January 8, 2024 • 26 mins
Discover the keys to unlocking your child's potential and navigating the educational landscape with special needs. Dr. Joy Bell, an executive function coach and passionate educator, joins us to share her transformative strategies for supporting children with ADHD and autism. Together, we demystify the intricacies of forming effective partnerships with teachers, and emphasize that the right approach can light a path for your child's growth and resilience.
Parenting a child with special needs can seem like a solitary journey, but it doesn't have to be. Dr. Bell offers an empathetic ear and practical advice, from celebrating the tiny triumphs to employing hobbies as a cornerstone for building self-esteem and skills. She also arms parents with the tools for effective advocacy within the school system, ensuring that your voice, as an expert on your child, is heard and valued.
As we wrap up this episode, our gratitude to Dr. Bell is immense for the insights that have the power to change the trajectory of our children's lives. Her dedication to education and child development shines through, providing parents with a guide to nurturing not just academic success, but emotional well-being. We hope the stories and strategies shared today will become a beacon of hope and direction in your own parenting journey.
Connect with me!
If you want to schedule an ADHD/Autism appointment for your child, you may contact Glow Pediatrics:
- Phone: 405-871-5807
- Fax: 949-695-2681
- info@glowpediatrics.com
🌐 Website: www.glowpediatrics.com
📱 Instagram: @drhokeheeko / @glowpediatrics
📧 dreko@glowpediatrics.com
👍 Facebook: Dr.HokeheEko / glowpediatrics
💼 LinkedIn: hokeheeffiongmd
And join our Glow Health Circle! Weekly coaching calls for a close-knit community of like-minded parents, to get practical strategies for your child's whole-child well-being — from brain and gut health to navigating the environment. Let's thrive together!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:00):
Hello parents, today I have an amazing guest
with me, Dr Joy Bell.
She's an educator and anexecutive function coach.
I'm telling you your infotreats today.
So, Dr Joy, thank you so muchfor coming on here to share your
wisdom and please introduceyourself to our parents.
Dr. Joy Bell (00:18):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
This is such an honor to be apart of such an important work,
and your works especially so.
This is my gift and my honor tobe here.
I am Dr Joy Bell.
I know that I only look 22, butI've been in education for over
30 years in many differentroles.
I've served as principals andheads of schools and worked at
(00:41):
the college level A lot ofexperience working with children
.
But what really gets me excitedis putting the light and
keeping the light on in thechild's eyes, and so I help
parents and I help kids and Ihelp school systems and
administrators to do whatever weneed to do to help to keep that
light on and to meet the needsof children at whatever stage
they are in their journey.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:03):
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, I love what you said, thatyour passion is to keep the
light on in your child's eyes.
Isn't that what we all want asparents?
That our children can stayalive and glow with everything
good from the inside out, andespecially with their eyes.
So, with that being said, canwe talk about how, in a holistic
(01:27):
manner, we can support ourchildren emotionally who have
ADHD and autism?
What are some strategies thatyou teach parents to address the
emotional struggles that ourchildren go through?
Dr. Joy Bell (01:39):
I think the first thing is you have to know your
child.
There are a lot of strategiesthat are out there, but you have
to know your child and be ableto look in their eyes, watch
their behavior, see what they'redoing, not only in the home
environment, but also in otherenvironments, and that will help
to guide you in meeting theirneeds.
So the first thing I wouldrecommend is listen and watch,
(02:03):
because the information that youlearned by listening to what
your child is saying sometimesnot saying, listening to your
child's teacher of what'shappening inside of those spaces
sports, all the differentspaces where your child is then
that will give you theinformation that you need to
then figure out what it is thatyou need to do In terms of
helping your child.
That's where I would start, andthen you would then think about
(02:26):
what is it that they'reshowcasing, what are they asking
for help on, what is concerningthem?
And then we would just dividestrategies.
So, is there a specificstrategy that you'd like me to
speak to?
Dr. Hokehe Eko (02:36):
Yes, I would like us to talk about practical
things that parents can do.
Dr. Joy Bell (02:41):
Yes, practical things that parents can do is,
first of all, if your child isschool age which is our for
children that are school age andabove and adults I would meet
with the classroom teacher, findout what types of things are
happening inside the classroom.
You don't need a diagnosis.
Your child does not need adiagnosis to have support.
We just have to see evidence ofthe behavior.
(03:02):
So if your child is in theclassroom, for example because
there's so many differentscenarios, I'm just gonna go
with the school one let's saythat your child's teacher has
reached out to you and they'reconcerned about some things.
There's not a diagnosis.
I would meet with the classroomteacher to find out what's going
on.
What's happening with thatchild.
Is it a attention issue?
Is it a lack of attention issue?
Is it showing them as abehavior concern?
(03:23):
What's going on?
And then I would start therewith working with the educator.
A lot of times I meet parentsand they want to do the work
outside of the school, but yourchild is in that school
environment for seven to eighthours a day.
It would make sense that youwould partner with the educator,
with the child's teacher, withthe 504 coordinator, with the
(03:44):
IEP coordinator, to figure out.
How can we determine what'sbest for my child in this
environment?
Dr. Hokehe Eko (03:51):
Absolutely yes, and, of course, remembering that
your teachers are human beingsand how we approach them is
important, coming at it from anangle of partnership versus you
person who's not doing what youshould be doing for my child.
Dr. Joy Bell (04:09):
Yeah, that's so important.
I always come from the vantagepoint of I've been a parent in
that space where I didn'tpartner well.
And when you do that, it notonly hurts the relationship with
your child's teacher, which isreally your partner, but it
hurts your child because theydon't get to know them well,
they don't get to know you welland in many spaces, if we think
about it this way, we hold thehistory of our children.
(04:31):
So we have a classroom teacherthat has them for nine months,
have met them in August andthey're seeing all sorts of
things.
But we can bring in the historyfor our children and really
help that person to understandthem in a holistic way.
Not just I met them in August.
This is what's going on.
Let me give you a littlehistory about them.
So it is so important that wenot look at that child's teacher
(04:53):
and team as the adversary, butreally they're a part of the
partnership in the village thatwe're building to help our child
to succeed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:01):
Woo, so well said, my goodness.
