On this episode of the Brainy Moms podcast, Dr. Amy and Sandy discuss the nuanced impacts of the election and cancel culture on our youth. We raise concerns about how some colleges are responding to election results, questioning whether these reactions might be hindering the development of resilience in students. By fostering respectful debates and exposing young people to multiple perspectives, we aim to nurture essential executive function skills. This episode is a call to action for parents and educators, encouraging them to guide children through political conversations without succumbing to the divisiveness that cancel culture breeds and without making assumptions that all youth are mourning the results. Join us in exploring some ways of navigating politics and media with kids. Whether you're a parent, educator, or simply curious about the intersection of politics and youth development, this conversation may leave you with plenty to ponder.
Mentioned in this episode:
Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Amy Moore (00:00):
Hi smart moms and dads.
Today on the Brainy Momspodcast, sandy and I share some
concerns about how the recentelection may be impacting kids,
teens and college students, andwe give you some tips for having
meaningful conversations aboutit all.
But we also share ourfrustration with cancel culture,
the polarization of opinionsand the response that some
(00:22):
colleges had to the electionresults of opinions and the
response that some colleges hadto the election results.
We don't talk politics, but wetalk about the divisiveness of
politics and that we could bebetter neighbors to one another
even when we disagree.
We owe that to our kids, solet's get to it.
So the headlines this weekfollowing the election have
(00:46):
included what some colleges aredoing in response to the
election results and theirattempts to support students who
are disappointed in theelection results, are
(01:18):
disappointed in the electionresults, and so those supports
include about this response fromsome colleges and started to
struggle with it.
Because what message does itsend?
Number one, that there is onlyone outcome that should be
(01:45):
celebrated versus mourned.
And number two, I think thatthe right response is to help
our kids develop the ability tobounce back from disappointment
by learning how to handledisappointment and not by giving
(02:07):
them the day off to sit intheir dorm rooms to continue
being disappointed, withouthaving the support of some ideas
for bouncing back, was onethought that I had.
But I wonder if those milk andcookies and hot chocolate
offerings were given in a waythat said, hey, for those of you
(02:30):
celebrating right now, here'ssome cool snacks for celebrating
, and for those of youstruggling with the results,
right now, here's some comfortfood to make you feel better,
which oh, by the way, I'm notsure is a great message either.
And so I just, I don't know, Ijust really struggled.
These were Ivy league collegesand I just kind of struggled
with their, their response toautomatically assume that their
(02:52):
students needed to be coddled insuch a way.
Sandy Zamalis (02:56):
I was going to say it's kind of a an
infantilizing kind of approachyeah kind of approach and not
assuming that these young adultscan handle really tough battles
.
And that's what a presidentialelection is.
It's a three, four month long,sometimes longer battle where,
(03:17):
yes, you're trying to.
You know you may have a viewone way or the other of who
should win.
You know you may have a viewone way or the other of who
should win, but there's alwayssomeone's going to lose.
So learning how to process thatis really, really important.
And I don't know, I don't knowwhere that comes from.
I don't know where I.
(03:39):
Maybe you have more insight asto kind of where that comes from
culturally, but I don'tremember this being a thing when
I was young.
I don't remember, you know.
In fact, I tell my kids all thetime like it doesn't really
matter in the long run who wins,because our country will
continue to run, it'll be a newpresident, a few things might
(04:00):
change, but it's not going to be.
It's not going to change yourworld much at all.
It's going to be.
It's not going to change yourworld much at all.
It's fun to be in the process.
Really put some boundaries onthat and give yourself some
perspective and let's talk aboutthe issues as a family, just so
that we can keep that openconversation.
Dr. Amy Moore (04:19):
Yeah, I think it's a great opportunity ahead
of the election to talk aboutthe issues as a family and kind
of help kids learn to thinkthrough what policies they
support and why, without ustelling them what they should
support and why or makingassumptions right Like it, just
giving them an opportunity toask questions and to problem
(04:43):
solve.
I mean that's a great way todevelop executive function
skills.
By the way, I think that we'veseen a trend in our culture over
the last five, six years thatwe are going to you said the
word infantilize, which wasfascinating.
(05:03):
We've seen a trend in ourculture in the last five or six
years that we cancel people whodon't think the same way, that
we think that it's okay for usto fall apart when we don't get
our way, and then this type ofresponse from these colleges is
saying, yeah, we're going to letyou fall apart because you
(05:26):
didn't get your way.
We didn't get our way either.
