May 2, 2024 • 28 mins
CCAirwaves welcomes Maria Turcoliveri as the latest guest for the Inspiring Stories of Healing and Hope Series!
Maria and Nicolo Turcoliveri have been married since 2011. They have three sons: Nicolo Jr., Santino, and Giuliano. Nicolo Jr. became an angel in 2012. Maria also has three angels from a miscarriage in 2017.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Hello everyone and welcome backto CC Airwaves.
(00:33):
My name is Paige Metillo andI'm here with my co-host, joel
Hansel.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Good morning Paige.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Good morning, joel.
Today we are happy to bringback our Inspiring Stories of
Healing and Hope series, whichfeatures guests discussing their
own experience in navigatinggrief and life after loss.
Our guest for today is MariaTurkelvery.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Hi, great, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
So, no problem, I'm excited to have you here.
Why don't you tell ourlisteners a little bit about
yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Okay, so my husband and I were born both in
Cleveland Ohio.
We met back in 2008.
We got married three yearslater and we were so excited to
have a huge Italian familybecause both Nick and I come
from large Italian families.
So we found out we werepregnant, with our son in March
(01:34):
of 2012, to be due in Decemberor, excuse me, november.
We were so excited because Nickis also born in November and he
wanted to have, you know, hiskind of legacy, so to speak.
Um, but we, we had a normalpregnancy and, um, it was
(01:57):
actually a fun pregnancy I'venever been pregnant before.
So it was so exciting to like,feel great and, you know, still
do everything.
And, um, we met every markerduring the pregnancy for our son
.
Um, we didn't find out we werehaving a boy until after he was
(02:19):
born.
But, um, the morning of November12th went into our doctor's
appointment because I was fivedays, I was 40 weeks and five
days, so I was considered still,you know, timely with the
pregnancy, but considered latefor the doctor.
So she said you know, we'lljust check you on.
(02:41):
It was a Monday, we'll checkyou on that Monday, see how
you're, and we'll kind of gofrom there.
So when I went in for theroutine checkup appointment the
baby was weighing good, kind ofmoving around, but not as much
as they thought.
He was not as active as theyhad thought and his heartbeat
was still going normal andstrong.
(03:03):
So our doctor said you knowwhat, why wait any longer?
Let's just go down and we'llhave you have the baby.
So of course Nick and I arelike, oh my gosh, whoa.
We weren't really expectingthat to come from the
appointment, but we did.
So we went to the labor anddelivery at the McDonald House
University Hospitals the laborand delivery at the McDonald
(03:26):
House University Hospitals and Itried to do, you know, normal
labor.
But I didn't progress and everytime I would have a contraction
the baby's heart rate woulddrop.
But after C-section that eveningNicolo Jr was born.
He was born at seven poundsfive ounces and he was 19 inches
long.
(03:46):
So our doctors, upon inspectionfor him, thought that he had
looked normal, but his arms andlegs were considered to be
floppy, not that that's like amedical diagnosis, but they
wanted to look into that further.
So they thought it was mayberelated to like nerve damage or
(04:06):
something.
But then after five days ofbeing in the hospital and,
seeing various doctors, theydiscovered that Nicolo had a
genetic disorder called SMA,which is spinal muscular atrophy
.
So what that means was that Nickand I were both carriers of
this disease and we we weren'taware of it.
We never had any reason tocheck for anything.
(04:29):
We had, um nieces and nephewson nick's side that were all
born normal, with no concerns orissues.
Um, at that time, when nicolawas born, he there were no uh
grandchildren on our side, butbut all of us were fine, like
all of my siblings and everybody.
So we were, you know,disappointed with, of course,
(04:54):
the diagnosis, but we wanted tomake sure.
We tried to live every daybecause we didn't know what to
expect.
And at the time too, when I waspregnant, they didn't do any
testing for SMA, like prenatally.
So I guess, regardless, had wefound out if he had SMA or not,
we probably could have been moreprepared, but we wouldn't have
(05:17):
changed anything or doneanything.
So I guess probably moreeducation would have been nice
and helpful.
We had a neurologist, dr Gold,who told us please do not look
up anything on the internet.
Whatever you have questions on,just email me or message me and
I'll be happy to get you anyinformation.
So Nick and I almost becamelike genetic counselors and, you
(05:41):
know, advocates for learningabout SMA and the disease.
We tried to do as much researchas we could and we took Nicola
probably to any and every doctorthat we could in Northeast Ohio
and it was nice because some ofthem were so accommodating to
us they came and visited us atour house and that so we really
were given VIP treatments.
(06:03):
But our son passed away 38 daysafter he was born, on December
20th.
So we were expecting to have agreat and wonderful Christmas
that year, but of course ourplans had changed out of our
control.
But you know we say this allthe time to everybody like we
(06:26):
were so happy with Nicolo thatwe were able to have a great
Christmas and he made us morehappy than we could ever be sad.
So we were really grateful andthankful for that and to
experience all of my firstpregnancy, our first birth, our
first child, so that sort ofthing, and Nick was so excited
(06:47):
to have a namesake.
So we were happy in that regard.
