Ever wondered how a calmer heart could transform your family life? Emma O'Brien, a HeartMath practitioner and life coach, joins us to share the secrets of emotional regulation and its profound effects on parenting. Emma's insights into nervous system coherence teach us how to respond to our little ones with more compassion, enhancing decision-making and promoting a nurturing environment. This episode isn't just about breathing with your heart; it's about learning to infuse every interaction with calm and joy, modeling behaviors that will shape the future of our children's emotional well-being.
Navigating the tempest of emotions that life throws at us, whether you're a toddler or a grown-up, can be a challenge. Emma walks us through strategies for managing strong emotions and cultivating self-awareness across all age groups. Her conversation lights the path to understanding our triggers, and the ripple effect of our emotional state on those around us—especially within the intricate dance of family dynamics. Join us for a profound look at how these HeartMath strategies can not only improve the parent-child bond but also strengthen the ties between partners, guiding us toward personal growth and a more harmonious home.
Connect with Emma!
emmaobriencoach.com
Iinktree: emmaobriencoach
Connect with me!
If you want to schedule an ADHD/Autism appointment for your child, you may contact Glow Pediatrics:
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- Fax: 949-695-2681
- info@glowpediatrics.com
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📧 dreko@glowpediatrics.com
👍 Facebook: Dr.HokeheEko / glowpediatrics
💼 LinkedIn: hokeheeffiongmd
And join our Glow Health Circle! Weekly coaching calls for a close-knit community of like-minded parents, to get practical strategies for your child's whole-child well-being — from brain and gut health to navigating the environment. Let's thrive together!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:00):
Hello parents, welcome to another episode of
Brain Power with Dr.
Eko.
You're in for a treat.
Today.
I have an amazing guest, msEmma O'Brien, here with us and
she's going to be talking aboutheart math.
Yes, you're really in for atreat.
So welcome to the show, Ms.
Emma.
How are you today?
Emma O'Brien (00:19):
Hi, I'm good.
It's lovely to be here.
Thank you for having me and I'mexcited for our conversation
today.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:25):
Yes.
So please introduce yourselfand tell our listeners more
about the amazing work thatyou're doing for families.
Emma O'Brien (00:33):
So I'm Emma.
I'm a heart math practitionerand a Martha Beck trained life
coach, and I really got into thecoaching space after my own
episode of burnout and having torestructure my life after
everything went a bit wrongbecause I hadn't been looking
after my emotional well-being.
(00:54):
And it's taken me on thisbeautiful journey to learn these
tools.
Heartmath is essentially a setof emotional regulation tools to
help us bring ourselvesphysically and emotionally into
coherence so we can show upbetter, think better, and my
philosophy really is that whenwe feel better, we're able to to
(01:16):
do better yeah and whetherthat's in parenting or our
interactions with others.
I know specifically for you.
You know parenting is a veryhot topic and I think we can
parent a lot better from acalmer space.
So it's something I'm verypassionate about is really
helping people reduce theirstress, manage their lives,
(01:47):
change their lifestyles so wecan enjoy life and we can create
time with the people that areimportant and, you know, we can
enjoy our precious life here onearth.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:52):
Yes, we only get one chance at it right, so it's
so important for us to enjoyour lives.
I like that you said that.
So let's take a deeper diveinto really what heart math is
and what are some practical waysparents can incorporate the
strategies that that teaches.
Emma O'Brien (02:11):
So heart math really is about bringing your
nervous system into regulation.
When we're stressed, when we'renot coping, when we're tired,
we are in our fight or flightresponse a lot of the time and
we then end up with our logicalthinking brain offline and we're
(02:32):
operating from a space ofreactivity which is difficult to
make good decisions.
We're snappy with our childrenand if you've got children, I
know you speak to parents withchildren who've got ADHD and
autism, and that in itself is achallenging scenario to be in.
So heart math really is aboutlearning to bring your nervous
(02:53):
system into coherence so you canemotionally regulate better, so
that you're better equipped tocope with the challenges that
life throws at you.
We can't get rid of those lifechallenges.
I mean, everybody has them insome shape or form.
It's about learning to be ableto navigate through them more
smoothly and to be able to bemore emotionally resilient.