That's why we're cancelingclasses and giving you milk and
cookies and hot chocolate.
So I don't know.
I just really struggled withthat.
And then I saw this psychiatryresident has gone through
medical school and is in theirresidency program, which means
they're not fully independentpracticing physicians, yet right
when they're residents.
(05:46):
So a psychiatry resident got onone of the national news
networks and said it's perfectlyokay to cut your family members
off if they don't believe thesame thing you believe about
this election.
You don't have to spend theholidays with them, just cut
them off.
And I thought how irresponsibleis that?
(06:08):
This is a time where we need tobe teaching people that all
voices matter, that all peopleand their opinions matter, even
if it isn't the same as ours,that we don't stop loving our
family members because they havea different view of politics
(06:31):
that we have.
And so I was really thankful tosee a fully trained
psychiatrist get on the nextnight and say wow, was this
irresponsible?
Do not listen to this woman.
That was the worst relationshipadvice I've ever heard, and so
I did appreciate that right thatthere was a counter to that
(06:52):
continuation of saying I'm goingto cancel you because you don't
agree with me.
Sandy Zamalis (06:56):
Yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:57):
And inside your own family.
I'm going to cancel you becauseyou don't agree with me.
Sandy Zamalis (07:02):
I wonder if it's just.
You know, we don't grow updebating anymore.
We used to when school have todebate.
You had to prepare, and you hadto prepare both sides of the
equation, right.
There was like a whole exercisethat you had to go through.
You had to prepare both sidesof the equation, right.
There was like a whole exercisethat you had to go through
where you would research a topicand then you would take the pro
, the other person would takethe con and then you would have
(07:23):
to be have the flexibility toflip it so that you could take
the other argument.
And I just wonder if I wish Icould say that that happens, but
I wish that was happening moreand more, just to develop those
critical thinking skills.
Because I think it's less aboutagain, about the election and
I'm sure there might be peoplelistening that think we're
(07:46):
definitely leaning one way orthe other.
But I have a very strong beliefin not falling into the cult of
personality of anything,whether it be politicians or
rock stars or anyone.
You could put anything in thiscategory football.
I just have a.
That's not my thing, becauseyou could easily say that the
(08:09):
world series that just happened,that so much hype would be
going into the Yankees winningthat when I think it was the
Dodgers who won that.
That could cause people to needto mourn that.
Well, that yes, but the morningshould be quick, like we're
constantly in a day-to-daybattle of conflict where
(08:30):
sometimes you win and sometimesyou lose, so you have to be
willing and able to process thatyou don't win all the time.
Dr. Amy Moore (08:38):
And so you have to.
you have to have skills fordealing with disappointment.
When you're in business andyou're negotiating or you're
brainstorming or you're workingwith a team.
You're not always going toagree with everyone that you're
negotiating with or that you'reon a team with, and so you're
(08:58):
going to be disappointedsometimes if your idea isn't the
idea that's chosen, and so bedisappointed for a few minutes
and then get to work.
Right, because it's your job,and the same thing with being in
college right now.
Right, be disappointed if theperson that you wanted to get
elected did not get elected, andthen go to class.
(09:20):
Because, if you look at the waythe American government system
works, the president is not aking or a queen, right, and so
we have multiple aspects ofgovernment.
That is, a built-in system ofchecks and balances, and so no
(09:41):
one ruler can get away withwhatever they want.
We have a system of checks andbalances, and so the advice that
you gave your kids, the changesthat you'll see, are pretty
nuanced from president topresident.
Sandy Zamalis (09:56):
Yeah, and it takes.
It just takes time.
Nothing ever happens overnightlike ever, which is why we as a
people get frustrated, right,Because no one can ever fix
whatever ill that we're tryingto fix in a short amount of time
.
It always takes time and italways takes cooperation and it
always takes our multiplesystems of government to to make
(10:17):
things better or or to messsomething up.
We're constantly growing andlearning.
That way, I understand whatthey did from that, what the Ivy
league colleges did, and thatthey were trying to maybe focus
on empathy and just reallyletting the students have their
feelings and their moment.
But let's talk about how thatkind of dodges the other part of
(10:40):
the conversation, in that youcan have empathy but you also
need to focus on solutions.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:46):
Yeah, so I think that this is a bigger issue than
just an election and I thinkthat it goes to helping kids and
teens and college studentsdevelop the ability to see
things from multiple angles.
Number one, like you were justtalking about, how did have to
(11:07):
learn debate skills?
