Overcoming Bullying and Embracing Authenticity with Juan Acosta

On this episode of Café con Pam, Pam welcomes special guest Juan Acosta—mental health advocate, LGBTQIA+ activist, and proud Mexican immigrant—to share his powerful story. From moving to the U.S. at age two and growing up caught between two cultures, to facing tough bullying and the ups and downs of coming out, Juan opens up about it all. The conversation gets real about the challenges of being an immigrant kid, how mental health is (or isn’t) talked about in Latino families, and what it means to find your place and your voice. Juan talks about turning pain into purpose, creating community, and what keeps him grounded while doing big work as an advocate. Grab your cafecito and join us!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
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(00:27):
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(00:49):
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(01:11):
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Speaker 2 (01:42):
On Everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
This is Pum, your host of Compam, the bilingual podcast
exploring stories that inspire us, challenge GAETA culture, and support
you embracing your voice. Yeah, and I'm just in a
conversation with Juana Costa, a first general Mexican immigrant, mental
health and LGBTQIA plus activist content creator Dambien from Woodland, California.

(02:10):
He began his advocacy work at just thirteen years old
and has since spoken at the White House the United
Nations and also co authored the New York Times bestseller
Channel Kindness with Levi Gaga. One focuses on uplifting LGBTQIA
Plus immigrant and Latina communities, and was recently recognized by

(02:32):
The Advocate, stat News and the twenty twenty four Young
Innovador in Behavioral Health Awards for his groundbreak and work
in mental health. Of course, you know when I come
across someone who talks about mental health, I of course
will say yes. And this conversation with One and I
was really powerful because not only did we explore the

(02:56):
beginning of its journey, but also why mental health health
is so important for us to continue to talk about it,
for us to continue to bring it up, even when
it's a little bit or a lot difficult. See mask
is the Juana. Welcome to Cathebam. I'm so excited to

(03:19):
have you in our conversation.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Thank you, thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Of course, the first question I always ask is what
is your heritage?

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah, so I'm Latino, but I come from a Mexican household,
very proud Mexican immigrant in the country. So that's my background.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
And you came here when you were little?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, I was two years old. My parents brought me.
Uh well, we immigrated here when I was too so
I've been here my whole life. But I was born
in Bakana, Halischoo.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
Mexico, Halisico. Have you gone back?

Speaker 2 (03:57):
I have not yet, so it's been and it's been
a while. It's been a while since then, so I
want to soon, hopefully. I was supposed to in January
and then some things came up, So.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
I hope to go back soon, closer than you think.
So how is it were a little immigrant child to
show up? You were two, so you basically grew up here?
And how was it for your identity to know that?
Did you know you were born there?

Speaker 2 (04:31):
So I didn't until like I was, like in sixth grade.
I want to say that, like, I mean, I knew
that we came from Mexico to an extent, but I
didn't know, like you know, that we all of us
like immigrated here to this country, and so that was
kind of a thing I had to understand during my

(04:53):
growing up. But it was definitely a journey, I guess
in school, and every every piece of life here has
been very much embedded in that immigrant experience because even
though I was raised here and I'm so used to
many of the things that are, you know, norms here

(05:14):
in the United States, there are things that are also
very strange to me, that feel unnatural in ways my
own I guess perception of life. And I don't know
if that's you know, my subconscious that think differently than
how we think here, I guess. But yeah, it's been

(05:37):
a journey. I guess it's the easiest way I could
frame it there.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
When I think also from my own lived experience as
an immigrant kid, it's almost like, and I wonder if
that's your experience. I wonder if you almost feel like
the moment you cross the door to your house is
one type of lifestyle, and when you leave your house

(06:02):
is a whole other thing.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
Definitely. It's a yeah, because at home, I've always been
you know that home, they call me Manny. My middle
name is Manoel, and that's like I'm Manny here, and
then when I step out of my house, it's like
I'm want. No one else calls me Manny. Outside of
my house, it's our Manny at home with my siblings,
with my parents, but as soon as I step out,

(06:26):
it's like I'm wan and then I have to go.
I don't speak as much Spanish in public as I
do here at my house, So it's very different in
the way that I guess life has approached once you
step inside the house and outside the house.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, yeah, I think is that immigrant kid or child
of immigrant experience. It's very nuanced and it's one of
those like only if you know, you know type thing.
It's not something that I mean, we can sit here
and describe it, but you have to experience it.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah. I mean it's beautiful because you get to experience,
you know, culture in a way that is different, but
it's also complex when you have to kind of figure
life out in a place that isn't familiar to you
or your family that extent.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Yeah, So what happened when you were six that you
realized you were not born here?

