What happens when the badge comes off? In this powerful conversation, former NYPD officer Vincent Scotto takes us behind the blue wall of silence to reveal the deeply human struggles of life in law enforcement. After serving 20 years with the NYPD and being retired for 13 years, Scotto brings rare perspective on how police work fundamentally transforms those who wear the uniform.
"People who join law enforcement go in wanting to change the world and they get out with the world changing them," cutting to the heart of why officer wellness matters. He shares his personal journey through dark times and how hitting rock bottom ultimately led him to become an advocate for mental wellness in the law enforcement community. With unflinching honesty, he addresses the cultural barriers that prevent officers from seeking help and the systemic issues that leave them feeling unsupported.
The conversation takes us through the psychological impact of constantly switching between high-alert policing and family life, the power of authentic communication amongst officers, and why many department wellness programs fail despite good intentions. "Cops see through the bullshit," Scotto explains, highlighting why authenticity matters more than flashy initiatives. His stories about using humor to process trauma and his regrets about not sharing his experiences with loved ones offer profound insights for officers and their families alike.
Whether you're in law enforcement, love someone who is, or simply want to understand the human beings behind the badge, this episode offers rare insight into what it really takes to protect both the public and the protectors themselves.
Website:
Contact:
LinkedIn: Vincent Scotto
Email: Vincent@boyz-in-blue.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tyra Valeriano (00:01):
Welcome to Chapter Blue, the podcast where
we discuss the world of lawenforcement through an honest
conversation on tough orcontroversial topics, real
stories, perspectives andexperience from officers all
around the world.
Whether you're here forinsights on mental health,
self-care, work-life balance,getting into law enforcement,
getting out of law enforcement,or just trying to learn about
(00:21):
personal and professionalchallenges officers face every
day, you've come to the rightplace.
I'm your host, tyra Valeriano,and whether I'm going solo or
speaking with a guest, eachepisode will discuss different
aspects of life behind the badge.
Let's turn the page and stepinto Chapter Blue.
Hey everybody, welcome back toanother episode of Chapter Blue.
(00:43):
Today I want to introduce toyou Vincent Scotto.
He is currently in Florida, buthe worked 20 years for New York
PD and I am a fan.
He has been retired from lawenforcement for 13 years now and
he is working hard in thewellness space to make changes
that will help officers today.
Thank you for joining me today,vincent.
Will you tell our listeners alittle bit more about your
(01:04):
background and what you're doingtoday?
Vincente Scotto (01:06):
Sure, thank you , tyra.
I appreciate this opportunityto talk to you and your
listeners and viewers.
So, yeah, I spent 20 years withthe New York City Police
Department and I'm still aliveto talk about it, so that's good
, and currently, like you hadsaid, I've been gone for 13
years.
(01:27):
It's been a bit, but I feelthat's important in the sense
that where I am now, with beingan advocate for mental wellness
for our law enforcement officers, I've had time to process a 20
year police career and do a lotof self work.
A 20-year police career and doa lot of self-work to figure out
(01:52):
some things that I didn't dealwith while I was on the police
department and I had to learnhow to transition from a job, a
calling, a profession in whichthere was a lot of structure, to
something less than a careerwhere you had a lot of
interaction with fellow officersand people out in the general
(02:14):
public, to kind of having toreinvent yourself and find a
different path.
Tyra Valeriano (02:40):
And I know this for a fact because I lived it
myself.
It's not York PD, because youguys have it crazy out there and
I really I enjoy storytellingand I know in past conversations
that we have had that.
That's something that you liketo do.
We will get into that here in alittle bit.
But being that you came fromNew York PD and now you're in
(03:01):
Florida, what took you toFlorida York?
Vincente Scotto (03:04):
PD and now you're in Florida.
What took you to Florida?
Let's see the weather, thelifestyle, I can go on and on.
So it's interesting.
I've always had a presence inFlorida since I'm a teenager.
My mom and dad bought a placein 1986 in West Palm Beach,
florida, and I just loved it andI always envisioned myself
(03:28):
having some sort of presencehere.
Believe it or not, I consideredleaving the New York city
police department at one pointto take a law enforcement job
here in Florida and I realizedit just wasn't the right fit and
I'm glad I stayed.
But conversely, I'm glad I'mhere now, at least part-time.
(03:48):
I'm very active with sports andI just really enjoy it.
I country line dance, I playpickleball.
Tyra Valeriano (03:56):
Nice, very nice.
Okay, well, I want to jump intohow you got started in the
wellness space.
So you've been out for 13 yearsnow.
At what point did you feel thatyou were able to process what
you went through in your careerand why did it lead you down
this path that you're on now?
Vincente Scotto (04:15):
Sure.
So it's interesting.
For whatever reason and I'veshared this with other people in
the space I've always feltcomfortable with sharing my own
trajectory, my own story, and Iattribute that to the way I was
raised.
I come from an Italian Catholicbackground very close knit
family, and my parents raised meto be confident and to be proud
(04:39):
of who I was and not be afraidto talk about things, and I
think I share that because itcarried over into the police
department.
You're working with alldifferent types of people men,
women, different races,different ethnicities and you're
(05:00):
out there dealing with thegeneral public and, like they
say, it's a melting pot.
So I just use my own personalway of communicating.
And then I was able to build onthat with my experience down in
the police department.
I say all this because I'm notafraid to talk about myself.
(05:21):
I'm not afraid to talk aboutthings on a more personal level
if the other party is interestedin going in that direction.
So I always kind of had thisway.
When I would work with otherpeople, we would talk about life
, conversations would come upand I always felt that I had a
knack for it and fast forward.
(05:43):
As I became a supervisor and Ihad more experience, I became in
a way a mentor maybe some ofthe younger officers, but also a
good sounding board for some ofmy other colleagues when there
were kind of things going onthat maybe they just needed a
little counsel or just someoneto listen to.
They just needed a littlecounsel or just someone to
(06:05):
listen to.
So it kind of started a whileago.
But fast forward, throughout myown journey and going through
some difficult times while I wason the job and then post-career
, I needed to learn how toprocess some of the pain, some
of the frustration, some of thesadness, just life stuff, never
(06:28):
mind the police department andthings that happened while I was
on the job, but my issues in alot of ways kind of happened off
the job dealing with withfamily, with personal, intimate
relationships.
I struggled with that piece.
So I needed to learn how todeal with coping skills, to
(06:52):
excuse me, acquire coping skillsand learn some things along the
way to make me better suited tobecome a human being again, for
lack of a better expression.
I didn't realize with the policedepartment, inherently, how it
changed me.
I don't blame the policedepartment, but most people that
(07:14):
don't wear the uniform anddon't walk in our shoes.
It's hard for them to fullycomprehend how that job changes
you.
I agree with that.
Yeah, and I didn't realize itat the time.
It took me.
It took me a long time tofigure that part out, so fast
forward.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Tyra Valeriano (07:35):
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to mention that.
There's a saying that I live by, and it's people who join law
enforcement go in wanting tochange the world and they get
out with the world changing them.
And it's people who join lawenforcement go in wanting to
change the world and they getout with the world changing them
.
And it doesn't really resonatewith people until they've
actually done it.
And when they get out, itdoesn't matter if you've done
two years, 10 years, 20 years.
(07:55):
There is some part of you thatwhen you get out into the
civilian world and you're tryingto figure yourself out, you
realize, holy hell, I'm a wholedifferent person, just because
of the job that I did.
I didn't mean to interrupt you,but I just thought that was a
really good point.
Vincente Scotto (08:08):
No, that's okay .
That's okay.
I can be long-winded.
I'm Italian.
I've already said that, so fastforward now.
I've always been looking for anopportunity to pay it forward,
so to speak.
When I was in my deepest,darkest place and I hit what I
consider my personal rock bottom, there were people that were
(08:32):
there as I was trying to find myway and crawling, that were
there to assist me, and I neverforgot and I will never forget.
I never forgot and I will neverforget what that felt like, and
(09:10):
I remember, at my worst moment,just as I was just starting to
come out, I remember having thiskind of epiphany and saying you
need to do something with thisat some point.
And as I started getting backto who I was and building the
strength, I realized thatthere's a higher purpose for me.
There was a reason why I had togo through the things I had to
go through to get where I amcurrently, and where that is is
to be an advocate for ourunderserved law enforcement
community, our first respondercommunity.
(09:31):
I feel it's an underservedcommunity and I feel there are
issues at play that aren't beingdealt with at the ground level
and we can get into that, we canbreak that down, but it's
something that over the yearshas been gnawing at me and I've
been doing little things.
(09:51):
But this last year I really,really jumped in with both feet.
I got certified to be a lawenforcement coach.
I've worked with some officersthroughout the country and I
took it another step further tocome on these podcasts to talk
about my story, to be anadvocate.
My hope is to continue on thispath and do some public speaking
(10:14):
engagements and I'm writingthese funny police stories that
I'm hoping I will publish.
And it ties into the wholemental wellness piece and what
my why truly is.
Tyra Valeriano (10:27):
That's great.
I'm actually curious to hearwhat your perspective is on what
the issue is on the groundlevel, because that can be
different for everybody and fromguests that I've had in the
past.
Not everybody feels the same.
So, for example, you mentionedthat a lot of the issues that
you struggled with were not evenjob related.
It was more in your personallife, and I can relate to that
(10:49):
because in my story I've talkedabout how it wasn't the job
itself, but I leaned a lot intomy job and I wasn't dealing with
the issues that were going onin my personal life.
So you know, not everybody mayhave that same issue or that
same experience.
So what is your perspective onwhat the issues are on the
ground when it comes to what'sgoing on in law enforcement?
Vincente Scotto (11:12):
Sure.
So what I realized back thenand I realized in 2025, not much
has changed.
We have police officersregardless of rank, but let's
just start from start, from therank and file.
They feel that they'remicromanaged.
(11:32):
They feel that they don't havea voice personally.
They're not necessarily goingto tell someone about it because
they're in fear of retribution,being ostracized, being
criticized, and that is a bigproblem, and I will have this
(12:00):
conversation with anyonethroughout the country.
I'm not suggesting that therearen't agencies that are more
forward thinking, but in myexperience while I was on the
police department and what I'vecome to learn in this last year,
two years it's a situationwhere money is getting thrown at
(12:21):
the problem.
We're not dealing with theproblem.
And if someone were to ask meright now okay, vin, what's the
solution?
From my perspective, based upon20 years of a law enforcement
career, subsequently being onthe other side of that, having
my own demons that I needed toexcise, I have a very, very
(12:44):
simple way of looking at it.
I'm not saying it's easy, butthe answer is simple and what?
