.
I like to pace a lot when I'mthinking.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I hate naps.
Like I wish I could take naps,but I feel like a hundred times
worse after I take a nap asopposed to if I don't.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I'm so good at naps, Josh, I'm sorry, I'm really good
at it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
April, my wife April loves she loves naps and that's
like her thing.
I cannot, I don't know.
I wish I could, but it just.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
I really mastered like the five-minute in my
recliner nap and not even sureanyone knew I was asleep.
So my wife always tells me it'svery easy to tell that I was
asleep for five minutes.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Don't tell my boss, but I mastered the five-minute
in a meeting nap.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
All right, so let's continue our discussion on
self-care.
Why is it difficult for parentsand caregivers to recognize
when they need help?
Speaker 4 (02:28):
I think so much of parent and caregiver identities
is kind of wrapped up in theones who are in charge and
taking care of everything andmeeting all of the need, and
when that becomes like your coreidentity, then acknowledging
needing help kind of feels morelike something shameful, guilt,
all of those feelings that comeup around it.
And so I think when so much ofyour identity is taking care of
(02:49):
everything, kind ofacknowledging that they need
help feels like a crack in thearmor.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I also think parents and caregivers they're so good
at balancing multiple thingsright, you have to do this and
make the schedule and take careof your own stuff, right, and
that's all great, untilsomething out of the ordinary
happens.
And once that thing happens,now they got to add another
thing or two, or whatever, orsome terrible event that's
happening in their world, andnow it's chaos, right, and I
think Cole said a little bit ofthis, Right?
(03:14):
I think, hey, we're, we're soused to just taking care of
ourselves and we feel inadequate.
And so when I ask for somebodyfor help, for example, hey, it
might.
Maybe they're thinking I can'tdo it or I'm not good enough, or
I'm being judged, or anythinglike that.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
You know it's kind of hard.
I agree with that.
I think that we do feel somekind of shame or inadequacy over
the word help.
Also, I think, like ourexperience over the last year,
we there were so many times thatwe had people helping us, but
people would also ask what weneeded during this past year and
I would be so exhausted or sojust enmeshed in trying to
(03:54):
manage everything that I wouldjust say I don't even know what
I need right now.
Like that would take time forme to have to stop and think
about and plan this is what Icould use for help and I just I
didn't feel like I had the timeto do that.
So it's hard to ask for help.
It is.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I wonder too, when it comes to recognizing it, how
much of the daily grind of lifejust wears us down and we don't
even realize that we're burnout,that it's not like some
ginormous, sometimes it is,sometimes it's a big thing, but
sometimes it's just that onestraw that breaks the camel's
back, that kind of pushes thisover the edge to burn out.
So you guys started to talkabout this a little bit.
But why is asking for help asign of strength rather than a
(04:33):
sign of weakness?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Well, we're built to live in communities.
We're built to exist andsurvive with other humans, right
.
So asking another human forhelp shouldn't be out of the
realm of possibility for most ofus, right.
And so it's a sign of strength,because I think more people can
handle more load right.
So if I can have somebody helpme with something, even a small
(04:54):
thing, I think people have, likewhen I've been sick, prepared
me a meal or brought mesomething that they know I
needed right, and it's just oneless thing I have to take care
of when I'm taking care of thisother thing.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
I think asking for help kind of shows a sense of
security in that my need forhelp is not defining of me as a
person.
I'm able to.
I can ask for help without Isay all this, asking for help
without feeling shame, as if youknow, it's kind of a level of
strength that is hard to get toalmost, and so I think that's
why I think that vulnerabilitykind of shows a higher strength
(05:28):
than a lot of us have.
When you can express a needwithout feeling like it's a
reflection on yourself, it'skind of a unique character trait
to see in people these days.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
Well, I think, too, if we're in a place where we're
needing help, to be able tostill be that self-aware that
this is what I need is also astrength, because sometimes, by
the time we're willing to askfor help, we're in a crisis mode
and we don't have thatawareness.
So, yeah, I think that is asign of strength instead of
(05:57):
weakness.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And maybe our willingness to ask can be
infectious.
Right, we build a communitywhere other people can say, hey,
it seems like it's okay to askand maybe we have help, and
that's just people looking outfor each other kind of thing.
If nobody ever asks and thatnever happens, I think that
building a supportive communitythat's how it happens.
Obviously it's give and take.
It's not like we're keepingscore, but hey, you know, these
(06:22):
people are willing to help.
These are people I can trust.
I want to help them too when Isee that they need something.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
You know, yeah, and there are so many times where I
have been asked to help withsmall things with friends, kids
or things around theneighborhood or things at work,
and I'm more than happy to helpand I'm often glad that I can be
helpful and then think aboutwhat I have been willing to
reach out and ask for help inthis situation and so kind of
other people.
Like you said it does.
(06:47):
It becomes infectious.
It normalizes that we're notall autonomous, that we are
interconnected and that thereare ways that we can bring value
to each other and make ourlives better and so making that
a normal characteristic of thecommunity feels so much better
than we all operate completelyindependently and perfectly on
our own and don't ever needanyone's help.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
And Cole is right, often it's just it can be such a
little thing that makes such abig impact on somebody, and then
it does become infectious.
Somebody does something like asmall thing for me that was
helpful.
Then I'm willing to dosomething else for somebody I
was just sitting here thinkingabout, and this year I had a
heavy box at the headquartersand I couldn't get it into my
(07:27):
car, and so Sam said just let meknow anything I can do to help.
So I said, hey, I have this boxat the headquarters and he
delivered it to my house for me,and that was a small thing for
Sam but made a huge differencefor me.
That was just one thing I couldeasily check off my list.
I didn't have to worry about itand Sam was so willing to do it
.
And so you know then that makesme want to help somebody else
(07:50):
by having people do those thingsfor me.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
So what role do support networks like your
spouse, friends, communitygroups?