Happy in that regard.
So Nicolo did pass on December20th 2012.
And we were completely, youknow, devastated.
We tried to do whatever wecould and we felt confident that
we did do whatever we can forhim.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
So and you have more children.
That's correct, right.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
We do.
We were blessed with two boysafter he was born and we also
have I had well, we have.
So Santino is nine now.
He was born in 2014 and hetalks and acknowledges that he
had an older brother, which wethink is just the best thing
(07:32):
ever.
He had an older brother, whichwe think is just the best thing
ever.
And then we have Giuliano, whowas born in 2020, in July, and
he will be four coming up.
I did experience a miscarriagein 2017.
At that time, I was pregnantwith.
(07:55):
They thought it was going to betwins, and then upon the next
visit to the doctor's officethey actually had heard a third
heartbeat and so they were goingto do some more investigation
on that.
So I potentially had triplets.
And then the week after we hadgone in for our next appointment
, we actually didn't hear anyheartbeats on that visit.
(08:18):
So sadly, we had suffered amiscarriage.
So we do have some extra angelbabies that we refer to looking
after us or for us.
So our pregnancy journey hasbeen very, you know, unexpecting
and difficult and you know thatsort of thing.
(08:39):
But I feel so blessed becausewe've overcome everything and I
feel like Nick and I have such agreat relationship.
In spite of going through allof this tragedy, our
relationship has kind of grownstronger, so we are very
grateful and thankful for that.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So how did you work through the grief of losing your
son and even the grief throughthe miscarriages?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, so we were so fortunate to find our way to
Cornerstone of Hope.
Nick's mom, or Nick's aunt, hadlost her husband when he was
much younger and she had youngchildren, and so someone had
referred her to Cornerstone ofHope.
So she had called us and said,if there's anything that you
(09:25):
guys need, but this is what Iused and it helped me, and so we
went to Cornerstone the Januarylike January in 2013, right
after Nicolo had passed, and wewere part of an infant loss
group with eight to 10 otherfamilies and moms and dads, and
(09:51):
we truly credit that.
We would not be where we aretoday if it wasn't for
Cornerstone of Hope.
They really taught us how tonavigate our grief and live with
our new normal, but they alsogave us so many resources and to
this day, some of the peoplethat were in that group are
(10:13):
still friends of ours.
To this day, some of the peoplethat were in that group are
still friends of ours, and so wealways comment that it's a club
that nobody wants to be a partof, but once you are in it, you
meet so many wonderful peopleand there's just so many people
that experience terrible, sadthings and I think, truly having
(10:36):
the resource of Cornerstonereally helped us and helped
other families as well.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It must be really comforting to know that you're
not alone in your journey ofgrief and that other people are
going through the same thing.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yes, yes, completely.
You're exactly right.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How did Cornerstone of Hope and griefief Support
Groups help you work through thegrief process?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Did you ask how?
I didn't hear.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah, how did Cornerstone of Hope and Grief
Support Groups help you workthrough the grief process?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah, yeah.
So we our first meeting, youknow, we kind of sat in the room
with a bunch of strangers.
We didn't know anybody and wewere just kind of staring around
the room and you almost havethis like connection or this
bond with other people.
And I also say that, like everytime I walk through that room,
I never feel judged, Like wejust came with every raw emotion
(11:26):
possible and told our storyafter a few meetings and they,
you know, really helped us talkit through.
What to expect, you know, fromother families.
A lot of the people in our groupwere concerned about a lot of
the same things.
We were like seeing another baby, hearing another baby cry, or
(11:48):
what if we have another baby,how to go through the pregnancy
again or how to deal with youknow, some of the new firsts and
things, but also just thereality of, like other people
don't know what you're goingthrough, but this group really
does.
So just hearing their storiesand having that sort of
(12:12):
camaraderie and that connectionand that conversation really
made us feel so comfortable andtruly value that.
Like you know, you can turn asmuch as we, Nick and I, had, you
know, bouts where we were madat God or sad about our religion
, Like how could this happen?
(12:33):
And it was just a way for us tokind of rediscover and have a
different relationship with God,just to see what other people
were going through and doing,and I think that that has really
helped us.
You know, every week in ourgroup of our support group, our
12 week session was a differenttopic to discuss and to talk
(12:53):
about.
Week session was a differenttopic to discuss and to talk
about and it was kind of like no, no topic was unavoidable.
You know, even if it wasn't ontheir agenda, like the
facilitators agenda, we stillasked questions and talked and
it was like a safe space and Ithink that that was the number
one thing that had helped us,and you and Nick are both
(13:17):
facilitators at Cornerstone ofHope.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
now correct, Correct.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
We are.
So we truly and I said thisearlier like we would not be
where we are today without them.
And so we really wanted to tryto give back to Cornerstone.
We had done a few fundraiserswith a good friend of our family
.
He has since actually passedaway and I know his wife has
(13:41):
utilized some services atCornerstone.
So we try to do somefundraisers and we try to do
some ways to give back and likedonations.
You know we always tell familyand friends like they always ask
(14:06):
how they could help and stuff.
