March 6, 2025 • 21 mins
Have you ever considered the powerful effect of the lies we tell ourselves? In this enlightening episode, we explore the insidious narratives that creep into our daily lives, often clouding our self-perception and preventing us from realizing our true potential. We open with an intriguing "what if" scenario, prompting you to reflect on the dreams you might have forgotten and how they shape your identity.
Listen as we unpack common self-deceptive phrases, such as "I'll be happy when" and "money doesn't matter." We challenge these beliefs and look closely at the impact of societal pressures on our mindset and self-worth. With humor and sincerity, we also delve into conversations about parenting, revealing how these lies influence our relationships with our children and affect the messages we communicate about acceptance and self-love.
This episode encourages you to rediscover your truth and offers practical insights on how to combat self-deceptive narratives. Our heartfelt discussions are designed to illuminate the path towards greater self-awareness while fostering openness in your personal connections. Join us and share your experiences; let’s face the lies together, and empower each other on our journeys towards authenticity. Subscribe, share, and leave us a review to keep the conversation alive!
Thanks for hanging out with us on Brother Sister Whatever, your no-BS guide through the messy middle!
If this episode made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence as a GenX/Xennial — please hit subscribe and leave a review. It genuinely helps more unhinged humans find their people.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:00):
Hi everyone, welcome back to Brother, Sister.
Whatever, I'm Lisa.
Josh (00:03):
And I'm Josh.
In today's episode we aretackling something that we all
do lies, we tell ourselves.
Lisa (00:10):
From the little things we say to avoid discomfort to the
big lies that hold us back, weall have them.
Josh (00:16):
But, as usual, let's start with our weekly what if?
Lisa (00:20):
Okay, this one's a good one.
What if you could rememberevery dream you've ever had?
How would it change yourperception of yourself?
This is a difficult one for me,though, because I don't
(00:47):
remember the perception ofmyself.
I would think I'm fuckingbatshit crazy, or like weird to
say the least.
Do you know what I mean?
Josh (00:57):
Well, now you actually sparked.
Lisa (00:59):
I remember a couple of really continuous like dreams
that I would have, um that werelike more like nightmares right
something you know, but uh, yeah, now I remember and have you
ever been in a situation whereyou'll wake up knowing you've
had a dream but like, literally10 seconds later you're like
what happened?
(01:19):
Yeah, if you could now rememberall of the dreams that you're
having, what would be like?
Give me one or two words todescribe what you would say
about yourself.
Josh (01:32):
Dark, chaotic.
Lisa (01:35):
Yeah, I'm going to say very least, weird.
I don't know, I don't.
So here, let's end it with - Iwould not want to remember all
of my dreams.
Josh (01:46):
Yeah, I don't think so, Me either.
Maybe that's why we don't,maybe it's subconscious, maybe
it's not even that we forget thedreams, but our mind is saying
you better forget that dream,buddy.
Lisa (01:58):
Yeah, I wouldn't want to remember any of mine.
I'm good.
I think I have enough issues totackle in my waking life.
So what are some of the liesthat we tell ourselves?
Common things that people lieto themselves about - I'll be
(02:19):
happy when.
.
.
Josh (02:21):
How many times have you said that to yourself?
right?
Lisa (02:24):
I have time to do that later.
.
.
I'm fine.
.
.
Josh (02:29):
Oh yeah.
Lisa (02:31):
I can change them.
.
.
I'm not good enough.
.
.
I don't care what people think.
.
.
it's too late for me..
.
That was something we weretalking about last episode.
Josh (02:42):
Yeah.
Lisa (02:42):
I'm over it.
.
.
I don't need help.
.
.
I can do it by myself.
.
.
Money doesn't matter.
.
.
I'm not like other people.
.
.
allAll these things.
Josh (02:51):
Money doesn't buy happiness.
Lisa (02:54):
Well, maybe.
Josh (02:57):
Well, that's what I'm saying.
It's a lie.
Lisa (02:59):
Yeah, You why know in many ways.
Why do you think we do that?
Josh (03:05):
do that?
Yeah, I think we try besomething we're not at times, I
think, depending on who's infront of us perception.
I think sometimes - we lie tobenefit our kids.
Where we'll be like kids, wherewe'll be like, you you know, and
(03:26):
we technically do, but becauseit's our kid, we don't.
You know, Fallon will wearsomething and I'll be like
"Fallon, like, come on, we'renot going to wear that to school
,I'm saying "u you be you, you be
(03:48):
unique, you be different.
Who cares what other peoplethink?
But at the same time, like youcan't wear that.
So you know, I feel like we'redoing this because it's a
defense mechanism.
You know that we use, but themoment that it reflects on us in
some funny way, we contradictourselves.