What do they?
What part do they play inhelping parents prioritize
self-care?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I think that if we express what we need right.
So my wife and I have beenmarried so long now she knows
the things I need for the mostpart.
She knows that sometimes I needa few minutes to myself just to
have me time.
I'm very introverted when Iwant to do something, like when
I got on this.
I want to work out consistently, kick right.
She was completely supportive.
(08:21):
How can I help?
I think the important thing isto let people around you know
what you're doing.
Right, you're doing, hey, I'mtrying to eat better, I'm trying
to do this better, or this iswhat I need.
Like telling my boss I needcertain time.
You know a certain time that Ineed to go take care of
something.
Right, that's important.
I think the communication of itis really important.
I think letting the peoplearound you know what you're
trying to accomplish they cansupport you through whatever
(08:42):
that is that you're trying to do.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, I've heard that we get sicker in isolation and
we heal in community and ifyou're just by yourself all the
time, you don't really haveaccess to other people who can
jump in and help you out.
But if you put yourself inpositions where you're around
friends, community groups, thenthere's more people who can give
you help and more people thatyou can reach out and help as
well.
So I think that's an importantpart of it as well.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Well, there's important things, like you know,
sometimes a person's life ortheir work life does something
Like they got to stay late forsome reason and it's really nice
to be able to call a trustedfriend and say can you pick up
my kids?
I see that here all the time inthese busy schedules and hey, I
got so-and-so picking up mychild and they're going to watch
them at their house for alittle while.
I mean, those things are soimportant because there's things
(09:25):
out of the realm that we can'tcontrol and your kids could pay
for that, right, and if, if,what?
If I don't show up to pick upmy kid from school, or that's
going to be a problem and thepoor kid.
Right Versus I have this personthat the child knows that is set
up, that if dad or mom doesn'tshow up, you know you're.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I reached out to one of our coworkers because I saw
where her car was parked and itwas close to daycare pickup, and
so I picked up her daughter,which made her daughter and my
daughter happier because theygot to hang out for a few extra
minutes, and then my wife wasrunning late getting home but I
needed to take our oldestdaughter into town and so within
20 minutes the favor had beenrepaid by a whole nother
neighbor and once againeveryone's kids were happier
(10:07):
because they all got to playtogether again.
And everyone's kids werehappier because they all got to
play together again.
And so a series of peoplehelping each other out made
probably the night calmer andeasier for most people because
their kids got a little bit morespecial friend time and it
seemed like everyone's night wasgoing happier because of the
situation where we were all justseeing a need and able to help
out pretty quickly.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I always wonder.
It seems like I don't know ifyou guys feel the same way.
It's kind of scary sometimes toask for help, but from what
I've heard you all say, mostpeople are more than happy to
help.
What do you think that thatinsecurity is about?
That we're scared to reach out.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
I can think of two things.
One of them is what do I do ifthe person says no?
It just I have very few peoplein my community or network of
people who I think would say noif they could help.
But if for some reason theycan't, then what are my options?
And so I think sometimes, whenI get to the point of asking for
help, I feel like a rejectionis very risky, because now, what
do I do?
And then also the idea of arethey going to think I don't have
(11:02):
it together?
And, spoiler alert, I don'thave it together and most of the
time we all don't have ittogether, and that's the part
that is okay to normalize.
So what role?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
do faith communities, parenting groups or
professional networks play inproviding safe spaces for
parents to seek help?
Speaker 5 (11:18):
I think in those groups you're going to find
people that are going throughthe same things that you're
going through.
Like Cole said, we don't allhave it together.
You know most of us go throughtimes when we don't have
anything together.
You know we might really bestruggling, and so I think you
find support in those groups,other people that are going
through things that you're goingthrough.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Yeah, two of our three kids have had different
health issues as between likekindergarten and second grade,
and almost every time we wouldtalk about it at church or in
some other situations.
We found out how many otherpeople's kids had the same issue
that we didn't even knowexisted before our kids had it.
But we'd have two or threeother couples be like oh yeah,
my son had the exact sameprocedure that your daughter's
(11:59):
about to have.
Everything went great, yeah,and so we got some empathy from
people who had been there beforeand had gone through some of
the same stuff and we didn'teven we had no idea that that
resource was out there until wekind of talked about what was
going on and also theseorganizations that you mentioned
here are there.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
That's what they do.
They kind of advertise.
This.
Stuff to me kind of makes itmore okay, right, hey, we have
this, we have that, we have thisprogram available for you.
We can, we can help withchildcare after this time or
whatever.
It is Right so parents canstill do the things they need to
do.
You know, and like I love goingto church, and then there's a
place to put the kids right sothe adults can focus on that.
(12:37):
Now, that's one way to do it.
Another way to do it is haveyour kids with you, obviously,
and there's another way to do it.
But there's all theseorganizations here.
To me it's like permission,they're all here Julie said it,
we're all struggling or seeingthe same thing, or there's a
person there who's been throughit and they can help talk you
through those things and providehelp.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
I think sometimes too , help doesn't always come in
the form of an act, like doingsomething for somebody, but
faith communities, yourcommunity, your church community
, people can be praying for you,supporting you in those ways as
well, and I think there's a lotof power in prayer.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
So I think there's also just a lot of power in not
feeling alone in a situation.
You know I talked about thehealth situations.
None of our friends providedextra medical care whenever our
kids were going through thosesituations.
But knowing that we weren'talone in that situation created
a more resilience in us.
I guess Gives you a lot ofpeace of mind.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
How might self-care strategies differ for single
parents?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
I think we mentioned the last podcast that sometimes
you got to do things that are.
They compound things, like youknow.
Take your kids out on the walkwith you or find some way that
they're enjoying some kind ofrecreational time that you also
enjoy.
