April 21, 2025 • 36 mins
The first time I ever did CPR, it wasn’t in training—it was on an 8-month-old baby who had stopped breathing. I wasn’t ready.
What followed was trauma, a criminal investigation, and a courtroom I’ll never forget.
This is a raw, unfiltered story about what it’s really like to be a first responder when the training ends and reality begins.
If you’ve ever had to carry something heavy—this one’s for you.
🎧 Watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KDMUwWFd2_8
🌐 Learn more: https://www.breachyourmind.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Team 1, stand by.
Copy Team 1 standing by BreachBreach Breach.
Earlier on in my career I was anew supervisor and currently
training somebody at the time.
(00:20):
Somebody at the time thisindividual I was, you know, kind
of giving the tour, takingaround showing you know where
some of the places in our areawere that were of noteworthy.
And while we were at one placewe were taking the tour and
(00:43):
seeing what they did there andthings like that, and a call
come out and the call was for aseven or eight month old child
that had drowned.
We weren't too far from thecall and we left where we were
(01:03):
headed to, where the call wasGet there, park out in the
driveway, run up to the house.
And you know, like most people,we ran to the front door because
that's where it's common to goto a house.
And you know, knock on the door, grab the doorknob and nothing,
the door is locked, nothing,the door is locked.
So I'm beating on the door andI'm yelling loudly who we are
(01:28):
and I hear a voice from insideand you know hear heavy
footsteps come across the floorand the door snatches open and
me and the person I was trainingyou know come rushing in asking
you know where the child is.
Person points over to a counter, says he's over there.
(01:50):
He's over there.
So you know, we rush over andwe train.
We train a lot for the jobs wedo.
Doesn't matter what your job is, you know, you train for it.
We're, you know the same.
We train for these things.
You know, especially being inpublic safety and in a first
responder.
You're, you know, you'retrained to get there and start
(02:12):
handling the situation.
However, my brain wasn't ready.
My brain wasn't ready for whatI was about to see when I looked
toward this countertop andstarted moving towards it.
It was a baby.
You know, we say seven, eightmonth old baby and a lot of
times people's minds can goright to it.
(02:32):
But my brain hadn't pictured ityet.
You know, it hadn't picturedhow small this human being was,
how small this child was was,how small this, this, this child
was.
You know, I'm not small andseeing this, this
eight-month-old baby, even ifhaving with having kids of my
(02:53):
own, you know, my brainimmediately went oh crap, holy
crap.
So I run over to this baby andimmediately notice that the
child is starting to turn bluefrom the mouth down and felt for
(03:14):
a pulse.
He had a pulse, however hewasn't breathing.
I would get an occasional likestrong gasp of air, just, and
then nothing, no exhale.
At least it seemed like therewas no exhale, no, nothing.
And you know it was obvious inthat moment that this baby was
(03:34):
in distress.
You know, the baby starting toturn blue from lack of oxygen,
the distressed breathing.
The heartbeat was there, but itwasn't.
You know very strong.
Um, the heartbeat was there,but it and it wasn't.
You know very strong.
And you know, trying to go backto my training and I had only
(03:58):
done at this point, I'd had CPRclasses and everything like that
, but I'd only done CPR on theCPR mannequins.
You know the little upper torsothat you do your compressions
on and you get the little clickswhen you know you're going deep
enough on the compression andthe little child that you're
holding in your arm and you'reflipping them over and you're
(04:18):
giving them the chops in theback when they've got something
lodged in their throat, you know, and the two fingers and the
whole thing.
You know any of you guys thathave been through CPR you know
what I'm talking about.
That's the only place I'd everdone CPR.
I'd never done CPR on anotherliving being a day in my life
and, truth be told, I reallyhoped I would never have to,
(04:42):
because obviously I took thetraining serious but I didn't
feel qualified.
I didn't feel qualified to beresponsible for trying to bring
someone you know back to life,so to speak, or, you know, help
them stay alive, and feelqualified for that.
You know, that wasn't the jobthat I primarily trained for.
(05:08):
But here I am in this situationand this eight-month-old baby,
this seven-eighth-month-old babyis laying there and needs
somebody, and it was me.
It was me and my trainee.
So, as fast as my brain canprocess what I need to do, you
know, check the pulse, check therespirations and immediately I
(05:33):
start giving chest compressions.
You know that was what theytaught us Go ahead and start
giving chest compressions.
So I was giving chestcompressions and tilting the
head and putting my mouth overthe baby's nose and mouth and
giving rescue breaths.
Going back to giving chestcompressions, and, guys, I don't
really know how to express itwhen the first time you do CPR
(05:58):
it's on a child that's thatsmall and you're taking your
hands, and my hands are fairlybig and you're taking your hands
and my hands are fairly big andyou're taking your hands and
you're taking two fingers andyou're covering up that child's
chest, you know, not the wholechest, but you're covering that
child, a large portion of thatchild's chest, just with your
fingers, and you're having tomake sure that you're pressing
(06:22):
in on that child's chest justenough.
You're having to make sure thatyou're pressing in on that
child's chest just enough, butnot too much.
And I'm sitting here doing thisto this baby and again I would
get the occasional gasp and thennothing.
And the whole time I'm goingcome on, buddy, come on, stay
with me, come on, keep coming.
(06:43):
I need you to come on, breathe,breathe, breathe, buddy.
And it felt like an eternitythat I'm sitting here doing
these chest compressions on thischild.
You know, time just kind ofstopped.
Nobody else was coming.
Everybody else had beendispatched, but nobody else was
(07:03):
coming.
At least that's how it felt andin the moment it was just me
and this baby.
It was me and this baby in thismoment, and this baby was
relying on me, of all people, tohelp him stay alive.
So I kept going.
(07:23):
Eventually I heard another firstresponder get on scene and I
know this man.
I know that he has moretraining in what I'm dealing
with than I do.