I'm not comfortable going outwith unicorn pants or whatever,
(04:11):
even though I say it doesn'tmatter what other people think.
If I'm saying these things tomyself and not so much to my
kids, once again, I think thatthat becomes a defense mechanism
.
Lisa (04:23):
Self-preservation.
Josh (04:24):
You know, I don't know how many times I said I don't give
a shit what they fucking think.
But really you do To a degree,yeah, you know to a degree.
Yeah, because that's why you'reso mad.
You're so mad because you givea shit.
Lisa (04:38):
Yeah, well, I think there's people out there that
have created a really greatpoker face.
Josh (04:45):
Yeah, that's true.
Lisa (04:46):
But you never know what they're truly feeling inside.
Josh (04:50):
Yeah, I'd like to say that in the public eye I'm the same
way.
I could say the same exactphrase with someone that is not
close to me, and not shed a tear, nothing and say the same exact
phrase, but with someone I careabout and have a completely
(05:11):
different situation.
You know what I mean.
Yeah true.
So yeah, I mean, I guess thatis true, you know, but deep down
there's some form of caring,you know, with some of these
lies that we tell ourselves.
Lisa (05:27):
So there's good intentions , is what you're saying.
Josh (05:29):
Yeah, I think it's more good intention than anything
else.
Lisa (05:33):
And are you specifically referring to?
Like the lies that we wouldtell other people, like our kids
or whatever, as opposed to thelies that we tell ourselves?
I think it's a little or do youthink it's a little of both?
Josh (05:45):
I think it's a little bit of both, like I truly don't care
what you wear, but I care aboutwhat the other people think.
So I'm not lying, but at thesame time I'm telling you you
can wear whatever you want.
(06:05):
Who cares what other peoplethink?
But I care.
Lisa (06:09):
Yeah.
Josh (06:10):
Okay, like I had a conversation with Fallon, I say,
fallon, are you going to wearthose pants?
You know, with that, like withyour unicorn hoodie, I'm like,
oh my gosh.
They were like you know, red,yellow, green, blue.
It was like a little much right.
And she's like yeah.
And I said it was like a littlemuch right and she's like yeah.
(06:33):
And I said I said are you sureI go?
Like?
You know people are going tonotice you, you know, like it's
a lot, and she's like I don'tcare what others think good for
her and I said okay, but it wasthe conversation we had after.
I said okay, I said so, youdon't care.
And she goes no, I say okay.
So a boy comes up to you orgirl comes up to you and says,
(06:58):
oh my gosh, fallon, like thosepants are really bright, you
know.
And she's like, yeah, I don'tcare.
And I say okay, what happens ifthey're like you know they
tease you because of your pants?
What if they're like Fallon,those pants, they don't look
great on you, or whatever, andshe goes.
I'll just tell them that youknow, I have a good heart and I
(07:20):
don't care about what they thinkand I'm perfectly fine with
that because I'm going to be meand I'm just like all right,
wear your fucking pants.
Yeah, you know, wear yourfucking pants, girl.
So you know when, when, uh, andI definitely have to give a
little bit of credit to her momfor that she, she's always
(07:42):
trying to get Fallon to just,you know, like you're a woman,
you know you're you go, you knowyou do your thing.
So you know, I'd like to think,you know I have my part in that
too, but definitely you knowthere's something going on there
that's giving her this.
You know this confidence thing,but let's argue here, right, if
(08:08):
a kid does actually tease her,yeah, she's gonna come home
upset of course so you see howthat line is blurred yeah I
guess, no matter what you care,you can say you don't, and maybe
to maybe some form of surfacelevel you don't.
But deep down there's somethingthat makes you kind of like I'm
(08:32):
not gonna wear these pantsagain yeah you know, and that
just breaks my heart.
Lisa (08:37):
It's like just wear the fucking unicorn pants, jesus,
like who cares.
I think that's something that'schanged over the years is
giving a shit about what otherpeople think.
Josh (08:49):
Yeah, you know, I mean I will, I yeah, you know what.
But that's a good pointactually what you're saying,
because I definitely think thatwe were just talking last time
about age.
I definitely think that I was,maybe through my relationships,
programmed a little bit toreally care about certain things
(09:10):
, um, you know, especially likematerialistic and like looking a
certain way and and you know,and, and I've definitely gotten,
um, you know, quite a, quite afew pieces of humble pie as well
that I had to be dished.
But I feel like I've kind ofgrown to the point where now,
(09:32):
like I truly can confidently saylike I really don't give a shit
, you know, like I don't care ifI have a Porsche or if I have a
fucking Corolla.
So that, for me, has definitelyshifted in me hitting my, me
getting into my 40s now.
