June 30, 2025 • 33 mins
After nearly two decades in public safety, I’m not the man I used to be—and neither are most of us. In this episode, I talk about the unseen impact this work leaves on us, what it’s done to me, and how we can start taking some of that back.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Team 1, stand by.
Copy Team 1 standing by Breach,breach, breach.
What's going on?
So, for those of us that workin the public safety profession
(00:22):
or prior service the publicsafety profession or prior
service For most that I've spokewith we were different people
before we started doing this job, and what we've experienced,
what we've seen, what we'vedealt with, has had an impact on
us.
Anyone that knows me has had animpact on us.
(00:50):
Anyone that knows me or, let meput it this way, anyone that
has known me prior to me gettinginto public safety and knows me
19 years later, they can tellyou the differences in me better
than I can.
I've been told many times thatI'm not the same person that I
was before I started doing this,and I find it hard to believe
(01:13):
that anybody could remain thesame person that they were prior
to going into this type ofcareer field, this type of work,
this type of career field, thistype of work.
It's because we see a lot moreof the bad than we do.
(01:39):
The good and the bad that wesee winds up leaving marks on us
that we don't recognize arethere more often than not.
So that's what we're going todiscuss today.
That's what we're going to talkabout is the changes that our
(02:01):
professions have done to us.
Y'all may have heard me talkabout it before.
I don't know or not.
I can't remember if I've evensaid it.
Excuse me, but back before Istarted, back before I started
working in public safety, I wasa drastically different
individual, kind of wore therose colored glasses saw the
(02:23):
world as a very bright place,really had a hard time and
obviously I would see bad things, especially when it was on the
news.
But I didn't view the worldlike I do now.
And I say like I do now.
I've adjusted it because I didrealize the changes that it had
(02:47):
caused in me.
At some point I finallyrealized it.
But I'm not the rose-coloredglasses person anymore.
I'm not the I really don't knowhow to describe myself.
Then I was high school, theband nerd and ROTC, things like
that.
Um, very, for the vast majorityof the time I was just somebody
(03:13):
that was goofing off Um, andI'm not that person anymore, at
least not to that extent.
Um, I'm sure some of it has justbeen maturing.
You know I'm 46 now, so I'msure there's been a lot of that
and it has to do with maturing,being a parent, being a
(03:33):
grandparent, so I'm sure some ofit has come from that, but a
lot of it has come from the 19years that I have been a public
servant, from, you know,starting out, even even how I,
even how I view the professionnow is different than how I
(03:54):
viewed it on day one of April30th 2006.
That's when I got into this,that's when I first day in field
training, um, I view the jobdifferently now than even then.
So and it's really hard to putit in words, believe it or not I
(04:17):
actually had a little bit of a,a little bit of a script, um,
to kind of go off of for this,but apparently I didn't save it.
So, in true me fashion, I'mgoing to have to wing it.
But when I first started in thisprofession, I thought that I
(04:40):
was going to be making adifference.
I thought that I was going tobe going around and doing
nothing but taking bad guys offthe street and ridding the world
of evil.
And you know I had a muchdifferent view of the job then,
(05:03):
never really focused on trafficas a high priority for me.
Obviously, I would enforcetraffic laws and do the things
that I needed to do, but I havealways given way more warnings
than I ever did citations.
So I was never really a trafficNazi, had a real hard time
(05:25):
writing citations for some ofthe things that these other law
enforcement officers do, andthat's not downing them.
You know the ones that aretraffic minded.
They provide a very strongservice for this profession,
because we do have a lot ofpeople dying on our highways and
and, uh, you know, a lot of badthings that happen.
(05:48):
And then on top of it, you knowI can't tell you off the top of
my head right now, but there'sbeen numerous serial killers
that were.
They were apprehended becauseof a traffic stop, whether it
was because a taillight that wasout or some other traffic
infraction.
So there's a very valuableportion of that aspect of the
(06:10):
profession that's needed.
It's just never been my focus.
So you know, like I said,getting into it, my view on how
to do this job was, you knowthat every day I came to work, I
was going to be saving a life.
Every day I came to work, I wasgoing to stop a child from
(06:31):
being harmed.
Every day that I came to work,I was going to, you know, stop
someone from being physicallyassaulted, and that's not been
the case.
That's not been the case at all.
Now, granted, there are otherthings that we have to take into
consideration when we look atit, you know.
(06:52):
One is the area that I work in.
My community is not LA, mycommunity is not New York.
The population in my communityis vastly smaller than a lot of
these other agencies, evenagencies, that are around us, so
we're going to have less of allof those things, but we still
(07:15):
have the same stuff going on inour area that everyone else does
.
But in doing the job and tryingto stay focused on what the goal
was, I lost focus on who I waswhen I started, and I don't know
(07:40):
if that's a good thing or a badthing.
I'd like to think that thechanges that happened in me were
for a good cause.
I'd like to think that thechanges that came from this
profession have made me betterat what I do.
You know, I feel certain thatit's helped me when it comes to
(08:05):
dealing with domestic violence.
It's helped me when it comes toI don't know what you'd call it
off the top of my head crisisintervention.
There's just there's a lot ofaspects that I'd like to think
(08:27):
that these changes have made mebetter.