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Well, I just took it kind of like normally. I
think for me, the most complex thing was trying to
figure out the English language. I think I had like
a difficulty with that. We always experienced my parents didn't
speaking English, and so going to school and like being
in like the English learner classes and like trying to

(07:45):
figure things out in that way was kind of different
because obviously for my peers that were like, you know,
proficient in English and who like were born here, it
was much easier for them, I guess, to kind have
figured things out. And then for me that was kind
of like the biggest challenge was kind of turned to

(08:10):
like become familiar with how schools worked here because my
parents didn't in their home the school system works here,
and so figuring out systems was very difficult for me,
And so that was like one of the main challenges
in addition to learning the English language as well.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
What number of sibling are you, I'm number two, so
you're on the older, eldest side.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah, And so you know, my my brother had a
very different lifestyle than me, and we all have. We
all have a very different lifestyles all of my siblings.
And my brother actually lives in Mexico now. Yeah, so,

(08:58):
and he's been there for a while now. He has
three kids over there, and so in many ways I
took on kind of like figuring out the college part
of life because he didn't pursue that.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
So you became the oldest in a sense.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yes, I became the oldest for my other two siblings
here and for him. I've always been a very I
don't know, I guess too empathetic when it comes to
like people's emotions. I care a lot, and figuring out
the college system and just school in general was very
difficult because I had no reference for it and it

(09:44):
was complicated.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
Same. I ended up going to College Missouri.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
How was that, Well, I'm back.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
As soon as I graduated, I was like, I'm out
of there. Yeah, because it's intense. You know, I often
tell people that have not left their coast, whether it's
east or West, you don't know what America is until
you went to the Midwest. It's it's very real.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
No, I cannot even.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, it was fun and for me, this is why
I have like a weird accent because I learned English
from my black friends. But then I had to adjust
to corporate America, and so it was this like interesting
dynamic of you know, you just pick up whatever you got.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah, you try to adjust. I guess as you're going correct.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yes, okay, So older brother when does he leave?

Speaker 2 (11:00):
He left when he was eighteen.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Oh so as soon as he could. He was like,
I'm out of here. Yes, place is not for me. Wow,
how is it for you? Were you close?

Speaker 2 (11:12):
We were? And it was challenging. I think for me
until this day, it's a bit challenging. I think it's
something that does kind of like weigh on me to
an extent. It's difficult. But I guess that's the beauty
of technology for now, is that you know, we get

(11:34):
to like really be like in touch every day, even
if it's not physically in touch. But I do think
that's something that was difficult for me growing up. I
was thirteen, I believe thirteen or fourteen he left, So
I was a teen, a very much a teen. And
I think, like any, I think it's an immigrant child storry, right,

(12:00):
we have to like support in many ways our family,
whether it be translating as a doctor at like a
very young age to your parents. And it's not something
I ever complain about, right, but it's something that's just
a part of our journey here for many children of immigrants,

(12:21):
and trying to figure out how to make your parents'
journey to an extent worth it, right, Like there's sacrifices
leaving everything behind and then coming to a country to
give their children a better.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
Life totally and sometimes like I feel like we spend
a lot of time grieving too, because it's the grief
of wondering what it would have been like if you
never came, and also experiencing family separation, whether it's by

(13:00):
choice or by government. You know, it's very real, and
it's a grief that I don't know other cultures may
experience it unless you have an immigration story.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Yeah, it's very difficult. But I think the biggest thing
that has been helpful for I think us, and you know,
I'm sure many other immigrant family and household is trying
to remain grateful for what you can do, right who

(13:40):
remain united to an extent, to remain focused on the
larger vision, which is rooting for one another to do
good and to contribute good into the world. And that's
the best thing we can ask.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
For, totally, totally, and I think that's what makes us
so resilient. You know, it's like, well, let's figure out resource,
let's figure out a way to still be in touch.
Let's figure it out. Yeah, and we often do instead
of like, oh, I can't see them, you know, and
you do all on it. It's when I when we
were experiencing funds subversion with my brother, we ended up

(14:18):
going on vacation to a place where we could all
travel and that was a lot of fun. You know.
It's something that now looking back, we figure it out.
You know, he can't come here, so how could we
go there? Or how could we figure a central place

(14:39):
where everyone can go? And it worked out. And I
think that's what we often do, is how could we
make it work for us?

Speaker 2 (14:45):
I mean that's that's the beauty of the whole like
immigrant journey, as you said, it makes you, by choice
resilient because we have to survive. And that's like, once
you have to survive, there's no option, like you'll do
anything to survive.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
You'll figure it out.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
And that's it. Like whether it's working over time working
whatever it may be, how many ever hours, which I'm
not saying it's the healthiest thing to do, but I'm
saying we will figure it out, and we will do
what we have to do.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
We make it work. Yeah, So when you often talk
about how about your bullying experience and you were really
young when it started, and as we're in this topic
of the immigrant family, we also I think it's been
clear for a lot of us. I don't want to

(15:35):
speak for everyone, but I think in a pretty general way,
we don't talk about mental health our families for many reasons.
I think for me as a coach, knowing what I know,
they just don't have the resources, you know, and it's
easier to be like then to be like, let's talk

(15:59):
about your feelings because also, I mean, our parents didn't
have anyone to talk about their feelings with and so
they don't have the modeling to then support us. And
I know you went to a counselor, but how long
did it take for you to get there?

