November 24, 2025 • 34 mins
We’re continuing our series on idols in business by getting painfully honest about one a lot of us carry quietly: when our business itself becomes an idol.
Not an idol in the form of something obviously evil—but a good thing we’ve elevated to the main thing. A place we run to for hope, security, identity, and worth…before we run to God.
I’m sharing the story of two different seasons in my life where I gave my business everything—my time, my mental health, my marriage, my parenting, and my peace—and what God had to break in me so He could rebuild something healthier and more aligned with Him.
If you’ve ever thought, “Once this business finally works, then I’ll rest, then I’ll be present, then I’ll have peace,” this episode is for you. There is a different way to build—one where your hope is in God, not your results, and where joy and peace are available in the middle of the building season, not just “someday.”
Episode Highlights
- A clear, simple definition of what an idol actually is in modern life and business
- How even good things—like work, calling, and entrepreneurship—can quietly move into God’s spot in our heart
- The story of my first “rock bottom” season as a young entrepreneur, wife, and mom when I believed,
“If I can just fix the business, everything else will get better” - How constant grinding, hustling, and “we don’t deserve rest yet” thinking destroyed joy and peace in our home
- The turning point where God showed me I had to let Him work in me first—before anything sustainable could change in the business
- Why getting honest about your identity, emotions, habits, and broken patterns is often the real starting line for breakthrough
- How working on my internal life, my marriage, and my parenting (outside of business) actually led to healthier business growth
- The second season of slipping back into overwork while launching Clear Authentic Brands—and how God reminded me of lessons I’d already learned
- The difference between putting hope in your business vs. putting hope in God, and how that shift brings real joy and peace in any season
- A reframing of “success” through the lens of eternity, contentment, and how you’re actually living your life right now
Scriptures Referenced
- Exodus 20 – “You shall have no other gods before Me… you shall not make for yourself an image.”
- Mark 12:30 – Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
- Matthew 6:33 – Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.
- Romans 15:13 – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him…”
- 2 Corinthians 9:10 – God provides seed for the farmer and bread for food.
- Isaiah 55:8–9 – His ways and thoughts are higher than ours.
- Philippians 4:11–13 – Learning to be content in every circumstance.
Resources & Links
- Learn more at ClearAuthenticBrands.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amy Dardis (00:15):
And in today's episode, we are kicking off our
series on idols in business andthe specific ones that I like
personally have stories aboutthat I've wrestled with.
And so today's episode, we arediving into our business being
(00:36):
an idol and what it looks likewhen we put business before
everything else, before God,before family, before joy and
peace.
And just to give a quickdefinition.
So the definition of an idol isan object or an abstract
(01:01):
concept that is given a higherpriority than God.
It's something that we rely onfor blessing, help, or guidance
instead of God.
It's anything that consumes aperson's heart, imagination, or
devotion more than God.
It's any good thing that weelevate to a position of being
(01:22):
the main thing in our life.
So there are all kinds ofthings that can become idols and
all kinds of good things thatcan become idols.
But God is supposed to benumber one in our heart, in our
mind, and our soul and ourstrength in our life.
(01:42):
Like God says, you know, youshould have you shall have no
other gods before me.
Like, do not make for yourselfan idol.
Like put nothing before me.
Seek me first with all yourheart.
Like come first to me.
And in business in life,business is very consuming.
(02:04):
It is very distracting.
Now I love business.
I love the world ofentrepreneurship.
I love how businesses run andoperate.
I love that everybody has theirown unique story, their own
background, their own niche,their own market, their own
thing that makes them unique.
And it is a beautiful way forus to use our God-given giftings
(02:28):
and talent and strengths todevelop, to contribute, to
impact, to make a meaningfuldifference in this world while
being able to provide for afamily, while being able to
connect in relationships.
Like business truly is amazingand I am so passionate about it.
So an idol is not somethingthat is necessarily bad, but it
(02:51):
is the level of importance andpriority and influence and power
that we give it in our life.
And I have given my businesseverything.
I, and this is unfortunatelynot something that I have only
just struggled with once.
(03:12):
But when I first left being anemployee and went into the
corporate, or sorry, went leftthe corporate world and went
into being a full-timeentrepreneur, I was very
excited, as most of us are whenwe start our business.
(03:35):
And I had no idea what I wasgetting myself into.
I left the corporate world whenI was in my first trimester of
being pregnant with our secondchild.
And I had been praying for thisdoor to open for the last year.
And for months and months andmonths, like this was a desire
(03:57):
on my heart.
God also affirmed it throughdifferent connections and
relationships.
And I had absolute peace that Iwas supposed to leave my job
and go full-time in thebusiness.
And I really believed that assoon as I went full time, gave
(04:18):
it all of my time and energy,that the business was going to
grow and flourish and excel.
And just once I could just giveit 40 hours a week instead of
10 hours a week, that it wasreally going to take off.
And I figured that since Godcalled me to it, then it was it
(04:40):
was going to be blessed.
It was doors were going to openand God was going to make a
way.
And I ended up going into oneof the hardest seasons of my
life that lasted for quite a fewyears, uh, significantly for at
least the next probably yearand a half.
(05:03):
I think I was emotionally andrelationally immature.
I was a young mother.
I was a young wife.
I didn't know myself very wellat all.
(05:24):
And so here I was trying tofigure out all of these
different fronts in my life.
I was trying to navigate amarriage where I was actually
married to my business partner.
So my husband and I were inbusiness together.
We've we've always been inbusiness together.
(05:45):
So we were trying to navigateour business.
We were trying to navigate ourmarriage.
