February 19, 2025 • 33 mins
Are the people around you holding you back? Harvard’s longest study on relationships found that 95% of your success or failure is determined by the people you spend the most time with. If you’re feeling stuck in your career or personal growth, it might be time to take a hard look at your social circle.
In this powerful episode of BUILD, Ken Coleman shares how the wrong relationships can limit your potential, why so many people feel unfulfilled at work, and how to break free from expectations that don’t serve you.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- The 3 key elements to finding fulfilling work: Talent, Passion, and Mission
- Why mentorship and your inner circle determine your success
- How to push past fear and take control of your career
- The right questions to ask yourself to find your true calling
- Why clarity leads to confidence and courage to take action
Ken Coleman has helped thousands of people discover their dream careers and take control of their future. Whether you’re just starting out or looking to make a change, this episode is packed with insights to help you build a career and life you love.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The longest study ever done on thepower of relationships done by Harvard,
they found that 95 percent of oursuccess or failure is predicated on
the people we spend the most time with.
There are some people that are listeningand watching us right now that you got
some frustration in your personal growthor your professional growth and I'm here
(00:23):
to tell you the first place I look is thepeople you're spending the most time with.
Change the people you hangaround with change your life.
Welcome back everybody.
Super excited to be hangingout with you again today.
Look, we have a repeat guest.
You're going to absolutely love him.
He's known as America's career coach.
He's also one of the stellarpersonalities for Ramsey solutions and
(00:43):
a best selling author in his own right.
Guys, please help me.
Welcome the one and only Ken Coleman.
Ken, what's going on, dude?
How you doing?
I'm doing well.
I can't complain.
And if I did, you wouldn'twant to hear it anyway.
Well, I appreciate all that.
Look, man, I'm superstoked to talk to you.
I know you, um, recently you've beenhelping a lot of folks and I do mean a lot
of folks find occupations or professionsthey absolutely love as opposed to
(01:04):
finding, well, work they can't stand.
What started you downthat journey specifically?
My own journey.
You know, realizing at the age of31, 32, that the path that I had been
pursuing, been walking down, preparingto do more on that path was not the path.
(01:26):
And that was really disheartening forme, disillusioning, and frankly, kind of.
Put me into a funk for a couple ofyears and through my own version of
life mapping and, you know, just diggingdeep and trying to figure out, uh,
what the next path was going to be.
(01:49):
I really developed a love for,um, helping other people, the idea
at the time of just helping otherpeople discover their uniqueness.
And in doing so, then beingable to decide, all right,
this is what I should be doing.
(02:10):
Where I should be doing itand why I should be doing it.
And so that journey for me because I thinki'm a coach at heart, you know I've told
people jokingly before if I wasn't doingthis i'd probably be coaching basketball
somewhere Certainly love sports.
I love the role that a coach playsAnd I think that that's just kind
(02:31):
of I naturally lean that direction.
So you take all of that.
Yeah, and Having walked through a reallife changing, uh, process myself to try
to figure out how to take what I learnedand package it, bottle it, and help as
many people as possible figure that out.
And then, and then it ties to my faith aswell, because I believe that, you know,
(02:53):
we were in fact created to contribute.
Work isn't just a thing we do to live.
Absolutely.
No, I love that.
And actually I've been thinkinga little bit of my own story.
I know that, uh, I think it wasabout three years ago, uh, Time
magazine and Harris, uh, did a, dida Harris poll and they discovered
67 percent of the populationwould have classified themselves.
This is before COVID, um, unhappy,unfulfilled, not living their best life.
(03:18):
And it got me thinking when I was,you know, I was forced to drop,
you know, drop out of school early.
Uh, to help my family paythe bills long time ago.
And, you know, I ended up building apretty sizable business in this area.
You got, I got seven businesses now totalhave a GED is the extent of my education.
Um, but I remember this.
I remember someone telling me thatI needed a college degree if I was
ever going to be happy and fulfilled.
(03:40):
And I say all that to say that it seemsto me that people are often stuck because
they're trying to live someone else'slife based on someone else's expectation.
Have you found that tobe similar to the same?
Yeah, you nailed that.
That's a really well said greatexpectations become unmet expectations
(04:00):
when we do exactly what you justtalked about, which is I'm trying to
live someone else's life, the lifethat someone else wants me to live.
In fact, it's in the top five, uh,reasons for regret for those of the dying.
Wow.
Is I didn't live the lifethat I really wanted to live.
And that comes down to, they just knew.
(04:21):
Yeah, they weren't living authentically.
I think everybody understands that they'redifferent, but we don't teach this.
We, first of all, we don't, we don'tteach it in our homes and we don't
teach it in the classrooms, thisidea that, that you're uniquely made.
And then there's a unique role thatyou have to fill and, and work is.
(04:44):
Unfortunately, work just becomesthis utilitarian function instead
of this unique contribution.
And so that's what happens.
Yeah.
We just, we, we go follow along.
Well, my dad went to the school,so I'm going to go to the school.
My mom and dad think I should be anaccountant cause I'm good with numbers.
So I'm going to go do that.
And what happens is we endedup taking on the identity.
(05:06):
Of this other character,who's not even anywhere close
to authentically who we are.
Well, you know, one of the things I'veheard you speak on recently, and I
thought you had literally the advice, Iwas listening to one of your, one of your
shows and you were giving a call or someadvice on this, this idea that you have to
have some level of master's or bachelor'sdegree to do anything in life, or, um,
you know, that, That's your education willdictate your elevation kind of scenario.
(05:31):
And without giving too much away,everybody can go and watch the
show, which I encourage them to do.
But what are the insights fromyour perspective on doing the work,
finding the profession, you know,finding that activity level that you
absolutely love, because at leastfor me, I didn't find it in school.
So I'm curious to know kind ofhow, how, what's your process of
(05:52):
helping people discover those items.
Well, it is a process of self awareness.
And so there are three elementsyou've got to be aware of.
You start with talent.
And the reason we want to look attalent, this is just think of it
as raw talent that we're born with.
And then with practice and experienceover time and failure and all those
things, we shape that molded that, that,uh, ball of clay, if you will, we mold
(06:14):
it through experience and education.
We learn, and then we do learn, dotakes talent and turns it into a skill.
Yeah.
So we've got to start with talent.
And those sharpened skills thatwe have, we look at that first.
We want to get aware of that becausethat's where we have the opportunity
to be very, very proficient,very, very powerful, right?
So think handsaw is something thatI'm below average at doing, but
(06:39):
a power saw is a skill, right?
We're just, it's, it'sexcellent and it's efficient.
So we start there.
The reason we start there is becausethere are some valuable clues.
Okay.
One of the things we know aboutthe human nature is we don't
like to do things we suck at.
So let's look at some things thatwe're good at and go of those things
(07:01):
that we are good at doing, whichones do I really get a lot of joy?
And so that's where talent thenkind of gives us the clues,
clues to lead us to passion.
And I define passion as work that I enjoy.
I get great joy out of it.
I love it.
I look forward to it.
I lose track of timewhen I'm engaged in it.
I think we all understand that.
(07:21):
And so now we're goingto be looking at that.
So this is, this is a workfunction, um, that you love to do.
So again, think work and think function.
So a task or a role.
