Chasing Thoughts | S02 E24: Change is on the Horizon

Chasing Thoughts | S02 E24: Change is on the Horizon

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to the Chasing Thoughts podcast.

(00:03):
Chasing Thoughts was founded by strangers, two life coaches who met on TikTok and shared
the desire to create a different kind of life coaching podcast.
Instead of talking about how to do it right, the Chasing Thoughts podcast explores embracing
our true essence to find a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.

(00:23):
Life coaches Keith and Mindy take a unique approach that transcends popular notions of
perpetual happiness in striving relentlessly to become one's ideal self.
Listen in as Mindy, Keith and their guests take a deep dive into their own minds and
souls to investigate the beauty of imperfection, challenge their beliefs, and embrace the richness

(00:44):
of living a truly authentic life.
Hi, my name is Keith and I'm a strategic interventionist and stoner-spirited life coach.
Hi, my name is Mindy and I am an authenticity empowerment coach.
Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
Hi everybody, welcome to Chasing Thoughts.

(01:12):
You got Keith and I today, just investigating, seeing where the conversation goes.
What's been going on for you, Keith?
I don't even know how to explain it.
I've been trying to when we talk and stuff, but I feel like I've found the path that I'm

(01:36):
supposed to be down.
There's a lot of trepidation, but it also feels like a hug from the universe.
You know what I mean?
It feels comfortable.
Yeah, I love that.
I haven't felt that in such a long time.

(01:56):
Yeah.
Yeah, I know that you and I are both going through a real energetic shift right now.
And I'm really just trying to remain in a place of surrender.
Yes.
Which is a case, it's work to do that, right?

(02:21):
Oh my God, yeah.
It takes more work, I think, to surrender into that because we have to overcome first
off all our belief systems around just that word, you know, the negative connotations with
that.
Where we associate with surrender with failure.

(02:42):
Yeah.
You know, but it's almost just like taking a trust fall into life and having faith that
life is going to work for you and not against you.
Yeah.
And I think that the mind, you know, the mind is there to protect us and keep us alive.

(03:08):
So it uses things like cynicism and doubt and fear to try to keep us on the right path.
But while that's valuable, it's not an effective leader.
And so, you know, what I'm realizing is the last couple of days as my brain says, oh,

(03:34):
it can never really be that easy or the rug's going to be pulled out from under you at some
point, you know, you have to stay alert, don't surrender.
I'm like, oh, okay, I like bow down to that thought.
I see you're protecting me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now you can just take a side seat.

(03:55):
I'm going to focus over here.
Yeah.
And that's a new relationship with my mind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've felt like my mind go more quiet.
Yeah.
And it's a calming feeling, you know, because I'm the type that lives mainly in my head,

(04:20):
I'm more in my head than I am in the exterior world, but my mind has just gone quiet, you
know, like I don't have this need to just like ramble.
I'm afraid like the true message won't come across.
So I have to make sure with as many words as possible and as many analogies and many

(04:46):
ways as I possibly can to get that message across, but it's not needed.
And I think one thing you and I have been talking about is that transfer of energy is
more important than whatever words I'm saying or you're saying.

(05:07):
And I always knew that that was true in person to person relationships, like when you're
both in the same room, but I've started to get so curious about what is the energy transfer
when we're on zoom?
What's the energy transfer when somebody has to comment on my thing, right?

(05:28):
And there you have an emotion there.
I have an emotion.
And so we have the internet, which is this new tool, but we don't understand how the
energetic reaction of humans is working on this new platform, right?
We know from, you know, all the new sort of science and quantum research, I can impact

(05:49):
you even though you're hundreds of miles away.
And so it's been really interesting to me as I have played more with that idea, like
when all these people comment on my post, there's an energetic transfer I'm having with
each of these humans in a way.
Yes.
Yeah.

(06:09):
I just saw a video and I want to read this article.
I think it was like in the Scientific American or something like that.
Some scientific, I don't know if it's a journal or just a regular magazine or something, but
in 2022, the people who won the Nobel Prize had found, you know, that whole old saying

(06:33):
like if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?
So basically what they found is like, might not.
So it's all about locality and I'm going to butcher this so bad.
And this is why I want to like get into it so I can try to understand this better.

(06:56):
So if you have two elements, like so you got like two elements that are born together.
They're called quantum entangled.
And if you change the spin on one, the spin on the other will change immediately at the
same time, even if they're on opposite ends of the universe.
And there should be a speed limit for the universe, which is the speed of light.

(07:20):
But there's something that can break that and they don't know what that is.
You know, to me, it's consciousness, it's energy and it's cool not being a scientist
like where I can make that leap, you know, into like sort of that, like, oh, that's what
I think it is, you know, and kind of believe in that.
And I think that's the thing, like even with this, even though we are on opposite sides

(07:41):
of the country, whenever we get off a call, I always feel energized.
You know, so it's almost like we have part of that entanglement in some way going on
that even though we're so far away, we're still in real time, like receiving and giving
energy to each other.

(08:03):
Yeah, which makes the internet and social media such a powerful tool.
And there are a lot of people who are vibrating in a way that is changing lives on YouTube,
on TikTok.
And I know a lot of people think that's a funny thing to say or, you know, have some

(08:26):
kind of like aversion to that being true, but it's true.
Very true.
And I think of some of the people that we've talked about looking at their stuff and emulating
in a way or seeing the way that they talk or make their whatever that we like.

(08:49):
And I think of Jason Silva, you know, and Soul of Jared.
And I'm going to forget his last name, but Abin, I love their videos.
I mean, Jason Silva, I need a dictionary when he talks, you know what I mean?
Because I'm like, what are half of these words?
But he's almost like this, like a poet, you know, like how this just comes off his head.

(09:13):
I don't know.
But the way he speaks is just so amazing.
And opposite of that, too, is that when we are giving our energy out like that, we're
also showing the world who we are inside.
So when we're nasty, we're just we're basically we're trying to look tougher or whatever, whatever,

(09:38):
whatever we're trying to achieve, putting somebody else down so I can lift myself up,
you know, but really what we're doing is just showing the world that inside we're hurt,
bad.
Yeah.
I think it's so true that anytime somebody says something, they're revealing themselves.