We were trying to navigatebeing parents of young kids and
and not doing that super well.
We were trying to navigate justour own spiritual journey of
like growing and understandingGod and our faith and
(06:09):
relationships and connections.
And it was none of it was goingwell.
It was, it was a very, verystressful time.
And so our, I think both of ourapproaches, honestly, both of
our mindsets at the time wasthat our business was the source
(06:30):
of our frustration.
Like if we could just get ourbusiness figured out, then
everything else would getbetter.
Like if we could fix thebusiness, then that would
alleviate some stress and somepressure, that would bring in
some income, that would freecreate some margin, that would
create some space, that wouldgive us room to breathe so that
(06:51):
we could be more present withour kids.
We could be more present witheach other.
And I would say this is a verynormal, logical way of thinking
about these things.
And so we were like, okay,let's just focus on our business
because we didn't have enoughleads coming in, we didn't have
(07:12):
enough income coming in.
We were so broke.
Like we were just, I mean, wehad overdrawn personal accounts,
we had overdrawn checkingaccounts at the same time.
We barely had enough money forfood.
And we were just like, okay,this is it was so stressful.
(07:33):
It was so like we just feltlike failures every single day.
And that was bad enough.
Like that was bad enough tryingto navigate that season.
But also then having atwo-year-old, having a new baby,
and then Josh and I were just100% not on the same page, not
(07:59):
connecting, not not enjoyingourselves.
Like this season of my life hadvery, very little joy and
basically no peace.
So me as an individual, I wasraging on the inside.
I was so angry at myself, at mylife, at some, you know,
(08:24):
things, things that were hadbeen triggered from my own
childhood after now that I hadbecome a parent.
I was seeing some tendencies inmyself that I did not like.
I did not know how tocommunicate what I wanted.
I did not know how to be realor be vulnerable with with
anyone, including my husband.
(08:46):
And so this season just wasfilled with anger, bitterness,
resentment, disconnect, stress.
And I mean, I I I hate the factthat I I don't think I don't
think we ever laughed.
I think we were so serious.
(09:07):
We were so stressed.
We were so just consumed withthis this business because
nothing in our life was working.
And we just felt like, well, ifwe figure out the business,
then we'll figure out everythingelse.
And we would, you know, get upand work all day long.
(09:32):
And I would never rest.
We would not have fun.
We would not relax.
We just would grind, grind,grind.
Because honestly, we felt thispressure of like, we didn't
deserve to rest.
We didn't deserve to take abreak.
We didn't deserve to have funbecause we we hadn't earned it.
We were not worthy of it.
(09:53):
We were failing each other.
We were failing our family.
We were failing at everything.
And when you're failing, youjust the only thing to do is to
work harder.
And that just that did not workout.
That continued to lead to moreand more disconnect, more and
(10:14):
more just depression, more andmore anxiety, more and more
struggle.
And the people around usstarted to notice, and they're
like, something is going on.
Because at this point, we werealso isolating ourselves.
And I think it's easy to get toa point where you're so
(10:41):
ashamed.
You're so embarrassed.
You're so just like feel likeeverybody else has their life
figured out and you don't, thatit is just hard to be around
other people because you arejust faking it.
You're just pretending.
Because you don't want anyoneto know how bad things really
(11:02):
are.
But you also it you don't wantto tell anyone.
And it's just you're stuck, youknow.
It's like you want to be aroundpeople because then maybe for a
second, maybe for an hour, youcould not think about the mess
that is your life.
(11:22):
And but then it was just likeyou just like didn't even have
the energy to do that, didn'teven have the like the capacity
to to to pretend anymore.
And so our our our businessjust like wasn't working, our
marriage wasn't working, likeour home life was not good.
(11:44):
And I didn't know how to go toGod.
I mean, I I have journalentries from this season of my
life of just day after day.
Like I was so justbrokenhearted.
I was so hopeless.
I was so just like, God, pleasehelp us to like make enough
(12:05):
money so we can buy food.
I mean, it was please help usto like figure this stuff out
and and have fun and and likelove each other and and do this
stuff.
And like, why is thishappening?
Like, why is why are we goingthrough this season?
(12:26):
Like, where is what am I doingwrong?
Where is my sin?
Where like what do I need tolearn through this that I'm not
learning?
And help me to learn it fasterso that I can get out of this
mess.
And that was, I mean, that wasmonths and months of that.
(12:47):
Like a it was like a downwardspiral, and then it was like a
hitting a rock bottom, really,really dark, ugly place.
And then it was a very slowjourney back up.
So it was it was not the thespiral didn't happen all at
(13:07):
once, and getting ourselves outof it took took years because
there was so much that we had todo.
So I didn't I didn't know howto put God first.
Like I this this season, thisthis difficult season really was
(13:30):
the first time I had ever hitrock bottom.
And it was the first time thata lot of these really bad things
that had been running my lifethat I I just I honestly wasn't
even aware of.
Like all of these mindsets andthought patterns and habits and
(13:54):
this anger and this bitternessand this inability to connect,
it was all buried and I wasblind to it until I went through
this season and it brought alot of things to the surface.
And this very, very ugly seasonwas me finally looking at
(14:16):
myself in the mirror and andreally seeing the mess that I
was because until then I Ihonestly, it sounds terrible,
but I honestly thought that Iwould had it pretty well
together, and I really didn't.
And so this season is whereokay, so all this yucky stuff
(14:40):
comes to the surface, and I'mlike, wow, I have a freaking
mess to deal with.
I am not okay.
I have some major issues.
