March 30, 2025 • 21 mins
Brandon Held shares his first memory—witnessing his father's brutal assault on his mother when he was just two years old—and how this traumatic experience shaped his identity as a protector for the next 50 years. This raw, unfiltered introduction to Brandon's life story begins his journey through childhood trauma, abandonment, and finding purpose through protecting others.
Go to my site BrandonHeld.com
• 51-year-old Brandon holds degrees in Mass Communications and a Master's in Business Administration
• Served eight years of military service split between Air Force and Army
• Created this podcast to leave a legacy for his three sons and help others facing similar challenges
• Mother Eva divorced his abusive biological father when Brandon was two
• At age 9, his mother abandoned him and his sister at their grandmother's house for over a year
• When his mother returned with a new abusive husband, she once used Brandon as a human shield
• The birth of his half-brother RJ awakened a deep sense of protection and responsibility
• Plans to release two 20-30 minute episodes weekly with honest, authentic storytelling
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Imagine this, you're two years old, you're sitting in
the living room of your trailer,and your dad walks into your
house.
You see your dad go into thebathroom, pull your mother out
of the shower, and then bringher out of the room and throw
(00:21):
her over the couch and startbeating her and hitting on her.
Right in front of you, thistwo-year-old little kid That's
my first memory in life.
For the longest time, I thoughtthat was a dream or something I
made up.
(00:42):
One day I told my mom when I wasmuch older that I had this
memory.
And when I explained that to herand I told her it was a wall
paneling of wood, the door wasbrown, the couch was green.
She said, oh my god, I can'tbelieve you remember that.
(01:05):
You were two years old.
So, this is my first memory inlife.
Why is this a big deal?
For a couple reasons.
Number one, a lot of peoplebelieve kids don't remember
anything when they're thatsmall.
Even you maybe believe you don'tremember anything when you were
(01:26):
that young.
But Obviously, it happensbecause I did, and it was
traumatic enough and significantenough that I did remember that.
And the other reason is thatthis memory, this thing that is
deep inside my brain for 50years of my life now has shaped
(01:55):
who I am as a man.
and has not stopped, has nevergone away.
I am a protector and I want tohelp people that are suffering
and can't defend themselves.
So this is a little bit aboutme.
I'm going to let you know allthe details of my 51 and a half
(02:22):
years of my life that Iremember, that I can tell, the
good times and the bad, just soyou can get an idea of my life
and what I've gone through andsee if you can relate to that.
My name is Brandon Held.
And like I said, I'm 51 and ahalf.
(02:43):
I am married and have threesons.
I have an undergraduate degreein mass communications and a
master's degree in MBA.
Master's in BusinessAdministration.
I also served eight years totalof military service, four years
(03:05):
in the Air Force and four yearsin the Army.
And I will get into the detailsof all that stuff much later on.
The idea behind this wholepodcast is multiple.
One, I want to leave a legacybehind.
For my sons and maybe futurechildren, let them know this is
(03:27):
what their dad or grandfatherwent through and they can hear
it firsthand in my own voice.
Maybe someone can learn fromthese circumstances or maybe
someone is going through thecircumstances that I have
already gone through and thiscan help Give them motivation
(03:50):
and understanding that you cancome out the other side.
Later on, people will be able toask me questions and I can
answer those questions and givemy thoughts and opinions.
I'm not shy.
I'm in no way professional atrecording or anything.
(04:14):
Doing anything in media, eventhough my undergrad degree was
in mass communications, that was25 years ago and I never did
anything in that realm.
So if this sounds immature andthis doesn't sound well
rehearsed or well prepared, it'sbecause it's not supposed to be.
(04:36):
I have bullet points and notesand things I want to say.
This is the idea.
Talk about this.
The whole point is to keep itreal, to keep it raw, and just
be honest, right?
Say what happened as it happenedin my own words, my own point of
(05:00):
view.
And that's how we all see life,in our own words, at our own
point of view.