Yes, that is so criticalbecause you're absolutely right.
Our kids spend most of theirday in at least nine months of
the year, most of their timespent there with this person, so
it's best to be friends withthem.
We know that children with ADHDand with autism.
They do struggle with emotionalsupport and even feeling
(05:25):
resilient.
What are some simple strategiesparents can use to promote
resilience and emotionallysupports their children?
Dr. Joy Bell (05:33):
That's such a good question when I meet with
parents that emotionalresilience is such a big deal.
Resilience has become an areaof opportunity, should I say?
Children often say I don't know, I can't do it, I'm not sure.
There's a sort of fixed mindsetversus a growth mindset.
And so when you're working withchildren, when I'm working with
children with ADHD and withparents, that's the first thing
(05:56):
I start with when is it in yourchild's spaces?
Is there this fixed mindset Ican't do it, I won't be able to
do it, I've always had troublewith it and we can't move them
versus the growth areas whereit's like I'm really good at
this, I love reading, I lovemath, but spelling is not my jam
and writing is I just not goodat it.
And so I would say a practicalstrategy for parents is to
(06:18):
identify the areas ofopportunity where your children
are just in a they can't quitemove.
They've had some you know, along pattern or history of not
being good at filling the blankthere, and so we wanna help them
to sort of move them from thatmindset of I can't do, I won't
ever be able to sit still, tofocus, to have friends to, for
(06:41):
my teacher to love me, whateverit is that has impacted their
life and impacted their worldand help to move them.
This is not a short-termprocess, it's just not.
You know, always tell parentswe're sort of in this age of you
know fast food and the quickfixes in 30 days I'll be rich
and all the things when you'retalking about children with ADHD
and the struggles.
(07:02):
This is not a short-term fix,it's a long-term process.
And so the fixed mindset whichmay seem like well, joy, that
just seems so basic that I needto find out where my child is
stuck in their thinking and intheir movement.
But it's really not, because ifwe can figure out where, with
the root of where they'refeeling they can't, they won't,
they won't ever, then we canaddress the root, because that's
(07:24):
gonna show up past third grade,past seventh grade, past high
school, into college in theirworkplace, right?
So that same child that you'relooking at, this sweet little
baby, little third grader, isgoing to be at someone's
workplace at such a point andyou don't want that person, now
adult, to say I'm sorry,supervisor, I'm not good at
writing, I can't think outsideof the box, I'm not a great
(07:46):
critical thinker, find someoneelse.
So it's important as abeginning strategy, that fixed
versus growth mindset and haveconversations with your child to
identify what some of those areand maybe start working on two
of them.
And that would be my firstthought to you in terms of the
strategy.
The second is what I've found inmy experience is I'm sure yours
(08:08):
is the same is that when youhave children with ADHD or have
any sort of neurodiversity, alot of times their self-esteem
and their confidence has beenwounded.
That is the only way that Icould describe it.
They come into the spaces whenI meet with them with just sort
of the weight of the lowerself-esteem and not feeling well
(08:28):
and not feeling good aboutthemselves because of the
experiences.
And you would as well, right,if you're the child that your
teacher's always saying sit down, stop doing that.
I told you that.
Why didn't you bring yourplanner?
Why is your homework not here?
If you're always that child ina room of kids where all the
light is on you and it's not ina positive way, your mental
health, your confidence, yourself-esteem will be impacted,
(08:51):
right.
And so the second strategy is, Iwould say, whether it's you or
you, seek out a therapist foryour child.
Maybe you can be the personthat says no, no, you're
brilliant, like I know this ishard for you, but you can do it.
And again, we're not placatingand we're not ignoring what's
happening.
The struggles for thesechildren are real, but we're
providing some light for them,we're providing a pathway, we're
(09:13):
lighting it up for them,letting them know yes, you're
struggling here, but you've gotthis.
Mama believes in you, daddybelieves in you, the teacher
believes in you.
So I would say the second thingthat I feel like is at the very
top of the list is really theirconfidence, their self-esteem,
and finding out where that'staken a hit and try, however you
can with that, to raise that up.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (09:35):
Yes, speaking life to your children, because,
frankly, we can't expect anybodyelse to, unless we're like,
blessed and we have good peopleAround your child, but really it
starts from home.
So, yes, speak life to yourchildren.
And I like what you said aboutgrowth and fixed mindset, and I
always like to point out parents, we have to work on that
ourselves.
Yes, we have a fixed mindset.
(09:57):
Guess who's gonna teach that tothe young person who's looking
at you?
Because kids will do more whatyou do, more than what you say,
right?
Dr. Joy Bell (10:07):
Yeah, because we're modeling for them, right,
and it doesn't matter.
You know, remember when I grewup and do what I say, not what I
do.
Children from the very beginning, they begin to
model what it is that we aredoing, regardless of what's
coming out of our mouth.
So, as you said, if I, as aparent, I say, well, I'm just
not good at this, or I can't dothat, that's what your daddy
(10:27):
does, or whatever the case is,well, you know what?
This is not a strength ofmama's, but I'm willing to try,
I'm willing to give it a try soit gives them the language that
they don't have currently to beable to, to work through those
mazes and those obstacles.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:41):
Right, absolutely so.
Well said.
So we know that parents in achild with ADHD autism can be
really emotionally challengingBecause of all the different
aspects you have to take intoconsideration.
So how do you equip parents tointegrate like healthy mental I
mean mental well-being practicesinto their day and into their
(11:03):
lives, for themselves first, andthen their kids?
Dr. Joy Bell (11:07):
Well, I love that you keep saying that about
ourselves, because I think aboutwhen you know You're on the
airplane and now you know we geton the airplane.
We just went to get our stuffand put in our iPod then, but
the little beautiful Stewardessand men are talking about
putting that, that air.
You know, putting the littlething on yourself first if
something happens.
And so we have to make surethat we're well or we're pouring
(11:28):
out of an empty bucket.
We have nothing to give andthese sweet babies need so much,
so we can't.
We have to take care ofourselves.
I love that you.
You say that we're modeling,we're taking care of ourselves.
So one of the things that Iencourage parents to do is to
foster open communication andallow them to express their
feelings.
