April 16, 2025 • 47 mins
When death leads to life. That's the story you'll hear on a "Best of Chris Fabry Live." Kim Erickson's loss propelled her toward the heart of God. And in the process, she embraced the freedom and forgiveness He was offering her. Hear that story and how Kim now sees the comforting last words of Jesus to His disciples before His death. Don't miss Chris Fabry Live.
Resource featured:
His Last Words: What Jesus Taught and Prayed in His Final Hours
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:05):
Has a tragedy in your life made you think God
is not there? Have you had some loss that has
pushed you away from the heart of the father? He
feels way far away from you. We're going to talk
with somebody today who had a deep loss, a cataclysmic
loss in her life. And instead of that event pushing
(00:26):
her away from God, it drew her closer to Jesus
and to her. The last words of Christ, to his
friends took on a new and deeper meaning. A week
ago here on Chris Fabry Live, you heard the story
of Joy and her husband. Stefan was not a Christian
(00:49):
and they lost a child. And it was that loss
that caused him to ask the hard question. Wait a minute.
If I'm to see my child again. I need to
make sure that I am in heaven. And so that
was the catalyst that really pushed him toward the heart
of God. But I know there might be somebody listening
(01:11):
today who said I had this deep loss in my life.
It may not have been a child. It may have
been something else where you felt like God didn't show
up when you asked him to. And that has been
this wound inside your heart, and it's pushed you away
from God. Don't miss the story that's coming up from
Kim Erickson today. I want you to hear what she
(01:32):
has to share in an unrehearsed, unscripted conversation at the
radio backyard fence. I can say it that way, because
this conversation happened eight years ago, and we're bringing it
to you today. Obviously, don't call us. Our program is recorded,
so go to the website. I encourage you to do that.
(01:53):
Chris Fabry live. You'll see featured resources and a lot
more including our thank you this month. If you get
in touch with us and give a gift of any size,
do you want to stop being an anxious parent and
instead become a praying parent? If you heard a program
last Friday with Doctor Erwin Lutzer, you know what kind
(02:15):
of life this little book, A Practical Guide for Praying
Parents can give to you. This is a lifeline to
any parent or grandparent who is just storming the gates
of heaven, but you feel like you pray the same
thing over and over and over again. No, you don't
have to. You can pray scriptural prayers, and we want
(02:36):
to help you do that by sending you this book
by Erwin Lutzer. A Practical Guide for Praying Parents. Call
with a gift 8669538669532279 or go to Chris fabrilis.org. Scroll down.
You'll see how you can be a friend or partner
with us right there. Chris Fabry Live.com. Now to the
(03:01):
conversation from April of 2017. Her name is Kim Erickson.
She's an attorney who practiced business litigation for 13 years
before becoming a law professor. She earned a bachelor's degree
in elementary education and has returned to her passion for teaching.
She lives in Florida with her family. Kim, welcome to
the program today. How are you?
S2 (03:23):
Thanks for having me. I'm doing very well today. It's
beautiful here in Florida.
S1 (03:27):
I opened the book and I saw the date April 25th.
That's less than two weeks away. April 25th, 2008. And
there's a picture of you at the beginning of this book.
And you say, in 2008, I thought I had it all.
So before we talk about the loss, let's just talk
(03:48):
about where you were professionally with your family. You did
really think you had it all, didn't you?
S2 (03:55):
I sure did. I was, um, you know, I, I
was at a large law firm with a, you know,
on the 22nd floor of a high rise with marble
floors and my own office and my own paralegal and
my own assistant, um, a beautiful home pool in the backyard.
(04:15):
I drove a little Mustang convertible and, you know, was
making plenty of money. Had a husband, two healthy boys.
I mean, it really was awesome. I really my family
is good, my friends are good. And, you know, I
thought that I had all the security that I needed
(04:37):
at that time. But at that time, I didn't have
a relationship with God. Um, but everything else was going
along so, so well at that time.
S1 (04:48):
And what about your family? Did you have it mapped out?
We're going to have 2.5 children and you know, and
by the way, I, I've pulled up at stoplights from
with people who are driving the Mustang convertibles. And I've
said the same thing. Life must be good. You know,
when you look over and see that. But did you
have it kind of all mapped out? You know, this
(05:09):
is what life's going to be like. This is when
we're going to retire. We're going to do this, that
and the other thing.
S2 (05:14):
Absolutely, absolutely. We did. I really thought that I was
in the job that I would retire in, that I
was in the house, we would raise our kids in, um,
that I, I, you know, that we really had a
plan mapped out. We had the savings going and, you know,
college funds for the boys and, you know, it, um,
(05:36):
and it was just life was just rolling along. I mean,
at of looking back now, I see that life is
just rolling past me. Um, but at the time, it
just seemed like the thing to do, and, like, I
had things together and that anyone looking at what we
had going on would think, well, you know, here's a,
here's a nice little family and they've got their things, uh,
(05:57):
going on and it looks pretty good.
S1 (06:00):
Yeah. Now, uh, your first son's name is Austin.
S2 (06:05):
That's Austin.
S1 (06:07):
Okay.
S2 (06:07):
Yep.
S1 (06:08):
And, um, your second son's name is Ethan. Ethan. Okay.
So on April of 2008, Ethan was three weeks old. And. Austin.
I'm sorry, Austin was three years old. And how old
was Ethan?
S2 (06:25):
Ethan was, let's see, about 15 months old.
S1 (06:28):
Okay. All right. So here you got this 15 month.
S2 (06:31):
Old and a toddler.
S1 (06:32):
And the three year old, and you're smiling. And life is,
you know, life is busy. Early that week, I think
it is. You look at your husband and you say
something about church. What? What did you say?
S2 (06:45):
Well, actually, it was probably a couple of months before
I looked at my husband and we were sitting there
watching probably football on a on a Saturday or on
a Sunday. And I said, you know, I really think
we ought to. Do you think we ought to go
to church? We had both, uh, grown up being taken
to church, and we both would have said we believed
(07:08):
in God. Uh, but you couldn't have seen that by
our lives. But here we had these two beautiful boys. And,
you know, we wanted them to have faith. We wanted
them to know about God. And, um, so we talked
about it, and we said, you know, we should probably
we should probably drag them to church, too. And, um,
my husband said, well, why don't you go look for
(07:29):
a church? And when you find one, uh, let me know,
and then we'll all go as a family. And so
I had sporadically started to go visit different churches in
that area. Um, at the time in Phoenix and I,
it was let's see, it would have been I went
(07:50):
one Sunday and I said, listen, I think that's our church.
I think it's a good church, and I think it's
going to be okay for the boys. And. And Devin said, well,
then next Sunday, you know, we'll go, we'll go as
a family and we'll go, we'll start going to church.
So that was Sunday. But then Monday Austin Austin got
(08:10):
sick with strep throat on that. Well, he got a
fever on Monday. And then we took him to the
doctor Tuesday. And he had he was diagnosed with strep throat.
S1 (08:19):
And you knew in your gut that that it was
there's something there's something more going on here or you
felt like you took him back to the to the
doctor or to the hospital. Right.
S2 (08:34):
We did. We did. So Tuesday he was diagnosed with
strep and the pediatrician's office. We started antibiotics. I went
in to check on him, and it was probably about
midnight Wednesday night. And he still had a really high
fever and his breathing sounded really rugged and really hard
for him, and I ended up waking up Devin and saying, listen,
(08:56):
I'm going to take Austin to urgent care and you're
going to, you know, you stay here. We had the
baby was sleeping, Ethan was sleeping. Um, so Devin stayed
with Ethan, and I took Austin to urgent care. They
told us we had to give the medicine time to work, um,
and not to panic and to see our pediatrician in
the morning. Next morning, I am back off to work.
(09:18):
I'm working, um, you know, very, very hard at that,
at that job and at that law firm. And Devin
takes him to the pediatrician, and they essentially say the
same thing on Thursday morning. You know, don't panic. It's
just strep throat. You got to give the medicine time
to work. He's going to be fine. Uh, and I
get home from work on Thursday night and he's he's
(09:41):
not better. And it just he we called him the tornado.
He was a very boisterous, uh, very, uh, active. He
never sat still, never stopped talking. Three year old kid.
He was, uh, something. And his Thursday night. And I
just was like, this is something is wrong. I there
(10:03):
is something wrong. I feel like I want to take
him back to the hospital. But he had been to
the doctor three times in three days. And so, you know,
we just decided to give it one more night, you know,
let's let's. He was just at the doctor, like, less
than 12 hours ago. So we settled down and and,
(10:24):
you know, tucked him in and in the middle of
the night, I, I talked with him again. He wanted
to brush his teeth. And about 4:00 in the morning,
he wanted to brush his teeth, and it was time
for more medicine. And, um, and so we did that,
and we were able to chat and talk and cuddle
a little bit, and, and then I went to work
on Friday morning And, um. And then Friday morning, I
(10:49):
got the call. I got that call that, um, you know,
nobody wants to get. And, um, it was, uh, our
nanny at the house, and she was crying, saying, come home,
come home. The ambulance, you know, Austin. Come home. Ambulance. Austin.
