October 20, 2025 • 15 mins
Not all friends last forever. Some are for a reason and a season. When a friendship is no longer working, it may require setting boundaries. When is it time to end a friendship? Watch this video to find out how to recognize the signs and how to do it. #friends #friendship #settingboundaries #christianboundaries
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
When is the time to end a friendship?
(00:22):
So friendships are often
for a reason and a season.
They don't necessarilyhave to go on indefinitely, or as long
as one of the persons in the friendshipwould like them to.
Some just naturally end.
Somebody moves away,or you're not working at the same place
(00:44):
anymore, or your childrengo to a different school,
or you're not in the sports on the sportsteam.
Lots of different reasons.
Some have to be deliberately ended.
It's not easy for everyone.
When you are loyal and over responsive
to others needs or codependent,
(01:05):
and feel that you have an obligationto try to fix people and help them.
Or if you, have troublesetting boundaries, it's
going to be kind of tough for youto make a decision to end a friendship,
especially when the other personis not on the same page.
But it is somethingthat you are allowed to do,
(01:25):
and actually something that you need to dowhen it's not working.
So here are some of the signsthat it's time to end a friendship.
The relationship is not enjoyable.
You find being withthis person is stressful
and you kind ofare doing it out of obligation,
(01:46):
and you find yourself not wanting to,
dragging yourself to it, only saying yes
because you feel like this person.
You've always said yes.
You've been a part of this person's life,but you just really don't want to go.
Pay attention to that.
When you find yourself, say,just not wanting to go and dreading it.
(02:09):
That's an indication to youthat this friendship
is not really somethingthat you enjoy anymore.
And unless you've decidedthat there is a reason that you do
need to stay in this person's life,sometimes there are reasons.
Maybe you just have decided that,this is somebody that you're going to
(02:31):
kind of
make a ministry out ofor you're going to stay,
you're going to care about that person,because maybe this is a
friend of your mom'sor a friend of your sister's
that you want to support for some reason,all kinds of different reasons.
But just because
you have always doneit does not mean you have to.
You've got to lookat how it's affecting you and
(02:54):
whether or not this is really necessary.
The relationship is one sided.
Have you had those relationships?
Do you have those relationships,that when you get together with the person
personally talks about themselves?
It's all about their needs, their issues,
their topics of discussion,the places they want to go.
(03:16):
The thingsthat are going on in their lives
don't really stop to ask you, hey,what's going on with you?
Like and and listening.
If you do bring something up,they switch it back to themselves.
You know, there are sometimes reasons that you might
be willing to be with a person like that,but that cannot be.
(03:37):
The majority of your friendships
that cannotis not necessarily healthy for the person
not to care about you and be interested inwhat's going on with you.
My closest friends, it's a two way streetall the time.
It's one time when we get together,I might be in a place
where I'm struggling with some thingsmore than her or she might be,
(03:59):
and that person gets to start offtalking about what's going on.
Or we can spend the majority of timeon that person, but it switches.
If I'm in that placethe next time, then it'll it'll be me.
If we're both doing okay,
then it's talking about other stuff,but we're there for each other
and that is what a mutual
(04:21):
healthy friendship is like.
The relationship has nothing in common.
We outgrow people.
You know, you even outgrow therapist.
You can get have a therapist.
That's worked really well for you
and a counselorthat's worked really well for you.
And then you growand you've kind of learned all you can
(04:44):
from that person,and it's time to let that relationship go.
Therapists know that they needto recognize when the relationship
needs to be terminated,because they cannot give something more
to that client, or can no longergive that client what the client needs.
(05:05):
So it's okay to recognize, hey,I've outgrown you.
Like we don't.
We have different interestsnow. We have different likes.
We're at different placesspiritually or mentally or relationally.
Or maybe it's somebody in your lifeyou used to drink
and you don't anymore,and you don't want to go anymore
(05:25):
with this person who wants to drinkwhen you're out at dinner.
Maybe it's not good for you to do that.
So it's okay to recognize I'm not whereI was before, and we're just kind of
go in different directionsor don't really have much to talk about.
also, the relationshiphas more negative than positive.