(03:18):
So heart math teaches you howto retrain your system to do
that.
It's about tapping your heart'sintelligence and bringing our
heart rhythms into coherence soour brain functions better and
we can operate from a space ofmore effective decision-making
(03:40):
and more kindness in effect aswell.
It's one of the things thatdrew me to HeartNAS, and it's
something I'm very passionateabout.
Sharing the techniques is justbeing able to be kinder to one
another, and our children pickup on that energy, so it's
important we're cultivating that.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (03:59):
Yes, absolutely right, because our kids follow
what we do more than what we say, so they're like little sponges
soaking up everything we'redoing.
So that's why it's so important, as parents, that we're not
perfect by any means, but thatwe make intentional choices to
do better when we know better.
So let's talk about a couple ofstrategies that parents can
(04:21):
implement in their everydaylives to help them regulate
themselves.
Emma O'Brien (04:29):
Yeah, so the easiest one is heart-focused
breathing, and that's the firsttechnique that I would teach
someone with heart math.
It's freely available online.
If you go to the Heart MathInstitute, quite a lot of their
techniques are there as well, soyou have to gatekeep it for you
.
You can go and have a look, andreally it's about focusing on
the area around your heart,imagining you're breathing in
and out of your heart space andbreathing in for a count of five
(04:50):
and out for a count of five.
I think that's what is sobeautiful about this technique
is it's so simple and we canpractice heart focus breathing
when you're in the car.
You can practice it if you'rein a hospital waiting room.
When you're in the car, you canpractice it if you're in a
hospital waiting room.
You can practice it when you'retalking to somebody, and it's
just a way of being able to getthat nervous system calmed down
(05:13):
so we have access to betterthinking and better behavior.
This is something you could dowith your kids as well.
If you've got children who area bit stressed and children who
are struggling with thingsdoctor's appointments you can
teach children the heart mathtechniques as well to get them
in line with their own coherence, which I think it's just so
(05:35):
powerful.
You don't need any kit for it.
It's super simple and I havefound that it makes a massive
difference to my mindset and howI go out into the world.
It's hugely powerful.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:49):
Wow, I love that .
It's so simple.
So we're just imagining the airaround our hearts.
Emma O'Brien (06:03):
We need to breathe in for a count of five.
We can do it Okay.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (06:09):
Definitely For sure.
It definitely slows down your,your.
If you had any heightenedemotions, that would definitely
slow it down immediately and Ilike that.
The focus is on your heart,right, and that's really nice to
teach like can we make ourhearts happy?
How can we make our heartshappy?
Let's, let's do some breathingand that will make our hearts
(06:31):
happy.
Oh, I just came up with a wayto teach it, yeah.
So I think, if you go at it fromthat angle, all the kids always
want their hearts to feel happy.
Same way I tell them about thebrains.
You want your brain to feelhappy, so let's drink some water
so your brain can feel happy.
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful,okay.
Emma O'Brien (06:54):
What's Okay?
What's another tip, karen, forthem?
So you'll find, once you startto practice just the
heart-focused breathing, thatyou're able to slow everything
down enough to be able to listento your own intuition a little
bit more.
I think a lot of us have losttouch with our own gut feeling,
if you like, and I think theheart, heart and you know the
(07:15):
heart is linked to that.
So, being able to really listento what do I want, what is the
right decision to make here forme or for my child, and to
really listen to that innervoice, it allows you access to
the very wise part of yourselfwhich we often choose to ignore
(07:37):
and we'll find out later.
We'll be like, oh, I knew Ishouldn't have done that or I
knew I should have done this,but we've stopped trusting
ourselves.
And I think it's a greattechnique to help you trust
yourself.
And this is why it's sobeautiful to teach to children
and I know I was listening toyour TED talk and you were
giving the example of childrenof how can you make your brains
(07:58):
happy and love what you're goingto say, how can you make your
heart happy?
Well, you can listen to it andyou can tune into it and we can
cultivate a feeling of kindnessand really start to think about
cultivating a positive emotion.
When we're doing the heartfocused breathing, which is kind
of the next step with the heartmast, it's life changing.
(08:18):
When you do this on a regularbasis, because it's just.