That is what we're doing now,or what we're going to get into,
hopefully over the course ofthis podcast, to talk about
what's behind the curtain, totalk about the things we
struggle with personally andprofessionally, to not be
(13:07):
ashamed, to not be afraid, to bein an environment where you can
share that information.
And it stays there.
Now, granted, if there's asituation where there needs to
be another layer of intervention, that's a different
conversation but at a minimum,to feel comfortable enough to
(13:29):
say hey, I'm dealing with somestuff here and I don't know what
to do.
I don't know where to turn, I'mcircling the drain, I need help
.
No-transcript.
Tyra Valeriano (14:00):
You know New York and I'm sure you're very
aware of this.
But a couple years back Iremember New York PD being in
the news a lot because therewere a lot of officers
committing suicide in New York.
And it always brought me to thequestion and I think everybody
wants the answer and we don'tknow.
Know, but being that you'veworked there, being that we both
(14:24):
have a law enforcementbackground and we can say, hey,
I struggled with the personalaspect of things, not
necessarily the job.
What do you think out of NewYork PD is a struggle that most
officers have, because obviouslythere's something going on
there that has resulted in a lotof officers committing suicide
in that department.
(14:45):
From your experience, what doyou think is the biggest
struggle for them?
Vincente Scotto (14:52):
Okay, would you like you want my experience or
what I know to be true right now?
And they're very similar.
Go for both.
I'll start with mine.
Everything I just shared withyou still exists.
I don't want to use the word orthe S word, stigma.
(15:13):
Everyone throws that word outthere.
I don't want to use that word,even though I just said it.
When people feel that theycan't share something that's
(15:47):
personal to them and they can'ttrust a colleague or a
supervisor an immediatesupervisor, they will be silent.
So when we talk about the bluewall of silence, until we bring
that wall down and wecommunicate and we support, this
will continue to happen overand over.
I don't care how many PowerPointpresentations, how many
seminars, how many dog and ponyshows of a presentation that we
put out there.
We need to retain, we needretention, we need recruitment.
(16:10):
It's meaningless until we takecare of the people that have
already been sworn, that areactively doing the job, and we
support them from the bottom upand the top down.
I'm not saying that there's notaccountability.
There is an accountabilitypiece.
But when we play the game of Ijust heard a rumor and I'm going
(16:35):
to tell the next person andthey're going to tell the next
person and now things get blownout of proportion and you're
breaking that trust and you'recreating something without
knowing what's really going on.
Words hurt and that's a problem.
(16:55):
And to add to that, I'm hearingthat the rank and file aren't
being treated appropriately bytheir supervisors.
They're being micromanaged,they are being spoken to in a
very condescending way and it'sthe do as I say, not as I do,
(17:19):
mentality, and that hasconsequences.
Now, I'm not saying that that'sthe be all, end all.
There are other things outsidethe professional part.
There's the fear factor thatpeople don't want to talk about,
going out with the idea, hey, Imight not come back, this might
(17:45):
be it for me.
That plays a role in youroverall being on a day-to-day.
Or having to go out in thefield and put on that persona of
I'm invincible.
What happens when that uniformcomes off?
And now you have to graduateback to your personal life and
(18:08):
you have all those emotionsinside on a day to day.
They just stick on you likepost-it notes and you don't
process them.
You just keep going from job tojob, incident to incident.
You just keep going from job tojob, incident to incident, and
we're the ones that have to bein control.
We're the ones that have tomake quick decisions, and we
(18:34):
live in a polarizing society andwe all know how the police are
viewed Right, wrong orindifferent.
It's beside the point.
We're not robots, we're humanbeings, and when we feel that we
can't share our emotions and behuman, especially among our
colleagues, our peers, you tellme, tyra, are you not surprised?
Tyra Valeriano (18:58):
you know, I'm not I'm not, but what I will say
is that there is also thisperception, right?
So you have people who havealways dreamed of being a police
officer.
Then you have people like methat didn't have that dream
growing up, but I became apolice officer and we all
thoroughly enjoy the job and wehave this idea that we are
(19:18):
invincible.
Why?
Because that is what the jobportrays.
This is the idea that is givento people, and there is
something that I learned nowthat I got out, and this is how.
A part of the reason why I goton this mental health and
wellness for first respondersjourney is because I started to
realize that I didn't go inknowing all of these things.
(19:42):
None of us know these things.
We learn these things along theway and we honestly don't
realize it till we get out,because these conversations that
I have with guests or otherpeople that I've met along the
way they some of the people whoare still in law enforcement
disagree.
You know they're like this isthe best job in the world.
(20:02):
I don't know what you'retalking about.
I'm not struggling withanything.
You know, I'm happy with my joband I'm glad.
I am happy that you areexperiencing that, but there is
a reality that we are not seeingbecause we're in the job.
We're in law enforcement.
This is just this persona thatwe've become because we had this
idea.
This is what law enforcement is, persona that we've become
(20:26):
because we had this idea.
This is what law enforcement is.
And we aren't prepared.
So when we get out, we'redealing with the aftermath of
what we've done for 5, 10, 15,20 years, and now we're sitting
here thinking, holy shit, youknow, this sucks.
And this is why I think theseconversations are important,
because my way of thinking nowis to let this information come
out.
I know that cops are out therelistening to this that don't
(20:48):
agree with this, so they'reprobably thinking I'm fine, you
know, I don't feel like I needto process anything, and that's
okay.
But people who are getting intothe field at least give them a
head start and say, hey, this isreal.
You're hearing this from peoplewho have been retired, people
who have done the job.
These are the stories thatyou're hearing.
So take it for what it's worth,but prepare yourself so that way
(21:11):
you can work on these thingsduring your career and when you
get out, you're not facing whatthe rest of us are facing or
realizing, and then it's toolate for you.
Work on your home life, work onyour work-life balance, work on
your wellness, all these thingsmatter because eventually it
will catch up to you and we allfall into this statistic, and
that's what I think is important.
(21:32):
And this is why I was curiousto hear what your perspective
was, because obviously this issomething that, like I said, was
in the news for a while in NewYork PD, and I was just curious
to hear what you had to say.
Vincente Scotto (21:45):
So if I can just share a couple of things,
just so you understand and yourlisteners are clear, I had a
love-hate relationship with theNew York City Police Department
and you shared a little bit ofthe negative piece that I've
(22:06):
been privy to currently and whatI experienced when I was active
.
But we have this saying, andyou might have heard it in law
enforcement, but it wouldperpetuate in the New York City
Police Department when you leavethe police department, you
would say I miss the clowns, butI don't miss the circus, right?
Tyra Valeriano (22:31):
Yeah.
Vincente Scotto (22:32):
So I miss the clowns and what I mean by that.
I had a very interesting,unique experience during the
trajectory of my career from1992 to 2012, where I have so
many vivid, fond memories of thepeople I worked with, not
(23:01):
saying I always worked with thegreatest people.
There was a very smallpercentage of people that didn't
belong, and that's in everycareer, but the vast majority I
have this connection to and Icome from a place of humor.
And when I say that place ofhumor and when I say that, what
(23:24):
led me ultimately, when I thinkabout it, into the police
department?
My dad is a retired policeofficer from New York City.
He worked predominantly in the70s.
My mom and I my mother and myfather, excuse me would have
(23:44):
parties at the house, socolleagues would come over and
they were characters and I wouldhear these stories and they
were exciting, they were funny,and my dad is going to be 80
years old and he still tellsthese stories.
So I have this way of spinninga story based upon the funny
(24:05):
things that happened, not sayingthere weren't serious things
and tragic incidents, but Inever really focused on that.
Me, in my opinion, relativelysane and safe was that
(24:27):
connection with being able tolaugh at ourselves, at each
other.
It created this bond that I'llnever, ever forget and I'm so
grateful for it, so, so grateful.
I connect with people now that Ihaven't seen in many years and
(24:49):
we laugh so hard.
My stomach hurts from laughingand we're brought back to a
period in our lives that weexperienced this.
They say I'll never forget it achief when we first came on the
police department, he said thisis the greatest show on earth,
and he was right.
(25:10):
And I had a front row seat tothis and I write about these
things.
You don't even have to be apolice officer to laugh, because
it's the human condition.
There's so many things that wecan talk about that are horrible
.
Why focus on that?
If you don't have to, I'mwilling to go there, but I try
(25:33):
to use humor in this sharedexperience of being a law
enforcement officer with anyone,of being a law enforcement
officer with anyone.
It doesn't matter male, female,anywhere in the country.
I can connect with people, havethis little story to make them
(25:54):
laugh and they can say you knowwhat?
I had a similar occurrence andnow we just connected.
We're not strangers anymore andnow I have this way of saying
you know what's going on withyou, or I'll pick up on
something and I'll ask thequestion and, believe it or not,
I would say nine and a half outof 10 times I get to the, I
(26:17):
just get an opening and that'sall I need is an opening, and
that's what I feel we need inthe mental wellness for law
enforcement officers, for firstresponders.
Give them the opening, Givethem that little bit of hey, I
(26:37):
was there.
This is some of the things Idid, some of the things I
struggled with, and now theyfeel they have someone that they
can relate to.
And I'm not taking anythingaway from the clinicians out
there and the other professionalpeople that are out there doing
the right thing.
(26:58):
But, I hate to say it, there's alot of posers out there too,
and that bothers me and I'lltell you why, because you know
as well as I do.
Cops see through the bullshit.
Cops are a cynical group.
You open that door just for oneminute and they smell that
(27:20):
bullshit.
That door closes and it's neveropening again.
That bothers me, that gets meangry, and I think people like
you myself, some other peoplethat we've met in this space,
have to double down and from therooftops, tell these people
guess what?
If you're not getting what youneed with your immediate circle
(27:45):
and the people in yourprofession, come to us.
We're going to stand beside youand we're going to fight those
demons.
We're going to fight thosemonsters and we're going to get
to the heart of the matter.
I hate to say this.
You're not alone.
We hear that a million times.
I'm kind of sick of it, but Iknow how it felt to be in that
(28:11):
dark place, tyra, and I remindmyself every day and that
inspires me.
If I can, if I can get outthere, if there's one person out
here right now that hears thisand and picks up on this emotion
.
This is not fake.
This is who I am and they reachout to me.
Hey, I saw you on this podcastwith Tyra.
(28:34):
I'm having some, some struggle.
You know what I'm going to do,tyra.
I'm going to talk to thatperson because I know how it
felt like to not have any hope,that nothing mattered in my life
, and that's terrible.
That's a terrible feeling and Iwouldn't wish that on anyone.
(28:56):
So sorry for being long-winded.
I get emotional about this.
Tyra Valeriano (29:04):
No, don't apologize.