Right, we did have to learn thepros and the cons of each thing
growing up, and so I don't knowif they still do that in high
school, but they still ought tobe doing that in colleges.
But to be able to sit down withsomeone who doesn't have the
same opinion as you or the samebeliefs as you, or the same, or
they don't support the samepolicies, and say I would love
to know more about why yousupport this policy and have
(11:32):
that conversation in a calm,respectful way, and to be able
to ask additional questionsabout it in a calm, respectful
way.
Because when we adopt thismindset of curiosity and not an
accusatory mindset, that justhelps us all learn and we need
(11:55):
to get along.
Right, we don't have to agreewith each other to get along
with one another, but to be ableto sit down and say I want to
hear more about why you believethat, who knows, you may change
your mind.
But even if you don't andthat's not the purpose of it the
purpose of it is to be able tounderstand the other person and
the other belief system a lotbetter, and I think that's not
the purpose of it.
The purpose of it is to be ableto understand the other person
and the other belief system alot better, and I think that's
(12:18):
being a good neighbor.
I think that's loving yourneighbor is to say hey, I don't
have to agree with you, torespect you and to love you, but
I would love to understand youmore.
Sandy Zamalis (12:30):
I think the other issue is that, in trying to
create a safe environment orsafe space, what they probably
did was trip over that a littlebit, and that it relegated
people to be alone, I think,instead of being in community
(12:55):
give the kids a day off.
Dr. Amy Moore (12:55):
maybe some of them were together and went and
did something fun and I hopethey did but some of them might
have just stayed in their dormroom and mourned, and that that
doesn't help you heal.
Sandy Zamalis (13:06):
You need community.
Dr. Amy Moore (13:07):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I was a little disappointedin that response, Um for sure,
Um and disappointed in theassumption that all people were
disappointed.
Sandy Zamalis (13:24):
Yeah, what about for those?
Maybe dealing with this at homewith teenagers who are a little
more politically savvy, and oreven young kids who've been
watching the news that mom anddad have been watching?
How should we approach thiswith kids, in terms of talking
about politics at home, but alsoagain trying to leave the door
(13:49):
open for open dialogue?
Dr. Amy Moore (13:51):
Yeah, so I think that we need to limit how much
news it stays on the televisionin the living room.
I think that to hear thecontinued vitriol that's being
spewed at the opposite side,hear all of the commentary and
(14:11):
there is no commentary on thenews today that is not skewed to
one side or the other.
That's the point of it beingcommentary.
There's no longer the objectivenews reporting that we saw in
the 70s and 80s, right, whenthere were very few commentators
.
In the 80s, and even in the 90s, right, we had a few late night
(14:35):
commentators, but now all newsis basically commentating on the
national networks.
And so I think we have to bereally careful that we don't
leave the television on 24-7listening to the commentating,
because we'll have the tendencyto only have the common
commentary that supports ourbeliefs.
(14:58):
Right, I don't leave a differentnews channel on because I don't
want to hear another side,right?
That is human nature that Iwant to hear what supports my
beliefs, and so I think we haveto be really careful not to let
that run.
And so I think we need to makesure that we are getting our
news from a reliable source sothat we can talk about the facts
(15:19):
.
But I think this is a greatopportunity for us to have
conversations with our kidsabout what disappointment looks
like, about what it looks liketo live in a society where
people do believe differentthings.
And that's OK, and that's thebeauty of America, right, that
we are allowed to vote based onwhat policies we think are going
(15:42):
to create a world that we wantto live in.
Sandy Zamalis (15:46):
I think I read with my kids a book by Neil
Postman and I cannot rememberthe title of the book to save
myself right at the moment.
We'll put that in the show notes.
Yeah, it's by Neil Postman, butit talked about this problem
with just our ongoing obsessionwith national news, and this was
an eighties book, so at thetime it's not what it is now
(16:07):
with the internet and everything, but it was really a reminder
to really focus local, that whenyou're at home with your family
and your kids, your biggestimpact is local your local
elections, volunteering locallybecause those are the things you
can actually help with that.
It actually, you know, hisargument was that it puts us
(16:30):
into a mental lockdown spacewhen we're bombarded with things
that are national or globalbecause we can do nothing about
those, and so we just get thatdeer in the headlights or
driving by a, and so we just getthat deer in the headlights or
driving by a wreck, like we justget this voyeuristic kind of
viewpoint without actually beingable to have empathy and care
like we should.
(16:50):
If we were focused locally andI think in our family we moved
around a lot, but that hasalways been a burden in the back
of my mind is to really try tomake it more of a local
discussion, because you, we wantto be good neighbors.