I grew up in an era where, sortof like, you're okay, you're
(11:50):
fine, you're not feeling thatyou're good, you're strong,
you're powerful, you know allthe things and you are all those
things and your children areall those things, but maybe
they're frightened, maybe theyscare, maybe they don't feel
good about themselves, maybethey, as their self-esteem is
taking it.
Let them express their emotions.
The second thing that I wouldadvise would be to educate
(12:10):
yourself as a parent or aguardian or Whomever you, the
grandmother, the auntie,whomever you are about ADHD and
the challenges that you face.
And I say that because a lot oftimes we don't have the empathy
if we don't experience itourselves, then it's sort of
like I don't understand why youkeep forgetting this.
I don't understand why I haveto keep telling you this over
and over and over again, notunderstand that this is a brain
(12:33):
thing.
This is a brain.
It starts at the brain level.
So if we have our own educationand we can help them Listen, I
also would suggest that we helpthem to celebrate small
successes, and small successesmay be that they made their
lunch.
Oh, they put it in the car andthey brought it into the
building, like you know.
You know, you made your lunch,you, you got to school.
(12:55):
I'm so proud of you.
So, again, that seems like sucha small thing.
But or it's not, it's not, it'snot, and so celebrate the small
successes.
I think another thing that Iwould would encourage is to
teach emotional regulationtechniques to your children Deep
breathing, mindfulness becauseif we tell them that they're not
feeling the feelings, then wecan't show them how to deal with
(13:17):
the emotions.
So we have to acknowledge theemotions that they're feeling
and then show them how tonavigate them with emotional
Regulation that can be deep,breathing, whatever it is.
Whatever it is that we do.
I would also encourage this isa big one for me and this is I'm
an educator, but I love thehobbies for the kids Find
something that they're good atoutside of school.
(13:38):
Find something that they don'thave to think about if they can
remember, if they forgot, ifthey that they're not, that
they're not, that they're not.
But I am a rock star soccerplayer.
I am the best pickleballChampion of the world.
So give them something that thelight is just on for them.
You don't have to turn it on,it's just on for them.
And, as I said before, I wouldsay collective, I would say
collaborate with teachers again,anyone that has their hands on
(14:01):
your child.
I love what you said again thatwe are their first teacher.
So I think there's a confusionthere has been over the last
probably five, ten years.
That here's my child.
I take them from my home, Ideliver them to the school, fix
them, make it right, make it allwell and no, no, no, no, no, no
, no no.
We are, we are their first,everything.
(14:22):
And then we reach out topartner with the others, and so
you are the first teacher, youare the first modeler, all those
things, and so we can't giveour job to the, to the school,
but they're, they're seven,eight hours a day.
So we better well as partnerwell with those people in that
space, with with our children.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (14:41):
Absolutely, and just piggybacking on that
statement you made aboutAdvocating for your child and
not just dropping them off.
For parents that feeloverwhelmed with the notion of
doing that Other ways that theycan approach it so it doesn't
feel so overwhelming and theyfeel empowered to do that.
Dr. Joy Bell (14:59):
I think that for me, everything and this is sort
of the probably the way that mybrain is wired everything starts
with a conversation, right, Iknow there are parents that I
work with.
They're like well, I don't evenknow how to put language to
what I want to ask of thisquestion.
Or I feel like maybe theteachers know a lot more than I
do.
I'm not an educator, so I don'thave a right to say anything.
(15:19):
You absolutely, as the guardian, the caretaker of that child,
you always have the right, andit may just be in the meeting.
Listen, I'm sure you guys arealready doing this with joy, but
here's some things that I wasseeing at home and maybe this
will be helpful for you.
So, if you approach theconversation in a
non-threatening way, you are notthe educational expert, but you
are Joy's mama and you are herexpert.
(15:42):
So if you sit in the seat of theparent and knowing them better
than anyone else in that room,then you'll feel more confident
to just share your experienceswith Joy.
Just share the struggles thatshe's seen over the years.
Or at the very beginning ofevery year Joy's always going to
have this trouble, but byOctober she's going to be fine.
So you probably are seeing this, but don't worry about it, it's
(16:03):
going to clear up.
So all of this information isgoing to help you to provide the
picture of your child and alsoto give that teacher some
information that she would have.
So don't feel threatened by theeducator.
They're an expert in theirfield.
You're an expert in your child.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:19):
I love that.
Yes, we're experts in ourchildren and there's nothing to
be afraid of.
The same thing I tell parentswhen I see them, I'm like you
know your child best.
I'm seeing them for fiveminutes and I have to believe
you if you tell me your childruns all over the room, even
though they're sitting quietlyand looking at the phone,
because you know your child best.
So please, please, parents,feel empowered to speak up for
(16:42):
your children and to advocatefor the well-being of your
children.
So what are some more practicalthings that parents can do to
help just foster a sense ofwell-being in the home?
Dr. Joy Bell (16:55):
One of the things that I think is important, and
has been my experience, is thatchildren with ADHD, with autism,
it becomes the families.
It's not just that child, itbecomes everything, that's the
rhythms of the home, whetherit's Joy's always going to
forget, so then the brother hasto help remember and the such
and such has to do that.
(17:15):
It becomes something that it'sjust, it's not just one person,
it's the whole home, and so therhythms of the home are around
what is going on with that child, how to encourage that child,
how to help each other remember,how to help them.
I mean, everything becomes apart of that, and which is great
.
We need that.
But another thing I would sayis to sort of set us some
boundaries and give that child.
(17:37):
There's going to be in yourhome, right, where two hours is
going to be homework, but youshould not all the way into the
midnight trying to take in thechild's time to have an eaten
dinner, yet they haven't hadtime to play.
I would say to set around someboundaries around your day or on
your weekends.
Again, it seems like very, verysimple, but when you have a
(17:57):
child with ADHD, it is in thevery fabric of the home and the
rhythms, and sometimes it cantake over.
So I would encourage parents tonot only give their child a
break, but to give themselves abreak from the rhythms, because
it can feel very stressful andoverwhelming.
When I meet with parents, when Imeet with kids, I can often
(18:21):
meet with parents as well, andthey're frustrated and they've
been doing this for 10 years, orthey've been doing this for 17
years and, man, it's likethey're tired.
