July 10, 2025 • 22 mins
What’s the difference between real self-care and just...numbing out? In this rewatch of one of our most popular episodes, Lisa and Josh break down the blurred line between authentic self-care and self-indulgent habits that leave you drained.
With fresh commentary from both masculine and feminine perspectives, they ask:
- Is self-care about bubble baths or boundaries?
- Are men still made to feel guilty for resting?
- Can gaming, snacks, and silence count as self-care?
- How do you tell if something actually recharges you—or just avoids your burnout?
You’ll learn how to spot what actually works for your wellbeing, how social media has warped the self-care conversation, and why kids might be the real self-care gurus.
Key topics:
- Difference between self-care and self-indulgence
- Setting boundaries as the ultimate act of self-care
- Gender and self-care: the unspoken male experience
- Real-life self-care examples that aren’t Instagram-worthy
- How to build a sustainable self-care practice that actually sticks
📌 Whether you’re navigating burnout, setting new boundaries, or just trying to care without guilt—this one’s for you.
Thanks for hanging out with us on Brother Sister Whatever, your no-BS guide through the messy middle!
If this episode made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence as a GenX/Xennial — please hit subscribe and leave a review. It genuinely helps more unhinged humans find their people.
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Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone, welcome to Brother, sister.
Whatever where real talk meetszero chill.
I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Josh.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
So today is something kind of special.
We're taking our self-careversus self-indulgence episode
that we did, I think, prettyearly on in our podcast season
and we're giving it a re-watch.
That was the episode that youwere actually away, yeah.
Um, so I did that one solo, uh,which uh was kind of scary, uh
(00:34):
I was like oh my gosh.
I wonder if I'm gonna be able to, like you know, carry the
episode.
Of course, there's something tobe said about having us bounce
off of each other, so not havingthat dynamic was a little
different, but the topic reallyresonates with everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
And so one of the reasons that we decided to kind
of re-watch this episode withyou is because I wanted to get
your opinion as a man.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
The old, wise one.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And you know what self-care means to you.
So let's dive into it, shall we?
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Sure, okay, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Our weekly.
What if on the original episodewas if you could only use your
10 year old selves hobbies forself-care right now, what would
they be, and do you think thatthey would actually still work?
What about you?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I mean, I definitely think even my 10 year old self
games was like a big, a big partof it.
I think the one thing that wasvery different well actually,
yeah, yeah, it's still kind ofdifferent is sports.
When I was a kid man, theamount of sports that I did,
that's true Basketball.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Baseball.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Baseball Hockey, street hockey.
You know, there was just alwayssomething I was always hockey.
There was just always somethingI was always out, I was always
doing something.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, you were very active.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Actually we were as a family.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah, I'd say so.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Mom and dad were pretty outdoorsy.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, dad especially.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And yeah.
So I was going to say I guessI'm technically not doing that
now, but theoretically now.
My sport is the gym, right, soit's kind of, you know, kind of
in the same category in a way,you know.
So I think that without knowingit, that was kind of my
self-care.
You know the sports Like, Ithink you know it does something
(02:44):
to you right, like the exercise, the, you know the mental
stimulation, all of it.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
When we're kids, we don't really think of it as
self-care, right.
It's just stuff that we love todo.
Yeah, like everything.
As a kid, I think everythingyou do really is very selfish,
right, it's really all aboutself-care or like things that
you want to do for yourself,like you're not thinking of
other people very, very often asa kid.
(03:10):
Yeah, so I think, like in manyways, kids have it like they
have it, right.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
They know what's going to make them feel good and
they stick with it.
(03:40):
It always comes up that kids,the innocence and the no care
mentality is so just beautiful.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah.
And then it's slowly killed outof you.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Exactly Malheureusement.
Yeah, that's too bad.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, that's too bad, because I think if we kept a
little bit of that, even just afraction of that, inside of us,
but like not just the I'm nottalking about the specific
self-care thing that you woulddo, like straight up or whatever
.
I'm talking about the mentalitythat you have when doing
(04:20):
something you love right andmaking it a priority for your
well-being, your mental health.
I think we could go places Likeif we kept even just a fraction
of it.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
It's too bad.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Well, I mean, yeah, it's too bad, but it's almost
full circle, Because don't younotice that this happens when
you're a child and then when youbecome an adult it slowly gets
kind of taken away, and then aswe get older, we go back to
looking for that, what we had.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, Right.