You mentioned it a little bitago.
We want to be good neighbors.
So if we are helping andvolunteering locally, if we are
(17:13):
engaged locally, we are helpingto create the world we want to
see.
Dr. Amy Moore (17:19):
Yeah, I love that because especially because you
have to be 18 to vote, but youdon't have to be 18 to care, and
so to have an opinion aboutwhat it looks like for your
school board or what it lookslike for one mayor versus the
other, right, how is that goingto impact your city?
Or what can you actually bedoing to help your city?
(17:41):
There's no age limit on justgetting involved.
So I just I love that.
That.
It goes from a bird's eye viewnationally to your backyard, and
then it's hard for younger kids, especially, to think
abstractly, right, so they can'tthink about, well, what does
that really mean?
What they hear is theirfriend's parents saying
(18:02):
something bad about thepresidential candidate that they
don't want.
But they can't imagine how thatwould impact them day to day.
But they could imagine hey,what would it look like if this
new mayor made our communitysafer because they want to add a
hundred more police officers toour force?
(18:24):
Right, that's something thatthey can quantify and imagine.
Sandy Zamalis (18:29):
Yeah, how can we help our kids navigate the
internet and finding reputablesources?
Because facts are harder andharder to decipher, I think in
today's age.
Dr. Amy Moore (18:41):
Sure, and I like to recommend that you get your
information from a gov.
A gov website.
That is going to be the purestform of political information on
the internet, but it's notgoing to be without a little bit
(19:04):
of skew either, and so that'swhy I think it's important then
to look at both sides, becausethen that helps you say this
makes sense, but this doesn't.
So I wonder what's happeninghere.
So, even though, just recognizethat gov websites will probably
(19:24):
have a little bit of skew aswell, depending on who wrote the
information on the site, but tostay off sites like Wikipedia,
because those are not scientificsources and so they're a little
skewed.
But again, looking at bothsides of the argument and
encouraging your kids to formtheir own opinions and their own
(19:46):
arguments, and asking you likebeing open to having a
conversation about why yousupport what you support, but
without saying I think youshould believe this too.
Yeah, the reality is we do tendto adopt our parents' political
views, and so then it isn'tuntil we go to college or even
(20:07):
later that we startdeconstructing that, to say, ok,
is this really what I believe?
And so as parents, maybe wedon't encourage the adoption of
our views, just the encourage ofjust encouraging them to listen
to our views, but to alsoinvestigate what other people
believe too, in a respectful,caring, loving way.
Sandy Zamalis (20:31):
And I think for especially for listeners that Dr
Amy, you and I both come from aChristian worldview just also
really reiterating to your kidsthat if you are in a Christian
home, that you believe thatJesus is in control of all
things, it is not in the handsof men.
So, again, falling into thosecult of personalities will
(20:53):
always lead to destruction.
We really just need to keep oureye on Jesus and let it all
fall where it needs to fall.
Dr. Amy Moore (21:02):
Yeah, absolutely.
And to know that if you arefrom a Christian family, then
you do know that we are told topray for all rulers, right, not
just the ones that we agree with.
And so to know that we shouldbe praying, no matter who is in
(21:23):
charge right, that their rule isgodly and God honoring.
Right.
That they do have clarity andwisdom and discernment in the
choices that they make, even ifthat is not who we voted into
office right, we still arecalled to continue to pray for
them because they are theauthority over our country, but
Jesus is the ultimate authorityand we can have hope in that,
(21:45):
even in our moments of despair.
That, then, the human that wevoted into office or didn't vote
into office isn't who we agreewith or not.
Sandy Zamalis (21:57):
Yeah, I think that's that's what gets me
through things like elections.
It's just I do my part, Iparticipate in my civic duty and
then I go about doing as muchas I can to make the world a
better space in the space that Ioccupy, and that's all I can
have control over.
(22:17):
And I want to espouse that tomy kids as well that you can
only control what you cancontrol.
Dr. Amy Moore (22:24):
Absolutely All right.
So before we sign off, we doneed to read a word from our
sponsor.
Sandy Zamalis (22:34):
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Dr. Amy Moore (23:34):
I love when you mentioned that ADHD study,
because that's my study and itwas a fascinating finding that
working memory, long-term memoryand processing speed were more
deficient than attention andADHD.
Sandy Zamalis (23:47):
So I highlight it often.
Dr. Amy Moore (23:50):
It's a great study with a great graph, so for
listeners, we'll put a link tothat study in our show notes too
, so you can see that.