So a task example wouldbe, I love organizing.
I love creating.
(07:43):
I love influencing.
Okay.
So it's a function or a role.
Okay.
So we look at that.
So then that work itselfdoes create a result.
So if you then look at thenext element is mission.
This is what motivates me, whatresults do I want to accomplish?
(08:06):
So we use the word mission most ofthe time in a military or a ministry
context, right, but go on a mission trip.
Well, so when we go on thetrip, our mission is to, okay.
And then when a military unitgoes out, they have a very
clearly defined set of results.
Those are the missions.
So results, results, results.
So we've got talent.
(08:27):
That's the, that's the tool.
Passion.
This is what I feel for, for a role,for a role or function, but mission
is these are the results that Iwant to contribute into the world.
Okay.
So now we're looking at thisand this is what motivates us.
Okay.
So for instance, let's go backand saying, I, I love performing.
Okay.
(08:47):
I'm using the word very loosely here.
Um, you know, but I performevery day on the air.
I perform on televisionwhen I do media hits.
I perform on stage when Ispeak, I perform when I write.
All right.
So I'm always been that, that,that kind of weirdo who loves
the pressure of attention.
So if I know that I love.
(09:08):
The role of performing, Inow need to get an idea.
Okay.
If a performance creates a result,what results of the performance
do I get most fired up about?
So talent is what I do best.
Passion is what I love to domost and mission are the results
that I most want to create.
So for me early on, I, I knew Iloved performing, broadcasting,
(09:30):
speaking, all that kind of stuff.
So I got into sportsbroadcasting in the Atlanta area.
And, and I realized that I likebroadcasting and performing about
sports topics, but I didn't love it.
And what I found was, is whatI love is the coaching, the
equipping, the encouraging.
(09:52):
And so when I figured that out, that'swhat steered me towards the right
path of the space that I'm in today.
And I'm in the personal growthand coaching professional space.
So that's why I would neverbe as fulfilled doing sports
broadcasting as I am doing thetype of broadcasting I do now.
So I hope that makes sense for folks.
As I break those three elements down,what I do best, what I love to do
(10:13):
most and results that matter most.
Yeah.
When I put those together.
If I'm spending 80 percent of myday using what I do best to do
what I love to produce resultsthat matter to me, I am on purpose.
I'm doing what the creator of the universecreated me uniquely and wonderfully to do.
So that's my methodology right there.
And it's, it's very unique to all of us.
(10:35):
But what it does is it frees you upto realize I can do more than one job.
I can be in more than one career path,but I know what I am wired to do.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I love that.
And I love the way you broke itdown too, because all of those parts
tie to one another very clearly.
And I feel like a lot of times what holdspeople back from taking that, that step
(10:58):
of faith, if you will, is clarity, right?
There it's, it's not being clear of whatthey're gifted at, what the talents are.
It's not being completely clearon some of the passion components.
One of the reasons that I feel likethat happens from time to time, and
this is where maybe, um, maybe alittle coaching kind of comes into
play from your perspective is what if.
(11:19):
I've been raised, you know, in,in a home of blue collar effort.
Okay.
Nothing wrong with blue collar.
That's how I was raised personally.
Um, but I'm, I'm raised in thatenvironment and I'm told repeatedly,
in fact, this actually happenedwhen I was a kid, the Scoggins
don't get ahead, they get by.
But yet I know in my heart of hearts.
That's something aboutthat as a fib, right?
(11:41):
I know in my heart of hearts, I'msupposed to do something at scale, even
though I don't know what it is, right?
How do I get the courage to take thestep out of the boat, so to speak,
and actually try to walk on water and,and make something happen with what
I feel like is burning in my heart.
When everybody around you or similarpeople are, are around you or telling
you, Hey, you shouldn't do this.
(12:02):
You can't do this.
It's impossible, allof this kind of stuff.
Well, I love the question.
It's a great segue, uh,from what you just asked me.
So what I just described for you and youraudience is the process of getting clear.
So when I do that self awarenessexercise, and I've got an assessment
called the get clear assessment thatactually gives people a detailed
(12:23):
report on talent, passion, mission.
But the process is this, when Iget clarity, I get confidence.
And when I get confidence, I willhave the courage when I need it.
You cannot summoncourage in that scenario.
You just gave me here.
I am, I'm telling people what I want todo and they're going States, Scroggins,
(12:46):
that's, that's a waste of time andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever,
whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever.
And so what they're doing is, is theyare transferring their lack of belief.
They're transferring their fear ontoyou and they're doing it by the way.
Well, in a spirit of trying to behelpful to you and more times than not.
And so those people you're talking aboutare almost always family and friends.
(13:11):
And that means we love and respect them,which means they have an out weighted,
they have a very heavily weighted.
Influence over us.
So what you're talking aboutis your question was, how do
I get courage to move forward?
I retreat back to clarity.
So when somebody says to me, I don't knowabout that Scroggins and blah, blah, blah.
(13:31):
And this is going to be riskyand this, and this is this.
So they begin to, what they do isthey sow the seeds of doubt into you.
And so they take a big old, I love theidea of just a big old fricking sandbag.
And it's got doubt writtenon it, bold letters.
And they go, here you go, Scroggins,
and I'm holding this bag of doubt.
Someone else's doubt, by theway, that now becomes my doubt.
(13:57):
So how do I summon courage?
You can't, you can't just,I'm going to be courageous.
That never works.
So what you do is set the bag ofdoubt down and you go back to clarity
and you go, do I have the talentthat with education and experience?
And grit that I could hone that talentinto the necessary sharpened tool.
(14:23):
Yeah.
It's a power tool that allowedme to get the work done with
efficiency and excellence.
You asked the question.
And you go to people who are goingto give you honest feedback and
go, yeah, you've got the talent.
Let me go.
Do I love the work?
Does this work just light my fire?
Yeah.
The answer is yes.
Do I care deeply about the results?
(14:44):
Are these the results that I want to laymy head on the pillow at night and go,
I'm glad I put this into the world today?
If the answer is yes.
And so what happens is weretreat back to clarity.
We go, I'm not delusional.
I'm just a real human being who somebodygave me a really heavy bag of doubt.
And, uh, and so now I can leave thisbag of doubt right here where I am.
(15:06):
And I walk forward.
So what happens is that process rightthere is this clarity leads to confidence
and confidence leads to courage.
In other words, clarity isseeing confidence is believing.
Courage is doing, understand there'sa very interesting relationship
there between confidence and courage.
(15:29):
You cannot have courage.
Absent of confidence, and you can'tbe confident if you aren't clear.
Give everybody an example,just to wrap this up.
How many of you have been driving a carbefore or sitting in a car and you come
up onto dense fog or a heavy downpourof rain to where you cannot see past the
hood of the car, the car slows down, baby.
(15:50):
We are hitting brakes.
We are pulling over.
We're not moving.
You walk into a dark cave.
You aren't walking fast.
You are to a standstill.
You are just what is going on there.
Yeah, what's going on is, is fearand doubt are creating caution.
Okay.
So if fear and doubt create caution andcause us to be paralyzed, then clarity.
(16:14):
Okay.
And confidence give us what weneed to keep moving forward.
So the storm goes away or the fog lifts.
I can see.
