October 1, 2024 • 13 mins
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What happens when your world is suddenly turned upside down, leaving you single in the blink of an eye? Whether through the sudden loss of a spouse or an unexpected divorce, the journey can be overwhelming and daunting. In this heart-wrenching episode of Cashflows, I, Cash Matthews, share the gripping story of my own childhood disruption and my mother's extraordinary resilience. From the depths of despair, we uncover the steps you can take to navigate the turbulent waters of sudden singleness.
Drawing on the timeless wisdom of Ann Landers and personal anecdotes, we tackle the critical steps towards recovery and reclaiming your life. We offer solace and practical advice, emphasizing that taking even the smallest step forward can make a monumental difference. This episode is designed to be a guiding light, reminding you that you don’t have to face these challenges alone and that there is hope and a path to a brighter future. Tune in for a compassionate and empowering discussion that promises to resonate deeply and offer actionable steps for anyone facing the storm of unexpected singleness.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, entrepreneurs, dreamers, business owners and
happy people with high hopes.
Welcome to Cash Flows with yourhost, cash Matthews.
Cash Matthews (00:14):
All right, welcome.
Glad to have you here today.
Our show is called Cash Flows.
My name is Cash Matthews andI'm going to be talking a little
bit about a topic that's kindof heavy for most people, but
it's one that we need to talkabout.
The concept, as today's title iscalled, suddenly single what to
do when it's just you.
You know, this is one of thosethings we really need to talk
(00:37):
about.
It's tough to talk about and,with half the marriages ending
in divorce and the other halfending in death, this is a
timely topic.
It gets a little bit betteronce we talk about it and then
you begin to take action.
You know, some people believethat holding on and hanging in
there are signs of greatstrength, and that's true in
(00:59):
some cases for sure.
However, there are times whenit takes a lot more strength to
know when to let go and thentake care of business.
And now that's a quote from AnnLanders, and I've always
admired her wisdom and shealways seemed to know what to do
in tough situations.
Now it's possible you're feelinga little bit lost right now, as
(01:20):
if the whole world hasconspired against you and
there's nowhere left to run.
You might be in a challengingsituation where you ask yourself
how can I even go on Suddenlysingle?
Being single unexpectedly is adifficult place to be.
It's a season filled withunknowns and challenges and it's
(01:41):
scary.
Death and divorce can strikesuddenly and the impact lasts a
lifetime.
Now, as much as I'd love togive some type of immediate
consolation, conversations likethis are simply a starting point
for you to jump on the road torecovery.
We're glad you're here havingthat conversation here on Cash
(02:03):
Flows, talking about suddenlysingle, because becoming single
very suddenly is life changingand, as painful as it can be,
wherever you are right now, youdo not have to stay there.
So I'm glad you're sitting herewith me today and listening.
Sometimes having something orsomebody to talk to or pour into
(02:24):
can begin to make thedifference for you.
And I assure you there is lifeafter tragedy, there is hope for
those that want to live, tofight another day and make it
through the storm and we allknow it can be difficult just to
get our bearings and to knowwhich direction to go.
And these conversations, theyare simply a step.
(02:46):
How many steps does it take torecover?
I don't know, but you'll figureit out.
So be proud that you're takingaction and I'm a big believer
that action cures everything.
Ace, action changes everythingand during this time you can be
an ace just by taking the nextsmall step in front of you.
(03:11):
You know, when I was six yearsold, it was a weird evening.
I'd come home from playingbaseball in the backyard and my
mom and dad were in a verydifferent frame of mind when I
came in the house and what Ithought was dinner was not
dinner.
It was the first day of thebreakup of our family forever.
I couldn't be consoled, mybrother couldn't be consoled and
(03:34):
my dad left his family behind.
We didn't know what to do.
My mom didn't know what to do.
I'd lost the man that Idepended on.
That gave me some type ofsecurity.
And now he's letting me know atdinner that he's leaving, and I
don't know that I ever got overthat.
