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April 6, 2022 18 mins

When does integrity get in the way? I recently had to wrestle with this because of a health episode and it was a knockdown, dragged-out fight with myself. I take it seriously when I say I'm going to do something, show up for someone, or provide a completed product by a certain date. It's far from perfect, but it is a constant driver in my life. The opportunity is to be integral while keeping your sanity and in some cases, like the one I just went through, sanity needed to overrule all else. I'm sharing this experience in case you're going through a similar dilemma and hopefully what I've learned from this can help you, too.

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Wynning Your Way for Senior Leaders

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Michael Kithcart (00:00):
Hello, I'm Michael W Kithcart, high
performance leadership coach andthe creator of the winning your
way framework. Welcome to thechampions of risk podcast, where
I feature business leaders andhigh performance principles
through shared stories oftriumphs and tough calls. So
you're better equipped tonavigate ongoing uncertainty,
take inspired action, and definewhat it means to be winning your

(00:23):
way in business and in life.
Hey, everyone, it's been aminute, and I wanted to come and
share with you real life storyof something that I recently
experienced went throughdecisions that I made. And I
just wanted to see if maybe whatI went through, maybe connects

(00:48):
with you too. So the title ofthis episode is when sanity
overrides integrity, and to methat just kind of captures what
I feel like I've witnessed a lotof others go through for varying
reasons. And what I justrecently went through myself. So
here's, here's what happened.
Recently, I woke up on aSaturday morning, with the room
completely spinning. I couldn'tsit up, I tried, I'd have to lay

(01:13):
back down, I was super nauseous,I closed my eyes, went back to
sleep woke up again. Same thingwas happening. And I didn't know
what was going on. When Ifinally got myself to sit up. I
had trouble taking steps, I wasoff balance. And I realized that

(01:33):
I had vertigo, and I've neverhad it before ever. I'm also not
interested in ever having itagain. I was so discombobulated
right, I just I couldn't get mythoughts straight, my body
wasn't working, right. And theother Michael is said, You've

(01:55):
got vertigo, put your butt backinto bed. And I was so bummed.
Because this was like the firstfree weekend that we had had, in
a really long time. And we hadsome fun activities planned, I
was really looking forward tothis weekend. And instead, I
spent it in bed, you know,experiencing something that I

(02:18):
have never ever experiencedbefore I ended up sleeping most
of Saturday. And in my mind, itwas like, Okay, I finally just
accepted the fact that I neededto be in bed and slept. And I
just figured I'd wake up Sundayand everything would be back to
normal. And it wasn't. And forany of you who have had vertigo,

(02:41):
you know that that's not alwaysthe case, I have come to find
out that there are a lot ofpeople in my life and in around
me that have experienced vertigobefore. And I'm so sorry, I have
now transformed fromunderstanding vertigo, to truly
knowing it. What I didn't knowis what it was going to take for

(03:03):
me to get on the other side ofit. It didn't go away on Sunday.
And on Monday, the work week, Iwas starting to figure out how
was I going to navigate throughthis I was nauseous the whole

(03:23):
time. If I turned my head atall, the room would just start
spinning. It was hard to look atthe computer, things were
blurry, and I was just wiped outon top of it. But I also had a
big week in front of me. I hadpresentations to make private

(03:45):
coaching sessions, new projectmeetings plus just the other you
know, things that you have to doover the course of the week. You
know, I said I put out a weeklynewsletter I had podcasts to
record so that they went out ona consistent basis you get it
you know the drill your life islike this to most likely right?
I mean, your week lookssomething like what I just

(04:09):
explained. And when things don'tgo according to plan, we have to
pivot. I don't know about you,but like I'm okay pivoting in
the moment for problem solving.
But when it's my own my ownreasons, my own health if I'm
just being honest, right, that'sgetting in the way that's
causing me to have to pivot. Um,I don't like it. I just don't it

(04:31):
made me frustrated. And I wasgetting distressed because I was
looking at my week and I wastrying to figure out like, how
am I going to get all this done?
I still was in that mode right?
First it was like oh vertigo goaway in a day. Now. It hasn't
now I still have it. So how am Igoing to go through my week

(04:52):
according to plan while the roomis spinning? And I feel like I'm
going to puke Right, okay, likeeven now when I'm saying, it
sounds a little bit ridiculous,if you were my coaching client
and you're going through this, Iwould be saying to you like,
Well, clearly, you're not goingto be able to operate the same