I think, cole, you mentionedcoloring yeah, for example, it's
harder, right, because you havea single parent, has, I mean,
less support, are already justin the home.
Hopefully sometimes you canreach out to extended family
(13:58):
members and maybe they can helpout with some things.
And it goes back to am Iwilling to do?
I have that ability but if, ifanything, you know, you know
sometimes you, just you have tojust find a way to build some of
that into your routines.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
I was a single parent for a while and my son did
everything with me.
So if I was going out on thatwalk, Jordan went with me If I
was cooking.
Jordan was there with me, youknow.
He just he did everything withme.
Also, I remember very few of myfriends had children.
So I was young, we were allyoung, and so not all of my
friends had had their own kids.
And so I had a friend tell meone time you need to find you
friends that love your kids,find you some friends that love
(14:39):
your son.
And that helped, because then Ihad more resources, people to
help me if I needed help.
I had that person that couldpick Jordan up from daycare or
could you know, keep him for anhour in an evening so I could
have some time.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And my mom was a single parent and I think she
often worried that people wouldjudge her for taking time to
herself and things like that,and I think she was also worried
that we would be upset with herif we weren't getting her time.
But I think we all recognizethat she needed that time and
not to feel guilty about thatand that we'd be okay if she
took some time to herself.
I also think she did a good jobin reaching out to our church,
(15:15):
getting some of the other peopleinvolved in our church that
would kind of watch us and hangout with us and expose us to new
cool things to give her sometime off.
So I think reaching out is agood thing too.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
Yeah, I'm going to imagine growing up when you were
going to hang out with otheradults and do cool new things
you never thought.
Oh, I just wish that I was homealone with mom right now.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I also think for single parents.
You know you probably got tofocus more on your schedule and
focus more on pre-planningthings.
You know, because, like like wesaid earlier, I don't I don't
think everybody self-carestaking walks and going outside
or leaving If it is.
You've got to find a way toplan for that.
But if you can do things in thehouse to recharge your
batteries like after I put thekids to bed, I can have a little
(15:53):
bit of free time or, like Isaid, get up a little earlier.
A person needs to get somereading done or some work done.
I mean, there's ways tomanipulate your schedule, that
you can get ahead of it and planfor things.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
What about working parents?
How can they balance theirprofessional responsibilities
while at the same time providingself-care for their parenting?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
There are a few people that I really admire that
are working professionals andthey really prioritize family.
You know some people I'm guiltyof this.
I really prioritize it.
I was raised that work isimportant.
We got to make money and allthese things right.
But the balance is what Ilearned as I've gotten older.
Balancing that thing right.
Me being at work all the timeisn't really healthy for me or
(16:33):
my family, right, because dad'snot around.
In fact, that's why my wifewanted us to get this job was
because I was gone too much andI was always working.
And she said, hey, I want to doa job where we work together
and we ended up being houseparents, right.
And so the balance was isdifficult because you know some
people, we want, we gotta, we,we gotta do good and we have to
(16:54):
have a purpose.
Right, so I gotta do good in mywork.
It's a strong work ethic that Ihave creates me to want to do
it and do it a lot and also gettons of fulfillment from it.
But then I'm lacking over here,or maybe I come home and I could
be a little unhappy becauseeverybody's kind of mad at me
because I got home late, or youknow, or I'm more tired and I
and I don't want to engage, orthere's it's.
It's weird.
So working professionals got tofind a got to find a balance.
Right, you have to.
You got family at home.
(17:14):
You got to figure out a waythat I can get everything I need
at work done at the same time.
There's got to be ways I got toshut it down at least for a
little while to do the things Ineed to do.
And the things I respect aboutthese people is they take this
extra time.
One of my friends finds bedtimereally important and this
routine, and it's very importantto them that these routines are
(17:35):
maintained so their childrenhave the healthiest experience
they can have, and the kids alsodo.
I think kids as they grow theyrealize hey, my dad's busy, my
mom's busy Also, they also seethat, hey, they are taking this
time to make this the same forme every day.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
I think that's really cool.
I admire that a lot.
I think you have to have reallygood boundaries to keep that
balance.
I also think, too, from Ray andI and our work experience.
I mean, we've been at BoysRanch for a long time, but when
I look back when we used to notwork together, as opposed to
when we do work together, wespend more time talking about
work outside of work now workingtogether.
And so we have to keepboundaries around that as well,
(18:13):
too, that we aren't spending ourwhole evening talking about
something that maybe is going onat work, because it's common,
you know, for both of us.
So I think we were better atthat when we didn't work
together, so we have to setthose boundaries better.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
What advice would you give to parents who feel that
they are constantly in survivalmode and just can't?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
find that time to do self-care.
I think I would say one feelinglike you're in survival mode as
a parent, I think is verycommon.
And two is I think you thinkself-care is a bigger thing,
that big events, it's bigactivities as opposed to tiny,
small decisions.
Because you're right, whenthings are hard and you're out
of energy, parenting and itfeels like it's chaos, you don't
have time for big.
You know you can't take theparenting day off and so kind of
(18:57):
those big.
You know I think we talkedabout on last podcast those big
aftercare events you don'tnecessarily have time for.
But you can still make thesmall decisions and it's super
hard to make small decisionswhen you're small.
Consistent decisions,repeatedly, are really hard to
do when you're drained and outof energy.
But those are the things thatmake the difference, not the two
or three hour blocks of timethat are so hard to come by.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Yeah, I mean we've talked about this a few times
and you have to mold, mold whatyour vision of self-care is
right.
Sometimes I just need abreather, I just need to step
outside or just get a minute,close my door for a minute.
Kids are on the other side ofthe door.
I just need a breath and I comeback and get out there.
Right, because if you're insurvival mode, I mean things are
(19:39):
, I mean wow.
I mean you can't explainsometimes the things people go
through out there.