(05:46):
Sometimes you got to weigh itlike if there's, five things
that are not good about this friendshipand two that are positive,
and then maybe notif there's couple things that are negative
and a couple and more that's positive,maybe you want to keep that friendship.
You get to weighthat. You get to look at that.
Maybe you'll decide, okay, I'mgoing to keep this person in my life
as a friend, but I'm not going to spendas much time with this person.
(06:09):
I'm not going to go on weekend tripswith this person anymore.
Or maybe I'll just invite this personwhen there's a group,
or I'll go with this personwhen others are going,
but not necessarilyas much as I normally do.
The next one is the relationshipis emotionally, financially, physically,
(06:30):
spiritually, or mentally harmfulto either you or your family.
You have a right, I'm going to say,and a responsibility
to protect yourself and your family.
So if a relationship is at all harmingor has a potential
of harming yourself or your family,you have a right to set a boundary.
(06:54):
And I would encourage you to do thatand to recognize it's
okay to put yourselfand your family first.
And then the last one is,is the relationship
full of drama drama that you don't need?
The person is always calling,
always upset, always has a problem.
(07:15):
Always is just a new fight between the
the parent and the kidor the husband and the wife.
And there are times that we are willingto be there for people, especially
if we've been in difficult relationships,dysfunctional relationships.
We understand and and we want to be there
(07:38):
for peopleand to pass on what you can call your 12
step programs, call it your,experience, strength and hope.
And, 1 Corinthians calls it
sharing the comfort that you have received
from the Holy Spirit,passing it on to someone else.
Great. That's wonderful.
But if this person continues
(08:01):
to just stay in the dramaand completely dismisses and rejects
any of the thingsthat you suggest to help,
then maybe you've got to set a boundaryand just say, I care about you.
I am concerned about,
you know, what you're going through,and I feel really bad,
(08:23):
but I can't enable youor I can't allow you
to just continue to complain,but not follow through on
any of the things that I have suggestedthat will really help you.
Like maybe going to 12 step group,or going to a therapist,
or going to taking one of my classesor looking at my website.
(08:43):
Hopefully you're referring peopleto my classes and my website
and my YouTube channel and podcast.
Please do that.
I really appreciate it.
And you're giving them a gift.
You're giving thema gift of some solutions and answers
and really practical,spiritual help, in their own lives.
But you have a right to say, I,I can't just
(09:06):
hear the drama andand watch you continue to make
bad choicesabout not like getting help for yourself.
So that's option.
That's an option too.
So a friendshipdoesn't have to be forever.
You can choose to end it
for any of those reasons or othersthat you have that are that are healthy.
(09:26):
Or just maybe you just don'twant that person as a friend anymore.
You just just as I'm not working,you have a right to choose
who you want to spend time with. Now,how do you do it?
There's multiple ways.
There's no one right waythat you have to use.
It's kind of what works for you,what's comfortable for you.
And it depends on the other personand how that person will take it,
(09:48):
and the circumstancesthat you usually see that person under.
If it's just to one once in a while thing,maybe you just don't initiate.
You don't call that personlike you normally do
every quarter or once a year and say,hey, let's get together.
so you can stop initiating.
You could stop responding, stop saying yeswhen that person asked you to go out.
(10:10):
Or maybe you can,stop responding on following them
on social media and interacting with them.
You can, speak the truth to them
and just be honest and say,I feel like we've kind of grown apart
or, our lives have kind of taken usin different directions.
(10:32):
Or you can just say,I'm, I'm just really busy.
I have to I have to really, choose whatI spend my time with.
And, I've got a lot of stuff
going on right nowand this isn't my priority or something.
Obviously, you don't want to say anythingmean and hurtful, but you can say things
truthful, especially if it's somethingwhere it's just kind of like, I'm not.
(10:54):
I'm not into the thingsthat I used to be into.
And we knowwe don't have as much in common.
Or it could be like I the last example,which is you're like,
you're in really difficult relationship.
And I'm find myself really frustratedwhen I keep suggesting help.