(05:13):
way this week. So let's talkabout what's going to come off
your plate. Yeah. Okay, thatthought didn't occur to me when
I was personally going throughit.
Until I really was forced to.
And what was going through mymind at the moment, is I have to
find a way to do everything thatI said I was going to do in this

(05:40):
week that I needed to maintainconsistency in the things that I
was doing that I had peopledepending on me, and I couldn't
let them down. All of thestories were running through my
head. And I really was kind of Iwas in this place where I was

(06:01):
kind of like weighing theimportance of me keeping my
word. And my help, which one wasgoing to win? Which one was
going to be more important? Astotally fucked up? Right? I
mean, I get it, when I'm sayingit, this is why I want to share
it. Because I chances are,you've had some type of similar

(06:22):
conversation with yourself atsome other some time or another,
right? There's this thing aboutintegrity, doing what you say
that you're going to do. Andmany of us strive for it. I know
I do write in it. It'severything from meeting
deadlines, to showing up forothers to being integral with

(06:44):
your word. So if you know you'renot going to do something, just
say no, from the beginning,don't just try to, you know,
make an excuse down the road.
What I find is that a lot ofpeople are good at maintaining
integrity, with others, like,making sure that you show up for

(07:07):
the meetings on time, and ifsomebody needs you making
yourself available. But what Iwas reminded through this
vertigo episode is that there'salso self integrity. And really,
that's even more important. Thisis about keeping promises to
yourself. And what I noticed isthat there are many, self

(07:30):
included who are great atmaintaining integrity for others
to others, but not so great atthe self integrity. Like, it
might look like you block outtime to work out or work on a
project. But you let somebodyelse's need override that and
occupy the time it getscompromised, like a lot, right?

(07:55):
So it's a note to self, thatthere's integrity for others,
there's self integrity. And wehave to maintain that self
integrity for our sanity. Andthat is kind of what I mean by
when sanity itself overridesintegrity. I came to the
conclusion, maybe four, I had tobe forced to. But I did come up

(08:19):
with the conclusion that mysanity was far more important
than doing something justbecause I said that I would, I
had to accept and own the factthat I was not going to be able
to show up in the way thatpeople needed me to if I kept
everything on the calendar. If Icompleted that to do list, if I

(08:40):
kept pushing forward on projectswith deadlines that I had set
for myself, I had to recognizethat something needed to change.
So I scaled down, I cancelledthings, I rescheduled
appointments, I pushed outdeadlines, and I just flat out
didn't do some things. And hewanted to know what happened.

(09:02):
Like, the world did not blow up.
Nothing really mattered. When itcame down to it. People were
very understanding and no onenoticed that I wasn't consistent
with my weekly offerings. Or ifthey were they didn't mention
it. They didn't like reach outand say, Hey, where's that
weekly newsletter you said youwere gonna send out to us. So

(09:22):
people were very gracious withme. I had to create a little bit
more space in between meetings.
I didn't just completely wipeoff my calendar because I didn't
feel like I needed to but I didslow down. I did rearrange. I
did adjust and I did pivot.

(09:42):
So then you would think like,Okay, you got the message. Well,
just to make sure my bodydecided to have vertigo go into
week two. I still like 10 dayslater had it and and I was
trying all different kinds ofthings. Lots of methods, lots of
doctors, lots of exercises, lotsof changing of things, okay. And

(10:07):
I was better by the second week,but I was still off balance. So
I really like was just bouncingoff of walls, the spinning, had
for the most part stopped,except like when I lay down to
go to sleep. But now, in weektwo, I was just like, I looked
comical. But one day, I wasfeeling better. So I went out, I

(10:29):
did all my appointments. And thenext day, it was worse, it was
like my body was telling me,You're not getting the message,
you're not getting the message.
So again, for the sake of mysanity, I let some things go.
They seemed important to me acouple of weeks ago, but they
really weren't. And they reallyaren't in the grand scheme of

(10:50):
things. So I share this. Becauseoftentimes, what seems most
personal is actually mostcommon. And I'm hoping that in
sharing what I learned out ofthis episode can be helpful to
you, because it doesn't have tobe vertigo, right? There are
just times in our lives whereit's necessary to break the

(11:11):
cycle. And we have to like giveourselves permission, that it's
okay that it doesn't make us abad person. Because sometimes we
really aren't able to do what wesay we're going to do. And in
the end, other people can't bemore important than you. Because
you can't show up the way thatyou want to when you're in a

