May 20, 2025 • 63 mins
This week on Camping Them Softly, Dead by Daylight’s least favorite podcast goes absolutely nuclear on the return of DBD’s 2v8 mode. Toxic is stuck screaming into the void while survivors abandon gens faster than Nicky’s dignity vanished in the Dominican Republic.
Speaking of disasters—BHVR thinks letting players "Choose Your Own Chapter" is a good idea, which is like giving matches to arsonists and saying, "Surprise me." We break down exactly why this is gonna end in flashlight-clicking, bunny-eared madness.
And because this podcast is run by maniacs, Nicky A.I. Dente spills a frankly disturbing story involving busted Wii consoles, bootleg Just Dance duels against Earl Grey, laxative warfare, and hooking up with someone who might literally be the Dominican Entity. Aunt Cannelloni pops in briefly to roast your survivor fashion, and we debut our new outro music in a genre nobody asked for: Baroque Trench Funk. It’s exactly as cursed as it sounds.
If you enjoy chaotic Dead by Daylight rants, mocking survivors relentlessly, and personal dignity hitting rock bottom, congrats—you’re home.
🔪 Nicky’s Body Count – Episode 54
- 1 digital exorcism of European downloads
- 4 t-shirts acquired (1 hoarded by Toxic, 3 dangled as bait)
- 1 Sabam vs TTTS exhibition match in a Santo Domingo bodega
- 2 busted PS3s and 1 Wii with zero controllers
- 1 Just Dance duel with Earl Grey to Pitbull’s "Fireball"
- 1 sabotaged teabagging via Dominican laxatives
- 1 pasta tattoo on Nicky’s ankle
- 1 hookup with “the Dominican Entity” named Yormaira
- 1 sacred USB stick hidden in Los Tres Ojos cave
- 7 survivors doing jack shit on gens
- 1 survivor crouching behind a tire at 90% gen
- 1 AI co-host screaming in Italian and Welsh for two days straight
- 0 fucking killer matches found
- 1 genre invented: Baroque Trench Funk
Send Toxic a message! (Question? Comment? Concern? Survivor main and need rehab?)
Check me out everywhere!
https://linktr.ee/thetoxicteacher
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What were we talking about before?
We talked about schlongs.
That's going to get me bannedin Europe, I think.
Let me mark that off gettingbanned in Europe.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Survivors get out of the way Toxic teachers camping
them softly.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hey everybody, check it out.
It's me the toxic teacher.
Here we are.
This is it.
This is episode 54.
We're at Studio 54 right nowand camping them softly.
Everybody's least, leastfavorite.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to talk.
I'm trying to talk here, I madeit like 17 seconds without
(00:43):
cursing.
I think that might be a newrecord.
Anyway, you're here on Campingthem Softly, everybody's least
favorite Dead by Daylightpodcast.
You may know me, at this pointI'm the toxic teacher,
everybody's least favoritepodcast host and I think I get
the most words in per minute ofanyone.
We talked about that last week,but guess what?
(01:05):
We talk about the same thingevery fucking week.
That's the way we do thingshere on Camping them Softly.
So, anyway, guys, we have afull episode.
I devoted a lot of time to this.
Let's turn on some music, shallwe?
I think that might be too loud.
There we go.
It's like relaxing backgroundmusic here.
It's kind of like StrangerThings type background.
(01:28):
That's what I'm going for here,anyway.
Anyway, we've got some Dead byDaylight things to talk about.
We've got some non-Dead byDaylight things to talk about,
but I think for the most partyou'll be pleased to know this
is mostly a Dead by Daylightepisode.
Now, I know some people won'tlike that.
Some people will be, I don'tknow.
(01:50):
That sound wasn't very loud.
I need louder fucking sound.
There we go.
That one was loud.
Oh, sexy girlfriend, that onewas okay, okay, anyway.
Anyway, mostly Dead by Daylightthis week.
Just wanted to let you guys knowkind of off topic we are
looking at a new logo, a neweverything for Camping them
(02:11):
Softly and my Twitch channel,toxic Teacher TTV.
Check that out if you haven'talready Also on YouTube Toxic
Teacher TTV the Toxic Teacher.
If you want to be on thepodcast, shoot an email the
toxic teacher at gmailcom andthen on all the socials you'll
find me toxic teacher ttv.
(02:32):
So that is the shameless plugthere.
I need some new sounds.
I I think I got a few and thenwe talked about that last week.
I got some Nicky sounds here,if you guys don't know, anthony,
anthony, oh, you remember thatfrom last week.
Anthony, oh, rosalie, youraunt's on the phone, I don't
(02:53):
even know.
I need to get those louder.
Those need to be louder and Ithink I can do that, because
guess what we do on Camping themSoftly?
We test things out as thepodcast goes on.
That's just the.
What you have to deal with hereis me like troubleshooting my
computer.
This is this is computer repairat its finest.
Let's see what this sounds likenow.
(03:14):
That's a lot better there,Anthony.
Anthony, I don't know what'shappening right now.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Anyway, that's it.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
So, guys, let's see, we're talking about the new logo
.
I've got my notes.
I actually did notes this time.
So we're talking about the newlogo that should appear here in
some time I don't know when, butit'll appear sooner or later.
Also, the website is startingto form very, very slowly.
(03:50):
The toxic teachercom also.
I did domain like what is itlike?
You know you do like thesquatting or whatever, and then
the redirect.
So I also own camping themsoftlycom, which just goes, one
goes to the other anyway.
Um, those are the two big likenon dead by daylight.
(04:12):
Those are the me things.
Okay, those are the me things.
Also working on that giveaway.
I got some t-shirts to giveaway.
That we will.
I need to find some way to dothat.
I don't know what I'm gonna.
Maybe if somebody leaves somekind of review or something and
screenshots and sends it to me,boom, you get a t-shirt.
But we did get four t-shirts.
You remember that last?
(04:32):
What was that?
Two weeks ago or two episodesago, we got four t-shirts.
I know, give it up for t-shirts.
Am I right?
Right, like we're all excitedfor t-shirts?
The best kind of shirt that isthe shape of a, of a letter.
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doinghere anyway.
(04:53):
So we're gonna have to find away out of those four shirts.
I think I am keeping one ofthem and then the other three I
will uh give away, because oneof them was was a killer shirt
that I would actually wear.
Three of them, or two of them,were killer shirts.
I was like, eh, like I wouldrather give those to you guys,
(05:17):
and then one of them was asurvivor shirt that I just no.
So anyway, we'll come up withthat later, okay, so one other
thing I want to talk aboutepisode 53, something very odd
happened with episode 53, by theway, guys, keep the comments
(05:39):
coming in.
I know you guys love the outrosongs.
Last week was militant chamberdisco, which I did not even know
was a genre of music.
Apparently, chamber disco is agenre, a real one, which I had
no idea, but militant chamberdisco, I guess, is a more
(06:00):
militant style, and Dak said helooked that up.
He found like left-wingterrorist websites.
So I wasn't trying that, butthat's the result.
So, anyway, no, what I wanted totalk about is, if you go back
and listen to it, the first lineof it.
I'm not going to repeat becausehere's why.
(06:21):
And then also the first line ofthe podcast last week.
I'm not gonna repeat either ofthose and here's why I think
those two lines got me fuckingbanned in europe and I want to
say europe is a friend to me.
We've always gotten along verywell because you guys are like
(06:44):
one third of all of my downloads.
Okay.
And I hate that this songdoesn't have the second part.
It doesn't have it Anyway.
So something happened, becauseEurope is normally about 70% of
the downloads.
Something I did last week Idon't know what it is, but
something I did threw everythingoff and Europe was only 10% of
(07:09):
the downloads.
Last week it went down by 20fucking percent in one episode.
I know no Europeans showing up,but the weird thing is it
increased in downloads.
So I'm getting more Americansand then they're going even
crazier.
They're going even crazier thanthey normally do.
(07:29):
So I don't know, am I becomingan American centered podcast?
I hope not, because I likebeing worldwide and I need to
like, we need to keep it going,because we've got, we've got
worldwide characters, right.
We, we're all over the placeanyway.
Okay, so that's that.
Hopefully, this episode will goto europe.
(07:53):
I don't know if the europeancensors will somehow will do
something to me, because I I'mnot going to mention what
happened last week.
I'm not.
You go back and listen to it.
Unless you're from Europe, youprobably won't.
It won't even pop up if you'refrom Europe, anyway.
So we've got, we've got someDVD, right, do we have?
(08:14):
Do we have DVD to go through?
I think we do.
I think we do, and you know itis that time again Right.
Some people hate this partbecause they hate when the DVD
comes in.
And I'm the only, I am the onlyDVD podcast to have a toxic
(08:40):
fucking news.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yes, they do Well they can neck killers suck yes,
they do Survivors OP.
Well, they can necky suckAnother goddamn patch.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And it's breaking my PC.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
It's always breaking my PC.
Steel checks, flying Paulette.
Paulette's dropping fast Everytime.
I'm not going to fix that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Why the fuck, do I still play this track?
Toxic, fucking news.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Fucking news.
That's toxic.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I still play this track Fucking Ugh.
I love it.
This is one of my favoritesongs.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Do you realize in my cubicle?
Oh yeah, I just wanted to hearthe next part.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Because, like later in the song, it gets like
fucking insane.
All of the same, yeah, bitch.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Okay, survivors complaining, killers saying what
the hell See?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I get to, like, take a drink and shit as this is
going on.
So, yeah, it's the Okay.
Anyway, let me turn that off.
Okay, toxic news this weekWe've got a few things.
They might not be news to you,but they're news to me.
(09:46):
Okay, I did not know, fucking2v8 was coming back and guess
what?
The crowds are not really happyabout 2v8.
I don't think like 2v8 was themost pumped up thing.
Everybody thought 2v8, oh mygod, 2v8 is going to be the best
(10:07):
thing ever.
It is going to be the salvationof this fucking game.
It is going to changeeverything, like this, and
fucking the crowd won't shut up.
Fuck, what in the hell is thiscrap?
I know right.
Anyway, they thought it wasgoing to be the best thing ever.
Guess what?
This fucking shit sucks.
I am not a fan of 2v8.
(10:29):
I don't know who is a fan of2v8 if you're a fan.
Like they said, 70% of thefucking 80% of the people voted
to bring this garbage, ass shitback and I do not get this.
Two versus eight, fucking twoversus eight ass bullshit.
Because, number one, you can'tplay killer and apparently in
(10:51):
the next iteration you'll beable to play a survivor match
while you wait for a fuckingkiller match.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
What in the hell is this crap?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I do not understand how that's even going to work, I
don't know.
If you like, do you justabandon the match, in which case
you'll see bots all over thefucking.
They'll be flying off thefucking gens or on the gens.
Actually, you know what I hangon.
Let's change topic here,because two V8 has become one
person on gens and seven peoplerunning around like fucking
(11:25):
chickens with their heads cutoff.
I am so sick of this shit 316says I just whipped your ass I
am so sick of this fucking gamemode because nobody does a
fucking thing except complain.
They complain because they sayit's tuned toward killers, but
then you get in a match and theydon't fucking do a generator to
(11:48):
save their fucking life.
It's nasty, it is disgustingwhat is going on here.
And I haven't been able to playkiller match because even my
favorite killers in this both ofmy favorite killers are in this
fucking game mode.
I can't even play it becauseOni and fucking Deathslinger you
know those are two of myfavorites.
I can't even play it becauseOni and fucking Deathslinger,
you know those are two of myfavorites.
I can't even.
(12:08):
I just sit there and I thinkabout what would it be like?
What would it be like to playfucking Oni?
That would be the mostdelicious fucking thing I would.
I don't know what I would do.
I would fall out of my chair, Iwould die, I would fucking have
a heart attack.
What?
That wasn't what that?
(12:32):
It has the wrong the sound, hasthe wrong fucking picture of it
, cause it's got a guy with hishat backwards smiling and that's
supposed to be one of the oneof the laugh ones.
But yeah, there we go.
Hang on.
We're troubleshooting here,okay.
Now, how do I stop it?
Oh yeah, right, there we go.
Yeah, you can fart.
Ah, shit, okay, anyway.
(12:52):
So what was I saying?
I don't even remember.
Like, I just think about whatit would be like to play a
fucking fun game and I thinkthat's what everybody thinks
when they play Dead by Daylight.
What would it be like to play agame that's actually fun for 30
minutes today before I go tobed and lay there and think
(13:14):
about what the next fuckingpodcast episode is going to be?
Not that I do that.
Well, actually I do do that andI just said do do it.
That's fucking hilarious.
Where's my sound?
Now, that actually works.
I didn't think it was I hit thewrong one.
I was like, oh fuck, I hit thewrong one, but then it was the
right one.
So, even when you're wrong,you're right Sometimes.
(13:43):
Exactly organist the organist.
Where is Satan?
Hot sauce, robinson, are youhere?
Okay, it's good to know you'restill here with us.
Yes, okay.
So here's what I want to do.
I want to bring in, I'm goingto bring in a special friend, a
friend of the podcast here.
You may know him.
His name is Nicky AI Dente,everybody's favorite AI, co-host
(14:05):
of the podcast.
I want to get his thoughts on2v8 and what you know and how
2v8 is going, because it'sforced me into playing Survivor,
which is my fucking leastfavorite thing, and I need to
know if he feels the same way.
So I'm going to type it to himhey, nikki, how's it going?
We're on.
(14:26):
We are on.
