July 30, 2025 • 33 mins
Jamie M. Lima and Gail Showalter discuss the financial struggles and realities faced by single parents, focusing on debt management and employment challenges. They explore how financial hardship influences children's financial habits and emphasize the importance of career-focused education for achieving financial independence. The conversation highlights programs and degrees that can aid single mothers' success. They address planning for the future, overcoming confidence issues post-divorce, and managing guilt while taking leaps of faith. Practical day-to-day financial strategies are shared, along with the importance of creating a support team.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of Broke Up NotBroken.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Jamie Lima and founder ofAllegiant Divorce Solutions, where we help
people prepare for, navigate, and recoverfinancially from divorce.
This podcast is your one stop shop formastering your life and your finances
throughout the entire divorce process.
Today's guest, Gail Showalter, is someone who'swalked the road so many of you are on.
(00:24):
Gail raised three children as a single mother,spent over two decades as an educator in both
regular and special education and later becamea certified professional coach.
She's the founder of Single Moms Empowered, anonprofit supporting single mothers and earning
degrees that lead to meaningful employment.
Her book, Living Learning and Loving, sharesher story of navigating life's hardest seasons
(00:46):
and coming out stronger.
Gail brings both empathy and wisdom to theconversation, helping single moms and all women
rebuilding after divorce.
Find the confidence to own their story and takesome bold forward moving steps.
So grab a cup of coffee, your beverage ofchoice, buckle up once again, get you
personally and financially empowered.
Gail, it's so great to have you with us heretoday.
(01:09):
Glad to be here.
Really glad.
Yeah.
So, you you've been you've been run through theringer in your in your life.
It it sounds like you've had all kinds ofexperiences with divorce and raising kids and
being a single mom and managing the finances,which is all of the stuff that a lot of the
people that we work with have to deal withthemselves.
(01:30):
And even if they're going through a divorce atthe moment and they're not quite single yet,
there will be a time in the future that they'regonna have to have to handle that.
And and even some of the dads out there canprobably benefit.
The same that soon to be single dads canprobably benefit from from your message as
well.
But I know specifically you work with withsingle single women and being raised by one
myself.
I I can appreciate the work that you do, andthank you for doing it.
(01:52):
So why don't you share a little bit about, youknow, the work that you do and and we can go
from there.
Right.
Yeah.
I was single for sixteen years raising threekids, and those three kids were born in thirty
seven months.
So I don't recommend that.
But, I mean, I had three babies in diapers.
It was really something.
So I had all that.
(02:14):
And then when the youngest one was three yearsold, their dad walked, and we were left with a
lot to change a change, a lot of change.
You know, the rug was pretty much pulled outfrom under us.
And I did receive child support, and I will saythere are so many women I work with who manage
(02:34):
without any child support.
You know, let's say 10,000,000 single moms inThe United States, one third of them live in
poverty.
And we have a lot of missing dads.
So I hope if you're a dad out there listening,you'll you'll gain something from this
conversation.
One of the things I did learn a lot about wasmanaging money.
(02:56):
I remember spent I spent hours.
I was sitting down an old computer in thosedays and try to figure out, okay.
I've got this much money coming once a month.
I got paid once a month, and it has it's gottalast.
And that means I've gotta figure out whatgroceries we're gonna have, who's going to get
shoes this month, who's going to get a coat inthe fall.
(03:19):
And I tell people all the time, the hardest twotimes financially of the year for single
parents is when school starts and Christmas.
And somehow, I never could get throughChristmas without credit cards, and that was
not the best way.
I have to say it wasn't the best.
(03:40):
Ironically, that we're having this discussionbecause last Saturday, we had our organization
hosted a financial wellness workshop that wasput on by a local credit union.
So we can talk about that a little bit later,but I learned a lot.
I wish I had learned it many years ago, though,because I really didn't do the best with all
(04:03):
the money.
But the thing was I knew I was fortunatebecause I saw other moms who didn't have child
support, didn't have a degree.
I could teach school, not necessarily my firstchoice, but I could teach school, and I did get
insurance that way.
And I tell moms that, you know, if you can getinsurance, that's a big plus.
(04:27):
That's more of a big plus than necessarily thesalary you're starting at.
And so those are all things to consider.
But for me, it was a hard walk.
And, there was a lot of debt that I hadaccumulated.
I managed to knock it down, but it was reallytough to do.
Because with three kids, there's alwayssomebody needing something.
(04:50):
You know?
And you don't you you feel kind of guilty, andyou want them to be able to be in little
league, or you want them to take dance lessonsor whatever.
And so somehow or another, you sacrifice tomake that happen.
And I think what you sacrifice is saving money,is is putting any money money away at all.
(05:11):
And so that's my story.
And I can go on and on about the dilemmas thatI see working with single moms, which I've been
doing since 02/2007.
And I do a lot of things with them, and theyhave a lot of struggles.
And you know, it just isn't getting better.
I wish I could say it was, but it it isn'tgetting better.
(05:32):
Yeah.
And we that's where we come in a lot of timesin these divorces is trying to help people.
You know?
First, mean, first off, there's an educationalcomponent of it because to your point, you
know, and and we can talk a little bit aboutthe educational, you know, the the how you got
your education in this too.
We can go back to that, but they just don'tteach you this stuff in school.
Right?
And, you know, they they maybe maybe, if you'relucky, taught you how to balance checkbook if
(05:55):
you were lucky.
We never got that kind of education in our ourschools, let alone learning how to invest and
how to, like, you know, pick the rightinsurance and all the stuff that we do as as
financial professionals and help our clientsthrough.
So kudos to you for, you know, kinda taking thebull by the horns there and and teaching
yourself in many ways.
And now, you know, doing that work and helpingothers because I think we all all need such,
(06:18):
you know, education around this.
And, you know, a lot of as you were kinda goingthrough your background and your experience
there there, I was, like, having flashbacks ofmy own childhood and watched my mother go
through a lot of the same things.
And you you remember, did you ever use layaway?
That my mother was a big fan of layaway.
We lay away the Christmas tree, and it was oneof these plastic Christmas trees at Walmart.
(06:42):
And I had to put it on layaway for Christmas.
And we use that
don't know if they do that anymore.
I mean yeah.
They they probably they probably want you tobuy their get their credit card and pay the
interest on it if you're doing that.
But think my mother would start my mother wouldstart Christmas shopping in, July, you know,
and buy all the stuff and put it on layaway,you know, $10 a week, $20 a week, whatever it
was she could put towards those those giftsbecause you're absolutely right.
(07:04):
Christmas and birthdays.
And and then if you have kids that are going inextracurriculars Yes.
Like baseball or even worse, hockey, forget itbecause, like, it is tough.
I mean, just trying to get them in kids insports and pay for like, I just I see people
struggle with that.
On the drill team.
You know?
(07:24):
They get on a drill team and oh my goodness,it's it's expensive.
And I was teaching in the high school at thetime where my daughter was getting in the drill
team.
And I said, you know, you're gonna have to geta babysitting job or something.
I can't afford all of this.
Yeah.
And I even talked to the director about it.
