March 17, 2025 • 21 mins
Eric D. Williams is the Founder of Project Elijah Empowering Autism. PEEA is a nonprofit organization established in 2004 based out of West Philadelphia and named after his son Elijah (now 26 years old) who at the age of 3 was diagnosed with autism.
PEEA hosts free year-round education and recreation programs for families living with autism/unique abilities who reside in under-resourced communities.
Mr. Williams launched the autistic person area street sign initiative on January 23, 2024 for Philadelphia residents. Currently, there 150 signs have been installed.
With 21 years of leading an autism foundation & 26 years of being a parent to Elijah has equipped Eric with the first hand knowledge to create unique and innovative methodologies to better serve unique abilities communities worldwide.
Social Media: @PEEA98
Email: elijah@peea.org
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Brain Power with Dr Echo, where each
week, we discuss how your familycan boost brain health by
addressing mind, body, emotionaland environmental health.
Hi parents, welcome to anotherepisode of Brain Power with Dr
Echo.
I have a wonderful guest withme today, mr Eric Williams.
(00:24):
He's the founder of PIA andhe's going to tell you what PIA
means and why he started PIA,and introduce himself as always.
So welcome to the show, mrWilliams.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Thank you, glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So Project Elijah Empowering Autism PIA for short
is the autism foundation that Icreated in 2004, based out of
West Philadelphia, and is namedafter my son, elijah, who's now
26 and at the age of three hewas diagnosed with autism.
Pia.
We host free, year-roundeducation and recreation
programs for individuals withautism, ages six and up.
(01:03):
So we always be famous wherethey are, in a safe, nurturing
and judgment-free manner, and wejust continue to go.
So we now intern our 21st year,which I'm excited about.
I'm just doing the work.
And then also, what's moreimportant, my journey as a
father.
You know, elijah's 26.
(01:23):
And back then autism wasn'ttalked about a lot and back then
I thought he was going to belike a rain man, he was going to
have this diagnosis with a gift, but then the reality was he
didn't have neither, but he didhave the diagnosis.
So just learning what it is.
For the first few years I wasbasically in denial.
You know I don't because I hadtwo older sons at the time.
(01:48):
They was typical, and here itis.
Elijah was not typical, didn'tdo typical things, sensitive to
touch, didn't communicate, justhad a lot of behavior challenges
and me trying to learn whatthat is.
I struggled.
I struggled for many years justtrying to learn what was going
(02:08):
on.
And then, as a father, I feltlike I was defeated, because
here, it is our nature, we'reproblem solvers and we got to
fix everything.
And then now it is all of asudden I had to take that, that
sternness.
And then now a transition tobeing vulnerable, vulnerable all
around what Elijah was doing,and then how he affected um in
(02:31):
school, certain things that hecouldn't do, that he wouldn't do
, rather um, and then also athome.
So it was just um, it was aneye opener, um, it made me
appreciate myself as a parent,um, my due diligence of trying
to do all of these things andwon the diagnosis pushed for a
diagnosis, got it.
I didn't know what to do withit, in a nutshell, so I just
(02:53):
felt like I was in a world of myown.
And here it is now.
I'm looking at this kid smilingall the time and doing all
these things, but somethingwasn't just connecting.
And doing all these things, butsomething wasn't just
connecting.
So that platform that I wasliving in was, at the time, my
harsh reality.
But then, the blessing of it,the more things were challenged,
(03:15):
the more I started to expand mymindset to say I still had to
take care of my other two sons.
How do I incorporate them?
How do I nurture Elijah?
I'm hugging my two sons and Ican't hug my youngest son.
So I was just trying to dodifferent things and you know I
went right off script whichthere was no script and then
(03:35):
just try to, you know, manage it.
And as a father I started tocome around on my own, started
looking at things a littledifferent.
He taught me a lot of patience,positivity, prayer and it would
just, it just been a monumentalride now.
So if you were to look atElijah at three to where he is
at 26, it's almost like nightand day.
(03:58):
So I would gauge Elijah'seducation mindset as a first
grader at best, but hissocialization and interaction
ism is is amazing.
He can function in themainstream like that.
But then, as far as education,I have yet to really tap in to
(04:20):
his reading, writing and thosetype of things, everything else
he can do.
