April 17, 2025 • 27 mins
We dive deep into the psychology of FOMO, exploring why we feel it, how it impacts our mental health, and whether we're actually missing out or just falling for an illusion fueled by social media. This conversation reveals universal truths about our desire to keep up with others while questioning the need to compare ourselves at all.
• FOMO represents an emotional cocktail of envy, regret, and self-doubt often triggered by social media
• The joy of missing out (JOMO) involves learning to be content with your choices rather than constantly comparing
• Social media significantly amplifies FOMO, leading many to curate their feeds to protect mental health
• FOBO (fear of better options) keeps people from committing to plans while waiting for something better
• Teen and young adult FOMO differs from adult FOMO but stems from the same desire to be included
• Personal FOMO triggers include vacation envy, parenting comparisons, and body image insecurities
• Most of what we think we're missing isn't actually that amazing - our perception is often distorted
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Brother, sister, whatever, with Real Talk
and Zero Chill.
I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
And I'm Josh.
If you are into unfilteredconversations, hit that
subscribe button and let's getinto it.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Okay.
So today we're going to deepdive into FOMO, why we feel it,
how it messes with our heads,and whether we're actually
missing out or just falling forthe illusion.
Plus, we've got some hot takes,a this or that showdown and, of
course, our weekly what?
(00:32):
If so, let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So for our weekly, what if?
The question is what if you hadthe power to instantly see what
would have happened if you hadsaid yes to every event or
opportunity you ever skipped?
But it is.
You only get to see the past,so would you want to have the
(01:00):
power to be able to see pastevents?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
To see past events that I didn't go see.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
That you never went, that you decided, you said no to
.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
This is the great thing about my brain is I don't
remember shit.
So you know, like this is, youknow I'd have to really like,
really really think about this.
I'm going to say I'm sure maybesomething will pop up while
you're talking, maybe, but I'llsay this I try and I know it
(01:35):
sounds cliche I try to have theleast amount of regrets possible
.
So my mind doesn't really gothere Like, oh man, if I would
have went to that I could havesaw so-and-so, you know, or
whatever.
Um, so right now nothing reallycomes to mind.
(01:57):
I feel like everything kind ofhappens for a reason.
I know this is boring so farfor me.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
What about you?
I think what you don't knowwon't hurt you yeah.
What you don't know won't hurtyou, why bother?
Because if you've said I, whatyou don't know won't hurt you,
like, why bother?
Because if you've said no, andyou didn't go, and they had, and
(02:34):
you had the chance to like seewhat happened and you saw all of
this fun, like.
But then, on the flip side,sometimes your brain makes it
out to be much more than it was,like, oh, I couldn't go to that
because I didn't have a choice,I had something else planned or
whatever the case, and youreally wanted to go to that
(02:56):
event.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
And all of the things in your head that you missed.
But really it was just like aboring dinner.
Half the people left early Likeit was nothing exciting.
But you wouldn't know thatreally unless you had that
hindsight.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Unless, like someone took a video and was like look
how much fun we're having.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Unless you talk to somebody and they're like, yeah,
it was boring as shit.
And then you're like, okay, Ididn't miss much.
But you know, I don't know Icould see both sides, but I
don't know I could see bothsides.
I don't think I would want to.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Well, I mean, I can see a lot of people having that
like oh, if I would have went,or but, but, but, but you know
so.
So I definitely feel likethere's probably a lot of people
who feel like that.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Um, yeah, yeah, Would .
Would you regret missing outeven more.
Would you realize you didn'tactually miss anything?
Great, I think I would havemore FOMO having this power.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, have enough fucking FOMOin my life.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Do you really?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Why bring it in?
For some things, yes, otherthings I don't give two shits
about, but there's some thingsthat and it's usually like, for
example, like right now, it'sall about vacations.
I'm seeing everybody comingback from spring break vacations
, all of these great trips,fucking Aruba and this and that,
and I'm just like, yeah, Iworked, I worked and watched the
(04:26):
kids for half the week, anyway,whatever, well, anyway.
So yeah, that's my take.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
my answer is no, I would not want the power me
either I'm, I'm gonna yeah onthat yeah, yeah, yeah, for me it
just you know like, yeah, I getwhat you mean.
You know, I see a picture ofsomeone like um, you know like
wherever, at the airport, youknow the plane, and I'm just
(04:53):
kind of like mexico was niceyeah and but but other than that
I'm like you know, the nextsecond.
I'm kind of like boop.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah.
So, Well, good for you.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
If people dwell on it , though that's hard.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Okay, so that's it for the Weekly.
What If?
Why do we have FOMO?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
How many times have at least I heard where a man or
a woman in a marriage is like,you know, oh my God.
Like, oh, you know, I wish Iwas single.
And the single people are like,oh, all I want to do is find a
man or all I want to do is finda woman.
You know that, that this, thatyou know.
So it's like everyone is alwaysafter what the other one has or
(05:34):
or whatever you know.