So when I hear that he's onscene, my brain immediately goes
thank God, somebody else isbetter qualified to help this
(07:45):
baby.
It's finally here.
My friend comes in the door.
He comes running in and youknow, he said Brian, where are
you at?
I'm over here.
He immediately comes over to meand he takes out a stethoscope
and he starts listening for aheartbeat.
But he does something I didn'texpect.
He didn't tell me to move, hedidn't tell me to move, he
(08:07):
didn't tell me I got it, Nothing.
He says okay, keep going.
You know.
And while my actions didn'tstop, my brain meant what do you
mean?
Keep going?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no.
It's not keep going.
No-transcript.
(08:50):
I'm continuing and I'm givingthe breath sounds, the rescue
breath, and every time I wouldgive a breath, my buddy would
say you got good breath sounds,keep going.
So I would keep going and Ikeep pressing on this child's
chest and again, time juststands still.
(09:12):
You know there's nobody elsecoming, it's just us.
It's me who is woefullyunqualified to be doing this on
this small child, and my buddy,who's given me encouragement and
telling me you know, keep goingand the only thing I can say
while I'm doing chestcompressions on this small child
(09:35):
is come on, buddy, come back tous.
Come on, little guy, come on,buddy.
You know I'm begging him.
I'm begging him to take abreath.
I'm begging him to startbreathing, because I can't do
this.
I'm not ready to be responsiblefor this baby like this.
(09:55):
But no one else was.
So I keep going.
Eventually I hear the ambulancepull up and I hear other people
get there.
So I keep going.
Eventually I hear the ambulancepull up and I hear other people
get there.
And as soon as I heard theambulance get here, my buddy
says OK, brian, the ambulance ishere.
I couldn't.
(10:15):
I couldn't sit there and knowthat I wasn't doing any good for
that baby anymore and I scoopup this baby and I go running
out the door.
I run out the front door, downthe wooden steps across the yard
and by the time I got to theambulance, the EMTs were already
in the back and they had openedup the door and were standing
(10:35):
there with their arms open andall I could think was thank God,
save this baby.
And I run up to the door and Ihand the baby off and I don't
say anything else, I just handthe baby off and they
immediately go back inside theambulance, shut the door and
they go to work.
And you know I go back.
I go back towards the, theresidence, the ambulance
(10:59):
eventually, eventually takes off, you know, running lights and
sirens towards the hospital,takes off, running lights and
sirens towards the hospital, andwe're left there.
Some of this, especially becauseit's been so long, is kind of a
blur at this point.
I do know that we went back inand we spoke with the male that
(11:24):
was there, interviewed him tosee what all had happened and,
according to him, he was givenboth children.
There was this eight-month-oldbaby and there was another child
there.
He was given both of thesechildren a bath and, while doing
something with the other child,this seven eight-month-old baby
slipped below the water, butjust for a moment.
(11:45):
And while I'm doing thisinterview, after everything that
I just did which wasn't much,and I don't, I don't mean to
make it seem like I did anything, cause to me I did absolutely
nothing for that child, um, butmy brain's processing this and
it's like, wait a minute, thatbaby was in that bad of shape
(12:08):
after just a brief moment, likehow long?
How long is a brief moment?
And my brain's going backthrough what I saw and what I
processed and everything inthose moments that I was there
doing CPR on this baby.
(12:28):
The baby was already in a diaper.
The baby's hair was dry, I knowthe baby's hair was dry because
I had to, you know, do the chinlift.
I had to raise the baby's chinup and my hand went through the
baby's hair as I caressed itshead so that I could lift its
chin up, and that hair was dry.
You know, the male that wasthere was wrapped in a towel
(12:51):
when I first got there, but thisbaby was not wet.
This baby, you know, dry hairand in a diaper.
You know, if a baby goes underthe water and this is my
rational mind or irrational mindat the moment but if a baby
goes under the water briefly andthen stops breathing, who takes
the time to put a diaper onthem?
(13:13):
You know, of course, I'mthinking about these things, but
nothing's really registering.
So we're there and we wait forinvestigators to get to the
scene because it's, you know, anincident that involves a child
and the investigators get outthere and they start doing their
(13:33):
job.
And at this point I'm just gladeverybody else is there because
I really don't want to doanything.
Now, you know, my brain justkeeps flashing back to what I
saw, which was this small baby,you know, sitting on this
countertop, starting to turnblue and gasping for air, and
not even like repeated gaspingit was, you know.
(13:55):
It felt like minutes between agasp of air.
So I know this baby's brain wasgetting starved of oxygen too.
So I didn't want to have todeal with anything.
I didn't want to talk toanybody.
I didn't want to do anything.
I didn't want to talk to theguy that was there no one, you
know.
I briefed the investigators, Italked with my trainee and it
(14:19):
was just kind of a sit and waitkind of moment.
When you get in those situationsyou don't just get up and leave
, you have to wait around.
The investigation is ongoingand especially when the scene is
fresh, you're there.
So we had to stay there and Idon't know how much longer
(14:41):
afterwards.
But one of the investigatorscame up and he showed me a
picture and he said is this howthis baby looked when you got
here?
And when I looked at thepicture, all I saw was deep blue
, deep blue, almost purplishdiscoloration from the top of
(15:08):
the lips down, and immediately Ipanicked.
Obviously the baby had startedto turn a little bit blue, but
it, you know, it was like thelips.
It wasn't, it wasn't much morethan the lips.
But they're showing me thispicture of this baby, and this
(15:30):
baby looks like his face, fromhis lips down, you know, to his
chin, are bruised.
And the only thought that goesthrough my mind is that's not
how that baby looked when I gotthere, and then my brain goes to
you were doing CPR on thatchild and you had to put your
(15:52):
mouth over that child's nose andmouth.
Did you do this?
Did you just hurt this childmore than what it was already
having to deal with?
And I started to panic becausenow you know, all I wanted to do
was try to save this baby'slife.
And then, looking at thispicture, all I could see was
(16:12):
that all I did was hurt thisbaby.