Hey, and I'm confident to driveforward, you know, and so it's just
understanding that, that this isthe journey that we will all face
if we're trying to walk forward.
I'm not immune from it to this day.
(16:37):
I deal with fear and doubt all thetime and when I'm unhealthy and I'm
allowing it to get a hold of me, Ihave got to retreat back to clarity.
And when I retreat back to clarity, then Ihave what I need to, again, Believe and do
you guys, I hope you're enjoying the show.
Steven Scoggins here.
I've got something that I think isabsolutely going to blow your mind.
(16:58):
Imagine taking your life and yourbusiness to the whole nother level.
I'm talking about an eightfigure level and beyond.
You see, you've been working your buttoff to build your business where it
is now, but what if you could worksmarter, free up more time, make
more money and impact along the way?
How much would that be worked to you?
You see, I can prove that basic steps.
Basic Mindset Shifts and Subtle Changescan make the biggest difference.
(17:20):
I want to introduce you tothe 8 Figure Mindset Makeover.
It's absolutely freeand it's here for you.
It's a powerful summary of my topstrategies that help prevail me
from the streets, if you will, toupwards of 9 figures in quote unquote
success as we like to chase it.
This is more than just tips though.
It's a complete mindset overhaul withsimple hacks that you can apply today
to begin working on your unprecedentedheights in your own business.
(17:42):
I would like the honor to share thesetypes of things with you that turn my
dreams into reality so you can experiencethe same type of joy and freedom that
I now get to live out in my own day.
In other words, it's time for you tobuild your own unstoppable enterprise.
And if you're really ready to takeit to the next level and elevate your
life and your business, then Thisis an absolute game changer for you.
So if you want to take advantageof this free resource, simply go to
(18:03):
the show notes and click the link,or you can go to stephenscoggins.
com backslash eight figurethat's stephenscoggins.
com backslash eight figureuntil then much love, God bless.
Let's get back to the show.
Take care.
You know, one of your previous works,proximity principle that I absolutely
love, um, also talks about the peoplethat you surround yourself with.
(18:23):
And as part of building that courage,it seems like we could create more
courage, more momentum by being moreselective with those that we are, you
know, putting ourselves around them.
Right?
I know you and I both heavily believe inmentoring others, being mentored by others
and people that we admire and respect.
(18:43):
How does someone go and choosethe right type of people to allow
them to the, well, the authorityreally to speak into their life?
What are the qualifiers to allowsomeone to speak into their life?
Well, I think a couple of things overone, I'm always going to try to pick those
people who are further ahead than me.
Yeah, me too.
I mean, I, gee whiz, that's cheat code,you know, uh, you know, there was,
(19:06):
you know, um, I've, I've read a lotabout, uh, the early days of America
and, um, as a result of that, I'veread a lot about the American, uh, the
native American Indian and the culture.
Yeah.
And, um, one of the things that I'vealways really found to be so valuable.
Uh, it's something that I admire aboutour native Americans is the status
(19:29):
of the older people in the village.
They were treated withtremendous reverence.
And I think that's the ideahere is that they had, they had
lived many moons, if you will.
You know, they had survived many winters.
And, and so I want to, uh,first qualification is somebody
that's further ahead than me.
Um, because of the knowledge and thewisdom that they can offer me, um,
(19:54):
then I want to, then I want to selectpeople who are running faster than they
may not be ahead of me in the senseof age and years, but, um, they're,
they're moving at a faster pace.
I'll use a running analogy here, butwhen you're training for a marathon or
half marathon, I've only done it once.
I was one and done.
I realized that I was notcalled to be a marathoner.
(20:14):
But I did, I did run one and Irealized in my training by accident,
I needed some accountability.
So I called up one of my buddies, Daniel,and I said, Hey man, can I run with you?
This Sunday, I got a long run.
And, uh, man, if you're willing torun with me, I just think it'll help
me, uh, having somebody to talk to,you know, I had no idea what I was
really going to get out of it was, isthat in just talking to Daniel to keep
(20:38):
my mind off of this really long run.
Um, he is a much more experiencedand quite frankly, a better runner.
His form, his, his pace, hewas in better shape than me.
And what happened was I lookedup halfway through the run.
I was looking at my watch and mypace was substantially quicker than
I would have set for myself or thatI would have even attempted to run.
(20:59):
But what I didn't realize is I wasjust running with him and in keeping
up with him, my pace was faster.
So that's another thing I want.
I wanted to hang around people thatare running faster than me, people
that have been running longer than me.
And then I want to hangaround people who are for me.
I wanna be around people who are for me.
(21:20):
They, they, they, it doesn't meanthat they won't be honest with us.
It doesn't mean that they're just alwayswalking around going, Ken, you're the man.
You're the man, you're awesome.
It's not that, it's just people thatare for me because they believe in what
God has called me to do, they believe.
Mm-hmm . And livingand working on purpose.
And so what I'm saying here is, is thatthey're for me because we share values.
(21:43):
Yeah.
We're, we're in the same game.
We're, we're, we have the sametype of, uh, drive and vision
for our lives, even though ourpaths may be completely separate.
That's what I'm looking for.
In other words, birds ofa feather flock together.
Yeah.
And if if you aren't hanging aroundif you're hanging around people that
(22:03):
are all the time just a little bitmore negative than you Um more fearful
than you more doubtful than you.
Um, quite frankly Not as successfulas you, uh, and, and I want to be very
careful here because I think some peopleare going to get all sensitive here.
I don't mean as relatesto their bank account.
(22:24):
I just mean, are theywinning in their life?
Are they winning in their marriage?
Are they winning in their parenting?
Are they winning professionally?
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
Uh, I'm not hanging out withdudes that, uh, criticize their
wife and can't stand their wife.
I'm just not, I'm not hanging out withdudes who have left their wife and kids.
(22:47):
I'm not, I'm not hanging out withguys that can't hold down a job.
I'm just not.
And you don't have to like that.
I don't really care becausethe data is on my side.
The longest study ever done on, on thepower of relationships done by Harvard.
They found that 95 percent of oursuccess or failure is predicated on
(23:10):
the people we spend the most time with.
So I'm going to submit to you thatthere are some people that are
listening and watching us right now.
That you got some frustration in yourpersonal growth or your professional
growth, and I'm here to tell youthe first place I look is the people
you're spending the most time with.
Yeah.
Change the people you hang aroundwith, change your life, dude.
(23:33):
Couldn't have said any better myself.
Totally agree with you a thousand percent.
I'm going to, I'm goingto flip it a little bit.
Uh, you know, we, we, we started offtalking about how to, if you're, if you're
the person searching for purpose, right?
Here's how you, here's some, someideas and strategies and techniques
to find your talents, your giftsand get yourself in kind of unstuck.
The script I'm going to flipis what if, and I'm, I'm, at
(23:54):
least I'm speaking for myself.
I know several people that I've I'vebeen watching for years that I consider
friends or family members, right?
Who I see immense potentialand in any given lane, right?
So maybe one of them could be a profoundauthor, prolific author or a speaker or
a business owner or a teacher, right?
But they don't see it for themselves.
(24:15):
They don't, they're, they see,maybe what they see is limitation.
Maybe they see risk or whatever.
What are some tools or some techniques?