(10:00):
And we're not trained to see it that way, right?
So if someone says, I'm fat, I think, oh, no, I'm fat boohoo.
But what's really happening is, huh, I now know what your definition of fat is.
I know something about you.
And that's just like a silly example, but you can use a thousand different things.

(10:22):
When another person says something, we have this like erroneous way of perceiving that
it's true about us.
But when really, it's all about them.
And that is a good thing when you realize it because you can take things less personally.
Yes.
But it's also like you're saying on the other side, risky, because it means every time I

(10:44):
say something, I'm letting people know what's going on in here, what's going on in here.
Yup.
Yup.
And all of that is our clues to the inner world that we all have.
So when somebody says something, makes a comment, and if I put out a video, and I've

(11:05):
had a couple of people just kind of like, nope, you're wrong.
Just outright, you're wrong.
And I'm like, oh, that pisses me off.
You know, like who are you to tell me, you know, and so that that's a clue to something
inside that I need to look at because I don't want my emotions.
I've come to learn.

(11:27):
I've come to fall in love with my emotions.
And one of the things like, you know, if you look at the light spectrum, you know, we see
what's that like Rory G. Biv, like red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo violet, like we
see the visible light spectrum, but we never think about the entire spectrum.

(11:49):
And it's the same way emotionally, I think, at least in our society, you know, we have
love, joy, sadness, anger, we just very basic.
What are they like, six or seven emotions?
But there's a spectrum of those, you know, and especially what guys talking about emotions,

(12:11):
like it doesn't mean that we walk around like we're crying all the time about like, oh,
I feel this, but you know, but I can be upset.
But in fact, the art yesterday, we're having some we're having solar panels put on.
And so one of the things that the company does, they do like an energy efficiency check

(12:32):
and, you know, like for free, they're changing light bulbs and they change weather stripping
around the door.
And so it moved like they had to move the deadbolt a little bit with the new weather
stripping.
And I could not, I could not get it to catch.
And I started getting pissed.

(12:53):
And I was like, wow, this is the first time in a long time something so small and insignificant
has made me pissed.
And Sandy's like, all right, relax, she comes over and she just turns it and it catches.
And I'm like, fuck you, man.
She's like, whoa, and I did it as like a joke, but I was like, yeah, I was getting pissed.
And then, you know, we talked about it.

(13:14):
So like, so I, I'm angry, but I'm not in a rage, you know, so anger has spectrum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, all of our emotions do love has a spectrum.
I could say, you know, the way I say I love you to my wife and, and dude, I've, I've, I
love you.

(13:35):
And we've gotten so close, like it's a different, you know, so it's not just one and done.
Yeah.
And I think the more that we lean into that, the more we can have really deep relationships
because we're not trying to just, you know, hold it in or compartmentalize who we are

(13:58):
and how we feel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's no reason to do that.
There's a freedom in that surrender, in that vulnerability.
I mean, just like Brené Brown said, like vulnerability will either be the seat of shame.
I'm going to forget all of them, but like, you know, shame, doubt, guilt, you know, depression

(14:21):
in your life, our lives, or it can be the birthplace of creativity, of joy, of love,
you know, and, and that's the side I want to live on.
But, and Brené Brown talks about this a lot too, you have to be willing to not tap out
when it gets uncomfortable.
Yes.
You've got to stay in whatever you're feeling because most of us have limits on our feelings,

(14:48):
right?
We get scared if we're too angry, too happy, too this, too that we want to stay on this
middle line.
And so we have a tendency, if this conversation gets too uncomfortable to back up, if, if
you know, whatever it is, and it's like, no, you got to stay in it.
You got to be uncomfortable.
Yeah.
And it's okay.
Okay.
Okay.

(15:09):
To be uncomfortable.
And that's how you get out on the other side.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I know like for the longest time, I mean, 20 years, I, I, the, the fight that I had was
I don't want to feel this way.
You know, so the only thing going through my head is why do I feel this way?
I shouldn't feel this way.
There's no reason for why.
Like I don't want to, and then it's looking for ways to get myself to feel different.

(15:35):
And it's so easy to find those ways.
You know, and, and that's like one of the things like when in, in the coaching that
I, I, I took, um, one of the things that they talked about was there's no such thing as
good or bad.
And I started to see, I mean, the entire universe is like just paradox, you know, like all these

(15:59):
I don't know what's the plural of paradise, paradise, paradise.
I don't know.
Paradoxes.
Um, but the, and this is one of them.
So yeah, there are things that are bad, you know, like if somebody comes and punches me
in the face, I'm not going to be like, Oh, that's a good thing.
You know, but it's the, it's the choices and the meanings that we give to things that will

(16:24):
determine the way that we react to and see them.
And this entire energy shift that, that's kind of going on for both of us.
It's almost like that.
Like where for me, like I started to look at things, even though I'm doing what I want
to do through a lens of negativity.
And now I'm looking at them through a lens of passion just by shifting some of the energy

(16:52):
and some of the meanings that I give to things.
Yeah.
I think that lens or filter or whatever your word is for mindset, I guess, like that's
where all your power is.
That's where you can change things is up there in the place where you create your inner narrative

(17:17):
about what's happening in your life.
And it's not necessarily easy to do, but it's possible.
And it's once you change it, it's like clicks in and you can see things differently.
And if, and if we're, if we're kind of addicted to comfort, that's not a place that will ever

(17:38):
go.
Yeah.
And that's because it is a very uncomfortable thing.
Yeah.
You know, I remember reading from side gurus talking about the garden of Eden, you know,
and then he said, so Adam and Eve, they're walking around and then they, you know, they
fall into sin and all that.
And he said, but they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

(17:59):
And so for the first time, so before that, everything was good.
You know, I mean, in, in, in Genesis one, when God created everything, like he finishes
like all these verses with, and God saw that it was good.
So there was one meaning for everything good.
Yeah.
When they eat of this fruit, which gives them the ability to put another meaning on there

(18:21):
are bad, good and evil.
You know, so now when somebody in my comments says, no, you're wrong or you're fat or whatever
it is, I give a meaning to that, you know, oh, that's bad.
And that's, he said, that's where suffering comes in to the, to the human equation, being
able to give a meaning of bad to things.