And you're not following throughor you're continuing
(11:16):
to drink, continuingto do the same thing over and over,
but you're not going to get helpto try to get sober.
And I just can'tI can't participate in that anymore.
So you're allowed to speak the truth.
You're allowed to set a boundaryand just say, this isn't working for me,
and that's it.
You don't have to explain boundaries.
Remember,we just recently had a video on that.
(11:38):
You don't have to justify them.
You don't have to get the person'spermission.
You don't have to getthe person's approval.
And if the person is mad or takes it wrongor doesn't understand,
you can detach from that reaction
because you've gotto make decisions for yourself.
(11:59):
And if somebody isn't happy about it, then
you can't
deny what it is that you need in orderjust to please that person,
because that's called people pleasingand that is not healthy.
So I love this scripture.
Ephesians 3:1-8that says, there is a time for everything
(12:20):
and a season for every activityunder the heavens,
a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant, and a time to uproot.
A time to kill, a time to heal,a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
(12:40):
A time to scatter stonesand a time to gather them.
A time to embraceand a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up.
Isn't that interesting?
A time to search and a time to give up.
I like thata time to keep and a time to throw away.
Like a friendship, a timeto keep a friendship and a time to throw.
(13:03):
To let go of a friendship,a time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
So there's a time to start a friendship.
And there's a time to end a friendship.
And then in Acts 15:36-41,we have that example
(13:26):
in scriptures, Scriptureof where Paul and Barnabas,
when they were, missionaries, splitand went different directions.
They had a sharp disagreement about whatthey should do and where they should go.
And, what had happened in priorin their relationship.
And they parted company
(13:48):
and it says Barnabas took Markand sailed for Cyprus.
But Paul told Silas and leftand went a different direction.
And that's okay.
We don't have to staywith the same people forever.
So thank you for watching this videoand I hope that you will,
check into my classes they’re so helpfuland so reasonable.
(14:11):
And please also check into my books,especially the, 365 Daily devotion
for Christians in Difficult Relationshipsthat gives you so many tools and tips
based on, scripture that are practicalthings for you to apply.
So God bless you.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
(14:33):
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
(14:55):
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
When is the time to end a friendship?
(00:22):
So friendships are often
for a reason and a season.
They don't necessarilyhave to go on indefinitely, or as long
as one of the persons in the friendshipwould like them to.
Some just naturally end.
Somebody moves away,or you're not working at the same place
(00:44):
anymore, or your childrengo to a different school,
or you're not in the sports on the sportsteam.
Lots of different reasons.
Some have to be deliberately ended.
It's not easy for everyone.
When you are loyal and over responsive
to others needs or codependent,
(01:05):
and feel that you have an obligationto try to fix people and help them.
Or if you, have troublesetting boundaries, it's
going to be kind of tough for youto make a decision to end a friendship,
especially when the other personis not on the same page.
But it is somethingthat you are allowed to do,
(01:25):
and actually something that you need to dowhen it's not working.
So here are some of the signsthat it's time to end a friendship.
The relationship is not enjoyable.
You find being withthis person is stressful
and you kind ofare doing it out of obligation,
(01:46):
and you find yourself not wanting to,
dragging yourself to it, only saying yes
because you feel like this person.
You've always said yes.
You've been a part of this person's life,but you just really don't want to go.
Pay attention to that.
When you find yourself, say,just not wanting to go and dreading it.
(02:09):
That's an indication to youthat this friendship
is not really somethingthat you enjoy anymore.
And unless you've decidedthat there is a reason that you do
need to stay in this person's life,sometimes there are reasons.
Maybe you just have decided that,this is somebody that you're going to
(02:31):
kind of
make a ministry out ofor you're going to stay,
you're going to care about that person,because maybe this is a
friend of your mom'sor a friend of your sister's
that you want to support for some reason,all kinds of different reasons.
But just because
you have always doneit does not mean you have to.
You've got to lookat how it's affecting you and
(02:54):
whether or not this is really necessary.
The relationship is one sided.
Have you had those relationships?
