November 10, 2025 • 29 mins
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What happens when life strips away everything — your home, your art, your sense of self?
In this episode of The Business Growth Architect Show: Founders of the Future, I speak with Christopher Wesley, a storyteller and transformation coach who lost everything in the Altadena fire. But instead of letting tragedy define him, he used it to rebuild his identity and purpose from the ground up.
If you have had an event where you felt as if your world was falling apart, this conversation will give you ideas to reframe what “loss” really means—and how to find freedom in what’s left. Christopher shares his storytelling blueprint and how he is transforming this catastrophe into his future opportunity.
👉 Learn more about Christopher’s work: https://www.christopherjwesley.com/
🎧 Watch now and rediscover what real resilience feels like.
➡️ Subscribe for more conversations with visionary thinkers redefining success, growth, and leadership.
💬 Share this episode with someone who’s ready to turn their breakdown into a breakthrough.
Other Resources Mentioned: LinkedIn | Instagram
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Christopher J Wesley (00:00):
Was it feel like to lose everything.
(00:01):
It's like losing myself likeeverything. It feels like having
been subjected to violence. Thethings that we lost, I feel like
I lost them through an act ofviolence. You can't buy
something that is going to takethe place of that relationship,
BEATE CHELETTE (00:21):
I can't go in there and buy a bunch of pearls,
and then it expected to have thesame energetic vibration as my
grandmother's pearls.
Christopher J Wesley (00:29):
I lost all my journals, all of my
sketchbooks. Lost the guitar. Itwas literally the difference
when I was 14 between me being aresponsible, happy, adult and
committing. I cannot let thisevent win. I cannot let this be
the thing that brings me down.
BEATE CHELETTE (00:51):
I'm going to ask you the question everybody's
asked me, What does it feel liketo lose everything?
Christopher J Wesley (00:56):
It's like losing myself like everything,
like my entire it's not like Ididn't lose my entire identity,
but I lost foundational piecesof it. Enough of the
foundational pieces that I haveto figure out what pieces are
broken and missing and figureout how to replace and
(01:20):
regenerate those so it I feellike an incomplete puzzle now,
yeah.
BEATE CHELETTE (01:26):
And for our listener, you know, Christopher
Wesley is in the same boat as Iam. He is also and Christopher,
are we fire survivors or are wefire victims? Have you figured
that
Christopher J Wesley (01:39):
one out yet? I try and use the word
survivor more than victim, but Ifeel sometimes like a victim.
It's a role that I have toactively try and narrate in my
mind to keep me from like goingdown a dark hole you lost your
BEATE CHELETTE (02:01):
house in the Altadena fire, and we lost our
house in the Pacific Palisadesfire. So we are brother and
sister in this catastrophicevent, and when we prepared for
the show you and I had someconversations about that. It a
catastrophic event doessomething to a person. Can you
(02:22):
put that in words for ouraudience?
Christopher J Wesley (02:25):
It feels like having been subjected to
violence, like the things thatwe lost, I feel like I lost them
through an act of violence. Isprobably the best way to explain
it, that sense of trauma, thatsense of not feeling that safety
(02:46):
and security that I used tohave, both in being at home, but
also in possessions like I don'tbuy a lot of things anymore, is
there's a part of me that says,What's the point? Do I even want
this? Do I care about this?
BEATE CHELETTE (03:03):
You know, I have these things. I lost all my
jewelry. My mother had justgiven me all the family jewelry,
and I really long for a nicenecklace, because I and then
every time I go in a jewelrystore, I look at the stuff, and
then I get really upset, andthen I can't do it, and then I
(03:25):
run out. How do you experiencethis, this idea of because we
have a right, as per ourinsurance, at least to some
degree, to replace some of thethings that we have lost? How do
you handle that.
Christopher J Wesley (03:41):
I remind myself, like I have the initial
reaction, which is usuallyvisceral. I see something, and
it's there's that reaction thatI used to have it, and it was
taken from me when I can get onthe other side of that is it's
quite often a process to get tothe other side of it. It's not
something that happens in just aminute or two. Sometimes it's a
(04:03):
couple hours, depending on howmeaningful The thing is that I
lost. But we have relationshipswith these things, and no matter
what anyone says about it's aninanimate object. The there are
things that were burned that wehave relationships with it
(04:25):
beyond, like the utility of it.
They meant something to us. Andthat part we can't replace. You
can't buy something that isgoing to take the place of that
relationship, or that can juststep in and be that thing that
you got from your mother, truly,
BEATE CHELETTE (04:46):
or grandmother's pearls, right? Grandmother's,
yeah, I mean, I can't go inthere and buy a bunch of pearls
and then it expected to have thesame energetic vibration as my
grandmother's pearls, pearlsreally had. So do you. Think
this is us surviving, or are wetransforming? And definitely
Christopher J Wes (05:06):
transforming?
Yeah, there's def, yeah, there'ssurvival in it. It's not clearly
defined difference in identityon mornings like this morning,
when I read Edison will putlines underground that they're
going to charge us $10,000 extrato do this. When I times like
that, I feel like I'm surviving,and I have to use my mindfulness
(05:29):
techniques and change thenarrative around that, around my
role in it, to transform becauseat least for me, I cannot let
this I cannot let this eventwin. I cannot let this be the
thing that brings me down.
BEATE CHELETTE (05:50):
I want to go back to when this happened. You
said, you know, like we were notthere. And I think in in some
beautiful grace of God that wewere spared the trauma of seeing
it all burn. You were there. Soyou have a different trauma than
(06:11):
I do take us through these crazy15 minutes that made all the
difference in your life.
Christopher J Wesley (06:18):
So it was about 830 at night, my wife and
I had we were sitting in theliving room streaming a show. I
don't even remember what it was.