You, you know, and these criseswe find ourselves in,
especially when we're young andif we're young parents, you know
we have a lot of we don't knowa lot and we don't have a lot of
resources at times, you know.
So there's many people likethat In your survival mode.
I think you just got to try totry again, build in some time,
(19:59):
make remember that if you don'tdo it, you know, I think you're
never going to catch a breathand you're going to always just
be very stressed.
So sometimes we just got tocarve it out somehow.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
I think you have to start feeling better to feel
better, and so that's hard ifyou're in survival mode.
And so I think, if you can justfind a minute to just stop and
take a deep breath and say whatdo I need right now, what is
something that I need right now,and figure out in that minute,
in that moment, in that day,what do I need right now?
Then as you start doing that,it's a process and you'll start
(20:31):
building maybe some habits orsome self-care into your daily
routine.
But if you're in survival mode,it's hard to come up with a
long-term plan, right?
Speaker 3 (20:42):
So survival mode to me is like you're in your low
brain, right, and I'm barelyfunctioning, I'm, I'm, I am
working on the things that areautomatic, right.
That's why I think what Juliesaid is really important you
have to find a way to step back,you have to find a way to take
that breath, because that's whatsurvival mode I'm barely, I'm
just breathing.
I am, uh, whatever I'm doing,automatic I'm fighting, I'm
(21:03):
flying or I'm freezing, andthat's not a healthy place for
anybody.
And so I think it's reallyimportant that it's really
important to figure out how toget myself out of that.
There are times that's going tohappen, but I think, if we're
living that way on a daily basis, self-care is even more
important for you.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
One thing I found that's kind of interesting.
I always thought that my kidswould be upset if I in the
middle of a crisis or a hectic,chaotic day, if I just took a
second.
But I've been surprised thatI'll just say I need a break for
a few minutes, and even whenthey're like super needy and
super crazy, like I think theyget it too.
So just be bold enough to saydad needs a break, mom needs a
break, and just take a fewseconds and come back and be the
(21:40):
better version of yourself.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
I think that's important for our kids to learn
too, because a kid might beafraid to say that to a parent
like dad, I just need a break,you know.
And that would be a healthything, a healthy way for them to
cope with a difficult situationto just say I need a break, can
I have a few minutes and thencome back.
So I think that's a perfectthing to role model to our kids.
What advice would you give tosomeone who's never asked for
(22:12):
help before and doesn't knowwhere to start.
I think one thing is if, maybeto, if they could reframe the
word help and to support, thatfeels better than the word help.
For me it did anyway, whensomebody would say to me I had a
friend that would say what canI do to support you, and that
just felt so different than what, what do you need?
Or or you know, what can I doto support you, and that just
felt so different than what doyou need or what can I do to
help you.
The word help, we just getafraid of that word help.
It feels like we're inadequateor not enough.
(22:33):
And so I think if we can justkind of reframe the word help in
our mind to maybe support or aresource.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
I like that.
I think asking for assistanceis difficult for any of us and I
think, if we can acknowledgethat, I think many people have
the same problem.
That being said, right,everybody has these difficulties
.
Everybody's going to have atime when they need somebody.
And I think, if we can put thatin our minds and remember that
and hopefully you're buildingrelationships and I think you
(23:04):
can got to try it out.
The truth is, you know the thecourage of the first step right
to to do it, and you might besurprised how many people would
be willing to do it.
It goes back also.
I, when I went to this churchgroup they they split us up into
, you know, our age groups andthings.
I found it so enlightening andso refreshing that you could
just say something in this groupand josh said this they're just
(23:26):
praying for you or they're, andeven just knowing that, like,
people are thinking about me.
And then, when I go back thenext week, they remembered the
thing I said and they said, hey,how's that going?
You know, even though they'renot physically helping me, right
, but that's another step right.
Or somebody will walk up and say, hey, I know so and so can I.
Can I give them your number?
These doors open.
But you have to first bevulnerable, and that is so hard,
(23:49):
and once you do that, I thinkpeople will be surprised how
much, how many people out therehave a resource for you or are
willing themselves to take someof that burden off of you
Because it feels so good just tohelp other people.
It does, it does, and if youfeel that way, I want you to
think that other people feelthat way.
If you feel inadequate, I wantyou to think that other people
(24:10):
also feel that way.
We're all the same, inherently.
Some of us are just braver thanothers at times, you know, and
so I think that's the advice Iwould give.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
All right.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
If you'd like to contact us andask us a question, our email
address is podcast atcalfarleyorg.
I'll leave a link in thedescription and, as always, you
might have to loan out yourfrontal lobe today.
Just make sure you remember andget it back.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Thank you for listening to Brain Based
Parenting.
We hope you enjoyed this show.
If you would like moreinformation about Cal Farley's
Boys Ranch, are interested inemployment, would like
information about placing yourchild, or would like to help us
help children by donating to ourmission, please visit
calfarleyorg.
You can find us on all socialmedia platforms by searching for
(24:55):
Calfarley's.
Thank you for spending yourtime with us and have a blessed
day.
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys
Ranch podcast for families.
We all know how hard being aparent is, and sometimes it
feels like there are no goodanswers to the difficult
questions families have whentheir kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be totry and answer some of those
tough questions, utilizing theknowledge, experience and
(00:21):
professional training CalFarley's Boys Ranch has to offer
.
Now here is your host, calFarley's Staff Development
Coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello and welcome.
Today we're going to continueto talk about the importance of
incorporating self-care intoyour daily and weekly routines.
To do that today, I'm againjoined by Sam Serna, Assistant
Administrator of Residential.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Programs Cole Smith.
I work in the TransitionalLiving Department.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Jill Ortega.
I'm the Direct Care StaffTraining Specialist.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
For our question of the day.
Last week, I asked what yourgo-to self-care thing was.