So I mean that that to methat's the definition of like
FOMO in a way, you know, andit's like it's wanting, it
essentially.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
For me, I feel like it's wanting things that you
don't have right now.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, and I mean, it's so the why somebody else
has it, and you see that.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
That's that FOMO.
You get FOMO.
It's a what was it say here?
Uh, it's an emotional cocktailof envy, regret and self-doubt,
all served with a side ofscrolling.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Side note, I've always envied people that go on
vacation every year and I'm like, why the fuck man?
Like why can't I go on vacationevery year?
And it's like that, that umperception of like being.
It's untouchable, like youcan't.
You can't have that.
Well, yeah, you could, but youjust have to do X, y, z or
(06:32):
change this or You're right.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
You're right that that makes a lot of sense.
I mean to to pertaining atleast to what you're saying
about the vacations like oh Ienvy these people like that go
every year.
Vacations like, oh I envy thesepeople like that go every year.
they might not eat out, theymight not um, by making
sacrifices you don't see thebehind the scenes I think that I
(06:55):
, uh, especially turning 40, Ireally want to, like, I really
want to get into travel.
Compared to my gosh even fiveyears ago, eh, now, like my kids
, I want them to see everythingI mean I want to see I don't
even know.
It's going to be an experiencefor them and I, in a way, Yep,
(07:19):
oh, I agree, we haven't been ona vacation in years.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
We haven't been on a vacation in years.
When I say vacation, I justwant to clarify that I mean
getting on a plane and goingsomewhere nice and warm and
beautiful.
Okay, the last time we went ona vacation was, like I'm going
to say, almost six years ago.
Okay, we've done trips Gonetoagara falls, like those are
(07:53):
great, but I'm I'm in need inlike a lot of need for tropical
breeze and you know the beachand oh, you just feed me.
I don't want to think about it.
You know, sit by the pool thatI'm like dehydrated for that.
Do you know that feeling whereyou're just like I need some?
I need water.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I used to think it was so overrated.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I did too.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I think responsibilities and everything
as it creeps up on you becomesmore and more a necessity yeah
in many ways yeah, but also,like you said, that desire for
experiences, right, yeah, I'mjust, I'm dying for for some
vacations I, uh, and I've hadthis little bit of a kind of
(08:40):
almost like a longing sincewe're on this, even though it
has nothing to do with FOMO Likea longing for a cabin.
I don't know if it's an old agething, but like a cabin, you
know, like in the woods.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Fire bring the kids s'mores camping.
I don't know why, but I feellike right now I wouldn't be
able to choose, like if I got acabin, there's no way I could
have vacations.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Well, yes, of course, and if I, had vacations.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
There's no way I could have a cabin.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
But again it goes back to sacrificing right which
one's more important to youright now that you would be
willing to like put on hold theother one, you know kind of
thing.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But it's so funny because in the last few years
I've thought we should go, weshould buy a family cabin.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
That would be cool.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Right Parenting FOMO I think I can relate to the most
right.
In what way?
Just seeing other parents andthe way that they are with their
kids, it could be something assmall as a discipline technique
(09:54):
that works so well and you'relike, why does?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
that not work for me Is that FOMO?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Well it's.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Is that FOMO, or is that like envy, or?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I guess envy is part of.
Yeah, I think it's all.
Fomo means fear of missing out,so I'm not missing out on
anything in that respect, butthere's like an envy.
It's like you're watchingoutside forces and there's that
kind of envy part of it.
I don't know I take it as FOMO.
(10:27):
I could be wrong Listeners, letme know if I am but that's how
I look at it.
Social FOMO for sure.
We've already discussed quite afew vacations, all that
different kinds of stuff.
Career FOMO I've had that.
You see somebody successfuldoing something that they love
(10:50):
doing and you're like man, whyam I slogging away?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I've definitely had that feeling before.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Social media.
That plays a huge part in FOMO.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Huge yes, yes, yes, because it's, yeah, because a
lot of it, though, is not reallife.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Who I follow is very curated, specifically because I
want to avoid FOMO.
I used to just scroll and seeall kinds of things, right?
People on vacation, peopledoing this, whatever, like the
self-care routines you know thattake three hours because you
have the time for that shit,like that, right, and FOMO was a
(11:35):
constant thing.
You're like, oh my gosh, isthis how I should be doing it?
If I'm not doing it like this,like whatever, right?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
what about stuff with the kids?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
exactly parenting, those moms making the fucking
lunches oh my gosh okay wherewe're like, the apples are cut
like a butterfly.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
So now I realize that that's not doing anything for
me.
It's actually making me feelworse about myself and so I've
actually cut all of that shitoff of my like.
Don't follow anybody like that.
You know who I follow now MarkManson, mel Robbins, you know,
like Jay Shetty, I think theonly frivolous social medias
(12:20):
that I follow are going to belike the HGTV stars, because I
can't do it anymore.