Well, that's the stage I'm infor sure.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Well, me too.
Yeah, I think and I can't speakfor everyone, but I think a lot
of people that are, you know,in their 40s and so on, they
kind of have that realization oflike, okay, you know, like I
need to pay attention to me too.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Especially if I want to help the people around me.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Yeah, right.
So yeah, yeah, for sure.
Well, that's the weekly.
What if?
All right, josh.
So, speaking of self-care andkind of like segueing into
self-indulgence and thedifference between the two, what
(05:40):
?
What do you think thedifference is?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
let, Let me.
My thought is like food.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So for you know, self-care.
It's like I might have hear meout.
You know I might have thatsalad, but I'll have like a
little something.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
A little treat.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
A little treat, you know where it's like.
This whole thing is kind oflike that self-care, you know
like I'm eating healthy but alsoI'm balancing what I'm eating.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Versus self-indulgence would be like
you know, I'm going to have thatginormous piece of cheesecake
and that's it.
That's all you know, and I'mnot going to hit my protein or
you know.
So I guess, like that's myanalogy in any kind of term you
know.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, if that makes sense, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
It's like self-care could be.
Oh yeah, okay, no, look,they're coming.
Self-care could be like youknow, I'll spend half an hour
after the gym, in between wakingup my kids to go to school,
I'll spend half an hour and I'llplay my game.
It's the only time I play agame now.
It's just 30 minutes.
It's right before everyone getsup, so it's like 5.30 am.
(06:51):
I'll play half an hour and thenit's like I had my fix To me.
That's self-care.
Indulgence would be from guiltyin the past, but from 4 pm to
11 pm I'm gaming.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And everything else falls to the wayside.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, and I might be like, hey, go to bed, you know,
or whatever.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Like that is like okay, you know you're, you're,
you're taking a little too muchnow, yeah, kind of thing okay,
but now, like, let's take thefeeling of it, the feeling
behind it, right, I've reallystarted to look at, like, what I
do for self-care and as, as Ihad mentioned in the original,
(07:38):
it was the doom scrolling, itwas the sitting and just like
because I had nothing else togive, kind of look at it like
the cup is me right, and whatI'm putting in it or what I'm
doing can either fill the cup ortake away from the cup.
If you're somebody like me,that's always like got to take
(07:58):
care of everybody else.
You're always putting yourselflast.
Now I'm realizing theimportance like that, that
metaphor it's a metaphor for areason, with the airplane and
giving yourself oxygen beforeyou save other people, right,
it's so freaking true.
You can't, you could until youcan't anymore, and then, when
(08:21):
you can't, it's like, yeah, whatelse do you have For guilt?
It's really important toremember that you are allowed to
give yourself self-care.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
It's okay, yeah, I think that's very difficult and
I think sometimes even I've beenguilty in doing the opposite,
but not to myself and I don'tmean to do it.
But sometimes it just kind ofhappens where you have a friend
or a partner where it's likethey do one of their things,
(08:57):
that is like their self-care,but like, because you're not
seeing the full dynamic of it,it almost looks like that's the
only thing happening.
So you're kind of like likewhat are you doing?
But do you know what I mean?
Because I've been in that likethe reverse.
Where somebody's looking at youLike I get my little half an
(09:18):
hour and, for whatever reason,someone wakes up in that half
hour, and then I kind of havethat like, oh shit, I'm caught.
Like look, you know what I meanthough, yeah, but you shouldn't
.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
No, I know I think it's because society as a whole
is like hustle mentality.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Like the fuck are you doing?
Don't you have something to do?
Yeah?
Don't you have kids to raise,don't you have, like you know?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I think we're kind of programmed like that.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Cows to milk and shit .
I don't know what.
I thought I'd bring that infrom our survivor, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Oh, thought I'd bring that in from our survivor, you
know.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
I don't know, but I just, I just think, yeah, I just
I just think that there's a lotof uh, a lot of judgment from
other people.
There's, like you know,everybody's saying hustle,
hustle, hustle.
Nobody has time for self-careand everybody's struggling and
it's affecting mental health.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, and, and, and.
