September 26, 2023 • 25 mins
Have you ever found yourself in a busy networking event, feeling drained and disconnected as you attempt to navigate the sea of pitches and self-promotion?
That's where I found myself recently, moderating a panel for a local Women's Enterprise Centre event. As an introvert, I was anticipating the usual energy suck. But instead, I found myself energized, and it set off a light bulb moment. Networking (aka connection) events aren't the problem: WE are.
We've all been there - the dreaded 'pitchslap', where, without even a ‘how do you do’, someone is smacking you in the virtual face with their latest offer. (It's no wonder so many people are in their feelings about sales and lead generation.)
Connection in business has traditionally been more about transactions than genuine human connection, and it's taking a toll. Instead of feeling compelled to sell or to be sold to, I wanna share a different approach: create authentic connections, cultivate trust, and personalize your interactions. Sales are important, of course, but they shouldn't overshadow making real connections because you took time to see the human behind the dollar signs.
In the cut-throat world of business, maintaining honesty and transparency may seem like a tall order. But instead of the usual BS, it's time we focus on building enduring relationships. After all, it's through these genuine connections that we lay the foundations of lasting success.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Business Blasphemy podcast,
where we question the sacredtruths of the online business
space and the reverence withwhich they're held.
I'm your Sarah ,Khan, , speaker, strategic consultant and BS
busting badass.
Join me each week as wechallenge the norms, trends and
overall bullshit status quo ofentrepreneurship to uncover what
it really takes to build thebusiness that you want to build
(00:23):
in a way that honors you, yourlife and your vision for what's
possible, and maybe piss off afew gurus along the way.
So if you're ready to commitBusiness Blast for Me, let's do
it.
Hello, hello, blasphemers.
So I am recording this hot offthe heels.
Is that the right phrase?
(00:43):
I'm not even sure.
I went to my very first yes, myvery first.
I realized we're three and ahalf years post COVID, but this
is my very first networkingevent.
Yesterday I was invited to be amoderator at a breakfast event
here for the local women'senterprise center and it was
really cool.
I got to moderate aconversation between three
(01:06):
really fascinating creativeentrepreneurs and I'd never
moderated a panel before.
I've spoken a number of times,but I've never moderated a panel
, and so it was super stressfulbecause I had to keep time and I
don't like to interrupt people,so I kept watching the clock
because I knew that we had anumber of questions to get
through and that they had toreally, kind of you know, keep
(01:29):
it tight.
And it turned out really,really well.
I was very happy with how theconversation went and just our
interactions and the three womenwho were on the panel Holy Dina
, like dynamic women just doingsuch amazing things and just
like really interestingbackstories.
And there were about there wereover a hundred people in the
room and it was, like I said, myfirst in real life in person
(01:52):
networking event, since we allwent online and sort of remote
because of the pandemic and it's.
You might be thinking, well, whyis it taking you so long to do
that?
And the reason is because mybusiness is an online business.
Most of it, all of my clients,are actually, at this point, us
based and a lot of thenetworking groups and things
(02:13):
that I'm a part of they are allvirtual because there are people
that are from all over NorthAmerica in them and some, you
know, even across the pond inEurope in different places.
So I haven't really had areason to go in real life.
And, as somebody who is anintrovert like I.
Really you might not think this.
Listening to me on social orlistening to my podcast, or even
(02:36):
if you've been on a coffee chatwith me, you may not believe
this but I am actuallyincredibly socially awkward.
I am very shy.
I do not do well in big groups.
I do not engage in conversationeasily.
Like, I'm very shy, I reallyhave to be drawn out, I have to
(02:56):
feel comfortable, and I thinkthat's the case for most people,
but for me I'm just.
It's something I've never beencomfortable with.
And so for me, when I go to inreal life events, I'm always
worried because I know I'm goingto have to take time off to
reenergize myself, right, andthat really is the curse of the
introvert, right?
You may not necessarily beaverse to going out.
(03:19):
Like maybe you like to actuallygo out and be social, but you
need that time to kind ofrecharge and recuperate
afterwards.
And so when I went to thisbreakfast, I fully intended to
have some downtime afterwards tokind of replenish my energy,
but weirdly I didn't need it.
And here's the reason why Ithought about this after a
(03:41):
conversation with my friend,jennifer Battle today.
For the last three and a halfyears, the vast majority, if not
all actually, of my networkingconnection kind of interactions
have either been on sales callsor in coffee chats or they've
been in like networking groupsthat have a very clear sales
(04:01):
kind of focus to them.
And then I started to think tomyself was this the case before
we went remote?
Was this the case when I was incorporate?
And honestly, yeah, networkingevents were all about who's palm
can you grease, who's back Canyou scratch?
You know, we got to makeconnections for the benefit of
the business.
So a lot of them were verysalesy, like what do you do?
What do you do?
(04:21):
And then I started to think tomyself what if?
I'm not actually an introvert?
What if?
And then I started to think tomyself like I'm not actually an
introvert, I'm not actually anintrovert, I'm not actually an
introvert, I'm not actually aintrovert, I'm not actually.
Most of us aren't actuallyintroverts.
What if?
The problem is that we have allbeen taught how to connect in a
way that is actually justreally shitty.
(04:41):
We go out with the intention ofconnecting with people, but
traditionally all of ourconnections, how we've been
taught to connect with people,has been transactional.
Think about every networkingevent you've ever been to.
If you've been to them in reallife, what is it?
It's usually a business cardfest, where people are handing
out business cards.
What do you do?