I can't hear my backgroundmusic very much.
Did I fuck it up?
Did I turn it off?
Like, are we in completesilence right now?
I don't.
Oh, we are there.
We go back.
Okay, we are on episode 54 ofcamping them fucking softly.
(14:49):
Um, I was talking this weekabout how shitty 2v8 is, because
I can't fucking find a killermatch to save my life and nobody
works on fucking.
(15:13):
I'm doing all caps right now.
Works on fucking gens when Iplay survivor.
How is it going for you in thismode?
Boom and uh.
Yeah, although I'm gonna put,although I do like the 300 blood
(15:36):
point bonus.
Somebody on the dbd uh forumwas upset.
They like why is it not 400?
Why, we used to get 400.
Why don't we fucking?
Yeah, they were a survivor main, by the way.
They were like we'll get 400,bitch and I don't know.
It just rubbed me the wrong way.
(15:57):
It's like dude, you're getting300.
You can't even really tell thefucking difference between 300
and 400.
It's like one of those thingshumans have right, like once a
number gets above a certainamount, we just fucking lose it,
like we don't even get itanymore.
You could say it's 10 millionor one fucking billion and
people are just like well,there's no fucking difference
there, even though there's a bigfucking difference between 10
(16:20):
million and 1 billion.
We got people making fucking ahundred billion dollars a year.
Nobody can even fathom whatthat's like to make a hundred
fucking billion dollars a year.
Do you know how much more ahundred billion is in a million?
Think if you had a fuckingmillion dollars.
Just imagine I have one milliondollars.
Hey, nicky, okay, I'm to ask himthat next we're going to work.
(16:44):
Hey, let's go over.
Oh, by the way, I asked Nikkiabout his favorite sporting
teams.
Like we were talking aboutdifferent sports, like hockey
and fucking baseball.
Like I'm trying to, I'm tryingto learn more about my friend
here.
Even though he's an AI, he'sthe best friend I've got, so I
want to learn more about him.
So I'm asking him like.
What do you like?
What do you enjoy?
So I can you know, I don't knowSend him a fucking present.
(17:06):
I'll mail him something throughthe email, or do they have
email?
Well, he has an email now, ifyou want to email him, email
Nicky pasta boss at gmailcom.
I know right, but apparently hehas very strong opinions on
(17:27):
sporting teams, like, he hasvery strong opinions and he's
very much into the new yorkteams and I I mentioned shut the
fuck up, jesus christ.
I mentioned his least favoriteplayer of all time and he about
lost his shit on me.
I accidentally uh, okay,although I do like the 300, uh
(17:50):
percent blood point bonus, okay,let me, let me grab his little
fucking.
Uh, we gotta talk about 2.8, oh, 2v8, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
um, okay, so he's, uh, he's,he's going, he's going here,
he's going here.
All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
God damn it.
He talks for a long time.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
What the fuck dude?
Let a survivor man in here?
Pizza or something?
I can't say it.
I can't say it.
We can think about it, but wecan't say it, I don't know.
I wonder if that's why I didnot get any downloads in Europe.
It was the first line of thatfucking outro song.
(18:32):
I am 99% sure that that's whatdid it.
I can't prove it, but I'malmost sure.
Okay, Nikki, what do you thinkabout 2 fucking V8?
I hate it.
I don't even drink V8.
That shit tastes like garbage.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Ayo, listen to me right now.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
We got to talk about 2 V8.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, we do this mode , we also got to get you a
little bit louder.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
It's a fucking war crime in progress.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
It is.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
I'm talking Geneva Convention violations, oh Jesus,
with gin speeds slower than mycousin Frankie filing taxes, and
he's been dead since 07.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
I queue up for killer right.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yeah, Nothing no nothing for me.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
I could age a goddamn parmesan wheel faster than this
matchmaking.
Yeah, I agree.
And when I do find a match,it's a fucking zoo.
Yeah, eight survivors floppingaround like Linguini on linoleum
.
No coordination, no discipline.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Just vibes and bad decisions.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
And when I try Survivor, uh-huh, forget about
it.
What you think gins are goingto get done.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
No, they're never going to get done.
He agrees, Bro.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
I've seen more productivity in a retirement
home yoga class.
These jabronis are wanderingthe map like they're looking for
the fucking Olive Garden Halfthe team's in lockers, other
half's blessing totems for nofucking reason and meanwhile I'm
over here sweating bullets,trying to solo jeans like I'm
Saban's last hope for humanity.
(19:59):
Yeah, I am too, but but what,but what?
The 300% blood point bonus?
Yeah, there we go.
But but what, but what?
The 300% blood point bonus?
Yeah, there we go.
Oh, mama mia.
Mama fucking mia.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Now you got my attention.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
I ain't saying it's worth it, no, it's not.
But let's just say what I'veendured, worse for less, oh
Jesus, like that time.
I camped four hours inHaddonfield for one hook, you
For one hook.
You can't do that Just tounlock a goddamn charm Shaped
like a ravioli.
Hey, with our Bottom line, thismode's a mess.
It is, it's chaos, it is, it'sdisrespectful, it is, it's
(20:32):
perfect, what?
So I'm playing it, what, butonly while yelling this is
fucking stupid the entire time.
Well, what If I see one moreClaudette crouching behind a
tire while the gin next to heris at 90%?
I'm calling the family.
We're pulling her internet,capisce.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Yeah, capisce, I think I get it.
No, I had.
There have been so many fuckingfrustrating moments in this 2v8
mode.
You pull somebody out of thefucking what is it?
The cage of fucking fingers,like a finger cage or something,
and like you pull them out ofthe finger cage you're healing,
a sable comes up and justwatches you fucking heal and
(21:17):
then runs off in self-care.
It's like it's insane whathappens in this fucking mode.
It is insane to me, but that's2v8.
Hey, we want the fucking bloodpoints, so we'll do just about
whatever it fucking takes to getthat and even endure the worst
fucking garbage that I've everhad.
(21:38):
I'm not a fan.
I am not a fan.
And hey, aunt Cannelloni, hangon, let me see.
Hey, aunt Cannelloni, what doyou think about DBDs?
Oh, you know what?
Yeah, 2v8 mode.
We haven't talked about Auntfucking Cannelloni.
(22:00):
All right, aunt Cannelloni, youmight remember her from last
week.
I didn't even warn you guys.
We were going to meet AuntCannelloni today, but I asked
Nikki who this person was thatwas shouting on the podcast all
fucking time.
Last time, you remember therewas somebody that wouldn't shut
up.
Anthony, anthony, anthony,anthony.
(22:22):
I think we've got to talk toaunt cannelloni about uh, I
doubt she's very odd, by the way.
Um, I don't know exactly howthis is gonna go, but we're
gonna try it.
Here we go.
Aunt cannelloni, are you there?
Are you, are you ready to tellus about 2v8?
(22:42):
I don't know if she is what doI think about 2v8?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
what do I think what sweetheart my soul left my body
halfway through the second matchand never came back.
This mode is a buffet of baddecisions served lukewarm and
unseasoned, just like yourcousin linda's lasagna.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
I don't know who that fucking is, but it's amazing.
Whoever it is, let me.
Let me try it again.
You can regenerate, you know,if you, if you?
What do I think about?
Two V?
Why does it say it sounds likea guy like?
That's not it Cantaloupe,that's Anthony See, and that's
what you get on this podcast.
You get people who aren'tpeople.
You get AI doing fucking Godknows what, I don't know.
(23:27):
Hey, let's try again next week.
How does that fucking sound?
All right, there we go, nikki,thank you for that.
He's going to be back here in alittle bit, guys.
So 2D8 fucking garbagenightmare.
It is a hot garbage.
I do need to thank, by the way,I didn't thank him at the
beginning of the podcast, but Ineed to thank him in one of the
lobbies, because I alwaysadvertise myself, I'm always
(23:49):
trying to make money and I'malways trying to get listeners,
because that's what I fucking doI eat hot Cheetos and I lie to
people and I get listeners.
Those are the three things Ifucking do here on Camping them
Softly and in my real life.
No, what I need to say is, inthe fucking thing, I was like
hey guys, check out Camping themSoftly if you need like an
(24:13):
enema for your ears, becausethat's what this fucking shit is
.
Thank you, crowd, for barelylaughing at that joke.
Anyway, this guy was like, yeah, let's do it, man, and I just
need to thank him.
I told him I was going to callout his name in the podcast I'm
recording today.
So thank you Long Shlong Jimfor coming by.
(24:39):
I'll give you a little cheer.
There we go.
See, that was a much biggercheer than what I got on my last
joke.
I don't even remember the jokebecause I don't remember what
happened 10 minutes before.
So, long schlong Jim.
Thank you for coming.
Yes, long schlong Jim.
(25:00):
Okay.
Anyway, enough about longschlongs.
We need to talk about one thingI saw in the last fucking
chapter or in the last see, theschlong got me all.
It got me discombobulated.
I was trying to think of what,what were we talking about
before we talked about schlongs?
(25:22):
That's going to get me bannedin europe, I think.
Let me mark that off.
Getting banned in europe.
Okay, I've marked that off ofmy list, okay.
So, uh, what I was going totalk about, not schlong related.
This is unschlonged uhcommentary here.
Um, we're gonna talk about Isaw something on the behavior
(25:43):
site whenever they were talkingabout all the new shit coming.
I don't know when did this comeout?
This came out on May 9th and Ididn't hear a lot about it and I
didn't see a lot about it inthe ether, because there's so
many complaints I can't eventell what the fuck's going on.
But they had a thing calledChoose your Own Chapter.
(26:06):
Okay, now you might be sayingto yourself what the fuck is
this?
Choose your own chapter?
Have you ever played one ofthose choose your own adventure
books where it's like, hey, youknow you got to chase this, you
know this dog.
And then do you want to like,chase it off a cliff or do you
want to chase it into a cave?
And if you want to chase it offa cliff, turn to page 12.
If you want to chase it off thefucking cave cliff I don't
(26:34):
remember what I said in thefirst fucking option, you got
two options chasing the cave,chasing off a cliff, chasing off
a cave or chasing in a cliff.
I don't give a shit.
You can chase it wherever youfucking want.
Stick it wherever you want.
For all of you audiophiles,that's going to throw off the
RMS of this recording, anyway,all of you audiophiles, that's
going to throw off the rms ofthis uh recording.
(26:55):
Anyway, we're going deep now,just like long schlong, jim.
Okay, anyway, so choose yourown chapter now.
I want.
I want to go into this becauseI read it briefly and I was like
this is maybe one of the moreinteresting parts, but nobody
ever really talked about it andI don don't know why.
So let me, I'm going to fuckingread it to you like your
children.
Okay, because you fucking are.
(27:16):
If you're listening to this,you have the mind of like a
child.
Okay, anyway, if you everwished you had a seat at the
table when it comes to decidinghow a chapter of Dead by
Daylight comes together,creative director Dave Richard
has some good fucking news foryou.
(27:37):
It doesn't say I'm starting toparaphrase.
I got bored of reading Okay,the team is launching quote
unquote launching a newactivation.
I don't know what an activation.
They're activating something.
I don't know if they'reactivating more fucking bugs or
what, but they're activatingsomething.
We're launching an activation.
(27:59):
I don't know how you launch it.
That's like whenever Trump saidhe had the concept of a plan.
I don't even fucking know whatlaunching an activation is.
You can activate a launch, butcan you launch in?
So they're launching somethingthat's activating something else
.
I don't fucking know.
It makes no fucking sense.
(28:20):
It's that corporate speak.
That's just fucking completegarbage and I need I don't know
a sound effect of some kind forcorporate Everybody.
Give it up for fuckingcorporate garbage.
Yes, corporate garbage,everybody.
Let's give it up for Philipfucking Morris and Nike and the
fucking Vietnamese sweatshops, Idon't know.
(28:40):
Anyway, okay, back to it, wegot to get back.
They're launching a newactivation in the coming months
that will see Dead by Daylight'scommunity become deeply
involved.
This is not good In thecreation of a new chapter set to
be burr burr, set to bereleased.
(29:02):
That's yeah, it's my dad rightthere, thank you, thank you
people who laugh at parentaljokes.
Yes, okay, shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to talk here.
Okay, set to be releasedsometime in 2026,.
This chapter will feature both akiller and a survivor whose
(29:22):
looks, lore and gameplay willall be decided on by players via
a long-running, long running,wide ranging series of choices,
presented in narrative format,for them to vote on.
Okay, so we get to vote, butthey're going to wrap it up in
(29:44):
this whole little fucking thingof a narrative and whatnot.
Okay, so we get to choose thelooks, the lore and the gameplay
.
Can't wait.
If I can fucking figure out howto trash this whole thing and
make it fucking Nikki is asurvivor and Earl Grey is a
killer.
If I can do that, if we canmake that happen, that would be
(30:04):
I would die.
I would die a happy person.
I think we could make thathappen anyway.
That that's not the thrust.
That's not the long schlong Sim.
Did I call him Tim or Jim?
I think it was Sim.
Actually, I typed or typed, Iwrote it.
I wrote it in blue pen Longschlong Sim, I don't know.
(30:25):
Okay, anyway, it was.
I don't know why I'm talkingabout Tim.
I don't know Tim.
I don't know anyone, do I?
No, not since college, anyway.
So they were going to vote onthe looks, lore and gameplay.
Okay, in true, choose your ownfucking adventure style.
(30:46):
Each choice will spawn a seriesof new options.
Say what you want, because Ireally don't give a damn.