So now, at 26, about to startthe educational journey with him
.
So a little behind that,because back then Elijah was
more of a behavior and thenagain, as I mentioned, as a
father I was more in denial thananything.
So I was holding myself backOnce I released my own handcuffs
(04:43):
, so to say.
I was holding myself back OnceI released my own handcuffs, so
to say.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Now I started to learn from what it is that I was
living.
Wow, that is.
Thank you for sharing that.
I wanted to ask what was itthat led you to going from being
in denial to deciding toembrace it?
What was, what happened?
Was there a trigger?
Or can you just tell us,because I'm sure lots of fathers
are where you are in this, inthe state of denial, and so I'm
(05:14):
just curious what's whathappened for?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
you, I had so many tears that I was shedding.
I felt like I couldn't shedanother tear and then I felt
like, you know, elijah has agood support system at home and
although everybody ralliedaround, it was just me as a
father, something that Icouldn't do.
(05:37):
So here it is.
You know, we tasked with manythings just in life, but then,
when I couldn't conquer that, ittriggered me A lot of anxiety.
A lot of frustration, caused meto do a lot of things that I
didn't really want to do.
Um, and then one day, um, elijahwas having a temper tantrum, a
(06:00):
meltdown, and he was justswinging and throwing punches
and coming, you know, almoststriking me and his brothers,
and I just got really frustratedand I just clutched him and I
just held him really tight.
I was his personal, like astraight jacket in a sense.
Elijah went to the ground.
I went to the ground and I musthave held him for almost two
(06:23):
hours, literally Stroking hishair, trying to give that
restraint, and I could feel hisfrustration coming through.
And I just stroking his hairyou know, biblically speaking,
elijah's powers in his hair,rubbing his hair, didn't know
what to do.
My other son is crying on thecouch.
I'm doing this.
I have my legs wrapped around,my arms wrapped around him and I
(06:45):
was just whispering in his ear,like Elijah dad, like Elijah
dad, love you.
He, he, although he couldn'ttalk, he could understand
everything that you say Elijahdad, love you.
Um, you know, I can't have youdoing this, trying to articulate
it in a way that hopefully hegets it and and I just will be
one of them remedies, don't trythis at home, but this worked
for me.
And then he fell asleep.
And he fell asleep after acouple hours and I was still on
(07:10):
him.
That wasn't the right thing.
That was the frustration comingout.
And then, when I finally lethim go, and when he woke up he
wasn't doing that.
So I was like, wow, that didn'twork, but maybe he just got
tired or whatever.
And then he started to be alittle bit more calmer again.
I wouldn't suggest that,because every situation is
(07:30):
different, but at the time thatworked for me.
Um, and then not practical, thespur of the moment, that was a
frustrating part.
The other side of it, the plusside, alijah had this infectious
smile that, if you see him, youcould tell something was trying
to connect.
So he would stare at you knowyour common, your light switch,
(07:52):
the ceiling fans that he that heoften did.
You know stemming.
But he had a smile with himthat one day.
I just looked at him.
I was like, wow, like he's sohappy where he is.
All I'm doing is trying to pushhim to where, like my other
sons, where I wanted him to be.
But I was meeting elijah wherehe is, so we were staying over
(08:15):
my mom's house.
Um, elijah would just talk allthrough the night and I'm
thinking I'm working, I can'tget to sleep, my other sons
can't get to sleep.
She says, leave him alone.
He's talking to God, he'stalking to the angels.
That's on his back and they'reprotecting him.
So I was like, wait, okay, Ilet him talk.
But as I accepted that, I pulledback on some of those things
(08:39):
that I would do, trying to givehim that mean, look, taking him
outside, and felt like I wasembarrassed and I had to do
something.
Like Elijah had a passing gassituation and I went from making
all of these excuses to now Iwould be like, oh, he had a
hoagie last night.
He had a pizza and he don'tneed to eat this and let's go
(09:01):
warn him.
Like you never pass gas.
So I turned that part of itaround.
So now we got to accept it.
So that was kind of you know,both in something really drastic
to something that's reallysoothing.
And as I calmed down I lookedat him, I started to calm down
more and my demeanor changed.
