Chasing Thoughts | S03 E06: The Balance Blueprint: Flow Meets Organization

Welcome to "The Balance Blueprint: Flow Meets Organization," where we dive deep into the art of harmonizing spontaneity with structure for a more fulfilling and effective life. In this episode, hosts Keith and Mindy explore how to integrate the fluidity of personal intuition with the precision of effective planning.

We kick things off with a thought-provoking discussion on "Black Holes & White Holes" (00:07:50) where Keith delves into the concept of navigating life’s complexities and opportunities. Mindy then shares insights on the transformative power of "Morning Routines" (00:13:04), highlighting how setting the right tone at the start of your day can influence overall productivity and flow.

Keith and Mindy also explore the "Personal Benefits of Plant Meds" (00:23:20), discussing how alternative practices can aid in achieving balance. The conversation then shifts to "Permission to Change" (00:32:40), where Mindy emphasizes the importance of embracing flexibility and evolving your approach as needed.

As the episode progresses, Keith addresses the significance of "Searching for the 'Why'" (00:40:00), a crucial step in aligning your actions with your deeper motivations. Mindy contributes to the discussion with her perspective on "Intuitive Feelings" (00:52:35), examining how trusting your gut can guide effective decision-making.

Keith raises a compelling question: "Where Am I Thinking From?" (00:59:10), encouraging listeners to reflect on the origin of their thoughts and decisions. Mindy wraps up the conversation by tackling the "Struggle to Self-Assess" (01:06:33), exploring the challenges and strategies for accurate self-evaluation.

Join us for an enlightening exploration of how to merge flow and organization to create a balanced and productive life. Tune in for valuable insights, practical tips, and inspiring discussions!

Subscribe now to never miss an episode and start mastering the balance between flow and structure today!

00:00:00 Intro

00:07:50 Black Holes & White Holes (Keith)

00:13:04 Morning Routines (Mindy)

00:23:20 Personal Benefits of Plant Meds (Keith)

00:32:40 Permission to Change (Mindy)

00:40:00 Searching for the "Why" (Keith)

00:52:35 Intuitive Feelings (Mindy)

00:59:10 Where am I Thinking From? (Keith)

01:06:33 Struggle to Self-Assess (Mindy)

01:16:10 Closing

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What is my next challenge in daring to be human?

(00:07):
How do I connect with life?
How can I let go of my need for fixed answers in favor of aliveness?
How do I live free from the experiences that shaped me?
How can we be the change the world needs right now?
Join us weekly for Stony Conversations about life.
It is our mission to allow life itself to reveal to us the answers.

(00:35):
Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
Good morning everybody. Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
Hey Keith, how was your week?
It was good. It was good. Got a lot done.
I had a really busy week.

(00:57):
I had a lot of stress and anxiety going away.
Very relaxing too.
Like I find like the more I get into the work,
the more like a lot of the stress and anxiety goes away.
Yeah.
Yeah, I had a really busy week. I went backpacking last week,
which was awesome. It was fun.
We did 50 miles in five days.
It was perfect. It was beautiful.

(01:20):
I was like, I'm going to go back to the office and I'm going to
go back to the office and then my sister arrived with her U-Haul.
And then, and so it's been kind of chaotic for me.
And I had to meet with a marketing client this morning.
And the whole time my inner dialogue was really negative.
They hate you. They want to fire you.
They think you're dumb right now.
No data to support those thoughts. Like everything was good.

(01:44):
And I recognize again.
It's just how important self care is and how when I get too busy,
all those negative thoughts get louder in my head and it's
frustrating because I want to do all this stuff.
But moving fast is not what this body wants.

(02:07):
It's not what this system wants at all.
Yeah.
I wish I had saved this video.
I just saw it probably like 20 minutes ago,
but it was a video, a podcast and the guy was talking about
living fast and how speed is reactive.

(02:29):
Like so constantly going like that. It's reactive.
Reactive is from that fight or flight response.
And when you're in that response, it draws your focus towards you.
And then we have that negative negativity bias built in.
So it's like cranking up the volume to 10 on all the negative
thoughts that we can have.
Yeah.
And it sucks. And it's too bad.

(02:52):
But so many of us feel like we have to live that way or we have to
live that way because of our circumstances.
Our culture is set up that way.
I'm really hoping.
In a hundred years we've evolved enough that that's not the case.
Right. That someday in the future.
We treat ourselves the way that we need to be treated to be fully
human.

(03:15):
Yeah. I mean, I think it's, I think the, the data just shows that
the way things are now is just not sustainable.
You know, the, the more industrialized first world your country is,
the more of a likelihood you're going to be on antidepressants,
anti anxieties, all kinds of mental health medications.

(03:36):
You know, the food gets worse, you know,
because everything is driven by greed and profit. And then.
Yeah. It's just, it's just not sustainable.
Yeah. I know.
I think the question is just how bad does it need to get before it
gets better?
And we don't know. I mean, there have been really dark ages through

(04:00):
history.
And then usually after that always comes sort of a period of
renaissance.
Can you skip that? Or is it like we talk about,
is there a cultural suffering that is necessary in order to
awaken to the next evolution?
You know, my, my hope is that as, as we,

(04:22):
as time has gone on from when human beings first began walking
around on the planet to today,
the threats that we have faced have gotten so diminished that
the biggest threat to our, to our own like happiness and well-being
is the suffering that we create in our own heads,

(04:45):
the psychological suffering that goes on.
I think Victor Frankel talked about that a lot.
And then there's, there's all kinds of books, the open focus
brain, the body keeps a score. I mean, that, that talks about this.
So my hope is that,
that dark period is not as bad as previous dark periods have been.

(05:10):
You know what I mean? Because I do feel that there is an awakening
going on, you know, a spiritual awakening where people are
realizing that spirituality is not something that you choose to
have in your life or not. You know, it just, it just is.
We are spiritual beings. It's part of the makeup of who we are.

(05:31):
And I believe that there is like this, this change that's going
on where people are recognizing that and then finding new ways.
You know, I just saw a video clip of Maria Sabina, the,
like the, what are they called? Like the mother of psychedelics

(05:55):
and stuff that introduced psilocybin to the world.
It was her great grandson talking about how we're getting to this
point where, where we see people are hurting like mentally,
you know, with a lot of this stuff that's treated with just
Western medicine are now coming more to the ancient plants,

(06:19):
you know, and actually finding relief.
Yeah.
You know, so I really believe there is like this awakening going
on. So that's like where my hope lies and then that,
and we're just not going to have to go through as much.
Yeah.
I heard a funny comedy bit by Mark Marin the other day talking
about Prozac and he was saying, if you are alive in today's

(06:45):
American culture, particularly, you should be depressed.
Like you're looking at people suffering everywhere.
Like you're actually have a normal response,
but because society tells you it's not,
you get medicated for it. And then because the masses are
medicated, changes happening less fast because we're not feeling

(07:06):
the like discomfort and disgust with ourselves that we need to
feel in order to change. And I thought,
that's such a smart way to say it, right? Like that's happening
or not, but it certainly is interesting to think about.
And I think the difference in what you're talking about with
like ancient medicines and plant medicines is current like

(07:27):
antidepressants are designed to stop it, right?
Stop feeling this way. Stop thinking this way.
The other ones are designed to lead you through it.
Yes.
And that's a huge difference. It doesn't just take it away from
you. It actually helps you work through it.
Yeah. Yeah.