Um, that we could use to properly nudgeor encourage someone to take action on
something they're actually really giftedat that maybe they're not fully aware of.
Well, I think you're going to have totake a posture of asking questions.
I love the idea of the nudge, but thenudge has got to be very, very subtle.
(24:41):
Uh, to the point that it's not noticedbecause when you're dealing with a
person, like you're describing, you'redealing with a person that is, that
is very, very fearful or doubtful.
Mm hmm.
And so there's a narrative in theirhead and the voice that they listen to
most is the same voice that you listento most than that I listened to most.
(25:04):
And that's our own voice.
So it's very hard to be with themin a moment and go, come on, pal,
you're really good at this and thinkthat that little affirmation, while
important, while valuable, it's notgoing to change the narrative, the
feedback loop in their head, just not.
(25:26):
So I'm trying to answer thequestion is intellectually, um,
excuse me, with integrity to say.
There's, there's very little you can doother than ask question, what's going on?
You good?
I think you're crazy talented.
I know you've talkedabout doing this thing.
What's, what's holding you back?
(25:48):
What are you afraid of?
What, what, what, what, what's,what's got you not believing?
Yeah.
Keep in mind, you neverwant to ask why questions.
I've learned this from psychologists andtherapists that why questions immediately
put someone on the defensive versus a whatquestion allows them to, to process it.
(26:09):
Wow.
Because if I say, why doyou cheer for this team?
You immediately are comingup with reasons to tell me.
You have to defend it.
Defend.
Yeah.
But if I say, what do you love about.
Your favorite football team,it's a whole different ballgame.
You're not convincing me.
(26:30):
You're sharing with me.
Yeah.
You see the difference?
Yeah, very true.
So this is a little nugget right here.
And so I think in this friend role,I think we've got to be asking what
questions stay in that lane, uh, aquestion, a compliment, an affirmation,
you know, uh, or a challenge, aquestion, a compliment, a challenge.
(26:52):
Maybe that's your sandwich,but heavy on the question.
And get them to see what maybethey haven't seen before.
Because when you ask them questions,like, like I was saying, you know,
what, uh, what's the timeline foryou launching that side business?
(27:12):
Well,
what are the challengesthat you're facing?
Well, um,
what's the thing that'sgot you most afraid?
Like, and again, I, you haven't givenme an exact, so I'm, but I mean, those
are the types of things as a reallygood friend, because then as they
(27:34):
begin to see what happens is in withthose, what questions and just the
form of questions when you ask, it'sgetting them out of the feedback loop.
Soundtrack has to stop.
They can't listen to the soundtrack andanswer that question at the same time.
Yeah, very true.
The idea here is, as a friend is weget those, we hope the soundtrack
(27:56):
stops in those moments with us.
And we.
That they come to the realization andthen, and then, by the way, even when
you have a suggestion after a few,what questions stay in question mode.
Yeah.
So instead of saying, well,just do this, this, and this,
that puts them on the defensive too,because then they feel like they got
(28:17):
to explain why they haven't done it.
What you can say is, is have you thoughtabout this or what would need to be
true for that fear to go away, stayin that zone and let them work it out.
And what you're hoping to do as a friendwith this nudge is to get them to a
place where they've talked it out andthey go, huh, I can actually do this.
(28:41):
And then all you're doing isgoing, I believe in you, man.
Let me know.
How can I help?
Yeah.
I think that's the approach.
Yeah, no, that's so, that is so good.
I was also thinking too, if you're thefriend and you're actively trying to
help another friend out of sincere lovefor their best interest, right, what
you're getting by answering the, askingthose what questions and being really
(29:01):
intent with listening to the answers,you're getting a greater perspective.
Right.
And you may actually discover the wholeback that maybe they haven't seen,
or maybe even you as a friend haven'tseen, um, that could be preventing that.
Um, I think that's, that's brilliant.
I actually, I'm gonnastart using that myself.
I love the what question philosophy.
Um, I think that's pretty profound myself.
(29:22):
And if a couple of minutes we gotleft, I want to, I want to mention
this assessment that you got, um,which I'm pretty stoked about.
Um, because I could have saved a decade.
A frustration by getting more in mysweet spot, quicker, further, faster,
rather than spinning my wheels, tryingto do something I was told I was
supposed to be doing and vice versa.
Talk to me a little about yourassessments and kind of what the,
(29:45):
kind of the best way to take them.
How, how should you, what's the,what's the intent you pursue them and
what's the best way to get it to them?
Well, the assessmenttool is a measuring tool.
So it's, it's really anawareness measurement.
How aware.
Of me, am I?
Yeah.
Okay.
So are you aware of whatyou're really good at?
Are you aware of what work that you love?
(30:06):
Are you aware of the resultsthat naturally motivate you?
That's what this measurement tool does.
And it's called get clear.
Takes about 12 to 15 minutes.
Don't overthink it.
It is not a personality test.
It's not a personality test.
It measures those three things.
What am I talented at?
At doing, what do I enjoy doing?
(30:27):
What results do I care about producing?
And so then it puts it together foryou, give you a detailed report.
You begin to see things maybeyou haven't seen before.
It's a lovely report.
You get a, a one page.
I get three pages on each of the toptwo, the talent, the passion, then
your motivational driver, your mission.
It's one page and then it tellsyou what to avoid, what to
(30:51):
do more of, gives you ideas.
Uh, does not predict what workyou will do because no, no, no
measurement tool can do that.
But what it does is spitout a purpose statement.
I was created to use my top talentsof boom, boom, boom to do work.
I love boom, boom, boom toproduce results of boom.
(31:12):
You know, and so it gives me a purposestatement that essentially becomes
a high level dream job description.
And the goal is, is to spend 75, 80percent of your day in that zone.
And if you're in that sweet spotin that, on that seat of the
bus, I mean, uh, people are goingto go, you were made for this.
You were born for this.
Now you're such a natural.
(31:32):
Those are the compliments thatyou will hear on a regular basis.
Dude, I absolutely love it.
Cause the reality is, is clarity is King.
Arity is king, right?
We spent the vast majority of theshow talking about different ways
to get clear, whether it's in yourrelationships, whether it's within
your self awareness, whether it'sin your overall life direction.
And again, I'm like you, I find that ahuge chunk of the population is doing
(31:54):
stuff they're not supposed to be doing.
They're trying to appease peoplethey shouldn't be trying to
appease and in an effort to quoteunquote live the fulfilled life.
And not doing the clarity work.
So I want to encourage everyone to gotake advantage of Ken's assessment.
Um, I know lots of folks that havealready taken it and already got a
lot of clarity in their own life.
We'll make sure everybody does that.
Ken, one final questionbefore I let you go, brother.
What does it take to become unstoppable?
(32:16):
Well, it takes tremendous clarityand, uh, you'll have the confidence
and courage that you need.
Um, to kind of keep, keep getting backup, but the long haul that's, that's a
process of the daily, but, um, to trulybe unstoppable, you must have undying,
(32:42):
just absolute unbelievable faith in yourcreator, that he has a purpose and the
story of your life is, is giving youthe opportunity to fulfill that purpose.
And, uh, you know, I believe thatthe man of God and the woman of
God are completely unstoppable,uh, until it's their time to go.