So we always say if you wantyou could volunteer your time or
if you have financial resourcesavailable to donate to this
such a great cause.
And so we have facilitated someinfant loss groups and from
there we kind of stemmed and didthis mom's club.
So I run this group for othermoms who have had a loss of any
type with child To come to ourgroup it's, you know you don't
(14:28):
necessarily have to registerbeforehand, but it's the third
Saturday of every month it's atCornerstone and it's just a nice
way to have conversation withother moms.
Some people aren't quite readyfor a group support or
facilitated loss group and somemaybe just want to just pop in
(14:48):
and see what it's like.
You know they're not quiteready to share their story or to
talk, so that's kind of whatthe Moms Club was designed to do
.
So it's been quite a cooljourney for me to meet other
moms and to find ways to giveback to Cornerstone.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
That is wonderful.
I mean, we had the Tripodis onour podcast and they are just
such wonderful people and soinspiring.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Yes, they are and and sadly, you know, their mission
was truly so.
No one will grieve alone,because they were so alone after
they lost their son.
And you know, nick and I saythis too like we have a huge
family and it's like oneeveryone can say things and and
(15:37):
do things.
But unless you experience itand no, with no fault of our
families they just don't know.
And so I'm sure at that timeMark and Christy felt so alone
because as much as people wantedto comfort you, it's you know,
they, they just don know.
And I think that their missionhas truly touched the lives of
(15:58):
so many people.
Any loss, not just not justinfant loss and not just the
loss of a child, but truly anyloss, anytime someone is
grieving and they find their waythere, they, they truly have a
great experience and a greatopportunity to get resources and
information to really help themso, going back to nicolo jr, do
(16:23):
you mind sharing how you handlegoing through important life
events without him?
yeah, it's.
I mean it's still ongoing, youknow, just having him having
brothers now and not being ableto, you know, see three, three
guys, you know, playing outsideor that sort of thing, yeah, so
(16:46):
we really truly try to keep himin his memory alive.
We know we talk about him, we,we visit him at the cemetery
often.
That's our other like place ofpeace.
We go there uh on the regularand, um, you know, our boys
bring him like trinkets and toyson his headstone.
(17:08):
Uh, we really just try to keephis memory alive.
We try to talk, like I talk tohim sometimes.
I know that sounds probably odd, but you know.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't think it's odd.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I talk to him and I look for signs.
So I know he's with us and Iknow one day I will see him
again and all the in betweenwon't matter, all the questions
I have and all the things thatwe've experienced without him
won't matter, because I'll seehim again and and Uh, but just,
we, we just really truly try to,like I said, keep his memory
(17:42):
alive, involve him in the thingsthat we're doing.
You know, like, like, forexample, um for his birthday, so
we have his, we celebrate hisbirthday, and then we celebrate
his angelversary.
So his birthday, uh, we go and,you know, sing happy birthday.
The boys get a kick aboutblowing out his candles, stuff
(18:04):
like that.
So you know, we try to do whatwe can to just make him still a
part of our lives yeah, I mean,we had a mother on here who had
lost her son and he was older.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
He was 18, I believe.
I it was beth thorpe right andshe was telling us that she
finds comfort in knowing thather son is now part of her
future now, and that has alwaysbrought her immense comfort.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
That's so true.
Oh, I like that.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, and our director now has been saying
that to families because heloved the saying as well,
because it's important toremember that they might be gone
in this moment, but now they'repart of your future and you
will see them again.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Yes, yes, I know that .
So you know a lot of.
When we first experiencedNicola's loss, a lot of our
friends felt like they couldn'tbe around us because they had
young kids.
And at the time that I waspregnant, you know Nick's
closest friends, their wives,were all also pregnant.
So there was about a group ofsix or eight kids that were born
(19:11):
right around when Nicola wasborn and you know, one of the
moms had just said to Nick likewe feel terrible coming over
your house with our kids, andNick just said you know, don't,
you're just as long as you're agood person and a good mom, you
don't need to apologize.
You know your, your childrenare part of your life and just
you know, he, he, he wouldalways say like, just be a good
(19:33):
person so you could see himagain and just do what you can
to.
Sorry, I was just getting aphone call to um.
Sorry, I was just getting aphone call.
Do what you can to um.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
You know, make it so you could be in heaven one day
with him.
I could see where that would bewithin your peer group, like
like the others, like feelawkward, or even almost like
guilty.
Right, oh, we've got our, ourchild and you don't, and there's
, I can totally see that.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Yeah, yeah, and so you know it was.
It was kind of nice thatsomeone had thought about that
also and said something to us,right?
And so, nick, just said hername's.
Nicole and Nick just said youknow what?
Nicole, just be us Right.
And so Nick just said hername's Nicole, and Nick just
said you know what?
Nicole, just be a good mom andthat's.
You know.
That's what we need is.
We don't want, we didn't want atthe time.
Also, you know child loss andinfant loss is so taboo.
(20:35):
You know people don't know whatto say.
I've had countless people tellme like, oh, you'll have another
(21:12):
one, you know.
Or or you know you can't blamethem because they don't know,
but people just kind of treatyou like awkwardly, you know,
like the elephant in the room.
