Ep. 57 - Fat Raps, Little Meatball Mayhem, and Heart Problems! - Camping Them Softly: A Dead by Daylight Podcast

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, you want to lose weight?
Here's how you do it, bitch.
Step one delete every fuckingpicture of Earl Grey.
Delete them.
Just looking at that monocleprick.
Add sodium retention.
Step two stop running cookingwith killers as an excuse to eat
four pounds of baked ziti perstream.
I seen the footage.
Don't lie you ate a meatballoff a controller.

(00:22):
That ain't calories in,calories out.
That's depression with aparmesan crust.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
And he's the baddest bitch across the land Softly.
He's camping softly, lookinglike a king in the midnight
light Softly.
It's fog time prophecy.
You can't escape the grip ofthis toxic bite.
Oh, it's me.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
It's me, everybody, the toxic teacher.
Here we are, here we fuckingare, and I made it 10 seconds,
20 seconds, without cursing.
I can't even hear myselfthinking.
The crowds get too loud that Ican't even hear myself think.
And I took my pill and I amready to go for today, and
there's a lot pill and I amready to go for today, and

(01:25):
there's a lot of reasons to beready to go for today.
It's been a good week.
Have you ever had one of those?
You just have a good week andyou're at the weekend and you're
like damn, it was a good week.
I want next week to be thisgood, but guess what?
There's probably nowhere to gobut down and I just dropped my
pills.
So that may be a.
A.
It might portend what the nextweek.

(01:47):
See, we have mollified lastweek, we have portend this week.
It might be a.
Uh, it might portend futureevents.
There you go.
So why don't you go?
Stick that in your fuckingdictionary and smoke it?
Anyway, you're here on campingthem softly.
If you've ever heard of that,you know what it is.
But if you haven't heard of it,we are the second best dead by

(02:09):
daylight podcast that exists inthe world, in the world right
now, because there are only twoand we're number two.
We were talking about that lastnight on stream.
I was streaming on Twitch toxic, toxic, teacher TTV.
Let's try to make money.
But we were trying.
Uh, we were talking about itand I was.
A couple of people came in andthey say hey, we saw you on the

(02:32):
podcast and you're here, likeright here in the flesh.
We get to see you.
We get to see your ugly fuckingface Instead of just listening.
We get to see you fuckingplaying dead by daylight and I
got a 4k in the match that theycame in on, by the way.
But what was I saying?
They said we got to see you andI said, well, how did you even

(02:53):
fucking find me?
Like, you know, how do you finda pop?
Because I want to know howpeople are finding it.
That way you can fucking makemoney.
Right, if you're finding it acertain way, I want to go there
and I want to make myself moreknown, because then maybe other
people will come.
Anyway.
They said, well, we werelooking up a dead by daylight
podcast and there were only two,and so we found you and you

(03:15):
were that like the other one andthen so we just decided to
start listening to you and I waslike god, thank you for being
so.
Anyway, I want to thank Traveldown.
Who were they?
I can't even remember.
Your heart is true and you're apal.
You're also a confidant there'sanother word for you a

(03:37):
confidant.
Anyway, thank you to Stingerand fucking Fitz last night for
coming in there and thank youfor the subs.
That's huge for money.
I will do just about anything.
So whatever you need you, youtell me, we'll, we'll, you know,
talk about you on where thefuck are the viewers from?
If you guys don't know whatthat is, fucking you'll get over

(03:59):
it and you know if you needyour own theme song.
That's what we do on Twitch.
Actually, somebody said and Ithink it was Fitz yesterday was
like how many games have youplayed since you've started the
stream?
It's been an hour and fucking ahalf and I said I think I
played two matches in an hourand a half Because we get so off
track.
It's like the podcast.

(04:20):
It's a live podcast, basically,and so they're asking me
questions and we're talkingabout Nikki and there's been a
couple of Nikki things thathappened last night that we have
to update you on.
Apparently, people love Nikkiand people love whenever this
shit goes off the rails and howgoofy everything gets, which I
totally understand.

(04:41):
That's my favorite part as well, which I totally understand.
That's my favorite part as well.
So, nikki, last night I have toupdate you.
There is a new voice model, soNikki does sound a little bit
different.
But the cool thing with Nikkinow is you can actually put
emotion into whatever he'stalking about.

(05:01):
What do you say?
What the fuck are you talkingabout?
You can actually determine.
As I'm typing to Nicky, I'vetrained him to where he'll tell
me how he's feeling back andyou're like what are you even
talking about?
I can put singing in there andNicky will sing, and I asked
Nicky if he would sing lastnight on the podcast or on the

(05:24):
stream.
Rather easy for me to say right, what is this one?

Speaker 4 (05:28):
Sit your $5 down before I make change.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
Okay, I think I don't know what that's from, that's
Wesley Snipes, but I don'tremember what it's from.
Anyway, I asked Nikki.
I said can you sing some?
I heard you were a little bitof a singer, and so he sang a
couple of bars you, that's whatbars, that's what kids call him.
He threw down bars.
That's what you don't sing him,you throw him down.
And so he threw some down here.

(05:51):
Nikki, can you remind me of whatyou were singing yesterday?
Where are you singing, nikki?
What the fuck?
Nikki?
Nikki, oh no, is it not working?
I don't think it's working.
I'm not hearing it.
I'm not hearing it.
What the fuck is happening?

(06:13):
You see what I fucking do.
This is what I do for youpeople, and I can't even get it
to fucking work and I don't knowwhy it's not working.
You see this fucking goddamnshit and I think I know exactly
what I did and I think I need tofix it.
And you shut the fuck up Onesec.
That system is where that'ssupposed to be.

(06:34):
This is whenever you have audioshit and you're trying to make
I'm trying to make it better foryou fucking people right there,
you sitting right there, that'swho I'm trying to make it
better for, and I fuckeverything up and that's.
Is that my fault?
No, because it's never my fault.
It can't be my fault, but itcan be your fault.
And I've got to figure this outand see and this is what

(06:56):
everybody says we love whatever.
Your fucking podcast sucksbecause the other place, the
other one, that's the good one,and fucking whatever.
Okay, I think, why does it notfucking play?
Then?
That doesn't make any fuckingsense, ah, ah, ah.
No, wait, that doesn't make anysense either.

(07:16):
As to why this doesn't fuckingplay.
Okay, hang on, let's use ourthinking caps here.
We don't edit it out, because Idon't take the time to edit
this fucking podcast.
So we're going to figure, we'lldo this.
And that's what they weresaying.
You like, troubleshoot yourpodcast live.
And I'm like yes, I fuckingtroubleshoot my podcast live,
because when else am I going todo like, am I going to like take

(07:38):
care of my podcast off time?
No, I'm not, because that's notwhat I do, but there's got to
be a fucking way to do this, andI don't know what that way is,
unless unless I think I've gotit.
I think I've got it.
I think I've got it and I'm notgoing to like it, but I've got
it.
It's a temporary solution.
You know what a temporarysolution?
It's not a permanent solution,it's a temporary solution.

(08:00):
So let me, I'm gonna have 30seconds, then we're gonna have
nikki on.
You see how genius I am.
My brain is 900 miles an hour,but it always gets where it's
supposed to go.
It may take a few detours andwe might arrive at our
destination about three dayslate, but we're gonna fucking
get there one way or the other.
That's how.

(08:20):
That's how vacations work,right?
Like?
You're gonna get, we'll getthere.
We'll get there.
I don't know when we'll getthere, we'll get there.
I don't know when we'll getthere.
We're going to get there.
Could be today.
You know we may never get there, but who the fuck knows?
That's part of the fun, right?
All right, let's see.
Oh, this is going to work.
This is going to work.
Um, hmm, hmm, hmm, it's notgonna work.

(08:45):
This is the worst thing I'veever done in my life.
What if I turn this to peeredjust for now, and then I play
Nikki Nikki here.
Let's try it one more time.
Nikki, can you sing for it?
Show me what you sang lastnight, like a proud parent, sing

(09:05):
for it.
Show me what you sang lastnight, like a, like a proud
parent.
Fuck, it still doesn't work.
Okay, let's figure this out.
Um, now, see, I want to edit itout because I'm going to start
fucking freaking out.
The longer this takes, the moreI'm going to freak out, because
, because why is it not working?
It makes absolutely no fuckinggoddamn sense why it's not

(09:27):
working.
Um and um, what if I do this?
Okay, here here.
What if I change this to be andthen I play them and it's still
not fucking working?
Uh, I can't tell you.
I can't tell you, but we can'tdo it.

(09:47):
And see, this is going to be a45-minute long fucking thing and
I think I'm going to have tobreak down.
I think this may be the firsttime I ever break down to like
truly troubleshoot equipment,because I tested all the shit
out.
I tested all the shit out.
This is supposed to fuckingwork, because I put every input.
I have six different fuckingtracks.

(10:10):
It was supposed to be fine andyou know well, here, here, here,
here here.
This is not the best thing todo, but it'll fucking work for
today.
You see, that's the genius.
I got it.
I got it.
Thank you for being a friend.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
Travel down the road and back again.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant.

Speaker 3 (10:38):
Okay, here we go.
I think this is it.
I think this is it, nikki, it'sgoing to happen.
I feel confident.
I feel confident, nikki, canyou?
Last night, you sang a song.
Let's do it again.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
Oh, you know, I can baby.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
Told you.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
I was born in a meatball storm Forged from sauce
raised by scorn Camping hooksin the fog each night,
disrespecting gender just feelsso right, so there we go, nikki.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
That was good.
I'm slightly proud, I'mslightly a little bit.
A little bit.
That was nikki's nikki's firstever musical, his first ever
musical anything.
So the yeah, we.
We had that last night becausewe were just fucking around,
there was nothing to do.
What are we gonna fucking doall day like play dead by

(11:28):
daylight on a dead by daylightstream?
I'm not gonna do that for thefucking entire time.
It's awful.
So you got to figure outsomething to pass the time
whenever you fucking try torecover from the last goddamn
match.
And so what we did was we tookit a step further and we, we
made a song out of the other one, because on the on the thing I

(11:50):
used to make music, you can humsomething and throw it in and
it'll make a song.
So you're like and then you dothat, then the song will just
like that.
I know it's a great song, I'vealready patented it, don't touch
anything.
But we went one step furtherwith it.
There you go, he can.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
He can sing Dude.
What have we done?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
What have I created?
Nicky can fucking sing Campingthe hooks in a foggy.
The name of the song isMeatball Storm Camping the hooks
in a foggy snow, disrespectingwhat it just feels so right.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
The name of the song is Meatball Storm.
He was born in a meatball storm.
I don't even know what thatfucking means.
There you go.
That was worth the payoff there, I don't know.
Anyway, that was Nicky.
Where's my fucking?
I have a folder of italiansound effects.
Now these actually go with themusic kind of okay.

