August 4, 2025 • 10 mins
You cannot keep someone from gaslighting you, but you can choose how to respond to gaslighting. Learn effective responses by watching this video. #gaslighting #dysfunctionalrelationship #gaslighter #respondingtogaslighting
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Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Trv3nKQRJBc
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
(00:20):
How do you respond to gaslighting?
Well, first of all, what is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is when somebodypurposefully tries to get you to doubt
what you saw, heard, believe,
experienced, felt, or perceived.
So the person is trying to get youto doubt yourself
(00:44):
often, to believe insteadwhat the gaslighter wants you to believe.
Often to get what the gaslighter wants.
It could be power overyou could be control.
It could be for you to give inand do what the gaslighter wants.
It could get you.
It could be to get you to doubt yourselfand have low self-esteem
(01:05):
so you won't question whether or not thisperson is good for you, whatever that is.
The Gaslighter wants somethingand is using gaslight
gaslighting to get you to doubt yourself.
So all kinds of people gaslight you.
It could be an intimate relationship,like a partner spouse.
(01:25):
It could be an ex spouse.
It could be a child, an adult child.
It could be a employer.
It could be a parent.
It could be a sibling.
It could be any relative.
It could be a friend.
It could be the government.
All kinds of people could be someonein a church, a church leader or someone.
(01:48):
So all kinds of people use gaslighting,
manipulative lieto get you to give in to their control,
their domination,and their power over you.
So how do you respond to gaslighting?
First, you have to recognizethat you're being gaslighted.
If you don't recognize it, how can youfigure out the best way to respond to it?
(02:10):
So you've got to know when you feelthat somebody is getting you
to doubt yourself, questioning you,making you say, oh, am I wrong?
Did I see that?
Did I hear that?
Maybe I'm not thinking the right way.
Maybe I shouldn't have made that decision.
Maybe I shouldn't think thatthat was an okay.
(02:31):
Maybe it really was okay.
So when you start to question yourself
based on what somebody else has saidor a look, somebody gives you or something
somebody is telling youthey're going to do, recognize
what gaslighting is,and that often the number one
sign is I'm questioning myselfbased on what this person just said.
(02:51):
I'm doubting myselfwhen I'm doubting myself.
Is it because I'm not trusting myself?
Or is it because somebody is tryingto make me not trust myself,
my own perceptionsand experiences and beliefs?
Okay, so the first thing is recognize
that you've got to recognizewhen you're being gaslighted.
(03:12):
Then second,
you got
two choices let it workor don't let it work.
So obviously the best responsesdon't know how work.
I'm not going to give in to this.
I'm not going to allow this personto get me to doubt myself.
So no, when I start questioning myself,I'm going to recognize
no I know what I saw, I know what I felt,I know what I experienced,
(03:38):
I know what I think,I know what's not okay with me.
I'm not going to let you get meto doubt myself.
Okay?
So sometimes the best thing to do
is to just hold tightand just say, I'm not letting this work.
That's it.
So that's the second wayto respond to gaslighting.
(03:59):
And then the third isdo you respond to the gaslighter?
Sometimes, no.
Sometimes it's betterjust to dig in your heels and say,
I'm not letting this workand just to walk away,
because any conversation you have withthe gaslighter
is going to causeyou it's going to be more gaslighting.
It's going to be working harderto make you believe the gaslighting.
(04:24):
So sometimes, especiallyif you're feeling really, not strong, best
to just walk awayand go keep, making yourself stronger
and reinforcing your perceptionsand your beliefs.
But sometimes you want to letthe gaslighter know, look, I'm on to you.
I get it, I'mI know what you're trying to do.
You're trying to gaslight me.I'm not buying into it.
And I'm going to let you knowthat this isn't working.
(04:46):
Here are some of the things you can say.
Don't gaslight me, okay?
Don't. Don't gaslight me.
Very simple.
That isn't true.
I like that one.
I've said that one.
That's the way you see it.
I see it differently.
And you say these with confidence.
You don't scream and yell. You don't
(05:08):
say it with a timid voice. You don't.
You just say it very confidently.
That's not the way I see it.
That's not what I believe.
I see it differently,I feel differently, okay.
The next one is.
And you're just letting the person know.
(05:29):
Okay, I'll think about that.
But that's not really affecting me. It'snot really getting to me.
You're not getting to me,okay? I'm just kind of.
Whatever.
I don't believe that.
That's a little stronger.
Here's an even stronger one.
Don't lie to me.
I know what I saw.
(05:50):
Don't lie to me.
I know what I did.
Don't lie to me.
I know what I experienced,
I know what I heard,
okay, so that oneyou can hear the fact that I'm saying that
with more strength, with more confidence.
Because that one's kind of like,you know, don't don't get in my space.
(06:12):
Don't don't tell me thatI'm not buying into that.
You're letting the person knowwith a little bit more authority.
a little bit more of an imperative tonethat.