I believe that I'm a betterleader, I'm a better public
servant.
Because of those things left onme are things that stay with me
(08:50):
.
Um, and I was, and I hate itwhen it happens, but I was
scrolling through TikTok andcome across the video where
there were and I don't knowthese guys, I don't know their
background, I don't know theirstory, but they were commenting
on another podcast or anothercontent creator's material and
what it was was two guys who saythat they are former law
(09:14):
enforcement and they weretalking about problems within
law enforcement you know, adminand a whole slew of other things
, and these guys were justbashing these other content
creators that are talking aboutthese things that make the
profession harder, that makedoing the job of what we're
supposed to, the law enforcementprofessionals that work there,
(09:49):
and they're just bashing them.
You know they're going offabout how these guys are weak.
They're going off about how youknow when they were in, you
know they weren't crybabies andthis, that and the other and
that one.
I got aggravated with itbecause, while I can see where
they come from and I can look atthe younger generations of law
(10:12):
enforcement and think, man,they're complaining about things
that I would have nevercomplained about.
They're complaining aboutthings that really make no sense
to have a problem with, thatreally make no sense to have a
problem with.
So I kind of get where they'recoming from with it.
But to me, if you're not ableand you're not willing to call
(10:34):
out everything that makes thejob harder and are just willing
to say, well, it wasn't likethat when I was in, you're not
helping anybody.
They're failing to realize, inmy opinion, they're failing to
realize how much the job haschanged over the years.
They're failing to realize howmuch society has changed.
(10:58):
We only have the authority thatwe're allowed to have.
We're only able to accomplishthe things we're able to
accomplish because of the trustthat we have with our community.
It doesn't take long for acommunity to decide you know
(11:19):
what.
Their law enforcement isirrelevant and they turn against
you and that makes the job moredifficult.
They fail to realize that thereare people in our profession
that are in it solely forthemselves.
So by trash talking these otherlaw enforcement officers,
(11:41):
former law enforcement officersby trashing them about their
opinions on what's made the jobmore difficult and talking about
the things that havetraumatized them.
By just sitting there andtrashing on them they're not
helping anything.
You know, it's part of thatmachismo that goes around in
(12:04):
this profession and, honestly,it's gotten to the point now
where it's almost sickening thatif you're not the big tough guy
and blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, you're
just a crap cop.
I'm not.
I'm 6'2", about 280 pounds,work out, have wrestled a lot of
(12:29):
people, fought a lot of people,done a lot of things in my
profession.
I'm no worse of a cop becauseof the crap that I've seen and
I've called out.
I'm the worst of a cop becauseI've realized that society has
changed, the profession haschanged, laws have changed, and
(12:50):
calling out where the job hasbeen made more difficult by
people who aren't willing tochange Doesn't make me less of a
cop.
And just because I'm anindividual that focuses, or
takes the time to focus, on thewell-being and mental health of
the others that do thisprofession doesn't make me less
(13:12):
effective.
But yet these two machismos aretrashing other people that do
the job because the cheesemoseare trashing other people that
do the job because, ah, backwhen I did the job, it wasn't
like that and we didn't cryabout everything and we didn't
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Good for you.
Round of applause.
Good for you.
(13:33):
You're the big tough guy.
Chances are you're also the onethat everybody thought was an
asshole all the time and the jobyou thought you were doing
probably wasn't that great.
It's that crap.
That crap adds to it.
(13:55):
Most of us that do thisprofession, whether it's law
enforcement or just publicsafety in general we all go
through crap in this job, all ofus.
You know, a lot of timesdispatchers don't get the credit
that they deserve.
The men and women that do thatjob rarely get closure from the
(14:17):
traumatic calls that come in.
They have to wait to hear thestory.
They don't get the closure thateverybody else does, you know.
They listen to people screamingand hollering and crying on the
phone and feel the helplessness.
They hear the shots fired, callfrom their officers and there's
(14:38):
nothing they can do other thankeep silent or try to provide
information and documenteverything.
They hear the firefighter down,go out, or they hear about a
firefighter that's trapped orneeding recovery or any number
(15:00):
of things.
They sit there and they listento crap all the time and they
get nothing from it except thosevoices and sounds in their head
and their mind makes up a moviefor them.
How many times have our EMTs hadto fight combative patients?
How many times have our medicalprofessionals that go out into
(15:24):
the field to do this job, howmany times have they been
assaulted while trying to do it?
How many firefighters have hadto sit there and fight off
screaming and first respondersfight off screaming, crying
erratic family members becausethe house is on fire, because a
child is not breathing, becausethe loved ones that you know
(15:47):
their loved ones just gotinvolved in this horrendous
traffic crash?
Every one of us experiencestrauma on a level vastly higher
than the general public, and tothink you're going to walk away
from that unscathed isunfathomable to me.
(16:07):
Now, I'm sure there are someindividuals because you know,
it's possible that they may bethe same now as when they
entered a job.
When they entered a job, I'mnot one of them, nor are most of
the individuals that I workwith in public safety.
(16:28):
Now.
I've watched men that are greatMMA athletes sitting there and
break down because of somethingthey saw.