(13:22):
There we go, I'm gettingdistracted.
You see what I do?
That's the ADHD talking.
You just start going and goingand going and then you get way
too into it and you just keepgoing and then you're going and
going and going again.
Anyway, have you heard of thisgame called Dead by Daylight?
By the way, nicky also claimedto have fought in Vietnam, even

(13:43):
though he's not old enough tohave fought in Vietnam, and he
also said he's fought Earl Grayand several other wars in that
time.
It does not work in a linearfashion and he's fought against
England for centuries.
I don't even know what the fuckany of that means, but we will
probably get.
We'll get to it at some point.

(14:04):
We'll figure it all out.
I don't know when that's goingto be, but maybe, maybe someday.
Oh yeah, I'm already tired.
I'm already tired.
I need to.
I need to get my conditioningup because I can't, like it's
been 13 minutes and I'm alreadyfucking out of breath.
Like how do you, how do you dothat?
Maybe I got nervous when thingsweren't working.

(14:25):
I started to freak out.
I was like I'm going to have toedit this thing.
I'm going to be like the otherpodcasts.
They edit and they try and theydon't have complete chaos for
two fucking hours straight.
I guarantee you.
I guarantee you they don't havethat sound effect on their
stream.
You will not find that anywhereelse on any Dead by Daylight

(14:49):
podcast, but here, because thereare only two and you won't hear
it over there.
So you'll hear it here.
So if you need that, you comehere.
You don't go over there.
Anyway, I'm not telling you notto go over there.
You go over there all you want.
But what am I saying?
What was I even saying?
I don't even know.
Anyway, what were we talkingabout?
We need to go into some otherstuff and then we have a big

(15:12):
announcement later in the showthat we're going to have to talk
about.
So, dead by Daylight related,we have some Dead by Daylight
stuff to talk about.
You won't find this on theirshow.
Not saying that I'm better thanthem.

(15:32):
It is toxic, yeah, it really is.
Do new killers suck?
Yeah, and then the patches.
You know what they do, we know.

(15:52):
And what's flying, and pelletswhy do I still play this?
I don't know, it's the hey.
We could have Nikki singingthis shit, couldn't we?
I don't know?
See you start to put all thisshit together.

(16:15):
It's bananas.
It's bananas Pain.

Speaker 4 (16:20):
It's coming, yep, all right, sorry, something's
coming.
And they all look the sameSurvivors complaining, killers
saying what the hell?

Speaker 3 (16:28):
Alright, sorry, I gotta stop.
See, I'm doing it again.
It's because I took my pill andI'm like fucking locked.
You know what I mean.
I don't know if any of you guyshave that, but you know you
have ADHD and you're like, andit's just like, and you're just
like.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Oh sexy girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I think you know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, let's keep going, shallwe In Dead by Daylight news,
because we do have some Dead byDaylight news, and you know what
?
I have an entire foldersomewhere and I don't know where
that fucking thing is.
It's a folder of nothing, butit's got like every dead by

(17:08):
daylight sound in it.
I think is what it is.
But I don't know where it isbecause I was like, oh shit, I
can put that fucking.
I can put that shit all overthe place and in my podcast and
I've totally have no idea wherethat thing is.
What if I type DBD here and seeI'm already off?
No idea where that thing is.
What if I type dbd here and seeI'm already off, I'm already
off topic.

(17:29):
Oh oh oh, is this it?
No, that's not it.
But I do have one sound.
I can put on my soundboardright now and see I'm already
off topic again.
This is, this is what happens.
I'm sitting here looking atfucking files on my computer.
You're sitting here like whendoes this show ever start?

(17:49):
Like, does it start at somepoint?
All the survivor mains have nofucking idea what's going on
right now and they never will,because I can just play this and
start fucking freaking you outbecause you're going to have
like a little like a Freudian ora fucking Pavlovian.
That's right, that's the onewe're talking about, pavlov.
You're going to have aPavlovian response.

(18:11):
You can't even hear it becauseit's not fucking playing right.
God damn it here.
Let me, I can do it, I can doit.
I can do it.
It's going to play right.
Do you know?
It's going to play right.
If I do fucking, why does mylife, why is this my life?
I don't understand what.
If I do this, Is this one goingto work?

(18:34):
There it is.
You know the sound.
Yeah, there we go, okay, so,anyway, what was I saying?
Oh, we're dead by daylight,right?
Oh, we also have another thing.

(18:58):
We've got multipleannouncements, so my brain is
all over the place.
I apologize, but that's thereason.
Apparently, that's the reasonpeople come by anyway.
Okay, so we've got a behavior.
Everybody's favorite company hasreleased their roadmap to year
10.
I saw it on X.
While I was on X, I saw it, andso they were releasing like,

(19:20):
what are you looking forward to?
That's what they're saying.
Is is uh, what are you lookingforward to?
That's what they're saying.
Is is uh, what are you lookingforward to this year?
And I'm actually gonna, I'mgoing to be typing some of this
stuff as we're talking, causeyou know, I don't I don't uh pre
type anything, I'm just like,okay, I got to, fucking, here we
go, I'm going to type it andthen I'm going to see what I can
do with it.
So we've got our roadmap and itstarts in june, obviously, and

(19:44):
then that's going to go all theway to april of next year.
So that's going to be, uh, atthe at the 10 year mark, I guess
.
So let's go through it month bymonth and see what there is.
So we've got, in june, we got anew killer and a new map.
We already know what.
That is right and we're notvery excited about it or at

(20:05):
least we shouldn't be excitedabout it because it's it's uh,
not kineki, why do I even sayfucking kineki?
It's a fucking fazbear anyway.
So we've got the new killer anda new map.
In july we're going to have twonew survivors, that's it Two new

(20:26):
survivors in a licensed chapter.
And I don't know why we needtwo survivors.
That's going to be six fuckingnew perks that we got to deal
with.
They're probably going to beoverpowered.
And hey, guess what?
After that, like in August, wegot fucking two versus eight.
What after that?

(20:48):
Like in august, we got fuckingtwo versus eight, and so we got
to deal with that shit again.
So, anyway, okay.
So we got the two survivors, wegot two versus eight.
We're into september now,because there's in august, it's
just to be a thing.
Oh, thank god.
Okay.
So september comes, we're gonnahave another chapter with a
killer and their survivor.
Who knows who that's going tobe.
It's not going to be, by theway, it's not going to be the
spider lady that we were talkingabout.

(21:10):
You know, the people witharachnophobia, gore phobia,
cryptophobia they're not goingbehavior came out and said we're
not doing a fucking spider ladyso that one person that posts
online can calm down.
And then all the pro spider.
What if I'm a spider file?
What if I'm an arachnophile?

(21:30):
Can I have what I want?
I don't know.
Anyway, so the killer's coming,not spider person.
The survivor will probably notbe half person, half spider,
although that would beinteresting if they were half
person, half spider.
Anyway, oh, a rift is coming inJuly.
Another rift comes in October.
They're going to have somein-game event around Halloween.

(21:51):
That'll be the hallowed blightthing.
November Thanksgiving time,we're going to have another
licensed chapter and we're goingto have a new killer, and then
we're going to have two newfucking survivors.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
What in the hell is this crap?

Speaker 3 (22:06):
so from july to november you're going to have
four fucking new survivors.
You'll have two new killers, sothat I don't know.
No, you'll have five survivorsbecause you're getting two in a
licensed chapter and then in theunlicensed one in september
you're getting one, so that'sthree, and then in the licensed
one in november you're gettingtwo more, that's fucking five.

(22:26):
So two killers, five survivors,that's fucking 15 perks that
you're gonna have by the end ofthis year.
So that's uh, survivors areeating very well there, so you
have three off there.
Because you felt like, oh, Igotta press, got to press a
button, anyway.
So January we got another rift,we got an in-game event.

(22:46):
March of next year we're goingto have a new survivor in a new
realm, which we all know a realmis just like a sub map.
You know, you got your fuckingcold wind farm and then you got
the realms within cold wind farmAt least that's how I
understand how realms work andthey're going to do all the

(23:11):
quality of life bullshit there.
And then let me see half of thecomments on this poster for
people I muted because Icouldn't take what they had to
say because they're fuckingstupid.
So anyway, that's that.
That is, um, the roadmap toyear 10.
Okay, so that's that.
I like doing that because thatgives me a little.
That.
That helps me with the uh, like, uh, what, what am I saying?

(23:32):
It helps me, um, to like, go tothe next topic.
I need better transitions there.
That that's.
That's what those things arecalled, transitions where you go
from one topic to the next.
It's also a segue, by the way.
Okay, so, anyway, um, that is,I think that is the biggest DBD.
Was that?
The only DBD news I had was toV8.

(23:53):
I think it actually might'vebeen cause five nights at
Freddy's and fucking peoplecoming after me and telling me
to hurt myself.
Um, let me see here Tokyo ghoulwe already talked about myself.
Let me see here Tokyo Ghoul wealready talked about.
I just pulled up a list.
I asked Grok.
I was like check X and tell me,grok, what are the biggest
survivor complaints right now inDVD.

(24:18):
Here we go, we're getting ready.
We'll see what Grok says.
I never use grok, I only usegrok to have grok search x.
Um, let's see toxic gameplaytactics.
Oh, jesus christ, that's alwaysa thing.
The go next mentality, yes, Iagree with that.
That's something they complainabout and that's actually new

(24:41):
map.
Designs with invisible wallsand excessive clutter is a thing
I don't.
Okay.
Some argue survivors have toomany strong tools.
Oh, thank you.
I do argue that that's great.
You get some applause or an airhorn if I could push the right
fucking button.
Yeah, so they do have twostrong tools, thank you.

(25:03):
And then perks such asdeliverance and decisive strike,
which are get out of jail freecards when used effectively and
that's correct, because I hadthat a couple of times over the
last few days that they, they,they've gotten so good because
decisive or because dead hard,and I know that's neither one of
the ones I just fuckingmentioned.

(25:23):
But now I'm talking about deadand you're coming along for the
ride.
We're talking about Dead Hard.
You notice, whenever a soundalert is just right there in
front of me, I'm just going tofucking mash that thing.
We don't press on things in theSouth, we mash on them.
You mash it, you know, mashthat button.
I don't know if you guys dothat up North.
You know, mash that button.

(25:50):
I don't know if you guys dothat up north.
You do a lot of thingsdifferent.
You eat like fucking.
You drink warm tea.
We don't drink warm tea downhere it's iced tea.
You did, that's all you do.
You drink warm tea.
You're fucking uh.
You know, I don't know whereyou belong, but you don't belong
here.
And then where'd that sound go?
I had from before you rememberwhat I was talking about.