(18:45):
You know, like I said, I try to be careful because I mean, how many times you see like
videos of like people in court, they're, they're, I just like started to see this one.
I try not to watch these and stuff, but it was a father talking to the person that murdered
his daughter.

(19:05):
You can't put a good spin on that, you know, but at the same time, like, I don't know.
I think that what it is, is that if you say, you know, if it's not bad, that doesn't mean
it's good.

(19:26):
It's not one or the other, right?
So like a conversation that a dad's having with the murder of his daughter.
If you take away the judgment of bad, it doesn't mean like, Oh, that means it must be good.
It just is.
Right.
Releasing yourself from the judgment of good or bad at all and saying like, this is happening.

(19:49):
How's it moving through me?
Where is it carving me out?
How did this, and getting curious about other things.
I think that's what's important, but it's hard because our brains are so trained to think
good or bad that we don't even realize that we can not think either one.
It doesn't have to be judged at all.

(20:13):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Almost sort of like, you know, when I talk about when it comes down to like the decisions
we make end up being binary, yes or no.
But there are at the same time, this massive spectrum in between.
You know, one of the things that I love about math is that there is an infinite number of

(20:37):
numbers.
Right.
But then if you just take two, let's just take one and two in between one and two, there
is an infinite number of numbers, you know, and then if you take like one and one and
a half in between those two, there is an infinite number of numbers.
And one of the things that I thought was so cool, and this was when I started having trouble

(21:01):
with math.
So it was like advanced algebra.
So like right before like calculus and I tried pre-calculus and big old freaking F on that
class dude.
It was so, it was so hard, but I want to learn that stuff so bad, but they use this number
to letter E that symbolizes this number, sort of like pi.
It's one of those never ending numbers.
It's like 1.4, blah, blah, blah.

(21:24):
And the professor said we use E when we're approaching infinity.
So like on a graph, if we had a graph and like the curve came down and it kept approaching
that X line on the graph and it gets closer and closer and closer.
Depending on where we are in our observation of it, it can look like it's touching, but

(21:46):
the closer we get to it, there's still a gap.
And in one way, like we can never, we have to use that letter E because we can never
reach the infinite.
And then at the same time, we are infinite.
So we're a part of infinity, but yet we're separated from infinity.

(22:08):
And it's like, it's that thing, you know, that ability.
Dude, I don't even know how to like describe what I'm trying to get across, but that's
the ability like to me in those, in that dichotomy of truth, of reality, that's where the magic

(22:32):
lies.
Yes, I would agree.
Yeah, when you were talking, I was thinking that it's not that different with the good
bad judgment.
We have the judgment, but as we approach it, we realize, oh, it's actually not touching.
It's not all good.
It's not all bad.
Yeah.

(22:53):
That's that space that we're talking about, like where the judgment ceases to exist.
And it's just what's happening.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like at the beginning of COVID, back when like they first put in the lockdowns and stuff,
Andy was driving on from work and somebody came up from driving the wrong way down a

(23:14):
one-way road, blew through a stop sign and T boner.
And so, and then took off.
So she called the cops and the cops were like, we're not coming out.
Everybody's okay.
So because she was like, yeah, I'm okay.
She's like, they're like, everybody's okay.
So we're not coming out.
While she was on the phone with the cops, you heard the radios going off that there was

(23:36):
another hit and run and it was the same car.
So this lady running from Sandy ended up hitting somebody else and then ran from that.
And so I like went right into old patterns.
I fled.
You know, I called the police department up.
I'm like, how can you not be going after this, you know, this person and all this like, what

(23:59):
do you do, you know, stuff like that.
And to me, this was a bad thing.
You know, because now we're down to one car, you know, she needs it for work.
I'm going to be stuck in the house, which, you know, I mean, that's, that's like my,
my, my place anyways, you know, all this stuff.
But it ended up, we ended up like making a hundred bucks off that whole deal because

(24:21):
the car was totaled and then we ended up getting like this refund back and insurance and stuff.
And, and we've never bought another car.
You know, so the money that's been saved, because we realized we didn't, we like the
way that our, where we are in our lives right now, we don't need that.
You know, so it turned out to be a good thing.

(24:44):
So yeah, it was bad in the moment, but it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.
And then from this point, from this place of my observation, and that's the cool thing
about that study, the Nobel Prize, like it's all about the observer effect.
You know, so what, what they found was if we're not observing something or something
that doesn't mean that that thing actually exists anymore, you know, it could be because

(25:07):
it can exist in, in, in two, in not two places, but it can exist in like two ways at the same
time, like as a particle and as a wave, you know, and, and I wish I could explain it more,
but I'm going to learn.
And that's the thing.
There's, there's a, there's a spectrum to good.

(25:28):
There's a spectrum to bad.
Yeah.
You know what I was thinking about when you were talking is I've always loved the idea
that all time is happening at the same time, that it's not as linear as we think it is.
And that's kind of the truth in this too, right?

(25:48):
If you choose a moment that's good or bad, this person is this way.
But if you look at the whole of something, then it's not good or bad.
And I was thinking about that not only with your reaction to the car, but when you called
the police and you were yelling out of like, get down here, blah, blah, they might have

(26:10):
thought this man is ex angry on hand, but they're only capturing you for a moment.
Yes.
And so I think it's so important with ourselves and others to realize judgment is happening
in a specific moment that we see something and we're not seeing the whole of it in that

(26:33):
way.
Dude, that, that blows my mind a little bit.
Imagine if more people began to incorporate that thinking, you know, so when I see a video
of somebody and I'm like, this person is a freaking idiot.

(26:53):
What they're saying is stupid.
It's so wrong.
But understanding that that is a 30 second to three minute moment of their life.
And I'm judging the entirety of their life off of a 30 second moment.
Yes.
Yes.
That's what you made me think when you were talking about that is like, Oh, I get it.

(27:19):
That's why it doesn't work.
It's not whole.
It's not complete to make a moment judgment like that.
It just brings me back to like my roots and in Christianity and stuff like where I wonder
if that's where, where when Jesus was telling like, judge not let's be judged, you know,

(27:43):
like that's the reason.
Yeah, I saw a post the other day that you just reminded me of that I wanted to ask your
thoughts about it said something like when Jesus said that he was going to return or
this concept of Christ consciousness, that it didn't mean that it was going to be in

(28:03):
one person that it meant that Christ consciousness would be in all people or many people.
Like the idea of the return of Christ, this person was thinking was like just everybody
evolving to being enlightened, I guess, for lack of a better word.

