September 11, 2025 • 15 mins
Toxic relationships have complicated dynamics that are hard to figure out. It isn't unusual to be confused about the specific problems you are dealing with. Emotions are intense. Conflict isn't resolved. People don't listen and seek to understand when you voice your concerns and needs.
Reactivity is high in toxic relationships. It is easy to do things you regret. One of the best things you can do is to practice stopping yourself before you react.
One of the easiest ways to do that in toxic relationships is to play the movie forward. Watch this video to find out how and why to do this. You'll be glad you did.
Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship
Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/_wAhEAp2nGA
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
So my goal in this channel
(00:21):
is to help you deal with toxic people,to give you skills.
And in this case, based on biblical truths, for you
to be strengthened and to have healthierresponses when dealing with them.
So I give you little tips and one of themis called play the movie forward.
(00:43):
What does that mean?
So how often do you look back in regretand say,
oh, I should have known better,I shouldn't have done that.
And the really?
Maybe in some of those casesyou should have known better
based on what has happened in the past,
maybe it should have been pretty obviousthat that wasn't a good thing to say,
(01:06):
or a good thing to do, or a good thing tobring up, or a good time to bring it up.
Your expectations were unrealisticonce again for that person.
You kind of gotsucked into the same drama,
same dynamic, same conversation,and come away exhausted.
And, the question is when you say,I should have known better
(01:27):
if you should have.
The question is, why didn't youand the answer is because you didn't
think it through in the right wayor with the right, method.
And one of the things you can dois to play the movie forward.
And what you dois you basically think about
(01:50):
what you want to door what you want to say,
and you predict how people
are going to act or reactbased on what they've done in the past.
What is this person donewhen you try to bring up,
your concern, you likeyou want to say, you know what?
I don't like the way you talk to me
(02:10):
or I don't like how you answered,or I don't like what you said, or
I don't like how you treated our childor whatever it is, or to the to a parent.
I think that you're favoring my sister.
I don't think that your, concernedabout me.
Whatever it is that you playthe movie forward and you think,
how is this person reacted in the pastwhen I've done something similar
(02:34):
and they are going to reactthe same way now?
And the idea is to ask yourselfbased on that, do I want to do this?
Is this wise?
Because I'm going to predict the outcome.
The next one is you're going to identifyhow will I feel
if that is what happensor when that happens?
Will I be sorry I said it?
(02:56):
Will I be happy I said it?
Will I walk away knowing?
Okay, I needed to say that and I did,and now I, I got the answer
I thought I was going to get,but now I can go to figure out what to do.
Okay, great, then do it.
But if you know that you're going to wishthat you hadn't have said it, then
don't say it. Don't do it.
The next one is to considerhuman nature based on human nature.
(03:19):
How is this person going to react?
How are you going to feel,and how are you going to react
based on what you know about yourselfand the way
people handle certain things?
So what is what is predictableby human nature?
When you bring somebodya concern to somebody, what is human
(03:42):
nature telling you?
People are defensivewhen you bring something up to them
that you want them to deal with,that they did.
People are naturally defensive.
Unfortunately, they are naturally defensiv
able toreflect on that and look at themselves,
they might back down and say,oh, sorry, I was defensive about that.
(04:05):
Now I'll listen.
But if they're not healthy, no way.
They're not going to do that.
The next one is to reflecton what you've done before
that is similarand remember how it turned out.
So you've looked at how the person isand how the person reacts
and has reacted in the past.
(04:25):
Now you're going to look at,okay, have I brought up
when I bring up my concerns about howthis person has treated our child,
how the person is disciplining our child,how is that turned out okay?
This might be kind of similarto the first one,
but you're being very specific.
You're thinking about, okay, when I havebrought up, I need you to get a job.
(04:45):
How is this kid reacted?
Or how is this my spouse reacted?
Or when I've asked for helpwashing the dishes or whatever it is?
How has thishow is it turned out in the past?
And then when you play the movie
forward now, based on all those things
you envision yourself doing
(05:08):
or saying what it isthat you would like to do or say,
and then you play that movie
to where you watchit play out and you say,
do I want to do that?
Or do I not want to do that? Is that wise?
Is that worth it?
And you get to decide, you know,you don't have to.
Now you might say, well, wait a minute,what if I need to address this or do this?
(05:34):
Okay. Go ahead. That's a choice.
But you'll know how the personis likely to act
or react based on past experience.
And that is being wise.