(07:48):
And that's, that's why I love that, that analogy with black
holes and white holes, you know, so with the black hole,
everything gets brought into it and it's sucked into it.
Nothing can escape. And a lot of the,
the antidepressants and stuff, what they do is it gives us a
ledge in that black hole to step on.

(08:09):
So we don't fall completely through, but over time,
you need more and more. And then you start having side effects
from those meds. And then you need more meds to deal with those
side effects, you know, and whereas, I mean,
psilocybin and cannabis for me was that thing that brought me
through it. I was able to work through and still am working

(08:33):
through that fear so that you can go on the other side.
And that's, that's where the white hole comes in where,
where nothing can enter it, but, but everything comes out,
you know, and they believe the big bang was,
or one of the theories is that it was a white hole.
So literally life comes from moving through that singularity of fear.
Yeah.

(08:54):
It's not for the faint of heart.
No, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
And like I said, still doing it in my life, man.
I know all day, all morning, I've been working since my,
you know, thoughts are negative and my anxiety is high.
And so it has been work for me today to remember who I am,

(09:16):
bring myself to center, not listen to those thoughts.
And that's effort.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I know we talked on Monday and there was a topic that we came
up with and you said, let's talk about that.
But for the life of me, when I was preparing for this yesterday,
I could not remember it.

(09:38):
And I didn't text you because I was unloading the U-Haul.
So what were we going to talk about?
Oh my God. This is so funny, dude.
So this morning I woke up and I'm like, all right,
what, what were we going to talk about?
I completely forgot too. And it was a good one.

(09:59):
Yeah. I remember.
Yeah, that's that we should, we should do that.
Yeah. Was it in our tax?
Yeah.
I remember talking about what the zillion things to talk about,
but I do remember being excited about whatever we were talking about
on Monday.

(10:22):
I was just checking,
checking the taxes to see if there was, if it was in there, but.
And on Monday too, I was talking about like how, like,
I want to start organizing things more, writing things down,
and I was like, I don't know what to do with that.
I don't know what to do with that.
I don't know what to do with that stuff like that.
And then the day I talk about that, I don't, I don't.

(10:44):
Yeah.
That's that balance that you and I are both trying to really feel into
is being with the flow and space and being organized and productive
in the world.
And yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that, that was.
That was the thing that I, that I prepared for, for my notes for.

(11:05):
So I got the title and the date on there and that was it.
Hey, you've got to celebrate whatever you accomplish,
even if it's 1% that you've got towards your goal,
you celebrate it because that makes.
Yes.
Yeah, I did something.
Yeah.
No, I'm going to hang that.
I'm going to get some tape and just hanging on the wall,
but my computer. So like next on Monday, I'm like, all right.

(11:28):
I'm going to hang up my phone.
I'm going to hang up my phone.
I'm going to hang up my phone.
It's not the notes going, right?
Oh, yeah.
That reminder, but.
Baby steps.
Yeah.
And that's, that's really been like the,
the biggest thing I've been finding like going.
Having the structure verse flow.
You know, is.

(11:55):
Cause I've been thinking about that a lot, like,
I decided like just the distractions are gonna stop.
I know I'm gonna wanna distract myself
and I know it's gonna flow right in naturally into that.
And my brain is gonna convince me
that that's okay in the moment.
So having like the awareness of all those things

(12:17):
like that I'm not gonna be like, okay, don't do this,
get going, like no, that's not gonna happen.
You know, my brain's gonna be like,
this is what needs to be done or this is okay.
You know, you have plenty of time, whatever.
So just setting that intention that no matter what,
as soon as I'm done with like my routine, I'm up and moving.

(12:39):
And that helped me stay more consistent
with my working out and stuff.
And then getting into work, like once I started moving,
like the flow came more natural, you know?
And then, so within that,
then I started building the structure of what I wanna do
for the month and then each day what I'm gonna do.

(13:04):
Yeah.
I think you're right.
Having some sort of, for me at least morning routine
because what can happen to me is I'll grab a cup of tea
and my laptop right when I wake up
and start working on the couch, right?
Oh, I'll see what came in.
Oh, I'll do this and that.
And then before I know it, it's 11 o'clock.

(13:27):
I haven't eaten or brushed my teeth.
I'm still sitting there.
And now half the day's gone and I feel frustrated
and I don't know what to do
because at that point do I go shower
and then go back to what, and I get discombobulated
versus when I discipline myself and I say,
no electronics for the first hour.

(13:47):
I have my cup of tea, I sit outside,
I go upstairs and brush my teeth, I make my bed.
Then when I get to work, I feel so much better
and the whole day can be organized.
But man, if I don't get that morning routine right,
that for me is a real crux I've noticed

(14:09):
that can totally help me figure out how my month goes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm very much the same.
Like my morning routine, which for me is like,
I have a cup of coffee and I read and for about an hour.
And I just need that time.

(14:29):
First of all, my body hurts so bad
when I wake up in the morning.
So being able to just sit there and not move,
like for some reason, like once I get up,
I'm like, I feel pretty good now.
But just that time to,
oh, I don't know, I guess it's kind of like
revving up my imagination for the day.

(14:50):
Yeah.
You know, getting into the book and seeing the story
completely play out in front of me and stuff.
You know, like, because when I remember what I've read,
I see it in my head like I would if I saw a movie.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, which I love that.
You know what I mean?
So like it's such a great way to kind of

(15:11):
gently move into the day for me
and then just start my imagination going.
Yeah, that's smart.
I think it's particularly smart that you're not on electronics
because I think that not only can mess with our brains
from a very like flashing lights and colors
right in the morning,
but also it just did design to suck our time.

(15:36):
So it's not a good place to start your day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, in fact, even, so I'm doing this just
because I have like arthritis and stuff
and I don't want to be like, you know, like really hard up
by the time I'm like 55.
So I'm trying to stay as loose and flexible.

(15:57):
So I'm doing this Tai Chi thing.
And but it also goes into Taoism, which I love, man.
And the guy that was teaching it was talking about how
in Taoism, one of the things that you do in the morning
is as soon as you wake up,
you go right outside, 10 minutes, just breathing,

(16:22):
not doing anything, you know, so I leave my phone in the house.
I don't even put my shoes on, you know,
just go outside, stand in the grass
and just kind of feel the sun and everything.
And there's nothing miraculous about it, you know,
but it's, I don't know, it just feels
like such a great, peaceful way to start the day.

