Before You Set 2026 Goals: The One Thing Your Life Wheel Can't Measure

On this solo episode of Cafe con Pam, Pam sits down for a heart-to-heart about the real steps to personal growth and lasting change. She breaks down why simply becoming aware of your life’s gaps isn’t enough—and how feeling safe and certain in your journey is what really helps you move forward.

Pam opens up about her own experiences with the life wheel, sheds light on why New Year’s resolutions rarely stick, and shares tips for embracing your current season without all the pressure for perfection. It’s a pep talk for anyone ready to swap judgment for self-compassion and create the change they actually want.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
So for me, Ola sopam and welcome to our mergarito,
the place where we showcase the brands that believe in
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(01:55):
supply accounts provided in the United States by Bimo Bank
and a member fd I see so. Welcome back to Kambam,
the bilingual podcast that celebrates the power of our stories,
the medicine and our voices and the magic of reclaiming

(02:17):
who we are. It's just you and metres and we
are going to talk about so many things, but the
three things that you will get from this episode. Awareness
alone doesn't create change. We're going to talk about your
life wheel. Your life wheel is a tool that can

(02:40):
give you awareness of where things might be a little off,
and without addressing the ones underneath the gaps, behavior won't
change or the behavior that changes won't stick. Also, low
scores may reveal some of the ones that you may have.

(03:01):
And this is beyond being like quote imbalanced, because there
are areas where you may be struggling and this is
not at all about poor time management. This is about
so many additional things. So don't when do you get
into that place, don't judge yourself. Many times they're showing
we're all conditioning and nervous system patterns are keeping you stuck,

(03:23):
and it's simply letting you notice. The pathway is awareness,
then certainty, and then confidence, because before you can create
lasting change, your nervous system needs to feel safe. Uncertainty
of wholeness is when allow you allow yourself to build

(03:43):
a bridge between noticing what the problem is and actually
solving it. So let's get into it. If you've ever
done a life will assessment, or maybe you did it
with me, or maybe you did it with someone else
last year in twenty twenty five, well, I want to
talk to you about what comes after you fill out

(04:06):
the life wheel, because now everyone has a coach right
there with you going over what are you going to
do about this? Usually what happens is this, you complete
the life wheel, you see the gaps, you know what's off,
and then you do one of two things. You either
beat yourself up for not being further along or for

(04:27):
being so low score on whatever it is, or you
create a massive to do list of everything you need
to fix this year, and both of those responses keep
you in a way stuck because your life wheel and
the point of the life wheel is simply to show
you where you're out of alignment, where you are a
little off, but it doesn't show you why. And more importantly,

(04:51):
it doesn't give you the one thing you need before
you can actually create lasting change, and that is called certainty.
So today we're going to talk about what your life
will is actually telling you why awareness loan won't shift
anything and what actually needs to happen between seeing the
problem and solving it. So your life will creates awareness.

(05:15):
It shows you where you are thriving, and it shows
you where you may be struggling. Here's the thing. What's
important about your having or doing your life will and
doing the exercise is that it validates your experience. This
is you not imagining things. This is actually seeing it
and giving yourself permission to face it. Then once you're

(05:35):
able to face it, then you can name it. Number two,
your awareness alone doesn't create change because you could realize
that your relationship slice needs attention and still not call
your mother. You can see that your health may need
some support, and you can still skip the workout. You

(05:57):
can recognize you're burnt out and you may need to
rest or more fun or more adventure in your life,
and still say yes to the project. The missing piece
here is certainty, because before you can change your behavior,
your nervous system needs to believe that change is safe.
Before you can set your boundaries, you need to be

(06:17):
certain you're worthy of setting the boundaries. Before you can rest,
you need to be certain that rest won't make you
fall behind. I've been doing this life will exercise ever
since I started my business ten years ago, probably more.
I remember vividly doing the life will, and my relationships

(06:41):
were super low. I remember my life will had my
finances super low because I had just quit my corporate
job and I didn't know how I didn't have a
business model. I had to like figure it out, and
so I saw the gaps that were very clear, and
I still couldn't change because I wasn't certain that I

(07:02):
could do it. I lost a lot of friendships when
I started my business. Those of you who may have
started a business, this may have happened to you. I've
talked to a lot of business owners and they're all like, yeah,
ton of friends, A ton of friends, and some of
them still hurt, and some of them don't you know.
Some of them were more like realizations. But that allowed

(07:23):
me to make decisions. But I wasn't certain until I
got certain that I needed to make and take action
into the next step, which was to believe in my
business model, was to set clear processes that we actually started.