And that was one of the thingsthat Nick and I tried to not
focus on because, yes, we loveour son and and it is a huge,
huge part of our life, but wedidn't want people to feel, like
you said, joel, like guilty orembarrassed because they have
something that we don't have.
We, we have a child, we have ason, we have an angel and we are
more fortunate than a lot ofpeople because we were able to
meet him, we were able toexperience him first.
(21:32):
You know we celebrated his onemonth birthday as if it was his
first birthday.
We got to celebrateThanksgiving, which was his
holiday.
You know things like that.
So we, we truly value the goodinstead of, you know, looking at
the, the things that we, yeah,we there's a lot we experience
(21:55):
in life that we can't have, butwe just try to remember all the
things that we did do fantastic.
I'm still stuck on the factthat we did do.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
That's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I'm still stuck on the fact that someone would say
that to you about you couldalways have another.
I mean, we talk about that alot with our grief support.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
They just don't know what to say.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
They think they're helping, they think that they're
comforting you and they justend up saying the wrong thing
and you know it's coming from agood place trying to provide
comfort.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, it's not malicious, it's just they don't
know any better.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
But we talk about that with Rhonda, sometimes our
grief coordinator.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, and especially, like I said, especially with a
child loss.
You know the circle of life issupposed to be different, right,
we're supposed to be, you know,sadly burying our grandparents
and our parents and not a child.
And yeah, I think people justdon't know and they truly want
(22:51):
to say some comforting things,but it's okay.
We weren't offended when thatperson said multiple people
actually said stuff.
That person's that multiplepeople actually said stuff.
But we just we knew and part ofwhat we knew was from
Cornerstone people saying, youknow, people are going to tell
you some crazy things, but youknow, you just you know that it
(23:13):
comes from their heart and it'sa good place.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So our final question for this podcast is do you have
any advice for anyone who maybe experiencing a similar loss?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
didn't want to get out of bed, and there were days
where we didn't want to getdressed.
And there's still days whereyou know you, you have a trigger
that you just can't control,and that's okay.
It is okay to cry, it is okayto.
If you don't feel like doingsomething, it is okay.
I think I think the bigtakeaway would be to be honest
with yourself and to just reallyyou know, if you're not feeling
(24:00):
it, you don't have to explainto anybody.
You know you don't have to haveto.
You know make believe thatsomething's going to be great.
I think people are more willingto be supportive when they know
that you're going throughsomething that is very hard and
you're honest about yourfeelings.
(24:21):
That is very hard and you'rehonest about your feelings.
Um, you know, nick and I bothgrieved differently, which we
learned to.
Uh, nick was more of uh, let'stalk about our feelings, which
is funny because they usuallysay women are the ones that try
to talk about our feelings, butin, in our situation, I like was
the type of person that shutdown.
I didn't want to talk toanybody, I just wanted to like
(24:44):
process it and like kind of findmy own peace first, before I
had other people listening towhat I was thinking or saying
and Nick was very vocal, like hewanted to talk about it and
wanted me to talk about it andhave.
We wanted to have conversationsabout things and to an extent
(25:07):
we did.
But it was also interesting tofind how, what type of person
you are when it comes to somesort of tragedy or something you
know important in life.
But I'll say my biggest takeawayis just to just to be honest
with yourself.
You don't have to proveanything.
You know, having a loss,especially the loss of a child,
(25:28):
is so tragic and it is just so.
It changes everything.
You know it changes youroutlook in life.
You know we, we tried, not thatI would.
Um, you do get frustrated andannoyed and angered at times,
but I really try to like bepatient with my kids and listen
(25:52):
to what they have to say, and Ithink it really opened my eyes
to just being like a good personand just to rely more on God
and know that like prayers aregoing to be answered and just
try to be more faithful in that.
But I think if someone is, youknow, going through this, if
(26:14):
they find a way to get toCornerstone.
I highly recommend it.
I also recommend just you know,doing the things that they like
to do or they want to do, andbeing honest with their feelings
.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
That's really great advice.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Can't say that it's the best, but that was one of
the things that we tried to dotoo.
If we weren't feeling goodabout going somewhere, we would
just say you know, we're notgoing to go, and we do still do
that now.
You know like I hope ourfriends aren't mad about us
canceling plans or doing things,but if we just didn't feel like
something was right, we didn'twant to force ourselves to like
(26:50):
go and, you know, go through themotions when it wasn't feeling
right, and so we were trulyhonest about that.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I mean, it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Yeah, all right.
Well, thank you so much, maria,for joining us today.
We really appreciate you beingso open and honest on the
podcast with us and weappreciate you sharing your
story and how Cornerstone ofHope played an important role in
your healing process.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me todayand thanks for talking about it.
I truly appreciate your time.
Thank you you me today andthanks for talking about it.
I truly appreciate your time,thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
You're welcome and please send your husband all of
our love.
We missed him, but I know, I'llhear about it that he wasn't
able to be here.
Well, we could always have himon a different day if he'd like
to share his side.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
So I think that, yeah , that might be really neat
because, like I said, we grieveddifferently and we went through
things differently.