There's actually a couplecouple things I wanted to pick
up on from what you said.
The bonds that we make withpeople in law enforcement I
guess maybe military can relateto this, but maybe even then
it's still a lot differentbecause you know, we are dealing
with life or death every day,not just certain times of the
year, or we're not on adeployment.
(29:25):
I'm not comparing the twobecause they both are very
different but the bonds that wecreate with these people, we're
working with them every singleday for years, doing the same
thing, and I wanted to agreewith you that I feel that those
are great memories to look backon.
And you know, I didn't have, Ididn't get along with everybody
in my agency.
(29:45):
I worked in a smaller agencybut I was very selective and,
just like you said, some peoplecan read through the bullshit.
There's some people who can't,and that's what separated me
from choosing the people that Ichose to make a bond with very
wisely.
And now I can talk about thosethings with those people and
(30:06):
have a good laugh and when youreally think about, wow, this
sounds demented.
You know we're over heretalking about this time that we
said this or we did this and itdoesn't really sound funny, but
it's funny because we were thereand we know it was funny, you
know.
So it's just this bond thatnobody else is going to
understand.
And then you talked about, youknow, people trying to get in
(30:29):
this space to help officers, andmaybe we can call them a fraud,
I don't know.
But one thing that I do feel isupsetting is that we're not
saying, just like you said,you're not alone.
We're not trying to pull outthese emotions and make it sound
like it's rock bottom and we'retrying to scrape you up from
the ground.
That's not the goal here, atleast for me and I'm sure for
(30:52):
you.
It's really knowing that weunderstand that there are issues
that need to be addressed andwe aren't trying to sell an
agency something that is lookinggood.
It looks good from the outside,but it's not really doing
anything for the issues that lawenforcement is facing.
Vincente Scotto (31:12):
And I do feel like it is a little bit of
mirrors.
Tyra Valeriano (31:15):
Yeah, it's a little unfair because I have
seen it.
I know you've seen it and it'syou know.
You look at it.
The agency is making this move.
They're investing this amountof money towards a company or a
program and it looks good fromthe outside, it sounds good.
The agency can say, hey, we'redoing our part.
(31:36):
You know we're invested in thisfor our officers.
Now we don't have to touch it.
But is that program or thatwhatever you're investing in,
really what it is for the issuethat law enforcement is facing?
I think that's where we're atnow is now the message is out
there.
So who is real and who is not,and what's going to work and
what's not?
Where are you going to put yourmoney?
(31:57):
Are you going to put your moneywhere it looks good from the
outside and you can say, oh,we've already addressed this
issue, we don't have to worryabout it anymore because we pay
for this to be for officers ifthey want it?
Or is it more like, well, weinvested in this and officers
are using it?
We see a difference in theissues that we were facing.
We're seeing some improvement.
This is working.
(32:17):
There's a huge differencebetween the two.
Vincente Scotto (32:21):
So you know the term.
I'm sure you heard CYA.
Cover your ass right.
Tyra Valeriano (32:25):
Yeah, of course Now.
Vincente Scotto (32:28):
I'm not suggesting that there aren't
agencies throughout the country,like I said earlier, that
aren't forward thinking.
But where's the accountability?
Thinking, but where's theaccountability?
Where are the metrics?
To your point to say, okay,here's a program, this is how
(32:55):
we're implementing it, this isthe buy-in, these are the
results.
And what do we do?
Do we have a paradigm shiftwhere, okay, we evaluate this,
this is working, this is not,and we move in a different
direction.
We focus on other aspects ofthe program.
This has to be an evolving kindof thing.
(33:19):
Now the New York City PoliceDepartment, one of the first
agencies to start, comstat.
You've heard of Comstat?
Right, yeah, all the crimestats, all the commanding
officers at every precinct areheld accountable for the
statistics of crime within theirprecinct.
How about a mental wellnesscomponent?
How about the accountability ofbeing responsible for the rank
(33:44):
and file?
These are the people that go outevery day and are interacting
with the general public.
So not only do we want them tobe their best selves for the
general public, but to be asefficient as they can, to be
(34:05):
professionals, not only in theworkplace but also when they
take off that uniform.
And now they have to segue backinto their personal lives.
They're not just tools that youuse and then put back in the
toolbox.
These are human beings and, aswe both know from our own
(34:28):
experiences, life is messy.
Whether you're a police officeror not, life is messy.
I think we have another addedpiece because of the profession
that we chose and we are in thelimelight a lot of times and we
(34:49):
are second guess we have to thatadded pressure of almost being
perfect, and you and I both knowwe're imperfect creatures.
We are not computers, sothere's a disconnect there of
change in law enforcement.
Tyra Valeriano (35:08):
I've had some feedback that isn't so positive.
You know, I've had people tellme.
You know, if you feel likethere is a problem, then maybe
you should get back on thestreet and, you know, solve the
(35:30):
problem.
But it's not that I've alreadydone the job.
The job being on the streetdoing the job is not the problem
.
The problem is so much morethan that.
You know, we talk aboutleadership, we talk about
resources in my agency andyou've mentioned not taking away
from other departments oragencies that might actually be
(35:51):
doing something for theirofficers.
But my agency didn't have a lotof resources and do I think
that it was a something done onpurpose?
No, but now that I see how itcould have benefited some of the
officers that worked for me andI didn't have that resource to
give them.
This is why I'm choosing to dothis, because I don't have to be
(36:12):
on the street to say let mehelp, you have what you need so
that you can rock the shit outof the street and you can do
your job and go home and behappy.
And yeah, it's not going to berainbows and butterflies every
day, but at least it's going tobe something you're enjoying in
life and you're not going to sitthere at the end of the day and
hate your wife or hate yourhusband and not want to be
(36:33):
around your kids because you areoverstimulated and you are on
edge from the day that you had.
But you have these resourcesthat you don't have to go to a
supervisor for.
You have these resources thatyou can say, hey, I have access
to this.
I'm going to do or reach out towhichever one applies to me and
what I'm going through today,and I don't have to worry about
losing my job because I havethis for me and my department or
(36:57):
my agency gave me this list orbrochure of resources to help me
.
That is a start right, and Idon't know.
I just feel that it's important.
I don't have to go back on thestreet to make this change.
You don't have to do that.
We've both lived the job, weknow what it takes, we enjoy it.
I still love law enforcement.
I mean, if you were to ask me,would you go back to law
(37:19):
enforcement?
My answer would be no, unless Ihave to.
But I would never just say no,I would never go back, because I
do love law enforcement, I lovethe job, I loved what I did,
but this is just a differentaspect of things, and I think
it's important that people likeus, who have experienced it, can
come out and say, hey, we'renoticing these things now that
(37:40):
we're out and I don't want youto have to go through this, so
let me tell you what we're goingthrough.
We'll share our experience.
Take what you want, but applyit to your life so that when you
get out, you don't have toworry about these things and you
can enjoy your life outside oflaw enforcement.
You can save a lot of time nothaving to process, heal,
(38:00):
recognize that you're not human,and how do I get back into the
family life?
How do I enjoy life outside oflaw enforcement?
You don't have to worry aboutthose things if you start now.
Vincente Scotto (38:10):
Good point.
So if I could just unpack someof that because there's a lot
right and I would like theviewers to know this tying into
what you said, this conversationthat we're having and kind of
kicking it around, we're notshitting on the current state of
(38:35):
affairs with policing as withpolicing, but what we are doing
is we're pointing out somethings that we experienced, two
(38:57):
separate agencies, but somesimilar experiences where, hey,
maybe there's a better way.
It doesn't have to be a way Imean sorry, the way it could be
a way where, hey, let's look atthis a little differently, maybe
(39:34):
we have an opportunity to Gleansome knowledge and information
on having our personnel bettersuited for their profession, but
also better suited for whenthey take off the uniform.
So there's two components there.
There's the professional sideof us as law enforcement
officers and there's thepersonal side, and we both know
this.
Sometimes they meld into oneand you might be an unbelievable
(39:57):
police officer out there andyou have a high tolerance for
stress.
A high tolerance for stress and, for whatever reason, you're
able to process the nature ofthat job, some of the negative
(40:22):
things, that to transitionpersonally, because they're
constantly faced with problemsolution, they don't have time
to get all kumbaya and hey,let's talk about our feelings.
They have to be decision makersand I know my own personal
(40:44):
experience.
If I'm being honest with myself, looking back, I took that
controlling nature and it seepedinto aspects of my personal
life as a husband, as a father,and I had to learn to change
(41:06):
that way of communicating.
And that's me.
That's just one example ofsomething that I had to
recognize.
It's different for everyone.
Maybe you have the flip.
You have someone that's able tocommunicate in their personal
life.
They have all their ducks in arow, but now when they come to
(41:28):
work, they struggle with, maybe,certain aspects of the job.
They have a hard time gettingtheir mind right protect
themselves and to protect thepeople they work with and to
protect the community.
You know, everyone is different.
Everyone handles stressdifferently, everyone handles
(41:52):
their career differently.
But when we just put a blank,make a blanket statement and we
throw everyone in the samebasket and we throw resources at
them but we don't give them anopportunity to actually
communicate what they need andwe don't have the conversations
(42:14):
to not only talk about theresources but okay, this
resource, you could come tospeak to a peer support person
and this is how it's structured.
Maybe there's something some ofthese forward thinking
departments have yoga, they havemeditation, they have
mindfulness things that, as ayoung officer, I was never
(42:38):
taught, that was never madeavailable to me.
These are things that I had tolearn post my police career.
Now I'm not saying that at thetime I needed those resources.
But here's the thing, and Ithink you touched on it when you
do and you don't know where toturn and you're swimming in it,
(43:03):
what do you do?
It's like it's.
It's like we used to jokearound and say you don't, you
don't need, you, don't, youdon't need a parachute until you
need a parachute, right.
It's like when you're, whenyou're in that situation and you
need a resource and you don'thave it, what do you do?
(43:23):
You excuse my French, butyou're fucked.
What do you do?
Excuse my French, but you'refucked.
Sorry, curse, but you're fucked, right, and that's the worst
feeling.
It's like.
(43:45):
Just imagine you and I are outin the field and we're dealing
with the violent perp and nowthat perp takes our gun.
Now we have one less tool todeal with this, this threat.
Right, it's no different withthese other resources If they're
not made available and thensubsequently explained before
you're in that situation.
They're kind of useless in alot of ways.
Just because it looks good on abrochure doesn't mean it's it's
going to work.
Tyra Valeriano (44:06):
Yeah, no, I agree with that and you know,
now, thinking about it, it's notreally the resource part.
I think that because this isstill a space that a lot of law
enforcement are not open to youmentioned yoga, you mentioned
meditation.