Well, I do this, and theyrespond with their one minute
(05:04):
elevator pitch and you do thesame and then they'll move to
the next group.
Or, as was my experience inquite a few networking events,
people would just come withcolleagues and then just kind of
hang out with their colleagues,or they would stand by the
buffet table and no one reallywanted to talk to new people.
And I'll never forget my veryfirst networking event in real
(05:24):
life.
Like, okay, honestly, if youdon't believe that I am super
awkward, I'll tell you exactlywhat I did.
I was so nervous at my veryfirst networking event that I
took my stack of business cards.
I sat in my car for like a halfan hour.
I had to really psych myself togo in.
And then I went in and therewere already like little groups
of people standing around theroom and I had no idea how am I
going to interject myself intothese conversations?
(05:46):
That's the other thing too.
A lot of these events.
They feel really clicky, likeif you don't already know the
people.
It's kind of hard to interjectyourself into there.
So I would like walk up torandom groups and just kind of
like stick out my business cardand go hi, my name is Sarah and
I give them my business card andgo here's my business card.
I would love to chat if youhave the time and I would leave
and go to another group.
(06:06):
Like it was so bad I'm not evengonna lie, it was really really
bad and obviously nobodyresponded, like nobody called me
, which is not a surprise.
But what do you usually do whenyou get business cards?
Anyway, most of us will putthem in a folder somewhere.
I mean, come on stationarystores, amazon, they make a lot
of money on those business cardfolios you can file them all
(06:28):
into.
But how often do you actuallygo into your business card folio
and connect with people, unlessyou have a very specific need,
right?
Unless it's like a serviceprovider and you're like I have
a very specific need, I'm goingto look for that person that I
met and then blah, blah, blah.
That's different.
But it's also transactional,right?
The vast majority of how we'vebeen taught to connect is
(06:51):
transactional.
What can you do for me and whatcan I do for you, and yes, it's
always in that order.
It's never what can I do foryou, and then we'll see what you
can do for me.
It's always what can you do forme, and then I'll see what I
can do for you, and that feelsof an equivalent value in my
perspective.
So this is the problem.
(07:12):
This is the problem.
Now there are a lot of placesand courses and blog articles
that will teach you tips andtricks to make networking more
interesting and effective.
Ask the other person aboutthemselves, because people like
to talk about themselves.
It's a really great way forthem to remember who you are,
(07:32):
because, hey, that person askedme about myself.
I used to teach this shit whenI was teaching in college.
I know right, but these are thekinds of tips and tricks that
they're teaching you to try tomake you more interesting.
But that's kind of my pointtoday.
Why is it so hard to actuallyjust be interesting and
effective, like when you look atwhat humans are?
(07:53):
We are social creatures bynature.
We should be able to haveconversations with other humans
without having to read a36-chapter textbook on how to do
that.
And, yes, I understand all ofthe variables.
I understand things likeanxiety makes it hard to connect
with people.
I understand the impact socialmedia has on people don't really
(08:17):
know how to connect in reallife anymore because all of our
interactions are online andthey're limited.
My dad will often laugh at usbecause my siblings and I we
don't ever call each other.
We text each other.
But he still likes to call andthe reason is because it's like,
well, if we don't have anythingreally really important to
convey, we just text each other,and that's because we know we
(08:39):
have busy lives and they'll getback to me when they can and
there's no sort of expectationof an immediate response, et
cetera, et cetera.
But the truth is, once westarted going online, it got
harder and harder to actuallyremember how to connect in a
human way.
When I went to this breakfastyesterday, I was actually really
(09:00):
worried.
It was like I have no idea howto make small talk and I mean I
never really have.
I've never been a small talkperson.
Like if you meet me and we geton, you're going to learn pretty
much everything there is tolearn about me and I'm going to
want to know everything there isto learn about you.
Like I just go straight for thetell me the real truth about
you.
So I was really worried, like,am I going to overshare, et
cetera, and that's, I think, anormal fear that most people
(09:22):
have.
But again, social media beingonline, being digital, that's
made it a lot harder.
I know that this youngergeneration of people, generation
Z, does have a lot ofchallenges connecting with other
human beings.
It's just not something thathas kind of stayed in the
mainstream and I don't have ananswer for that, like I don't
(09:43):
really know how to fix that.
But what I can talk about ishow all of that is kind of
seeping into the online space,right, the business space.
People have no idea how toconnect.
Case in point the pitch slap.
Yes, we all have services tosell, we all have offers that we
(10:04):
want to sell.
I get it.
And, yes, we all know that thevast majority of us are online
in these spaces doing business,trying to make money.
That is not something I'mdisputing, okay, but I don't
believe that it has to be at theexpense of just being a decent
human being with social graces.
What is a pitch slap?
It's my phrase, my term forwhen someone slides into your
(10:29):
DMs with a hey girl kind ofmessage and you'll know what I'm
talking about is kind of athrowback to the old network
marketing.
You know shenanigans.
But when they slide into yourDMs with a message and
immediately start pitching theirservices to you or their offers
or hey, join my group or cometo my workshop like they
immediately start pitching you.
Now there are a lot of waysthat people do this.
(10:51):
There is the straightforwardpitch slap.
The worst one is what'shappening lately is they'll
message you and ask you ifyou're still taking clients and
when you respond they use theold bait and switch and sell you
their lead generation services.
Like, oh, you're taking clients, well, how about if you had 75
clients instead of the threethat you can normally get?
I can get you 75 vetted clients.
(11:13):
Like they completely bait andswitch you.
It's really gross.
