January 15, 2024 • 21 mins
Unlock the potential of restorative sleep for your child with ADHD or autism as we navigate the back-to-school transition with guidance from Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown, a triple-board-certified sleep medicine physician. In a landscape where every parent strives to give their child an edge, this episode offers a treasure trove of insights into setting achievable sleep goals and establishing routines that foster emotional well-being and academic success. Dr. Funke's expertise shines a light on the nuances of sleep patterns for children with neurodiversity, equipping you with the strategies to fine-tune their slumber for optimal daytime performance.
As the night draws in, the bedtime routine becomes a sacred ritual for setting up a successful tomorrow. This episode unpacks the components of an effective wind-down sequence, from the snack choices that encourage sleep to the comforting traditions that signal it's time to rest. Dr. Funke's compassionate approach, coupled with practical advice on visual schedules and consistent routines, will leave you feeling empowered to help your child embrace a restful night. Get ready for an infusion of knowledge that's as comforting as a lullaby, and don't forget to circle back to Restful Sleep MD for ongoing support as we eagerly anticipate the launch of Dr. Funke's telehealth practice, promising expertise in pediatric and young adult sleep conditions at your fingertips.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:00):
Hello, you have a treat in store for you today.
So today I'm going to beinterviewing Dr.
Funke Afolabi-Brown.
She's an amazing pediatricsleep expert and I will let her
introduce herself because shewill do it better justice than I
can.
So thank you so much for beinghere, Dr.
Funke.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (00:21):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm excited to be here today.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:26):
Yes, so glad you could come on.
So can you please tell us moreabout you?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (00:32):
Sure, sure, yes, like you said, I'm Dr
.
Funke Afolabi-Brown.
I am a sleep physician, I'm thefounder of Restful SleepMD, and
my mission really is to helpempower kids and their parents
to prioritize sleep so that theycan thrive and live to their
(00:54):
fullest potential.
And so I really do this throughyou know, speaking I have my
practice opening soon and alsothrough coaching moms, because
we do know that the struggle isreal when sleep is concerned.
So I'm really excited to havethis conversation.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:11):
Yes, the struggle is real.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (01:13):
Yes.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:15):
That was me, like last night with my three,
my six year old who decided toshow up, and with her head on my
legs and the whole night.
So, yes, we want to empowerparents of children with ADHD
and autism as they go back toschool.
And what are ways that parentscan help optimize the sleep of
their children?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (01:37):
Yeah.
So I think the first thing tostart with is really figuring
out what your goals are when itcomes to your child's sleep and
how it impacts their school,right?
So we do know in children thatpoor sleep will negatively
affect their academicperformance, their mental health
(01:57):
, focus and all of that, and wealso know that when kids are
coming back from summer vacation, a lot of times the schedules
are a little bit erratic, right?
Because maybe they've notnecessarily had any structure
over the summer, right?
So things may be a bit laidback, meaning that they may be
(02:17):
going to bed later, waking uplater, taking naps, you know,
and so I think it's reallyimportant to then see how that
might impact their school whenschool starts.
So, depending on the age ofyour child, they may need to now
wake up at 7am or 8am or evenearlier, especially if they're
in middle or high school andyou're in a school that still
(02:39):
has this really early schoolstart times, and so what that
ends up doing is it can lead tosleep deprivation, and so that
sleep deprivation is justsomething that is going to have
a hard time trying to pay off inthat sense, right?
So they're going to go toschool tired, where they're
expected to learn.
They may have issues with focusand memory and creativity.
You may start, as a parent, toget calls from school.
(03:02):
Now, the goal of this is not topaint the worst case scenario.
There is hope, and so I think,once you figure out I don't want
any of that.
I want my child to wake upexcited about school, to wake up
with energy, to be able tolearn and have good behavior in
school and things like that.
So if that's your goal, then wehave to say what do we need to
(03:23):
do to get there?
And the best place to start iswhere you are, and there are
different ways that we can useto go about this.
And regardless of where you are, I think one thing to realize
is there's hope, there's help.
There are sort of three ways.
I would say that you canapproach this.
You can do this really gentleroute, honestly, depending on
(03:46):
where you are and when you'relistening to this recording.
That may not be possibleanymore, because this is
something that you probably wantto do about a month or so
before school starts.
The second is sort of more ofthat medium transition, and then
the third is kind of the coldturkey method, and then I think
it all depends on where you'restarting from.
