November 6, 2025 • 8 mins
People manipulate you by creating fear in you. Knowing what you are afraid of shows them ways to get you to do what they want. Watch this video to learn how you can refuse to be manipulated by fear.
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Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Lh2HQQ0yG8E
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You'relistening to an audio recording
by Change My Relationship,featuring licensed marriage
and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designedto provide you
with practical solutionsbased on biblical truths
for all your relationships.
(00:20):
I want to talk to you
about manipulationby creating fear.
One of the wayemotional manipulators
or emotional blackmailersmanipulate you
is by creating fear.
By getting you to be afraid.
The way a manipulator getswhat is wanted
is by manipulatingyour emotions.
(00:42):
One of those isto make you afraid so they may
bring up something thatthey know that you're afraid of,
or they might suggestthat something could happen
that you are afraid of.
They could do something thatthey know causes fear in you.
They could distance themselvesto create abandonment
(01:05):
if you are easily feelingabandoned.
They could plan thingsin secret,
but then drop enough hints that,you know, oh,
this could happen.
So whether it's hints,whether it's threats,
whether it's suggestions,whether it's an action,
it creates fear.
Fear is a very big motivator
(01:27):
because fear creates discomfort,anxiety.
Urgency makes you feel like
you have to do something quicklybecause of what could happen.
So fear actually is something
that can be easilymanipulated within you.
And it's somethingthat where, a lot of us,
(01:48):
I don't think any of usare in a situation
that it's impossibleto get us to be afraid
because there are all of ushave things that we're afraid of
and manipulators learnin relationships what works.
They practice.They figure it out.
They do this.
It doesn't cause you to react.
It doesn't cause you to give in.
(02:08):
So they do this,does that cause you to give in?
Oh. That one work.So now they know. That's it.
I can do that.
She's afraid of that.Or he's afraid of that.
So they're pretty good
at figuring out what it isthat can get us to feel fearful.
So we've got to recognizethat fear can be anything
from feeling anxiousto worried to outright panicked.
(02:30):
Okay, so any of those isa feeling of fear.
What the manipulator wantsis for us to feel
that fear, that anxietyor that panic.
So we'll just give inand do what is wanted, alright.
That's the whole purposefor the manipulation.
If they didn't do that,they would just be asking us
for what they wanted.Like a healthy person.
(02:51):
Will you do this for me?
Give us the opportunityto say no,
to give you the opportunityto say I can't.
Or sure, I'll do that or yes,I'll do that.
But under these circumstances,they don't want to risk that.
So they've got to force you.
How do they force you?
Not openly force,but manipulatively force you.
(03:14):
Okay. That's their M.O., right?
Modus operandi.
So some of the things that we doin our difficult relationships
to get the manipulator to seewhat's happening is we beg them.
Please don't.Please don't do that.
I’ll do what you want,or I'll give in.
Please don't stop that, okay?
(03:35):
Or we beg the manipulator.
Don't threatenthat. Threatening is not right.
Threatening is not healthy,Please don't threaten me. And.
And that's not a strongresponse.
Next one iswe might react with intensity,
get angry or react stronglyto try
to forceresolution of the situation.
Or we might go to other peopleto get them.
(03:58):
That's triangulating.
Bringing somebody else in
to get themto convince the manipulator
not to do thator that that's wrong
or that's not healthyor that's not right. So
those are all ways of respondingto this that are unhealthy.
The healthy way of responding tothis is to face our fear.
It's one of my ten principles.
(04:20):
Face your fear.What are you afraid of?
What's the probabilitythat this person is going to do
that if their personis going to do it?
You need to prepare.
Do what you need to doto take care of the situation,
to protect the personin this situation,
to protect yourself
in this situation,whatever it is, go do it.
(04:41):
And then you want to see one.
Identify the fear.
You want to evaluate the fear.
You want to talk to other peopleabout the fear.
Get maybe some help,some support, some ideas.
Talk to God about the situationand then do
what's rightin spite of the fear.
I'm not going to let fear guidemy actions.
(05:06):
I'm not going to letthe manipulator win
and manipulativebully use the fear to force me
to do somethingI don't want to do.
Now why?
One, it's not healthy.