(28:25):
And I'd never heard that sort of interpretation of the return of Christ.
And I was like, huh, that's interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've started seeing a little bit about that.
I saw a really cool video on anti Christ and with that Christ consciousness people that

(28:48):
act in ways that are contradictory to Jesus to the Christ are anti Christ, you know, in
the same way, you know, so I grew up in they were like literalists, you know, so you're
at the 6000 years old, Jesus spoke everything to or God spoke everything to existence on

(29:09):
the, you know, in the six days rested on the seven.
So everything in the Bible is absolutely literal.
The funny thing is though, is like there are some verses that they take more as metaphorical,
even though they're literalists, you know, like the verse that says like, if you have
the faith of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, get up and remove yourself

(29:31):
into the sea and they're like, well, of course, you know, you're not going to do, but why?
Right.
Why can't we do that?
If the Bible says that we can do that, if we have that faith, then why can't we do that?
You know, or is our faith lacking even the greatest of our faith, you know, those that
we like, oh, they're great in the faith are so close to God.

(29:52):
Is their faith lacking so much that it's less than a mustard seed, which I was always taught
as like the smallest seed that is out there.
So I always took, always learned the return of Jesus was quite literal.
At some point, and I remember too, like as a kid, looking up, being like, oh, it's cloudy,

(30:14):
because, because the Biosyn were going to be caught up into the clouds.
And I'm like, am I going to, am I about to hear a trumpet?
You know, and then we're going to be caught up.
And that's, and that's going to be the second coming in Jesus, you know.
And then the tribulation is going to go on earth.
We're going to be judged as Christians, which seemed to be like we're, God's going to shame

(30:39):
us for all the sin that we did, but then still let us in, you know, like you're still, you're
still good.
And then he's going to come back and, and with the battle of Armageddon and destroy like
all the armies of the earth and lock up the devil and the, and the bottomless pit for
a thousand years, all that stuff.
But learning more about that Christ consciousness, there's always a verse that confused me, you

(31:01):
know, because one of the things you always heard is like, I always heard is, I remember
this one preacher, he was talking, he was like, somebody said to me, church is full
of hypocrites.
And I said to him, yes, it is.
And there's always room for one more.
And he was like, like, oh, yeah, that's true, you know, but there's this verse again that
doesn't get talked about a lot.

(31:23):
It says, let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.
Yeah.
And we're talking about the mind, not, not the brain, but the mind.
Right.
Consciousness.
So is that, is that saying we should have that Christ consciousness instead of saying

(31:46):
like Christians aren't perfect.
They're just forgiven.
Okay.
Great.
But try better.
Yeah.
And don't go, don't go contradictory to your God.
Yeah.
You know, all right, a little rambling thought, like just another.
So and I've talked about this a lot, but you know, when Jesus said, the greatest commandment

(32:08):
is to love the Lord, thy God with all that heart, all that mind, all that soul.
And so the second is as into the first love that neighbor as I self in another gospel,
it just says the greatest commandment is to love that neighbor as myself.
And then I believe in one of the letters from Paul, he said, all of the commandments are
summed up in this one thing.
Love thy neighbor as I saw.

(32:29):
So when people go back to the biblical law and, and, and the Old Testament commandments
and stuff, it's all summed up for us in one thing.
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have to say that as I have spent more time on social media and put more things out there,

(32:58):
this is my experience that people who identify as sort of right religious Republican and
those are all just labels.
I get it.
There's so much name calling and disparaging and meanness and boldness.

(33:21):
And it's really broken my heart, you know, as I've interacted with social media, because
again, this is a sweeping generalization.
It's just my experience.
I don't see that from people who are more non religious, left leaning liberal.
And as I see things play out on my page, it makes me really sad that the group that you

(33:43):
would expect to be living from love isn't, they're not showing that as a whole, I think.
Yeah.
I've seen some videos of more liberal leaning.

(34:05):
I mean, not even more.
I mean, very far left liberal leaning people.
There was a class that was being filmed where it was like a college course where they were
learning how to protest.
It was like a political science thing.
And so the professor was giving right wing talking points.

(34:26):
And what he was teaching the students was how to out screen what he was saying.
And it was all hatred.
And so I think when we, when we identify with those labels to the point of this is, this

(34:47):
is right, you know, back to that dichotomy, this is right and this is wrong.
You take all that on and then anything that is outside of your box is a threat.
You know, the one thing I do know about at least the people that are on either side,
they want a good country.

(35:09):
They want a safe country.
They want a country that's flourishing, you know.
So if we could drop these dumb ass labels that I truly believe like people are using
to keep us divided, you know, because there's no reason why we should be.
We're not going to be a servient to a very small group, the 1%, you know, because I

(35:34):
mean, we just, we have the numbers.
We are the people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they use that division to keep us fighting each other instead of, instead of the real
fight, you know, the real wrong that's going on.
So but when it comes to Christians and I've known, I've known a few, there's this one

(35:57):
guy, he's, he's Africa, he's from Africa.
His name is Johannes.
He is probably the best human being I've ever met on this earth.
And he's a missionary.
He runs a school for deaf kids in Africa with his wife.
And that came from him.
So that I guess where he is, the, if you're deaf, you're basically just considered like

(36:20):
a non-human.
They won't even give you a name because you can't hear it.
So why, why give you a name?
And he had like five kids that were deaf outside of his house that were eating grass because
their families wouldn't feed them and just basically got rid of them like, like, like
a stray animal.
And so he, him and his wife began to feed them.
And then that grew into this school for the deaf that now has like 500 students and they,

(36:45):
you know, they, they feed them, they, they clothe them like everything.
And this guy is the kindest, happiest, most joy filled man I've ever met in my life.
I've never heard him once utter like a single negative word to anyone.
I'm sure he has, but for the most part, I don't, I don't get the idea of Christianity

(37:12):
becoming like the world police of what's right and what's wrong.
You know, cause cause what, what I remember, we were give Jesus after he died and stuff
gave us the great commission, which is go out into the world preaching the gospel.
And I was always taught the gospel means the good news.

