Chasing Thoughts | S03 E05: Chasing Down Beliefs

In this latest episode of the Chasing Thoughts podcast, Mindy and Keith dive into the beliefs we’ve adopted throughout our lives—those handed down by our parents, teachers, and experiences. Many times the beliefs we’ve adopted are founded in fear, and that fear multiplies and grows in the silence of our hearts until they become the monsters of our worst nightmares.

But the fear that formed into the creatures which control us so easily, were born to protect us. In reality, they are our friends and we need to build a better relationship with them. When we confront our fears it leads to a moment of awareness, and that awareness allows us to develop new ways of dealing with those fears, so that they once again take their proper place in our lives, instead of being the controller of our lives.

Join Mindy and Keith as they discuss ways to break free from those fictional beliefs that no longer serve us 🧠💡 and learn how to follow what feels lighter and more expansive. It’s an empowering conversation about aligning with what uplifts us, no matter what life throws our way 🌱🌟.

And as always, please like and subscribe 👍

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction

00:04:18 Giving meaning to a cool experience

00:08:42 Navigating relationships with time

00:15:29 Exploring intentions

00:21:40 How many illusions control our lives?

00:50:32 How to escape fictional beliefs

01:12:14 Regardless of the situation, go towards where it feels lighter and more expansive

If you would like to know more about Mindy or Keith you can find them here:

Mindy Aisling (@mindyaisling)

www.mindyaisling.com

[e-mail]

Keith Dauch (@mastercheeseee)

www.breakpointcoaching.org

[e-mail]

More on Chasing Thoughts:

https://www.mindyaisling.com/chasingthoughts.html

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What is my next challenge in daring to be human?

(00:07):
How do I connect with life?
How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
How do I live free from the experiences that shaped me?
How can we be the change the world needs right now?
Join us weekly for story conversations about life.
It is our mission to allow life itself to reveal to us the answers.

(00:35):
Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
Hello everybody, welcome to Chasing Thoughts. How you doing, Kee?
Pretty good. How about you?
Pretty good.
Nice.
So I'm excited about today because if you don't watch this show all the time,

(00:58):
you might not know that what Keith and I do is show up not knowing anything
with a topic to try to find some answers and through the process of discussion,
unveil bigger truths than we currently know.
And this topic we're talking about today, I need a bigger truth on.
Yeah.

(01:19):
So what Keith, I'll speak for myself and then you can show your experience,
Keith.
So this is what it's like to be Mindy.
I have a fire hose of ideas that is huge.
I have notebooks and napkins and things written everywhere.
I have a thousand screenshots on my phone.

(01:41):
I have 500 voice memos to myself on my show.
I am always filled with ideas of videos I want to make, courses I want to write,
things I want to do.
So there's that piece.
Then when I actually sit down and do work, I'm pretty proficient at working.
I have great writing skills. I have great editing skills.
I can produce most of what I want to produce.

(02:05):
I have a lot of ideas.
The middle section of how to get this fire hose narrowed down so that I
actually can produce and do produce something.
I have no idea about that is such a mystery to me and I am struggling with

(02:27):
it so much.
So that's sort of how I would describe it.
What's your experience?
I do a similar thing except with papers.
I don't know why I got into this, but someone years ago had one of these
pads.
All their notes were on it and none of the pages were ripped out like I'm doing.

(02:52):
That is the coolest thing.
When I went to college, instead of getting a notebook and stuff, I just had
these.
I love doing that.
I love doing that.
These are all my to-do lists that I created that I never get to because I
freeze.
Yes.

(03:15):
Because to me, everything, people say, well, figure out what's the
priority.
And my mind immediately goes everything.
Yes.
So I want to continue with my classes.
I got a post on social media.
I got a lot of people who are watching my videos and I'm going to
do a lot of other videos and diving into YouTube.
I want to start a thing for merch.

(03:36):
I think I have like a great idea for,
for stuff that I can start selling that aligns with.
The person that I am.
And in my mind, I'm like, okay, everything is the priority.
And then I sit on my couch and like watching practical jokers or,
and watching myself and, and watching myself.

(03:57):
Just getting to the bottom of it.
So I will be like, all right.
I will go to school.
And then by the time I get the motivation to work,
I have like an hour.
Before I got to stop and do something else.
Yeah.
So yeah, that that, like you said,

(04:18):
that middle portion, like getting from point A to point B.
I was lost.
is this gonna lead to that answer, which is really cool.
What was it?
So I was sitting in my backyard.
It was a busy day.
I had to start going to PT

(04:39):
because something's up with my rotator cuff and stuff.
And I've been putting it off for so long
because of all that freeze and all that I had to do.
Like I didn't wanna take another two hours out of my day
twice a week to go to PT where I could be working,
which I never end up working anyway.
So, but still I couldn't do that two hours.

(05:02):
So it finally got to the point where I was like,
wasn't sleeping and my shoulder got so weak
that I would like pick up the coffee pot
and it would just drop.
I just could not hold it up.
And so I started going and I got home
and I was feeling that anxiety.
So I'm like, you know what?
I'm gonna smoke because that always gets me like laser focused.

(05:24):
And then I'm gonna go in and work.
So I went out back, I was just sitting in the shade of my tree
and smoking and this weird thought came to me.
I wanna try to make this mysterious.
So I'll tell you the weird thought,
but I won't tell you what it is yet.

(05:44):
And then as I went through that
and just sort of let my mind travel down this wormhole,
I really felt like I was on to something important for me,
but I didn't know like where it fit.
And until we started talking today,
I'm like, I wonder if this is where it fits.

(06:05):
But then the weird thing, and this is cool
because this all goes about meaning,
and we can put the meaning on whatever,
like our own experiences.
And it doesn't mean like, oh, this is truth or not,
but it's the meaning that we give it.
And that's what holds the power.
So all of a sudden, as I'm sitting there,
this Falcon comes swooping down and we're not,

(06:26):
like we're suburbs.
So normally I see him like a hundred feet up
or whatever, just circling and stuff.
But he was like, I was sitting down
and he was eye level with me.
And he was about 10 feet away.
Well, that's cool.
Yeah, like right over the top of my neighbor's fence.
And it was like focused so much on this little path

(06:48):
in between the fence and these trees.
And then it landed and like, and it kept going down.
And then I heard this squirrel like starting to chitter
and stuff.
And I was like, ah, poor squirrel.
But I was happy that the Falcon like, you know,
got something to eat.
But as I was sitting here like waiting to log on,
I was looking at that Falcon feather that I found

(07:09):
in the woods after one of my mushroom wars,
mushroom walks.
And this was one of the things that it was a moment
where a new belief system kind of took hold.
And I found this Falcon feather.
And so I had it like right here.
And I looked it up and it says,

(07:29):
so these feathers represent speed movement and soul healing.
And it can represent on our trust, strength, wisdom,
power and freedom.
And for me, like what we're looking for is freedom.
We're looking for the freedom to be able to follow
that passion without whatever that is,
that fear that is holding us back from that.
And I was, so just now as I was thinking this,

(07:52):
like in a course, stoned up, I was like, ooh,
that Falcon actually has a me.
It wasn't just like a thing that happened.
Like had a meaning.
Yeah, it's so funny.
I was cracking up at the beginning of your story
because I've been having problems with my rotator cuff.

