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June 8, 2025 17 mins
In this solo episode of Café con Pam, Pam gets real about why summer isn’t always sunshine and good vibes for everyone.

She opens up about her own tough summers filled with grief and change, and shares how she learned to take care of herself when things felt chaotic.

Pam talks about the power of nervous system regulation, doing less (not more!), and finding comfort in even the tiniest acts of self-love. If you’ve ever felt out of sync with “summer fun,” this episode is for you—and stay tuned for the invitation  to join the upcoming Verano con Self Love series for more community and support.

Get on the waitlist for Un Verano con Self Love

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
So for me, Ola sopam and welcome to our mergarito,
the place where we showcase the brands that believe in
us and help us make the show possible. Let's meet them.
We all know this. Talking about money is not always

(00:26):
the most comfortable. Better, our friends from save Ladies make
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they can easily access their free resources like Taietes Glasses,

(00:49):
is La Lina, Gratis Bara and bunts their free financial
helpline and then the pace connect that with a trusted
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(01:11):
I E s dot o RG. But I'm bezad your
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(01:55):
supply accounts provided in the United States by Bimo Bank
and a member FDICEE lemanis Welcome back to Kampa if
this is your first time here, being Beninos v and
Manila's Van Benias. If you've been writing with me for
a minute, muchas gracias for coming back, I don't take

(02:21):
your presence for granted. Please know that, and I'm so
honored that you're back again. So let's start with a
question today, what do you do when the season that
is supposed to feel like freedom actually feels like chaos.
Summer is often marketed to us as the time for rest,

(02:42):
the time for joy, for adventure, for movement, But for me,
summer has often meant grief, endings and deep transformation. And
this episode is about what to do when things don't
go as planned, How to care for yourself when the

(03:04):
world keeps spinning, and today I'm going to share what
my past summers have looked like, how I'm choosing to
rewrite the story now, and why bananic and self love
is my nervous system's quiet revolution. So let's start with
the nervous system. When we talk about nervous system regulation,
we're talking about our body's ability to feel safe. First

(03:28):
and foremost. We need to feel safe, not just physically,
but emotionally and even spiritually, because safety is what allows
us to rest, to love, to receive. And when you've
been through repeated chaos, your body starts to brace even
before anything happens. Think about it. Let me give you

(03:50):
just a very simple example. If you I'm sure everyone's
gone through this, when you hit your pink toe, you're
walking to your bed and you hit your pinka too,
and it's like, oh my gosh, I heard so much. Well,
next time you're walking by your bed, you're going to
brace yourself. You're going to be careful so that this

(04:12):
doesn't happen. So, in this very simplified example, your body
is no longer safe to walk by that corner because
at some point you've been hurt. That was me every
summer one summer, my brother in law passed away. Another summer,
my niece was born. Many summers ago, we came back

(04:33):
from vacation with my mom and my dad was gone.
Joy grief, both side by side, a beautiful, heartbreaking collision.
Another summer I ended a major relationship. I was disoriented,
on tethered and trying to rebuild from the pieces. And

(04:58):
there were many other summers as well. That's dramatic but
still exhausting because I was waiting for the other shoe
to drop O say you guys at each other. And
for me, these were moments where I didn't have the
capacity to do all the fun things people associate with
summer season. I just couldn't. My body physically didn't feel

(05:20):
safe to do it. And through all of it, my
body started expecting summer to hurt. And of course I
didn't always realize this. I didn't always realize what was happening.
I just felt tired. I felt off. I would scroll
and see everyone on boats at festivals, traveling, having like

(05:41):
the time of their lives, and I would think, why
can't I feel that free? And it wasn't because I
wasn't trying. It's because I was navigating a dysregulated nervous system,
because underneath the surface, my nervous system was working over
time just to keep me afloat. And this is something

(06:03):
I think we don't talk about enough. Sometimes self love
is not about doing more. It's actually about doing less,
more slowly, more gently, and for a place that honors
the season you're in, even if this season is grief.