Do you have those relationships,that when you get together with the person
personally talks about themselves?
It's all about their needs, their issues,
their topics of discussion,the places they want to go.
(03:16):
The thingsthat are going on in their lives
don't really stop to ask you, hey,what's going on with you?
Like and and listening.
If you do bring something up,they switch it back to themselves.
You know, there are sometimes reasons that you might
be willing to be with a person like that,but that cannot be.
(03:37):
The majority of your friendships
that cannotis not necessarily healthy for the person
not to care about you and be interested inwhat's going on with you.
My closest friends, it's a two way streetall the time.
It's one time when we get together,I might be in a place
where I'm struggling with some thingsmore than her or she might be,
(03:59):
and that person gets to start offtalking about what's going on.
Or we can spend the majority of timeon that person, but it switches.
If I'm in that placethe next time, then it'll it'll be me.
If we're both doing okay,
then it's talking about other stuff,but we're there for each other
and that is what a mutual
(04:21):
healthy friendship is like.
The relationship has nothing in common.
We outgrow people.
You know, you even outgrow therapist.
You can get have a therapist.
That's worked really well for you
and a counselorthat's worked really well for you.
And then you growand you've kind of learned all you can
(04:44):
from that person,and it's time to let that relationship go.
Therapists know that they needto recognize when the relationship
needs to be terminated,because they cannot give something more
to that client, or can no longergive that client what the client needs.
(05:05):
So it's okay to recognize, hey,I've outgrown you.
Like we don't.
We have different interestsnow. We have different likes.
We're at different placesspiritually or mentally or relationally.
Or maybe it's somebody in your lifeyou used to drink
and you don't anymore,and you don't want to go anymore
(05:25):
with this person who wants to drinkwhen you're out at dinner.
Maybe it's not good for you to do that.
So it's okay to recognize I'm not whereI was before, and we're just kind of
go in different directionsor don't really have much to talk about.
also, the relationshiphas more negative than positive.
(05:46):
Sometimes you got to weigh itlike if there's, five things
that are not good about this friendshipand two that are positive,
and then maybe notif there's couple things that are negative
and a couple and more that's positive,maybe you want to keep that friendship.
You get to weighthat. You get to look at that.
Maybe you'll decide, okay, I'mgoing to keep this person in my life
as a friend, but I'm not going to spendas much time with this person.
(06:09):
I'm not going to go on weekend tripswith this person anymore.
Or maybe I'll just invite this personwhen there's a group,
or I'll go with this personwhen others are going,
but not necessarilyas much as I normally do.
The next one is the relationshipis emotionally, financially, physically,
(06:30):
spiritually, or mentally harmfulto either you or your family.
You have a right, I'm going to say,and a responsibility
to protect yourself and your family.
So if a relationship is at all harmingor has a potential
of harming yourself or your family,you have a right to set a boundary.
(06:54):
And I would encourage you to do thatand to recognize it's
okay to put yourselfand your family first.
And then the last one is,is the relationship
full of drama drama that you don't need?
The person is always calling,
always upset, always has a problem.
(07:15):
Always is just a new fight between the
the parent and the kidor the husband and the wife.
And there are times that we are willingto be there for people, especially
if we've been in difficult relationships,dysfunctional relationships.
We understand and and we want to be there
(07:38):
for peopleand to pass on what you can call your 12
step programs, call it your,experience, strength and hope.
And, 1 Corinthians calls it
sharing the comfort that you have received
from the Holy Spirit,passing it on to someone else.
Great. That's wonderful.
But if this person continues
(08:01):
to just stay in the dramaand completely dismisses and rejects
any of the thingsthat you suggest to help,
then maybe you've got to set a boundaryand just say, I care about you.
I am concerned about,
you know, what you're going through,and I feel really bad,
(08:23):
but I can't enable youor I can't allow you
to just continue to complain,but not follow through on
any of the things that I have suggestedthat will really help you.
Like maybe going to 12 step group,or going to a therapist,
or going to taking one of my classesor looking at my website.