(04:09):
So when we talk about the gentle, it's more of OK if you realize
, like my child, who typicallyis supposed to be going to bed
at 8 pm, maybe my, you know, myeight-year-old or something,
supposed to go to bed at 8 pmand wake up around you know, 6
or 7 am, and so to figure thatout you then have to see where
(04:30):
are they right.
If they were, if they'refalling asleep at 11 pm again,
no judgments and maybe they'rewaking up close to noon, so you
can see that then you're goingto need to move them back by
three hours or so, right?
So you have to kind of figureout that little bit of math and
then you start with that.
So the gentle approach isliterally maybe every week
(04:53):
you're moving that scheduleforward, right, you're moving it
earlier.
So you're almost like advancingtheir circadian rhythm, because
over the summer that rhythm hasshifted, right.
So their body clock now isbecoming more used to waking up
much later.
So I think that would be thebest if it was, if I had to, you
know, voice my opinion becauseit's more gentle.
But then that's hard becausethen it's like a whole month of
(05:15):
that.
What are they supposed to dowith them?
Now, they wake up early, right,because, as a mom, right,
getting them to sleep in alittle bit gives you a little
bit of me time, you know.
So again, no judgment.
So so that's one approach.
Again, it depends on how drivenyou are right, that's what we
determine it how driven andcommitted you are to that
process.
(05:35):
And then what your kids need is,if you know that you're someone
who your child, with any littlechange, just seems to fall
apart, then you may want to trythat gentler approach.
And if you, the good thingabout having that month is that
if it's two, if 30 minutes aweek is too much, you can
actually move it by 15 minutes,so you have room to play, right.
Then the second is sort of themedium approach, where we say
(05:59):
about two weeks, so, so, so,depending again on where, for us
in in my neck of the woods inthe East Coast, we're
approaching that two week markand so in that kind of situation
it's almost the same.
So you're moving that clock bytwo weeks, but you're by every,
maybe every three to five daysor so, so you're moving it by.
(06:21):
You know, again, about 30minutes, 20 to 30 minutes
Watching out for your childsensitivity.
But essentially you'readvancing faster, a little bit
faster.
And then the cold turkeyapproach is you do nothing,
maybe the day before they startschool when they've been
sleeping at you know againthey've been waking up at about
10 am or 11 am.
(06:41):
You just wake them up at six.
So they're short about fivehours of sleep.
So that's gonna be really hardand it takes a little bit of
time for kids to be able to makethat adjustment again, because
you're realigning there's akiddy and read them with what
you would expect the schoolschedule to be.
(07:02):
So that tends to be much harder.
Those are the kids that I endup seeing in my practice to say
his sleep fell apart when schoolstarted.
So I think you know if thegentle approach is way too long
and convoluted to you, thenmaybe stick to the medium
approach.
Or if you're someone who yourchild is just like happy, go
(07:23):
lucky, doesn't really get anyfeel any kind of way with abrupt
changes, then you know whatit's fine to go cold turkey.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (07:32):
Wonderful.
Thank you for that explanation.
So, yeah, definitely, there yougo, parents.
You have three options, but ofcourse, like Dr Funke pointed
out, the gentle approach isprobably going to be best,
especially since we're dealingwith children who have ADHD and
autism, who prefer to haveroutine set and don't do usually
(07:54):
don't do very well with routineshifting.
So, yes, please, I hope youlisten and you take this into
consideration to help yourchildren.
So, speaking of moms, right?
So how can moms themselvesimprove their sleep so that they
can help their children?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (08:12):
Well, that's a great question because,
especially with children whoare neurodiverse, right, they
feed off of the parents energy.
So when they see that mom isstressed, mom's exhausted, they
get that vibe and they may startto feel that stress and anxiety
.
And that stress and anxietyplays into sleep as well,
increasing that what we call thehyperarousal and things like
(08:36):
that.
So I think the important thingis first understanding that your
own sleep health matters as amom, that you're not being
selfish for choosing you,because the best version of you
is the well-rested version ofyou.
So you first have to come toterms with that, and I think
that's a struggle for most momsbecause we just feel like if I
(08:58):
choose me, that means I love mychild less.
No, you choose you because youdo love your child.
So I think that's something, amental roadblock that I would
encourage you to first cross asa hurdle and then setting out
time.
What does that look like?
It looks like even you as a momhaving a routine, because we
(09:20):
wanna be role models, right.
So if you are on your, forexample, if you are on your
device, like you know, till latehours, and then you're trying
to tell your child to put theirdevice away.