And I remember looking at theinvestigator going oh my God,
did I do that to that child?
And he said no, I need you tocalm down and look at this
picture.
Is this how the baby lookedwhen you got here?
I said no, I need to know did Ido that to that child?
He said no, you didn't do thisto this child.
(16:32):
Right now we're investigatingthis as a child abuse case.
And I kind of stopped.
I said do what.
I said the guy said the babywent under the water.
He goes Brian, I know, butwe're investigating this as a
child abuse case right now.
I said but he said the babywent under the water.
(16:54):
Now, mind you, my brain'salready processed that the
baby's hair was dry, was in thediaper, all of these other
things.
But in that moment, especiallyafter seeing that picture of
this child whose face lookedbruised, I'm forgetting all of
that.
My brain's not processinglogically anymore.
Now my brain's going back towhat the initial call was, what
(17:19):
I did, what I just saw in thatpicture.
So my brain's not processing itand I was just confused.
So we go through the rest ofthe scene and we finish up just
like we would any other scene,go back to the office, complete
(17:40):
the report and forward thereport over to the investigators
.
And it was sometime later, whereI don't remember if it was that
day or the next day.
I want to say it was that sameday that I got a call from that
same investigator and I saidBrian, I just want to let you
know that we've we've arrestedthe male that was on scene and I
(18:03):
said can you tell me whathappened?
He said he beat that baby.
Do what Said he beat that baby?
He's the reason that babywasn't breathing when you got
there.
And I remember immediatelyfeeling angry because who does
(18:26):
that to a child, who can do thatto an eight-month-old child?
I can't fathom.
Obviously, in the line of workI'm in, I've come across it and
I've dealt with it, but this wasthe first time I was really
dealing with it like that.
You know I've had other childabuse cases where it was a
(18:50):
parent that you know haddisciplined the child too hard,
but it was, you know, marks andthings like that on the child,
not excusing it by any means,please don't take it that way
but none to where the childstopped breathing.
And I was immediately angry howcould you do this?
How could you do this to thisbaby?
(19:13):
This baby did nothing.
This baby did nothing to anyone, didn't even ask to be here,
and this is how you treat it.
So move forward.
And in the days and weeks thatfollowed I heard more and more
(19:36):
about it.
I heard more and more about itand the thoughts of what I saw
never left my mind Running intothat house.
You know, seeing that baby onthat counter, seeing that baby,
(20:00):
you know, lips turning blue andhaving to do CPR for the first
time ever in my life on a humanbeing, and it's an eight month
old child.
Not that I think it would havebeen too terribly different had
it been an adult, but this was achild.
You know, my general thoughtprocess is, as adults, we've
kind of lived our lives.
Not that we're, you know my.
My general thought process is,as adults, we've kind of lived
our lives.
Not that we're, you know.
(20:23):
You know, easily dispensable byany means, but a child, you
know, at the whole women andchildren first kind of thing.
You know, children haven't hada chance to live yet.
They haven't had a chance toleave their mark on the world.
They haven't had a chance tolive yet.
They haven't had a chance toleave their mark on the world.
They haven't had a chance tomake a difference.
(20:47):
That was big.
It hit me deep and fulldisclosure.
Sometime thereafter thatincident, I wound up driving
down that stretch of road towhere I was going to have to
drive past that house and as Ipassed by the house I looked
over and saw the house and sawthe front door and immediately I
(21:11):
could see where my car wasparked and I could see the path
that I ran to get to the houseand the door that I went in.
And I knew exactly, from fromlooking on the outside of the
house, I knew exactly where thatcountertop was.
Even though I couldn't seethrough the wall, I knew exactly
where that countertop was inthat house.
I knew exactly where it wasthat I stood to do CPR on this
(21:33):
eight-month-old baby and I brokedown.
I'm driving alone in my car andI broke down in tears.
And I broke down I'm drivingalone in my car and I broke down
in tears and I started cryingbecause this eight-month-old
baby, the baby, survived, but hewas a vegetable, he was brain
(21:56):
dead, he was living off ofmachines.
He was only alive because ofmachines.
So I was told, and the onlything I could think of then was
what was it all for?
What good did it do?
(22:18):
What good did it do?
What good did me doing CPR onthat baby do for that child?
Even now it bothers me, but Iasked myself you know what was
(22:39):
it for?
This baby has no quality oflife.
This baby will never know whatit's like to feel the wind
across his face, never know whatit's like to feel a loved one's
embrace, never know what it'slike to see a loved one's
(23:01):
embrace, never know what it'slike to see a firefly at night
None of these things.
Because he's bedridden andmachines are keeping him alive,
because the man that wasresponsible for watching him
beat him.
It was a good solid year beforeI could drive past that house.
(23:23):
It was a full year before Icould drive past that house
without breaking down.
I didn't care what call I wasgoing to.
I would intentionally drive outof my way to keep from going
down that small stretch of road,just so I didn't have to go
past that house, because everytime I saw it it was a memory of
(23:45):
what I experienced and how thatchild was now having to live
Because of one person's I hateto say it, but one person's evil
intent.
I hate to say it, but oneperson's evil intent Come around
time for the trial and I wastold that.
(24:14):
You know, obviously there wereplenty of us subpoenaed for the
for the case and I was told thatthey played the body camera
footage of my buddy that showedup after I did.
They played his body camerafootage and in the footage you
can see me doing CPR and in theaudio you can hear me begging
this baby to come back.
You can hear me begging him tobreathe back.
(24:38):
You can hear me begging him tobreathe.
And I wasn't privy to itbecause we were sequestered.
But I was told that there werejury members that started crying
at that point because now theywere seeing what I saw.
They're seeing what I had to do.
They were seeing the shape thatthis baby was in.
They were listening to thisbaby take these brief gasps of
(25:02):
air and then listening to agrown man beg this baby to live,
and it broke some of them down.
I eventually got called and Itestified.