I think everyone is guilty ofboth scenarios.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
You know, like I don't want to say that I give
everyone their self-care and I'mvery, you know, like I'm sure
there's times where I'm like youknow, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Where do you overindulge instead of recharge?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Where do I?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Specifically for you?
Yeah, is there an area that youknow you overindulge in as
opposed to recharging, or notreally.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Um, I think I could confidently say maybe the people
in my life would thinkdifferently.
I don't know, but I think Icould confidently say that I
really don't overindulge.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
But you do self-care, right, yeah, okay, so that's
good.
So you feel like you are.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Like I said, I have my little game in the half hour.
Self-care for me is still, eventhough it, you know it feels
like a task, I still love theworking out Like I feel like I
have to do it.
Self-care for me is counting mycalories.
You know, like all of thesethings are like very much part
of that.
You know I feel good doing that.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
If I'm not counting my calories, you know, I don't
know, that could be a sickness,I guess too.
But you know, if I'm notcounting my calories, or I'm,
you know, then I'm starting tofeel like I'm not taking care of
myself.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
You know Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
So I think, and then you know, I try not to feel
guilty when.
I quote, unquote, overindulge,even though it's probably not
overindulging, like you knowI'll, I'll be like, oh, okay,
I'm gonna have that cheesecake.
You know, and it's like I wasgood all week.
You have to make excuses in myhead, valid excuses, but you
(12:06):
know, like, okay, well, you know, I mean I did all week, you
know all.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I had was like a piece of baklava.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I did all week.
All I had was a piece ofbaklava.
I have my cheesecake.
It's in my calories, it's in myrange.
You almost have to.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, you know yeah.
So maybe aim for doing that andallowing yourself to do that
with less guilt.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, and I think I'm much better, because I used to
be that annoying person,especially when it came to food,
or it was like oh, but there'sthat in the food, it's poisonous
, you know, or whatever and likenow I have like a such a
different outlook on that.
I'd say that like I don't thinkI really overindulge on any
category, um, at least nothing Ican really think of.
(12:51):
I don't like shop till I drop,kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Okay, so you don't overindulge very much.
But the level of self care doyou think that's where it needs
to be for you?
Like, are you happy with whereyou are at self care or do you
feel like something's stilllacking?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think if you're happy I'm not saying that this
is just my personal opinion, butI think if you're happy at
self-care, like where you are, Ithink that something's not
right, like I feel like you'realways going to be.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Needing and wanting and Maybe, yeah, switching it up
.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah, you're always going to be kind of looking for
more self-care.
I don't think it's somethingwhere it's like I'm perfect this
way.
If I have this, I will alwaysbe perfect.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I feel like it's more of like a journey thing and you
just kind of get what you get.
Sometimes it might be more,sometimes it might be less, it
might be less, and it's just notreally a set quote or quota
that you need in order to feelperfect.
Okay, yeah, you know, like I'mgetting into meditation now, you
(14:01):
know, and I'm I'm really intotaoism and this and that, so
it's like these are the thingsthat I don't want to be maxed
out.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
If I'm maxed out, I don't know, I'll feel, you know,
like I mean, if I was maxed out, that means I would be a total
piece Like everything would be.
I would be Josh the monk youknow, like I mean and and and.
You know, even, I'm sure, evenif you talked to one of them,
they'd be like, no, we, you know, you know, even, I'm sure, even
if you talked to one of them,they'd be like, no, you know,
(14:35):
I'm not, I'm not at the max,right, you know, I mean, I'm not
, that's true.
I'm not that, you know,methodical, there kind of thing,
but, like I'm sure, like theDalai Lama wouldn't be like oh
yeah, I'm so chill.
You know what I mean, I'mperfect.
You know what I mean, I'mperfect.
You know, like, yes, I meditateevery day, and you know, I'm
sure you'd have some crazyhumble comment where you'd be
(14:58):
like, oh my God, you know, likeeven him, you know what I mean,
though.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
So, yeah, yeah, it's a good way of looking at it.
I didn't look at it like that,like it's like a journey, just
like life.
Self-care is yeah, that'spretty good.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I like that.
Josh the Monk Remember that.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Josh the Monk, do you think that men and women treat
self-care differently?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Yes, but I do feel, though, that it's almost like Is
taboo the right word when itcomes to men and self-care.