I said, you know, it shouldn't be thisexpensive for a girl to be on a drill team.
(07:45):
But it and then nowadays, they expect the theparents to provide Kleenex and all these things
for the classrooms.
When I was growing up, that wasn't the case,but it is now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think that's one of the most impactfulfinancial shocks that single moms face?
(08:05):
The just the unexpected.
I like the like those types of things, likebeing able to, like, you have to pitch in now
for every every kid's school classroom and allthese other, like, do you think those are like
the the the surprises or the most the biggestshocks or is there something else?
Well, you know, when school starts now, allevery teacher has this list.
(08:26):
I mean, I think it's this way across thecountry.
This list of all the supplies she wants thechild to come with.
And in fact, they keep the list at Walmart andplaces like that.
You can go there and they're oh, here's thelist for so and so and what first grade at such
and such school.
And you're expected your child is expected toshow up with all of this, Whether it's a
(08:48):
plastic backpack that they can see through, gofigure, and then it's got to be x number of
pencils and color and certain kinds of erasersand this and that and the other thing.
Yeah, it's a huge impact.
And that's one of the things the organizationI'm in helps with.
And there are a lot of churches that'll helpwith this sort of thing.
But, you know, it gets hard.
(09:09):
And then depending on where you live, you'regonna need coats, and you're gonna need certain
kind of shoes that kids don't wear in thesummertime necessarily.
You know, some schools don't want them and theyhave open toed shoes and on and on and on.
And, I just it's a different world.
But, yeah, it's expensive and it does hit veryhard.
(09:30):
Now Christmas, you can kind of adjust, but thevery best thing I ever did was to join a
Christmas club at the bank.
I and I did it took me years to make myself doit.
But I realized every Christmas I was just goingin the hole, even with simple things, even
though I had a mom kind of helping me.
(09:52):
But you know, I would in those days you hadToys R Us, that's before they went bankrupt or
whatever.
And, they would send out this catalog.
And I would give it to my children, I wouldsay, now you can check off some things that you
want.
But I didn't get paid until the twenty fifth ofthe month.
(10:13):
But in December, the check came earlier becauseschool I was a school teacher and, you know,
they let us get paid when we got out.
So I didn't I had to wait until that paycheckcame on that day, and I would go to Toys R Us
and stand in the line and get those things, Imean, a few things that they wanted.
(10:35):
And, you know, I remember to this day, and thishas been a long time ago, I remember standing
in that checkout line with tears streaming downmy face thinking this is not the way it's
supposed to be.
And yet they made it.
They're grown.
They have kids.
They've survived, and they're doing well.
But I think, you know, well, like you beingraised by a single mom, you know you learn a
(10:58):
lot growing up that way.
But that you might not have learned if you'dbeen coddled and given everything you needed,
but, whew, tough roads.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
It's my my experience has effectively shaped myentire the entirety of my career, You know?
And and I it's mainly why I got into the workthat I do.
(11:19):
And and now my own divorce, you know, and theexperiences I had going through that myself as
an adult is what really what prompted me to getinto the world of divorce financial planning
that I've that I've been doing for the last,you know, several years.
So do you do you feel like looking back at thekids now that you think though, like, how do
they leverage those experiences?
Like, they because I I mean, I it's it's soimpactful impactful as as kids. Kids.
(11:41):
Kids.
Like Mhmm.
One of the things I keep hearing a lot ofpeople talk about is this scarcity mindset.
Do the do any of them suffer from that at all?
Oh, no.
They don't.
But I will say, I have three children.
And eat and I did personality training a longtime ago, probably twenty five years ago.
(12:01):
So I do a lot with personalities.
And, all three of my children have drasticallydifferent personalities.
So they each handled it very differently, verydifferently.
And I tell people all the time, if you have adaughter, she needs her daddy.
I mean, the pain that has been caused in thatrelationship is probably the worst because he
(12:26):
kind of detached when he remarried.
He he just kinda detached from her.
It was very difficult for many years, and thatwas a difficult most difficult situation was
the relationships there.
But as far as with money, yeah, each one wasvery different.
(12:47):
She's a spender, and she's had to learn.
And she's 50 years old now.
She's learned.
Yeah.
And she I was so proud of her when she starteddoing using coupons and learning how she can
really do that.
And then the but the other two, one of them isvery much very, very good with money.
You know, the study Dave Ramsey did all thisstuff and, you know, and very helpful with
(13:10):
money.
The other one has his own business.
He's doing fine.
But the thing is, you have to understand yourchild.
And if I had known, you know, this is what oldpeople say, if I had known then what I know
now, I could have handled how they understoodmoney better.
And I did do do some things.
I did try to make them value that.
(13:30):
But I told a friend one time, she was talkingto me because my son she was a mother of my
son's best friend, and they had plenty ofmoney.
And she said something to me one time.
She says, I don't understand.
I don't know what I need to do to get him toappreciate the value of money.
And I said, well, you know, my kids didn'tappreciate it till they went to work.
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And they got a paycheck, and they saw thewithdrawals from that paycheck, and they saw
how much it took to earn a dollar.
But that I'm always saying I'm always saying tosingle moms, work is not a dirty word, and
there's nothing wrong with enforcing the factthat your child needs to understand work,
(14:19):
whether it's at home or on the job with someoneelse.
But when when they're on the job with someoneelse, they start to really appreciate it.
But I'm I'm a big believer in work.
I grew up raised by Irish, Dutch people, andreal hardworking folks, and the work ethic was
just drilled into us.
You know?
(14:39):
And I have kids now, grandchildren as wellworking, and they're appreciated because they
don't they go to work on time.
They don't stay on their phones, And they'rethat's funny to me that that makes them a good
employee.
But, you know, they they understand what itmeans to work.
(14:59):
And a lot of young people that I see, and Iknow I'm old and I probably see things a little
differently, but you know, you got to pleaseyour employer.
You know, that's part of jobs is pleasing theemployer.
I just heard a story this morning from someonehere at the house that some people are being
(15:21):
fired.
And I said, well, why are they being fired?
Well, because they stay on their phones at workinstead of getting the work done.
My son's an excellent job, excellent job at abig company.
And he he just gets furious with these peoplewho get on their phones at work instead of
doing what they're supposed to do.
So, yeah,
I'm You think was you think it would be a nobrainer.
(15:43):
Yeah.
You might think
it would be a no brainer.
But and, you know, so let's let's I wanna stickwith this the, the the employment concept here
for a second because a lot of the a lot of thethe work that you do with the single moms in
power is is focusing on education thatultimately leads to employment.
Right?
So why from I guess, your perspective, I wouldI I would venture to guess, and you can tell me
(16:05):
I'm wrong, that, you know, career focusededucation is incredibly important for financial
independence, I would presume.
And It's hard to be So like how are you helpingyour how are you helping these clients figure
that all out?
Well, first of all, they come to us.
They come to us with the attitude that this iswhat I want.
(16:28):
They know this.
I'm not one of these people that thinkseverybody needs to have a degree.
I'm I'm not.
But I do think because my three grown childrenmy three grown children neither none none of
them have a degree.