It makes me feel shitty and,like I just said, parents
dropping your kids off at schooland you bump into that mom
friend and you're like hearabout their vacation.
You're already experiencingFOMO in real life.
(12:43):
Who the fuck needs it whenyou're trying to get away
scrolling right, jomo, jomo.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Jomo.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Jomo, the joy of missing out, learning to be
content with your choices.
Do we actually regret missingthings or do we just think that
we do?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I think that we think we do yes.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Exactly what if missing out is actually a good
thing?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I obviously have probably had FOMO before.
I'm just I don't know.
My brain is weird, you know,like I can't think properly
sometimes.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
So I don't remember stuff.
But you know what I think aboutyou Is.
I think that you are very like,you have a very, you have a
vision like you have a directionright and you don't really
you're very impervious to likeoutside noise.
(13:43):
You're very focused on likethis is what I want, this is
where I'm going, this is what ishappening that you don't let a
lot of outside noise in.
I've noticed that about you.
Which fucking FOMO Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Well, thanks, Well you know, like I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
I wish I could be more like that.
I got FOMO, I just I just yeah,I just realized what I have
FOMO for because I'm doing thiscompetition, this working out
competition.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
So explain it a little bit.
So I'm doing this competition,this working out competition, oh
yes, so explain it a little bit.
So I'm 40 years old and I had alot of problems in the past
gaining muscle.
I would get sick, it turned out.
I've been deficient for whoknows how long in testosterone.
(14:29):
So I'm on a TRT plan and so ithas completely changed my life,
to the point where I can't evenlike.
It's like I feel 20 again.
Okay, so I'm working out nowand I'm like, oh my gosh, like
I'm actually.
So I did something crazy and Isigned up to a men's physique
(14:51):
competition, which is where yougo on stage and you're like
flexing your muscles.
Yeah, exactly, and you know, forthe record, I have no Sam Sulek
, okay.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You keep dropping these names.
I'm like who are these people?
Do you know that I literallyhave to Google everybody you
talk about?
I'm like who are these people?
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Okay, I'm no Sam Sulek, but Sam Sulek is a great
example of someone I have FOMOover.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Because he is built like an ox.
So yeah, I guess I do have FOMOin the bodybuilding regard.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
And going on stage.
The whole point of doing thatis because I've always hated
what my body looks like.
So to go on stage and show offsomething that I've worked for,
that I can finally, you know,enhance.
I guess it excites me.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
That's so exciting.
I'm proud of you, thanks.
I'm proud of you.
That's awesome.
Okay, so the dark side of FOMOthe impulse decisions, the
impulse buys, right, you know,the comparison trap, the keeping
up culture and how all ofaffects like your mental health,
(16:13):
our mental health.
How many times have you, youknow, been scrolling on social
media and you'd be like, oh,look at that cute little gadget
she's using or he's using?
I'm like Amazon bye, you knowall in five seconds.
Yeah, amazon bye, you know allin five seconds.
Yeah, I've had to kind ofself-evaluate and take away some
(16:35):
of those little triggers thatkind of make me go down that
rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Because it's just not healthy, it just doesn't make
me feel good about myself.
And then, when you don't feelgood about yourself, you're
perpetuating the cycle, right?
You're doing all of thesethings because you think you
need to, or because you thinkit'll get you there, or whatever
your motivation behind doingthem is, and when you never get
there, just you fucking feellike shit all the time.
(17:02):
So I don't bother.
I don't bother anymore, but Istill have some moments of
weakness, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, everybody does, I'm sure, for sure.
I mean going back to, I meaneverything, if, if, if.
If we're on the topic of likewhat I was just talking about,
like the bodybuildingsupplements, right away, you see
, you see, I don't know againsam sulik or whoever, and and
(17:34):
he's like this, let me tell youthis has changed my.
We're buying it.
Yep, it changed his life.
Like we need to buy it.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yes, well, I think it's in a way, uh, like a
self-inflicted peer pressure,almost Right.
Think about okay, so this is ustalking about it in our 40s.
Think about how we felt in ourteens Right yeah, when your
(18:06):
friends were hanging out withoutyou, yeah.
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Like that shit was not fun.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I didn't like that feeling.
Yeah, I remember we used toalways go out every weekend and
if some reason the phone didn'tring or there was no text and
that weekend kind of went by.
You were almost a little saltyyeah, what about in our 20s?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I'm trying to think.
I mean, I had a differentperspective.
I was single mom.
All of my friends didn't havekids, so they were out there
living their lives.
So I had FOMO in that respect,kind of like I didn't get to go
out anytime I wanted.
When I did, I was a little moreselective with what I was doing
(18:46):
and who I was with because Iwasn't able to do it as often,
but I still felt FOMO.
It kind of sucked, you know,like everybody's getting
together and you're not there.
You know and you're hearingstories.
So definitely the social aspectof FOMO I definitely felt in my
teens and my 20s.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I think for me it was the opposite.