(07:45):
And I say weep because it's it's not just me.
There's a whole team behind Cavacombam. But I had to
get certain before I could actually make long lasting change.
And once I did, then things have been so much better.
So what your life wheel is actually showing you well,
low scores. When you get a low score, it's your

(08:07):
wound asking for attention. So let's say that your life
wheel shows your career at an eight and your relationships
at a three, Well, you could be using work to
avoid intimacy with people. If your health is at a
two and your finances are at nine, then you may
be sacrificing your body for success. If your fun or

(08:31):
adventure is at a one and your career is at
a ten, then you may believe that rest is not
safe and so high scores are not always like winners,
and looking at the scores shows more than imbalances. It
shows you where you're still operating from old conditioning. It's

(08:53):
a good gauging mechanism because high scores can also hide performance.
A nine and career isn't always that you're thriving. It
could mean could that there's a lot of performing, there's
a lot of looking for validation. There's a lot of
feeling that it may be the only thing you can

(09:16):
get to be recognized. Think promotions. I don't know salaries, recognitions,
but internally you're exhausted, maybe you're actually you can acknowledge
that you're seeking approval, and when you're not certain, then

(09:37):
you can't truly see that you actually deserve what you've built,
and you can take a little step back without without
letting go fully of what you have worked for. And
so the difference between success and certainty is that when
you are certain, you can arrive at that place to

(09:59):
say I have built this, and I don't have to
hold on to it so much because I trust that
I can keep it, I can continue it, I can
grow it. Because the confidence comes from you, not from
the external validation. Success cannot be performed and certainty, of

(10:20):
course is within. The goal is not the balance. So
I want to clarify that your life will. Sometimes there's
a question actually in the exercise at says how bumpy
would the ride be if you were to ride on
your wheel. This question sometimes trips people up because they're like, ooh,
I need my will to be as smooth as possible.

(10:41):
That's not the point, because the point is not to
get your wheel to be all of your slices to
be even. It's not realistic. Some seasons in life require
you to be at a four. In some seasons in
life you will get it to be at a ten.
And so it's true about honoring the season that you're in,

(11:02):
because the goal is never to achieve perfect balance. Perfection
is a lie, and balance actually in your life will.
It's also not realistic. The goal is that you are
certain that you are complete even when your wheel is unbalanced,
even when your wheel is not even even if you
were to ride on your wheel and feel it a

(11:25):
little wonky, because life will never be perfectly balanced. There's
always going to be ups and downs and seasons that
let you go all around, but you're whole and complete anyway.
The point is for you to be certain of your
wholeness in every season, regardless of what your wheel looks like.
The wheel just gives us an awareness and then we
are still whole from within. So your path from awareness

(11:49):
to certainty. Well, you've done the life Wheel, and I
know I've been talking about the life whel and you're
probably like, what is this? So you just have to
go to gafakompum dot fort slash life Wheel and it's
a very simple exercise that basically I coded it, so
don't at me if it's not. I know it's clunky,

(12:12):
but I'm not a coder, so I did my best,
and I wanted to build something that you could actually download.
I don't ask you for your email. I don't ask
you for anything. It's literally kfacompum dot com for a
slash life wheel, and you simply type your name so
you know that you did it. I don't I don't
keep any information. This is not stored anywhere. So you

(12:33):
type your name, you toggle where you feel you are
in this moment in your life, and there are twelve
categories that you choose from, and then you do some
reflections at the bottom. Then once you're ready, I highly
recommend you doing the reflections in the tool because then
you'll be able to export that s a PDF and

(12:54):
I won't ask you for your email because I truly
wanted people to do it, and so you will export
it and see and you can always come back at
any moment and do it again. My recommendation is to
do it every three to six months. So now let's
say you've done your life wheel. You have awareness? Now

(13:14):
what well, what I teach and the pathway that I
recommend is first to create awareness. The life wheel is
a mirror that we hold. We say, okay, where are we?
That's it. Then we choose certainty. Once we are certain,
then it is that we can become confidence. So awareness

(13:37):
gives you a reality check. It shows you what's off.
Certainty allows you to become sure of yourself with all
the gaps, with all the contradictions, with everything that doesn't
make sense for the world. Certainty allows you to accept
that which you are complete as you are. There's no gaps.