Or they start with reallyobviously scripted conversations
with the intention of quoteunquote, leading the prospect.
That's disgusting.
So a sales conversation bytrying to, you know, suss out
their pain points or whatever itis.
Now, first of all, I want you tounderstand I do not have a
(11:33):
problem with sales.
Sales is kind of critical.
If you have a business, allright, we all want to make sales
.
But what a lot of people failto understand is that sales are
very often, especially now, thebyproduct of genuine connection.
Let me say that again Sales isthe byproduct of genuine
(11:54):
connection.
Underscore genuine when youlook at the stats.
People don't generally buyespecially high-ticket products
or services From people theydon't know or like or trust.
I'm sure you've heard the termno-like trust.
You have to cultivate yourno-like trust in order for
people to buy from you.
(12:15):
The thing is, they can't get tothe no-like trust without
getting to know you.
Now, yes, anyone can sell lowerticket or even free stuff to
get people into their ecosystem,but what do you do then?
How do you lead them to thenext level?
How do you lead them toactually working with you?
People need to know you andthey need to know you care about
(12:38):
them.
That does not mean asking abunch of scripted market
research questions to get theirinput or their insights.
Genuine connection takes timeand consistent, intentional
connecting.
Here are some of the things thatI've started to do.
When I have a new coffee chat,just as an example, I do keep a
spreadsheet of names, and thosespreadsheets will have
(13:02):
information on what that persondoes, how we met, the things we
talked about and what they like,and the last time we spoke face
to face, I keep track of theirlikes specifically because when
I come across something that Iknow they're going to be
interested in, I will send it tothem.
Here's the bottom line.
If you've ever received a memefrom me or a weird real or
(13:24):
TikTok video, you know I havetaken the time to get to know
you and I'm sending you thisbecause I truly think you're
going to enjoy it.
I don't spam people with memesin the hopes of calling it
connection.
I send them things that I knowthey're going to understand and
get because I've taken the timeto get to know them.
Or I will send them an articleif I find something oh, this
reminds me of so-and-so.
Or I will comment on theircontent.
(13:48):
There's reasons why these peopletrust me and they are in my
ecosystem regularly.
Then what I'll also do is Iwill schedule it in my calendar
to reach out and connect withthem regularly.
That may sound mechanical ornot very quote-unquote genuine,
(14:08):
but honestly, the reason Ischedule it is because we are
all so busy that I will forgetor a ton of time will pass if I
don't.
It's more for me to remember toreach out to people, because I
will forget.
I have a busy life.
You all have busy lives.
I also have it in my list ofthings to do each week to go and
(14:29):
just look at certain people'scontent, because you can't
really rely on the algorithm.
The algorithm will show youwhat it wants.
Believe me, it does not haveyour best interests at heart,
but if there are people that youreally want to stay connected
to, you need to make sure you'rechecking in with them regularly
.
That's one of the things aboutsocial media that's really
(14:50):
terrible.
It's wonderful in the sensethat it allows us to be
connected with people all overthe world, but a really terrible
thing about it is that it makesus think we are connected to
people simply because we can seetheir content.
It makes us feel like we haverecently been in touch.
We have recently connected witheach other when we haven't Not
intentionally.
(15:11):
I saw you post something, so Ifeel like I know what's going on
in your life, but have I spokento you?
Have I heard your voice?
Have I seen your face?
Have we had a text conversation?
No, then the other thing I dois I also try not to be friends
with everybody.
I'm very intentional about whoI let into my spaces and who I
spend time interacting with.
Not everyone is a friend and,honestly, not everyone is a
(15:35):
prospect.
First of all, I hate the wordprospect.
I think it's really gross, butthat's a word that everybody
understands the context of.
So not everyone's a lead or aprospect or a mark or a target,
whatever you want to call them.
They are human beings.
If I can't see myself beingyour friend on some level and
I'm not talking about we've gotto invite each other over and
(15:56):
braid each other's hair I'msaying somebody that I could
have a conversation with on asemi-regular basis.
If I can't see myself havingthat kind of connection with you
, it's very unlikely I'm evergoing to want to work with you.
If I don't like to hear whatyou have to say, if I'm not
interested in your insights oryour inputs, we're probably
never going to work together.
(16:17):
Now, granted, this doesn'tapply if your business model or
your goal is to just sell a highvolume of products, for example
, and that's fine.
If your business model issomething that I just need a ton
of followers, and that's goodenough, that's great.
But even then, your no-liketrust factor, aka your
credibility, is going to be animportant aspect in your success
(16:39):
.
So what are some of the thingsthat you can do to really
cultivate genuine connection?
This is not an exhaustive listby any stretch of the
imagination, okay, but I'm goingto give you some of the things
that you know.
I've been hearing from friends,from peers in the space, from
colleagues in the space and juststuff that really pisses me off
(16:59):
and I wish people would dodifferently.
If you're going to reach out topeople in the DMs, especially if
they've accepted your friendrequest, please personalize your
outreach.
The number of people I've heardfrom who have been pitch
slapped or just cold DMed andasked stupid questions like what
do you do?
Tell me about what you do.
It's like if you actuallylooked at my profile, you would
(17:21):
see exactly what I do.
So do the research.
Personalize your outreach.
Let the person know that you'reactually interested and they're
not just a target.
Get rid of all the scripts.
Get rid of all the scripts.
Trust me, they are tired.
People can tell when you're notbeing authentic.
They can tell when you're notbeing genuine.
(17:42):
Most people have a really goodradar of hmm, something feels
off, okay.
Also, please don't sellimmediately.