Two, you're teachingthe manipulator what works
this will happen againif you give in.
Might even be worse next time,but you are guaranteeing
(05:30):
that this will happen againby giving in.
So the only
healthy way to respond tothis is to just say I'm going
to, if I bend, jump doingwhat the manipulator wanted
because of fear, I got to stop.
It's time for me to stop.
If I haven't, I definitely don'twant to set a precedent.
So is it going to be hard? Yes.
Is there going to be a price?Probably right.
(05:53):
Are you willing to pay it?
You got to answer that question.
You got to figure it out.
If you're not,
you got to get strong enough
where you can stand upto the manipulator or
get out of the relationship,whatever is needed.
Because giving in to
manipulation is not healthyand it only gets worse.
So here are some interestingverses.
(06:14):
Psalm 141:9-10 says,keep me from the snares
they have laid for me, fromthe traps set by evil doers.
Let the wicked fall
into their own netswhile I pass by in safety.
Oh, I love that.
That's a great prayer to prayfor somebody who's manipulating.
Let them fall into their ownnets, their own traps
(06:38):
that they're settingwhile I pass by safely.
It's a good one.
You can write that down.
Psalm 141:9-10.
And then Proverbs 14:8-10 says,
the wisdom of the prudent isto give thought to their ways.
But the folly of foolsis deception, deception, lying.
Right?
So deceiving you,threatening you, setting you up.
(07:02):
So keep those two scripturesin mind.
And again, manipulation.
By creating fear,
they're creatingfear in you to manipulate you.
You cannot let it work.
So thank youfor watching this video
on changed my relationship.
I hope you'lllook at my other resources.
Check out my website.
I've got a brand
new devotional called ChangeMy Relationship: 365
(07:26):
Daily Devotions for Christiansin Difficult Relationships.
Gives you stuffjust like this every day
with the scripture readingand then a prayer.
So okay, make surethat you do not give in
to fear,to not let fear manipulate you.
All right. Bye.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
(07:48):
We hope you will subscribeto these podcasts
and share themwith your friends.
Karlawould love to hear from you.
She welcomes
ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helpedyour life and relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more information on
(08:08):
Change My Relationship and KarlaDowning's ministry,
including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You'relistening to an audio recording
by Change My Relationship,featuring licensed marriage
and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designedto provide you
with practical solutionsbased on biblical truths
for all your relationships.
(00:20):
I want to talk to you
about manipulationby creating fear.
One of the wayemotional manipulators
or emotional blackmailersmanipulate you
is by creating fear.
By getting you to be afraid.
The way a manipulator getswhat is wanted
is by manipulatingyour emotions.
(00:42):
One of those isto make you afraid so they may
bring up something thatthey know that you're afraid of,
or they might suggestthat something could happen
that you are afraid of.
They could do something thatthey know causes fear in you.
They could distance themselvesto create abandonment
(01:05):
if you are easily feelingabandoned.
They could plan thingsin secret,
but then drop enough hints that,you know, oh,
this could happen.
So whether it's hints,whether it's threats,
whether it's suggestions,whether it's an action,
it creates fear.
Fear is a very big motivator
(01:27):
because fear creates discomfort,anxiety.
Urgency makes you feel like
you have to do something quicklybecause of what could happen.
So fear actually is something
that can be easilymanipulated within you.
And it's somethingthat where, a lot of us,
(01:48):
I don't think any of usare in a situation
that it's impossibleto get us to be afraid
because there are all of ushave things that we're afraid of
and manipulators learnin relationships what works.
They practice.They figure it out.
They do this.
It doesn't cause you to react.
It doesn't cause you to give in.
(02:08):
So they do this,does that cause you to give in?
Oh. That one work.So now they know. That's it.
I can do that.
She's afraid of that.Or he's afraid of that.
So they're pretty good
at figuring out what it isthat can get us to feel fearful.
So we've got to recognizethat fear can be anything
from feeling anxiousto worried to outright panicked.
(02:30):
Okay, so any of those isa feeling of fear.
What the manipulator wantsis for us to feel
that fear, that anxietyor that panic.
So we'll just give inand do what is wanted, alright.
That's the whole purposefor the manipulation.