(33:04):
And so I think you gotta have a faith.
In Christ and then live with that faithand that will make you unstoppable.
But outside of the supernatural power ofthe Holy Spirit, you can't be unstoppable.
Love it, dude.
Love it, dude.
Thank you so much for comingon the show again, man.
I can't wait to hug your neckand see you again in Nashville.
(33:25):
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, man.
Thank you.
All right.
Take it easy, buddy.
See ya.
All right.
You too.
The longest study ever done on thepower of relationships done by Harvard,
they found that 95 percent of oursuccess or failure is predicated on
the people we spend the most time with.
There are some people that are listeningand watching us right now that you got
some frustration in your personal growthor your professional growth and I'm here
(00:23):
to tell you the first place I look is thepeople you're spending the most time with.
Change the people you hangaround with change your life.
Welcome back everybody.
Super excited to be hangingout with you again today.
Look, we have a repeat guest.
You're going to absolutely love him.
He's known as America's career coach.
He's also one of the stellarpersonalities for Ramsey solutions and
(00:43):
a best selling author in his own right.
Guys, please help me.
Welcome the one and only Ken Coleman.
Ken, what's going on, dude?
How you doing?
I'm doing well.
I can't complain.
And if I did, you wouldn'twant to hear it anyway.
Well, I appreciate all that.
Look, man, I'm superstoked to talk to you.
I know you, um, recently you've beenhelping a lot of folks and I do mean a lot
of folks find occupations or professionsthey absolutely love as opposed to
(01:04):
finding, well, work they can't stand.
What started you downthat journey specifically?
My own journey.
You know, realizing at the age of31, 32, that the path that I had been
pursuing, been walking down, preparingto do more on that path was not the path.
(01:26):
And that was really disheartening forme, disillusioning, and frankly, kind of.
Put me into a funk for a couple ofyears and through my own version of
life mapping and, you know, just diggingdeep and trying to figure out, uh,
what the next path was going to be.
(01:49):
I really developed a love for,um, helping other people, the idea
at the time of just helping otherpeople discover their uniqueness.
And in doing so, then beingable to decide, all right,
this is what I should be doing.
(02:10):
Where I should be doing itand why I should be doing it.
And so that journey for me because I thinki'm a coach at heart, you know I've told
people jokingly before if I wasn't doingthis i'd probably be coaching basketball
somewhere Certainly love sports.
I love the role that a coach playsAnd I think that that's just kind
(02:31):
of I naturally lean that direction.
So you take all of that.
Yeah, and Having walked through a reallife changing, uh, process myself to try
to figure out how to take what I learnedand package it, bottle it, and help as
many people as possible figure that out.
And then, and then it ties to my faith aswell, because I believe that, you know,
(02:53):
we were in fact created to contribute.
Work isn't just a thing we do to live.
Absolutely.
No, I love that.
And actually I've been thinkinga little bit of my own story.
I know that, uh, I think it wasabout three years ago, uh, Time
magazine and Harris, uh, did a, dida Harris poll and they discovered
67 percent of the populationwould have classified themselves.
This is before COVID, um, unhappy,unfulfilled, not living their best life.
(03:18):
And it got me thinking when I was,you know, I was forced to drop,
you know, drop out of school early.
Uh, to help my family paythe bills long time ago.
And, you know, I ended up building apretty sizable business in this area.
You got, I got seven businesses now totalhave a GED is the extent of my education.
Um, but I remember this.
I remember someone telling me thatI needed a college degree if I was
ever going to be happy and fulfilled.
(03:40):
And I say all that to say that it seemsto me that people are often stuck because
they're trying to live someone else'slife based on someone else's expectation.
Have you found that tobe similar to the same?
Yeah, you nailed that.
That's a really well said greatexpectations become unmet expectations
(04:00):
when we do exactly what you justtalked about, which is I'm trying to
live someone else's life, the lifethat someone else wants me to live.
In fact, it's in the top five, uh,reasons for regret for those of the dying.
Wow.
Is I didn't live the lifethat I really wanted to live.
And that comes down to, they just knew.
(04:21):
Yeah, they weren't living authentically.
I think everybody understands that they'redifferent, but we don't teach this.
We, first of all, we don't, we don'tteach it in our homes and we don't
teach it in the classrooms, thisidea that, that you're uniquely made.
And then there's a unique role thatyou have to fill and, and work is.
(04:44):
Unfortunately, work just becomesthis utilitarian function instead
of this unique contribution.
And so that's what happens.
Yeah.
We just, we, we go follow along.
Well, my dad went to the school,so I'm going to go to the school.
My mom and dad think I should be anaccountant cause I'm good with numbers.
So I'm going to go do that.
And what happens is we endedup taking on the identity.
(05:06):
Of this other character,who's not even anywhere close
to authentically who we are.
Well, you know, one of the things I'veheard you speak on recently, and I
thought you had literally the advice, Iwas listening to one of your, one of your
shows and you were giving a call or someadvice on this, this idea that you have to
have some level of master's or bachelor'sdegree to do anything in life, or, um,
you know, that, That's your education willdictate your elevation kind of scenario.
(05:31):
And without giving too much away,everybody can go and watch the
show, which I encourage them to do.
But what are the insights fromyour perspective on doing the work,
finding the profession, you know,finding that activity level that you
absolutely love, because at leastfor me, I didn't find it in school.
So I'm curious to know kind ofhow, how, what's your process of
(05:52):
helping people discover those items.
Well, it is a process of self awareness.
And so there are three elementsyou've got to be aware of.
You start with talent.
And the reason we want to look attalent, this is just think of it
as raw talent that we're born with.
And then with practice and experienceover time and failure and all those
things, we shape that molded that, that,uh, ball of clay, if you will, we mold
(06:14):
it through experience and education.
We learn, and then we do learn, dotakes talent and turns it into a skill.
Yeah.
So we've got to start with talent.
And those sharpened skills thatwe have, we look at that first.
We want to get aware of that becausethat's where we have the opportunity
to be very, very proficient,very, very powerful, right?
So think handsaw is something thatI'm below average at doing, but
(06:39):
a power saw is a skill, right?
We're just, it's, it'sexcellent and it's efficient.
So we start there.
The reason we start there is becausethere are some valuable clues.
Okay.
One of the things we know aboutthe human nature is we don't
like to do things we suck at.
So let's look at some things thatwe're good at and go of those things
(07:01):
that we are good at doing, whichones do I really get a lot of joy?
And so that's where talent thenkind of gives us the clues,
clues to lead us to passion.
And I define passion as work that I enjoy.
I get great joy out of it.
I love it.
I look forward to it.
I lose track of timewhen I'm engaged in it.
I think we all understand that.
(07:21):
And so now we're goingto be looking at that.
So this is, this is a workfunction, um, that you love to do.
So again, think work and think function.
So a task or a role.
So a task example wouldbe, I love organizing.
I love creating.
(07:43):
I love influencing.
Okay.
So it's a function or a role.
Okay.
So we look at that.
So then that work itselfdoes create a result.
So if you then look at thenext element is mission.
This is what motivates me, whatresults do I want to accomplish?
(08:06):
So we use the word mission most ofthe time in a military or a ministry
context, right, but go on a mission trip.
Well, so when we go on thetrip, our mission is to, okay.