(16:43):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, most mornings I try to go out on my porch,
but it's not always the first thing that I do.
And I think I'd like to change that
because I think what you're saying sounds really powerful
and nice.
And for me, it's a lot about when I go right to my phone

(17:04):
or my email or working, it's like the world gets me first.
Right?
I'm not spending any time for myself
or to even like acknowledge myself.
And when I do have a slower morning
where I'm going sitting on my porch or doing something,

(17:24):
it feels so self-honoring, like, okay, I'm a human,
I know myself, it almost seems like I would never wake up
and ignore my husband, right?
When I see him I say good morning,
but I'm totally okay ignoring myself.
Yeah.
You know, morning and not giving myself that time

(17:47):
to just be without work or doing or tasks.
And it's such an easy and I think natural habit to get into,
you know, especially with like all the dopamine release
that comes from social media or whatever,
like, oh, 20 people like this, somebody commented that,

(18:07):
you know, whatever was good.
So you wake up, the first thing that you do
is you start checking all that stuff,
which means that stuff is more important than you.
Like your identity is coming from that.
And then that's when you're gonna start getting into like,
oh, I got a negative comment or something, you know,
and where it starts becoming devastating.

(18:29):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I need to rein in some habits again.
I've gotten a little off track.
And that's summer and I'm busy.
And I think this is pretty normal.
It's easier for me in the fall and winter
when things are very regulated in my life.
So I think that's something I need to do here

(18:51):
because I've been all over the place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, I really think like that whole idea of busy,
like when we talked about how to live better
even though we're in the society that we're in, you know,
and I think that's one of the things is learning
how to keep our minds slow when our bodies are busy.

(19:15):
Yes, because that's when you're present.
Yeah, and a lot of those old habits come up
when we do get busy.
Yes.
You know, in fact, I was just reading,
and why am I not gonna remember his name?

(19:36):
Whatever, like I want to remember something,
my brain's just like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no,
it's like playing keep away with me.
Joe, Joe Dispenza, geez.
And I think one of the dangers of like too much structure,
like we have like this super structure,
which is the way our society is built for us to be,

(19:57):
you know, where we have like basically eight hours of time
where we can just be alone,
but the other, all that other time is accounted for
in a very routine way, you know, just same job, same tasks,
everything is the same.
And he talks about like we stop thinking

(20:20):
from our prefrontal cortex,
because that lights up when there's new ideas, new experiences,
all that stuff.
So we start thinking from earlier parts of our brain,
like parts that evolved earlier on.
And so it becomes this routine thing
and not all of our brain is working the way it should.

(20:42):
It doesn't demand all of that focus
that a new experience or a new task would.
So even the protons that like, or the protons,
the proteins that are being released by our genes and stuff
actually become like subpar.
They're proteins that you see in aging.

(21:06):
And that's just from simply living life
in this super routine that our society pushes.
Yeah. Yeah, that's important for me to remember
because I can really get into routine
in ways that feel really good to me and comfortable.

(21:28):
Yeah, that's the hard thing,
because especially with like autism,
like there's a demand for routine.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting to get to know yourself deeper and deeper
and build these new patterns and routines in your life
to support you.
I mean, that's what we're both doing

(21:48):
is really trying to figure out
not only our businesses and interacting with the world,
but what do we need to be optimized?
And who are we and how does this human body
and this consciousness all work together
so that we can honor it?
I love that Bruce Lifton podcast I sent you is so great
and it talks a lot about sort of the stuff

(22:09):
you are mentioning is, you know,
how it works with your DNA
and how your brain recodes itself
and how your beliefs impact that
and how it turns on certain genetic indicators
and really fun, fun stuff.
But one thing he said,
now I'm going to forget what it was.
See, my brain's all spacey today.

(22:32):
Were you smoking before?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because we always do that.
You know, it's kind of the podcast vibe,
but partially because when I got home from that client meeting,
I was so stressed and we'd,
I always say this,
but it helps me feel like I'm in a good mood

(22:55):
and I'm not in a good mood.
I always say this, but it helps me feel like I'm in my body.
Yeah.
Because when I'm stressed out,
it's like I'm up here hanging out above my body
and I can't feel anything.
And then when I smoke, I'm like, okay, I'm here.
And the stress goes away.
Yeah, it does.

(23:17):
Does that for my, my, my focus and my thoughts like normally.
I feel like, like skipping a rock across like a calm lake.
Like I feel like my thoughts are like that.
They're just surface level and they, they can't go deep.
And then when I smoke, I'm like, you know, like, you know,
like bugs, the old bugs, bunny cartoons,

(23:39):
like where he just digs in the earth and just like digs like so fast.
And I'm like, that's what it feels like.
I'm just digging so deep down into my,
into my consciousness and into who I am.
So easily.
It's beautiful.
It really is.
I'm very, very grateful for it, particularly in my life right now,
because I'm going through a chapter of inner exploration.

(24:08):
And I'm so stoked.
I get to spend so much time doing it.
Right.
So good.
I love it so much.
I love it. I love it so much.
Dude, I was thinking about that the other day and then this thought
hit me like a frying pan, like right in the face, like,
the hell are you doing?

(24:31):
Like you're doing nothing.
You're, you're, you're talking into your phone or into your computer,
you know, and then that's it.
And you think.
You can make a living doing this.
And it's weird because like that thought has like.
Just taken a seat in my mind.
So even though I'm like, I'm, because when I work,

(24:52):
all the other thoughts kind of disappear, especially after I smoke.
But, um, so it's easy to ignore it, but I still feel it sitting there.
And it's, it's pissing me off.
Yes. Yeah.
I have a very similar thing going on with the same path.
And that's part of what was stressing me out today as this client was talking

(25:13):
about video production and could I do this and that.
And I said, yes. And, but inside I was just thinking,
I'm not good enough to do this. I'm not educated for the,
all the insecure thoughts.
And so then I lack confidence. So then I think they don't like me.
So then I'm showing up smaller because.
Right. And it's like a snowball where if I could just be like,

(25:37):
I'm like, I'm not gonna get that.
I'm not gonna get that.
I'm not gonna get that.
Shut up.
It's still show up big.
But because of where I was this morning.
I couldn't do it. Right.
Sometimes you're able to get on top of it.
And sometimes you're not.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(25:58):
Sometimes it comes like as a knock on the door.
And sometimes it comes as like,
someone kicking the door down.
Yeah.
thing in my life or my life can't be good so that I love my work and I feel good about
my work and I have a good merit.
Right?
There's this idea that something has to be bad, something has to be drudgery, it has
to be hard.