(08:12):
I have like a limited range of motion.
And I haven't called the doctor
and I haven't taken care of it because what I realized is
when I think of things that I need to do,
any type of organizational task, like,
oh, I need to go over my to-do list.
Oh, I should transfer the notes from my phone
to my master to do, or like whatever it is.

(08:33):
I should save this to the file
instead of saving it to my desktop,
which is covered in a million files.
Yeah, yeah.
Something in my brain that says, you don't have time.
And I'm like, why is my brain saying that to me?
Like what is my relationship with time
that I feel trapped or controlled by time

(08:58):
or my perceived limit of time?
Yes, dude. Oh my God, yes.
And I feel like I'm in a constant angst
and struggle with time every day.
And I wasn't aware of that
until I started getting ready for this conversation.
And I'm like, what's really going on?
And I feel like honestly, if you asked me in this moment,

(09:18):
I'm like, I hate time.
I just want all the time in the world.
I don't want to have to sleep.
I don't want to have to eat.
I just want to be able to do what I'm passionate about, right?
And I feel like time is my enemy almost.
Like I have a real, it's not,
I'm not on friendly terms with time right now.
And I think that's part of the problem for me.
Yeah, I mean, I thought,

(09:40):
I feel the same way about time,
but I never thought of it like in that way.
Like I'm not on good terms with time.
Like that is beautiful, man.
Wow, yeah.
Cause I always do that.
Everything is about time, time.
And I'm always running out.
It's from a place of scarcity.
And ironically, that was one of the things
I loved about Christianity was everlasting life.

(10:05):
Christianity and vampires.
Woo!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, like, I mean, cause I'm thinking like,
I'm going to travel the universe.
I want to go under the ocean.
Like I want to spend years, hundreds of years
just under the ocean seeing all this stuff, you know,
just this fantasy of whatever lasting life can look like.

(10:28):
You know, of course, from my, what I want to do.
But, and this, and that's what I love about consciousness too,
because I feel like I'm actually tapping into that,
to the idea of eternity, you know, with that.
But yeah, dude, time is, why do we look at time like that?
Yeah.
I remember there was a time in my life where,

(10:53):
I guess I used to be more woo-woo or magical.
And I used to think, I used to have a better relationship
with time when I would think,
I'm just going to stretch these two hours out
cause I need to get this much done.
I'm going to make these, and I did,
and I was always successful at it.
Like I always was able to create the time I needed.
And I don't know if it was going through

(11:13):
the executive director thing or my accident, right?
People change, I change.
And my relationship with time is now less healthy
than it used to be.
And I feel like I'm a victim to time.
And that could also be getting older, right?
In your twenties, it feels like you have a lot of time.
In your mid-forties, it feels like you have less.
But I'd like to talk about what I could replace

(11:37):
that belief system with that's believable to me
so that I can have a better relationship with time every day.
So when I tell myself, you don't have time,
what do I replace that thought with?
Cause that's always with me.
I don't have time to work out.
I don't have time to go for a walk.
I don't have time to eat, right?
I don't have time to make a doctor's appointment.

(12:03):
So, all right, so let me tell you the thought I had.
And then in relation to this, your question on
what do I change that with?
This is the thing that's interesting to see
if we can like together like kind of pull something out of it.
So as I was sitting there smoking this thought,

(12:24):
just it was like one of those things
that just won't pops into your head.
And all right, I'm trying to like put it
into the right word so that it makes sense.
But intention, our intention is the observer.
That was the thought.

(12:46):
So, cause we always talk about like,
we are the observers of our thoughts.
So we're the, that's our consciousness.
That's where we are, not the thoughts.
The thoughts just come, but I'm trying to change
that way of thinking by using my thoughts.

(13:09):
The thing that I'm not.
So I started like, nobody can prove consciousness,
but what we can do is there's a verse in the Bible,
I think it's in James that says,
I will show you my faith through my works.
So like in our version of Christianity,
you weren't saved by works or saved by faith,

(13:30):
but that faith should lead to works
that people could see that, oh, hey, this person is different.
I won't go into any Christian ranks today
because I want to stay on top of it.
But so, damn it.
It's a good strain I had.
So my mind just went right down the Christian rabbit hole.

(13:55):
So our intentions are observer.
So, when we keep our focus on our intention,
why we're doing all of this stuff,
that's when I feel most aligned.
And when I'm focused on the time, my scarcity to it,

(14:16):
all the stuff that I have to get done,
the fact that everything,
all these bullshit lies that my brain tells me.
When I put my focus on that,
that's where it becomes overwhelming.
But as soon as I go back to the singularity of my intention,
everything just, it feels open.

(14:39):
Yeah.
And the cool thing too about,
so singularities are found in black holes
and a black hole, no matter the size,
the gravity of that is so strong
that it can warp an entire universe to live within it.
So one of the theories is that we are a universe

(15:00):
within a black hole.
And then that is a universe within,
it's just like a whole series of like Russian nesting dial.
So when I look at the intention,
that singularity of intention,
it opens me up to this infinite space.
Almost like I feel like I'm skimming across the top

(15:22):
of like that quantum field
where everything is and is not at the same time.
Yeah.
I love that concept.
And going back to the original part
that you were talking about,
Bruce Lipton describes it like,
your DNA is like your hardware, your computer, right?

(15:42):
Your thoughts is like the programs of software
and consciousness, your intention is the operator.
So you're operating, you're installing this software
of thoughts and that software of thoughts is building,
is turning on the precursor for cancer
or keeping the precursor for cancer off,
is turning on a gene or right,

(16:04):
that you have a relationship with your physical body.
So that was interesting because,
is similar to what you're seeing is I'm using my thoughts,
that's what, that which I am not, right?
To influence my reality,
but it's kind of like you have to learn how to operate it.
Like, okay, some consciousness says,
I wanna believe I have abundant time, time is an illusion.

(16:28):
I can do as many things as I want to.
That's what I wanna believe.
And then I have to use my thoughts
to actually program my actions, right?
Yeah.
Because what's the big T truth about time?
Like what is the consciousness truth about time?

(16:50):
That there's,
Yeah, it's eternal.
It's eternal, it's forwards and backwards,
it's everything, right?
Yeah.
So then, you know, you have your thoughts
and because we're humans, we have things like cynicism
and doubt and disbelief that rise up
into the melting pot.

(17:12):
But I don't know if I told myself time is an illusion,
if that would be believable enough for me
to reprogram my mindset in the moment
when I'm feeling stressed for time.
Yeah, and that's what I did for so long, you know?
And then I would get in the same space
and then I would tell myself the same stuff,

(17:34):
like, okay, I'm not my thoughts,
I'm the observer of them, I'm the consciousness,
I'm eternal, all this stuff, but nothing changed.
And because it was like, it was a belief in my head,
but not in my heart.
Right, yes.
It wasn't a belief that I wasn't,
it was a belief that I was not connected with.