All right, that is all today.
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We would love it if you wouldleave us a five-star rating and
(24:10):
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can follow me on my brand newInstagram account.
Dr Amy Says Grace, that's all.
Hi smart moms and dads.
Today on the Brainy Momspodcast, sandy and I share some
concerns about how the recentelection may be impacting kids,
teens and college students, andwe give you some tips for having
meaningful conversations aboutit all.
But we also share ourfrustration with cancel culture,
the polarization of opinionsand the response that some
(00:22):
colleges had to the electionresults of opinions and the
response that some colleges hadto the election results.
We don't talk politics, but wetalk about the divisiveness of
politics and that we could bebetter neighbors to one another
even when we disagree.
We owe that to our kids, solet's get to it.
So the headlines this weekfollowing the election have
(00:46):
included what some colleges aredoing in response to the
election results and theirattempts to support students who
are disappointed in theelection results, are
(01:18):
disappointed in the electionresults, and so those supports
include about this response fromsome colleges and started to
struggle with it.
Because what message does itsend?
Number one, that there is onlyone outcome that should be
(01:45):
celebrated versus mourned.
And number two, I think thatthe right response is to help
our kids develop the ability tobounce back from disappointment
by learning how to handledisappointment and not by giving
(02:07):
them the day off to sit intheir dorm rooms to continue
being disappointed, withouthaving the support of some ideas
for bouncing back, was onethought that I had.
But I wonder if those milk andcookies and hot chocolate
offerings were given in a waythat said, hey, for those of you
(02:30):
celebrating right now, here'ssome cool snacks for celebrating
, and for those of youstruggling with the results,
right now, here's some comfortfood to make you feel better,
which oh, by the way, I'm notsure is a great message either.
And so I just, I don't know, Ijust really struggled.
These were Ivy league collegesand I just kind of struggled
with their, their response toautomatically assume that their
(02:52):
students needed to be coddled insuch a way.
Sandy Zamalis (02:56):
I was going to say it's kind of a an
infantilizing kind of approachyeah kind of approach and not
assuming that these young adultscan handle really tough battles
.
And that's what a presidentialelection is.
It's a three, four month long,sometimes longer battle where,
(03:17):
yes, you're trying to.
You know you may have a viewone way or the other of who
should win.
You know you may have a viewone way or the other of who
should win, but there's alwayssomeone's going to lose.
So learning how to process thatis really, really important.
And I don't know, I don't knowwhere that comes from.
I don't know where I.
(03:39):
Maybe you have more insight asto kind of where that comes from
culturally, but I don'tremember this being a thing when
I was young.
I don't remember, you know.
In fact, I tell my kids all thetime like it doesn't really
matter in the long run who wins,because our country will
continue to run, it'll be a newpresident, a few things might
(04:00):
change, but it's not going to be.
It's not going to change yourworld much at all.
It's going to be.
It's not going to change yourworld much at all.
It's fun to be in the process.
Really put some boundaries onthat and give yourself some
perspective and let's talk aboutthe issues as a family, just so
that we can keep that openconversation.
Dr. Amy Moore (04:19):
Yeah, I think it's a great opportunity ahead
of the election to talk aboutthe issues as a family and kind
of help kids learn to thinkthrough what policies they
support and why, without ustelling them what they should
support and why or makingassumptions right Like it, just
giving them an opportunity toask questions and to problem
(04:43):
solve.
I mean that's a great way todevelop executive function
skills.
By the way, I think that we'veseen a trend in our culture over
the last five, six years thatwe are going to you said the
word infantilize, which wasfascinating.
(05:03):
We've seen a trend in ourculture in the last five or six
years that we cancel people whodon't think the same way, that
we think that it's okay for usto fall apart when we don't get
our way, and then this type ofresponse from these colleges is
saying, yeah, we're going to letyou fall apart because you
(05:26):
didn't get your way.
We didn't get our way either.
That's why we're cancelingclasses and giving you milk and
cookies and hot chocolate.
So I don't know.
I just really struggled withthat.
And then I saw this psychiatryresident has gone through
medical school and is in theirresidency program, which means
they're not fully independentpracticing physicians, yet right
when they're residents.
(05:46):
So a psychiatry resident got onone of the national news
networks and said it's perfectlyokay to cut your family members
off if they don't believe thesame thing you believe about
this election.
You don't have to spend theholidays with them, just cut
them off.
And I thought how irresponsibleis that?