That that's all I could understand. And and, um, and
(11:12):
so I, I went, I went to, to get in
my car and, and travel home and luckily, um, one
of our, uh, assistants, my secretary said, wait, you can't
you can't drive. Because I was downtown Phoenix and home
was a good 20, 25 minute drive. And so she
(11:33):
drove for me, thank goodness. And, you know, Chris, I
was so far from God that I didn't even think
to pray. At this point in my life. I get
a call that the ambulance is at my house for
my toddler and I don't pray. I don't even think
about God. That's how far away God was from my heart.
(11:58):
But I was in the passenger seat and my secretary said, Kim,
shouldn't we be going to a hospital? Like, why are
we going to your house?
S1 (12:08):
That's Kim Erickson. We'll stop the story right there and continue.
After a quick break here on Moody Radio, if you
are someone who has pushed God away or you can't
even think about God because of something bad that happened
to you way back when, I want you to listen
to the rest of the story. And as you listen
to it, keep in mind the frame of reference here
(12:31):
is in this week, we're looking at the death, the burial,
and the resurrection of Jesus. Aren't you glad for the resurrection?
It's a great story and will continue it in just
a couple of minutes. This is Chris Fabry live on
Moody Radio. This is Chris Fabry live online at Chris
(13:03):
Fabry Lives. Hey, a program note for you. They are
back tomorrow. Monday. Thursday. Those boys of the Bible. They
put the chat and eschatology. They put the men in commentary.
The two Michaels are going to be with us right
here at the radio. Backyard fence doctor Michael Rudnick. Doctor
Michael van Laningham. In fact, if you want to make
(13:24):
sure that we get your question on the air, call
our listener line today and you can leave a question.
86695 Febry. You can also use that number to give
a gift of the program, by the way. But leave
a message for the two Michaels and we'll see if
we can address it here tomorrow. Uh, Questions about the Bible,
(13:44):
of course, but specifically Passion Week, the days leading up
to the crucifixion and then the resurrection. So if you
have a question, I'd love to hear from you. (866) 953-2279.
Let us hear from you. Kim Erickson told this story
in 2017. So you're going to hear dated references throughout
(14:08):
the conversation. Disregard those. The book that came from this
crucible in her life is his last words. It's our
featured resource at the website, Chris Fabry. We paused Kim's
story when she was at work. She heard about the
ambulance at home. She heard that Austin, her son, was
(14:29):
in distress. Let's pick up the story right there.
S2 (14:34):
Yeah. So I you know, where we where we were
talking about. I had gotten that call that that no
parent wants to get. And we were on our way
in a car. My assistant was driving and I she said,
shouldn't we go to the hospital? And and it really
hit me that it must be really bad. Like, it
(14:57):
must be over. It must be too late. Um, because
they said, come home. So I frantically dial the phone.
Dial the phone, dial the phone, and and I, I say,
you know what hospital. And they they say it again.
They say, just come home. And I didn't pray. I
didn't even think to pray. But what I thought about
(15:19):
doing was trying to connect with Austin as a as
a mom, as a parent, I just I wanted to
be there so badly and I, I just tipped my
chair back and in my head, I started crying out
to him and saying, you know, Austin, you fight, you
(15:40):
hear me? Austin, can you hear me? It's mom. I'm
almost there. You know, you fight, you fight to stay
here with mommy. Austin, can you hear me? You fight
to stay here with mommy. And I'm just crying out
to try to connect with him. And all of a sudden,
everything just goes away. And in my ear, something washes
(16:06):
over me. And I wish that there were words to
describe that feeling. But it was calm. Peaceful. Oh, love.
It was something just flipped a switch in me, and
I just felt something entirely different than I've. Than I've
ever been able to find words for. And I was begging,
(16:27):
you know, stay here with mom. And in my heart, I.
I just felt him say. But but, mom, it's so
pretty here. Uh, clear as the day. But, mom, it's
so pretty here. And in that moment, I. I paused
(16:48):
like I am now, like, oh my goodness. But I
could feel it. And I could sense the longing in him.
He wanted to stay there. And I just said, okay, okay.
And and then it was over. And then I was
back in my car. You know, my secretary driving me
(17:08):
to the hospital. And it was over, but I knew it. I,
I knew Austin was gone in that in that moment.
But I also knew heaven was real. Like I knew it.
I felt it. It was not, um, floating on clouds
or some reincarnation business. It wasn't anything other than what
(17:32):
I had heard when. When my parents dragged me to
church as a kid. Heaven Is God's kingdom. It was
a place like I could hop a plane and go there.
It felt that tangible to me. And I would just
say how awesome it must have felt for a mom
to say to her child, okay, you know, you stay
(17:54):
there and I'll stay here. Um, but I really wish
there were words for that, Chris, to describe what that
felt like. But now I know. I know that he's there,
and I know it's real. I don't have any doubt
in any fiber of my being that the story is true.
The story is true in heaven is real.
S1 (18:17):
And that was in a sense, your your first reaching out,
you know, to God or to open yourself up. Um,
let me just finish the story. Then when you got home,
when you actually made it there, what did you see?
S2 (18:33):
Shortly after that, they called me back and told me
to go to a hospital. And so, um, the hospital
near our home. And so I went there. The nurse
led me to the place. They wouldn't let me go
in where they were working on Austin, um, for a while.
And then finally I said, listen, you have got to
let me in there. And as I walked in, of course,
(18:54):
they're all working on him. You know, machines are hooked up.
They're doing CPR. There's a team of people there. The
machines are beeping. They're they're just pushing his chest so hard. Um, and,
you know, I just know it. I know he's not
there anymore. Uh, but they want to keep working. And
(19:14):
they kept working for quite some time. And I would
just have to walk out of the room occasionally just
to need to breathe and get my get myself together.
And I just kept walking in and out of that room,
but I knew it. I knew that what they were
doing was hopeless. He he was already gone and he
was okay. And so at some point, I told the doctors,
(19:35):
you know, just stop. Just stop. You have. It's. He's gone.
He's gone. And, um, and that's, you know, so I
did go to the hospital and have that seen as well. Uh,
which is, which is not easy, but, um, I really
believe the Lord just had his arm wrapped right around
me at that point, um, and gave me the strength
(19:57):
to do that.
S1 (19:59):
Now, here's the thing. When I told my wife the
story of that you've described here, and then what happened
on Sunday. She said, wait a minute. Time out. She
she told her husband, we need to go to church
on Sunday. Tell me about that.
S2 (20:19):
Well, so if you remember a little bit earlier in
the program, I told you that I told my husband,
I think I found our church, and he said, great,
we'll go next Sunday. Well, I got that call, and
it was Friday. And, I knew for some reason I,
I just knew we had to go to church. But
(20:42):
let me add a little layer in there. So that
was Friday. You know, my whole family starts flying in every,
you know, everything that starts happening when you when you
lose someone in your family. But, Chris, we had to
plan a funeral. I didn't have a church. I've only
been to this church a couple times, but I thought, well,
that's the one we were going to go to. So
(21:03):
I went, uh, Devin and I went to that church
on Saturday morning to see about making, uh, some sort
of funeral arrangements, and they were locked and I had
to call and leave a message. But, man, they called
me right back. And, you know, they walked us through
the process. Someone. Someone came and prayed with me on
the phone. And so that was Saturday, and they were
(21:26):
so gracious, just welcoming me and saying, yes, we'll help
you plan a funeral. We're so sorry. And, um. And
then Sunday morning came, and, uh, I just was I
knew it. I said, you know what? We have got
to go to church. And it's kind of like, what?
What is going on? We are going to church. We
(21:48):
said we were going to to church as a family
and we're going to church. And so I believe my
mom and dad stayed with Ethan. He stayed with the
baby at home, but almost at, you know, a great
number of people are already at my home. And so
they're like, well, I guess if Kim and Devin are
going to church, we're going to church. And we went
to that church and, um, the, the, the usual senior
(22:13):
pastor was on vacation, but his dad is a pastor.
And so his dad was preaching that Sunday and pastor Don, uh,
at Desert Springs and out there in Goodyear, Arizona. He
never finishes a a Sunday without giving the invitation to
would you just invite the Lord into your life, you know?
(22:33):
Would you just make Jesus the Lord and Savior of
your life? Would you just give it up to him?