A lot of people testified inthat case, a lot of experts and
doctors and people that are waysmarter than me.
(25:25):
And the thing with trials isyou know, once you're done
testifying, once you're excused,you can sit through the court
case.
You can come back day for day,however much you need, want,
whatever.
You can come back becauseyou're excused.
They're not going to have anymore questions for you.
So there's no chance ofcontamination of testimonies or
(25:54):
anything like that.
And out of all of my years,even to now, 17 years into it,
even to now, that is the onlycourt case that I went back for.
That's the only court case thatI stayed.
For once I was excused, I wasinvested.
(26:15):
I had to know what happened tothat baby and then I had to know
what happened to the man thatdid it.
And during that trial I heardthe experts testify.
This eight-month-old baby had askull fracture Seven, eight
(26:40):
months old with a skull fracture.
Seven eight months old with askull fracture.
One of the experts that wasthere expressed that because of
how malleable a child, thatyoung skull, is, that to cause a
(27:04):
fracture like that in thatparticular portion of that
child's skull would be theequivalent of taking a two-story
fall from a balcony and hittingthe head.
When it was asked of how thechild ended up with a skull
fracture, when it was asked ofhow the child ended up with a
skull fracture, it was said thatthe child was walking and fell
(27:27):
and hit the fireplace.
That math don't add up to me.
They also found bite marks onthe child, or a bite mark on the
child and there were reasonswhy they expressed why the bite
mark was likely there.
But it was said that, well,that's a child's bite mark.
(27:51):
But it was said that, well,that's a child's bite mark.
Well, they had expert testimonythat there's no way that the
only other child in the homecaused that bite mark.
The bite mark was entirely toolarge to be a child's bite mark,
so they knew that it was anadult, which meant not only did
(28:13):
this eight-month-old baby have afractured skull but was bitten
by this man.
So I sat there and I listenedthrough the trial and I listened
to the testimonies of theexperts and the testimonies of
everybody else that was calledin, and then I waited.
(28:34):
The jury was given their ordersand they were excused to go to
their deliberation room and Iwaited with everyone else.
Eventually we got the noticethat the jury had reached a
decision and we go back into thecourtroom and I've never been
(28:57):
on pins and needles more a dayin my life.
The reason why is because younever know what's going to
happen with a jury trial.
Sometimes, no matter how strongyour evidence is, no matter how
strong your testimony is, it'scalled a jury of your peers.
(29:20):
It means the fate of the caselies in their hands and what
they believe occurred based onthe facts beyond a reasonable
doubt.
And sometimes, no matter howhard you try, no matter how much
evidence you have, the jurygoes the other way.
Obviously, you can imagine thatI didn't want the jury to go
(29:45):
the other way in this one.
All of the evidence, all of thefacts pointed to this man hurt
this child and I didn't want himto get away with it.
I didn't think it was rightthat he should be able to hurt
this small child and then beable to live a free man Just
(30:09):
didn't seem right.
Just didn't seem right.
So we sat there and the jury'sdecision was read and he was
found guilty.
He was found guilty of everycharge and he was sentenced to
60 years.
This man and I believe he wasin his 20s was sentenced to 60
(30:32):
years.
This man and I believe he wasin his 20s was sentenced to 60
years for what he did to thischild, and to me that wasn't
long enough, but it wassomething.
It was something for what hedid to that child.
You know, obviously, as youguys can see that and maybe even
(30:58):
hear that, even talking aboutit.
Now, all these years later we'retalking more than a decade it
still affects me.
I will never forget that day inmy life.
I will never forget the panic Ifelt.
I will never forget the thingsthat I saw.
I found out it was three yearsafter the incident occurred that
(31:34):
that baby died.
He lived three years after.
He was brutally assaulted,living on machines, being fed
with a feeding tube.
He lived three years.
And it's hard now.
(31:58):
Even now it's hard to thinkthat, yeah, the actions that all
of us took that day the actionsI took, the ambulance took, or
the EMTs, the doctors wepreserved that child's life.
(32:21):
Three years to live on machines, no quality of life whatsoever,
no quality of life whatsoever.
My wife has done the best shecould to get me to rationalize
it and in her words, that wasthree years that that child's
(32:44):
mother and other family membersthat loved him wouldn't have
gotten.
They got those three years withhim and to some extent that
makes it a little better, butnot entirely so, even to this
(33:06):
day.
I will actually say I actuallylive on the same road now where
that incident occurred.
I can ride by there, I can lookat the house.
I don't get choked up about itanymore.
Not by that.
It's in moments like this,moments in this, like this, when
(33:29):
I'm speaking intimately aboutwhat I saw, what I felt, what I
heard.
It's in these moments that itchokes me up, because I'll never
forget it.
It's made a lasting impact onmy life.
Eventually, when I told youthat I couldn't even drive past
(33:53):
the house, the only reason I wasable to start was because I
finally told myself you've gotto let go of it.
It's already happened.
There's nothing you can do tochange it.
You have to let go.
You have to let go of that pain, you have to let go of those
memories and you have to getback to the job at hand.
(34:18):
And one day I made the decisionto drive past the house, and I
did.
I didn't avoid looking at thehouse.
I looked straight at it and Itold myself it's okay.
It took me a year to get there,but I told myself it was okay
(34:38):
Because there's nothing I couldhave done differently.
There's nothing I could havedone that would have changed
anything.
It was okay, I could let it go,but I won't ever forget it.
So there you go.
(34:59):
That is one moment out ofprobably many in my life that
impacted me deeply and helpedshape me and form me in who I am
today, how I approachsituations, how I handle
(35:20):
situations, how I prepare forsituations.
It also taught me that you haveto let it go.
You can't hold on to it forever.
You know, at the end of the day, that wasn't my child, so I had
(35:42):
to let it go.
So, guys, I don't know how orwho that story can help, but I
hope it can and I hope that ifyou're dealing with something
(36:11):
like this or, god forbid, youhave to deal with something like
this that maybe you can reflectback on the story I shared and
maybe it can help you getthrough it too.