But it's not about just I haveto have these things, these
(09:57):
things have to be.
Like the look of it maybe yeah,now it's more, it's more inside
and more like what makes youfeel.
Yeah, you know.
Lisa (10:06):
Yeah, oh yeah, I get it, I get it.
Let's look at some of thereasons why we actually tell
ourselves these things.
Would it be a fear of failurethat may be in your eyes if you
weren't eating the great steakat Gibby's or driving the good
car that it looked like youweren't?
Josh (10:27):
successful.
Lisa (10:28):
Yeah.
Josh (10:29):
For sure.
What about you?
Lisa (10:31):
How have I lied to myself over the years?
Yeah, when do I start?
I think I'm guilty of all ofthose you know lies that we kind
of I kind of ran through at thebeginning as examples.
I think I've been my worstcritic.
I've always kind of I don'tcare, I don't care, but I do,
(11:00):
and I keep it all as like armor,almost right.
And it's been really hard tobreak that cycle, because you
can't really change anything ifyou don't know why you're doing
something.
Right?
Yeah, what are you getting outof this behavior, so to speak?
Josh (11:21):
Right.
Lisa (11:22):
It's all been tied into my self-worth, and so I'm not good
enough.
Josh (11:29):
Yeah.
Lisa (11:30):
Everybody else is more important than me.
You know all of that stuff.
Josh (11:34):
Well, that can also go into like a codependent category
, right, yep, and you know so.
I mean, I think the reason whywe say those lies to ourselves,
or one of the many reasons, isbecause we try, we keep telling
ourselves we're not going tocare, you know, and um, but we
(11:57):
do, but hey, I'm no jordanpeterson, right?
So have you ever been in asituation where you had even
just a simple argument with yourbetter half and it's a little
too personal, and obviously thekid says what's wrong and you
make a white lie?
I mean, we're not going totrauma, dump our kids right?
Lisa (12:19):
No, not at all.
I just tell them it's none ofyour business.
Josh (12:22):
Oh, do you really?
Yeah, oh, wow, that's good sothat's between me and Daddy.
Lisa (12:26):
We're good though, Don't worry.
Josh (12:28):
There's a boundary right there.
That's a good boundary.
My gosh.
Lisa (12:32):
I come from a place where you don't need to know
everything, about everything.
Do you know what I mean?
Josh (12:38):
Yeah, it's weird I guess I just look at it differently
Like they are my business andI'm their business.
I would feel like that's awhite lie in a weird way.
I would feel like me sayingnone of your business is the
white lie.
Really, yeah, I don't know whyI think like that.
Lisa (12:57):
But here's the thing.
Josh (12:58):
It's weird eh.
Lisa (12:59):
I guess.
No, I don't think it's weird.
I think whatever you feel, youfeel or however you think you
think.
But I try to look at it fromlike um, these are not
necessarily my kids, but theseare people that are going to go
out into the real world Right,and in the real world there are
(13:23):
people that have conversations,people that you know that have
conversations and you don't needto involve yourself in it.
Josh (13:30):
True.
Lisa (13:31):
Because not everything is about you.
Josh (13:32):
That's a good point.
Lisa (13:33):
And so not everything is about is your business.
Josh (13:37):
Yeah, and let's be honest, at their age they think
everything is their business.
They do, they do.
Lisa (13:41):
So that's a good point, and so I think just putting just
, and I'm not mean about it,it's just, it's none of your
business.
Josh (13:48):
Yeah, but I think that's a good point, you know, to bring
up.
You know, like I would almostwant to now add that in as a
parenting tool in certainscenarios, like let me give you
an example yeah, dad, why doesthat guy have blah, blah, blah,
what?
Oh well, I don't know.
(14:09):
But instead of me making up thewhy, that could be a practice
moment.
That could be a moment where Igo, well, it's none of our
business.
Like, come on, who cares whathe's doing?
It's not up to us.
You know what I mean.
So, yeah, I like that.
Lisa (14:30):
I'm going to put that on the list.
Fun, take what's the mostcommon lie.
Josh (14:35):
you catch yourself telling yourself Okay, go.
Lisa (14:38):
Someone else will do it.
Someone else will take care ofit.
Josh (14:44):
Oh shit Okay.
That's probably not a lie, butWell, it's something you tell
yourself, yeah.
So yeah, it's technically a lie, because you're saying, oh,
someone else will do it, but youknow that you are going to do
it.
Yeah, so that's a lie.
Lisa (15:02):
That's true, there you go.
Okay, right, so that qualifies.
Josh (15:05):
But that's the one you say the most.
Oh, yeah, Okay, yeah, Okay.
The lie.
I could probably think, withoutgetting too dramatic, that I'm
not enough.