I don't know myself, I don'tknow my strengths, I don't know,
I don't, I don't know anything.
I don't like I don't know whoGod is in my life.
(15:03):
I don't know who I am as anadult or as a mom.
And that right there, like thatwas the beginning of change,
was just seeing this ugly messbefore me and being like, okay,
I have some work to do.
Like it's it's time to get towork.
And through that, you know, Godreally started to to heal and
(15:29):
to restore and to break throughand to show me who he created me
to be and to show me mystrengths and my giftings and
what I was good at.
And I had put all of this hopein myself and in our business,
(15:53):
and that if I could just figureout my business, like our
business, everything else wouldwork out.
And what God taught me throughthis process was that I had to
first figure out myself before Iwas ever gonna have a chance at
(16:20):
figuring out my business.
And so that was like hugemindset shift number one is is
me coming kind of face to facewith the fact that I I had no
idea who I was, I had no clueabout my own identity as an
individual, my own identity asas a Christian, as a child of
(16:41):
God, none of it.
And by finally one recognizingthat I didn't know, and then
just getting to a place whereI'm like, okay, I can start
here, I can start working onthis stuff, I can start figuring
(17:01):
out what do I what am I goodat?
What do I enjoy doing?
What is fun?
What's causing me to be angryall the time?
What do I what do I believe?
What do I want in my life?
And it was this internal lookat my life that is where I
(17:27):
stopped.
I I realized that I have tofigure out myself first before
that will ever impact thebusiness.
And so by starting to focus onthat, by starting to focus on me
getting better mentally,spiritually, emotionally,
(17:51):
relationally, starting to workon my marriage outside of my
business, recognizing that I wasnot a good mom and I needed
help, I needed mentorship, Ineeded guidance in what it meant
to be a good mom, what it meantto be a healthy parent, what it
(18:15):
meant, I needed advice.
I needed, I couldn't figure itout all on my own.
And so I started to work onthese areas in my life that had
nothing to do with my business.
And through that process, ourbusiness started to turn around
(18:38):
because I started to figure outwhat I was good at and I started
to change the way that Iapproached people and I changed
the way I approachedrelationships.
And I realized that I needed toget my life figured out.
I needed to get these otherareas in my life, that was far
(19:00):
more important than my business.
And I had just wrapped myselfup that my business was the
answer.
My business was the hope.
My business was what was gonnachange everything.
And if I could just grind itout long enough, if I could just
figure all of that stuff out,then I could worry about all
(19:22):
this other stuff and get itfixed.
And it ended up being theopposite.
It ended up being, God said,No, like, you know, seek me,
like like come to me, let me doa work in you, like recognize
(19:46):
how much of a mess you are, likesur, like surrender this, this
importance and this power thatyou have let your business have
over your marriage, over youridentity, over your over your
parenting, over your home life.
And then allowing it to to getbetter and to heal and to fix my
(20:16):
business in the process.
And there's a verse that Ithink there's two verses that
really kind of stayed with havestayed with me, but really held
me through this season.
So one is Romans 15, 13, whichis may the God of hope fill you
with all joy and peace as youtrust in him, so that you may
(20:40):
overflow with hope by the powerof the Holy Spirit.
And so I love this versebecause one, I had no joy and no
peace.
None.
Like that did not define mylife, that did not define my
heart at all.
And it says, May the God ofhope fill you with all joy and
(21:01):
peace as you trust in him, whichmeans that the only way I was
gonna get joy and peace in thisseason was that I had to trust
in him.
And that when I did that, I wasgonna overflow with hope, which
again, I was putting hope intomy business, and I had no joy
(21:25):
and no peace.
But then this verse says, okay,put your hope in him, put your
trust in him, and then you'regonna overflow with hope, and
your life is gonna be filledwith joy and peace.
And so this verse then becamethis like this battle cry of
like, okay, what does it mean toreally live like that?
(21:48):
What does that verse mean formy life?
And where am I putting mypriorities?
Because when I'm putting mybusiness before everything else,
like my life is literallycrumbling around me.
And I was choosing to grind andto work and to stress over joy
(22:09):
and peace because my hope was inmy business.
But then God reminds me, okay,my hope needs to be in him.
My hope needs to be in him.
That is where joy and peacecome from.
And I desperately wanted joyand peace in my life.
I desperately wanted joy andpeace in my home.
I wanted joy and peace in mybusiness.
(22:30):
I did not want to walk aroundhaving to pretend that things
were okay.
I wanted them to actually beokay.
And I had to start somewhere.
And in this grinding season oftrying to make everything work,
God wasn't, he wasn't openingdoors in my business.
(22:52):
Like he wasn't, he wasn'tallowing these things to happen.
Because if he had, if he hadlike rewarded this mindset,
rewarded these bad habits, thenI would have never learned.
And I would have continued tobe this empty, angry, stressful
(23:14):
person instead of being able tolook at my life 10 years later
and have a wonderful marriageand have a wonderful home life
and and be the mom that I wantto be and know that there is joy
and peace in our heart.
And even with that, I there'sthat was that was the first
(23:38):
major season.
And so the second major season,which was probably equally as
hard of a season, justdifferent, was when I launched
this business, which is when Ilaunched this Clear Authentic
Brands business.
And again, it was something newand something I was trying to
get off the ground.
(23:58):
And it was so easy to revertback into this grind, grind,
grind.
Like, like I have to make thisbusiness work.
I have to work 12 hours a day.
And so I was.
I was working 12 hours a day.
I was wasn't eating throughoutthe day hardly, because I wasn't
(24:21):
walking away from my computer.
I wasn't working out, I wasn'tleaving the house.