So this week I thought I'd askyou what is something that
others find helpful forself-care that does not work for
you?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
I don't do quiet and listening to music by myself,
and I'm going to pick thatbecause that's what Julie said
worked for her, and so that isnever my choice to sit quietly
and have music playing.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
My thing that does not work for me is something
that Cole does.
That does not work for me andthat's running I tried it a few
years ago and it was not mything and also fishing.
I like to be there, I like tobe by the water.
I don't want to touch a fish, Idon't want to put a worm on a
hook.
I will accompany you and beyour cheerleader, but I do not
(01:31):
want to fish.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
That's a great role for self-care.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I typically I don't really like reading for
self-care.
I think that's more of abuilding block versus a make me
calmer thing.
I want to.
Sometimes I just like to moveor do something mindless.
I like to pace a lot when I'mthinking.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I hate naps.
Like I wish I could take naps,but I feel like a hundred times
worse after I take a nap asopposed to if I don't.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I'm so good at naps, Josh, I'm sorry, I'm really good
at it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
April, my wife April loves she loves naps and that's
like her thing.
I cannot, I don't know.
I wish I could, but it just.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
I really mastered like the five-minute in my
recliner nap and not even sureanyone knew I was asleep.
So my wife always tells me it'svery easy to tell that I was
asleep for five minutes.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Don't tell my boss, but I mastered the five-minute
in a meeting nap.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
All right, so let's continue our discussion on
self-care.
Why is it difficult for parentsand caregivers to recognize
when they need help?
Speaker 4 (02:28):
I think so much of parent and caregiver identities
is kind of wrapped up in theones who are in charge and
taking care of everything andmeeting all of the need, and
when that becomes like your coreidentity, then acknowledging
needing help kind of feels morelike something shameful, guilt,
all of those feelings that comeup around it.
And so I think when so much ofyour identity is taking care of
(02:49):
everything, kind ofacknowledging that they need
help feels like a crack in thearmor.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I also think parents and caregivers they're so good
at balancing multiple thingsright, you have to do this and
make the schedule and take careof your own stuff, right, and
that's all great, untilsomething out of the ordinary
happens.
And once that thing happens,now they got to add another
thing or two, or whatever, orsome terrible event that's
happening in their world, andnow it's chaos, right, and I
think Cole said a little bit ofthis, Right?
(03:14):
I think, hey, we're, we're soused to just taking care of
ourselves and we feel inadequate.
And so when I ask for somebodyfor help, for example, hey, it
might.
Maybe they're thinking I can'tdo it or I'm not good enough, or
I'm being judged, or anythinglike that.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
You know it's kind of hard.
I agree with that.
I think that we do feel somekind of shame or inadequacy over
the word help.
Also, I think, like ourexperience over the last year,
we there were so many times thatwe had people helping us, but
people would also ask what weneeded during this past year and
I would be so exhausted or sojust enmeshed in trying to
(03:54):
manage everything that I wouldjust say I don't even know what
I need right now.
Like that would take time forme to have to stop and think
about and plan this is what Icould use for help and I just I
didn't feel like I had the timeto do that.
So it's hard to ask for help.
It is.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I wonder too, when it comes to recognizing it, how
much of the daily grind of lifejust wears us down and we don't
even realize that we're burnout,that it's not like some
ginormous, sometimes it is,sometimes it's a big thing, but
sometimes it's just that onestraw that breaks the camel's
back, that kind of pushes thisover the edge to burn out.
So you guys started to talkabout this a little bit.
But why is asking for help asign of strength rather than a
(04:33):
sign of weakness?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Well, we're built to live in communities.
We're built to exist andsurvive with other humans, right
.
So asking another human forhelp shouldn't be out of the
realm of possibility for most ofus, right.
And so it's a sign of strength,because I think more people can
handle more load right.
So if I can have somebody helpme with something, even a small
(04:54):
thing, I think people have, likewhen I've been sick, prepared
me a meal or brought mesomething that they know I
needed right, and it's just oneless thing I have to take care
of when I'm taking care of thisother thing.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
I think asking for help kind of shows a sense of
security in that my need forhelp is not defining of me as a
person.
I'm able to.
I can ask for help without Isay all this, asking for help
without feeling shame, as if youknow, it's kind of a level of
strength that is hard to get toalmost, and so I think that's
why I think that vulnerabilitykind of shows a higher strength
(05:28):
than a lot of us have.
When you can express a needwithout feeling like it's a
reflection on yourself, it'skind of a unique character trait
to see in people these days.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
Well, I think, too, if we're in a place where we're
needing help, to be able tostill be that self-aware that
this is what I need is also astrength, because sometimes, by
the time we're willing to askfor help, we're in a crisis mode
and we don't have thatawareness.
So, yeah, I think that is asign of strength instead of
(05:57):
weakness.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And maybe our willingness to ask can be
infectious.
Right, we build a communitywhere other people can say, hey,
it seems like it's okay to askand maybe we have help, and
that's just people looking outfor each other kind of thing.
If nobody ever asks and thatnever happens, I think that
building a supportive communitythat's how it happens.
Obviously it's give and take.
It's not like we're keepingscore, but hey, you know, these
(06:22):
people are willing to help.
These are people I can trust.
I want to help them too when Isee that they need something.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
You know, yeah, and there are so many times where I
have been asked to help withsmall things with friends, kids
or things around theneighborhood or things at work,
and I'm more than happy to helpand I'm often glad that I can be
helpful and then think aboutwhat I have been willing to
reach out and ask for help inthis situation and so kind of
other people.
Like you said it does.
(06:47):
It becomes infectious.
It normalizes that we're notall autonomous, that we are
interconnected and that thereare ways that we can bring value
to each other and make ourlives better and so making that
a normal characteristic of thecommunity feels so much better
than we all operate completelyindependently and perfectly on
our own and don't ever needanyone's help.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
And Cole is right, often it's just it can be such a
little thing that makes such abig impact on somebody, and then
it does become infectious.