I've had a handful of peoplethat are still in law
(44:28):
enforcement that think it's dumb.
You know what I don't need todo yoga.
I'm a guy I don't got to dothat.
That's not for me and, granted,I get the perspective that
they're coming from it.
It's not for everybody, but youcan't knock it till you try it.
It doesn't mean that you'regoing through stuff at work,
(44:49):
that you need yoga or you needmeditation or in your personal
life.
It really is just the stressfactor.
And I, you mentioned you're acoach and everybody should
probably know by now that I'malso a law enforcement coach and
I talked to my clients aboutgoing back to their baseline and
that is where there's anotherstruggle is we don't know how to
back to their baseline, andthat is where there's another
(45:09):
struggle is we don't know how togo to our baseline.
We go to these calls, we shootup and we stay up and then by
the time we get home we're belowthe baseline and we're out of
energy.
We just don't have enough ofanything to give to our family,
to ourself.
So I try to teach them to goback to your baseline.
If you go to a hot call,whatever, learn to calm yourself
(45:33):
down.
Breathing techniques, I meanmeditation, these are things
that come in handy and it's notbecause you need to process the
scene or you're struggling withit.
It's more for you and how youfeel and how you're going to
process the day and how you'regoing to feel at the end of the
day, the way you're going tosleep at night, because if you
(45:53):
don't go back to that baseline,you're not going to sleep very
good because you're still high,you know, you're through the
roof with your adrenaline andyou're not going to sleep that
way.
So if you work on these things,it's not necessarily because
you're struggling with calls orwith scenes, or with the
department or with your personallife, but it's really just so
(46:13):
you can have a decent life, youcan sleep good, you can eat well
, you can communicate with yourfamily well, your friends,
whatever the case may be.
And I just thought it wasreally good to touch on that,
because you know, like you said,there's resources out there and
they're not being used becausethere's just this idea that it's
dumb, it's not going to work.
Vincente Scotto (46:35):
So, to add to that, one of the other examples
that I like to mentionjournaling.
Some people feel I don't need adiary and I got to be honest
with you.
I learned that skill and Ican't stress enough how good it
(46:58):
is, regardless of where you arein life are in life, things
could be going great, thingscould be really bad, somewhere
in the middle ups, you know,down sideways, it doesn't matter
(47:19):
.
There's something magical abouthaving a thought and you're on
that hamster wheel, even if it'snot even legible, and you just
take pen to paper old school andyou just get it from your brain
on paper.
There's this release, andthat's kind of what you were
referring to with either talkingabout a call, some of these
(47:39):
other things that we're learningnow in this new world yoga,
meditation, mindfulness, allthis stuff.
If it works for you, great.
There's no reason to just blowit off and say, oh, that's
ridiculous, give it a try.
Some people consider me an alphaguy.
(47:59):
I'm a sports guy.
I come from, like I said, thisItalian Catholic background,
insulated to a degree, thepolice department and you know
that culture.
I do these things.
These are things that Iimplement in my daily life.
I'm not saying that I do everysingle thing, but I have tried
(48:23):
the things that we're discussing, tried the things that we're
discussing and what works for meis getting it on the paper.
Things I'm thinking about and Italk to my people that I work
with and we have theseconversations.
(48:49):
I listen to them, I ask themquestions so they could find
their own answers, but focus ina way where we get to the
problem, whatever it is going on.
We talk about it, we process it, we offer some suggestions,
ideas to think about.
I have a friend that justshared this with me this past
week, because I've been talkingabout some of the things that
(49:10):
I'm looking to do with thisrealm.
We're in to really, really makean impact through it.
Meaning they go through stuff,whether it be personal or
professional.
They don't talk about it, theydon't process it.
(49:33):
So, therefore, where's thegrowth?
Where's the learning curve?
It's like, tyra, if you and Iare partners on patrol and we go
to a job, right, and we'redealing with an emotionally
disturbed person and, by theluck of God, just we are so
(49:55):
lucky that we get this close togetting slashed or whatever, and
we get cuffs on this person andwe're good, but we don't have
that conversation.
Hey, we could have maybe donethis, we could have handled this
a little better and learnedfrom maybe this.
The result was good, but how wegot there could have been maybe
(50:17):
handled a little bit better tohave that conversation.
Let's use an example in ourpersonal lives.
You and I are working togetherand I share with you.
Yeah, I got into a fight withmy wife and this is what I said
to her and you just like blow itoff and like, okay, you know
whatever, I don't want to hearabout your problems, whereas you
(50:42):
actually listened and, from awoman's perspective, gave me a
little insight that could helpme.
That's communication, right,both a professional example of
communication and a personalexample of communication, all in
the confines of a police carthis has to happen more.
Tyra Valeriano (51:04):
There's a lot of can of worms.
I guess you can it that I thinkpeople, I agree with you, I
100% agree.
However, there's a mindset thatI know a lot of officers have.
For example and this is kind ofwhere the statistic falls in
with divorce rates in lawenforcement is because you do
get close to the people that youwork with and these
(51:26):
conversations some people dohave them and if it is that way,
the spouse of that officer maynot take it in the way that it's
coming across.
So, like you said, for us it'sthat listening ear, that advice
that we're seeking, so that wecan work on our relationship,
whereas the wife or the husbandmight be upset that why are you
(51:50):
talking about our relationshipissues with your partner?
You know that that's crossing aboundary and you know that
might cause more issues in themarriage.
So I haven't gotten here yet inthe podcast.
But obviously the spouse aspectthere is.
There's a lot to discuss therebecause there is a lot that
(52:10):
spouses don't understand,especially if they have never
been a police officer.
And I've always heard don't datea cop, right, I'm sure you've
heard it.
Don't date a cop, cops, don'tdate cops.
I've heard it my whole career.
Even today I still see itcirculating.
But I mean I can't say that I'mtotally against that.
I know a lot of couples in lawenforcement that are both police
(52:31):
officers.
They are great, they have agreat relationship.
But I feel like it's becausethere's an understanding there.
They don't have that jealousyfactor.
They don't have that stressfactor of why are you talking to
your partner about ourrelationship?
That just adds stress to theofficer.
And this is where theconversation brings in the
spouse hey, what can you do tohelp your officer not be
(52:53):
stressed about what he's gotgoing on at home?
And then they just kind of leaninto their job, you know.
Vincente Scotto (52:59):
So if I can just give you my example,
personal example, with thataspect, it's not exact but it
just makes me think One of thepieces of my marriage that
(53:22):
caused it to fail and there's abunch of different things and I
own my part in this, but Ithought I was protecting my
spouse by not talking aboutthings that I experienced at
work and that was a big mistake.
(53:44):
I bring that up in the contextof I think if you have open
communication with an intimatepartner and they feel like
they're part of that policeworld, you might not necessarily
have that issue if they were tohear that you were confiding in
(54:08):
a colleague and just for therecord, I'm only using the
example of you and I, becauseyou're a female and I'm a guy
and we're having thisconversation, you know, if the
host was a guy, I would say themy particular case.
I did not share aspects of thepolice department with my spouse
(54:37):
and I regret that.
You know, when I just made thatcomment that my friend shared,
I didn't grow from that.
It took me a long time post thecareer to really have that
resonate with me and I can't goback.
I can only go forward.
(54:57):
But what I can do is I canshare this with the next
generation of officer, thecurrent generation, the next
generation of officer, thecurrent generation, and I think
that's powerful and I thinkthat's why we're here, and it's
not you and I criticizing what'shappening, because we're not in
(55:19):
it anymore.
We really care because we seewhat transpired in our own
personal experiences being lawenforcement, being on the other
side, communicating with otherpeople that are either still on,
people we coach andoccasionally we talk to people I
(55:53):
said earlier in ourconversation and my kids, if
they were here right now, theywould crack up because they've
been hearing this for years.
We'd have these conversations inthe car and I would always say
communication is the key.
These conversations in the car,and I would always say
communication is the key, we'reall right.
All of this ties back tocommunication.
If you can't have thatvulnerable, open conversation,
(56:24):
it doesn't have to start thatway.
But if we can get to that placewhere I can share with Tyra
some of the things I'mstruggling with, knowing she's
gonna listen, will be empathetic, not saying that she's going to
placate me, because maybe Ineed some tough love, but then
again, maybe I need somethingelse, but you're mindful enough
(56:47):
to know I can provide a placefor Vin to release some of this
frustration, this pain, thisuneasy feeling, this anxiety.
Perhaps.
Uneasy feeling this anxietyperhaps, and just by me feeling
(57:16):
comfortable, that I could talkto a colleague like that is
incredible.
Tyra Valeriano (57:21):
Yeah, I agree with everything you said.
We're running out of time, butI'm hoping that maybe we can
touch base again and jump onanother podcast in the near
future, because I feel likethere's a lot that even right
now I can just bounce off ofwhat you said, and we can
continue this conversationprobably for hours.
But before we end our podcastfor today, is there any contact
(57:43):
information that you want toshare with listeners so they can
reach out to you if they needto?
Vincente Scotto (57:49):
Sure, and thank you for offering that, because
it's very important to me.
If there's anyone that I couldhelp in any way, I really, I
really would like to do that.
The easiest way to connect withme is on LinkedIn.
Vincent Scotto, it'll come up.
(58:12):
You should be able to find meand I have an email address that
, if someone wants to check inthat way and it's Vincent
V-I-N-C-E-N-T at boys B-O-Y-Z,slash I-N-B-L-Ucom.
(58:35):
And actually sorry, after theI-N, there's another dash.
Tyra Valeriano (58:39):
Okay, I'll put that in the notes.
Vincente Scotto (58:47):
Yeah, vincent at boysinbluecom and girls in
blue are included too.
Tyra Valeriano (58:49):
Well, vincent, thank you so much for your time.
I think this was a greatconversation.
I have no doubts that thiscould continue on for several
hours more if we had the time todo so, but I hope to have you
on again in the future, becauseI think that there's still a lot
of topics that we can go intothat we've discussed in the past
off the record, that I feellike are important for others to
(59:11):
hear.
So thank you again for yourtime.
Vincente Scotto (59:19):
Is there anything you want to leave for
the, for the listeners, beforewe enter our podcast?
Sure, first of all, I wouldlove to come back.
I can't begin to tell you howgrateful I am.
I'm really glad that we madethis connection and I could be
an asset and a resource, so Iwould love that, I guess what I
would like to say for those outthere be part of the solution,
(59:40):
not part of the problem.
Don't make a situation worse bynot knowing the the full scope
of it and repeating somethingthat may or may not be true.