So I felt FOMO if I was not athome, and that was all connected
to the game I was playing orwhatever.
So, being out in my head I waslike, oh man, if I was home I
could be doing this.
So I'd say it was the oppositefor me.
(19:30):
Yeah, which is weird, would you?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
say that's the introvert in you.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Probably, probably.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yeah, oh, fobo, have you heard of that?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
FOBO.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
FOBO.
I've heard of.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
FERBO, ferbo.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
FOMO versus FOBO, which is fear of better options.
Uh, fomo versus FOBO, which isfear of better options, which is
FOBO is not committing toanything because something
better might come along.
Oh boy, do we spend too muchtime deciding and end up missing
out because we're waiting forthe best option?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
There are a lot of people like that.
I would say that I'm not one ofthem.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
I was going to say I would like to think that I'm not
one of them.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, I would say that I'm not one of them.
I was going to say I would liketo think that I'm not one of
them.
Yeah, I don't think I'm one ofthem.
Yeah, but unfortunately, Ithink that that is a really not
a fun way to look at things.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
No, you're like, I feel like it would be like
holding back, then you reallyare missing out on a lot of
things.
But also even just okay andthis is going to maybe I'm
taking it into a completelydifferent direction but even
just like the option of fuckingup and learning from it If
(20:46):
you're not taking any actions.
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Well, that's something that you only learn
later.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It's true, though and I think you brought it up at
one point in one of the pastepisodes where your failure, the
failures that you go through,are what motivate you to keep
going.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, because you learn something.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah, it's actually not.
The successes are great, butit's not necessarily what drives
you.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah, because that's where the cliche line of it's
not about the destination, it'sabout the journey.
I think there's a lot in thatto unravel.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah for sure, and I didn't, to be honest, I didn't
even know that FOBO even existed.
I was just like they've got anacronym for everything.
We could talk about this shitall fucking day.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Let's quit our jobs, man.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, but what do you think is worse, fomo or FOBO?
I think FO.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I think FOMO 2.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Okay, so now we're going to do some this or that.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
This or that, okay, this or that segment.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Okay, FOMO edition.
Would you rather miss anamazing concert or miss an epic
trip with friends?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Well, I have APD so there's no way I'm doing the
concert, so I don't care aboutthe concert.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
So you would rather miss the concert?
I'm going to say, yeah, I wouldrather.
It depends what friends, but Ifeel like I would rather miss
the concert as well.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah me it could be anything.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I can listen to music in my yeah, it could be
anything, Concerts just.
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
They don't really do it for me.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Although, unless it was Taylor Swift, I was really,
really, really like Okay, don'tlook at, let's do relax there
with the face, I with this Eristour.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Taylor Swift really.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Love Taylor Swift.
I'm not a Swifty and it wasvery clear.
When I went to the Eras TourCineplex edition Surrounded by a
lot of Swifties, I was like, ohboy, okay, there are a couple
of songs I don't know all thewords to you know.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Was it that crazy?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Oh it was insane.
It was was insane I can't doconcerts, man, I just get a
headache and I want to go homeI'm very picky about who I want
to see live, like I really hasto matter, especially with
concert ticket prices lately, ohfuck.
Anyways, I wouldn't have beenable to afford taylor swift
concerts like tickets, even if Icould go to the concert.
(23:40):
But yeah, I did it.
I was kind of I had a littlebit of FOMO for that one Okay,
see people hanging out withoutyou or not get invited in the
first place.
So basically just decide not togo or not get invited at all,
(24:04):
you don't care.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
No.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Would it have mattered to you at any point in
your life?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Probably.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I think I would rather get invited and not go.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Of course, right, you want to feel included.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah, I agree, I'm on the same page.
Okay to feel included.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I agree, I'm on the samepage.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Uh, okay, stay home and regret it or go out and have
a mediocre time.
It's hard for me to stay homeand regret it.
So I would love to just stayhome, like stay home and regret
it.
I I that that can't those wordsdon't go together.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Yeah, it doesn't.
It doesn't go.
Yeah, Like stay home and regret.
That can't those words don't gotogether.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
For me, yeah, it doesn't go together.
No, no.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Hot takes.
Is FOMO worse now than it usedto be?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Probably because of social media.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Social media yeah, does social media make us more
or less happy overall?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Less happy.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, yeah.
One thing we both don't regretmissing out on.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Botox Okay.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
What do I not regret missing out on?
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Not regret missing out on.
Yeah, like Botox, plasticsurgery.
I don't give a shit about thatstuff.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
I don't know it's random, but I don't know what
else to think of that's true,okay, final thought Are we
actually missing out, or are wejust thinking that we are?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I mean, in most scenarios I think we think we
are, yeah, I think we think weare.
I think we think we are andreally we're not.
I think I have become a lotmore humble with what I do have
over the years, as opposed toalways looking everywhere else.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
I do have an appreciation for the things that
I do have most of the time.