And then when a military unitgoes out, they have a very
clearly defined set of results.
Those are the missions.
So results, results, results.
So we've got talent.
(08:27):
That's the, that's the tool.
Passion.
This is what I feel for, for a role,for a role or function, but mission
is these are the results that Iwant to contribute into the world.
Okay.
So now we're looking at thisand this is what motivates us.
Okay.
So for instance, let's go backand saying, I, I love performing.
Okay.
(08:47):
I'm using the word very loosely here.
Um, you know, but I performevery day on the air.
I perform on televisionwhen I do media hits.
I perform on stage when Ispeak, I perform when I write.
All right.
So I'm always been that, that,that kind of weirdo who loves
the pressure of attention.
So if I know that I love.
(09:08):
The role of performing, Inow need to get an idea.
Okay.
If a performance creates a result,what results of the performance
do I get most fired up about?
So talent is what I do best.
Passion is what I love to domost and mission are the results
that I most want to create.
So for me early on, I, I knew Iloved performing, broadcasting,
(09:30):
speaking, all that kind of stuff.
So I got into sportsbroadcasting in the Atlanta area.
And, and I realized that I likebroadcasting and performing about
sports topics, but I didn't love it.
And what I found was, is whatI love is the coaching, the
equipping, the encouraging.
(09:52):
And so when I figured that out, that'swhat steered me towards the right
path of the space that I'm in today.
And I'm in the personal growthand coaching professional space.
So that's why I would neverbe as fulfilled doing sports
broadcasting as I am doing thetype of broadcasting I do now.
So I hope that makes sense for folks.
As I break those three elements down,what I do best, what I love to do
(10:13):
most and results that matter most.
Yeah.
When I put those together.
If I'm spending 80 percent of myday using what I do best to do
what I love to produce resultsthat matter to me, I am on purpose.
I'm doing what the creator of the universecreated me uniquely and wonderfully to do.
So that's my methodology right there.
And it's, it's very unique to all of us.
(10:35):
But what it does is it frees you upto realize I can do more than one job.
I can be in more than one career path,but I know what I am wired to do.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I love that.
And I love the way you broke itdown too, because all of those parts
tie to one another very clearly.
And I feel like a lot of times what holdspeople back from taking that, that step
(10:58):
of faith, if you will, is clarity, right?
There it's, it's not being clear of whatthey're gifted at, what the talents are.
It's not being completely clearon some of the passion components.
One of the reasons that I feel likethat happens from time to time, and
this is where maybe, um, maybe alittle coaching kind of comes into
play from your perspective is what if.
(11:19):
I've been raised, you know, in,in a home of blue collar effort.
Okay.
Nothing wrong with blue collar.
That's how I was raised personally.
Um, but I'm, I'm raised in thatenvironment and I'm told repeatedly,
in fact, this actually happenedwhen I was a kid, the Scoggins
don't get ahead, they get by.
But yet I know in my heart of hearts.
That's something aboutthat as a fib, right?
(11:41):
I know in my heart of hearts, I'msupposed to do something at scale, even
though I don't know what it is, right?
How do I get the courage to take thestep out of the boat, so to speak,
and actually try to walk on water and,and make something happen with what
I feel like is burning in my heart.
When everybody around you or similarpeople are, are around you or telling
you, Hey, you shouldn't do this.
(12:02):
You can't do this.
It's impossible, allof this kind of stuff.
Well, I love the question.
It's a great segue, uh,from what you just asked me.
So what I just described for you and youraudience is the process of getting clear.
So when I do that self awarenessexercise, and I've got an assessment
called the get clear assessment thatactually gives people a detailed
(12:23):
report on talent, passion, mission.
But the process is this, when Iget clarity, I get confidence.
And when I get confidence, I willhave the courage when I need it.
You cannot summoncourage in that scenario.
You just gave me here.
I am, I'm telling people what I want todo and they're going States, Scroggins,
(12:46):
that's, that's a waste of time andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever,
whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever.
And so what they're doing is, is theyare transferring their lack of belief.
They're transferring their fear ontoyou and they're doing it by the way.
Well, in a spirit of trying to behelpful to you and more times than not.
And so those people you're talking aboutare almost always family and friends.
(13:11):
And that means we love and respect them,which means they have an out weighted,
they have a very heavily weighted.
Influence over us.
So what you're talking aboutis your question was, how do
I get courage to move forward?
I retreat back to clarity.
So when somebody says to me, I don't knowabout that Scroggins and blah, blah, blah.
(13:31):
And this is going to be riskyand this, and this is this.
So they begin to, what they do isthey sow the seeds of doubt into you.
And so they take a big old, I love theidea of just a big old fricking sandbag.
And it's got doubt writtenon it, bold letters.
And they go, here you go, Scroggins,
and I'm holding this bag of doubt.
Someone else's doubt, by theway, that now becomes my doubt.
(13:57):
So how do I summon courage?
You can't, you can't just,I'm going to be courageous.
That never works.
So what you do is set the bag ofdoubt down and you go back to clarity
and you go, do I have the talentthat with education and experience?
And grit that I could hone that talentinto the necessary sharpened tool.
(14:23):
Yeah.
It's a power tool that allowedme to get the work done with
efficiency and excellence.
You asked the question.
And you go to people who are goingto give you honest feedback and
go, yeah, you've got the talent.
Let me go.
Do I love the work?
Does this work just light my fire?
Yeah.
The answer is yes.
Do I care deeply about the results?
(14:44):
Are these the results that I want to laymy head on the pillow at night and go,
I'm glad I put this into the world today?
If the answer is yes.
And so what happens is weretreat back to clarity.
We go, I'm not delusional.
I'm just a real human being who somebodygave me a really heavy bag of doubt.
And, uh, and so now I can leave thisbag of doubt right here where I am.
(15:06):
And I walk forward.
So what happens is that process rightthere is this clarity leads to confidence
and confidence leads to courage.
In other words, clarity isseeing confidence is believing.
Courage is doing, understand there'sa very interesting relationship
there between confidence and courage.
(15:29):
You cannot have courage.
Absent of confidence, and you can'tbe confident if you aren't clear.
Give everybody an example,just to wrap this up.
How many of you have been driving a carbefore or sitting in a car and you come
up onto dense fog or a heavy downpourof rain to where you cannot see past the
hood of the car, the car slows down, baby.
(15:50):
We are hitting brakes.
We are pulling over.
We're not moving.
You walk into a dark cave.
You aren't walking fast.
You are to a standstill.
You are just what is going on there.
Yeah, what's going on is, is fearand doubt are creating caution.
Okay.
So if fear and doubt create caution andcause us to be paralyzed, then clarity.
(16:14):
Okay.
And confidence give us what weneed to keep moving forward.
So the storm goes away or the fog lifts.
I can see.
Hey, and I'm confident to driveforward, you know, and so it's just
understanding that, that this isthe journey that we will all face
if we're trying to walk forward.
I'm not immune from it to this day.
(16:37):
I deal with fear and doubt all thetime and when I'm unhealthy and I'm
allowing it to get a hold of me, Ihave got to retreat back to clarity.
And when I retreat back to clarity, then Ihave what I need to, again, Believe and do
you guys, I hope you're enjoying the show.
