October 23, 2025 • 8 mins
Reciprocal relationships are healthy relationships that are balanced. Unhealthy relationships are not reciprocal and not balanced. All of our relationships should be reciprocal regardless of which one it is. Some people have all unhealthy relationships and some have only one or two unhealthy relationships. Learn what you need to do to make all your relationships reciprocal.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You'relistening to an audio recording
by Change My Relationship,featuring licensed marriage
and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designedto provide you
with practical solutionsbased on biblical truths
for all your relationships.
(00:20):
When I talk to youabout reciprocal relationships.
Reciprocalrelationships are equal.
There is shared power.
There is mutual cooperation.
Both people giveand both people take.
So there's give and take backand forth.
There is equal concernfor the other person's interest.
(00:42):
There is concern for eachother's feelings.
There is time where one persontalks and the other listens,
and then it goes back,
and then that person talksand the other person listens.
So bothpeople care for each other.
Now, in one way, relationships.
That's not true.
In those relationships,one person has the power.
(01:04):
One person is doingall the taking.
One personis doing all the giving.
There is inequality.
There is submission andcooperation only coming one way.
Not two ways.
And only one person'sneeds matter.
Now there are reasons that weget into one way relationships.
(01:27):
Sometimes you think, okay,
maybeyou're at a place in your life
where you desperatelyneed to be needed.
So you will gravitate towardspeople who you do something for.
And those people need you.
They're not in an equalrelationship where they feel
you know, that they can bewith all kinds of people.
(01:47):
But no, they need you becauseyou provide something for them.
And when you're needed,you feel good.
That's kind of codependencythat you need to be needed.
You need to
have people in your lifethat you're doing something for.
That keeps you feeling likeyou're not going to be discarded
because you're giving somethingto that person.
(02:09):
Also,some people kind of collect
people that need to be fixed
because when they're
in that positionwhere they're fixing the person,
they also feel likethey're going to be able
to stay in the relationshipbecause the people is
the person is goingto be kind of dependent.
You could feel that your needsdon't matter.
That one wayrelationships are okay.
(02:30):
That's normal.
Maybe that's what your mom hador your dad had,
and that's the only way you knowhow to be in a relationship.
It could really be thatyou believe that God expects it.
That God doesn't necessarilywant you to have relationships
that are equal,
or that if you are in one way,relationships
that God wants youto just keep giving
and keep giving and keep giving.
Or you might believe that
(02:51):
well God brought this personinto my life.
And now, no matter what,I need to tolerate
whatever it isthe person is doing
because there's a reasonand God wants us to be together.
So those are reasons.
None of those are healthy
reasons for you to toleratea one way relationship.
(03:12):
There are some healthy reasonsthat you might be
in a one way relationship,and that it's okay for you to
stay for however long youneed to in that relationship,
and that iswhen you have a child, a child
who is not ableto have an equal relationship.
You can have a dependent childthat's
maybe an adult that has healthproblems or emotional problems,
(03:33):
mental problems,physical problems,
maybe a dependent parentwho is, has dementia or senility
or some health problemsis not able to give and take,
not able to participateand participate
in the relationshipthe way a person normally would.
It could be that you knowinglychoose to be in a relationship
(03:56):
where it's not equal, becausethere's a higher purpose.
Maybe you feel that you'rehelping this person for a time.
Most of your otherrelationships are healthy.
You have a quality
in most of your relationships,
so if this one isthe aberration,
it can be okay to say, for now,I'm going to I'm
going to be therefor this person
(04:16):
who is really needy
and is unable to give to me,but that's okay.
I have a plan for to be therefor a certain amount of time.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm making this choiceconsciously.
And like I said,as long as the majority
of the relationshipsin your life are mutual,
this one isn't going tocause you any harm.
(04:36):
You could be witnessing
to a person and know that, I'mI'm doing this
because I am letting that personknow that I care for them.
And, you want to talk to themabout the Lord.
It could be that you'rein a one way relationship,
and it's a committedrelationship where you said
vows like in a marriageand you don't want to to leave
(05:00):
because you feel at this pointthat God has not freed you
from that commitment.
And so you're still doing
the best you can,and you're not getting back
what you're giving,but you're still
being consistentlyfaithful to your vows.