No, not that's that's not going to work.
And then, the next one,which is kind of a rhetorical question,
do you really think I'm going to believethat?
Do you really thinkI'm going to buy into that?
(06:34):
Do you really thinkthat's going to work on me?
Do you really, really think thatthat's going to be effective
and that has
a certain message that that gives.
And then you can simply say somethinglike, wow,
I can't believe you'd stoop to that.
I can't believe that you'd actually saythat.
(06:55):
I'm really surprised that you would
stoop to that level.
Or how dare you, how dare you question me?
Try to make me question myself.
How dare you say that to me?
So those are different types of responseswhere you can again,
only if you're strong enoughto not let the gaslighter’s
(07:20):
response to that throw you offand get you to actually be gaslighted.
So remember, you cannot force a gaslighterto stop gaslight.
You can only decide
whether it's going to work on you
and how you're going to respond to it.
And, it's really interesting that,
(07:40):
a lot of the videosthat I make have scriptural component.
The scribes and Phariseesreally tried to gaslight Jesus.
They tried to get him off his game.
They tried to get him tothey tried to trick him
because they wanted to accuse himand they wanted to trip him up.
They wanted to get him to say somethingthat they could use against him.
(08:00):
So they were always kind ofsetting up a situation.
And one of those was in John 8:1-9.
And you're probably familiar with that.
And that's when they broughtthe woman caught in adultery to Jesus.
And they were basically trying to trickhim, saying, should she be stoned?
Because the law of Moses said that.
And so, Jesus was not easy to trick.
You couldn't gaslight Jesus.
(08:21):
But they kept trying.
So they wanted him to say something wrong.
And Jesus basically threw it back on them.
He basically said, really?
Well, which one of you is without sin?
Okay, you go ahead.
You throw that first stone
and basically they all walked awaybecause none of them was.
So what Jesus did washe turned that around onto them.
(08:44):
Now he is has much more authoritythan any one of us has.
But I'm saying this again how you respond
can send a message to peopleand it can have an impact on them.
So you're againnot going to change the gaslighter, but
you get to decide is it going to work?
And the most important thing for you,if you have any gas lighters in your life,
(09:06):
is you're going to get strong enoughthat it does not work,
that you recognize the gaslighting,that you refused to let it work,
and then you've got to make a decision,what am I going to say or not say?
Okay, so thank you for watching this videoon how to respond to gaslighting.
I hope that this has helped you.
(09:27):
Hope you will check out my website,
my ChangeMyRelationship.com,
and also that you will watch more videosand check out my resources.
So okay God bless.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
(09:48):
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
(10:10):
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
(00:20):
How do you respond to gaslighting?
Well, first of all, what is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is when somebodypurposefully tries to get you to doubt
what you saw, heard, believe,
experienced, felt, or perceived.
So the person is trying to get youto doubt yourself
(00:44):
often, to believe insteadwhat the gaslighter wants you to believe.
Often to get what the gaslighter wants.
It could be power overyou could be control.
It could be for you to give inand do what the gaslighter wants.
It could get you.
It could be to get you to doubt yourselfand have low self-esteem
(01:05):
so you won't question whether or not thisperson is good for you, whatever that is.
The Gaslighter wants somethingand is using gaslight
gaslighting to get you to doubt yourself.
So all kinds of people gaslight you.
It could be an intimate relationship,like a partner spouse.
(01:25):
It could be an ex spouse.
It could be a child, an adult child.
It could be a employer.
It could be a parent.
It could be a sibling.
It could be any relative.
It could be a friend.
It could be the government.
All kinds of people could be someonein a church, a church leader or someone.
(01:48):
So all kinds of people use gaslighting,
manipulative lieto get you to give in to their control,
their domination,and their power over you.
So how do you respond to gaslighting?
First, you have to recognizethat you're being gaslighted.
If you don't recognize it, how can youfigure out the best way to respond to it?
(02:10):
So you've got to know when you feelthat somebody is getting you
to doubt yourself, questioning you,making you say, oh, am I wrong?
Did I see that?
Did I hear that?
Maybe I'm not thinking the right way.
Maybe I shouldn't have made that decision.
Maybe I shouldn't think thatthat was an okay.
(02:31):
Maybe it really was okay.
So when you start to question yourself
based on what somebody else has saidor a look, somebody gives you or something
somebody is telling youthey're going to do, recognize
what gaslighting is,and that often the number one
sign is I'm questioning myselfbased on what this person just said.
(02:51):
I'm doubting myselfwhen I'm doubting myself.
Is it because I'm not trusting myself?
Or is it because somebody is tryingto make me not trust myself,
my own perceptionsand experiences and beliefs?
Okay, so the first thing is recognize
that you've got to recognizewhen you're being gaslighted.
(03:12):
Then second,
you got
two choices let it workor don't let it work.
So obviously the best responsesdon't know how work.
I'm not going to give in to this.