(17:55):
And then when I had that thought of,
my brain is gonna give me all of these questions.
And the questions literally don't matter.
What matters is the intention,
you know, because the intention is why you wanna do things
on what you're gonna do, right?

(18:15):
And so connecting to that, why I wanna do this.
All of it, like, it's just one of those,
like where it feels like my brain makes this wall of doubt.
And then instead of breaking through that,
I'm just transported onto the other side.
And I'm like, oh, wow, I do, like,

(18:37):
I finally connect with it doesn't matter.
You know, I'm not gonna do this.
I'm not gonna do this.
You know, yeah, it's such a good thing.
It's that end of the moment though,
like when you're about to distract
and scroll on your phone for an hour,

(19:00):
like what can you do in that moment?
Like what can you tell yourself or what can I tell myself?
When I'm in that moment of freeze or overwhelm
or ADHD paralysis, that helps transport me to consciousness
or remind me of a different way.
For me, it became this thing

(19:22):
because like yesterday I had,
yeah, because that was, let's say Friday, Thursday.
So yeah, that was Wednesday that happened.
When I got home from PT too, I did more work
than I normally do after that whole little experience.
And then also yesterday I was so productive,
but in not in a stressed way, in a very relaxed, open way.

(19:48):
And for me, it was just that question of,
am I living my intention or am I living my thoughts?
And like I said, I mean, I know I'm gonna have those downs,
but it was such a powerful meaning for me
that I didn't have any yasheng.

(20:12):
And the last, well, two nights ago,
I started having a lot of trouble sleeping, you know?
And it was like my brain just wouldn't shut off.
So I think Tuesday night, I finally fell asleep
at eight o'clock in the morning.
And then Wednesday night, I fell asleep
at four o'clock in the morning.

(20:33):
But I had so much energy, like I didn't have the fatigue,
I didn't feel like my eyes were closed
and they're like, you said like, you're up for an hour
and you're like, I need a nap.
I just had this push.
It didn't last the whole day,
because I started, after a while, I started getting tired,
but I just had this push to just work,

(20:56):
but it wasn't work.
I was just having freaking fun, man.
Yeah. I love your description of recognizing
where you're sitting.
Are you sitting in your thoughts and operating from that place?
Are you sitting in consciousness?
Sometimes I say Big Mindy or Little Mindy,
like what I'm talking about.

(21:16):
And I'm like, Little Mindy is struggling here.
Big Mindy knows this, but like I'm having,
you know, can I get support in reaching for that?
If I want to change a habit, I can.
Understand that and I have my own version of that.
It's interesting.
You know, I was just thinking about how many things could be
an illusion, like these things that control my life.

(21:39):
I don't have enough time. I'm too tired, right?
I'm getting older now. So I feel this way.
I have to, right?
And I was just thinking as you were talking about
the things that I was thinking about,
like I'm not really talking about this, right?
I'm not talking about this. I'm just thinking about this way.
I have to write. And I was just thinking as you were talking of all

(22:02):
these, not illusions, but they're not real things.
Right. Maybe doesn't work the way I think it does.
Maybe being tired.
Doesn't work the way I think it does. Maybe write all these things
that.
Maybe there's even a bigger way of living in this reality.
And I'm just thinking about, you know,

(22:23):
I'm not really talking about this.
I'm just thinking about, you know,
I'm not really talking about this.
Yeah. Yeah. I believe it completely is.
Like, cause I mean, one of the,
one of the beliefs that I have now is that absolutely everything is
an illusion.
You know, I'm an optimistic nihilist, you know,
like nothing matters. And that is what gives us freedom.

(22:45):
Yeah.
Now look, you get, you gotta, you gotta work.
You gotta pay your bills. You know,
I personally not one of these dudes that can like,
I'm going off the grid. Like if I moved to Alaska,
I'm lasting a month, man. Like,
and I'm not even talking about getting killed,
but I'll probably get killed by a trout, like trying to fish, dude.
Like it's just not going to work.
But there is a way to live free.

(23:08):
I don't know it yet.
And I think it's going to be different for absolutely everybody.
And everybody is going to have to find their meaning.
You know, that allows them to like transport onto the opposite
side of that struggle.
Yes.
But the more I, the more I put my focus on the struggle,

(23:30):
even, even with the idea of trying to figure out why,
why I'm struggling, you know, like if you go to,
if you get sick, whatever you go to the doctor, like,
you know, that show house, you know, like they would have like,
it's horrible sicknesses and they would take them like days and
days to figure out what it is.
And we try to do the same thing with our minds, you know,

(23:52):
brains tell us some bullshit.
And then we're like, I got to figure out why this is happening.
But what if we didn't have to.
Right. Right.
You know what it, Lord, if that just be it, it is what it is.
Like I am, yes, I am strong with this,
but then just focus on intention.
You know, cause to me, like intention is the action of consciousness.

(24:13):
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because.
What you made me think of is the brain is kind of like, you know,
a two year old, right? It says whatever it says,
whenever it wants to say it.
And you reminded me of this comedy bit by Louis CK,
where he talks about how you can't possibly listen to everything your

(24:35):
kid says, because you're like bending down all the time. Oh, what?
Oh, yes. The dog is brown. Okay. Like.
Yeah.
Just constantly making judgments and assessments and thoughts and
stories.
And what if you listen to your two year old or your five year old,
like, you know how kids are.
You're, you would go crazy because you can't listen to that much

(24:57):
talking about nonsense.
Yeah.
With our own brains, right?
Is we let this sort of wild two year old be the boss.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's so funny, dude. The way, the way you put that, because it.
So yesterday, I've been starting a new experiment with myself.

(25:19):
So I saw this video by Alan Watts and he was talking about one of the
easiest ways to get into a meditative state is to,
is to just close your eyes and listen.
And just allow all the sounds to come in.
Don't name it.
Don't focus on any one sound.
And so I was sitting down and I was doing it.

(25:41):
And every sound that came, my, my,
my focus would shoot to that sound.
And then thoughts would just start coming.
You know, you hear it creak, you know, I was, I was sitting on my
back porch. I hear a creep behind me and I'm like, Oh, is that
Zoe? You know, I'm just going to go outside. Like, whatever, you
know, and it's just a domino effect.
But the longer I did it, the more I was able to like see that.