(11:32):
constant state of frenzy. AndI'm saying you as the universal
you because I'm saying this asmuch for you as I am for myself.
Because right before thatvertigo, you know episode, I was
in a state of frenzy, I wasmoving hard and fast. And I
wasn't taking time to slow downin part because I was super

(11:54):
excited with all the things thatI was doing. So I think
sometimes that is the challengein and of itself. Sometimes we
are running full blast, becausethere's so much that is going on
that we actually enjoy, and thatwe want to be doing that we
want to be a part of that wewant to create. And this is the

(12:17):
notice that even in thosemoments, there is space and rest
that is needed. What I learnedfrom this vertigo episode is
some added compassion, right?
You know that there is thatdifference between understanding
and knowing something. So beforeI had an understanding of people

(12:40):
who have chronic illness thatneed to adjust in their day,
because they just aren't feelingright, there's something that's
off their medication isn't isn'tright. And now I have a much
better knowing of what it feelslike to be really off like to

(13:04):
have your body just not feelright to have your mind not work
the way that you know that itusually does. So I feel like I
got a whole huge heap of addedcompassion for people who just
have some daily struggles orhave some, you know, situational

(13:24):
struggles, like vertigo, likejust dealing with an illness. I
also learned that there's areason why well being is being
talked about more and more, andwhy it is so urgent and
necessary. Because my body hadbeen sending me some signals

(13:48):
that I was ignoring, right? Ijust like I got it, I got it.
I'm just gonna get through this.
I'm just gonna get to thisdeadline. I'm just gonna get to
the end of the week. Does thatsound familiar at all? Yeah,
well, my body was sending mesome message and I was just flat
out ignoring it. So it decidedto shut me down. And we want to

(14:12):
in the ideal world, right? Wewant to prevent that from
happening. And well being is away to make that happen. I also
learned that taking care ofyourself doesn't mean that you
lack integrity. It's actuallybeing in self integrity. That
makes your self care necessary,needed, and a part of who you

(14:39):
ultimately are. It's part ofyour whole being. So I hope that
in sharing this with you todaythat you can see maybe in your
own life where sanity does needto override your integrity and
that it isn't, doesn't makeintegrity completely void of

(15:03):
you.
But there are moments when yourself integrity needs to trump
everything else. Some would sayit always needs to. And, you
know, we can have thatconversation at another time.
For me, it was really getting mysanity back, right like finding

(15:24):
that rhythm of what was going tobe possible for right now,
whether it was a day, a week, amonth, a quarter, whatever it
is, giving ourselves morepermission to adjust could serve
us all. So thanks for listeningto this episode. If this

(15:46):
connected for you, hey, I wouldlove for you to just drop me a
message in the comments section,either where you're listening to
this or when you see the socialpost or send me a note. I want
to know what your personalexperience has been. And I will
catch you on the next episode.
Hey, before you go, though, Iwant to put out just a little

(16:07):
teaser for something new thatI'm creating in Minneapolis, and
I'm so excited about this. It'swinning your way for senior
leaders. So this is going to befor women who are in mid to
upper level management, wherethey've been meeting teams for
years. And they're either notgetting any professional
development or what's beingoffered doesn't really match the

(16:28):
level of leader that they wantto be. So there are offerings
out there, lots of them for newmanagers, right first time
managers. And there's also a lotoffered for the C suite. But the
leaders who are sandwichedbetween the two have different
challenges, needs and careergoals. And if you're one of
them, chances are, you're likenodding your head right now. Oh,

(16:52):
I created winning your way forsenior leaders to provide a
leadership developmentexperience that is just for you.
And it's nothing like whatyou've gone through before. Oh,
it is leadership transformationfrom inside out. And there are
just so many little magicalpieces that are going to be
sprinkled throughout this yearbecause it's a monthly in person

(17:14):
peer group that provides a yearlong discovery, of learning of
elevating your leadershipeffectiveness. And also
designing what success lookslike for you so that you're
winning your way in your wholelife with your whole self. This
opportunity begins in May andit's limited to 12 senior

(17:35):
leaders committed to reaching anew level of growth for
themselves and others. It's nota networking group. This is I'm
telling you this is going to befullcontact pa fly what you're
learning along the way, learnand grow, adjust, get to the
next level. And you can find outmore information about this

(17:56):
where I lay out the wholeprogram. What are steps if
you're interested in want tofind out more, just go to
Michael W kithcart.com.
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