I'm not going to allow this personto get me to doubt myself.
So no, when I start questioning myself,I'm going to recognize
no I know what I saw, I know what I felt,I know what I experienced,
(03:38):
I know what I think,I know what's not okay with me.
I'm not going to let you get meto doubt myself.
Okay?
So sometimes the best thing to do
is to just hold tightand just say, I'm not letting this work.
That's it.
So that's the second wayto respond to gaslighting.
(03:59):
And then the third isdo you respond to the gaslighter?
Sometimes, no.
Sometimes it's betterjust to dig in your heels and say,
I'm not letting this workand just to walk away,
because any conversation you have withthe gaslighter
is going to causeyou it's going to be more gaslighting.
It's going to be working harderto make you believe the gaslighting.
(04:24):
So sometimes, especiallyif you're feeling really, not strong, best
to just walk awayand go keep, making yourself stronger
and reinforcing your perceptionsand your beliefs.
But sometimes you want to letthe gaslighter know, look, I'm on to you.
I get it, I'mI know what you're trying to do.
You're trying to gaslight me.I'm not buying into it.
And I'm going to let you knowthat this isn't working.
(04:46):
Here are some of the things you can say.
Don't gaslight me, okay?
Don't. Don't gaslight me.
Very simple.
That isn't true.
I like that one.
I've said that one.
That's the way you see it.
I see it differently.
And you say these with confidence.
You don't scream and yell. You don't
(05:08):
say it with a timid voice. You don't.
You just say it very confidently.
That's not the way I see it.
That's not what I believe.
I see it differently,I feel differently, okay.
The next one is.
And you're just letting the person know.
(05:29):
Okay, I'll think about that.
But that's not really affecting me. It'snot really getting to me.
You're not getting to me,okay? I'm just kind of.
Whatever.
I don't believe that.
That's a little stronger.
Here's an even stronger one.
Don't lie to me.
I know what I saw.
(05:50):
Don't lie to me.
I know what I did.
Don't lie to me.
I know what I experienced,
I know what I heard,
okay, so that oneyou can hear the fact that I'm saying that
with more strength, with more confidence.
Because that one's kind of like,you know, don't don't get in my space.
(06:12):
Don't don't tell me thatI'm not buying into that.
You're letting the person knowwith a little bit more authority.
a little bit more of an imperative tonethat.
No, not that's that's not going to work.
And then, the next one,which is kind of a rhetorical question,
do you really think I'm going to believethat?
Do you really thinkI'm going to buy into that?
(06:34):
Do you really thinkthat's going to work on me?
Do you really, really think thatthat's going to be effective
and that has
a certain message that that gives.
And then you can simply say somethinglike, wow,
I can't believe you'd stoop to that.
I can't believe that you'd actually saythat.
(06:55):
I'm really surprised that you would
stoop to that level.
Or how dare you, how dare you question me?
Try to make me question myself.
How dare you say that to me?
So those are different types of responseswhere you can again,
only if you're strong enoughto not let the gaslighter’s
(07:20):
response to that throw you offand get you to actually be gaslighted.
So remember, you cannot force a gaslighterto stop gaslight.
You can only decide
whether it's going to work on you
and how you're going to respond to it.
And, it's really interesting that,
(07:40):
a lot of the videosthat I make have scriptural component.
The scribes and Phariseesreally tried to gaslight Jesus.
They tried to get him off his game.
They tried to get him tothey tried to trick him
because they wanted to accuse himand they wanted to trip him up.
They wanted to get him to say somethingthat they could use against him.
(08:00):
So they were always kind ofsetting up a situation.
And one of those was in John 8:1-9.
And you're probably familiar with that.
And that's when they broughtthe woman caught in adultery to Jesus.
And they were basically trying to trickhim, saying, should she be stoned?
Because the law of Moses said that.
And so, Jesus was not easy to trick.
You couldn't gaslight Jesus.
(08:21):
But they kept trying.
So they wanted him to say something wrong.
And Jesus basically threw it back on them.
He basically said, really?
Well, which one of you is without sin?
Okay, you go ahead.
You throw that first stone
and basically they all walked awaybecause none of them was.
So what Jesus did washe turned that around onto them.
(08:44):
Now he is has much more authoritythan any one of us has.
But I'm saying this again how you respond
can send a message to peopleand it can have an impact on them.
So you're againnot going to change the gaslighter, but
you get to decide is it going to work?
And the most important thing for you,if you have any gas lighters in your life,
(09:06):
is you're going to get strong enoughthat it does not work,
that you recognize the gaslighting,that you refused to let it work,
and then you've got to make a decision,what am I going to say or not say?
Okay, so thank you for watching this videoon how to respond to gaslighting.
I hope that this has helped you.
(09:27):
Hope you will check out my website,
my ChangeMyRelationship.com,
and also that you will watch more videosand check out my resources.
So okay God bless.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
(09:48):
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
(10:10):
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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