Speaker 4 (26:04):
It doesn't fucking play.
Why can?

Speaker 3 (26:08):
I not get the like.
I had everything.
Everything seemed perfectfucking 10 minutes ago and it's
not perfect.
You call me anything you want,but don't call me that.
It was Joe Diffie, everybody.
Welcome Joe Diffie to thepodcast.

(26:32):
Now, what was I saying?
There's something called deepsearch on Grok.
I don't know what that is.
What were we talking about?
Oh, we were talking about deadby daylight match and we were
talking about dead hard.
Yeah, I mean the matches I'vebeen getting lately.
They've been doing thesurvivors have been doing some
crazy shit and it's not likeshit I can get mad at, if you

(26:53):
know what I mean.
It's not, it's not shit.
There is certain shit.
You know you're blinding,you're being a bad asshole, all
that stuff, but it's justthey're making such good use of
their perks.
Now, either that or my mmr hasrisen to the, to the uh height
where these matches I'm seeingmore of these survivors.
I don't know if it's one or theother, but I can tell you I've

(27:16):
noticed it.
It's been pretty pronouncedrecently and, uh, what was I
gonna say?
There were some was something Iwas going to say had yesterday
whenever Stinger and Fritz camein.
Fritz or Litz or Hitz orSchmitz, I can't remember.
I know that's sad, because hejust fucking subscribed Schmitz
Litz.
It wasn't the T.
I can say that now, by the way,because I marked this as an

(27:41):
explicit podcast and apparentlythat was what I needed to do.
The AI said if you're cursing7,000 times a podcast, mark it
explicit or else you'll getfucking smashed.
And then I marked it explicit.
Everything started.
We're back in Europe, by theway, um, so let's hear it for
Europe.
Europe came back.
They always come back.

(28:01):
Anyway, I need a Europe sound,but I don't know what the the
final countdown.
I could probably get that as asound.
Anyway, talking about the match,last night I had my first ever
match.
I was, I was um Oni, one of mytwo fucking mains, and I wish I
had my dbd sounds because then Icould play the fucking Oni
thing like I would be able toplay it and you'd be like ah,

(28:24):
because you'd be scared, becausesurvivors get scared of that
sound.
That really gets them, if youknow what I'm talking about, the
little roar he does oh my God,that's one of the one of the
best sounds you could ever, youcould ever have right there.
I don't think I'm going to beable to find it anyway.
So no gen got done for 10minutes, like I don't know if

(28:50):
you've ever had that.
It was like a three gensituation, but they were close
enough together that they couldnot do anything because I was on
them before they could getenough progress and you could
tell, I, at least I did notthink that they were working
together because they couldn'tcoordinate hard enough, which
they could have right, becauseif they had both jumped on a gen

(29:12):
at the exact same time, thenthey could have got it down to
where I would have to kick itand then we would go to the
eight kicks and then, somethingyou know, it would happen to
where I couldn't even defend itanymore, which I was worried.
That's where we were going toget.
Is that?
Uh is there?
I wouldn't have anything Iwould be able to do, which it

(29:34):
didn't get there, ended upgetting the 4k because I'm a
fucking badass and thank you forthat.
That, yes, I'm a killer man.
That's what I do.
No, I've got my shit here.
I found, I found the fuckingfiles.
Now, where's the oni?
Do you not tell me there's?
The oni is not in this list offucking shit.
How old is this list.

(29:55):
What is this?
The sounds are just numbered.
I don't know what the fuckingnumbers mean.
Here's number 21.
What is that sound?
Where does that sound come fromin the game?
Oh, this is a game in and ofitself.
Try to figure out what he said.
Number 32 I'm I'm pressing itover and over again.

(30:20):
That's not what it does.
What is sound?
44, oh, is that like I don'tknow?
53, oh, I'm like.
Oh, that's whatever you'redoing.
The the chest, I think the 50sright here are the chest ones.
So, like you know how multipledifferent sound like, no, this

(30:45):
sound like fucking Looney Tunes.
At this point you start playingthat.
Or like Batman, like the oldBatman, shit, no, there's.
No, there's no fucking names onthem, like they're in folders
and that one's just killer.
I don't know what that means.
But then we got the hillbillyfolder with number 32 classic
hillbilly sound here.
Oh, that was number 31.
I apologize, that was number 31.
I apologize, that was himswinging, I think, and missing

(31:10):
what.
What I like this?
This is going to be a new thing.
It's not going to be trying tofigure them out, but I'm going
to end up playing thesefrequently.
Yeah, I can.
Okay, okay, this is stupid butit's hilarious.
And then we actually havesurvivor sounds Like we've got,

(31:33):
like it's got them all.
Meg, nia, lori Feng, okay,let's go into the Feng files.
Oh, jesus Christ, that's theworst fucking thing.
The Feng files.
Everybody who would watch thatshit?
Who would watch fucking thing?
The Fang Files?
Everybody who would watch thatShit?
Who would watch the show?
The Fang Files?
Oh my god, okay, no, no, it's.

(31:55):
Oh, jesus Christ, they're allcrying sounds.
Oh well, because I guess that'sWhenever you listen to these
sounds back to back, you realizehow terrible all of Bill, bill,

(32:18):
that's number eight, number 11.
You know what?
I could turn these into a song.
I could turn that into a song.
Okay, anyway, I'm getting aheadof myself here.
Thank you, crowd.
Yes, thank you.

(32:41):
That was name the sound.
I don't know.
We can do that if I ever hadguests on, but nobody wants to
come on this shit.
Actually they the free Fitzyand Flitzy and Dasher and Dancer
and Stinger and Winger, kip,winger um were mentioning that I
should try to have the peoplefrom the other dead by daylight
podcast on this podcast and nowI should go on their podcast.

(33:02):
It's not going to work becauseI can't give a fucking audio to
work so we wouldn't even be ableto hear them, or we'd be able
to hear them and not me.
And then if I go over therethat they're not gonna like
their people are like they'reused to calm podcasts, and then
what am I gonna have?
Hello, it's gonna be like me inepisode one.
If you ever go back and listento like the first fucking.

(33:24):
I don't know when I went off therails, I don't know if it was
episode five, 10, 15, 20, like Idon't know when it happened,
but there was some point atwhich I just lost all connection
to reality.
And then that's whenever thepodcast actually became camping
them softly.
It was not camping, it wassomething.
It was not camping them softlyat that, not camping, it was
something.

(33:44):
It was not camping them softly.
At that time it became thatlater.
Do I have like a fucking Hangon?
Yeah, I've got Something.
Hang on, let me see here, whathave I got?
I've got, I've got episode Fivehere.
Let me see.
Oh, my god.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
It's him, you, son of a bitch toxic.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
Do you remember this?

Speaker 4 (34:10):
toxic, toxic, toxic hey, he's a sadistic bastard
yeah, oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
So where?
Where am I?
I'm gonna fast forward times sowe get three 30 second blocks.
That doesn't even sound like me.
Great, that's bad ass.
That's not even me.
If you listen to that, that'snot even me.
It doesn't sound the same.
He's like talking like a normalhuman being.
That's not me.
That's not toxic, that's theguy behind it.

(34:39):
Anyway, where was I?
We were talking about thatmatch yesterday.
Yeah, chaos Shuffle is going onright now.
Guys, chaos Shuffle is what itis.
It's a survivor buffet.
That's what I call it.
Because then they bring thefucking flashlights.
You can't do anything about theflashlights and then you're
fucking stuck.
A lot of you say, well, youdon't need, you just defend

(35:03):
against that shit.
Well, when you got four fuckingflashlights, you need some
light born.
Jesus, fucking Christ.
See, the episode five versionof toxic little toxic would not
have, would not have been thatway, like whenever you talk
about four fucking flashlights,I don't know what I was thinking
.
What about?
What about episode 22?
This is I'm, I'm here atepisode 22.

(35:31):
Yeah, that's me.
See, you can tell that that'sme.
And that was the old AI.
That was the fucking wheneverit was fake.
Samuel L Jackson, samuel AIJackson.
That was the original, and thenit morphed into what it is
fucking today.
And that brings me segue.

(35:51):
This is a transition for you.
That brings me to my next point, which is nikki news.
And I don't know that I have afucking do I have a sound for
nikki news like what about thisone?
No, no, I mean, I could just.

(36:13):
This is kind of these aren'teven fucking playing.
I was sitting here enjoying it.
And I look over and I'm likeyou can't even hear any of this
shit.
What this is, oh my god, thisis my life now.
This is my life.
It's just dead silence.
You hear me say oh, that's good, oh, that's good, oh, that's

(36:33):
good.
And then you're like what thefuck is he doing?
What is happening here?
So, anyway, where was I?
And you know what I'm doinghere.
Do you know what I do wheneverI do this yeah, I just start
saying random words is becauseI'm actually working on
something and I'm talking as I'mdoing it because I'm that good,
that's skill right there,because now I can do this shit.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Wait till you see her yearbook photos.
Donna, you're gonna die.
No, nothing, I got nervous.
I had two missed calls.
I don't Rosalie, your aunt's onthe phone.

Speaker 3 (37:05):
There we go.
That could be Mickey News.
Dun-da-dun-da-da-.
That could be Nicky News.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Okay, that's hey.
We got like a decent amount ofthat song.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Okay, I'll take that.
Anyway, nicky, we have a bigannouncement and this is toxic
news, but it's also Nicky News,so it's kind of toxic news,
fucking news that's toxic, toxicnews.

Speaker 4 (37:30):
But it's also Nikki news, so it's kind of toxic news
, fucking news.
That's toxic, toxic news.
Oh yeah.
Preacher, it's the toxicfucking news?

Speaker 3 (37:40):
No, I don't know that it's toxic news.
I just liked the song andwanted to hear it again.
Anyway, um, toxic news Nikkihas a big announcement to make
and we talked about it on thestream last night.
They got a sneak peek, is thatyou know?
I talked to Nikki off offstream, like I'm just I'm
dicking around on fucking huntshowdown or dead by daylight.