(26:04):
It's natural for my focus to go directly to it.
But then I can pull it back.
And I don't pull it back by, you know, so, so that I'm taking in
more of this umbrella listening where I'm taking in everything
and not connecting with one thing.
And by, by, like, by doing that, that's sort of like that thing.
I'm not focusing on, I don't want these thoughts about this

(26:28):
sound. I'm focusing on back to relaxing into all of the sound.
And I'm not, you know, I don't know if that makes any sense
whatsoever, but I think you're describing two things really well.
One, the focus where you put your focus that you describe that
really well. And also what it feels like to sort of sit back

(26:49):
and be the watcher, which is what I hope to be able to live from
90% of my day. Right.
Yeah.
I had this situation the other day with my, with my stepmom.
I was sharing a deep feeling. She responded to me with a lot of
advice. What I was hoping for was for her to share something about

(27:11):
her life and for us to connect. Right.
That's really what I wanted.
But in the moment, I felt so like startled, annoyed,
trapped, all my human stuff happening that I totally wasn't
seated in consciousness.
But if I would have been, I would have been able to say, thank you

(27:32):
so much for your, this advice, but like, I really want to connect
with you. Like, can you share with me something that I would have
been able to get what I wanted, but I got hijacked by my reactions.
And I feel like that is a big question in my life is what the
F do I need to do meditation, exercise, eating, whatever, to

(27:56):
be in that state and not be hijacked anymore?
Yeah, that's why I mean so many like amazing people always talk
about like expectations are the biggest assholes, you know, that
we create is being in that space is like, what's happening now?
Oh, what's happening now? Right? You're not that's being present
in the moment and being the watcher, which means no

(28:19):
expectations. Right. Yes. It's, it's, it's like the difference
between just being experiencing and, and controlling because
that's really what an expectation is. It's a way to control like
I'm going to do this. And because I do this, this is going to
happen. Right. And it doesn't necessarily mean that that's going

(28:40):
to happen. Right. You know, because even like in your example,
like what your stepmom and stuff too, like she, she could have
been, she could have walked away and was like, I am so glad that
I was able to connect with Mandy because I was able to help her
out and give her some advice. Yes. Though it could have to her
or it could have been a major connection. Yep. You know, so
that, that's, oh man, that screws me up so bad so many times.

(29:05):
Yeah, it's interesting, right? How I guess the products of
the mind, expectations, right? Hope, right? Are all also
having to be managed in that being the observer of it.
Yeah. It's the thoughts and the feelings, especially the feelings

(29:27):
are the ones that I get hijacked by, right? Being annoyed.
That will friggin hijack me in a minute. Yeah. Yeah. Oh dude, so cool.
And I hope Sandy doesn't get mad at me for sharing this because
it's like not bad in any way. But she has a very easy startle

(29:48):
process. You know, like the other day, we were getting ready.
We were just going to watch some TV before bed and stuff. And I
was laying on the floor with the dog and I wasn't being quiet.
You know, like, I mean, I was making noise and she came out of
the bedroom and jumped. I was like, oh my God, you know, because

(30:09):
she was thinking about something so she didn't hear any noise
that I was making, you know, and then she gets startled so easy.
And one of the things that always startles her is if Zoe wants to
say hi to somebody walking by her house, she starts barking.
And when Sandy's like focused on something, it scares the crap out
of her. And that initial thing like snaps, you know, like, you

(30:32):
know, shush or whatever, quiet. And for the longest time, she's
been like trying like, I don't want to do that. You know, I don't
want to respond with that automatic frustration. But how do you
practice something when you're not in the state where you need to
practice it?
Yeah.
And your system, right, is also reacting. So you have a physical

(30:54):
component, a mental component.
Yeah. And it's creating a physical component as well with like all
this crap that's now pouring into your system, you know, so Zoe
barks. So it's that shocking bark and it's also like when, when
you know she sees somebody come in or like another dog in the
neighborhood that like she loves or whatever. And so she'll bark.

(31:17):
And if we don't like be telling her like, all right, quiet or
call her to us, you know, distract her in some way, like, she'll
just keep going, you know, it'll go on for like two minutes. And
so I was telling Sandy, I was like, that puts you in the place of
frustration. So that's your practice point. Because you don't

(31:38):
react to it with the startle response, which you can't control.
I mean, that that's happening before you're thinking, but you
can control the annoyance.
Once you're aware of it.
Yeah. And she was, I watched her and I was like, I am so freaking
proud of you. I love this. Because she was like, Zoe was barking
and barking and she was, and you can tell the tension that she was

(32:01):
on her, but she would not allow herself to respond.
Mm hmm.
You know, and she's been doing it for like three days. I'm like,
this is freaking amazing. Because that's where she's going to
repro reprogram that unconscious fight or flight response, where
eventually the goal is like, Zoe's going to bark and there's not

(32:22):
or there, it still may startle her, but she won't react from a
place of frustration with it.
And that is such a beautiful description of the work. Right.
Like what people don't understand about personal growth and
development or when people say you got to do the work, that's the
work. Right. In the moment, changing your thought, changing

(32:43):
your feeling a hundred times, a thousand times, whatever it
takes to change your mind, your mindset, right. You have the
ability to do that.
And maybe, maybe that's the problem. Maybe like what I'm looking
for is like a fairy godmother to come down and just bippity boppity
boop me on the head and then it's over. Yeah. But maybe what my

(33:07):
goal should be is not to figure out the why time affects me like
this. But you know, like we were talking about like focusing
like that intention, like.
What are the actual reps I need to take every day? Yeah. But when
I feel that overwhelm, when I feel that like everything is the
priority, be like amazing dude, because now it's a time to

(33:30):
practice. Yes. You know, and to sit down and to slow myself
down and to relax myself, focus on, I'm doing like a little
five minute listening exercise, whatever, and then getting to
work. Yeah. That feels really good to me when I imagine myself
doing that. Like when I catch myself in that speeding down the
road, I don't have enough time, right. Anxed to go.

(33:55):
Okay.
Right. Start back at square one in consciousness and come back
at it again. Yeah, that feels really good to me. Yeah, I had
an interesting thought when you're talking about the Sandy's
hyper focus.
I can get super hyper focused, right? Of course, ADHD, autism.

(34:18):
And I asked myself the question, what if you hyper focused on
consciousness and just, that's what I want to do. How can I feel
more that way? How can I feel more that way? And the answer in
my brain was your life would fall apart. Like this huge fear
came up. And I didn't realize that that was there for me, that

(34:39):
in addition to believing that I don't have enough time, what
stops me is this belief that if I followed my consciousness and
slowed down in the moment and are meditated, right, if I took
things slow, that my life would fall apart. But I have to stay
in this sort of busy frenzy feeling. Do you relate to that

(35:01):
at all? Is there any version of that in your body?
Yeah, there's, there's, I do this all the time with like, you
know, the idea of manifesting, you know, and so I'm like, I
want, you know, I want, I'm going to set an attention like this

(35:23):
is going to happen, you know, I'm going to put my awareness on
and feel the gratitude for it and then forget about it. But
deep, deep, deep, deep down, there's still that fear and
that fear has become my comfortable place. So even
though it sucks, it's become a habit. So the chemicals that
produce that you literally become physically addicted to those

(35:45):
chemicals. So living in a state of constant fear, like
stepping out of that. I mean, that's stepping through like a
shroud, man, you know what I mean? Like, I can't even picture
what that's like. Yeah. And as you, as you were talking, though,
I was like, you made me like, just think of this thing is I