It might be different to have amale perspective on the
situation.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Well, thank you again so much for joining us and for
our listeners.
Thank you for listening and wewill see you next week.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Hello everyone and welcome backto CC Airwaves.
(00:33):
My name is Paige Metillo andI'm here with my co-host, joel
Hansel.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Good morning Paige.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Good morning, joel.
Today we are happy to bringback our Inspiring Stories of
Healing and Hope series, whichfeatures guests discussing their
own experience in navigatinggrief and life after loss.
Our guest for today is MariaTurkelvery.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Hi, great, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
So, no problem, I'm excited to have you here.
Why don't you tell ourlisteners a little bit about
yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Okay, so my husband and I were born both in
Cleveland Ohio.
We met back in 2008.
We got married three yearslater and we were so excited to
have a huge Italian familybecause both Nick and I come
from large Italian families.
So we found out we werepregnant, with our son in March
(01:34):
of 2012, to be due in Decemberor, excuse me, november.
We were so excited because Nickis also born in November and he
wanted to have, you know, hiskind of legacy, so to speak.
Um, but we, we had a normalpregnancy and, um, it was
(01:57):
actually a fun pregnancy I'venever been pregnant before.
So it was so exciting to like,feel great and, you know, still
do everything.
And, um, we met every markerduring the pregnancy for our son
.
Um, we didn't find out we werehaving a boy until after he was
(02:19):
born.
But, um, the morning of November12th went into our doctor's
appointment because I was fivedays, I was 40 weeks and five
days, so I was considered still,you know, timely with the
pregnancy, but considered latefor the doctor.
So she said you know, we'lljust check you on.
(02:41):
It was a Monday, we'll checkyou on that Monday, see how
you're, and we'll kind of gofrom there.
So when I went in for theroutine checkup appointment the
baby was weighing good, kind ofmoving around, but not as much
as they thought.
He was not as active as theyhad thought and his heartbeat
was still going normal andstrong.
(03:03):
So our doctor said you knowwhat, why wait any longer?
Let's just go down and we'llhave you have the baby.
So of course Nick and I arelike, oh my gosh, whoa.
We weren't really expectingthat to come from the
appointment, but we did.
So we went to the labor anddelivery at the McDonald House
University Hospitals the laborand delivery at the McDonald
(03:26):
House University Hospitals and Itried to do, you know, normal
labor.
But I didn't progress and everytime I would have a contraction
the baby's heart rate woulddrop.
But after C-section that eveningNicolo Jr was born.
He was born at seven poundsfive ounces and he was 19 inches
long.
(03:46):
So our doctors, upon inspectionfor him, thought that he had
looked normal, but his arms andlegs were considered to be
floppy, not that that's like amedical diagnosis, but they
wanted to look into that further.
So they thought it was mayberelated to like nerve damage or
(04:06):
something.
But then after five days ofbeing in the hospital and,
seeing various doctors, theydiscovered that Nicolo had a
genetic disorder called SMA,which is spinal muscular atrophy
.
So what that means was that Nickand I were both carriers of
this disease and we we weren'taware of it.
We never had any reason tocheck for anything.
(04:29):
We had, um nieces and nephewson nick's side that were all
born normal, with no concerns orissues.
Um, at that time, when nicolawas born, he there were no uh
grandchildren on our side, butbut all of us were fine, like
all of my siblings and everybody.
So we were, you know,disappointed with, of course,
(04:54):
the diagnosis, but we wanted tomake sure.
We tried to live every daybecause we didn't know what to
expect.
And at the time too, when I waspregnant, they didn't do any
testing for SMA, like prenatally.
So I guess, regardless, had wefound out if he had SMA or not,
we probably could have been moreprepared, but we wouldn't have
(05:17):
changed anything or doneanything.
So I guess probably moreeducation would have been nice
and helpful.
We had a neurologist, dr Gold,who told us please do not look
up anything on the internet.
Whatever you have questions on,just email me or message me and
I'll be happy to get you anyinformation.
So Nick and I almost becamelike genetic counselors and, you
(05:41):
know, advocates for learningabout SMA and the disease.
We tried to do as much researchas we could and we took Nicola
probably to any and every doctorthat we could in Northeast Ohio
and it was nice because some ofthem were so accommodating to
us they came and visited us atour house and that so we really
were given VIP treatments.
(06:03):
But our son passed away 38 daysafter he was born, on December
20th.
So we were expecting to have agreat and wonderful Christmas
that year, but of course ourplans had changed out of our
control.
But you know we say this allthe time to everybody like we
(06:26):
were so happy with Nicolo thatwe were able to have a great
Christmas and he made us morehappy than we could ever be sad.
So we were really grateful andthankful for that and to
experience all of my firstpregnancy, our first birth, our
first child, so that sort ofthing, and Nick was so excited
(06:47):
to have a namesake.
So we were happy in that regard.
Happy in that regard.
So Nicolo did pass on December20th 2012.
And we were completely, youknow, devastated.
We tried to do whatever wecould and we felt confident that
we did do whatever we can forhim.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
So and you have more children.