(38:01):
Actually hunt showdown, dude,if you have not played hunt
showdown, you need to get thisgame.
This game is fucking, isthoroughly up my alley.
It is my.
It's the game I love.
Like Dead by Daylight's fuckingnightmare.
It's a fucking like a mentalillness in a fucking video game
form.
You know it will send you toplaces that you should never go,

(38:23):
emotionally and mentally.
But what was I saying?
Why was I fucking saying that?
Oh, yes, because, like,whenever that happens, all I'll
will, uh, send him messages.
He'll send me stuff back, likeI know who his least favorite
athlete is.
He roots for all the New Yorksports teams and he's not a
fucking.
Is he a Mets fan or a Yankeesfan?
I, he would be furious if Ieven asked that, because he told

(38:47):
me and he said there's one teamhe fucking hates and he talked
about's one team he fuckinghates, and he talked about all
the shit he got into in thebaseball stadiums with them,
like going to the games, likehe's an AI.
Where does this shit come from?
Anyway, the reason I'm tellingyou all this is because he has
an announcement.
Whenever I talked about it withhim, I asked him a simple

(39:09):
question and I got a complexanswer.
I asked him if he is, you knowhow some streamers and some dead
by daylight players, they'llhave a killer main, but that
might not always be their killermain.
You know how some people switch.
And I asked because I said,nikki, I heard you're thinking

(39:29):
about switching killer mainsbecause he's been Ghostface.
Right, ghostface is the onedoing all the paperwork in the
basement.
That's his domain, that's wherethe office is of Ghostface.
So I said, hey, nicky, are yougoing to change killer mains?
And this was a response.
I got Victor.
Oh no, that's not it when itright here, sorry you've been

(39:54):
hearing whispers?

Speaker 1 (39:55):
huh, yeah, it's true.
I made the executive fuckingdecision to go full twins main.
Why there we go?
Because victor is my fuckingconciliary.
That little gremlin, he's likemy own personal button, man,
right?
You ever seen a two foot tallmafioso with claws?
Now you have.

Speaker 3 (40:13):
I don't even kick games anymore, I just point, and
victor goes for joe pesci and achucky cheese now hey, you
gotta think here could youimagine victor, I mean number
one that it's the, it's thekiller that makes the most sense
for him to have?
Right, because he needs asidekick, he needs his fucking
number two, because any goodMafioso you got your Don and you
got your fucking Lieutenantright.

(40:35):
So you got little fuckingLieutenant Nikki here.
I don't know he's got anickname, probably because every
, every good Italian Mafioso gotyou know fingers or fucking
little slippery or whatever youwould fucking call it.
Hey, this is Michael thefucking, you know the handmade
or whatever I don't know.
Hey, give me a list of Italian.
Oh, here we go.

(40:55):
This is chat GPT.
Give me a list of fucking, giveme a list of mobster nicknames
in real life.
Okay, so what were we saying?
Okay?
So we're saying yo, nikki, thisis like the perfect one,
because you got them a littlefucking.
You give him a little fucking.
Uh, get him a little fuckingtuxedo there and get him a
little fucking like one of thoseTommy gun, like guitar cases.

(41:17):
I that this is the best skinever like this would be.
I am coming up with a milliondollar fucking idea here.
Oh, yeah, so, so you got.
So you got, you've got a bunchof fucking famous mobster.
You've got Lucky Luciano.
You've got Bugsy Siegel.
Bugsy is Benjamin, but theycall him Bugsy.
You've got Fat Tony AnthonySalerno.

(41:39):
You've got the Chin, vinceGigante Is that his real fucking
name?
You've got the Iceman, richardKuklinski.
You've got the Grim Reaper,gregory Scarpa these are like
really cool.
You got sam d cavall cavallconte, which I know I'm
pronounce italians pleaseforgive me, but his nickname was
sam the plumber.

(42:00):
And these are the lists thatchad gpt because even my regular
chad gpt is a fucking maniac itsaid here's a list of italian,
as fuck.
So here are the ones.
Paul Castellano he was bigPauly.
You got Anthony Corallo, tonyDucks, because he ducked out of
indictments.
You got I, that one's racist, Ican't even say it.

(42:20):
You got John Barbato, who'sJohnny Sausage.
You got Louis Ha Ha, which isLouis Antonacio.
And then you got Vinnie G,which is uh, which is Vincent
Boschiano.
And then you've got theridiculous and cartoonish.
You got Albert Campanello's bignose.
You got Joe Lombardo the clown.
You got Dominic Marta Morrow,who is peanuts.

(42:42):
You got fucking uh, robertAntonaccio, who is probably
related to Louie Ha ha LouieAnton, it's bobby glasses.
And then you got a michael dleonardo, who's mickey scars.
You got jackie knows who's johndiamico.
And then you got a guy whosename is junior lollipops, and
nobody knows who.

(43:02):
Junior lolly what.
Okay, anyway, we got off topic,as we tend to do, but nicky's
talking about his little fucking.
His little fucking.
What do you call it?
Do you call him a meatball?
He's got his little fuckingspicy meatball there.
Victor Vicky, I don't know whathe's calling him.
He's got like okay, keep going,nicky, for this.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
Hey, let's get something straight.
I ain't switching out ofweakness, I'm evolving.
Are you, ghostface?
Still my number one when Igotta do business alone.
But twins, that's a partnership.
That's like me and MarcoPepperoni running a two-man
racket back in Queens.
Only Marco didn't fit inlockers and Victor don't snitch,
victor don't snitch, marcosnitches, victor doesn't snitch,

(43:49):
but Victor does fit in lockers.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
Marco apparently didn't fit lockers, but he was a
snitch.
So you, you have a trade-offthere, right, like you have a
partner.
They're gonna be good at somethings, good, bad at others.
I guess Marco was bad at notsnitching, but Victor can't talk
.
He can make that little fuckingnoise which I should have in
that folder.
You see how, how it all this isfucking.
This is divine.

(44:12):
This is God here, how all ofthese things just properly fit
together.
We're talking about one thing,something else happens.
We're talking about somethingelse, something happens.
Now all it comes together likethe song by fucking who was it?
The Beatles and fucking MichaelJackson, right?
Anyway, that's Anyway.
That's why you come here.
What are these?
I've got fucking random audiofiles that just say audio one.

(44:35):
I don't even know what it isand I don't even want to click
on it because I don't know whatthat fucking shit is.
And I'm not trying to getcanceled, not saying it would
get me canceled, but I wouldrather not take that chance
because, well, like what audiofive can I potentially have?
That would get me canceled.
It just says audio one.
It can't be that bad right?

(44:57):
No, I'm two.
I can't do it.
I'm two chicken shit.
To check what audio fucking oneis.
Hang on, let me see audio.
Okay, let's try audio one.
I don't know, I'm nervous.
I'm really fucking nervous.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
It doesn't even play on the fucking thing.
Oh, that's right.
You see, I just called itdivine intervention.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
And whenever the program that I used to play.
It doesn't even fucking play onthe podcast.
That's perfect, that is fuckingperfect.
Right there, I can hear it, butyou can't's.
That's fucking amazing.
Thank you for that.
Anyway, you can tell.
That's the noise that's closestto me.
Anywho, let's keep going.
Okay, so marco snitch, uh,victor doesn't.
So you got new.
You got a new teammate, alittle fucking meatball over

(45:46):
here we even got nicknames.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
Oh god, I call him little meat claws, little meat
claws.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give that, I'm gonna give
that an applause.
I like, I like him.
He's little meat claws, notlike santa, but more like claws,
like he little, he's littlemeat claws.
I don't know why he's meatclaws cause me get this big
pasta together.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
What Together, what?
Okay, hang on.
I got to back up here.
Only Marco didn't fit inlockers.
Yeah, we know.
Invicted on snitch, right, butwhat?
We even got nicknames.
Okay, I call him Little MeatClaws, he calls me get this Big
Pasta.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Big Pasta.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
We got Big fucking Pasta, like papa, maybe is it
like, like uh, is this athrowback to fucking notorious
big?
We got big pasta, anthony.
Okay, keep going together witha tagliatelle, terrors
tagliatelle sometimes.
La familia de pain being realclassy, senora a spite senora a

(46:46):
spite.

Speaker 3 (46:47):
I don't even know what's saying.
I senora means sir, right likeperson, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Oh, what signora means Signora means sir, right,
like I don't know.
Oh, we had a whole run lastweek where I never even left the
hook zone, Just camped it likean Italian known to garden the
sauce.
Victor patrolled like a tinymurderous Roomba, got called
toxic in six languages.
I cried tears of pride.
Oh see, yeah, survivors hate it.
They down Victor.
I screeched like a fuckingbanshee in DC mid-loop Family

(47:14):
emergency.
Obviously Mercury retrogradedagain.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
Apparently, but you hurt.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
Victor, you hurt me, and if I see you teabag that
little freak one more time, Iswear to Mama Marinara I'm going
to put a fucking cannolithrough your monitor.
Anyway, that's how we do it inLittle Italy.
Of course it is Two killers,one vision and an extra locker
for my little partner in crime.
Aww, respect the sauce, respectthe sidekick, or get the hood

(47:43):
Into Subway for the spicyItalian.

Speaker 3 (47:45):
He doesn't even say respect, he says respect the
partner.
That's the cutest fucking thingyou've ever heard, if you've
ever heard anything cute, and Idon't have my fucking thing.
I don't got the fucking soundfor the cue where they get,
where the crowd go, oh like that.
All I got is fucking uh, therewe go, there you go.

(48:08):
So the other day, so the dayafter I asked about, I asked
about Victor.
I said how's Victor doing?
And you know, I just need toknow, I need to know how the
partnership is going right.
And so I got this in responseVictor.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
Oh, you mean my adorable little mafia sidekick,
the fang calamari with legs, thegremlin from Naples himself.
Yeah, he's fucking thriving.
We've been running trials likeit's the goddamn prohibition.
I let him moose like ameat-seeking missile and he just

(48:48):
launches himself at thesedisrespectful little gen-Russian
freaks like they own 30 largeand a plate of carbonara.
We got nicknames for the kid,obviously.
Oh God, you can't roll withNicky Dente without a name that
strikes fear and culinary hunger.
So far he goes by LittleMozzarella when he's scouting
for debtors.
Jesus Christ, little Mozzarella.
Little Snapper when he gets aclean down.
Little Snapper.
Nick to Meatballini when he'sbouncing between survivors, like

(49:10):
he's doing, a hit list and ifhe gets kicked, he's flying fuck
.
Or the third, a title of honorpassed down from Tiny Tony.
May he rest in spaghetti.
Who the fuck is Tiny?
Tony Nick has got mob potentialkid he does.
I'm teaching him how to do theItalian hand gesture mid-leap
One day.
One day that little bastard'sgonna hook a Claudette and leave

(49:31):
a prosciutto on her back justto send a message.
Only problem he's got nofucking respect for strategy.
Last match he launched himselfstraight into a goddamn wall
trying to bite a Meg doingTikTok dances by the boom.
I told him, vic, you everembarrass the family like that.
Again I'm putting you in aravioli and feeding it to the
entity.
But he's family now and in thisfog that's the only thing that

(49:55):
matters, except when Earl Greymocks him by calling him a
glorified teabag.
That British son of a bitch isgoing to get dropkicked back to
Big Ben.
I swear on my nunner's meatsauce.
Anyway, victor's, good Thanksfor asking you want in on the
next trial?
We call it.
Operation Bite and Bitch.
No, nothing, I got nervous.