And so I would say, as a way ofhelping your child, help
yourself.
Let's talk about some self-carestrategies for the mama, for
the auntie, for the grandmother,for the dad, for the caretaker,
because you're on this, I wouldsay, we'll train all of the
(18:47):
time.
And parents here's what I foundParents that don't have
children with newer diversitydon't understand what that means
, because they're like oh, Ijust tell Joy to just go to the
corner and just do that math,and Joy goes over to the corner,
has a little snack, comes backwith all done, it's perfect and
that's, and I only go off tosoccer.
Well, no, no, no, no, in anotherhome.
(19:08):
You don't send them off.
Maybe you're right next to them.
You're prompting them.
They're having trouble withmulti-step things, so you're
having a reminder.
Yes, you do know this.
Go back to step number one.
You're a part of theirschooling, their life, their
rhythms, and so I wouldencourage, as minor as it may
seem, is to set boundaries sothat even I'll even say when you
(19:28):
come home, don't start rightaway with school.
That child's been in afull-time job, all of them, for
eight hours.
Give them an hour, give themtime to have a snack or to watch
one of their little favoriteshows, or to go outside and play
and do a brain reset and thencome back to the work of working
.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (19:46):
I love that.
I love the giving the breaksand the brain reset.
There is such a thing as thebrain reset.
The brain literally needs toreset and even for parents
struggling with homework you cantake what we call brain breaks,
Like how long does your childfocus for, right?
If you notice is 10 minutes,okay, so have them set a timer
(20:07):
for 10 minutes and then when thetimer goes off, then they have
like a two-minute break so theirbrain can reset and then they
come back again for another 10minutes and you'll find that the
whole fight about homework andstaying till midnight, that will
definitely decrease, Becausenow your child feels empowered
and they're like in charge oftheir timing, right, and they
(20:29):
feel better when they have thebreak.
So and then you feel betterbecause you're not yelling and
screaming and feeling frustrated.
So we're all about how can wehelp both parents and children
born together and heal togetherand grow together, Because
that's the only way the familywill survive and thrive, right.
Dr. Joy Bell (20:51):
Absolutely.
That's the only way right,because the stress and the
feelings that this particular,the neurodiversity, can put on a
family is it's a lot and, as wetalked about before, because
there's not a cure, like, okay,we started today like you're all
better, all's well, like havinga cold.
In two weeks I can promise youthat this is gonna go away.
We're just all we're doing iswe're strengthening their
(21:13):
muscles, we're strengtheningtheir organizational muscles,
we're strengthening theirimpulse control muscles.
We're strengthening all ofthose muscles to help them as
they're gonna navigate otherchanges.
I think another thing is torealize is that you may have a
child that's doing really welland now, when you've seen the
turn, and then there may be atransition or something that
happens in their lives andthere's a regression and you're
(21:34):
like I thought we had thismaster.
I thought we had a plan forthis and you did.
But if there's a trigger or atransition or different things
that are happening newenvironment, all of those things
can trigger a regression.
And some of those things thatyou thought we handled that last
year, we mastered that in sixthgrade.
We thought that was goneforever.
Well, it was gone until theyhad a new teacher, and so now
(21:56):
we're in a different year with anew teacher that has to get to
know them and they have to getto know, and so some of those
things will show back up.
You just start strengtheningthose muscles again with your
child and don't say to them Ithought you knew this already.
We've already.
Every fifth grader alreadyknows how to write their planner
.
And that kind of don't do thatbecause you don't want to be,
(22:17):
you don't wanna partner withwounding them right, because
your words as the parent, as theone who has their heart, is
going to just hurt them so badly.
So when you see that regressionwhich you will, at different
points, just say oh, I know youcould do this.
Joy, you remember last year youbrought that homework home
every day.
That's fine, your planner, yougot this.
It's just gonna take a littletime for you to get back into
(22:39):
the groove.
And so those are just some ofthose basic things that I see
parents able to do, and theybegin to see those small changes
and that light that maybe isdimmed in their eyes.
You can see the light, theflickering, that begins to come
back, and that's what we want tosee.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (22:56):
Yes, we want the lights to be on, and in your
eyes too.
Absolutely absolutely.
Yes, oh, my goodness, this hasbeen so wonderful.
So please tell parentslistening about the services
that you offer, which areamazing, by the way.
Well, thank you so much.
Dr. Joy Bell (23:18):
Well, Grace Space Educational Consultant is my
company and I'm the founder andCEO and I always tell people
that just means that ifsomething goes right they give
me credit, if something goeswrong I'm in trouble.
We have a few branches of GraceSpace.
Specifically, we have executivefunction coaching for children
and that and through adultsactually.
So you know fifth grade on.
(23:38):
So we work with adults in theworkplaces or in their lives,
but we also work with children,so really the spectrum of ages.
They are supporting them andhelping to strengthen those
muscles that need someconnecting there.
So, executive function coachingI work with parents as well, as
I shared before.
If the child is going throughsomething, as a parent we are as
well, and so a lot of timesparents just need support on how
(24:01):
to support their children.
So we do that as well.
Grace Space also will partnerwith you as it relates to your
504s, your IEPs.
Maybe you have a child thatdoes not have a diagnosis, but I
mean recommend that we gothrough that process and review
the data and then makerecommendations at a 504 meeting
or an IEP meeting as anadvocate we talked about.
Sometimes parents go.
(24:22):
I don't know what to ask for, Idon't know what they need.
Well, we do, and so pleasereach out to us and we can help
with that.
We can also audit your current504 IEP because children change.
So what they needed last yearas a third grader, they need
something different.
They've gone through a summer.
They've eaten a lot, theirbrain is developed, so we can
support just auditing existingthings as well.
For organizations, we can visityou and your staff and just
(24:44):
teach on these topics so manybut executive function and how
to support not only the kids butalso to support the teachers
and administrators as well.
So that's a little bit aboutwhat we do.
I think at the heart of it, wejust love supporting children
and their families andorganizations.
Because we can get those threeworking together, then our
children are going to besuccessful for the long term.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (25:07):
Absolutely.
I love it.
Thank you so much for usingyour gifts to make lives of
children and their familiesbetter.