So there are reasons to continuein a one way relationship.
But if you find yourself
(05:22):
getting only one wayrelationships and picking people
that are not
able to give back to you,then you need to get healthy.
Figure out why it is
that you're doing that,and get to where you can find
relationshipsthat are reciprocal and mutual,
because those are healthyrelationships.
It's never to be all one persongiving
(05:45):
and the other person taking.
There has to be mutuality.
There has to begoodwill, has to be cooperation.
There has to be shared powerand shared concern
for a relationshipto be healthy.
So Ephesians 5:21,
and this comes rightbefore the scriptures,
where a woman is told to submitto her husband.
It says, submit to one anotherout of reverence for Christ.
(06:07):
So that's where we we're goingto give and take.
We're going to go back and forthwith giving in and helping
and giving to cooperatingwith back and forth.
And the other says, 1John 4:11-12.
Dear friends,
since God so loved us,we are also to love one another.
No one has ever seen God.
But if we love oneanother, God lives in us
(06:30):
and his love is made completein us.
A whole New Testament was aboutloving, loving one another,
loving our
brothers and sisters in Christ,and even loving our enemies.
But being able to loveand sometimes loving our enemies
is that is an example of aone way relationship.
But again, that relationshipcan have boundaries in it
(06:54):
because that is not going to bea relationship
where it's going tothat's going to be our only
relationship in our lives.
So I hopethat makes sense to you.
So kind of evaluateyour relationships.
Are they all
pretty much reciprocal oris there an imbalance of power?
Some of your relationships?
If there is,you can reset that balance
(07:16):
by speaking your truth in love,by setting boundaries,
by making some changes,
by learninghow to take care of yourself
so you can rebalancesome of those relationships.
And it might be a good time
to kind ofthink about that and do that.
So thank you for watching thisvideo on Change My Relationship.
I hope you'll go to my YouTubeand you will watch some more.
(07:40):
And also please check out
my website for my books,my studies, my classes.
Okay. All right. Thank you.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribeto these podcasts
and share themwith your friends.
Karlawould love to hear from you.
She welcomes
ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helpedyour life and relationships.
(08:03):
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more information on
Change My Relationship and KarlaDowning's ministry,
including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You'relistening to an audio recording
by Change My Relationship,featuring licensed marriage
and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designedto provide you
with practical solutionsbased on biblical truths
for all your relationships.
(00:20):
When I talk to youabout reciprocal relationships.
Reciprocalrelationships are equal.
There is shared power.
There is mutual cooperation.
Both people giveand both people take.
So there's give and take backand forth.
There is equal concernfor the other person's interest.
(00:42):
There is concern for eachother's feelings.
There is time where one persontalks and the other listens,
and then it goes back,
and then that person talksand the other person listens.
So bothpeople care for each other.
Now, in one way, relationships.
That's not true.
In those relationships,one person has the power.
(01:04):
One person is doingall the taking.
One personis doing all the giving.
There is inequality.
There is submission andcooperation only coming one way.
Not two ways.
And only one person'sneeds matter.
Now there are reasons that weget into one way relationships.
(01:27):
Sometimes you think, okay,
maybeyou're at a place in your life
where you desperatelyneed to be needed.
So you will gravitate towardspeople who you do something for.
And those people need you.
They're not in an equalrelationship where they feel
you know, that they can bewith all kinds of people.
(01:47):
But no, they need you becauseyou provide something for them.
And when you're needed,you feel good.
That's kind of codependencythat you need to be needed.
You need to
have people in your lifethat you're doing something for.
That keeps you feeling likeyou're not going to be discarded
because you're giving somethingto that person.
(02:09):
Also,some people kind of collect
people that need to be fixed
because when they're
in that positionwhere they're fixing the person,
they also feel likethey're going to be able
to stay in the relationshipbecause the people is
the person is goingto be kind of dependent.
You could feel that your needsdon't matter.
That one wayrelationships are okay.
(02:30):
That's normal.
Maybe that's what your mom hador your dad had,
and that's the only way you knowhow to be in a relationship.
It could really be thatyou believe that God expects it.