It's such a fucking turn off.
And don't do the bait andswitch.
It's bullshit and it's just notnice.
Period the bait and switch,like, honestly, you are already
(18:04):
setting the bar really lowbecause I already can't trust
you.
So what exactly are you goingto say to me to now not only
earn my trust, but regain thetrust that you lost in bait and
switching me?
You think it's clever?
Look at me, I'm such a greatsalesperson.
No, you're fucking not Stop it.
Also, there is no set number ofinteractions that you should
(18:26):
have, like messages exchangedback and forth.
Before it's okay to pitchsomebody in the DMs or anywhere
else, you have to really be ableto read the relationship.
Sometimes you do have a greatconversation with somebody, but
guess what?
Maybe you intended for them tobe a sales prospect down the
road, but maybe in having thatgenuine conversation with them,
you realize they're not actuallythe right fit for you, because
(18:49):
that's something else right.
You need to have that level ofdiscernment of being able to say
well, I do like this person,but I'm probably never going to
be able to serve them in thebest way possible.
And that starts by beingauthentic, getting to know the
person providing value withoutthe expectation of reciprocity,
and that providing value piecethat can honestly be something
(19:10):
as simple as providing feedbackon a recent post so they know
that you're actually looking attheir content and seeing what
they're putting out there.
And yeah, engage with people'scontent.
It is really not enough if youwant to start building
connections with people to justhit the like or the love or
whatever icon is there, whateverreaction is there.
It is not enough to just drop arandom emoji.
(19:33):
It's not enough to just post ageneric comment like oh your
content is so great, likecomment with a fucking thought.
Engage means to have a back andforth right.
So if they've posted and I getit sometimes you just don't have
the capacity and you scroll andlike just so people know you're
alive and just the algorithmknows that you're alive.
(19:54):
I get it, I've all been thereand I'm not saying that every
single time you're on socialmedia.
It has to be some reallyengaging thing.
But you do want to have regularperiods of engagement where you
are going into people's content, reading it, digesting it and
then commenting with somethingthoughtful.
(20:16):
As an aside, the vast majorityof us in the business space
create a shit ton of content and90% of it that's not a real
stat, it's just how it feels,but I'm sure it's pretty damn
close.
90% of it feels like it justgoes off into the ether right
Because everybody's so focusedon what they're posting and
there are very few conversationshappening.
(20:37):
So if you're feeling like that,then take a pause and go engage
with other people's content,have conversations, don't wait
for them to come to you and then, once you've actually started
getting to know people, invitethem for a coffee chat and do
not pitch, slap them there.
My friend, jennifer Battle, whoI was talking about at the top
(20:58):
of the episode she's been on thepodcast a couple of times and
she has a great list of thingsthat you can do to really excel
in the coffee chat space.
If you're interested, go backand listen to episode five.
But the bottom line is, whenyou invite someone on a coffee
chat, that is not the place tosell.
It is not a sales call.
It's a call to get to knowsomeone I will never forget.
(21:21):
Way before I came into theonline space and probably before
we were really into onlineentrepreneurship, when I was
heavy into the MLM piece of myjourney I will never forget.
A friend invited me for acoffee and this was a friend I
hadn't seen for a while and Iwas really excited to catch up
with him and see what was goingon.
(21:42):
And we met at.
It was a Starbucks, I think.
Of course it was a Starbucks.
We're also not going to go andwe sat down and she came in with
a giant trunk of stuff.
Okay, she sat down, said hello,we had very cursory kind of
greetings and then immediatelyshe went into the pitch.
(22:05):
She opened up her trunk andstarted pitching me her latest
MLM venture.
That, my friends, does not feelnice.
It does not feel nice.
I'm sure there are many of youout there have experienced
something similar.
I want you to take that andrelate it to the online space.
When you are on a coffee chatwith somebody, you're getting to
know them.
You're allowed to have justcasual conversation with people
(22:29):
that doesn't require selling and, honestly, what that feels like
is you don't actually like meor want to know anything about
me.
You just want to get into mywallet.
Can you see the unspokenparallel here?
People don't generally buy fromanyone who makes them feel like
shit, so we really need tostart changing the conversation
(22:49):
around connection in the onlinespace, because it is making it
really challenging for peoplewho are genuinely interested in
connection, because I feel thistoo.
I have felt this on a number ofoccasions the minute you message
someone, their alarms go off.
Is this person going to pitch,slap me?
Are they genuine?
When I get friend requests, Iwill go to that person's profile
(23:11):
to see what they're all aboutand what I've learned and this
is just my own personalexperience.
I am not throwing shade, I'mnot saying that this is standard
or anything like that, but myexperience has been when someone
friend requests you and you goto their profile and everything
is about quick sales and leadgeneration, I don't know, 10
(23:32):
times if I accept that friendrequest, they're going to pitch,
slap me.
Now, maybe I'm right, maybe Iam not, but this is what this
current ecosystem of sales andconnection has turned most
people into.
We want to genuinely connectwith people and immediately when
(23:53):
someone does connect with you,you're like what's going on here
?
What's the agenda?
Sometimes, all we really wantto do is make friends.
It's tough enough makingfriends as an adult, so don't
make it awkward by being afucking social pariah,
especially on social media.
I would love to know what youthink.
How do you cultivate genuineconnections with people?
Do you have any sort of triedand true things that you do?
(24:16):
Is it easy for you?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Come hang out in the BusinessBlast for Me community over on
Facebook the link is in the shownotes and let's talk about it.
And who knows, maybe we'llbecome friends and I promise I
won't pitch slap you.