It's gonna be hard to negotiatethat or navigate that.
So you wanna be that role modelbecause the same way the blue
(09:40):
lights and the devices and theyou know the excitement, all
that from those devices the sameway they impact our kids, they
also impact us as moms and soyou wanna try to make sure that
you create a system where youknow you're putting those away,
you're setting up a routine foryourself and also that you are
(10:00):
really making sure that you'remindful of, you know what's
going on around bedtime, cause alot of moms tend to experience,
you know, the mind racing, allthe guilt, especially if you
have a child with either ADHD orautism.
You felt like you yelled, youfelt like you did parents'
rights, you felt like thingscould have done better and they
(10:20):
embarrassed you.
You know you just come up withall those thoughts.
So I would say, as part of yourroutine, you know making sure
that you create space to processa little bit, to journal.
It may feel like everythingwent awry the entire day.
Nothing went well, but when youdig deep you will find that a
(10:41):
couple of things went well andstart with that, start with that
gratitude.
So incorporating sort ofjournaling and reflecting as
part of your routine is healthy.
Taking a bath or a shower,something of that sort to kind
of help you also wind down andalso actually cool down your
core body temperature issomething that I believe is very
(11:01):
helpful.
Mindfulness practices, eitherby prayer, meditation, you know,
even journaling is amindfulness practice.
So incorporating those thingsas part of your routine is
really helpful, because that waythen you get better sleep,
better rest, and then you'rewaking up more rested as well.
(11:21):
Right, and I think that's justwhat I would say to start with.
Now, of course, if your child isrunning around the house and is
not sleeping and is fightingbedtime, then you're not gonna
be able to create that me timefor yourself.
So making sure that, as you'redoing that, let some of your
motivation, in addition tohelping your child, be well
(11:41):
rested for their own braindevelopment, for their learning,
let there be partial selfishmotivation, which is because I
need me time too.
So you're not just gonna liveit and hope for the best, right,
you have to be intentionalabout it, about getting your
kids to sleep well, and then, ofcourse, reach out for help If
you're in need, if you'restruggling, if you feel this is
(12:02):
way beyond what you, how hardyou thought it was gonna be.
Then reach out for help,because you don't have to do it
alone.
Amen.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:14):
You don't have to do it alone.
I'm serious moms.
I mean, I'm a mom of three kidsand several things you said
being intentional ditching themom guilt about if I don't spend
time with my kid, thentherefore I must be a bad mom.
That's such a lie.
You know that.
Our friend tells us, and we'regiving you permission, both as
(12:34):
momies and as physicians, not tobelieve every thought that
comes in your head, especiallythose that try to make you feel
less than because the truth iswe can't really take our kids
until we first take ourourselves.
So it's highly impossible totake care of anybody else if you
don't take care of yourself,because sooner or later you're
gonna crash and burn, and thenwhat's gonna happen to your
(12:56):
precious child?
So even the journaling I'vetried it myself it definitely
helps to empty out your brainand finding a few things that
you're grateful for is lifechange, and you said that, yes,
and I found that that's true too.
So what would you say in termsof the sleep routine for
(13:16):
children who are neurodiverse?
What are some few tips thatparents can implement to help
that nighttime routine go better?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (13:26):
Yeah, no, that's great.
I think the first step isestablish one.
Yes, yeah, make sure there's aroutine, because not everybody
has, because sometimes you'rejust so exhausted as a mom that
you're like just get into bed,goodnight, right, and all you
just kind of run them around thehouse until they're tired and
they crash, right.
So establish a routine, becausethat is something that helps
(13:51):
children who are neurodiverse,because they seek you know that
schedule and they seek out thoseroutines.
They want things.
They want to be able toanticipate what's next, because
there's a lot of things that areout of their control.
But when they know what iscoming next, it's not something
that's sprung up on them andthey don't have to go through
very sudden transitions.
(14:13):
It actually makes bedtimeeasier.
That's one.
And then it helps them withjust winding down.
Right.
A lot of times they are likeready to go, but really starting
to establish a routine willkind of cue their brains to say,
okay, it's time to start towind down.
So I mean, I think you have tofind what works for your child.
What I really encourage is abouttwo or three activities calming
(14:36):
, relaxing activities, headingin the direction of the bedroom.
Okay.
So two or three meaning not toolong, right.
So anywhere from 30 to about 45or 60 minutes, nothing too
convoluted or long.
So that's two or three.