(08:43):
Hopefully you're referring peopleto my classes and my website
and my YouTube channel and podcast.
Please do that.
I really appreciate it.
And you're giving them a gift.
You're giving thema gift of some solutions and answers
and really practical,spiritual help, in their own lives.
But you have a right to say, I,I can't just
(09:06):
hear the drama andand watch you continue to make
bad choicesabout not like getting help for yourself.
So that's option.
That's an option too.
So a friendshipdoesn't have to be forever.
You can choose to end it
for any of those reasons or othersthat you have that are that are healthy.
(09:26):
Or just maybe you just don'twant that person as a friend anymore.
You just just as I'm not working,you have a right to choose
who you want to spend time with. Now,how do you do it?
There's multiple ways.
There's no one right waythat you have to use.
It's kind of what works for you,what's comfortable for you.
And it depends on the other personand how that person will take it,
(09:48):
and the circumstancesthat you usually see that person under.
If it's just to one once in a while thing,maybe you just don't initiate.
You don't call that personlike you normally do
every quarter or once a year and say,hey, let's get together.
so you can stop initiating.
You could stop responding, stop saying yeswhen that person asked you to go out.
(10:10):
Or maybe you can,stop responding on following them
on social media and interacting with them.
You can, speak the truth to them
and just be honest and say,I feel like we've kind of grown apart
or, our lives have kind of taken usin different directions.
(10:32):
Or you can just say,I'm, I'm just really busy.
I have to I have to really, choose whatI spend my time with.
And, I've got a lot of stuff
going on right nowand this isn't my priority or something.
Obviously, you don't want to say anythingmean and hurtful, but you can say things
truthful, especially if it's somethingwhere it's just kind of like, I'm not.
(10:54):
I'm not into the thingsthat I used to be into.
And we knowwe don't have as much in common.
Or it could be like I the last example,which is you're like,
you're in really difficult relationship.
And I'm find myself really frustratedwhen I keep suggesting help.
And you're not following throughor you're continuing
(11:16):
to drink, continuingto do the same thing over and over,
but you're not going to get helpto try to get sober.
And I just can'tI can't participate in that anymore.
So you're allowed to speak the truth.
You're allowed to set a boundaryand just say, this isn't working for me,
and that's it.
You don't have to explain boundaries.
Remember,we just recently had a video on that.
(11:38):
You don't have to justify them.
You don't have to get the person'spermission.
You don't have to getthe person's approval.
And if the person is mad or takes it wrongor doesn't understand,
you can detach from that reaction
because you've gotto make decisions for yourself.
(11:59):
And if somebody isn't happy about it, then
you can't
deny what it is that you need in orderjust to please that person,
because that's called people pleasingand that is not healthy.
So I love this scripture.
Ephesians 3:1-8that says, there is a time for everything
(12:20):
and a season for every activityunder the heavens,
a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant, and a time to uproot.
A time to kill, a time to heal,a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
(12:40):
A time to scatter stonesand a time to gather them.
A time to embraceand a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up.
Isn't that interesting?
A time to search and a time to give up.
I like thata time to keep and a time to throw away.
Like a friendship, a timeto keep a friendship and a time to throw.
(13:03):
To let go of a friendship,a time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
So there's a time to start a friendship.
And there's a time to end a friendship.
And then in Acts 15:36-41,we have that example
(13:26):
in scriptures, Scriptureof where Paul and Barnabas,
when they were, missionaries, splitand went different directions.
They had a sharp disagreement about whatthey should do and where they should go.
And, what had happened in priorin their relationship.
And they parted company
(13:48):
and it says Barnabas took Markand sailed for Cyprus.
But Paul told Silas and leftand went a different direction.
And that's okay.
We don't have to staywith the same people forever.
So thank you for watching this videoand I hope that you will,
check into my classes they’re so helpfuland so reasonable.
(14:11):
And please also check into my books,especially the, 365 Daily devotion
for Christians in Difficult Relationshipsthat gives you so many tools and tips
based on, scripture that are practicalthings for you to apply.
So God bless you.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
(14:33):
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
(14:55):
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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