Maybe someone who went throughthe same thing with me, I give
my point of view personally.
from what I saw and what I feltduring that incident.
It's exactly that.
It's my point of view.
They would have their own pointof view.
(05:20):
And I don't disregard someone'shonest, authentic, and real
point of view.
If you're doing that, I have noproblem with it.
People embellish or rewritehistory because it doesn't fit
the narrative of what they wantto get across.
(05:42):
And believe me, that doeshappen.
That has happened in my lifewith some significant people.
And they really do rewritehistory to make themselves more
of a martyr.
I have definitely learned thatthere are people that enjoy the
(06:02):
attention they get from peoplefeeling sorry for them.
Life's not as bad as It reallyis for you, but you can
certainly change the narrativeto make sure that the story
you're telling, people shouldfeel sorry for you.
(06:25):
My intention is not to haveanyone feel sorry for me.
By the time you've listened toall of this, you will think,
hey, this guy went through somestuff and he's doing all right.
I feel I've gone through somestuff.
I also feel like I've had apretty good life.
Not rich by any stretch of theimagination.
(06:47):
I don't get to live today'ssocial media life where I'm
yachting and private jetting andliving in mansions.
But honestly, it was neverreally a goal of mine, even as a
young child.
My goals have evolved over time.
(07:07):
as I've learned what's possibleand what I am capable of.
The idea is that over multipleepisodes, I will get through the
story of my life.
The idea is to release one ortwo episodes a week.
(07:29):
Really two episodes a week isthe idea.
And if somehow, some way thisreaches Some kind of platform
where people listen and theyenjoy what I have to say and
feel like they want to hear moreor want me to help them in some
(07:52):
way.
I would love to continue and domore.
I have ideas for interviewingsignificant people in my life
and bringing them on.
the podcast.
I want to keep each episode 20to 30 minutes long.
I know people, myself included,have a short attention span.
(08:13):
Sometimes my wife will send me aepisode of some kind of show and
she'll be like, oh, you reallyneed to listen to this.
It looks so good.
And it'll be 90 or 105 minutes.
And I'll be like, whoa, I don'treally want to listen to all
that.
So I ask her for a synopsis andthen I decide if I want to put
(08:39):
the time and energy intosomething that long, just based
off the information she hasprovided.
20 or 30 minutes.
I think we can spare that if weenjoy a podcast twice a week.
That's what I'm going for here.
My name is Brandon Held, and Ihope you enjoy this story of my
(09:03):
life.
And I hope you can learn from itbecause that is one thing I have
tried to do in life is learnfrom not only my mistakes, but
other people's mistakes.
One of the biggest points ofemphasis that I've had in life
(09:25):
to try to be who I am is tolearn from other people's
mistakes.
So I'm going to start with mychildhood.
Shortly thereafter, my motherwho was 18 years old with now a
two-year-old son and aone-year-old daughter, my sister
(09:48):
who is one year younger than me,divorced my biological father
because he was abusive to her.
She was 18.
He was around five years olderthan her.
At that point, 23.
When they started together, shewas 16.
He was 21.
(10:09):
My mother gave birth to me whenshe was 16.
Who knows if they were togetherwhen she was 15 and he was 20.
But my mother divorced him atthat time.
And now she was an uneducatedchild.
18-year-old woman in a smalltown, and now she has two
(10:30):
children and no husband.
And in the early 70s, mid-70s,that's tough.
It's a tough way to live life.
Women are already currentlyunderpaid and aren't equal to
men.
So imagine what it was like backthen.
When you're uneducated, you havetwo children, have no experience
(10:53):
for work and life.
I really don't know how my momsurvived other than the fact
that until I have my first realmemories when I get up there
around eight, nine years old, Idon't know how she made it from
the time I was two until then.
I don't know who supported heror who helped her get food on
(11:17):
the table, put a roof over ourhead.
I really don't remember thatpart of my life that well.
But I do remember around eightyears old when I was living in a
trailer across the street frommy grandmother and my
great-grandmother, who bothhappened to live side by side in
their trailers on a sharedproperty.