Calming, because I know thatsometimes you feel like they
have too much energy and so youput them on the trampoline just
(14:57):
before bedtime or you send themoutside to play basketball just
before bedtime cause you wannawear them out.
Actually, that may end upincreasing that the adrenaline
surge and makes it harder forthem to fall asleep.
So calming is one of them.
And then heading in thedirection of the bedroom,
because sometimes we go up andthen they're like I want to
snack, and so we go down to thekitchen oh, I wanna go see
(15:20):
what's going on with the dog.
And then they go outside oh,like, can we play a real good
game of dribble?
And then you're just movingaround and everybody's tired,
right.
So two to three heading in thedirection of the bedroom.
So usually I would say having asnack, then hygiene, so bath,
toothbrush, pjs, change theirunderwear, that kind of stuff.
(15:41):
And then you start to kind ofthink through what are things
that we can do that can helpwith bonding, so things like
reading, coddling, a little bitto talk about that day while
some calming music is beingplayed in the background.
So those are some things thatyou could do.
If you're someone who doesprayer, praying or singing a
song with them around, that timeis really good.
Give them a hug and then youhead out.
(16:04):
And one thing that helps ourkids with either autism or ADHD
to follow this.
Another thing, especially ifyou're someone who struggles,
who has bedtime struggles withyour kids where it's taking them
so long is sometimes visualschedules also help, so you can
get that from online.
Just Google it and print it out.
It doesn't have to be fancy.
If you want one that's likefancy, a little fancy, you could
(16:27):
go on Amazon and get it and soit shows like brush teeth and
then they could put a checkmark.
Now, bath, they put a checkmark.
Drink water, put a checkmarkright, get into bed.
So they are actually activeparticipants in that routine,
and so then it again.
It gives them some more control, but it helps you get their
(16:48):
buy-in versus you trying to justpush seemingly push them around
or things like that.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:54):
Right, oh, wow, yes, that is so important.
I love the visual chart youmentioned because definitely
kids want to feel like they havesome control over stuff that's
been on in their life.
Because you mentioned so muchof it is not under the control.
So wow, that's great, that'swonderful.
So at that snacks you would saydon't eat before bedtime,
(17:17):
versus others.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (17:19):
Yes, so definitely nothing that
contains caffeine.
And it's interesting, thethings that contain caffeine,
even those beverages that saydecaffeinated, actually contain
caffeine.
So really you want to avoid anytea, any sodas or coffee.
Of course, energy drinks, allthat you want to try to avoid.
And then a rich, protein, richsnack.
(17:41):
Maybe you could do like alittle bit of luncheon, or maybe
some nuts, depending on the age, of course, not for any child
that's younger.
You could do like a cheesestick, some apple slices with
peanut butter, so somethingreally simple.
Just so that I mean, especiallydepending on what dinner time.
Sometimes dinner time wouldhave been much earlier in the
(18:04):
day, so that way you're notgetting that I'm hungry complain
.
So you cannot take care of thatmuch earlier at the time of the
routine.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (18:13):
Yes, yes, that's definitely important and I like
that you pointed out protein,because that way they don't have
the highs and lows of the sugarif they take that carbs and
caffeine, like you mentioned.
So that's wonderful.
So can you?
This has been amazing because I, too, have learned a few more
tips for my patients.
(18:34):
So where can parents find outmore about you?
You mentioned asking for help,so how they can find you to get
more help that they need.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (18:47):
Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for
having me.
So I'm on social media and I'mon Restful Sleep MD, so that's
one place where I do share a lotof tips on how to get our kids
to sleep better, how moms cancreate space for themselves and
ditch the guilt, like we talkedabout, when it comes to sleep.
And also my website isrestfulsleepmdcom.
(19:11):
So that's also a place where,as a mom who might need coaching
to just kind of navigate allthis, I provide that support and
you could schedule a free Iactually offer a free discovery
call, 30 minutes long freediscovery call with no strings
attached, and then I can talkabout your sleep needs and if
and how I can support you.
And then very, very recently Iannounced my practice that's
(19:36):
opening.
So I'm really excited aboutthat.
That's going to open in Octoberand really I'm so excited
really catering around childrenand young adults with various
sleep conditions, whatever it is.
Even if you are not sure yourchild has a sleep condition,
then you probably should justcome check it out.
Really, for now it's atelehealth practice, but it's
(19:57):
mainly catering to people inPennsylvania and New Jersey
right now because that's whereI'm licensed, but I hope to
expand that coverage over time.