(36:06):
wonder if the problem is the idea of chasing that
consciousness, right? So we there's that whole idea of we are
not that which we observe. So since we observe our thoughts,
we're not our thoughts, but it goes in reverse as well. So
which means we are period. We're trying to almost like trying

(36:32):
to observe consciousness instead of being conscious. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's interesting.
Because it's going to pop.
Right. Yeah. I heard a funny joke once, which was like, everybody

(36:53):
can be enlightened at a moment. So you could be enlightened
right now. But your brain doesn't want to accept that. So you
aren't. But if you get a book that says here's the 10 steps to
being enlightened, then the brain is like, Oh, yeah, I can do
that. Because the brain likes steps, it likes processes, right?
But in the land of, you know, eternal now, you can have it in

(37:19):
a moment's notice. There is no time.
Yeah. And that's why people talk about like sliding into it,
sliding out, sliding into it, sliding out, you know, and I
don't know, maybe, maybe that's, that's the natural state of
things, you know, it's another wave function.
Instead of being there and staying there. But yeah, I think

(37:41):
for me too, what I might try is adding more love into my
relationship with time. So when I have time related thoughts,
be like, I'm so grateful that I have so much time, right?
Like, I've been giving so much time, I've been giving so much
help and try to bring some gratitude and love into that to

(38:04):
do my reprogramming. And then also love for that big fear that
we talked about, that says everything's going to fall apart
and I'm going to end up homeless and alone on the street,
right, whatever that core fear is. And just being like, okay,
come along fear, like, I love you, it's okay, like, we can go
together and not waiting till it's gone. Just like you said,

(38:27):
focusing on where I want to go anywhere. And if this little
bugger's got to come with me, that's fine. Just love him,
right? And just more acceptance for that instead of being like,
go away. When you're gone, I'll be able to do this, right? It's
I think, lessening the resistance in those two areas of my life
might open up a door that I don't know or understand yet.

(38:49):
Yeah. Yeah, because really what it is, it's just, it's our
brains trying to protect ourselves. So it's us trying to love
ourselves, keep ourselves safe and, you know, and keep homeostasis
and, you know, not end up on the street. Yeah, it's, it is a good

(39:11):
thing, you know, it's unfortunately though, like, for me,
it's always the question like, is this going to be a success? And
right? And I never defined what that means. You know, what is,
does it mean like, I'm a multi billionaire traveling all over
and, you know, taking pictures on a private jet, you know, the
selfies, you know, all that stuff, or does it mean like, I can, I

(39:36):
can travel and go anywhere I want, you know, and still work,
you know, like, what the hell does even success mean? Like to
me, not, not to what society tells it is, but to me.
Yeah, it's interesting because you made me ask the question,
what's the difference between what I view as success and my

(40:02):
dreams, right? Because my dreams can be huge, right? I love
dreaming big dreams. My sister and I were just daydreaming about
making enough money so we can both have housekeepers and pay
for a housekeeper for my dad might seem like a little dream,
but that is a beautiful big dream for us, right? But if we don't

(40:23):
get to that point, I still find myself successful, like recognizing
that success and my dreams are different. Yeah, I don't know, I
guess I really realized that before.
That's a really good point. Man, that's like grabbing the
attention of my brain just like,
because you don't want to not have dreams like dreams are fun,

(40:46):
right, to go after dreams. But that doesn't mean it doesn't
mean you're unsuccessful if you don't get there. I think keeping
the bar for success low and the bar for your dreams high, that's
the trick. Yes.
Yeah, I love that. I mean, our dreams are limited by our

(41:07):
imagination and our imagination is infinite. Like I mean,
everything that is possible, we can imagine. I even heard this
little thing like try to imagine a color that doesn't exist.
Your brain is just like, are you like it grinds to all. It's like,
what the hell? Like how do you do that? You know,
so our dreams should be as massive as the universe is, you

(41:33):
know, but success.
Like what exactly is that? And then the question that's been
like, sitting on my chest is what expectations do I apply to
that?
Success because right at that point, I stop living

(41:57):
consciously and I start living by trying to control.
You know, and doing stuff like this is about, I mean,
even all the lessons I've learned on the mushroom so far,
like the one major thing is, is flow, you know,
flexibility and control is rigid.
That's some stuff I got to get into when I'm packing.

(42:21):
Yeah, I think what you said about rigid and flexible really
speaks to this topic too of like trying to get, you know,
we have these huge dream fire hoses, right? But then how do
you fit them into a world that is built in boxes, right? Like
the world is very small.
You have to put this up on this platform and you have to do,

(42:47):
right? So somehow all this magic wildness has to be put into
sort of a rigid structure.
And it's the relationship between those two that I don't
understand.
Because there's a place for rigidness, right? Like that's why
the world works.
That's why people make money.

(43:10):
Yeah. And, and.
I think one of the things that,
especially with like societal standards is we look at flexibility
as being weak, you know, like if you go and you get a,
a twig off the ground that's very flexible,
you know that you're not going to be holding up something that

(43:31):
heavy with that thing, but then you can go and you can get a
treeland which won't move and, and the thing will hold weight,
you know.
So we have rigidity, rigidity is strength and flexibility is,
as weak, but.

(43:53):
If you look at me, just like the ropes that they used to use on
the old like ships and stuff made from hemp and,
and you know, like each rope is then bound like three different
ropes. I mean, it was, it's so incredibly flexible.
There was still some rigidity in it because of,
because of the size of it, but it was incredibly flexible and
can move and sway.
And that also helped the strength of it.

(44:15):
And it was incredibly strong, like pulling anchors up and all
kinds of stuff, you know, like raising sales at the wind and
holding sales.
So when it's just tearing into.
So I think,
I think there is, is, is a great strength in flexibility.
And yet within that flexibility, it's the structure.

(44:38):
I mean, so.
It's like our DNA.
You know, our DNA is, is what creates it was within us.
You know, and then we have the flexibility to live within this
this body that the DNA created.
Yeah.

(45:00):
Yeah, I feel, so I really am a visual person
to understand things.
I have to see them in pictures.
I don't know why my brain works that way.
But when you were talking, I was thinking,
I wanna imagine myself as like a kaleidoscope.
Like here's all the magic coming in to me, right?

(45:22):
And then like I'm a kaleidoscope
when I put the pretty picture, right?
On the wall or on your eyeball, right?
Like that somehow I've become an alchemist
between the magic of the world and,
or the magic of the universe and the like rigidness
of society and the world I have to live in.
And like I'm a translator, right?
That's kind of what I wanna learn how to do.

(45:45):
That picture makes me feel better about that project.
And like the kind of process.
Yeah.
Like I wanna be a translator for the universe.
So I have to pick a problem.

(46:07):
Yeah, like doesn't that make a little differently about it?
Instead of saying, like, I need better executive function
or I need this and that, like,
I hate it.
This is hard because I'm translating,
the universe is giving me all these ideas
and I have to translate them and fit them into this world.
This very human.
Of course that's gonna be hard.