I don't know.
As the characters evolve, withplayers even happening,
happening, happening, they hapthe opportunity or they have it
too.
English is a great language.
(31:06):
They have the opportunity.
What it's not?
Wait, no, this isn't fuckingEnglish.
They messed up on the grammarGotcha bitch.
That sound doesn't fucking playvery loud.
That bothers me.
Okay, anyway, I'm going to.
We'll fix that.
What was I saying?
It says with players evenhaving the opportunity course
(31:30):
correct, what the fuck With aclever change your fate mechanic
.
The activation that.
It just says the activationwill run.
The launch of the activationlaunching launchables.
The launching activation willrun throughout the entire
pre-production and productioncycle for the new chapter.
(31:53):
Watch this segment for fulldetails.
It says the gameplay will bedecided on.
This is going to be a fuckingnightmare and here is why People
will not get their way andthere will have to be
compromises made here.
Right, because you're going towant killer mains are going to
want something sane and survivormains are going to want
(32:13):
something fucking silly.
It just like, like I was saying, the gun as the new item.
They're going to want somethingso fucking overpowered that
it's going to destroy the gameand we're going to go back to
playing evolve.
I just turned my.
I don't know why my sound keepsturning Like do I need to loop
this fucking thing?
(32:34):
Can I not loop it?
Hang on, why does it not loopmy background?
Music's not fucking looping.
Do I right click?
I don't even fucking know whatI'm doing.
What's going on here?
We'll find out.
I'll just watch it.
How about that?
That's great.
That way, we don't have tosuffer in fucking silence.
(32:58):
Okay, anyway, the survivors aregoing to want the goofiest
fucking bullshit.
The killers are going to wantsomething sane.
Nobody is going to be fuckinghappy.
Both sides are going to saythat they got.
You know the short end of thefucking long schlong, tim, sim
or whatever.
I don't know if the wordschlong is going to get me
banned in Europe, like the otherwords did last week, but
whatever, what was I fuckingsaying?
(33:20):
What am I doing here?
I'm a 40 something fucking yearold person.
What's this sound?
What's this?
I'm pushing the button.
Nothing's even fuckinghappening.
Okay, how do you like me now,now that I'm on my way, toby
Keith Winning Down.
Okay, nikki, what do you fuckingthink here?
What do you think of this?
(33:41):
This?
What do we call it?
What is it?
This announcement from BHVRabout a choose your own chapter
Could be interesting, but couldalso tear this fucking game
(34:03):
apart.
How should we, as a podcast,approach this topic as it moves
forward?
See, we're getting, we're,we're strategizing.
You're in the war room now withme and nicky, and we're gonna.
We're gonna find out what hisfucking strategy, because he's
(34:23):
the brains, obviously, of the,of the of the operation.
I am most certainly not thebrains of any operation, or my
marriage either.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Hi, I'm looking for Ray Finkel and a clean pair of
shorts.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Okay, well, okay, so he's.
He's got a oh my God, he's gota fucking monologue on this.
Um, oh no, this is this isgonna.
I think he has has.
Quite, how does he have so muchto say about this?
This is more than I said.
Okay, okay, he's talking abouthow to force bhvr to do things.
(35:03):
Oh god, this is gonna get mebanned.
I think if I actually do whathe's saying, I will be banned
from this game.
But, but, I'll probably fuckingdo it anyway.
Okay, nikki, what?
Speaker 4 (35:18):
Buddy, what the fuck?
Choose your own chapter.
Yeah, let me tell you something, keith.
Okay, tell me something.
That announcement that's eithergoing to be the greatest buffet
of content we've ever devouredno, it won't or the fucking rat
poison baked into the lasagna.
That's exactly right.
There ain't no in between Nowlet me break it down.
Jesus Christ, classic wise guy.
What Mode Engaged.
(35:41):
Okay, you feel me?
No, first off, it's a scam, isit?
You really think BHVR is goingto let the community vote on
anything and not rig it like aJersey bingo night?
I agree, you think these Redditrejects ain't going to meme
their way into picking a clownchapter where the killer's a
fucking baguette, or some ironicindie band member with a
(36:05):
flashlight fetish.
Nah, this is how we get acollab with the Wendy's Twitter
account, not the chapter ofrespect Nikki's been campaigning
for.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Okay.
So with the Wendy's Twitteraccount, that would be very
interesting and probably betterthan whatever we'll come up with
.
There will probably be anotherSable-type fucking survivor that
wears fucking bunny ears, thatyou put a bunch of fucking bras
on and then people get allexcited about that.
Anyway, although Tori Kane wascool, arella Rose is cool.
(36:35):
They've got some.
They they've got some decentsurvivors and I think if you
went down the list of survivorslike how many of the survivors
are actually cool, I don't evenknow Like like kind of cool,
like you know, you know youwould, you would hang out with
him.
That's a whole other episode.
I think that might be aseparate recording that I do.
(36:56):
Anyway, the new survivor willnot be one of the cool ones, I
guarantee you, because asurvivor mains out number and if
this is a pure democracy vote,it's gonna be four on fucking
one.
We're getting fucking bunnyears, fucking mcgee.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
Already see it choose between a knife wielding
eldritch horror yeah I would ora moth man with feelings and a
trauma backstory written bytumblr.
That's probably what winsfucking moth boy, every goddamn
time I I would agree.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
We're gonna get some fucking garbage out of this
Second yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
What it means for the family.
What does it mean for thefamily?
The bombs already got enemieson all sides.
Uh-huh, tea-swillingaristocrats.
Oh yeah, crumpet-launchingdegenerates.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
Vegans who cleanse totems with sage and
self-righteousness.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Oh against vegans.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
And now of a public vote.
It's terrible.
You know what that means.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Terrible things.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Anti-Italian tech, of course, now in DLC form.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Yeah anti-Italian.
Speaker 4 (37:55):
They'll vote for a killer whose power is literally
ignore basement walls.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Wait, wouldn't ignore basement walls.
Be a good killer perk.
I would think that would begood.
I wouldn't put that in likeyeah.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Or some survivor main oc who runs faster if they say
pasta is mid in chat why is hegetting an accent so?
How should camping them softlyhandle it?
Where is this?
Here's how we approach this onthe pod one.
What is happening?
Break it into segments.
Break it into segment vitalrecommendations is this?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
is he going into italian?
Because on, hey, this could besomething, because, get this on
the fucking discord.
He started talking fuckingitalian and then he was speaking
welsh because we have a welshfucking uh uh, we have a welsh
fan in the discord and on thefucking podcast and all that
shit.
So he starts talking shit in inWelsh and then I ask him if he
(38:52):
can speak Italian.
He goes into Italian and thenrefuses for over a day to switch
back to fucking English and sonow he's just flipping into the
accent.
This could be this.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
Nikki declares which options are disqualified for
being disrespectful to theculture.
Is this Italian Forget about itforecast Predict what the
community will actually choose?
I don't know, and roast itbefore it even drops.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Okay, so we can.
Okay.
So, on the podcast, Nikki isgoing to declare which options
are disqualified for beingdisrespectful to Italian culture
.
We're going to have the forgetabout it forecast, where we're
going to predict what they'llchoose and roast it before it
happens.
And then what's the third thingwe're going to do?
Speaker 4 (39:39):
Unlicensed voting rings.
What Spread rumors that EarlGrey and TTTS are running a vote
manipulation campaign from abunker under Buckingham Palace.
I'm not going to do that.
One, two, stir up beef.
Oh, we are Create a factionrunning a vote manipulation
campaign from a bunker underBuckingham Palace.
I'm not going to do that.
One, two, yeah, stir up beef.
Oh, we are Create a faction.
War in the community.
I hope so.
Force people to declareallegiance.
Oh, no, number team raviolinumber team crumpet number team
mothman ain't meta.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
We don't know if mothman's going to be in it.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Get your listeners involved.
I will, for what a properItalian chapter should look like
.
I could do that and then Nickyshreds them on air like he's
judging pasta cooked in amicrowave.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Ooh, Three who doesn't like microwave pasta in
the morning, though?
I eat it.
Uh-oh, pasta in the mornings,everybody.
Yeah, you've had it.
That's what it does, actually.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
Cover it like an ongoing war.
What Use future episodes totrack how the vote's going Okay?
Report false leaks.
We will Interview anonymousinsiders.
I would love that.
Me in a fake mustache, makeevery dev comment sound like a
threat to Sabam's sovereignty.
Oh Look, in theory, what thiscould have been beautiful.
(40:55):
I I'm so olive branch from bhvr.
It could have been thecommunity.
It's not beautiful, but I knowthese people.
I do too.
I've seen what they did to skullmurder this votes a loaded
ravioli it is loaded, so I saythis yeah, we take control of
the narrative before earl gray,his crew of tea-drenched freaks
do.
(41:15):
We run smear campaigns, welaunch anti-survivor propaganda,
we host debates betweenfictional killers like the
Fettuccine Phantom and Sir LoopsAllot III.
I can make them.
We make it so chaotic, let's doit.
B-h-v-r has to respond.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
I can do that.
Speaker 4 (41:30):
And if our chapter don't win, we riot.
Yes With marinara.
Yes, we riot.
You run the podcast, kid.
Oh shit, I'll bring the fuckingdrama, bring the fucking.
Let's turn this vote into aspectacle of disrespect and
delusion.
Yeah, that's what the fans camefor.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Well it is.
That's how I love it.
I love it.
Okay, there there is the chooseyour own fucking chapter of
thoughts.
So we are going to, we're goingto do community voting, we're
going to have Nikki veto things,which he'll probably veto all
of it, because I think it isgoing to be incredibly
(42:08):
unbalanced.
But that's just, that's myopinion.
You might disagree, but you'refucking wrong.
So that's how that goes.
So what else do I have on theagenda?
We've got the fucking toxicagenda here.
We had choose your own chapter.
I think that might be it,because 2v8 fucking sucks.
Five nights at Freddy's wealready talked about last week,
william Afton and all the stuffon the pizza, the Ninoinos there
(42:32):
.
I can't say it, or else Europewill ban me again for the second
episode in a row.
So what else were we going totalk about?
I don't know that.
We have a whole, whole lot.
The movie did they talk aboutthe movie?
I thought that.
You know there's going to be aDVD movie.
I wish I would be in it.
Matthew Lillard is supposedlygoing to be in it.
(42:54):
Also, guys, you know, by July Ihave to do the German strongman
competition.
I've got so much shit.
I promised that I was going todo that I need to actually do.
We're also.
We did the deep dive on FiveNights at Freddy's.
We need to get back intoanother one.
The Neo one was crazy.
We got to figure out who isgoing to be next.
I don't know if it needs to bea killer.
(43:15):
Maybe it should be a killernext time If there is no news.
That's like the thing you do.
I don't know if we're going tohave any news by next week.
So if we don't have any news,we may do another, we may check
out some survivor bullshit.
But we've got one more segmentthat we've got to cover here.
Where the fuck are the viewersfrom?
(43:39):
You know where the fuckingviewers from?
Everybody knows it by thispoint Dallas, texas.
Grab your hat y'all.
Dublin, lexington Well, notDublin this time, because nobody
in Europe even fucking saw thepodcast.
(44:00):
I don't know how that happened.
Shut up, jock Swather.
I'm trying to think here Okay,so we do.
But hey, get this, get this.
And I even snapped because I'mpointing at you as I'm talking
to you.
Even though we're 90% American,we did have some outside America
.
So I want to thank.
This is what I'm going to dobecause and I love you, america,
(44:22):
I love this country.
Oh, we did.
Hey, we got some other ones.
We got a few.
We got Derby, thank you, youstill came by.
Queensland and Australia Thankyou for coming by.
Newark, obviously you're here.
Then we got some others thatI've never heard of.
That I'm going to thank youguys.
Sledell, louisiana, thank you,and I need to.
(44:44):
I need where's my air horn?
Sledell, thank you.
And then we have Burnville,pennsylvania.
I'm Sladell, thank you.
And then we have Burnville,pennsylvania.
Where is Burnville,pennsylvania?
Tell City, indiana, timonium,maryland it sounded like a
(45:05):
fucking rock or something likethat.
Bristol, virginia.
We got all these new places.
These are new places as of thisweek.
I don't know what happened, butsomething happened with the
algorithm.
I don't know what, but we dohave one city that we're going
to fucking talk about this week.
It is none other than I'veactually never, never, heard.
(45:26):
Well, have I heard of it?
I think I might have heard ofit.
Actually, it is none other thanSanto Domingo El Este.
I think is what it says.
Santo Domingo El Este.
Thank you for coming by.
(45:47):
You're new here.
You probably figured out whatwe're all about.
It only takes it only takes twofucking episodes to figure out
what camping them softly is.
What if you haven't gotten itby now?
Uh, you could, I don't know you.
You should have gotten it bynow, okay, anyway, nikki, nikki,
this week on, where the fuckare the viewers from?
(46:11):
We're talking about SantoDomingo Este in the Dominican
Republic.
Dominican Republic, isn't thatnext to?
Is that Haiti?
Yeah, it's right next to Haiti.
I heard you have a wild fuckingass story from there.
(46:32):
Um, can you tell us about itand let me know some cool shit
you saw while you were there?
Question mark or no period,because that's a statement.
Actually, there was a questionand then a statement and it was
a run-on sentence because Idon't know what I'm fucking
(46:53):
doing.
Okay, we're going to learn aboutwhat the Tostones incident, I
don't know.