Somebody does something like asmall thing for me that was
helpful.
Then I'm willing to dosomething else for somebody I
was just sitting here thinkingabout, and this year I had a
heavy box at the headquartersand I couldn't get it into my
(07:27):
car, and so Sam said just let meknow anything I can do to help.
So I said, hey, I have this boxat the headquarters and he
delivered it to my house for me,and that was a small thing for
Sam but made a huge differencefor me.
That was just one thing I couldeasily check off my list.
I didn't have to worry about itand Sam was so willing to do it
.
And so you know then that makesme want to help somebody else
(07:50):
by having people do those thingsfor me.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
So what role do support networks like your
spouse, friends, communitygroups?
What do they?
What part do they play inhelping parents prioritize
self-care?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I think that if we express what we need right.
So my wife and I have beenmarried so long now she knows
the things I need for the mostpart.
She knows that sometimes I needa few minutes to myself just to
have me time.
I'm very introverted when Iwant to do something, like when
I got on this.
I want to work out consistently, kick right.
She was completely supportive.
(08:21):
How can I help?
I think the important thing isto let people around you know
what you're doing.
Right, you're doing, hey, I'mtrying to eat better, I'm trying
to do this better, or this iswhat I need.
Like telling my boss I needcertain time.
You know a certain time that Ineed to go take care of
something.
Right, that's important.
I think the communication of itis really important.
I think letting the peoplearound you know what you're
trying to accomplish they cansupport you through whatever
(08:42):
that is that you're trying to do.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, I've heard that we get sicker in isolation and
we heal in community and ifyou're just by yourself all the
time, you don't really haveaccess to other people who can
jump in and help you out.
But if you put yourself inpositions where you're around
friends, community groups, thenthere's more people who can give
you help and more people thatyou can reach out and help as
well.
So I think that's an importantpart of it as well.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Well, there's important things, like you know,
sometimes a person's life ortheir work life does something
Like they got to stay late forsome reason and it's really nice
to be able to call a trustedfriend and say can you pick up
my kids?
I see that here all the time inthese busy schedules and hey, I
got so-and-so picking up mychild and they're going to watch
them at their house for alittle while.
I mean, those things are soimportant because there's things
(09:25):
out of the realm that we can'tcontrol and your kids could pay
for that, right, and if, if,what?
If I don't show up to pick upmy kid from school, or that's
going to be a problem and thepoor kid.
Right Versus I have this personthat the child knows that is set
up, that if dad or mom doesn'tshow up, you know you're.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I reached out to one of our coworkers because I saw
where her car was parked and itwas close to daycare pickup, and
so I picked up her daughter,which made her daughter and my
daughter happier because theygot to hang out for a few extra
minutes, and then my wife wasrunning late getting home but I
needed to take our oldestdaughter into town and so within
20 minutes the favor had beenrepaid by a whole nother
neighbor and once againeveryone's kids were happier
(10:07):
because they all got to playtogether again.
And everyone's kids werehappier because they all got to
play together again.
And so a series of peoplehelping each other out made
probably the night calmer andeasier for most people because
their kids got a little bit morespecial friend time and it
seemed like everyone's night wasgoing happier because of the
situation where we were all justseeing a need and able to help
out pretty quickly.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I always wonder.
It seems like I don't know ifyou guys feel the same way.
It's kind of scary sometimes toask for help, but from what
I've heard you all say, mostpeople are more than happy to
help.
What do you think that thatinsecurity is about?
That we're scared to reach out.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
I can think of two things.
One of them is what do I do ifthe person says no?
It just I have very few peoplein my community or network of
people who I think would say noif they could help.
But if for some reason theycan't, then what are my options?
And so I think sometimes, whenI get to the point of asking for
help, I feel like a rejectionis very risky, because now, what
do I do?
And then also the idea of arethey going to think I don't have
(11:02):
it together?
And, spoiler alert, I don'thave it together and most of the
time we all don't have ittogether, and that's the part
that is okay to normalize.
So what role?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
do faith communities, parenting groups or
professional networks play inproviding safe spaces for
parents to seek help?
Speaker 5 (11:18):
I think in those groups you're going to find
people that are going throughthe same things that you're
going through.
Like Cole said, we don't allhave it together.
You know most of us go throughtimes when we don't have
anything together.
You know we might really bestruggling, and so I think you
find support in those groups,other people that are going
through things that you're goingthrough.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Yeah, two of our three kids have had different
health issues as between likekindergarten and second grade,
and almost every time we wouldtalk about it at church or in
some other situations.
We found out how many otherpeople's kids had the same issue
that we didn't even knowexisted before our kids had it.
But we'd have two or threeother couples be like oh yeah,
my son had the exact sameprocedure that your daughter's
(11:59):
about to have.
Everything went great, yeah,and so we got some empathy from
people who had been there beforeand had gone through some of
the same stuff and we didn'teven we had no idea that that
resource was out there until wekind of talked about what was
going on and also theseorganizations that you mentioned
here are there.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
That's what they do.
They kind of advertise.
This.
Stuff to me kind of makes itmore okay, right, hey, we have
this, we have that, we have thisprogram available for you.
We can, we can help withchildcare after this time or
whatever.
It is Right so parents canstill do the things they need to
do.
You know, and like I love goingto church, and then there's a
place to put the kids right sothe adults can focus on that.
(12:37):
Now, that's one way to do it.
Another way to do it is haveyour kids with you, obviously,
and there's another way to do it.
But there's all theseorganizations here.