So until next time, guys,appreciate you jumping in,
appreciate you listening andappreciate your time.
Catch you on the next one.
Bye.
Team 1, stand by.
Copy Team 1 standing by BreachBreach Breach.
Earlier on in my career I was anew supervisor and currently
training somebody at the time.
(00:20):
Somebody at the time thisindividual I was, you know, kind
of giving the tour, takingaround showing you know where
some of the places in our areawere that were of noteworthy.
And while we were at one placewe were taking the tour and
(00:43):
seeing what they did there andthings like that, and a call
come out and the call was for aseven or eight month old child
that had drowned.
We weren't too far from thecall and we left where we were
(01:03):
headed to, where the call wasGet there, park out in the
driveway, run up to the house.
And you know, like most people,we ran to the front door because
that's where it's common to goto a house.
And you know, knock on the door, grab the doorknob and nothing,
the door is locked, nothing,the door is locked.
So I'm beating on the door andI'm yelling loudly who we are
(01:28):
and I hear a voice from insideand you know hear heavy
footsteps come across the floorand the door snatches open and
me and the person I was trainingyou know come rushing in asking
you know where the child is.
Person points over to a counter, says he's over there.
(01:50):
He's over there.
So you know, we rush over andwe train.
We train a lot for the jobs wedo.
Doesn't matter what your job is, you know, you train for it.
We're, you know the same.
We train for these things.
You know, especially being inpublic safety and in a first
responder.
You're, you know, you'retrained to get there and start
(02:12):
handling the situation.
However, my brain wasn't ready.
My brain wasn't ready for whatI was about to see when I looked
toward this countertop andstarted moving towards it.
It was a baby.
You know, we say seven, eightmonth old baby and a lot of
times people's minds can goright to it.
(02:32):
But my brain hadn't pictured ityet.
You know, it hadn't picturedhow small this human being was,
how small this child was was,how small this, this, this child
was.
You know, I'm not small andseeing this, this
eight-month-old baby, even ifhaving with having kids of my
(02:53):
own, you know, my brainimmediately went oh crap, holy
crap.
So I run over to this baby andimmediately notice that the
child is starting to turn bluefrom the mouth down and felt for
(03:14):
a pulse.
He had a pulse, however hewasn't breathing.
I would get an occasional likestrong gasp of air, just, and
then nothing, no exhale.
At least it seemed like therewas no exhale, no, nothing.
And you know it was obvious inthat moment that this baby was
(03:34):
in distress.
You know, the baby starting toturn blue from lack of oxygen,
the distressed breathing.
The heartbeat was there, but itwasn't.
You know very strong.
Um, the heartbeat was there,but it and it wasn't.
You know very strong.
And you know, trying to go backto my training and I had only
(03:58):
done at this point, I'd had CPRclasses and everything like that
, but I'd only done CPR on theCPR mannequins.
You know the little upper torsothat you do your compressions
on and you get the little clickswhen you know you're going deep
enough on the compression andthe little child that you're
holding in your arm and you'reflipping them over and you're
(04:18):
giving them the chops in theback when they've got something
lodged in their throat, you know, and the two fingers and the
whole thing.
You know any of you guys thathave been through CPR you know
what I'm talking about.
That's the only place I'd everdone CPR.
I'd never done CPR on anotherliving being a day in my life
and, truth be told, I reallyhoped I would never have to,
(04:42):
because obviously I took thetraining serious but I didn't
feel qualified.
I didn't feel qualified to beresponsible for trying to bring
someone you know back to life,so to speak, or, you know, help
them stay alive, and feelqualified for that.
You know, that wasn't the jobthat I primarily trained for.
(05:08):
But here I am in this situationand this eight-month-old baby,
this seven-eighth-month-old babyis laying there and needs
somebody, and it was me.
It was me and my trainee.
So, as fast as my brain canprocess what I need to do, you
know, check the pulse, check therespirations and immediately I
(05:33):
start giving chest compressions.
You know that was what theytaught us Go ahead and start
giving chest compressions.
So I was giving chestcompressions and tilting the
head and putting my mouth overthe baby's nose and mouth and
giving rescue breaths.
Going back to giving chestcompressions, and, guys, I don't
really know how to express itwhen the first time you do CPR
(05:58):
it's on a child that's thatsmall and you're taking your
hands, and my hands are fairlybig and you're taking your hands
and my hands are fairly big andyou're taking your hands and
you're taking two fingers andyou're covering up that child's
chest, you know, not the wholechest, but you're covering that
child, a large portion of thatchild's chest, just with your
fingers, and you're having tomake sure that you're pressing
(06:22):
in on that child's chest justenough.
You're having to make sure thatyou're pressing in on that
child's chest just enough, butnot too much.
And I'm sitting here doing thisto this baby and again I would
get the occasional gasp and thennothing.
And the whole time I'm goingcome on, buddy, come on, stay
with me, come on, keep coming.
(06:43):
I need you to come on, breathe,breathe, breathe, buddy.
And it felt like an eternitythat I'm sitting here doing
these chest compressions on thischild.
You know, time just kind ofstopped.
Nobody else was coming.
Everybody else had beendispatched, but nobody else was
(07:03):
coming.
At least that's how it felt andin the moment it was just me
and this baby.
It was me and this baby in thismoment, and this baby was
relying on me, of all people, tohelp him stay alive.
So I kept going.
(07:23):
Eventually I heard another firstresponder get on scene and I
know this man.
I know that he has moretraining in what I'm dealing
with than I do.
So when I hear that he's onscene, my brain immediately goes
thank God, somebody else isbetter qualified to help this
(07:45):
baby.
It's finally here.
My friend comes in the door.
He comes running in and youknow, he said Brian, where are
you at?
I'm over here.
He immediately comes over to meand he takes out a stethoscope
and he starts listening for aheartbeat.