Would you just would you just accept that you need
a Savior to get to heaven with God for eternal life?
And and I was sitting there and he, you know,
every eye closed, every head bowed. And and I prayed
the prayer and so did my husband, and so did
(22:55):
some other people in our family. And you know that
that Sunday I gave I gave my life to the
Lord and, and, um, and then sweet pastor Don in
that church, he started talking about us. He said, I
want to have one more moment of prayer before we go.
We have this family. They've lost their three year old.
They they they've only visited our church, but they have to,
(23:19):
you know, have this service for their sweet three year old.
And there we are. You know, he doesn't know we're there.
He doesn't know who we are, but we just lose it.
And so we start crying and bawling. And, you know,
some of us start sitting down and the church starts
to realize that that's us. And they pray over us.
Some people start kneeling. Some people just come around us
(23:42):
and hug us, and they just prayed over us. There's
nothing like that. There's nothing like their response to us
and their willingness to pray for us right there and then.
And so we did go to church, and we did
give our lives to the Lord. And it was just
the body of Christ. I mean, it's if you ever
(24:03):
wonder if you're, you know, you need to go to
church or you're supposed to go to church. Oh, please.
You don't know who's standing around you, who just needs
your encouragement. And so it was it was beautiful. And
that that's, uh, that's our resurrection Sunday. Austin died on
a Friday. And, uh, you know, I turned it all
over to God on Sunday.
S1 (24:24):
And life has been a lot different since then. I
feel like we need to play a song, you know,
one poem and have a song, and we're done here.
Because I didn't know that part of the story. But
I knew that you'd become a Christian, and I knew
that you walked the aisle. But I did not know that.
That he said that. And then people realized and and
it all just kind of came together. What a what
(24:46):
a beautiful portrait of the body coming alongside people. And, uh,
I've got other questions about, you know, what was the
funeral service like and when and all of that. But
we can save that for another time. This experience has
propelled you closer to God, not not pushed you away
from him. He is your friend now. He's your savior
(25:09):
and your friend and your Lord. And one of the
things that you wanted to do with your life is
to help others come to into that relationship through Scripture,
through His Word. And that's why you put together this
Bible study. It's called his Last Words. It's a study
of John 13 through 17, what Jesus taught and prayed
(25:31):
in his final hours. And she, you know, had this
final conversation with Austin, with her son when he was little,
when he wanted to brush his teeth that night. And
that kind of propelled her to look at these chapters.
So I want to spend the rest of the program
talking about that. You can find out more about the
featured resource and all the contact information at Chris Fabry Live.
(26:05):
Kim Erickson's story is front and center today on Chris
Fabry Live. And it strikes me that scenario that she
has painted from her situation, the death of her son Austin,
could have made her mad at God, could have made
her run from him, but it didn't. She ran toward
her Heavenly Father. And that's exactly what the folks at
(26:27):
Carenet want to happen to you. If you're feeling some
deep guilt and shame and regret over a decision that
you've made, particularly about the unborn. April is Abortion Recovery
Awareness Month. And hear us loudly and clearly. Your enemy
wants you shackled. He wants you anxious and held back
(26:50):
from real life. God wants you to be forgiven and
free from condemnation. There's a free resource that you can
download if you go to Chris. Org. Click the green
net link right there. If you or someone you know
is carrying a heavy burden of guilt and shame and grief,
(27:10):
there is an awful lot of hope. Click the Green
Care Net link at Christian Deliverance. Org and get your
free copy of Forgiven and Set Free. Again Chris Fabry live. Fabry, Chris. Fabry, Oliver.
Our featured resource today is Kim Ericson's book. His Last words.
(27:33):
You can find it at the website. Chris Fabry lives. So, Kim,
in your grief as you're walking through the loss of
your son, what help did you get from the Bible?
S2 (27:44):
Yeah, it's you know, I was a brand new, brand
new believer. So I had, you know, said, okay, God,
you know, welcome to my life, you know? And I
believe in Jesus. But I still had so many questions.
And I am a lawyer and I've been trained as
a lawyer. And it it needs to make sense to me.
(28:05):
And in a sense, you need to you I want
to prove, you know, I knew what I felt that
day with Austin. So I knew heaven was true. But
I needed to know if that's true. You know what
else is is true. And. And I had that kind
of mentality. And, um, I, I got turned to my
(28:28):
Bible because, well, I think our, the church that I,
you know, was getting, um, involved in would have led
me to my Bible. But I also have this moment
where the pastor had come. Pastor Steve had come to
visit our home just to check on us, see how
we were doing with Austin. Um, and our grief and,
(28:48):
you know, we were brand new believers in his church.
And so he stopped by our home, you know, every
now and again those first few weeks and months. And
I remember my father in law asked him a question
and said, you know, man, my father in law happened
to be there that night. And he said, you're so
good up there when you're, you know, when you're preaching
and you, you have no notes. And how are you
(29:10):
so good at this? And I'll never forget what Pastor
Steve said, because next to that moment that I had
with Austin and realizing heaven was real, this thing that
my pastor said, sent me to the Bible and sent me,
I believe, to the. To the place where I could
find healing and and comfort in all this grief. He said.
(29:34):
So my father in law said, how are you so
good at that? And he said, well, I believe. When
you make Jesus Lord of your life, you know, when
you make Jesus your Savior. You get the gift of
the Holy Spirit. And by the Holy Spirit, the Bible
just makes sense. And you, when you read your Bible,
the Holy Spirit makes it personal to you. And the
(29:57):
Holy Spirit will show you what God needs you to
learn and know about him through the Holy Spirit through
the Bible. And I'll never forget it. I. I crossed
my arms and I, I sat back and I was like, really?
I don't know about this. Um, and a good friend, actually,
Austin's first nanny gave me my first Bible. Uh, sweet
(30:21):
Megan had given me a Bible, and so I had
this brand new Bible. And I thought the next, like, morning,
I thought, well, you know, I'm brand new at this,
so I think I'm. I'm supposed to, like, read this thing,
and I'm supposed to pray. So I get up in
the morning and I think, well, let's just see. Let's
just see if this Holy Spirit thing, you know, is
real and this Bible is all of a sudden going
(30:43):
to make sense when it was nothing but boring before.
And and she had told me to start in the
Gospel of John. The pastor's wife had said, start in
the Gospel of John. And and I did. And it
made sense. Chris. It was like a new thing for me.
It all just was coming alive. And I was like,
oh my goodness. Oh, that's true. And this is true.
(31:06):
Oh yes, I it was unbelievable what happened when I said, okay, God,
you know, Holy Spirit, let's let's do this. Uh, can
you make the Bible come alive for me? Can you,
can you make it make sense for me? And he
sure did. He sure did.
S1 (31:24):
And and the. When Jesus said, I am the resurrection
and the life. When Jesus rose. Lazarus from the dead.
When the his own. When Jesus resurrection. How did you
look at that differently because of what you just been through?
S2 (31:39):
I it really is such a healing moment. If you
if you can really the problem is it's so hard
to wrap your mind around, right? So our human mind goes.
We can't really believe it, right? We don't really understand
how Mary has immaculate conception, how this person, Jesus, can
(32:00):
raise Lazarus from the dead. We certainly don't understand how
he can die and and have the resurrection. And we
don't we can't really wrap our head around the tomb
is empty. But if if you can stop your mind
from trying to make sense of it and just allow
God to speak into your heart and then you realize
(32:23):
it's true. He really did it. He really is the
Son of God. He really did come back to life.
Death has been defeated. And and in John it says,
he tells his disciples, as you know, these are his
last moments with them. He tells them you will mourn.
You will have grief, but you will see me again,
(32:48):
and your sorrow will be turned to joy, and no
one will take your joy from you. And if I
could have a verse that explains my life and the
turning points in my life from that grief, those words
are true. They're absolute truth. And he and my Bible
(33:09):
and my relationship with God has really turned my sorrow
into joy, because I know I will see him again.
Not just Jesus, but Austin, our loved ones who go
before us. We will. It's true. We're going. We're going there. Yes.
As believers, it's. It's beautiful.
S1 (33:30):
And there may be somebody listening who says, you know,
a little skeptical. And that's okay if you're skeptical and
you're listening today. This Holy Spirit thing, um, that if
you read the Bible, you've read the Bible and you
don't you don't get Leviticus or you, you you don't
get the New Testament. There's parts of the New Testament
as you struggle for you and you don't get this.
And then you're saying that all I need is the
(33:51):
Holy Spirit and he's going to, uh, illumine me and
help me understand the reason I don't understand. See, this
is kind of what people think. It's the Christian Ponzi scheme.