I've watched the professionalsthat I work with and, knowing
(16:49):
them personally, I've watchedthem have some of the most
difficult times with the thingsthat are happening in their life
because of something they wentthrough in the job.
Because of something they wentthrough in the job and I won't
say their name, and if theylisten to this they'll know I'm
(17:09):
talking about them, and I hopethey know that this comes from a
position of respect.
(17:35):
How many of you have had aco-worker who's lost a loved one
and then think there'ssomething wrong with them
because they don't feel the sameas their significant other?
I had a co-worker say that tome Brian, what's wrong with me?
What do you mean?
I don't feel the same way thisperson does over the loss of my
family member.
What's wrong with me?
(17:58):
There's nothing wrong with them.
There's nothing wrong with themat all.
Death is something that we dealwith on a regular basis.
Horrible scenes is what we dealwith on a regular basis, from
(18:20):
something as gruesome as atraffic accident can be to a
homicide.
When you play in the mud, youget dirty, and that's what's
happened to us.
My family can tell you now thatwhen we go into a restaurant,
(18:41):
they all look to see wherethey're going to sit, because
they know they have to figureout where I'm going to sit first
Because they know that I'm notgoing to want my back to a door.
I'm not going to want my backexposed to other people if I can
help it, and it's got to be ina position that I can see
(19:02):
everything going on around me.
I can't eat in a restaurantwithout focusing on everybody
else that's in the restaurant,everybody that's in that
restaurant.
I'm looking at their hands.
I'm looking at what their eyesare doing, paying attention to
who's coming into the doors.
It's not something I choose todo, but because of the job that
(19:25):
I do.
It's caused me not to trustpeople.
It's caused me to see peoplewho were moments early, rational
human beings having aconversation with you
immediately turn into somebodywho is irrational and trying to
hurt you.
Had to happen a number ofoccasions and because of those
(19:50):
things I'm watching out.
And when I've got my familywith me it's even more Because
the way I am, I am my family'sprotector.
I've got the training, I've gotthe experience.
I'm invaluable I say that'sprobably the wrong word I'm
(20:11):
disposable For everyone that Icare about, even strangers.
I'd rather take the hit thanthem.
So when I've got my family withme, I'm watching even harder
that couple at the table overthere that wants to start
getting rowdy with the waiter,because you know they want
(20:32):
something for free because allof a sudden, their meal's not
prepared.
I'm watching those people.
The guy over at the bar that'son his eighth or ninth drink,
who's slurring and stumbling I'mwatching that guy, I'm paying
attention.
(20:52):
We go into public, we walkaround in stores.
I'm looking at people Payingattention to what they're around
, Looking at what their intentsare or what I perceive their
intent to be, looking for danger, figuring out what I can do to
protect myself and others ifsomebody decides to lose it all
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of a sudden.
And these ain't things that Ichoose to do.
I know that I do them and I trynot to do them, but that's a
trauma response.
Now, for the most part, it'snot something that affects my
normal life.
It doesn't stop me fromenjoying my time with my family
(21:34):
or enjoying my life, but it is apart of me.
There are many things that thisjob has done for me or done to
me that have affected my life.
(21:55):
I generally get four or fivehours of sleep at night,
probably because I've workedshift work for the last 19 years
12-hour shifts.
There's a lot of things.
I'm not the only one.
If you work in public safety orare a service member or prior
service member, you know exactlywhat I'm talking about.
(22:18):
There's a guy that I don't workwith anymore, but I was working
with him.
Funny guy, still a funny guy,but he left for contract work,
decided he wanted to go.
He wanted, after years andyears, decades of doing law
(22:38):
enforcement work, he wanted tobecome a private contractor, got
hired on, did his training, gotdeployed.
Some things happened while hewas gone.
I saw him in Walmart the dayone of the mornings that he got
home.
His wife picked him up from theairport.
They stopped by Walmart to grabsome things before they went to
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the house.
And the look on his face.
Even from 60, 70 feet away, hewas a different man.
Just looking at him.
He was a different man and Icould see it from that far off
before he ever saw me.
I walked up and I had to gethis attention and I was standing
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right next to him.
I walked up and I had to gethis attention and I was standing
right next to him because hismind had not reoriented to the
fact that he was home.
He was scanning the store forthreats, immediate threats,
because where he was, where hewas, he had no idea where the
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next threat was, becauseeverybody was dressed the same
they're all dressed like normalcitizens in the area he was at
but he had no idea if thatordinary looking citizen was
going to be somebody that wasgoing to harm him and his team
(24:05):
and his mind was stuck thereWork with other members that
were prior service and becauseof things they went through
while they were in theirrespective branches, the 4th of
July was horrible for themGetting out on a call or trying
to interview a person whilethere's explosions going off
(24:26):
from the fireworks behind them.
That was tough for them to dealwith.
We all go through it.
Kudos to the ones that don't,who are unchanged.
Either you're lying, which Ihope you can get to a point
where you can be truthful I saylying, you're in denial.
(24:49):
Maybe that's a better way ofputting it.
But the ones that truly aren'taffected by it, kudos, kudos to
you, and I wish in some parts Ipossess that, as do, I think,
many of the people that I workwith in the profession, but the
job makes a lasting effect onyou.