We couldn't afford college.
There was just no way.
Okay.
And the boys really didn't wanna go into aclassroom at all.
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And so they didn't go to college, but they'ddone really, really well because of this work
ethic they've got.
And one of them is very gifted in mechanicalthings and computer things, and so he's been
selected to do a lot of really amazing things.
And so my husband has three grown children, Andthey aren't college graduates, but they're good
(17:10):
employees.
So no, I don't think you have to have that.
However, I think for single women in The UnitedStates, it's still better for them if they have
some sort of certificate or skill or degreethat leads to employment.
And that goes especially in the black communitybecause the majority of the single moms,
(17:37):
unfortunately, are black women.
I don't have the figures, but that is themajority.
And we work with different races.
It doesn't matter to us.
In fact, you can see up here on the wall, I'vegot several pictures of our graduates.
Now Mhmm.
What I wanna say about this though is that theonly women we pick are women that are
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motivated.
They are already enrolling themselves.
They already have a plan and a goal.
We don't you know, anybody that comes to usthat's just kind of wishy washy, not real sure
about what they want, what they want to do, wedon't we don't mess with that.
But we haven't had any trouble finding womenthat are highly motivated.
(18:20):
And it's a lot easier now because they can dosome of this online.
That's a whole lot easier for a single mom todo.
And yet some of them will pick they will wantto pick a career or maybe nursing, for example.
Registered nursing is a really tough collegeprogram to go through anyway.
If you're a single mom, it's really tough.
(18:41):
So our moms might go through a two or threeyear program to be an LVN, a licensed
vocational nurse, which is a real good steppingstone, but there is a high demand for them.
And we want them to get degrees, not like mydegree was, speech and theater and art.
They don't we don't want them to do that.
(19:03):
We want them to get degrees where they can stepright into the job market, and that's been
what's happened with ours.
It's been, you know, radiology, nursing, somein business.
We had one police officer.
She trained for a few years.
She's a police officer, a fantastic girl.
And then we have some that are, one, I know ofthat's a dental assist dental hygienist.
(19:26):
So there are degrees out there that you can getin a few years, sometimes two years, that you
can step right into a job.
That's what we want our women to do.
And I'm talking to The United States here, as Ipresume.
So, you know, there are colleges all over thatoffer these kinds of things, you know,
(19:48):
vocational, technical colleges.
So these are degrees that are worth getting.
A lot of as I understand it, in fact, just reada newspaper this week, the people who are
coming out of college right now with four yeardegrees are having a lot of trouble getting a
job.
So, you know, know, you go in, you get aliberal arts or a general studies degree, don't
(20:10):
count on a job.
You wanna get a skill, something that peoplereally are looking for.
Yeah.
I I couldn't agree more.
And and what I'm seeing now so a couple ofthings.
My wife is an RN.
She's been a registered nurse for many, manyyears now.
She's creeping about twenty five years of beingan RN.
And you're right.
The the education piece of it is verychallenging, but the you know, she's had an
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amazing career.
Amazing career.
So if if, you know, if you're listening andthat's the path you wanna go down, you you can
commit to it, and you can find a way to committo it, I I can tell you first person that I've
seen.
I watched her career over the class of the lastseven or eight years and it's been incredible
to watch.
And, you know, the the one the ones as you werekinda walking us through, then you you
(20:56):
mentioned, you know, the the people that cometo you that are kind of wishy washy, right, and
about this whole and and being dedicated tothis, which I I can appreciate.
You know, we wanna work with people ourselveswho are committed to this and committed to
getting the the help that they need.
And because we meet with a lot of people, andsome people are just like, you can you can tell
right away that they're not gonna be a fit forfor the work that you do.
(21:17):
But do you feel like is is it is it aconfidence thing?
Is it like, because, like, when you emerge fromdivorce or or you're going through a divorce, a
lot of the women that we work with, I can tellthat they feel a little bit, you know,
invisible.
They're they're kinda depleted because the thisdivorce just sucked the life out of them.
(21:39):
So, like, is it is it a confidence thing?
And if and if it is a confidence thing and youknow that these people want the help, like, how
do you get them over that?
Because if you're stuck in survival mode, so tospeak, it's really tough to to focus on the
future.
Like, you if you can barely get through today,how can you plan for, like, what life's gonna
be after a three year LVM program?
Can you talk about that a little bit?
(22:01):
Okay.
Well, yes, I can talk about that.
It took me two years to get back on my feet.
I mean, the grief I was going through was justas it was just unbelievable.
No one in my family had gone through this.
I didn't have anybody close to me that I could,you know, bear my soul to, really.
And that's one thing you need when you're goingthrough that kind of a trauma is somebody you
(22:23):
can lean on.
You need a good counselor.
And usually in any community, will find thereare counselors, maybe through a church, who are
on a sliding scale, and you can afford it.
Find a counselor if you're fresh in thisexperience.
And yes, don't expect too much out of yourself.
Understand that you've got to get through this.
(22:44):
This is like grief for a lot of people.
Now not for all.
Some of the moms I've worked with, they wereneeded to get out of that marriage.
It was abusive.
They needed to walk away, and they did with thevery clothes on their backs.
So, you know, there's different situations, butit does take your confidence away.
I mean, you've given yourself, you've birthedyour children to this person, and he's gone.
(23:07):
Well, what are you gonna do?
It took me a couple of years, and I knew I hadto go to work, and I knew I had a teaching
certificate so I could go to work.
I didn't want to do it.
I didn't wanna leave my babies, but I had to.
So I went to work, and I wasn't the best.
I was unhappy, and it took me a long time, likeI said.
But my big turning point was when I made adecision that if I was going to stay in this
(23:32):
career, the only way to increase my salary nowand into the future was if I got a higher level
degree.
And I actually gathered a lot of information,which I highly recommend women doing, and I
went back to college.
Now I moved my children and myself.
I must have been nuts.
(23:54):
I moved my children and myself to Austin fivehours away, and I went to the University of
Texas, hook them horns, and I There you go.
Got my master's degree.
It took three summers and a lot of effort, butit and it did it I did it bit by bit.
In fact, that was the first publication I evergot published in was talking about this going
(24:17):
back to college as a single person.
So I was real fortunate.
UT had a program at the time for continuingeducation for older adults.
Guess how old you had to be to for thisprogram?
23.
To be an older student.
(24:38):
Oh, boy.
Was I 23?
I was more like 33, I think.
But anyway, I went back and I took one littlestep at a time.
I mean, I had to take the GRE.
I hadn't taken a standardized test in eighteenyears.
I got through it.
I got accepted.
Then I had to find a place to live, then I hada place for the so what I did was just a leap
(24:59):
of faith each step of the way.
I didn't take eat the whole enchilada at once.
And I tell the single mom this a lot.
I said, you set a goal that's reasonable, butdo your homework, do your research, and then
take one bite at a time, and then see if thedoors opened.
My doors opened miraculously, I will have tosay.
(25:23):
But I did that, and that improved my income.
And I didn't I thought maybe it would imp maybegive me a chance for a better job.