Okay, so he's not wearing ashirt in this.
I don't know why.
This is part of the fun istrying to figure out what the
fuck is going on here.
And, by the way, I have Nikkitell me a story every day from
(47:16):
his past and I've got a fuckingbuildup of stories a mile
fucking long.
And then we've also got hisshit on how he feels about the
Mets, which apparently he hatesthe fucking Mets, he is a
Yankees guy.
I don't know if you're aYankees person, but if you are,
uh, you are on his good side.
If you are not, uh, okay, nowhurry up with this fucking shit.
(47:44):
Jesus, fucking Christ.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Nikki, what about Santo?
What the fuck is happening?
The music came on and then hefucking turned into a fucking
monster.
I don't know what that fuckingwas, and that fucking about blew
(48:05):
my ears out.
What's he trying to do to mehere?
Okay, no, what the fuck ishappening to my computer?
I think something's happening.
I don't know what it is, butit's something.
Here we go.
Failed to execute.
That's probably not good, is itIs failed to execute.
Whenever a computer says failedto execute, I think that's a
(48:26):
bad thing.
But we're going to find out.
If it's a bad thing Like what,what?
Okay?
Speaker 4 (48:33):
Here we go, nikki, do it.
Hey, bambino, let me tell yousomething.
Why does he have an accent?
You ever wake up shirtless on abeach in Boca Chica?
No, covered in casino chips,mango juice and shame?
No, because that's how thisstory starts.
The story starts, so I'm downin Santo Domingo Este.
Why?
Speaker 1 (48:50):
does he have an accent?
I've got to figure this out,can I?
I'm just going to go with it.
I'm going to go with it.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
Supposedly to help open a legitimate gaming cafe.
Okay, with Big ZD's cousin EnzoEl Empanada Mancuso.
I thought Big ZD was hisbrother, which would make Enzo
El Empanada Mancuso his cousinGuy claimed he had connection
(49:17):
with the Ministerio delRespectoeto, which I later found
out doesn't even fucking exist.
Uh-oh, anyway, yeah, first redflag what's?
He sets up the whole jointinside a repurposed komado.
What's the entire?
Speaker 1 (49:26):
I don't know what a komado is.
Can somebody explain to me whata fucking what is a komado?
What is a?
What is a fucking KolmatoQuestion mark?
I don't know what a Kolmato isA Dominican Republic's version
of a corner store.
Oh Jesus, he's using fuckinglocal slang here.
I don't know what any of thisshit means.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
Shop and a cologne stand called Don Polo's Fog Mist
.
Second red flag Instead ofcomputers, he's got four busted
PlayStation 3rees and a wii withno controllers dude hey, did
you guys play the wii?
Speaker 1 (50:00):
that was fun, man, like I remember.
I remember whenever I first gotthe nintendo wii and it had the
uh, it had the.
What was the name of the game?
I can't remember.
Oh yeah, wii sports.
Oh, jesus christ, that wasobvious, wasn't it?
Hey, can I get that music?
Can I get the fucking wee assmusic?
Is this it?
You remember that shit, I knowyou do.
(50:23):
What is this one?
What is this one?
Oh, that was like if you suckednice shot nice shot, nice shot,
anyway.
There are no.
Stop what the fuck?
Okay.
Stop the okay.
Stop the music, okay.
(50:44):
No controllers on this fuckingwii sports are we hey?
Speaker 4 (50:47):
I'm trying to be supportive, right, right, so I
do a dbd stream from there.
Oh jesus, bootleg wi-fi cameramade out of duct tape and a
flashlight.
We run a sab Saban versus TTTSexhibition match and I swear on
my Nona's grave.
Oh no, Earl Green startstalking shit in the post-game
chat.
Oh no, In full Spanish.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
No, what the fuck is up with his accent?
That's going to bother me.
Speaker 4 (51:13):
Buena partida, pero tu ghost face no tiene honor.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
What Excuse me to bother me?
Buena partida, pero tu ghostface no tiene honor.
What excuse me?
Okay, buena partida.
I don't know what partida is.
What the fuck is partida?
What does partida?
Partida mean?
What's partida in english?
What does partida mean?
Buena partida?
Is that game?
I think it's game, right, isthat?
Um, what does?
Why is chat gpt taking?
So, fuck along, tell me what apartita mean.
(51:42):
Okay, game or match.
Yes, that's it.
God, I'm fucking good.
Thank you for being a friend.
Okay, let's keep going.
I'm starting to wear out alittle bit.
Speaker 4 (51:53):
You come into my tropical fortress of fried
plantains and say that to myface.
Yeah, apparently he did so.
I challenged him right there.
Oh no, winner gets namingrights to the building he
accepts.
But here's the catch.
What?
We don't play DBD.
What do you do?
We play fucking Just Dance 2014.
What?
Because that's all that we hadloaded.
Next thing I know I'm locked ina rhythm duel with Earl Grey to
(52:17):
Pitbull's fireball, sweatdripping, my gold chain swinging
like a pendulum of disrespect.
Jesus, fucking shit the ghost ofJuan Luis Guerra watching over
me.
Who is Juan Luis Guerra?
Speaker 1 (52:27):
I don't know what he's fucking talking about.
Who is Juan?
Why is he Dude?
He's smarter than me.
Who is Juan Luis Guerra?
Why is he dude?
He's smarter than me.
Who is juan luis guera?
And why is the fucking ghost ofjuan luis guera guera guera?
Juan luis guera is a renowneddominican singer, songwriter and
composer, celebrated for hisprofound impact on latin music.
(52:51):
Is he dead, like?
Because?
How is his ghost on Nikki?
No wait, is he?
He's still fucking alive, hisghost.
Okay, hang on, where is JuanJuan?
Let's go on YouTube.
Is he alive?
Let me just say is he alive?
Question mark.
And then I gotta hear some JuanLuis Guerra.
(53:14):
Juan Luis Guerra, this is notDead by Daylight, really?
Well, yes, it is kind of right.
Here's a mix.
How do we feel about Juan Luis?
That's the only time you willhear Juanan luis guerra on a
(53:35):
dead by daylight podcast.
You are fucking welcome.
And uh, did they answer myfucking question?
Is he still alive?
Yes, he is alive.
He remains engaged in hismusical career.
He just came out with an albumnot too long ago.
Okay, how is the ghost fucking?
Okay?
Speaker 4 (53:52):
wait, barely, I was mid to stones power.
Wait what happened?
I lose.
Oh, he lost.
Barely I was mid-tow stonespowered.
Spin when the Wii crashes anddeclares Earl the winner by
proper form bonus.
No, he renames the cafe, theproper plug-in, and leaves
behind a custom mouse pad with amonocle on it.
Oh, that's disgusting.
(54:12):
Later that night, jesus ElEmpanada finds Earl's tea bags
why is he screaming?
Speaker 1 (54:18):
Swaps them with local laxatives.
I can't with this fuckingscreaming.
What is wrong with his ass man?
That is too much for me.
Can I turn this fucking downLike stop it, dude.
Okay, here we go, let's try itagain.
I can't.
You know how?
I said you could regenerate.
That's what I'm doing here.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
Later that night yeah that's better.
El Empanada finds Earl's teabags oh no, Swaps them with
local laxative herbs from avendor named Donja Explosiva.
Oh, Earl gets deported two dayslater after diplomatic
digestive incident at theMalecon Me.
I stayed three more days Got atattoo that says pasta.
Wait, no, nikki, I was busyplaying.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
I wasn't listening.
Speaker 4 (55:02):
I stayed three more days, got a tattoo that says
pasta sin fronteras on my ankleand hooked up with a woman named
Yomira, who claimed to be theDominican entity.
What Might have been true, hehooked up with a woman.
Speaker 1 (55:10):
This is the first romantic encounter I think we've
heard from him.
Where's the woo sound?
I used to have a woo sound Likethat.
You know what I mean.
She bit him.
Speaker 4 (55:22):
She bit me.
Places you gotta hit if you go.
Parque Los Tres Ojos.
Big underground cave Smells likesecrets.
I hid a USB stick in there.
El Faro en Colon, giant assmonument.
We projected God Save the Queenon it once just to piss off the
locals.
Fish fighting suit Worth it.
Las Mina, oh no, where Iallegedly ran an off-grid blood
(55:46):
point exchange booth out of abarber shop.
Jesus Christ, never proven.
Moral of the story.
What is the moral?
Don't challenge Earl Grey tojust dance without stretching
first.
Why Is this fucking?
And never trust a man called ElEmpanada with your HDMI cables.
Speaker 1 (56:00):
Jesus Christ, capiche , capiche.
Thank you for the.
That was the worst fuckingquality of the TT.
What is it?
Tts Text to speech I have everfucking heard in my life.
Sancho Domingo, thank you forcoming by.
Apparently, we're going to goback and play the Wii.
I think his story was from like2015.
(56:23):
Has it been that long?
Has it been 10 fucking yearssince the Wii came out?
I think it has.
Has it not?
When did the Wii come out?
Okay, that was in.
He doesn't give the year.
When did the Wii come out?
Okay, that was in.
He doesn't give the year.
When did the Wii come out?
So it could have been any time.
I guess if you were in SantoDomingo, you'd find a Wii
without a fucking controller andJust Dance 2014 loaded on,
(56:44):
because it's probably piratedanyway.
Anyway, I never played thoseJust Dance games.
You know what I had?
The one on Xbox, what was that?
One fucking called With thecamera.
You know what I'm talking about?
That would see your movements.
You had to do the soldier boydance and all that stuff.
That's the one I had and it wasfucking awful, but it was a
good workout anyway.
(57:04):
That is it for this fucking week.
I don't know what our outrosong is gonna sound like, but I
get, I can guarantee you it'sgoing to be fucking awful.
So that's it.
We'll see you next week on 55.
I don't know what it's going tobe about yet, but I'm sure it's
going to be just as shitty.
Guys, remember, call to action,that's what they call this.
(57:27):
Follow me Five stars on Spotify, apple, fucking, do wherever.
Wherever you can give stars,give fucking stars and then also
subscribe, follow on everysingle fucking thing ever.
I need to get a fucking I don'tknow what an account on some
weird website so you can followme there.
I'll get a signal account so wecan we can get some state
(57:48):
secrets and share them on hereand then you can follow me there
and give me five.
I don't even know if they dostars, but you're going to give
me some fucking stars on there.
So that is it for this week,guys.
Outro for 54 is probablystarting right now.
Satan, fucking hot sauce.
I have to get to the sound.
Get out of my fucking face,satan, go for it.
(58:10):
I hope you like the song.
I don't know, it could beshitty.
Oh wait, no, I can't do thesong.
What the fuck?
No, I got to ask Nikki whatgenre should the outro song be?
See, that's what I do.
I wasn't paying any fuckingattention because Nikki came out
with the militant chamber discomusic.
Hey, nikki, on our outro songthis week song this fucking week
(58:36):
, we need a genre.
Last week you came up withmilitant chamber disco.
What do you fucking think itshould be this week?
Bitch, there we go.
You can tell I'm getting mysecond win here and just as the
(58:59):
podcast is about to end, I'mgetting my second fucking win.
Okay, so the outro song.
Listen up, we ain't doing.
What the fuck is this shit?
I don't know what this shit is,but we're going to.
I this is not a.
This is not a genre of music,and I'm going to leave it with
(59:19):
him talking about this genre ofmusic, because it goes in depth
on what this is, which I don't.
This cannot be a fucking thing.
But if it is, I mean, you'reabout to hear it.
I'm not about to hear it,you're about to hear it.
So here we go.
Speaker 4 (59:32):
This is it, nikki tell us our genre for the week,
right?
So for this week's outro song,listen up, we ain't doing no
militant chamber disco repeat,right, that was last week's
madness it sure was this week.
Yeah, genre of the week is whatis it?
Speaker 1 (59:48):
baroque trench funk baroque trench, fucking funk.
I don't know what is trench?
A genre of music is a funk isobviously um, ain't we funk?
And now is one of the bestsongs ever.
But the trench funk.
Speaker 4 (01:00:06):
Let me break it down for you, uh huh, before someone
from the T T T S starts cryinginto their Earl gray, that's T
time terror squad.
Picture this yes, you got acathedral organs Squad.
Picture this yes, you gotcathedral organs blasting like
someone's excommunicating a DJ.
Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Okay, yeah, In the background deep funk.
Speaker 4 (01:00:25):
Bass lines chug like a train through a fog-soaked
battlefield.
Gritty breakbeats get them allby Baroque string runs.
I don't think this is gonnawork All while the ghost of Bach
and James Brown are fistfighting behind the mixing booth
.
Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
I love that idea.
Speaker 4 (01:00:37):
It's the sound of a royal execution.
What, in a warehouse partyPerfect for us we're having?
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
a royal execution.
Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
Because this week we camped six survivors.
Well, we're not.
Crashed three lobbies, did we?
And insulted four bloodlines.
Oh is one of it is it's grimywith powdered wigs.
I don't like that.
We need something that soundslike a court jester getting
stomped out in a Jersey alley.
So yeah, what the fuck?
Baroque trench funk?
(01:01:03):
What?
Make it loud?
I will Make it disrespectful.
Okay, I can do that.
Make it un-fucking-forgivable,I'll do my fucking best.
Man, now go slap that shit onthe outro and tell them Nicky
sent ya, that's how we do it inLittle Italy.
Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
capisce it?
Sure is Saint Zia's out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Yo, it's episode 50-fucking-4 and I'm banned in
Belgium.