I only say that because, aspolice, we have a tendency to be
our own worst enemy andsomething that could be dealt
(01:00:00):
with in house or amongst ourcolleagues.
We make it bigger than itshould be and, like I said
earlier, words hurt.
There's no reason for that.
Tyra Valeriano (01:00:11):
Well, that's good.
I like that For the listeners.
Thank you guys for tuning intoday and stay safe.
We'll see you guys on the nextone.
Thank you, vincent.
Thank you for joining me onChapter Blue.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to follow and tag me on
social media and share withyour friends and fellow officers
.
If you're interested in joiningan episode, I'd love for you to
be a part of the conversation.
(01:00:32):
Until next time, stay safe,take care of yourself and
remember you're never alone inthis journey.
Welcome to Chapter Blue, the podcast where
we discuss the world of lawenforcement through an honest
conversation on tough orcontroversial topics, real
stories, perspectives andexperience from officers all
around the world.
Whether you're here forinsights on mental health,
self-care, work-life balance,getting into law enforcement,
getting out of law enforcement,or just trying to learn about
(00:21):
personal and professionalchallenges officers face every
day, you've come to the rightplace.
I'm your host, tyra Valeriano,and whether I'm going solo or
speaking with a guest, eachepisode will discuss different
aspects of life behind the badge.
Let's turn the page and stepinto Chapter Blue.
Hey everybody, welcome back toanother episode of Chapter Blue.
(00:43):
Today I want to introduce toyou Vincent Scotto.
He is currently in Florida, buthe worked 20 years for New York
PD and I am a fan.
He has been retired from lawenforcement for 13 years now and
he is working hard in thewellness space to make changes
that will help officers today.
Thank you for joining me today,vincent.
Will you tell our listeners alittle bit more about your
(01:04):
background and what you're doingtoday?
Vincente Scotto (01:06):
Sure, thank you , tyra.
I appreciate this opportunityto talk to you and your
listeners and viewers.
So, yeah, I spent 20 years withthe New York City Police
Department and I'm still aliveto talk about it, so that's good
, and currently, like you hadsaid, I've been gone for 13
years.
(01:27):
It's been a bit, but I feelthat's important in the sense
that where I am now, with beingan advocate for mental wellness
for our law enforcement officers, I've had time to process a 20
year police career and do a lotof self work.
A 20-year police career and doa lot of self-work to figure out
(01:52):
some things that I didn't dealwith while I was on the police
department and I had to learnhow to transition from a job, a
calling, a profession in whichthere was a lot of structure, to
something less than a careerwhere you had a lot of
interaction with fellow officersand people out in the general
(02:14):
public, to kind of having toreinvent yourself and find a
different path.
Tyra Valeriano (02:40):
And I know this for a fact because I lived it
myself.
It's not York PD, because youguys have it crazy out there and
I really I enjoy storytellingand I know in past conversations
that we have had that.
That's something that you liketo do.
We will get into that here in alittle bit.
But being that you came fromNew York PD and now you're in
(03:01):
Florida, what took you toFlorida York?
Vincente Scotto (03:04):
PD and now you're in Florida.
What took you to Florida?
Let's see the weather, thelifestyle, I can go on and on.
So it's interesting.
I've always had a presence inFlorida since I'm a teenager.
My mom and dad bought a placein 1986 in West Palm Beach,
florida, and I just loved it andI always envisioned myself
(03:28):
having some sort of presencehere.
Believe it or not, I consideredleaving the New York city
police department at one pointto take a law enforcement job
here in Florida and I realizedit just wasn't the right fit and
I'm glad I stayed.
But conversely, I'm glad I'mhere now, at least part-time.
(03:48):
I'm very active with sports andI just really enjoy it.
I country line dance, I playpickleball.
Tyra Valeriano (03:56):
Nice, very nice.
Okay, well, I want to jump intohow you got started in the
wellness space.
So you've been out for 13 yearsnow.
At what point did you feel thatyou were able to process what
you went through in your careerand why did it lead you down
this path that you're on now?
Vincente Scotto (04:15):
Sure.
So it's interesting.
For whatever reason and I'veshared this with other people in
the space I've always feltcomfortable with sharing my own
trajectory, my own story, and Iattribute that to the way I was
raised.
I come from an Italian Catholicbackground very close knit
family, and my parents raised meto be confident and to be proud
(04:39):
of who I was and not be afraidto talk about things, and I
think I share that because itcarried over into the police
department.
You're working with alldifferent types of people men,
women, different races,different ethnicities and you're
(05:00):
out there dealing with thegeneral public and, like they
say, it's a melting pot.
So I just use my own personalway of communicating.
And then I was able to build onthat with my experience down in
the police department.
I say all this because I'm notafraid to talk about myself.
(05:21):
I'm not afraid to talk aboutthings on a more personal level
if the other party is interestedin going in that direction.
So I always kind of had thisway.
When I would work with otherpeople, we would talk about life
, conversations would come upand I always felt that I had a
knack for it and fast forward.
(05:43):
As I became a supervisor and Ihad more experience, I became in
a way a mentor maybe some ofthe younger officers, but also a
good sounding board for some ofmy other colleagues when there
were kind of things going onthat maybe they just needed a
little counsel or just someoneto listen to.
They just needed a littlecounsel or just someone to
(06:05):
listen to.
So it kind of started a whileago.
But fast forward, throughout myown journey and going through
some difficult times while I wason the job and then post-career
, I needed to learn how toprocess some of the pain, some
of the frustration, some of thesadness, just life stuff, never
(06:28):
mind the police department andthings that happened while I was
on the job, but my issues in alot of ways kind of happened off
the job dealing with withfamily, with personal, intimate
relationships.
I struggled with that piece.
So I needed to learn how todeal with coping skills, to
(06:52):
excuse me, acquire coping skillsand learn some things along the
way to make me better suited tobecome a human being again, for
lack of a better expression.
I didn't realize with the policedepartment, inherently, how it
changed me.
I don't blame the policedepartment, but most people that
(07:14):
don't wear the uniform anddon't walk in our shoes.
It's hard for them to fullycomprehend how that job changes
you.
I agree with that.
Yeah, and I didn't realize itat the time.
It took me.
It took me a long time tofigure that part out, so fast
forward.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Tyra Valeriano (07:35):
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to mention that.
There's a saying that I live by, and it's people who join law
enforcement go in wanting tochange the world and they get
out with the world changing them.
And it's people who join lawenforcement go in wanting to
change the world and they getout with the world changing them
.
And it doesn't really resonatewith people until they've
actually done it.
And when they get out, itdoesn't matter if you've done
two years, 10 years, 20 years.
(07:55):
There is some part of you thatwhen you get out into the
civilian world and you're tryingto figure yourself out, you
realize, holy hell, I'm a wholedifferent person, just because
of the job that I did.
I didn't mean to interrupt you,but I just thought that was a
really good point.
Vincente Scotto (08:08):
No, that's okay .
That's okay.
I can be long-winded.
I'm Italian.
I've already said that, so fastforward now.
I've always been looking for anopportunity to pay it forward,
so to speak.
When I was in my deepest,darkest place and I hit what I
consider my personal rock bottom, there were people that were
(08:32):
there as I was trying to find myway and crawling, that were
there to assist me, and I neverforgot and I will never forget.
I never forgot and I will neverforget what that felt like, and
(09:10):
I remember, at my worst moment,just as I was just starting to
come out, I remember having thiskind of epiphany and saying you
need to do something with thisat some point.
And as I started getting backto who I was and building the
strength, I realized thatthere's a higher purpose for me.
There was a reason why I had togo through the things I had to
go through to get where I amcurrently, and where that is is
to be an advocate for ourunderserved law enforcement
community, our first respondercommunity.
(09:31):
I feel it's an underservedcommunity and I feel there are
issues at play that aren't beingdealt with at the ground level
and we can get into that, we canbreak that down, but it's
something that over the yearshas been gnawing at me and I've
been doing little things.
(09:51):
But this last year I really,really jumped in with both feet.
I got certified to be a lawenforcement coach.
I've worked with some officersthroughout the country and I
took it another step further tocome on these podcasts to talk
about my story, to be anadvocate.
My hope is to continue on thispath and do some public speaking
(10:14):
engagements and I'm writingthese funny police stories that
I'm hoping I will publish.
And it ties into the wholemental wellness piece and what
my why truly is.
Tyra Valeriano (10:27):
That's great.
I'm actually curious to hearwhat your perspective is on what
the issue is on the groundlevel, because that can be
different for everybody and fromguests that I've had in the
past.
Not everybody feels the same.
So, for example, you mentionedthat a lot of the issues that
you struggled with were not evenjob related.
It was more in your personallife, and I can relate to that
(10:49):
because in my story I've talkedabout how it wasn't the job
itself, but I leaned a lot intomy job and I wasn't dealing with
the issues that were going onin my personal life.
So you know, not everybody mayhave that same issue or that
same experience.
So what is your perspective onwhat the issues are on the
ground when it comes to what'sgoing on in law enforcement?
Vincente Scotto (11:12):
Sure.
So what I realized back thenand I realized in 2025, not much
has changed.
We have police officersregardless of rank, but let's
just start from start, from therank and file.
They feel that they'remicromanaged.
(11:32):
They feel that they don't havea voice personally.
They're not necessarily goingto tell someone about it because
they're in fear of retribution,being ostracized, being
criticized, and that is a bigproblem, and I will have this
(12:00):
conversation with anyonethroughout the country.
I'm not suggesting that therearen't agencies that are more
forward thinking, but in myexperience while I was on the
police department and what I'vecome to learn in this last year,
two years it's a situationwhere money is getting thrown at
(12:21):
the problem.
We're not dealing with theproblem.
And if someone were to ask meright now okay, vin, what's the
solution?
From my perspective, based upon20 years of a law enforcement
career, subsequently being onthe other side of that, having
my own demons that I needed toexcise, I have a very, very
(12:44):
simple way of looking at it.
I'm not saying it's easy, butthe answer is simple and what?
That is what we're doing now,or what we're going to get into,
hopefully over the course ofthis podcast, to talk about
what's behind the curtain, totalk about the things we
struggle with personally andprofessionally, to not be
(13:07):
ashamed, to not be afraid, to bein an environment where you can
share that information.
And it stays there.
Now, granted, if there's asituation where there needs to
be another layer of intervention, that's a different
conversation but at a minimum,to feel comfortable enough to
(13:29):
say hey, I'm dealing with somestuff here and I don't know what
to do.
I don't know where to turn, I'mcircling the drain, I need help
.
No-transcript.
Tyra Valeriano (14:00):
You know New York and I'm sure you're very
aware of this.
