January 17, 2025 • 20 mins
Ever wondered what life would be like inside your favorite movie or TV show? Join us this week on Brother, Sister as we launch "The Weekly What If," where fantasies become our reality. Picture Josh teaming up with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the adrenaline-fueled world of "Predator," while Lisa dreams of cozy family moments on the set of classic sitcoms like "Family Ties." Our nostalgic chat takes a humorous twist as we reflect on the household rules that shaped us—think strict bedtimes and dinner table etiquette. Despite sharing the same home, our experiences were worlds apart, and now those lessons creep into our parenting styles, where snacks and bedtimes are much more negotiable.
Shifting gears, we dissect the changing face of parenting, comparing the rigid rules of yesteryear to today's more flexible approaches. From balancing chores with rewards to ensuring gender fairness, we cover it all with heartfelt honesty. Listen as we champion the power of positive reinforcement over punishment and stress the importance of giving kids a voice within set boundaries. Personal anecdotes reveal the challenges and joys of raising children, especially when patience is vital in fostering independence. It's a candid conversation packed with laughter and insights that every parent can relate to.
Thanks for hanging out with us on Brother Sister Whatever, your no-BS guide through the messy middle!
If this episode made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence as a GenX/Xennial — please hit subscribe and leave a review. It genuinely helps more unhinged humans find their people.
Keep the Real Talk going:
➡️ Follow @brothersisterwhatever on YouTube for video episodes, Instagram for Reels & rants, and Facebook for community!
📧 realtalkzerochill@gmail.com
🌐 www.brothersisterwhatever.com
🗓 New episodes every other Thursday.
Bring your feelings. We’ll bring ours.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:01):
Hey, this is Brother, Sister.
Whatever, I'm Lisa.
Josh (00:04):
And I'm Josh.
We are two siblings with nochill and a whole lot of
oversharing.
We're here every Thursday witha fresh 20-25 minute of sibling,
banter, deep dives and randomtangents.
Lisa (00:17):
So mark your calendars.
This is your new weekly hangout.
Alright, let's go.
Josh (00:22):
Alright well, listen, we are about to kick off something
new in this episode.
We are pretty excited about it.
Welcome to what we want to callthe weekly what if?
Lisa (00:32):
This is where we throw out a totally random, silly,
thought-provoking question toget you and us thinking no right
or wrong answers here, justpure fun.
Josh (00:42):
So let's get started with our very first.
What if?
Lisa (00:46):
What if you could live inside any movie or TV show?
Which one would it be?
Josh (00:51):
Are you really putting me on the spot here?
Yeah, I know.
Lisa (00:54):
Okay, a TV show, a sitcom.
Josh (00:56):
Oh gosh, let me guess.
Lisa (00:59):
Which one do you think?
Josh (01:00):
You're either going to say Friends Seinfeld, maybe that
Steve Urkel there, familyMatters Family.
Lisa (01:08):
Matters.
No, actually I was not going topick any of those.
Oh.
I was going to pick Family Ties.
Josh (01:16):
Family Ties.
Yeah, shoot, I don't even know,oh my gosh, please don't say
that.
Lisa (01:21):
Anyways, it's an 80s sitcom.
It was about family.
Josh (01:24):
Probably because you're older than me.
Michael J Fox, no, I don't evenremember that.
No, no, no, oh, my gosh, musthave been not in my era.
Okay, so I guess I have to picka show here, yeah, or a movie,
or a movie.
So back in my day, when I was akid.
Now are we talking like okay,you're saying like coming home
(01:47):
for lunch this and that.
So you're not talking like whenI was like five, you're talking
about like, even as a teen,let's say like a show or a movie
we really loved yeah, of course, anything it could be any time
under the age of 18 but I wouldlove to be in the predator.
I would totally love to live inthat jungle trying to hunt down
(02:07):
that predator, with ArnoldSchwarzenegger by my side.
Okay, I do know that everyonedied except for him.
I don't know how many times Iused to watch that movie, but
for sure I would love to havesome kind of adventure like that
.
Lisa (02:22):
Talk about living on the edge.
Josh (02:24):
Yeah well, you only live once.
Lisa (02:25):
I've been thinking about growing up and the rules that we
used to have growing up.
Now, as we mentioned before, wealready know this.
I'm six years older than youand I'm a girl.
You're a boy, so there'salready a difference in how we
were raised.
We know this, despite the factthat we had the same parents and
(02:49):
the same household and, for themost part, the same rules.