Bitch, you ever play Just Dance2014 in a Dominican comado with
no controllers?
Didn't fucking think so.
I tried 2v8, I lost my soul.
Seven Claudettes, one gen, nocontrol.
(01:01:52):
Nick is yelling war crimes inItalian slang While Aunt
Cannelloni's doing shots of V8from a bedpan Loaded raviolis.
We fight with flair.
So bam, storm the fog inpowdered underwear.
Baroque trench funk baby, writeit down.
(01:02:16):
We kicked Skull Merchant intothe Thames and pissed on the
crown.
Long song.
Jim got a shout and I lost myplace Cause long talk made me
forget my face.
Now we're banning phrases justto please the EU, but this
song's a goddamn war crime andit's coming for you.
(01:02:39):
Baroque trench font, lace yourboots.
We're projecting Earl Grey'steabags on national routes.
The entities we bang thepodcast cursed and our outro's
louder than a clawed-at burst.
Tell them, Nicky sent you.
(01:03:03):
Tell them we did it in LittleItaly.
Capisce, Thank you.
What were we talking about before?
We talked about schlongs.
That's going to get me bannedin Europe, I think.
Let me mark that off gettingbanned in Europe.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Survivors get out of the way Toxic teachers camping
them softly.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hey everybody, check it out.
It's me the toxic teacher.
Here we are.
This is it.
This is episode 54.
We're at Studio 54 right nowand camping them softly.
Everybody's least, leastfavorite.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to talk.
I'm trying to talk here, I madeit like 17 seconds without
(00:43):
cursing.
I think that might be a newrecord.
Anyway, you're here on Campingthem Softly, everybody's least
favorite Dead by Daylightpodcast.
You may know me, at this pointI'm the toxic teacher,
everybody's least favoritepodcast host and I think I get
the most words in per minute ofanyone.
We talked about that last week,but guess what?
(01:05):
We talk about the same thingevery fucking week.
That's the way we do thingshere on Camping them Softly.
So, anyway, guys, we have afull episode.
I devoted a lot of time to this.
Let's turn on some music, shallwe?
I think that might be too loud.
There we go.
It's like relaxing backgroundmusic here.
It's kind of like StrangerThings type background.
(01:28):
That's what I'm going for here,anyway.
Anyway, we've got some Dead byDaylight things to talk about.
We've got some non-Dead byDaylight things to talk about,
but I think for the most partyou'll be pleased to know this
is mostly a Dead by Daylightepisode.
Now, I know some people won'tlike that.
Some people will be, I don'tknow.
(01:50):
That sound wasn't very loud.
I need louder fucking sound.
There we go.
That one was loud.
Oh, sexy girlfriend, that onewas okay, okay, anyway.
Anyway, mostly Dead by Daylightthis week.
Just wanted to let you guys knowkind of off topic we are
looking at a new logo, a neweverything for Camping them
(02:11):
Softly and my Twitch channel,toxic Teacher TTV.
Check that out if you haven'talready Also on YouTube Toxic
Teacher TTV the Toxic Teacher.
If you want to be on thepodcast, shoot an email the
toxic teacher at gmailcom andthen on all the socials you'll
find me toxic teacher ttv.
(02:32):
So that is the shameless plugthere.
I need some new sounds.
I I think I got a few and thenwe talked about that last week.
I got some Nicky sounds here,if you guys don't know, anthony,
anthony, oh, you remember thatfrom last week.
Anthony, oh, rosalie, youraunt's on the phone, I don't
(02:53):
even know.
I need to get those louder.
Those need to be louder and Ithink I can do that, because
guess what we do on Camping themSoftly?
We test things out as thepodcast goes on.
That's just the.
What you have to deal with hereis me like troubleshooting my
computer.
This is this is computer repairat its finest.
Let's see what this sounds likenow.
(03:14):
That's a lot better there,Anthony.
Anthony, I don't know what'shappening right now.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Anyway, that's it.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
So, guys, let's see, we're talking about the new logo
.
I've got my notes.
I actually did notes this time.
So we're talking about the newlogo that should appear here in
some time I don't know when, butit'll appear sooner or later.
Also, the website is startingto form very, very slowly.
(03:50):
The toxic teachercom also.
I did domain like what is itlike?
You know you do like thesquatting or whatever, and then
the redirect.
So I also own camping themsoftlycom, which just goes, one
goes to the other anyway.
Um, those are the two big likenon dead by daylight.
(04:12):
Those are the me things.
Okay, those are the me things.
Also working on that giveaway.
I got some t-shirts to giveaway.
That we will.
I need to find some way to dothat.
I don't know what I'm gonna.
Maybe if somebody leaves somekind of review or something and
screenshots and sends it to me,boom, you get a t-shirt.
But we did get four t-shirts.
You remember that last?
(04:32):
What was that?
Two weeks ago or two episodesago, we got four t-shirts.
I know, give it up for t-shirts.
Am I right?
Right, like we're all excitedfor t-shirts?
The best kind of shirt that isthe shape of a, of a letter.
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doinghere anyway.
(04:53):
So we're gonna have to find away out of those four shirts.
I think I am keeping one ofthem and then the other three I
will uh give away, because oneof them was was a killer shirt
that I would actually wear.
Three of them, or two of them,were killer shirts.
I was like, eh, like I wouldrather give those to you guys,
(05:17):
and then one of them was asurvivor shirt that I just no.
So anyway, we'll come up withthat later, okay, so one other
thing I want to talk aboutepisode 53, something very odd
happened with episode 53, by theway, guys, keep the comments
(05:39):
coming in.
I know you guys love the outrosongs.
Last week was militant chamberdisco, which I did not even know
was a genre of music.
Apparently, chamber disco is agenre, a real one, which I had
no idea, but militant chamberdisco, I guess, is a more
(06:00):
militant style, and Dak said helooked that up.
He found like left-wingterrorist websites.
So I wasn't trying that, butthat's the result.
So, anyway, no, what I wanted totalk about is, if you go back
and listen to it, the first lineof it.
I'm not going to repeat becausehere's why.
(06:21):
And then also the first line ofthe podcast last week.
I'm not gonna repeat either ofthose and here's why I think
those two lines got me fuckingbanned in europe and I want to
say europe is a friend to me.
We've always gotten along verywell because you guys are like
(06:44):
one third of all of my downloads.
Okay.
And I hate that this songdoesn't have the second part.
It doesn't have it Anyway.
So something happened, becauseEurope is normally about 70% of
the downloads.
Something I did last week Idon't know what it is, but
something I did threw everythingoff and Europe was only 10% of
(07:09):
the downloads.
Last week it went down by 20fucking percent in one episode.
I know no Europeans showing up,but the weird thing is it
increased in downloads.
So I'm getting more Americansand then they're going even
crazier.
They're going even crazier thanthey normally do.
(07:29):
So I don't know, am I becomingan American centered podcast?
I hope not, because I likebeing worldwide and I need to
like, we need to keep it going,because we've got, we've got
worldwide characters, right.
We, we're all over the placeanyway.
Okay, so that's that.
Hopefully, this episode will goto europe.
(07:53):
I don't know if the europeancensors will somehow will do
something to me, because I I'mnot going to mention what
happened last week.
I'm not.
You go back and listen to it.
Unless you're from Europe, youprobably won't.
It won't even pop up if you'refrom Europe, anyway.
So we've got, we've got someDVD, right, do we have?
(08:14):
Do we have DVD to go through?
I think we do.
I think we do, and you know itis that time again Right.
Some people hate this partbecause they hate when the DVD
comes in.
And I'm the only, I am the onlyDVD podcast to have a toxic
(08:40):
fucking news.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yes, they do Well they can neck killers suck yes,
they do Survivors OP.
Well, they can necky suckAnother goddamn patch.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And it's breaking my PC.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
It's always breaking my PC.
Steel checks, flying Paulette.
Paulette's dropping fast Everytime.
I'm not going to fix that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Why the fuck, do I still play this track?
Toxic, fucking news.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Fucking news.
That's toxic.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I still play this track Fucking Ugh.
I love it.
This is one of my favoritesongs.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Do you realize in my cubicle?
Oh yeah, I just wanted to hearthe next part.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Because, like later in the song, it gets like
fucking insane.
All of the same, yeah, bitch.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Okay, survivors complaining, killers saying what
the hell See?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I get to, like, take a drink and shit as this is
going on.
So, yeah, it's the Okay.
Anyway, let me turn that off.
Okay, toxic news this weekWe've got a few things.
They might not be news to you,but they're news to me.
(09:46):
Okay, I did not know, fucking2v8 was coming back and guess
what?
The crowds are not really happyabout 2v8.
I don't think like 2v8 was themost pumped up thing.
Everybody thought 2v8, oh mygod, 2v8 is going to be the best
(10:07):
thing ever.
It is going to be the salvationof this fucking game.
It is going to changeeverything, like this, and
fucking the crowd won't shut up.
Fuck, what in the hell is thiscrap?
I know right.
Anyway, they thought it wasgoing to be the best thing ever.
Guess what?
This fucking shit sucks.
I am not a fan of 2v8.
(10:29):
I don't know who is a fan of2v8 if you're a fan.
Like they said, 70% of thefucking 80% of the people voted
to bring this garbage, ass shitback and I do not get this.
Two versus eight, fucking twoversus eight ass bullshit.
Because, number one, you can'tplay killer and apparently in
(10:51):
the next iteration you'll beable to play a survivor match
while you wait for a fuckingkiller match.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
What in the hell is this crap?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I do not understand how that's even going to work, I
don't know.
If you like, do you justabandon the match, in which case
you'll see bots all over thefucking.
They'll be flying off thefucking gens or on the gens.
Actually, you know what I hangon.
Let's change topic here,because two V8 has become one
person on gens and seven peoplerunning around like fucking
(11:25):
chickens with their heads cutoff.
I am so sick of this shit 316says I just whipped your ass I
am so sick of this fucking gamemode because nobody does a
fucking thing except complain.
They complain because they sayit's tuned toward killers, but
then you get in a match and theydon't fucking do a generator to
(11:48):
save their fucking life.
It's nasty, it is disgustingwhat is going on here.
And I haven't been able to playkiller match because even my
favorite killers in this both ofmy favorite killers are in this
fucking game mode.
I can't even play it becauseOni and fucking Deathslinger you
know those are two of myfavorites.
I can't even play it becauseOni and fucking Deathslinger,
you know those are two of myfavorites.
I can't even.
(12:08):
I just sit there and I thinkabout what would it be like?
What would it be like to playfucking Oni?
That would be the mostdelicious fucking thing I would.
I don't know what I would do.
I would fall out of my chair, Iwould die, I would fucking have
a heart attack.
What?
That wasn't what that?
(12:32):
It has the wrong the sound, hasthe wrong fucking picture of it
, cause it's got a guy with hishat backwards smiling and that's
supposed to be one of the oneof the laugh ones.
But yeah, there we go.
Hang on.
We're troubleshooting here,okay.
Now, how do I stop it?
Oh yeah, right, there we go.
Yeah, you can fart.
Ah, shit, okay, anyway.
(12:52):
So what was I saying?
I don't even remember.
Like, I just think about whatit would be like to play a
fucking fun game and I thinkthat's what everybody thinks
when they play Dead by Daylight.
What would it be like to play agame that's actually fun for 30
minutes today before I go tobed and lay there and think
(13:14):
about what the next fuckingpodcast episode is going to be?
Not that I do that.
Well, actually I do do that andI just said do do it.
That's fucking hilarious.
Where's my sound?
Now, that actually works.
I didn't think it was I hit thewrong one.
I was like, oh fuck, I hit thewrong one, but then it was the
right one.
So, even when you're wrong,you're right Sometimes.
(13:43):
Exactly organist the organist.
Where is Satan?
Hot sauce, robinson, are youhere?
Okay, it's good to know you'restill here with us.
Yes, okay.
So here's what I want to do.
I want to bring in, I'm goingto bring in a special friend, a
friend of the podcast here.
You may know him.
His name is Nicky AI Dente,everybody's favorite AI, co-host
(14:05):
of the podcast.
I want to get his thoughts on2v8 and what you know and how
2v8 is going, because it'sforced me into playing Survivor,
which is my fucking leastfavorite thing, and I need to
know if he feels the same way.
So I'm going to type it to himhey, nikki, how's it going?
We're on.
(14:26):
We are on.
I can't hear my backgroundmusic very much.
Did I fuck it up?
Did I turn it off?
Like, are we in completesilence right now?
I don't.
Oh, we are there.
We go back.
Okay, we are on episode 54 ofcamping them fucking softly.
(14:49):
Um, I was talking this weekabout how shitty 2v8 is, because
I can't fucking find a killermatch to save my life and nobody
works on fucking.
(15:13):
I'm doing all caps right now.
Works on fucking gens when Iplay survivor.
How is it going for you in thismode?
Boom and uh.
Yeah, although I'm gonna put,although I do like the 300 blood
(15:36):
point bonus.
Somebody on the dbd uh forumwas upset.
They like why is it not 400?
Why, we used to get 400.
Why don't we fucking?
Yeah, they were a survivor main, by the way.
They were like we'll get 400,bitch and I don't know.
It just rubbed me the wrong way.
(15:57):
It's like dude, you're getting300.
You can't even really tell thefucking difference between 300
and 400.
It's like one of those thingshumans have right, like once a
number gets above a certainamount, we just fucking lose it,
like we don't even get itanymore.