And ultimately, what it did was it opened thedoor for me to be recruited to teach children
who were blind in two school districts.
So I ended up being a braille I had to go backto the University of Texas for this.
(25:46):
But I did it, and it was it was probably themost blessing, honor I've ever had teaching a
kid to read braille.
And so it was hard as heck, but it was it wasworth it.
I still am communicating with these women thatare now grown.
And so what I'm saying to the listeners is,yeah, set a reasonable goal.
(26:09):
Even though you don't feel confident, dosomething for yourself, for your future that
will help you to feel better about yourself.
And it's okay.
I mean, I was thinking this morning, is it okayfor me to feel good about the degrees I
received?
And I thought, you know what?
It is.
It's okay.
It's okay for me to feel good about that.
(26:31):
And I have gotten other certifications andvarious things, and it builds your confidence.
But if you're gonna sit back and wallow in selfpity, it's not gonna work.
You're not gonna get anywhere with that.
This it is actually just it was you're kindatalking a little bit about this right now.
One of one of the my next questions as you'rewalking us through that, what came to mind was
(26:54):
the guilt that must be associated with doingfor you you you have some kids at home, and you
know you have to provide them.
You have to you're taking these leaps of faithand so on and so forth.
And, like, you've moved your family five hoursaway with basically and just basically figuring
out as you go.
So how like, there's there's often a lot ofguilt that's wrapped up in parenting, working,
rebuilding, all of these things.
(27:14):
So, like how did how were you you able to letgo of that?
Because I'm sure that crept up a little bit.
Well, that's a good question.
Yes, it did.
I was going I treated it like it was anadventure.
I said, well, you know, we're gonna go on thisadventure.
Now the kids were, let's see, maybe 10, nine,and seven.
I mean, they were, you know, like I said,they're real close together.
(27:37):
So I said, you know, this is adventure.
We're gonna go on this adventure.
And it turned out it was a good adventure.
I had a cousin living in Austin.
They made sure they had fun.
We went to to the parks and swam in in Eddy andall of that you do in Austin.
And they met some friends, and they got to playand do some things they might not have gotten
to do if they had stayed at home.
(28:00):
And they weren't quite old enough to reallyfeel like they had been taken away from their
friends.
So that helped because if they had been intheir early teens, it would have been more
difficult.
But I will tell you this, they were whining andcomplaining at first.
And so we I had to rent mattresses for thislittle bedroom where they were in so they'd
(28:23):
have something to sleep on.
And and they were complaining and carrying onabout this and that.
I said, you know what we're gonna do?
Tonight, I want you to name three things thathappened today that you're happy about.
And so, you know, they're young enough that youcan do that, and it worked.
And so it got to where it was ever a plan.
Every night we did that, and it changed theirattitudes just like they tell adults, you know,
(28:46):
start being grateful every night for something.
And during the day, you start thinking ofthings you're gonna be grateful for.
And so they did that, and it and it worked.
But it like I said, they were at an age, aformative age, where you could do that.
I don't know if I recommend the same thing forolder kids because these kids were put in day
(29:06):
care and a good day care.
That was just a fluke that I was able to dothat because most of the time in Austin, the
good day cares are blocked out for the summer,especially when you got three kids, not just
one kid.
But I was lucky.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, it was an adventure.
It was an adventure.
(29:27):
I mean, that's that's that's for sure.
And it sounds like everybody got through it,which is which is nice to hear.
And and and the work that you're doing is is isremarkable.
I mean, I think there's so many more, you know,you know, so many more people out there should
be doing the education of all this stuffbecause, apparently, there's not a lot of it
out there.
So you you keep keep doing what you're doing.
(29:48):
This is what I would consider the, what I callthe the carte blanche segment of our
conversation today before we wrap it up.
Any questions I should have asked you that Ididn't ask or anything you wanna share with the
audience that we didn't cover today?
Well, you might say how to get through day today.
And I think that you each day, like I said, sayand thank be thankful, but you need to have a
(30:10):
calendar.
And on each day, you need to be planning, andyou plan each dollar.
You don't just let things go.
You know, there were times when I wasexhausted.
I know that feeling.
And so if moms wanna connect with me, they cando that.
And if they have questions, even if there'ssomeone in the air in your area or in the in
(30:32):
The States here anywhere that wants to start anonprofit like this, I'd be very happy to talk
to them about it.
So mostly it's that.
I have several topics that I cover on YouTube,but mostly I just I just advocate for single
moms.
It's just in my heart.
I'm a passion about it.
(30:52):
There it's tough, and I'm glad you understandthat as your mom went through it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean I mean, wish we didn't have thatexperience, but know, I think it's in many
ways, has been a blessing to me later on inlife and being able to help more people.
And and I think, you know, we're just gonnakeep doing what we can with this type of
messaging and a lot of the work we do on socialmedia and and and out there with just trying to
(31:13):
put a lot of free education out there andsharing stories like this one to let people
know that, you know, whether male or female orwhatever, you know, like you you there are
people out here that are trying to do the bestthat they can to to support you and get you
through it because you you mentioned somethingearlier, and I and I forgot to forgot to
comment on it.
But you you were talking about, you know,getting yourself a good therapist and a good
you know, you know, someone to rely on and beable to share these feelings with and so on.
(31:37):
And I say it all the time, and you've probablyheard me say it in some of the previous podcast
is that it is incredibly important to createteam you as you're going through this divorce.
Right?
Because you need your good your financialperson, your legal person, your divorce coach,
your therapist, whoever.
Like, you just your religious support groups.
(31:59):
Whatever it is that's gonna work for you, I didnot do that.
I was not very good at that in my own divorce.
And and looking back, that's probably one ofthe bigger mistakes that I made because I I
didn't put myself in a position to to to beopen and get that support that I needed, which
was which could have been powerful.
You mentioned a team.
I have a group now that meets on the secondSaturdays, single mom Zoom meeting, and all it
(32:24):
is is just a networking for moms to connectwith people.
It can be they can live anywhere.
They have questions.
We have coaches on.
We have social workers on.
So it's free.
It's just a way to do it.
You know, they can that on my website.
So yeah.
Love it.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
(32:44):
Yeah.
You have to.
You just can't and you just can't go it alone.
It's just it's impossible.
You need you need the support.
So thank you.
Gail, thank you so much.
I I really appreciate your time today, yourhonesty, the heart that you shared with us,
your hard won wisdom, all of it.
It's it's been a blessing to have you heretoday.
Thank you for reminding us that rebuildingisn't just possible, but it's also powerful.
(33:05):
And to learn more about Gail's work, visit hernonprofit, single moms empowered, and check out
her book, living, learning, loving, availableat Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
You can also follow her on Facebook, Instagram,LinkedIn, YouTube, all linked in the show
notes, and we'll make sure we we share that,Saturday, second Saturday Zoom meeting that you
have as well, for everybody.
(33:26):
So if they wanna join you on that, they willcertainly pop in and and, and let let Gail know
that you you found out about it here.
I would love to love to know that we're makingan impact in everybody's life.
So if you're a single mom trying to get yourfinances in order after divorce, Allegiant
Divorce Solutions is here to walk you throughthat process.