It's like, if you don't understand it, well, you don't
have what we have. We got the thing that will
help us understand it. And so you don't have it,
so you need it. And that's what they that's how
they look at it. But the way as you've explained
(34:11):
it here is if you really want to understand this,
if you really want God to open your heart and
your mind to what is going on here in Scripture,
this love letter to you, you ask him. He'll give
you that wisdom. He'll open your eyes. But there's there's
part of this that you is is you coming with
(34:32):
a willing heart and willing to submit to him to
open yourself up to. Maybe this is true, don't you think, Kim?
S2 (34:41):
I that's absolutely it. I agree with that wholeheartedly. I
was so skeptical. Um, you know, I really was. And
and so now I just tell people, just try it,
just try it. Take your Bible, sit on your back
porch and say, okay, God, you know, let's let's see
if this works. And and he did. And that that
(35:03):
really is the only thing. Right. So I'm a lawyer,
I want proof. And my proof is my experience. And
I'm not crazy. Uh, I haven't lost it. Um, he
really does bring things to your heart through the Bible.
That and it's so tangible. And I think when you're
grieving or if you have had that hard some you know,
(35:26):
lots of people have had lots of hard things happen
in life. And it's really tough to understand how God
allows the really hard things to happen. But yet he
loves us so much and and that's tough. And and
the only thing I can say to that is try it.
Try to set it at his feet. Try to open
(35:47):
your heart to him and let him in to heal it.
If you're pushing away, he can't heal it, right? But
if you can just open your heart and say, you
know what, God? That hurt. I mean, there were days.
There were absolutely days where I was mad. I was
mad at God, and I was mad about my circumstances.
(36:07):
And I was hurt other days where I was just
so sad. And each time I would just ask him
and be like, okay, can can you help me with this?
Can you help me feel different? You know. Can you
take some of this pain? Can you take some of
this anger? Uh, or I would turn and open my
Bible and say, okay, I need help. I need help
(36:30):
with these feelings because this is hard. And he would
just show me something so beautiful in his word where
I would read it and go, oh, thank you. Thank
you for that.
S1 (36:43):
And I love that organic, you know, that relationship that
you have with God. And I want to do that.
In our last segment, I want you to take us
someplace in this passage between John 13 and John 17.
We'll do that. In his last words is our featured
resource at the website. Go to Chris Fabry Live. More
with Kim Erickson straight ahead. Thanks for joining us today
(37:16):
on Chris Fabry Live in a Best of broadcast with
Kim Erickson. We'll get right back to her. But I
do want you to know that tomorrow at the back
fence they are back. Doctor Michael Redlich, Doctor Michael Van
Landingham on Maundy Thursday, we're going to have a conversation
about the Gospels, about any questions that you might have.
(37:36):
And as a matter of fact, if you call our
listener line, you can leave a message and question for
the two Michaels for tomorrow. The number is 8669538669532279. You
can also use that number to give a gift to
(37:58):
Chris Fabry. Live and help us out. And I think
we have still a few copies of Doctor Erwin Lutzer book,
A Practical Guide for praying. Parents would love to put
this in your hand if you want to become not
an anxious, worried parent, but a praying dependent on God.
Trusting in God. Parent give a gift of any size
(38:20):
will send this little book to you. I think it'll
encourage you just to call 86695 Fabbri or go to Chris.
Erickson's book, His Last Words, is our featured resource. I
want to read the first four verses of John chapter
(38:40):
14 and get Kim to respond to this. Jesus says,
don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe
also in me. In my father's house are many rooms
or dwelling places. If it were not so, would I
have told you that I'm going to prepare a place
(39:01):
for you? If I go away and prepare a place
for you, I will come again and take you to myself.
So that where I am you may be also. You
know the way to where I'm going.
S2 (39:16):
Ah, so this is heaven. It's. It's where Jesus tells
us I am. Don't be troubled. Don't let your heart
run away with you. I am going to prepare a
place for you. It's where he describes the fact that
he's going to go before us like he did, and
he's going to prepare a place for us, and that
(39:36):
is heaven. We get to go there also. And what
I love about this section is we have to keep
in mind the the context, right. And so he knows
he's having his last few minutes with his disciples in
the preceding in chapter 13 is where he calls Judas
out and says, I know one of you is going
(39:57):
to betray me. And so the disciples are a little unsettled,
but he says, first, let not your heart be troubled.
And so as you, as you get into God's Word,
you will see places where he acknowledges your hurt. He
acknowledges your sorrow, your confusion, your questioning. He acknowledges it.
(40:17):
And then he tells you kind of what? Usually he
tells you something to do about it. And here he says,
don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe
also in me. I'm going to prepare a place for you,
and you will be there with me. And it's just so.
(40:37):
Typical of what I have found in Scripture, that we
have our sorrows, and Jesus comes up next to us
and says, essentially, it's okay. Like, I'm going to make
this okay. In the end, you're going to be in
heaven where everything is beautiful. And it's. I love that.
And it does continue on to a verse that.
S1 (40:59):
The antidote, you're saying the antidote to your troubled heart.
And isn't it interesting in in Jesus humanity, his heart
was troubled. Just these great sweat drops of blood. Not
my will, but yours be done. And the struggling with.
You know. So Jesus is not just saying, think positive thoughts. Now,
you know everything's going to be all right. You and
(41:21):
you experienced that yourself. You went through this huge cataclysm
of losing your son. But belief in God, trusting in God,
submitting to him, believing that he is bigger than the circumstances.
That is the antidote to the the troubled heart that
we have. And then you know where you know the
way to where I'm going. And Lord Thomas said, we
(41:43):
don't know where you're going. How can we know the way?
And that's where Jesus says, I. Aren't you glad for Thomas?
Aren't you glad? He interrupted? He says, I am the way,
the truth, and the life. No one comes to the
father except through me.
S2 (42:01):
Mm. Yeah. And I tell you, I was at a
place before we lost Austin, where I thought that was
just narrow mindedness, you know, that that was just narrow thinking.
And then after we lost Austin, and after I started
to learn more about Jesus and opened my mind and
my heart really about God, and I saw these words
(42:23):
and I thought, oh, yes, that's that's true. That that
is the truth. Jesus is the way, the truth and
the life and and the story is true. Just like
heaven is true. The story is true. And I love
what you said about, you know, Jesus. He did. He
wept on this earth. He experienced grief on this earth. And,
(42:43):
you know, the study includes chapter 17, which is about
Jesus final prayer. And I love that in verse 20
of John 17, Jesus prayed for you like Jesus prayed
for everyone who would believe in him for for generations
to come. And and I love that in his last moments,
(43:05):
he's praying and he prays for us. He prays for me,
for anyone who would believe in him through the 12
apostles work. And it's just beautiful. And I think, gosh,
how did he think it's amazing that the this God
would think of me in his final moments. And it's
just beautiful. He has so much love for us. That's
(43:28):
what I didn't understand, I think is God's love for us.
And that covers my pain. It covers my grief. It
covers the hard bumps of life. I just have to
anchor on that, that he he he has love for
me that is beyond anything I can comprehend.
S1 (43:46):
Yes. And that, you know, there's another prayer that Jesus
prays that I that I count myself in as well.
And maybe theologically, somebody can can knock the, the ladder
out from under me. But I think when Jesus looks
at those who are doing this to him. And he says, father,
forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. I think
(44:07):
there is a very real sense in which I count
myself in that group as well. You know, there have
been times when I thought I was doing, you know,
a really good thing, a righteous thing and a holy
thing and a this, that and the other thing. And
I didn't know what I was doing, and I didn't
understand how I was injuring Jesus or his, his name, uh,
(44:30):
by by being in the body, you know. And so
I want to accept that forgiveness as well. And to
live in the light of that. Kim, I got something
to tell you. I am looking forward to seeing that
little boy in heaven. Aren't you?
S2 (44:46):
Oh, yes, I there's no question about it. And I
can't wait. I have, uh, you know, a job to
to keep doing down here while I wait, but I
really can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. And I
love this Easter season when we get to be reminded
That death did not win. And and we will be
alive again. And we will, you know, be in heaven for,
(45:08):
for all of eternity together. So life, you know, as
long as it seems is, is short in comparison to eternity.
And I'm, I'm I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. Yeah.
S1 (45:21):
Thank you for being faithful with the story, too. You know,
I know that you want this to. It's not easy
to talk about even after, uh, this number of years
down the road. Um, but it's I think it's really
important because it's such a part of your story, and I'm.
I hope I'm there when when he comes up to
you and holds out the toothbrush. Or. I don't know.
S3 (45:43):
If there's toothbrushes in heaven, but, you know, uh. God
bless you, Kim.
S1 (45:47):
Thank you for being faithful with not just the pain,
but with the redemption and with.
S3 (45:52):
The the truth.
S1 (45:54):
That you've come to know in your life. God bless you.
