November 17, 2025 • 7 mins
Trying to convince people of your truth can lead you to talk too much, push too hard, over-react, and waste your time and energy. You might be surprised to know that it isn't your job to convince them.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
(00:21):
I'm going to talk to you
in this video about trying to convince.
This is one of the major mistakesthat we make in our difficult
relationshipsis getting ourselves backed into corners
where we're tryingto convince somebody of our truth, trying
to convince somebodyof a particular point,
(00:42):
and just exhausting ourselvesbecause we find that
even though it feels futile,we don't give up.
We keep trying, we keep pushing, we keeptrying another way until we get exhausted.
We get it thrown back on us.
Here's an example of a womanwho wrote this email to me.
She says I simply asked himto let me know ahead of time
(01:04):
what his plans were to show methat he respects my schedule.
Instead, he accused meof getting of being picky and selfish.
I find myself arguing.
I am not picky and I am not selfish.
I just want to be given consideration.
He responds by saying thatthe fact that I am continuing
(01:26):
to argue proves that I am difficult.
At this point,I am so exasperated and I'm angry.
I find myself losing it.
I'm mad at him, and then I'm mad at myself
from getting caughtin this situation again.
Why can't I just get him to considermy feelings and opinions?
(01:50):
And why can't I recognize that it's
useless to try to make him listen?
I feel like I can never get him to dealwith the things I bring up.
I'll bet you there's a lot of youwatching this that are like,
oh yeah, that's my letter, my email.
I do that all the timeand I feel exactly the same.
(02:12):
I'm frustrated.
I'm exasperated. I'm angry.
But I'm not only angry at the otherperson, I'm angry with myself.
Why did I allow myselfto get drug into this again?
And it is the number one thing that we do.
And I tell peoplewhen I teach on this topic
of speaking the truthin love to a difficult person, number
(02:34):
one thing you have to start off withis stop
thinking that you're going to convincethe other person of your truth.
Just let it go.
Recognize that you speak your truthbecause you need to speak your truth.
You feel better when you say it.
You don't say itto convince the other person.
(02:55):
You don't say it to get the other personto agree with you.
You don't say it to get the other personto give you approval, or
for the other person to change their mindbecause you're explaining it.
You say it because you need to.
It's your truth.
You feel better about saying it, but thenyou put it out there and you let it go.
(03:19):
You don't keep arguing it.
That woman would have been much better offjust to say,
pleaselet me know your schedule ahead of time,
and then the next timethat this person does not let her know
their schedule ahead of time,she needs to take action.
She needs to not accommodatethis person's last minute
(03:42):
schedule changeor this last minute schedule announcement.
She needs to go aheadwith their own plans.
She needs to do whatshe was already going to do.
She needs to make sure that she backs upthat request of, please
let me know your schedule ahead of timewith the appropriate action
when she is not given this person'sschedule ahead of time.
(04:06):
If that person calls and says,I need you to do something for me,
she can say, I can't.
I've already got plans.
I can't make an adjustment.
That is the way that this personand people like
this will learnif they're ever going to learn.
They're not going to do it
because you're arguing with them,because they will always one up you.
(04:27):
The minute that you bring up one point,they'll bring up another point.
They if you listen to all of these points,when whatever she brought up
this person had an answerthat flipped it around back on to her,
to where it blamedher, made her the bad guy.
She was always the one that was the personthat was making it difficult.
(04:48):
There never was any acknowledgmentof the fact that she had
a reasonable request because of somethingthis other person did.
That was not said once,
and no matter how long shewould have continued that conversation.
It wasn't ever going to be said.
So again, when you find yourself
trying to convince another person
(05:10):
of your truth, of what you need,what you want.
Stop. Stop trying to convince.
State your truth.
You may need to restate itexactly like you said it.
You might need to restatedat a different time.
But say your truth.
Let it go.
Don't argue about it.
(05:31):
Don't try to convince the person.
But when that opportunity comes upto back up what you said with your action.
Don't miss that opportunity.
Make sure that you do.
Proverbs 23:23 says
by the truth and do not sell it.
Wisdom, instruction and insight as well.
(05:53):
Remember that. Hold on to this truth.
It is a big one.
It will make a huge different differencefor you in these difficult relationships.
If you refuse to argue, defend,to try to convince.
Proverbs 18:2 says, remember this one.
Fools find no pleasure in understanding,
(06:16):
but delight in airing their own opinions.
This person is not trying to understandwhere you're coming from
so this person can adjust behavior.
This person is doing nothing morethan just continually pointing the finger
and one upping youand trying to trip you up
so that you can't haveyour original, statement
(06:40):
dealt with because a person doesn't intendto respond to your original statement.
In this lady's case, it was.
Pleaselet me know your schedule ahead of time.
Okay, so I hope that this helped you.
I hope that you will come back and watchmore videos on my YouTube channel.
Change My Relationship and also my websitechangemyrelationship.com
(07:03):
for my books,my studies, my classes and more.