So I'm kind of interested tosee how, what, like what your
take was on growing up with someof the rules that we had versus
like how I would look at itright off the the top of my head
, bedtime was a big deal growingup.
I remember like we had adesignated bedtime and that was
(03:10):
it, like we were in bed for thelongest time.
But in elementary school Iremember like bedtime was like
seven.
Josh (03:17):
I think I remember that.
Lisa (03:18):
Yeah, dinner was a big thing too.
We all had to eat at the tabletogether, no snacks.
We never had desserts.
Really Like it's very differentfrom my family now.
Like my kids think that dessertis like customary.
Josh (03:35):
Exactly, it's like part of the dinner.
Lisa (03:37):
Yes, exactly Like what do you remember growing up?
What kind of rules.
Josh (03:41):
I remember no dancing or jumping on the couch.
Lisa (03:46):
At least we didn't have plastic on the couch.
Josh (03:48):
Yeah, I remember if you were inside the house then you
were doing chores.
So the idea was stay outside,stay far, far away from the
house, so that you don't have todo chores.
Lisa (04:02):
The minimal amount of work required.
Josh (04:04):
And that's what made probably what made me so active.
When I was a kid, I was playingeverything basketball, soccer,
hockey and it's because, youknow, it was always like you
stay outside and then, when thelights go on at night or
whatever, like that's when it'stime to come home.
Lisa (04:24):
Yeah, I think some of these rules were like reasonable
to grow up like.
Josh (04:30):
I think everyone has their , their set of rules.
I mean, you know, I am so laidback.
Lisa (04:35):
I'm probably way too laid back with my own kids so some of
the rules that we werediscussing, like dinners and
snacks and bedtimes and all ofthat stuff, like you, don't do
that my kids have carte blancheto go into the fridge, to go
into the pantry, to take it Atany time.
Josh (04:54):
At any time to take whatever they want.
I might complain a little bitif, let's say, it's just before
dinner, but I'm pretty slackwith that stuff.
What about?
Lisa (05:07):
you when it comes to snacks?
When it comes to snacks, yeah,I'm probably way too lax with
that.
I.
Here's the thing Riley, myoldest, 10 years old, he has
started not asking.
So I have to be very, I have tobe very diligent and like watch
him, because he'll just go andgrab and what and and eat
whatever, even if it is five,ten minutes before dinner yeah,
(05:29):
what I mean, that's jet thatdoes the exact same thing, yeah
but Grayson's, uh, is myyoungest.
He's seven and he's kind ofstill in that phase of asking
permission for things, which isgreat, but he's definitely more
of a snacker than Riley is, so Idon't know.
I'm kind of uh, kind of allover it, but bedtime for me.
(05:50):
Bedtime is a very strict rulein my house for sure for sure.
I remember, when I first becamea parent, what, like you know,
people give you advice, and oneof the pieces, pieces of advice
that mom gave me was that youneed time for yourself.
(06:11):
Give yourself some time.
Yeah.
And in order to do that, youneed to kind of establish
bedtimes, whatever that bedtimeis for you, bedtimes, whatever
that bedtime is for you, butstick to it so that once bedtime
hits you, you've got that hourtwo, three, whatever it is,
(06:32):
before you go to bed todecompress to.
You know, yeah, now do I alwaysdecompress?
Absolutely not.
I'm, you know, running aroundtrying to plan for the next day,
but it does help to to havethat.
So I find I find that thatthat's definitely a big thing
(06:53):
for me is bedtimes.
Josh (06:54):
Yeah, I mean I would say that I probably go to bed,
especially now, but I probablygo to bed before my kids go to
bed.
So I'm in bed at like eight,seven, 45.
Lisa (07:06):
So that's because you wake up like four o'clock in the
morning or something.
Josh (07:10):
Yeah, yeah, I'm up at four and all that stuff so yeah, so,
and and you know, my kids areusually not.
what's funny is I've noticedthat when I was a night owl,
they would obviously try to stayup as late as possible and now,
because I'm in bed early, theywant to go to bed.
So now they're jumping in bed,trying to be with me, or
(07:34):
whatever you know.
So I find that, you know, ascliche as it might sound like
leading by example, like itreally it's it's very evident
that they are really justconnected to you, yeah, in so
many ways.
Lisa (07:50):
so so, yeah, yeah, I'm in bed at eight and the kids are
usually not far from that time,like 8, 10, 8, 15, I hear them,
you know as somebody that's beena parent for 25 years oh my god
, I'm aging myself, um but Ithink I really do think that
(08:12):
rules are that are there forwhen you need and want them, and
they can change over time inmany different ways with many
people or in this case, we'retalking about kids.