S2 (45:56):
Amen. Thank you.
S1 (45:58):
Her name is Kim Erickson. Ericsson. And now you know
why I wanted to air this conversation again. Originally from
April of 2017, eight years ago. If you go to
Chris Oliver, our featured resource is Kim's book His Last Words. Now,
I've mentioned a couple of times tomorrow, the two Michaels,
(46:21):
Doctor Melnick, Doctor Van Laningham will talk about the Bible.
Friday we're going to again go back eight years to
hear from the heart of Fernando Ortega and an album
that was new at the time, The Crucifixion of Jesus.
Let me end with this. If you're running from God
because of something you can't understand, turn around. There's a
(46:43):
loving father ready to embrace you. Chris Fabry lives a
production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
Has a tragedy in your life made you think God
is not there? Have you had some loss that has
pushed you away from the heart of the father? He
feels way far away from you. We're going to talk
with somebody today who had a deep loss, a cataclysmic
loss in her life. And instead of that event pushing
(00:26):
her away from God, it drew her closer to Jesus
and to her. The last words of Christ, to his
friends took on a new and deeper meaning. A week
ago here on Chris Fabry Live, you heard the story
of Joy and her husband. Stefan was not a Christian
(00:49):
and they lost a child. And it was that loss
that caused him to ask the hard question. Wait a minute.
If I'm to see my child again. I need to
make sure that I am in heaven. And so that
was the catalyst that really pushed him toward the heart
of God. But I know there might be somebody listening
(01:11):
today who said I had this deep loss in my life.
It may not have been a child. It may have
been something else where you felt like God didn't show
up when you asked him to. And that has been
this wound inside your heart, and it's pushed you away
from God. Don't miss the story that's coming up from
Kim Erickson today. I want you to hear what she
(01:32):
has to share in an unrehearsed, unscripted conversation at the
radio backyard fence. I can say it that way, because
this conversation happened eight years ago, and we're bringing it
to you today. Obviously, don't call us. Our program is recorded,
so go to the website. I encourage you to do that.
(01:53):
Chris Fabry live. You'll see featured resources and a lot
more including our thank you this month. If you get
in touch with us and give a gift of any size,
do you want to stop being an anxious parent and
instead become a praying parent? If you heard a program
last Friday with Doctor Erwin Lutzer, you know what kind
(02:15):
of life this little book, A Practical Guide for Praying
Parents can give to you. This is a lifeline to
any parent or grandparent who is just storming the gates
of heaven, but you feel like you pray the same
thing over and over and over again. No, you don't
have to. You can pray scriptural prayers, and we want
(02:36):
to help you do that by sending you this book
by Erwin Lutzer. A Practical Guide for Praying Parents. Call
with a gift 8669538669532279 or go to Chris fabrilis.org. Scroll down.
You'll see how you can be a friend or partner
with us right there. Chris Fabry Live.com. Now to the
(03:01):
conversation from April of 2017. Her name is Kim Erickson.
She's an attorney who practiced business litigation for 13 years
before becoming a law professor. She earned a bachelor's degree
in elementary education and has returned to her passion for teaching.
She lives in Florida with her family. Kim, welcome to
the program today. How are you?
S2 (03:23):
Thanks for having me. I'm doing very well today. It's
beautiful here in Florida.
S1 (03:27):
I opened the book and I saw the date April 25th.
That's less than two weeks away. April 25th, 2008. And
there's a picture of you at the beginning of this book.
And you say, in 2008, I thought I had it all.
So before we talk about the loss, let's just talk
(03:48):
about where you were professionally with your family. You did
really think you had it all, didn't you?
S2 (03:55):
I sure did. I was, um, you know, I, I
was at a large law firm with a, you know,
on the 22nd floor of a high rise with marble
floors and my own office and my own paralegal and
my own assistant, um, a beautiful home pool in the backyard.
(04:15):
I drove a little Mustang convertible and, you know, was
making plenty of money. Had a husband, two healthy boys.
I mean, it really was awesome. I really my family
is good, my friends are good. And, you know, I
thought that I had all the security that I needed
(04:37):
at that time. But at that time, I didn't have
a relationship with God. Um, but everything else was going
along so, so well at that time.
S1 (04:48):
And what about your family? Did you have it mapped out?
We're going to have 2.5 children and you know, and
by the way, I, I've pulled up at stoplights from
with people who are driving the Mustang convertibles. And I've
said the same thing. Life must be good. You know,
when you look over and see that. But did you
have it kind of all mapped out? You know, this
(05:09):
is what life's going to be like. This is when
we're going to retire. We're going to do this, that
and the other thing.
S2 (05:14):
Absolutely, absolutely. We did. I really thought that I was
in the job that I would retire in, that I
was in the house, we would raise our kids in, um,
that I, I, you know, that we really had a
plan mapped out. We had the savings going and, you know,
college funds for the boys and, you know, it, um,
(05:36):
and it was just life was just rolling along. I mean,
at of looking back now, I see that life is
just rolling past me. Um, but at the time, it
just seemed like the thing to do, and, like, I
had things together and that anyone looking at what we
had going on would think, well, you know, here's a,
here's a nice little family and they've got their things, uh,
(05:57):
going on and it looks pretty good.
S1 (06:00):
Yeah. Now, uh, your first son's name is Austin.
S2 (06:05):
That's Austin.
S1 (06:07):
Okay.
S2 (06:07):
Yep.
S1 (06:08):
And, um, your second son's name is Ethan. Ethan. Okay.
So on April of 2008, Ethan was three weeks old. And. Austin.
I'm sorry, Austin was three years old. And how old
was Ethan?
S2 (06:25):
Ethan was, let's see, about 15 months old.
S1 (06:28):
Okay. All right. So here you got this 15 month.
S2 (06:31):
Old and a toddler.
S1 (06:32):
And the three year old, and you're smiling. And life is,
you know, life is busy. Early that week, I think
it is. You look at your husband and you say
something about church. What? What did you say?
S2 (06:45):
Well, actually, it was probably a couple of months before
I looked at my husband and we were sitting there
watching probably football on a on a Saturday or on
a Sunday. And I said, you know, I really think
we ought to. Do you think we ought to go
to church? We had both, uh, grown up being taken
to church, and we both would have said we believed
(07:08):
in God. Uh, but you couldn't have seen that by
our lives. But here we had these two beautiful boys. And,
you know, we wanted them to have faith. We wanted
them to know about God. And, um, so we talked
about it, and we said, you know, we should probably
we should probably drag them to church, too. And, um,
my husband said, well, why don't you go look for
(07:29):
a church? And when you find one, uh, let me know,
and then we'll all go as a family. And so
I had sporadically started to go visit different churches in
that area. Um, at the time in Phoenix and I,
it was let's see, it would have been I went
(07:50):
one Sunday and I said, listen, I think that's our church.
I think it's a good church, and I think it's
going to be okay for the boys. And. And Devin said, well,
then next Sunday, you know, we'll go, we'll go as
a family and we'll go, we'll start going to church.
So that was Sunday. But then Monday Austin Austin got
(08:10):
sick with strep throat on that. Well, he got a
fever on Monday. And then we took him to the
doctor Tuesday. And he had he was diagnosed with strep throat.
S1 (08:19):
And you knew in your gut that that it was
there's something there's something more going on here or you
felt like you took him back to the to the
doctor or to the hospital. Right.
S2 (08:34):
We did. We did. So Tuesday he was diagnosed with
strep and the pediatrician's office. We started antibiotics. I went
in to check on him, and it was probably about
midnight Wednesday night. And he still had a really high
fever and his breathing sounded really rugged and really hard
for him, and I ended up waking up Devin and saying, listen,
(08:56):
I'm going to take Austin to urgent care and you're
going to, you know, you stay here. We had the
baby was sleeping, Ethan was sleeping. Um, so Devin stayed
with Ethan, and I took Austin to urgent care. They
told us we had to give the medicine time to work, um,
and not to panic and to see our pediatrician in
the morning. Next morning, I am back off to work.
(09:18):
I'm working, um, you know, very, very hard at that,
at that job and at that law firm. And Devin
takes him to the pediatrician, and they essentially say the
same thing on Thursday morning. You know, don't panic. It's
just strep throat. You got to give the medicine time
to work. He's going to be fine. Uh, and I
get home from work on Thursday night and he's he's
(09:41):
not better. And it just he we called him the tornado.
He was a very boisterous, uh, very, uh, active. He
never sat still, never stopped talking. Three year old kid.