(25:14):
The key to what we have to do iswe have to be able to recognize
those changes and those changesthat disrupt our lives, that
make lives, our lives with ourfamilies, more difficult, those
things that take away from thejoy that we can have in life.
We've got to recognize thoseand we've got to start making
(25:37):
those changes.
My wife has been a huge helpfor many of them, mainly in how
I communicate with her and how Icommunicate with our kids and
our grandkids.
She still has to call me outabout things.
I've been with this woman for26 years and she still has to
(25:59):
call me out about some of thethings that I say or do because
of how I've changed with theprofession, how I've been told
that I don't have the samepatience with my own family that
I have to have on the job.
And if anybody deserves morepatience, more understanding,
(26:23):
it's my family.
If anybody deserves every ounceof effort I can give, it's my
family and it's my wife thathelps call that out and I'm
still working on it.
I'm still working on it.
(26:44):
Just a month ago or so, shebrought to my attention some
things I was doing.
I'm like I'm not trying to bean ass when I answer that way,
I'm just trying to answer thequestion, but it's how you're
answering the question.
It's how you're saying whatyou're saying.
Okay, all I can say is I'mgoing to work on it and that's
(27:10):
what I do.
Have a question that comes upthat wants to make me respond a
certain way, I try to pausebefore I answer, or I at least
acknowledge before I answer thatthis may come off differently
than how I intended.
I'm making an effort to makethose changes, to make me not as
(27:36):
responsive to the ways I'vechanged.
On the make the positive changes.
For those negative changes thathave happened in my life, I'm
at least acknowledging that it'shappened and I'm taking the
(27:56):
steps to correct them.
I may never get them allcorrected.
I'll never be the same.
Because of what I've done inthis job, what I've seen, what
I've experienced, I'll never bethe same.
Unfortunately, there is nogoing back to the Brian that I
was then, but I don't have tolose who I was then because of
(28:24):
it.
I don't have to lose who I amat my core, neither do the rest
of us, neither do the rest of us.
(28:49):
So if you're somebody that maybehave wondered, if you're
somebody that has had others sayto you about how you've changed
.
Consider it, because none of us, for the most part, have gotten
through this without scars.
Likely none of us are the sameas we were when we started.
Doesn't matter what facetyou've served, whether it's in
the military, whether it'spublic safety, doesn't matter.
(29:17):
It's more likely than not thatnone of us are the exact same as
we were before we started doingit, and it's logical that we're
not.
But if somebody's pointing outsome negative things, at least
take the time to consider ifwhat they're saying is right.
Take the time to consider ifthose things are causing you to
(29:42):
have negative impacts in yourown life and in the lives of
those you love and care about.
And if you can answer yes thatthey are, that's something you
probably need to work on.
It's probably something youneed to help.
Whether you do it yourself,whether you talk with somebody,
(30:02):
whether you seek treatment, itdoesn't matter.
But make the effort, becausethose that help support us in
the jobs that we do deserve farbetter than what they get more
times than not.
It's not their fault what we'veexperienced.
(30:25):
It's not our fault what we'veexperienced, except the fact
that we took the job.
But if you're like most of usthat do this job.
It didn't feel like much of achoice, more of a calling, at
least if you got into the jobfor the right reason.
(30:46):
There's too much negativeattention out there nowadays
that you almost can't speakpositively of public servants,
especially those of us in lawenforcement, of public servants,
especially those of us in lawenforcement.
But the rhetoric and theminority of the loud voices that
(31:08):
are speaking against it are notfactual.
We acknowledge that there's badactors in our professions Law
enforcement, fire, ems, militarythere's bad apples.
It's because we're humans.
Humans are fallible, just likethere's bad apples and bad
actors when it comes to doctorsand priests and mechanics and
(31:33):
sanitation workers.
There's bad actors everywhere.
We just catch the brunt of itbecause we're the ones that it's
our job to protect others.
We've got to be willing to takethe good with the bad and we've
got to be able to speak out whenwe see it.
We've also got to be able torecognize when the job has
(31:54):
changed us and make the neededchanges.
If you need somebody to talk to, I'm always here.
I'm an email or a phone callaway.
If it's not me, I guaranteeyou've got more people backing
you and willing to help you thanyou think.
(32:15):
It's been my experience that wedon't give enough people enough
credit.
So I guess that's all I have tosay about it.
In the meantime, guys, if youwant to support what we're doing
, you want to support themission of Breach your Mind,
(32:38):
share, like, comment, interactwith any of this that you see,
whether it's on YouTube,facebook, instagram, tiktok, it
doesn't matter.
Help us get it out, help us getthe word out, the mission out
Always.
We've got the website.
If you want to help support themission, we've got tons of
stuff on the website that youknow just by going and viewing
(32:59):
the website and spending sometime looking around there.
It's a help.
We've also got the e-commercestore.
Again, I said it before, pleaseunderstand the shop is not
something that's meant to be arevenue stream in terms of
making breach, you know,monetarily or financially
(33:24):
wealthy.
It's meant to support whatwe're doing and we need it.
So if you want to help, support, by all means, any of those
options are out there for youBreachYourMindcom and, of course
, you know, our socials.
So in the meantime, guys, Iappreciate your time, I
appreciate your efforts and staysafe.