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah? It took me. It took me years, I think
like two or three years. I mean I was definitely
struggling before and then it got really bad with him
that those two to three year span, but I was
already like since elementary school. I believe I was already
kind of just feeling different things that I didn't know
how to label, and went to got to middle school,

(16:39):
it was heightened. So the two years in middle school
that was kind of like my worst time mentally. And
then once I got to like late eighth grade, early
ninth grade, that's when I went to the counselor and
I started speaking openly about it. But that started elementary

(17:01):
and then it didn't take me up until like almost
I believe it was late eighth grade to like actually
start opening up a bit more about it.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
How did you cope?

Speaker 2 (17:11):
I didn't. That was where I really struggled there, and
it was not a you know, favorable experience, and a
lot of the bulling came because of what people assume
my sexuality to be, and even though they were right,

(17:36):
it's not for them. It was my story to tell,
and it felt very invasive and very much like I
was being put on the spot for something that you know,
when I was in fifth, sixth grade or even fourth grade,
I have no idea like what even that meant. Right,

(17:58):
I was figuring out my life. I was just trying
to be a child, and it immediately became like, oh no,
like you're different, you're gay, Like you're this, you're that.
And I remember there was like this scenario where I
had like this little backpack and then someone and I

(18:19):
was like, oh, do you carry like magazines of like men,
And they're.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
Like we were in elementary, right, and it was just
very It was difficult, and then in middle school became
even more of a thing, and I mean, I felt
ashamed of it, and so I didn't want to cope.
And at the same time, I didn't want my parents
to know, and so I never spoke to them about

(18:47):
any of them because I didn't want them to know
something that I for one, in media, consistently in Spanish media,
would always see all of these characters, right and no
Elas and any shows being ridiculous for being members of
the community, and so there was that consistent stereotype in

(19:11):
our Spanish media. And then I would hear, you know,
even cousins speak negatively about the community without knowing that
I was sitting there. And also you know, but I
wasn't out, and so it was very difficult for those
reasons I didn't want to share any of that or
even any of the bullion that I was undergoing, just

(19:32):
because I didn't feel safe to an extent to do it.
And then I would just also kind of think about,
they have so many other things to worry about, like
they got to pay bills, because they were stressing about bills.
I don't want to worry them about.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
Like one more thing to give them.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Yeah, so that was another factor of like why they
didn't want to share some of that as well. Was
was very much fat, and so the way I coped,
which was not Yeah, it was to not cope. And
I remember I used to go like in my room sometimes,
rock myself in and just like cry to my pillow
and like pray that I wasn't what I was. And

(20:16):
it was a very difficult thing to navigate. And then
I just started overeating. That was like one of the
worst ways.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
For me to like get some food came in.

Speaker 2 (20:30):
Yeah, food definitely came in. And that was kind of
like my friends because I didn't feel like I had
a lot of friends. I had a lot of girlfriends,
but then once that became like really intense, I didn't
want to hang out with all the girls anymore serve
room would like, you know, come and it got messy.
But then speaking about it kind of allowed me to

(20:52):
get some kind of like release. It's like when you
release a bit of it, even though you're not releasing
it completely to everyone, you're able to just accept. And
once you start accepting, you're able to start discovering who
you are, and you're able to start owning your life
and your life in a way that you maybe haven't before.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
For sure, what did this counselor say once you finally
made it to the counselor's office.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
You know, she was very you know, supportive and something
that I always appreciate. Her name's Mary Scarlett. I still
keep in touch with her here and there. She always
believed in me and my potential. There was a point
where I was doing like not so great with my
grades in school, and I mean, she remembers she called

(21:43):
the meeting like with my mom and like all my teachers,
and she was just kind of like, you know, what's
going on? Uh, And then that was the first time
my mom kind of found out that I was getting
like bullied and.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
All at once. Grades not dead.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah, And so it was difficult However, like my grades
really improved after that, so we shout out to her.
And I remember for my college journey, I wanted to
go to San Francisco State, and I knew I wouldn't
have the financial support for my parents, just because you know,
we don't come to money. But she told me, she's like,

(22:25):
you can do it. Just go do it you. I
know you'll figure it out, like you can work full time.
And it sounded like intense, right, but like she really
like believed that I could do it, and that to
me like having someone not that my parents didn't believe

(22:46):
in it. My parents were very much came more of
a They were just scared that something would have happened
to me and that I would be struggling. But then
having her on the other side'd be like, you can
do it, like you know, really believing in me allowed
me to get more confidence and belief in myself. And
I did it and I graduated from San Francisco State,

(23:08):
and yay, I'm never gonna forget just how much she
supported me just by speaking to me that she believed
in me.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
Champions are a big deal. And to your point, I agree,
it's not that your parents don't believe in you. It's
just they don't know what they don't know, and it's
such a unknown territory. And I think we need to
give them a lot of grace because it was enough,
I think for them to cross borders, you know, like

(23:42):
that's enough, like unknown territory to navigae no language. And
so I've had many conversations with people on and off
the show where you know, parents are like, oh, college,
what do you leave? Go away? You know, Yeah, it's
a lot, it's a lot of responsibility. Also that we