(06:08):
This is a time where we need tobe teaching people that all
voices matter, that all peopleand their opinions matter, even
if it isn't the same as ours,that we don't stop loving our
family members because they havea different view of politics
(06:31):
that we have.
And so I was really thankful tosee a fully trained
psychiatrist get on the nextnight and say wow, was this
irresponsible?
Do not listen to this woman.
That was the worst relationshipadvice I've ever heard, and so
I did appreciate that right thatthere was a counter to that
(06:52):
continuation of saying I'm goingto cancel you because you don't
agree with me.
Sandy Zamalis (06:56):
Yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore (06:57):
And inside your own family.
I'm going to cancel you becauseyou don't agree with me.
Sandy Zamalis (07:02):
I wonder if it's just.
You know, we don't grow updebating anymore.
We used to when school have todebate.
You had to prepare, and you hadto prepare both sides of the
equation, right.
There was like a whole exercisethat you had to go through.
You had to prepare both sidesof the equation, right.
There was like a whole exercisethat you had to go through
where you would research a topicand then you would take the pro
, the other person would takethe con and then you would have
(07:23):
to be have the flexibility toflip it so that you could take
the other argument.
And I just wonder if I wish Icould say that that happens, but
I wish that was happening moreand more, just to develop those
critical thinking skills.
Because I think it's less aboutagain, about the election and
I'm sure there might be peoplelistening that think we're
(07:46):
definitely leaning one way orthe other.
But I have a very strong beliefin not falling into the cult of
personality of anything,whether it be politicians or
rock stars or anyone.
You could put anything in thiscategory football.
I just have a.
That's not my thing, becauseyou could easily say that the
(08:09):
world series that just happened,that so much hype would be
going into the Yankees winningthat when I think it was the
Dodgers who won that.
That could cause people to needto mourn that.
Well, that yes, but the morningshould be quick, like we're
constantly in a day-to-daybattle of conflict where
(08:30):
sometimes you win and sometimesyou lose, so you have to be
willing and able to process thatyou don't win all the time.
Dr. Amy Moore (08:38):
And so you have to.
you have to have skills fordealing with disappointment.
When you're in business andyou're negotiating or you're
brainstorming or you're workingwith a team.
You're not always going toagree with everyone that you're
negotiating with or that you'reon a team with, and so you're
(08:58):
going to be disappointedsometimes if your idea isn't the
idea that's chosen, and so bedisappointed for a few minutes
and then get to work.
Right, because it's your job,and the same thing with being in
college right now.
Right, be disappointed if theperson that you wanted to get
elected did not get elected, andthen go to class.
(09:20):
Because, if you look at the waythe American government system
works, the president is not aking or a queen, right, and so
we have multiple aspects ofgovernment.
That is, a built-in system ofchecks and balances, and so no
(09:41):
one ruler can get away withwhatever they want.
We have a system of checks andbalances, and so the advice that
you gave your kids, the changesthat you'll see, are pretty
nuanced from president topresident.
Sandy Zamalis (09:56):
Yeah, and it takes.
It just takes time.
Nothing ever happens overnightlike ever, which is why we as a
people get frustrated, right,Because no one can ever fix
whatever ill that we're tryingto fix in a short amount of time
.
It always takes time and italways takes cooperation and it
always takes our multiplesystems of government to to make
(10:17):
things better or or to messsomething up.
We're constantly growing andlearning.
That way, I understand whatthey did from that, what the Ivy
league colleges did, and thatthey were trying to maybe focus
on empathy and just reallyletting the students have their
feelings and their moment.
But let's talk about how thatkind of dodges the other part of
(10:40):
the conversation, in that youcan have empathy but you also
need to focus on solutions.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:46):
Yeah, so I think that this is a bigger issue than
just an election and I thinkthat it goes to helping kids and
teens and college studentsdevelop the ability to see
things from multiple angles.
Number one, like you were justtalking about, how did have to
(11:07):
learn debate skills?
Right, we did have to learn thepros and the cons of each thing
growing up, and so I don't knowif they still do that in high
school, but they still ought tobe doing that in colleges.
But to be able to sit down withsomeone who doesn't have the
same opinion as you or the samebeliefs as you, or the same, or
they don't support the samepolicies, and say I would love
to know more about why yousupport this policy and have
(11:32):
that conversation in a calm,respectful way, and to be able
to ask additional questionsabout it in a calm, respectful
way.
Because when we adopt thismindset of curiosity and not an
accusatory mindset, that justhelps us all learn and we need
(11:55):
to get along.