With any child in specific,depending on their needs, their,
you know, depending on yourneeds, depending on the times,
(08:36):
depending on the ages, I thinkthere's so many variables.
You know, one thing works forone kid, the same thing won't
work for the other.
I think rules in some ways kindof factor in there as well.
For sure Not all rules will workfor all kids and so, yeah, I
think, after many tries and I'mstill trying I still have time
(09:01):
way to go with two more kids athome growing up.
That it's, yeah, like rules aremeant to be broken in a way.
They're there for when you needthem and if they don't work,
then they don't work and youmove on and you adapt and you
make new rules.
Josh (09:16):
Yeah, in that context of what you're talking about, rules
, and let's look at discipline.
And this for me is a big one,probably because in my career
I'm dealing with things that arealways evolving in the sense of
the training, and I was someonewho was extremely in that
(09:39):
disciplinary role when it cameto being physical, to now being
a science-based trainer.
And if I look at back in theday, with kids, you had, you
know, wooden spoons, you hadbelts, you know.
Lisa (10:01):
It was discipline based on fear.
Josh (10:03):
Yeah, it was all fear-based and so the thing
about that.
Now again, I'm not a humanpsychologist, but what's crazy
is that you can technicallyrelate some of this to what I do
for a living In dog training.
In dog training, because when welook at fear-based scenarios,
what ends up happening is thatthe dog starts to lash out in a
(10:26):
fearful way, but to people thatit looks like dominance, it
looks like aggression and it isto me at least, it sums up to
the same thing as what a bullywould look like.
You know, we could look at abully and we could be like I'm
talking about like zero empathy,okay, kind of scenario.
(10:46):
We can look at a bully and belike, oh my gosh, what a jerk.
Like look, look what that kiddid to that kid, or there's so
many, you know variables inthere, but but like more often
than not we're like what a jerk,what an ass.
But then when you dig a littleand you see what that kid is
going through at home not toexcuse what he's doing or she's
(11:09):
doing to other people, but it somakes sense, the abuse that's
happening at home or whereverit's happening or wherever it's
happening to then findingsomeone weaker to be able to
kind of latch on and react inthat way.
Lisa (11:27):
It's a coping mechanism.
It's a coping mechanism exactly.
Josh (11:30):
So it actually happens with dogs all the time and
people are like, oh yeah, thisdog is very aggressive, very,
very dominant, which iscompletely false.
Every time I see the dog who'saggressive, it's always
fear-based.
So you can, I can, you know,because I've been studying this
for so long.
I can literally just like I'msure a child psychologist who's
(11:56):
been doing this for 20 yearscould look at a child and be
like, no, this kid is scared.
You know, just the same waythat I can look at a dog and be
like, no, that dog that'sshowing all his teeth, that
looks scary as hell, iscompletely terrified, you know.
So that's kind of how I thinkwe've evolved over time, because
you know, the theory that I'llhear very often is well worked.
(12:18):
For me, I turned out okay.
That's perfectly true.
You did turn out okay, maybe.
But what ends up happening isthat it becomes a 50-50, as
opposed to I don't know.
I don't know what the odds are,but maybe if I'm doing
(12:38):
everything positively andpositive reinforcement, et
cetera, maybe it's 80-20.
20% of the time my kid might befucked up.
80% of the time, you know,everything is fine, Versus if
it's that I'm going to beat youor I'm going to smack you
because you did this.
I'm going to scare you.
I think the chances areprobably really high.
Lisa (12:55):
But what about genders and rules?
Do you have different rules foryour daughter than you do for
your son?
Josh (13:02):
Well, yeah, of course, my daughter's not allowed to see
any boys, and I'm kidding.
Do I have any different rulesin that sense?
I don't think so.
Lisa (13:12):
What about chores Do you give?
Well, first of all, do you havechores at your house?
Do the kids do chores?
Josh (13:19):
Yes.
Lisa (13:20):
What are there?
Josh (13:21):
I mean right now they're watching a guinea pig.
Okay, they have two guinea pigs.
Lisa (13:25):
So they're responsible for another little life, kind of
thing.
Josh (13:28):
Yeah, they.
So you know they have liketasks and jobs, you know.
So my, my wife has like alittle board and they have to
check off everything they do.
And the whole idea here is, ifthey kick butt with this whole
project, um, um, but we'reexpecting them to fail, not in a
way, like you know, like ourkids suck, or anything, but just
(13:49):
in the sense, like you know,because this was kind of like
where we went with the chorething.