(11:39):
We enjoyed living close to ourgrandmother because I love my
grandmother.
I remember riding bikes on thestreet and playing outside.
Those are really the only thingsI remember.
My mom was married to this guynamed Mark at this point, and my
mother's name is Eva.
By the way, I have not said hername yet, but it's Eva.
(12:01):
And they had a new baby, and hername was Brooke.
And something happened whereBrooke fell on the couch, and my
mother and my stepdad got into ahuge, explosive argument.
One day when I was in college,The fourth grade, my mother
(12:23):
tells me and my sister to goover to my grandma's house, who
I call Mamaw.
And I will refer from this pointforward as Mamaw.
She told me to go over to mymamaw's house and that she would
see us later.
I don't remember the details.
I don't know if she gave us anote.
(12:46):
I genuinely don't know whathappened.
But that was the last time I sawmy mother for over a year.
She sent myself and my sisterover to my mamaw's house.
And then she had given my littlesister to her father.
And then my mom left.
(13:06):
She moved to Oklahoma.
Didn't tell anybody.
Didn't give anybody heads up.
Just did what was best for her.
And...
And that'll be a theme that willtake me many years to catch on
to, is my mother doing what'sbest for her.
(13:29):
And so my sister and I wereliving with my grandmother and
my mamaw, who I loved very much,but I also loved my mom.
I was a nine-year-old littleboy.
She was the world to me.
She was all I knew.
I didn't have a father figure.
I had a younger sister, and wegot along okay, but I missed my
(13:53):
mother.
My mom would call on occasion,and it would be painful.
I would always want to know,when are you coming home?
When are you coming home?
I would cry and miss her.
I saw a side of my loving,caring mamaw that I had never
seen before.
In her defense, wasn't her jobto raise us?
(14:15):
But she did for the year thatshe had us.
She didn't give us away.
She didn't throw us on anyoneelse.
She took care of us.
And it wasn't easy for her.
It was a stressful time.
And I saw that when she wouldget mad and upset, she wasn't my
mamaw.
She got upset because me, mysister and I were, I'm sure,
(14:37):
painting the ass at times.
And so I did get to witnessthat.
And it was a tough time.
So here I was in elementaryschool, barely surviving, which
will be a theme throughout mychildhood.
Stressed out, worried, missingmy mommy, going to school under
(15:01):
these conditions.
I didn't care about school.
I cared about my friends andhanging out with them, getting
along with everybody and playingon the playground after school.
I wanted to ride bikes or play,whatever, but I did not care
about school.
Eventually after a year, my momcomes home.
(15:23):
She returns home and now she'smarried again to this new guy
named Ricky.
When my mom leaves, she'smarried to a guy named Mark.
She returns and she's married toa guy named Ricky.
I was just happy my mom washome.
You know, Ricky came with her.
And that was part of thepackage.
(15:44):
I was just happy she was home.
So she comes home.
My sister and I move into thistiny little two bedroom
apartment on mechanic street.
I'll never forget it.
We had blankets hanging up todivide rooms.
We didn't have doors.
I remember it being really coldin the winter, pretty warm in
(16:06):
the summer.
One night I'm laying in bed.
sleeping, 10-year-old little boyat this point.
And the next thing I know, mymom comes running into the room,
crying, screaming.
She picks me up and puts me infront of her and uses me as a
shield because Ricky has beenbeating her.
(16:29):
Imagine this 10-year-old boybeing brought out of his sleep
to see that his mom is cryingand she's been beaten on.
This Raged maniac is chasingher.
Luckily, he didn't keepattacking.
That ended that argument.
This was the introduction of mymom getting beat in front of me
(16:54):
again.
One already had that traumainside of me that I previously
told you about with my ownbiological father.
Biological father out of mylife.
When my mother got divorced,From my biological father, he
ran.
He said, you'll never see meagain.
(17:15):
And I didn't.
I never met him my entire life.
My sister did at some point, butwe can talk about that later.