(33:46):
We'll see you on the next one.
Bye.
Team 1, stand by.
Copy Team 1 standing by Breach,breach, breach.
What's going on?
So, for those of us that workin the public safety profession
(00:22):
or prior service the publicsafety profession or prior
service For most that I've spokewith we were different people
before we started doing this job, and what we've experienced,
what we've seen, what we'vedealt with, has had an impact on
us.
Anyone that knows me has had animpact on us.
(00:50):
Anyone that knows me or, let meput it this way, anyone that
has known me prior to me gettinginto public safety and knows me
19 years later, they can tellyou the differences in me better
than I can.
I've been told many times thatI'm not the same person that I
was before I started doing this,and I find it hard to believe
(01:13):
that anybody could remain thesame person that they were prior
to going into this type ofcareer field, this type of work,
this type of career field, thistype of work.
It's because we see a lot moreof the bad than we do.
(01:39):
The good and the bad that wesee winds up leaving marks on us
that we don't recognize arethere more often than not.
So that's what we're going todiscuss today.
That's what we're going to talkabout is the changes that our
(02:01):
professions have done to us.
Y'all may have heard me talkabout it before.
I don't know or not.
I can't remember if I've evensaid it.
Excuse me, but back before Istarted, back before I started
working in public safety, I wasa drastically different
individual, kind of wore therose colored glasses saw the
(02:23):
world as a very bright place,really had a hard time and
obviously I would see bad things, especially when it was on the
news.
But I didn't view the worldlike I do now.
And I say like I do now.
I've adjusted it because I didrealize the changes that it had
(02:47):
caused in me.
At some point I finallyrealized it.
But I'm not the rose-coloredglasses person anymore.
I'm not the I really don't knowhow to describe myself.
Then I was high school, theband nerd and ROTC, things like
that.
Um, very, for the vast majorityof the time I was just somebody
(03:13):
that was goofing off Um, andI'm not that person anymore, at
least not to that extent.
Um, I'm sure some of it has justbeen maturing.
You know I'm 46 now, so I'msure there's been a lot of that
and it has to do with maturing,being a parent, being a
(03:33):
grandparent, so I'm sure some ofit has come from that, but a
lot of it has come from the 19years that I have been a public
servant, from, you know,starting out, even even how I,
even how I view the professionnow is different than how I
(03:54):
viewed it on day one of April30th 2006.
That's when I got into this,that's when I first day in field
training, um, I view the jobdifferently now than even then.
So and it's really hard to putit in words, believe it or not I
(04:17):
actually had a little bit of a,a little bit of a script, um,
to kind of go off of for this,but apparently I didn't save it.
So, in true me fashion, I'mgoing to have to wing it.
But when I first started in thisprofession, I thought that I
(04:40):
was going to be making adifference.
I thought that I was going tobe going around and doing
nothing but taking bad guys offthe street and ridding the world
of evil.
And you know I had a muchdifferent view of the job then,
(05:03):
never really focused on trafficas a high priority for me.
Obviously, I would enforcetraffic laws and do the things
that I needed to do, but I havealways given way more warnings
than I ever did citations.
So I was never really a trafficNazi, had a real hard time
(05:25):
writing citations for some ofthe things that these other law
enforcement officers do, andthat's not downing them.
You know the ones that aretraffic minded.
They provide a very strongservice for this profession,
because we do have a lot ofpeople dying on our highways and
and, uh, you know, a lot of badthings that happen.
(05:48):
And then on top of it, you knowI can't tell you off the top of
my head right now, but there'sbeen numerous serial killers
that were.
They were apprehended becauseof a traffic stop, whether it
was because a taillight that wasout or some other traffic
infraction.
So there's a very valuableportion of that aspect of the
(06:10):
profession that's needed.
It's just never been my focus.
So you know, like I said,getting into it, my view on how
to do this job was, you knowthat every day I came to work, I
was going to be saving a life.
Every day I came to work, I wasgoing to stop a child from
(06:31):
being harmed.
Every day that I came to work,I was going to, you know, stop
someone from being physicallyassaulted, and that's not been
the case.
That's not been the case at all.
Now, granted, there are otherthings that we have to take into
consideration when we look atit, you know.
(06:52):
One is the area that I work in.
My community is not LA, mycommunity is not New York.
The population in my communityis vastly smaller than a lot of
these other agencies, evenagencies, that are around us, so
we're going to have less of allof those things, but we still
(07:15):
have the same stuff going on inour area that everyone else does
.
But in doing the job and tryingto stay focused on what the goal
was, I lost focus on who I waswhen I started, and I don't know
(07:40):
if that's a good thing or a badthing.
I'd like to think that thechanges that happened in me were
for a good cause.
I'd like to think that thechanges that came from this
profession have made me betterat what I do.
You know, I feel certain thatit's helped me when it comes to
(08:05):
dealing with domestic violence.
It's helped me when it comes toI don't know what you'd call it
off the top of my head crisisintervention.
There's just there's a lot ofaspects that I'd like to think
(08:27):
that these changes have made mebetter.
I believe that I'm a betterleader, I'm a better public
servant.
Because of those things left onme are things that stay with me
(08:50):
.