That's so wonderful what you'redoing.
I was like, wow, you evenaudited the 504 plans, because
that's important, right?
We make these plans and thenthe child needs more help or
less help, and we never gochange them.
(25:27):
That's so important that we arecontinuously looking at the
needs of our children as theyage and as they grow up.
Please, parents, take advantageof her wonderful services.
You see, she's an amazing lady,right?
I'm sure you can tell.
I know that for sure.
So, yes, it's been such apleasure.
Thank you so much for your timeand for sharing your wisdom
(25:49):
with our parents today, and I'mso grateful to have come across
and to have met you.
I haven't met you in person yet, but pretty soon, right, pretty
soon.
So have a wonderful day,parents.
I hope you enjoyed this and Ihope you took some notes and
please reach out to Dr Joy forthe consult.
Have an amazing day.
Bye, bye, everyone.
Hello parents, today I have an amazing guest
with me, Dr Joy Bell.
She's an educator and anexecutive function coach.
I'm telling you your infotreats today.
So, Dr Joy, thank you so muchfor coming on here to share your
wisdom and please introduceyourself to our parents.
Dr. Joy Bell (00:18):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
This is such an honor to be apart of such an important work,
and your works especially so.
This is my gift and my honor tobe here.
I am Dr Joy Bell.
I know that I only look 22, butI've been in education for over
30 years in many differentroles.
I've served as principals andheads of schools and worked at
(00:41):
the college level A lot ofexperience working with children
.
But what really gets me excitedis putting the light and
keeping the light on in thechild's eyes, and so I help
parents and I help kids and Ihelp school systems and
administrators to do whatever weneed to do to help to keep that
light on and to meet the needsof children at whatever stage
they are in their journey.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:03):
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, I love what you said, thatyour passion is to keep the
light on in your child's eyes.
Isn't that what we all want asparents?
That our children can stayalive and glow with everything
good from the inside out, andespecially with their eyes.
So, with that being said, canwe talk about how, in a holistic
(01:27):
manner, we can support ourchildren emotionally who have
ADHD and autism?
What are some strategies thatyou teach parents to address the
emotional struggles that ourchildren go through?
Dr. Joy Bell (01:39):
I think the first thing is you have to know your
child.
There are a lot of strategiesthat are out there, but you have
to know your child and be ableto look in their eyes, watch
their behavior, see what they'redoing, not only in the home
environment, but also in otherenvironments, and that will help
to guide you in meeting theirneeds.
So the first thing I wouldrecommend is listen and watch,
(02:03):
because the information that youlearned by listening to what
your child is saying sometimesnot saying, listening to your
child's teacher of what'shappening inside of those spaces
sports, all the differentspaces where your child is then
that will give you theinformation that you need to
then figure out what it is thatyou need to do In terms of
helping your child.
That's where I would start, andthen you would then think about
(02:26):
what is it that they'reshowcasing, what are they asking
for help on, what is concerningthem?
And then we would just dividestrategies.
So, is there a specificstrategy that you'd like me to
speak to?
Dr. Hokehe Eko (02:36):
Yes, I would like us to talk about practical
things that parents can do.
Dr. Joy Bell (02:41):
Yes, practical things that parents can do is,
first of all, if your child isschool age which is our for
children that are school age andabove and adults I would meet
with the classroom teacher, findout what types of things are
happening inside the classroom.
You don't need a diagnosis.
Your child does not need adiagnosis to have support.
We just have to see evidence ofthe behavior.
(03:02):
So if your child is in theclassroom, for example because
there's so many differentscenarios, I'm just gonna go
with the school one let's saythat your child's teacher has
reached out to you and they'reconcerned about some things.
There's not a diagnosis.
I would meet with the classroomteacher to find out what's going
on.
What's happening with thatchild.
Is it a attention issue?
Is it a lack of attention issue?
Is it showing them as abehavior concern?
(03:23):
What's going on?
And then I would start therewith working with the educator.
A lot of times I meet parentsand they want to do the work
outside of the school, but yourchild is in that school
environment for seven to eighthours a day.
It would make sense that youwould partner with the educator,
with the child's teacher, withthe 504 coordinator, with the
(03:44):
IEP coordinator, to figure out.
How can we determine what'sbest for my child in this
environment?
Dr. Hokehe Eko (03:51):
Absolutely yes, and, of course, remembering that
your teachers are human beingsand how we approach them is
important, coming at it from anangle of partnership versus you
person who's not doing what youshould be doing for my child.
Dr. Joy Bell (04:09):
Yeah, that's so important.
I always come from the vantagepoint of I've been a parent in
that space where I didn'tpartner well.
And when you do that, it notonly hurts the relationship with
your child's teacher, which isreally your partner, but it
hurts your child because theydon't get to know them well,
they don't get to know you welland in many spaces, if we think
about it this way, we hold thehistory of our children.
(04:31):
So we have a classroom teacherthat has them for nine months,
have met them in August andthey're seeing all sorts of
things.
But we can bring in the historyfor our children and really
help that person to understandthem in a holistic way.
Not just I met them in August.
This is what's going on.
Let me give you a littlehistory about them.
So it is so important that wenot look at that child's teacher
(04:53):
and team as the adversary, butreally they're a part of the
partnership in the village thatwe're building to help our child
to succeed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:01):
Woo, so well said, my goodness.
Yes, that is so criticalbecause you're absolutely right.
Our kids spend most of theirday in at least nine months of
the year, most of their timespent there with this person, so
it's best to be friends withthem.
We know that children with ADHDand with autism.
They do struggle with emotionalsupport and even feeling
(05:25):
resilient.
What are some simple strategiesparents can use to promote
resilience and emotionallysupports their children?
Dr. Joy Bell (05:33):
That's such a good question when I meet with
parents that emotionalresilience is such a big deal.
Resilience has become an areaof opportunity, should I say?
Children often say I don't know, I can't do it, I'm not sure.
There's a sort of fixed mindsetversus a growth mindset.
And so when you're working withchildren, when I'm working with
children with ADHD and withparents, that's the first thing
(05:56):
I start with when is it in yourchild's spaces?