No biological father in my life.
My mother returns.
My stepdad is what I now learnis an alcoholic who rages when
(17:35):
he's been drinking and becomesabusive.
When you're 10 years old andyou're going through this,
you're in shock because you loveyour mother.
I loved my mother, loved her.
She was amazing at making mefeel like she loved me and also
(17:56):
feeling sorry for her.
She told me every sob storyabout her abuse as a child, what
she's gone through as an adult,how hard it is for her to raise
us as a single mom.
She drove home how I should feelsorry for her.
She's my first introduction tothe kind of person that loves
(18:21):
the attention from the sympathyshe gets from other people.
She loves that.
And I was the one that receivedthat the most as a child, but
didn't know that's what washappening.
I just knew I loved my mother.
And she had a rough life and Ifelt sorry for her.
(18:42):
And now I'm defenseless and Ican't help her as a 10 year old
little boy while this grown manbeats the crap out of her.
And all I can do is sit by andwatch.
I would see this happen for thenext six, seven years of my
life.
And I was scared.
(19:04):
I was afraid even as a teenageboy of my stepfather, Ricky,
because He had a reputation forbeing a badass.
He had a reputation for takingon three people and beating the
shit out of three people in abar fight.
And who was I, this teenagescrawny kid?
(19:25):
What was I going to do?
I went the only way I could go,and that was try to convince my
mom.
She didn't have to put up withthis.
I remember my sister and I both.
Mom, you don't have to put upwith this.
Just leave this guy.
And it fell on deaf ears.
(19:45):
About a year or less upon mymom's return, my little brother
RJ was born.
He was born, obviously Ricky wasa father.
So now I had this little brotherabout 10 years younger than I
am.
He was everything to me at thatpoint.
(20:05):
This little baby boy, I don'tknow how to explain it.
He wasn't, wasn't like justhaving a brother.
It was almost like having abrother slash son.
It changed me forever.
My mother and his father made mefeel very protective of him and
a sense of responsibility ofmaking sure that he was okay and
(20:30):
he was good.
This is where I really startedto grow up and learn
responsibility.
When my brother was born.
I'm going to stop for thisepisode because we're getting
close to 30 minutes.
The idea is to keep these 20 to30 minutes.
(20:52):
And I'm going to end thisepisode right here.
And so the next episode we'llpick up with after my brother RJ
was born.
We'll take it from there.
I appreciate you listening.
I hope that you're intrigued tolearn more.
And I'll talk to you next time.
Imagine this, you're two years old, you're sitting in
the living room of your trailer,and your dad walks into your
house.
You see your dad go into thebathroom, pull your mother out
of the shower, and then bringher out of the room and throw
(00:21):
her over the couch and startbeating her and hitting on her.
Right in front of you, thistwo-year-old little kid That's
my first memory in life.
For the longest time, I thoughtthat was a dream or something I
made up.
(00:42):
One day I told my mom when I wasmuch older that I had this
memory.
And when I explained that to herand I told her it was a wall
paneling of wood, the door wasbrown, the couch was green.
She said, oh my god, I can'tbelieve you remember that.
(01:05):
You were two years old.
So, this is my first memory inlife.
Why is this a big deal?
For a couple reasons.
Number one, a lot of peoplebelieve kids don't remember
anything when they're thatsmall.
Even you maybe believe you don'tremember anything when you were
(01:26):
that young.
But Obviously, it happensbecause I did, and it was
traumatic enough and significantenough that I did remember that.
And the other reason is thatthis memory, this thing that is
deep inside my brain for 50years of my life now has shaped
(01:55):
who I am as a man.
and has not stopped, has nevergone away.
I am a protector and I want tohelp people that are suffering
and can't defend themselves.
So this is a little bit aboutme.
I'm going to let you know allthe details of my 51 and a half
(02:22):
years of my life that Iremember, that I can tell, the
good times and the bad, just soyou can get an idea of my life
and what I've gone through andsee if you can relate to that.
My name is Brandon Held.