To me it's like permission,they're all here Julie said it,
we're all struggling or seeingthe same thing, or there's a
person there who's been throughit and they can help talk you
through those things and providehelp.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
I think sometimes too , help doesn't always come in
the form of an act, like doingsomething for somebody, but
faith communities, yourcommunity, your church community
, people can be praying for you,supporting you in those ways as
well, and I think there's a lotof power in prayer.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
So I think there's also just a lot of power in not
feeling alone in a situation.
You know I talked about thehealth situations.
None of our friends providedextra medical care whenever our
kids were going through thosesituations.
But knowing that we weren'talone in that situation created
a more resilience in us.
I guess Gives you a lot ofpeace of mind.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
How might self-care strategies differ for single
parents?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
I think we mentioned the last podcast that sometimes
you got to do things that are.
They compound things, like youknow.
Take your kids out on the walkwith you or find some way that
they're enjoying some kind ofrecreational time that you also
enjoy.
I think, cole, you mentionedcoloring yeah, for example, it's
harder, right, because you havea single parent, has, I mean,
less support, are already justin the home.
Hopefully sometimes you canreach out to extended family
(13:58):
members and maybe they can helpout with some things.
And it goes back to am Iwilling to do?
I have that ability but if, ifanything, you know, you know
sometimes you, just you have tojust find a way to build some of
that into your routines.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
I was a single parent for a while and my son did
everything with me.
So if I was going out on thatwalk, Jordan went with me If I
was cooking.
Jordan was there with me, youknow.
He just he did everything withme.
Also, I remember very few of myfriends had children.
So I was young, we were allyoung, and so not all of my
friends had had their own kids.
And so I had a friend tell meone time you need to find you
friends that love your kids,find you some friends that love
(14:39):
your son.
And that helped, because then Ihad more resources, people to
help me if I needed help.
I had that person that couldpick Jordan up from daycare or
could you know, keep him for anhour in an evening so I could
have some time.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And my mom was a single parent and I think she
often worried that people wouldjudge her for taking time to
herself and things like that,and I think she was also worried
that we would be upset with herif we weren't getting her time.
But I think we all recognizethat she needed that time and
not to feel guilty about thatand that we'd be okay if she
took some time to herself.
I also think she did a good jobin reaching out to our church,
(15:15):
getting some of the other peopleinvolved in our church that
would kind of watch us and hangout with us and expose us to new
cool things to give her sometime off.
So I think reaching out is agood thing too.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
Yeah, I'm going to imagine growing up when you were
going to hang out with otheradults and do cool new things
you never thought.
Oh, I just wish that I was homealone with mom right now.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I also think for single parents.
You know you probably got tofocus more on your schedule and
focus more on pre-planningthings.
You know, because, like like wesaid earlier, I don't I don't
think everybody self-carestaking walks and going outside
or leaving If it is.
You've got to find a way toplan for that.
But if you can do things in thehouse to recharge your
batteries like after I put thekids to bed, I can have a little
(15:53):
bit of free time or, like Isaid, get up a little earlier.
A person needs to get somereading done or some work done.
I mean, there's ways tomanipulate your schedule, that
you can get ahead of it and planfor things.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
What about working parents?
How can they balance theirprofessional responsibilities
while at the same time providingself-care for their parenting?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
There are a few people that I really admire that
are working professionals andthey really prioritize family.
You know some people I'm guiltyof this.
I really prioritize it.
I was raised that work isimportant.
We got to make money and allthese things right.
But the balance is what Ilearned as I've gotten older.
Balancing that thing right.
Me being at work all the timeisn't really healthy for me or
(16:33):
my family, right, because dad'snot around.
In fact, that's why my wifewanted us to get this job was
because I was gone too much andI was always working.
And she said, hey, I want to doa job where we work together
and we ended up being houseparents, right.
And so the balance was isdifficult because you know some
people, we want, we gotta, we,we gotta do good and we have to
(16:54):
have a purpose.
Right, so I gotta do good in mywork.
It's a strong work ethic that Ihave creates me to want to do
it and do it a lot and also gettons of fulfillment from it.
But then I'm lacking over here,or maybe I come home and I could
be a little unhappy becauseeverybody's kind of mad at me
because I got home late, or youknow, or I'm more tired and I
and I don't want to engage, orthere's it's.
It's weird.
So working professionals got tofind a got to find a balance.
Right, you have to.
You got family at home.
(17:14):
You got to figure out a waythat I can get everything I need
at work done at the same time.
There's got to be ways I got toshut it down at least for a
little while to do the things Ineed to do.
And the things I respect aboutthese people is they take this
extra time.
One of my friends finds bedtimereally important and this
routine, and it's very importantto them that these routines are
(17:35):
maintained so their childrenhave the healthiest experience
they can have, and the kids alsodo.
I think kids as they grow theyrealize hey, my dad's busy, my
mom's busy Also, they also seethat, hey, they are taking this
time to make this the same forme every day.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
I think that's really cool.
I admire that a lot.
I think you have to have reallygood boundaries to keep that
balance.
I also think, too, from Ray andI and our work experience.
I mean, we've been at BoysRanch for a long time, but when
I look back when we used to notwork together, as opposed to
when we do work together, wespend more time talking about
work outside of work now workingtogether.
And so we have to keepboundaries around that as well,
(18:13):
too, that we aren't spending ourwhole evening talking about
something that maybe is going onat work, because it's common,
you know, for both of us.
So I think we were better atthat when we didn't work
together, so we have to setthose boundaries better.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
What advice would you give to parents who feel that
they are constantly in survivalmode and just can't?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
find that time to do self-care.
I think I would say one feelinglike you're in survival mode as
a parent, I think is verycommon.
And two is I think you thinkself-care is a bigger thing,
that big events, it's bigactivities as opposed to tiny,
small decisions.
Because you're right, whenthings are hard and you're out
of energy, parenting and itfeels like it's chaos, you don't
have time for big.
You know you can't take theparenting day off and so kind of
(18:57):
those big.