We were like, if you, if we donot have to tell you to do this,
this and this, and you do thiswith these guinea pigs that
we're watching for six months orhowever long it is, then we
will consider a bigconsideration of getting you a
(14:10):
small little creature that youwant.
Lisa (14:13):
Okay.
Josh (14:13):
And so that's kind of where we're going.
So I guess it's maybe not thesame thing as chores, because
like these are, like, you mayget something at the end of the
day, like it's different, ormaybe.
Lisa (14:22):
Well, no, I think it depends right.
Some parents enforce chores andthat's it.
Some have chores for anallowance at the end of the week
, or you do your chores and youget TV time or iPad time or
whatever.
There's many differentscenarios.
I don't think it has to be tiedwith end result.
I also don't think it doesn'thave to be tied with an end
(14:42):
result.
I also don't think it doesn'thave to be tied with an end goal
or an end surprise or gift orwhatever.
Here's what I think is verydifferent from how we grew up
versus how we raise our childrennow, or how I raise my kids now
is there was very little roomto fuck up when we were kids.
(15:03):
You follow the rules, and ifyou don't follow the rules, well
then you are in your room, oryou go to bed early, or you get
something taken away from you,or you lose a privilege or
whatever.
Right.
Josh (15:14):
Yeah.
Lisa (15:14):
Like there was the way of parenting was very stringent,
very, in my opinion.
Yeah, yeah it was very it wasvery kind of like this is how it
is and I want to do differentwith my kids.
I want them to feel like theyhave a voice, that they can come
to me with anything, that wecan talk about things, that they
(15:37):
have a say.
And I'll be the first to saythat the kids having a say is
not always a great thing.
Yeah.
Sometimes you just need tofollow the rules, because even I
as an adult have rules tofollow.
It's not like.
I can go to work whenever Iwant.
I have to be there for acertain time.
You know, when I'm there I haveto work a certain way.
(15:58):
Right, like there's rules inlife.
Yeah.
That are not always negotiable.
And yeah, I'm just trying.
I'm just, you know, goingthrough this fine line of of
trying to figure out again we,like I said earlier, as years go
by and, as you know, for everykid and for every situation
(16:20):
you're kind of adapting, almostright, and how you're teaching
them and yeah.
So I'm just trying to figure itall out, but it's, it's very
interesting.
Yeah, I find the whole thinginteresting, quite frankly.
What about you?
Josh (16:33):
well, I mean I'd say that, um, the kids have it pretty
easy, uh, at home there'sthere's no question about that.
Why, hmm, I mean I don't know.
I mean I would say that our usgrowing up, I could maybe
perhaps remember some kidshaving it way worse, like
friends, you know, who had itlike way worse in the sense of
(16:55):
like you know rules and this andthat Absolutely in the sense of
you know, it's pretty fair gamekind of thing.
But I guess I would say,probably my week it's not really
on the same topic exactly, butI'd say probably my biggest kind
(17:17):
of issue or thing that I know Ineed to work on is that I'm
always rushing.
So I feel like now I'm in apoint of my life where I have a
little bit more time, so I tryto do things a little bit slower
.
It still doesn't happen becauseit's like part of my DNA.
Lisa (17:34):
It's ingrained in you.
Josh (17:35):
Yeah, it's ingrained, you know so.
But like, one of the biggestthings is, like you know,
because my son, he has quite abit of disabilities and so when
he has trouble getting thezipper on or for his coat or his
boots, very very challengingfor him to put his boots on.
I will just okay.
(17:59):
There it's in.
Lisa (18:01):
Do it for him kind of thing.
Josh (18:02):
Yeah, I'll do it for him instead of letting him try, and
I remember an OT saying like youknow, you gotta, you gotta let
him.
I find that I find it.
OT, like occupational therapistno offense, people out there
okay, but but I'm gonna say it.
Okay, I feel like theseprofessions don't get me wrong,
anyone can do them.
(18:22):
You study for them, them, youcan do this, okay, I get that,
but I feel like, until you're aparent, okay, you can't say
certain things Like you can'tsay.
You just need to calm down andgo slower, let him do it or let
her do it.
Like we're in this fantasy land, we have five minutes to catch
the bus and it's gotta happennow.
And I just find that they livein this la-la land and they're
(18:52):
like yeah, okay, josh, I get ityou know let's do it five
minutes earlier or do it 10minutes earlier, but you know
what, that's not always easy.