My son's demeanor changed.
Elijah's whole family start tobe willing to be like, okay,
(09:26):
this is where we are.
We may not be able to change it, but there's live in it now.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Right, wow, that is so powerful.
Just what you said about youwere trying to push him towards
hi visitor.
That's one of my partners Icall them my partners.
She had to check on a seniorpartner.
(09:50):
So just so powerful what yousaid about you were trying to
push him to what your other sonswere like.
And then it was when all of youjust decided actually with you
I've been the example decided,you know, we'll just accept him
where he is and everything elsechanged.
That's so powerful.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, and then our peer programs.
I always say those keystatements to give their
families some confidence safe,nurturing and judgment-free.
We meet you where you are, notwhere we want you to be.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yes, yes, yes, and I always tell my parents when I'm
talking about the diagnosis isyour child hasn't changed, your
child is still your child, right?
The diagnosis does not defineyour child, and it's our job as
parents to see the potential ofour children, right where they
are and just and meet them thereand and so, and to boost
(10:47):
whatever it is we find that theyare really good at.
We boost that.
So, like him, his, the smile,I'm sure, makes other people so
happy when they see him.
That's a gift to be able tosmile, no matter I mean for most
of the time and and so that'ssomething we all take for
granted.
But that's, that's an amazinggift he can give people who he
(11:09):
may not even know, right, andall he's doing is smiling at
them.
So, wow, that's so wonderful.
So what would you tell a dadthat is struggling with hearing
that his son has autism andthere's still a lot of dread
around it and a lot of mythsaround what autism is and isn't?
So what would you tell that dad?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Know that you're not alone, because chances are with
you going through or goingthrough somebody else went
through it.
So pack a lot of patience andthen don't try to make the
mistake that I did.
Try to what we call mainstreamthem, because it may, and then
(11:53):
shorten down the increments ofwhat you feel like is a moral
victory, like at the end of theday, I want elijah to read and
write and live on their own andto push it with that being the
end objective could be difficult.
Short note task maybe tomorrow,maybe he learns how to go to
the bathroom or he makes eyecontact.
(12:15):
So start with those, becausethere is.
There are wins as well, and ifyou don't get that, then you
gotta remind yourself of what itis that you're doing and how do
you properly attain that andthen learn how to incorporate
yourself.
Um, with that and all of thatcomes of years of experience.
But stay in it.
(12:36):
Um, because I've talked tofathers who've taken on
different responsibilities,whether it's a second or third
job to alleviate them fromcaring for their loved one, or
with the PIA program.
Some fathers, they think allthey need to do is get them to
the program and then come backand pick them up.
(12:57):
That's a job well done to them.
However, with Pia, we don'tallow a parent drop off.
You have to stay with yourloved one the purpose of that so
you can see what it is thatwe're doing and you can see a
black father that's dedicated tonot just my son, because when
we do Pia, I I never with elijah, I'm always with everybody else
(13:21):
, because I'm kind of theorganizer, you know, putting
together, handing meals out,taking to the bathroom so you
can learn this, okay, and whileyou're there, something may
register, and I always givenuggets, mainly to men.
Hey, listen, you know your son.
Well, he couldn't dribble aball yesterday, but two weeks
(13:43):
from now he can hold the ball.
Three weeks from now he can putit down and not pick it up.
So take that home and use thatas family time.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Because that could be key, you know.
So we want like a school, wewant this, what we're doing, to
be an extension of that.
So, as a father, I'm alwayspulling them hey, listen, what
are you doing?
How are you feeling?
You can call me if you need to.
So just to know that they havethose type resources, whether or
whether or not they actuallyuse them, but to know another
(14:15):
father out there that's goingthrough.
And I always tell them I'm notexempt from the day in and day
out, because I still go throughthat with Elijah.
I just so happen to start aprogram, so that doesn't make me
.
I don't have the best ofservices.
I still struggle, I still haveto go through all of these
things, whether it'scoordination or transition
(14:36):
programs, and then, yeah, Istill got to sit and be being a
dad at the end of the day.
So when I go to these things,these conferences and these
talks, everybody wants me totalk, I need to sit down and I
need to decompress because Ineed to hear from other men like
us, but it's all you know.