I would say that that'sprobably the thing that always
pops into my head at times.
You know where I have to almostargue with myself, Like you
(15:27):
know, you see these fucking, youknow therapists on their little
Instagram reels and they'relike you are enough.
Lisa (15:35):
I love those.
Josh (15:36):
But you know, and it's like yeah.
Lisa (15:39):
It's like my drug of choice.
Say more.
Josh (15:43):
You know, and don't get me wrong, like I get it, they're
just trying to help and they'rejust trying to say, like you
know, and don't get me wrong,like I get it, they're just
trying to help and they're justtrying to say, like you know,
but like I almost like I roll,but why do I I roll, and you
know it's.
I think it's something that weall go through, that we have to
kind of fight with, and I thinkonly now, at 40 years old, where
(16:07):
I'm finally kind of coming likeout of that, these are the
times that we want to work onourselves, like we want to look
at the problems we have, youknow, versus when we're 30 or
even 20, you know, we're like wedon't have fucking problems.
You know what are you talkingabout?
I'm perfect, you know.
Lisa (16:26):
Yeah.
Josh (16:26):
So I think that that plays .
Lisa (16:28):
Or the problems that we do have are not about us.
They're always about otherpeople.
Exactly Lies.
Josh (16:35):
Yeah.
Lisa (16:36):
So how do we stop telling ourselves these lies, Actually
knowing that we're saying thesethings to ourselves?
We're lying to ourselves aboutthese things.
Self-awareness that's a goodstart Well.
Josh (16:49):
Self-awareness, I think, is number one, right.
You need to know that there's aproblem and not always trying
to lean on someone else to sayit.
For you, to make you feelvalidated, you don't need the
validation from someone else,and because you're looking for
it, it all stems back to what wewere talking about that
(17:11):
everything is a lie, you know,and if I need the validation
from you to tell me that I amenough, then I'm definitely not
enough.
Lisa (17:21):
What about lying to other people, but like all out lies?
Have you ever?
I'm sure in your life you haveat least once or twice?
Is there any that stick out toyou that you want to talk about
at all?
Josh (17:37):
I think for men, I think you know the, I'm fine.
You know women too, I'm sure,but you know.
Lisa (17:52):
You know women too, I'm sure, but you know I think that
that we were conditioned not tospeak up you know, that's a very
good point, and I'm sure womenare too, you know.
Josh (17:56):
But but I think women have a little bit more of a that,
that friend, that that come likeyou know where it's like.
No matter what it's like, youcan say whatever it's like your
own therapist.
And men, you know, don't reallyhave that, you know, and when
(18:16):
we do we don't want to talkabout it and it's because we're
supposed to just be tough.
So I think that this wholetough thing, you know, and how
men are supposed to be, I thinkthat that, you know, has
probably been the biggest, thebiggest thing for me.
Lisa (18:38):
You Thinking back to my childhood, I used to actually
like lie a lot.
I think about the boys now andthey'll say these lies and
you're just like, you're soobvious about your lie that it's
just like it's laughable.
Do you know what I mean?
I think it's a natural thing totest out your.
(19:00):
You know I get it.
But I lied a lot as a kid aboutstupid shit.
Do you know like and not justto mom and dad, for example, oh,
it could be like to friends.
You know like?
Oh, I was hanging out withso-and-so after school.
Meanwhile I was at home doingfuck all.
(19:22):
And why?
Why did I do that?
Like to make myself not looklike, you know, like a
friendless loser?
I don't know I had friends, sowhy did I need to lie to my
friends about hanging out withsomebody I don't know?
Then you have to remember whatfucking lies you told so and so,
(19:42):
and then you told somebody this, but you told that person that
it's exhausting.
Yeah, it's a lot.
It's a lot around that time,like things would come back to
haunt me.
You know like, well, you saidthis fuck, yeah, I did a shit.
You know, getting caught inlittle lies that I had told
(20:04):
previously.
You know yeah, so and and Idon't you don't like that
feeling.
That feeling never toldpreviously.
You know, yeah, so and I don't.
You don't like that feeling.
That feeling never sits goodwith you.
It's an icky feeling.
Josh (20:11):
It is yeah, you know.
Lisa (20:13):
There's no way of really like escaping lying altogether.
Josh (20:22):
I mean I think I have PTSD when it comes to lying.
So when the kids lie it's notgood, you know.
I try to tell them that if youjust tell me the truth, I
actually will be less mad.
Lisa (20:36):
Yeah, you know.
Oh, I've said that too.
Josh (20:39):
It's something they have to go through.
It's almost like they need totest how naive humans are, you
know.
Lisa (20:48):
I think it's about boundaries, Josh.
Josh (20:50):
Oh, it could be about boundaries.