I feel like it's very like istaboo the right word when it
comes to men and self-care.
I feel like it's very.
We're not allowed to talk aboutthat kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Talk about it.
You're not even allowed to doit.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, exactly, self-care.
I've always felt that vibe,even just growing up, be a man,
suck it up, buttercup, this isyour life now.
And so when it was like, oh,like, suck it up, buttercup,
like this is your life now,there, you know.
And so when, when it was likeyou know, oh, men can express
their feelings too.
Or you know, men are deservedto do that.
You know, even men will argueabout that.
(16:04):
You'll have some men that willbe like yeah, you deserve that.
And then you'll have other menwho will be like you're a clown,
you know.
So you have it from men.
And then you have it from theother side too, where it doesn't
look masculine, right, and thenyou know, and, and, and you
know, as a man you kind of getconfused.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
So one of the things that came up was boundaries.
Do you think boundaries is partof self-care?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I do now.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Same.
I never would have put thattogether.
I always thought like self-carewas like caring for your body.
Do you know what I mean.
It's like the serums and thebubble baths and the, but the,
and then by default, that wouldgive you, that would inevitably
(17:00):
give you the, the, the, themental, self-care part of it
would come naturally throughthose acts.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And yeah, that's not always the case.
No, not always the case.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Not always the case at all.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I mean self-care in the sense of boundaries is like.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
The ultimate.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Well, yeah, because I mean you know if you're getting
mentally abused, right?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What's a bubble bath going to do Nothing, right?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So yes, boundaries is definitely a big part of
self-care, yeah, right, so?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
yes, boundaries is definitely a big part of
self-care, yeah Right.
Yeah, I agree.
Setting a boundary does 10times more for my self-care than
any amount of reading a book orsitting in a room full of
scented candles and meditating.
(17:52):
It changes things.
In the original episode wespoke about social media and yes
and, and how it affects ourviews on self-care.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Right, right.
Do you have anything to sayabout that?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I think social media takes it a little, you know, too
far.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
As with most things, I think the you know I've I've
fallen victim to that right whenI've gone out and bought like
the 7-step Korean you know serumthat I never use, and you're
just like you know.
But here's the thing Self-care,and like we were talking about
(18:38):
boundaries, and like it doesn'tmatter what the act is, it's
about the feeling that you'regetting from it right, and
whether it fills your cup or itdoesn't fill your fucking cup
and at the end of the day, overtime, I've realized that
watching all of these things onInstagram and whatever takes all
(19:01):
of my energy away from me nevermakes me feel any better about
myself, lowers the amount ofmoney I have in my fucking
account because I'm going outand I'm buying all of these
stupid things that apparentlyare supposed to make me happy.
That don't.
And at the end of the day, allI really need is some good
boundaries, a few affirmationspopping up in my Instagram feed
(19:26):
and a positive attitude and likeyes, of course, watch the
Netflix, you know, have thebubble bath.
Of course Nobody's saying don'tdo that, but what does it make
you feel?
That's the main point.
That's how I look at it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
And, and you know, you can get the cream that that
the person is using, or whatever.
I'm not saying that, I'm justsaying that, like the facade of,
like, you know, like this thingthis is what you need to be
happy.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Exactly this is what you need to be fulfilled, and
that's that's what's happening.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
That's what's happening in the world, right?
Yeah, we need to do all ofthese things, yeah, right so?
Speaker 1 (20:11):
it's a lot, and yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
So now we have the this or that.
Men versus women self-careedition.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
All right.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So here I'll go.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Gym session versus bubble bath.
I guess the bubble bath versusthe gym session for you,
headphones and alone time orheartfelt group therapy.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
The alone time, solo road trip or spa retreat.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
You know what A solo road trip sounds, really fun.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I like solo road trips.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, yeah, Okay.
Last one A new tech gadget ornew game, let's say, or a new
skincare routine.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
You know what I've been recently looking into
skincare.
So even though the even evennot a game tech, I love tech.
So that really, you know, fillsmy cup a little bit there, um,
but I think I would go ahead andsteer a little different this
time and I would take the skincare.
Yeah, I feel like my skin needssome help, you know, at this
(21:30):
old age now, yes, with thewrinkles and dry skin eh.