(06:24):
So if you're listening or watching and you're in that space,
here are a few things that have helped me, and
I'm sharing them with you. Primetto regulate, reflect later before
you try to make a plan or fix anything, which
we tend to hello eldest daughters, We immediately are like, Okay,
how we're going to fix this. You want to check

(06:47):
in with your body, and the question to ask yourself
is what do I need to feel one percent safer?
Right now? It's all about one percent safer. So it's
not glorifying price activity. It's not about feeling like you're
not doing enough. It's simply about keeping your body safe.

(07:08):
So tune into your body and ask yourself, what do
I need to feel one percent safer? Could be simple,
brush your teeth, step outside for thirty seconds, play one
song you love and sway to it, because small acts

(07:29):
of self love count, especially when you're in survival mode.
When you're in survival mode, it's rare when you're like, oh,
let me pull up my toolbox of all of the
healing I've ever done and see from my catalog of tools,
what can I choose today to help me feel better.
Sometimes you're so disregulated that you're like, I don't even

(07:50):
like you can't even think of the toolbox. The toolbox
is like out in the shed, and who knows where
the shed is. Actually a more gentle way that my
to use to think about what works for you is
to get yourself to a place of safety, And many
times a place of safety are things that teeny tiny
things you can control, like brushing your teeth. One of

(08:13):
my favorite things to do to regulate myself is literally
brush my teeth and brush my tongue. And so it's
not with the tongue scraper. It's literally with the brush
and I put like water and then I brush my
tongue and I just feel the water and I feel
like I tune into that sensation to get back into
my body of here I am. I'm holding onto this brush,

(08:38):
this is what I can control. I can literally put
it in the water and put it back in my mouth.
And this is in this moment that is making me
feel one percent safer. Also want to pause the pressure,
because if your summer doesn't look like the Pinterest boards
or the Instagram reels, it doesn't mean that you're failing.

(08:59):
You're honoring your time. So for additional recommendations. Of course,
once you get to that one percent better and your
brain is a little bit more clear, you're out of
that place of extreme survival five flight fond freeze. Then
you can find some tapping sequences on my channel. I

(09:21):
share them. I have a ton on Instagram. Leave me
a comment and tell me if you want one. You
can also do somatic tracking, which is a very very
simple practice of noticing sensations in your body with curiosity,
and I do this all the time. Somatic tracking is
literally tuning in to see what is the biggest sensation

(09:44):
in your body. If you're very justsregulated and you're just
feeling a cloud all over, that might not work for you.
So always remember that the tools that I provide some
of you may be great, some of you might not be.
The time for you to use them because there are
somatic pres says that will activate you more. Keep that
in mind. But Semitic tracking, it could look like tuning

(10:07):
in to say, hmmm, where am I feeling the most?
The loudest sensation. Many times for me, the loudest sensation
is in my jaw, And so then I can massage
my jaw and just give myself gentle circles to allow
in my case, my jaw to release the tension. And

(10:32):
as you saw, my body released a big side. That
is an indicator that your body is connecting and your
body is choosing to release some trapped energy. Another tool,
you can journal. Journaling is one of my favorite activities
and it's probably frankly the one that I leave last

(10:54):
on my list, but it's the one that is very effective.
And so the question, the prompt that I can give
you today is what would summer feel like if it
belonged to me? Not the algorithm? And think the algorithm
whatever you want to think the algorithm? Is what would
summer feel like if it belonged to you? Not the algorithm?
So this week I want to give you a challenge

(11:15):
and we're going to do it together. We're going to
sit still for ten seconds. If you're watching follow along,
if you're listening, you can place both of your hands
on your chest and you're going to tune in for
a few seconds. Literally put a little bit of pressure

(11:37):
whatever feels good on the upper part of your chest,
closer to your neck, and you can you can start
doing bilater or tapping very gentle, one side first and
then the other. If for some reason you're not able

(12:00):
to tap, you can also imagine that you're doing it
because I want to also acknowledge that now everyone has
the capacity to tap, because there could be some restrictions
in your body, or some things may happen. You can
imagine there might be some tapping happening right side, left side,

(12:26):
right side, left side. And then you say, I'm allowed
to be exactly where I am, and that's it. Shake
it off. That's your little ten second act of rebellion.
That is your summer rewrite. That's teeny tiny, just ten seconds.