Visit us at Allegiant DS for financial clarityand support.
(33:48):
Please subscribe to Broke Up Not Broken formore stories that will help you find strength
in your next chapter.
Until next time, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of Broke Up NotBroken.
(00:03):
I'm your host, Jamie Lima and founder ofAllegiant Divorce Solutions, where we help
people prepare for, navigate, and recoverfinancially from divorce.
This podcast is your one stop shop formastering your life and your finances
throughout the entire divorce process.
Today's guest, Gail Showalter, is someone who'swalked the road so many of you are on.
(00:24):
Gail raised three children as a single mother,spent over two decades as an educator in both
regular and special education and later becamea certified professional coach.
She's the founder of Single Moms Empowered, anonprofit supporting single mothers and earning
degrees that lead to meaningful employment.
Her book, Living Learning and Loving, sharesher story of navigating life's hardest seasons
(00:46):
and coming out stronger.
Gail brings both empathy and wisdom to theconversation, helping single moms and all women
rebuilding after divorce.
Find the confidence to own their story and takesome bold forward moving steps.
So grab a cup of coffee, your beverage ofchoice, buckle up once again, get you
personally and financially empowered.
Gail, it's so great to have you with us heretoday.
(01:09):
Glad to be here.
Really glad.
Yeah.
So, you you've been you've been run through theringer in your in your life.
It it sounds like you've had all kinds ofexperiences with divorce and raising kids and
being a single mom and managing the finances,which is all of the stuff that a lot of the
people that we work with have to deal withthemselves.
(01:30):
And even if they're going through a divorce atthe moment and they're not quite single yet,
there will be a time in the future that they'regonna have to have to handle that.
And and even some of the dads out there canprobably benefit.
The same that soon to be single dads canprobably benefit from from your message as
well.
But I know specifically you work with withsingle single women and being raised by one
myself.
I I can appreciate the work that you do, andthank you for doing it.
(01:52):
So why don't you share a little bit about, youknow, the work that you do and and we can go
from there.
Right.
Yeah.
I was single for sixteen years raising threekids, and those three kids were born in thirty
seven months.
So I don't recommend that.
But, I mean, I had three babies in diapers.
It was really something.
So I had all that.
(02:14):
And then when the youngest one was three yearsold, their dad walked, and we were left with a
lot to change a change, a lot of change.
You know, the rug was pretty much pulled outfrom under us.
And I did receive child support, and I will saythere are so many women I work with who manage
(02:34):
without any child support.
You know, let's say 10,000,000 single moms inThe United States, one third of them live in
poverty.
And we have a lot of missing dads.
So I hope if you're a dad out there listening,you'll you'll gain something from this
conversation.
One of the things I did learn a lot about wasmanaging money.
(02:56):
I remember spent I spent hours.
I was sitting down an old computer in thosedays and try to figure out, okay.
I've got this much money coming once a month.
I got paid once a month, and it has it's gottalast.
And that means I've gotta figure out whatgroceries we're gonna have, who's going to get
shoes this month, who's going to get a coat inthe fall.
(03:19):
And I tell people all the time, the hardest twotimes financially of the year for single
parents is when school starts and Christmas.
And somehow, I never could get throughChristmas without credit cards, and that was
not the best way.
I have to say it wasn't the best.
(03:40):
Ironically, that we're having this discussionbecause last Saturday, we had our organization
hosted a financial wellness workshop that wasput on by a local credit union.
So we can talk about that a little bit later,but I learned a lot.
I wish I had learned it many years ago, though,because I really didn't do the best with all
(04:03):
the money.
But the thing was I knew I was fortunatebecause I saw other moms who didn't have child
support, didn't have a degree.
I could teach school, not necessarily my firstchoice, but I could teach school, and I did get
insurance that way.
And I tell moms that, you know, if you can getinsurance, that's a big plus.
(04:27):
That's more of a big plus than necessarily thesalary you're starting at.
And so those are all things to consider.
But for me, it was a hard walk.
And, there was a lot of debt that I hadaccumulated.
I managed to knock it down, but it was reallytough to do.
Because with three kids, there's alwayssomebody needing something.
(04:50):
You know?
And you don't you you feel kind of guilty, andyou want them to be able to be in little
league, or you want them to take dance lessonsor whatever.
And so somehow or another, you sacrifice tomake that happen.
And I think what you sacrifice is saving money,is is putting any money money away at all.
(05:11):
And so that's my story.
And I can go on and on about the dilemmas thatI see working with single moms, which I've been
doing since 02/2007.
And I do a lot of things with them, and theyhave a lot of struggles.
And you know, it just isn't getting better.
I wish I could say it was, but it it isn'tgetting better.
(05:32):
Yeah.
And we that's where we come in a lot of timesin these divorces is trying to help people.
You know?
First, mean, first off, there's an educationalcomponent of it because to your point, you
know, and and we can talk a little bit aboutthe educational, you know, the the how you got
your education in this too.
We can go back to that, but they just don'tteach you this stuff in school.
Right?
And, you know, they they maybe maybe, if you'relucky, taught you how to balance checkbook if
(05:55):
you were lucky.
We never got that kind of education in our ourschools, let alone learning how to invest and
how to, like, you know, pick the rightinsurance and all the stuff that we do as as
financial professionals and help our clientsthrough.
So kudos to you for, you know, kinda taking thebull by the horns there and and teaching
yourself in many ways.
And now, you know, doing that work and helpingothers because I think we all all need such,
(06:18):
you know, education around this.
And, you know, a lot of as you were kinda goingthrough your background and your experience
there there, I was, like, having flashbacks ofmy own childhood and watched my mother go
through a lot of the same things.
And you you remember, did you ever use layaway?
That my mother was a big fan of layaway.
We lay away the Christmas tree, and it was oneof these plastic Christmas trees at Walmart.
(06:42):
And I had to put it on layaway for Christmas.
And we use that
don't know if they do that anymore.
I mean yeah.
They they probably they probably want you tobuy their get their credit card and pay the
interest on it if you're doing that.
But think my mother would start my mother wouldstart Christmas shopping in, July, you know,
and buy all the stuff and put it on layaway,you know, $10 a week, $20 a week, whatever it
was she could put towards those those giftsbecause you're absolutely right.
(07:04):
Christmas and birthdays.
And and then if you have kids that are going inextracurriculars Yes.
Like baseball or even worse, hockey, forget itbecause, like, it is tough.
I mean, just trying to get them in kids insports and pay for like, I just I see people
struggle with that.
On the drill team.
You know?
(07:24):
They get on a drill team and oh my goodness,it's it's expensive.
And I was teaching in the high school at thetime where my daughter was getting in the drill
team.
And I said, you know, you're gonna have to geta babysitting job or something.
I can't afford all of this.
Yeah.
And I even talked to the director about it.
I said, you know, it shouldn't be thisexpensive for a girl to be on a drill team.
(07:45):
But it and then nowadays, they expect the theparents to provide Kleenex and all these things
for the classrooms.
When I was growing up, that wasn't the case,but it is now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think that's one of the most impactfulfinancial shocks that single moms face?