So if you are, or you knowsomebody who is, in the
Pennsylvania or New Jersey area,or if you're able to get there,
then definitely you could geton the wait list and that way,
once my practice opens and westart scheduling, you'll be the
(20:19):
first to know.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (20:21):
Hey, congratulations, that's huge.
Yeah, do yourself a favor andget on the wait list.
I assure you is the best of thebest.
So thank you again so much fortaking time out of your busy day
to grace us with your wisdomand and just your grace, like
(20:42):
you're always so wonderful to bearound.
So thank you, thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
Bye everyone, thank you again.
Hello, you have a treat in store for you today.
So today I'm going to beinterviewing Dr.
Funke Afolabi-Brown.
She's an amazing pediatricsleep expert and I will let her
introduce herself because shewill do it better justice than I
can.
So thank you so much for beinghere, Dr.
Funke.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (00:21):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm excited to be here today.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:26):
Yes, so glad you could come on.
So can you please tell us moreabout you?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (00:32):
Sure, sure, yes, like you said, I'm Dr
.
Funke Afolabi-Brown.
I am a sleep physician, I'm thefounder of Restful SleepMD, and
my mission really is to helpempower kids and their parents
to prioritize sleep so that theycan thrive and live to their
(00:54):
fullest potential.
And so I really do this throughyou know, speaking I have my
practice opening soon and alsothrough coaching moms, because
we do know that the struggle isreal when sleep is concerned.
So I'm really excited to havethis conversation.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:11):
Yes, the struggle is real.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (01:13):
Yes.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:15):
That was me, like last night with my three,
my six year old who decided toshow up, and with her head on my
legs and the whole night.
So, yes, we want to empowerparents of children with ADHD
and autism as they go back toschool.
And what are ways that parentscan help optimize the sleep of
their children?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (01:37):
Yeah.
So I think the first thing tostart with is really figuring
out what your goals are when itcomes to your child's sleep and
how it impacts their school,right?
So we do know in children thatpoor sleep will negatively
affect their academicperformance, their mental health
(01:57):
, focus and all of that, and wealso know that when kids are
coming back from summer vacation, a lot of times the schedules
are a little bit erratic, right?
Because maybe they've notnecessarily had any structure
over the summer, right?
So things may be a bit laidback, meaning that they may be
(02:17):
going to bed later, waking uplater, taking naps, you know,
and so I think it's reallyimportant to then see how that
might impact their school whenschool starts.
So, depending on the age ofyour child, they may need to now
wake up at 7am or 8am or evenearlier, especially if they're
in middle or high school andyou're in a school that still
(02:39):
has this really early schoolstart times, and so what that
ends up doing is it can lead tosleep deprivation, and so that
sleep deprivation is justsomething that is going to have
a hard time trying to pay off inthat sense, right?
So they're going to go toschool tired, where they're
expected to learn.
They may have issues with focusand memory and creativity.
You may start, as a parent, toget calls from school.
(03:02):
Now, the goal of this is not topaint the worst case scenario.
There is hope, and so I think,once you figure out I don't want
any of that.
I want my child to wake upexcited about school, to wake up
with energy, to be able tolearn and have good behavior in
school and things like that.
So if that's your goal, then wehave to say what do we need to
(03:23):
do to get there?
And the best place to start iswhere you are, and there are
different ways that we can useto go about this.
And regardless of where you are, I think one thing to realize
is there's hope, there's help.
There are sort of three ways.
I would say that you canapproach this.
You can do this really gentleroute, honestly, depending on
(03:46):
where you are and when you'relistening to this recording.
That may not be possibleanymore, because this is
something that you probably wantto do about a month or so
before school starts.
The second is sort of more ofthat medium transition, and then
the third is kind of the coldturkey method, and then I think
it all depends on where you'restarting from.
(04:09):
So when we talk about the gentle, it's more of OK if you realize
, like my child, who typicallyis supposed to be going to bed
at 8 pm, maybe my, you know, myeight-year-old or something,
supposed to go to bed at 8 pmand wake up around you know, 6
or 7 am, and so to figure thatout you then have to see where
(04:30):
are they right.
If they were, if they'refalling asleep at 11 pm again,
no judgments and maybe they'rewaking up close to noon, so you
can see that then you're goingto need to move them back by
three hours or so, right?
So you have to kind of figureout that little bit of math and
then you start with that.
So the gentle approach isliterally maybe every week
(04:53):
you're moving that scheduleforward, right, you're moving it
earlier.