All I know is, yeah, we finishedthe show. We're getting ready to
go to bed. You know, she went toher office, and I went back to
the bedroom. And normally, Idon't have my phone with me, or
I don't pay attention to it.
(06:41):
Just before I was getting readyfor bed, I'd say, Well, let me
just check my messages. Checkthe messages. A couple friends
had texted asking if we wereokay with the fire. And I don't
remember exactly what the textwas, but it made me go
immediately to the front of thehouse, like this point I'm in
the back in our bedroom, walkedall the way to the front of the
(07:02):
house and standing in the livingroom two feet away from where I
was just watching TV. I look outthe window and I can see the
glow. I'm at that point. I'mguessing it's maybe, maybe two
miles away. At that point, itwas I didn't deliberate. I
immediately called Pat. Said, Weneed my wife, Pat, and so we got
(07:25):
to get out of here. We got topack stuff. And my first thing I
got was the fire safe. And thengrabbed our wedding photo from
off the mantle. And she wasgrabbing her stuff. We were kind
of doing our own thing, grabbingthings. She was packing her car.
I was packing my car. After wegot about two trips in, we
(07:49):
paused enough to notice thehouse to the right of us. They
were evacuating as well. Butthere's a woman that lives
across the street from usthat's, I want to say, in her
70s or 80s, so we always lookout for each other. So my wife
went across the street to makesure that she was evacuating,
because we didn't see anyevidence that she was I went to
(08:10):
our next door neighbors to theleft of us. Didn't see them
actively evacuating. Knock onthe front door, no one answered.
Went to rent their rental theyhad someone renting the back
house. Went back there, hedidn't answer. That's why, then
came back to our house, made twomore trips, packing the car. And
(08:31):
amidst all of this, we weredealing with the hurricane force
winds, so the wind was kickingall things around. There was
always the feeling of threatthat it was going to bring a
tree down, either on top of usor on top of our cars. After we
finished packing the cars, Iasked my wife if she wanted to
(08:56):
follow me or me follow her. Imade a determination where we
would like Ron rendezvous, if wegot separated, that was down in
about South South, past SouthLake area. She wanted to follow
me. So we I took us down thestreet, first cross street. I
(09:21):
looked down it beforecommitting. I didn't know, you
know, whether there were treesthat were down there was I still
had a question whether the windswere carrying embers over our
head and starting fires on thepotential escape routes. So
every time before heading south,I would always check the street,
and then we headed south andjust kind of meandered our way
(09:43):
down, sometimes having to drivearound obstacles, around trees
that had fallen on the way down,I was calling people that other
people I knew in Altadena tomake sure they were evacuating
my head. Was on the phone withone of our friends. They live in
South Pasadena. They offered forus to stay the night at their
(10:06):
house. So we wound up. We drovedown there that night and spent
the night there not, not reallysure what was happening. About
6am the next morning, we weregetting calls from the fire
detect or the alarm company, uh,telling us the smoke alarm was
(10:29):
going off. At that point, Istill was hopeful. I having been
around wildfires before. Youknow, we will not close to us,
but when the air is really bad,you can still smell the smoke in
the house. So that was what Iwas. That was my initial thought
that the it was just reallysmoky. We found out about six
(10:54):
hours later that the house hadburned down.
BEATE CHELETTE (10:57):
I know what this feels like, unfortunately, and
the impact that this has on yourpersonal life, the way you feel,
your trust, the grief you feel,is so overwhelming that you
(11:17):
don't even know. I mean, in mycase, you know, I my brain was
trying to find an event tocompare it to, and there just
wasn't any.
Christopher J Wesley (11:27):
It felt just can't think of one either.
No, right
BEATE CHELETTE (11:31):
now, I want to talk about storytelling, because
you are a storyteller. Tell us alittle bit about what you do
with storytellingprofessionally? And then how are
you using what happened to youto help other people in their
storytelling now,
Christopher J Wesley (11:51):
so professionally, I write fiction.
The best way to describe it is agame of thrones meets the modern
entertainment industry, as iftold by Alfred Hitchcock. In
that world, my protagonists arealways regular people forced to
do extraordinary things, and Idrew on my training as a
(12:14):
storyteller. I spent about fouryears with a private
storytelling mentor the initialdays, right after the fire, we
wound up in Rancho Cucamonga,which, for those that know the
lay don't know the lay of theland. We're about two hours
away, depending on traffic fromwhere the our home had burned,
(12:36):
and before the fires, there wasa housing shortage. So my
initial thought was, I have notime to feel the things I'm
feeling right now. I have to,like, take care of all these
things, and I have obligationsand responsibilities I need to
meet, but I also have to figureout, how do we get into a place
like now before everyone elsegets out of shock too, and we
(12:58):
can't find a place to live. Sowe immediately started just
traveling back, back and forth,trying to find an apartment. And
my wife would be in thepassenger seat, looking up
listings, and she'd find alisting. I'd put it in Google
(13:18):
Maps and drive there. I don'tknow how many places we went to,
but we were, we were blessed tofind the place that we finally
did. But like the Yeah,initially, the storytelling was
that, for me, it was at thebeginning, right after this,
right after the incitingincident, the protagonist is
always trying to solve. He'strying all these different
(13:41):
things, and he's going to fail,he's going to make a lot of
mistakes. So that helped me takeaction, because I understood
that me making mistakes and notbeing perfect was okay. What was
that? What was necessary wasthat I start taking action like
now.
BEATE CHELETTE (13:58):
So you're the protagonist in your own story,
and you're not just do youconsciously acknowledge that,
but you also adapt the tradesand give yourself permission to
be the person you normally writeabout. How beautiful is
Christopher J Wesley (14:12):
that?