(37:33):
So then I'm turning around and which is the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, which
he did for us for, because of his mercy so that we can be saved because there's nothing
that we can do to get to heaven.
But we've turned that into let me attack the sin.
And then with these little cliches of hate the sin, love the center, but why do you always

(37:56):
attack the sin?
Yeah.
Why can't you love the center and let God take care of that?
Yeah.
Just do what he said to do.
And then when I saw that video, I'm like, wow, there is a lot of anti Christ consciousness
within Christianity because it's been twisted and perverted to be a tool for control instead

(38:16):
of the tool for freedom that God intended it to be in my opinion.
Yeah.
That's funny because it's really just going back to the vibration conversation that we
started with where it's like the vibration that you're in is everything.
Like it doesn't matter what your words are saying.
If you're in judgment, if you're in hatred, whatever it is, that's what's present in the

(38:41):
moment and that's what's communicating the most.
Yes.
I'm going to quote, I really love and it says something like preach everywhere you go.
And when you have to use your words or something like that, right?
Like saying like your energy and your life, who you are is how you preach to people.

(39:07):
You are loving, you are compassionate, right?
I love that.
Those words just aren't that effective, right? We rely on them as if they're everything
and they're the only way we can communicate with each other.
Energetic communication is really powerful, but we don't spend time being intentional

(39:30):
about that, I think.
Yeah.
I mean, because the energy does not come from our actions.
The actions are a result of the energy.
The energy comes from our intentions.
Yes.
Yes.
And the one thing that I learned as a kid growing up from like my earliest memory being
in Sunday school and then go into a Christian school, church Sunday morning, Sunday night,

(39:55):
Wednesday night, Friday, Friday or Saturday youth group meetings, not being able to have
girlfriends or close friends outside of the church, you know, stuff like that is that
I learned very early on how to play a game, how to put on an act, how to put on a presentation
of what I should look like, where inside my intentions were the exact opposite of the character

(40:20):
I was playing.
Yes.
And I remember one time, my brother, he would never let me go out with him, you know, and
then one day he was like, hey, you want to go to the mall with me?
And I was like, oh my, wow.
Yeah, because he could drive.
I was like, he's the coolest dude.
I'm like, all right, cool.

(40:40):
So we went to the mall and it turned out like he had this plane is going to do some shop
lift and I was going to be his lookout.
So the only reason why he wanted me to come was to be his lookout.
And I was a horrible lookout because looking back, I saw the undercover dude watching me.
Like, I mean, this dude was like, like just giving me the eye.
Like, I was like, why does this guy hate me?

(41:02):
You know, because like I just saw him, he was at a rock and he was just looking at me
like I'm going to kill you, you know, and I'm like, what is wrong with this dude?
Like, I should have known like, all right, he's onto us, you know.
But so as we're walking out of the store, the same guy comes running up, grabs my brother,
grabs me and my brother's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
And then he goes, oh, wait, I don't know him.
He's not.

(41:23):
I'm like, you moron.
Like you just said, I'm sorry to me.
Now you're telling these dude that he's that I'm not with them, right?
So we had to go.
So the deacons of our church made us cut off all communication with any of our friends.
We weren't allowed to talk to any of our friends because we were very dangerous, sinful, demonic

(41:47):
kids.
And we had to go in and there was 12 deacons and I guess they were supposed to represent
the 12 apostles or something and the pastor who was, you know, I guess Jesus.
And we had to convince them that we were pented.
And my brother came out of his meeting and he was like, I just told him, I'm sorry.

(42:10):
I know what I did was wrong.
And this list of things.
And I'm like, oh, okay, cool.
So I went in and said literally the same exact thing.
I'm sorry.
I know I was wrong.
I've the worst part is I made God mad or I disappointed God.
I disappointed my church.
I disappointed my parents.
And I'm very repentive of that.
And they were like, okay, okay, we're going to watch you, but we believe you.

(42:34):
And inside I'm like, you guys are fucking idiots.
You know, I looking back, I had a strong dislike for every single one of those people.
I didn't want anything to do with them.
I didn't want to be like them.
I didn't think they were role models for how I should be.
Like they just disgust at me, but so my intention was not what it was, but they accepted the

(43:00):
fakeness.
Yeah.
And there's so much of that, just the open acceptance of outright fakeness in religion.
And politics and everything.
Yes.
Yes.
And I don't know how to be fake or mask, you cannot be successful in a lot of areas of

(43:26):
our culture because it's required to do that.
Yeah.
And that's really sad.
Yeah, I remember I had a boss once and she was, she was cool.
Me and her started off good.
And then the way we ended wasn't so good.

(43:46):
But she was big into the fake it to you make it mentality.
And one of the things that I saw was that the way that she talked was always very negative.
But when other people came around, boom, she's like bubbly.

(44:08):
She's like, life is amazing.
I love every, you know, and I'm like, dude, you were just bitching about all of this stuff.
And now someone came in and you're completely different.
And that really reminded me of growing up in that Christian bubble.
You know, and I think that's the danger of the fake it to you make it.
I mean, one of the things to learn in the military is you train or you fight how you

(44:29):
train.
So if you, if you keep, all you're going to do is train yourself to be fake.
And again, it's one of those paradoxes because it's stepping into the reality of who that
person is.
And then my mind is like, well, isn't that faking?
Like, no, it's being.
Yes.
And it's such a small distinction, but the past they bring you on are massive.

(44:54):
They're so massively different.
Yes.
Yeah.
And there's not, I guess I have not found language yet to describe that difference to
someone who doesn't know it.
Yeah.
You know, because you're right, you do have to step into being a different version of

(45:14):
yourself and that takes effort and some sort of force or impetus, but it's not faking.
Faking is something different than that.
And how to describe those two to someone I don't know.
Yeah.
So like, like for me, like the faking is, is again, internally, intentionally, I know

(45:38):
I'm this way, but I'm going to pretend for you, for somebody else to be this way.
So I don't know, maybe that's what it is.
Maybe like the faking to you make it is all about living for other people's perceptions
of how you are, which is contradictory to how you actually are.
And then being is for you, for the person, I'm going to be this way.