That God doesn't necessarilywant you to have relationships
that are equal,
or that if you are in one way,relationships
that God wants youto just keep giving
and keep giving and keep giving.
Or you might believe that
(02:51):
well God brought this personinto my life.
And now, no matter what,I need to tolerate
whatever it isthe person is doing
because there's a reasonand God wants us to be together.
So those are reasons.
None of those are healthy
reasons for you to toleratea one way relationship.
(03:12):
There are some healthy reasonsthat you might be
in a one way relationship,and that it's okay for you to
stay for however long youneed to in that relationship,
and that iswhen you have a child, a child
who is not ableto have an equal relationship.
You can have a dependent childthat's
maybe an adult that has healthproblems or emotional problems,
(03:33):
mental problems,physical problems,
maybe a dependent parentwho is, has dementia or senility
or some health problemsis not able to give and take,
not able to participateand participate
in the relationshipthe way a person normally would.
It could be that you knowinglychoose to be in a relationship
(03:56):
where it's not equal, becausethere's a higher purpose.
Maybe you feel that you'rehelping this person for a time.
Most of your otherrelationships are healthy.
You have a quality
in most of your relationships,
so if this one isthe aberration,
it can be okay to say, for now,I'm going to I'm
going to be therefor this person
(04:16):
who is really needy
and is unable to give to me,but that's okay.
I have a plan for to be therefor a certain amount of time.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm making this choiceconsciously.
And like I said,as long as the majority
of the relationshipsin your life are mutual,
this one isn't going tocause you any harm.
(04:36):
You could be witnessing
to a person and know that, I'mI'm doing this
because I am letting that personknow that I care for them.
And, you want to talk to themabout the Lord.
It could be that you'rein a one way relationship,
and it's a committedrelationship where you said
vows like in a marriageand you don't want to to leave
(05:00):
because you feel at this pointthat God has not freed you
from that commitment.
And so you're still doing
the best you can,and you're not getting back
what you're giving,but you're still
being consistentlyfaithful to your vows.
So there are reasons to continuein a one way relationship.
But if you find yourself
(05:22):
getting only one wayrelationships and picking people
that are not
able to give back to you,then you need to get healthy.
Figure out why it is
that you're doing that,and get to where you can find
relationshipsthat are reciprocal and mutual,
because those are healthyrelationships.
It's never to be all one persongiving
(05:45):
and the other person taking.
There has to be mutuality.
There has to begoodwill, has to be cooperation.
There has to be shared powerand shared concern
for a relationshipto be healthy.
So Ephesians 5:21,
and this comes rightbefore the scriptures,
where a woman is told to submitto her husband.
It says, submit to one anotherout of reverence for Christ.
(06:07):
So that's where we we're goingto give and take.
We're going to go back and forthwith giving in and helping
and giving to cooperatingwith back and forth.
And the other says, 1John 4:11-12.
Dear friends,
since God so loved us,we are also to love one another.
No one has ever seen God.
But if we love oneanother, God lives in us
(06:30):
and his love is made completein us.
A whole New Testament was aboutloving, loving one another,
loving our
brothers and sisters in Christ,and even loving our enemies.
But being able to loveand sometimes loving our enemies
is that is an example of aone way relationship.
But again, that relationshipcan have boundaries in it
(06:54):
because that is not going to bea relationship
where it's going tothat's going to be our only
relationship in our lives.
So I hopethat makes sense to you.
So kind of evaluateyour relationships.
Are they all
pretty much reciprocal oris there an imbalance of power?
Some of your relationships?
If there is,you can reset that balance
(07:16):
by speaking your truth in love,by setting boundaries,
by making some changes,
by learninghow to take care of yourself
so you can rebalancesome of those relationships.
And it might be a good time
to kind ofthink about that and do that.
So thank you for watching thisvideo on Change My Relationship.
I hope you'll go to my YouTubeand you will watch some more.
(07:40):
And also please check out
my website for my books,my studies, my classes.
Okay. All right. Thank you.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribeto these podcasts
and share themwith your friends.
Karlawould love to hear from you.
She welcomes
ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helpedyour life and relationships.
(08:03):
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more information on
Change My Relationship and KarlaDowning's ministry,
including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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