What Couple Check-ins Are (and Aren’t): A Trauma-Informed Guide

In this episode, Amie and Alana unpack what a couple check-in really is, why so many partners feel confused or re-injured during them, and how to structure check-ins in a way that protects emotional safety.

They discuss readiness, timing, frequency, boundaries, and why the betraying partner must lead the process—not as a checkbox, but as genuine accountability. If your check-ins feel tense, weaponized, or performative, this episode offers clarity and validation.

Chapters

• 02:49 Understanding Couples Check-ins

• 03:58 Purpose and Timing of Check-ins

• 06:06 Navigating Early Stages of Recovery

• 08:50 Challenges and Misconceptions

• 18:42 Different Models of Check-ins

• 22:05 The Pitfalls of Check-ins

• 23:04 Managing Expectations in Recovery

• 28:27 Taking Responsibility

• 35:20 Avoiding Weaponization in Check-ins

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• Season of Support - Join us for a 4-week webinar series designed specifically for couples who want to stay connected, emotionally regulated, and intentional during the holidays — rather than simply surviving them. December 1, 8, 15, 22. Register to receive the Zoom link.

• Rise, Renew, Restore Somatic Healing Retreat in Costa Rica -  Ready to experience deep somatic healing? Join us this July for a transformative 5-day intensive created specifically for women healing from betrayal trauma or navigating divorce. This is your opportunity to reconnect with your body's wisdom, release what you've been carrying, and heal alongside other women who truly understand your journey. 

• Revive and Thrive Somatic  Intensive for Women - Join us for a transformative four-day somatic healing intensive for women carrying trauma and tension in their bodies. Experience gentle release through expert-guided breathwork, brainspotting, energy healing, and nature immersion as you reclaim your body. Intensive is Jan 27-30, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. Learn more and see if you qualify.

Questions or topics you'd like us to address? Send us an email with “Choose To Be” as the subject to [e-mail]. 

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More from Choose Recovery Services

• Beyond the Facade Podcast - Luke Gordon hosts a podcast geared toward helping men live authentically and in harmony with their values.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal. 

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives. Foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

• Healing Hearts - For couples seeking healing after betrayal.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - We help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and movin