(14:01):
You are the complete puzzle with no missing pieces. Then
we get confident. That's when you lead from that certainty
instead of trying to fix yourself into worthiness, which most
knew your resolutions people talk about, you know, how could
you step into the confidence and how could you just
own your confidence? And how could you believe that you're confident?

(14:22):
The only way to do is to be certain. What
most people will say, or most coaches will say, is
you're a two in health, Go make a plan to
move your body. You're a three in relationships. Let's set
better boundaries, or let's reach out to friends and choose
to do something fun. But here's where I come in.
Because if your nervous system is not certain that rest

(14:43):
is safe, that boundaries won't get you abandoned, that making
new friends gives you anxiety that your worth is not
tied to productivity, the action won't stick. It just won't happen.
And maybe this is why you're here. Maybe that's why
you're listening to this episode. And this is why I
don't believe in New Year's resolutions. And this is why

(15:04):
the majority ninety percent I think. I don't know the statistic,
but a big number of New Year's resolutions fade by February,
like before the month is even over. Majority of people
have dropped them because what they do is they get
you to attempt to change behavior without addressing the wound

(15:24):
underneath it without addressing the root. So it's almost like
you're mowing the grass. You're mowing the grass, and if
you don't want the grass to grow anymore, you have
to remove the root from the root. I had to
get certain when I realized I had to get certain
with myself. Every time I do my life will and
I'm like, woof, Actually I can pull my journal where

(15:46):
I fill it out. I do it. I mean, I
coded you this little tool gotacompum dot com Fort slash
life Wheel, Please use it. But I usually do it
just I grab a for my cup and I just
draw it and then I divide it with a ruler.
I'm very analog. You can do it that way as well.

(16:07):
And you can always look back at your journals if
you're a journaler and see. And so what I realized
is that when I got certain, I was able to
then actually take action. When I got certain, then my
slices didn't go back down, and it wasn't so abrupt
that I would go back to old patterns because every

(16:32):
time I tried before I got certain, my nervous system panicked.
I had to understand where my wound of worth in
my case was I had to understand that my wound
of worth simply was informing my belief that my worth
was connected to my productivity, that the more I did,

(16:54):
the more worthy I was. And it wasn't until I
worked through the reasons why I believe that to be true.
Then I tapped on it. I did some subconscious work.
I taught my body. I reframed, I reprogrammed my belief

(17:16):
that I didn't have to do so much. I programmed
my body that rest is safe, it's kind of like
a nervous system reset. And I taught myself that softness
is actually strength. I taught my body that chilling logging
off at the end of the day is actually really supportive.

(17:39):
And so I started giving myself breaks between the day.
So I either work like super early or I work
kind of late at night. But sometimes I run errands
midday and it's lovely because people are are, like, you know,
the majority of people are at work, and so I
can like run errands with ease, and it's great and
I don't feel like, oh, I'm not at the office,
I'm not plugged in what is happening, because I don't

(18:02):
need to because I'm certain of my worth and what
I bring to the table and how I am showing up.
And so this is why I think there's beyond. We
need to go beyond awareness. Awareness simply showed me the
problem certainty. When I got certain, that's when I got safe.
That's when I allowed myself that safety to address what

(18:24):
was underneath it, and then confidence emerged naturally after that.
It's a pathway, it's I truly don't believe there's another way.
So if you have done your life Wheel cafacompum dot
com for a slash Life Wheel and your reflection, and
now you're sitting with the awareness, maybe you're wondering, like,

(18:45):
all right, sure I'm hearing, how do I get certain? Well,
I'm going to invite you to something free January eight
through the tenth, so you are listening to this episode
right on time, January eighth, ninth, and tenth. Three days.
This is a three days somatic write a passage that's
called the Unmuted Era, and I designed it specifically for you,