He was, uh, something. And his Thursday night. And I
just was like, this is something is wrong. I there
(10:03):
is something wrong. I feel like I want to take
him back to the hospital. But he had been to
the doctor three times in three days. And so, you know,
we just decided to give it one more night, you know,
let's let's. He was just at the doctor, like, less
than 12 hours ago. So we settled down and and,
(10:24):
you know, tucked him in and in the middle of
the night, I, I talked with him again. He wanted
to brush his teeth. And about 4:00 in the morning,
he wanted to brush his teeth, and it was time
for more medicine. And, um, and so we did that,
and we were able to chat and talk and cuddle
a little bit, and, and then I went to work
on Friday morning And, um. And then Friday morning, I
(10:49):
got the call. I got that call that, um, you know,
nobody wants to get. And, um, it was, uh, our
nanny at the house, and she was crying, saying, come home,
come home. The ambulance, you know, Austin. Come home. Ambulance. Austin.
That that's all I could understand. And and, um, and
(11:12):
so I, I went, I went to, to get in
my car and, and travel home and luckily, um, one
of our, uh, assistants, my secretary said, wait, you can't
you can't drive. Because I was downtown Phoenix and home
was a good 20, 25 minute drive. And so she
(11:33):
drove for me, thank goodness. And, you know, Chris, I
was so far from God that I didn't even think
to pray. At this point in my life. I get
a call that the ambulance is at my house for
my toddler and I don't pray. I don't even think
about God. That's how far away God was from my heart.
(11:58):
But I was in the passenger seat and my secretary said, Kim,
shouldn't we be going to a hospital? Like, why are
we going to your house?
S1 (12:08):
That's Kim Erickson. We'll stop the story right there and continue.
After a quick break here on Moody Radio, if you
are someone who has pushed God away or you can't
even think about God because of something bad that happened
to you way back when, I want you to listen
to the rest of the story. And as you listen
to it, keep in mind the frame of reference here
(12:31):
is in this week, we're looking at the death, the burial,
and the resurrection of Jesus. Aren't you glad for the resurrection?
It's a great story and will continue it in just
a couple of minutes. This is Chris Fabry live on
Moody Radio. This is Chris Fabry live online at Chris
(13:03):
Fabry Lives. Hey, a program note for you. They are
back tomorrow. Monday. Thursday. Those boys of the Bible. They
put the chat and eschatology. They put the men in commentary.
The two Michaels are going to be with us right
here at the radio. Backyard fence doctor Michael Rudnick. Doctor
Michael van Laningham. In fact, if you want to make
(13:24):
sure that we get your question on the air, call
our listener line today and you can leave a question.
86695 Febry. You can also use that number to give
a gift of the program, by the way. But leave
a message for the two Michaels and we'll see if
we can address it here tomorrow. Uh, Questions about the Bible,
(13:44):
of course, but specifically Passion Week, the days leading up
to the crucifixion and then the resurrection. So if you
have a question, I'd love to hear from you. (866) 953-2279.
Let us hear from you. Kim Erickson told this story
in 2017. So you're going to hear dated references throughout
(14:08):
the conversation. Disregard those. The book that came from this
crucible in her life is his last words. It's our
featured resource at the website, Chris Fabry. We paused Kim's
story when she was at work. She heard about the
ambulance at home. She heard that Austin, her son, was
(14:29):
in distress. Let's pick up the story right there.
S2 (14:34):
Yeah. So I you know, where we where we were
talking about. I had gotten that call that that no
parent wants to get. And we were on our way
in a car. My assistant was driving and I she said,
shouldn't we go to the hospital? And and it really
hit me that it must be really bad. Like, it
(14:57):
must be over. It must be too late. Um, because
they said, come home. So I frantically dial the phone.
Dial the phone, dial the phone, and and I, I say,
you know what hospital. And they they say it again.
They say, just come home. And I didn't pray. I
didn't even think to pray. But what I thought about
(15:19):
doing was trying to connect with Austin as a as
a mom, as a parent, I just I wanted to
be there so badly and I, I just tipped my
chair back and in my head, I started crying out
to him and saying, you know, Austin, you fight, you
(15:40):
hear me? Austin, can you hear me? It's mom. I'm
almost there. You know, you fight, you fight to stay
here with mommy. Austin, can you hear me? You fight
to stay here with mommy. And I'm just crying out
to try to connect with him. And all of a sudden,
everything just goes away. And in my ear, something washes
(16:06):
over me. And I wish that there were words to
describe that feeling. But it was calm. Peaceful. Oh, love.
It was something just flipped a switch in me, and
I just felt something entirely different than I've. Than I've
ever been able to find words for. And I was begging,
(16:27):
you know, stay here with mom. And in my heart, I.
I just felt him say. But but, mom, it's so
pretty here. Uh, clear as the day. But, mom, it's
so pretty here. And in that moment, I. I paused
(16:48):
like I am now, like, oh my goodness. But I
could feel it. And I could sense the longing in him.
He wanted to stay there. And I just said, okay, okay.
And and then it was over. And then I was
back in my car. You know, my secretary driving me
(17:08):
to the hospital. And it was over, but I knew it. I,
I knew Austin was gone in that in that moment.
But I also knew heaven was real. Like I knew it.
I felt it. It was not, um, floating on clouds
or some reincarnation business. It wasn't anything other than what
(17:32):
I had heard when. When my parents dragged me to
church as a kid. Heaven Is God's kingdom. It was
a place like I could hop a plane and go there.
It felt that tangible to me. And I would just
say how awesome it must have felt for a mom
to say to her child, okay, you know, you stay
(17:54):
there and I'll stay here. Um, but I really wish
there were words for that, Chris, to describe what that
felt like. But now I know. I know that he's there,
and I know it's real. I don't have any doubt
in any fiber of my being that the story is true.
The story is true in heaven is real.
S1 (18:17):
And that was in a sense, your your first reaching out,
you know, to God or to open yourself up. Um,
let me just finish the story. Then when you got home,
when you actually made it there, what did you see?
S2 (18:33):
Shortly after that, they called me back and told me
to go to a hospital. And so, um, the hospital
near our home. And so I went there. The nurse
led me to the place. They wouldn't let me go
in where they were working on Austin, um, for a while.
And then finally I said, listen, you have got to
let me in there. And as I walked in, of course,
(18:54):
they're all working on him. You know, machines are hooked up.
They're doing CPR. There's a team of people there. The
machines are beeping. They're they're just pushing his chest so hard. Um, and,
you know, I just know it. I know he's not
there anymore. Uh, but they want to keep working. And
(19:14):
they kept working for quite some time. And I would
just have to walk out of the room occasionally just
to need to breathe and get my get myself together.
And I just kept walking in and out of that room,
but I knew it. I knew that what they were
doing was hopeless. He he was already gone and he
was okay. And so at some point, I told the doctors,
(19:35):
you know, just stop. Just stop. You have. It's. He's gone.
He's gone. And, um, and that's, you know, so I
did go to the hospital and have that seen as well. Uh,
which is, which is not easy, but, um, I really
believe the Lord just had his arm wrapped right around
me at that point, um, and gave me the strength
(19:57):
to do that.
S1 (19:59):
Now, here's the thing. When I told my wife the
story of that you've described here, and then what happened
on Sunday. She said, wait a minute. Time out. She
she told her husband, we need to go to church
on Sunday. Tell me about that.
S2 (20:19):
Well, so if you remember a little bit earlier in
the program, I told you that I told my husband,
I think I found our church, and he said, great,
we'll go next Sunday. Well, I got that call, and
it was Friday. And, I knew for some reason I,
I just knew we had to go to church. But
(20:42):
let me add a little layer in there. So that
was Friday. You know, my whole family starts flying in every,
you know, everything that starts happening when you when you
lose someone in your family. But, Chris, we had to
plan a funeral. I didn't have a church. I've only
been to this church a couple times, but I thought, well,
that's the one we were going to go to. So
(21:03):
I went, uh, Devin and I went to that church
on Saturday morning to see about making, uh, some sort
of funeral arrangements, and they were locked and I had
to call and leave a message. But, man, they called
me right back. And, you know, they walked us through
the process. Someone. Someone came and prayed with me on
the phone. And so that was Saturday, and they were
(21:26):
so gracious, just welcoming me and saying, yes, we'll help
you plan a funeral. We're so sorry. And, um. And
then Sunday morning came, and, uh, I just was I
knew it. I said, you know what? We have got
to go to church. And it's kind of like, what?
What is going on? We are going to church. We
(21:48):
said we were going to to church as a family
and we're going to church. And so I believe my
mom and dad stayed with Ethan. He stayed with the
baby at home, but almost at, you know, a great
number of people are already at my home. And so
they're like, well, I guess if Kim and Devin are
going to church, we're going to church. And we went
to that church and, um, the, the, the usual senior
(22:13):
pastor was on vacation, but his dad is a pastor.