I wasn't making dinner untilseven, eight, nine o'clock at
night.
I could barely have aconversation with my children
because I was so consumed withthis business and what I was
trying to make happen.
And while my life was not themess that it was before, like I
(24:49):
really had grown and developedin these areas.
Unfortunately, it was, it wasstill easy to kind of like
revert back to this, these oldhabits of like, okay, I have to
grind, I have to put my hope inthis business, I have to, you
know.
And again, it it didn't itdidn't last nearly as long
(25:10):
because I think it's one ofthose things where it's like, oh
yeah, I remember this lesson.
Oh yeah, I remember thisseason.
Oh yeah, I remember that Godhas seen me through this before
and he will see me through thisagain.
And what did I learn last time?
What did I learn about his hisgoodness and his faithfulness
and and what did he teach meabout that?
And I was like, oh yeah.
(25:30):
I remember he taught me that Ineeded, I needed to to know,
like to look at myselfinternally and to look at what
kind of mom am I being and whatkind of wife am I being and what
does my home life feel like?
And and let's let's make sureall of that is good because none
of those things are moreimportant than my business.
(25:52):
Like, you know, and so it waslike this this lesson was it was
easier and faster to learn, youknow, the the second, third,
fourth, fifth time around.
It gets easier, it gets fasterbecause the first time was so
hard and so real and soimpactful.
But just as we kind of grow andas we get away from that
(26:13):
season, it's we kind of forget,we kind of forget how intense it
was and how the the habits thatled us there to begin with.
And so, like once again, I waschoosing choosing to grind and
trying to put my hope in mybusiness instead of remembering,
(26:36):
okay, nope, God, you are you'rethe one who calls me to this.
Like, if if you call me tothis, which I believe that you
do, I believe that you have,then I'm gonna do everything I
can to work hard and to havegood, you know, be productive
(27:01):
and to have good boundaries andand to to make the most of my
time, to steward well, to to usemy resources to the best of my
ability.
But at the same time, you donot want me to sacrifice my
marriage or my kids or my homelife.
You don't want me to sacrificemy rest or my time with you, or
(27:24):
to ever forget, even for asecond, that you are the one.
You provide seed for thefarmer, you provide everything
that I need, like everythingthat you've called me to do.
Here I am.
And if this is part of yourplan, if this is part of your
(27:45):
will, that this grows and thisflourishes and this succeeds.
One, I can trust you in thisseason that whatever you're
teaching me or shaping me orpreparing me for, that it's for
my good.
And I believe that.
So I don't need to freak out, Idon't need to doubt, I don't
(28:06):
need to put it all, all thishope in my business because my
hope is actually in you.
And if you want this tosucceed, if you want this to
work, then you're going to opendoors, you're going to make a
way.
Even if there's a waitingperiod, even if there's time,
(28:28):
even if it doesn't work the wayI think it's going to work or
the way I want it to work, Itrust you enough to know that I
want your plan more than I wantmy plan.
I want it to work the way youwant it to work more than I want
it to work the way I want it towork.
Because I've understood enoughthat like your way is always
(28:49):
better.
Your ways are higher than myways, your thoughts are higher
than my thoughts, and you'resovereign.
You are God, you are powerful,you are all-knowing.
You love me more than I couldever love myself.
You love me and my family morethan I could ever even
comprehend.
And you're not trying to hurtme.
And whatever happens, you'regoing to use it for my good.
(29:12):
So if you call me to thisbusiness and you want it to
succeed, I trust you.
If you call me to this and itdoesn't succeed, I have to trust
you.
But my hope will not be in whatI think this business can do
for me.
My hope will be in the factthat even in this season of
building, this is my life.
(29:32):
Even in this season ofbuilding, these days are not
wasted.
Even in this season ofbuilding, it's like my kids will
remember that.
Like, this is my time with mykids as they grow up.
This is my time with myhusband.
And I don't want to look backand regret even for a second how
I spent it.
I want to look back on thisseason and be grateful for the
(29:54):
the building season, gratefulfor the resting season, grateful
for the Preparing season and toknow that I did it well, to
know that I trusted you throughit and I found joy and peace
along the way because Ioverflowed with hope because my
(30:14):
hope is in you.
It is not in a business, not insomething that could be be gone
tomorrow and didn't even exista couple years ago.
So it's it's a it's an ongoingjourney, right?
Like it's it's a it's a dailyfight, it's a daily thing to
(30:38):
remember that okay, like what doI believe about God?
And do I believe that that he'sover this?
And do I believe that he calledme to this?
And do I believe that I ambeing obedient to it?
And if the answer is yes, thenI then I have joy and peace
(31:01):
through the process.
And I think that's I thinkthat's we what we all want,
right?
Is just is joy and peace in theprocess in whatever season that
we're in.
And I think about Paul and howthat like he gave his life to
share the gospel, how he hespent his whole life, or not his
(31:25):
whole life, but a lot of hislife sharing the good news and
traveling around.
And he was beaten and he washungry and he was shipwrecked
and he was in prisons, and helived this very hard,
uncomfortable life.
But he had joy and peace in theprocess because he trusted in
(31:48):
God.
Like that, and that's where itcame from.
He's like, I've learned to becontent in whatever situation.
Like there were days where Ithought I would die because, but
it's like he just he was in somany situations that God was
literally like, I'm I've gotyou.
And if and if I choose to bringyou home, then trust me in
(32:09):
that.
And if you are shipwrecked oryou're beaten or whatever, like
I have got you and to have thatkind of contentment.