Um, and I was, and I hate itwhen it happens, but I was
scrolling through TikTok andcome across the video where
there were and I don't knowthese guys, I don't know their
background, I don't know theirstory, but they were commenting
on another podcast or anothercontent creator's material and
what it was was two guys who saythat they are former law
(09:14):
enforcement and they weretalking about problems within
law enforcement you know, adminand a whole slew of other things
, and these guys were justbashing these other content
creators that are talking aboutthese things that make the
profession harder, that makedoing the job of what we're
supposed to, the law enforcementprofessionals that work there,
(09:49):
and they're just bashing them.
You know they're going offabout how these guys are weak.
They're going off about how youknow when they were in, you
know they weren't crybabies andthis, that and the other and
that one.
I got aggravated with itbecause, while I can see where
they come from and I can look atthe younger generations of law
(10:12):
enforcement and think, man,they're complaining about things
that I would have nevercomplained about.
They're complaining aboutthings that really make no sense
to have a problem with, thatreally make no sense to have a
problem with.
So I kind of get where they'recoming from with it.
But to me, if you're not ableand you're not willing to call
(10:34):
out everything that makes thejob harder and are just willing
to say, well, it wasn't likethat when I was in, you're not
helping anybody.
They're failing to realize, inmy opinion, they're failing to
realize how much the job haschanged over the years.
They're failing to realize howmuch society has changed.
(10:58):
We only have the authority thatwe're allowed to have.
We're only able to accomplishthe things we're able to
accomplish because of the trustthat we have with our community.
It doesn't take long for acommunity to decide you know
(11:19):
what.
Their law enforcement isirrelevant and they turn against
you and that makes the job moredifficult.
They fail to realize that thereare people in our profession
that are in it solely forthemselves.
So by trash talking these otherlaw enforcement officers,
(11:41):
former law enforcement officersby trashing them about their
opinions on what's made the jobmore difficult and talking about
the things that havetraumatized them.
By just sitting there andtrashing on them they're not
helping anything.
You know, it's part of thatmachismo that goes around in
(12:04):
this profession and, honestly,it's gotten to the point now
where it's almost sickening thatif you're not the big tough guy
and blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, you're
just a crap cop.
I'm not.
I'm 6'2", about 280 pounds,work out, have wrestled a lot of
(12:29):
people, fought a lot of people,done a lot of things in my
profession.
I'm no worse of a cop becauseof the crap that I've seen and
I've called out.
I'm the worst of a cop becauseI've realized that society has
changed, the profession haschanged, laws have changed, and
(12:50):
calling out where the job hasbeen made more difficult by
people who aren't willing tochange Doesn't make me less of a
cop.
And just because I'm anindividual that focuses, or
takes the time to focus, on thewell-being and mental health of
the others that do thisprofession doesn't make me less
(13:12):
effective.
But yet these two machismos aretrashing other people that do
the job because the cheesemoseare trashing other people that
do the job because, ah, backwhen I did the job, it wasn't
like that and we didn't cryabout everything and we didn't
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Good for you.
Round of applause.
Good for you.
(13:33):
You're the big tough guy.
Chances are you're also the onethat everybody thought was an
asshole all the time and the jobyou thought you were doing
probably wasn't that great.
It's that crap.
That crap adds to it.
(13:55):
Most of us that do thisprofession, whether it's law
enforcement or just publicsafety in general we all go
through crap in this job, all ofus.
You know, a lot of timesdispatchers don't get the credit
that they deserve.
The men and women that do thatjob rarely get closure from the
(14:17):
traumatic calls that come in.
They have to wait to hear thestory.
They don't get the closure thateverybody else does, you know.
They listen to people screamingand hollering and crying on the
phone and feel the helplessness.
They hear the shots fired, callfrom their officers and there's
(14:38):
nothing they can do other thankeep silent or try to provide
information and documenteverything.
They hear the firefighter down,go out, or they hear about a
firefighter that's trapped orneeding recovery or any number
(15:00):
of things.
They sit there and they listento crap all the time and they
get nothing from it except thosevoices and sounds in their head
and their mind makes up a moviefor them.
How many times have our EMTs hadto fight combative patients?
How many times have our medicalprofessionals that go out into
(15:24):
the field to do this job, howmany times have they been
assaulted while trying to do it?
How many firefighters have hadto sit there and fight off
screaming and first respondersfight off screaming, crying
erratic family members becausethe house is on fire, because a
child is not breathing, becausethe loved ones that you know
(15:47):
their loved ones just gotinvolved in this horrendous
traffic crash?
Every one of us experiencestrauma on a level vastly higher
than the general public, and tothink you're going to walk away
from that unscathed isunfathomable to me.
(16:07):
Now, I'm sure there are someindividuals because you know,
it's possible that they may bethe same now as when they
entered a job.
When they entered a job, I'mnot one of them, nor are most of
the individuals that I workwith in public safety.
(16:28):
Now.
I've watched men that are greatMMA athletes sitting there and
break down because of somethingthey saw.
I've watched the professionalsthat I work with and, knowing
(16:49):
them personally, I've watchedthem have some of the most
difficult times with the thingsthat are happening in their life
because of something they wentthrough in the job.