So you're almost like advancingtheir circadian rhythm, because
over the summer that rhythm hasshifted, right.
So their body clock now isbecoming more used to waking up
much later.
So I think that would be thebest if it was, if I had to, you
know, voice my opinion becauseit's more gentle.
But then that's hard becausethen it's like a whole month of
(05:15):
that.
What are they supposed to dowith them?
Now, they wake up early, right,because, as a mom, right,
getting them to sleep in alittle bit gives you a little
bit of me time, you know.
So again, no judgment.
So so that's one approach.
Again, it depends on how drivenyou are right, that's what we
determine it how driven andcommitted you are to that
process.
(05:35):
And then what your kids need is,if you know that you're someone
who your child, with any littlechange, just seems to fall
apart, then you may want to trythat gentler approach.
And if you, the good thingabout having that month is that
if it's two, if 30 minutes aweek is too much, you can
actually move it by 15 minutes,so you have room to play, right.
Then the second is sort of themedium approach, where we say
(05:59):
about two weeks, so, so, so,depending again on where, for us
in in my neck of the woods inthe East Coast, we're
approaching that two week markand so in that kind of situation
it's almost the same.
So you're moving that clock bytwo weeks, but you're by every,
maybe every three to five daysor so, so you're moving it by.
(06:21):
You know, again, about 30minutes, 20 to 30 minutes
Watching out for your childsensitivity.
But essentially you'readvancing faster, a little bit
faster.
And then the cold turkeyapproach is you do nothing,
maybe the day before they startschool when they've been
sleeping at you know againthey've been waking up at about
10 am or 11 am.
(06:41):
You just wake them up at six.
So they're short about fivehours of sleep.
So that's gonna be really hardand it takes a little bit of
time for kids to be able to makethat adjustment again, because
you're realigning there's akiddy and read them with what
you would expect the schoolschedule to be.
(07:02):
So that tends to be much harder.
Those are the kids that I endup seeing in my practice to say
his sleep fell apart when schoolstarted.
So I think you know if thegentle approach is way too long
and convoluted to you, thenmaybe stick to the medium
approach.
Or if you're someone who yourchild is just like happy, go
(07:23):
lucky, doesn't really get anyfeel any kind of way with abrupt
changes, then you know whatit's fine to go cold turkey.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (07:32):
Wonderful.
Thank you for that explanation.
So, yeah, definitely, there yougo, parents.
You have three options, but ofcourse, like Dr Funke pointed
out, the gentle approach isprobably going to be best,
especially since we're dealingwith children who have ADHD and
autism, who prefer to haveroutine set and don't do usually
(07:54):
don't do very well with routineshifting.
So, yes, please, I hope youlisten and you take this into
consideration to help yourchildren.
So, speaking of moms, right?
So how can moms themselvesimprove their sleep so that they
can help their children?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (08:12):
Well, that's a great question because,
especially with children whoare neurodiverse, right, they
feed off of the parents energy.
So when they see that mom isstressed, mom's exhausted, they
get that vibe and they may startto feel that stress and anxiety
.
And that stress and anxietyplays into sleep as well,
increasing that what we call thehyperarousal and things like
(08:36):
that.
So I think the important thingis first understanding that your
own sleep health matters as amom, that you're not being
selfish for choosing you,because the best version of you
is the well-rested version ofyou.
So you first have to come toterms with that, and I think
that's a struggle for most momsbecause we just feel like if I
(08:58):
choose me, that means I love mychild less.
No, you choose you because youdo love your child.
So I think that's something, amental roadblock that I would
encourage you to first cross asa hurdle and then setting out
time.
What does that look like?
It looks like even you as a momhaving a routine, because we
(09:20):
wanna be role models, right.
So if you are on your, forexample, if you are on your
device, like you know, till latehours, and then you're trying
to tell your child to put theirdevice away.
It's gonna be hard to negotiatethat or navigate that.
So you wanna be that role modelbecause the same way the blue
(09:40):
lights and the devices and theyou know the excitement, all
that from those devices the sameway they impact our kids, they
also impact us as moms and soyou wanna try to make sure that
you create a system where youknow you're putting those away,
you're setting up a routine foryourself and also that you are
(10:00):
really making sure that you'remindful of, you know what's
going on around bedtime, cause alot of moms tend to experience,
you know, the mind racing, allthe guilt, especially if you
have a child with either ADHD orautism.