Is there this fixed mindset Ican't do it, I won't be able to
do it, I've always had troublewith it and we can't move them
versus the growth areas whereit's like I'm really good at
this, I love reading, I lovemath, but spelling is not my jam
and writing is I just not goodat it.
And so I would say a practicalstrategy for parents is to
(06:18):
identify the areas ofopportunity where your children
are just in a they can't quitemove.
They've had some you know, along pattern or history of not
being good at filling the blankthere, and so we wanna help them
to sort of move them from thatmindset of I can't do, I won't
ever be able to sit still, tofocus, to have friends to, for
(06:41):
my teacher to love me, whateverit is that has impacted their
life and impacted their worldand help to move them.
This is not a short-termprocess, it's just not.
You know, always tell parentswe're sort of in this age of you
know fast food and the quickfixes in 30 days I'll be rich
and all the things when you'retalking about children with ADHD
and the struggles.
(07:02):
This is not a short-term fix,it's a long-term process.
And so the fixed mindset whichmay seem like well, joy, that
just seems so basic that I needto find out where my child is
stuck in their thinking and intheir movement.
But it's really not, because ifwe can figure out where, with
the root of where they'refeeling they can't, they won't,
they won't ever, then we canaddress the root, because that's
(07:24):
gonna show up past third grade,past seventh grade, past high
school, into college in theirworkplace, right?
So that same child that you'relooking at, this sweet little
baby, little third grader, isgoing to be at someone's
workplace at such a point andyou don't want that person, now
adult, to say I'm sorry,supervisor, I'm not good at
writing, I can't think outsideof the box, I'm not a great
(07:46):
critical thinker, find someoneelse.
So it's important as abeginning strategy, that fixed
versus growth mindset and haveconversations with your child to
identify what some of those areand maybe start working on two
of them.
And that would be my firstthought to you in terms of the
strategy.
The second is what I've found inmy experience is I'm sure yours
(08:08):
is the same is that when youhave children with ADHD or have
any sort of neurodiversity, alot of times their self-esteem
and their confidence has beenwounded.
That is the only way that Icould describe it.
They come into the spaces whenI meet with them with just sort
of the weight of the lowerself-esteem and not feeling well
(08:28):
and not feeling good aboutthemselves because of the
experiences.
And you would as well, right,if you're the child that your
teacher's always saying sit down, stop doing that.
I told you that.
Why didn't you bring yourplanner?
Why is your homework not here?
If you're always that child ina room of kids where all the
light is on you and it's not ina positive way, your mental
health, your confidence, yourself-esteem will be impacted,
(08:51):
right.
And so the second strategy is, Iwould say, whether it's you or
you, seek out a therapist foryour child.
Maybe you can be the personthat says no, no, you're
brilliant, like I know this ishard for you, but you can do it.
And again, we're not placatingand we're not ignoring what's
happening.
The struggles for thesechildren are real, but we're
providing some light for them,we're providing a pathway, we're
(09:13):
lighting it up for them,letting them know yes, you're
struggling here, but you've gotthis.
Mama believes in you, daddybelieves in you, the teacher
believes in you.
So I would say the second thingthat I feel like is at the very
top of the list is really theirconfidence, their self-esteem,
and finding out where that'staken a hit and try, however you
can with that, to raise that up.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (09:35):
Yes, speaking life to your children, because,
frankly, we can't expect anybodyelse to, unless we're like,
blessed and we have good peopleAround your child, but really it
starts from home.
So, yes, speak life to yourchildren.
And I like what you said aboutgrowth and fixed mindset, and I
always like to point out parents, we have to work on that
ourselves.
Yes, we have a fixed mindset.
(09:57):
Guess who's gonna teach that tothe young person who's looking
at you?
Because kids will do more whatyou do, more than what you say,
right?
Dr. Joy Bell (10:07):
Yeah, because we're modeling for them, right,
and it doesn't matter.
You know, remember when I grewup and do what I say, not what I
do.
Children from the very beginning, they begin to
model what it is that we aredoing, regardless of what's
coming out of our mouth.
So, as you said, if I, as aparent, I say, well, I'm just
not good at this, or I can't dothat, that's what your daddy
(10:27):
does, or whatever the case is,well, you know what?
This is not a strength ofmama's, but I'm willing to try,
I'm willing to give it a try soit gives them the language that
they don't have currently to beable to, to work through those
mazes and those obstacles.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:41):
Right, absolutely so.
Well said.
So we know that parents in achild with ADHD autism can be
really emotionally challengingBecause of all the different
aspects you have to take intoconsideration.
So how do you equip parents tointegrate like healthy mental I
mean mental well-being practicesinto their day and into their
(11:03):
lives, for themselves first, andthen their kids?
Dr. Joy Bell (11:07):
Well, I love that you keep saying that about
ourselves, because I think aboutwhen you know You're on the
airplane and now you know we geton the airplane.
We just went to get our stuffand put in our iPod then, but
the little beautiful Stewardessand men are talking about
putting that, that air.
You know, putting the littlething on yourself first if
something happens.
And so we have to make surethat we're well or we're pouring
(11:28):
out of an empty bucket.
We have nothing to give andthese sweet babies need so much,
so we can't.
We have to take care ofourselves.
I love that you.
You say that we're modeling,we're taking care of ourselves.
So one of the things that Iencourage parents to do is to
foster open communication andallow them to express their
feelings.
I grew up in an era where, sortof like, you're okay, you're
(11:50):
fine, you're not feeling thatyou're good, you're strong,
you're powerful, you know allthe things and you are all those
things and your children areall those things, but maybe
they're frightened, maybe theyscare, maybe they don't feel
good about themselves, maybethey, as their self-esteem is
taking it.
Let them express their emotions.
The second thing that I wouldadvise would be to educate
(12:10):
yourself as a parent or aguardian or Whomever you, the
grandmother, the auntie,whomever you are about ADHD and
the challenges that you face.
And I say that because a lot oftimes we don't have the empathy
if we don't experience itourselves, then it's sort of
like I don't understand why youkeep forgetting this.
I don't understand why I haveto keep telling you this over
and over and over again, notunderstand that this is a brain
(12:33):
thing.
This is a brain.
It starts at the brain level.