As always, my friends, you canhave success without the BS and,
honestly, the pitch slap isjust a whole boatload of BS.
I will talk to you soon.
(24:38):
That's it for this week.
Thanks for listening to theBusiness Blast for Me podcast.
We'll be back next week with anew episode, but in the meantime
, help us to stir out bysubscribing and, if you're
feeling extra sassy, rating thispodcast.
And don't forget to share thepodcast with others.
Head over tobusinessblastformepodcastcom to
connect with us and learn more.
Thanks for listening andremember you can have success
(25:00):
without the BS.
Welcome to the Business Blasphemy podcast,
where we question the sacredtruths of the online business
space and the reverence withwhich they're held.
I'm your Sarah ,Khan, , speaker, strategic consultant and BS
busting badass.
Join me each week as wechallenge the norms, trends and
overall bullshit status quo ofentrepreneurship to uncover what
it really takes to build thebusiness that you want to build
(00:23):
in a way that honors you, yourlife and your vision for what's
possible, and maybe piss off afew gurus along the way.
So if you're ready to commitBusiness Blast for Me, let's do
it.
Hello, hello, blasphemers.
So I am recording this hot offthe heels.
Is that the right phrase?
(00:43):
I'm not even sure.
I went to my very first yes, myvery first.
I realized we're three and ahalf years post COVID, but this
is my very first networkingevent.
Yesterday I was invited to be amoderator at a breakfast event
here for the local women'senterprise center and it was
really cool.
I got to moderate aconversation between three
(01:06):
really fascinating creativeentrepreneurs and I'd never
moderated a panel before.
I've spoken a number of times,but I've never moderated a panel
, and so it was super stressfulbecause I had to keep time and I
don't like to interrupt people,so I kept watching the clock
because I knew that we had anumber of questions to get
through and that they had toreally, kind of you know, keep
(01:29):
it tight.
And it turned out really,really well.
I was very happy with how theconversation went and just our
interactions and the three womenwho were on the panel Holy Dina
, like dynamic women just doingsuch amazing things and just
like really interestingbackstories.
And there were about there wereover a hundred people in the
room and it was, like I said, myfirst in real life in person
(01:52):
networking event, since we allwent online and sort of remote
because of the pandemic and it's.
You might be thinking, well, whyis it taking you so long to do
that?
And the reason is because mybusiness is an online business.
Most of it, all of my clients,are actually, at this point, us
based and a lot of thenetworking groups and things
(02:13):
that I'm a part of they are allvirtual because there are people
that are from all over NorthAmerica in them and some, you
know, even across the pond inEurope in different places.
So I haven't really had areason to go in real life.
And, as somebody who is anintrovert like I.
Really you might not think this.
Listening to me on social orlistening to my podcast, or even
(02:36):
if you've been on a coffee chatwith me, you may not believe
this but I am actuallyincredibly socially awkward.
I am very shy.
I do not do well in big groups.
I do not engage in conversationeasily.
Like, I'm very shy, I reallyhave to be drawn out, I have to
(02:56):
feel comfortable, and I thinkthat's the case for most people,
but for me I'm just.
It's something I've never beencomfortable with.
And so for me, when I go to inreal life events, I'm always
worried because I know I'm goingto have to take time off to
reenergize myself, right, andthat really is the curse of the
introvert, right?
You may not necessarily beaverse to going out.
(03:19):
Like maybe you like to actuallygo out and be social, but you
need that time to kind ofrecharge and recuperate
afterwards.
And so when I went to thisbreakfast, I fully intended to
have some downtime afterwards tokind of replenish my energy,
but weirdly I didn't need it.
And here's the reason why Ithought about this after a
(03:41):
conversation with my friend,jennifer Battle today.
For the last three and a halfyears, the vast majority, if not
all actually, of my networkingconnection kind of interactions
have either been on sales callsor in coffee chats or they've
been in like networking groupsthat have a very clear sales
(04:01):
kind of focus to them.
And then I started to think tomyself was this the case before
we went remote?
Was this the case when I was incorporate?
And honestly, yeah, networkingevents were all about who's palm
can you grease, who's back Canyou scratch?
You know, we got to makeconnections for the benefit of
the business.
So a lot of them were verysalesy, like what do you do?
What do you do?
(04:21):
And then I started to think tomyself what if?
I'm not actually an introvert?
What if?
And then I started to think tomyself like I'm not actually an
introvert, I'm not actually anintrovert, I'm not actually an
introvert, I'm not actually aintrovert, I'm not actually.
Most of us aren't actuallyintroverts.
What if?
The problem is that we have allbeen taught how to connect in a
way that is actually justreally shitty.
(04:41):
We go out with the intention ofconnecting with people, but
traditionally all of ourconnections, how we've been
taught to connect with people,has been transactional.
Think about every networkingevent you've ever been to.
If you've been to them in reallife, what is it?
It's usually a business cardfest, where people are handing
out business cards.
What do you do?
Well, I do this, and theyrespond with their one minute
(05:04):
elevator pitch and you do thesame and then they'll move to
the next group.
Or, as was my experience inquite a few networking events,
people would just come withcolleagues and then just kind of
hang out with their colleagues,or they would stand by the
buffet table and no one reallywanted to talk to new people.
And I'll never forget my veryfirst networking event in real
(05:24):
life.
Like, okay, honestly, if youdon't believe that I am super
awkward, I'll tell you exactlywhat I did.
I was so nervous at my veryfirst networking event that I
took my stack of business cards.
I sat in my car for like a halfan hour.