(46:27):
Like no wonder I'm struggling with that.
That's not an easy task.
No.
No, yeah.
It's a capacity for me to tell
when I think about it like that.
Yeah, yeah.
And I hate the clinical definitions of stuff.
I know we need them, but I can't stand that.
Like it just, cause it,

(46:47):
cause that's over here in the very square world
that labels everything, right?
Right.
Even like, so, all right, self-care is a very,
very important thing.
And this is like my own little like thing,
but hearing it is like nails on a chalkboard, you know?
And I was thinking about it last night.
And so we used to have time to relax.

(47:11):
You know, Hunter gathers, like I said,
there's like a million times on average work
about four hours a day and then it's relaxation,
socialization, maintenance, all that sort of stuff walking.
And we used to live like that.
Even like the old movies you see, like, I mean,
Cowboys out in the range, like, you know,
overlooking the sunset, having time to just sit

(47:33):
and just be, you know?
And then we got into industrialized
and then we got into this hustle culture,
like where if you're not producing something,
like at work and then have your side hustle
and like 18 of them and stuff, like you're wrong, you know?
And then it was like all, the rock wakes up at 4 a.m.
So I'm gonna wake up at 4 a.m.
And I'm gonna go to bed at 12
and I'm gonna get four hours of sleep

(47:55):
and like all this stuff.
And so we took something that was natural, we destroyed it.
And now we've come up with a new name for it.
Say, hey, this is what we gotta do.
Like, but anyway, this is my own like pet peeve.
I know it doesn't really matter, but like,
I think that you have a very good point.

(48:17):
And I would say to further that point
that there is a whole cultural push to be like,
oh, well, you don't feel good.
You must not be taking care of yourself.
Like go to yoga, have a bubble bath, do this.
It's not, hey, these corporations
are making too much profit on you
and you shouldn't be working that much

(48:38):
to where it's your natural right to take a bubble bath.
Right, like you're saying,
it is our natural right to have time to rest.
But it's been turned around by capitalism
and sold back to us as self-care.
And that's fucking disgusting.
That's fucking awesome dude.
Yes.

(49:02):
And now you make money off of it self-care.
And it's a bunch of bullshit.
I never, I never thought I'd like like that.
That is cheese.
That's messed up.
That's the kind of thing that keeps happening to me
is I'll get like a little,

(49:23):
I call them a peak behind the curtain.
Right.
Like, oh shit, this is what's happening.
Like in this society that I didn't see before
and then you keep seeing more of those.
And that's why I always wonder,
like, am I gonna end up like a weirdo living in a trailer?
Like somewhere like, oh shit.

(49:44):
Yeah.
Just, I am surprised how much the world
is not the place that I think it is.
That's freaking beautiful.
Yes.
Yeah.
And that's what this journey has been.
You know, for me, I started this
because I couldn't find answers for the PTSD.

(50:09):
And that's what it's turned into.
Seeing that everything that I thought
was real and true and how things should be done
has all been just a packaged product that I bought.
And it's-
Yes.
So it's nothing for me anymore.

(50:30):
Yes.
Yes.
I absolutely agree, it now just is the question,
how do I escape this?
I have all these tendrils
and that's what we're talking about today.
These beliefs that have been put on us
that we gotta do more and stay busy in its time.
And that's not what we wanna live in.
That's not the paradigm that we live in anymore.

(50:53):
But you still have to extract yourself
and that process is difficult.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I keep thinking of is,
keep going back to trees.
I'm big on trees today,
but you know, we have this,
I just love this tree in my backyard.
Like right after noon, it casts so much shade

(51:14):
and means I'll just go out there, sit on the grass,
I'll smoke and she'll just lay down and like roll over.
Yeah.
It's just so cool.
And I'm just so happy.
And if I like ran into that thing,
like I would hurt myself really bad, you know?
But if I uncovered its roots,

(51:35):
like I've never seen a root system that was like so rigid.
Like even the bigger thicker branches, the roots,
have like, if I'm like removing a stump or something
like it has a bounce to it.
And that's where the tree is fed from.

(51:55):
That's where it connects with the mycelium,
which it connects it with all of nature.
Yeah.
You know, so, and but the roots are dirty.
They're not the prettiest part of the tree, you know,
or the shrub or whatever.
Like we got our neighbors just planted some rows of sharing
right on the proper line, just fricking beautiful.
You know, like when it blooms and stuff,

(52:17):
like you look at the beauty of it, but it's the roots.
And I think that's where, like you said,
that's where the work is done.
It's in the smallest underground dirty place
that people are not going to see,
but the results of that work is going to be
the flowering of the tree.

(52:37):
And that's going to be the political part.
Yep.
Absolutely.
And so many people are out here trying
to construct the flowers, right?
And you're like, no, go back this way.
It doesn't work the way you think it does.
It's these tiny changes down here in the dark
that change the color and amount of your flowers.

(52:58):
Yeah.
And I think that's going to be what gets us past this,
that block is even changing our relationship with that block.
You know, when we run into it, once that awareness clicks,
we're like, oh, cool, I get to practice this again.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

(53:19):
And ritual is so freaking important.
You can even create like a little five minute ritual.
So the awareness hits, turn it right into action.
Yeah.
Do that listening exercise, take a couple of puffs,
whatever it is.
While you're meditating and stuff or whatever,
and then just move right into that work.
Yeah.

(53:40):
I remember one time when I was in therapy,
when I was young, I had a lot of anxiety,
and she told me, choose something like touch your ear lobe
or like pinch your thumb and think of the best thoughts
you can every time you do that.
And you will literally program your body to feel that way,

(54:01):
so that then when you're in a stressful situation,
you can do that motion and your body will produce those
chemicals and think of those thoughts.
And I just remember thinking that was so cool, right?
But that's kind of what I hear you saying,
like get really intentional about programming.
Oh, when I change this thought, I like this candle

(54:21):
or I do this thing or I, with the ritual of it,
to help sink it in and change your mindset faster.
And I think that's brilliant.
Cause I think that does change your mindset faster.
It's just more intention.
Yeah.
And it puts action to the awareness.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, cause we can have awareness all day.

(54:42):
I mean, we can have dreams all day.
And that can be really cool,
but we can also get trapped in that.
And that cycle of constant dreaming
of constantly becoming aware, but never moving forward.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what I might do for fun is,
you know, I always have notebooks with me.
So every time I think a thought like,
I don't have time or I feel that pressure,

(55:04):
I might just write down like, I have plenty of time.
Like I'm escaping the matrix.
Like whatever it is that comes to my mind,
it's the opposite of that because writing
is really powerful for me.
And that might be a good way to help change my brain.
Cause I love what you had said before too,
about how you would have like these magical thoughts.

(55:26):
Like I'm eternal, I'm outside of time.
Like, I mean, dude, you can end up over time,
like writing a whole book,
every time those thoughts come in
and going into that magical place,
because that is the one thing I'm seeing
is the world is so much more fucking magical
than we give a crap for.
Dude, I just saw a video about how a bee sees us.