But I watched my mother climbback step by step, garage sale
(03:59):
after garage sale, to help takecare of her babies.
We picked berries together withother workers and just to be
able to afford to eat, and thosetimes were desperately tough.
But my mom took every step andassured us along the way we're
going to get through this, we'regoing to be fine, we're going
to be okay.
(04:20):
Don't you boys worry about it.
My mom allowed me to be a boy.
Still, your mama has your backand a lot of people think
somebody has their back and Ihope that's the case.
And my mom did have my back andfor that I'm thankful.
But that moment that I lost thesecurity in my life, I don't
(04:41):
believe I ever got over it andright now you're in the same
situation.
Similarly, that's been put uponyou, either by divorce or death
, and I mentioned 50% of themarriages end in divorce and the
other half end in death.
Man, that is just part of life,to whatever degree.
But this show, cash Flows, istalking about suddenly single.
(05:01):
It's about preparing,recovering, planning and
understanding what is the nextstep.
What do I even do?
What do I do now?
So with that, I have to tellyou sort of my pedigree in
talking about these subjects.
I've been a financial advisormost of my adult life and from
the time I was in my early 20sand in these 40 plus years or so
(05:25):
, I've seen about 200 divorces,either clients or, in my world,
my friends, and that sounds likea lot, but it's about four or
five a year and I've seen abouta hundred deaths in my world,
and that's about two a year inthe last 40 or so years.
So it's not that we've had thisgreat, you know, run of death
(05:45):
and divorce happening.
I've just been watching it foryears and years and in there you
begin to understand thecommonalities for men and women
who are going through this andthe things and steps that they
must do to recover.
Now, at the end of the showtoday, I'm going to offer you an
opportunity to get a free copyof this book Suddenly Single
(06:09):
that I wrote.
Suddenly Single what to do whenit's just you and it's a real
simple thing not trying to makemoney off the book.
If you'll email us, we'lldeliver it.
Either we can have coffeetogether or I'll mail you a copy
and I'll give you my email realquick.
Where you can find us you canalways email the Cashflow Show
(06:29):
at cashflows at tulsabongcom.
Bong is B-O-N-G stands forBusiness Owners Networking Group
Cashflows at tulsabongcom, andwe'll repeat that later on in
the show so you can get yourfree copy of Suddenly Single.
So I'm going to share a coupleof things that I think are
(06:50):
really important when you'reabout to become suddenly single.
Now.
At first, when I began to seethings happening, you try to
assign blame on who did this.
Why is it this way?
And death and divorce are theysimilar or dissimilar?
And you know, anybody who'sbeen through either will tell
(07:10):
you that you know.
One may not be as bad, but letme tell you there are some
commonalities.
If divorce is a conversation infront of you right now, I'm
going to share with you thenumber one thing I believe you
should do.
When you feel like a divorce ison the way and I've given this
advice for I don't know 25 years, especially with the onset of
(07:31):
everything being online yourchecking accounts, retirement
accounts, phone bill, utilitybills and when that day comes,
or even in advance of that, thething you must do immediately is
change your passwords.
You got to go change yourpasswords immediately.
You know.
I had a friend in my officerecently and she said I don't
(07:52):
really want to do that, it'sgoing to make him mad at me.
And he had already said we'regetting a divorce and moved out.
And I just said ma'am, let's berealistic here.
He's filed for divorce and I'veseen it more times than not,
where one person can perpetuateonline activity that's not
authorized, and I was talkingwith a lady who had gone through
(08:15):
divorce.
I got a call from the husbandand he said who are you and why
did you talk to my wife 11 timeslast month?
And the lady had become aclient of mine, so I couldn't
really talk about that.
But I talked to her and here'swhat I said.
Basically, I said, friend, I amcounseling her on some
(08:35):
significant issues in her life.
See, the husband had gone andstocked her phone bill and saw
that we talked to each other 11times and now he wanted to have
an issue with me.
I'm the happiest little guy inthe world.