And so his dad was preaching that Sunday and pastor Don, uh,
at Desert Springs and out there in Goodyear, Arizona. He
never finishes a a Sunday without giving the invitation to
would you just invite the Lord into your life, you know?
(22:33):
Would you just make Jesus the Lord and Savior of
your life? Would you just give it up to him?
Would you just would you just accept that you need
a Savior to get to heaven with God for eternal life?
And and I was sitting there and he, you know,
every eye closed, every head bowed. And and I prayed
the prayer and so did my husband, and so did
(22:55):
some other people in our family. And you know that
that Sunday I gave I gave my life to the
Lord and, and, um, and then sweet pastor Don in
that church, he started talking about us. He said, I
want to have one more moment of prayer before we go.
We have this family. They've lost their three year old.
They they they've only visited our church, but they have to,
(23:19):
you know, have this service for their sweet three year old.
And there we are. You know, he doesn't know we're there.
He doesn't know who we are, but we just lose it.
And so we start crying and bawling. And, you know,
some of us start sitting down and the church starts
to realize that that's us. And they pray over us.
Some people start kneeling. Some people just come around us
(23:42):
and hug us, and they just prayed over us. There's
nothing like that. There's nothing like their response to us
and their willingness to pray for us right there and then.
And so we did go to church, and we did
give our lives to the Lord. And it was just
the body of Christ. I mean, it's if you ever
(24:03):
wonder if you're, you know, you need to go to
church or you're supposed to go to church. Oh, please.
You don't know who's standing around you, who just needs
your encouragement. And so it was it was beautiful. And
that that's, uh, that's our resurrection Sunday. Austin died on
a Friday. And, uh, you know, I turned it all
over to God on Sunday.
S1 (24:24):
And life has been a lot different since then. I
feel like we need to play a song, you know,
one poem and have a song, and we're done here.
Because I didn't know that part of the story. But
I knew that you'd become a Christian, and I knew
that you walked the aisle. But I did not know that.
That he said that. And then people realized and and
it all just kind of came together. What a what
(24:46):
a beautiful portrait of the body coming alongside people. And, uh,
I've got other questions about, you know, what was the
funeral service like and when and all of that. But
we can save that for another time. This experience has
propelled you closer to God, not not pushed you away
from him. He is your friend now. He's your savior
(25:09):
and your friend and your Lord. And one of the
things that you wanted to do with your life is
to help others come to into that relationship through Scripture,
through His Word. And that's why you put together this
Bible study. It's called his Last Words. It's a study
of John 13 through 17, what Jesus taught and prayed
(25:31):
in his final hours. And she, you know, had this
final conversation with Austin, with her son when he was little,
when he wanted to brush his teeth that night. And
that kind of propelled her to look at these chapters.
So I want to spend the rest of the program
talking about that. You can find out more about the
featured resource and all the contact information at Chris Fabry Live.
(26:05):
Kim Erickson's story is front and center today on Chris
Fabry Live. And it strikes me that scenario that she
has painted from her situation, the death of her son Austin,
could have made her mad at God, could have made
her run from him, but it didn't. She ran toward
her Heavenly Father. And that's exactly what the folks at
(26:27):
Carenet want to happen to you. If you're feeling some
deep guilt and shame and regret over a decision that
you've made, particularly about the unborn. April is Abortion Recovery
Awareness Month. And hear us loudly and clearly. Your enemy
wants you shackled. He wants you anxious and held back
(26:50):
from real life. God wants you to be forgiven and
free from condemnation. There's a free resource that you can
download if you go to Chris. Org. Click the green
net link right there. If you or someone you know
is carrying a heavy burden of guilt and shame and grief,
(27:10):
there is an awful lot of hope. Click the Green
Care Net link at Christian Deliverance. Org and get your
free copy of Forgiven and Set Free. Again Chris Fabry live. Fabry, Chris. Fabry, Oliver.
Our featured resource today is Kim Ericson's book. His Last words.
(27:33):
You can find it at the website. Chris Fabry lives. So, Kim,
in your grief as you're walking through the loss of
your son, what help did you get from the Bible?
S2 (27:44):
Yeah, it's you know, I was a brand new, brand
new believer. So I had, you know, said, okay, God,
you know, welcome to my life, you know? And I
believe in Jesus. But I still had so many questions.
And I am a lawyer and I've been trained as
a lawyer. And it it needs to make sense to me.
(28:05):
And in a sense, you need to you I want
to prove, you know, I knew what I felt that
day with Austin. So I knew heaven was true. But
I needed to know if that's true. You know what
else is is true. And. And I had that kind
of mentality. And, um, I, I got turned to my
(28:28):
Bible because, well, I think our, the church that I,
you know, was getting, um, involved in would have led
me to my Bible. But I also have this moment
where the pastor had come. Pastor Steve had come to
visit our home just to check on us, see how
we were doing with Austin. Um, and our grief and,
(28:48):
you know, we were brand new believers in his church.
And so he stopped by our home, you know, every
now and again those first few weeks and months. And
I remember my father in law asked him a question
and said, you know, man, my father in law happened
to be there that night. And he said, you're so
good up there when you're, you know, when you're preaching
and you, you have no notes. And how are you
(29:10):
so good at this? And I'll never forget what Pastor
Steve said, because next to that moment that I had
with Austin and realizing heaven was real, this thing that
my pastor said, sent me to the Bible and sent me,
I believe, to the. To the place where I could
find healing and and comfort in all this grief. He said.
(29:34):
So my father in law said, how are you so
good at that? And he said, well, I believe. When
you make Jesus Lord of your life, you know, when
you make Jesus your Savior. You get the gift of
the Holy Spirit. And by the Holy Spirit, the Bible
just makes sense. And you, when you read your Bible,
the Holy Spirit makes it personal to you. And the
(29:57):
Holy Spirit will show you what God needs you to
learn and know about him through the Holy Spirit through
the Bible. And I'll never forget it. I. I crossed
my arms and I, I sat back and I was like, really?
I don't know about this. Um, and a good friend, actually,
Austin's first nanny gave me my first Bible. Uh, sweet
(30:21):
Megan had given me a Bible, and so I had
this brand new Bible. And I thought the next, like, morning,
I thought, well, you know, I'm brand new at this,
so I think I'm. I'm supposed to, like, read this thing,
and I'm supposed to pray. So I get up in
the morning and I think, well, let's just see. Let's
just see if this Holy Spirit thing, you know, is
real and this Bible is all of a sudden going
(30:43):
to make sense when it was nothing but boring before.
And and she had told me to start in the
Gospel of John. The pastor's wife had said, start in
the Gospel of John. And and I did. And it
made sense. Chris. It was like a new thing for me.
It all just was coming alive. And I was like,
oh my goodness. Oh, that's true. And this is true.
(31:06):
Oh yes, I it was unbelievable what happened when I said, okay, God,
you know, Holy Spirit, let's let's do this. Uh, can
you make the Bible come alive for me? Can you,
can you make it make sense for me? And he
sure did. He sure did.
S1 (31:24):
And and the. When Jesus said, I am the resurrection
and the life. When Jesus rose. Lazarus from the dead.
When the his own. When Jesus resurrection. How did you
look at that differently because of what you just been through?
S2 (31:39):
I it really is such a healing moment. If you
if you can really the problem is it's so hard
to wrap your mind around, right? So our human mind goes.
We can't really believe it, right? We don't really understand
how Mary has immaculate conception, how this person, Jesus, can
(32:00):
raise Lazarus from the dead. We certainly don't understand how
he can die and and have the resurrection. And we
don't we can't really wrap our head around the tomb
is empty. But if if you can stop your mind
from trying to make sense of it and just allow
God to speak into your heart and then you realize
(32:23):
it's true. He really did it. He really is the
Son of God. He really did come back to life.
Death has been defeated. And and in John it says,
he tells his disciples, as you know, these are his
last moments with them. He tells them you will mourn.
You will have grief, but you will see me again,
(32:48):
and your sorrow will be turned to joy, and no
one will take your joy from you. And if I
could have a verse that explains my life and the
turning points in my life from that grief, those words
are true. They're absolute truth. And he and my Bible
(33:09):
and my relationship with God has really turned my sorrow
into joy, because I know I will see him again.
Not just Jesus, but Austin, our loved ones who go
before us. We will. It's true. We're going. We're going there. Yes.
As believers, it's. It's beautiful.
S1 (33:30):
And there may be somebody listening who says, you know,
a little skeptical. And that's okay if you're skeptical and
you're listening today. This Holy Spirit thing, um, that if
you read the Bible, you've read the Bible and you
don't you don't get Leviticus or you, you you don't
get the New Testament. There's parts of the New Testament
as you struggle for you and you don't get this.