I also think, though, that it'sabout how easy it is to get
away with it, or not.
Yeah, so I don't care aboutthis specific thing.
I care about the lie.
Lisa (21:04):
Yep, okay, so let's wrap it up.
Josh (21:08):
Well, that's it for today's episode.
Let us know what's one lieyou've been telling yourself
that you are ready to stopbelieving.
Lisa (21:16):
And don't forget to answer our what if?
Question in the comments ormessage us on Instagram.
Josh (21:21):
Make sure to follow, subscribe and share the podcast
and, as always, we'll see younext time on Brother, Sister,
Whatever.
Lisa (21:27):
Bye.
Hi everyone, welcome back to Brother, Sister.
Whatever, I'm Lisa.
Josh (00:03):
And I'm Josh.
In today's episode we aretackling something that we all
do lies, we tell ourselves.
Lisa (00:10):
From the little things we say to avoid discomfort to the
big lies that hold us back, weall have them.
Josh (00:16):
But, as usual, let's start with our weekly what if?
Lisa (00:20):
Okay, this one's a good one.
What if you could rememberevery dream you've ever had?
How would it change yourperception of yourself?
This is a difficult one for me,though, because I don't
(00:47):
remember the perception ofmyself.
I would think I'm fuckingbatshit crazy, or like weird to
say the least.
Do you know what I mean?
Josh (00:57):
Well, now you actually sparked.
Lisa (00:59):
I remember a couple of really continuous like dreams
that I would have, um that werelike more like nightmares right
something you know, but uh, yeah, now I remember and have you
ever been in a situation whereyou'll wake up knowing you've
had a dream but like, literally10 seconds later you're like
what happened?
(01:19):
Yeah, if you could now rememberall of the dreams that you're
having, what would be like?
Give me one or two words todescribe what you would say
about yourself.
Josh (01:32):
Dark, chaotic.
Lisa (01:35):
Yeah, I'm going to say very least, weird.
I don't know, I don't.
So here, let's end it with - Iwould not want to remember all
of my dreams.
Josh (01:46):
Yeah, I don't think so, Me either.
Maybe that's why we don't,maybe it's subconscious, maybe
it's not even that we forget thedreams, but our mind is saying
you better forget that dream,buddy.
Lisa (01:58):
Yeah, I wouldn't want to remember any of mine.
I'm good.
I think I have enough issues totackle in my waking life.
So what are some of the liesthat we tell ourselves?
Common things that people lieto themselves about - I'll be
(02:19):
happy when.
.
.
Josh (02:21):
How many times have you said that to yourself?
right?
Lisa (02:24):
I have time to do that later.
.
.
I'm fine.
.
.
Josh (02:29):
Oh yeah.
Lisa (02:31):
I can change them.
.
.
I'm not good enough.
.
.
I don't care what people think.
.
.
it's too late for me..
.
That was something we weretalking about last episode.
Josh (02:42):
Yeah.
Lisa (02:42):
I'm over it.
.
.
I don't need help.
.
.
I can do it by myself.
.
.
Money doesn't matter.
.
.
I'm not like other people.
.
.
allAll these things.
Josh (02:51):
Money doesn't buy happiness.
Lisa (02:54):
Well, maybe.
Josh (02:57):
Well, that's what I'm saying.
It's a lie.
Lisa (02:59):
Yeah, You why know in many ways.
Why do you think we do that?
Josh (03:05):
do that?
Yeah, I think we try besomething we're not at times, I
think, depending on who's infront of us perception.
I think sometimes - we lie tobenefit our kids.
Where we'll be like kids, wherewe'll be like, you you know, and
(03:26):
we technically do, but becauseit's our kid, we don't.
You know, Fallon will wearsomething and I'll be like
"Fallon, like, come on, we'renot going to wear that to school
,I'm saying "u you be you, you be
(03:48):
unique, you be different.
Who cares what other peoplethink?
But at the same time, like youcan't wear that.
So you know, I feel like we'redoing this because it's a
defense mechanism.
You know that we use, but themoment that it reflects on us in
some funny way, we contradictourselves.
I'm not comfortable going outwith unicorn pants or whatever,
(04:11):
even though I say it doesn'tmatter what other people think.
If I'm saying these things tomyself and not so much to my
kids, once again, I think thatthat becomes a defense mechanism
.
Lisa (04:23):
Self-preservation.
Josh (04:24):
You know, I don't know how many times I said I don't give
a shit what they fucking think.
But really you do To a degree,yeah, you know to a degree.
Yeah, because that's why you'reso mad.
You're so mad because you givea shit.
Lisa (04:38):
Yeah, well, I think there's people out there that
have created a really greatpoker face.
Josh (04:45):
Yeah, that's true.