Right, we don't have to agreewith each other to get along
with one another, but to be ableto sit down and say I want to
hear more about why you believethat, who knows, you may change
your mind.
But even if you don't andthat's not the purpose of it the
purpose of it is to be able tounderstand the other person and
the other belief system a lotbetter, and I think that's not
the purpose of it.
The purpose of it is to be ableto understand the other person
and the other belief system alot better, and I think that's
(12:18):
being a good neighbor.
I think that's loving yourneighbor is to say hey, I don't
have to agree with you, torespect you and to love you, but
I would love to understand youmore.
Sandy Zamalis (12:30):
I think the other issue is that, in trying to
create a safe environment orsafe space, what they probably
did was trip over that a littlebit, and that it relegated
people to be alone, I think,instead of being in community
(12:55):
give the kids a day off.
Dr. Amy Moore (12:55):
maybe some of them were together and went and
did something fun and I hopethey did but some of them might
have just stayed in their dormroom and mourned, and that that
doesn't help you heal.
Sandy Zamalis (13:06):
You need community.
Dr. Amy Moore (13:07):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I was a little disappointedin that response, Um for sure,
Um and disappointed in theassumption that all people were
disappointed.
Sandy Zamalis (13:24):
Yeah, what about for those?
Maybe dealing with this at homewith teenagers who are a little
more politically savvy, and oreven young kids who've been
watching the news that mom anddad have been watching?
How should we approach thiswith kids, in terms of talking
about politics at home, but alsoagain trying to leave the door
(13:49):
open for open dialogue?
Dr. Amy Moore (13:51):
Yeah, so I think that we need to limit how much
news it stays on the televisionin the living room.
I think that to hear thecontinued vitriol that's being
spewed at the opposite side,hear all of the commentary and
(14:11):
there is no commentary on thenews today that is not skewed to
one side or the other.
That's the point of it beingcommentary.
There's no longer the objectivenews reporting that we saw in
the 70s and 80s, right, whenthere were very few commentators
.
In the 80s, and even in the 90s, right, we had a few late night
(14:35):
commentators, but now all newsis basically commentating on the
national networks.
And so I think we have to bereally careful that we don't
leave the television on 24-7listening to the commentating,
because we'll have the tendencyto only have the common
commentary that supports ourbeliefs.
(14:58):
Right, I don't leave a differentnews channel on because I don't
want to hear another side,right?
That is human nature that Iwant to hear what supports my
beliefs, and so I think we haveto be really careful not to let
that run.
And so I think we need to makesure that we are getting our
news from a reliable source sothat we can talk about the facts
(15:19):
.
But I think this is a greatopportunity for us to have
conversations with our kidsabout what disappointment looks
like, about what it looks liketo live in a society where
people do believe differentthings.
And that's OK, and that's thebeauty of America, right, that
we are allowed to vote based onwhat policies we think are going
(15:42):
to create a world that we wantto live in.
Sandy Zamalis (15:46):
I think I read with my kids a book by Neil
Postman and I cannot rememberthe title of the book to save
myself right at the moment.
We'll put that in the show notes.
Yeah, it's by Neil Postman, butit talked about this problem
with just our ongoing obsessionwith national news, and this was
an eighties book, so at thetime it's not what it is now
(16:07):
with the internet and everything, but it was really a reminder
to really focus local, that whenyou're at home with your family
and your kids, your biggestimpact is local your local
elections, volunteering locallybecause those are the things you
can actually help with that.
It actually, you know, hisargument was that it puts us
(16:30):
into a mental lockdown spacewhen we're bombarded with things
that are national or globalbecause we can do nothing about
those, and so we just get thatdeer in the headlights or
driving by a, and so we just getthat deer in the headlights or
driving by a wreck, like we justget this voyeuristic kind of
viewpoint without actually beingable to have empathy and care
like we should.
(16:50):
If we were focused locally andI think in our family we moved
around a lot, but that hasalways been a burden in the back
of my mind is to really try tomake it more of a local
discussion, because you, we wantto be good neighbors.
You mentioned it a little bitago.
We want to be good neighbors.
So if we are helping andvolunteering locally, if we are
(17:13):
engaged locally, we are helpingto create the world we want to
see.
Dr. Amy Moore (17:19):
Yeah, I love that because especially because you
have to be 18 to vote, but youdon't have to be 18 to care, and
so to have an opinion aboutwhat it looks like for your
school board or what it lookslike for one mayor versus the
other, right, how is that goingto impact your city?