(19:07):
for you who have done the reflections for you, has
the awareness for you who needs a missing piece allowing
yourself to get certain arriving at that certainty of your wholeness.
This is not a certainty that you are going to get.
When you get your life will completely out of ten.
This is certainty that you are complete, even when some

(19:27):
of your slices are at a two or even. I
don't know if I've ever gotten a zero. I actually
have gotten a zero. I work with a client who
who was claimed to not be interested in romance, and
so she was like, remances is zero. And then it's

(19:49):
fascinating how things happened because literally a year later she
was in a relationship. So you know, it's important to
become aware. It gives us that, it activates a regular
activating system, which then our brain tunes in to say, oh,
how could we work on it. You have to get certain.
Even in the messy and the unbalanced and the in between,

(20:11):
you can still be certain. So what is the unmuted era. Well,
we are going to hang out for three days. We're
gonna move through awareness, certainty, and confidence. Literally that's the framework.
So day one, during awareness, we're gonna name what you've
been caring, whatever the ones are underneath your low scores

(20:31):
and your life wheel. Day two we're gonna get certain
and it's literally like eight nine and ten. So and
I'll explain more, but it's really fun. So Day two
you reclaim what you've been denied, whatever it is, whether
you denied it to yourself or somebody else did rest, softness, overworking,
staying quiet, being too loud, whatever that is. Day three

(20:53):
we get confident. This is when you lead without aboundoning yourself.
This is when you bring in self trust, rust as
your baseline. And you're going to get six pre recorded
somatic sessions, three live integration sessions, and practices that will
teach your nervous system, not just your mind, this is body,

(21:15):
your whole self that you are safe being whole. This
is not another goal setting workshop. You know, I don't
do those. This is not a challenge to hustle hard harder.
This is the thing that happens after you become aware,
so that the changes you want to make actually last. Okay,

(21:36):
So registration is free. You can join the three life sessions,
you can practice with each other. We're going to be together.
I'm going to show up three days. Those three days live,
and then you get your sessions, your pre recorded sessions,
so you can access from January eighth onward, you'll get
access to the sessions. If you have the free access

(21:56):
or if you want lifetime access to the lessons and replace,
there is an upgrade and all access pass if you
want to. But if not, I want you to come
and just hang out because I know you're ready to
make certainty your baseline. And if you want direct support
as you move from awareness or embodied confidence, there are
five additional spots where we can hang out with private sessions.

(22:18):
But listen, just come. All details are inside of gopacompalm
dot com the Unmuted Era and we start January eighth. Okay,
so here's what I want you to remember. Your life
wheel is showing you where you need attention that's valuable.
Don't skip the step. Awareness without a certainty creates more shame.

(22:41):
And this is why we don't get the thing done
because usually when you look at the number two and
you may think, like, what's wrong with me? Why can't
I just do the thing? When the real question you
need to be asking is what is actually making me
feel unsafe with this? And that's the work we do
inside the Muted the Unmuted Era. We are not here

(23:04):
to fix anything, We're not here to change you. We
are simply improving you. We are simply reprogramming, and the
point is we are doing it with grace and compassion,
because the goal is never to get everything out of ten.
The point is to great certainty that you are whole
and complete, so then confidence can emerge naturally, you don't

(23:25):
force it. So if that resonates, please join us. Getacompumd
dot com the Unmuted Era, and if you haven't done
your life will reflection, you can go to geva compum
dot com, forward slash life Wheel. Everything will be in
the show notes, all the links, so you can simply
click on them and do it. It takes less than
ten minutes, truly, and I'm curious to see what comes up.

(23:47):
Screenshot and tag me, or just tag me and tell
me that you're coming, and maybe come back to this
episode and listen to it again and maybe it will
land differently. Sign up to the Unmuted Era, all right,
as taqi te de jo as always, thank you so
so much, knows bemos Andro, you want to stay shining.

(24:10):
CAFA Compum is created by our small but mighty team.
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(24:33):
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(24:56):
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(25:18):
and Karino just for you