So if we have our own educationand we can help them Listen, I
also would suggest that we helpthem to celebrate small
successes, and small successesmay be that they made their
lunch.
Oh, they put it in the car andthey brought it into the
building, like you know.
You know, you made your lunch,you, you got to school.
(12:55):
I'm so proud of you.
So, again, that seems like sucha small thing.
But or it's not, it's not, it'snot, and so celebrate the small
successes.
I think another thing that Iwould would encourage is to
teach emotional regulationtechniques to your children Deep
breathing, mindfulness becauseif we tell them that they're not
feeling the feelings, then wecan't show them how to deal with
(13:17):
the emotions.
So we have to acknowledge theemotions that they're feeling
and then show them how tonavigate them with emotional
Regulation that can be deep,breathing, whatever it is.
Whatever it is that we do.
I would also encourage this isa big one for me and this is I'm
an educator, but I love thehobbies for the kids Find
something that they're good atoutside of school.
(13:38):
Find something that they don'thave to think about if they can
remember, if they forgot, ifthey that they're not, that
they're not, that they're not.
But I am a rock star soccerplayer.
I am the best pickleballChampion of the world.
So give them something that thelight is just on for them.
You don't have to turn it on,it's just on for them.
And, as I said before, I wouldsay collective, I would say
collaborate with teachers again,anyone that has their hands on
(14:01):
your child.
I love what you said again thatwe are their first teacher.
So I think there's a confusionthere has been over the last
probably five, ten years.
That here's my child.
I take them from my home, Ideliver them to the school, fix
them, make it right, make it allwell and no, no, no, no, no, no
, no no.
We are, we are their first,everything.
(14:22):
And then we reach out topartner with the others, and so
you are the first teacher, youare the first modeler, all those
things, and so we can't giveour job to the, to the school,
but they're, they're seven,eight hours a day.
So we better well as partnerwell with those people in that
space, with with our children.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (14:41):
Absolutely, and just piggybacking on that
statement you made aboutAdvocating for your child and
not just dropping them off.
For parents that feeloverwhelmed with the notion of
doing that Other ways that theycan approach it so it doesn't
feel so overwhelming and theyfeel empowered to do that.
Dr. Joy Bell (14:59):
I think that for me, everything and this is sort
of the probably the way that mybrain is wired everything starts
with a conversation, right, Iknow there are parents that I
work with.
They're like well, I don't evenknow how to put language to
what I want to ask of thisquestion.
Or I feel like maybe theteachers know a lot more than I
do.
I'm not an educator, so I don'thave a right to say anything.
(15:19):
You absolutely, as the guardian, the caretaker of that child,
you always have the right, andit may just be in the meeting.
Listen, I'm sure you guys arealready doing this with joy, but
here's some things that I wasseeing at home and maybe this
will be helpful for you.
So, if you approach theconversation in a
non-threatening way, you are notthe educational expert, but you
are Joy's mama and you are herexpert.
(15:42):
So if you sit in the seat of theparent and knowing them better
than anyone else in that room,then you'll feel more confident
to just share your experienceswith Joy.
Just share the struggles thatshe's seen over the years.
Or at the very beginning ofevery year Joy's always going to
have this trouble, but byOctober she's going to be fine.
So you probably are seeing this, but don't worry about it, it's
(16:03):
going to clear up.
So all of this information isgoing to help you to provide the
picture of your child and alsoto give that teacher some
information that she would have.
So don't feel threatened by theeducator.
They're an expert in theirfield.
You're an expert in your child.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:19):
I love that.
Yes, we're experts in ourchildren and there's nothing to
be afraid of.
The same thing I tell parentswhen I see them, I'm like you
know your child best.
I'm seeing them for fiveminutes and I have to believe
you if you tell me your childruns all over the room, even
though they're sitting quietlyand looking at the phone,
because you know your child best.
So please, please, parents,feel empowered to speak up for
(16:42):
your children and to advocatefor the well-being of your
children.
So what are some more practicalthings that parents can do to
help just foster a sense ofwell-being in the home?
Dr. Joy Bell (16:55):
One of the things that I think is important, and
has been my experience, is thatchildren with ADHD, with autism,
it becomes the families.
It's not just that child, itbecomes everything, that's the
rhythms of the home, whetherit's Joy's always going to
forget, so then the brother hasto help remember and the such
and such has to do that.
(17:15):
It becomes something that it'sjust, it's not just one person,
it's the whole home, and so therhythms of the home are around
what is going on with that child, how to encourage that child,
how to help each other remember,how to help them.
I mean, everything becomes apart of that, and which is great
.
We need that.
But another thing I would sayis to sort of set us some
boundaries and give that child.
(17:37):
There's going to be in yourhome, right, where two hours is
going to be homework, but youshould not all the way into the
midnight trying to take in thechild's time to have an eaten
dinner, yet they haven't hadtime to play.
I would say to set around someboundaries around your day or on
your weekends.
Again, it seems like very, verysimple, but when you have a
(17:57):
child with ADHD, it is in thevery fabric of the home and the
rhythms, and sometimes it cantake over.
So I would encourage parents tonot only give their child a
break, but to give themselves abreak from the rhythms, because
it can feel very stressful andoverwhelming.
When I meet with parents, when Imeet with kids, I can often
(18:21):
meet with parents as well, andthey're frustrated and they've
been doing this for 10 years, orthey've been doing this for 17
years and, man, it's likethey're tired.
And so I would say, as a way ofhelping your child, help
yourself.
Let's talk about some self-carestrategies for the mama, for
the auntie, for the grandmother,for the dad, for the caretaker,
because you're on this, I wouldsay, we'll train all of the
(18:47):
time.
And parents here's what I foundParents that don't have
children with newer diversitydon't understand what that means
, because they're like oh, Ijust tell Joy to just go to the
corner and just do that math,and Joy goes over to the corner,
has a little snack, comes backwith all done, it's perfect and
that's, and I only go off tosoccer.
Well, no, no, no, no, in anotherhome.
(19:08):
You don't send them off.
Maybe you're right next to them.
You're prompting them.
They're having trouble withmulti-step things, so you're
having a reminder.
Yes, you do know this.
Go back to step number one.