But a couple years back Iremember New York PD being in
the news a lot because therewere a lot of officers
committing suicide in New York.
And it always brought me to thequestion and I think everybody
wants the answer and we don'tknow.
Know, but being that you'veworked there, being that we both
(14:24):
have a law enforcementbackground and we can say, hey,
I struggled with the personalaspect of things, not
necessarily the job.
What do you think out of NewYork PD is a struggle that most
officers have, because obviouslythere's something going on
there that has resulted in a lotof officers committing suicide
in that department.
(14:45):
From your experience, what doyou think is the biggest
struggle for them?
Vincente Scotto (14:52):
Okay, would you like you want my experience or
what I know to be true right now?
And they're very similar.
Go for both.
I'll start with mine.
Everything I just shared withyou still exists.
I don't want to use the word orthe S word, stigma.
(15:13):
Everyone throws that word outthere.
I don't want to use that word,even though I just said it.
When people feel that theycan't share something that's
(15:47):
personal to them and they can'ttrust a colleague or a
supervisor an immediatesupervisor, they will be silent.
So when we talk about the bluewall of silence, until we bring
that wall down and wecommunicate and we support, this
will continue to happen overand over.
I don't care how many PowerPointpresentations, how many
seminars, how many dog and ponyshows of a presentation that we
put out there.
We need to retain, we needretention, we need recruitment.
(16:10):
It's meaningless until we takecare of the people that have
already been sworn, that areactively doing the job, and we
support them from the bottom upand the top down.
I'm not saying that there's notaccountability.
There is an accountabilitypiece.
But when we play the game of Ijust heard a rumor and I'm going
(16:35):
to tell the next person andthey're going to tell the next
person and now things get blownout of proportion and you're
breaking that trust and you'recreating something without
knowing what's really going on.
Words hurt and that's a problem.
(16:55):
And to add to that, I'm hearingthat the rank and file aren't
being treated appropriately bytheir supervisors.
They're being micromanaged,they are being spoken to in a
very condescending way and it'sthe do as I say, not as I do,
(17:19):
mentality, and that hasconsequences.
Now, I'm not saying that that'sthe be all, end all.
There are other things outsidethe professional part.
There's the fear factor thatpeople don't want to talk about,
going out with the idea, hey, Imight not come back, this might
(17:45):
be it for me.
That plays a role in youroverall being on a day-to-day.
Or having to go out in thefield and put on that persona of
I'm invincible.
What happens when that uniformcomes off?
And now you have to graduateback to your personal life and
(18:08):
you have all those emotionsinside on a day to day.
They just stick on you likepost-it notes and you don't
process them.
You just keep going from job tojob, incident to incident.
You just keep going from job tojob, incident to incident, and
we're the ones that have to bein control.
We're the ones that have tomake quick decisions, and we
(18:34):
live in a polarizing society andwe all know how the police are
viewed Right, wrong orindifferent.
It's beside the point.
We're not robots, we're humanbeings, and when we feel that we
can't share our emotions and behuman, especially among our
colleagues, our peers, you tellme, tyra, are you not surprised?
Tyra Valeriano (18:58):
you know, I'm not I'm not, but what I will say
is that there is also thisperception, right?
So you have people who havealways dreamed of being a police
officer.
Then you have people like methat didn't have that dream
growing up, but I became apolice officer and we all
thoroughly enjoy the job and wehave this idea that we are
(19:18):
invincible.
Why?
Because that is what the jobportrays.
This is the idea that is givento people, and there is
something that I learned nowthat I got out, and this is how.
A part of the reason why I goton this mental health and
wellness for first respondersjourney is because I started to
realize that I didn't go inknowing all of these things.
(19:42):
None of us know these things.
We learn these things along theway and we honestly don't
realize it till we get out,because these conversations that
I have with guests or otherpeople that I've met along the
way they some of the people whoare still in law enforcement
disagree.
You know they're like this isthe best job in the world.
(20:02):
I don't know what you'retalking about.
I'm not struggling withanything.
You know, I'm happy with my joband I'm glad.
I am happy that you areexperiencing that, but there is
a reality that we are not seeingbecause we're in the job.
We're in law enforcement.
This is just this persona thatwe've become because we had this
idea.
This is what law enforcement is, persona that we've become
(20:26):
because we had this idea.
This is what law enforcement is.
And we aren't prepared.
So when we get out, we'redealing with the aftermath of
what we've done for 5, 10, 15,20 years, and now we're sitting
here thinking, holy shit, youknow, this sucks.
And this is why I think theseconversations are important,
because my way of thinking nowis to let this information come
out.
I know that cops are out therelistening to this that don't
(20:48):
agree with this, so they'reprobably thinking I'm fine, you
know, I don't feel like I needto process anything, and that's
okay.
But people who are getting intothe field at least give them a
head start and say, hey, this isreal.
You're hearing this from peoplewho have been retired, people
who have done the job.
These are the stories thatyou're hearing.
So take it for what it's worth,but prepare yourself so that way
(21:11):
you can work on these thingsduring your career and when you
get out, you're not facing whatthe rest of us are facing or
realizing, and then it's toolate for you.
Work on your home life, work onyour work-life balance, work on
your wellness, all these thingsmatter because eventually it
will catch up to you and we allfall into this statistic, and
that's what I think is important.
(21:32):
And this is why I was curiousto hear what your perspective
was, because obviously this issomething that, like I said, was
in the news for a while in NewYork PD, and I was just curious
to hear what you had to say.
Vincente Scotto (21:45):
So if I can just share a couple of things,
just so you understand and yourlisteners are clear, I had a
love-hate relationship with theNew York City Police Department
and you shared a little bit ofthe negative piece that I've
(22:06):
been privy to currently and whatI experienced when I was active
.
But we have this saying, andyou might have heard it in law
enforcement, but it wouldperpetuate in the New York City
Police Department when you leavethe police department, you
would say I miss the clowns, butI don't miss the circus, right?
Tyra Valeriano (22:31):
Yeah.
Vincente Scotto (22:32):
So I miss the clowns and what I mean by that.
I had a very interesting,unique experience during the
trajectory of my career from1992 to 2012, where I have so
many vivid, fond memories of thepeople I worked with, not
(23:01):
saying I always worked with thegreatest people.
There was a very smallpercentage of people that didn't
belong, and that's in everycareer, but the vast majority I
have this connection to and Icome from a place of humor.
And when I say that place ofhumor and when I say that, what
(23:24):
led me ultimately, when I thinkabout it, into the police
department?
My dad is a retired policeofficer from New York City.
He worked predominantly in the70s.
My mom and I my mother and myfather, excuse me would have
(23:44):
parties at the house, socolleagues would come over and
they were characters and I wouldhear these stories and they
were exciting, they were funny,and my dad is going to be 80
years old and he still tellsthese stories.
So I have this way of spinninga story based upon the funny
(24:05):
things that happened, not sayingthere weren't serious things
and tragic incidents, but Inever really focused on that.
Me, in my opinion, relativelysane and safe was that
(24:27):
connection with being able tolaugh at ourselves, at each
other.
It created this bond that I'llnever, ever forget and I'm so
grateful for it, so, so grateful.
I connect with people now that Ihaven't seen in many years and
(24:49):
we laugh so hard.
My stomach hurts from laughingand we're brought back to a
period in our lives that weexperienced this.
They say I'll never forget it achief when we first came on the
police department, he said thisis the greatest show on earth,
and he was right.
(25:10):
And I had a front row seat tothis and I write about these
things.
You don't even have to be apolice officer to laugh, because
it's the human condition.
There's so many things that wecan talk about that are horrible
.
Why focus on that?
If you don't have to, I'mwilling to go there, but I try
(25:33):
to use humor in this sharedexperience of being a law
enforcement officer with anyone,of being a law enforcement
officer with anyone.
It doesn't matter male, female,anywhere in the country.
I can connect with people, havethis little story to make them
(25:54):
laugh and they can say you knowwhat?
I had a similar occurrence andnow we just connected.
We're not strangers anymore andnow I have this way of saying
you know what's going on withyou, or I'll pick up on
something and I'll ask thequestion and, believe it or not,
I would say nine and a half outof 10 times I get to the, I
(26:17):
just get an opening and that'sall I need is an opening, and
that's what I feel we need inthe mental wellness for law
enforcement officers, for firstresponders.
Give them the opening, Givethem that little bit of hey, I
(26:37):
was there.
This is some of the things Idid, some of the things I
struggled with, and now theyfeel they have someone that they
can relate to.
And I'm not taking anythingaway from the clinicians out
there and the other professionalpeople that are out there doing
the right thing.
(26:58):
But, I hate to say it, there's alot of posers out there too,
and that bothers me and I'lltell you why, because you know
as well as I do.
Cops see through the bullshit.
Cops are a cynical group.
You open that door just for oneminute and they smell that
(27:20):
bullshit.
That door closes and it's neveropening again.
That bothers me, that gets meangry, and I think people like
you myself, some other peoplethat we've met in this space,
have to double down and from therooftops, tell these people
guess what?
If you're not getting what youneed with your immediate circle
(27:45):
and the people in yourprofession, come to us.
We're going to stand beside youand we're going to fight those
demons.
We're going to fight thosemonsters and we're going to get
to the heart of the matter.
I hate to say this.
You're not alone.
We hear that a million times.
I'm kind of sick of it, but Iknow how it felt to be in that
(28:11):
dark place, tyra, and I remindmyself every day and that
inspires me.
If I can, if I can get outthere, if there's one person out
here right now that hears thisand and picks up on this emotion
.
This is not fake.
This is who I am and they reachout to me.
Hey, I saw you on this podcastwith Tyra.
(28:34):
I'm having some, some struggle.
You know what I'm going to do,tyra.
I'm going to talk to thatperson because I know how it
felt like to not have any hope,that nothing mattered in my life
, and that's terrible.
That's a terrible feeling and Iwouldn't wish that on anyone.
(28:56):
So sorry for being long-winded.
I get emotional about this.
Tyra Valeriano (29:04):
No, don't apologize.
There's actually a couplecouple things I wanted to pick
up on from what you said.
The bonds that we make withpeople in law enforcement I
guess maybe military can relateto this, but maybe even then
it's still a lot differentbecause you know, we are dealing
with life or death every day,not just certain times of the
year, or we're not on adeployment.
(29:25):
I'm not comparing the twobecause they both are very
different but the bonds that wecreate with these people, we're
working with them every singleday for years, doing the same
thing, and I wanted to agreewith you that I feel that those
are great memories to look backon.
And you know, I didn't have, Ididn't get along with everybody
in my agency.
(29:45):
I worked in a smaller agencybut I was very selective and,
just like you said, some peoplecan read through the bullshit.