I have found when I'vepracticed it and I've you know,
if I'm really feeling verycoherent, I'll go out to the
shops or out in the car.
People respond differently toyou when you are in a different
state.
It's almost a bit magical.
There is some science behind it, so it's not magic, but people
(08:41):
respond to you differently whenyou are calm and coherent and
that is why it's such a valuabletool.
So, as a parent, you imaginethe impact that has on dealing
with your own children.
A parent, you imagine theimpact that has on dealing with
your own children and and if youteach children, to do it.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (09:00):
Imagine the impact that will have on their
lives as well.
Yeah, yeah, they will grow upto not discount themselves,
which a lot of us I mean myselfincluded we do it out of fear,
right, because we think we'll bejudged because of what the days
we want to do or what we arethinking, or we are free to say
what we really want, and thatjust stunts our growth.
I mean, it stunts you in every,in every direction.
(09:22):
Yeah, even with what you said,like if you're more cohesive,
then you attract people.
People react to you differently.
It definitely whatever is goingon on the inside of us, it's
like painted on us, and so iteither repels or attracts people
.
It's so, yeah, yeah yeah.
I love that, okay.
So that's.
The next step is to acceptourselves for who we are.
Emma O'Brien (09:46):
Yeah, absolutely okay, and if we, you know, if we
cultivate love for ourselves.
I think it's a little biteasier to cultivate love, or,
you know, depending on whoyou're dealing with love or
compassion for other people.
I think this is one of thegreat things about using this
technique is it allows you tojust shift your perspective as
(10:07):
well, and oftentimes we get veryfixed in our own perspectives
and we're not able to seeanother person's point of view,
which causes conflict.
And if we're able to say, well,this is my perspective and I
can be calm and centered enoughto maybe have a look at your
perspective, and then maybe wecould, we could meet middle
somewhere, or, or, you know?
(10:28):
And how could we create asolution, as opposed to just
fighting about whose perspectiveis correct?
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:37):
Absolutely, oh goodness gracious.
Emma O'Brien (10:40):
Well, you know if everybody was emotionally
regulated, we probably wouldhave a much more peaceful planet
.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:47):
Right, You're absolutely right.
I love that because it's socritical.
I mean even for just basiclistening, if we even just
talked about listening.
Oftentimes we're so big we'renot really listening because
we're just waiting for thechance to say what it is we want
to say.
And so it's so important forour own heart health that we can
take other people'sperspectives into consideration,
(11:09):
because then we're healthieroverall, because then we don't
have all the stress hormonessurging right that creates havoc
because they are like at such ahigh and we can't calm down.
So I see how it's all relatedabsolutely, and it's.
Emma O'Brien (11:24):
It's one of those things.
It's just so simple and I thinkit's simple and accessible and
I'd be very interested if youstarted to practice this
technique with your kids thatyou see in your practice and I
know you do some work with kidsin foster care as well- yeah.
I'd be interested to see howthat might help them and help
(11:49):
them cope better with things,and how that might shift things
for them.
I think it's a shame that kidsaren't taught meditation
techniques in schools andthey're not taught techniques to
manage their emotions.
I think often children aretaught you know, it depends what
environment they're in thatsome emotions are fine, some
(12:10):
aren't.
You have to squash these ones.
It's not OK to do that, and youknow this is a technique to
help manage those emotions.
So right, just my take on it.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:22):
But you are absolutely right, because I mean
, let me talk about myselfgrowing up.
I mean it's, it's like, ok, youcan't really express yourself,
you need to be quiet.
So then you learn to justbottle up the emotions right and
don't let them out, and thenyou have to find a safe place
where you can actually beyourself.
(12:43):
But I mean, of course,everything is within reason
while we are saying youremotions are okay, we also don't
want the child to learn that ifthey feel this way, they just
need to let loose and scream.
If that's what it is, I meanthey need to learn to.
Okay, I'm going to take deepbreaths when I feel like
screaming so that I can calmmyself down, because they'll
(13:06):
only be taken advantage of ifthat's their only reaction.
Like we don't them withoutteaching them how to, how to be
balanced right.
So I it's definitely animportant tool, for sure.
I mean, even young kids canlearn this yep instead of saying
no, no, no, don't do that.
We can teach them.
This is what you do instead.