Please, though, if divorce iscoming at you, or if it's
already happened, take the firststep.
They're already mad.
Take the step.
(08:55):
Change your passwords on whatEverything Electric bill, phone
bill.
Separate your cell phone,investments, insurance, separate
it.
They don't get to have accessto your phone if they don't have
full access to you, and whenthey say goodbye, they need to
say goodbye to those accounts aswell.
Some of these things aren't easy, because maybe there's a
(09:17):
possibility of reclaiming therelationship, and let me say
this I pray that that's theultimate outcome in a divorce.
I pray that that happens, butwhile it's happening, you don't
have to make yourself vulnerableto the exploits of other people
, regardless of your previousrelationship.
The number one thing I say toeverybody and it's in the
(09:38):
appendix of our book the numberone thing I say to everybody is
change your passwords.
It'll take you an hour or twoor three, but it'll be the best
hour or two for you.
It's a preventive thing.
It'll be the best hour or twofor you.
It's a preventive thing.
It'll be the best hour to helpyou get back on the road to
success.
You're not calling anybody out.
It is you now claiming orreclaiming the life that you're
(10:01):
rebuilding.
So when you rebuild a life,you're entitled to complete
privacy.
Change your passwords.
In the world of reclaiming yourlife, it's the number one thing
I see that has brought a problemin the world of divorce.
Now.
Number two is that, I believe,is vital and we only have a
couple of things.
We're almost finished with ourshow today and I want have a
couple of things.
(10:21):
We're almost finished with ourshow today and I want this show
to be short.
I want it to be impactful.
I wanted to introduce thesuddenly single book and let you
know that you can get a freecopy at you know, here at our
office, and.
But the number two thing youneed to do is update all your
beneficiaries.
Now, if you have children thatare younger than the age of 18
(10:42):
and can't be your beneficiary,you need to speak with the right
kind of attorney and see whattype of accounts you need to set
up to make sure your childrenare first in line and you know.
If you're getting a divorce,you got to take care of your
kiddos.
Change those passwords, updateyour beneficiaries, update your
(11:02):
will, update any type of billwhere you guys share joint
custody of a bill.
Yeah, it's a little moredifficult, but it's the way that
you can.
You know, I don't even want tocall it fighting back.
It's just taking actionpreventive, swift, immediate,
easy to do action.
Action cures everything.
Remember, you're in a momentright now.
(11:25):
That's difficult and you know Iwent through that with my
mother until she got remarried10 years later to a wonderful
man, and I pray that somebodycomes into your life that makes
sense at the right time.
I tell all of my clients gothrough these tragedies, don't
live in them, go through them,don't make any major decisions
(11:45):
in the first year, don't getremarried.
I don't know about dating, Idon't even know how that works,
but I do know this.
Step at a time, inch by inch,it's a cinch Move in the correct
direction, even if it's alittle bit every day, just a
little bit every day, andthere'll be days where, man,
that is a tough one.
You need to have a supportsystem.
You need someone to talk to.
(12:06):
You know, we all need to bereminded that we are important.
We all need to be reminded thatyou know we matter to someone
else.
Take those steps, build asupport team, even if it's just
one person.
It can be your attorney, youradvisor, your family, your
friends.
But there's one last thing toknow After about four weeks,
(12:28):
they're all going to go back totheir normal lives, because
that's what we're called to do.
There will be moments when youlook around and there is nobody
around.
Make sure, though, you havesomebody around that agrees to
talk to you, and that first yearis critical.
So make sure you have anattorney, an advisor, a CPA,
somebody to talk to in the firstyear, as you're going through
(12:48):
these things.
So I'm going to close out withthat.
We'd love to give you a freecopy of this book.
Suddenly Single, what to Dowhen it's Just you?
And on the back we have a noteto self that says you know one
moment at a time, one day at atime, one thought at a time, and
you can email us and get thatbook.
Cash flows at Tulsa bongcom.