I had to really psych myself togo in.
And then I went in and therewere already like little groups
of people standing around theroom and I had no idea how am I
going to interject myself intothese conversations?
(05:46):
That's the other thing too.
A lot of these events.
They feel really clicky, likeif you don't already know the
people.
It's kind of hard to interjectyourself into there.
So I would like walk up torandom groups and just kind of
like stick out my business cardand go hi, my name is Sarah and
I give them my business card andgo here's my business card.
I would love to chat if youhave the time and I would leave
and go to another group.
(06:06):
Like it was so bad I'm not evengonna lie, it was really really
bad and obviously nobodyresponded, like nobody called me
, which is not a surprise.
But what do you usually do whenyou get business cards?
Anyway, most of us will putthem in a folder somewhere.
I mean, come on stationarystores, amazon, they make a lot
of money on those business cardfolios you can file them all
(06:28):
into.
But how often do you actuallygo into your business card folio
and connect with people, unlessyou have a very specific need,
right?
Unless it's like a serviceprovider and you're like I have
a very specific need, I'm goingto look for that person that I
met and then blah, blah, blah.
That's different.
But it's also transactional,right?
The vast majority of how we'vebeen taught to connect is
(06:51):
transactional.
What can you do for me and whatcan I do for you, and yes, it's
always in that order.
It's never what can I do foryou, and then we'll see what you
can do for me.
It's always what can you do forme, and then I'll see what I
can do for you, and that feelsof an equivalent value in my
perspective.
So this is the problem.
(07:12):
This is the problem.
Now there are a lot of placesand courses and blog articles
that will teach you tips andtricks to make networking more
interesting and effective.
Ask the other person aboutthemselves, because people like
to talk about themselves.
It's a really great way forthem to remember who you are,
(07:32):
because, hey, that person askedme about myself.
I used to teach this shit whenI was teaching in college.
I know right, but these are thekinds of tips and tricks that
they're teaching you to try tomake you more interesting.
But that's kind of my pointtoday.
Why is it so hard to actuallyjust be interesting and
effective, like when you look atwhat humans are?
(07:53):
We are social creatures bynature.
We should be able to haveconversations with other humans
without having to read a36-chapter textbook on how to do
that.
And, yes, I understand all ofthe variables.
I understand things likeanxiety makes it hard to connect
with people.
I understand the impact socialmedia has on people don't really
(08:17):
know how to connect in reallife anymore because all of our
interactions are online andthey're limited.
My dad will often laugh at usbecause my siblings and I we
don't ever call each other.
We text each other.
But he still likes to call andthe reason is because it's like,
well, if we don't have anythingreally really important to
convey, we just text each other,and that's because we know we
(08:39):
have busy lives and they'll getback to me when they can and
there's no sort of expectationof an immediate response, et
cetera, et cetera.
But the truth is, once westarted going online, it got
harder and harder to actuallyremember how to connect in a
human way.
When I went to this breakfastyesterday, I was actually really
(09:00):
worried.
It was like I have no idea howto make small talk and I mean I
never really have.
I've never been a small talkperson.
Like if you meet me and we geton, you're going to learn pretty
much everything there is tolearn about me and I'm going to
want to know everything there isto learn about you.
Like I just go straight for thetell me the real truth about
you.
So I was really worried, like,am I going to overshare, et
cetera, and that's, I think, anormal fear that most people
(09:22):
have.
But again, social media beingonline, being digital, that's
made it a lot harder.
I know that this youngergeneration of people, generation
Z, does have a lot ofchallenges connecting with other
human beings.
It's just not something thathas kind of stayed in the
mainstream and I don't have ananswer for that, like I don't
(09:43):
really know how to fix that.
But what I can talk about ishow all of that is kind of
seeping into the online space,right, the business space.
People have no idea how toconnect.
Case in point the pitch slap.
Yes, we all have services tosell, we all have offers that we
(10:04):
want to sell.
I get it.
And, yes, we all know that thevast majority of us are online
in these spaces doing business,trying to make money.
That is not something I'mdisputing, okay, but I don't
believe that it has to be at theexpense of just being a decent
human being with social graces.
What is a pitch slap?
It's my phrase, my term forwhen someone slides into your
(10:29):
DMs with a hey girl kind ofmessage and you'll know what I'm
talking about is kind of athrowback to the old network
marketing.
You know shenanigans.
But when they slide into yourDMs with a message and
immediately start pitching theirservices to you or their offers
or hey, join my group or cometo my workshop like they
immediately start pitching you.
Now there are a lot of waysthat people do this.
(10:51):
There is the straightforwardpitch slap.
The worst one is what'shappening lately is they'll
message you and ask you ifyou're still taking clients and
when you respond they use theold bait and switch and sell you
their lead generation services.
Like, oh, you're taking clients, well, how about if you had 75
clients instead of the threethat you can normally get?
I can get you 75 vetted clients.
(11:13):
Like they completely bait andswitch you.
It's really gross.
Or they start with reallyobviously scripted conversations
with the intention of quoteunquote, leading the prospect.
That's disgusting.
So a sales conversation bytrying to, you know, suss out
their pain points or whatever itis.
Now, first of all, I want you tounderstand I do not have a
(11:33):
problem with sales.
Sales is kind of critical.
If you have a business, allright, we all want to make sales
.
But what a lot of people failto understand is that sales are
very often, especially now, thebyproduct of genuine connection.
Let me say that again Sales isthe byproduct of genuine
(11:54):
connection.
Underscore genuine when youlook at the stats.