There's some people who can't,and that's what separated me
from choosing the people that Ichose to make a bond with very
wisely.
And now I can talk about thosethings with those people and
(30:06):
have a good laugh and when youreally think about, wow, this
sounds demented.
You know we're over heretalking about this time that we
said this or we did this and itdoesn't really sound funny, but
it's funny because we were thereand we know it was funny, you
know.
So it's just this bond thatnobody else is going to
understand.
And then you talked about, youknow, people trying to get in
(30:29):
this space to help officers, andmaybe we can call them a fraud,
I don't know.
But one thing that I do feel isupsetting is that we're not
saying, just like you said,you're not alone.
We're not trying to pull outthese emotions and make it sound
like it's rock bottom and we'retrying to scrape you up from
the ground.
That's not the goal here, atleast for me and I'm sure for
(30:52):
you.
It's really knowing that weunderstand that there are issues
that need to be addressed andwe aren't trying to sell an
agency something that is lookinggood.
It looks good from the outside,but it's not really doing
anything for the issues that lawenforcement is facing.
Vincente Scotto (31:12):
And I do feel like it is a little bit of
mirrors.
Tyra Valeriano (31:15):
Yeah, it's a little unfair because I have
seen it.
I know you've seen it and it'syou know.
You look at it.
The agency is making this move.
They're investing this amountof money towards a company or a
program and it looks good fromthe outside, it sounds good.
The agency can say, hey, we'redoing our part.
(31:36):
You know we're invested in thisfor our officers.
Now we don't have to touch it.
But is that program or thatwhatever you're investing in,
really what it is for the issuethat law enforcement is facing?
I think that's where we're atnow is now the message is out
there.
So who is real and who is not,and what's going to work and
what's not?
Where are you going to put yourmoney?
(31:57):
Are you going to put your moneywhere it looks good from the
outside and you can say, oh,we've already addressed this
issue, we don't have to worryabout it anymore because we pay
for this to be for officers ifthey want it?
Or is it more like, well, weinvested in this and officers
are using it?
We see a difference in theissues that we were facing.
We're seeing some improvement.
This is working.
(32:17):
There's a huge differencebetween the two.
Vincente Scotto (32:21):
So you know the term.
I'm sure you heard CYA.
Cover your ass right.
Tyra Valeriano (32:25):
Yeah, of course Now.
Vincente Scotto (32:28):
I'm not suggesting that there aren't
agencies throughout the country,like I said earlier, that
aren't forward thinking.
But where's the accountability?
Thinking, but where's theaccountability?
Where are the metrics?
To your point to say, okay,here's a program, this is how
(32:55):
we're implementing it, this isthe buy-in, these are the
results.
And what do we do?
Do we have a paradigm shiftwhere, okay, we evaluate this,
this is working, this is not,and we move in a different
direction.
We focus on other aspects ofthe program.
This has to be an evolving kindof thing.
(33:19):
Now the New York City PoliceDepartment, one of the first
agencies to start, comstat.
You've heard of Comstat?
Right, yeah, all the crimestats, all the commanding
officers at every precinct areheld accountable for the
statistics of crime within theirprecinct.
How about a mental wellnesscomponent?
How about the accountability ofbeing responsible for the rank
(33:44):
and file?
These are the people that go outevery day and are interacting
with the general public.
So not only do we want them tobe their best selves for the
general public, but to be asefficient as they can, to be
(34:05):
professionals, not only in theworkplace but also when they
take off that uniform.
And now they have to segue backinto their personal lives.
They're not just tools that youuse and then put back in the
toolbox.
These are human beings and, aswe both know from our own
(34:28):
experiences, life is messy.
Whether you're a police officeror not, life is messy.
I think we have another addedpiece because of the profession
that we chose and we are in thelimelight a lot of times and we
(34:49):
are second guess we have to thatadded pressure of almost being
perfect, and you and I both knowwe're imperfect creatures.
We are not computers, sothere's a disconnect there of
change in law enforcement.
Tyra Valeriano (35:08):
I've had some feedback that isn't so positive.
You know, I've had people tellme.
You know, if you feel likethere is a problem, then maybe
you should get back on thestreet and, you know, solve the
(35:30):
problem.
But it's not that I've alreadydone the job.
The job being on the streetdoing the job is not the problem
.
The problem is so much morethan that.
You know, we talk aboutleadership, we talk about
resources in my agency andyou've mentioned not taking away
from other departments oragencies that might actually be
(35:51):
doing something for theirofficers.
But my agency didn't have a lotof resources and do I think
that it was a something done onpurpose?
No, but now that I see how itcould have benefited some of the
officers that worked for me andI didn't have that resource to
give them.
This is why I'm choosing to dothis, because I don't have to be
(36:12):
on the street to say let mehelp, you have what you need so
that you can rock the shit outof the street and you can do
your job and go home and behappy.
And yeah, it's not going to berainbows and butterflies every
day, but at least it's going tobe something you're enjoying in
life and you're not going to sitthere at the end of the day and
hate your wife or hate yourhusband and not want to be
(36:33):
around your kids because you areoverstimulated and you are on
edge from the day that you had.
But you have these resourcesthat you don't have to go to a
supervisor for.
You have these resources thatyou can say, hey, I have access
to this.
I'm going to do or reach out towhichever one applies to me and
what I'm going through today,and I don't have to worry about
losing my job because I havethis for me and my department or
(36:57):
my agency gave me this list orbrochure of resources to help me
.
That is a start right, and Idon't know.
I just feel that it's important.
I don't have to go back on thestreet to make this change.
You don't have to do that.
We've both lived the job, weknow what it takes, we enjoy it.
I still love law enforcement.
I mean, if you were to ask me,would you go back to law
(37:19):
enforcement?
My answer would be no, unless Ihave to.
But I would never just say no,I would never go back, because I
do love law enforcement, I lovethe job, I loved what I did,
but this is just a differentaspect of things, and I think
it's important that people likeus, who have experienced it, can
come out and say, hey, we'renoticing these things now that
(37:40):
we're out and I don't want youto have to go through this, so
let me tell you what we're goingthrough.
We'll share our experience.
Take what you want, but applyit to your life so that when you
get out, you don't have toworry about these things and you
can enjoy your life outside oflaw enforcement.
You can save a lot of time nothaving to process, heal,
(38:00):
recognize that you're not human,and how do I get back into the
family life?
How do I enjoy life outside oflaw enforcement?
You don't have to worry aboutthose things if you start now.
Vincente Scotto (38:10):
Good point.
So if I could just unpack someof that because there's a lot
right and I would like theviewers to know this tying into
what you said, this conversationthat we're having and kind of
kicking it around, we're notshitting on the current state of
(38:35):
affairs with policing as withpolicing, but what we are doing
is we're pointing out somethings that we experienced, two
(38:57):
separate agencies, but somesimilar experiences where, hey,
maybe there's a better way.
It doesn't have to be a way Imean sorry, the way it could be
a way where, hey, let's look atthis a little differently, maybe
(39:34):
we have an opportunity to Gleansome knowledge and information
on having our personnel bettersuited for their profession, but
also better suited for whenthey take off the uniform.
So there's two components there.
There's the professional sideof us as law enforcement
officers and there's thepersonal side, and we both know
this.
Sometimes they meld into oneand you might be an unbelievable
(39:57):
police officer out there andyou have a high tolerance for
stress.
A high tolerance for stress and, for whatever reason, you're
able to process the nature ofthat job, some of the negative
(40:22):
things, that to transitionpersonally, because they're
constantly faced with problemsolution, they don't have time
to get all kumbaya and hey,let's talk about our feelings.
They have to be decision makersand I know my own personal
(40:44):
experience.
If I'm being honest with myself, looking back, I took that
controlling nature and it seepedinto aspects of my personal
life as a husband, as a father,and I had to learn to change
(41:06):
that way of communicating.
And that's me.
That's just one example ofsomething that I had to
recognize.
It's different for everyone.
Maybe you have the flip.
You have someone that's able tocommunicate in their personal
life.
They have all their ducks in arow, but now when they come to
(41:28):
work, they struggle with, maybe,certain aspects of the job.
They have a hard time gettingtheir mind right protect
themselves and to protect thepeople they work with and to
protect the community.
You know, everyone is different.
Everyone handles stressdifferently, everyone handles
(41:52):
their career differently.
But when we just put a blank,make a blanket statement and we
throw everyone in the samebasket and we throw resources at
them but we don't give them anopportunity to actually
communicate what they need andwe don't have the conversations
(42:14):
to not only talk about theresources but okay, this
resource, you could come tospeak to a peer support person
and this is how it's structured.
Maybe there's something some ofthese forward thinking
departments have yoga, they havemeditation, they have
mindfulness things that, as ayoung officer, I was never
(42:38):
taught, that was never madeavailable to me.
These are things that I had tolearn post my police career.
Now I'm not saying that at thetime I needed those resources.
But here's the thing, and Ithink you touched on it when you
do and you don't know where toturn and you're swimming in it,
(43:03):
what do you do?
It's like it's.
It's like we used to jokearound and say you don't, you
don't need, you, don't, youdon't need a parachute until you
need a parachute, right.
It's like when you're, whenyou're in that situation and you
need a resource and you don'thave it, what do you do?
(43:23):
You excuse my French, butyou're fucked.
What do you do?
Excuse my French, but you'refucked.
Sorry, curse, but you're fucked, right, and that's the worst
feeling.
It's like.
(43:45):
Just imagine you and I are outin the field and we're dealing
with the violent perp and nowthat perp takes our gun.
Now we have one less tool todeal with this, this threat.
Right, it's no different withthese other resources If they're
not made available and thensubsequently explained before
you're in that situation.
They're kind of useless in alot of ways.
Just because it looks good on abrochure doesn't mean it's it's
going to work.
Tyra Valeriano (44:06):
Yeah, no, I agree with that and you know,
now, thinking about it, it's notreally the resource part.
I think that because this isstill a space that a lot of law
enforcement are not open to youmentioned yoga, you mentioned
meditation.
I've had a handful of peoplethat are still in law
(44:28):
enforcement that think it's dumb.
You know what I don't need todo yoga.
I'm a guy I don't got to dothat.
That's not for me and, granted,I get the perspective that
they're coming from it.
It's not for everybody, but youcan't knock it till you try it.
It doesn't mean that you'regoing through stuff at work,
(44:49):
that you need yoga or you needmeditation or in your personal
life.
It really is just the stressfactor.
And I, you mentioned you're acoach and everybody should
probably know by now that I'malso a law enforcement coach and
I talked to my clients aboutgoing back to their baseline and
that is where there's anotherstruggle is we don't know how to
back to their baseline, andthat is where there's another
(45:09):
struggle is we don't know how togo to our baseline.