You felt like you yelled, youfelt like you did parents'
rights, you felt like thingscould have done better and they
(10:20):
embarrassed you.
You know you just come up withall those thoughts.
So I would say, as part of yourroutine, you know making sure
that you create space to processa little bit, to journal.
It may feel like everythingwent awry the entire day.
Nothing went well, but when youdig deep you will find that a
(10:41):
couple of things went well andstart with that, start with that
gratitude.
So incorporating sort ofjournaling and reflecting as
part of your routine is healthy.
Taking a bath or a shower,something of that sort to kind
of help you also wind down andalso actually cool down your
core body temperature issomething that I believe is very
(11:01):
helpful.
Mindfulness practices, eitherby prayer, meditation, you know,
even journaling is amindfulness practice.
So incorporating those thingsas part of your routine is
really helpful, because that waythen you get better sleep,
better rest, and then you'rewaking up more rested as well.
(11:21):
Right, and I think that's justwhat I would say to start with.
Now, of course, if your child isrunning around the house and is
not sleeping and is fightingbedtime, then you're not gonna
be able to create that me timefor yourself.
So making sure that, as you'redoing that, let some of your
motivation, in addition tohelping your child, be well
(11:41):
rested for their own braindevelopment, for their learning,
let there be partial selfishmotivation, which is because I
need me time too.
So you're not just gonna liveit and hope for the best, right,
you have to be intentionalabout it, about getting your
kids to sleep well, and then, ofcourse, reach out for help If
you're in need, if you'restruggling, if you feel this is
(12:02):
way beyond what you, how hardyou thought it was gonna be.
Then reach out for help,because you don't have to do it
alone.
Amen.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:14):
You don't have to do it alone.
I'm serious moms.
I mean, I'm a mom of three kidsand several things you said
being intentional ditching themom guilt about if I don't spend
time with my kid, thentherefore I must be a bad mom.
That's such a lie.
You know that.
Our friend tells us, and we'regiving you permission, both as
(12:34):
momies and as physicians, not tobelieve every thought that
comes in your head, especiallythose that try to make you feel
less than because the truth iswe can't really take our kids
until we first take ourourselves.
So it's highly impossible totake care of anybody else if you
don't take care of yourself,because sooner or later you're
gonna crash and burn, and thenwhat's gonna happen to your
(12:56):
precious child?
So even the journaling I'vetried it myself it definitely
helps to empty out your brainand finding a few things that
you're grateful for is lifechange, and you said that, yes,
and I found that that's true too.
So what would you say in termsof the sleep routine for
(13:16):
children who are neurodiverse?
What are some few tips thatparents can implement to help
that nighttime routine go better?
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (13:26):
Yeah, no, that's great.
I think the first step isestablish one.
Yes, yeah, make sure there's aroutine, because not everybody
has, because sometimes you'rejust so exhausted as a mom that
you're like just get into bed,goodnight, right, and all you
just kind of run them around thehouse until they're tired and
they crash, right.
So establish a routine, becausethat is something that helps
(13:51):
children who are neurodiverse,because they seek you know that
schedule and they seek out thoseroutines.
They want things.
They want to be able toanticipate what's next, because
there's a lot of things that areout of their control.
But when they know what iscoming next, it's not something
that's sprung up on them andthey don't have to go through
very sudden transitions.
(14:13):
It actually makes bedtimeeasier.
That's one.
And then it helps them withjust winding down.
Right.
A lot of times they are likeready to go, but really starting
to establish a routine willkind of cue their brains to say,
okay, it's time to start towind down.
So I mean, I think you have tofind what works for your child.
What I really encourage is abouttwo or three activities calming
(14:36):
, relaxing activities, headingin the direction of the bedroom.
Okay.
So two or three meaning not toolong, right.
So anywhere from 30 to about 45or 60 minutes, nothing too
convoluted or long.
So that's two or three.
Calming, because I know thatsometimes you feel like they
have too much energy and so youput them on the trampoline just
(14:57):
before bedtime or you send themoutside to play basketball just
before bedtime cause you wannawear them out.
Actually, that may end upincreasing that the adrenaline
surge and makes it harder forthem to fall asleep.
So calming is one of them.
And then heading in thedirection of the bedroom,
because sometimes we go up andthen they're like I want to
snack, and so we go down to thekitchen oh, I wanna go see
(15:20):
what's going on with the dog.
And then they go outside oh,like, can we play a real good
game of dribble?
And then you're just movingaround and everybody's tired,
right.