Perfect Anyways, greatconversation.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, fun, this was good.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
This was a good one, okay, all right.
So what did we learn today?
Fomo is basically just ourbrains messing with us.
Social media makes it worse andhalf the time we're probably
not missing out on anythinglife-changing.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Drop your FOMO experiences into the comments,
and don't forget to like andsubscribe so you don't miss out
on our next episode.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I see what you did there.
All right, we're out.
Bye guys, bye.
Welcome to Brother, sister, whatever, with Real Talk
and Zero Chill.
I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
And I'm Josh.
If you are into unfilteredconversations, hit that
subscribe button and let's getinto it.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Okay.
So today we're going to deepdive into FOMO, why we feel it,
how it messes with our heads,and whether we're actually
missing out or just falling forthe illusion.
Plus, we've got some hot takes,a this or that showdown and, of
course, our weekly what?
(00:32):
If so, let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So for our weekly, what if?
The question is what if you hadthe power to instantly see what
would have happened if you hadsaid yes to every event or
opportunity you ever skipped?
But it is.
You only get to see the past,so would you want to have the
(01:00):
power to be able to see pastevents?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
To see past events that I didn't go see.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
That you never went, that you decided, you said no to
.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
This is the great thing about my brain is I don't
remember shit.
So you know, like this is, youknow I'd have to really like,
really really think about this.
I'm going to say I'm sure maybesomething will pop up while
you're talking, maybe, but I'llsay this I try and I know it
(01:35):
sounds cliche I try to have theleast amount of regrets possible
.
So my mind doesn't really gothere Like, oh man, if I would
have went to that I could havesaw so-and-so, you know, or
whatever.
Um, so right now nothing reallycomes to mind.
(01:57):
I feel like everything kind ofhappens for a reason.
I know this is boring so farfor me.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
What about you?
I think what you don't knowwon't hurt you yeah.
What you don't know won't hurtyou, why bother?
Because if you've said I, whatyou don't know won't hurt you,
like, why bother?
Because if you've said no, andyou didn't go, and they had, and
(02:34):
you had the chance to like seewhat happened and you saw all of
this fun, like.
But then, on the flip side,sometimes your brain makes it
out to be much more than it was,like, oh, I couldn't go to that
because I didn't have a choice,I had something else planned or
whatever the case, and youreally wanted to go to that
(02:56):
event.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
And all of the things in your head that you missed.
But really it was just like aboring dinner.
Half the people left early Likeit was nothing exciting.
But you wouldn't know thatreally unless you had that
hindsight.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Unless, like someone took a video and was like look
how much fun we're having.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Unless you talk to somebody and they're like, yeah,
it was boring as shit.
And then you're like, okay, Ididn't miss much.
But you know, I don't know Icould see both sides, but I
don't know I could see bothsides.
I don't think I would want to.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Well, I mean, I can see a lot of people having that
like oh, if I would have went,or but, but, but, but you know
so.
So I definitely feel likethere's probably a lot of people
who feel like that.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Um, yeah, yeah, Would .
Would you regret missing outeven more.
Would you realize you didn'tactually miss anything?
Great, I think I would havemore FOMO having this power.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, have enough fucking FOMOin my life.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Do you really?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Why bring it in?
For some things, yes, otherthings I don't give two shits
about, but there's some thingsthat and it's usually like, for
example, like right now, it'sall about vacations.
I'm seeing everybody comingback from spring break vacations
, all of these great trips,fucking Aruba and this and that,
and I'm just like, yeah, Iworked, I worked and watched the
(04:26):
kids for half the week, anyway,whatever, well, anyway.
So yeah, that's my take.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
my answer is no, I would not want the power me
either I'm, I'm gonna yeah onthat yeah, yeah, yeah, for me it
just you know like, yeah, I getwhat you mean.
You know, I see a picture ofsomeone like um, you know like
wherever, at the airport, youknow the plane, and I'm just
(04:53):
kind of like mexico was niceyeah and but but other than that
I'm like you know, the nextsecond.
I'm kind of like boop.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yeah.
So, Well, good for you.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
If people dwell on it , though that's hard.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Okay, so that's it for the Weekly.
What If?
Why do we have FOMO?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
How many times have at least I heard where a man or
a woman in a marriage is like,you know, oh my God.
Like, oh, you know, I wish Iwas single.
And the single people are like,oh, all I want to do is find a
man or all I want to do is finda woman.
You know that, that this, thatyou know.
So it's like everyone is alwaysafter what the other one has or
(05:34):
or whatever you know.
So I mean that that to methat's the definition of like
FOMO in a way, you know, andit's like it's wanting, it
essentially.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
For me, I feel like it's wanting things that you
don't have right now.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, and I mean, it's so the why somebody else
has it, and you see that.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
That's that FOMO.
You get FOMO.
It's a what was it say here?
Uh, it's an emotional cocktailof envy, regret and self-doubt,
all served with a side ofscrolling.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Side note, I've always envied people that go on
vacation every year and I'm like, why the fuck man?