That is being prepared when you go into bring something up to somebody
or you go to talk to themand then ask them for something,
(05:54):
it's very wise if you have a dysfunctionalor toxic person
to stop and consider,how is this person going to react?
Because if you don't,you're just going to be thrown off guard
and you are going to react badly yourself.
But if you do decide you still needto bring this to this person,
and you have played the movie forward
(06:17):
and you know howthey're going to react, then
you will be prepared and you will not havea bad reaction to that.
You will have a reaction that takes careof yourself and that you don't regret.
When you walk away,you'll handle it well instead of reacting
and then going off and getting intoan argument and escalating.
(06:38):
You want to be able to handle it well.
Playing the movie forward can be usedall kinds of ways.
You can have addicts can do it all.
Alcoholics imaginingif I give in to this desire
to have this drink, what'sgoing to turn out what's going to happen?
And you can play the movie forward and seeyourself getting drunk and missing work
(06:58):
and getting in trouble at work andlosing your job and losing your apartment.
You can play that movie forwardwith an addict.
Same thing.
You can play that movie forward.
If you are an employeeand you want to bring up
a concern to a boss who is ragingand who doesn't listen
or who discounts you, and you can decide,do I really want to do that?
(07:22):
Is it worth it? Or to an employeeor to a friend?
Do I want to confront this friendon this issue
because every time that I've donethis, it's ended up badly.
Or a adult child to a parent tryingto bring up issues of your childhood
or concerns about how that person treatsyour sister versus
you, is that parent going to listenor is it going to be a big argument?
(07:44):
It's going to turn aroundand flip it back on you,
and you're going to walk awaybeing really upset.
Question is, do you really want tonow the flip side can happen.
Maybe you play the movie forwardand you know that based on this person
having a loving relationshipand caring about you,
they're going to listenand it's going to turn out well, awesome.
Then you get to decide to go do thatbecause you know
(08:04):
in this situation it will be okay.
So the whole purpose is to figure outwhat is likely to happen
based on what has happened in the past,who this person is, who I am,
and decide is this wise?
And that is an excellent questionto ask yourself
(08:25):
always before you do anything.
Proverbs22:3 says the prudent that means wise.
See danger and take refuge.
But the simple keep goingand pay the penalty.
They stop and they considerthey play the movie forward.
Hebrews 11:24-26
says, by faith Moses,when he had grown up,
(08:48):
refused to be knownas the son of Pharaoh's daughter.
He chose to be mistreatedalong with the people of Egypt,
rather than to enjoy the fleetingpleasures of sin.
He regarded disgracefor the sake of Christ as a greater value
than the treasures of Egypt, becausehe was looking ahead to his reward.
(09:11):
Whoa! Big time.He played the movie forward.
He was like, what is going to happenif I give in to this momentary pleasures?
And I enjoy all the riches of Egypt
in being the son of Pharaoh's daughter.
That's my adoptive mom.
What's going to happen if I do this?
Well, he sees down his whole life
(09:33):
and he sees, oh, lots of good stuffare going to come my way.
But then I'm not going to get my rewardfrom God in eternity.
And that is going to bea really bad thing.
So he made the harder choice.
But the better choicebecause he played that movie forward.
Galatians 6:7-8 says, do not be deceived.
(09:54):
God cannot be mocked.
A man reaps what he sows.
Whoever sows to please their fleshfrom the flesh will reap destruction.
Whoever sows to please the spirit from
the spirit will reap eternal life.
Okay, that's the law of reaping and sowingthe law of natural consequences.
It affects everyone no matter what you do.
(10:17):
It is part of how it ishow God created the world
and it is how relationships work.
It's how everything worksfor the most part.
Sometimes it looks likepeople are getting away with things
in the present,but we know what happens is in the future
and in eternal life,there is a judgment and they do pay.
(10:41):
So sometimes it doesn't look likeit's happening right now.
James 1:13-15
says when tempted, no one should say,God is tempting me,
for God cannot be tempted by evil,nor does he tempt anyone.
But each person is temptedwhen they are dragged away
by their ownsinful, evil desire and enticed.
(11:03):
Then, after desire has conceived,it gives birth to sin,
and sin, when it isfull grown, gives birth to death.
So they play the movie forward.
They see are the temptationgiving in to it, having the sin,
having the consequences, havinghow it's going to affect me for eternity.
(11:23):
Playing the movie forward.
Don't want to do it. Hopefully right?
So it isn't God.
The scripture is misunderstood a lot.
It's not God tempt.
It's not God saying, that,he is tempting you.