(24:06):
that the kid that goes to college sport kids at
the time, you know, has to deal with without like
knowing I remember and out know if this happened to you.
I also went to college full time and worked full time,
so I understand. And I worked. I went to college

(24:27):
full time, I had a college job, and I had
an outside corporate job full time. So that was that's
a lot of fun. It wasn't fun. It was hard. Yeah,
but I didn't live on campus because I had a
full time Like, I grew up really fast, and to
get an apartment, well, and I don't know you could

(24:49):
live on campus first of all. Yeah, that was a
whole other thing that I was like, what, there's little
apartments here and you share them with people? How weird?
And and I've remember I would see parents bring like
freshmen to the dorms and like like unload the car

(25:09):
and do all these like extravagant things to like you know,
say goodbye to them. And I'm like, oh my mom
struw me off at the airport.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
You know, No, yeah, it's very much that, right. I
think it's it's as you said, right, being known, and
I think at Terence, you'll always want to protect and
for many parents, the way you protect us by keeping
people close to you yea and bye, by steering them
away from unknown territories, by unknown things and decisions that

(25:45):
you have no clue or references that you know you
won't be able to as easily assist them if something
worth to go wrong.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
Totally totally so, how did the bullying stop?

Speaker 2 (26:00):
It didn't. It continued. But I came to a point
in my life where it was more of a like
now I'm sure of who I am. Now I own
who I am, And so I started utilizing that as
a method of empowerment for me to be like well, no,

(26:22):
like well, good I'm glad you're talking about me. I'm
gonna still be myself. And so that's kind of like
the approach I took. And I just felt really close
to my friends in high school and freshman year, I
met a lot of my friends, and a lot of
those friends from freshman year of high school are still
my main group of friends, like to this day, like
I see them every week.

Speaker 1 (26:44):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
Yeah, we've been friends for like almost like fifteen years,
I want to say. But having a community is so
important in anything that you do in life, and that
to me was really transformational. And then just becoming really
like sure about who I was because once I started

(27:07):
owning it and just you know, believing in myself, I
was able to really steer away from like what people
said about me because it was very like, it's so practical,
but at the same time, it takes a lot to
learn that it becomes a bit radical. Is that people
are always going to talk regardless like good or bad,

(27:30):
even if even if I was if I wasn't a
part of the LGBT plus community, it was people are
always yeah, and so I just didn't want to give
people the power that they had over me anymore. I
wanted to reclaim my power and show them that what

(27:51):
they thought would hurt me or continue hurting me wasn't
true anymore. And so that's kind of the approach I took,
and till this day, I do a lot of like
mental health like advocacy and LGBTQ plus activism. I still
get the side eyed multiple times, depending in which.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
What environment you're in.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah, so it's something that now I'm just like okay,
and like if people are talking bad about me, it's
a pretty good site that there's some kind of you know,
good fun chaos that is being ensued for sure.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
And someone once told me, if you are not talking
about you, you're not being loud enough.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
M h. Yeah. And like for here in town, like
there wasn't many people from the community, and so that
was kind of one of my things too. Is like
once I started like growing up a bit more like
junior year or like senior year, I would always like
when I would go get like a coffee or something,

(28:57):
I would always like get super ready, like a full
other jacket, like the sunglasses, just because I for me,
like I never had like that visual of like that's
the one who looks like me, right, kind of thing.
And so when I was able to kind of start
doing little things like that that are literally not anything
like you know, transformation or major, but it made me

(29:18):
feel confident in who I was.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, And at the.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
Same time, I hoped that if there was someone like
me sitting wherever I was at would get like a
sign of like, Okay, I'm not the only one, because
I felt like I was the only one growing up.
And before I moved to San Francisco, I you know,
the city council and I was on, like, we need
to do something for pridelines and so you were young, yeah,

(29:45):
I was twenty one. I think at the time, I
had just turned twenty one. Yeah, because my birthday's in May,
so dreams like right A.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
Like yeah, it's perfect.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
So I was just like I gotta do something, being
like I know it's going to piss people off, probably
before I leave, but I don't care. I need to
do it. I need to do it. I'm not going
to feel good with myself if I don't do something
to change change the narrative here because we never had
like anything like that in town. And so once I

(30:19):
emailed the city manager like they're like, well, can you
draft a proclamation and I was like no. In my head,
I was like no, but I was like, I we'll
figure it out. Like I'm a I just stayed up
and I just did a bunch of like online like
research about how to like write things, and it was

(30:41):
it was an experience. But they I emailed it to
them the next morning and then they had like a
public comment session, and I remember I was like, it
was my first time publicly like at this like a
city council space.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
Oh my gosh, no pressure.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yeah, And I remember like I was like shaking a bit,
but I was up there. We're like in all black suit,
I remember, and I was just like, this should have
already been done before. That kind of thing is going
to like very like point out about making sure that
we were including the community, because there are community members

(31:20):
who want to contribute to this community here in Woodlands,
but that they didn't feel safe enough contribute to a
place where they didn't feel like they belonged. And it
was that to me, He's always been to be like
the most beautiful moment I have ever witnessed, because there