Yeah, I wouldn't have chosen itsince it happened.
BEATE CHELETTE (14:16):
Yeah, no, it certainly isn't. And you also
said you are an artist that youknow, not just did you lose all
your journals and the pieces youwrote, you lost a lot more than
that, all your art.
Christopher J Wesley (14:34):
Yeah, I lost all of my artworks,
including sketches from highschool, some pieces that were
created during some of thehardest parts of my life that
had like, very, very significantmeaning to me. I lost the
guitar. Also a musician, I lostthe guitar. It was literally the
(14:55):
difference when I was 14 betweenme being a. A responsible, happy
adult and committing suicide. Ilost all my journals, all of my
sketchbooks. I had a studio inthe home, a recording studio.
Lost all that, all the gear. Imean, there's so many things.
(15:17):
The list just goes on on and on.
BEATE CHELETTE (15:19):
You work as a transformation coach through
storytelling. So how has thisnow affected the way you show
up? And I want to add one moreelement that you had shared with
me, which both of us share, ishow other people show up. So now
we are in this catastrophicevent that you have no control
(15:40):
over you're doing the thingsthat you need to do the
protagonist in your story, justmaking the impossible happen as
quickly as you can. But thenother people show up for you,
and then you somehow need toincorporate in your work. Tell
me that story. So,
Christopher J Wesley (15:56):
yeah, it does depend on where the person
is at that I'm coaching, butunderstanding story helps me,
helps me understand where theyare in that journey. I typically
in storytelling, we always hearabout the hero's journey, and
that is just one of sixcharacter archetypes. So like I
(16:20):
understood that what I was goingthrough here, this was not the
hero's journey. And thatcomprehension helped me position
myself, I guess, in my mind,where I what I needed to do, so
depending on where the person isat in their life, helps me
(16:44):
determine, you know, is this thehero's journey, or is this, say,
a maiden's journey? It's a kingor queen arc. And from there, I
help get a sense of wherethey're at, where they're coming
from, where they're trying to goand then coach them through
(17:04):
using basically storytellingaspects to help them, like, get
to the next thing. Becausesometimes, like immediately
after the fire, finding a placeto live, that was just the next
thing. I had no capacity foranything beyond just finding a
place to live. So for clients,it is sometimes is simple as
they just have to get to thatnext thing. If they lost the
(17:25):
job, you know, what is the mostcritical thing that needs to
happen? Do you actually you haveto find a job like right now? Or
do you have some Do you haveresources that give you time and
space to recraft what directionyou want to go in.
BEATE CHELETTE (17:43):
Did you recraft the direction you went in? Yes.
How does that feel now 10 monthsafter all of this happened,
Christopher J Wesley (17:52):
sometimes good, sometimes resentment.
BEATE CHELETTE (17:58):
Yeah, I feel the same way. I think that the deep
grieving definitely has gottenbetter, like there's more
moments of happiness, or whereyou can at least see the light
at the end of the tunnel, andthen a moment later, you're just
smacked into the ground and you
Christopher J Wesley (18:18):
Yeah, can't handle, I think, and
that's one of the things that Ibring to clients, is the
understanding that this is noneof this is linear. It is
absolutely messy and givingspace for them to feel what they
need to feel. Because I did takethe time myself to feel what I
(18:39):
needed to feel but I did. Soafter the critical things like
this has to happen, we have tofind a place to live. It's like
right now, I know people thatlive 20 miles away, and it's
difficult for them to get backto anything they need to do
here. I didn't want that. Sotake care of the most critical
thing. And then after that I wasI gave myself the space to feel
(19:03):
what I was feeling during thecritical time. I was paying
attention to what my wife wasfeeling, so I was kind of taking
care of her more so than me atthat point, or taking care of
her and us.
BEATE CHELETTE (19:16):
Yeah, I feel the same way I felt that my husband
took it a lot harder than I did,and there was just no room for
me to to give in to that. Andthen once I felt he was stable,
Christopher J Wesley (19:27):
then I crashed. There was a movie that
stood where there was a quote,and I don't remember what movie
it was, and someone asked thisolder gentleman, is like,
actually, I don't remember thegentleman or the husband or the
wife. But someone asked one ofthe couple like, What is your
secret to success? And theanswer was, we only crash one at
(19:49):
a time, something to that
BEATE CHELETTE (19:51):
effect, you know that that's actually true. Did
you kind of like do thatintuitively? And it just wasn't
even a thought. Because.
Christopher J Wesley (20:00):
Of the way I grew up. I'm one of 10
children across five marriages.
There were six in total, but onedidn't produce children. It was
be I always knew I wanted to bemarried. I'm different with
about that. Like, I guess, as amale, by time I was like, mid
teens, I understood that Iwanted to be married. So I've
(20:21):
always paid attention to whatare the things that would help
me succeed in being married onceI found the person I wanted to
spend the rest of my life with.
So this was wisdom picked upalong the way somewhere
BEATE CHELETTE (20:38):
that's beautiful. I love that. I want
to shift this a little bitaround the experience of
receiving, yeah, becausesomething tells me that in your
work and through thestorytelling, that a lot of your
focus was before this on helpingother people. Has that changed?
(20:59):
Have you changed?