We go to these calls, we shootup and we stay up and then by
the time we get home we're belowthe baseline and we're out of
energy.
We just don't have enough ofanything to give to our family,
to ourself.
So I try to teach them to goback to your baseline.
If you go to a hot call,whatever, learn to calm yourself
(45:33):
down.
Breathing techniques, I meanmeditation, these are things
that come in handy and it's notbecause you need to process the
scene or you're struggling withit.
It's more for you and how youfeel and how you're going to
process the day and how you'regoing to feel at the end of the
day, the way you're going tosleep at night, because if you
(45:53):
don't go back to that baseline,you're not going to sleep very
good because you're still high,you know, you're through the
roof with your adrenaline andyou're not going to sleep that
way.
So if you work on these things,it's not necessarily because
you're struggling with calls orwith scenes, or with the
department or with your personallife, but it's really just so
(46:13):
you can have a decent life, youcan sleep good, you can eat well
, you can communicate with yourfamily well, your friends,
whatever the case may be.
And I just thought it wasreally good to touch on that,
because you know, like you said,there's resources out there and
they're not being used becausethere's just this idea that it's
dumb, it's not going to work.
Vincente Scotto (46:35):
So, to add to that, one of the other examples
that I like to mentionjournaling.
Some people feel I don't need adiary and I got to be honest
with you.
I learned that skill and Ican't stress enough how good it
(46:58):
is, regardless of where you arein life are in life, things
could be going great, thingscould be really bad, somewhere
in the middle ups, you know,down sideways, it doesn't matter
(47:19):
.
There's something magical abouthaving a thought and you're on
that hamster wheel, even if it'snot even legible, and you just
take pen to paper old school andyou just get it from your brain
on paper.
There's this release, andthat's kind of what you were
referring to with either talkingabout a call, some of these
(47:39):
other things that we're learningnow in this new world yoga,
meditation, mindfulness, allthis stuff.
If it works for you, great.
There's no reason to just blowit off and say, oh, that's
ridiculous, give it a try.
Some people consider me an alphaguy.
(47:59):
I'm a sports guy.
I come from, like I said, thisItalian Catholic background,
insulated to a degree, thepolice department and you know
that culture.
I do these things.
These are things that Iimplement in my daily life.
I'm not saying that I do everysingle thing, but I have tried
(48:23):
the things that we're discussing, tried the things that we're
discussing and what works for meis getting it on the paper.
Things I'm thinking about and Italk to my people that I work
with and we have theseconversations.
(48:49):
I listen to them, I ask themquestions so they could find
their own answers, but focus ina way where we get to the
problem, whatever it is going on.
We talk about it, we process it, we offer some suggestions,
ideas to think about.
I have a friend that justshared this with me this past
week, because I've been talkingabout some of the things that
(49:10):
I'm looking to do with thisrealm.
We're in to really, really makean impact through it.
Meaning they go through stuff,whether it be personal or
professional.
They don't talk about it, theydon't process it.
(49:33):
So, therefore, where's thegrowth?
Where's the learning curve?
It's like, tyra, if you and Iare partners on patrol and we go
to a job, right, and we'redealing with an emotionally
disturbed person and, by theluck of God, just we are so
(49:55):
lucky that we get this close togetting slashed or whatever, and
we get cuffs on this person andwe're good, but we don't have
that conversation.
Hey, we could have maybe donethis, we could have handled this
a little better and learnedfrom maybe this.
The result was good, but how wegot there could have been maybe
(50:17):
handled a little bit better tohave that conversation.
Let's use an example in ourpersonal lives.
You and I are working togetherand I share with you.
Yeah, I got into a fight withmy wife and this is what I said
to her and you just like blow itoff and like, okay, you know
whatever, I don't want to hearabout your problems, whereas you
(50:42):
actually listened and, from awoman's perspective, gave me a
little insight that could helpme.
That's communication, right,both a professional example of
communication and a personalexample of communication, all in
the confines of a police carthis has to happen more.
Tyra Valeriano (51:04):
There's a lot of can of worms.
I guess you can it that I thinkpeople, I agree with you, I
100% agree.
However, there's a mindset thatI know a lot of officers have.
For example and this is kind ofwhere the statistic falls in
with divorce rates in lawenforcement is because you do
get close to the people that youwork with and these
(51:26):
conversations some people dohave them and if it is that way,
the spouse of that officer maynot take it in the way that it's
coming across.
So, like you said, for us it'sthat listening ear, that advice
that we're seeking, so that wecan work on our relationship,
whereas the wife or the husbandmight be upset that why are you
(51:50):
talking about our relationshipissues with your partner?
You know that that's crossing aboundary and you know that
might cause more issues in themarriage.
So I haven't gotten here yet inthe podcast.
But obviously the spouse aspectthere is.
There's a lot to discuss therebecause there is a lot that
(52:10):
spouses don't understand,especially if they have never
been a police officer.
And I've always heard don't datea cop, right, I'm sure you've
heard it.
Don't date a cop, cops, don'tdate cops.
I've heard it my whole career.
Even today I still see itcirculating.
But I mean I can't say that I'mtotally against that.
I know a lot of couples in lawenforcement that are both police
(52:31):
officers.
They are great, they have agreat relationship.
But I feel like it's becausethere's an understanding there.
They don't have that jealousyfactor.
They don't have that stressfactor of why are you talking to
your partner about ourrelationship?
That just adds stress to theofficer.
And this is where theconversation brings in the
spouse hey, what can you do tohelp your officer not be
(52:53):
stressed about what he's gotgoing on at home?
And then they just kind of leaninto their job, you know.
Vincente Scotto (52:59):
So if I can just give you my example,
personal example, with thataspect, it's not exact but it
just makes me think One of thepieces of my marriage that
(53:22):
caused it to fail and there's abunch of different things and I
own my part in this, but Ithought I was protecting my
spouse by not talking aboutthings that I experienced at
work and that was a big mistake.
(53:44):
I bring that up in the contextof I think if you have open
communication with an intimatepartner and they feel like
they're part of that policeworld, you might not necessarily
have that issue if they were tohear that you were confiding in
(54:08):
a colleague and just for therecord, I'm only using the
example of you and I, becauseyou're a female and I'm a guy
and we're having thisconversation, you know, if the
host was a guy, I would say themy particular case.
I did not share aspects of thepolice department with my spouse
(54:37):
and I regret that.
You know, when I just made thatcomment that my friend shared,
I didn't grow from that.
It took me a long time post thecareer to really have that
resonate with me and I can't goback.
I can only go forward.
(54:57):
But what I can do is I canshare this with the next
generation of officer, thecurrent generation, the next
generation of officer, thecurrent generation, and I think
that's powerful and I thinkthat's why we're here, and it's
not you and I criticizing what'shappening, because we're not in
(55:19):
it anymore.
We really care because we seewhat transpired in our own
personal experiences being lawenforcement, being on the other
side, communicating with otherpeople that are either still on,
people we coach andoccasionally we talk to people I
(55:53):
said earlier in ourconversation and my kids, if
they were here right now, theywould crack up because they've
been hearing this for years.
We'd have these conversations inthe car and I would always say
communication is the key.
These conversations in the car,and I would always say
communication is the key, we'reall right.
All of this ties back tocommunication.
If you can't have thatvulnerable, open conversation,
(56:24):
it doesn't have to start thatway.
But if we can get to that placewhere I can share with Tyra
some of the things I'mstruggling with, knowing she's
gonna listen, will be empathetic, not saying that she's going to
placate me, because maybe Ineed some tough love, but then
again, maybe I need somethingelse, but you're mindful enough
(56:47):
to know I can provide a placefor Vin to release some of this
frustration, this pain, thisuneasy feeling, this anxiety.
Perhaps.
Uneasy feeling this anxietyperhaps, and just by me feeling
(57:16):
comfortable, that I could talkto a colleague like that is
incredible.
Tyra Valeriano (57:21):
Yeah, I agree with everything you said.
We're running out of time, butI'm hoping that maybe we can
touch base again and jump onanother podcast in the near
future, because I feel likethere's a lot that even right
now I can just bounce off ofwhat you said, and we can
continue this conversationprobably for hours.
But before we end our podcastfor today, is there any contact
(57:43):
information that you want toshare with listeners so they can
reach out to you if they needto?
Vincente Scotto (57:49):
Sure, and thank you for offering that, because
it's very important to me.
If there's anyone that I couldhelp in any way, I really, I
really would like to do that.
The easiest way to connect withme is on LinkedIn.
Vincent Scotto, it'll come up.
(58:12):
You should be able to find meand I have an email address that
, if someone wants to check inthat way and it's Vincent
V-I-N-C-E-N-T at boys B-O-Y-Z,slash I-N-B-L-Ucom.
(58:35):
And actually sorry, after theI-N, there's another dash.
Tyra Valeriano (58:39):
Okay, I'll put that in the notes.
Vincente Scotto (58:47):
Yeah, vincent at boysinbluecom and girls in
blue are included too.
Tyra Valeriano (58:49):
Well, vincent, thank you so much for your time.
I think this was a greatconversation.
I have no doubts that thiscould continue on for several
hours more if we had the time todo so, but I hope to have you
on again in the future, becauseI think that there's still a lot
of topics that we can go intothat we've discussed in the past
off the record, that I feellike are important for others to
(59:11):
hear.
So thank you again for yourtime.
Vincente Scotto (59:19):
Is there anything you want to leave for
the, for the listeners, beforewe enter our podcast?
Sure, first of all, I wouldlove to come back.
I can't begin to tell you howgrateful I am.
I'm really glad that we madethis connection and I could be
an asset and a resource, so Iwould love that, I guess what I
would like to say for those outthere be part of the solution,
(59:40):
not part of the problem.
Don't make a situation worse bynot knowing the the full scope
of it and repeating somethingthat may or may not be true.
I only say that because, aspolice, we have a tendency to be
our own worst enemy andsomething that could be dealt
(01:00:00):
with in house or amongst ourcolleagues.
We make it bigger than itshould be and, like I said
earlier, words hurt.
There's no reason for that.
Tyra Valeriano (01:00:11):
Well, that's good.
I like that For the listeners.
Thank you guys for tuning intoday and stay safe.
We'll see you guys on the nextone.
Thank you, vincent.
Thank you for joining me onChapter Blue.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to follow and tag me on
social media and share withyour friends and fellow officers
.
If you're interested in joiningan episode, I'd love for you to
be a part of the conversation.
(01:00:32):
Until next time, stay safe,take care of yourself and
remember you're never alone inthis journey.
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