It's that God isn't tempting you.
You are being drawn away by your ownevil desire or your own desire to sin.
(11:47):
Okay, the last one is
Genesis 4 Oh my gosh, it's 2-14.
But it's worth it because it'sa very instructive, section of Scripture.
It says, Now Abel,and he was the son of Adam and Eve.
His brother was Cain says, now Abelkept flocks, and Cain worked the soil.
(12:09):
In the course of time, Cain
brought some of the fruits of the soilas an offering to the Lord.
And Abel also brought an offering --
fat portionsfrom some of the firstborn of his flock.
The Lord looked with favoron Abel in his offering,
but on Cain and his offeringhe did not look with favor.
So Cain was very angry,and his face was downcast.
(12:32):
Then the Lord said to Cain,why are you angry?
Why is your face downcast?
So God knewwhat was going on in his heart.
If you do what is right,will you not be accepted?
But if you do not do what is right,sin is crouching at your door.
It desires to have you,but you must rule over it.
So God was warningCain, don't do what you're thinking.
(12:56):
He knew what he was thinking in his angerthat he wanted to harm his brother Abel.
Now Cain said to his brotherAbel, let's go out to the field.
While they were in the field, Cainattacked his brother Abel and killed him.
Then the Lord said to Cain,where is your brother Abel?
I don't know, he replied, my,my brother's keeper.
The Lord said, what have you done?
(13:17):
Obviously God knew.
Listen, your brother's bloodcries out to me from the ground.
You are under a curseand driven from the ground
which opened up its mouth to receiveyour brother's blood from your hand.
When you work the ground,it will no longer yield its crops for you.
You will be a restlesswanderer on the earth.
Cain said to the Lord,my punishment is more than I could bear.
(13:39):
Even though God told himthat it was going to be bad and warned him
not to do it, now he's claimingignorance like, I can't handle this.
This is too awful.
I will be a restless wandereron the earth, and whoever finds me
will kill me.
Now, he may not have known exactlywhat was going to happen, but he knew
it wasn't going to be goodbecause God actually said to him, stop.
(14:01):
Think about this.
Don't go down this path.
And he did.
God wanted himto play the movie forward so
he would reconsiderand not kill his brother.
So I hope that you'll use thisvaluable tip,
to play the movie forwardin any circumstance.
It can be really quick.
(14:23):
It's not too hard to predictwhat will happen.
And it could keep you from doing,something that could be,
regretful to disastrous in your life.
So thank you for watching this videoon Change My Relationship.
God bless.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
(14:46):
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
(15:09):
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
So my goal in this channel
(00:21):
is to help you deal with toxic people,to give you skills.
And in this case, based on biblical truths, for you
to be strengthened and to have healthierresponses when dealing with them.
So I give you little tips and one of themis called play the movie forward.
(00:43):
What does that mean?
So how often do you look back in regretand say,
oh, I should have known better,I shouldn't have done that.
And the really?
Maybe in some of those casesyou should have known better
based on what has happened in the past,
maybe it should have been pretty obviousthat that wasn't a good thing to say,
(01:06):
or a good thing to do, or a good thing tobring up, or a good time to bring it up.
Your expectations were unrealisticonce again for that person.
You kind of gotsucked into the same drama,
same dynamic, same conversation,and come away exhausted.
And, the question is when you say,I should have known better
(01:27):
if you should have.
The question is, why didn't youand the answer is because you didn't
think it through in the right wayor with the right, method.
And one of the things you can dois to play the movie forward.
And what you dois you basically think about
(01:50):
what you want to door what you want to say,
and you predict how people
are going to act or reactbased on what they've done in the past.
What is this person donewhen you try to bring up,
your concern, you likeyou want to say, you know what?
I don't like the way you talk to me
(02:10):
or I don't like how you answered,or I don't like what you said, or
I don't like how you treated our childor whatever it is, or to the to a parent.
I think that you're favoring my sister.
I don't think that your, concernedabout me.
Whatever it is that you playthe movie forward and you think,
how is this person reacted in the pastwhen I've done something similar
(02:34):
and they are going to reactthe same way now?
And the idea is to ask yourselfbased on that, do I want to do this?
Is this wise?
Because I'm going to predict the outcome.
The next one is you're going to identifyhow will I feel
if that is what happensor when that happens?
Will I be sorry I said it?
(02:56):
Will I be happy I said it?
Will I walk away knowing?
Okay, I needed to say that and I did,and now I, I got the answer
I thought I was going to get,but now I can go to figure out what to do.