So thank you for watching this videoon Change my Relationship.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
(07:26):
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
(00:21):
I'm going to talk to you
in this video about trying to convince.
This is one of the major mistakesthat we make in our difficult
relationshipsis getting ourselves backed into corners
where we're tryingto convince somebody of our truth, trying
to convince somebodyof a particular point,
(00:42):
and just exhausting ourselvesbecause we find that
even though it feels futile,we don't give up.
We keep trying, we keep pushing, we keeptrying another way until we get exhausted.
We get it thrown back on us.
Here's an example of a womanwho wrote this email to me.
She says I simply asked himto let me know ahead of time
(01:04):
what his plans were to show methat he respects my schedule.
Instead, he accused meof getting of being picky and selfish.
I find myself arguing.
I am not picky and I am not selfish.
I just want to be given consideration.
He responds by saying thatthe fact that I am continuing
(01:26):
to argue proves that I am difficult.
At this point,I am so exasperated and I'm angry.
I find myself losing it.
I'm mad at him, and then I'm mad at myself
from getting caughtin this situation again.
Why can't I just get him to considermy feelings and opinions?
(01:50):
And why can't I recognize that it's
useless to try to make him listen?
I feel like I can never get him to dealwith the things I bring up.
I'll bet you there's a lot of youwatching this that are like,
oh yeah, that's my letter, my email.
I do that all the timeand I feel exactly the same.
(02:12):
I'm frustrated.
I'm exasperated. I'm angry.
But I'm not only angry at the otherperson, I'm angry with myself.
Why did I allow myselfto get drug into this again?
And it is the number one thing that we do.
And I tell peoplewhen I teach on this topic
of speaking the truthin love to a difficult person, number
(02:34):
one thing you have to start off withis stop
thinking that you're going to convincethe other person of your truth.
Just let it go.
Recognize that you speak your truthbecause you need to speak your truth.
You feel better when you say it.
You don't say itto convince the other person.
(02:55):
You don't say it to get the other personto agree with you.
You don't say it to get the other personto give you approval, or
for the other person to change their mindbecause you're explaining it.
You say it because you need to.
It's your truth.
You feel better about saying it, but thenyou put it out there and you let it go.
(03:19):
You don't keep arguing it.
That woman would have been much better offjust to say,
pleaselet me know your schedule ahead of time,
and then the next timethat this person does not let her know
their schedule ahead of time,she needs to take action.
She needs to not accommodatethis person's last minute
(03:42):
schedule changeor this last minute schedule announcement.
She needs to go aheadwith their own plans.
She needs to do whatshe was already going to do.
She needs to make sure that she backs upthat request of, please
let me know your schedule ahead of timewith the appropriate action
when she is not given this person'sschedule ahead of time.
(04:06):
If that person calls and says,I need you to do something for me,
she can say, I can't.
I've already got plans.
I can't make an adjustment.
That is the way that this personand people like
this will learnif they're ever going to learn.
They're not going to do it
because you're arguing with them,because they will always one up you.
(04:27):
The minute that you bring up one point,they'll bring up another point.
They if you listen to all of these points,when whatever she brought up
this person had an answerthat flipped it around back on to her,
to where it blamedher, made her the bad guy.
She was always the one that was the personthat was making it difficult.
(04:48):
There never was any acknowledgmentof the fact that she had
a reasonable request because of somethingthis other person did.
That was not said once,
and no matter how long shewould have continued that conversation.
It wasn't ever going to be said.
So again, when you find yourself
trying to convince another person
(05:10):
of your truth, of what you need,what you want.
Stop. Stop trying to convince.
State your truth.
You may need to restate itexactly like you said it.
You might need to restatedat a different time.
But say your truth.
Let it go.
Don't argue about it.
(05:31):
Don't try to convince the person.
But when that opportunity comes upto back up what you said with your action.
Don't miss that opportunity.
Make sure that you do.
Proverbs 23:23 says
by the truth and do not sell it.
Wisdom, instruction and insight as well.
(05:53):
Remember that. Hold on to this truth.
It is a big one.
It will make a huge different differencefor you in these difficult relationships.
If you refuse to argue, defend,to try to convince.
Proverbs 18:2 says, remember this one.
Fools find no pleasure in understanding,
(06:16):
but delight in airing their own opinions.
This person is not trying to understandwhere you're coming from
so this person can adjust behavior.
This person is doing nothing morethan just continually pointing the finger
and one upping youand trying to trip you up
so that you can't haveyour original, statement
(06:40):
dealt with because a person doesn't intendto respond to your original statement.
In this lady's case, it was.
Pleaselet me know your schedule ahead of time.
Okay, so I hope that this helped you.
I hope that you will come back and watchmore videos on my YouTube channel.
Change My Relationship and also my websitechangemyrelationship.com
(07:03):
for my books,my studies, my classes and more.
So thank you for watching this videoon Change my Relationship.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
(07:26):
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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