(13:12):
We'd love to get a free book inyour hand and have coffee with
you and pat you on the back andgive you a hug.
We'd love to hear what's goingon in your world and if you know
somebody else that's in astruggle, we'd love to visit
with them.
You know they can just come inand hang out.
That's what I'm good at.
So thank you for being heretoday on the cashflow show.
We look forward to the nextshow and staying in contact with
(13:32):
you.
Thanks for being here.
Things will get better.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
That's our show for today.
Stay tuned for another rivetingedition of cash flows.
Hello, entrepreneurs, dreamers, business owners and
happy people with high hopes.
Welcome to Cash Flows with yourhost, cash Matthews.
Cash Matthews (00:14):
All right, welcome.
Glad to have you here today.
Our show is called Cash Flows.
My name is Cash Matthews andI'm going to be talking a little
bit about a topic that's kindof heavy for most people, but
it's one that we need to talkabout.
The concept, as today's title iscalled, suddenly single what to
do when it's just you.
You know, this is one of thosethings we really need to talk
(00:37):
about.
It's tough to talk about and,with half the marriages ending
in divorce and the other halfending in death, this is a
timely topic.
It gets a little bit betteronce we talk about it and then
you begin to take action.
You know, some people believethat holding on and hanging in
there are signs of greatstrength, and that's true in
(00:59):
some cases for sure.
However, there are times whenit takes a lot more strength to
know when to let go and thentake care of business.
And now that's a quote from AnnLanders, and I've always
admired her wisdom and shealways seemed to know what to do
in tough situations.
Now it's possible you're feelinga little bit lost right now, as
(01:20):
if the whole world hasconspired against you and
there's nowhere left to run.
You might be in a challengingsituation where you ask yourself
how can I even go on Suddenlysingle?
Being single unexpectedly is adifficult place to be.
It's a season filled withunknowns and challenges and it's
(01:41):
scary.
Death and divorce can strikesuddenly and the impact lasts a
lifetime.
Now, as much as I'd love togive some type of immediate
consolation, conversations likethis are simply a starting point
for you to jump on the road torecovery.
We're glad you're here havingthat conversation here on Cash
(02:03):
Flows, talking about suddenlysingle, because becoming single
very suddenly is life changingand, as painful as it can be,
wherever you are right now, youdo not have to stay there.
So I'm glad you're sitting herewith me today and listening.
Sometimes having something orsomebody to talk to or pour into
(02:24):
can begin to make thedifference for you.
And I assure you there is lifeafter tragedy, there is hope for
those that want to live, tofight another day and make it
through the storm and we allknow it can be difficult just to
get our bearings and to knowwhich direction to go.
And these conversations, theyare simply a step.
(02:46):
How many steps does it take torecover?
I don't know, but you'll figureit out.
So be proud that you're takingaction and I'm a big believer
that action cures everything.
Ace, action changes everythingand during this time you can be
an ace just by taking the nextsmall step in front of you.
(03:11):
You know, when I was six yearsold, it was a weird evening.
I'd come home from playingbaseball in the backyard and my
mom and dad were in a verydifferent frame of mind when I
came in the house and what Ithought was dinner was not
dinner.
It was the first day of thebreakup of our family forever.
I couldn't be consoled, mybrother couldn't be consoled and
(03:34):
my dad left his family behind.
We didn't know what to do.
My mom didn't know what to do.
I'd lost the man that Idepended on.
That gave me some type ofsecurity.
And now he's letting me know atdinner that he's leaving, and I
don't know that I ever got overthat.
But I watched my mother climbback step by step, garage sale
(03:59):
after garage sale, to help takecare of her babies.
We picked berries together withother workers and just to be
able to afford to eat, and thosetimes were desperately tough.
But my mom took every step andassured us along the way we're
going to get through this, we'regoing to be fine, we're going
to be okay.
(04:20):
Don't you boys worry about it.
My mom allowed me to be a boy.
Still, your mama has your backand a lot of people think
somebody has their back and Ihope that's the case.