So two to three heading in thedirection of the bedroom.
So usually I would say having asnack, then hygiene, so bath,
toothbrush, pjs, change theirunderwear, that kind of stuff.
(15:41):
And then you start to kind ofthink through what are things
that we can do that can helpwith bonding, so things like
reading, coddling, a little bitto talk about that day while
some calming music is beingplayed in the background.
So those are some things thatyou could do.
If you're someone who doesprayer, praying or singing a
song with them around, that timeis really good.
Give them a hug and then youhead out.
(16:04):
And one thing that helps ourkids with either autism or ADHD
to follow this.
Another thing, especially ifyou're someone who struggles,
who has bedtime struggles withyour kids where it's taking them
so long is sometimes visualschedules also help, so you can
get that from online.
Just Google it and print it out.
It doesn't have to be fancy.
If you want one that's likefancy, a little fancy, you could
(16:27):
go on Amazon and get it and soit shows like brush teeth and
then they could put a checkmark.
Now, bath, they put a checkmark.
Drink water, put a checkmarkright, get into bed.
So they are actually activeparticipants in that routine,
and so then it again.
It gives them some more control, but it helps you get their
(16:48):
buy-in versus you trying to justpush seemingly push them around
or things like that.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:54):
Right, oh, wow, yes, that is so important.
I love the visual chart youmentioned because definitely
kids want to feel like they havesome control over stuff that's
been on in their life.
Because you mentioned so muchof it is not under the control.
So wow, that's great, that'swonderful.
So at that snacks you would saydon't eat before bedtime,
(17:17):
versus others.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (17:19):
Yes, so definitely nothing that
contains caffeine.
And it's interesting, thethings that contain caffeine,
even those beverages that saydecaffeinated, actually contain
caffeine.
So really you want to avoid anytea, any sodas or coffee.
Of course, energy drinks, allthat you want to try to avoid.
And then a rich, protein, richsnack.
(17:41):
Maybe you could do like alittle bit of luncheon, or maybe
some nuts, depending on the age, of course, not for any child
that's younger.
You could do like a cheesestick, some apple slices with
peanut butter, so somethingreally simple.
Just so that I mean, especiallydepending on what dinner time.
Sometimes dinner time wouldhave been much earlier in the
(18:04):
day, so that way you're notgetting that I'm hungry complain
.
So you cannot take care of thatmuch earlier at the time of the
routine.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (18:13):
Yes, yes, that's definitely important and I like
that you pointed out protein,because that way they don't have
the highs and lows of the sugarif they take that carbs and
caffeine, like you mentioned.
So that's wonderful.
So can you?
This has been amazing because I, too, have learned a few more
tips for my patients.
(18:34):
So where can parents find outmore about you?
You mentioned asking for help,so how they can find you to get
more help that they need.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown (18:47):
Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for
having me.
So I'm on social media and I'mon Restful Sleep MD, so that's
one place where I do share a lotof tips on how to get our kids
to sleep better, how moms cancreate space for themselves and
ditch the guilt, like we talkedabout, when it comes to sleep.
And also my website isrestfulsleepmdcom.
(19:11):
So that's also a place where,as a mom who might need coaching
to just kind of navigate allthis, I provide that support and
you could schedule a free Iactually offer a free discovery
call, 30 minutes long freediscovery call with no strings
attached, and then I can talkabout your sleep needs and if
and how I can support you.
And then very, very recently Iannounced my practice that's
(19:36):
opening.
So I'm really excited aboutthat.
That's going to open in Octoberand really I'm so excited
really catering around childrenand young adults with various
sleep conditions, whatever it is.
Even if you are not sure yourchild has a sleep condition,
then you probably should justcome check it out.
Really, for now it's atelehealth practice, but it's
(19:57):
mainly catering to people inPennsylvania and New Jersey
right now because that's whereI'm licensed, but I hope to
expand that coverage over time.
So if you are, or you knowsomebody who is, in the
Pennsylvania or New Jersey area,or if you're able to get there,
then definitely you could geton the wait list and that way,
once my practice opens and westart scheduling, you'll be the
(20:19):
first to know.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (20:21):
Hey, congratulations, that's huge.
Yeah, do yourself a favor andget on the wait list.
I assure you is the best of thebest.
So thank you again so much fortaking time out of your busy day
to grace us with your wisdomand and just your grace, like
(20:42):
you're always so wonderful to bearound.
So thank you, thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
Bye everyone, thank you again.
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