At the end of the day, I alwaysmake myself transparent.
(14:57):
I spoke with someone today andthey said well, we have a father
in North Carolina.
Can we patch you guys together?
Sure, but making myself adirect link to some things that
could make a difference is allwhat I'm here for.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yes, wow, that is so powerful what you're saying.
So, yeah, dads listening, andeven moms, and please share this
episode with whoever is in yourlife that needs to hear it,
because the fathers are socritical to the family and if we
can get dads to move along inthe healing journey from the
(15:33):
shock, the dismay, the denial,the hurt of this is not what I
planned, this is not what Ithought, and I can't fix it,
because I heard you say that youcouldn't fix it and so it made
you feel less than.
And just to know that you'renot alone and we can definitely
reach out to Mr Eric, and sosaying that please can you tell
(15:56):
parents where they can find outmore about your programs, are
you only in Pennsylvania?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah, I'm sure.
But before I do that I justwant to add something.
So I met with a couple lastweek and they were having
communication challenges.
The dad didn't get any kind ofcompassion from his spouse and
then, let alone, he couldn't hugor have any kind of
(16:23):
relationship.
So he felt kind of isolated andevery time that, because of
that, every time he got tocommunicate, it was always harsh
, it was always negative and itwas a little jealousy there and
then she felt like he wasn'tdoing enough and he just was at
odds.
And I just happened to comeacross the family.
They reach out to me.
So I said, well, what needs tohappen is communication.
(16:44):
And they both agree that theycan't talk to each other.
So I said, well, how about youdo this?
Get a journal, right.
While he's with me, I'm goingto write down what it is, my
interactions were and how I feltwe played ball today.
He didn't talk to me.
We did this we ate that, leavethat at a common place.
(17:09):
And then when she came home sheread it okay, he did this, he
did try.
Um, they didn't eat bologna andcheese, they ate something else
.
Okay, let me give him a pass.
He didn't do this what he wassupposed to do.
But, however, their feedbackstarted to improve because they
(17:30):
were saying and even if they putharsh things in it's, the
mindset actually changed.
When you're reading something,you may get furious, but
clashing and just verballytalking to it, it just escalated
and it spiraled into we got tosleep in other rooms.
I don't want to come home.
You do this because you neverfelt like I'm too good enough.
(17:52):
I got to do more.
I'm tasked myself with thismoment of denial.
I can't help you.
I need more.
You know what I mean.
But if you read it and you bothagree to have set time read it
and you both agree to have settime to discuss what you guys
read, maybe the filters and theblunders could come off a little
(18:12):
bit and the deceptive could bemore, because at the end of the
day, it's all about the lovedone and they shouldn't be
penalized, right?
So I just wanted to add thatpart of it.
But those little tips and tricks, you know they come from
everyday experiences.
So, um, others they.
So we're in.
Currently we're in Pennsylvania, philadelphia.
However, our network, it goesstate to state, um, so if
(18:36):
there's something opportunitythat we're not there, and in
whatever city, then we're kindof, you know, make those
connections and do that.
But for now, as far as theday-to-day things, if it's
something for a dad, it'ssomething for a you know, a
relationship, or even we do.
We do clinics in person but wecould offer them virtually, like
we did during COVID.
(18:57):
So those may have sensoryissues where, for example, they
may not play basketball, go to agym.
It felt like it's, you know,it's an overstimulated situation
.
They could be somewhere in adriveway bouncing their ball or
doing exercise or playing tennisor just making friends.
We can do that virtually.
So my website is wwwpeeaorg.
(19:22):
Email address ElijahE-L-I-J-A-H at P-E-E-A dot org.
So they can reach out eitherway, send me a message and then
someone from my team and myselfwe'll get the message and then
we'll, you know, have a basicintake call and then, you know,
we'll deploy whatever is needed.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Wonderful.
So parents listening to thisplease reach out.
You are a wealth of informationand resources, and thank you
for adding in that relationshiptip, because it is true, even
statistically, that marriagessuffer a lot when there's a
child who has been diagnosedwith autism.
And so thank you for whatyou're doing to strengthen my
(20:07):
parents, their communication,because it also impacts the
child.