So yeah, we try to do it and Iknow I sound like I'm just
making excuses, but I feel likewhen I dealt with an OT who had
kids, I found the training sodifferent and they figured out
ways for me to kind of managelike my workload and how to do
this and do that, like, forexample, you know what, josh,
(19:14):
you're in a rush, do it, get hisstuff on.
But you know what you could doafter dinner, maybe half an hour
before bed, sit on your stepsand get him to put on the.
I said, oh my gosh, I go.
Lisa (19:26):
This is genius, I agree, I understand.
I totally understand whatyou're saying.
Well, I think we discussedquite a bit of stuff, josh, and
remember that we're here everyThursday, so subscribe and never
miss an episode.
Josh (19:39):
And don't be a stranger.
Follow us on InstagramBrothersisterwhatever, Slide
into our DMs, share your storiesor just even say hi.
We can't wait to hear from youUntil next time.
Lisa (19:51):
Take care guys.
Josh (19:52):
Bye.
Hey, this is Brother, Sister.
Whatever, I'm Lisa.
Josh (00:04):
And I'm Josh.
We are two siblings with nochill and a whole lot of
oversharing.
We're here every Thursday witha fresh 20-25 minute of sibling,
banter, deep dives and randomtangents.
Lisa (00:17):
So mark your calendars.
This is your new weekly hangout.
Alright, let's go.
Josh (00:22):
Alright well, listen, we are about to kick off something
new in this episode.
We are pretty excited about it.
Welcome to what we want to callthe weekly what if?
Lisa (00:32):
This is where we throw out a totally random, silly,
thought-provoking question toget you and us thinking no right
or wrong answers here, justpure fun.
Josh (00:42):
So let's get started with our very first.
What if?
Lisa (00:46):
What if you could live inside any movie or TV show?
Which one would it be?
Josh (00:51):
Are you really putting me on the spot here?
Yeah, I know.
Lisa (00:54):
Okay, a TV show, a sitcom.
Josh (00:56):
Oh gosh, let me guess.
Lisa (00:59):
Which one do you think?
Josh (01:00):
You're either going to say Friends Seinfeld, maybe that
Steve Urkel there, familyMatters Family.
Lisa (01:08):
Matters.
No, actually I was not going topick any of those.
Oh.
I was going to pick Family Ties.
Josh (01:16):
Family Ties.
Yeah, shoot, I don't even know,oh my gosh, please don't say
that.
Lisa (01:21):
Anyways, it's an 80s sitcom.
It was about family.
Josh (01:24):
Probably because you're older than me.
Michael J Fox, no, I don't evenremember that.
No, no, no, oh, my gosh, musthave been not in my era.
Okay, so I guess I have to picka show here, yeah, or a movie,
or a movie.
So back in my day, when I was akid.
Now are we talking like okay,you're saying like coming home
(01:47):
for lunch this and that.
So you're not talking like whenI was like five, you're talking
about like, even as a teen,let's say like a show or a movie
we really loved yeah, of course, anything it could be any time
under the age of 18 but I wouldlove to be in the predator.
I would totally love to live inthat jungle trying to hunt down
(02:07):
that predator, with ArnoldSchwarzenegger by my side.
Okay, I do know that everyonedied except for him.
I don't know how many times Iused to watch that movie, but
for sure I would love to havesome kind of adventure like that
.
Lisa (02:22):
Talk about living on the edge.
Josh (02:24):
Yeah well, you only live once.
Lisa (02:25):
I've been thinking about growing up and the rules that we
used to have growing up.
Now, as we mentioned before, wealready know this.
I'm six years older than youand I'm a girl.
You're a boy, so there'salready a difference in how we
were raised.
We know this, despite the factthat we had the same parents and
(02:49):
the same household and, for themost part, the same rules.
So I'm kind of interested tosee how, what, like what your
take was on growing up with someof the rules that we had versus
like how I would look at itright off the the top of my head
, bedtime was a big deal growingup.
I remember like we had adesignated bedtime and that was
(03:10):
it, like we were in bed for thelongest time.
But in elementary school Iremember like bedtime was like
seven.
Josh (03:17):
I think I remember that.
Lisa (03:18):
Yeah, dinner was a big thing too.
We all had to eat at the tabletogether, no snacks.
We never had desserts.
Really Like it's very differentfrom my family now.
Like my kids think that dessertis like customary.
Josh (03:35):
Exactly, it's like part of the dinner.
Lisa (03:37):
Yes, exactly Like what do you remember growing up?
What kind of rules.
Josh (03:41):
I remember no dancing or jumping on the couch.
Lisa (03:46):
At least we didn't have plastic on the couch.