(08:05):
The just the unexpected.
I like the like those types of things, likebeing able to, like, you have to pitch in now
for every every kid's school classroom and allthese other, like, do you think those are like
the the the surprises or the most the biggestshocks or is there something else?
Well, you know, when school starts now, allevery teacher has this list.
(08:26):
I mean, I think it's this way across thecountry.
This list of all the supplies she wants thechild to come with.
And in fact, they keep the list at Walmart andplaces like that.
You can go there and they're oh, here's thelist for so and so and what first grade at such
and such school.
And you're expected your child is expected toshow up with all of this, Whether it's a
(08:48):
plastic backpack that they can see through, gofigure, and then it's got to be x number of
pencils and color and certain kinds of erasersand this and that and the other thing.
Yeah, it's a huge impact.
And that's one of the things the organizationI'm in helps with.
And there are a lot of churches that'll helpwith this sort of thing.
But, you know, it gets hard.
(09:09):
And then depending on where you live, you'regonna need coats, and you're gonna need certain
kind of shoes that kids don't wear in thesummertime necessarily.
You know, some schools don't want them and theyhave open toed shoes and on and on and on.
And, I just it's a different world.
But, yeah, it's expensive and it does hit veryhard.
(09:30):
Now Christmas, you can kind of adjust, but thevery best thing I ever did was to join a
Christmas club at the bank.
I and I did it took me years to make myself doit.
But I realized every Christmas I was just goingin the hole, even with simple things, even
though I had a mom kind of helping me.
(09:52):
But you know, I would in those days you hadToys R Us, that's before they went bankrupt or
whatever.
And, they would send out this catalog.
And I would give it to my children, I wouldsay, now you can check off some things that you
want.
But I didn't get paid until the twenty fifth ofthe month.
(10:13):
But in December, the check came earlier becauseschool I was a school teacher and, you know,
they let us get paid when we got out.
So I didn't I had to wait until that paycheckcame on that day, and I would go to Toys R Us
and stand in the line and get those things, Imean, a few things that they wanted.
(10:35):
And, you know, I remember to this day, and thishas been a long time ago, I remember standing
in that checkout line with tears streaming downmy face thinking this is not the way it's
supposed to be.
And yet they made it.
They're grown.
They have kids.
They've survived, and they're doing well.
But I think, you know, well, like you beingraised by a single mom, you know you learn a
(10:58):
lot growing up that way.
But that you might not have learned if you'dbeen coddled and given everything you needed,
but, whew, tough roads.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
It's my my experience has effectively shaped myentire the entirety of my career, You know?
And and I it's mainly why I got into the workthat I do.
(11:19):
And and now my own divorce, you know, and theexperiences I had going through that myself as
an adult is what really what prompted me to getinto the world of divorce financial planning
that I've that I've been doing for the last,you know, several years.
So do you do you feel like looking back at thekids now that you think though, like, how do
they leverage those experiences?
Like, they because I I mean, I it's it's soimpactful impactful as as kids. Kids.
(11:41):
Kids.
Like Mhmm.
One of the things I keep hearing a lot ofpeople talk about is this scarcity mindset.
Do the do any of them suffer from that at all?
Oh, no.
They don't.
But I will say, I have three children.
And eat and I did personality training a longtime ago, probably twenty five years ago.
(12:01):
So I do a lot with personalities.
And, all three of my children have drasticallydifferent personalities.
So they each handled it very differently, verydifferently.
And I tell people all the time, if you have adaughter, she needs her daddy.
I mean, the pain that has been caused in thatrelationship is probably the worst because he
(12:26):
kind of detached when he remarried.
He he just kinda detached from her.
It was very difficult for many years, and thatwas a difficult most difficult situation was
the relationships there.
But as far as with money, yeah, each one wasvery different.
(12:47):
She's a spender, and she's had to learn.
And she's 50 years old now.
She's learned.
Yeah.
And she I was so proud of her when she starteddoing using coupons and learning how she can
really do that.
And then the but the other two, one of them isvery much very, very good with money.
You know, the study Dave Ramsey did all thisstuff and, you know, and very helpful with
(13:10):
money.
The other one has his own business.
He's doing fine.
But the thing is, you have to understand yourchild.
And if I had known, you know, this is what oldpeople say, if I had known then what I know
now, I could have handled how they understoodmoney better.
And I did do do some things.
I did try to make them value that.
(13:30):
But I told a friend one time, she was talkingto me because my son she was a mother of my
son's best friend, and they had plenty ofmoney.
And she said something to me one time.
She says, I don't understand.
I don't know what I need to do to get him toappreciate the value of money.
And I said, well, you know, my kids didn'tappreciate it till they went to work.
(13:55):
And they got a paycheck, and they saw thewithdrawals from that paycheck, and they saw
how much it took to earn a dollar.
But that I'm always saying I'm always saying tosingle moms, work is not a dirty word, and
there's nothing wrong with enforcing the factthat your child needs to understand work,
(14:19):
whether it's at home or on the job with someoneelse.
But when when they're on the job with someoneelse, they start to really appreciate it.
But I'm I'm a big believer in work.
I grew up raised by Irish, Dutch people, andreal hardworking folks, and the work ethic was
just drilled into us.
You know?
(14:39):
And I have kids now, grandchildren as wellworking, and they're appreciated because they
don't they go to work on time.
They don't stay on their phones, And they'rethat's funny to me that that makes them a good
employee.
But, you know, they they understand what itmeans to work.
(14:59):
And a lot of young people that I see, and Iknow I'm old and I probably see things a little
differently, but you know, you got to pleaseyour employer.
You know, that's part of jobs is pleasing theemployer.
I just heard a story this morning from someonehere at the house that some people are being
(15:21):
fired.
And I said, well, why are they being fired?
Well, because they stay on their phones at workinstead of getting the work done.
My son's an excellent job, excellent job at abig company.
And he he just gets furious with these peoplewho get on their phones at work instead of
doing what they're supposed to do.
So, yeah,
I'm You think was you think it would be a nobrainer.
(15:43):
Yeah.
You might think
it would be a no brainer.
But and, you know, so let's let's I wanna stickwith this the, the the employment concept here
for a second because a lot of the a lot of thethe work that you do with the single moms in
power is is focusing on education thatultimately leads to employment.
Right?
So why from I guess, your perspective, I wouldI I would venture to guess, and you can tell me
(16:05):
I'm wrong, that, you know, career focusededucation is incredibly important for financial
independence, I would presume.
And It's hard to be So like how are you helpingyour how are you helping these clients figure
that all out?
Well, first of all, they come to us.
They come to us with the attitude that this iswhat I want.
(16:28):
They know this.
I'm not one of these people that thinkseverybody needs to have a degree.
I'm I'm not.
But I do think because my three grown childrenmy three grown children neither none none of
them have a degree.
We couldn't afford college.
There was just no way.
Okay.
And the boys really didn't wanna go into aclassroom at all.
(16:49):
And so they didn't go to college, but they'ddone really, really well because of this work
ethic they've got.