Christopher J Wesley (21:01):
Not in that one of my when life kicks
me down, I've learned that partof my self care my is I build
systems. And so I built a systemaround understanding, how do I
take care of myself? What is Icreated archetypes for, like my
(21:24):
resilience type, and byunderstanding those things, it,
it, it's something I can keepgoing back to when I kind of
forget, when something is badenough that it causes me to kind
of forget myself and thatthrough that I understand my
(21:45):
resilience. Archetype is, I callit spark Bringer. So I turn my
tragedy into being able to holdspace for other people. So there
was always a part of me thatthat understood that by going
through this and understandingthat natural disasters are just
(22:05):
going to keep happening andbecoming more and more frequent,
this gives me a special capacityto help other people, like
shortly after this, or shortlyafter we got settled, I go into
therapy, And the woman that wasdoing the counseling for me, she
had never been through awildfire, but she was, she lives
(22:28):
in New Orleans, and had beenthrough Katrina, so she was able
to help me in a variety of waysthat aren't, aren't specific to
wildfires, but is specific tosurviving natural disasters and
navigating FEMA insurancecompanies and all of that.
BEATE CHELETTE (22:49):
How did you manage other people reaching out
and wanting to help and supportyou? Was that easy or difficult?
It was easy ish, that is amuscle that question easy ish,
Christopher J Wesley (23:05):
it's something it's a flaw in in
myself that I'd recognized itsome years ago. So it's a muscle
that I had been developing overtime to be able to accept
because it for years, decades. Imost of my life, I was not able
to really accept help from otherpeople. It was I'll figure out
(23:29):
on my own and but I will takecare of you. So I by the time
this happened, I was in aposition where I was able to
accept people doing things forus and looking out for us, and
to actually express the like ifsomeone said I had someone that
(23:55):
I didn't expect offer, well, weknow that your Keurig had
burned. So you know, we want toput a pool together and buy you
a new Keurig for me to say, Yes,could you please? Was the work
of years of effort prior,
BEATE CHELETTE (24:12):
amazing. You know, this is so interesting to
me, that and I, and that's why Iwanted to bring this up to help
our audience. Like if you hearthis story now of Christopher
saying, well, his coffee maker,the correct burned, and somebody
offers him to replace it, ofcourse you're gonna say yes,
(24:32):
because you had one. You lovedit, it burned. Somebody wants to
help you. Say yes. But thereality, I could have done that
10 years ago. I know it's like,what is it about this? So is
this one of those lessons, orthe learnings, or the gifts that
comes out of this for you toaccept more, definitely to
(24:54):
expect more?
Christopher J Wesley (24:56):
Yeah, I would say yes, that's true,
because I wouldn't have. Withouthaving gone through this if
someone had just given me ahypothetical, I don't know that
I would have given the answerthat I don't know that I would
have, in my mind projectedmyself behaving the same as I
did after having gone throughthis event.
BEATE CHELETTE (25:18):
No, it changed the way I give it, changed the
way how I give it, changed theway how I respond to other
people's personal disasters. Ithas changed how I accept things,
what I allow and also what I askfor. So it's actually very
(25:41):
liberating. How do you feelabout this? Now
Christopher J Wesley (25:44):
I feel the same. It's forced me to grow in
ways and areas that I wouldn'thave chosen.
BEATE CHELETTE (25:54):
Neither you not.
I know any of the 17,000 peopleswhose structures burned would
have would have chosen that. Butwhat I like about our
conversation today is that we,you know, we talk about
something we both understand andwe actively looking for the
silver lining, the learning inwhat has happened to us, and
then how do we transfer that inour work? So now, how has this
(26:16):
affected how you work withpeople now today and talk to us
a little bit more about how youcan help people.
Christopher J Wesley (26:26):
I'm able to hold space much better, able
to be more attentive to some ofthe nuances of different
problems people are facing. I'malways creating systems. So one
thing the easiest way to workwith me, I provided a link to
(26:47):
take the "Resilience ArchetypeAssessment," and after you get
the assessment, you know you candownload something that tells
you more about your archetypeand specifically how to
withstand natural disasters hadto come out on the other side,
based on your archetype. Andthere's a there's a link on that
(27:10):
PDF where you can book a out ofpossibilities. Call with me, and
then we can go deeper into youknow what it is you might need
and how I might be able to helpyou,
BEATE CHELETTE (27:22):
beautiful and this is really for people that
are experiencing personalcatastrophes or natural
catastrophes on any level. Thisis not just you have not have
had to lose your house in a fireor been part of an earthquake or
hurricane. There's all kinds offires and hurricanes that don't
include the actual naturalcatastrophe?
Christopher J Wesley (27:43):
Yeah, I've come across quite a few people.
They were just laid off in thepast two weeks.
BEATE CHELETTE (27:47):
Yes, and that might be your natural
catastrophe. In trying to figurethis out, Christopher, this has
been a really insightful and Ifeel deep conversation about
talking about deep loss andresilience and transformation,
and how we have this desire, orat least you have this desire,
(28:10):
to turn this into somethingteachable, to help more people.
How do you feel about what it'sdone to you? Are you better?
Christopher J Wesley (28:17):
Yes, because I feel I have to be I
cannot allow myself or my Ican't allow this to rob me of my
future. Is, you know, thebiggest thing I wanted, kind of
like John Lennon when I gotolder, I wanted to be happy.
And, you know, it's notsomething that happens on
(28:39):
accident. I'm finding joy inlife, and I did not want this
fire to rob me of all my futurejoy. That's
BEATE CHELETTE (28:46):
beautiful, and that's a powerful place to stop
our interview for today. Thankyou so much for for doing this.
I know as somebody who has totalk about this a lot because
people want to hear about it, itis re traumatizing to do so. So
I appreciate you allowing us orallowing me to take you there,
and I thank you. And of course,you have a bright future ahead
(29:08):
of you, because you are the onecreating it. So thank you so
much. Thank you for having me. Ireally appreciate it, and that
is it for us, for today. If youknow someone who is going
through a personal catastropheor a natural catastrophe. Please
share this episode and help usget this word out to more people
that are experiencing this deepsense of loss or loss of self.