That's it, meh yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
All right.
Well, let's close it up, Josh,All right.
So thanks everybody for tuningin to this week's episode of
Brother Sister, Whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Well, we want you to comment and tell us a little bit
about what your self-careroutine looks like.
Also, please, you can follow usor give us even a like or even
some fan mail.
We loved getting the fan mail.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yes, so that was awesome.
We loved getting the fan mail.
Yes, so that was awesome.
At brother, sister, whatever,spotify, everywhere you can
listen to podcasts.
Youtube, instagram, facebook.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, so let us know please.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
All right guys.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Bye, bye.
Hi everyone, welcome to Brother, sister.
Whatever where real talk meetszero chill.
I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Josh.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
So today is something kind of special.
We're taking our self-careversus self-indulgence episode
that we did, I think, prettyearly on in our podcast season
and we're giving it a re-watch.
That was the episode that youwere actually away, yeah.
Um, so I did that one solo, uh,which uh was kind of scary, uh
(00:34):
I was like oh my gosh.
I wonder if I'm gonna be able to, like you know, carry the
episode.
Of course, there's something tobe said about having us bounce
off of each other, so not havingthat dynamic was a little
different, but the topic reallyresonates with everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
And so one of the reasons that we decided to kind
of re-watch this episode withyou is because I wanted to get
your opinion as a man.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
The old, wise one.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And you know what self-care means to you.
So let's dive into it, shall we?
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Sure, okay, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Our weekly.
What if on the original episodewas if you could only use your
10 year old selves hobbies forself-care right now, what would
they be, and do you think thatthey would actually still work?
What about you?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I mean, I definitely think even my 10 year old self
games was like a big, a big partof it.
I think the one thing that wasvery different well actually,
yeah, yeah, it's still kind ofdifferent is sports.
When I was a kid man, theamount of sports that I did,
that's true Basketball.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Baseball.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Baseball Hockey, street hockey.
You know, there was just alwayssomething I was always hockey.
There was just always somethingI was always out, I was always
doing something.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, you were very active.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Actually we were as a family.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah, I'd say so.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Mom and dad were pretty outdoorsy.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, dad especially.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And yeah.
So I was going to say I guessI'm technically not doing that
now, but theoretically now.
My sport is the gym, right, soit's kind of, you know, kind of
in the same category in a way,you know.
So I think that without knowingit, that was kind of my
self-care.
You know the sports Like, Ithink you know it does something
(02:44):
to you right, like the exercise, the, you know the mental
stimulation, all of it.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
When we're kids, we don't really think of it as
self-care, right.
It's just stuff that we love todo.
Yeah, like everything.
As a kid, I think everythingyou do really is very selfish,
right, it's really all aboutself-care or like things that
you want to do for yourself,like you're not thinking of
other people very, very often asa kid.
(03:10):
Yeah, so I think, like in manyways, kids have it like they
have it, right.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
They know what's going to make them feel good and
they stick with it.
(03:40):
It always comes up that kids,the innocence and the no care
mentality is so just beautiful.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah.
And then it's slowly killed outof you.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Exactly Malheureusement.
Yeah, that's too bad.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, that's too bad, because I think if we kept a
little bit of that, even just afraction of that, inside of us,
but like not just the I'm nottalking about the specific
self-care thing that you woulddo, like straight up or whatever
.
I'm talking about the mentalitythat you have when doing
(04:20):
something you love right andmaking it a priority for your
well-being, your mental health.
I think we could go places Likeif we kept even just a fraction
of it.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
It's too bad.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Well, I mean, yeah, it's too bad, but it's almost
full circle, Because don't younotice that this happens when
you're a child and then when youbecome an adult it slowly gets
kind of taken away, and then aswe get older, we go back to
looking for that, what we had.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, Right.
Well, that's the stage I'm infor sure.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Well, me too.
Yeah, I think and I can't speakfor everyone, but I think a lot
of people that are, you know,in their 40s and so on, they
kind of have that realization oflike, okay, you know, like I
need to pay attention to me too.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Especially if I want to help the people around me.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Yeah, right.
So yeah, yeah, for sure.
Well, that's the weekly.
What if?
All right, josh.