If they didn't do that,they would just be asking us
for what they wanted.Like a healthy person.
(02:51):
Will you do this for me?
Give us the opportunityto say no,
to give you the opportunityto say I can't.
Or sure, I'll do that or yes,I'll do that.
But under these circumstances,they don't want to risk that.
So they've got to force you.
How do they force you?
Not openly force,but manipulatively force you.
(03:14):
Okay. That's their M.O., right?
Modus operandi.
So some of the things that we doin our difficult relationships
to get the manipulator to seewhat's happening is we beg them.
Please don't.Please don't do that.
I’ll do what you want,or I'll give in.
Please don't stop that, okay?
(03:35):
Or we beg the manipulator.
Don't threatenthat. Threatening is not right.
Threatening is not healthy,Please don't threaten me. And.
And that's not a strongresponse.
Next one iswe might react with intensity,
get angry or react stronglyto try
to forceresolution of the situation.
Or we might go to other peopleto get them.
(03:58):
That's triangulating.
Bringing somebody else in
to get themto convince the manipulator
not to do thator that that's wrong
or that's not healthyor that's not right. So
those are all ways of respondingto this that are unhealthy.
The healthy way of responding tothis is to face our fear.
It's one of my ten principles.
(04:20):
Face your fear.What are you afraid of?
What's the probabilitythat this person is going to do
that if their personis going to do it?
You need to prepare.
Do what you need to doto take care of the situation,
to protect the personin this situation,
to protect yourself
in this situation,whatever it is, go do it.
(04:41):
And then you want to see one.
Identify the fear.
You want to evaluate the fear.
You want to talk to other peopleabout the fear.
Get maybe some help,some support, some ideas.
Talk to God about the situationand then do
what's rightin spite of the fear.
I'm not going to let fear guidemy actions.
(05:06):
I'm not going to letthe manipulator win
and manipulativebully use the fear to force me
to do somethingI don't want to do.
Now why?
One, it's not healthy.
Two, you're teachingthe manipulator what works
this will happen againif you give in.
Might even be worse next time,but you are guaranteeing
(05:30):
that this will happen againby giving in.
So the only
healthy way to respond tothis is to just say I'm going
to, if I bend, jump doingwhat the manipulator wanted
because of fear, I got to stop.
It's time for me to stop.
If I haven't, I definitely don'twant to set a precedent.
So is it going to be hard? Yes.
Is there going to be a price?Probably right.
(05:53):
Are you willing to pay it?
You got to answer that question.
You got to figure it out.
If you're not,
you got to get strong enough
where you can stand upto the manipulator or
get out of the relationship,whatever is needed.
Because giving in to
manipulation is not healthyand it only gets worse.
So here are some interestingverses.
(06:14):
Psalm 141:9-10 says,keep me from the snares
they have laid for me, fromthe traps set by evil doers.
Let the wicked fall
into their own netswhile I pass by in safety.
Oh, I love that.
That's a great prayer to prayfor somebody who's manipulating.
Let them fall into their ownnets, their own traps
(06:38):
that they're settingwhile I pass by safely.
It's a good one.
You can write that down.
Psalm 141:9-10.
And then Proverbs 14:8-10 says,
the wisdom of the prudent isto give thought to their ways.
But the folly of foolsis deception, deception, lying.
Right?
So deceiving you,threatening you, setting you up.
(07:02):
So keep those two scripturesin mind.
And again, manipulation.
By creating fear,
they're creatingfear in you to manipulate you.
You cannot let it work.
So thank youfor watching this video
on changed my relationship.
I hope you'lllook at my other resources.
Check out my website.
I've got a brand
new devotional called ChangeMy Relationship: 365
(07:26):
Daily Devotions for Christiansin Difficult Relationships.
Gives you stuffjust like this every day
with the scripture readingand then a prayer.
So okay, make surethat you do not give in
to fear,to not let fear manipulate you.
All right. Bye.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
(07:48):
We hope you will subscribeto these podcasts
and share themwith your friends.
Karlawould love to hear from you.
She welcomes
ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helpedyour life and relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more information on
(08:08):
Change My Relationship and KarlaDowning's ministry,
including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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