Josh (03:48):
Yeah, I remember if you were inside the house then you
were doing chores.
So the idea was stay outside,stay far, far away from the
house, so that you don't have todo chores.
Lisa (04:02):
The minimal amount of work required.
Josh (04:04):
And that's what made probably what made me so active.
When I was a kid, I was playingeverything basketball, soccer,
hockey and it's because, youknow, it was always like you
stay outside and then, when thelights go on at night or
whatever, like that's when it'stime to come home.
Lisa (04:24):
Yeah, I think some of these rules were like reasonable
to grow up like.
Josh (04:30):
I think everyone has their , their set of rules.
I mean, you know, I am so laidback.
Lisa (04:35):
I'm probably way too laid back with my own kids so some of
the rules that we werediscussing, like dinners and
snacks and bedtimes and all ofthat stuff, like you, don't do
that my kids have carte blancheto go into the fridge, to go
into the pantry, to take it Atany time.
Josh (04:54):
At any time to take whatever they want.
I might complain a little bitif, let's say, it's just before
dinner, but I'm pretty slackwith that stuff.
What about?
Lisa (05:07):
you when it comes to snacks?
When it comes to snacks, yeah,I'm probably way too lax with
that.
I.
Here's the thing Riley, myoldest, 10 years old, he has
started not asking.
So I have to be very, I have tobe very diligent and like watch
him, because he'll just go andgrab and what and and eat
whatever, even if it is five,ten minutes before dinner yeah,
(05:29):
what I mean, that's jet thatdoes the exact same thing, yeah
but Grayson's, uh, is myyoungest.
He's seven and he's kind ofstill in that phase of asking
permission for things, which isgreat, but he's definitely more
of a snacker than Riley is, so Idon't know.
I'm kind of uh, kind of allover it, but bedtime for me.
(05:50):
Bedtime is a very strict rulein my house for sure for sure.
I remember, when I first becamea parent, what, like you know,
people give you advice, and oneof the pieces, pieces of advice
that mom gave me was that youneed time for yourself.
(06:11):
Give yourself some time.
Yeah.
And in order to do that, youneed to kind of establish
bedtimes, whatever that bedtimeis for you, bedtimes, whatever
that bedtime is for you, butstick to it so that once bedtime
hits you, you've got that hourtwo, three, whatever it is,
(06:32):
before you go to bed todecompress to.
You know, yeah, now do I alwaysdecompress?
Absolutely not.
I'm, you know, running aroundtrying to plan for the next day,
but it does help to to havethat.
So I find I find that thatthat's definitely a big thing
(06:53):
for me is bedtimes.
Josh (06:54):
Yeah, I mean I would say that I probably go to bed,
especially now, but I probablygo to bed before my kids go to
bed.
So I'm in bed at like eight,seven, 45.
Lisa (07:06):
So that's because you wake up like four o'clock in the
morning or something.
Josh (07:10):
Yeah, yeah, I'm up at four and all that stuff so yeah, so,
and and you know, my kids areusually not.
what's funny is I've noticedthat when I was a night owl,
they would obviously try to stayup as late as possible and now,
because I'm in bed early, theywant to go to bed.
So now they're jumping in bed,trying to be with me, or
(07:34):
whatever you know.
So I find that, you know, ascliche as it might sound like
leading by example, like itreally it's it's very evident
that they are really justconnected to you, yeah, in so
many ways.
Lisa (07:50):
so so, yeah, yeah, I'm in bed at eight and the kids are
usually not far from that time,like 8, 10, 8, 15, I hear them,
you know as somebody that's beena parent for 25 years oh my god
, I'm aging myself, um but Ithink I really do think that
(08:12):
rules are that are there forwhen you need and want them, and
they can change over time inmany different ways with many
people or in this case, we'retalking about kids.
With any child in specific,depending on their needs, their,
you know, depending on yourneeds, depending on the times,
(08:36):
depending on the ages, I thinkthere's so many variables.
You know, one thing works forone kid, the same thing won't
work for the other.
I think rules in some ways kindof factor in there as well.
For sure Not all rules will workfor all kids and so, yeah, I
think, after many tries and I'mstill trying I still have time
(09:01):
way to go with two more kids athome growing up.
That it's, yeah, like rules aremeant to be broken in a way.
They're there for when you needthem and if they don't work,
then they don't work and youmove on and you adapt and you
make new rules.
Josh (09:16):
Yeah, in that context of what you're talking about, rules
, and let's look at discipline.