That's correct, right.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
We do.
We were blessed with two boysafter he was born and we also
have I had well, we have.
So Santino is nine now.
He was born in 2014 and hetalks and acknowledges that he
had an older brother, which wethink is just the best thing
(07:32):
ever.
He had an older brother, whichwe think is just the best thing
ever.
And then we have Giuliano, whowas born in 2020, in July, and
he will be four coming up.
I did experience a miscarriagein 2017.
At that time, I was pregnantwith.
(07:55):
They thought it was going to betwins, and then upon the next
visit to the doctor's officethey actually had heard a third
heartbeat and so they were goingto do some more investigation
on that.
So I potentially had triplets.
And then the week after we hadgone in for our next appointment
, we actually didn't hear anyheartbeats on that visit.
(08:18):
So sadly, we had suffered amiscarriage.
So we do have some extra angelbabies that we refer to looking
after us or for us.
So our pregnancy journey hasbeen very, you know, unexpecting
and difficult and you know thatsort of thing.
(08:39):
But I feel so blessed becausewe've overcome everything and I
feel like Nick and I have such agreat relationship.
In spite of going through allof this tragedy, our
relationship has kind of grownstronger, so we are very
grateful and thankful for that.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So how did you work through the grief of losing your
son and even the grief throughthe miscarriages?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, so we were so fortunate to find our way to
Cornerstone of Hope.
Nick's mom, or Nick's aunt, hadlost her husband when he was
much younger and she had youngchildren, and so someone had
referred her to Cornerstone ofHope.
So she had called us and said,if there's anything that you
(09:25):
guys need, but this is what Iused and it helped me, and so we
went to Cornerstone the Januarylike January in 2013, right
after Nicolo had passed, and wewere part of an infant loss
group with eight to 10 otherfamilies and moms and dads, and
(09:51):
we truly credit that.
We would not be where we aretoday if it wasn't for
Cornerstone of Hope.
They really taught us how tonavigate our grief and live with
our new normal, but they alsogave us so many resources and to
this day, some of the peoplethat were in that group are
(10:13):
still friends of ours.
To this day, some of the peoplethat were in that group are
still friends of ours, and so wealways comment that it's a club
that nobody wants to be a partof, but once you are in it, you
meet so many wonderful peopleand there's just so many people
that experience terrible, sadthings and I think, truly having
(10:36):
the resource of Cornerstonereally helped us and helped
other families as well.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It must be really comforting to know that you're
not alone in your journey ofgrief and that other people are
going through the same thing.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yes, yes, completely.
You're exactly right.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How did Cornerstone of Hope and griefief Support
Groups help you work through thegrief process?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Did you ask how?
I didn't hear.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah, how did Cornerstone of Hope and Grief
Support Groups help you workthrough the grief process?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah, yeah.
So we our first meeting, youknow, we kind of sat in the room
with a bunch of strangers.
We didn't know anybody and wewere just kind of staring around
the room and you almost havethis like connection or this
bond with other people.
And I also say that, like everytime I walk through that room,
I never feel judged, Like wejust came with every raw emotion
(11:26):
possible and told our storyafter a few meetings and they,
you know, really helped us talkit through.
What to expect, you know, fromother families.
A lot of the people in our groupwere concerned about a lot of
the same things.
We were like seeing another baby, hearing another baby cry, or
(11:48):
what if we have another baby,how to go through the pregnancy
again or how to deal with youknow, some of the new firsts and
things, but also just thereality of, like other people
don't know what you're goingthrough, but this group really
does.
So just hearing their storiesand having that sort of
(12:12):
camaraderie and that connectionand that conversation really
made us feel so comfortable andtruly value that.
Like you know, you can turn asmuch as we, Nick and I, had, you
know, bouts where we were madat God or sad about our religion
, Like how could this happen?
(12:33):
And it was just a way for us tokind of rediscover and have a
different relationship with God,just to see what other people
were going through and doing,and I think that that has really
helped us.
You know, every week in ourgroup of our support group, our
12 week session was a differenttopic to discuss and to talk
(12:53):
about.
Week session was a differenttopic to discuss and to talk
about and it was kind of like no, no topic was unavoidable.
You know, even if it wasn't ontheir agenda, like the
facilitators agenda, we stillasked questions and talked and
it was like a safe space and Ithink that that was the number
one thing that had helped us,and you and Nick are both
(13:17):
facilitators at Cornerstone ofHope.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
now correct, Correct.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
We are.
So we truly and I said thisearlier like we would not be
where we are today without them.
And so we really wanted to tryto give back to Cornerstone.
We had done a few fundraiserswith a good friend of our family
.
He has since actually passedaway and I know his wife has
(13:41):
utilized some services atCornerstone.
So we try to do somefundraisers and we try to do
some ways to give back and likedonations.
You know we always tell familyand friends like they always ask
(14:06):
how they could help and stuff.
So we always say if you wantyou could volunteer your time or
if you have financial resourcesavailable to donate to this
such a great cause.
And so we have facilitated someinfant loss groups and from
there we kind of stemmed and didthis mom's club.