(31:41):
was people who had never publicly came out either, and
they had been living here for many many decades, like
older people who lived here. And I remember this one
lady particular. She mentioned how she was so scared to

(32:01):
be who she was that she married with a man,
had kids, and then later on in life she got
a divorce and this was her first time publicly coming
out with her partner.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
And it was like that was such a wild, like
tremendous experience to even be a part of it. And
then obviously there was people opposing it, people who were
very much speaker about like religion. And I respect people's religion,
but you know.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Queer people have always existed.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
Come on it exactly, and if you are focused on
making people's life a living hell, you cannot tell me
anything about religion totally. So yeah, it passed that, it passed,
and it was just now there's like a Pride month
every every June. There's like a little Pride parde now
that they do. And it's pretty cool to see because

(33:01):
it's like a complete three six state from when I
was growing up to now. There's like people walking down
with their little rainbow flags and just walking on Main Street.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
That's amazing. And how like from that moment, how do
you think the little boy that was being bullet felt
see proud I think he was.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
And I think about I think about my younger self
often when I do some of the work that I do,
just because to me, it was kind of like I'm
doing it so that other people don't have to go
through the things that you know, he or I went
through at a younger age. And at the same time,

(33:52):
it's a method of healing for me till this day
where I'm able to kind of just I wish I
wasn't so hard on myself back then, mm hmmm, and
that I was able to be kinder and more affirming

(34:16):
of myself amidst the other people's comments about who I
was and that that I would I would have just
been able to speak sooner. That's that's like I don't
I don't believe in regrets. I believe it's all part
of life journey and lessons that you know, lead us
to where we are. But that is one of the

(34:39):
things where I wish I would have done things differently. However,
I know that, you know, I've completely changed my life
around things to the support of my family and my
community and you know everyone at large.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, for sure, it was a great time to take
a little quick coffee break. When do you drink coffee? Yeah,
how do you drink your coffee? Forria, you're one of

(35:22):
those cold coffee I cold brew or ice coffee?

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Cold brew? Okay, with an action, I can give you that.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Oh my gosh, you're like really intense.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Yeah. Like I used to work as a barista throughout
undergrad like when I was in college, like, oh my god,
forget the name of Cavity, and I met them Sinkle
shot this, but I don't like Sinkle. I would like

(35:55):
completely crash after my shift, would be like yeah, completely
like out. But I was just like I need to
like keep up with all these customers and all of
like they're very picky like that. It's like five am.
People have attitude. I'm like, how like I need.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
To like this because they haven't had their cabin.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah. So it was it was a journey. And then
now ever since unfortunately I'm like over here stuck on
coffee now so immune to it. Yeah cold.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Do you brew your own?

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Call brew? Yeah? I brew. I brew my own. Sometimes
I do go to the to the local cafes like
here in Woodland, but I tried to brew my own
only because I'm just like, you know, of the breakstop
for so many years, like on like how to do it? Yeah,
but then there are times where I get lazy and
I'm like, okay, I'm gonna just get it.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
How many hours called crew do you brew it?

Speaker 2 (36:50):
It's all overnight? Usually overnight?

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Yeah, okay, I used to brew when I was a
very stet. We used to do a twenty four hour
cold brew and that would keep me like that was
like intense.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
Yeah, are you do you depend on it too?

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Like yeah, But I'm not a cold coffee So that's
why I like, I'm a little bit of a I'm
not a purist. But sometimes I joke about that of
like coffee is meant to be to be drank hot,
you know type thing. But you know whatever, it's just
a joke. So I drink my coffee needs to be hot.
I don't remember the last time I had cold, like

(37:33):
cold coffee. When I was a very stat I would
make myself because I know, you know, you get hot
because you're like serving and moving and like yeah, so
that I would be like I can't just be like
sipping on hot drinks because you're like doing so much
and so I would make myself colder lemonades. Those were
a lot of fun, and I would put like maple

(37:56):
syrup and that was so good.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
So good have that. But I've always been a cold
for me. I just I guess I'm very impatient. I
hate waiting for it, like waiting, yeah, like for it
to like not like just waiting a to like get
it and to to like drink it. Like I'm so
sensitive when it comes to like hot things in my mouth,
and like every time I've gone to like when I've

(38:22):
traveled and you know, I've been to New York and
it's been like six degrees out, I'm like shaking, but
with my cold brew in my hand.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
I'm like, yes, oh my gosh, yeah, no respect, I can't.
It has to be hot for me. So today I
am drinking. I've been into cacao a lot, so that's
why you can see like a little like creamy rem
and I'm drinking. I mixed it this time. So I

(38:51):
did ceremonial cocao from Chocolate le House. Who is Jessica.
She was in She was in Kepa, but we did
a YouTube exclusive, so her interviews on YouTube and she
gave us like this whole lecture on cocau and it's fascinating,
And Mama Cocau has been calling me for a while

(39:11):
and so I'm listening and I'm tuning into her medicine
and so I'm However, I'm still not cheating on coffee
because I do kind of like cocao and coffee. I
mix them up and which you know, it's fine. I
don't think they get mad at each other. It's fine.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah, I think it.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Does, you know, like mook us. Yeah, it's just a
little bit like this is. It doesn't have the extra
processing and or sugar, but yeah, it works. It's fine.
Sometimes I do cocau, like a full cup of cocao
in the morning, just cocau, and then I start drinking coffee.