And my mom did have my back andfor that I'm thankful.
But that moment that I lost thesecurity in my life, I don't
(04:41):
believe I ever got over it andright now you're in the same
situation.
Similarly, that's been put uponyou, either by divorce or death
, and I mentioned 50% of themarriages end in divorce and the
other half end in death.
Man, that is just part of life,to whatever degree.
But this show, cash Flows, istalking about suddenly single.
(05:01):
It's about preparing,recovering, planning and
understanding what is the nextstep.
What do I even do?
What do I do now?
So with that, I have to tellyou sort of my pedigree in
talking about these subjects.
I've been a financial advisormost of my adult life and from
the time I was in my early 20sand in these 40 plus years or so
(05:25):
, I've seen about 200 divorces,either clients or, in my world,
my friends, and that sounds likea lot, but it's about four or
five a year and I've seen abouta hundred deaths in my world,
and that's about two a year inthe last 40 or so years.
So it's not that we've had thisgreat, you know, run of death
(05:45):
and divorce happening.
I've just been watching it foryears and years and in there you
begin to understand thecommonalities for men and women
who are going through this andthe things and steps that they
must do to recover.
Now, at the end of the showtoday, I'm going to offer you an
opportunity to get a free copyof this book Suddenly Single
(06:09):
that I wrote.
Suddenly Single what to do whenit's just you and it's a real
simple thing not trying to makemoney off the book.
If you'll email us, we'lldeliver it.
Either we can have coffeetogether or I'll mail you a copy
and I'll give you my email realquick.
Where you can find us you canalways email the Cashflow Show
(06:29):
at cashflows at tulsabongcom.
Bong is B-O-N-G stands forBusiness Owners Networking Group
Cashflows at tulsabongcom, andwe'll repeat that later on in
the show so you can get yourfree copy of Suddenly Single.
So I'm going to share a coupleof things that I think are
(06:50):
really important when you'reabout to become suddenly single.
Now.
At first, when I began to seethings happening, you try to
assign blame on who did this.
Why is it this way?
And death and divorce are theysimilar or dissimilar?
And you know, anybody who'sbeen through either will tell
(07:10):
you that you know.
One may not be as bad, but letme tell you there are some
commonalities.
If divorce is a conversation infront of you right now, I'm
going to share with you thenumber one thing I believe you
should do.
When you feel like a divorce ison the way and I've given this
advice for I don't know 25 years, especially with the onset of
(07:31):
everything being online yourchecking accounts, retirement
accounts, phone bill, utilitybills and when that day comes,
or even in advance of that, thething you must do immediately is
change your passwords.
You got to go change yourpasswords immediately.
You know.
I had a friend in my officerecently and she said I don't
(07:52):
really want to do that, it'sgoing to make him mad at me.
And he had already said we'regetting a divorce and moved out.
And I just said ma'am, let's berealistic here.
He's filed for divorce and I'veseen it more times than not,
where one person can perpetuateonline activity that's not
authorized, and I was talkingwith a lady who had gone through
(08:15):
divorce.
I got a call from the husbandand he said who are you and why
did you talk to my wife 11 timeslast month?
And the lady had become aclient of mine, so I couldn't
really talk about that.
But I talked to her and here'swhat I said.
Basically, I said, friend, I amcounseling her on some
(08:35):
significant issues in her life.
See, the husband had gone andstocked her phone bill and saw
that we talked to each other 11times and now he wanted to have
an issue with me.
I'm the happiest little guy inthe world.
Please, though, if divorce iscoming at you, or if it's
already happened, take the firststep.
They're already mad.
Take the step.
(08:55):
Change your passwords on whatEverything Electric bill, phone
bill.
Separate your cell phone,investments, insurance, separate
it.
They don't get to have accessto your phone if they don't have
full access to you, and whenthey say goodbye, they need to
say goodbye to those accounts aswell.
Some of these things aren't easy, because maybe there's a
(09:17):
possibility of reclaiming therelationship, and let me say
this I pray that that's theultimate outcome in a divorce.