Okay, great, then do it.
But if you know that you're going to wishthat you hadn't have said it, then
don't say it. Don't do it.
The next one is to considerhuman nature based on human nature.
(03:19):
How is this person going to react?
How are you going to feel,and how are you going to react
based on what you know about yourselfand the way
people handle certain things?
So what is what is predictableby human nature?
When you bring somebodya concern to somebody, what is human
(03:42):
nature telling you?
People are defensivewhen you bring something up to them
that you want them to deal with,that they did.
People are naturally defensive.
Unfortunately, they are naturally defensiv
able toreflect on that and look at themselves,
they might back down and say,oh, sorry, I was defensive about that.
(04:05):
Now I'll listen.
But if they're not healthy, no way.
They're not going to do that.
The next one is to reflecton what you've done before
that is similarand remember how it turned out.
So you've looked at how the person isand how the person reacts
and has reacted in the past.
(04:25):
Now you're going to look at,okay, have I brought up
when I bring up my concerns about howthis person has treated our child,
how the person is disciplining our child,how is that turned out okay?
This might be kind of similarto the first one,
but you're being very specific.
You're thinking about, okay, when I havebrought up, I need you to get a job.
(04:45):
How is this kid reacted?
Or how is this my spouse reacted?
Or when I've asked for helpwashing the dishes or whatever it is?
How has thishow is it turned out in the past?
And then when you play the movie
forward now, based on all those things
you envision yourself doing
(05:08):
or saying what it isthat you would like to do or say,
and then you play that movie
to where you watchit play out and you say,
do I want to do that?
Or do I not want to do that? Is that wise?
Is that worth it?
And you get to decide, you know,you don't have to.
Now you might say, well, wait a minute,what if I need to address this or do this?
(05:34):
Okay. Go ahead. That's a choice.
But you'll know how the personis likely to act
or react based on past experience.
And that is being wise.
That is being prepared when you go into bring something up to somebody
or you go to talk to themand then ask them for something,
(05:54):
it's very wise if you have a dysfunctionalor toxic person
to stop and consider,how is this person going to react?
Because if you don't,you're just going to be thrown off guard
and you are going to react badly yourself.
But if you do decide you still needto bring this to this person,
and you have played the movie forward
(06:17):
and you know howthey're going to react, then
you will be prepared and you will not havea bad reaction to that.
You will have a reaction that takes careof yourself and that you don't regret.
When you walk away,you'll handle it well instead of reacting
and then going off and getting intoan argument and escalating.
(06:38):
You want to be able to handle it well.
Playing the movie forward can be usedall kinds of ways.
You can have addicts can do it all.
Alcoholics imaginingif I give in to this desire
to have this drink, what'sgoing to turn out what's going to happen?
And you can play the movie forward and seeyourself getting drunk and missing work
(06:58):
and getting in trouble at work andlosing your job and losing your apartment.
You can play that movie forwardwith an addict.
Same thing.
You can play that movie forward.
If you are an employeeand you want to bring up
a concern to a boss who is ragingand who doesn't listen
or who discounts you, and you can decide,do I really want to do that?
(07:22):
Is it worth it? Or to an employeeor to a friend?
Do I want to confront this friendon this issue
because every time that I've donethis, it's ended up badly.
Or a adult child to a parent tryingto bring up issues of your childhood
or concerns about how that person treatsyour sister versus
you, is that parent going to listenor is it going to be a big argument?
(07:44):
It's going to turn aroundand flip it back on you,
and you're going to walk awaybeing really upset.
Question is, do you really want tonow the flip side can happen.
Maybe you play the movie forwardand you know that based on this person
having a loving relationshipand caring about you,
they're going to listenand it's going to turn out well, awesome.
Then you get to decide to go do thatbecause you know
(08:04):
in this situation it will be okay.
So the whole purpose is to figure outwhat is likely to happen
based on what has happened in the past,who this person is, who I am,
and decide is this wise?
And that is an excellent questionto ask yourself
(08:25):
always before you do anything.
Proverbs22:3 says the prudent that means wise.
See danger and take refuge.
But the simple keep goingand pay the penalty.
They stop and they considerthey play the movie forward.
Hebrews 11:24-26
says, by faith Moses,when he had grown up,
(08:48):
refused to be knownas the son of Pharaoh's daughter.
He chose to be mistreatedalong with the people of Egypt,
rather than to enjoy the fleetingpleasures of sin.
He regarded disgracefor the sake of Christ as a greater value
than the treasures of Egypt, becausehe was looking ahead to his reward.