Or what can you actually bedoing to help your city?
(17:41):
There's no age limit on justgetting involved.
So I just I love that.
That.
It goes from a bird's eye viewnationally to your backyard, and
then it's hard for younger kids, especially, to think
abstractly, right, so they can'tthink about, well, what does
that really mean?
What they hear is theirfriend's parents saying
(18:02):
something bad about thepresidential candidate that they
don't want.
But they can't imagine how thatwould impact them day to day.
But they could imagine hey,what would it look like if this
new mayor made our communitysafer because they want to add a
hundred more police officers toour force?
(18:24):
Right, that's something thatthey can quantify and imagine.
Sandy Zamalis (18:29):
Yeah, how can we help our kids navigate the
internet and finding reputablesources?
Because facts are harder andharder to decipher, I think in
today's age.
Dr. Amy Moore (18:41):
Sure, and I like to recommend that you get your
information from a gov.
A gov website.
That is going to be the purestform of political information on
the internet, but it's notgoing to be without a little bit
(19:04):
of skew either, and so that'swhy I think it's important then
to look at both sides, becausethen that helps you say this
makes sense, but this doesn't.
So I wonder what's happeninghere.
So, even though, just recognizethat gov websites will probably
(19:24):
have a little bit of skew aswell, depending on who wrote the
information on the site, but tostay off sites like Wikipedia,
because those are not scientificsources and so they're a little
skewed.
But again, looking at bothsides of the argument and
encouraging your kids to formtheir own opinions and their own
(19:46):
arguments, and asking you likebeing open to having a
conversation about why yousupport what you support, but
without saying I think youshould believe this too.
Yeah, the reality is we do tendto adopt our parents' political
views, and so then it isn'tuntil we go to college or even
(20:07):
later that we startdeconstructing that, to say, ok,
is this really what I believe?
And so as parents, maybe wedon't encourage the adoption of
our views, just the encourage ofjust encouraging them to listen
to our views, but to alsoinvestigate what other people
believe too, in a respectful,caring, loving way.
Sandy Zamalis (20:31):
And I think for especially for listeners that Dr
Amy, you and I both come from aChristian worldview just also
really reiterating to your kidsthat if you are in a Christian
home, that you believe thatJesus is in control of all
things, it is not in the handsof men.
So, again, falling into thosecult of personalities will
(20:53):
always lead to destruction.
We really just need to keep oureye on Jesus and let it all
fall where it needs to fall.
Dr. Amy Moore (21:02):
Yeah, absolutely.
And to know that if you arefrom a Christian family, then
you do know that we are told topray for all rulers, right, not
just the ones that we agree with.
And so to know that we shouldbe praying, no matter who is in
(21:23):
charge right, that their rule isgodly and God honoring.
Right.
That they do have clarity andwisdom and discernment in the
choices that they make, even ifthat is not who we voted into
office right, we still arecalled to continue to pray for
them because they are theauthority over our country, but
Jesus is the ultimate authorityand we can have hope in that,
(21:45):
even in our moments of despair.
That, then, the human that wevoted into office or didn't vote
into office isn't who we agreewith or not.
Sandy Zamalis (21:57):
Yeah, I think that's that's what gets me
through things like elections.
It's just I do my part, Iparticipate in my civic duty and
then I go about doing as muchas I can to make the world a
better space in the space that Ioccupy, and that's all I can
have control over.
(22:17):
And I want to espouse that tomy kids as well that you can
only control what you cancontrol.
Dr. Amy Moore (22:24):
Absolutely All right.
So before we sign off, we doneed to read a word from our
sponsor.
Sandy Zamalis (22:34):
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Dr. Amy Moore (23:34):
I love when you mentioned that ADHD study,
because that's my study and itwas a fascinating finding that
working memory, long-term memoryand processing speed were more
deficient than attention andADHD.
Sandy Zamalis (23:47):
So I highlight it often.
Dr. Amy Moore (23:50):
It's a great study with a great graph, so for
listeners, we'll put a link tothat study in our show notes too
, so you can see that.
All right, that is all today.
If you liked our show, we wouldlove it If you would share it
with someone else who might needthe advice that we talk about
or we share.
We would love it if you wouldleave us a five-star rating and
(24:10):
review on Apple Podcasts, andyou can find us on social media
at the Brainy Moms and online atthebrainymomscom.
You can find Sandy at the BrainTrainer Lady on TikTok and you
can follow me on my brand newInstagram account.
Dr Amy Says Grace, that's all.
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