But he does something I didn'texpect.
He didn't tell me to move, hedidn't tell me to move, he
(08:07):
didn't tell me I got it, Nothing.
He says okay, keep going.
You know.
And while my actions didn'tstop, my brain meant what do you
mean?
Keep going?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no.
It's not keep going.
No-transcript.
(08:50):
I'm continuing and I'm givingthe breath sounds, the rescue
breath, and every time I wouldgive a breath, my buddy would
say you got good breath sounds,keep going.
So I would keep going and Ikeep pressing on this child's
chest and again, time juststands still.
(09:12):
You know there's nobody elsecoming, it's just us.
It's me who is woefullyunqualified to be doing this on
this small child, and my buddy,who's given me encouragement and
telling me you know, keep goingand the only thing I can say
while I'm doing chestcompressions on this small child
(09:35):
is come on, buddy, come back tous.
Come on, little guy, come on,buddy.
You know I'm begging him.
I'm begging him to take abreath.
I'm begging him to startbreathing, because I can't do
this.
I'm not ready to be responsiblefor this baby like this.
(09:55):
But no one else was.
So I keep going.
Eventually I hear the ambulancepull up and I hear other people
get there.
So I keep going.
Eventually I hear the ambulancepull up and I hear other people
get there.
And as soon as I heard theambulance get here, my buddy
says OK, brian, the ambulance ishere.
I couldn't.
(10:15):
I couldn't sit there and knowthat I wasn't doing any good for
that baby anymore and I scoopup this baby and I go running
out the door.
I run out the front door, downthe wooden steps across the yard
and by the time I got to theambulance, the EMTs were already
in the back and they had openedup the door and were standing
(10:35):
there with their arms open andall I could think was thank God,
save this baby.
And I run up to the door and Ihand the baby off and I don't
say anything else, I just handthe baby off and they
immediately go back inside theambulance, shut the door and
they go to work.
And you know I go back.
I go back towards the, theresidence, the ambulance
(10:59):
eventually, eventually takes off, you know, running lights and
sirens towards the hospital,takes off, running lights and
sirens towards the hospital, andwe're left there.
Some of this, especially becauseit's been so long, is kind of a
blur at this point.
I do know that we went back inand we spoke with the male that
(11:24):
was there, interviewed him tosee what all had happened and,
according to him, he was givenboth children.
There was this eight-month-oldbaby and there was another child
there.
He was given both of thesechildren a bath and, while doing
something with the other child,this seven eight-month-old baby
slipped below the water, butjust for a moment.
(11:45):
And while I'm doing thisinterview, after everything that
I just did which wasn't much,and I don't, I don't mean to
make it seem like I did anything, cause to me I did absolutely
nothing for that child, um, butmy brain's processing this and
it's like, wait a minute, thatbaby was in that bad of shape
(12:08):
after just a brief moment, likehow long?
How long is a brief moment?
And my brain's going backthrough what I saw and what I
processed and everything inthose moments that I was there
doing CPR on this baby.
(12:28):
The baby was already in a diaper.
The baby's hair was dry, I knowthe baby's hair was dry because
I had to, you know, do the chinlift.
I had to raise the baby's chinup and my hand went through the
baby's hair as I caressed itshead so that I could lift its
chin up, and that hair was dry.
You know, the male that wasthere was wrapped in a towel
(12:51):
when I first got there, but thisbaby was not wet.
This baby, you know, dry hairand in a diaper.
You know, if a baby goes underthe water and this is my
rational mind or irrational mindat the moment but if a baby
goes under the water briefly andthen stops breathing, who takes
the time to put a diaper onthem?
(13:13):
You know, of course, I'mthinking about these things, but
nothing's really registering.
So we're there and we wait forinvestigators to get to the
scene because it's, you know, anincident that involves a child
and the investigators get outthere and they start doing their
(13:33):
job.
And at this point I'm just gladeverybody else is there because
I really don't want to doanything.
Now, you know, my brain justkeeps flashing back to what I
saw, which was this small baby,you know, sitting on this
countertop, starting to turnblue and gasping for air, and
not even like repeated gaspingit was, you know.
(13:55):
It felt like minutes between agasp of air.
So I know this baby's brain wasgetting starved of oxygen too.
So I didn't want to have todeal with anything.
I didn't want to talk toanybody.
I didn't want to do anything.
I didn't want to talk to theguy that was there no one, you
know.
I briefed the investigators, Italked with my trainee and it
(14:19):
was just kind of a sit and waitkind of moment.
When you get in those situationsyou don't just get up and leave
, you have to wait around.
The investigation is ongoingand especially when the scene is
fresh, you're there.
So we had to stay there and Idon't know how much longer
(14:41):
afterwards.
But one of the investigatorscame up and he showed me a
picture and he said is this howthis baby looked when you got
here?
And when I looked at thepicture, all I saw was deep blue
, deep blue, almost purplishdiscoloration from the top of
(15:08):
the lips down, and immediately Ipanicked.
Obviously the baby had startedto turn a little bit blue, but
it, you know, it was like thelips.
It wasn't, it wasn't much morethan the lips.
But they're showing me thispicture of this baby, and this
(15:30):
baby looks like his face, fromhis lips down, you know, to his
chin, are bruised.
And the only thought that goesthrough my mind is that's not
how that baby looked when I gotthere, and then my brain goes to
you were doing CPR on thatchild and you had to put your
(15:52):
mouth over that child's nose andmouth.
Did you do this?
Did you just hurt this childmore than what it was already
having to deal with?
And I started to panic becausenow you know, all I wanted to do
was try to save this baby'slife.
And then, looking at thispicture, all I could see was
(16:12):
that all I did was hurt thisbaby.
And I remember looking at theinvestigator going oh my God,
did I do that to that child?
And he said no, I need you tocalm down and look at this
picture.
Is this how the baby lookedwhen you got here?
I said no, I need to know did Ido that to that child?