(26:20):
And so it's hard to accept that you can get what you want.
And I'm right there with you as I build this new life.
Yeah, you know, it's interesting how in mental health, emotions that are bad have become disorders.

(26:43):
And then I guess like the unspoken part is that the emotions that are good, that's where
we should be 100% of the time and if we're not, something's wrong.
Yeah.
And we need to start learning to recognize that.
I really believe there's this emotional state like in this liminal period in between the

(27:12):
happiness and the sadness, the good and the bad, that that's where we're designed to be.
You know, because then we can move through, which is what we'll do.
Yeah.
Do you have anything that you do to, I guess, bring yourself into the moment, recover when

(27:35):
you're really anxious or stressed, when you're not showing up as you want to?
Like what are your tools for in the moment transformation or like getting a hold of yourself?
So one of the first things I learned when I started the coaching classes was the power

(27:58):
of focus and visualizations.
And so one of the things I do is like, I'll get into that state and then there'll be a
point where I'm like, oh, wait, this is what's going on.
You know, so I'll get all anxious and my first reaction is going to be like, why am I feeling

(28:21):
this way?
I shouldn't feel this way to drawing off, pushing all my focus into it, even though I'm
like trying to think of why I shouldn't be like this, you know, so, but then I start feeling
it more.
And then I come to this realization like, okay, this is what's going on.
Anxiety is an alarm signal.

(28:42):
So something is making me feel uneasy.
Like there's a fear there.
And I know like, shoot, not supposed to use that word because, you know, feel like, oh,
I'm not afraid of anything, you know, whatever.
But there's a fear there that's triggering it.
And then I'm able to, I just kind of like work through the steps of how my mind works,

(29:06):
you know, so then once I sort of define it where it's coming from, now I can give it
the meaning that I choose to give it because my mind in my, my fight or flight response
is already giving it a meaning, but that's meaning that meaning is being given to me.
My consciousness.

(29:27):
Now my consciousness can choose the meaning that fits.
So one of the biggest areas that I, that I struggle with is, is distracting myself because
I have a fear that I'm not good enough.
Just like I said, like this thing that hit me with a frying pan, I call it Sandy because
she's always taken swings at me.

(29:48):
And sitting just like I'm this recliner in my brain telling me how bad I suck and how
everything I'm doing is just delusional and all this stuff.
And it's a fear of not being enough, not being good enough.
And then I just, I start, now I can give myself my own meaning, which is my brain is trying

(30:18):
to keep me safe.
So this is not a bad thing.
This is a good thing.
And there is some risk here because I might be dealt, I might confront people that, that
judge me this way, you know, and which would then sort of solidify that fear, oh, see,

(30:40):
see that this is what they think.
But then I, that's when I start to go through all the stuff I am grateful for, you know,
the stuff that, that lights up my heart.
I know this answer is like so long, but I've never thought about it before like down like
this.
And like one of the things is, is, you know, there's no center of the universe, you know,

(31:02):
like reading stuff on, on like from Neil deGrasse Tyson or whatever.
So the center of the universe is, is directly related to the observer.
So while I'm just this little piece of nothing, like kind of clawing for this significance
of if other people accept me, then I'm worthy.

(31:24):
And at the same time, I am literally the center of the universe I made from the universe.
You know, the universe creates galaxies, galaxies create stars, stars create planets and life.
You know, and, and I connect with more of that.

(31:45):
I push my focus to more of my eternal side, you know, that side of consciousness.
And then without trying to quiet this, this just naturally the, the balances shift.

(32:08):
How long do you think that usually takes you from, from the point where I start getting
anxious, a couple of days, because I'll live with the anxiety for a few days before I'm
like, wait, hold on.
Why am I feeling this?
Yeah.

(32:28):
Yeah.
Like you said, that awareness moment is huge.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I find that I'm getting better and better at recognizing when I'm off, but giving myself
permission to change it.
I'm not as fast at.
So I'll recognize that I'm off, but then or anxious or, but then the next thought is

(32:54):
more like, well, I shouldn't be this way.
So fucking keep going on, Mindy.
Like don't be a pussy and take a time off.
Right.
So I'm getting stuck on the permission to respond to that.
And then finally it gets more painful.
I get more anxious and I go, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to, you know, sit down and spend

(33:17):
some time changing my thoughts or journaling or doing something.
And so it's interesting to me because I'm realizing more what the block looks like for
me in that process.
And then I think sometimes when I do notice it, especially if I'm have meetings or sessions

(33:39):
or things I need to do, I can do things like wash my face or my hands.
Like water can help saying things to myself in the mirror can help getting a hug or asking
my husband to say something to me can help or even texting a friend and saying, like,
can you tell me that I'm not crazy and I'm good?

(33:59):
And they're like, you're not crazy.
You're good.
I'm like, okay, thanks.
Right.
There's certain kind of tools sometimes listening to a certain song can help pop me out of it.
So sometimes I'm able to recognize it and respond quickly.
And in that, those moments, it moves quicker.
But the bigger, the bigger times like this last week when I didn't feel like there was

(34:25):
time in my life for me to respond.
Right.
Going back to the speed.
No, I have all the stuff going on.
I have people here.
I have this.
I have to get this work done.
I don't have time for my mental health.
That's become a word that I hate have.
Yeah.
Or maybe a phrase have to.

(34:46):
Yeah.
Because that, that always whenever I identify that underlying thing that I'm afraid of that
phrase is always there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was thinking it was interesting when you were talking because I was thinking anytime

(35:06):
I feel like I need something from somebody, I need this contract.
I need this job.
I need you to like me.
I need you to say yes.
I need that puts me in a bad place.
I don't like that place.
I'm not saying that we can't be needed.
Of course, all humans need love and respect and blah, blah, blah.
What I'm talking about is the truth is I'm okay.

(35:29):
If that person doesn't love me, that person will.
If I don't get that contract, I'll get that contract.
Right?
But I get into this illusion that I have to need this and hold on to this and manipulate
someone to do something for me to like me or to approve of what I'm doing.
And man, that's a mess.

(35:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because that's what I realized in my life when I'm doing that.
It's because I feel inferior to that person.
I have to figure out the song and dance that they need to see me do in order for them to
be like, all right, you check the box.

(36:11):
I'll like you.
Yeah.
And that feels icky.
Yeah.
When I do, I'm like, why are you a bitch?
Why are you such a bench, man?
Yeah.
But I think right now what you and I are experiencing, or I'll talk for myself when I'm experiencing

(36:33):
where I feel it more icky and it feels more like bouncing around is actually good because
I used to not be aware of it at all.
It's just the way I operate it.
Now I'm having periods of joy and authenticity and flow and beingness and then the periods
of conforming and wanting and needing someone to like me feel so much worse because I have

(37:00):
the other side.
Yeah.
I mean, that it's sort of getting really bumpy and then I'll come out on the other side of
this transformation.
But right now it seems like both the peaceful times are better, they're amazing, and the
other times when I'm insecure are worse.
Yeah.