So I run this group for othermoms who have had a loss of any
type with child To come to ourgroup it's, you know you don't
(14:28):
necessarily have to registerbeforehand, but it's the third
Saturday of every month it's atCornerstone and it's just a nice
way to have conversation withother moms.
Some people aren't quite readyfor a group support or
facilitated loss group and somemaybe just want to just pop in
(14:48):
and see what it's like.
You know they're not quiteready to share their story or to
talk, so that's kind of whatthe Moms Club was designed to do
.
So it's been quite a cooljourney for me to meet other
moms and to find ways to giveback to Cornerstone.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
That is wonderful.
I mean, we had the Tripodis onour podcast and they are just
such wonderful people and soinspiring.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Yes, they are and and sadly, you know, their mission
was truly so.
No one will grieve alone,because they were so alone after
they lost their son.
And you know, nick and I saythis too like we have a huge
family and it's like oneeveryone can say things and and
(15:37):
do things.
But unless you experience itand no, with no fault of our
families they just don't know.
And so I'm sure at that timeMark and Christy felt so alone
because as much as people wantedto comfort you, it's you know,
they, they just don know.
And I think that their missionhas truly touched the lives of
(15:58):
so many people.
Any loss, not just not justinfant loss and not just the
loss of a child, but truly anyloss, anytime someone is
grieving and they find their waythere, they, they truly have a
great experience and a greatopportunity to get resources and
information to really help themso, going back to nicolo jr, do
(16:23):
you mind sharing how you handlegoing through important life
events without him?
yeah, it's.
I mean it's still ongoing, youknow, just having him having
brothers now and not being ableto, you know, see three, three
guys, you know, playing outsideor that sort of thing, yeah, so
(16:46):
we really truly try to keep himin his memory alive.
We know we talk about him, we,we visit him at the cemetery
often.
That's our other like place ofpeace.
We go there uh on the regularand, um, you know, our boys
bring him like trinkets and toyson his headstone.
(17:08):
Uh, we really just try to keephis memory alive.
We try to talk, like I talk tohim sometimes.
I know that sounds probably odd, but you know.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't think it's odd.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I talk to him and I look for signs.
So I know he's with us and Iknow one day I will see him
again and all the in betweenwon't matter, all the questions
I have and all the things thatwe've experienced without him
won't matter, because I'll seehim again and and Uh, but just,
we, we just really truly try to,like I said, keep his memory
(17:42):
alive, involve him in the thingsthat we're doing.
You know, like, like, forexample, um for his birthday, so
we have his, we celebrate hisbirthday, and then we celebrate
his angelversary.
So his birthday, uh, we go and,you know, sing happy birthday.
The boys get a kick aboutblowing out his candles, stuff
(18:04):
like that.
So you know, we try to do whatwe can to just make him still a
part of our lives yeah, I mean,we had a mother on here who had
lost her son and he was older.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
He was 18, I believe.
I it was beth thorpe right andshe was telling us that she
finds comfort in knowing thather son is now part of her
future now, and that has alwaysbrought her immense comfort.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
That's so true.
Oh, I like that.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, and our director now has been saying
that to families because heloved the saying as well,
because it's important toremember that they might be gone
in this moment, but now they'repart of your future and you
will see them again.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Yes, yes, I know that .
So you know a lot of.
When we first experiencedNicola's loss, a lot of our
friends felt like they couldn'tbe around us because they had
young kids.
And at the time that I waspregnant, you know Nick's
closest friends, their wives,were all also pregnant.
So there was about a group ofsix or eight kids that were born
(19:11):
right around when Nicola wasborn and you know, one of the
moms had just said to Nick likewe feel terrible coming over
your house with our kids, andNick just said you know, don't,
you're just as long as you're agood person and a good mom, you
don't need to apologize.
You know your, your childrenare part of your life and just
you know, he, he, he wouldalways say like, just be a good
(19:33):
person so you could see himagain and just do what you can
to.
Sorry, I was just getting aphone call to um.
Sorry, I was just getting aphone call.
Do what you can to um.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
You know, make it so you could be in heaven one day
with him.
I could see where that would bewithin your peer group, like
like the others, like feelawkward, or even almost like
guilty.
Right, oh, we've got our, ourchild and you don't, and there's
, I can totally see that.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Yeah, yeah, and so you know it was.
It was kind of nice thatsomeone had thought about that
also and said something to us,right?
And so, nick, just said hername's.
Nicole and Nick just said youknow what?
Nicole, just be us Right.
And so Nick just said hername's Nicole, and Nick just
said you know what?
Nicole, just be a good mom andthat's.
You know.
That's what we need is.
We don't want, we didn't want atthe time.
Also, you know child loss andinfant loss is so taboo.
(20:35):
You know people don't know whatto say.
I've had countless people tellme like, oh, you'll have another
(21:12):
one, you know.
Or or you know you can't blamethem because they don't know,
but people just kind of treatyou like awkwardly, you know,
like the elephant in the room.
And that was one of the thingsthat Nick and I tried to not
focus on because, yes, we loveour son and and it is a huge,
huge part of our life, but wedidn't want people to feel, like
you said, joel, like guilty orembarrassed because they have
something that we don't have.