And like I said, I'm 51 and ahalf.
(02:43):
I am married and have threesons.
I have an undergraduate degreein mass communications and a
master's degree in MBA.
Master's in BusinessAdministration.
I also served eight years totalof military service, four years
(03:05):
in the Air Force and four yearsin the Army.
And I will get into the detailsof all that stuff much later on.
The idea behind this wholepodcast is multiple.
One, I want to leave a legacybehind.
For my sons and maybe futurechildren, let them know this is
(03:27):
what their dad or grandfatherwent through and they can hear
it firsthand in my own voice.
Maybe someone can learn fromthese circumstances or maybe
someone is going through thecircumstances that I have
already gone through and thiscan help Give them motivation
(03:50):
and understanding that you cancome out the other side.
Later on, people will be able toask me questions and I can
answer those questions and givemy thoughts and opinions.
I'm not shy.
I'm in no way professional atrecording or anything.
(04:14):
Doing anything in media, eventhough my undergrad degree was
in mass communications, that was25 years ago and I never did
anything in that realm.
So if this sounds immature andthis doesn't sound well
rehearsed or well prepared, it'sbecause it's not supposed to be.
(04:36):
I have bullet points and notesand things I want to say.
This is the idea.
Talk about this.
The whole point is to keep itreal, to keep it raw, and just
be honest, right?
Say what happened as it happenedin my own words, my own point of
(05:00):
view.
And that's how we all see life,in our own words, at our own
point of view.
Maybe someone who went throughthe same thing with me, I give
my point of view personally.
from what I saw and what I feltduring that incident.
It's exactly that.
It's my point of view.
They would have their own pointof view.
(05:20):
And I don't disregard someone'shonest, authentic, and real
point of view.
If you're doing that, I have noproblem with it.
People embellish or rewritehistory because it doesn't fit
the narrative of what they wantto get across.
(05:42):
And believe me, that doeshappen.
That has happened in my lifewith some significant people.
And they really do rewritehistory to make themselves more
of a martyr.
I have definitely learned thatthere are people that enjoy the
(06:02):
attention they get from peoplefeeling sorry for them.
Life's not as bad as It reallyis for you, but you can
certainly change the narrativeto make sure that the story
you're telling, people shouldfeel sorry for you.
(06:25):
My intention is not to haveanyone feel sorry for me.
By the time you've listened toall of this, you will think,
hey, this guy went through somestuff and he's doing all right.
I feel I've gone through somestuff.
I also feel like I've had apretty good life.
Not rich by any stretch of theimagination.
(06:47):
I don't get to live today'ssocial media life where I'm
yachting and private jetting andliving in mansions.
But honestly, it was neverreally a goal of mine, even as a
young child.
My goals have evolved over time.
(07:07):
as I've learned what's possibleand what I am capable of.
The idea is that over multipleepisodes, I will get through the
story of my life.
The idea is to release one ortwo episodes a week.
(07:29):
Really two episodes a week isthe idea.
And if somehow, some way thisreaches Some kind of platform
where people listen and theyenjoy what I have to say and
feel like they want to hear moreor want me to help them in some
(07:52):
way.
I would love to continue and domore.
I have ideas for interviewingsignificant people in my life
and bringing them on.
the podcast.
I want to keep each episode 20to 30 minutes long.
I know people, myself included,have a short attention span.
(08:13):
Sometimes my wife will send me aepisode of some kind of show and
she'll be like, oh, you reallyneed to listen to this.
It looks so good.
And it'll be 90 or 105 minutes.
And I'll be like, whoa, I don'treally want to listen to all
that.
So I ask her for a synopsis andthen I decide if I want to put
(08:39):
the time and energy intosomething that long, just based
off the information she hasprovided.
20 or 30 minutes.
I think we can spare that if weenjoy a podcast twice a week.
That's what I'm going for here.
My name is Brandon Held, and Ihope you enjoy this story of my
(09:03):
life.