(13:28):
Yeah, I'm taking notes for myown self.
I'm going to practice with mykids.
Emma O'Brien (13:34):
I love it and I think, to come to your point of
learning to express emotions, ifchildren have the techniques,
if they're feeling incrediblyangry and they're going to
explode, is to teach them thatin the moment it's not
necessarily appropriate to dothat because of you know, and
this is the thing, isn't it?
(13:55):
We've got to learn how toexpress the emotions in a safe
and I'm going to hate to use theword appropriate, but we live
in a society where we have tobehave appropriately.
However, if they've got thetechniques to be able to say I'm
seething with rage, but I'vegot a tool to calm it down for
now and I know when I get homeor if I go to see my
(14:18):
psychologist or wherever I'mgoing, I can take that and that
is the space for me to be ableto explore these big feelings
I'm having, as opposed tofeeling like they have to shove
them down because that's nothealthy.
But it's learning to deal withthem, and I think the more you
as a person kids, me can learnto emotionally regulate, the
(14:42):
less big those emotions are.
If you're on a more even keelmost of the time, it doesn't get
rid of the fact that sometimesyou're going to blow a gasket or
want to, but it's.
It just helps, I think, to havea perspective of do I really
need to go that mad with angerright now?
Absolutely.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (15:02):
I agree with you about the point of pairing the
this is the tool with.
I am a safe person, you cancome and talk to me after you
have employed the tool and youfeel better, and now we can
discuss it in a calm manner.
But we, the parents, alsoprobably need to be calm when we
see that, depending on what itis, we too might be all riled up
as well.
(15:22):
So both of us need to employthe tool and understand that we
can come back and have a loving,calm conversation, and actually
not just for parents and kids,it's for parents, their partners
, like the parents themselves.
If they talk to each other, ifthey deal with conflicts in this
manner, then it helps, right?
If we each say to each otherokay, we're going to take a hard
(15:45):
moment now, take care of ourheart and come back, more
marriages would be better andpartnerships would be better and
stronger, I think.
So, yeah, I can be using alldifferent kinds of relationships
.
Emma O'Brien (16:02):
Yes, you can use it everywhere.
That is the beauty of it isjust to be able to manage what
you're putting out into theworld.
Because I have noticed, andwhen I am very, very regulated,
I was in out the other day atthe pharmacy standing at the
counter being served and one ofthe other pharmacists and
(16:22):
somebody else just turned aroundand waved at me and smiled, huh
, and I'm thinking, okay, I mean, they're not somebody I knew,
it's not like I'm in there allthe time, it's just I'm very
regulated, so I'm obviouslygiving something out that people
want to engage in a in afriendly way.
So it's really fascinating tome and you, you know.
(16:43):
Conversely, if you go out in afoul mood and you cross, one
thing after another will just gowrong and you're bound to and
it escalates yep, and it rainsand then it thunders before.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:59):
Yes, you're absolutely right, I love that.
So, yeah, parents, let's all doan experiment because I'm
definitely going to try it andlet's see what's we, what's
different about our days and whocomes up to us, and how we
relate differently with people.
So what's one last tip that youwould like to give our parents
or our kids?
(17:20):
Either one.
Emma O'Brien (17:22):
I think it's learning to be self-aware and
learning to feel into thefeelings we're having.
I think so many people are sostressed and overwrought we're
actually kind of a bit numb fromthe neck down and it's taking
time to understand when you feelstressed and understand when
(17:44):
you feel angry, and notice whenyou're triggered and start to
investigate that a little bitmore.
I mean, it's part of thecoaching work that I do in a
longer container with people isgetting to know yourself a
little bit better, because whenyou're self-aware you can change
things and you might start tobecome aware of how your
(18:06):
behavior is impacting others andhow others' behavior impacts
you.
And the first step to changingthings for better starts with
that awareness of self, becausewe we can only really manage
what's going on within ourselves, and I think it's important two
(18:28):
million percent.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (18:29):
agree, I totally agree.
So please tell our listenerswhere they can find out more
about you.
Emma O'Brien (18:37):
You can pop to my website, which is
emmaobriencoachcom.