(46:01):
My intention is to be this way.
Yes.
Regardless of what, who sees or what other people think.
Yeah.
Yes.
That is beautifully said.
I think that's so good.
I also want to say that I think sometimes when somebody has a really big unhealed wound

(46:22):
or childhood or something that they can be faking it without even really being aware
that they're doing it.
Yes.
Yes.
Just, just playing out what's been programmed into them thoughts, feelings, thoughts, feelings.
And that's why it's so hard to awaken because you, there's a point at which you don't even

(46:48):
know that you're doing that to yourself, that you're faking it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's, that's why I was stuck for 20 years.
Yes.
Because that was my reality.
I, I, I didn't know any of this stuff.
I didn't know it's possible to be a different way, but this is just who I am.

(47:15):
You know, and so it kept me stuck for the longest time.
And then even when I began to realize, and I started, when I remember when I started
this coaching business, because I had COVID like right after I launched and it kind of
coincided with a three year panic attack where I was having heart palpitations.

(47:40):
And then with all the, some of the side effects of COVID up in the large heart and then, you
know, some of the evidence of the vaccines, you know, stuff like that, you know, and then
of course people, when I'm talking about this, people are telling me, oh, it's because of
what, in fact, my doctor at the VA, my, my shrink at the VA told me it's, it's that,
that is a side effect of COVID is heart palpitations.
And from my guess, some studies it is.

(48:00):
And then other, you know, people on social media like, oh, it's because of the vaccine,
you know, or whatever, you know, so what he has there, there, there are reasons why, but
I think it really came down to, because I was, I was recognizing that I can be a different
way.
My intention was to be that way, but I wasn't practiced.
I wasn't fluent in this new language that I was trying to live.

(48:22):
Yeah.
The energetic language.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
So I was still.
I felt that I was faking it.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know for me, when I look back at, when I was in that, it's also when I thought everything

(48:44):
I thought was true, like 100% true.
I know the truth.
What my thoughts tell me is true.
So if my thought tells me that you really don't like me and you're just pretending, I'm just
going to believe that I'm not going to investigate it with you.
I'm not going to write because I have an arrogance about how true my thoughts are.

(49:07):
And for me, letting go of that was the key to like the beginning of my personal growth,
like intentional personal growth and development.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's that.
Yeah.
That's the dude.
That hits the nail on the head, man, because I just thinking about it, that was the beginning

(49:31):
of that change for me when I began to realize that I have consciousness and that my thoughts
are not my consciousness.
Yes.
Like consciousness is the observer of my thoughts, like Eckhart Tolle talks about.
And if we are the observer of something, that means that we are not that thing.

(49:51):
So I am not my thoughts.
And then all of a sudden I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
You know what I mean?
Like heart palpitations, anxiety attacks all day long.
You know, and then of course I'm trying to change how I'm feeling because I'm still in
that old programming of I don't like how I'm feeling.
This is uncomfortable.
I want to feel comfortable.
So I'm going knee deep in a bag of Doritos.

(50:11):
You know what I mean?
I'm doing like all these things, even using cannabis and stuff to change how I feel in
the moment.
You know, but that was one of the things that kind of helped me too is using cannabis in
those moments because it let me, one of the things cannabis does, and this is from Phil
Lombardo, the psychologist in the Stanford prison experiment.

(50:35):
He did another 20 year like study on time and he wrote this book called The Time Paradox.
And this is a little blurb in there about how cannabis makes us introspective.
And so I started using that and I'm going in on myself and not, I didn't know what I
had to deal with.

(50:55):
So instead of keeping my focus on all those questions of what is wrong with me, I started
focusing on gratitude and love and joy and the beauty and the wonder of everything around
me, of life itself.
You know, and I've gotten into the stink like Sandy makes fun of me because you know, I

(51:16):
don't know, do you guys have stink bugs out West?
I don't know what they're actually called.
We call them stink bugs.
They're like these little weird looking things.
It's almost like geometric.
It's all these sharp lines and stuff.
They don't sting you or anything.
I don't even know why they call them stink bugs, but because I've never, they don't
stink, but we get them like they come in our house sometime, you know, we get them in and

(51:37):
before I'd always just grab a tissue or something or a paper towel, grab it, crush it, flush
it, right?
Even with spiders, because spiders scare the shit out of me.
Oh my God.
But what I've been doing lately is, is gently like letting them crawl on my finger and bringing
them outside.

(51:57):
And I'm like, I don't know why that I'm like, I'm making fun of like this is so stupid.
It's a bug, you know, but then there's another part of my brain.
It's like, yes, but it's alive.
You know, so just my, my respect for life, you know, and I'm not saying somebody that
steps on a spider that's in their house is a bad person, but I'm just saying like my

(52:18):
respect for life has grown where I don't want to do that anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's so beautiful.
You know what's interesting when you were talking and you said cannabis helped you become
introspective so that you could start to unwind your own puzzle.
You know what I think I used is suffering.

(52:39):
I think suffering causes you to be introspective.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I agree with that.
I know that like, you know, when I was maybe like 15 to 25, I purposely, I used to call
it spraying my dirt into mud.

(53:00):
I'd purposely make things difficult, more heavy because the suffering made me feel deep
and introspective.
And then there was a process for me where I had to give that up as the tool I was using.
But from, I think that actually in a way helped me get there, right?

(53:25):
It helped.
I think I was able to get to who I wanted to become because there's a point at which
suffering is just fed up, right?
And it goes, I'll just, right.
Yeah.
And it starts to look for something outside the box.
How did you not become identified with your suffering where like, that's just who I am.

(53:49):
That's me.
Like I'm like almost like that victim mentality.
Oh, I was.
I was.
And I started doing a lot of therapy and personal development work and life coaching.
And I went to this week long intensive, like personal development, you know, you're going
to shed stuff, find your stuff.

(54:11):
And the very first meeting we got there and the instructor, the leader said, okay, I want
you all to know, we're not going to tell our sad stories this week.
And I was so disappointed because my story was everything like deep about me and the
reason why people would like me and they'd see how wise I was when I shared my victim

(54:37):
story.
And like, I think it almost, it's kind of like a, you know, the Christianity is like
the martyrdom of like turn the other cheek.
Yeah.
And when I was married to my drug addict husband, I was like, oh, I always can turn
the other cheek.
I can be so kind.
Look at me.
Right.