People don't generally buyespecially high-ticket products
or services From people theydon't know or like or trust.
I'm sure you've heard the termno-like trust.
You have to cultivate yourno-like trust in order for
people to buy from you.
(12:15):
The thing is, they can't get tothe no-like trust without
getting to know you.
Now, yes, anyone can sell lowerticket or even free stuff to
get people into their ecosystem,but what do you do then?
How do you lead them to thenext level?
How do you lead them toactually working with you?
People need to know you andthey need to know you care about
(12:38):
them.
That does not mean asking abunch of scripted market
research questions to get theirinput or their insights.
Genuine connection takes timeand consistent, intentional
connecting.
Here are some of the things thatI've started to do.
When I have a new coffee chat,just as an example, I do keep a
spreadsheet of names, and thosespreadsheets will have
(13:02):
information on what that persondoes, how we met, the things we
talked about and what they like,and the last time we spoke face
to face, I keep track of theirlikes specifically because when
I come across something that Iknow they're going to be
interested in, I will send it tothem.
Here's the bottom line.
If you've ever received a memefrom me or a weird real or
(13:24):
TikTok video, you know I havetaken the time to get to know
you and I'm sending you thisbecause I truly think you're
going to enjoy it.
I don't spam people with memesin the hopes of calling it
connection.
I send them things that I knowthey're going to understand and
get because I've taken the timeto get to know them.
Or I will send them an articleif I find something oh, this
reminds me of so-and-so.
Or I will comment on theircontent.
(13:48):
There's reasons why these peopletrust me and they are in my
ecosystem regularly.
Then what I'll also do is Iwill schedule it in my calendar
to reach out and connect withthem regularly.
That may sound mechanical ornot very quote-unquote genuine,
(14:08):
but honestly, the reason Ischedule it is because we are
all so busy that I will forgetor a ton of time will pass if I
don't.
It's more for me to remember toreach out to people, because I
will forget.
I have a busy life.
You all have busy lives.
I also have it in my list ofthings to do each week to go and
(14:29):
just look at certain people'scontent, because you can't
really rely on the algorithm.
The algorithm will show youwhat it wants.
Believe me, it does not haveyour best interests at heart,
but if there are people that youreally want to stay connected
to, you need to make sure you'rechecking in with them regularly
.
That's one of the things aboutsocial media that's really
(14:50):
terrible.
It's wonderful in the sensethat it allows us to be
connected with people all overthe world, but a really terrible
thing about it is that it makesus think we are connected to
people simply because we can seetheir content.
It makes us feel like we haverecently been in touch.
We have recently connected witheach other when we haven't Not
intentionally.
(15:11):
I saw you post something, so Ifeel like I know what's going on
in your life, but have I spokento you?
Have I heard your voice?
Have I seen your face?
Have we had a text conversation?
No, then the other thing I dois I also try not to be friends
with everybody.
I'm very intentional about whoI let into my spaces and who I
spend time interacting with.
Not everyone is a friend and,honestly, not everyone is a
(15:35):
prospect.
First of all, I hate the wordprospect.
I think it's really gross, butthat's a word that everybody
understands the context of.
So not everyone's a lead or aprospect or a mark or a target,
whatever you want to call them.
They are human beings.
If I can't see myself beingyour friend on some level and
I'm not talking about we've gotto invite each other over and
(15:56):
braid each other's hair I'msaying somebody that I could
have a conversation with on asemi-regular basis.
If I can't see myself havingthat kind of connection with you
, it's very unlikely I'm evergoing to want to work with you.
If I don't like to hear whatyou have to say, if I'm not
interested in your insights oryour inputs, we're probably
never going to work together.
(16:17):
Now, granted, this doesn'tapply if your business model or
your goal is to just sell a highvolume of products, for example
, and that's fine.
If your business model issomething that I just need a ton
of followers, and that's goodenough, that's great.
But even then, your no-liketrust factor, aka your
credibility, is going to be animportant aspect in your success
(16:39):
.
So what are some of the thingsthat you can do to really
cultivate genuine connection?
This is not an exhaustive listby any stretch of the
imagination, okay, but I'm goingto give you some of the things
that you know.
I've been hearing from friends,from peers in the space, from
colleagues in the space and juststuff that really pisses me off
(16:59):
and I wish people would dodifferently.
If you're going to reach out topeople in the DMs, especially if
they've accepted your friendrequest, please personalize your
outreach.
The number of people I've heardfrom who have been pitch
slapped or just cold DMed andasked stupid questions like what
do you do?
Tell me about what you do.
It's like if you actuallylooked at my profile, you would
(17:21):
see exactly what I do.
So do the research.
Personalize your outreach.
Let the person know that you'reactually interested and they're
not just a target.
Get rid of all the scripts.
Get rid of all the scripts.
Trust me, they are tired.
People can tell when you're notbeing authentic.
They can tell when you're notbeing genuine.
(17:42):
Most people have a really goodradar of hmm, something feels
off, okay.
Also, please don't sellimmediately.
It's such a fucking turn off.
And don't do the bait andswitch.
It's bullshit and it's just notnice.
Period the bait and switch,like, honestly, you are already
(18:04):
setting the bar really lowbecause I already can't trust
you.
So what exactly are you goingto say to me to now not only
earn my trust, but regain thetrust that you lost in bait and
switching me?
You think it's clever?
Look at me, I'm such a greatsalesperson.
No, you're fucking not Stop it.
Also, there is no set number ofinteractions that you should
(18:26):
have, like messages exchangedback and forth.