So, speaking of self-care andkind of like segueing into
self-indulgence and thedifference between the two, what
(05:40):
?
What do you think thedifference is?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
let, Let me.
My thought is like food.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So for you know, self-care.
It's like I might have hear meout.
You know I might have thatsalad, but I'll have like a
little something.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
A little treat.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
A little treat, you know where it's like.
This whole thing is kind oflike that self-care, you know
like I'm eating healthy but alsoI'm balancing what I'm eating.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Versus self-indulgence would be like
you know, I'm going to have thatginormous piece of cheesecake
and that's it.
That's all you know, and I'mnot going to hit my protein or
you know.
So I guess, like that's myanalogy in any kind of term you
know.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, if that makes sense, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
It's like self-care could be.
Oh yeah, okay, no, look,they're coming.
Self-care could be like youknow, I'll spend half an hour
after the gym, in between wakingup my kids to go to school,
I'll spend half an hour and I'llplay my game.
It's the only time I play agame now.
It's just 30 minutes.
It's right before everyone getsup, so it's like 5.30 am.
(06:51):
I'll play half an hour and thenit's like I had my fix To me.
That's self-care.
Indulgence would be from guiltyin the past, but from 4 pm to
11 pm I'm gaming.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And everything else falls to the wayside.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, and I might be like, hey, go to bed, you know,
or whatever.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Like that is like okay, you know you're, you're,
you're taking a little too muchnow, yeah, kind of thing okay,
but now, like, let's take thefeeling of it, the feeling
behind it, right, I've reallystarted to look at, like, what I
do for self-care and as, as Ihad mentioned in the original,
(07:38):
it was the doom scrolling, itwas the sitting and just like
because I had nothing else togive, kind of look at it like
the cup is me right, and whatI'm putting in it or what I'm
doing can either fill the cup ortake away from the cup.
If you're somebody like me,that's always like got to take
(07:58):
care of everybody else.
You're always putting yourselflast.
Now I'm realizing theimportance like that, that
metaphor it's a metaphor for areason, with the airplane and
giving yourself oxygen beforeyou save other people, right,
it's so freaking true.
You can't, you could until youcan't anymore, and then, when
(08:21):
you can't, it's like, yeah, whatelse do you have For guilt?
It's really important toremember that you are allowed to
give yourself self-care.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
It's okay, yeah, I think that's very difficult and
I think sometimes even I've beenguilty in doing the opposite,
but not to myself and I don'tmean to do it.
But sometimes it just kind ofhappens where you have a friend
or a partner where it's likethey do one of their things,
(08:57):
that is like their self-care,but like, because you're not
seeing the full dynamic of it,it almost looks like that's the
only thing happening.
So you're kind of like likewhat are you doing?
But do you know what I mean?
Because I've been in that likethe reverse.
Where somebody's looking at youLike I get my little half an
(09:18):
hour and, for whatever reason,someone wakes up in that half
hour, and then I kind of havethat like, oh shit, I'm caught.
Like look, you know what I meanthough, yeah, but you shouldn't
.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
No, I know I think it's because society as a whole
is like hustle mentality.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Like the fuck are you doing?
Don't you have something to do?
Yeah?
Don't you have kids to raise,don't you have, like you know?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I think we're kind of programmed like that.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Cows to milk and shit .
I don't know what.
I thought I'd bring that infrom our survivor, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Oh, thought I'd bring that in from our survivor, you
know.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
I don't know, but I just, I just think, yeah, I just
I just think that there's a lotof uh, a lot of judgment from
other people.
There's, like you know,everybody's saying hustle,
hustle, hustle.
Nobody has time for self-careand everybody's struggling and
it's affecting mental health.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, and, and, and.
I think everyone is guilty ofboth scenarios.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
You know, like I don't want to say that I give
everyone their self-care and I'mvery, you know, like I'm sure
there's times where I'm like youknow, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Where do you overindulge instead of recharge?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Where do I?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Specifically for you?
Yeah, is there an area that youknow you overindulge in as
opposed to recharging, or notreally.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Um, I think I could confidently say maybe the people
in my life would thinkdifferently.
I don't know, but I think Icould confidently say that I
really don't overindulge.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
But you do self-care, right, yeah, okay, so that's
good.
So you feel like you are.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Like I said, I have my little game in the half hour.