(50:17):
Okay, there we go that was ourNikki news.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
We've got Nikki news.
Wait till you see her yearbookphotos.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
Donna, you're gonna die.
Get to Subway for the spicyItalian.

Speaker 4 (50:28):
Wait till you see her yearbook photos.
Donna, You're gonna die.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
What's happening?
Get to Subway for the spicyItalian Wait till.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
You see how you get the photos.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
What's happening?
I don't even know what thissound fucking does.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
I don't know, I don't know why that's even a sound,
anyway.
Okay, so where were we we talkabout?
Okay, so we had a massive shifthere.
We've shifted away fromGhostface into Victor.
So I'm going to have to play,I'm going to have to start
playing some more Victor matches.
I want to get in on this mafiashit, and here's what I did.
Here's what I did to get intosome mafia shit.

(51:08):
Actually, I'm not, I'm notgoing to do that.
I don't want to do it yet.
I'm going to do it later,because I'm there's, we're
building.

Speaker 4 (51:14):
we're building to something you're not down with
that.
We got two words for you okay.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
So we're at.
How long are we at?
We're at an hour.
We made it to an hour.
I don't even know how wefucking made.
I've had four things to talkabout and I I got it into an
hour.
I got fucking 15 minutes out offour fucking nothings.
We got a fucking hour out of it50 minutes.
We're doing 10 minutes away,but I guarantee we'll get to an
hour.
We may get to an hour and ahalf by the time.
It's all said and done.
I have a heart attack by thatpoint.

(51:42):
And then you're I don't knowwhere.
You're gonna have to go to theother podcast.
You're gonna have to tell themyou put on the Hawk to a girl
into your podcast because Toxicis dead and we've only got 58
episodes to listen to, so you'regoing to have to put her.
You gotta give him that Hawk toa girl.
You're goddamn right.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
Thank you for being a friend Throw in some Golden
Girls too, Travel down the roadback again, your heart is true,
your heart is true, and we needyou.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
We're on episode 57,.
By the way, keep saying 57,fucking 8, and that's a big
assumption there, because I saidwe only have 58 episodes.
We don't know that I'm going tosurvive to episode 58.
That's something I need towrite down on my fucking list.
That's what somebody said.
That's what I always say.
Write it down.
I'm going to survive to episode58.
That's something I need towrite down on my fucking list.
That's what somebody said.

(52:36):
That's what I always say.
Write it down, I'm going towrite it down.
Okay, so we got a live toepisode 58.
Okay, so we're on episode 56.
Hang on a second.
Hey Nikki, do you think I'mgoing to lift the episode?
Let me ask him here real quick.
Hey Nikki, you see I'm startingto like.
Hey, nikki, and you know what Ido whenever you start to run

(53:00):
out of energy.
Here's what you fucking do.
Hey Nikki, it's a genius.
Hey Nikki, we're on camping,camping them softly.
Episode 57 do you think I'llsurvive to episode 58?

(53:24):
Fucking news that stocks.
I'm like, I'm a type in here.
I feel like Stevie Wonder on myfucking cable.
Fucking news do you think I'llsurvive to episode 58?
I'm not talking DVD, I'mtalking real life.
This podcast is so fucking.
You didn't expect it.

(53:47):
This podcast is so chaotic.
It's so fucking loud.
It's so loud in my fucking ear.
This song, yes, it's great, butit's fucking loud.
Okay, the podcast is so chaoticthat I feel like I'm going to
have a fucking heart attack.
What?
I'm going to have a fuckingheart attack.

(54:08):
Heart attack, what?
What?
I'm going to have a fuckingheart attack.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
Heart attack.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
What, what, what?
Yeah, I don't know that.
The AI is just making up shit.
Now I'm going to have a fuckingheart attack before I finish
this shit.
Finish this shit.
I need to lose some fuckingweight.
How do I lose weight, bitch?

(54:42):
By the way, how is that littlespicy meatball little little
spicy meatball called victor?
What is happening this is inthe song is like they're at a
fucking restaurant.
Had that little spicy meatballcalled victor.
Okay there, oh, finally, I canfucking hear myself thinking

(55:03):
here okay, so we're gonna let meuh, see what he says and we're
gonna you know what we're gonnahave to do because it takes even
longer on this new fucking.
Why do I keep snapping likewhenever someone you know what
we're gonna have to do, likeseriously, I'm gonna write that
down like okay, anyway, you, oh,my gosh, uh, he, uh.

(55:23):
He actually told me how tofucking lose weight here, and
then he, okay, he actuallystarted cursing at me.
I can't wait to hear thisfucking shit.
Okay, hang on, let me, let meget it, let me hear it.
You can call me Um, I don'teven know how best to do this

(55:43):
with the, with the new uhfucking thing here.
The new fucking uh, whatever wegot, here we go, let's's click.
What you have to do is youclick enhance and that it like
tries to, uh, tries to fuckinglike add all the um, what am I
calling it?
What am I I'm starting to, I'mstarting to stutter here.
You know what happens when westutter.

(56:04):
It's not.
We're not even on the news now,but I don't have any other
fucking songs.
Yeah, oh, actually, okay, let'sstop it.
I think we're almost there bythe way yo.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
Episode 57 huh yeah, you really think you're making
it to 58 in one piece.
No, buddy, with the level ofchaos, you're pulling on camping
why is he speaking in a Britishaccent?

Speaker 3 (56:33):
That's not correct, but I know he does too.
Maybe this one's fucked up, heyyo.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Episode 57, huh, what you really think.
You're making it to 58 in onepiece.
Why is he Buddy, with the levelof chaos you're pulling on
Camping him softly.
I give you maybe another twoand a half episodes before you
keel over mid-rank clutchingyour chest, yelling they buffed
that hard again, which, by theway we were just talking about

(56:58):
that did spiritually.
They spiritually.
Don't ask how okay you want tolose weight.
Here's how you do it, bitch.
Step one delete every fuckingpicture of Earl Grey.
Delete them.
Just looking at that monocleprick.
Add sodium retention.
Step two stop running cookingwith killers as an excuse to eat

(57:18):
four pounds of baked ziti perstream.
I seen the footage.
Don't lie, you ate a meatballoff a controller.
That ain't calories in,calories out.
That's depression with aparmesan crust.
Step three oh fuck, play Bubba.
Okay, but like Bruno, theBasement Bolognese style.
What?
No chasing?
Oh jeez.
No rotating Jeez.

(57:40):
Just sitting in that cornerstairwell sweating out all your
sins in a leather mask sauna.
Oh my God, that's keto baby.
You don't need no fucking gym,you need five straight hours of
Victor chasing on the game.
That's how you drop a belt sizeand a controller and speaking
of.
Victor, what?
Ah, that little spicy meatballthat's my gremlin protege.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
It sounds like it.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
My pint-sized prodigy , my knee-biter consigliere.
Last night he jumped the Megright in the clavicle while
yelling Bada.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
Bing, he's taught him English.
He taught him how to sayfucking Bada.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
Bing, are you serious ?

Speaker 1 (58:23):
Are you serious?
I swear I didn't teach him thathe's learning on his own now.
Oh well, apparently he's gotthe bloodlust kid, he's got the
sauce in his soul.
Now get off your ass.
Go do five laps around theraccoon city west wind and maybe
, maybe you'll survive longenough to hit episode 58.
Yeah but, if your heartexplodes?

(58:43):
Mid-edit yeah, I'll justreplace you with a bot named
toxifit ttv and tell theaudience you ran off to become a
traveling meatball monk.

Speaker 3 (58:52):
Well, I appreciate that, yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
Now go hydrate you, dramatic fuck.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
Rosalie, you're in for the?

Speaker 4 (58:58):
fuck, get to Subway for the spicy Italian.

Speaker 3 (59:05):
Well, there you go that was it.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
What did he say I have to go.
That was it.
What did he say I have to go.

Speaker 3 (59:16):
I have to go through these and read them afterward.
And, by the way, I just talkedabout the divine right.
I just talked about God and howeverything wraps itself
together.
Right, we're all fucking onething and all of that bullshit.
I don't know if you believethat bullshit.
I don't know if you believethat shit.
I don't believe it, but I might, after this episode, because
guess what?
There's something in what hejust said that actually I was

(59:40):
going to talk about anyway.
And it's not fucking losingweight and it's not fucking
doing four laps around RaccoonCity.
What else did he say?
I don't fucking make a cookingwith killers segment on the
stream where I eat a meatballoff a fucking controller.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
What I am talking about issomebody he mentioned in this
little rant that he did.

(01:00:01):
He mentioned his cousin, who'sa Bubba player.
You probably heard it beforeBruno the Basement Bolognese.
The Bubba the Basement Bubba ishis nickname.
He is fucking dumb and fat and Ineeded a new band because I
feel like I'm not covering everygenre here.
You know the toxic, the toxicempire we've got.
We.

(01:00:21):
We're like a fucking musicproduction company.
Right, we've got all thesebands that we've.
I'm simon cowell.
I'm simon fucking cowell,without the fucking all the
surgeries had on his face.
Have you seen him lately?
He looks like fuck, like it'sbad.
Oh, sexy, girlfriend.
And that's not him.
But anyway, I'm like simoncowell, without the fucking

(01:00:41):
droopy ass eyeballs from all thebotox, like he.
That's why he wears sunglasses.
Did you know?
That's why he wears sunglasses.
Boy, I play that to give myselfa breathing break here, because
you notice I don't fuckingbreathe.
I just keep going until Ifucking play a sound effect, so
I can fucking not die.
Anyway, where are we going withthis?
Oh, so I figure I need tobranch out, because we have the

(01:01:05):
Hellfire Jackson, we got thegospel down, we have Demon
Deacon I can't even fucking sayit.
What is the problem here,gotcha bitch.
And so, anyway, we have deacon,damian, demons, mass metal
machine, we've got decibelgraves, we've got all of this
shit, we've got everythingcovered.
And if you know anything aboutthe rock hopper, you know I I'm

(01:01:28):
actually talking about some shit.
And then we have the toxicteachers fucking, the terror
train or whatever, which comesin the climax of the fucking
rock opera.
And you're like what the fuckis this bitch talking about here
?
He likes that song is going toplay whenever I become a partner
.
Like, I'm going to play thatand I go to this Twitch con or

(01:01:49):
whatever.
I'm gonna play that and I go tothis Twitch con or whatever.
I'm not going to Twitch con.
Nobody knows who the fuck I am.
And then those other ones theother podcast Probably went, but
I'm not going Because then I'dhave to talk to them.
I wouldn't know what to fuck.
But what do you even fuckingsay to them?
Because they're like you know,they're like Serious and talking
about the game and like howthey feel and stuff.