Which you'll probably see andhear more than you think they do
.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Right, and if there's things not going on right in
the home, it's impacting themdefinitely in their behavior, in
the way their brain functions,everything.
So parents reach out and pleaseshare this episode with whoever
needs to hear this, and thankyou again, mr Williams, for
coming on.
Really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
You're welcome and it's my pleasure, thank you.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Thank you, okay, everyone, until the next episode
, take care.
Welcome to Brain Power with Dr Echo, where each
week, we discuss how your familycan boost brain health by
addressing mind, body, emotionaland environmental health.
Hi parents, welcome to anotherepisode of Brain Power with Dr
Echo.
I have a wonderful guest withme today, mr Eric Williams.
(00:24):
He's the founder of PIA andhe's going to tell you what PIA
means and why he started PIA,and introduce himself as always.
So welcome to the show, mrWilliams.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Thank you, glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So Project Elijah Empowering Autism PIA for short
is the autism foundation that Icreated in 2004, based out of
West Philadelphia, and is namedafter my son, elijah, who's now
26 and at the age of three hewas diagnosed with autism.
Pia.
We host free, year-roundeducation and recreation
programs for individuals withautism, ages six and up.
(01:03):
So we always be famous wherethey are, in a safe, nurturing
and judgment-free manner, and wejust continue to go.
So we now intern our 21st year,which I'm excited about.
I'm just doing the work.
And then also, what's moreimportant, my journey as a
father.
You know, elijah's 26.
(01:23):
And back then autism wasn'ttalked about a lot and back then
I thought he was going to belike a rain man, he was going to
have this diagnosis with a gift, but then the reality was he
didn't have neither, but he didhave the diagnosis.
So just learning what it is.
For the first few years I wasbasically in denial.
You know I don't because I hadtwo older sons at the time.
(01:48):
They was typical, and here itis.
Elijah was not typical, didn'tdo typical things, sensitive to
touch, didn't communicate, justhad a lot of behavior challenges
and me trying to learn whatthat is.
I struggled.
I struggled for many years justtrying to learn what was going
(02:08):
on.
And then, as a father, I feltlike I was defeated, because
here, it is our nature, we'reproblem solvers and we got to
fix everything.
And then now it is all of asudden I had to take that, that
sternness.
And then now a transition tobeing vulnerable, vulnerable all
around what Elijah was doing,and then how he affected um in
(02:31):
school, certain things that hecouldn't do, that he wouldn't do
, rather um, and then also athome.
So it was just um, it was aneye opener, um, it made me
appreciate myself as a parent,um, my due diligence of trying
to do all of these things andwon the diagnosis pushed for a
diagnosis, got it.
I didn't know what to do withit, in a nutshell, so I just
(02:53):
felt like I was in a world of myown.
And here it is now.
I'm looking at this kid smilingall the time and doing all
these things, but somethingwasn't just connecting.
And doing all these things, butsomething wasn't just
connecting.
So that platform that I wasliving in was, at the time, my
harsh reality.
But then, the blessing of it,the more things were challenged,
(03:15):
the more I started to expand mymindset to say I still had to
take care of my other two sons.
How do I incorporate them?
How do I nurture Elijah?
I'm hugging my two sons and Ican't hug my youngest son.
So I was just trying to dodifferent things and you know I
went right off script whichthere was no script and then
(03:35):
just try to, you know, manage it.
And as a father I started tocome around on my own, started
looking at things a littledifferent.
He taught me a lot of patience,positivity, prayer and it would
just, it just been a monumentalride now.
So if you were to look atElijah at three to where he is
at 26, it's almost like nightand day.
(03:58):
So I would gauge Elijah'seducation mindset as a first
grader at best, but hissocialization and interaction
ism is is amazing.
He can function in themainstream like that.
But then, as far as education,I have yet to really tap in to
(04:20):
his reading, writing and thosetype of things, everything else
he can do.
So now, at 26, about to startthe educational journey with him
.
So a little behind that,because back then Elijah was
more of a behavior and thenagain, as I mentioned, as a
father I was more in denial thananything.
So I was holding myself backOnce I released my own handcuffs
(04:43):
, so to say.
I was holding myself back OnceI released my own handcuffs, so
to say.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Now I started to learn from what it is that I was
living.