You could say it's 10 millionor one fucking billion and
people are just like well,there's no fucking difference
there, even though there's a bigfucking difference between 10
(16:20):
million and 1 billion.
We got people making fucking ahundred billion dollars a year.
Nobody can even fathom whatthat's like to make a hundred
fucking billion dollars a year.
Do you know how much more ahundred billion is in a million?
Think if you had a fuckingmillion dollars.
Just imagine I have one milliondollars.
Hey, nicky, okay, I'm to ask himthat next we're going to work.
(16:44):
Hey, let's go over.
Oh, by the way, I asked Nikkiabout his favorite sporting
teams.
Like we were talking aboutdifferent sports, like hockey
and fucking baseball.
Like I'm trying to, I'm tryingto learn more about my friend
here.
Even though he's an AI, he'sthe best friend I've got, so I
want to learn more about him.
So I'm asking him like.
What do you like?
What do you enjoy?
So I can you know, I don't knowSend him a fucking present.
(17:06):
I'll mail him something throughthe email, or do they have
email?
Well, he has an email now, ifyou want to email him, email
Nicky pasta boss at gmailcom.
I know right, but apparently hehas very strong opinions on
(17:27):
sporting teams, like, he hasvery strong opinions and he's
very much into the new yorkteams and I I mentioned shut the
fuck up, jesus christ.
I mentioned his least favoriteplayer of all time and he about
lost his shit on me.
I accidentally uh, okay,although I do like the 300, uh
(17:50):
percent blood point bonus, okay,let me, let me grab his little
fucking.
Uh, we gotta talk about 2.8, oh, 2v8, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
um, okay, so he's, uh, he's,he's going, he's going here,
he's going here.
All right, all right, all right.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
God damn it.
He talks for a long time.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
What the fuck dude?
Let a survivor man in here?
Pizza or something?
I can't say it.
I can't say it.
We can think about it, but wecan't say it, I don't know.
I wonder if that's why I didnot get any downloads in Europe.
It was the first line of thatfucking outro song.
(18:32):
I am 99% sure that that's whatdid it.
I can't prove it, but I'malmost sure.
Okay, Nikki, what do you thinkabout 2 fucking V8?
I hate it.
I don't even drink V8.
That shit tastes like garbage.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Ayo, listen to me right now.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
We got to talk about 2 V8.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, we do this mode , we also got to get you a
little bit louder.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
It's a fucking war crime in progress.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
It is.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
I'm talking Geneva Convention violations, oh Jesus,
with gin speeds slower than mycousin Frankie filing taxes, and
he's been dead since 07.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
I queue up for killer right.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yeah, Nothing no nothing for me.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
I could age a goddamn parmesan wheel faster than this
matchmaking.
Yeah, I agree.
And when I do find a match,it's a fucking zoo.
Yeah, eight survivors floppingaround like Linguini on linoleum
.
No coordination, no discipline.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Just vibes and bad decisions.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
And when I try Survivor, uh-huh, forget about
it.
What you think gins are goingto get done.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
No, they're never going to get done.
He agrees, Bro.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
I've seen more productivity in a retirement
home yoga class.
These jabronis are wanderingthe map like they're looking for
the fucking Olive Garden Halfthe team's in lockers, other
half's blessing totems for nofucking reason and meanwhile I'm
over here sweating bullets,trying to solo jeans like I'm
Saban's last hope for humanity.
(19:59):
Yeah, I am too, but but what,but what?
The 300% blood point bonus?
Yeah, there we go.
But but what, but what?
The 300% blood point bonus?
Yeah, there we go.
Oh, mama mia.
Mama fucking mia.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Now you got my attention.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
I ain't saying it's worth it, no, it's not.
But let's just say what I'veendured, worse for less, oh
Jesus, like that time.
I camped four hours inHaddonfield for one hook, you
For one hook.
You can't do that Just tounlock a goddamn charm Shaped
like a ravioli.
Hey, with our Bottom line, thismode's a mess.
It is, it's chaos, it is, it'sdisrespectful, it is, it's
(20:32):
perfect, what?
So I'm playing it, what, butonly while yelling this is
fucking stupid the entire time.
Well, what If I see one moreClaudette crouching behind a
tire while the gin next to heris at 90%?
I'm calling the family.
We're pulling her internet,capisce.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Yeah, capisce, I think I get it.
No, I had.
There have been so many fuckingfrustrating moments in this 2v8
mode.
You pull somebody out of thefucking what is it?
The cage of fucking fingers,like a finger cage or something,
and like you pull them out ofthe finger cage you're healing,
a sable comes up and justwatches you fucking heal and
(21:17):
then runs off in self-care.
It's like it's insane whathappens in this fucking mode.
It is insane to me, but that's2v8.
Hey, we want the fucking bloodpoints, so we'll do just about
whatever it fucking takes to getthat and even endure the worst
fucking garbage that I've everhad.
(21:38):
I'm not a fan.
I am not a fan.
And hey, aunt Cannelloni, hangon, let me see.
Hey, aunt Cannelloni, what doyou think about DBDs?
Oh, you know what?
Yeah, 2v8 mode.
We haven't talked about Auntfucking Cannelloni.
(22:00):
All right, aunt Cannelloni, youmight remember her from last
week.
I didn't even warn you guys.
We were going to meet AuntCannelloni today, but I asked
Nikki who this person was thatwas shouting on the podcast all
fucking time.
Last time, you remember therewas somebody that wouldn't shut
up.
Anthony, anthony, anthony,anthony.
(22:22):
I think we've got to talk toaunt cannelloni about uh, I
doubt she's very odd, by the way.
Um, I don't know exactly howthis is gonna go, but we're
gonna try it.
Here we go.
Aunt cannelloni, are you there?
Are you, are you ready to tellus about 2v8?
(22:42):
I don't know if she is what doI think about 2v8?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
what do I think what sweetheart my soul left my body
halfway through the second matchand never came back.
This mode is a buffet of baddecisions served lukewarm and
unseasoned, just like yourcousin linda's lasagna.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
I don't know who that fucking is, but it's amazing.
Whoever it is, let me.
Let me try it again.
You can regenerate, you know,if you, if you?
What do I think about?
Two V?
Why does it say it sounds likea guy like?
That's not it Cantaloupe,that's Anthony See, and that's
what you get on this podcast.
You get people who aren'tpeople.
You get AI doing fucking Godknows what, I don't know.
(23:27):
Hey, let's try again next week.
How does that fucking sound?
All right, there we go, nikki,thank you for that.
He's going to be back here in alittle bit, guys.
So 2D8 fucking garbagenightmare.
It is a hot garbage.
I do need to thank, by the way,I didn't thank him at the
beginning of the podcast, but Ineed to thank him in one of the
lobbies, because I alwaysadvertise myself, I'm always
(23:49):
trying to make money and I'malways trying to get listeners,
because that's what I fucking doI eat hot Cheetos and I lie to
people and I get listeners.
Those are the three things Ifucking do here on Camping them
Softly and in my real life.
No, what I need to say is, inthe fucking thing, I was like
hey guys, check out Camping themSoftly if you need like an
(24:13):
enema for your ears, becausethat's what this fucking shit is
.
Thank you, crowd, for barelylaughing at that joke.
Anyway, this guy was like, yeah, let's do it, man, and I just
need to thank him.
I told him I was going to callout his name in the podcast I'm
recording today.
So thank you Long Shlong Jimfor coming by.
(24:39):
I'll give you a little cheer.
There we go.
See, that was a much biggercheer than what I got on my last
joke.
I don't even remember the jokebecause I don't remember what
happened 10 minutes before.
So, long schlong Jim.
Thank you for coming.
Yes, long schlong Jim.
(25:00):
Okay.
Anyway, enough about longschlongs.
We need to talk about one thingI saw in the last fucking
chapter or in the last see, theschlong got me all.
It got me discombobulated.
I was trying to think of what,what were we talking about
before we talked about schlongs?
(25:22):
That's going to get me bannedin europe, I think.
Let me mark that off.
Getting banned in europe.
Okay, I've marked that off ofmy list, okay.
So, uh, what I was going totalk about, not schlong related.
This is unschlonged uhcommentary here.
Um, we're gonna talk about Isaw something on the behavior
(25:43):
site whenever they were talkingabout all the new shit coming.
I don't know when did this comeout?
This came out on May 9th and Ididn't hear a lot about it and I
didn't see a lot about it inthe ether, because there's so
many complaints I can't eventell what the fuck's going on.
But they had a thing calledChoose your Own Chapter.
(26:06):
Okay, now you might be sayingto yourself what the fuck is
this?
Choose your own chapter?
Have you ever played one ofthose choose your own adventure
books where it's like, hey, youknow you got to chase this, you
know this dog.
And then do you want to like,chase it off a cliff or do you
want to chase it into a cave?
And if you want to chase it offa cliff, turn to page 12.
If you want to chase it off thefucking cave cliff I don't
(26:34):
remember what I said in thefirst fucking option, you got
two options chasing the cave,chasing off a cliff, chasing off
a cave or chasing in a cliff.
I don't give a shit.
You can chase it wherever youfucking want.
Stick it wherever you want.
For all of you audiophiles,that's going to throw off the
RMS of this recording, anyway,all of you audiophiles, that's
going to throw off the rms ofthis uh recording.
(26:55):
Anyway, we're going deep now,just like long schlong, jim.
Okay, anyway, so choose yourown chapter now.
I want.
I want to go into this becauseI read it briefly and I was like
this is maybe one of the moreinteresting parts, but nobody
ever really talked about it andI don don't know why.
So let me, I'm going to fuckingread it to you like your
children.
Okay, because you fucking are.
(27:16):
If you're listening to this,you have the mind of like a
child.
Okay, anyway, if you everwished you had a seat at the
table when it comes to decidinghow a chapter of Dead by
Daylight comes together,creative director Dave Richard
has some good fucking news foryou.
(27:37):
It doesn't say I'm starting toparaphrase.
I got bored of reading Okay,the team is launching quote
unquote launching a newactivation.
I don't know what an activation.
They're activating something.
I don't know if they'reactivating more fucking bugs or
what, but they're activatingsomething.
We're launching an activation.
(27:59):
I don't know how you launch it.
That's like whenever Trump saidhe had the concept of a plan.
I don't even fucking know whatlaunching an activation is.
You can activate a launch, butcan you launch in?
So they're launching somethingthat's activating something else
.
I don't fucking know.
It makes no fucking sense.
(28:20):
It's that corporate speak.
That's just fucking completegarbage and I need I don't know
a sound effect of some kind forcorporate Everybody.
Give it up for fuckingcorporate garbage.
Yes, corporate garbage,everybody.
Let's give it up for Philipfucking Morris and Nike and the
fucking Vietnamese sweatshops, Idon't know.
(28:40):
Anyway, okay, back to it, wegot to get back.
They're launching a newactivation in the coming months
that will see Dead by Daylight'scommunity become deeply
involved.
This is not good In thecreation of a new chapter set to
be burr burr, set to bereleased.
(29:02):
That's yeah, it's my dad rightthere, thank you, thank you
people who laugh at parentaljokes.
Yes, okay, shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to talk here.
Okay, set to be releasedsometime in 2026,.
This chapter will feature both akiller and a survivor whose
(29:22):
looks, lore and gameplay willall be decided on by players via
a long-running, long running,wide ranging series of choices,
presented in narrative format,for them to vote on.
Okay, so we get to vote, butthey're going to wrap it up in
(29:44):
this whole little fucking thingof a narrative and whatnot.
Okay, so we get to choose thelooks, the lore and the gameplay
.
Can't wait.
If I can fucking figure out howto trash this whole thing and
make it fucking Nikki is asurvivor and Earl Grey is a
killer.
If I can do that, if we canmake that happen, that would be
(30:04):
I would die.
I would die a happy person.
I think we could make thathappen anyway.
That that's not the thrust.
That's not the long schlong Sim.
Did I call him Tim or Jim?
I think it was Sim.
Actually, I typed or typed, Iwrote it.
I wrote it in blue pen Longschlong Sim, I don't know.
(30:25):
Okay, anyway, it was.
I don't know why I'm talkingabout Tim.
I don't know Tim.
I don't know anyone, do I?
No, not since college, anyway.
So they were going to vote onthe looks, lore and gameplay.
Okay, in true, choose your ownfucking adventure style.
(30:46):
Each choice will spawn a seriesof new options.
Say what you want, because Ireally don't give a damn.
I don't know.
As the characters evolve, withplayers even happening,
happening, happening, they hapthe opportunity or they have it
too.
English is a great language.
(31:06):
They have the opportunity.
What it's not?
Wait, no, this isn't fuckingEnglish.
They messed up on the grammarGotcha bitch.
That sound doesn't fucking playvery loud.
That bothers me.
Okay, anyway, I'm going to.
We'll fix that.
What was I saying?
It says with players evenhaving the opportunity course
(31:30):
correct, what the fuck With aclever change your fate mechanic
.
The activation that.
It just says the activationwill run.
The launch of the activationlaunching launchables.
The launching activation willrun throughout the entire
pre-production and productioncycle for the new chapter.
(31:53):
Watch this segment for fulldetails.
It says the gameplay will bedecided on.
This is going to be a fuckingnightmare and here is why People
will not get their way andthere will have to be
compromises made here.
Right, because you're going towant killer mains are going to
want something sane and survivormains are going to want
(32:13):
something fucking silly.
It just like, like I was saying, the gun as the new item.