(37:20):
Yeah.
Once you start becoming aware of it, that's where, yeah, it starts feeling so much worse.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I think it's a gift ultimately because it's awareness and suffering that creates
the change that I want to see, which is more freedom and flow.
Yeah.

(37:41):
That's been one of the things that has helped me out that I really think like it was this
week where I finally put it into effect and it's been so good.
Like I'm excited to wake up and start the next day.
You know?
And so like when you ask like, how long does that take me?

(38:02):
So to get from the point where I have that awareness, that could take a couple of days,
you know, before you should take like months.
And now like a couple of days, but then I've gotten good enough at practicing identifying
like the fear and then giving it a meaning, you know?

(38:24):
And when we started the season three and going from business to art to creation, I realized
like, so I had this wall here and I kept bumping up against it and that change didn't break
down the wall.
It like teleported me like Star Trek style, like to the other side.

(38:47):
And I was like, holy shit, that was so cool.
And then it happened with something else.
Yeah.
And I was like, well, like with how I'm seeing things and how I'm recognizing things and
beliefs and everything.
And then one little change and then boom, I'm like, oh my God, you know?
So what I found was that from the meaning that has gotten to the point where it takes

(39:11):
seconds.
Yeah.
Like where I knew my brain was going to do all this stuff and tell me why it's okay
to distract myself.
But I'm like, nope, this is the meaning.
This is what I do.
It's my image.
I get to spend my entire day in my imagination creating, you know, and I get moving, you know?

(39:33):
So it pushes me beyond that.
And then when I actually start doing the stuff, everything disappears.
Yeah.
You know, all of the anxiety trepidation is gone.
Yeah.
So I realized like the more time I spend figuring out the why, the more time I spent

(39:56):
in misery.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, you know, because like people always say like, if you find the big enough why,
and so I'm like, I've done these classes and I'm a coach and why am I feeling this way?
And I realized like spending all that time looking for the why is like just destroying
me.
It's keeping me focused on a mindset that is limiting.

(40:23):
So it's almost doing like this trust fall, you know, knowing that nobody's behind you,
just the universe is there going to catch you, you know?
And because it's just, it's just, it's a coin, you know, it's a flip of the coin.
What side are you going to focus on?
And I realized that the more I just say, okay, I get to create my meaning, it can be whatever

(40:44):
I want, you know, do that feels aligned, feels good.
Okay, boom.
Now I'm going to focus on that.
And then everything else quiets down.
So it was more about pushing the focus onto, onto the meaning that I choose for it instead
of figuring out the why this is happening.

(41:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what's funny?
What I hear you kind of saying is get the reframe and then own it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's funny because I had a similar thing happen recently.
I love when people talk about how they change their lives on social media.

(41:27):
So I was thinking, oh man, I would love to talk about working from home and gardening
and being there for my family.
And I'm like, but I don't really like, I'm not, I'm not qualified to talk about that
right in my head.
And then I realized I've been doing this for almost three years, like content creation,

(41:49):
coaching, making a living off of it, making more money than my husband does as a professor
at the college.
Like, why am I telling myself that I can't talk about those things or I'm a fraud.
And it's because I'm afraid that it's going to end.
And then everybody's going to say, oh, see, yeah, you had it for five years, but then

(42:11):
you had to go work at Burger King, bitch.
Like, and I'm going to be destroyed.
Right.
And when I realized, like, how long I had actually been successful in this lifestyle,
I'm like, there's people on the internet who did this three months ago who are killing
it and talking about the change they made because they fucking own it.

(42:31):
Yeah.
Right.
And so it's like, both are true.
I am anxious and I'm a beginner at content creation and I've been doing it for a while
and I've gotten great results.
So where am I going to put my focus?
Like you were saying, right?
They're both true.
Oh, not good stuff.
Yeah.

(42:52):
And then just think about the energy that will come into you when you think of, I've
been doing this for three years successful at it.
But I'm a beginner and don't know what I'm doing.
I mean, just feel, you can just feel the energy with both of those statements.
But I think for me, I need to have the routines like my morning meditation or my morning journaling

(43:18):
to fucking remind myself that that's the truth.
Yes.
My brain and my body don't get it yet, they're still going back to the old way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like, it's not, it's not our brains deep.
Like our brain has a default mode.

(43:40):
Like, you know, when you don't touch your computer for a while and it goes to the whatever screen
saver or whatever, you know, and it's, it's slightly anxious and scanning your environments
for threats.
Yeah.
I remember I was talking at a college and this girl was telling how even at family functions,

(44:03):
she'll start to feel overwhelmed and so she'll have to, you know, go into her bedroom or
whatever.
And she said to recharge her batteries.
And she does that by scrolling on her phone on social media.
So I asked her how long it takes before her batteries are recharged.
And she's like, they never get recharged.

(44:25):
So one of the things that I learned was like, when we, when we go into that mindless scrolling,
and I love, I think there's something to be said for binge watching some shows.
Sometimes I think it's what you need sometimes, you know, but when you're doing it to distract
yourself, you know what I mean?
Like, instead of for me, instead of working, I'm going to watch, you know, the new, the

(44:45):
super fans episodes of the office or whatever, you know, your brain goes into this default
mode, which makes you feel more anxious and then makes you low, always looking for threats,
which means your brain is going to want to give you what you're focused on.
So you're going to come up with all these reasons that you're, you're start seeing all
these threats.

(45:06):
Yeah.
You know, so it's, it's so important to be, to warm that engine up so that you can get
into these new, those new patterns and do the things that, that, that give you the energy
to push you in that direction.
Yeah.
And I think that recognizing the difference because I, I have the same thing you're talking

(45:34):
about and it happened to me this week.
So I was overwhelmed doing a lot, felt really stressful.
And so like at three o'clock one afternoon, I just told my husband, like, I'm just going
to like lay in bed and watch TV.
I'm, I just have had too much of the world.
And I binge watched, uh, have you watched three body project?

(45:54):
Oh yeah.
That's such an awesome show, man.
But I, I was doing it in the name of self care, but I never asked myself what I needed.
Right.
I never sat down and said like, Mindy, what do you really need right now?
I just was trying to book and watch something so I'd stop thinking, right?

(46:20):
And being overwhelmed.
And I think that's the difference.
And when I can remember to ask myself what I really need, then I make choices like a
walk, meditation, like learning something new that I've been wanting to learn, even
listening to an audio book and gardening, right?

(46:42):
There's tons of ways that I can actually care for myself that aren't scrolling on my phone
or binge watching TV.
And like you said, sometimes that's necessary, but it's not often when I check in with myself
and ask myself, what do I really, really need that my soul says six hours of three body

(47:03):
project.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
And so I think that's something I'd like to do more in my future is before I select one
of those activities of I'm overwhelmed.
I just have to stop this from happening, right?