Because of something they wentthrough in the job and I won't
say their name, and if theylisten to this they'll know I'm
(17:09):
talking about them, and I hopethey know that this comes from a
position of respect.
(17:35):
How many of you have had aco-worker who's lost a loved one
and then think there'ssomething wrong with them
because they don't feel the sameas their significant other?
I had a co-worker say that tome Brian, what's wrong with me?
What do you mean?
I don't feel the same way thisperson does over the loss of my
family member.
What's wrong with me?
(17:58):
There's nothing wrong with them.
There's nothing wrong with themat all.
Death is something that we dealwith on a regular basis.
Horrible scenes is what we dealwith on a regular basis, from
(18:20):
something as gruesome as atraffic accident can be to a
homicide.
When you play in the mud, youget dirty, and that's what's
happened to us.
My family can tell you now thatwhen we go into a restaurant,
(18:41):
they all look to see wherethey're going to sit, because
they know they have to figureout where I'm going to sit first
Because they know that I'm notgoing to want my back to a door.
I'm not going to want my backexposed to other people if I can
help it, and it's got to be ina position that I can see
(19:02):
everything going on around me.
I can't eat in a restaurantwithout focusing on everybody
else that's in the restaurant,everybody that's in that
restaurant.
I'm looking at their hands.
I'm looking at what their eyesare doing, paying attention to
who's coming into the doors.
It's not something I choose todo, but because of the job that
(19:25):
I do.
It's caused me not to trustpeople.
It's caused me to see peoplewho were moments early, rational
human beings having aconversation with you
immediately turn into somebodywho is irrational and trying to
hurt you.
Had to happen a number ofoccasions and because of those
(19:50):
things I'm watching out.
And when I've got my familywith me it's even more Because
the way I am, I am my family'sprotector.
I've got the training, I've gotthe experience.
I'm invaluable I say that'sprobably the wrong word I'm
(20:11):
disposable For everyone that Icare about, even strangers.
I'd rather take the hit thanthem.
So when I've got my family withme, I'm watching even harder
that couple at the table overthere that wants to start
getting rowdy with the waiter,because you know they want
(20:32):
something for free because allof a sudden, their meal's not
prepared.
I'm watching those people.
The guy over at the bar that'son his eighth or ninth drink,
who's slurring and stumbling I'mwatching that guy, I'm paying
attention.
(20:52):
We go into public, we walkaround in stores.
I'm looking at people Payingattention to what they're around
, Looking at what their intentsare or what I perceive their
intent to be, looking for danger, figuring out what I can do to
protect myself and others ifsomebody decides to lose it all
(21:13):
of a sudden.
And these ain't things that Ichoose to do.
I know that I do them and I trynot to do them, but that's a
trauma response.
Now, for the most part, it'snot something that affects my
normal life.
It doesn't stop me fromenjoying my time with my family
(21:34):
or enjoying my life, but it is apart of me.
There are many things that thisjob has done for me or done to
me that have affected my life.
(21:55):
I generally get four or fivehours of sleep at night,
probably because I've workedshift work for the last 19 years
12-hour shifts.
There's a lot of things.
I'm not the only one.
If you work in public safety orare a service member or prior
service member, you know exactlywhat I'm talking about.
(22:18):
There's a guy that I don't workwith anymore, but I was working
with him.
Funny guy, still a funny guy,but he left for contract work,
decided he wanted to go.
He wanted, after years andyears, decades of doing law
(22:38):
enforcement work, he wanted tobecome a private contractor, got
hired on, did his training, gotdeployed.
Some things happened while hewas gone.
I saw him in Walmart the dayone of the mornings that he got
home.
His wife picked him up from theairport.
They stopped by Walmart to grabsome things before they went to
(22:59):
the house.
And the look on his face.
Even from 60, 70 feet away, hewas a different man.
Just looking at him.
He was a different man and Icould see it from that far off
before he ever saw me.
I walked up and I had to gethis attention and I was standing
(23:20):
right next to him.
I walked up and I had to gethis attention and I was standing
right next to him because hismind had not reoriented to the
fact that he was home.
He was scanning the store forthreats, immediate threats,
because where he was, where hewas, he had no idea where the
(23:42):
next threat was, becauseeverybody was dressed the same
they're all dressed like normalcitizens in the area he was at
but he had no idea if thatordinary looking citizen was
going to be somebody that wasgoing to harm him and his team
(24:05):
and his mind was stuck thereWork with other members that
were prior service and becauseof things they went through
while they were in theirrespective branches, the 4th of
July was horrible for themGetting out on a call or trying
to interview a person whilethere's explosions going off
(24:26):
from the fireworks behind them.
That was tough for them to dealwith.
We all go through it.
Kudos to the ones that don't,who are unchanged.
Either you're lying, which Ihope you can get to a point
where you can be truthful I saylying, you're in denial.
(24:49):
Maybe that's a better way ofputting it.
But the ones that truly aren'taffected by it, kudos, kudos to
you, and I wish in some parts Ipossess that, as do, I think,
many of the people that I workwith in the profession, but the
job makes a lasting effect onyou.
(25:14):
The key to what we have to do iswe have to be able to recognize
those changes and those changesthat disrupt our lives, that
make lives, our lives with ourfamilies, more difficult, those
things that take away from thejoy that we can have in life.