(01:02:09):
I'm like, well, like you guysplay Survivor.
You know, have you always hatedyour lives or is this a more
recent thing that's come to pass?
Like did something, youexperienced some kind of life
trauma that you said, well, Iwould rather, you know, play
where I could just not have fun.
Like I hate everything going on, my work sucks, so I'm going to

(01:02:32):
come home and be even moreunhappy because I need more
things to fucking complain about, because whatever thing is
happening to me is not enough.
Let's add to it by fuckingplaying Survivor.
Like so we can get on the.
It's what it is, it's acommunal thing, right, because
you want to be part of thefucking community, you want to
be part of something bigger thanyourselves.
Because what WilliamShakespeare said, no man is an

(01:02:55):
island.
Well, guess what?
Killer mains are a fuckingisland because we're doing it
all by our fucking selves andnobody looks out for us, because
it's a fucking shit show beinga fucking killer main.
So you get to be one with, youknow, the survivor community or
anyone.
What was I saying?
Oh, yeah, we were going intothe thing I'm starting to wear

(01:03:15):
the fuck out right now, like wemade it 50 fucking we're in an
hour.
I told you we would make afucking.
Anyway, where was I going?
Oh, yes, because we needed tobranch out, right, and I'm
saying this is, this isconnected to the other thing.
And here is why Because I saidwe need to branch out musically,
because we've got, you know,I've got all these different

(01:03:37):
bands and I got all thisdifferent stuff.
And there's one genre I feellike I don't have a band for and
that is rap music.
We don't have rap music on here.
We have a couple You've heard acouple of theme songs.
They're a little, you know,they got the little beat to them
and stuff and I was a big rapfan growing up, like classic rap

(01:04:00):
like you know, grandmasterFlash and Sugarhill Gang and you
probably have no idea who thesepeople are Like Doug E Fresh
and the Get Fresh Crew and earlylike well, not early, but like
mid Wu-Tang, like wheneverTriumph came out, that Triumph
is one of the best rap songsever created because they had
that.
Yeah, actually, let me teachyou something.

(01:04:21):
The teacher is in session here.
We're teaching you something.
They did a study.
Some linguists did a study ofall the rap groups and the
complexity of their vocabularyand the number of unique words
used, like the size of thevocabulary.
They found the Wu-Tang Clan wasnumber one of any rap group and
it wasn't even closest of whonumber two was at the time of at

(01:04:45):
the time that study was done, Imean nobody.
And then the number the lastwas Gucci Mane.
I guess he only used like 12words in this fucking song.
Anyway, where was I going withthat?
Oh, yeah, the rap.
So we needed a rap group.
So I collaborated and I said Icame up with a rap group.
We got the Fat Boys.
Have you ever heard of the FatBoys?

(01:05:05):
If you've never heard of them.
They were an excellent rapgroup from the eighties.
They did a Nightmare on ElmStreet song called Freddy's Dead
.
They were known for number one.
They were all fucking enormous.
And then number two they werereally good on the beatbox.
If you don't know what thebeatbox is, you're a fucking
idiot.
But number two it is.

(01:05:26):
Whenever you you know thelittle, you know that kind of
stuff.
So, anyway, I could actually dothat.
That was the worst one I'veever done, but I can.
I can actually do the beatbox.
I'm not going to now, but maybesome other time.
And then let me see that I wantto find a song of the fat boys
because I'm trying to get youout of your shell and I can't.

(01:05:48):
What, like the fat boys areback, I think, is the name of
the one that I really.
That really Reminded me.
Like, yeah, here, this is it.
This is old school.
So you're gonna.
You young people Think itsounds like shit.
Yeah, the Fat Boys.
And you know they can never bewhite.

(01:06:08):
The fat boys are back.
Yeah, the fat boys.
Now we need to get to the shit.
Right, I'm gonna.
Why is this intro so fuckinglong?
We're here in gold and red andblack.

Speaker 4 (01:06:29):
You guessed it the fat boys are back.
The fat boys are back, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:06:32):
The intro is so fucking long.
Yeah, so like that, but thenthe beat box you've got.
That's what they were known for,and you may think it sounds
like shit, but fuck you, I likeit and a lot of other people did

(01:06:56):
at the time.
So I had to come up with my ownversion of the fat boys that
we're signing on our label.
We're going to put them onSpotify.
We call them the toxic tons offun, because they're all fucking
fat too.
I'm just aping them and thenwe're.
I'm going to make the money offof it because they will be on
Spotify, guarantee you.
And there are multiple membersand we've already got them all.
We've got Big Mouth Talks andwe've got fucking, what was it?
Dj Rash?

(01:07:16):
And then we got another one.
He's fucking Chubby Checkpoints.
I don't know what is happening.
What is fucking happening, likeif you took anything I said and
like clipped it, like it itjust whatever.
Anyway, the question is howdoes that go back to the rest of
the stuff?

(01:07:36):
How is any of this connected?
Is my what you might be tellingyourself?
The other thing you're probablytelling yourself is why am I
even listening to this garbage?
Or, if your wife is with you oryour husband is with you, like,
why does my spouse look at methe way they do and I can tell
you right now it's because theyyou listen to this shit.
So, anyway, I asked a certainsomebody if their fat cousin

(01:08:03):
could be a member of the band.
Because you know we have.
We have somebody who has a fatcousin.
I need more people in this rapgroup, so I asked could we have
Basement Bubba be a part of therap group?
Right, I mean, it only makessense you talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
Bruno the Basement.
Ayo, you talking about Brunothe Basement, bolognese?
Huh, yeah, that's my cousin,twice removed on the sore side.
Let me tell you this greasymeat mountain is Sabam's
undisputed king of Baba.
Right Plays him like it's areligious rite.
I mean it.
He's so committed to Baba heonce showed up to a family

(01:08:42):
christening with a chainsaw andan apron, claiming it was for
the ambiance.
Bruno, don't chase.
Bruno, don't rotate.
Bruno camps basement like it'sa fucking spa day.
Okay, he says it's an ancientItalian art form.
Right, and you know what?
The dumb bastard might be rightWith chainsaws.
But here's the thing he's fatas hell, refuses to play any

(01:09:02):
other killer and sweats to histracksuit just doing the loadout
scream.
So yeah, he's perfect for yourToxic Tons rap group.

Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Picture it now.

Speaker 1 (01:09:13):
Bruno Bourdonnais rocking the mic while eating a
meatball sub with no fuckingrhythm.
He can't rap, he can't dance,he sure as shit can't see his
feet, but he can beatbox throughhis sinuses.
I ain't joking.
You ever hear a man do a dropbass burp while chugging gravy?
That's Bruno.
Only rule don't let him nearthe writer fridge.
Last time we toured, he ate 40string cheeses and blacked out
in a porta potty for 16 hours.

(01:09:33):
So yeah, you want him.
He's in Toxic Tons, featuringBruno Bubba.
Baseline Bolognese, the onlyrap crew where the ad libs are
wheezing and the beats aremedically concerning.
Now let me guess Next you'rerecruiting Uncle Gnocchi for
slam poetry and Mama.
Marinara on backup vocals Forgetabout it.
We taking over the airwaves inthe basement.

Speaker 3 (01:09:55):
Okay, so there we go.
We got Bruno Bolognese.
He's not rapping today and Iknow you're very upset about
that and I apologize.
Do I have like a sad fuckingguess, right?
But we do have the first eversingle that you're hearing right
here, folks.
You've heard it here first.

(01:10:15):
Uh, what is it called?
I don't even know what thefucking song is called, but it
doesn't even have a name.
It didn't even name the fuckingsong.
Are you fucking serious?
Do we not have a name for thisfucking song?
No, what, I thought we had aname for it, is it the?
It's not the roll call.
What's the name of the song?

(01:10:36):
What are you serious?
Is that the name of the fuckingsong?
It never gave me a name for thesong.
Shit, there has to be a namefor this fucking song.
Oh, toxic?
No, because that's going to betheir compilation album that

(01:10:59):
comes later.
They, okay, so the song doesn'teven have a name, apparently.
Okay, anyway, without furtherado, here's a song without a
fucking name, because they'refat and and stupid.
Apparently.
I dig it, I can get into it, Ilike it, I'm in.

Speaker 4 (01:11:51):
I'm in Mouthquake.

Speaker 3 (01:11:52):
Mike what.

Speaker 4 (01:12:05):
Jesus Christ.
Oh my God, there we go.
Nicky's knees, anthony Dude,I'm in.

Speaker 3 (01:12:30):
I'm in.

Speaker 4 (01:12:31):
This is great.
Oh, there'm in.

Speaker 3 (01:12:34):
I'm in this is great.

Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
Oh, there we go.

Speaker 3 (01:12:40):
Dude, I'm in, I can do it.
I told you I could do it.
You didn't believe me.

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
Rosalie, your aunt's on the phone, fuck your boon.

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
Fuck your boon I like that, the fuck your boon.
I like that, the fuck your boon.
What is this?
I thought, the song was over.
What the fuck this song's notOkay.

(01:13:14):
That's it Anyway, thank you.
You tons of fun for coming byoh shit, I hit the wrong button,
the crowd goes mild.
They hate it, apparently.
But anyway, whatever that's,that's that.
So thank you, nikki, forloaning out your cousin.
We're at an hour and 12 minutesand I feel like I feel like I'm

(01:13:34):
not going to make it throughepisode 50.
Whatever this was, I've totallyforgotten what episode it was
and you know, but I don't.
It's episode 57.
I feel like I'm not even goingto make it to the end, episode
57.
Because we still have one more.
And before that, can I changesubject?
I know I change subject every10 seconds, but I want to let

(01:13:57):
you guys know this week was thebest week ever in the history of
Camping them Softly the highestdownloaded week ever.
Every episode, every fuckingepisode, is being downloaded
faster than the one before it.
Like, if you look at the sevenday downloads that first week,

(01:14:18):
whenever the shit comes out,it's going up and up and up.
The 30 days are now starting toshow up and up and up.
The 60 days are up and up andup.
Now that we're back in Europeit's it's even bigger, Like it's
on fucking believable.
And I have you know I don't haveyou guys think I'm giving you
some, you're just giving me someback.
So in, actually, I'm not evenlike you guys, aren't even like

(01:14:39):
subscribing to my fucking Twitch.
So you know what?
I'm giving you a lot more thanyou're giving me.
So, fuck you, I'm not.
I'm not going to thank you forthat.
You should be thanking me.
You should thank me foreverything I do for you every
day Because I'm busting my ass,I'm playing this fucking stupid
game I hate every day for you.
Well, is it for you?