(29:29):
Thank you so much, and untilnext time and GOODBYE, that's it
for this episode of the BusinessGrowth Architect Show, Founders
of the Future, if you're doneplaying small and ready to build
the future on your terms,subscribe, share and help us
reach more Trailblazers likeyou, and if you're serious about
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you are, schedule your uncoverysession at uncoverysession.com.
(29:52):
Lead with vision. Move withpurpose. Create your future.
Was it feel like to lose everything.
(00:01):
It's like losing myself likeeverything. It feels like having
been subjected to violence. Thethings that we lost, I feel like
I lost them through an act ofviolence. You can't buy
something that is going to takethe place of that relationship,
BEATE CHELETTE (00:21):
I can't go in there and buy a bunch of pearls,
and then it expected to have thesame energetic vibration as my
grandmother's pearls.
Christopher J Wesley (00:29):
I lost all my journals, all of my
sketchbooks. Lost the guitar. Itwas literally the difference
when I was 14 between me being aresponsible, happy, adult and
committing. I cannot let thisevent win. I cannot let this be
the thing that brings me down.
BEATE CHELETTE (00:51):
I'm going to ask you the question everybody's
asked me, What does it feel liketo lose everything?
Christopher J Wesley (00:56):
It's like losing myself like everything,
like my entire it's not like Ididn't lose my entire identity,
but I lost foundational piecesof it. Enough of the
foundational pieces that I haveto figure out what pieces are
broken and missing and figureout how to replace and
(01:20):
regenerate those so it I feellike an incomplete puzzle now,
yeah.
BEATE CHELETTE (01:26):
And for our listener, you know, Christopher
Wesley is in the same boat as Iam. He is also and Christopher,
are we fire survivors or are wefire victims? Have you figured
that
Christopher J Wesley (01:39):
one out yet? I try and use the word
survivor more than victim, but Ifeel sometimes like a victim.
It's a role that I have toactively try and narrate in my
mind to keep me from like goingdown a dark hole you lost your
BEATE CHELETTE (02:01):
house in the Altadena fire, and we lost our
house in the Pacific Palisadesfire. So we are brother and
sister in this catastrophicevent, and when we prepared for
the show you and I had someconversations about that. It a
catastrophic event doessomething to a person. Can you
(02:22):
put that in words for ouraudience?
Christopher J Wesley (02:25):
It feels like having been subjected to
violence, like the things thatwe lost, I feel like I lost them
through an act of violence. Isprobably the best way to explain
it, that sense of trauma, thatsense of not feeling that safety
(02:46):
and security that I used tohave, both in being at home, but
also in possessions like I don'tbuy a lot of things anymore, is
there's a part of me that says,What's the point? Do I even want
this? Do I care about this?
BEATE CHELETTE (03:03):
You know, I have these things. I lost all my
jewelry. My mother had justgiven me all the family jewelry,
and I really long for a nicenecklace, because I and then
every time I go in a jewelrystore, I look at the stuff, and
then I get really upset, andthen I can't do it, and then I
(03:25):
run out. How do you experiencethis, this idea of because we
have a right, as per ourinsurance, at least to some
degree, to replace some of thethings that we have lost? How do
you handle that.
Christopher J Wesley (03:41):
I remind myself, like I have the initial
reaction, which is usuallyvisceral. I see something, and
it's there's that reaction thatI used to have it, and it was
taken from me when I can get onthe other side of that is it's
quite often a process to get tothe other side of it. It's not
something that happens in just aminute or two. Sometimes it's a
(04:03):
couple hours, depending on howmeaningful The thing is that I
lost. But we have relationshipswith these things, and no matter
what anyone says about it's aninanimate object. The there are
things that were burned that wehave relationships with it
(04:25):
beyond, like the utility of it.
They meant something to us. Andthat part we can't replace. You
can't buy something that isgoing to take the place of that
relationship, or that can juststep in and be that thing that
you got from your mother, truly,
BEATE CHELETTE (04:46):
or grandmother's pearls, right? Grandmother's,
yeah, I mean, I can't go inthere and buy a bunch of pearls
and then it expected to have thesame energetic vibration as my
grandmother's pearls, pearlsreally had. So do you. Think
this is us surviving, or are wetransforming? And definitely
Christopher J Wes (05:06):
transforming?
Yeah, there's def, yeah, there'ssurvival in it. It's not clearly
defined difference in identityon mornings like this morning,
when I read Edison will putlines underground that they're
going to charge us $10,000 extrato do this. When I times like
that, I feel like I'm surviving,and I have to use my mindfulness
(05:29):
techniques and change thenarrative around that, around my
role in it, to transform becauseat least for me, I cannot let
this I cannot let this eventwin. I cannot let this be the
thing that brings me down.
BEATE CHELETTE (05:50):
I want to go back to when this happened. You
said, you know, like we were notthere. And I think in in some
beautiful grace of God that wewere spared the trauma of seeing
it all burn. You were there. Soyou have a different trauma than
(06:11):
I do take us through these crazy15 minutes that made all the
difference in your life.
Christopher J Wesley (06:18):
So it was about 830 at night, my wife and
I had we were sitting in theliving room streaming a show. I
don't even remember what it was.
All I know is, yeah, we finishedthe show. We're getting ready to
go to bed. You know, she went toher office, and I went back to
the bedroom. And normally, Idon't have my phone with me, or
I don't pay attention to it.