And I think it's easy as anentrepreneur to be like, okay,
well, I'll be happy or I'll havejoy or I'll have peace when
this business works, when it'ssuccessful, when when everything
is going good.
(32:29):
And then there's the questionof like, okay, well, what if
that never happens?
But it's like, this is yourlife.
Like, what if, what if I don'twake up tomorrow?
What if I only have a year lefton this earth?
Like, what if how do I want tospend this time, even if my
business isn't at the level thatI think it should be at, or it
doesn't look the way that Ithink it should be?
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Does that negate anything in mylife?
Does that take away fromanything in my life?
Does it take away from my valueas a person, from my value as a
mom, is from my value as awife?
Like, no, it doesn't.
Like, and that's this findingjoy through this process and
having that peace, and we canonly have it when our hope is in
(33:12):
him and when he is at thecenter of it.
Because otherwise we just weexperience stress and doubt and
fear and and hope hopelessness,honestly, when we put anything
(33:34):
but in this case, our business.
We when we put our hope in ourbusiness instead of in God.
So that is all I have for youtoday.
You can always learn more atClear Authentic Brands.com.
That's all for this episode.
See you in the next one.
And in today's episode, we are kicking off our
series on idols in business andthe specific ones that I like
personally have stories aboutthat I've wrestled with.
And so today's episode, we arediving into our business being
(00:36):
an idol and what it looks likewhen we put business before
everything else, before God,before family, before joy and
peace.
And just to give a quickdefinition.
So the definition of an idol isan object or an abstract
(01:01):
concept that is given a higherpriority than God.
It's something that we rely onfor blessing, help, or guidance
instead of God.
It's anything that consumes aperson's heart, imagination, or
devotion more than God.
It's any good thing that weelevate to a position of being
(01:22):
the main thing in our life.
So there are all kinds ofthings that can become idols and
all kinds of good things thatcan become idols.
But God is supposed to benumber one in our heart, in our
mind, and our soul and ourstrength in our life.
(01:42):
Like God says, you know, youshould have you shall have no
other gods before me.
Like, do not make for yourselfan idol.
Like put nothing before me.
Seek me first with all yourheart.
Like come first to me.
And in business in life,business is very consuming.
(02:04):
It is very distracting.
Now I love business.
I love the world ofentrepreneurship.
I love how businesses run andoperate.
I love that everybody has theirown unique story, their own
background, their own niche,their own market, their own
thing that makes them unique.
And it is a beautiful way forus to use our God-given giftings
(02:28):
and talent and strengths todevelop, to contribute, to
impact, to make a meaningfuldifference in this world while
being able to provide for afamily, while being able to
connect in relationships.
Like business truly is amazingand I am so passionate about it.
So an idol is not somethingthat is necessarily bad, but it
(02:51):
is the level of importance andpriority and influence and power
that we give it in our life.
And I have given my businesseverything.
I, and this is unfortunatelynot something that I have only
just struggled with once.
(03:12):
But when I first left being anemployee and went into the
corporate, or sorry, went leftthe corporate world and went
into being a full-timeentrepreneur, I was very
excited, as most of us are whenwe start our business.
(03:35):
And I had no idea what I wasgetting myself into.
I left the corporate world whenI was in my first trimester of
being pregnant with our secondchild.
And I had been praying for thisdoor to open for the last year.
And for months and months andmonths, like this was a desire
(03:57):
on my heart.
God also affirmed it throughdifferent connections and
relationships.
And I had absolute peace that Iwas supposed to leave my job
and go full-time in thebusiness.
And I really believed that assoon as I went full time, gave
(04:18):
it all of my time and energy,that the business was going to
grow and flourish and excel.
And just once I could just giveit 40 hours a week instead of
10 hours a week, that it wasreally going to take off.
And I figured that since Godcalled me to it, then it was it
(04:40):
was going to be blessed.
It was doors were going to openand God was going to make a
way.
And I ended up going into oneof the hardest seasons of my
life that lasted for quite a fewyears, uh, significantly for at
least the next probably yearand a half.
(05:03):
I think I was emotionally andrelationally immature.
I was a young mother.
I was a young wife.
I didn't know myself very wellat all.
(05:24):
And so here I was trying tofigure out all of these
different fronts in my life.
I was trying to navigate amarriage where I was actually
married to my business partner.
So my husband and I were inbusiness together.
We've we've always been inbusiness together.
(05:45):
So we were trying to navigateour business.
We were trying to navigate ourmarriage.
We were trying to navigatebeing parents of young kids and
and not doing that super well.
We were trying to navigate justour own spiritual journey of
like growing and understandingGod and our faith and
(06:09):
relationships and connections.
And it was none of it was goingwell.
It was, it was a very, verystressful time.
And so our, I think both of ourapproaches, honestly, both of
our mindsets at the time wasthat our business was the source
(06:30):
of our frustration.
Like if we could just get ourbusiness figured out, then
everything else would getbetter.
Like if we could fix thebusiness, then that would
alleviate some stress and somepressure, that would bring in
some income, that would freecreate some margin, that would
create some space, that wouldgive us room to breathe so that
(06:51):
we could be more present withour kids.
We could be more present witheach other.
And I would say this is a verynormal, logical way of thinking
about these things.
And so we were like, okay,let's just focus on our business
because we didn't have enoughleads coming in, we didn't have
(07:12):
enough income coming in.
We were so broke.
Like we were just, I mean, wehad overdrawn personal accounts,
we had overdrawn checkingaccounts at the same time.
We barely had enough money forfood.
And we were just like, okay,this is it was so stressful.