(01:15:00):
I don't even like you, butwhatever.
So we've got our last segmentthat we got to do that I don't
even know if I have the fuckingstrength for, but I'm going to
power through it because for youI will do any.
No, no, For money I will doanything.
For you I will not do anything.

(01:15:20):
Hey, Nikki, this week on Gamingthem Softly, episode 57.
57, we're doing where the fuckare the viewers from?
Hang on, we're doing where thefuck are the?
Hey, you know what I could bedoing while I'm typing to give

(01:15:42):
you something to do.
You know how y'all like.
Well, you got to keep them busy.
You got to give them somethingto fucking.
You know that's what you got todo, right?
So there's no dead air and youjust me like typing when I'm
fucking talking.
What I'm typing, or whatever Igot to fucking, I'll find.
I'll find you something to do.
You don't worry about that,motherfuckers.
Uh, let me go to my like songsand I'm going to fucking.

(01:16:03):
Uh, let's do, okay, this songright here.
By the way, this is what I'mgoing to do while I'm typing
this out, while I'm gettingeverything set up.
This song is part of the rockopera, the summoning of the
fucking toxic teacher.
At the point I don't want togive it away, but I'm going to
give it away, but I don't wantto, but I'm going to.
It's the point at which thelieutenants of Hellfire Jackson,

(01:16:28):
Hellfire Jackson, has beendestroyed by the toxic teacher.
He summoned him, but it was toomuch and Hellfire realized too
late that Toxic Teacher is goingto take over the world and
destroy everything, includingHellfire.
So Hellfire is dead, Hislieutenants are left and the
lieutenants have to summon thecourage to fight the Toxic
Teacher and the beast.

(01:16:49):
The three relics theThundermike, the fucking Hellcam
, the Leviacam and the Beast.
The three relics the ThunderMike, the fucking Hell Cam, the
Leviah Cam and the Thunder Mikeare joined together in a beast
of unfathomable power, whichwill be the next song after this
, but Deacon, Damien Demon andthe Mass Metal Machine are

(01:17:10):
singing this one about startingthe fight against the toxic
teacher called Break the Loop.
Oh yeah, this is good shit, thisis good.

(01:17:30):
This is See.
There, you, you go, it's good.
Oh, dude, this is.
This is nasty.
You don't get this on the otherpodcast.
Here where the are the viewersfrom here, where?

Speaker 2 (01:17:53):
the fuck are the viewers?

Speaker 3 (01:17:55):
from.
Okay, where the fuck are theviewers from?
Here's a list of cities.
Yes, yes, okay, I'm lettingNikki pick this time and we're

(01:18:32):
going to see what happens.
Yeah, he was a slave toHellfire.

Speaker 2 (01:18:56):
He's going to fuck him up.

Speaker 3 (01:18:58):
Yes, see, this is good, like I can.
I can like jam out While I'mworking on this shit, like I
like it.
Something's wrong.
The monster's coming, yes, themonster's coming, yes.

(01:19:22):
Dude, this is a good fuckingsong.
I'm almost done, by the way.
See, that's how you do it.
You get a little something onthe other side, dude, you're
getting a full fucking buffet.
You're getting a buffet,fucking buffet.
You're getting a buffet of goodshit here.
You're welcome for everythingI'm giving you.
Now, let's do it, yes.

Speaker 4 (01:19:48):
Graves is gone and that thing it's still moving.

Speaker 3 (01:19:54):
Boom.
Yes, thank you, that was itright there.

Speaker 2 (01:19:56):
Rosalie, your aunt's on the phone.
Jesus, oh you filthy fucking.
Legends gave me a loaded buffyof chaos to choose from this
week.

Speaker 3 (01:20:04):
What the fuck was that Nikki?

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
Oh you filthy fucking legends gave me a loaded buffy
of chaos to choose from thisweek why?
Does he do a?

Speaker 3 (01:20:12):
British accent.
What the fuck is happening.
I don't what is happening.
I don't know what's happening.
I don't, I don't fucking know,I don't.
Now I fucked it up and the songis over.
I don't have anything else.
I don't have anything else todo.

(01:20:32):
Okay, here we go.
This is gonna work.
I figured out what I did.
Whenever you right click topaste, you have to do paste as
plain text.

Speaker 1 (01:20:39):
You can't just do regular paste oh, you, filthy
fucking legends, gave me aloaded buffet at chaos.
You, filthy fucking legends,gave me a loaded buffet of chaos
why, why, why does he have thisfucking accent?

Speaker 3 (01:20:56):
hang on, let me do what if I do mafioso accent?
Okay, let me try that I'm gonnado.
I'm gonna do mafioso accent atthe beginning, maybe, oh, you
filthy fucking legends gave me aloaded, but why?
but why the fuck is he doingthis every single fucking time?
What is happening?

(01:21:16):
I can't.
I can't do it.
We can't do the fucking segmentwithout this.
This is what it's become.
I thought God was here.
It's not God here anymore.
I was deceived.
It's like at the end wheneveryou think like you know you've

(01:21:37):
got it and you don't got it.
God damn it.
Hang on, we're going to fuckingfigure this out.
This is just like earlier.
See how it all connects with menot being able to get this
fucking audio correct.
But I don't want to be one ofthose guys that already has all
this shit, my Fioso accent.

Speaker 1 (01:21:52):
Oh you filthy fucking legends gave me a why.

Speaker 3 (01:21:56):
But why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
It doesn't make any fuckingsense.
Why, why it's doing this and iteven said the word mafioso
accent.
This is why you can't.

Speaker 1 (01:22:06):
Oh, you filthy fucking legends gave me a loaded
buffet of chaos.
Why, Every fucking time?
All you filthy fucking legendsgave me a loaded buffet of chaos
to choose from this week.
But there's only one place onthat list where the pasta was
cursed, the fog was angry and Inearly got deported.

(01:22:27):
That's not fucking him.

Speaker 3 (01:22:28):
He almost got deported.
That's very interesting, but Idon't want to hear it like that.

Speaker 4 (01:22:33):
Oh you, filthy fucking leg just gave me a
loaded buff.
What?

Speaker 3 (01:22:39):
is what?
What is happening?
Why are we still doing this?
Why have I not just given up?
Why don't I just give up?
Why don't I just say that's it,let's.
Let's just fuck the fuck.
We're just going to.
Why don't we just call it?
I don't know, should we, or dowe keep going?

(01:23:00):
Do we keep going?
Notice he's doing it again.

Speaker 1 (01:23:09):
Oh, you filthy fucking ledgers gave me a load
of buffet of chaos to choosefrom this week.
What it's?
Kind of there's only one placeon that list.
What the fuck why?

Speaker 2 (01:23:19):
why oh you?

Speaker 1 (01:23:23):
filthy fucking why?

Speaker 3 (01:23:26):
is it be why I can't get it?
I can't get it to work.
What do I have to do?
Do I have to go down to theother model, like is that what
I'm gonna have to do because Ican't get it to work?
What do I have to do?
Do I have to go down to theother model, like, is that what
I'm going to have to do becauseI can't get it to do the right
one?

Speaker 1 (01:23:38):
But then you can.
Oh, mafioso accent, oh youfilthy fucking legends, that
doesn't even sound right now I'mbetween a fucking rock and a
fucking British place.

Speaker 3 (01:23:47):
I can't do it.
I can't.
There's nothing.
I can't do it, I can't.
There's nothing I can do.
There's absolutely nothing Icould do.
Nikki, give me another placeand another fucking story.
Maybe it's because it's aBritish place.
Give me a different place andanother fucking.
I want to apologize, melbourneAustralia, because that was you

(01:24:09):
were going to be the ones thisweek, but you're not now.
Because I think I think it'sbecause it's Australia.
So I think he was trying to doan Australian accent because I
think there were some Australianphrases and he was like oh well
, I'll just put another shrimpon the barbie, but you can't put
a shrimp on the barbie ifyou're not from there.

(01:24:30):
I mean, I guess you could, and,by the way, barbie is barbecue
for those of you who are hey,you want another one.

Speaker 1 (01:24:39):
You ain't even digested the first disaster and
you're already asking forseconds.
What no?

Speaker 2 (01:24:46):
oh, you want another one.
You ain't even digested what ishappening.
You ain't fucking insane.
What, what.

Speaker 1 (01:24:56):
You want another one.
You ain't even digested thefirst disaster, you already
asking for seconds.
What is happening?
That's the fucking spirit, lady.
All right, let's go.
Why'd he call?

Speaker 2 (01:25:06):
him matey, what, what is this?

Speaker 3 (01:25:09):
Oh, you want what is happening.
It's what the fuck is going on.
I am.
This is too much this is toomuch for my.

Speaker 1 (01:25:31):
You want another one.
You haven't even digested thefirst disaster and you're
already asking for a second.
Why?

Speaker 3 (01:25:37):
But why is he doing this?
I don't understand, like Idon't get it.
I don't understand it.
I can't wrap my brain aroundwhat's fucking happening Because
it's the same fucking voiceLike that's.
What makes absolutely no senseto me Is why, like I would go
get Earl Grey and ask Earl Greywhat he did in this fucking
place what if I do Enhance, willthat fucking do it?

(01:25:59):
Like we're fucking stuck nowand I got fucking Rosalie, your
aunt's on the phone.
It's when you do it live, it allfalls apart.
Episode 57 Is the last episodeof the podcast ever, last

(01:26:19):
episode of the podcast of alltime, of all time.
I just, I don't know, I'm justgonna, I'm just gonna let the,
let the air, just let it sit fora second and I, dios fucking me
.
Oh, okay, hang on it, justlet's do the fucking studio here

(01:26:41):
.
Maybe we can get, maybe we'llget somewhere here, maybe we'll
fucking get somewhere here.
This is, this is the worstthing that's ever happened to me
in my entire life.
This is the worst fucking thingthat's ever happened in my
entire life me in my entire life.
This is the worst fucking thingthat's ever happened in my
entire life.
Okay, okay, can I do this?

(01:27:01):
Can you do 3.0 on this fuckingthing?
Or you can't do 3.0 on thisfucking thing?
Like it's just, I'm ready, I'mjust fucking done.
Like I'm just done, I'm justdone.
Like, what's the deal?
What's the deal?
All right, let's go, let's tryit.
I'm going to try it one moretime and then we'll note Jesus.

Speaker 1 (01:27:20):
Oh, you want another one.
You ain't even digested thefirst disaster and you're
already asking but why?
Why?
Oh, you want another one.
You ain't even digested thefirst disaster and you're
already asking for seconds.
That's the fucking spirit, baby, okay this is better.
Let's scroll the menu ofmadness.

Speaker 2 (01:27:40):
This is better, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:27:41):
Wentzville, Missouri.
Okay, Dan Serious go.