(39:49):
But sometimes I just I'm like half and half and
it works and it's a lot of fun, and it
like it's very grounding I do. Even with coffee. I
I just think coffee is a plant. It's been so
exploited for so long that you can definitely still do

(40:12):
work with the with the plant. Like I do believe
in the ritual of your morning drink, and you know,
like it's it's a mini ceremony that you do every morning,
Like even if you just open the fridge and pour
your cold through, you know, it's still this like very
ritualistic thing. And I've felt a deeper connection with cocao

(40:34):
than I think coffee. It's a little bit resentful and
I'm getting like very philosophical here, but like coffee is
like I've been like so overused for so long. I
don't know if I have the bandwidth to give you
more energy and like you know, jitters, which is fine, No, yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
I totally get that. I mean for me, it's like
it is that ritual of like I got awake up
and I gotta drink my coffee. But at the same time,
I've related I related now to like if I don't
have my coffee, I'm not going to be as productive,
like into like where I have to be up and
I have to work and I have to I need
more coffee so I can get even more of my

(41:14):
meetings than and like it becomes it's very easy to
start relating it to like just capitalistment overworking, right.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yeah, totally I agree, And I think this is why
I've been caught a lot more by cacao because is
more like chill, grounded, like she gives energy, but it's
this very grounded energy of like you do what you
need to do and what doesn't get done won't.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
Caffeine is like just get it all done, you know.
It's a little bit more frantic.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah. No. I took a chocolate factory when I live
in San Francisco and there was a bar like a cafe,
and so that's why they always married everything with cocao.
It was like the coffee was like cocou ned and
it was like very like it was very cool, and

(42:16):
they had like this one hundred percent chocolate bar like
full like cocaw wow. I remember the first time I
tried it, I was like, oh my god, this works
better than my coffee. Like I'm like I'm alert.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
I'm like it was you're alert, but you're not like firing.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Yeah. No, I always shake like I can literally. I'm
like literally like I'll just shake. I'm like trying to
show something on my phone and I'm like shaking it
and was like are you okay. I'm just like it's
my normal, Like I just drink it with coffee. It's terrible.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
Depress press. Yeah, okay, let's get back to the show.
So who on your advocacy work has It's basically what

(43:13):
you're known for for the LGBTQI plus community for mental health.
And you've been invited to the White House multiple times,
You've sat next to pretty well known people. You've written
things how do you take care? Like we just had

(43:35):
a whole conversation in the coffe break about coffee and
like doing too much? So how do you balance the
doing and the being? Yeah, because being a mental health advocate,
I've been talking about mental health since twenty sixteen, THEMBIEN
and it's this like, sometimes we tend to and I'm

(43:55):
speaking for myself, I tend to for the love of
the art of mental health and speaking on it, sometimes
my own mental health tends to be like, oh wait
a minute, let's let's bring it back in. And so
how do you create that harmony between your own mental
health and continuing to advocate for others?

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Yeah, I mean that was like so hard for me
to learn at first. It's very difficult. And you know, you,
as you said, like you love what you do so
much that you're willing to sometimes put yourself over anything, right,
and so hey, there's definitely been times where I'm like, Okay,

(44:40):
this is at my expense now, like like what can
I do to like shift, what can I do to
to take a step back not forever for you know,
for a little bit, and then I'm able to get
right back into it. But it can be very difficult.
And for me, the reason why am I advocacy starting
is I never woke up and I'm sure it's a

(45:00):
thing for you. I never woke up wanting to be
a mental health advocate or any kind of activist or advocate.
And I didn't even know what the heck that meant
like when I was growing up, Like I had no
clue with that, but that was but it all came
out of that need of survival, Like I needed to
speak up, and that's e speaking up has always been

(45:24):
what I needed to do in order to heal and
to survive. And that's that's when I started talking about
mental health. Was because you know, I was going through
a typical time growing up. I had all these negative
thoughts and feelings and I hated feeling that way, and
I knew that there wasn't any resources that you know,

(45:45):
were specific to communities like the LGBTQ plus community or
you know, towards you know, for the Latin community. So
I started to like really speak up about it, entrying
to become a part of trying to fix this broken system,
and that takes ages to do, but the fight is

(46:08):
very much worth it. But there was times that definitely
where I was all like, especially when I was in
college where I was I was a part of like
all of these like external like committees. At the same time,
I was, you know, supporting the Quare Alliance club on
campus at San Francisco State, and I was going to
full full time, working full time, and it was a lot.