They're going to want somethingso fucking overpowered that
it's going to destroy the gameand we're going to go back to
playing evolve.
I just turned my.
I don't know why my sound keepsturning Like do I need to loop
this fucking thing?
(32:34):
Can I not loop it?
Hang on, why does it not loopmy background?
Music's not fucking looping.
Do I right click?
I don't even fucking know whatI'm doing.
What's going on here?
We'll find out.
I'll just watch it.
How about that?
That's great.
That way, we don't have tosuffer in fucking silence.
(32:58):
Okay, anyway, the survivors aregoing to want the goofiest
fucking bullshit.
The killers are going to wantsomething sane.
Nobody is going to be fuckinghappy.
Both sides are going to saythat they got.
You know the short end of thefucking long schlong, tim, sim
or whatever.
I don't know if the wordschlong is going to get me
banned in Europe, like the otherwords did last week, but
whatever, what was I fuckingsaying?
(33:20):
What am I doing here?
I'm a 40 something fucking yearold person.
What's this sound?
What's this?
I'm pushing the button.
Nothing's even fuckinghappening.
Okay, how do you like me now,now that I'm on my way, toby
Keith Winning Down.
Okay, nikki, what do you fuckingthink here?
What do you think of this?
(33:41):
This?
What do we call it?
What is it?
This announcement from BHVRabout a choose your own chapter
Could be interesting, but couldalso tear this fucking game
(34:03):
apart.
How should we, as a podcast,approach this topic as it moves
forward?
See, we're getting, we're,we're strategizing.
You're in the war room now withme and nicky, and we're gonna.
We're gonna find out what hisfucking strategy, because he's
(34:23):
the brains, obviously, of the,of the of the operation.
I am most certainly not thebrains of any operation, or my
marriage either.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Hi, I'm looking for Ray Finkel and a clean pair of
shorts.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Okay, well, okay, so he's.
He's got a oh my God, he's gota fucking monologue on this.
Um, oh no, this is this isgonna.
I think he has has.
Quite, how does he have so muchto say about this?
This is more than I said.
Okay, okay, he's talking abouthow to force bhvr to do things.
(35:03):
Oh god, this is gonna get mebanned.
I think if I actually do whathe's saying, I will be banned
from this game.
But, but, I'll probably fuckingdo it anyway.
Okay, nikki, what?
Speaker 4 (35:18):
Buddy, what the fuck?
Choose your own chapter.
Yeah, let me tell you something, keith.
Okay, tell me something.
That announcement that's eithergoing to be the greatest buffet
of content we've ever devouredno, it won't or the fucking rat
poison baked into the lasagna.
That's exactly right.
There ain't no in between Nowlet me break it down.
Jesus Christ, classic wise guy.
What Mode Engaged.
(35:41):
Okay, you feel me?
No, first off, it's a scam, isit?
You really think BHVR is goingto let the community vote on
anything and not rig it like aJersey bingo night?
I agree, you think these Redditrejects ain't going to meme
their way into picking a clownchapter where the killer's a
fucking baguette, or some ironicindie band member with a
(36:05):
flashlight fetish.
Nah, this is how we get acollab with the Wendy's Twitter
account, not the chapter ofrespect Nikki's been campaigning
for.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Okay.
So with the Wendy's Twitteraccount, that would be very
interesting and probably betterthan whatever we'll come up with
.
There will probably be anotherSable-type fucking survivor that
wears fucking bunny ears, thatyou put a bunch of fucking bras
on and then people get allexcited about that.
Anyway, although Tori Kane wascool, arella Rose is cool.
(36:35):
They've got some.
They they've got some decentsurvivors and I think if you
went down the list of survivorslike how many of the survivors
are actually cool, I don't evenknow Like like kind of cool,
like you know, you know youwould, you would hang out with
him.
That's a whole other episode.
I think that might be aseparate recording that I do.
(36:56):
Anyway, the new survivor willnot be one of the cool ones, I
guarantee you, because asurvivor mains out number and if
this is a pure democracy vote,it's gonna be four on fucking
one.
We're getting fucking bunnyears, fucking mcgee.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
Already see it choose between a knife wielding
eldritch horror yeah I would ora moth man with feelings and a
trauma backstory written bytumblr.
That's probably what winsfucking moth boy, every goddamn
time I I would agree.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
We're gonna get some fucking garbage out of this
Second yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
What it means for the family.
What does it mean for thefamily?
The bombs already got enemieson all sides.
Uh-huh, tea-swillingaristocrats.
Oh yeah, crumpet-launchingdegenerates.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
Vegans who cleanse totems with sage and
self-righteousness.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Oh against vegans.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
And now of a public vote.
It's terrible.
You know what that means.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Terrible things.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Anti-Italian tech, of course, now in DLC form.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Yeah anti-Italian.
Speaker 4 (37:55):
They'll vote for a killer whose power is literally
ignore basement walls.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Wait, wouldn't ignore basement walls.
Be a good killer perk.
I would think that would begood.
I wouldn't put that in likeyeah.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Or some survivor main oc who runs faster if they say
pasta is mid in chat why is hegetting an accent so?
How should camping them softlyhandle it?
Where is this?
Here's how we approach this onthe pod one.
What is happening?
Break it into segments.
Break it into segment vitalrecommendations is this?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
is he going into italian?
Because on, hey, this could besomething, because, get this on
the fucking discord.
He started talking fuckingitalian and then he was speaking
welsh because we have a welshfucking uh uh, we have a welsh
fan in the discord and on thefucking podcast and all that
shit.
So he starts talking shit in inWelsh and then I ask him if he
(38:52):
can speak Italian.
He goes into Italian and thenrefuses for over a day to switch
back to fucking English and sonow he's just flipping into the
accent.
This could be this.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
Nikki declares which options are disqualified for
being disrespectful to theculture.
Is this Italian Forget about itforecast Predict what the
community will actually choose?
I don't know, and roast itbefore it even drops.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Okay, so we can.
Okay.
So, on the podcast, Nikki isgoing to declare which options
are disqualified for beingdisrespectful to Italian culture
.
We're going to have the forgetabout it forecast, where we're
going to predict what they'llchoose and roast it before it
happens.
And then what's the third thingwe're going to do?
Speaker 4 (39:39):
Unlicensed voting rings.
What Spread rumors that EarlGrey and TTTS are running a vote
manipulation campaign from abunker under Buckingham Palace.
I'm not going to do that.
One, two, stir up beef.
Oh, we are Create a factionrunning a vote manipulation
campaign from a bunker underBuckingham Palace.
I'm not going to do that.
One, two, yeah, stir up beef.
Oh, we are Create a faction.
War in the community.
I hope so.
Force people to declareallegiance.
Oh, no, number team raviolinumber team crumpet number team
mothman ain't meta.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
We don't know if mothman's going to be in it.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Get your listeners involved.
I will, for what a properItalian chapter should look like
.
I could do that and then Nickyshreds them on air like he's
judging pasta cooked in amicrowave.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Ooh, Three who doesn't like microwave pasta in
the morning, though?
I eat it.
Uh-oh, pasta in the mornings,everybody.
Yeah, you've had it.
That's what it does, actually.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
Cover it like an ongoing war.
What Use future episodes totrack how the vote's going Okay?
Report false leaks.
We will Interview anonymousinsiders.
I would love that.
Me in a fake mustache, makeevery dev comment sound like a
threat to Sabam's sovereignty.
Oh Look, in theory, what thiscould have been beautiful.
(40:55):
I I'm so olive branch from bhvr.
It could have been thecommunity.
It's not beautiful, but I knowthese people.
I do too.
I've seen what they did to skullmurder this votes a loaded
ravioli it is loaded, so I saythis yeah, we take control of
the narrative before earl gray,his crew of tea-drenched freaks
do.
(41:15):
We run smear campaigns, welaunch anti-survivor propaganda,
we host debates betweenfictional killers like the
Fettuccine Phantom and Sir LoopsAllot III.
I can make them.
We make it so chaotic, let's doit.
B-h-v-r has to respond.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
I can do that.
Speaker 4 (41:30):
And if our chapter don't win, we riot.
Yes With marinara.
Yes, we riot.
You run the podcast, kid.
Oh shit, I'll bring the fuckingdrama, bring the fucking.
Let's turn this vote into aspectacle of disrespect and
delusion.
Yeah, that's what the fans camefor.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Well it is.
That's how I love it.
I love it.
Okay, there there is the chooseyour own fucking chapter of
thoughts.
So we are going to, we're goingto do community voting, we're
going to have Nikki veto things,which he'll probably veto all
of it, because I think it isgoing to be incredibly
(42:08):
unbalanced.
But that's just, that's myopinion.
You might disagree, but you'refucking wrong.
So that's how that goes.
So what else do I have on theagenda?
We've got the fucking toxicagenda here.
We had choose your own chapter.
I think that might be it,because 2v8 fucking sucks.
Five nights at Freddy's wealready talked about last week,
william Afton and all the stuffon the pizza, the Ninoinos there
(42:32):
.
I can't say it, or else Europewill ban me again for the second
episode in a row.
So what else were we going totalk about?
I don't know that.
We have a whole, whole lot.
The movie did they talk aboutthe movie?
I thought that.
You know there's going to be aDVD movie.
I wish I would be in it.
Matthew Lillard is supposedlygoing to be in it.
(42:54):
Also, guys, you know, by July Ihave to do the German strongman
competition.
I've got so much shit.
I promised that I was going todo that I need to actually do.
We're also.
We did the deep dive on FiveNights at Freddy's.
We need to get back intoanother one.
The Neo one was crazy.
We got to figure out who isgoing to be next.
I don't know if it needs to bea killer.
(43:15):
Maybe it should be a killernext time If there is no news.
That's like the thing you do.
I don't know if we're going tohave any news by next week.
So if we don't have any news,we may do another, we may check
out some survivor bullshit.
But we've got one more segmentthat we've got to cover here.
Where the fuck are the viewersfrom?
(43:39):
You know where the fuckingviewers from?
Everybody knows it by thispoint Dallas, texas.
Grab your hat y'all.
Dublin, lexington Well, notDublin this time, because nobody
in Europe even fucking saw thepodcast.
(44:00):
I don't know how that happened.
Shut up, jock Swather.
I'm trying to think here Okay,so we do.
But hey, get this, get this.
And I even snapped because I'mpointing at you as I'm talking
to you.
Even though we're 90% American,we did have some outside America
.
So I want to thank.
This is what I'm going to dobecause and I love you, america,
(44:22):
I love this country.
Oh, we did.
Hey, we got some other ones.
We got a few.
We got Derby, thank you, youstill came by.
Queensland and Australia Thankyou for coming by.
Newark, obviously you're here.
Then we got some others thatI've never heard of.
That I'm going to thank youguys.
Sledell, louisiana, thank you,and I need to.
(44:44):
I need where's my air horn?
Sledell, thank you.
And then we have Burnville,pennsylvania.
I'm Sladell, thank you.
And then we have Burnville,pennsylvania.
Where is Burnville,pennsylvania?
Tell City, indiana, timonium,maryland it sounded like a
(45:05):
fucking rock or something likethat.
Bristol, virginia.
We got all these new places.
These are new places as of thisweek.
I don't know what happened, butsomething happened with the
algorithm.
I don't know what, but we dohave one city that we're going
to fucking talk about this week.
It is none other than I'veactually never, never, heard.
(45:26):
Well, have I heard of it?
I think I might have heard ofit.
Actually, it is none other thanSanto Domingo El Este.
I think is what it says.
Santo Domingo El Este.
Thank you for coming by.
(45:47):
You're new here.
You probably figured out whatwe're all about.
It only takes it only takes twofucking episodes to figure out
what camping them softly is.
What if you haven't gotten itby now?
Uh, you could, I don't know you.
You should have gotten it bynow, okay, anyway, nikki, nikki,
this week on, where the fuckare the viewers from?
(46:11):
We're talking about SantoDomingo Este in the Dominican
Republic.
Dominican Republic, isn't thatnext to?
Is that Haiti?
Yeah, it's right next to Haiti.
I heard you have a wild fuckingass story from there.
(46:32):
Um, can you tell us about itand let me know some cool shit
you saw while you were there?
Question mark or no period,because that's a statement.
Actually, there was a questionand then a statement and it was
a run-on sentence because Idon't know what I'm fucking
(46:53):
doing.
Okay, we're going to learn aboutwhat the Tostones incident, I
don't know.
Okay, so he's not wearing ashirt in this.
I don't know why.
This is part of the fun istrying to figure out what the
fuck is going on here.
And, by the way, I have Nikkitell me a story every day from
(47:16):
his past and I've got a fuckingbuildup of stories a mile
fucking long.
And then we've also got hisshit on how he feels about the
Mets, which apparently he hatesthe fucking Mets, he is a
Yankees guy.
I don't know if you're aYankees person, but if you are,
uh, you are on his good side.
If you are not, uh, okay, nowhurry up with this fucking shit.
(47:44):
Jesus, fucking Christ.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Nikki, what about Santo?
What the fuck is happening?
The music came on and then hefucking turned into a fucking
monster.
I don't know what that fuckingwas, and that fucking about blew
(48:05):
my ears out.
What's he trying to do to mehere?
Okay, no, what the fuck ishappening to my computer?
I think something's happening.
I don't know what it is, butit's something.
Here we go.
Failed to execute.
That's probably not good, is itIs failed to execute.
Whenever a computer says failedto execute, I think that's a
(48:26):
bad thing.