And one of them is very gifted in mechanicalthings and computer things, and so he's been
selected to do a lot of really amazing things.
And so my husband has three grown children, Andthey aren't college graduates, but they're good
(17:10):
employees.
So no, I don't think you have to have that.
However, I think for single women in The UnitedStates, it's still better for them if they have
some sort of certificate or skill or degreethat leads to employment.
And that goes especially in the black communitybecause the majority of the single moms,
(17:37):
unfortunately, are black women.
I don't have the figures, but that is themajority.
And we work with different races.
It doesn't matter to us.
In fact, you can see up here on the wall, I'vegot several pictures of our graduates.
Now Mhmm.
What I wanna say about this though is that theonly women we pick are women that are
(18:00):
motivated.
They are already enrolling themselves.
They already have a plan and a goal.
We don't you know, anybody that comes to usthat's just kind of wishy washy, not real sure
about what they want, what they want to do, wedon't we don't mess with that.
But we haven't had any trouble finding womenthat are highly motivated.
(18:20):
And it's a lot easier now because they can dosome of this online.
That's a whole lot easier for a single mom todo.
And yet some of them will pick they will wantto pick a career or maybe nursing, for example.
Registered nursing is a really tough collegeprogram to go through anyway.
If you're a single mom, it's really tough.
(18:41):
So our moms might go through a two or threeyear program to be an LVN, a licensed
vocational nurse, which is a real good steppingstone, but there is a high demand for them.
And we want them to get degrees, not like mydegree was, speech and theater and art.
They don't we don't want them to do that.
(19:03):
We want them to get degrees where they can stepright into the job market, and that's been
what's happened with ours.
It's been, you know, radiology, nursing, somein business.
We had one police officer.
She trained for a few years.
She's a police officer, a fantastic girl.
And then we have some that are, one, I know ofthat's a dental assist dental hygienist.
(19:26):
So there are degrees out there that you can getin a few years, sometimes two years, that you
can step right into a job.
That's what we want our women to do.
And I'm talking to The United States here, as Ipresume.
So, you know, there are colleges all over thatoffer these kinds of things, you know,
(19:48):
vocational, technical colleges.
So these are degrees that are worth getting.
A lot of as I understand it, in fact, just reada newspaper this week, the people who are
coming out of college right now with four yeardegrees are having a lot of trouble getting a
job.
So, you know, know, you go in, you get aliberal arts or a general studies degree, don't
(20:10):
count on a job.
You wanna get a skill, something that peoplereally are looking for.
Yeah.
I I couldn't agree more.
And and what I'm seeing now so a couple ofthings.
My wife is an RN.
She's been a registered nurse for many, manyyears now.
She's creeping about twenty five years of beingan RN.
And you're right.
The the education piece of it is verychallenging, but the you know, she's had an
(20:34):
amazing career.
Amazing career.
So if if, you know, if you're listening andthat's the path you wanna go down, you you can
commit to it, and you can find a way to committo it, I I can tell you first person that I've
seen.
I watched her career over the class of the lastseven or eight years and it's been incredible
to watch.
And, you know, the the one the ones as you werekinda walking us through, then you you
(20:56):
mentioned, you know, the the people that cometo you that are kind of wishy washy, right, and
about this whole and and being dedicated tothis, which I I can appreciate.
You know, we wanna work with people ourselveswho are committed to this and committed to
getting the the help that they need.
And because we meet with a lot of people, andsome people are just like, you can you can tell
right away that they're not gonna be a fit forfor the work that you do.
(21:17):
But do you feel like is is it is it aconfidence thing?
Is it like, because, like, when you emerge fromdivorce or or you're going through a divorce, a
lot of the women that we work with, I can tellthat they feel a little bit, you know,
invisible.
They're they're kinda depleted because the thisdivorce just sucked the life out of them.
(21:39):
So, like, is it is it a confidence thing?
And if and if it is a confidence thing and youknow that these people want the help, like, how
do you get them over that?
Because if you're stuck in survival mode, so tospeak, it's really tough to to focus on the
future.
Like, you if you can barely get through today,how can you plan for, like, what life's gonna
be after a three year LVM program?
Can you talk about that a little bit?
(22:01):
Okay.
Well, yes, I can talk about that.
It took me two years to get back on my feet.
I mean, the grief I was going through was justas it was just unbelievable.
No one in my family had gone through this.
I didn't have anybody close to me that I could,you know, bear my soul to, really.
And that's one thing you need when you're goingthrough that kind of a trauma is somebody you
(22:23):
can lean on.
You need a good counselor.
And usually in any community, will find thereare counselors, maybe through a church, who are
on a sliding scale, and you can afford it.
Find a counselor if you're fresh in thisexperience.
And yes, don't expect too much out of yourself.
Understand that you've got to get through this.
(22:44):
This is like grief for a lot of people.
Now not for all.
Some of the moms I've worked with, they wereneeded to get out of that marriage.
It was abusive.
They needed to walk away, and they did with thevery clothes on their backs.
So, you know, there's different situations, butit does take your confidence away.
I mean, you've given yourself, you've birthedyour children to this person, and he's gone.
(23:07):
Well, what are you gonna do?
It took me a couple of years, and I knew I hadto go to work, and I knew I had a teaching
certificate so I could go to work.
I didn't want to do it.
I didn't wanna leave my babies, but I had to.
So I went to work, and I wasn't the best.
I was unhappy, and it took me a long time, likeI said.
But my big turning point was when I made adecision that if I was going to stay in this
(23:32):
career, the only way to increase my salary nowand into the future was if I got a higher level
degree.
And I actually gathered a lot of information,which I highly recommend women doing, and I
went back to college.
Now I moved my children and myself.
I must have been nuts.
(23:54):
I moved my children and myself to Austin fivehours away, and I went to the University of
Texas, hook them horns, and I There you go.
Got my master's degree.
It took three summers and a lot of effort, butit and it did it I did it bit by bit.
In fact, that was the first publication I evergot published in was talking about this going
(24:17):
back to college as a single person.
So I was real fortunate.
UT had a program at the time for continuingeducation for older adults.
Guess how old you had to be to for thisprogram?
23.
To be an older student.
(24:38):
Oh, boy.
Was I 23?
I was more like 33, I think.
But anyway, I went back and I took one littlestep at a time.
I mean, I had to take the GRE.
I hadn't taken a standardized test in eighteenyears.
I got through it.
I got accepted.
Then I had to find a place to live, then I hada place for the so what I did was just a leap
(24:59):
of faith each step of the way.
I didn't take eat the whole enchilada at once.
And I tell the single mom this a lot.
I said, you set a goal that's reasonable, butdo your homework, do your research, and then
take one bite at a time, and then see if thedoors opened.
My doors opened miraculously, I will have tosay.
(25:23):
But I did that, and that improved my income.
And I didn't I thought maybe it would imp maybegive me a chance for a better job.
And ultimately, what it did was it opened thedoor for me to be recruited to teach children
who were blind in two school districts.
So I ended up being a braille I had to go backto the University of Texas for this.
(25:46):
But I did it, and it was it was probably themost blessing, honor I've ever had teaching a
kid to read braille.