(47:24):
Taking a minute to ask myself what I really need.
Yeah.
I think that is so, that's so smart.
That's like what when I like say, like we got to Scooby do it.
Yeah.
See really who it's about, you know, and like pulling the mask off the monster at the end.
Yeah.
Because there was so much stuff that I would say I would be doing in the name of whatever,

(47:49):
you know, and then you pull the mask off and you're like, oh, this is actually just all
about me and distraction and not wanting to feel a certain way.
Yeah.
Distraction is huge.
Yeah.
I mean, there is a major difference between not wanting to feel a certain way and wanting
to feel a certain way.
Yes.

(48:10):
Well said.
Yeah.
Like when we put all the focus on not wanting, I mean, that's what we're going to feel.
Yeah.
And that's what distraction is, right?
As I'm laying there watching the three body project, even unconsciously I'm like, oh,
good.

(48:31):
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Stop the overwhelm.
Which is not, it's still focusing on the overwhelm versus I think if I would have made a healthier
choice, I would have found, you know, peace and beauty in my garden and appreciation and
gratitude.
Those things are more accessible in those other activities than in binge watching TV.

(48:57):
No, I just like, when you were saying that,
like you're just going through your mind watching the show
like stop the overwhelm, stop the overwhelm.
And then you mentioned gardening.
And immediately I'm like, okay, that is a relaxing,
like I've never seen like a movie or anything

(49:18):
where a gardener was like running around like crazy.
It's always like slow, just digging in the dirt,
big sun half, you know?
So we can focus on telling ourselves to stop the overwhelm
or we can take the action of relaxation,
of slowing down just by going in your garden.

(49:39):
Yeah.
Yeah, the other thing I have found interesting is
as I've been thinking about habits and routines
and how I want to set up my life,
there are certain things, watching TV is one of them.
That's what made me think of this,
that I think I'd like to stop watching TV,
like just for a month.

(49:59):
Like I really want to understand its place in my life
because I feel like I'm using it unconsciously.
When I had that thought, I was like,
oh no, I'm not going to say I'm going to stop watching TV.
I don't want to do that.
And I was getting curious about what that was about.

(50:20):
Right, because it wasn't just this feeling like,
oh, I'm going to miss TV.
I love TV.
It was like, no, I can't be without it.
Yeah, yeah.
And so I started sort of playing around with thoughts
in my head like, oh, I'm going to stop drinking.
I'm going to stop eating meat.
I'm going to stop.
And which thoughts bring up a dependency feeling?

(50:45):
That's really interesting.
And it's like an inconvenient truth.
I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to say which thoughts.
Brought that feeling up because I don't,
I'm scared that I'm going to have to take action on it.
Yeah, you know, like the one time I felt something similar
was when thinking about when I realized my,

(51:10):
my issue of PTSD was like,
my issue of PTSD was an issue of identity.
And thinking about my first thought was like,
all right, I'm going to change my identity and like take veteran
out and then like, and it was that reaction.
Like, no, I felt like I would be cutting off a limb.
Yeah.

(51:31):
You know, like that, that desire to not do it, do that was so strong.
Yeah. And when you have that feeling,
do you think it's fear or do you think it's like,
is it good or bad?
What's that feeling saying to you?
It wasn't, it wasn't a bad feeling as far as like,

(51:56):
I didn't feel anxiety.
I didn't feel anger.
It was a sternness of no, almost like,
an intuition, like this intuitive thought of, nope,
that's not it.
And it was so strong.
Like I did feel that sense of like,
I would be denying a part of myself.

(52:18):
So, so yeah, I never thought about how the feeling,
but, but it wasn't something that I would say is a negative.
It didn't give me, you know,
that negative feeling that anxiety gives me.
Yeah.
I think it's like,
I think it's like, I think it's like, I think it's like,
you know,
that, that, that negative feeling that anxiety gives me.

(52:40):
Yeah.
Have you ever had a feeling kind of the opposite direction where
your intuition tells you like, do this, do this, do this.
And you just let it keep saying that,
and you don't make the change that you are being told to make.
Do you want to start?
Yeah.
I do that all the time.

(53:01):
Yeah.
How do,
how do we get better at responding to that faster?
And, and this is, this is the,
what I've found is, is the cool thing. Like.
The answer is both harder than you can imagine and easier than you
can imagine. Like at the same, like one of those paradoxes.

(53:25):
I think it's to get better, you have to practice.
Yeah.
So it's,
so each time that you choose to honor that instead of to ignore it.
Like, I mean, it's got to be.
Such a major party in your head.

(53:49):
You know, because I mean, there's that whole like pain versus pleasure
principle. So you can use that to benefit you, you know, because
there's,
when you don't listen to that intuitive thing, like do this,
you know, the, your anxiety is saying, if you do that, you may be
like someone may judge you.

(54:11):
So your anxiety, your natural inclination is to,
is to associate doing that intuitive thing with, with pain.
Right. And we're designed to move away from pain and towards
pleasure. So we move away from doing the intuitive thing.
And we move towards the distraction, even though the distraction makes
us feel worse than if we did the, the intuitive thing that we say is

(54:33):
painful.
Yeah.
So this is again, where since we are not our thoughts, we can override
those and be like,
I'm going to put, I'm going to associate pleasure with doing the
intuitive thing and pain.
Like one of the ways that when I started like cutting weight, I
lost 50 pounds.

(54:54):
Like Sandy was like, um,
drew on me to stop buying like the junk food and all that stuff.
And I'm like, no, you know, I mean, not, we don't have much, you
know, but I'm like, because I'm like, no, I want to be strong
enough where I could see that there and not have it.

(55:15):
You know, even though I know I'm just set myself up for failure.
Um, but I used to like go to the fridge and there'll be, there'll
be ice cream there. Right. Sandy's sleeping. Like I just come in
from the garage. I just got done smoking. So I, you know, kind of
get the munchies a little bit, whatever.
And I would like look at the ice cream and be like, in the
morning, I'm going to be so pissed off.