Wow, that is.
Thank you for sharing that.
I wanted to ask what was itthat led you to going from being
in denial to deciding toembrace it?
What was, what happened?
Was there a trigger?
Or can you just tell us,because I'm sure lots of fathers
are where you are in this, inthe state of denial, and so I'm
(05:14):
just curious what's whathappened for?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
you, I had so many tears that I was shedding.
I felt like I couldn't shedanother tear and then I felt
like, you know, elijah has agood support system at home and
although everybody ralliedaround, it was just me as a
father, something that Icouldn't do.
(05:37):
So here it is.
You know, we tasked with manythings just in life, but then,
when I couldn't conquer that, ittriggered me A lot of anxiety.
A lot of frustration, caused meto do a lot of things that I
didn't really want to do.
Um, and then one day, um, elijahwas having a temper tantrum, a
(06:00):
meltdown, and he was justswinging and throwing punches
and coming, you know, almoststriking me and his brothers,
and I just got really frustratedand I just clutched him and I
just held him really tight.
I was his personal, like astraight jacket in a sense.
Elijah went to the ground.
I went to the ground and I musthave held him for almost two
(06:23):
hours, literally Stroking hishair, trying to give that
restraint, and I could feel hisfrustration coming through.
And I just stroking his hairyou know, biblically speaking,
elijah's powers in his hair,rubbing his hair, didn't know
what to do.
My other son is crying on thecouch.
I'm doing this.
I have my legs wrapped around,my arms wrapped around him and I
(06:45):
was just whispering in his ear,like Elijah dad, like Elijah
dad, love you.
He, he, although he couldn'ttalk, he could understand
everything that you say Elijahdad, love you.
Um, you know, I can't have youdoing this, trying to articulate
it in a way that hopefully hegets it and and I just will be
one of them remedies, don't trythis at home, but this worked
for me.
And then he fell asleep.
And he fell asleep after acouple hours and I was still on
(07:10):
him.
That wasn't the right thing.
That was the frustration comingout.
And then, when I finally lethim go, and when he woke up he
wasn't doing that.
So I was like, wow, that didn'twork, but maybe he just got
tired or whatever.
And then he started to be alittle bit more calmer again.
I wouldn't suggest that,because every situation is
(07:30):
different, but at the time thatworked for me.
Um, and then not practical, thespur of the moment, that was a
frustrating part.
The other side of it, the plusside, alijah had this infectious
smile that, if you see him, youcould tell something was trying
to connect.
So he would stare at you knowyour common, your light switch,
(07:52):
the ceiling fans that he that heoften did.
You know stemming.
But he had a smile with himthat one day.
I just looked at him.
I was like, wow, like he's sohappy where he is.
All I'm doing is trying to pushhim to where, like my other
sons, where I wanted him to be.
But I was meeting elijah wherehe is, so we were staying over
(08:15):
my mom's house.
Um, elijah would just talk allthrough the night and I'm
thinking I'm working, I can'tget to sleep, my other sons
can't get to sleep.
She says, leave him alone.
He's talking to God, he'stalking to the angels.
That's on his back and they'reprotecting him.
So I was like, wait, okay, Ilet him talk.
But as I accepted that, I pulledback on some of those things
(08:39):
that I would do, trying to givehim that mean, look, taking him
outside, and felt like I wasembarrassed and I had to do
something.
Like Elijah had a passing gassituation and I went from making
all of these excuses to now Iwould be like, oh, he had a
hoagie last night.
He had a pizza and he don'tneed to eat this and let's go
(09:01):
warn him.
Like you never pass gas.
So I turned that part of itaround.
So now we got to accept it.
So that was kind of you know,both in something really drastic
to something that's reallysoothing.
And as I calmed down I lookedat him, I started to calm down
more and my demeanor changed.
My son's demeanor changed.
Elijah's whole family start tobe willing to be like, okay,
(09:26):
this is where we are.
We may not be able to change it, but there's live in it now.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Right, wow, that is so powerful.
Just what you said about youwere trying to push him towards
hi visitor.
That's one of my partners Icall them my partners.
She had to check on a seniorpartner.