(06:41):
Just before I was getting readyfor bed, I'd say, Well, let me
just check my messages. Checkthe messages. A couple friends
had texted asking if we wereokay with the fire. And I don't
remember exactly what the textwas, but it made me go
immediately to the front of thehouse, like this point I'm in
the back in our bedroom, walkedall the way to the front of the
(07:02):
house and standing in the livingroom two feet away from where I
was just watching TV. I look outthe window and I can see the
glow. I'm at that point. I'mguessing it's maybe, maybe two
miles away. At that point, itwas I didn't deliberate. I
immediately called Pat. Said, Weneed my wife, Pat, and so we got
(07:25):
to get out of here. We got topack stuff. And my first thing I
got was the fire safe. And thengrabbed our wedding photo from
off the mantle. And she wasgrabbing her stuff. We were kind
of doing our own thing, grabbingthings. She was packing her car.
I was packing my car. After wegot about two trips in, we
(07:49):
paused enough to notice thehouse to the right of us. They
were evacuating as well. Butthere's a woman that lives
across the street from usthat's, I want to say, in her
70s or 80s, so we always lookout for each other. So my wife
went across the street to makesure that she was evacuating,
because we didn't see anyevidence that she was I went to
(08:10):
our next door neighbors to theleft of us. Didn't see them
actively evacuating. Knock onthe front door, no one answered.
Went to rent their rental theyhad someone renting the back
house. Went back there, hedidn't answer. That's why, then
came back to our house, made twomore trips, packing the car. And
(08:31):
amidst all of this, we weredealing with the hurricane force
winds, so the wind was kickingall things around. There was
always the feeling of threatthat it was going to bring a
tree down, either on top of usor on top of our cars. After we
finished packing the cars, Iasked my wife if she wanted to
(08:56):
follow me or me follow her. Imade a determination where we
would like Ron rendezvous, if wegot separated, that was down in
about South South, past SouthLake area. She wanted to follow
me. So we I took us down thestreet, first cross street. I
(09:21):
looked down it beforecommitting. I didn't know, you
know, whether there were treesthat were down there was I still
had a question whether the windswere carrying embers over our
head and starting fires on thepotential escape routes. So
every time before heading south,I would always check the street,
and then we headed south andjust kind of meandered our way
(09:43):
down, sometimes having to drivearound obstacles, around trees
that had fallen on the way down,I was calling people that other
people I knew in Altadena tomake sure they were evacuating
my head. Was on the phone withone of our friends. They live in
South Pasadena. They offered forus to stay the night at their
(10:06):
house. So we wound up. We drovedown there that night and spent
the night there not, not reallysure what was happening. About
6am the next morning, we weregetting calls from the fire
detect or the alarm company, uh,telling us the smoke alarm was
(10:29):
going off. At that point, Istill was hopeful. I having been
around wildfires before. Youknow, we will not close to us,
but when the air is really bad,you can still smell the smoke in
the house. So that was what Iwas. That was my initial thought
that the it was just reallysmoky. We found out about six
(10:54):
hours later that the house hadburned down.
BEATE CHELETTE (10:57):
I know what this feels like, unfortunately, and
the impact that this has on yourpersonal life, the way you feel,
your trust, the grief you feel,is so overwhelming that you
(11:17):
don't even know. I mean, in mycase, you know, I my brain was
trying to find an event tocompare it to, and there just
wasn't any.
Christopher J Wesley (11:27):
It felt just can't think of one either.
No, right
BEATE CHELETTE (11:31):
now, I want to talk about storytelling, because
you are a storyteller. Tell us alittle bit about what you do
with storytellingprofessionally? And then how are
you using what happened to youto help other people in their
storytelling now,
Christopher J Wesley (11:51):
so professionally, I write fiction.
The best way to describe it is agame of thrones meets the modern
entertainment industry, as iftold by Alfred Hitchcock. In
that world, my protagonists arealways regular people forced to
do extraordinary things, and Idrew on my training as a
(12:14):
storyteller. I spent about fouryears with a private
storytelling mentor the initialdays, right after the fire, we
wound up in Rancho Cucamonga,which, for those that know the
lay don't know the lay of theland. We're about two hours
away, depending on traffic fromwhere the our home had burned,
(12:36):
and before the fires, there wasa housing shortage. So my
initial thought was, I have notime to feel the things I'm
feeling right now. I have to,like, take care of all these
things, and I have obligationsand responsibilities I need to
meet, but I also have to figureout, how do we get into a place
like now before everyone elsegets out of shock too, and we
(12:58):
can't find a place to live. Sowe immediately started just
traveling back, back and forth,trying to find an apartment. And
my wife would be in thepassenger seat, looking up
listings, and she'd find alisting. I'd put it in Google
(13:18):
Maps and drive there. I don'tknow how many places we went to,
but we were, we were blessed tofind the place that we finally
did. But like the Yeah,initially, the storytelling was
that, for me, it was at thebeginning, right after this,
right after the incitingincident, the protagonist is
always trying to solve. He'strying all these different
(13:41):
things, and he's going to fail,he's going to make a lot of
mistakes. So that helped me takeaction, because I understood
that me making mistakes and notbeing perfect was okay. What was
that? What was necessary wasthat I start taking action like
now.
BEATE CHELETTE (13:58):
So you're the protagonist in your own story,
and you're not just do youconsciously acknowledge that,
but you also adapt the tradesand give yourself permission to
be the person you normally writeabout. How beautiful is
Christopher J Wesley (14:12):
that?
Yeah, I wouldn't have chosen itsince it happened.
BEATE CHELETTE (14:16):
Yeah, no, it certainly isn't. And you also
said you are an artist that youknow, not just did you lose all
your journals and the pieces youwrote, you lost a lot more than
that, all your art.