(55:39):
You know, with how I feel, you know, and then, and then I, then I,
I'll spend a little time thinking about that. And I'm staring at
the ice cream. I'll do this. And I know this makes me look like
such an idiot. And then I start telling myself, like, in the
morning, I'm going to feel amazing. I'm going to feel more
confident. I'm going to feel better about myself. I'm going to
feel more disciplined, you know, and it's kind of like in dodge

(56:02):
ball. Um, when he had like a, a, a donor or something and he
would like electrocute himself when he thought about it, even,
uh, Will Ferrell did it on the office with the cake and he's
like yelling at the cake. He's like, no, no, like,
control me. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, Hey, you know, I'll just
start, I'll start trying to flip that pain versus pleasure

(56:24):
principle. And it helped me out a lot. Yeah. You know, so.
Yeah, you know what's interesting? This is what I
thought of when you were talking, I don't know what you said
reminded me of it, but there was a time when I considered that
inner voice God speaking to me, right? We're both from Christian

(56:47):
backgrounds. And when I believed that and my identity was
someone who serves God, I would follow that voice. I'd go up to
people and say, Hey, God told me to come over here and talk to
you. And so I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I do all sorts
of weird shit. No questions asked. But now what must be

(57:12):
happening is now I believe that's my intuition or myself. But
I don't have the identity as someone who listens to myself or
follows myself. Because otherwise I would be behaving the same
way I did when my identity was as a Christian. That's really

(57:34):
interesting to me. Yeah, it's interesting too, because I know
exactly what you're talking about, like, with like God told me
to do this, like, I mean, you could do anything just by saying
like God told me to do this, you know, because you're saying a
power bigger than me that knows everything and is taking care
of me told me to do this. So, you know, you have trust in that

(57:57):
thing bigger than you, you don't have to have self trust in
order to take action. Yeah. And then when you realize that
your intuition, then the judgment of other people or
whatever, whatever that fear is, it keeps you doing it. That
that now takes the place of God, that is the supreme being. So

(58:18):
fear is the supreme being in your in our lives. Yes. Yeah, or
I tell myself, you know, that's not really your inner voice or
right, some kind of pushing down and not owning it, not
validating it. I mean, I'm glad I saw that right now, because

(58:41):
I really do want to have an identity as someone who follows
their intuition. And I do want to believe everything I say to
myself. So one of the one of the things that I love about
Eckhart Tolle and as I'm coming towards the end of the
Joe Dispensah book I'm reading, like I can't wait to get to
another one of his, I have so many books that I want to read

(59:04):
at the same time, but but he talked about learning to
recognize when you're thinking from like consciousness or
and your thoughts. And I've gotten and visualizations helped
me out on this like so much just seeing a divide in my in

(59:26):
my mind between my thoughts and then the consciousness. So the
way I see it in my head is like my brain and all the
electrical impulses. Those are my thoughts. And then there's
like this sun that's just above my brain. And that's me. That's
that's the consciousness. And for some reason allows me to kind

(59:48):
of feel a gap between certain thoughts, you know, thoughts and
like more of like the intuition. And then just trying to spend
more time thinking from that level, you know, has helped me
out so much. Because then I can I can see that those those

(01:00:12):
thoughts are just things they're just bits of information
are going by to come by like the computing system of my mind
of my brain to see if these things fit. Does this fair fit
here? Do we need to be afraid of this? You know, and 99.99

(01:00:34):
nine percent of the time it's no, you know, because I don't
need to be afraid of the judgment of others. Yeah, you
know, and then thinking from that spot, I can kind of look
down on it and see that happening instead of if I'm in my
thoughts, whatever is going through, I'm thinking that this
is real. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I never

(01:00:59):
try to like, I think, let me see if you relate to this. A
couple months ago, I would have totally agreed with you. And
that was a good process. I feel like where I'm at with pushing
my comfort zone right now in my life and a lot of different

(01:01:20):
areas. It's like my my brain goes into like panic or
freeze. So even when I see it that way and go, okay, brain,
like, this isn't real, like, we're going to do this other
thing. This is it's like a glitch is like and it doesn't

(01:01:44):
my brain's just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, is like a panic
response. And I mean, I'm guessing that's just pushing
my comfort zone a little bit, like really edging out on
that growth zone. But it's been challenging for me to

(01:02:07):
respond to that, or to not be frustrated with myself for
responding that way to have compassion. Do you ever
respond that way? Do you know what I mean when your brain
just doesn't want to reframe or it doesn't want to stop
feeling bad or think about like it has an attachment to it.

(01:02:31):
And I have to find ways to soften that attachment before I
can believe a reframe.
Yeah, yeah, there are there are times that I call them my
depressive cycles like where where I've said before, like I
can be depressed, but I'm happy. So I'll start feeling

(01:02:52):
normally starts with like I'm easily frustrated, and I'm just
angry for no no reason. And my anger looks nothing like it
used to you know, because like before I would be snapping at
Sandy and the girls, whatever, but now I'm just more melancholy
just you know, and it'll be like you know, a few days will go

(01:03:16):
by, and I'll do all the things, all the tools that I have, you
know, at my disposal tried out nothing works, still feeling
that way. And then it'll hit me like, Oh, okay, wait, I'm just
going through a period of depression. Yeah. And what I've

(01:03:37):
learned to be able to do is is surrendered to that.
I'll be like, Okay, it's what I feel, and it's just a feeling
and it will change. So we're all good. Yeah. But like you said,
like, we're all different. You know, so that took me a

(01:04:00):
lot of time to get to that point. And I mean, I've been
working on all this stuff now for 10 years from when I started
it to today. So that took me 10 years to get to the point to be
able to do that. You know, and we're all in different places,
this me with working and people's judgment of am I going to

(01:04:22):
or just believing in myself that that's still that brick wall,
like I'm still practicing all that stuff, you know, so it's
important to know where you're at. And then also how much you
can push them when you need to stop pushing, you know, just
retreat to the garden, man. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's hard
because the dreams I have right now are so big. And for the

(01:04:48):
first time in my life, they really seem like they're coming
true, like it's happening, it could happen. And so when I reach
those limits, and I need to give myself care and compassion,
the resistance is like, no, I want this so bad, I have to keep
doing these things to make it happen. And I can't give up and

(01:05:09):
I can't. Right. And I think that, of course, there's some good
pushing of self, right, to get right. But knowing when to push
and when to give myself compassion is something that I'm
still learning. Yeah. And you know, like the greatest athletes

(01:05:31):
in the world, you know, especially like the, what do they
call it, like the X games or whatever, like the crazy people,
you know, like the cliff diving in those suits and stuff.
There's always like when there's, when there's tragedies that
happen, there's always like a thing of they pushed a little

(01:05:52):
too much. You know, so when you when you push, I mean, it's
good to push to a point. But when you push too far, that's
when injury happens, you know, even even working out. You know,
you push a little too far, I mean, you can throw out your back,
you know, because you start getting a little bit, you get

(01:06:13):
tired and fatigued, and you start getting sloppy, and then
it's easy to make a mistake. Yeah. I think for me, this is where
routines and schedule comes in really handy. Because it's hard
for me to self assess whether or not I'm doing enough or not.

(01:06:36):
In any area, am I doing enough rest? Am I doing enough
exercise? Am I doing enough work? Am I doing, but when I have a
routine, I look and go, yeah, I followed my routine, so
everything's okay. Right. Oh, I worked out three times a
week. I did five hours of work a day, I did. But when I don't have
that, it's harder for me to quantify, which makes it more

(01:07:00):
anxiety producing. And I don't think it's true for like
autistic people, but that's one of the things I really get out
of my routine is a sense of steadiness and self awareness
that I'm doing the things I really want in my heart to do,
not just being pushed around by my own emotions or life.