There's all the info about meon there and I'm at
emmaobriencoach on Instagram andTikTok and, if you would, if
you've enjoyed this conversationand you're starting to play
with this, I would love to hearfrom you.
I'd love to see how it's helpedand get some feedback, because
(19:01):
I just think it's so nice to beable to know how this is
impacting other people's livesas well.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (19:09):
Yes, wonderful.
I have so enjoyed thisconversation and I hope you have
too as well.
Thank you so much, Emma, forcoming on today.
Such a pleasure to talk withyou today, so thank you again.
Emma O'Brien (19:20):
Thank you very much for having me.
I've really really enjoyed itas well.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (19:24):
Yes, and so for parents.
Please thank you for listening.
Thank you for sharing this withpeople you think might need it.
Thank you for subscribing andleaving us a review.
We really appreciate it.
Until the next episode, have anamazing day.
Hello parents, welcome to another episode of
Brain Power with Dr.
Eko.
You're in for a treat.
Today.
I have an amazing guest, msEmma O'Brien, here with us and
she's going to be talking aboutheart math.
Yes, you're really in for atreat.
So welcome to the show, Ms.
Emma.
How are you today?
Emma O'Brien (00:19):
Hi, I'm good.
It's lovely to be here.
Thank you for having me and I'mexcited for our conversation
today.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (00:25):
Yes.
So please introduce yourselfand tell our listeners more
about the amazing work thatyou're doing for families.
Emma O'Brien (00:33):
So I'm Emma.
I'm a heart math practitionerand a Martha Beck trained life
coach, and I really got into thecoaching space after my own
episode of burnout and having torestructure my life after
everything went a bit wrongbecause I hadn't been looking
after my emotional well-being.
(00:54):
And it's taken me on thisbeautiful journey to learn these
tools.
Heartmath is essentially a setof emotional regulation tools to
help us bring ourselvesphysically and emotionally into
coherence so we can show upbetter, think better, and my
philosophy really is that whenwe feel better, we're able to to
(01:16):
do better yeah and whetherthat's in parenting or our
interactions with others.
I know specifically for you.
You know parenting is a veryhot topic and I think we can
parent a lot better from acalmer space.
So it's something I'm verypassionate about is really
helping people reduce theirstress, manage their lives,
(01:47):
change their lifestyles so wecan enjoy life and we can create
time with the people that areimportant and, you know, we can
enjoy our precious life here onearth.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (01:52):
Yes, we only get one chance at it right, so it's
so important for us to enjoyour lives.
I like that you said that.
So let's take a deeper diveinto really what heart math is
and what are some practical waysparents can incorporate the
strategies that that teaches.
Emma O'Brien (02:11):
So heart math really is about bringing your
nervous system into regulation.
When we're stressed, when we'renot coping, when we're tired,
we are in our fight or flightresponse a lot of the time and
we then end up with our logicalthinking brain offline and we're
(02:32):
operating from a space ofreactivity which is difficult to
make good decisions.
We're snappy with our childrenand if you've got children, I
know you speak to parents withchildren who've got ADHD and
autism, and that in itself is achallenging scenario to be in.
So heart math really is aboutlearning to bring your nervous
(02:53):
system into coherence so you canemotionally regulate better, so
that you're better equipped tocope with the challenges that
life throws at you.
We can't get rid of those lifechallenges.
I mean, everybody has them insome shape or form.
It's about learning to be ableto navigate through them more
smoothly and to be able to bemore emotionally resilient.
(03:18):
So heart math teaches you howto retrain your system to do
that.
It's about tapping your heart'sintelligence and bringing our
heart rhythms into coherence soour brain functions better and
we can operate from a space ofmore effective decision-making
(03:40):
and more kindness in effect aswell.
It's one of the things thatdrew me to HeartNAS, and it's
something I'm very passionateabout.
Sharing the techniques is justbeing able to be kinder to one
another, and our children pickup on that energy, so it's
important we're cultivating that.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (03:59):
Yes, absolutely right, because our kids follow
what we do more than what we say, so they're like little sponges
soaking up everything we'redoing.
So that's why it's so important, as parents, that we're not
perfect by any means, but thatwe make intentional choices to
do better when we know better.
So let's talk about a couple ofstrategies that parents can
(04:21):
implement in their everydaylives to help them regulate
themselves.