Like why can't I go on vacationevery year?
And it's like that, that umperception of like being.
It's untouchable, like youcan't.
You can't have that.
Well, yeah, you could, but youjust have to do X, y, z or
(06:32):
change this or You're right.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
You're right that that makes a lot of sense.
I mean to to pertaining atleast to what you're saying
about the vacations like oh Ienvy these people like that go
every year.
Vacations like, oh I envy thesepeople like that go every year.
they might not eat out, theymight not um, by making
sacrifices you don't see thebehind the scenes I think that I
(06:55):
, uh, especially turning 40, Ireally want to, like, I really
want to get into travel.
Compared to my gosh even fiveyears ago, eh, now, like my kids
, I want them to see everythingI mean I want to see I don't
even know.
It's going to be an experiencefor them and I, in a way, Yep,
(07:19):
oh, I agree, we haven't been ona vacation in years.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
We haven't been on a vacation in years.
When I say vacation, I justwant to clarify that I mean
getting on a plane and goingsomewhere nice and warm and
beautiful.
Okay, the last time we went ona vacation was, like I'm going
to say, almost six years ago.
Okay, we've done trips Gonetoagara falls, like those are
(07:53):
great, but I'm I'm in need inlike a lot of need for tropical
breeze and you know the beachand oh, you just feed me.
I don't want to think about it.
You know, sit by the pool thatI'm like dehydrated for that.
Do you know that feeling whereyou're just like I need some?
I need water.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I used to think it was so overrated.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I did too.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I think responsibilities and everything
as it creeps up on you becomesmore and more a necessity yeah
in many ways yeah, but also,like you said, that desire for
experiences, right, yeah, I'mjust, I'm dying for for some
vacations I, uh, and I've hadthis little bit of a kind of
(08:40):
almost like a longing sincewe're on this, even though it
has nothing to do with FOMO Likea longing for a cabin.
I don't know if it's an old agething, but like a cabin, you
know, like in the woods.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Fire bring the kids s'mores camping.
I don't know why, but I feellike right now I wouldn't be
able to choose, like if I got acabin, there's no way I could
have vacations.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Well, yes, of course, and if I, had vacations.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
There's no way I could have a cabin.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
But again it goes back to sacrificing right which
one's more important to youright now that you would be
willing to like put on hold theother one, you know kind of
thing.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But it's so funny because in the last few years
I've thought we should go, weshould buy a family cabin.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
That would be cool.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Right Parenting FOMO I think I can relate to the most
right.
In what way?
Just seeing other parents andthe way that they are with their
kids, it could be something assmall as a discipline technique
(09:54):
that works so well and you'relike, why does?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
that not work for me Is that FOMO?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Well it's.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Is that FOMO, or is that like envy, or?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I guess envy is part of.
Yeah, I think it's all.
Fomo means fear of missing out,so I'm not missing out on
anything in that respect, butthere's like an envy.
It's like you're watchingoutside forces and there's that
kind of envy part of it.
I don't know I take it as FOMO.
(10:27):
I could be wrong Listeners, letme know if I am but that's how
I look at it.
Social FOMO for sure.
We've already discussed quite afew vacations, all that
different kinds of stuff.
Career FOMO I've had that.
You see somebody successfuldoing something that they love
(10:50):
doing and you're like man, whyam I slogging away?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I've definitely had that feeling before.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Social media.
That plays a huge part in FOMO.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Huge yes, yes, yes, because it's, yeah, because a
lot of it, though, is not reallife.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Who I follow is very curated, specifically because I
want to avoid FOMO.
I used to just scroll and seeall kinds of things, right?
People on vacation, peopledoing this, whatever, like the
self-care routines you know thattake three hours because you
have the time for that shit,like that, right, and FOMO was a
(11:35):
constant thing.
You're like, oh my gosh, isthis how I should be doing it?
If I'm not doing it like this,like whatever, right?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
what about stuff with the kids?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
exactly parenting, those moms making the fucking
lunches oh my gosh okay wherewe're like, the apples are cut
like a butterfly.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
So now I realize that that's not doing anything for
me.
It's actually making me feelworse about myself and so I've
actually cut all of that shitoff of my like.
Don't follow anybody like that.
You know who I follow now MarkManson, mel Robbins, you know,
like Jay Shetty, I think theonly frivolous social medias
(12:20):
that I follow are going to belike the HGTV stars, because I
can't do it anymore.
It makes me feel shitty and,like I just said, parents
dropping your kids off at schooland you bump into that mom
friend and you're like hearabout their vacation.
You're already experiencingFOMO in real life.
(12:43):
Who the fuck needs it whenyou're trying to get away
scrolling right, jomo, jomo.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Jomo.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Jomo, the joy of missing out, learning to be
content with your choices.
Do we actually regret missingthings or do we just think that
we do?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I think that we think we do yes.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Exactly what if missing out is actually a good
thing?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I obviously have probably had FOMO before.