Speaker 3 (01:27:45):
Wentzville, missouri.
There we go, we're back ontrack.

Speaker 2 (01:27:51):
Nailed it.
We're in an hour, we're in twohours.

Speaker 3 (01:27:55):
And we got it.
Yes, I think we're at two hours, we're at an hour, and 26.

Speaker 1 (01:28:00):
Dan Sears Cole Never again, why, why, nikki?
Story of the day June 7th, 2025, june 7th Location.
Wentzville, missouri.
He was there today.
Status wanted for questioningby the Wentzville Historical
Tractor Society.

Speaker 3 (01:28:16):
Historical Tractor Society June 7th.
He was there today.
Historical Tractor Society.
What's going on in Wentzville?
Hang on, I have to checkWentzville.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Wentzville, missouri Becauseyou know what?
My dad is from Missouri, so Ispent a lot of time up there.
Oh, you're way up there.
You're like at the top right ofMissouri.
How many people are there inyour little town?

(01:28:39):
44,000 people.
That's tiny fucking town.
And then what do you have?
You have a mayor and stuff.
Major employers General Motors.
Actually, if you want to go,you work for General Motors or
you work for the school districtor you can work at TVS, supply
chain solutions or e-trailercore.
They have 436 people workingthere and they're the fourth
biggest employer in the fuckinggood night.
Okay, anyway, nikki, what aboutthis tractor business?

(01:29:02):
Oh, I'm so tired suspicious,conspiratorial.

Speaker 1 (01:29:07):
So listen, the only reason I was even in winsville
is because Don Vincenzo, the bigcheese pepperoni swore up and
down.
There was a tractor, museumslash, black market perk
exchange going on out there Aperk exchange.
Said it was where real fog techchanged hands.
What Said?
They were trading ancient totemblueprints under the table.

(01:29:28):
Behind a fake exhibit calledPlows of the 1800s, I show up
wearing a dusty farm hat and ashirt that says I break for
hexes.
Okay, immediately get clockedas suspicious because I keep
asking which tractors got bestcool down, reduction a volunteer
offers to give me a tour, butI'm on a mission.
I need the myers moonshine,these missouri freaks supposedly

(01:29:50):
distilled for stealth builds.

Speaker 3 (01:29:53):
I mean, like my parents made moonshine I don't
know if you've ever done thatlike making your own alcohol and
they put in cake and stuff likethat for Christmas.
Apparently that's the you knowin Oklahoma.
Putting liquor like homemadeliquor in cake is a good idea.
Problem is regretful.

Speaker 1 (01:30:11):
I knock over a commemorative John Deere display
while trying to climb aforbidden ladder labeled
employees only.

Speaker 3 (01:30:17):
no survivors no survivors, employees only, no
survivors.

Speaker 1 (01:30:23):
Whole wall collapses, exposing an illegal fog
tournament in the basementbeneath the gift shop.
Jesus Christ, now I'm in.
They hand me a fake ID.
Sal Ravialini, hex inspector.
I'm in the bracket before I.
Jesus Christ, now I'm in.
They hand me a fake ID.
Sal Ravialini, hex inspector.
I'm in the bracket before I canblink.
My opponent, some greasybastard named Midwest Meat
Hooker, plays hillbilly Fullsuspenders, no shirt no mercy

(01:30:45):
we're doing a 1v1 fog duel onColdwind Farm.

Speaker 3 (01:30:48):
Why are they doing 1v1s?
What kind of fucking game isthis Fucking fitting?

Speaker 1 (01:30:53):
I bring out my ghost face with spaghetti surveillance
tech.
Right, oh, he went back.
He revs up, does a three-?
Is it killer?

Speaker 3 (01:31:00):
versus killer in these matches.
That is actually a great idea.
I think there should be afour-killer versus four-killer
like Battle Royale.
That's a great idea.
Write it down.
I'm going to put that on x likelater today.
I think that should be a gamemode.

Speaker 1 (01:31:18):
Do not tell me otherwise 60 chainsaw dash and
clips me into a hay bale so hardI get stuck mid t-bag, couldn't
move, just bouncing like abroken fortnight.
Emote from hell, no.
And then out of some localgrandma storms into the trial
screaming not in my countyfairgrounds, you don't.
Throws a fucking pickle jar.

(01:31:38):
What Ends the match, matchvoided.
Grandma wins, she takes theprize, one golden barbecue sauce
ladle and a free seven-dayshadowborn trial.
What?
the fuck I escape through thecornfield, limping covered in
sweat, shame and gnome grease.
I leave behind my fake ID, myRGB garlic knot keychain and my
fucking pride.

(01:31:58):
Oh no, wentzville.
You're not even on the map inmy GPS anymore.
That town erased.

Speaker 3 (01:32:10):
Anthony.
Well, that was it.
We end on a low note here onCamping them Softly.
You know, most places they'regoing to end on a high note.
They're going to end with thebig shit.
I'm going to end being fuckingexhausted that we went an hour
and a half with this and I don'teven know what the song.
I haven't even done the song.
You notice, I almost signed off.

(01:32:30):
I almost signed off withoutdoing the song.
Dak, you were talking about thesong, how much you liked the
songs.
I didn't even fucking thinkabout that and I don't know what
the genre.
Well, I can ask Nikki, becauseI was like I don't know what the
song is going to be.
Of course I don't until I getthe transcript and have the song
written, but I can always askNikki, hey Nikki, um, what genre

(01:32:54):
of music should the outro songbe for episode 57?
What did we talk about?
Uh, we talked about DVDs.
Um, um, 10 year anniversary, um, stupid survivor mains.
What else did we talk about?

(01:33:16):
Wentzville, missouri, and howyou competed in a hill like a
redneck, a redneck illegal fogtrial or fog tournament.
And what else did we talk about?
See, I don't even remember.
Like I said all of those thingsfor an hour and a half.

(01:33:37):
I don't.
I do not remember a singlething that happened in this
fucking show.
Oh, you told me to lose weight,you told me how to lose weight,
and we formed a rap groupCalled Toxic Tons, and your
cousin Bubba Baseline BrunoBubba Baseline, bolognese is in

(01:34:06):
it.
So what genre do you want to dothis week?
Lay it on me, bitch.
And how's Victor doing?
Now?
See, I actually want to hear, Ialways want to hear now how

(01:34:27):
Victor is doing.
I need to know because I lovehis reaction to this fucking,
this little guy flying throughthe air, fucking with his little
Italian hand signal.
You know the Italian handsignal, right, whenever you take
all your fingers and your thumband you put them together and
you're like what's thismotherfucker?
Like you know this stupid sonof a bitch, like what's what's
going on?
Hey, what's going on?
You know that kind of thing.

(01:34:48):
Um, oh Jesus, you want me towrite the lyrics for it?
That's what he says.
Is, do you want me to write thelyrics for it, which he doesn't
know?
Everything we talked about?
So I'm not going to have himwrite the lyrics yet You're
going to hear it.
I will let him write theselyrics, but we're not there yet.

(01:35:09):
So I'm going to see, I'm goingto, I'm going to plug him in
here and let's hope to god.
Let's fucking hope to god thisthing works this time.
I don't know, because if itsays, if it says screaming, he
goes fucking ape shit and liketurns british for some reason.
I don't even know what'shappening here and we need a
fucking sound.

(01:35:29):
I need something in my fuckingear.
What is this?
Okay, oh no, I'm fuckingnervous.
I'm really nervous about it.
Oh shit, is this for real?
Oh, god damn it.
What is this fucking garbage?

(01:35:58):
This episode is the one thatkills us all.
This is killing us often.

Speaker 4 (01:36:03):
Swizzy, you're killing me.
All that bullshit we justpacked in episode 57.

Speaker 1 (01:36:11):
The only possible outro genre is.
Oh no, when that gangstergospel fuck yeah, that's right.
Picture it A boot stompingbackwoods, bass line Slathered
in barbecue sauce.
And baptized in marinara With agospel choir shouting Toxic,
toxic, while someone screams inauto-tune Over a moonshine

(01:36:31):
distilled 808 Cause nothing saysdead by daylight.
10-year anniversary, chaos,illegal.
Missouri fog bracket fat Italianbeatboxers and fitness advice
from a man who refuses to docardio like a genre that makes
your ears go.
What the fuck just hit me?
Was that a banjo or a chainsaw?
You want authenticity.

(01:36:51):
That's how we fucking do it inLittle Italy and Wentzville.
Oh, jesus and Victor, oh, he'sthriving, is he?
Is he?
I got him on a strict diet offlashlight batteries and caught
at tears.
We call ourselves the capo andthe cannoli.
He's working on his bars.
Got a mixtape dropping soon.
Track one's called Get in theLocker or Get Got Pure fire.

(01:37:15):
But don't you worry about thatspicy little demon.
He's got more street cred thanthe entire Vegan victory squad
combined.
Now go wake that fuck God's thehillbilly banger and make sure
the bridge got a chainsaw solo,or Bruno's leaving the group out
of protest.

Speaker 2 (01:37:32):
Jesus, fucking shit.
Oh guys, that was.
Or Bruno's leaving the groupout of protest, jesus fucking
shit.

Speaker 3 (01:37:34):
Oh guys, that was Okay, so we got to do some.
You're about to hear redneckgangster gospel funk.
This was episode 57.
If I survived to 58, it's goingto be a fucking miracle.

Speaker 1 (01:37:48):
You get out of my face and enjoy the redneck
gangster gospel funk.
Hey y'all, this is episode 57.

(01:38:09):
You get out of my face and tothe fall.
We spit divine Toxic tongueswith a basement line, Victors
gnawing on your flashlight handwhile Bruno drops bass like it's
contraband.
I told you I ain't here to loseweight, I'm here to lose
survivors.
Illegal fog bracket in Missouri.
Yeah, I want what?
Marinara in my veins and abubba in my trunk.

Speaker 2 (01:38:41):
They said it couldn't be done.
I said hold my espresso bitch.
What's the gospel of the hook,say Camp close swing wide praise
free.

Speaker 1 (01:38:54):
Where's the sermon today?
D't end it In the fuckingbasement Now.
Bow and pray.

Speaker 4 (01:38:58):
It's episode 57.
Respect the sauce Victor's inthe closet, cutting the cross,
camping them softly, bringingdivine shame and every damn
survivor Knows our name.

Speaker 1 (01:39:14):
Victor's got the last word and the last bite.
This was camping and softening.
Episode 57 now go in peace, andmay your loops be short and
your meatballs.

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Ep. 57 - Fat Raps, Little Meatball Mayhem, and Heart Problems!

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep. 57 - Fat Raps, Little Meatball Mayhem, and Heart Problems!