You're a part of theirschooling, their life, their
rhythms, and so I wouldencourage, as minor as it may
seem, is to set boundaries sothat even I'll even say when you
(19:28):
come home, don't start rightaway with school.
That child's been in afull-time job, all of them, for
eight hours.
Give them an hour, give themtime to have a snack or to watch
one of their little favoriteshows, or to go outside and play
and do a brain reset and thencome back to the work of working
.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (19:46):
I love that.
I love the giving the breaksand the brain reset.
There is such a thing as thebrain reset.
The brain literally needs toreset and even for parents
struggling with homework you cantake what we call brain breaks,
Like how long does your childfocus for, right?
If you notice is 10 minutes,okay, so have them set a timer
(20:07):
for 10 minutes and then when thetimer goes off, then they have
like a two-minute break so theirbrain can reset and then they
come back again for another 10minutes and you'll find that the
whole fight about homework andstaying till midnight, that will
definitely decrease, Becausenow your child feels empowered
and they're like in charge oftheir timing, right, and they
(20:29):
feel better when they have thebreak.
So and then you feel betterbecause you're not yelling and
screaming and feeling frustrated.
So we're all about how can wehelp both parents and children
born together and heal togetherand grow together, Because
that's the only way the familywill survive and thrive, right.
Dr. Joy Bell (20:51):
Absolutely.
That's the only way right,because the stress and the
feelings that this particular,the neurodiversity, can put on a
family is it's a lot and, as wetalked about before, because
there's not a cure, like, okay,we started today like you're all
better, all's well, like havinga cold.
In two weeks I can promise youthat this is gonna go away.
We're just all we're doing iswe're strengthening their
(21:13):
muscles, we're strengtheningtheir organizational muscles,
we're strengthening theirimpulse control muscles.
We're strengthening all ofthose muscles to help them as
they're gonna navigate otherchanges.
I think another thing is torealize is that you may have a
child that's doing really welland now, when you've seen the
turn, and then there may be atransition or something that
happens in their lives andthere's a regression and you're
(21:34):
like I thought we had thismaster.
I thought we had a plan forthis and you did.
But if there's a trigger or atransition or different things
that are happening newenvironment, all of those things
can trigger a regression.
And some of those things thatyou thought we handled that last
year, we mastered that in sixthgrade.
We thought that was goneforever.
Well, it was gone until theyhad a new teacher, and so now
(21:56):
we're in a different year with anew teacher that has to get to
know them and they have to getto know, and so some of those
things will show back up.
You just start strengtheningthose muscles again with your
child and don't say to them Ithought you knew this already.
We've already.
Every fifth grader alreadyknows how to write their planner
.
And that kind of don't do thatbecause you don't want to be,
(22:17):
you don't wanna partner withwounding them right, because
your words as the parent, as theone who has their heart, is
going to just hurt them so badly.
So when you see that regressionwhich you will, at different
points, just say oh, I know youcould do this.
Joy, you remember last year youbrought that homework home
every day.
That's fine, your planner, yougot this.
It's just gonna take a littletime for you to get back into
(22:39):
the groove.
And so those are just some ofthose basic things that I see
parents able to do, and theybegin to see those small changes
and that light that maybe isdimmed in their eyes.
You can see the light, theflickering, that begins to come
back, and that's what we want tosee.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (22:56):
Yes, we want the lights to be on, and in your
eyes too.
Absolutely absolutely.
Yes, oh, my goodness, this hasbeen so wonderful.
So please tell parentslistening about the services
that you offer, which areamazing, by the way.
Well, thank you so much.
Dr. Joy Bell (23:18):
Well, Grace Space Educational Consultant is my
company and I'm the founder andCEO and I always tell people
that just means that ifsomething goes right they give
me credit, if something goeswrong I'm in trouble.
We have a few branches of GraceSpace.
Specifically, we have executivefunction coaching for children
and that and through adultsactually.
So you know fifth grade on.
(23:38):
So we work with adults in theworkplaces or in their lives,
but we also work with children,so really the spectrum of ages.
They are supporting them andhelping to strengthen those
muscles that need someconnecting there.
So, executive function coachingI work with parents as well, as
I shared before.
If the child is going throughsomething, as a parent we are as
well, and so a lot of timesparents just need support on how
(24:01):
to support their children.
So we do that as well.
Grace Space also will partnerwith you as it relates to your
504s, your IEPs.
Maybe you have a child thatdoes not have a diagnosis, but I
mean recommend that we gothrough that process and review
the data and then makerecommendations at a 504 meeting
or an IEP meeting as anadvocate we talked about.
Sometimes parents go.
(24:22):
I don't know what to ask for, Idon't know what they need.
Well, we do, and so pleasereach out to us and we can help
with that.
We can also audit your current504 IEP because children change.
So what they needed last yearas a third grader, they need
something different.
They've gone through a summer.
They've eaten a lot, theirbrain is developed, so we can
support just auditing existingthings as well.
For organizations, we can visityou and your staff and just
(24:44):
teach on these topics so manybut executive function and how
to support not only the kids butalso to support the teachers
and administrators as well.
So that's a little bit aboutwhat we do.
I think at the heart of it, wejust love supporting children
and their families andorganizations.
Because we can get those threeworking together, then our
children are going to besuccessful for the long term.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (25:07):
Absolutely.
I love it.
Thank you so much for usingyour gifts to make lives of
children and their familiesbetter.
That's so wonderful what you'redoing.
I was like, wow, you evenaudited the 504 plans, because
that's important, right?
We make these plans and thenthe child needs more help or
less help, and we never gochange them.
(25:27):
That's so important that we arecontinuously looking at the
needs of our children as theyage and as they grow up.
Please, parents, take advantageof her wonderful services.
You see, she's an amazing lady,right?
I'm sure you can tell.
I know that for sure.
So, yes, it's been such apleasure.
Thank you so much for your timeand for sharing your wisdom
(25:49):
with our parents today, and I'mso grateful to have come across
and to have met you.
I haven't met you in person yet, but pretty soon, right, pretty
soon.
So have a wonderful day,parents.
I hope you enjoyed this and Ihope you took some notes and
please reach out to Dr Joy forthe consult.
Have an amazing day.
Bye, bye, everyone.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.