(09:50):
So just so powerful what yousaid about you were trying to
push him to what your other sonswere like.
And then it was when all of youjust decided actually with you
I've been the example decided,you know, we'll just accept him
where he is and everything elsechanged.
That's so powerful.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, and then our peer programs.
I always say those keystatements to give their
families some confidence safe,nurturing and judgment-free.
We meet you where you are, notwhere we want you to be.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yes, yes, yes, and I always tell my parents when I'm
talking about the diagnosis isyour child hasn't changed, your
child is still your child, right?
The diagnosis does not defineyour child, and it's our job as
parents to see the potential ofour children, right where they
are and just and meet them thereand and so, and to boost
(10:47):
whatever it is we find that theyare really good at.
We boost that.
So, like him, his, the smile,I'm sure, makes other people so
happy when they see him.
That's a gift to be able tosmile, no matter I mean for most
of the time and and so that'ssomething we all take for
granted.
But that's, that's an amazinggift he can give people who he
(11:09):
may not even know, right, andall he's doing is smiling at
them.
So, wow, that's so wonderful.
So what would you tell a dadthat is struggling with hearing
that his son has autism andthere's still a lot of dread
around it and a lot of mythsaround what autism is and isn't?
So what would you tell that dad?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Know that you're not alone, because chances are with
you going through or goingthrough somebody else went
through it.
So pack a lot of patience andthen don't try to make the
mistake that I did.
Try to what we call mainstreamthem, because it may, and then
(11:53):
shorten down the increments ofwhat you feel like is a moral
victory, like at the end of theday, I want elijah to read and
write and live on their own andto push it with that being the
end objective could be difficult.
Short note task maybe tomorrow,maybe he learns how to go to
the bathroom or he makes eyecontact.
(12:15):
So start with those, becausethere is.
There are wins as well, and ifyou don't get that, then you
gotta remind yourself of what itis that you're doing and how do
you properly attain that andthen learn how to incorporate
yourself.
Um, with that and all of thatcomes of years of experience.
But stay in it.
(12:36):
Um, because I've talked tofathers who've taken on
different responsibilities,whether it's a second or third
job to alleviate them fromcaring for their loved one, or
with the PIA program.
Some fathers, they think allthey need to do is get them to
the program and then come backand pick them up.
(12:57):
That's a job well done to them.
However, with Pia, we don'tallow a parent drop off.
You have to stay with yourloved one the purpose of that so
you can see what it is thatwe're doing and you can see a
black father that's dedicated tonot just my son, because when
we do Pia, I I never with elijah, I'm always with everybody else
(13:21):
, because I'm kind of theorganizer, you know, putting
together, handing meals out,taking to the bathroom so you
can learn this, okay, and whileyou're there, something may
register, and I always givenuggets, mainly to men.
Hey, listen, you know your son.
Well, he couldn't dribble aball yesterday, but two weeks
(13:43):
from now he can hold the ball.
Three weeks from now he can putit down and not pick it up.
So take that home and use thatas family time.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Because that could be key, you know.
So we want like a school, wewant this, what we're doing, to
be an extension of that.
So, as a father, I'm alwayspulling them hey, listen, what
are you doing?
How are you feeling?
You can call me if you need to.
So just to know that they havethose type resources, whether or
whether or not they actuallyuse them, but to know another
(14:15):
father out there that's goingthrough.
And I always tell them I'm notexempt from the day in and day
out, because I still go throughthat with Elijah.
I just so happen to start aprogram, so that doesn't make me
.
I don't have the best ofservices.
I still struggle, I still haveto go through all of these
things, whether it'scoordination or transition
(14:36):
programs, and then, yeah, Istill got to sit and be being a
dad at the end of the day.
So when I go to these things,these conferences and these
talks, everybody wants me totalk, I need to sit down and I
need to decompress because Ineed to hear from other men like
us, but it's all you know.
At the end of the day, I alwaysmake myself transparent.
(14:57):
I spoke with someone today andthey said well, we have a father
in North Carolina.
Can we patch you guys together?
Sure, but making myself adirect link to some things that
could make a difference is allwhat I'm here for.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yes, wow, that is so powerful what you're saying.