You know I think we talkedabout on last podcast those big
aftercare events you don'tnecessarily have time for.
But you can still make thesmall decisions and it's super
hard to make small decisionswhen you're small.
Consistent decisions,repeatedly, are really hard to
do when you're drained and outof energy.
But those are the things thatmake the difference, not the two
or three hour blocks of timethat are so hard to come by.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Yeah, I mean we've talked about this a few times
and you have to mold, mold whatyour vision of self-care is
right.
Sometimes I just need abreather, I just need to step
outside or just get a minute,close my door for a minute.
Kids are on the other side ofthe door.
I just need a breath and I comeback and get out there.
Right, because if you're insurvival mode, I mean things are
(19:39):
, I mean wow.
I mean you can't explainsometimes the things people go
through out there.
You, you know, and these criseswe find ourselves in,
especially when we're young andif we're young parents, you know
we have a lot of we don't knowa lot and we don't have a lot of
resources at times, you know.
So there's many people likethat In your survival mode.
I think you just got to try totry again, build in some time,
(19:59):
make remember that if you don'tdo it, you know, I think you're
never going to catch a breathand you're going to always just
be very stressed.
So sometimes we just got tocarve it out somehow.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
I think you have to start feeling better to feel
better, and so that's hard ifyou're in survival mode.
And so I think, if you can justfind a minute to just stop and
take a deep breath and say whatdo I need right now, what is
something that I need right now,and figure out in that minute,
in that moment, in that day,what do I need right now?
Then as you start doing that,it's a process and you'll start
(20:31):
building maybe some habits orsome self-care into your daily
routine.
But if you're in survival mode,it's hard to come up with a
long-term plan, right?
Speaker 3 (20:42):
So survival mode to me is like you're in your low
brain, right, and I'm barelyfunctioning, I'm, I'm, I am
working on the things that areautomatic, right.
That's why I think what Juliesaid is really important you
have to find a way to step back,you have to find a way to take
that breath, because that's whatsurvival mode I'm barely, I'm
just breathing.
I am, uh, whatever I'm doing,automatic I'm fighting, I'm
(21:03):
flying or I'm freezing, andthat's not a healthy place for
anybody.
And so I think it's reallyimportant that it's really
important to figure out how toget myself out of that.
There are times that's going tohappen, but I think, if we're
living that way on a daily basis, self-care is even more
important for you.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
One thing I found that's kind of interesting.
I always thought that my kidswould be upset if I in the
middle of a crisis or a hectic,chaotic day, if I just took a
second.
But I've been surprised thatI'll just say I need a break for
a few minutes, and even whenthey're like super needy and
super crazy, like I think theyget it too.
So just be bold enough to saydad needs a break, mom needs a
break, and just take a fewseconds and come back and be the
(21:40):
better version of yourself.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
I think that's important for our kids to learn
too, because a kid might beafraid to say that to a parent
like dad, I just need a break,you know.
And that would be a healthything, a healthy way for them to
cope with a difficult situationto just say I need a break, can
I have a few minutes and thencome back.
So I think that's a perfectthing to role model to our kids.
What advice would you give tosomeone who's never asked for
(22:12):
help before and doesn't knowwhere to start.
I think one thing is if, maybeto, if they could reframe the
word help and to support, thatfeels better than the word help.
For me it did anyway, whensomebody would say to me I had a
friend that would say what canI do to support you, and that
just felt so different than what, what do you need?
Or or you know, what can I doto support you, and that just
felt so different than what doyou need or what can I do to
help you.
The word help, we just getafraid of that word help.
It feels like we're inadequateor not enough.
(22:33):
And so I think if we can justkind of reframe the word help in
our mind to maybe support or aresource.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
I like that.
I think asking for assistanceis difficult for any of us and I
think, if we can acknowledgethat, I think many people have
the same problem.
That being said, right,everybody has these difficulties
.
Everybody's going to have atime when they need somebody.
And I think, if we can put thatin our minds and remember that
and hopefully you're buildingrelationships and I think you
(23:04):
can got to try it out.
The truth is, you know the thecourage of the first step right
to to do it, and you might besurprised how many people would
be willing to do it.
It goes back also.
I, when I went to this churchgroup they they split us up into
, you know, our age groups andthings.
I found it so enlightening andso refreshing that you could
just say something in this groupand josh said this they're just
(23:26):
praying for you or they're, andeven just knowing that, like,
people are thinking about me.
And then, when I go back thenext week, they remembered the
thing I said and they said, hey,how's that going?
You know, even though they'renot physically helping me, right
, but that's another step right.
Or somebody will walk up and say, hey, I know so and so can I.
Can I give them your number?
These doors open.
But you have to first bevulnerable, and that is so hard,
(23:49):
and once you do that, I thinkpeople will be surprised how
much, how many people out therehave a resource for you or are
willing themselves to take someof that burden off of you
Because it feels so good just tohelp other people.
It does, it does, and if youfeel that way, I want you to
think that other people feelthat way.
If you feel inadequate, I wantyou to think that other people
(24:10):
also feel that way.
We're all the same, inherently.
Some of us are just braver thanothers at times, you know, and
so I think that's the advice Iwould give.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
All right.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
If you'd like to contact us andask us a question, our email
address is podcast atcalfarleyorg.
I'll leave a link in thedescription and, as always, you
might have to loan out yourfrontal lobe today.
Just make sure you remember andget it back.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Thank you for listening to Brain Based
Parenting.
We hope you enjoyed this show.
If you would like moreinformation about Cal Farley's
Boys Ranch, are interested inemployment, would like
information about placing yourchild, or would like to help us
help children by donating to ourmission, please visit
calfarleyorg.
You can find us on all socialmedia platforms by searching for
(24:55):
Calfarley's.
Thank you for spending yourtime with us and have a blessed
day.
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