And so it was hard as heck, but it was it wasworth it.
I still am communicating with these women thatare now grown.
And so what I'm saying to the listeners is,yeah, set a reasonable goal.
(26:09):
Even though you don't feel confident, dosomething for yourself, for your future that
will help you to feel better about yourself.
And it's okay.
I mean, I was thinking this morning, is it okayfor me to feel good about the degrees I
received?
And I thought, you know what?
It is.
It's okay.
It's okay for me to feel good about that.
(26:31):
And I have gotten other certifications andvarious things, and it builds your confidence.
But if you're gonna sit back and wallow in selfpity, it's not gonna work.
You're not gonna get anywhere with that.
This it is actually just it was you're kindatalking a little bit about this right now.
One of one of the my next questions as you'rewalking us through that, what came to mind was
(26:54):
the guilt that must be associated with doingfor you you you have some kids at home, and you
know you have to provide them.
You have to you're taking these leaps of faithand so on and so forth.
And, like, you've moved your family five hoursaway with basically and just basically figuring
out as you go.
So how like, there's there's often a lot ofguilt that's wrapped up in parenting, working,
rebuilding, all of these things.
(27:14):
So, like how did how were you you able to letgo of that?
Because I'm sure that crept up a little bit.
Well, that's a good question.
Yes, it did.
I was going I treated it like it was anadventure.
I said, well, you know, we're gonna go on thisadventure.
Now the kids were, let's see, maybe 10, nine,and seven.
I mean, they were, you know, like I said,they're real close together.
(27:37):
So I said, you know, this is adventure.
We're gonna go on this adventure.
And it turned out it was a good adventure.
I had a cousin living in Austin.
They made sure they had fun.
We went to to the parks and swam in in Eddy andall of that you do in Austin.
And they met some friends, and they got to playand do some things they might not have gotten
to do if they had stayed at home.
(28:00):
And they weren't quite old enough to reallyfeel like they had been taken away from their
friends.
So that helped because if they had been intheir early teens, it would have been more
difficult.
But I will tell you this, they were whining andcomplaining at first.
And so we I had to rent mattresses for thislittle bedroom where they were in so they'd
(28:23):
have something to sleep on.
And and they were complaining and carrying onabout this and that.
I said, you know what we're gonna do?
Tonight, I want you to name three things thathappened today that you're happy about.
And so, you know, they're young enough that youcan do that, and it worked.
And so it got to where it was ever a plan.
Every night we did that, and it changed theirattitudes just like they tell adults, you know,
(28:46):
start being grateful every night for something.
And during the day, you start thinking ofthings you're gonna be grateful for.
And so they did that, and it and it worked.
But it like I said, they were at an age, aformative age, where you could do that.
I don't know if I recommend the same thing forolder kids because these kids were put in day
(29:06):
care and a good day care.
That was just a fluke that I was able to dothat because most of the time in Austin, the
good day cares are blocked out for the summer,especially when you got three kids, not just
one kid.
But I was lucky.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, it was an adventure.
It was an adventure.
(29:27):
I mean, that's that's that's for sure.
And it sounds like everybody got through it,which is which is nice to hear.
And and and the work that you're doing is is isremarkable.
I mean, I think there's so many more, you know,you know, so many more people out there should
be doing the education of all this stuffbecause, apparently, there's not a lot of it
out there.
So you you keep keep doing what you're doing.
(29:48):
This is what I would consider the, what I callthe the carte blanche segment of our
conversation today before we wrap it up.
Any questions I should have asked you that Ididn't ask or anything you wanna share with the
audience that we didn't cover today?
Well, you might say how to get through day today.
And I think that you each day, like I said, sayand thank be thankful, but you need to have a
(30:10):
calendar.
And on each day, you need to be planning, andyou plan each dollar.
You don't just let things go.
You know, there were times when I wasexhausted.
I know that feeling.
And so if moms wanna connect with me, they cando that.
And if they have questions, even if there'ssomeone in the air in your area or in the in
(30:32):
The States here anywhere that wants to start anonprofit like this, I'd be very happy to talk
to them about it.
So mostly it's that.
I have several topics that I cover on YouTube,but mostly I just I just advocate for single
moms.
It's just in my heart.
I'm a passion about it.
(30:52):
There it's tough, and I'm glad you understandthat as your mom went through it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean I mean, wish we didn't have thatexperience, but know, I think it's in many
ways, has been a blessing to me later on inlife and being able to help more people.
And and I think, you know, we're just gonnakeep doing what we can with this type of
messaging and a lot of the work we do on socialmedia and and and out there with just trying to
(31:13):
put a lot of free education out there andsharing stories like this one to let people
know that, you know, whether male or female orwhatever, you know, like you you there are
people out here that are trying to do the bestthat they can to to support you and get you
through it because you you mentioned somethingearlier, and I and I forgot to forgot to
comment on it.
But you you were talking about, you know,getting yourself a good therapist and a good
you know, you know, someone to rely on and beable to share these feelings with and so on.
(31:37):
And I say it all the time, and you've probablyheard me say it in some of the previous podcast
is that it is incredibly important to createteam you as you're going through this divorce.
Right?
Because you need your good your financialperson, your legal person, your divorce coach,
your therapist, whoever.
Like, you just your religious support groups.
(31:59):
Whatever it is that's gonna work for you, I didnot do that.
I was not very good at that in my own divorce.
And and looking back, that's probably one ofthe bigger mistakes that I made because I I
didn't put myself in a position to to to beopen and get that support that I needed, which
was which could have been powerful.
You mentioned a team.
I have a group now that meets on the secondSaturdays, single mom Zoom meeting, and all it
(32:24):
is is just a networking for moms to connectwith people.
It can be they can live anywhere.
They have questions.
We have coaches on.
We have social workers on.
So it's free.
It's just a way to do it.
You know, they can that on my website.
So yeah.
Love it.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
(32:44):
Yeah.
You have to.
You just can't and you just can't go it alone.
It's just it's impossible.
You need you need the support.
So thank you.
Gail, thank you so much.
I I really appreciate your time today, yourhonesty, the heart that you shared with us,
your hard won wisdom, all of it.
It's it's been a blessing to have you heretoday.
Thank you for reminding us that rebuildingisn't just possible, but it's also powerful.
(33:05):
And to learn more about Gail's work, visit hernonprofit, single moms empowered, and check out
her book, living, learning, loving, availableat Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
You can also follow her on Facebook, Instagram,LinkedIn, YouTube, all linked in the show
notes, and we'll make sure we we share that,Saturday, second Saturday Zoom meeting that you
have as well, for everybody.
(33:26):
So if they wanna join you on that, they willcertainly pop in and and, and let let Gail know
that you you found out about it here.
I would love to love to know that we're makingan impact in everybody's life.
So if you're a single mom trying to get yourfinances in order after divorce, Allegiant
Divorce Solutions is here to walk you throughthat process.
Visit us at Allegiant DS for financial clarityand support.
(33:48):
Please subscribe to Broke Up Not Broken formore stories that will help you find strength
in your next chapter.
Until next time, everybody.
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