#110 Learning Vulnerability: Letting Your Spouse Know You After Betrayal

In This Episode: We explore what it really means to let your spouse know you beyond surface communication and into emotional truth. We’ll talk about the difference between empathy and vulnerability, how stuffing emotions can quietly stall your repair. The Importance of vulnerability that real connection can’t happen without it.

What You’ll Learn:

• How your nervous system tries to protect you—and what healing asks instead

• Why emotional honesty is necessary for rebuilding connection

• Real-life examples of letting your spouse know you again

• Practical steps for stepping into safe vulnerability

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

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Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

Learning Vulnerability - allowing your spouse to know you.

Different than empathy 

Stepping out of our old protective mechanisms

Stopping stuffing the emotions

🎙️ Episode Title:

1. Welcome + Acknowledgment (1–2 min)

• Gentle reminder that healing is not linear.

• Acknowledge the courage it takes to stay and rebuild.

• Preview today’s focus: vulnerability—not just emotional expression, but letting yourself be known.
  

2. Defining Vulnerability in Relational Repair (3–4 min)

• Vulnerability is not just about sharing emotions—it's about allowing yourself to be seen and known.

• Difference between vulnerability and empathy: empathy is offering presence for someone else’s emotions, vulnerability is revealing your own.

• Betrayal creates a need for protection; vulnerability begins to challenge those old defenses.
  

3. Common Protective Mechanisms (Trauma responses) After Betrayal (5–7 min)

• Fawning (people-pleasing to avoid conflict)

• Withdrawal (silence, distance, shutting down)

• Over-functioning (control to feel safe)

• Numbing (shutting down emotionally to avoid pain)

• These served a purpose—but no longer help build trust.

• Naming them gently without shame.
  

4. What It Means to “Let Your Spouse Know You” (5–7 min)

• Going beyond surface talk (schedules, kids, tasks).

• Sharing how things land on you, what you fear, what you hope for.

• Rebuilding intimacy through emotional truth—not just physical connection.

• Practical examples: “I noticed I felt afraid when you didn’t respond” or “I want to trust this process, but sometimes I still feel guarded.”
  

5. Why Stuffing Emotions Stops Repair (4–5 min)

• Suppression often comes from fear of conflict or not wanting to rock the boat.

• Bottled emotions become resentment, and repair can't happen through silence.

• Healthy vulnerability means pacing—but not pretending.
  

6. How to Start Practicing Vulnerability Again (6–8 min)

• Safety first: Is the relationship emotionally safe enough to risk being open?

• Start small: Share one thing you're feeling without needing a solution.

• Use “I feel” not “you made me feel”

• Check in afterward: Was it received well? Did you feel heard?

• Vulnerability is not a one-time act—it’s a practice of truth in small moments.
  

7. A Word for the Spouse Who Betrayed (Optional segment if audience includes both) (2–3 min)

• Your partner’s vulnerability is a gift—don’t dismiss it, fix it, or avoid it.

• Meet it with presence, not defensiveness.

• Your role is to help co-cre