Lisa (04:46):
But you never know what they're truly feeling inside.
Josh (04:50):
Yeah, I'd like to say that in the public eye I'm the same
way.
I could say the same exactphrase with someone that is not
close to me, and not shed a tear, nothing and say the same exact
phrase, but with someone I careabout and have a completely
(05:11):
different situation.
You know what I mean.
Yeah true.
So yeah, I mean, I guess thatis true, you know, but deep down
there's some form of caring,you know, with some of these
lies that we tell ourselves.
Lisa (05:27):
So there's good intentions , is what you're saying.
Josh (05:29):
Yeah, I think it's more good intention than anything
else.
Lisa (05:33):
And are you specifically referring to?
Like the lies that we wouldtell other people, like our kids
or whatever, as opposed to thelies that we tell ourselves?
I think it's a little or do youthink it's a little of both?
Josh (05:45):
I think it's a little bit of both, like I truly don't care
what you wear, but I care aboutwhat the other people think.
So I'm not lying, but at thesame time I'm telling you you
can wear whatever you want.
(06:05):
Who cares what other peoplethink?
But I care.
Lisa (06:09):
Yeah.
Josh (06:10):
Okay, like I had a conversation with Fallon, I say,
fallon, are you going to wearthose pants?
You know, with that, like withyour unicorn hoodie, I'm like,
oh my gosh.
They were like you know, red,yellow, green, blue.
It was like a little much right.
And she's like yeah.
And I said it was like a littlemuch right and she's like yeah.
(06:33):
And I said I said are you sureI go?
Like?
You know people are going tonotice you, you know, like it's
a lot, and she's like I don'tcare what others think good for
her and I said okay, but it wasthe conversation we had after.
I said okay, I said so, youdon't care.
And she goes no, I say okay.
So a boy comes up to you orgirl comes up to you and says,
(06:58):
oh my gosh, fallon, like thosepants are really bright, you
know.
And she's like, yeah, I don'tcare.
And I say okay, what happens ifthey're like you know they
tease you because of your pants?
What if they're like Fallon,those pants, they don't look
great on you, or whatever, andshe goes.
I'll just tell them that youknow, I have a good heart and I
(07:20):
don't care about what they thinkand I'm perfectly fine with
that because I'm going to be meand I'm just like all right,
wear your fucking pants.
Yeah, you know, wear yourfucking pants, girl.
So you know when, when, uh, andI definitely have to give a
little bit of credit to her momfor that she, she's always
(07:42):
trying to get Fallon to just,you know, like you're a woman,
you know you're you go, you knowyou do your thing.
So you know, I'd like to think,you know I have my part in that
too, but definitely you knowthere's something going on there
that's giving her this.
You know this confidence thing,but let's argue here, right, if
(08:08):
a kid does actually tease her,yeah, she's gonna come home
upset of course so you see howthat line is blurred yeah I
guess, no matter what you care,you can say you don't, and maybe
to maybe some form of surfacelevel you don't.
But deep down there's somethingthat makes you kind of like I'm
(08:32):
not gonna wear these pantsagain yeah you know, and that
just breaks my heart.
Lisa (08:37):
It's like just wear the fucking unicorn pants, jesus,
like who cares.
I think that's something that'schanged over the years is
giving a shit about what otherpeople think.
Josh (08:49):
Yeah, you know, I mean I will, I yeah, you know what.
But that's a good pointactually what you're saying,
because I definitely think thatwe were just talking last time
about age.
I definitely think that I was,maybe through my relationships,
programmed a little bit toreally care about certain things
(09:10):
, um, you know, especially likematerialistic and like looking a
certain way and and you know,and, and I've definitely gotten,
um, you know, quite a, quite afew pieces of humble pie as well
that I had to be dished.
But I feel like I've kind ofgrown to the point where now,
(09:32):
like I truly can confidently saylike I really don't give a shit
, you know, like I don't care ifI have a Porsche or if I have a
fucking Corolla.
So that, for me, has definitelyshifted in me hitting my, me
getting into my 40s now.
But it's not about just I haveto have these things, these
(09:57):
things have to be.
Like the look of it maybe yeah,now it's more, it's more inside
and more like what makes youfeel.
Yeah, you know.
Lisa (10:06):
Yeah, oh yeah, I get it, I get it.
Let's look at some of thereasons why we actually tell
ourselves these things.
Would it be a fear of failurethat may be in your eyes if you
weren't eating the great steakat Gibby's or driving the good
car that it looked like youweren't?
Josh (10:27):
successful.
Lisa (10:28):
Yeah.
Josh (10:29):
For sure.
What about you?
Lisa (10:31):
How have I lied to myself over the years?