(07:33):
It was so like we just feltlike failures every single day.
And that was bad enough.
Like that was bad enough tryingto navigate that season.
But also then having atwo-year-old, having a new baby,
and then Josh and I were just100% not on the same page, not
(07:59):
connecting, not not enjoyingourselves.
Like this season of my life hadvery, very little joy and
basically no peace.
So me as an individual, I wasraging on the inside.
I was so angry at myself, at mylife, at some, you know,
(08:24):
things, things that were hadbeen triggered from my own
childhood after now that I hadbecome a parent.
I was seeing some tendencies inmyself that I did not like.
I did not know how tocommunicate what I wanted.
I did not know how to be realor be vulnerable with with
anyone, including my husband.
(08:46):
And so this season just wasfilled with anger, bitterness,
resentment, disconnect, stress.
And I mean, I I I hate the factthat I I don't think I don't
think we ever laughed.
I think we were so serious.
(09:07):
We were so stressed.
We were so just consumed withthis this business because
nothing in our life was working.
And we just felt like, well, ifwe figure out the business,
then we'll figure out everythingelse.
And we would, you know, get upand work all day long.
(09:32):
And I would never rest.
We would not have fun.
We would not relax.
We just would grind, grind,grind.
Because honestly, we felt thispressure of like, we didn't
deserve to rest.
We didn't deserve to take abreak.
We didn't deserve to have funbecause we we hadn't earned it.
We were not worthy of it.
(09:53):
We were failing each other.
We were failing our family.
We were failing at everything.
And when you're failing, youjust the only thing to do is to
work harder.
And that just that did not workout.
That continued to lead to moreand more disconnect, more and
(10:14):
more just depression, more andmore anxiety, more and more
struggle.
And the people around usstarted to notice, and they're
like, something is going on.
Because at this point, we werealso isolating ourselves.
And I think it's easy to get toa point where you're so
(10:41):
ashamed.
You're so embarrassed.
You're so just like feel likeeverybody else has their life
figured out and you don't, thatit is just hard to be around
other people because you arejust faking it.
You're just pretending.
Because you don't want anyoneto know how bad things really
(11:02):
are.
But you also it you don't wantto tell anyone.
And it's just you're stuck, youknow.
It's like you want to be aroundpeople because then maybe for a
second, maybe for an hour, youcould not think about the mess
that is your life.
(11:22):
And but then it was just likeyou just like didn't even have
the energy to do that, didn'teven have the like the capacity
to to to pretend anymore.
And so our our our businessjust like wasn't working, our
marriage wasn't working, likeour home life was not good.
(11:44):
And I didn't know how to go toGod.
I mean, I I have journalentries from this season of my
life of just day after day.
Like I was so justbrokenhearted.
I was so hopeless.
I was so just like, God, pleasehelp us to like make enough
(12:05):
money so we can buy food.
I mean, it was please help usto like figure this stuff out
and and have fun and and likelove each other and and do this
stuff.
And like, why is thishappening?
Like, why is why are we goingthrough this season?
(12:26):
Like, where is what am I doingwrong?
Where is my sin?
Where like what do I need tolearn through this that I'm not
learning?
And help me to learn it fasterso that I can get out of this
mess.
And that was, I mean, that wasmonths and months of that.
(12:47):
Like a it was like a downwardspiral, and then it was like a
hitting a rock bottom, really,really dark, ugly place.
And then it was a very slowjourney back up.
So it was it was not the thespiral didn't happen all at
(13:07):
once, and getting ourselves outof it took took years because
there was so much that we had todo.
So I didn't I didn't know howto put God first.
Like I this this season, thisthis difficult season really was
(13:30):
the first time I had ever hitrock bottom.
And it was the first time thata lot of these really bad things
that had been running my lifethat I I just I honestly wasn't
even aware of.
Like all of these mindsets andthought patterns and habits and
(13:54):
this anger and this bitternessand this inability to connect,
it was all buried and I wasblind to it until I went through
this season and it brought alot of things to the surface.
And this very, very ugly seasonwas me finally looking at
(14:16):
myself in the mirror and andreally seeing the mess that I
was because until then I Ihonestly, it sounds terrible,
but I honestly thought that Iwould had it pretty well
together, and I really didn't.
And so this season is whereokay, so all this yucky stuff
(14:40):
comes to the surface, and I'mlike, wow, I have a freaking
mess to deal with.
I am not okay.
I have some major issues.
I don't know myself, I don'tknow my strengths, I don't know,
I don't, I don't know anything.
I don't like I don't know whoGod is in my life.
(15:03):
I don't know who I am as anadult or as a mom.
And that right there, like thatwas the beginning of change,
was just seeing this ugly messbefore me and being like, okay,
I have some work to do.
Like it's it's time to get towork.
And through that, you know, Godreally started to to heal and
(15:29):
to restore and to break throughand to show me who he created me
to be and to show me mystrengths and my giftings and
what I was good at.
And I had put all of this hopein myself and in our business,
(15:53):
and that if I could just figureout my business, like our
business, everything else wouldwork out.
And what God taught me throughthis process was that I had to
first figure out myself before Iwas ever gonna have a chance at
(16:20):
figuring out my business.
And so that was like hugemindset shift number one is is
me coming kind of face to facewith the fact that I I had no
idea who I was, I had no clueabout my own identity as an
individual, my own identity asas a Christian, as a child of
(16:41):
God, none of it.
And by finally one recognizingthat I didn't know, and then
just getting to a place whereI'm like, okay, I can start
here, I can start working onthis stuff, I can start figuring
(17:01):
out what do I what am I goodat?