We've got to recognize thoseand we've got to start making
(25:37):
those changes.
My wife has been a huge helpfor many of them, mainly in how
I communicate with her and how Icommunicate with our kids and
our grandkids.
She still has to call me outabout things.
I've been with this woman for26 years and she still has to
(25:59):
call me out about some of thethings that I say or do because
of how I've changed with theprofession, how I've been told
that I don't have the samepatience with my own family that
I have to have on the job.
And if anybody deserves morepatience, more understanding,
(26:23):
it's my family.
If anybody deserves every ounceof effort I can give, it's my
family and it's my wife thathelps call that out and I'm
still working on it.
I'm still working on it.
(26:44):
Just a month ago or so, shebrought to my attention some
things I was doing.
I'm like I'm not trying to bean ass when I answer that way,
I'm just trying to answer thequestion, but it's how you're
answering the question.
It's how you're saying whatyou're saying.
Okay, all I can say is I'mgoing to work on it and that's
(27:10):
what I do.
Have a question that comes upthat wants to make me respond a
certain way, I try to pausebefore I answer, or I at least
acknowledge before I answer thatthis may come off differently
than how I intended.
I'm making an effort to makethose changes, to make me not as
(27:36):
responsive to the ways I'vechanged.
On the make the positive changes.
For those negative changes thathave happened in my life, I'm
at least acknowledging that it'shappened and I'm taking the
(27:56):
steps to correct them.
I may never get them allcorrected.
I'll never be the same.
Because of what I've done inthis job, what I've seen, what
I've experienced, I'll never bethe same.
Unfortunately, there is nogoing back to the Brian that I
was then, but I don't have tolose who I was then because of
(28:24):
it.
I don't have to lose who I amat my core, neither do the rest
of us, neither do the rest of us.
(28:49):
So if you're somebody that maybehave wondered, if you're
somebody that has had others sayto you about how you've changed
.
Consider it, because none of us, for the most part, have gotten
through this without scars.
Likely none of us are the sameas we were when we started.
Doesn't matter what facetyou've served, whether it's in
the military, whether it'spublic safety, doesn't matter.
(29:17):
It's more likely than not thatnone of us are the exact same as
we were before we started doingit, and it's logical that we're
not.
But if somebody's pointing outsome negative things, at least
take the time to consider ifwhat they're saying is right.
Take the time to consider ifthose things are causing you to
(29:42):
have negative impacts in yourown life and in the lives of
those you love and care about.
And if you can answer yes thatthey are, that's something you
probably need to work on.
It's probably something youneed to help.
Whether you do it yourself,whether you talk with somebody,
(30:02):
whether you seek treatment, itdoesn't matter.
But make the effort, becausethose that help support us in
the jobs that we do deserve farbetter than what they get more
times than not.
It's not their fault what we'veexperienced.
(30:25):
It's not our fault what we'veexperienced, except the fact
that we took the job.
But if you're like most of usthat do this job.
It didn't feel like much of achoice, more of a calling, at
least if you got into the jobfor the right reason.
(30:46):
There's too much negativeattention out there nowadays
that you almost can't speakpositively of public servants,
especially those of us in lawenforcement, of public servants,
especially those of us in lawenforcement.
But the rhetoric and theminority of the loud voices that
(31:08):
are speaking against it are notfactual.
We acknowledge that there's badactors in our professions Law
enforcement, fire, ems, militarythere's bad apples.
It's because we're humans.
Humans are fallible, just likethere's bad apples and bad
actors when it comes to doctorsand priests and mechanics and
(31:33):
sanitation workers.
There's bad actors everywhere.
We just catch the brunt of itbecause we're the ones that it's
our job to protect others.
We've got to be willing to takethe good with the bad and we've
got to be able to speak out whenwe see it.
We've also got to be able torecognize when the job has
(31:54):
changed us and make the neededchanges.
If you need somebody to talk to, I'm always here.
I'm an email or a phone callaway.
If it's not me, I guaranteeyou've got more people backing
you and willing to help you thanyou think.
(32:15):
It's been my experience that wedon't give enough people enough
credit.
So I guess that's all I have tosay about it.
In the meantime, guys, if youwant to support what we're doing
, you want to support themission of Breach your Mind,
(32:38):
share, like, comment, interactwith any of this that you see,
whether it's on YouTube,facebook, instagram, tiktok, it
doesn't matter.
Help us get it out, help us getthe word out, the mission out
Always.
We've got the website.
If you want to help support themission, we've got tons of
stuff on the website that youknow just by going and viewing
(32:59):
the website and spending sometime looking around there.
It's a help.
We've also got the e-commercestore.
Again, I said it before, pleaseunderstand the shop is not
something that's meant to be arevenue stream in terms of
making breach, you know,monetarily or financially
(33:24):
wealthy.
It's meant to support whatwe're doing and we need it.
So if you want to help, support, by all means, any of those
options are out there for youBreachYourMindcom and, of course
, you know, our socials.
So in the meantime, guys, Iappreciate your time, I
appreciate your efforts and staysafe.
(33:46):
We'll see you on the next one.
Bye.
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