So, yeah, dads listening, andeven moms, and please share this
episode with whoever is in yourlife that needs to hear it,
because the fathers are socritical to the family and if we
can get dads to move along inthe healing journey from the
(15:33):
shock, the dismay, the denial,the hurt of this is not what I
planned, this is not what Ithought, and I can't fix it,
because I heard you say that youcouldn't fix it and so it made
you feel less than.
And just to know that you'renot alone and we can definitely
reach out to Mr Eric, and sosaying that please can you tell
(15:56):
parents where they can find outmore about your programs, are
you only in Pennsylvania?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah, I'm sure.
But before I do that I justwant to add something.
So I met with a couple lastweek and they were having
communication challenges.
The dad didn't get any kind ofcompassion from his spouse and
then, let alone, he couldn't hugor have any kind of
(16:23):
relationship.
So he felt kind of isolated andevery time that, because of
that, every time he got tocommunicate, it was always harsh
, it was always negative and itwas a little jealousy there and
then she felt like he wasn'tdoing enough and he just was at
odds.
And I just happened to comeacross the family.
They reach out to me.
So I said, well, what needs tohappen is communication.
(16:44):
And they both agree that theycan't talk to each other.
So I said, well, how about youdo this?
Get a journal, right.
While he's with me, I'm goingto write down what it is, my
interactions were and how I feltwe played ball today.
He didn't talk to me.
We did this we ate that, leavethat at a common place.
(17:09):
And then when she came home sheread it okay, he did this, he
did try.
Um, they didn't eat bologna andcheese, they ate something else
.
Okay, let me give him a pass.
He didn't do this what he wassupposed to do.
But, however, their feedbackstarted to improve because they
(17:30):
were saying and even if they putharsh things in it's, the
mindset actually changed.
When you're reading something,you may get furious, but
clashing and just verballytalking to it, it just escalated
and it spiraled into we got tosleep in other rooms.
I don't want to come home.
You do this because you neverfelt like I'm too good enough.
(17:52):
I got to do more.
I'm tasked myself with thismoment of denial.
I can't help you.
I need more.
You know what I mean.
But if you read it and you bothagree to have set time read it
and you both agree to have settime to discuss what you guys
read, maybe the filters and theblunders could come off a little
(18:12):
bit and the deceptive could bemore, because at the end of the
day, it's all about the lovedone and they shouldn't be
penalized, right?
So I just wanted to add thatpart of it.
But those little tips and tricks, you know they come from
everyday experiences.
So, um, others they.
So we're in.
Currently we're in Pennsylvania, philadelphia.
However, our network, it goesstate to state, um, so if
(18:36):
there's something opportunitythat we're not there, and in
whatever city, then we're kindof, you know, make those
connections and do that.
But for now, as far as theday-to-day things, if it's
something for a dad, it'ssomething for a you know, a
relationship, or even we do.
We do clinics in person but wecould offer them virtually, like
we did during COVID.
(18:57):
So those may have sensoryissues where, for example, they
may not play basketball, go to agym.
It felt like it's, you know,it's an overstimulated situation
.
They could be somewhere in adriveway bouncing their ball or
doing exercise or playing tennisor just making friends.
We can do that virtually.
So my website is wwwpeeaorg.
(19:22):
Email address ElijahE-L-I-J-A-H at P-E-E-A dot org.
So they can reach out eitherway, send me a message and then
someone from my team and myselfwe'll get the message and then
we'll, you know, have a basicintake call and then, you know,
we'll deploy whatever is needed.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Wonderful.
So parents listening to thisplease reach out.
You are a wealth of informationand resources, and thank you
for adding in that relationshiptip, because it is true, even
statistically, that marriagessuffer a lot when there's a
child who has been diagnosedwith autism.
And so thank you for whatyou're doing to strengthen my
(20:07):
parents, their communication,because it also impacts the
child.
Which you'll probably see andhear more than you think they do
.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Right, and if there's things not going on right in
the home, it's impacting themdefinitely in their behavior, in
the way their brain functions,everything.
So parents reach out and pleaseshare this episode with whoever
needs to hear this, and thankyou again, mr Williams, for
coming on.
Really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
You're welcome and it's my pleasure, thank you.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Thank you, okay, everyone, until the next episode
, take care.
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