And I hope you can learn from itbecause that is one thing I have
tried to do in life is learnfrom not only my mistakes, but
other people's mistakes.
One of the biggest points ofemphasis that I've had in life
(09:25):
to try to be who I am is tolearn from other people's
mistakes.
So I'm going to start with mychildhood.
Shortly thereafter, my motherwho was 18 years old with now a
two-year-old son and aone-year-old daughter, my sister
(09:48):
who is one year younger than me,divorced my biological father
because he was abusive to her.
She was 18.
He was around five years olderthan her.
At that point, 23.
When they started together, shewas 16.
He was 21.
(10:09):
My mother gave birth to me whenshe was 16.
Who knows if they were togetherwhen she was 15 and he was 20.
But my mother divorced him atthat time.
And now she was an uneducatedchild.
18-year-old woman in a smalltown, and now she has two
(10:30):
children and no husband.
And in the early 70s, mid-70s,that's tough.
It's a tough way to live life.
Women are already currentlyunderpaid and aren't equal to
men.
So imagine what it was like backthen.
When you're uneducated, you havetwo children, have no experience
(10:53):
for work and life.
I really don't know how my momsurvived other than the fact
that until I have my first realmemories when I get up there
around eight, nine years old, Idon't know how she made it from
the time I was two until then.
I don't know who supported heror who helped her get food on
(11:17):
the table, put a roof over ourhead.
I really don't remember thatpart of my life that well.
But I do remember around eightyears old when I was living in a
trailer across the street frommy grandmother and my
great-grandmother, who bothhappened to live side by side in
their trailers on a sharedproperty.
(11:39):
We enjoyed living close to ourgrandmother because I love my
grandmother.
I remember riding bikes on thestreet and playing outside.
Those are really the only thingsI remember.
My mom was married to this guynamed Mark at this point, and my
mother's name is Eva.
By the way, I have not said hername yet, but it's Eva.
(12:01):
And they had a new baby, and hername was Brooke.
And something happened whereBrooke fell on the couch, and my
mother and my stepdad got into ahuge, explosive argument.
One day when I was in college,The fourth grade, my mother
(12:23):
tells me and my sister to goover to my grandma's house, who
I call Mamaw.
And I will refer from this pointforward as Mamaw.
She told me to go over to mymamaw's house and that she would
see us later.
I don't remember the details.
I don't know if she gave us anote.
(12:46):
I genuinely don't know whathappened.
But that was the last time I sawmy mother for over a year.
She sent myself and my sisterover to my mamaw's house.
And then she had given my littlesister to her father.
And then my mom left.
(13:06):
She moved to Oklahoma.
Didn't tell anybody.
Didn't give anybody heads up.
Just did what was best for her.
And...
And that'll be a theme that willtake me many years to catch on
to, is my mother doing what'sbest for her.
(13:29):
And so my sister and I wereliving with my grandmother and
my mamaw, who I loved very much,but I also loved my mom.
I was a nine-year-old littleboy.
She was the world to me.
She was all I knew.
I didn't have a father figure.
I had a younger sister, and wegot along okay, but I missed my
(13:53):
mother.
My mom would call on occasion,and it would be painful.
I would always want to know,when are you coming home?
When are you coming home?
I would cry and miss her.
I saw a side of my loving,caring mamaw that I had never
seen before.
In her defense, wasn't her jobto raise us?
(14:15):
But she did for the year thatshe had us.
She didn't give us away.
She didn't throw us on anyoneelse.
She took care of us.
And it wasn't easy for her.
It was a stressful time.
And I saw that when she wouldget mad and upset, she wasn't my
mamaw.
She got upset because me, mysister and I were, I'm sure,
(14:37):
painting the ass at times.
And so I did get to witnessthat.
And it was a tough time.
So here I was in elementaryschool, barely surviving, which
will be a theme throughout mychildhood.
Stressed out, worried, missingmy mommy, going to school under
(15:01):
these conditions.
I didn't care about school.
I cared about my friends andhanging out with them, getting
along with everybody and playingon the playground after school.