(55:47):
And I don't know if it's actually true or not.
Like I really do.
Cause I don't just trust everything I see,
like that comes up on a reel or something.
But it, it, it was, it was like a bunch of little particles
of light in the shape of a person, but like separated.
So you can see a little like black darkness in it.

(56:09):
And like when it moved, it was like,
the light would trail after it.
And I'm like, is that really how a bee, like,
we would call that an angel, you know,
like a being of light.
And that's how a bee sees us.
I love that.
Dude, there's so much more magic than,
time to go to the grocery store.

(56:29):
I gotta go to CVS, get my prescriptions, you know,
gotta do this, like the everyday mundane things of life
that we've been, that we've just relaxed into.
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
It's funny to me how not only is that, you know,

(56:53):
being in touch with that magic
isn't really culturally accepted.
It's not taught how to do, but on top of that, it's mocked.
Sometimes when people are that way,
like they're put down for a connection to that.
And again, it's just that choice for me of like,
I am not playing by the rules that other people made.

(57:16):
I don't care if 90% of people feel this way.
I don't.
And giving myself permission to do that,
that's hard work.
Because there's a big part of me that still thinks like,
just being normal, Mindy.
I think my mom used to say that to me actually,
like just being normal.

(57:42):
I do just think about it.
I don't want to be normal anymore, right?
No.
It's so overrated.
Like one of the first negative comments I got was, you're sitting in your garage
in the dark smoking weed.

(58:03):
That's not normal.
It's very normal for me.
I was out there until like 11 o'clock last night watching some shows or whatever,
a movie and smoking and just feeling the breeze come in,
the night breeze and everything.
And it was beautiful, you know?
Like normal is overrated, you know?
And I always go back to that thing, like the reason why the universe exists

(58:27):
is because of the imperfections in it.
You know, so there was a video I saw the other night when I couldn't sleep,
which I know you're not supposed to start scrolling or anything, but
it was talking about
like the universe.

(58:48):
So we're.
We have we are we have like fingers and toes and feet and legs.
We have all these different appendages in which we move through life.
And we're basically the appendages of the consciousness, the universe.
Most like the universe is is is the body consciousness is the brain.
And we are the appendages on how it experiences life.

(59:11):
So all the same normal.
Then it would experience one facet of life.
Yeah.
But we're lucky enough to live in a time where it's becoming easier and easier
to do a lot of different stuff.
You know, like we started off like hunting, gathering,
moved into agriculture, got into an industry.

(59:34):
Then we kind of lived in that bubble of
fakeness, you know, that was that was prescribed to us from from the powerful people.
You know, but now with the internet and more freedoms and more ways to to to make money.
I mean, we can do anything.
We're we're making money.

(59:55):
You have people that just travel the world and travel and put up videos and make money.
You know, I mean, we have that freedom.
We need to tap back into that magic and stop being so goddamn normal.
Yes, I totally agree.
And I think like you described now more than ever is a great time in history to do it.

(01:00:17):
Like you're listening to this podcast and you've been thinking about, do I jump?
Do I not jump?
Do I jump?
Ringing jump.
Like it is a good time to try to create a life that works for you.
Yeah.
Because man, if I never I have jumped so many times in my life and if I hadn't,
I'd still be working at the grocery store where I was just going up in management.

(01:00:41):
Right. No, you've got to jump.
You've got to be willing to risk it all.
Yeah, it's.
It's imperative and even the idea of like risking it all.
It's like, you know, really doing an audit on what what you're actually risking.

(01:01:03):
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, because I would say like.
Would have please said I absolutely agree.
90% of it is bullshit about what other people are going to see or oh, I failed and that means I'm bad.
Yes.
Yeah, I think if you do an audit, write down everything.

(01:01:25):
I would say over 50% for most people are going to be about what other people think.
And then when you ask yourself, OK, do I want to live my life based on what I'm imagining other people are thinking?
Because you don't even know it's true.
If you answer yes to that question, that's crazy.
Yeah.

(01:01:46):
Yeah.
Yeah. And then even like for me, like I just think about I start also putting expectations.
This is what I want to happen in my future, which again is just all imagination.
Instead of being allowing myself to flow through that river of consciousness, that river of life and see what comes trusting and believing that what's going to come is good because it's going to come from.

(01:02:14):
My intention.
You know, like the action of consciousness.
And if I'm doing good and putting out all of those the vibrations and stuff like to me, that's where the manifestation is going to come into play.
You know, but if I'm focused on the fear of what if there's this show called Dark Matter, and it is so cool.

(01:02:40):
So this dude created a box and then you have to inject yourself with some some stuff.
And it puts you in a state of superposition so that how a particle can be an infinite number of states at the same time, you know, and so you can move into an infinite number of universes.

(01:03:03):
And like see yourself in that universe.
You know, and so the dude that the whole concept is like he he made a decision and now he now he's unhappy with it, even though he has everything he wants.
He's filthy rich.
He's an inventor like great scientist, but he wants this other life so he switches himself.

(01:03:25):
But it's what it's all about intention.
Like when I start focusing on that fear because every time he would move through a door into another world, even when he sets his intention, he explained like your experiences, your belief systems, your fears, they're all going to interact with your intention.

(01:03:50):
And it's going to mess up what happens when we walk through that door.
So they'll walk through a door thinking this is right. This is right. Whatever it is, and they open it and and it's like a door where like civilization has been destroyed like nuclear war, whatever.
You know, so it's and it's because that intention is so easily swayed by all of that stuff. So it's getting all of that stuff under control.

(01:04:16):
Yes. By practicing all of this stuff like like you would say like that's one of the things I'm going to start doing is getting more magical like when I get that awareness of okay I'm distracting I'm back in this bad spot whatever I am going to get as magical as I possibly can.
I like that.
Yeah, when you say that that feels expansive and also stretching my comfort zone like expansive with a little tail end of fear for me.

(01:04:49):
Yeah.
I'd be curious to practice that too and see what comes up there because there's definitely something there for me when I think about being as when I come up against that I'm going to be as magical as I can.
Yeah, there's some something that a block there for me that says that I'm not allowed or that's silly or I'm not sure what it is. So I think that a good practice for me to

(01:05:13):
because big T truth is I want that right but there's also some baggage there like you said right that stuff that's going to interact with it I'm like I get to I need to get to know what that is.
Yeah, I think the biggest key. I think the more that you focus on the side of the magic.
Faster you'll start to see what that block is you know like the whole idea of like I can't see the forest through the trees like I'm in that fear. It's so hard to identify like right but if you lean towards like the light the light will illuminate it right you lean towards what you want and it will illuminate it.

(01:05:52):
Yeah, I agree with that. That's really interesting.
Yeah, I love the way you are describing like personifying that experience. What is that show on by the way dark matter Apple TV.
Apple
YouTube is so interesting so it's pretty real. Because for me because I'm such a visual person actually imagining my thoughts as little people or like my inner two year old and my little inner teenager and almost like I'm playing a video game in my mind right like oh we got to go through the shield to the next level.