Emma O'Brien (04:29):
Yeah, so the easiest one is heart-focused
breathing, and that's the firsttechnique that I would teach
someone with heart math.
It's freely available online.
If you go to the Heart MathInstitute, quite a lot of their
techniques are there as well, soyou have to gatekeep it for you
.
You can go and have a look, andreally it's about focusing on
the area around your heart,imagining you're breathing in
and out of your heart space andbreathing in for a count of five
(04:50):
and out for a count of five.
I think that's what is sobeautiful about this technique
is it's so simple and we canpractice heart focus breathing
when you're in the car.
You can practice it if you'rein a hospital waiting room.
When you're in the car, you canpractice it if you're in a
hospital waiting room.
You can practice it when you'retalking to somebody, and it's
just a way of being able to getthat nervous system calmed down
(05:13):
so we have access to betterthinking and better behavior.
This is something you could dowith your kids as well.
If you've got children who area bit stressed and children who
are struggling with thingsdoctor's appointments you can
teach children the heart mathtechniques as well to get them
in line with their own coherence, which I think it's just so
(05:35):
powerful.
You don't need any kit for it.
It's super simple and I havefound that it makes a massive
difference to my mindset and howI go out into the world.
It's hugely powerful.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (05:49):
Wow, I love that .
It's so simple.
So we're just imagining the airaround our hearts.
Emma O'Brien (06:03):
We need to breathe in for a count of five.
We can do it Okay.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (06:09):
Definitely For sure.
It definitely slows down your,your.
If you had any heightenedemotions, that would definitely
slow it down immediately and Ilike that.
The focus is on your heart,right, and that's really nice to
teach like can we make ourhearts happy?
How can we make our heartshappy?
Let's, let's do some breathingand that will make our hearts
(06:31):
happy.
Oh, I just came up with a wayto teach it, yeah.
So I think, if you go at it fromthat angle, all the kids always
want their hearts to feel happy.
Same way I tell them about thebrains.
You want your brain to feelhappy, so let's drink some water
so your brain can feel happy.
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful,okay.
Emma O'Brien (06:54):
What's Okay?
What's another tip, karen, forthem?
So you'll find, once you startto practice just the
heart-focused breathing, thatyou're able to slow everything
down enough to be able to listento your own intuition a little
bit more.
I think a lot of us have losttouch with our own gut feeling,
if you like, and I think theheart, heart and you know the
(07:15):
heart is linked to that.
So, being able to really listento what do I want, what is the
right decision to make here forme or for my child, and to
really listen to that innervoice, it allows you access to
the very wise part of yourselfwhich we often choose to ignore
(07:37):
and we'll find out later.
We'll be like, oh, I knew Ishouldn't have done that or I
knew I should have done this,but we've stopped trusting
ourselves.
And I think it's a greattechnique to help you trust
yourself.
And this is why it's sobeautiful to teach to children
and I know I was listening toyour TED talk and you were
giving the example of childrenof how can you make your brains
(07:58):
happy and love what you're goingto say, how can you make your
heart happy?
Well, you can listen to it andyou can tune into it and we can
cultivate a feeling of kindnessand really start to think about
cultivating a positive emotion.
When we're doing the heartfocused breathing, which is kind
of the next step with the heartmast, it's life changing.
(08:18):
When you do this on a regularbasis, because it's just.
I have found when I'vepracticed it and I've you know,
if I'm really feeling verycoherent, I'll go out to the
shops or out in the car.
People respond differently toyou when you are in a different
state.
It's almost a bit magical.
There is some science behind it, so it's not magic, but people
(08:41):
respond to you differently whenyou are calm and coherent and
that is why it's such a valuabletool.
So, as a parent, you imaginethe impact that has on dealing
with your own children.
A parent, you imagine theimpact that has on dealing with
your own children and and if youteach children, to do it.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (09:00):
Imagine the impact that will have on their
lives as well.
Yeah, yeah, they will grow upto not discount themselves,
which a lot of us I mean myselfincluded we do it out of fear,
right, because we think we'll bejudged because of what the days
we want to do or what we arethinking, or we are free to say
what we really want, and thatjust stunts our growth.
I mean, it stunts you in every,in every direction.