Self-care for me is still, eventhough it, you know it feels
like a task, I still love theworking out Like I feel like I
have to do it.
Self-care for me is counting mycalories.
You know, like all of thesethings are like very much part
of that.
You know I feel good doing that.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
If I'm not counting my calories, you know, I don't
know, that could be a sickness,I guess too.
But you know, if I'm notcounting my calories, or I'm,
you know, then I'm starting tofeel like I'm not taking care of
myself.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
You know Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
So I think, and then you know, I try not to feel
guilty when.
I quote, unquote, overindulge,even though it's probably not
overindulging, like you knowI'll, I'll be like, oh, okay,
I'm gonna have that cheesecake.
You know, and it's like I wasgood all week.
You have to make excuses in myhead, valid excuses, but you
(12:06):
know, like, okay, well, you know, I mean I did all week, you
know all.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I had was like a piece of baklava.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I did all week.
All I had was a piece ofbaklava.
I have my cheesecake.
It's in my calories, it's in myrange.
You almost have to.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, you know yeah.
So maybe aim for doing that andallowing yourself to do that
with less guilt.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, and I think I'm much better, because I used to
be that annoying person,especially when it came to food,
or it was like oh, but there'sthat in the food, it's poisonous
, you know, or whatever and likenow I have like a such a
different outlook on that.
I'd say that like I don't thinkI really overindulge on any
category, um, at least nothing Ican really think of.
(12:51):
I don't like shop till I drop,kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Okay, so you don't overindulge very much.
But the level of self care doyou think that's where it needs
to be for you?
Like, are you happy with whereyou are at self care or do you
feel like something's stilllacking?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think if you're happy I'm not saying that this
is just my personal opinion, butI think if you're happy at
self-care, like where you are, Ithink that something's not
right, like I feel like you'realways going to be.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Needing and wanting and Maybe, yeah, switching it up
.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah, you're always going to be kind of looking for
more self-care.
I don't think it's somethingwhere it's like I'm perfect this
way.
If I have this, I will alwaysbe perfect.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I feel like it's more of like a journey thing and you
just kind of get what you get.
Sometimes it might be more,sometimes it might be less, it
might be less, and it's just notreally a set quote or quota
that you need in order to feelperfect.
Okay, yeah, you know, like I'mgetting into meditation now, you
(14:01):
know, and I'm I'm really intotaoism and this and that, so
it's like these are the thingsthat I don't want to be maxed
out.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
If I'm maxed out, I don't know, I'll feel, you know,
like I mean, if I was maxed out, that means I would be a total
piece Like everything would be.
I would be Josh the monk youknow, like I mean and and and.
You know, even, I'm sure, evenif you talked to one of them,
they'd be like, no, we, you know, you know, even, I'm sure, even
if you talked to one of them,they'd be like, no, you know,
(14:35):
I'm not, I'm not at the max,right, you know, I mean, I'm not
, that's true.
I'm not that, you know,methodical, there kind of thing,
but, like I'm sure, like theDalai Lama wouldn't be like oh
yeah, I'm so chill.
You know what I mean, I'mperfect.
You know what I mean, I'mperfect.
You know, like, yes, I meditateevery day, and you know, I'm
sure you'd have some crazyhumble comment where you'd be
(14:58):
like, oh my God, you know, likeeven him, you know what I mean,
though.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
So, yeah, yeah, it's a good way of looking at it.
I didn't look at it like that,like it's like a journey, just
like life.
Self-care is yeah, that'spretty good.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I like that.
Josh the Monk Remember that.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Josh the Monk, do you think that men and women treat
self-care differently?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Yes, but I do feel, though, that it's almost like Is
taboo the right word when itcomes to men and self-care.
I feel like it's very like istaboo the right word when it
comes to men and self-care.
I feel like it's very.
We're not allowed to talk aboutthat kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Talk about it.
You're not even allowed to doit.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, exactly, self-care.
I've always felt that vibe,even just growing up, be a man,
suck it up, buttercup, this isyour life now.
And so when it was like, oh,like, suck it up, buttercup,
like this is your life now,there, you know.
And so when, when it was likeyou know, oh, men can express
their feelings too.
Or you know, men are deservedto do that.
You know, even men will argueabout that.