(12:52):
And of course, bonus points if you keep tapping until
your body releases with a sigh. You saw me, I
offer release with a si or a yawn or a tear.
And if you don't, because some people are like I
don't feeling anything. You don't have to feel anything your
body knows and it could simply be you feeling more

(13:14):
connected to your body. So take aways for today, Summer
doesn't have to look like the movies. Your nervous system
deserves tenderness, not pressure. Sometimes self love is simply not
abandoning yourself in the middle of your own storm. You
can start again with teeny tiny acts because you are

(13:34):
worthy of tenderness. And this is why I created but
Anicone self Love, not to fix myself, not to chase aesthetics,
but to create a space for real human stories, to
explore how love, heartbreak, and healing live inside of us.
And it's a journey, especially when life doesn't go right.

(13:56):
So today we talked about why summer can be difficult
for some of us, how our nervous system stores patterns
of chaos, what real self love may look like when
you're struggling in life, and I give you a few actionable, small,
teeny tiny steps to support you. You, your body, your

(14:17):
nervous system, and most importantly, we redefined what it means
to be okay even when everything feels out of your hands.
So if this episode resonated, I would love it if
you send it to someone who might be heaving a
heart summer, who you know might resonate with the content today,
I would love it and appreciate it. If you leave

(14:38):
a review, share it on your stories, or simply DM me,
screenshot and tag me and tell me how it landed.
And of course, if you want to be the first
to know when the stories drop, you can go to
beranokoeselflove dot com and add yourself to the waitlist. Because

(14:59):
when you add yourself to the wait list, you'll be
the first to get early access to binge the full series.
You'll get a surprise bonus audio, so it's the five
Wounds of Kayetita culture plus a bonus audio, and you
get a chance to join a live Q and a
reflection session after the final episode drops. Plus of course

(15:19):
inside the waiting list. Inside the waiting room, we'll call
it that. You get some gentle pre work to start
your own summer of self love right now. So if
you're like, okay, sure, let's do something. I have some
cool I think dopamine little exercises for you to get

(15:39):
started button selflove dot com and I would love to
have you there. Can't wait because your healing does not
have to wait for a perfect moment. It can simply
start with a soft choice today, maybe right now. So
on June twenty second, twenty twenty five, again Benanicle and

(16:01):
self Love. These are five real love stories that reflect
the five wounds of Kaiyatta culture. You'll get to know
me a little bit more, which I'm terrified, but we're
doing it, and we're going to start with the wound
of identity and this is where you're going to meet
Elis Becon and I promise it's a story you really

(16:21):
don't want to miss. So if this podcast has ever
inspired you, here are some quick, quick and easy ways
to support us. Leave a rating and review in your
podcast app. It helps a ton. Very few people actually
do it. It takes you one or two minutes. You can
subscribe on YouTube. We are looking to increase our YouTube

(16:42):
subscribers so we can get more eyes on the show.
So I would love it if you subscribe and share,
of course, this episode with someone you love. We also
have the Supporters Club for five dollars a month, only
five bucks a month. You support this show and all
the people that make it happen, because it's not just

(17:03):
me it's a team, it's a small and mighty team,
and your support can help us continue to build a
sustainable business that can support a full women team. And
of course if you're an organization, you can hire me
to speak your company organization. And I would love to
bring these conversations to even more people. Of course, let's

(17:27):
stay connected on the socials at kampam podcast. Thank you
so much for listening.
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