(09:22):
Yeah, even with what you said,like if you're more cohesive,
then you attract people.
People react to you differently.
It definitely whatever is goingon on the inside of us, it's
like painted on us, and so iteither repels or attracts people
.
It's so, yeah, yeah yeah.
I love that, okay.
So that's.
The next step is to acceptourselves for who we are.
Emma O'Brien (09:46):
Yeah, absolutely okay, and if we, you know, if we
cultivate love for ourselves.
I think it's a little biteasier to cultivate love, or,
you know, depending on whoyou're dealing with love or
compassion for other people.
I think this is one of thegreat things about using this
technique is it allows you tojust shift your perspective as
(10:07):
well, and oftentimes we get veryfixed in our own perspectives
and we're not able to seeanother person's point of view,
which causes conflict.
And if we're able to say, well,this is my perspective and I
can be calm and centered enoughto maybe have a look at your
perspective, and then maybe wecould, we could meet middle
somewhere, or, or, you know?
(10:28):
And how could we create asolution, as opposed to just
fighting about whose perspectiveis correct?
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:37):
Absolutely, oh goodness gracious.
Emma O'Brien (10:40):
Well, you know if everybody was emotionally
regulated, we probably wouldhave a much more peaceful planet
.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (10:47):
Right, You're absolutely right.
I love that because it's socritical.
I mean even for just basiclistening, if we even just
talked about listening.
Oftentimes we're so big we'renot really listening because
we're just waiting for thechance to say what it is we want
to say.
And so it's so important forour own heart health that we can
take other people'sperspectives into consideration,
(11:09):
because then we're healthieroverall, because then we don't
have all the stress hormonessurging right that creates havoc
because they are like at such ahigh and we can't calm down.
So I see how it's all relatedabsolutely, and it's.
Emma O'Brien (11:24):
It's one of those things.
It's just so simple and I thinkit's simple and accessible and
I'd be very interested if youstarted to practice this
technique with your kids thatyou see in your practice and I
know you do some work with kidsin foster care as well- yeah.
I'd be interested to see howthat might help them and help
(11:49):
them cope better with things,and how that might shift things
for them.
I think it's a shame that kidsaren't taught meditation
techniques in schools andthey're not taught techniques to
manage their emotions.
I think often children aretaught you know, it depends what
environment they're in thatsome emotions are fine, some
(12:10):
aren't.
You have to squash these ones.
It's not OK to do that, and youknow this is a technique to
help manage those emotions.
So right, just my take on it.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (12:22):
But you are absolutely right, because I mean
, let me talk about myselfgrowing up.
I mean it's, it's like, ok, youcan't really express yourself,
you need to be quiet.
So then you learn to justbottle up the emotions right and
don't let them out, and thenyou have to find a safe place
where you can actually beyourself.
(12:43):
But I mean, of course,everything is within reason
while we are saying youremotions are okay, we also don't
want the child to learn that ifthey feel this way, they just
need to let loose and scream.
If that's what it is, I meanthey need to learn to.
Okay, I'm going to take deepbreaths when I feel like
screaming so that I can calmmyself down, because they'll
(13:06):
only be taken advantage of ifthat's their only reaction.
Like we don't them withoutteaching them how to, how to be
balanced right.
So I it's definitely animportant tool, for sure.
I mean, even young kids canlearn this yep instead of saying
no, no, no, don't do that.
We can teach them.
This is what you do instead.
(13:28):
Yeah, I'm taking notes for myown self.
I'm going to practice with mykids.
Emma O'Brien (13:34):
I love it and I think, to come to your point of
learning to express emotions, ifchildren have the techniques,
if they're feeling incrediblyangry and they're going to
explode, is to teach them thatin the moment it's not
necessarily appropriate to dothat because of you know, and
this is the thing, isn't it?
(13:55):
We've got to learn how toexpress the emotions in a safe
and I'm going to hate to use theword appropriate, but we live
in a society where we have tobehave appropriately.
However, if they've got thetechniques to be able to say I'm
seething with rage, but I'vegot a tool to calm it down for
now and I know when I get homeor if I go to see my
(14:18):
psychologist or wherever I'mgoing, I can take that and that
is the space for me to be ableto explore these big feelings
I'm having, as opposed tofeeling like they have to shove
them down because that's nothealthy.