(09:11):
Whoa! Big time.He played the movie forward.
He was like, what is going to happenif I give in to this momentary pleasures?
And I enjoy all the riches of Egypt
in being the son of Pharaoh's daughter.
That's my adoptive mom.
What's going to happen if I do this?
Well, he sees down his whole life
(09:33):
and he sees, oh, lots of good stuffare going to come my way.
But then I'm not going to get my rewardfrom God in eternity.
And that is going to bea really bad thing.
So he made the harder choice.
But the better choicebecause he played that movie forward.
Galatians 6:7-8 says, do not be deceived.
(09:54):
God cannot be mocked.
A man reaps what he sows.
Whoever sows to please their fleshfrom the flesh will reap destruction.
Whoever sows to please the spirit from
the spirit will reap eternal life.
Okay, that's the law of reaping and sowingthe law of natural consequences.
It affects everyone no matter what you do.
(10:17):
It is part of how it ishow God created the world
and it is how relationships work.
It's how everything worksfor the most part.
Sometimes it looks likepeople are getting away with things
in the present,but we know what happens is in the future
and in eternal life,there is a judgment and they do pay.
(10:41):
So sometimes it doesn't look likeit's happening right now.
James 1:13-15
says when tempted, no one should say,God is tempting me,
for God cannot be tempted by evil,nor does he tempt anyone.
But each person is temptedwhen they are dragged away
by their ownsinful, evil desire and enticed.
(11:03):
Then, after desire has conceived,it gives birth to sin,
and sin, when it isfull grown, gives birth to death.
So they play the movie forward.
They see are the temptationgiving in to it, having the sin,
having the consequences, havinghow it's going to affect me for eternity.
(11:23):
Playing the movie forward.
Don't want to do it. Hopefully right?
So it isn't God.
The scripture is misunderstood a lot.
It's not God tempt.
It's not God saying, that,he is tempting you.
It's that God isn't tempting you.
You are being drawn away by your ownevil desire or your own desire to sin.
(11:47):
Okay, the last one is
Genesis 4 Oh my gosh, it's 2-14.
But it's worth it because it'sa very instructive, section of Scripture.
It says, Now Abel,and he was the son of Adam and Eve.
His brother was Cain says, now Abelkept flocks, and Cain worked the soil.
(12:09):
In the course of time, Cain
brought some of the fruits of the soilas an offering to the Lord.
And Abel also brought an offering --
fat portionsfrom some of the firstborn of his flock.
The Lord looked with favoron Abel in his offering,
but on Cain and his offeringhe did not look with favor.
So Cain was very angry,and his face was downcast.
(12:32):
Then the Lord said to Cain,why are you angry?
Why is your face downcast?
So God knewwhat was going on in his heart.
If you do what is right,will you not be accepted?
But if you do not do what is right,sin is crouching at your door.
It desires to have you,but you must rule over it.
So God was warningCain, don't do what you're thinking.
(12:56):
He knew what he was thinking in his angerthat he wanted to harm his brother Abel.
Now Cain said to his brotherAbel, let's go out to the field.
While they were in the field, Cainattacked his brother Abel and killed him.
Then the Lord said to Cain,where is your brother Abel?
I don't know, he replied, my,my brother's keeper.
The Lord said, what have you done?
(13:17):
Obviously God knew.
Listen, your brother's bloodcries out to me from the ground.
You are under a curseand driven from the ground
which opened up its mouth to receiveyour brother's blood from your hand.
When you work the ground,it will no longer yield its crops for you.
You will be a restlesswanderer on the earth.
Cain said to the Lord,my punishment is more than I could bear.
(13:39):
Even though God told himthat it was going to be bad and warned him
not to do it, now he's claimingignorance like, I can't handle this.
This is too awful.
I will be a restless wandereron the earth, and whoever finds me
will kill me.
Now, he may not have known exactlywhat was going to happen, but he knew
it wasn't going to be goodbecause God actually said to him, stop.
(14:01):
Think about this.
Don't go down this path.
And he did.
God wanted himto play the movie forward so
he would reconsiderand not kill his brother.
So I hope that you'll use thisvaluable tip,
to play the movie forwardin any circumstance.
It can be really quick.
(14:23):
It's not too hard to predictwhat will happen.
And it could keep you from doing,something that could be,
regretful to disastrous in your life.
So thank you for watching this videoon Change My Relationship.
God bless.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
(14:46):
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
(15:09):
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.