And this for me is a big one,probably because in my career
I'm dealing with things that arealways evolving in the sense of
the training, and I was someonewho was extremely in that
(09:39):
disciplinary role when it cameto being physical, to now being
a science-based trainer.
And if I look at back in theday, with kids, you had, you
know, wooden spoons, you hadbelts, you know.
Lisa (10:01):
It was discipline based on fear.
Josh (10:03):
Yeah, it was all fear-based and so the thing
about that.
Now again, I'm not a humanpsychologist, but what's crazy
is that you can technicallyrelate some of this to what I do
for a living In dog training.
In dog training, because when welook at fear-based scenarios,
what ends up happening is thatthe dog starts to lash out in a
(10:26):
fearful way, but to people thatit looks like dominance, it
looks like aggression and it isto me at least, it sums up to
the same thing as what a bullywould look like.
You know, we could look at abully and we could be like I'm
talking about like zero empathy,okay, kind of scenario.
(10:46):
We can look at a bully and belike, oh my gosh, what a jerk.
Like look, look what that kiddid to that kid, or there's so
many, you know variables inthere, but but like more often
than not we're like what a jerk,what an ass.
But then when you dig a littleand you see what that kid is
going through at home not toexcuse what he's doing or she's
(11:09):
doing to other people, but it somakes sense, the abuse that's
happening at home or whereverit's happening or wherever it's
happening to then findingsomeone weaker to be able to
kind of latch on and react inthat way.
Lisa (11:27):
It's a coping mechanism.
It's a coping mechanism exactly.
Josh (11:30):
So it actually happens with dogs all the time and
people are like, oh yeah, thisdog is very aggressive, very,
very dominant, which iscompletely false.
Every time I see the dog who'saggressive, it's always
fear-based.
So you can, I can, you know,because I've been studying this
for so long.
I can literally just like I'msure a child psychologist who's
(11:56):
been doing this for 20 yearscould look at a child and be
like, no, this kid is scared.
You know, just the same waythat I can look at a dog and be
like, no, that dog that'sshowing all his teeth, that
looks scary as hell, iscompletely terrified, you know.
So that's kind of how I thinkwe've evolved over time, because
you know, the theory that I'llhear very often is well worked.
(12:18):
For me, I turned out okay.
That's perfectly true.
You did turn out okay, maybe.
But what ends up happening isthat it becomes a 50-50, as
opposed to I don't know.
I don't know what the odds are,but maybe if I'm doing
(12:38):
everything positively andpositive reinforcement, et
cetera, maybe it's 80-20.
20% of the time my kid might befucked up.
80% of the time, you know,everything is fine, Versus if
it's that I'm going to beat youor I'm going to smack you
because you did this.
I'm going to scare you.
I think the chances areprobably really high.
Lisa (12:55):
But what about genders and rules?
Do you have different rules foryour daughter than you do for
your son?
Josh (13:02):
Well, yeah, of course, my daughter's not allowed to see
any boys, and I'm kidding.
Do I have any different rulesin that sense?
I don't think so.
Lisa (13:12):
What about chores Do you give?
Well, first of all, do you havechores at your house?
Do the kids do chores?
Josh (13:19):
Yes.
Lisa (13:20):
What are there?
Josh (13:21):
I mean right now they're watching a guinea pig.
Okay, they have two guinea pigs.
Lisa (13:25):
So they're responsible for another little life, kind of
thing.
Josh (13:28):
Yeah, they.
So you know they have liketasks and jobs, you know.
So my, my wife has like alittle board and they have to
check off everything they do.
And the whole idea here is, ifthey kick butt with this whole
project, um, um, but we'reexpecting them to fail, not in a
way, like you know, like ourkids suck, or anything, but just
(13:49):
in the sense, like you know,because this was kind of like
where we went with the chorething.
We were like, if you, if we donot have to tell you to do this,
this and this, and you do thiswith these guinea pigs that
we're watching for six months orhowever long it is, then we
will consider a bigconsideration of getting you a
(14:10):
small little creature that youwant.
Lisa (14:13):
Okay.
Josh (14:13):
And so that's kind of where we're going.
So I guess it's maybe not thesame thing as chores, because
like these are, like, you mayget something at the end of the
day, like it's different, ormaybe.
Lisa (14:22):
Well, no, I think it depends right.
Some parents enforce chores andthat's it.
Some have chores for anallowance at the end of the week
, or you do your chores and youget TV time or iPad time or
whatever.
There's many differentscenarios.
I don't think it has to be tiedwith end result.
I also don't think it doesn'thave to be tied with an end
(14:42):
result.