I wanted to ride bikes or play,whatever, but I did not care
about school.
Eventually after a year, my momcomes home.
(15:23):
She returns home and now she'smarried again to this new guy
named Ricky.
When my mom leaves, she'smarried to a guy named Mark.
She returns and she's married toa guy named Ricky.
I was just happy my mom washome.
You know, Ricky came with her.
And that was part of thepackage.
(15:44):
I was just happy she was home.
So she comes home.
My sister and I move into thistiny little two bedroom
apartment on mechanic street.
I'll never forget it.
We had blankets hanging up todivide rooms.
We didn't have doors.
I remember it being really coldin the winter, pretty warm in
(16:06):
the summer.
One night I'm laying in bed.
sleeping, 10-year-old little boyat this point.
And the next thing I know, mymom comes running into the room,
crying, screaming.
She picks me up and puts me infront of her and uses me as a
shield because Ricky has beenbeating her.
(16:29):
Imagine this 10-year-old boybeing brought out of his sleep
to see that his mom is cryingand she's been beaten on.
This Raged maniac is chasingher.
Luckily, he didn't keepattacking.
That ended that argument.
This was the introduction of mymom getting beat in front of me
(16:54):
again.
One already had that traumainside of me that I previously
told you about with my ownbiological father.
Biological father out of mylife.
When my mother got divorced,From my biological father, he
ran.
He said, you'll never see meagain.
(17:15):
And I didn't.
I never met him my entire life.
My sister did at some point, butwe can talk about that later.
No biological father in my life.
My mother returns.
My stepdad is what I now learnis an alcoholic who rages when
(17:35):
he's been drinking and becomesabusive.
When you're 10 years old andyou're going through this,
you're in shock because you loveyour mother.
I loved my mother, loved her.
She was amazing at making mefeel like she loved me and also
(17:56):
feeling sorry for her.
She told me every sob storyabout her abuse as a child, what
she's gone through as an adult,how hard it is for her to raise
us as a single mom.
She drove home how I should feelsorry for her.
She's my first introduction tothe kind of person that loves
(18:21):
the attention from the sympathyshe gets from other people.
She loves that.
And I was the one that receivedthat the most as a child, but
didn't know that's what washappening.
I just knew I loved my mother.
And she had a rough life and Ifelt sorry for her.
(18:42):
And now I'm defenseless and Ican't help her as a 10 year old
little boy while this grown manbeats the crap out of her.
And all I can do is sit by andwatch.
I would see this happen for thenext six, seven years of my
life.
And I was scared.
(19:04):
I was afraid even as a teenageboy of my stepfather, Ricky,
because He had a reputation forbeing a badass.
He had a reputation for takingon three people and beating the
shit out of three people in abar fight.
And who was I, this teenagescrawny kid?
(19:25):
What was I going to do?
I went the only way I could go,and that was try to convince my
mom.
She didn't have to put up withthis.
I remember my sister and I both.
Mom, you don't have to put upwith this.
Just leave this guy.
And it fell on deaf ears.
(19:45):
About a year or less upon mymom's return, my little brother
RJ was born.
He was born, obviously Ricky wasa father.
So now I had this little brotherabout 10 years younger than I
am.
He was everything to me at thatpoint.
(20:05):
This little baby boy, I don'tknow how to explain it.
He wasn't, wasn't like justhaving a brother.
It was almost like having abrother slash son.
It changed me forever.
My mother and his father made mefeel very protective of him and
a sense of responsibility ofmaking sure that he was okay and
(20:30):
he was good.
This is where I really startedto grow up and learn
responsibility.
When my brother was born.
I'm going to stop for thisepisode because we're getting
close to 30 minutes.
The idea is to keep these 20 to30 minutes.
(20:52):
And I'm going to end thisepisode right here.
And so the next episode we'llpick up with after my brother RJ
was born.
We'll take it from there.
I appreciate you listening.
I hope that you're intrigued tolearn more.
And I'll talk to you next time.
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