I pray that that happens, butwhile it's happening, you don't
have to make yourself vulnerableto the exploits of other people
, regardless of your previousrelationship.
The number one thing I say toeverybody and it's in the
(09:38):
appendix of our book the numberone thing I say to everybody is
change your passwords.
It'll take you an hour or twoor three, but it'll be the best
hour or two for you.
It's a preventive thing.
It'll be the best hour or twofor you.
It's a preventive thing.
It'll be the best hour to helpyou get back on the road to
success.
You're not calling anybody out.
It is you now claiming orreclaiming the life that you're
(10:01):
rebuilding.
So when you rebuild a life,you're entitled to complete
privacy.
Change your passwords.
In the world of reclaiming yourlife, it's the number one thing
I see that has brought a problemin the world of divorce.
Now.
Number two is that, I believe,is vital and we only have a
couple of things.
We're almost finished with ourshow today and I want have a
couple of things.
(10:21):
We're almost finished with ourshow today and I want this show
to be short.
I want it to be impactful.
I wanted to introduce thesuddenly single book and let you
know that you can get a freecopy at you know, here at our
office, and.
But the number two thing youneed to do is update all your
beneficiaries.
Now, if you have children thatare younger than the age of 18
(10:42):
and can't be your beneficiary,you need to speak with the right
kind of attorney and see whattype of accounts you need to set
up to make sure your childrenare first in line and you know.
If you're getting a divorce,you got to take care of your
kiddos.
Change those passwords, updateyour beneficiaries, update your
(11:02):
will, update any type of billwhere you guys share joint
custody of a bill.
Yeah, it's a little moredifficult, but it's the way that
you can.
You know, I don't even want tocall it fighting back.
It's just taking actionpreventive, swift, immediate,
easy to do action.
Action cures everything.
Remember, you're in a momentright now.
(11:25):
That's difficult and you know Iwent through that with my
mother until she got remarried10 years later to a wonderful
man, and I pray that somebodycomes into your life that makes
sense at the right time.
I tell all of my clients gothrough these tragedies, don't
live in them, go through them,don't make any major decisions
(11:45):
in the first year, don't getremarried.
I don't know about dating, Idon't even know how that works,
but I do know this.
Step at a time, inch by inch,it's a cinch Move in the correct
direction, even if it's alittle bit every day, just a
little bit every day, andthere'll be days where, man,
that is a tough one.
You need to have a supportsystem.
You need someone to talk to.
(12:06):
You know, we all need to bereminded that we are important.
We all need to be reminded thatyou know we matter to someone
else.
Take those steps, build asupport team, even if it's just
one person.
It can be your attorney, youradvisor, your family, your
friends.
But there's one last thing toknow After about four weeks,
(12:28):
they're all going to go back totheir normal lives, because
that's what we're called to do.
There will be moments when youlook around and there is nobody
around.
Make sure, though, you havesomebody around that agrees to
talk to you, and that first yearis critical.
So make sure you have anattorney, an advisor, a CPA,
somebody to talk to in the firstyear, as you're going through
(12:48):
these things.
So I'm going to close out withthat.
We'd love to give you a freecopy of this book.
Suddenly Single, what to Dowhen it's Just you?
And on the back we have a noteto self that says you know one
moment at a time, one day at atime, one thought at a time, and
you can email us and get thatbook.
Cash flows at Tulsa bongcom.
(13:12):
We'd love to get a free book inyour hand and have coffee with
you and pat you on the back andgive you a hug.
We'd love to hear what's goingon in your world and if you know
somebody else that's in astruggle, we'd love to visit
with them.
You know they can just come inand hang out.
That's what I'm good at.
So thank you for being heretoday on the cashflow show.
We look forward to the nextshow and staying in contact with
(13:32):
you.
Thanks for being here.
Things will get better.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
That's our show for today.
Stay tuned for another rivetingedition of cash flows.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.