(01:07:22):
Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, that, and that, the thing I love,
because I mean, even just this, this whole conversation shows
how we build our own worlds, you know, and there's not one
right way. So I'm very routine driven as well. Like, to the
point like where if I work out Monday, if I don't work out

(01:07:43):
Tuesday, I'm like, weeks shot. So Monday, I'll try again. So
the way I looked at it, like almost hurt me more than
heck. Yeah. And, and then like, started looking at, okay, is
routine good or bad, you know, and like this whole thing of
like, there is no such thing as good or bad there, like there

(01:08:05):
just is. So it's the meaning that I give to it, you know, but I
knew I had this very strong drive for routine. But with the
places that I would put, put those routines into place, like
just did more harm for me than good, you know, so I found a way
to incorporate routine in a very strange way that now allows

(01:08:29):
me like, I feel like I'm finally figuring out my work style.
You know, we're all have the skeleton of a routine. This is
the stuff I want to get done for this week. But without like,
okay, Monday at nine o'clock, I'm starting this. Right. Because
like, I fail that every time. So at night, when I go out to

(01:08:50):
smoke, I have on my phone and my notes, it's like took me hours
to create but every show that I'm watching on all the different
streaming platforms we have, like the shows, the episode
movies that I want to watch. And then I'll go through so like
they want to do Netflix, then Disney, then HBO, whatever, you

(01:09:14):
know, and I go through almost like back in the old TV days,
like we're whatever's on on Monday, like you got to wait until
next Monday. Yeah. So and that's what I'll do. I'll just go
through that list and then start over again. Me and my brother
used to really be into wrestling like when when we were kids
and then in 93, I graduated, stopped watching it stuff and I

(01:09:41):
was in it for whatever reason, I'm getting like really nostalgic
lately. So I made a list of every wrestling match that is on
the streaming service. And I'm going through just like if I was
watching Saturday afternoon, like wrestling again.
Yeah, that's cool. And just that outlet for routine has helped

(01:10:03):
me out. I've even opened up my because for for me eating like I
didn't know there's there's autistic, I don't know what you
call it level eating. But I was like, oh, I'm a picky eater,
like, but I'm not a picky eater, like my eating falls into like
an autistic range. Yeah. But it's opened me up on even trying
new things. You know, because I'm meeting that need that desire

(01:10:28):
and drive I have for the routine, but I'm doing it in a way that
I chose for myself. You know, and and and now I don't have as
much of a need for it in other areas where that I used to.
Yeah. Yeah, I think maybe for the next couple weeks, before I go
on my next backpacking trip, I'm going to try to stick for me to

(01:10:50):
a more the one that you don't like between six and seven, you're
doing this between seven, because I think that's better for me.
And I need it out because that's the way I used to live. I've
lived the other way. And I need to test that out again and see how
that feels. Because I feel like even if it's just to help me

(01:11:14):
understand how I'm moving forward, I need some sort of tracking
or metric or yeah, yeah. So I'm going to try that this next week
and see what happens. Yeah, let's let's check back in. I'm going
to write this down right now. Yeah, check back in. Yeah. Yeah,

(01:11:39):
because I'm going to do I'm going to do my thing of like having
that like the stuff I want to get done and then just kind of do
what I feel intuitively is like the top priority and see how
that works for me. Yeah. What about your frying pan thought?
How do you feel about going into next week with that and is there

(01:12:02):
anything that you want to talk about or just want to let that
thought be there?
Yeah, I don't know. You know what? I wish I could do sometimes
like have a conversation with with that part. But I guess I could
I would just judge the hell out of myself for doing it. But I

(01:12:26):
think that's yeah, because I want to know why I still
apparently have a belief that I'm not good enough. Yeah.
You know, like what are the metrics that I'm using the jars
out off of? Yeah. Yeah, good one to understand. I think I'll

(01:12:50):
try that too, because that's kind of the work of that woman I
sent you one of her things because I liked it a lot where her
coaching style is just to say like, okay, where do you feel it?
Okay, you feel it here. Okay, bring it a little bit closer. That
thought feeling. Okay, let's just pour a little compassion into
like just at okay, what does it have to say to you? Why is it

(01:13:13):
here? What's it do it? You know, really that sort of self
talk or self relationship. But it would be interesting for
both of us to kind of go into this fear of it's not possible
to be a digital creator or an artist or it's not possible to
make whatever make money at this or it's not whatever the
thought says and just say what are you like, Scooby do it. Yeah.

(01:13:39):
And some time with it and be like, what's really happening
here? I like that. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, let's do that too. And
we'll report back. I will also write this down. Talk to fear
and make and keep schedule.

(01:14:01):
All right. Those are my to do. I think that's very helpful
for me. I will do those things and report back. Yeah. And I
just love the fact that we're doing the same thing, but we're
doing it our ways. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of like saying like,
no, no, no, but you have to do it my way, like that's the right
way because that's what worked for me. So that that's just the

(01:14:22):
answer. Yeah. Yeah, it's very cool. Yeah. All right, well,
anything you want to say before we close up? Just I'm just
loving like the new vibe of the show. Like sometimes like, I
know I forget things like smoking, but I just feel like I
don't know. It's like it goes deeper for me at least. I hope

(01:14:44):
that comes across too. And I mean, right now that's why you
and I are here because we love this. Yeah. Love it too. Great.
But we're doing exactly what we've been talking about and not
conforming to what other we think other people want to hear.
Yeah. Yeah. So this is a place I feel like I'm practicing that

(01:15:06):
in my life and it feels really good. Yeah, I've actually put up
a video that I probably would not have put up before. But this
is like, because like you being you being on here with me
like gives me the courage to say stuff that I'm like, no, no,
I'm going to get judged. So yeah, it was about, you know,

(01:15:28):
everyone talks about like be a lion, not a lamb and stuff. And
I hear that a lot in Christianity, but Jesus referred to us
as sheep and he referred to Satan as a lion, you know, and so
like the whole video was like maybe sheep are more badass than
we thought, you know, but like I would never want to like when
they do that headbutton thing like do that. Things could

(01:15:51):
probably like kill you if you did that if they hit you like
just straight up on the head. I like that. That's really cool.
Yeah. All right. Well, thank you everybody. It's been
wonderful to spend an hour with you on Friday and we will see
you next week. Yes, you guys later. Thank you so much for

(01:16:12):
joining us. We are so grateful for all of our listeners. Please
support us in doing what we love. It's as simple as hitting
that like or subscribe button. It would really mean a lot to
us. Thanks guys. And we'll see you next week.