(54:57):
Like there was something about this suffering that made me feel holy and better than people
and introspective.
Like it was just a tool that I used for so long.
And I think finally, like after this course, when I started doing deeper work that didn't
involve my sad story.
I was able to release it.

(55:20):
But I think there's a lot of people that are sort of addicted to their own suffering.
Yes.
Yeah.
And, and it gets into like, you know, tricky waters because, you know, people are like,
oh, like if you, if you, if you say that, you know, like the, the, they can come back
with, you know, you're minimizing what I've been through.

(55:43):
No.
But that identifying with just our suffering is minimized.
It's ourselves minimizing our own lives because, you know, for me, like the four years in the
military identify, I mean that, that control 20 years of my life.
You know, so I paid a higher price than I should have because I began to identify with

(56:06):
my suffering, especially when you're getting like, when I started going to school and I
was in my, my writing classes and I was writing about the military.
Cause this is when I was trying, it was beginning to unwind myself.
The feedback I got, I was like, dude, everybody loves me because they think I'm, I've been
through so much.
This is awesome.

(56:27):
You know, so I'm getting all this positive feedback from my negative experience, you
know, it helps me keep connected to that.
You know, but like you would put a post up and, and somebody said like, nobody wants
a guy that's just crying all the time.
It's like, no shit.
Right.
Like no one wants a partner that's crying all the time.

(56:48):
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, dude, we flew, we flew to Italy man, you know, and, and I was just thinking like,
if there was a baby on that plane, I would be praying, please let us be on a Boeing,
you know, cause I just want that door to come flying off, you know, and the crying is gone.
You know what I mean?
Like, like nobody wants to listen to that negativity, all that, that, that long it gets

(57:10):
old, it gets tiring because it saps me of my energy.
Yes.
Yes.
You know, but, but it is addictive.
Yeah.
Hold on, cause you made me think of something.
So, you know, I posted that video on Tik Tok, which brought a lot of men to the surface

(57:33):
of my awareness saying that they cannot be vulnerable with women.
And I didn't think about this until just now.
They might have a different definition of vulnerability than I do.
Because you're right.
If what they're labeling vulnerability is what I would label complaining or dwelling, that,

(57:59):
that, that's true.
That will not bring a relationship stronger and it probably will make it worse.
And if you're talking about the, the vulnerability I'm talking about where a person's accountable
for their feelings that will deepen the relationship.
But I didn't realize until this moment that there could be a miscommunication about how

(58:23):
we're defining vulnerability.
That's a really good point.
Yeah.
So if that comes up again on my social, that's going to be my ask is like, okay, before we're
going any further, tell me what vulnerability looks like to you.
Yeah, cause I think, I think especially for guys, a lot of times like vulnerability is

(58:44):
equated with, with very negative, soft, weak, you know, pathetic being walked all over,
you know, a step, you know, just being like, what do you call it?
Like a, a map for other people just to step on.
But it's not.
No, not at all.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(59:04):
No, that's, that's something else completely.
Yeah.
You know, and that's the thing with vulnerability is, was we're always going to choose, you
know, we're, it's not like we're not going to have it.
We are going to choose to walk away from it.
So our relationship with vulnerability is going to be one of hardness and a prison that

(59:27):
keeps us away from it, or we're going to have a relationship where we accept it and we surrender
to it.
That's a beautiful point.
Like you're not choosing whether or not to be in a relationship with vulnerability.
You're in the relationship.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Right.
It's impacting you if you deny it or if you accept it.

(59:48):
Dude, what, when I started my, my whole path coming out of the, the control PTSD had on
me.
I began, in fact, I was in school doing research on veteran reintegration and, and I read an
article by a couple of neurosciences scientists in, um, from Florida who said that soldiers

(01:00:13):
learn to sh out of shut off their emotions.
And I got so angry.
I'm like, that is the biggest pile of horseshit I have ever heard in my life.
Now I, what I, what I believe happens is we learn they train, they train our, our reptilian
brain.

(01:00:33):
So that's why like, you know, you hear a loud bang, even somebody's not in combat.
You hear a loud bang, you jump, you know, because that becomes the reaction.
Like I can walk you through like if we, if we're, if we're going and there's contact,
you know, everybody drops to the ground, returns fire, then we all get up online.
Then you start bounding.

(01:00:54):
When you bound you, you, you see in your head, you say, I'm up, they see me.
I'm down.
So it's about three seconds that you're running and then you hit the ground again, you return
fire while the other team comes up and you keep, and that's, so they call it bounding,
keep moving.
So 30 years removed, you know, and I can still walk you through that entire scenario because

(01:01:14):
it is trained so deep in my brain, almost like on the subconscious level.
And my brain just took a laugh and I had no idea what I was talking about.
Oh man.
Like that program, like the deep program, I mean, I think it's starting to take away
your feelings because you're not feelings are in the cortex, right?

(01:01:38):
Like, yeah, you are back here in the reptile brain.
Right, right.
But, but to me, it's not about like what pissed me off is like, it's, it's not shutting
off your emotions.
You're still having all of your emotions, but you're still taking care of business.
You're still doing what you got to do, you know.

(01:01:58):
And so I think it's completely wrong.
And I went on like a spree, like to prove that wrong.
And, but for some reason it's become the prevalent thinking.
I even had, I was at a training that was being done and she was a therapist now when she
was in the military, she was like an assistant to a psychologist.
I don't know what her job title would be or MOS or anything, but.

(01:02:19):
Um, and, and she said, we're trained to shut off our emotions.
So after the training, I went up and I was like, that's not true.
She's like, no, no, it is like, no, it's not true.
I was like, watch any, any war movie, any documentary on war, any, any, anybody from

(01:02:39):
World War two from Vietnam, from Korea, from, from Iraq, Afghanistan, listen to interviews
with them.
They talk about fear.
They talk about hatred.
They talk about anger.
Like those are emotions in the moment.
You know, there's, there's a movie called Restrepo.