I'm just I don't know.
My brain is weird, you know,like I can't think properly
sometimes.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
So I don't remember stuff.
But you know what I think aboutyou Is.
I think that you are very like,you have a very, you have a
vision like you have a directionright and you don't really
you're very impervious to likeoutside noise.
(13:43):
You're very focused on likethis is what I want, this is
where I'm going, this is what ishappening that you don't let a
lot of outside noise in.
I've noticed that about you.
Which fucking FOMO Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Well, thanks, Well you know, like I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
I wish I could be more like that.
I got FOMO, I just I just yeah,I just realized what I have
FOMO for because I'm doing thiscompetition, this working out
competition.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
So explain it a little bit.
So I'm doing this competition,this working out competition, oh
yes, so explain it a little bit.
So I'm 40 years old and I had alot of problems in the past
gaining muscle.
I would get sick, it turned out.
I've been deficient for whoknows how long in testosterone.
(14:29):
So I'm on a TRT plan and so ithas completely changed my life,
to the point where I can't evenlike.
It's like I feel 20 again.
Okay, so I'm working out nowand I'm like, oh my gosh, like
I'm actually.
So I did something crazy and Isigned up to a men's physique
(14:51):
competition, which is where yougo on stage and you're like
flexing your muscles.
Yeah, exactly, and you know, forthe record, I have no Sam Sulek
, okay.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You keep dropping these names.
I'm like who are these people?
Do you know that I literallyhave to Google everybody you
talk about?
I'm like who are these people?
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Okay, I'm no Sam Sulek, but Sam Sulek is a great
example of someone I have FOMOover.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Because he is built like an ox.
So yeah, I guess I do have FOMOin the bodybuilding regard.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
And going on stage.
The whole point of doing thatis because I've always hated
what my body looks like.
So to go on stage and show offsomething that I've worked for,
that I can finally, you know,enhance.
I guess it excites me.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
That's so exciting.
I'm proud of you, thanks.
I'm proud of you.
That's awesome.
Okay, so the dark side of FOMOthe impulse decisions, the
impulse buys, right, you know,the comparison trap, the keeping
up culture and how all ofaffects like your mental health,
(16:13):
our mental health.
How many times have you, youknow, been scrolling on social
media and you'd be like, oh,look at that cute little gadget
she's using or he's using?
I'm like Amazon bye, you knowall in five seconds.
Yeah, amazon bye, you know allin five seconds.
Yeah, I've had to kind ofself-evaluate and take away some
(16:35):
of those little triggers thatkind of make me go down that
rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Because it's just not healthy, it just doesn't make
me feel good about myself.
And then, when you don't feelgood about yourself, you're
perpetuating the cycle, right?
You're doing all of thesethings because you think you
need to, or because you thinkit'll get you there, or whatever
your motivation behind doingthem is, and when you never get
there, just you fucking feellike shit all the time.
(17:02):
So I don't bother.
I don't bother anymore, but Istill have some moments of
weakness, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, everybody does, I'm sure, for sure.
I mean going back to, I meaneverything, if, if, if.
If we're on the topic of likewhat I was just talking about,
like the bodybuildingsupplements, right away, you see
, you see, I don't know againsam sulik or whoever, and and
(17:34):
he's like this, let me tell youthis has changed my.
We're buying it.
Yep, it changed his life.
Like we need to buy it.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yes, well, I think it's in a way, uh, like a
self-inflicted peer pressure,almost Right.
Think about okay, so this is ustalking about it in our 40s.
Think about how we felt in ourteens Right yeah, when your
(18:06):
friends were hanging out withoutyou, yeah.
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Like that shit was not fun.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I didn't like that feeling.
Yeah, I remember we used toalways go out every weekend and
if some reason the phone didn'tring or there was no text and
that weekend kind of went by.
You were almost a little saltyyeah, what about in our 20s?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I'm trying to think.
I mean, I had a differentperspective.
I was single mom.
All of my friends didn't havekids, so they were out there
living their lives.
So I had FOMO in that respect,kind of like I didn't get to go
out anytime I wanted.
When I did, I was a little moreselective with what I was doing
(18:46):
and who I was with because Iwasn't able to do it as often,
but I still felt FOMO.
It kind of sucked, you know,like everybody's getting
together and you're not there.
You know and you're hearingstories.
So definitely the social aspectof FOMO I definitely felt in my
teens and my 20s.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I think for me it was the opposite.
So I felt FOMO if I was not athome, and that was all connected
to the game I was playing orwhatever.
So, being out in my head I waslike, oh man, if I was home I
could be doing this.
So I'd say it was the oppositefor me.
(19:30):
Yeah, which is weird, would you?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
say that's the introvert in you.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Probably, probably.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yeah, oh, fobo, have you heard of that?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
FOBO.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
FOBO.