He said no, you didn't do thisto this child.
(16:32):
Right now we're investigatingthis as a child abuse case.
And I kind of stopped.
I said do what.
I said the guy said the babywent under the water.
He goes Brian, I know, butwe're investigating this as a
child abuse case right now.
I said but he said the babywent under the water.
(16:54):
Now, mind you, my brain'salready processed that the
baby's hair was dry, was in thediaper, all of these other
things.
But in that moment, especiallyafter seeing that picture of
this child whose face lookedbruised, I'm forgetting all of
that.
My brain's not processinglogically anymore.
Now my brain's going back towhat the initial call was, what
(17:19):
I did, what I just saw in thatpicture.
So my brain's not processing itand I was just confused.
So we go through the rest ofthe scene and we finish up just
like we would any other scene,go back to the office, complete
(17:40):
the report and forward thereport over to the investigators
.
And it was sometime later, whereI don't remember if it was that
day or the next day.
I want to say it was that sameday that I got a call from that
same investigator and I saidBrian, I just want to let you
know that we've we've arrestedthe male that was on scene and I
(18:03):
said can you tell me whathappened?
He said he beat that baby.
Do what Said he beat that baby?
He's the reason that babywasn't breathing when you got
there.
And I remember immediatelyfeeling angry because who does
(18:26):
that to a child, who can do thatto an eight-month-old child?
I can't fathom.
Obviously, in the line of workI'm in, I've come across it and
I've dealt with it, but this wasthe first time I was really
dealing with it like that.
You know I've had other childabuse cases where it was a
(18:50):
parent that you know haddisciplined the child too hard,
but it was, you know, marks andthings like that on the child,
not excusing it by any means,please don't take it that way
but none to where the childstopped breathing.
And I was immediately angry howcould you do this?
How could you do this to thisbaby?
(19:13):
This baby did nothing.
This baby did nothing to anyone, didn't even ask to be here,
and this is how you treat it.
So move forward.
And in the days and weeks thatfollowed I heard more and more
(19:36):
about it.
I heard more and more about itand the thoughts of what I saw
never left my mind Running intothat house.
You know, seeing that baby onthat counter, seeing that baby,
(20:00):
you know, lips turning blue andhaving to do CPR for the first
time ever in my life on a humanbeing, and it's an eight month
old child.
Not that I think it would havebeen too terribly different had
it been an adult, but this was achild.
You know, my general thoughtprocess is, as adults, we've
kind of lived our lives.
Not that we're, you know my.
My general thought process is,as adults, we've kind of lived
our lives.
Not that we're, you know.
(20:23):
You know, easily dispensable byany means, but a child, you
know, at the whole women andchildren first kind of thing.
You know, children haven't hada chance to live yet.
They haven't had a chance toleave their mark on the world.
They haven't had a chance tolive yet.
They haven't had a chance toleave their mark on the world.
They haven't had a chance tomake a difference.
(20:47):
That was big.
It hit me deep and fulldisclosure.
Sometime thereafter thatincident, I wound up driving
down that stretch of road towhere I was going to have to
drive past that house and as Ipassed by the house I looked
over and saw the house and sawthe front door and immediately I
(21:11):
could see where my car wasparked and I could see the path
that I ran to get to the houseand the door that I went in.
And I knew exactly, from fromlooking on the outside of the
house, I knew exactly where thatcountertop was.
Even though I couldn't seethrough the wall, I knew exactly
where that countertop was inthat house.
I knew exactly where it wasthat I stood to do CPR on this
(21:33):
eight-month-old baby and I brokedown.
I'm driving alone in my car andI broke down in tears.
And I broke down I'm drivingalone in my car and I broke down
in tears and I started cryingbecause this eight-month-old
baby, the baby, survived, but hewas a vegetable, he was brain
(21:56):
dead, he was living off ofmachines.
He was only alive because ofmachines.
So I was told, and the onlything I could think of then was
what was it all for?
What good did it do?
(22:18):
What good did it do?
What good did me doing CPR onthat baby do for that child?
Even now it bothers me, but Iasked myself you know what was
(22:39):
it for?
This baby has no quality oflife.
This baby will never know whatit's like to feel the wind
across his face, never know whatit's like to feel a loved one's
embrace, never know what it'slike to see a loved one's
(23:01):
embrace, never know what it'slike to see a firefly at night
None of these things.
Because he's bedridden andmachines are keeping him alive,
because the man that wasresponsible for watching him
beat him.
It was a good solid year beforeI could drive past that house.
(23:23):
It was a full year before Icould drive past that house
without breaking down.
I didn't care what call I wasgoing to.
I would intentionally drive outof my way to keep from going
down that small stretch of road,just so I didn't have to go
past that house, because everytime I saw it it was a memory of
(23:45):
what I experienced and how thatchild was now having to live
Because of one person's I hateto say it, but one person's evil
intent.
I hate to say it, but oneperson's evil intent Come around
time for the trial and I wastold that.
(24:14):
You know, obviously there wereplenty of us subpoenaed for the
for the case and I was told thatthey played the body camera
footage of my buddy that showedup after I did.
They played his body camerafootage and in the footage you
can see me doing CPR and in theaudio you can hear me begging
this baby to come back.
You can hear me begging him tobreathe back.
(24:38):
You can hear me begging him tobreathe.
And I wasn't privy to itbecause we were sequestered.
But I was told that there werejury members that started crying
at that point because now theywere seeing what I saw.
They're seeing what I had to do.
They were seeing the shape thatthis baby was in.
They were listening to thisbaby take these brief gasps of
(25:02):
air and then listening to agrown man beg this baby to live,
and it broke some of them down.
I eventually got called and Itestified.
A lot of people testified inthat case, a lot of experts and
doctors and people that are waysmarter than me.
(25:25):
And the thing with trials isyou know, once you're done
testifying, once you're excused,you can sit through the court
case.
You can come back day for day,however much you need, want,
whatever.