Yeah, when do I start?
I think I'm guilty of all ofthose you know lies that we kind
of I kind of ran through at thebeginning as examples.
I think I've been my worstcritic.
I've always kind of I don'tcare, I don't care, but I do,
(11:00):
and I keep it all as like armor,almost right.
And it's been really hard tobreak that cycle, because you
can't really change anything ifyou don't know why you're doing
something.
Right?
Yeah, what are you getting outof this behavior, so to speak?
Josh (11:21):
Right.
Lisa (11:22):
It's all been tied into my self-worth, and so I'm not good
enough.
Josh (11:29):
Yeah.
Lisa (11:30):
Everybody else is more important than me.
You know all of that stuff.
Josh (11:34):
Well, that can also go into like a codependent category
, right, yep, and you know so.
I mean, I think the reason whywe say those lies to ourselves,
or one of the many reasons, isbecause we try, we keep telling
ourselves we're not going tocare, you know, and um, but we
(11:57):
do, but hey, I'm no jordanpeterson, right?
So have you ever been in asituation where you had even
just a simple argument with yourbetter half and it's a little
too personal, and obviously thekid says what's wrong and you
make a white lie?
I mean, we're not going totrauma, dump our kids right?
Lisa (12:19):
No, not at all.
I just tell them it's none ofyour business.
Josh (12:22):
Oh, do you really?
Yeah, oh, wow, that's good sothat's between me and Daddy.
Lisa (12:26):
We're good though, Don't worry.
Josh (12:28):
There's a boundary right there.
That's a good boundary.
My gosh.
Lisa (12:32):
I come from a place where you don't need to know
everything, about everything.
Do you know what I mean?
Josh (12:38):
Yeah, it's weird I guess I just look at it differently
Like they are my business andI'm their business.
I would feel like that's awhite lie in a weird way.
I would feel like me sayingnone of your business is the
white lie.
Really, yeah, I don't know whyI think like that.
Lisa (12:57):
But here's the thing.
Josh (12:58):
It's weird eh.
Lisa (12:59):
I guess.
No, I don't think it's weird.
I think whatever you feel, youfeel or however you think you
think.
But I try to look at it fromlike um, these are not
necessarily my kids, but theseare people that are going to go
out into the real world Right,and in the real world there are
(13:23):
people that have conversations,people that you know that have
conversations and you don't needto involve yourself in it.
Josh (13:30):
True.
Lisa (13:31):
Because not everything is about you.
Josh (13:32):
That's a good point.
Lisa (13:33):
And so not everything is about is your business.
Josh (13:37):
Yeah, and let's be honest, at their age they think
everything is their business.
They do, they do.
Lisa (13:41):
So that's a good point, and so I think just putting just
, and I'm not mean about it,it's just, it's none of your
business.
Josh (13:48):
Yeah, but I think that's a good point, you know, to bring
up.
You know, like I would almostwant to now add that in as a
parenting tool in certainscenarios, like let me give you
an example yeah, dad, why doesthat guy have blah, blah, blah,
what?
Oh well, I don't know.
(14:09):
But instead of me making up thewhy, that could be a practice
moment.
That could be a moment where Igo, well, it's none of our
business.
Like, come on, who cares whathe's doing?
It's not up to us.
You know what I mean.
So, yeah, I like that.
Lisa (14:30):
I'm going to put that on the list.
Fun, take what's the mostcommon lie.
Josh (14:35):
you catch yourself telling yourself Okay, go.
Lisa (14:38):
Someone else will do it.
Someone else will take care ofit.
Josh (14:44):
Oh shit Okay.
That's probably not a lie, butWell, it's something you tell
yourself, yeah.
So yeah, it's technically a lie, because you're saying, oh,
someone else will do it, but youknow that you are going to do
it.
Yeah, so that's a lie.
Lisa (15:02):
That's true, there you go.
Okay, right, so that qualifies.
Josh (15:05):
But that's the one you say the most.
Oh, yeah, Okay, yeah, Okay.
The lie.
I could probably think, withoutgetting too dramatic, that I'm
not enough.
I would say that that'sprobably the thing that always
pops into my head at times.
You know where I have to almostargue with myself, Like you
(15:27):
know, you see these fucking, youknow therapists on their little
Instagram reels and they'relike you are enough.
Lisa (15:35):
I love those.
Josh (15:36):
But you know, and it's like yeah.
Lisa (15:39):
It's like my drug of choice.
Say more.
Josh (15:43):
You know, and don't get me wrong, like I get it, they're
just trying to help and they'rejust trying to say, like you
know, and don't get me wrong,like I get it, they're just
trying to help and they're justtrying to say, like you know,
but like I almost like I roll,but why do I I roll, and you
know it's.