Steven Scoggins here.
I've got something that I think isabsolutely going to blow your mind.
(16:58):
Imagine taking your life and yourbusiness to the whole nother level.
I'm talking about an eightfigure level and beyond.
You see, you've been working your buttoff to build your business where it
is now, but what if you could worksmarter, free up more time, make
more money and impact along the way?
How much would that be worked to you?
You see, I can prove that basic steps.
Basic Mindset Shifts and Subtle Changescan make the biggest difference.
(17:20):
I want to introduce you tothe 8 Figure Mindset Makeover.
It's absolutely freeand it's here for you.
It's a powerful summary of my topstrategies that help prevail me
from the streets, if you will, toupwards of 9 figures in quote unquote
success as we like to chase it.
This is more than just tips though.
It's a complete mindset overhaul withsimple hacks that you can apply today
to begin working on your unprecedentedheights in your own business.
(17:42):
I would like the honor to share thesetypes of things with you that turn my
dreams into reality so you can experiencethe same type of joy and freedom that
I now get to live out in my own day.
In other words, it's time for you tobuild your own unstoppable enterprise.
And if you're really ready to takeit to the next level and elevate your
life and your business, then Thisis an absolute game changer for you.
So if you want to take advantageof this free resource, simply go to
(18:03):
the show notes and click the link,or you can go to stephenscoggins.
com backslash eight figurethat's stephenscoggins.
com backslash eight figureuntil then much love, God bless.
Let's get back to the show.
Take care.
You know, one of your previous works,proximity principle that I absolutely
love, um, also talks about the peoplethat you surround yourself with.
(18:23):
And as part of building that courage,it seems like we could create more
courage, more momentum by being moreselective with those that we are, you
know, putting ourselves around them.
Right?
I know you and I both heavily believe inmentoring others, being mentored by others
and people that we admire and respect.
(18:43):
How does someone go and choosethe right type of people to allow
them to the, well, the authorityreally to speak into their life?
What are the qualifiers to allowsomeone to speak into their life?
Well, I think a couple of things overone, I'm always going to try to pick those
people who are further ahead than me.
Yeah, me too.
I mean, I, gee whiz, that's cheat code,you know, uh, you know, there was,
(19:06):
you know, um, I've, I've read a lotabout, uh, the early days of America
and, um, as a result of that, I'veread a lot about the American, uh, the
native American Indian and the culture.
Yeah.
And, um, one of the things that I'vealways really found to be so valuable.
Uh, it's something that I admire aboutour native Americans is the status
(19:29):
of the older people in the village.
They were treated withtremendous reverence.
And I think that's the ideahere is that they had, they had
lived many moons, if you will.
You know, they had survived many winters.
And, and so I want to, uh,first qualification is somebody
that's further ahead than me.
Um, because of the knowledge and thewisdom that they can offer me, um,
(19:54):
then I want to, then I want to selectpeople who are running faster than they
may not be ahead of me in the senseof age and years, but, um, they're,
they're moving at a faster pace.
I'll use a running analogy here, butwhen you're training for a marathon or
half marathon, I've only done it once.
I was one and done.
I realized that I was notcalled to be a marathoner.
(20:14):
But I did, I did run one and Irealized in my training by accident,
I needed some accountability.
So I called up one of my buddies, Daniel,and I said, Hey man, can I run with you?
This Sunday, I got a long run.
And, uh, man, if you're willing torun with me, I just think it'll help
me, uh, having somebody to talk to,you know, I had no idea what I was
really going to get out of it was, isthat in just talking to Daniel to keep
(20:38):
my mind off of this really long run.
Um, he is a much more experiencedand quite frankly, a better runner.
His form, his, his pace, hewas in better shape than me.
And what happened was I lookedup halfway through the run.
I was looking at my watch and mypace was substantially quicker than
I would have set for myself or thatI would have even attempted to run.
(20:59):
But what I didn't realize is I wasjust running with him and in keeping
up with him, my pace was faster.
So that's another thing I want.
I wanted to hang around people thatare running faster than me, people
that have been running longer than me.
And then I want to hangaround people who are for me.
I wanna be around people who are for me.
(21:20):
They, they, they, it doesn't meanthat they won't be honest with us.
It doesn't mean that they're just alwayswalking around going, Ken, you're the man.
You're the man, you're awesome.
It's not that, it's just people thatare for me because they believe in what
God has called me to do, they believe.
Mm-hmm . And livingand working on purpose.
And so what I'm saying here is, is thatthey're for me because we share values.
(21:43):
Yeah.
We're, we're in the same game.
We're, we're, we have the sametype of, uh, drive and vision
for our lives, even though ourpaths may be completely separate.
That's what I'm looking for.
In other words, birds ofa feather flock together.
Yeah.
And if if you aren't hanging aroundif you're hanging around people that
(22:03):
are all the time just a little bitmore negative than you Um more fearful
than you more doubtful than you.
Um, quite frankly Not as successfulas you, uh, and, and I want to be very
careful here because I think some peopleare going to get all sensitive here.
I don't mean as relatesto their bank account.
(22:24):
I just mean, are theywinning in their life?
Are they winning in their marriage?
Are they winning in their parenting?
Are they winning professionally?
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
Uh, I'm not hanging out withdudes that, uh, criticize their
wife and can't stand their wife.
I'm just not, I'm not hanging out withdudes who have left their wife and kids.
(22:47):
I'm not, I'm not hanging out withguys that can't hold down a job.
I'm just not.
And you don't have to like that.
I don't really care becausethe data is on my side.
The longest study ever done on, on thepower of relationships done by Harvard.
They found that 95 percent of oursuccess or failure is predicated on
(23:10):
the people we spend the most time with.
So I'm going to submit to you thatthere are some people that are
listening and watching us right now.
That you got some frustration in yourpersonal growth or your professional
growth, and I'm here to tell youthe first place I look is the people
you're spending the most time with.
Yeah.
Change the people you hang aroundwith, change your life, dude.
(23:33):
Couldn't have said any better myself.
Totally agree with you a thousand percent.
I'm going to, I'm goingto flip it a little bit.
Uh, you know, we, we, we started offtalking about how to, if you're, if you're
the person searching for purpose, right?
Here's how you, here's some, someideas and strategies and techniques
to find your talents, your giftsand get yourself in kind of unstuck.
The script I'm going to flipis what if, and I'm, I'm, at
(23:54):
least I'm speaking for myself.
I know several people that I've I'vebeen watching for years that I consider
friends or family members, right?
Who I see immense potentialand in any given lane, right?
So maybe one of them could be a profoundauthor, prolific author or a speaker or
a business owner or a teacher, right?
But they don't see it for themselves.
(24:15):
They don't, they're, they see,maybe what they see is limitation.
Maybe they see risk or whatever.
What are some tools or some techniques?
Um, that we could use to properly nudgeor encourage someone to take action on
something they're actually really giftedat that maybe they're not fully aware of.
Well, I think you're going to have totake a posture of asking questions.
I love the idea of the nudge, but thenudge has got to be very, very subtle.
(24:41):
Uh, to the point that it's not noticedbecause when you're dealing with a
person, like you're describing, you'redealing with a person that is, that
is very, very fearful or doubtful.
Mm hmm.