You can come back becauseyou're excused.
They're not going to have anymore questions for you.
So there's no chance ofcontamination of testimonies or
(25:54):
anything like that.
And out of all of my years,even to now, 17 years into it,
even to now, that is the onlycourt case that I went back for.
That's the only court case thatI stayed.
For once I was excused, I wasinvested.
(26:15):
I had to know what happened tothat baby and then I had to know
what happened to the man thatdid it.
And during that trial I heardthe experts testify.
This eight-month-old baby had askull fracture Seven, eight
(26:40):
months old with a skull fracture.
Seven eight months old with askull fracture.
One of the experts that wasthere expressed that because of
how malleable a child, thatyoung skull, is, that to cause a
(27:04):
fracture like that in thatparticular portion of that
child's skull would be theequivalent of taking a two-story
fall from a balcony and hittingthe head.
When it was asked of how thechild ended up with a skull
fracture, when it was asked ofhow the child ended up with a
skull fracture, it was said thatthe child was walking and fell
(27:27):
and hit the fireplace.
That math don't add up to me.
They also found bite marks onthe child, or a bite mark on the
child and there were reasonswhy they expressed why the bite
mark was likely there.
But it was said that, well,that's a child's bite mark.
(27:51):
But it was said that, well,that's a child's bite mark.
Well, they had expert testimonythat there's no way that the
only other child in the homecaused that bite mark.
The bite mark was entirely toolarge to be a child's bite mark,
so they knew that it was anadult, which meant not only did
(28:13):
this eight-month-old baby have afractured skull but was bitten
by this man.
So I sat there and I listenedthrough the trial and I listened
to the testimonies of theexperts and the testimonies of
everybody else that was calledin, and then I waited.
(28:34):
The jury was given their ordersand they were excused to go to
their deliberation room and Iwaited with everyone else.
Eventually we got the noticethat the jury had reached a
decision and we go back into thecourtroom and I've never been
(28:57):
on pins and needles more a dayin my life.
The reason why is because younever know what's going to
happen with a jury trial.
Sometimes, no matter how strongyour evidence is, no matter how
strong your testimony is, it'scalled a jury of your peers.
(29:20):
It means the fate of the caselies in their hands and what
they believe occurred based onthe facts beyond a reasonable
doubt.
And sometimes, no matter howhard you try, no matter how much
evidence you have, the jurygoes the other way.
Obviously, you can imagine thatI didn't want the jury to go
(29:45):
the other way in this one.
All of the evidence, all of thefacts pointed to this man hurt
this child and I didn't want himto get away with it.
I didn't think it was rightthat he should be able to hurt
this small child and then beable to live a free man Just
(30:09):
didn't seem right.
Just didn't seem right.
So we sat there and the jury'sdecision was read and he was
found guilty.
He was found guilty of everycharge and he was sentenced to
60 years.
This man and I believe he wasin his 20s was sentenced to 60
(30:32):
years.
This man and I believe he wasin his 20s was sentenced to 60
years for what he did to thischild, and to me that wasn't
long enough, but it wassomething.
It was something for what hedid to that child.
You know, obviously, as youguys can see that and maybe even
(30:58):
hear that, even talking aboutit.
Now, all these years later we'retalking more than a decade it
still affects me.
I will never forget that day inmy life.
I will never forget the panic Ifelt.
I will never forget the thingsthat I saw.
I found out it was three yearsafter the incident occurred that
(31:34):
that baby died.
He lived three years after.
He was brutally assaulted,living on machines, being fed
with a feeding tube.
He lived three years.
And it's hard now.
(31:58):
Even now it's hard to thinkthat, yeah, the actions that all
of us took that day the actionsI took, the ambulance took, or
the EMTs, the doctors wepreserved that child's life.
(32:21):
Three years to live on machines, no quality of life whatsoever,
no quality of life whatsoever.
My wife has done the best shecould to get me to rationalize
it and in her words, that wasthree years that that child's
(32:44):
mother and other family membersthat loved him wouldn't have
gotten.
They got those three years withhim and to some extent that
makes it a little better, butnot entirely so, even to this
(33:06):
day.
I will actually say I actuallylive on the same road now where
that incident occurred.
I can ride by there, I can lookat the house.
I don't get choked up about itanymore.
Not by that.
It's in moments like this,moments in this, like this, when
(33:29):
I'm speaking intimately aboutwhat I saw, what I felt, what I
heard.
It's in these moments that itchokes me up, because I'll never
forget it.
It's made a lasting impact onmy life.
Eventually, when I told youthat I couldn't even drive past
(33:53):
the house, the only reason I wasable to start was because I
finally told myself you've gotto let go of it.
It's already happened.
There's nothing you can do tochange it.
You have to let go.
You have to let go of that pain, you have to let go of those
memories and you have to getback to the job at hand.
(34:18):
And one day I made the decisionto drive past the house, and I
did.
I didn't avoid looking at thehouse.
I looked straight at it and Itold myself it's okay.
It took me a year to get there,but I told myself it was okay
(34:38):
Because there's nothing I couldhave done differently.
There's nothing I could havedone that would have changed
anything.
It was okay, I could let it go,but I won't ever forget it.
So there you go.
(34:59):
That is one moment out ofprobably many in my life that
impacted me deeply and helpedshape me and form me in who I am
today, how I approachsituations, how I handle
(35:20):
situations, how I prepare forsituations.
It also taught me that you haveto let it go.
You can't hold on to it forever.
You know, at the end of the day, that wasn't my child, so I had
(35:42):
to let it go.
So, guys, I don't know how orwho that story can help, but I
hope it can and I hope that ifyou're dealing with something
(36:11):
like this or, god forbid, youhave to deal with something like
this that maybe you can reflectback on the story I shared and
maybe it can help you getthrough it too.
So until next time, guys,appreciate you jumping in,
appreciate you listening andappreciate your time.
Catch you on the next one.
Bye.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.