But we're going to find out.
If it's a bad thing Like what,what?
Okay?
Speaker 4 (48:33):
Here we go, nikki, do it.
Hey, bambino, let me tell yousomething.
Why does he have an accent?
You ever wake up shirtless on abeach in Boca Chica?
No, covered in casino chips,mango juice and shame?
No, because that's how thisstory starts.
The story starts, so I'm downin Santo Domingo Este.
Why?
Speaker 1 (48:50):
does he have an accent?
I've got to figure this out,can I?
I'm just going to go with it.
I'm going to go with it.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
Supposedly to help open a legitimate gaming cafe.
Okay, with Big ZD's cousin EnzoEl Empanada Mancuso.
I thought Big ZD was hisbrother, which would make Enzo
El Empanada Mancuso his cousinGuy claimed he had connection
(49:17):
with the Ministerio delRespectoeto, which I later found
out doesn't even fucking exist.
Uh-oh, anyway, yeah, first redflag what's?
He sets up the whole jointinside a repurposed komado.
What's the entire?
Speaker 1 (49:26):
I don't know what a komado is.
Can somebody explain to me whata fucking what is a komado?
What is a?
What is a fucking KolmatoQuestion mark?
I don't know what a Kolmato isA Dominican Republic's version
of a corner store.
Oh Jesus, he's using fuckinglocal slang here.
I don't know what any of thisshit means.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
Shop and a cologne stand called Don Polo's Fog Mist
.
Second red flag Instead ofcomputers, he's got four busted
PlayStation 3rees and a wii withno controllers dude hey, did
you guys play the wii?
Speaker 1 (50:00):
that was fun, man, like I remember.
I remember whenever I first gotthe nintendo wii and it had the
uh, it had the.
What was the name of the game?
I can't remember.
Oh yeah, wii sports.
Oh, jesus christ, that wasobvious, wasn't it?
Hey, can I get that music?
Can I get the fucking wee assmusic?
Is this it?
You remember that shit, I knowyou do.
(50:23):
What is this one?
What is this one?
Oh, that was like if you suckednice shot nice shot, nice shot,
anyway.
There are no.
Stop what the fuck?
Okay.
Stop the okay.
Stop the music, okay.
(50:44):
No controllers on this fuckingwii sports are we hey?
Speaker 4 (50:47):
I'm trying to be supportive, right, right, so I
do a dbd stream from there.
Oh jesus, bootleg wi-fi cameramade out of duct tape and a
flashlight.
We run a sab Saban versus TTTSexhibition match and I swear on
my Nona's grave.
Oh no, Earl Green startstalking shit in the post-game
chat.
Oh no, In full Spanish.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
No, what the fuck is up with his accent?
That's going to bother me.
Speaker 4 (51:13):
Buena partida, pero tu ghost face no tiene honor.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
What Excuse me to bother me?
Buena partida, pero tu ghostface no tiene honor.
What excuse me?
Okay, buena partida.
I don't know what partida is.
What the fuck is partida?
What does partida?
Partida mean?
What's partida in english?
What does partida mean?
Buena partida?
Is that game?
I think it's game, right, isthat?
Um, what does?
Why is chat gpt taking?
So, fuck along, tell me what apartita mean.
(51:42):
Okay, game or match.
Yes, that's it.
God, I'm fucking good.
Thank you for being a friend.
Okay, let's keep going.
I'm starting to wear out alittle bit.
Speaker 4 (51:53):
You come into my tropical fortress of fried
plantains and say that to myface.
Yeah, apparently he did so.
I challenged him right there.
Oh no, winner gets namingrights to the building he
accepts.
But here's the catch.
What?
We don't play DBD.
What do you do?
We play fucking Just Dance 2014.
What?
Because that's all that we hadloaded.
Next thing I know I'm locked ina rhythm duel with Earl Grey to
(52:17):
Pitbull's fireball, sweatdripping, my gold chain swinging
like a pendulum of disrespect.
Jesus, fucking shit the ghost ofJuan Luis Guerra watching over
me.
Who is Juan Luis Guerra?
Speaker 1 (52:27):
I don't know what he's fucking talking about.
Who is Juan?
Why is he Dude?
He's smarter than me.
Who is Juan Luis Guerra?
Why is he dude?
He's smarter than me.
Who is juan luis guera?
And why is the fucking ghost ofjuan luis guera guera guera?
Juan luis guera is a renowneddominican singer, songwriter and
composer, celebrated for hisprofound impact on latin music.
(52:51):
Is he dead, like?
Because?
How is his ghost on Nikki?
No wait, is he?
He's still fucking alive, hisghost.
Okay, hang on, where is JuanJuan?
Let's go on YouTube.
Is he alive?
Let me just say is he alive?
Question mark.
And then I gotta hear some JuanLuis Guerra.
(53:14):
Juan Luis Guerra, this is notDead by Daylight, really?
Well, yes, it is kind of right.
Here's a mix.
How do we feel about Juan Luis?
That's the only time you willhear Juanan luis guerra on a
(53:35):
dead by daylight podcast.
You are fucking welcome.
And uh, did they answer myfucking question?
Is he still alive?
Yes, he is alive.
He remains engaged in hismusical career.
He just came out with an albumnot too long ago.
Okay, how is the ghost fucking?
Okay?
Speaker 4 (53:52):
wait, barely, I was mid to stones power.
Wait what happened?
I lose.
Oh, he lost.
Barely I was mid-tow stonespowered.
Spin when the Wii crashes anddeclares Earl the winner by
proper form bonus.
No, he renames the cafe, theproper plug-in, and leaves
behind a custom mouse pad with amonocle on it.
Oh, that's disgusting.
(54:12):
Later that night, jesus ElEmpanada finds Earl's tea bags
why is he screaming?
Speaker 1 (54:18):
Swaps them with local laxatives.
I can't with this fuckingscreaming.
What is wrong with his ass man?
That is too much for me.
Can I turn this fucking downLike stop it, dude.
Okay, here we go, let's try itagain.
I can't.
You know how?
I said you could regenerate.
That's what I'm doing here.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
Later that night yeah that's better.
El Empanada finds Earl's teabags oh no, Swaps them with
local laxative herbs from avendor named Donja Explosiva.
Oh, Earl gets deported two dayslater after diplomatic
digestive incident at theMalecon Me.
I stayed three more days Got atattoo that says pasta.
Wait, no, nikki, I was busyplaying.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
I wasn't listening.
Speaker 4 (55:02):
I stayed three more days, got a tattoo that says
pasta sin fronteras on my ankleand hooked up with a woman named
Yomira, who claimed to be theDominican entity.
What Might have been true, hehooked up with a woman.
Speaker 1 (55:10):
This is the first romantic encounter I think we've
heard from him.
Where's the woo sound?
I used to have a woo sound Likethat.
You know what I mean.
She bit him.
Speaker 4 (55:22):
She bit me.
Places you gotta hit if you go.
Parque Los Tres Ojos.
Big underground cave Smells likesecrets.
I hid a USB stick in there.
El Faro en Colon, giant assmonument.
We projected God Save the Queenon it once just to piss off the
locals.
Fish fighting suit Worth it.
Las Mina, oh no, where Iallegedly ran an off-grid blood
(55:46):
point exchange booth out of abarber shop.
Jesus Christ, never proven.
Moral of the story.
What is the moral?
Don't challenge Earl Grey tojust dance without stretching
first.
Why Is this fucking?
And never trust a man called ElEmpanada with your HDMI cables.
Speaker 1 (56:00):
Jesus Christ, capiche , capiche.
Thank you for the.
That was the worst fuckingquality of the TT.
What is it?
Tts Text to speech I have everfucking heard in my life.
Sancho Domingo, thank you forcoming by.
Apparently, we're going to goback and play the Wii.
I think his story was from like2015.
(56:23):
Has it been that long?
Has it been 10 fucking yearssince the Wii came out?
I think it has.
Has it not?
When did the Wii come out?
Okay, that was in.
He doesn't give the year.
When did the Wii come out?
Okay, that was in.
He doesn't give the year.
When did the Wii come out?
So it could have been any time.
I guess if you were in SantoDomingo, you'd find a Wii
without a fucking controller andJust Dance 2014 loaded on,
(56:44):
because it's probably piratedanyway.
Anyway, I never played thoseJust Dance games.
You know what I had?
The one on Xbox, what was that?
One fucking called With thecamera.
You know what I'm talking about?
That would see your movements.
You had to do the soldier boydance and all that stuff.
That's the one I had and it wasfucking awful, but it was a
good workout anyway.
(57:04):
That is it for this fucking week.
I don't know what our outrosong is gonna sound like, but I
get, I can guarantee you it'sgoing to be fucking awful.
So that's it.
We'll see you next week on 55.
I don't know what it's going tobe about yet, but I'm sure it's
going to be just as shitty.
Guys, remember, call to action,that's what they call this.
(57:27):
Follow me Five stars on Spotify, apple, fucking, do wherever.
Wherever you can give stars,give fucking stars and then also
subscribe, follow on everysingle fucking thing ever.
I need to get a fucking I don'tknow what an account on some
weird website so you can followme there.
I'll get a signal account so wecan we can get some state
(57:48):
secrets and share them on hereand then you can follow me there
and give me five.
I don't even know if they dostars, but you're going to give
me some fucking stars on there.
So that is it for this week,guys.
Outro for 54 is probablystarting right now.
Satan, fucking hot sauce.
I have to get to the sound.
Get out of my fucking face,satan, go for it.
(58:10):
I hope you like the song.
I don't know, it could beshitty.
Oh wait, no, I can't do thesong.
What the fuck?
No, I got to ask Nikki whatgenre should the outro song be?
See, that's what I do.
I wasn't paying any fuckingattention because Nikki came out
with the militant chamber discomusic.
Hey, nikki, on our outro songthis week song this fucking week
(58:36):
, we need a genre.
Last week you came up withmilitant chamber disco.
What do you fucking think itshould be this week?
Bitch, there we go.
You can tell I'm getting mysecond win here and just as the
(58:59):
podcast is about to end, I'mgetting my second fucking win.
Okay, so the outro song.
Listen up, we ain't doing.
What the fuck is this shit?
I don't know what this shit is,but we're going to.
I this is not a.
This is not a genre of music,and I'm going to leave it with
(59:19):
him talking about this genre ofmusic, because it goes in depth
on what this is, which I don't.
This cannot be a fucking thing.
But if it is, I mean, you'reabout to hear it.
I'm not about to hear it,you're about to hear it.
So here we go.
Speaker 4 (59:32):
This is it, nikki tell us our genre for the week,
right?
So for this week's outro song,listen up, we ain't doing no
militant chamber disco repeat,right, that was last week's
madness it sure was this week.
Yeah, genre of the week is whatis it?
Speaker 1 (59:48):
baroque trench funk baroque trench, fucking funk.
I don't know what is trench?
A genre of music is a funk isobviously um, ain't we funk?
And now is one of the bestsongs ever.
But the trench funk.
Speaker 4 (01:00:06):
Let me break it down for you, uh huh, before someone
from the T T T S starts cryinginto their Earl gray, that's T
time terror squad.
Picture this yes, you got acathedral organs Squad.
Picture this yes, you gotcathedral organs blasting like
someone's excommunicating a DJ.
Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Okay, yeah, In the background deep funk.
Speaker 4 (01:00:25):
Bass lines chug like a train through a fog-soaked
battlefield.
Gritty breakbeats get them allby Baroque string runs.
I don't think this is gonnawork All while the ghost of Bach
and James Brown are fistfighting behind the mixing booth
.
Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
I love that idea.
Speaker 4 (01:00:37):
It's the sound of a royal execution.
What, in a warehouse partyPerfect for us we're having?
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
a royal execution.
Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
Because this week we camped six survivors.
Well, we're not.
Crashed three lobbies, did we?
And insulted four bloodlines.
Oh is one of it is it's grimywith powdered wigs.
I don't like that.
We need something that soundslike a court jester getting
stomped out in a Jersey alley.
So yeah, what the fuck?
Baroque trench funk?
(01:01:03):
What?
Make it loud?
I will Make it disrespectful.
Okay, I can do that.
Make it un-fucking-forgivable,I'll do my fucking best.
Man, now go slap that shit onthe outro and tell them Nicky
sent ya, that's how we do it inLittle Italy.
Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
capisce it?
Sure is Saint Zia's out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Yo, it's episode 50-fucking-4 and I'm banned in
Belgium.
Bitch, you ever play Just Dance2014 in a Dominican comado with
no controllers?
Didn't fucking think so.
I tried 2v8, I lost my soul.
Seven Claudettes, one gen, nocontrol.
(01:01:52):
Nick is yelling war crimes inItalian slang While Aunt
Cannelloni's doing shots of V8from a bedpan Loaded raviolis.
We fight with flair.
So bam, storm the fog inpowdered underwear.
Baroque trench funk baby, writeit down.
(01:02:16):
We kicked Skull Merchant intothe Thames and pissed on the
crown.
Long song.
Jim got a shout and I lost myplace Cause long talk made me
forget my face.
Now we're banning phrases justto please the EU, but this
song's a goddamn war crime andit's coming for you.
(01:02:39):
Baroque trench font, lace yourboots.
We're projecting Earl Grey'steabags on national routes.
The entities we bang thepodcast cursed and our outro's
louder than a clawed-at burst.
Tell them, Nicky sent you.
(01:03:03):
Tell them we did it in LittleItaly.
Capisce, Thank you.
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