But it's learning to deal withthem, and I think the more you
as a person kids, me can learnto emotionally regulate, the
(14:42):
less big those emotions are.
If you're on a more even keelmost of the time, it doesn't get
rid of the fact that sometimesyou're going to blow a gasket or
want to, but it's.
It just helps, I think, to havea perspective of do I really
need to go that mad with angerright now?
Absolutely.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (15:02):
I agree with you about the point of pairing the
this is the tool with.
I am a safe person, you cancome and talk to me after you
have employed the tool and youfeel better, and now we can
discuss it in a calm manner.
But we, the parents, alsoprobably need to be calm when we
see that, depending on what itis, we too might be all riled up
as well.
(15:22):
So both of us need to employthe tool and understand that we
can come back and have a loving,calm conversation, and actually
not just for parents and kids,it's for parents, their partners
, like the parents themselves.
If they talk to each other, ifthey deal with conflicts in this
manner, then it helps, right?
If we each say to each otherokay, we're going to take a hard
(15:45):
moment now, take care of ourheart and come back, more
marriages would be better andpartnerships would be better and
stronger, I think.
So, yeah, I can be using alldifferent kinds of relationships
.
Emma O'Brien (16:02):
Yes, you can use it everywhere.
That is the beauty of it isjust to be able to manage what
you're putting out into theworld.
Because I have noticed, andwhen I am very, very regulated,
I was in out the other day atthe pharmacy standing at the
counter being served and one ofthe other pharmacists and
(16:22):
somebody else just turned aroundand waved at me and smiled, huh
, and I'm thinking, okay, I mean, they're not somebody I knew,
it's not like I'm in there allthe time, it's just I'm very
regulated, so I'm obviouslygiving something out that people
want to engage in a in afriendly way.
So it's really fascinating tome and you, you know.
(16:43):
Conversely, if you go out in afoul mood and you cross, one
thing after another will just gowrong and you're bound to and
it escalates yep, and it rainsand then it thunders before.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (16:59):
Yes, you're absolutely right, I love that.
So, yeah, parents, let's all doan experiment because I'm
definitely going to try it andlet's see what's we, what's
different about our days and whocomes up to us, and how we
relate differently with people.
So what's one last tip that youwould like to give our parents
or our kids?
(17:20):
Either one.
Emma O'Brien (17:22):
I think it's learning to be self-aware and
learning to feel into thefeelings we're having.
I think so many people are sostressed and overwrought we're
actually kind of a bit numb fromthe neck down and it's taking
time to understand when you feelstressed and understand when
(17:44):
you feel angry, and notice whenyou're triggered and start to
investigate that a little bitmore.
I mean, it's part of thecoaching work that I do in a
longer container with people isgetting to know yourself a
little bit better, because whenyou're self-aware you can change
things and you might start tobecome aware of how your
(18:06):
behavior is impacting others andhow others' behavior impacts
you.
And the first step to changingthings for better starts with
that awareness of self, becausewe we can only really manage
what's going on within ourselves, and I think it's important two
(18:28):
million percent.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (18:29):
agree, I totally agree.
So please tell our listenerswhere they can find out more
about you.
Emma O'Brien (18:37):
You can pop to my website, which is
emmaobriencoachcom.
There's all the info about meon there and I'm at
emmaobriencoach on Instagram andTikTok and, if you would, if
you've enjoyed this conversationand you're starting to play
with this, I would love to hearfrom you.
I'd love to see how it's helpedand get some feedback, because
(19:01):
I just think it's so nice to beable to know how this is
impacting other people's livesas well.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (19:09):
Yes, wonderful.
I have so enjoyed thisconversation and I hope you have
too as well.
Thank you so much, Emma, forcoming on today.
Such a pleasure to talk withyou today, so thank you again.
Emma O'Brien (19:20):
Thank you very much for having me.
I've really really enjoyed itas well.
Dr. Hokehe Eko (19:24):
Yes, and so for parents.
Please thank you for listening.
Thank you for sharing this withpeople you think might need it.
Thank you for subscribing andleaving us a review.
We really appreciate it.
Until the next episode, have anamazing day.
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