What do I enjoy doing?
What is fun?
What's causing me to be angryall the time?
What do I what do I believe?
What do I want in my life?
And it was this internal lookat my life that is where I
(17:27):
stopped.
I I realized that I have tofigure out myself first before
that will ever impact thebusiness.
And so by starting to focus onthat, by starting to focus on me
getting better mentally,spiritually, emotionally,
(17:51):
relationally, starting to workon my marriage outside of my
business, recognizing that I wasnot a good mom and I needed
help, I needed mentorship, Ineeded guidance in what it meant
to be a good mom, what it meantto be a healthy parent, what it
(18:15):
meant, I needed advice.
I needed, I couldn't figure itout all on my own.
And so I started to work onthese areas in my life that had
nothing to do with my business.
And through that process, ourbusiness started to turn around
(18:38):
because I started to figure outwhat I was good at and I started
to change the way that Iapproached people and I changed
the way I approachedrelationships.
And I realized that I needed toget my life figured out.
I needed to get these otherareas in my life, that was far
(19:00):
more important than my business.
And I had just wrapped myselfup that my business was the
answer.
My business was the hope.
My business was what was gonnachange everything.
And if I could just grind itout long enough, if I could just
figure all of that stuff out,then I could worry about all
(19:22):
this other stuff and get itfixed.
And it ended up being theopposite.
It ended up being, God said,No, like, you know, seek me,
like like come to me, let me doa work in you, like recognize
(19:46):
how much of a mess you are, likesur, like surrender this, this
importance and this power thatyou have let your business have
over your marriage, over youridentity, over your over your
parenting, over your home life.
And then allowing it to to getbetter and to heal and to fix my
(20:16):
business in the process.
And there's a verse that Ithink there's two verses that
really kind of stayed with havestayed with me, but really held
me through this season.
So one is Romans 15, 13, whichis may the God of hope fill you
with all joy and peace as youtrust in him, so that you may
(20:40):
overflow with hope by the powerof the Holy Spirit.
And so I love this versebecause one, I had no joy and no
peace.
None.
Like that did not define mylife, that did not define my
heart at all.
And it says, May the God ofhope fill you with all joy and
(21:01):
peace as you trust in him, whichmeans that the only way I was
gonna get joy and peace in thisseason was that I had to trust
in him.
And that when I did that, I wasgonna overflow with hope, which
again, I was putting hope intomy business, and I had no joy
(21:25):
and no peace.
But then this verse says, okay,put your hope in him, put your
trust in him, and then you'regonna overflow with hope, and
your life is gonna be filledwith joy and peace.
And so this verse then becamethis like this battle cry of
like, okay, what does it mean toreally live like that?
(21:48):
What does that verse mean formy life?
And where am I putting mypriorities?
Because when I'm putting mybusiness before everything else,
like my life is literallycrumbling around me.
And I was choosing to grind andto work and to stress over joy
(22:09):
and peace because my hope was inmy business.
But then God reminds me, okay,my hope needs to be in him.
My hope needs to be in him.
That is where joy and peacecome from.
And I desperately wanted joyand peace in my life.
I desperately wanted joy andpeace in my home.
I wanted joy and peace in mybusiness.
(22:30):
I did not want to walk aroundhaving to pretend that things
were okay.
I wanted them to actually beokay.
And I had to start somewhere.
And in this grinding season oftrying to make everything work,
God wasn't, he wasn't openingdoors in my business.
(22:52):
Like he wasn't, he wasn'tallowing these things to happen.
Because if he had, if he hadlike rewarded this mindset,
rewarded these bad habits, thenI would have never learned.
And I would have continued tobe this empty, angry, stressful
(23:14):
person instead of being able tolook at my life 10 years later
and have a wonderful marriageand have a wonderful home life
and and be the mom that I wantto be and know that there is joy
and peace in our heart.
And even with that, I there'sthat was that was the first
(23:38):
major season.
And so the second major season,which was probably equally as
hard of a season, justdifferent, was when I launched
this business, which is when Ilaunched this Clear Authentic
Brands business.
And again, it was something newand something I was trying to
get off the ground.
(23:58):
And it was so easy to revertback into this grind, grind,
grind.
Like, like I have to make thisbusiness work.
I have to work 12 hours a day.
And so I was.
I was working 12 hours a day.
I was wasn't eating throughoutthe day hardly, because I wasn't
(24:21):
walking away from my computer.
I wasn't working out, I wasn'tleaving the house.
I wasn't making dinner untilseven, eight, nine o'clock at
night.
I could barely have aconversation with my children
because I was so consumed withthis business and what I was
trying to make happen.
And while my life was not themess that it was before, like I
(24:49):
really had grown and developedin these areas.
Unfortunately, it was, it wasstill easy to kind of like
revert back to this, these oldhabits of like, okay, I have to
grind, I have to put my hope inthis business, I have to, you
know.
And again, it it didn't itdidn't last nearly as long
(25:10):
because I think it's one ofthose things where it's like, oh
yeah, I remember this lesson.
Oh yeah, I remember thisseason.
Oh yeah, I remember that Godhas seen me through this before
and he will see me through thisagain.
And what did I learn last time?
What did I learn about his hisgoodness and his faithfulness
and and what did he teach meabout that?
And I was like, oh yeah.
(25:30):
I remember he taught me that Ineeded, I needed to to know,
like to look at myselfinternally and to look at what
kind of mom am I being and whatkind of wife am I being and what
does my home life feel like?
And and let's let's make sureall of that is good because none
of those things are moreimportant than my business.