(01:06:27):
nerdy, but that is so helpful to me to visualize what's happening
in my personal growth like video game.
Yeah.
Yeah, like you say, like, it's it's it's turned into like, you
know, you're mocked for like, oh, that's stupid, whatever,

(01:06:48):
you're you're that's weird, you know, like, so there's a new
documentary on Apple TV about the blue angels. And I want to
watch it because I do I didn't know they when they fly, they're
like 12 inches apart. Like what the hell like why? Why do that?
You know, like even just because you can't like, isn't that
what our parents always said? Like just because you can doesn't
mean you should like don't fly that close when you're going

(01:07:12):
800 miles an hour, you know, 30,000 feet in the air. But
their last briefing before they before they fly, they visualize
the entire flight. They hold fake controls there. All of these
dudes have their eyes closed, fake controls, and they're doing
this and and the lead pilot is saying, okay, now we're going

(01:07:35):
to bank right and everybody does what they have to do when
they're playing.
So you have the blue angels that do visualization, you have
NFL quarterbacks that do visualization, you have the
toughest fighters in the world that do visualization. But when
it comes down to us, stupid. Yep. Why?

(01:07:58):
I think that's all part of that mechanism, right? To control
us and keep us as robots working to feed the system. And
you know, if I sound crazy when I say that I do. But that is
more and more. I believe

(01:08:22):
Yeah, I just out of it. Yeah. This before I even got out of
it. Yeah. Yeah.
Dude, just imagine like sitting at a coffee shop. I think
Oh, God. I'm sorry, like I was just like imagine like sitting
at a coffee shop and like two of me, you know, and one of me

(01:08:47):
is sitting over my cappuccino, whatever. And I'm thinking like
this sucks. I'm not getting anything done. I'm not going
to be successful. Right. And also all that's doing is just
draining me. You know, and then the other side is sitting and
I have this whole Lord of the Rings, you know, adventure going
on in my head, you know, but it's all about this stuff. You

(01:09:09):
know, like, I got to push through this like the, you know,
the eyes so I could feel the eyes soren like searching for
me, we got to hide, you know, I'm going to hide and, you know,
and like I'm going to smoke some weed or finish my car,
whatever like that, you know, and then bring me back down into
that focus again, you know, like and one is just entertaining.
It's it's it's it's alive. It's open. You're using your mind,

(01:09:32):
you're, you know, like the imagination, which is such a
strong freaking tool. And the other is so limiting and boring
and miserable. But we're like that stupid. Yeah. What I'm
having a fucking blast. Right. Yeah. I love that you said that

(01:09:52):
that was actually really helpful to me about leaning into being
as magical as as we can in those moments, right? Because it is
the best experience. Right. And the present moment, which is
all we really have. That's the best experience for me. Yeah.

(01:10:16):
Yeah, you know, the other day, um, I forgot something was going
on with my daughter. She wasn't like feeling well or something
and I got to get nervous, you know, and start feeling a little
anxious. And what I did was I just started like, all right,
my mind wants to think about my daughter. Great. Let's think

(01:10:37):
about my daughter. And I started thinking like, when she was
a kid, like when she was like, too, she was such a small thing.
So light. And Sandy told her to go wake me up. And I remember
feeling something on me, but it wasn't enough to like completely

(01:10:58):
pull me out of sleep. But I remember like just thinking like,
feels like someone's crawling on me. And I wake so what Sandy
told her was go wake daddy up and if he doesn't wake up, just
punch him in the face and wake him up. For Ruth, who one of
her teachers in school, I think in second grade, gave her the

(01:11:20):
nickname ruthless. So she just gets this crazy smile on her
face, crawls up me and as I'm opening my eyes, all I see is
her weird back like this. And she's got this face and she's
like, good morning. Boom. She's right in the nose. And Sandy's

(01:11:41):
just laughing so hard. And it was it was like the and I started
thinking about that you do it. It just happened again. I
completely forgot I was taught I started this talk about the
anxiety. But I was like, All right, my brain wants to think
about my daughter. I was thinking about my daughter. And I
thought of these amazing things about her. And within minutes,
the anxiety just melted away. I was feeling so happy.

(01:12:04):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think that's great. Instead of trying to
fight the anxiety, you just focus on gratitude, focus on
what you do want, go to the light. It seems like that's
really my biggest takeaway overall from our conversation
today is it doesn't matter what it is, go towards where it
feels lighter and more expansive. Like,

(01:12:27):
Yeah, like we're taking on fights that we don't need to
fight. Right. That's really, really simple, right? Go
towards that. Right? Yeah. Just move. Right. It's just a
thought for past programming or you know, all that bullshit

(01:12:50):
that's clanging around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna try
practicing that and see how that feels and how my life is
different if I regard it that way.
Dude, I'm interested. I'm gonna try to find that that Alan

(01:13:11):
Watts video and send it to you because I want to see if you
try that listening thing like see.
Yeah, I would love that. Yeah, I love meditating and
sometimes I do guided meditation. Sometimes I do the bowls.
I don't know if you ever listen to singing bowls. Oh, yeah,
yeah. Like you can almost feel like the cycle of it. So I

(01:13:35):
put really good headphones on really loud. And then I feel
like I can access those higher like more theta brainwaves
fairly easily and it just feels good. Oh my God. Yeah. But
that's one of those things that I don't allow myself very
much because I don't have time for it and it's frivolous and

(01:13:56):
it's right. So that's what I'm saying. If I just go towards
what feels open and good and light and everything else I go
no thoughts all of all of that's just junk. I'm going towards
what feels then I would be giving myself permission to do
that more. And this is the way that the world is funny. That

(01:14:18):
could be the thing meditating an hour a day could be the thing
for success. Right. And this whole time I've been avoiding
it because I think it's a waste of time like right. Right.
Right.
If imagine like if you're flexible enough to give up one
hour for something that you that feels good that I know is

(01:14:38):
going to help me out. You know and imagine and getting and
just flushing those thoughts of like I don't have time. You
know just say well screw it instead of doing four hours
worth of work I'll do three but you know I'm doing this
meditation whatever you know if I've distracted myself
whatever.
And how funny would be if then everything turned around and

(01:15:01):
like now I'm working more than ever and like you know more
things are coming my way and stuff like that like yeah.
Yeah and I think that is what I want to believe right now is
the world doesn't work the way I think it does. There's a whole
another way.

(01:15:21):
And I believe it enough to give it a try and see what it's
like on the other side.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean why not.
Yeah I mean this is our one lifetime right I certainly would
be regretful on my deathbed if I didn't try to live fully into

(01:15:42):
the magic of the human experience. Yes whatever that looks
like.
Yeah.
It feels good.
It was real good man.
Yeah that feels awesome. All right that was perfect timing
anything else you want to say before I stop the recording.
No I that that was that was real like yeah that was good.

(01:16:02):
Very complete.
Thanks for joining us everybody.
Thank you so much for joining us.
We are so grateful for all of our listeners.
Please support us in doing what we love.
It's as simple as hitting that like or subscribe button.
It would really mean a lot to us.

(01:16:23):
Thanks guys and we'll see you next week.