I've heard of.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
FERBO, ferbo.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
FOMO versus FOBO, which is fear of better options.
Uh, fomo versus FOBO, which isfear of better options, which is
FOBO is not committing toanything because something
better might come along.
Oh boy, do we spend too muchtime deciding and end up missing
out because we're waiting forthe best option?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
There are a lot of people like that.
I would say that I'm not one ofthem.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
I was going to say I would like to think that I'm not
one of them.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah, I would say that I'm not one of them.
I was going to say I would liketo think that I'm not one of
them.
Yeah, I don't think I'm one ofthem.
Yeah, but unfortunately, Ithink that that is a really not
a fun way to look at things.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
No, you're like, I feel like it would be like
holding back, then you reallyare missing out on a lot of
things.
But also even just okay andthis is going to maybe I'm
taking it into a completelydifferent direction but even
just like the option of fuckingup and learning from it If
(20:46):
you're not taking any actions.
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Well, that's something that you only learn
later.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It's true, though and I think you brought it up at
one point in one of the pastepisodes where your failure, the
failures that you go through,are what motivate you to keep
going.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, because you learn something.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah, it's actually not.
The successes are great, butit's not necessarily what drives
you.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah, because that's where the cliche line of it's
not about the destination, it'sabout the journey.
I think there's a lot in thatto unravel.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah for sure, and I didn't, to be honest, I didn't
even know that FOBO even existed.
I was just like they've got anacronym for everything.
We could talk about this shitall fucking day.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Let's quit our jobs, man.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, but what do you think is worse, fomo or FOBO?
I think FO.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I think FOMO 2.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Okay, so now we're going to do some this or that.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
This or that, okay, this or that segment.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Okay, FOMO edition.
Would you rather miss anamazing concert or miss an epic
trip with friends?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Well, I have APD so there's no way I'm doing the
concert, so I don't care aboutthe concert.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
So you would rather miss the concert?
I'm going to say, yeah, I wouldrather.
It depends what friends, but Ifeel like I would rather miss
the concert as well.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah me it could be anything.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I can listen to music in my yeah, it could be
anything, Concerts just.
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
They don't really do it for me.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Although, unless it was Taylor Swift, I was really,
really, really like Okay, don'tlook at, let's do relax there
with the face, I with this Eristour.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Taylor Swift really.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Love Taylor Swift.
I'm not a Swifty and it wasvery clear.
When I went to the Eras TourCineplex edition Surrounded by a
lot of Swifties, I was like, ohboy, okay, there are a couple
of songs I don't know all thewords to you know.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Was it that crazy?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Oh it was insane.
It was was insane I can't doconcerts, man, I just get a
headache and I want to go homeI'm very picky about who I want
to see live, like I really hasto matter, especially with
concert ticket prices lately, ohfuck.
Anyways, I wouldn't have beenable to afford taylor swift
concerts like tickets, even if Icould go to the concert.
(23:40):
But yeah, I did it.
I was kind of I had a littlebit of FOMO for that one Okay,
see people hanging out withoutyou or not get invited in the
first place.
So basically just decide not togo or not get invited at all,
(24:04):
you don't care.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
No.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Would it have mattered to you at any point in
your life?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Probably.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I think I would rather get invited and not go.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Of course, right, you want to feel included.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah, I agree, I'm on the same page.
Okay to feel included.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I agree, I'm on the samepage.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Uh, okay, stay home and regret it or go out and have
a mediocre time.
It's hard for me to stay homeand regret it.
So I would love to just stayhome, like stay home and regret
it.
I I that that can't those wordsdon't go together.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Yeah, it doesn't.
It doesn't go.
Yeah, Like stay home and regret.
That can't those words don't gotogether.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
For me, yeah, it doesn't go together.
No, no.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Hot takes.
Is FOMO worse now than it usedto be?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Probably because of social media.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Social media yeah, does social media make us more
or less happy overall?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Less happy.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, yeah.
One thing we both don't regretmissing out on.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Botox Okay.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
What do I not regret missing out on?
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Not regret missing out on.
Yeah, like Botox, plasticsurgery.
I don't give a shit about thatstuff.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
I don't know it's random, but I don't know what
else to think of that's true,okay, final thought Are we
actually missing out, or are wejust thinking that we are?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I mean, in most scenarios I think we think we
are, yeah, I think we think weare.
I think we think we are andreally we're not.
I think I have become a lotmore humble with what I do have
over the years, as opposed toalways looking everywhere else.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
I do have an appreciation for the things that
I do have most of the time.
Perfect Anyways, greatconversation.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, fun, this was good.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
This was a good one, okay, all right.
So what did we learn today?
Fomo is basically just ourbrains messing with us.
Social media makes it worse andhalf the time we're probably
not missing out on anythinglife-changing.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Drop your FOMO experiences into the comments,
and don't forget to like andsubscribe so you don't miss out
on our next episode.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I see what you did there.
All right, we're out.
Bye guys, bye.
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