(25:52):
Like, you know, and so it waslike this this lesson was it was
easier and faster to learn, youknow, the the second, third,
fourth, fifth time around.
It gets easier, it gets fasterbecause the first time was so
hard and so real and soimpactful.
But just as we kind of grow andas we get away from that
(26:13):
season, it's we kind of forget,we kind of forget how intense it
was and how the the habits thatled us there to begin with.
And so, like once again, I waschoosing choosing to grind and
trying to put my hope in mybusiness instead of remembering,
(26:36):
okay, nope, God, you are you'rethe one who calls me to this.
Like, if if you call me tothis, which I believe that you
do, I believe that you have,then I'm gonna do everything I
can to work hard and to havegood, you know, be productive
(27:01):
and to have good boundaries andand to to make the most of my
time, to steward well, to to usemy resources to the best of my
ability.
But at the same time, you donot want me to sacrifice my
marriage or my kids or my homelife.
You don't want me to sacrificemy rest or my time with you, or
(27:24):
to ever forget, even for asecond, that you are the one.
You provide seed for thefarmer, you provide everything
that I need, like everythingthat you've called me to do.
Here I am.
And if this is part of yourplan, if this is part of your
(27:45):
will, that this grows and thisflourishes and this succeeds.
One, I can trust you in thisseason that whatever you're
teaching me or shaping me orpreparing me for, that it's for
my good.
And I believe that.
So I don't need to freak out, Idon't need to doubt, I don't
(28:06):
need to put it all, all thishope in my business because my
hope is actually in you.
And if you want this tosucceed, if you want this to
work, then you're going to opendoors, you're going to make a
way.
Even if there's a waitingperiod, even if there's time,
(28:28):
even if it doesn't work the wayI think it's going to work or
the way I want it to work, Itrust you enough to know that I
want your plan more than I wantmy plan.
I want it to work the way youwant it to work more than I want
it to work the way I want it towork.
Because I've understood enoughthat like your way is always
(28:49):
better.
Your ways are higher than myways, your thoughts are higher
than my thoughts, and you'resovereign.
You are God, you are powerful,you are all-knowing.
You love me more than I couldever love myself.
You love me and my family morethan I could ever even
comprehend.
And you're not trying to hurtme.
And whatever happens, you'regoing to use it for my good.
(29:12):
So if you call me to thisbusiness and you want it to
succeed, I trust you.
If you call me to this and itdoesn't succeed, I have to trust
you.
But my hope will not be in whatI think this business can do
for me.
My hope will be in the factthat even in this season of
building, this is my life.
(29:32):
Even in this season ofbuilding, these days are not
wasted.
Even in this season ofbuilding, it's like my kids will
remember that.
Like, this is my time with mykids as they grow up.
This is my time with myhusband.
And I don't want to look backand regret even for a second how
I spent it.
I want to look back on thisseason and be grateful for the
(29:54):
the building season, gratefulfor the resting season, grateful
for the Preparing season and toknow that I did it well, to
know that I trusted you throughit and I found joy and peace
along the way because Ioverflowed with hope because my
(30:14):
hope is in you.
It is not in a business, not insomething that could be be gone
tomorrow and didn't even exista couple years ago.
So it's it's a it's an ongoingjourney, right?
Like it's it's a it's a dailyfight, it's a daily thing to
(30:38):
remember that okay, like what doI believe about God?
And do I believe that that he'sover this?
And do I believe that he calledme to this?
And do I believe that I ambeing obedient to it?
And if the answer is yes, thenI then I have joy and peace
(31:01):
through the process.
And I think that's I thinkthat's we what we all want,
right?
Is just is joy and peace in theprocess in whatever season that
we're in.
And I think about Paul and howthat like he gave his life to
share the gospel, how he hespent his whole life, or not his
(31:25):
whole life, but a lot of hislife sharing the good news and
traveling around.
And he was beaten and he washungry and he was shipwrecked
and he was in prisons, and helived this very hard,
uncomfortable life.
But he had joy and peace in theprocess because he trusted in
(31:48):
God.
Like that, and that's where itcame from.
He's like, I've learned to becontent in whatever situation.
Like there were days where Ithought I would die because, but
it's like he just he was in somany situations that God was
literally like, I'm I've gotyou.
And if and if I choose to bringyou home, then trust me in
(32:09):
that.
And if you are shipwrecked oryou're beaten or whatever, like
I have got you and to have thatkind of contentment.
And I think it's easy as anentrepreneur to be like, okay,
well, I'll be happy or I'll havejoy or I'll have peace when
this business works, when it'ssuccessful, when when everything
is going good.
(32:29):
And then there's the questionof like, okay, well, what if
that never happens?
But it's like, this is yourlife.
Like, what if, what if I don'twake up tomorrow?
What if I only have a year lefton this earth?
Like, what if how do I want tospend this time, even if my
business isn't at the level thatI think it should be at, or it
doesn't look the way that Ithink it should be?
(32:51):
Does that negate anything in mylife?
Does that take away fromanything in my life?
Does it take away from my valueas a person, from my value as a
mom, is from my value as awife?
Like, no, it doesn't.
Like, and that's this findingjoy through this process and
having that peace, and we canonly have it when our hope is in
(33:12):
him and when he is at thecenter of it.
Because otherwise we just weexperience stress and doubt and
fear and and hope hopelessness,honestly, when we put anything
(33:34):
but in this case, our business.
We when we put our hope in ourbusiness instead of in God.
So that is all I have for youtoday.
You can always learn more atClear Authentic Brands.com.
That's all for this episode.
See you in the next one.
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