And so there's a narrative in theirhead and the voice that they listen to
most is the same voice that you listento most than that I listened to most.
(25:04):
And that's our own voice.
So it's very hard to be with themin a moment and go, come on, pal,
you're really good at this and thinkthat that little affirmation, while
important, while valuable, it's notgoing to change the narrative, the
feedback loop in their head, just not.
(25:26):
So I'm trying to answer thequestion is intellectually, um,
excuse me, with integrity to say.
There's, there's very little you can doother than ask question, what's going on?
You good?
I think you're crazy talented.
I know you've talkedabout doing this thing.
What's, what's holding you back?
(25:48):
What are you afraid of?
What, what, what, what, what's,what's got you not believing?
Yeah.
Keep in mind, you neverwant to ask why questions.
I've learned this from psychologists andtherapists that why questions immediately
put someone on the defensive versus a whatquestion allows them to, to process it.
(26:09):
Wow.
Because if I say, why doyou cheer for this team?
You immediately are comingup with reasons to tell me.
You have to defend it.
Defend.
Yeah.
But if I say, what do you love about.
Your favorite football team,it's a whole different ballgame.
You're not convincing me.
(26:30):
You're sharing with me.
Yeah.
You see the difference?
Yeah, very true.
So this is a little nugget right here.
And so I think in this friend role,I think we've got to be asking what
questions stay in that lane, uh, aquestion, a compliment, an affirmation,
you know, uh, or a challenge, aquestion, a compliment, a challenge.
(26:52):
Maybe that's your sandwich,but heavy on the question.
And get them to see what maybethey haven't seen before.
Because when you ask them questions,like, like I was saying, you know,
what, uh, what's the timeline foryou launching that side business?
(27:12):
Well,
what are the challengesthat you're facing?
Well, um,
what's the thing that'sgot you most afraid?
Like, and again, I, you haven't givenme an exact, so I'm, but I mean, those
are the types of things as a reallygood friend, because then as they
(27:34):
begin to see what happens is in withthose, what questions and just the
form of questions when you ask, it'sgetting them out of the feedback loop.
Soundtrack has to stop.
They can't listen to the soundtrack andanswer that question at the same time.
Yeah, very true.
The idea here is, as a friend is weget those, we hope the soundtrack
(27:56):
stops in those moments with us.
And we.
That they come to the realization andthen, and then, by the way, even when
you have a suggestion after a few,what questions stay in question mode.
Yeah.
So instead of saying, well,just do this, this, and this,
that puts them on the defensive too,because then they feel like they got
(28:17):
to explain why they haven't done it.
What you can say is, is have you thoughtabout this or what would need to be
true for that fear to go away, stayin that zone and let them work it out.
And what you're hoping to do as a friendwith this nudge is to get them to a
place where they've talked it out andthey go, huh, I can actually do this.
(28:41):
And then all you're doing isgoing, I believe in you, man.
Let me know.
How can I help?
Yeah.
I think that's the approach.
Yeah, no, that's so, that is so good.
I was also thinking too, if you're thefriend and you're actively trying to
help another friend out of sincere lovefor their best interest, right, what
you're getting by answering the, askingthose what questions and being really
(29:01):
intent with listening to the answers,you're getting a greater perspective.
Right.
And you may actually discover the wholeback that maybe they haven't seen,
or maybe even you as a friend haven'tseen, um, that could be preventing that.
Um, I think that's, that's brilliant.
I actually, I'm gonnastart using that myself.
I love the what question philosophy.
Um, I think that's pretty profound myself.
(29:22):
And if a couple of minutes we gotleft, I want to, I want to mention
this assessment that you got, um,which I'm pretty stoked about.
Um, because I could have saved a decade.
A frustration by getting more in mysweet spot, quicker, further, faster,
rather than spinning my wheels, tryingto do something I was told I was
supposed to be doing and vice versa.
Talk to me a little about yourassessments and kind of what the,
(29:45):
kind of the best way to take them.
How, how should you, what's the,what's the intent you pursue them and
what's the best way to get it to them?
Well, the assessmenttool is a measuring tool.
So it's, it's really anawareness measurement.
How aware.
Of me, am I?
Yeah.
Okay.
So are you aware of whatyou're really good at?
Are you aware of what work that you love?
(30:06):
Are you aware of the resultsthat naturally motivate you?
That's what this measurement tool does.
And it's called get clear.
Takes about 12 to 15 minutes.
Don't overthink it.
It is not a personality test.
It's not a personality test.
It measures those three things.
What am I talented at?
At doing, what do I enjoy doing?
(30:27):
What results do I care about producing?
And so then it puts it together foryou, give you a detailed report.
You begin to see things maybeyou haven't seen before.
It's a lovely report.
You get a, a one page.
I get three pages on each of the toptwo, the talent, the passion, then
your motivational driver, your mission.
It's one page and then it tellsyou what to avoid, what to
(30:51):
do more of, gives you ideas.
Uh, does not predict what workyou will do because no, no, no
measurement tool can do that.
But what it does is spitout a purpose statement.
I was created to use my top talentsof boom, boom, boom to do work.
I love boom, boom, boom toproduce results of boom.
(31:12):
You know, and so it gives me a purposestatement that essentially becomes
a high level dream job description.
And the goal is, is to spend 75, 80percent of your day in that zone.
And if you're in that sweet spotin that, on that seat of the
bus, I mean, uh, people are goingto go, you were made for this.
You were born for this.
Now you're such a natural.
(31:32):
Those are the compliments thatyou will hear on a regular basis.
Dude, I absolutely love it.
Cause the reality is, is clarity is King.
Arity is king, right?
We spent the vast majority of theshow talking about different ways
to get clear, whether it's in yourrelationships, whether it's within
your self awareness, whether it'sin your overall life direction.
And again, I'm like you, I find that ahuge chunk of the population is doing
(31:54):
stuff they're not supposed to be doing.
They're trying to appease peoplethey shouldn't be trying to
appease and in an effort to quoteunquote live the fulfilled life.
And not doing the clarity work.
So I want to encourage everyone to gotake advantage of Ken's assessment.
Um, I know lots of folks that havealready taken it and already got a
lot of clarity in their own life.
We'll make sure everybody does that.
Ken, one final questionbefore I let you go, brother.
What does it take to become unstoppable?
(32:16):
Well, it takes tremendous clarityand, uh, you'll have the confidence
and courage that you need.
Um, to kind of keep, keep getting backup, but the long haul that's, that's a
process of the daily, but, um, to trulybe unstoppable, you must have undying,
(32:42):
just absolute unbelievable faith in yourcreator, that he has a purpose and the
story of your life is, is giving youthe opportunity to fulfill that purpose.
And, uh, you know, I believe thatthe man of God and the woman of
God are completely unstoppable,uh, until it's their time to go.
(33:04):
And so I think you gotta have a faith.
In Christ and then live with that faithand that will make you unstoppable.
But outside of the supernatural power ofthe Holy Spirit, you can't be unstoppable.
Love it, dude.
Love it, dude.
Thank you so much for comingon the show again, man.
I can't wait to hug your neckand see you again in Nashville.
(33:25):
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, man.
Thank you.
All right.
Take it easy, buddy.
See ya.
All right.
You too.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.