I also don't think it doesn'thave to be tied with an end goal
or an end surprise or gift orwhatever.
Here's what I think is verydifferent from how we grew up
versus how we raise our childrennow, or how I raise my kids now
is there was very little roomto fuck up when we were kids.
(15:03):
You follow the rules, and ifyou don't follow the rules, well
then you are in your room, oryou go to bed early, or you get
something taken away from you,or you lose a privilege or
whatever.
Right.
Josh (15:14):
Yeah.
Lisa (15:14):
Like there was the way of parenting was very stringent,
very, in my opinion.
Yeah, yeah it was very it wasvery kind of like this is how it
is and I want to do differentwith my kids.
I want them to feel like theyhave a voice, that they can come
to me with anything, that wecan talk about things, that they
(15:37):
have a say.
And I'll be the first to saythat the kids having a say is
not always a great thing.
Yeah.
Sometimes you just need tofollow the rules, because even I
as an adult have rules tofollow.
It's not like.
I can go to work whenever Iwant.
I have to be there for acertain time.
You know, when I'm there I haveto work a certain way.
(15:58):
Right, like there's rules inlife.
Yeah.
That are not always negotiable.
And yeah, I'm just trying.
I'm just, you know, goingthrough this fine line of of
trying to figure out again we,like I said earlier, as years go
by and, as you know, for everykid and for every situation
(16:20):
you're kind of adapting, almostright, and how you're teaching
them and yeah.
So I'm just trying to figure itall out, but it's, it's very
interesting.
Yeah, I find the whole thinginteresting, quite frankly.
What about you?
Josh (16:33):
well, I mean I'd say that, um, the kids have it pretty
easy, uh, at home there'sthere's no question about that.
Why, hmm, I mean I don't know.
I mean I would say that our usgrowing up, I could maybe
perhaps remember some kidshaving it way worse, like
friends, you know, who had itlike way worse in the sense of
(16:55):
like you know rules and this andthat Absolutely in the sense of
you know, it's pretty fair gamekind of thing.
But I guess I would say,probably my week it's not really
on the same topic exactly, butI'd say probably my biggest kind
(17:17):
of issue or thing that I know Ineed to work on is that I'm
always rushing.
So I feel like now I'm in apoint of my life where I have a
little bit more time, so I tryto do things a little bit slower
.
It still doesn't happen becauseit's like part of my DNA.
Lisa (17:34):
It's ingrained in you.
Josh (17:35):
Yeah, it's ingrained, you know so.
But like, one of the biggestthings is, like you know,
because my son, he has quite abit of disabilities and so when
he has trouble getting thezipper on or for his coat or his
boots, very very challengingfor him to put his boots on.
I will just okay.
(17:59):
There it's in.
Lisa (18:01):
Do it for him kind of thing.
Josh (18:02):
Yeah, I'll do it for him instead of letting him try, and
I remember an OT saying like youknow, you gotta, you gotta let
him.
I find that I find it.
OT, like occupational therapistno offense, people out there
okay, but but I'm gonna say it.
Okay, I feel like theseprofessions don't get me wrong,
anyone can do them.
(18:22):
You study for them, them, youcan do this, okay, I get that,
but I feel like, until you're aparent, okay, you can't say
certain things Like you can'tsay.
You just need to calm down andgo slower, let him do it or let
her do it.
Like we're in this fantasy land, we have five minutes to catch
the bus and it's gotta happennow.
And I just find that they livein this la-la land and they're
(18:52):
like yeah, okay, josh, I get ityou know let's do it five
minutes earlier or do it 10minutes earlier, but you know
what, that's not always easy.
So yeah, we try to do it and Iknow I sound like I'm just
making excuses, but I feel likewhen I dealt with an OT who had
kids, I found the training sodifferent and they figured out
ways for me to kind of managelike my workload and how to do
this and do that, like, forexample, you know what, josh,
(19:14):
you're in a rush, do it, get hisstuff on.
But you know what you could doafter dinner, maybe half an hour
before bed, sit on your stepsand get him to put on the.
I said, oh my gosh, I go.
Lisa (19:26):
This is genius, I agree, I understand.
I totally understand whatyou're saying.
Well, I think we discussedquite a bit of stuff, josh, and
remember that we're here everyThursday, so subscribe and never
miss an episode.
Josh (19:39):
And don't be a stranger.
Follow us on InstagramBrothersisterwhatever, Slide
into our DMs, share your storiesor just even say hi.
We can't wait to hear from youUntil next time.
Lisa (19:51):
Take care guys.
Josh (19:52):
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.