We, we have a child, we have ason, we have an angel and we are
more fortunate than a lot ofpeople because we were able to
meet him, we were able toexperience him first.
(21:32):
You know we celebrated his onemonth birthday as if it was his
first birthday.
We got to celebrateThanksgiving, which was his
holiday.
You know things like that.
So we, we truly value the goodinstead of, you know, looking at
the, the things that we, yeah,we there's a lot we experience
(21:55):
in life that we can't have, butwe just try to remember all the
things that we did do fantastic.
I'm still stuck on the factthat we did do.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
That's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I'm still stuck on the fact that someone would say
that to you about you couldalways have another.
I mean, we talk about that alot with our grief support.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
They just don't know what to say.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
They think they're helping, they think that they're
comforting you and they justend up saying the wrong thing
and you know it's coming from agood place trying to provide
comfort.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, it's not malicious, it's just they don't
know any better.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
But we talk about that with Rhonda, sometimes our
grief coordinator.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, and especially, like I said, especially with a
child loss.
You know the circle of life issupposed to be different, right,
we're supposed to be, you know,sadly burying our grandparents
and our parents and not a child.
And yeah, I think people justdon't know and they truly want
(22:51):
to say some comforting things,but it's okay.
We weren't offended when thatperson said multiple people
actually said stuff.
That person's that multiplepeople actually said stuff.
But we just we knew and part ofwhat we knew was from
Cornerstone people saying, youknow, people are going to tell
you some crazy things, but youknow, you just you know that it
(23:13):
comes from their heart and it'sa good place.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So our final question for this podcast is do you have
any advice for anyone who maybe experiencing a similar loss?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
didn't want to get out of bed, and there were days
where we didn't want to getdressed.
And there's still days whereyou know you, you have a trigger
that you just can't control,and that's okay.
It is okay to cry, it is okayto.
If you don't feel like doingsomething, it is okay.
I think I think the bigtakeaway would be to be honest
with yourself and to just reallyyou know, if you're not feeling
(24:00):
it, you don't have to explainto anybody.
You know you don't have to haveto.
You know make believe thatsomething's going to be great.
I think people are more willingto be supportive when they know
that you're going throughsomething that is very hard and
you're honest about yourfeelings.
(24:21):
That is very hard and you'rehonest about your feelings.
Um, you know, nick and I bothgrieved differently, which we
learned to.
Uh, nick was more of uh, let'stalk about our feelings, which
is funny because they usuallysay women are the ones that try
to talk about our feelings, butin, in our situation, I like was
the type of person that shutdown.
I didn't want to talk toanybody, I just wanted to like
(24:44):
process it and like kind of findmy own peace first, before I
had other people listening towhat I was thinking or saying
and Nick was very vocal, like hewanted to talk about it and
wanted me to talk about it andhave.
We wanted to have conversationsabout things and to an extent
(25:07):
we did.
But it was also interesting tofind how, what type of person
you are when it comes to somesort of tragedy or something you
know important in life.
But I'll say my biggest takeawayis just to just to be honest
with yourself.
You don't have to proveanything.
You know, having a loss,especially the loss of a child,
(25:28):
is so tragic and it is just so.
It changes everything.
You know it changes youroutlook in life.
You know we, we tried, not thatI would.
Um, you do get frustrated andannoyed and angered at times,
but I really try to like bepatient with my kids and listen
(25:52):
to what they have to say, and Ithink it really opened my eyes
to just being like a good personand just to rely more on God
and know that like prayers aregoing to be answered and just
try to be more faithful in that.
But I think if someone is, youknow, going through this, if
(26:14):
they find a way to get toCornerstone.
I highly recommend it.
I also recommend just you know,doing the things that they like
to do or they want to do, andbeing honest with their feelings
.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
That's really great advice.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Can't say that it's the best, but that was one of
the things that we tried to dotoo.
If we weren't feeling goodabout going somewhere, we would
just say you know, we're notgoing to go, and we do still do
that now.
You know like I hope ourfriends aren't mad about us
canceling plans or doing things,but if we just didn't feel like
something was right, we didn'twant to force ourselves to like
(26:50):
go and, you know, go through themotions when it wasn't feeling
right, and so we were trulyhonest about that.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I mean, it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Yeah, all right.
Well, thank you so much, maria,for joining us today.
We really appreciate you beingso open and honest on the
podcast with us and weappreciate you sharing your
story and how Cornerstone ofHope played an important role in
your healing process.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me todayand thanks for talking about it.
I truly appreciate your time.
Thank you you me today andthanks for talking about it.
I truly appreciate your time,thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
You're welcome and please send your husband all of
our love.
We missed him, but I know, I'llhear about it that he wasn't
able to be here.
Well, we could always have himon a different day if he'd like
to share his side.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
So I think that, yeah , that might be really neat
because, like I said, we grieveddifferently and we went through
things differently.
It might be different to have amale perspective on the
situation.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Well, thank you again so much for joining us and for
our listeners.
Thank you for listening and wewill see you next week.
Thank you.
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