I think it's something that weall go through, that we have to
kind of fight with, and I thinkonly now, at 40 years old, where
(16:07):
I'm finally kind of coming likeout of that, these are the
times that we want to work onourselves, like we want to look
at the problems we have, youknow, versus when we're 30 or
even 20, you know, we're like wedon't have fucking problems.
You know what are you talkingabout?
I'm perfect, you know.
Lisa (16:26):
Yeah.
Josh (16:26):
So I think that that plays .
Lisa (16:28):
Or the problems that we do have are not about us.
They're always about otherpeople.
Exactly Lies.
Josh (16:35):
Yeah.
Lisa (16:36):
So how do we stop telling ourselves these lies, Actually
knowing that we're saying thesethings to ourselves?
We're lying to ourselves aboutthese things.
Self-awareness that's a goodstart Well.
Josh (16:49):
Self-awareness, I think, is number one, right.
You need to know that there's aproblem and not always trying
to lean on someone else to sayit.
For you, to make you feelvalidated, you don't need the
validation from someone else,and because you're looking for
it, it all stems back to what wewere talking about that
(17:11):
everything is a lie, you know,and if I need the validation
from you to tell me that I amenough, then I'm definitely not
enough.
Lisa (17:21):
What about lying to other people, but like all out lies?
Have you ever?
I'm sure in your life you haveat least once or twice?
Is there any that stick out toyou that you want to talk about
at all?
Josh (17:37):
I think for men, I think you know the, I'm fine.
You know women too, I'm sure,but you know.
Lisa (17:52):
You know women too, I'm sure, but you know I think that
that we were conditioned not tospeak up you know, that's a very
good point, and I'm sure womenare too, you know.
Josh (17:56):
But but I think women have a little bit more of a that,
that friend, that that come likeyou know where it's like.
No matter what it's like, youcan say whatever it's like your
own therapist.
And men, you know, don't reallyhave that, you know, and when
(18:16):
we do we don't want to talkabout it and it's because we're
supposed to just be tough.
So I think that this wholetough thing, you know, and how
men are supposed to be, I thinkthat that, you know, has
probably been the biggest, thebiggest thing for me.
Lisa (18:38):
You Thinking back to my childhood, I used to actually
like lie a lot.
I think about the boys now andthey'll say these lies and
you're just like, you're soobvious about your lie that it's
just like it's laughable.
Do you know what I mean?
I think it's a natural thing totest out your.
(19:00):
You know I get it.
But I lied a lot as a kid aboutstupid shit.
Do you know like and not justto mom and dad, for example, oh,
it could be like to friends.
You know like?
Oh, I was hanging out withso-and-so after school.
Meanwhile I was at home doingfuck all.
(19:22):
And why?
Why did I do that?
Like to make myself not looklike, you know, like a
friendless loser?
I don't know I had friends, sowhy did I need to lie to my
friends about hanging out withsomebody I don't know?
Then you have to remember whatfucking lies you told so and so,
(19:42):
and then you told somebody this, but you told that person that
it's exhausting.
Yeah, it's a lot.
It's a lot around that time,like things would come back to
haunt me.
You know like, well, you saidthis fuck, yeah, I did a shit.
You know, getting caught inlittle lies that I had told
(20:04):
previously.
You know yeah, so and and Idon't you don't like that
feeling.
That feeling never toldpreviously.
You know, yeah, so and I don't.
You don't like that feeling.
That feeling never sits goodwith you.
It's an icky feeling.
Josh (20:11):
It is yeah, you know.
Lisa (20:13):
There's no way of really like escaping lying altogether.
Josh (20:22):
I mean I think I have PTSD when it comes to lying.
So when the kids lie it's notgood, you know.
I try to tell them that if youjust tell me the truth, I
actually will be less mad.
Lisa (20:36):
Yeah, you know.
Oh, I've said that too.
Josh (20:39):
It's something they have to go through.
It's almost like they need totest how naive humans are, you
know.
Lisa (20:48):
I think it's about boundaries, Josh.
Josh (20:50):
Oh, it could be about boundaries.
I also think, though, that it'sabout how easy it is to get
away with it, or not.
Yeah, so I don't care aboutthis specific thing.
I care about the lie.
Lisa (21:04):
Yep, okay, so let's wrap it up.
Josh (21:08):
Well, that's it for today's episode.
Let us know what's one lieyou've been telling yourself
that you are ready to stopbelieving.
Lisa (21:16):
And don't forget to answer our what if?
Question in the comments ormessage us on Instagram.
Josh (21:21):
Make sure to follow, subscribe and share the podcast
and, as always, we'll see younext time on Brother, Sister,
Whatever.
Lisa (21:27):
Bye.
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