Before it's okay to pitchsomebody in the DMs or anywhere
else, you have to really be ableto read the relationship.
Sometimes you do have a greatconversation with somebody, but
guess what?
Maybe you intended for them tobe a sales prospect down the
road, but maybe in having thatgenuine conversation with them,
you realize they're not actuallythe right fit for you, because
(18:49):
that's something else right.
You need to have that level ofdiscernment of being able to say
well, I do like this person,but I'm probably never going to
be able to serve them in thebest way possible.
And that starts by beingauthentic, getting to know the
person providing value withoutthe expectation of reciprocity,
and that providing value piecethat can honestly be something
(19:10):
as simple as providing feedbackon a recent post so they know
that you're actually looking attheir content and seeing what
they're putting out there.
And yeah, engage with people'scontent.
It is really not enough if youwant to start building
connections with people to justhit the like or the love or
whatever icon is there, whateverreaction is there.
It is not enough to just drop arandom emoji.
(19:33):
It's not enough to just post ageneric comment like oh your
content is so great, likecomment with a fucking thought.
Engage means to have a back andforth right.
So if they've posted and I getit sometimes you just don't have
the capacity and you scroll andlike just so people know you're
alive and just the algorithmknows that you're alive.
(19:54):
I get it, I've all been thereand I'm not saying that every
single time you're on socialmedia.
It has to be some reallyengaging thing.
But you do want to have regularperiods of engagement where you
are going into people's content, reading it, digesting it and
then commenting with somethingthoughtful.
(20:16):
As an aside, the vast majorityof us in the business space
create a shit ton of content and90% of it that's not a real
stat, it's just how it feels,but I'm sure it's pretty damn
close.
90% of it feels like it justgoes off into the ether right
Because everybody's so focusedon what they're posting and
there are very few conversationshappening.
(20:37):
So if you're feeling like that,then take a pause and go engage
with other people's content,have conversations, don't wait
for them to come to you and then, once you've actually started
getting to know people, invitethem for a coffee chat and do
not pitch, slap them there.
My friend, jennifer Battle, whoI was talking about at the top
(20:58):
of the episode she's been on thepodcast a couple of times and
she has a great list of thingsthat you can do to really excel
in the coffee chat space.
If you're interested, go backand listen to episode five.
But the bottom line is, whenyou invite someone on a coffee
chat, that is not the place tosell.
It is not a sales call.
It's a call to get to knowsomeone I will never forget.
(21:21):
Way before I came into theonline space and probably before
we were really into onlineentrepreneurship, when I was
heavy into the MLM piece of myjourney I will never forget.
A friend invited me for acoffee and this was a friend I
hadn't seen for a while and Iwas really excited to catch up
with him and see what was goingon.
(21:42):
And we met at.
It was a Starbucks, I think.
Of course it was a Starbucks.
We're also not going to go andwe sat down and she came in with
a giant trunk of stuff.
Okay, she sat down, said hello,we had very cursory kind of
greetings and then immediatelyshe went into the pitch.
(22:05):
She opened up her trunk andstarted pitching me her latest
MLM venture.
That, my friends, does not feelnice.
It does not feel nice.
I'm sure there are many of youout there have experienced
something similar.
I want you to take that andrelate it to the online space.
When you are on a coffee chatwith somebody, you're getting to
know them.
You're allowed to have justcasual conversation with people
(22:29):
that doesn't require selling and, honestly, what that feels like
is you don't actually like meor want to know anything about
me.
You just want to get into mywallet.
Can you see the unspokenparallel here?
People don't generally buy fromanyone who makes them feel like
shit, so we really need tostart changing the conversation
(22:49):
around connection in the onlinespace, because it is making it
really challenging for peoplewho are genuinely interested in
connection, because I feel thistoo.
I have felt this on a number ofoccasions the minute you message
someone, their alarms go off.
Is this person going to pitch,slap me?
Are they genuine?
When I get friend requests, Iwill go to that person's profile
(23:11):
to see what they're all aboutand what I've learned and this
is just my own personalexperience.
I am not throwing shade, I'mnot saying that this is standard
or anything like that, but myexperience has been when someone
friend requests you and you goto their profile and everything
is about quick sales and leadgeneration, I don't know, 10
(23:32):
times if I accept that friendrequest, they're going to pitch,
slap me.
Now, maybe I'm right, maybe Iam not, but this is what this
current ecosystem of sales andconnection has turned most
people into.
We want to genuinely connectwith people and immediately when
(23:53):
someone does connect with you,you're like what's going on here
?
What's the agenda?
Sometimes, all we really wantto do is make friends.
It's tough enough makingfriends as an adult, so don't
make it awkward by being afucking social pariah,
especially on social media.
I would love to know what youthink.
How do you cultivate genuineconnections with people?
Do you have any sort of triedand true things that you do?
(24:16):
Is it easy for you?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Come hang out in the BusinessBlast for Me community over on
Facebook the link is in the shownotes and let's talk about it.
And who knows, maybe we'llbecome friends and I promise I
won't pitch slap you.
As always, my friends, you canhave success without the BS and,
honestly, the pitch slap isjust a whole boatload of BS.
I will talk to you soon.
(24:38):
That's it for this week.
Thanks for listening to theBusiness Blast for Me podcast.
We'll be back next week with anew episode, but in the meantime
, help us to stir out bysubscribing and, if you're
feeling extra sassy, rating thispodcast.
And don't forget to share thepodcast with others.
Head over tobusinessblastformepodcastcom to
connect with us and learn more.
Thanks for listening andremember you can have success
(25:00):
without the BS.
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