(16:04):
You'll have some men that willbe like yeah, you deserve that.
And then you'll have other menwho will be like you're a clown,
you know.
So you have it from men.
And then you have it from theother side too, where it doesn't
look masculine, right, and thenyou know, and, and, and you
know, as a man you kind of getconfused.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
So one of the things that came up was boundaries.
Do you think boundaries is partof self-care?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I do now.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Same.
I never would have put thattogether.
I always thought like self-carewas like caring for your body.
Do you know what I mean.
It's like the serums and thebubble baths and the, but the,
and then by default, that wouldgive you, that would inevitably
(17:00):
give you the, the, the, themental, self-care part of it
would come naturally throughthose acts.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And yeah, that's not always the case.
No, not always the case.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Not always the case at all.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I mean self-care in the sense of boundaries is like.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
The ultimate.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Well, yeah, because I mean you know if you're getting
mentally abused, right?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What's a bubble bath going to do Nothing, right?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So yes, boundaries is definitely a big part of
self-care, yeah, right, so?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
yes, boundaries is definitely a big part of
self-care, yeah Right.
Yeah, I agree.
Setting a boundary does 10times more for my self-care than
any amount of reading a book orsitting in a room full of
scented candles and meditating.
(17:52):
It changes things.
In the original episode wespoke about social media and yes
and, and how it affects ourviews on self-care.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Right, right.
Do you have anything to sayabout that?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I think social media takes it a little, you know, too
far.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
As with most things, I think the you know I've I've
fallen victim to that right whenI've gone out and bought like
the 7-step Korean you know serumthat I never use, and you're
just like you know.
But here's the thing Self-care,and like we were talking about
(18:38):
boundaries, and like it doesn'tmatter what the act is, it's
about the feeling that you'regetting from it right, and
whether it fills your cup or itdoesn't fill your fucking cup
and at the end of the day, overtime, I've realized that
watching all of these things onInstagram and whatever takes all
(19:01):
of my energy away from me nevermakes me feel any better about
myself, lowers the amount ofmoney I have in my fucking
account because I'm going outand I'm buying all of these
stupid things that apparentlyare supposed to make me happy.
That don't.
And at the end of the day, allI really need is some good
boundaries, a few affirmationspopping up in my Instagram feed
(19:26):
and a positive attitude and likeyes, of course, watch the
Netflix, you know, have thebubble bath.
Of course Nobody's saying don'tdo that, but what does it make
you feel?
That's the main point.
That's how I look at it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
And, and you know, you can get the cream that that
the person is using, or whatever.
I'm not saying that, I'm justsaying that, like the facade of,
like, you know, like this thingthis is what you need to be
happy.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Exactly this is what you need to be fulfilled, and
that's that's what's happening.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
That's what's happening in the world, right?
Yeah, we need to do all ofthese things, yeah, right so?
Speaker 1 (20:11):
it's a lot, and yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
So now we have the this or that.
Men versus women self-careedition.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
All right.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So here I'll go.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Gym session versus bubble bath.
I guess the bubble bath versusthe gym session for you,
headphones and alone time orheartfelt group therapy.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
The alone time, solo road trip or spa retreat.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
You know what A solo road trip sounds, really fun.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I like solo road trips.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, yeah, Okay.
Last one A new tech gadget ornew game, let's say, or a new
skincare routine.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
You know what I've been recently looking into
skincare.
So even though the even evennot a game tech, I love tech.
So that really, you know, fillsmy cup a little bit there, um,
but I think I would go ahead andsteer a little different this
time and I would take the skincare.
Yeah, I feel like my skin needssome help, you know, at this
(21:30):
old age now, yes, with thewrinkles and dry skin eh.
That's it, meh yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
All right.
Well, let's close it up, Josh,All right.
So thanks everybody for tuningin to this week's episode of
Brother Sister, Whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Well, we want you to comment and tell us a little bit
about what your self-careroutine looks like.
Also, please, you can follow usor give us even a like or even
some fan mail.
We loved getting the fan mail.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yes, so that was awesome.
We loved getting the fan mail.
Yes, so that was awesome.
At brother, sister, whatever,spotify, everywhere you can
listen to podcasts.
Youtube, instagram, facebook.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, so let us know please.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
All right guys.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Bye, bye.
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