(46:33):
But for me, the part of my my healing, my
my reasons to get up every day is to do
that advocacy work and to learn. I've never been fond
of thinking I know everything when it comes to like

(46:55):
mental health or or to BETQ plus activism. You know,
the world changes every single day, and for me, that's
what makes it exciting is trying to learn from other
people about their experiences too, and that way I can
inform myself and the like over exerting myself. It comes

(47:18):
more from, you know, the nature of having to do
work sometimes that you aren't as passionate about because for me,
if it was all mental health, I would be I'd
be happy, I'd be I'd just be like, you know, good.
But it's because I have a better support system now

(47:41):
and I'm much better at speaking about my feelings. So
if I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm able to just tell my parents, hey,
like I'm overwhelmed. Like yesterday at work, I was like
overwhelmed and I called my mom. I was like, Mom,
can you believe? I cried like like lunch, But it
was not even like anything like you know, terrible that happened.

(48:02):
I was just in my field yesterday. But I can
talk to her. I can call her up and be like, Mom,
I literally just cried like and just have a like
good conversation. Same thing with my friends, like I'll be
texting like my group chat and be like y'all like X,
Y and Z happened, and like we're all there for
each other. And that has been really supportive. And then
there's times where I just have had to learn to

(48:25):
say no, to step back and just be like, you know,
I mean, I'm gonna take these two weeks where I'm
not gonna do anything. I'm gonna I'm gonna go to
work because I gotta work. But then I'm gonna just
you know, go back and go home with my family,
hang out with friends, and that's it. Like so just
learning to do that has been really helpful. But then

(48:47):
there are times where I have, you know, put myself
last at times because there are things that are almost
pressing that need to happen right there. And then that
you have to like you have to learn when it's
worth it and when it's not needed that you know,

(49:10):
there's you've got to believe that you're not doing it
by yourself. You can't think that any any shift in
anywhere in the world is going to happen by one person.
And it takes community. And so as long as you
have a community of people who you know and you're
like okay, like we got each other, like we'll be good.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
Totally. I'm curious, how do you navigate the individualistic nature
of being in the US and also the very community
driven cultural aspect of Latinos. You know, it's it's this
like dichotomy that we constantly have to deal with. And

(49:54):
I have conversations often my partner's white, and so we
often not so much anymore. I think he's used to
it now, like he's learned, But in the beginning he
was like, why do you have to do everything with
your family?

Speaker 2 (50:06):
You know, like.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
If we're picking someone from the airport, why does everyone
need to come?

Speaker 2 (50:13):
You know?

Speaker 1 (50:13):
Like and I'm like, why not? Because we just do
everything like you know we we we write together, like
we go hard together. So how do you navigate, especially
in the mental health advocacy space, how do you discern
and or deal with like sometimes you do want to

(50:36):
be you and sometimes it's about us.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Yeah, I mean that's what you mentioned is so true.
Like I think are no cultures are so community oriented
where there is very different and I'm one hundred percent
that way. And it's very complex because you know, you're
you kind of have to be both to an then
uh to stay alive here because if not, you're kind

(51:04):
of like being completely trampled. For me, my family is everything,
like it comes before before anything anyone. I almost choose
my family, and I remember like vividly. There's this one
example I had, like this event I had back when

(51:25):
I was in college, Uh, scheduled in Santa Barbara, and
I had not seen my parents in like probably like
eight months or so, and I was just feeling like
like a child. I was just like, I really need
to see my family, like I like, I was just

(51:46):
really like in my head, I was overwhelmed with all
of the changes. I was like, you know, burnt out,
like this work, and I just wanted to see my parents.
And I knew that I was going to be present
at the event if I if I, if I went
like it wasn't going to be me. And so I

(52:08):
have to email the like as a lady and thankfully,
like I know her and she's so lovely. But I
was just very transparent with her. I was like, hey,
like I can't do it, like and wow, I wasn't tears,
like even before emailing her, I just I was I
knew I needed to like go back to my family
because that's what's grounding to me, That's what reels me

(52:30):
back into like this is who I am, these are
my morals, these this is these are the people that
taught me how to work as hard as I'm work seeing.
These are the people who taught me how to care
for community. And I needed to come back to reel
myself back in and to be able to then get

(52:53):
up you know the next day and be like, okay, now,
now back to it. I got. I got that energy
that I needed from them, And so it's one hundred
percent very much mixed into my work because I talked
about the general needs right at large from the mental
health field and just specifically what I see within the

(53:15):
LGBTQ plus community, what I've learned, what I've heard throughout
my different roles, and I'm not able to apply that
knowledge to that broad aspect. But I also be able
to use my live's experience, both me as a person
and also from my parents, right like I now, like Befloor,
I didn't think about how important it is for parents

(53:38):
and caregivers to be integrated into the youth mental health conversation.
I speak a lot about youth mental health, but it
wasn't evident to me from a junk how important it
is to include them in it. Because all of these
young people who are learning about mental health and who
may have the education and knowledge now are going back

(54:00):
to households where that education and knowledge may not be present,
and we are continuing a cycle of Okay, now, now
we've taught them, but they're going back and they still
can't talk to their parents about it because it's not
and I'm always trying to be you know, very have
grace for the parents and caregivers because it's not that