Christopher J Wesley (14:34):
Yeah, I lost all of my artworks,
including sketches from highschool, some pieces that were
created during some of thehardest parts of my life that
had like, very, very significantmeaning to me. I lost the
guitar. Also a musician, I lostthe guitar. It was literally the
(14:55):
difference when I was 14 betweenme being a. A responsible, happy
adult and committing suicide. Ilost all my journals, all of my
sketchbooks. I had a studio inthe home, a recording studio.
Lost all that, all the gear. Imean, there's so many things.
(15:17):
The list just goes on on and on.
BEATE CHELETTE (15:19):
You work as a transformation coach through
storytelling. So how has thisnow affected the way you show
up? And I want to add one moreelement that you had shared with
me, which both of us share, ishow other people show up. So now
we are in this catastrophicevent that you have no control
(15:40):
over you're doing the thingsthat you need to do the
protagonist in your story, justmaking the impossible happen as
quickly as you can. But thenother people show up for you,
and then you somehow need toincorporate in your work. Tell
me that story. So,
Christopher J Wesley (15:56):
yeah, it does depend on where the person
is at that I'm coaching, butunderstanding story helps me,
helps me understand where theyare in that journey. I typically
in storytelling, we always hearabout the hero's journey, and
that is just one of sixcharacter archetypes. So like I
(16:20):
understood that what I was goingthrough here, this was not the
hero's journey. And thatcomprehension helped me position
myself, I guess, in my mind,where I what I needed to do, so
depending on where the person isat in their life, helps me
(16:44):
determine, you know, is this thehero's journey, or is this, say,
a maiden's journey? It's a kingor queen arc. And from there, I
help get a sense of wherethey're at, where they're coming
from, where they're trying to goand then coach them through
(17:04):
using basically storytellingaspects to help them, like, get
to the next thing. Becausesometimes, like immediately
after the fire, finding a placeto live, that was just the next
thing. I had no capacity foranything beyond just finding a
place to live. So for clients,it is sometimes is simple as
they just have to get to thatnext thing. If they lost the
(17:25):
job, you know, what is the mostcritical thing that needs to
happen? Do you actually you haveto find a job like right now? Or
do you have some Do you haveresources that give you time and
space to recraft what directionyou want to go in.
BEATE CHELETTE (17:43):
Did you recraft the direction you went in? Yes.
How does that feel now 10 monthsafter all of this happened,
Christopher J Wesley (17:52):
sometimes good, sometimes resentment.
BEATE CHELETTE (17:58):
Yeah, I feel the same way. I think that the deep
grieving definitely has gottenbetter, like there's more
moments of happiness, or whereyou can at least see the light
at the end of the tunnel, andthen a moment later, you're just
smacked into the ground and you
Christopher J Wesley (18:18):
Yeah, can't handle, I think, and
that's one of the things that Ibring to clients, is the
understanding that this is noneof this is linear. It is
absolutely messy and givingspace for them to feel what they
need to feel. Because I did takethe time myself to feel what I
(18:39):
needed to feel but I did. Soafter the critical things like
this has to happen, we have tofind a place to live. It's like
right now, I know people thatlive 20 miles away, and it's
difficult for them to get backto anything they need to do
here. I didn't want that. Sotake care of the most critical
thing. And then after that I wasI gave myself the space to feel
(19:03):
what I was feeling during thecritical time. I was paying
attention to what my wife wasfeeling, so I was kind of taking
care of her more so than me atthat point, or taking care of
her and us.
BEATE CHELETTE (19:16):
Yeah, I feel the same way I felt that my husband
took it a lot harder than I did,and there was just no room for
me to to give in to that. Andthen once I felt he was stable,
Christopher J Wesley (19:27):
then I crashed. There was a movie that
stood where there was a quote,and I don't remember what movie
it was, and someone asked thisolder gentleman, is like,
actually, I don't remember thegentleman or the husband or the
wife. But someone asked one ofthe couple like, What is your
secret to success? And theanswer was, we only crash one at
(19:49):
a time, something to that
BEATE CHELETTE (19:51):
effect, you know that that's actually true. Did
you kind of like do thatintuitively? And it just wasn't
even a thought. Because.
Christopher J Wesley (20:00):
Of the way I grew up. I'm one of 10
children across five marriages.
There were six in total, but onedidn't produce children. It was
be I always knew I wanted to bemarried. I'm different with
about that. Like, I guess, as amale, by time I was like, mid
teens, I understood that Iwanted to be married. So I've
(20:21):
always paid attention to whatare the things that would help
me succeed in being married onceI found the person I wanted to
spend the rest of my life with.
So this was wisdom picked upalong the way somewhere
BEATE CHELETTE (20:38):
that's beautiful. I love that. I want
to shift this a little bitaround the experience of
receiving, yeah, becausesomething tells me that in your
work and through thestorytelling, that a lot of your
focus was before this on helpingother people. Has that changed?
(20:59):
Have you changed?
Christopher J Wesley (21:01):
Not in that one of my when life kicks
me down, I've learned that partof my self care my is I build
systems. And so I built a systemaround understanding, how do I
take care of myself? What is Icreated archetypes for, like my
(21:24):
resilience type, and byunderstanding those things, it,
it, it's something I can keepgoing back to when I kind of
forget, when something is badenough that it causes me to kind
of forget myself and thatthrough that I understand my
(21:45):
resilience. Archetype is, I callit spark Bringer. So I turn my
tragedy into being able to holdspace for other people. So there
was always a part of me thatthat understood that by going
through this and understandingthat natural disasters are just
(22:05):
going to keep happening andbecoming more and more frequent,
this gives me a special capacityto help other people, like
shortly after this, or shortlyafter we got settled, I go into
therapy, And the woman that wasdoing the counseling for me, she
had never been through awildfire, but she was, she lives
(22:28):
in New Orleans, and had beenthrough Katrina, so she was able
to help me in a variety of waysthat aren't, aren't specific to
wildfires, but is specific tosurviving natural disasters and
navigating FEMA insurancecompanies and all of that.