(01:02:59):
Um, and, and this was my unit.
I've been out, I was out like 20 years, but they were in Afghanistan and they're, they're
studying them now because they, they had some of the worst fighting conditions out of everybody
in the war.
Um, they said like these guys at Restrepo, they, they was almost as if they were like

(01:03:20):
in Vietnam.
It was like that level of fighting.
Like they were in firefights four or five times a day.
Um, and in the beginning, the guy that wrote the books, the bass and younger wrote this
book called war that then was turned into this movie Restrepo.
They were driving to this, um, they call them fobs or something.

(01:03:41):
Like, uh, I don't know all the new Norton nomenclature, but, um, and, and they were hit
with an IED and, and the first Humvee, luckily everybody was okay, but the guy driving it
got out of the Humvee and he was walking around and it was an ambush.
So now enemy soldiers are up on, up on the, um, in the mountains and they're shooting

(01:04:04):
down and he's just walking around.
He's not taking cover or nothing.
And he's just screaming like, he is.
So pissed.
He doesn't give a shit.
And then he grabs his weapon, tries to return fire, but his barrel was bent in the explosion.
So he grabs his weapon, it slams it on the ground and then goes, finds another one and
starts returning fire, but he's just getting green.

(01:04:26):
I'm like, he's in a firefight and he is angry.
You know, there's, there's another thing where there was an ambush and they lost somebody
and a guy in the moment in this firefight is freaking the fuck out.
That's not him.
That's not him.
That's not him.
You know, and, and it's like, these are soldiers.
These are fighters.

(01:04:50):
And it's pure emotion.
War is pure emotion, but it's controlled emotion.
But it's at the purest form.
Tim O'Brien, right?
Some of the greatest books he was in Vietnam and he wrote this one book, the things they
carried and most of the stories he tells, he'll tell you outright.
The story is not true.

(01:05:10):
But there's truth in it.
And then he creates this thing and he said, because people don't want to hear a war story.
They want to hear a story with a moral.
And he said, we were just 19 year old kids that we were so scared.
We began to hate the enemy so bad because of that fear that we had.
That's emotion.
We are emotional beings.

(01:05:31):
There's no escaping that.
This whole thing of men aren't allowed to feel emotions.
It's not possible.
Right.
Yes.
You are feeling them.
Yes.
But it's that same thing.
You're just choosing to have this relationship with it.
I'm going to hide it.
I'm going to keep it locked in.
I'm not going to show anything stone faced.
I'm just a machine part that's doing my thing and it's fucking killing us too.

(01:05:54):
Yeah.
And it's creating hatred for things that have nothing to do with it.
It's women's fault.
No, it's not.
When it comes down to it, whether it's from society or whatever the fault is, it's our
responsibility to say if this is wrong, then I'm going to change myself.
I'm going to fall in love with my emotions.
Not going to be afraid of them.

(01:06:15):
I'm not going to fight for them.
How are you going to be this tough, freaking dude like MMA fighter status and be like,
I can't be vulnerable?
You can get the shit out of 20 dudes that come at you, but you can't sit there and
be like, oh, I love you, dude.
Like really?
You can live like bench like 800 pounds or squat or deadlift 2000 pounds, but you can't

(01:06:41):
cry in front of somebody or you can't sit there and say, man, this sunset is fucking
beautiful.
Yeah.
Get your fake on some, some go, go, go, go.
I was just going to say, like you mentioned this the other day that when you hold down
your emotions, you know, you're producing cortisol in your body versus when you feel

(01:07:04):
your emotions, right?
And then you start to produce, you know, whatever it is dopamine, oxytocin as your memories
and your feelings.
And so it's like a snowball, right?
You, because you're holding onto your emotions, but then all the chemicals in your body are
making you sicker.
And so then you feel even more angry because you don't feel good.

(01:07:26):
Yeah, I just learned this, this thing about cortisol, like cortisol makes it so it's like
almost impossible to lose weight.
Yeah.
No matter what you do.
And I guess there's even like a body shape for people that have an excess of cortisol

(01:07:47):
in their system.
So their trunks will be big, almost bloated.
Yeah.
Their arms and legs will be pencil thin.
And from what I was reading, they said that is a sign of cortisol just locked in your
system.
Yeah, like toxicity, right?
Yes.
Yeah.

(01:08:07):
It causes inflammation.
I mean, just seeing what this stuff does, the inflammation, like it gets into our joints
and like settles there and you start getting arthritis and all these pains.
And then, you know, then you have people that like, you know, they'll meditate and like kind
of work a lot of that stuff out of their system.
And they'll be like, meditation healed me like, I don't know, maybe, but could it also

(01:08:29):
be that you're changing your mindset?
You're changing the chemicals because of your emotions.
You're changing the chemicals that are being released.
So there's not as much inflammation in your system.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I 100% think that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It can go so deep.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(01:08:51):
And things have to change.
Yeah.
And I believe there is a major shift that is going on.
And I've gotten to the point like people that are that negative just for the sake of being
that like, I don't get mad at you.
Like I feel bad for you.

(01:09:11):
I was that person.
Yes.
And it's a miserable existence.
Yes.
And life is so much more beautiful than that.
Yeah.
And like you said, if you allow yourself to be triggered and respond, you are not only
allowing that person to control you, but you're not in alignment with who you really want

(01:09:34):
to be.
You're not the vibration of compassion and acceptance.
And third, I'd say it's not effective if you're angry with another person, right?
Like we always talk about that quote that says, you have to touch their heart first.
So yeah, there's so many reasons to be kind and soft.

(01:09:56):
And we finally have some science behind it that I think maybe the world could change
slowly.
We could start to realize that there's a different way of being.
Yeah.
And softness doesn't mean weakness.
Yes.
But you know, I mean, look at these martial arts like capoeira, you know, the dance thing.

(01:10:20):
It's this fluid movement that is so beautiful, but also so like, I mean, if I was going to
get into a fight with somebody that knew capo, like I would have my ass kicked in a second.
You know, I remember back when I was a kid at like 12 o'clock on Saturdays, Kung Fu
Theater would come on.
And they would have like these old Jackie Chan's like the drunken punchmaster, you

(01:10:44):
know, so you're like falling all over the place.
But you know, so you need to be fluid.
You need to have some softness.
You know, if you're just that stiff and that hard constantly, it's not good.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(01:11:04):
Yeah.
I think this was a good episode.
I liked it.
It feels good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
I like it a lot.
Thank you everybody for joining us.
I like it.