(54:23):
they don't want to know, that they just don't know.
And then there maybe there are cases that you know,
some parents just don't believe in it, you know. And
I think, right, some of it goes back to like
my chief mon I always like very much like no,
especially like for men, like no, I can't try all this,
but a lot of it is like once I started

(54:44):
opening up about my mental health and my work, my
parents kind of have to get on board a bit,
but it opened up the conversation for them to Like
my mom's told me things about like her childhood and
her upbringing, like how she's started like working like right
after elementary school, like just very like like details that

(55:09):
me talking about my mental health opened up to us
having like broader conversations, and now we're able to kind
of just check on each other and like be very transparent,
like when we're stressed thinking with my dad, like my
dad's a he's a very strong man, but he's also
like emotional, like he's wanted to like, you know, do
you know, hug and nice. Yeah, so he's he's great.

(55:30):
And my mom's then my mom's very much more of
a she didn't get hugged as much.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
When she's a little drier.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
She's a little drier, but she she kind of she's
changed throughout the years because I'm always like, like, you know,
just completely like changed her. But I think it's so
important to utilize art loved experience through like as a family,
as a community, and we are applying elsewhere too, because

(56:02):
I mean, we're not the only ones to go through
these things totally.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
When tell us all the places and spaces where we
can find you.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Yeah, so on socials, I'm at Juanacosta two hunderscores at
the end, and then I have website Juantacostaofficial dot com.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Fun. What's next for you?

Speaker 2 (56:27):
And this question always makes me want to faint.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
What are you excited about? Let's let's make it easier.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
Maybe I have a lot of speaking events coming up,
I have a lot of like digital projects that I'll
be launching starting me and then I've had this book
that I've been wanting to put out into the world.
And so I'm almost there. I'm almost there.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
Amazing. We'll keep us posted when that happened ends.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
Thank you, I will for sure.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Last few questions, Do you have a remed you want
to share with us?

Speaker 2 (57:08):
Yes, was always something I drank when I first started
getting my anxiety. I used to get stomach aches and
I don't know like why that, like it just like
correlated physically. But anxiety is so mean, it's disgusting, tragic,

(57:30):
tragic indeed, but my mom I would be stomach courage.
He would always make me and it always made me
feel better.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
I love that. Probably, Yeah, yeah, nice. Do you have
a quote or mantra you live by?

Speaker 2 (57:50):
Quote or mantra? For me? I? So the one I've
always thought about was I am more than one moment,
and that to me, I don't even know. I think
I was in college when I that first came into
my mind. I write a lot. It's like sometimes there
are a lot of like poems and it's like I'm

(58:10):
not in love, but I write love. I don't know
what goes on with my brain, but yeah, I more
than one moment just came because I was for me,
and I define that as like more than one moment
of success and more than one moment of feeling like
a failure or feeling down or depressed or whatever it
may be. Like, there's so much more to life than

(58:32):
between both, you know, polar opposites of that spectrum where
it allows me to even if you know, I'm doing
really good in life or whatever however that's defined, I'm
able to still be like and still that does not
define me. And if I'm you know, really low and sad,

(58:56):
again that doesn't define me. So it allows me to
can I just be like grounded always, to stay in
that middle zone and stay grounded.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
I love that so powerful because it gives you space
two to be dynamic, you know, to just expand into
many things. So fun. Thank you. What is a radical
pause you are taking today?

Speaker 2 (59:29):
A good question. I'm going to try not to go
on social media. I told myself this yesterday to not
go on social media, and I end up there. So
but today I feel like I have more more capacity
to actually today.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
So you know, when when I'm listening to I'm a
huge like brain nerd, and there's the ACC don't quote me,
cerebral I don't remember what the A stands for, but
it's the CC is cerebral cortex activity cereal, And basically

(01:00:11):
it's because I have ADHD, so I like that's why
I know a lot of like random facts, but also
because it helps me understand my brain more. Dopamine is
the newer transmitter that's really powerful. Social media gives us openmine. However,
when you train your acc to resist it, it also

(01:00:34):
you could in a way kind of like it doesn't
necessarily give you dopamine to not open the app, but
it's like a muscle that you're training. So if you
do it one day, then the next day gets better,
and then the next day gets better.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Yeah, next day is better. And I've been trying to
be more intentional about it. I mean, I create content
as well, so it gets kind of hard, you know. Yeah,
but with all the new and all the things that happen,
that's another part of staying grounded. It's kind of like
I'm plugging from the world and listening to just your thoughts.
Because as soon as you go online, you're so easy

(01:01:11):
to like, oh, let's compare a poy and Z let's
do this, and it becomes messy. So it's because you
just take a step back and sit with yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
I agree, well, one, thank you, so much for coming
to Kavakombam. This was a lot of fun. Thank you
for sharing your story with us and inspiring us to
do the work and to listen to tune into your
mental health. I do think it's really important.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Thank you for having me for what you're doing to
uplift voices.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
Yeah, of course, all right, listeners, I hope you enjoyed
this conversation. If you are watching it on the YouTube,
drop a comment, subscribe, hit the bell, send it to
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(01:02:03):
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(01:02:47):
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