Relationship Safety Ultimately Comes Down to You

Relationship safety involves both people being trustworthy, honest, dependable, and emotionally healthy. A safe person doesn't cause harm, but an unsafe person causes harm by their words and actions.  

When you are in an abusive, toxic, and/or dysfunctional relationship, you aren't safe. You can set boundaries to try to get changes you need to feel safe, but you cannot depend on the other person. Relationship safety ultimately comes down to you.  

#toxicrelationships  #PersonalSafety #AbusiveRelationships #dysfunctionalrelationship  

 

 

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.

(00:21):
In dysfunctional relationships,you don't feel safe.
You've been in a relationship
with a person who has hurt you,who has manipulated,
who has lied,who is abused, who has been irresponsible,
who has been untrustworthy,who has cheated, betrayed.

(00:42):
Whatever it is, you've been through thiswith this person before,
and you know thatthis person may not change.
And that even if this person changes
for a little while,that the change may not stick.
Now, there are timeswhen we make decisions
to stay in relationshipsbecause we feel that we can't.
Maybe financially make it on our own,or we think that we need to stay

(01:05):
because our marriage vows or our child.
Or maybe it's your parent
and you don't want to cut offyour relationship with your parent.
These are all decisionsthat you get to make.
You can decideif you can stay in a relationship
that is dysfunctional, difficult.
Or you can leave the relationshipif you believe that it's dysfunctional

(01:30):
and unhealthyand harmful to you or your children.
But when you recognize that a persondoes not have goodwill
and the relationship toward you,not the person, won't be accountable,
and that the change may be
maybe this person has promised changeor you've asked for change.

(01:51):
People will often ask me, it's like, well,how can I how can I know?
What do I do?
Unfortunately, in these relationships,you can't let your guard down.
You can't say,okay, I'm just going to throw caution
to the wind, and I'm going to believethat this person is going to change.
No, you've got to keep your own guard up.
And you,if you know that a person is not safe

(02:13):
and is willing to hurt you, then
your safety ultimately comes down to you.
And that is for you to knowthat you will take care of yourself.
That you will speak the truth in love,that you will set a boundary,
that you will leave, that you will,do what you need to do to take

(02:34):
care of yourself, that you will recognizewhen a boundary has been violated
and that you will do what it isthat you have said, or that you will,
take care of yourselfor you will make a change.
So you have to keep your eyes open, yourheart guarded, and you've got to recognize
that, you are the only one, ultimately,

(02:56):
that is responsible for your safety.
And in a difficult, dysfunctionalor toxic relationship
that you will have to remain vigilantand that you will have to
make sure that you dowhat you need to do in order to be safe.
Proverbs 18:14 says, the

(03:18):
human spirit can endure in sickness,but a crushed spirit who can bear.
And when you're in those relationships,your spirit is often crushed.
Proverbs 21:22 it says, one who is wisecan go up against the city
of the mighty and pull down the strongholdin which they trust.
It's up to you

(03:40):
with the Lord, of Proverbs 25:19like a broken tooth
or a lame foot, is relianceon the unfaithful in a time of trouble?
You cannot trust somebody who does nothave your best interest at heart.
Somebody who has proven to youthat they're willing to hurt you
or be untrustworthy.
You cannot trust them with your safety.

(04:02):
So this is very problematic
if this is in a marriagewhere you are trying
to maintain some type of a relationshipand you want to stay close to that person.
It will not.
You cannot have a healthy relationshipwith an unhealthy person.
So there will be an effecton your relationship

(04:23):
of the unhealthy or toxicnature of the other person.
Or maybe you've also got some issuesthat you've got to work through,
but recognizing that ultimatelyit does come down to you.
So I hope this has helped youand giving you a little bit of
understanding of how you can maintainyour own safety in your relationship.

(04:48):
So thank you for watching.
Please share this with somebodywho, needs to hear it.
And I hope you'll check out my classeson my website.
The other resourcesI have, including my books,
especially the devotional at this time,which which is really helpful
to give you a lot of, toolsand tips based on biblical truths
that will, be good for youto use to have discernment and wisdom

(05:12):
in these difficult, toxic,and dysfunctional relationships.
Thank you for watching.
Thank youfor listening to Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.

(05:36):
You can email her at.
[e-mail]
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.