BEATE CHELETTE (22:49):
How did you manage other people reaching out
and wanting to help and supportyou? Was that easy or difficult?
It was easy ish, that is amuscle that question easy ish,
Christopher J Wesley (23:05):
it's something it's a flaw in in
myself that I'd recognized itsome years ago. So it's a muscle
that I had been developing overtime to be able to accept
because it for years, decades. Imost of my life, I was not able
to really accept help from otherpeople. It was I'll figure out
(23:29):
on my own and but I will takecare of you. So I by the time
this happened, I was in aposition where I was able to
accept people doing things forus and looking out for us, and
to actually express the like ifsomeone said I had someone that
(23:55):
I didn't expect offer, well, weknow that your Keurig had
burned. So you know, we want toput a pool together and buy you
a new Keurig for me to say, Yes,could you please? Was the work
of years of effort prior,
BEATE CHELETTE (24:12):
amazing. You know, this is so interesting to
me, that and I, and that's why Iwanted to bring this up to help
our audience. Like if you hearthis story now of Christopher
saying, well, his coffee maker,the correct burned, and somebody
offers him to replace it, ofcourse you're gonna say yes,
(24:32):
because you had one. You lovedit, it burned. Somebody wants to
help you. Say yes. But thereality, I could have done that
10 years ago. I know it's like,what is it about this? So is
this one of those lessons, orthe learnings, or the gifts that
comes out of this for you toaccept more, definitely to
(24:54):
expect more?
Christopher J Wesley (24:56):
Yeah, I would say yes, that's true,
because I wouldn't have. Withouthaving gone through this if
someone had just given me ahypothetical, I don't know that
I would have given the answerthat I don't know that I would
have, in my mind projectedmyself behaving the same as I
did after having gone throughthis event.
BEATE CHELETTE (25:18):
No, it changed the way I give it, changed the
way how I give it, changed theway how I respond to other
people's personal disasters. Ithas changed how I accept things,
what I allow and also what I askfor. So it's actually very
(25:41):
liberating. How do you feelabout this? Now
Christopher J Wesley (25:44):
I feel the same. It's forced me to grow in
ways and areas that I wouldn'thave chosen.
BEATE CHELETTE (25:54):
Neither you not.
I know any of the 17,000 peopleswhose structures burned would
have would have chosen that. Butwhat I like about our
conversation today is that we,you know, we talk about
something we both understand andwe actively looking for the
silver lining, the learning inwhat has happened to us, and
then how do we transfer that inour work? So now, how has this
(26:16):
affected how you work withpeople now today and talk to us
a little bit more about how youcan help people.
Christopher J Wesley (26:26):
I'm able to hold space much better, able
to be more attentive to some ofthe nuances of different
problems people are facing. I'malways creating systems. So one
thing the easiest way to workwith me, I provided a link to
(26:47):
take the "Resilience ArchetypeAssessment," and after you get
the assessment, you know you candownload something that tells
you more about your archetypeand specifically how to
withstand natural disasters hadto come out on the other side,
based on your archetype. Andthere's a there's a link on that
(27:10):
PDF where you can book a out ofpossibilities. Call with me, and
then we can go deeper into youknow what it is you might need
and how I might be able to helpyou,
BEATE CHELETTE (27:22):
beautiful and this is really for people that
are experiencing personalcatastrophes or natural
catastrophes on any level. Thisis not just you have not have
had to lose your house in a fireor been part of an earthquake or
hurricane. There's all kinds offires and hurricanes that don't
include the actual naturalcatastrophe?
Christopher J Wesley (27:43):
Yeah, I've come across quite a few people.
They were just laid off in thepast two weeks.
BEATE CHELETTE (27:47):
Yes, and that might be your natural
catastrophe. In trying to figurethis out, Christopher, this has
been a really insightful and Ifeel deep conversation about
talking about deep loss andresilience and transformation,
and how we have this desire, orat least you have this desire,
(28:10):
to turn this into somethingteachable, to help more people.
How do you feel about what it'sdone to you? Are you better?
Christopher J Wesley (28:17):
Yes, because I feel I have to be I
cannot allow myself or my Ican't allow this to rob me of my
future. Is, you know, thebiggest thing I wanted, kind of
like John Lennon when I gotolder, I wanted to be happy.
And, you know, it's notsomething that happens on
(28:39):
accident. I'm finding joy inlife, and I did not want this
fire to rob me of all my futurejoy. That's
BEATE CHELETTE (28:46):
beautiful, and that's a powerful place to stop
our interview for today. Thankyou so much for for doing this.
I know as somebody who has totalk about this a lot because
people want to hear about it, itis re traumatizing to do so. So
I appreciate you allowing us orallowing me to take you there,
and I thank you. And of course,you have a bright future ahead
(29:08):
of you, because you are the onecreating it. So thank you so
much. Thank you for having me. Ireally appreciate it, and that
is it for us, for today. If youknow someone who is going
through a personal catastropheor a natural catastrophe. Please
share this episode and help usget this word out to more people
that are experiencing this deepsense of loss or loss of self.
(29:29):
Thank you so much, and untilnext time and GOODBYE, that's it
for this episode of the BusinessGrowth Architect Show, Founders
of the Future, if you're doneplaying small and ready to build
the future on your terms,subscribe, share and help us
reach more Trailblazers likeyou, and if you're serious about
creating, growing and scaling abusiness that's aligned with who
you are, schedule your uncoverysession at uncoverysession.com.
(29:52):
Lead with vision. Move withpurpose. Create your future.
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