And then you're saying that all I need is the
(33:51):
Holy Spirit and he's going to, uh, illumine me and
help me understand the reason I don't understand. See, this
is kind of what people think. It's the Christian Ponzi scheme.
It's like, if you don't understand it, well, you don't
have what we have. We got the thing that will
help us understand it. And so you don't have it,
so you need it. And that's what they that's how
they look at it. But the way as you've explained
(34:11):
it here is if you really want to understand this,
if you really want God to open your heart and
your mind to what is going on here in Scripture,
this love letter to you, you ask him. He'll give
you that wisdom. He'll open your eyes. But there's there's
part of this that you is is you coming with
(34:32):
a willing heart and willing to submit to him to
open yourself up to. Maybe this is true, don't you think, Kim?
S2 (34:41):
I that's absolutely it. I agree with that wholeheartedly. I
was so skeptical. Um, you know, I really was. And
and so now I just tell people, just try it,
just try it. Take your Bible, sit on your back
porch and say, okay, God, you know, let's let's see
if this works. And and he did. And that that
(35:03):
really is the only thing. Right. So I'm a lawyer,
I want proof. And my proof is my experience. And
I'm not crazy. Uh, I haven't lost it. Um, he
really does bring things to your heart through the Bible.
That and it's so tangible. And I think when you're
grieving or if you have had that hard some you know,
(35:26):
lots of people have had lots of hard things happen
in life. And it's really tough to understand how God
allows the really hard things to happen. But yet he
loves us so much and and that's tough. And and
the only thing I can say to that is try it.
Try to set it at his feet. Try to open
(35:47):
your heart to him and let him in to heal it.
If you're pushing away, he can't heal it, right? But
if you can just open your heart and say, you
know what, God? That hurt. I mean, there were days.
There were absolutely days where I was mad. I was
mad at God, and I was mad about my circumstances.
(36:07):
And I was hurt other days where I was just
so sad. And each time I would just ask him
and be like, okay, can can you help me with this?
Can you help me feel different? You know. Can you
take some of this pain? Can you take some of
this anger? Uh, or I would turn and open my
Bible and say, okay, I need help. I need help
(36:30):
with these feelings because this is hard. And he would
just show me something so beautiful in his word where
I would read it and go, oh, thank you. Thank
you for that.
S1 (36:43):
And I love that organic, you know, that relationship that
you have with God. And I want to do that.
In our last segment, I want you to take us
someplace in this passage between John 13 and John 17.
We'll do that. In his last words is our featured
resource at the website. Go to Chris Fabry Live. More
with Kim Erickson straight ahead. Thanks for joining us today
(37:16):
on Chris Fabry Live in a Best of broadcast with
Kim Erickson. We'll get right back to her. But I
do want you to know that tomorrow at the back
fence they are back. Doctor Michael Redlich, Doctor Michael Van
Landingham on Maundy Thursday, we're going to have a conversation
about the Gospels, about any questions that you might have.
(37:36):
And as a matter of fact, if you call our
listener line, you can leave a message and question for
the two Michaels for tomorrow. The number is 8669538669532279. You
can also use that number to give a gift to
(37:58):
Chris Fabry. Live and help us out. And I think
we have still a few copies of Doctor Erwin Lutzer book,
A Practical Guide for praying. Parents would love to put
this in your hand if you want to become not
an anxious, worried parent, but a praying dependent on God.
Trusting in God. Parent give a gift of any size
(38:20):
will send this little book to you. I think it'll
encourage you just to call 86695 Fabbri or go to Chris.
Erickson's book, His Last Words, is our featured resource. I
want to read the first four verses of John chapter
(38:40):
14 and get Kim to respond to this. Jesus says,
don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe
also in me. In my father's house are many rooms
or dwelling places. If it were not so, would I
have told you that I'm going to prepare a place
(39:01):
for you? If I go away and prepare a place
for you, I will come again and take you to myself.
So that where I am you may be also. You
know the way to where I'm going.
S2 (39:16):
Ah, so this is heaven. It's. It's where Jesus tells
us I am. Don't be troubled. Don't let your heart
run away with you. I am going to prepare a
place for you. It's where he describes the fact that
he's going to go before us like he did, and
he's going to prepare a place for us, and that
(39:36):
is heaven. We get to go there also. And what
I love about this section is we have to keep
in mind the the context, right. And so he knows
he's having his last few minutes with his disciples in
the preceding in chapter 13 is where he calls Judas
out and says, I know one of you is going
(39:57):
to betray me. And so the disciples are a little unsettled,
but he says, first, let not your heart be troubled.
And so as you, as you get into God's Word,
you will see places where he acknowledges your hurt. He
acknowledges your sorrow, your confusion, your questioning. He acknowledges it.
(40:17):
And then he tells you kind of what? Usually he
tells you something to do about it. And here he says,
don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe
also in me. I'm going to prepare a place for you,
and you will be there with me. And it's just so.
(40:37):
Typical of what I have found in Scripture, that we
have our sorrows, and Jesus comes up next to us
and says, essentially, it's okay. Like, I'm going to make
this okay. In the end, you're going to be in
heaven where everything is beautiful. And it's. I love that.
And it does continue on to a verse that.
S1 (40:59):
The antidote, you're saying the antidote to your troubled heart.
And isn't it interesting in in Jesus humanity, his heart
was troubled. Just these great sweat drops of blood. Not
my will, but yours be done. And the struggling with.
You know. So Jesus is not just saying, think positive thoughts. Now,
you know everything's going to be all right. You and
(41:21):
you experienced that yourself. You went through this huge cataclysm
of losing your son. But belief in God, trusting in God,
submitting to him, believing that he is bigger than the circumstances.
That is the antidote to the the troubled heart that
we have. And then you know where you know the
way to where I'm going. And Lord Thomas said, we
(41:43):
don't know where you're going. How can we know the way?
And that's where Jesus says, I. Aren't you glad for Thomas?
Aren't you glad? He interrupted? He says, I am the way,
the truth, and the life. No one comes to the
father except through me.
S2 (42:01):
Mm. Yeah. And I tell you, I was at a
place before we lost Austin, where I thought that was
just narrow mindedness, you know, that that was just narrow thinking.
And then after we lost Austin, and after I started
to learn more about Jesus and opened my mind and
my heart really about God, and I saw these words
(42:23):
and I thought, oh, yes, that's that's true. That that
is the truth. Jesus is the way, the truth and
the life and and the story is true. Just like
heaven is true. The story is true. And I love
what you said about, you know, Jesus. He did. He
wept on this earth. He experienced grief on this earth. And,
(42:43):
you know, the study includes chapter 17, which is about
Jesus final prayer. And I love that in verse 20
of John 17, Jesus prayed for you like Jesus prayed
for everyone who would believe in him for for generations
to come. And and I love that in his last moments,
(43:05):
he's praying and he prays for us. He prays for me,
for anyone who would believe in him through the 12
apostles work. And it's just beautiful. And I think, gosh,
how did he think it's amazing that the this God
would think of me in his final moments. And it's
just beautiful. He has so much love for us. That's
(43:28):
what I didn't understand, I think is God's love for us.
And that covers my pain. It covers my grief. It
covers the hard bumps of life. I just have to
anchor on that, that he he he has love for
me that is beyond anything I can comprehend.
S1 (43:46):
Yes. And that, you know, there's another prayer that Jesus
prays that I that I count myself in as well.
And maybe theologically, somebody can can knock the, the ladder
out from under me. But I think when Jesus looks
at those who are doing this to him. And he says, father,
forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. I think
(44:07):
there is a very real sense in which I count
myself in that group as well. You know, there have
been times when I thought I was doing, you know,
a really good thing, a righteous thing and a holy
thing and a this, that and the other thing. And
I didn't know what I was doing, and I didn't
understand how I was injuring Jesus or his, his name, uh,
(44:30):
by by being in the body, you know. And so
I want to accept that forgiveness as well. And to
live in the light of that. Kim, I got something
to tell you. I am looking forward to seeing that
little boy in heaven. Aren't you?
S2 (44:46):
Oh, yes, I there's no question about it. And I
can't wait. I have, uh, you know, a job to
to keep doing down here while I wait, but I
really can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. And I
love this Easter season when we get to be reminded
That death did not win. And and we will be
alive again. And we will, you know, be in heaven for,
(45:08):
for all of eternity together. So life, you know, as
long as it seems is, is short in comparison to eternity.
And I'm, I'm I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. Yeah.
S1 (45:21):
Thank you for being faithful with the story, too. You know,
I know that you want this to. It's not easy
to talk about even after, uh, this number of years
down the road. Um, but it's I think it's really
important because it's such a part of your story, and I'm.
I hope I'm there when when he comes up to
you and holds out the toothbrush. Or. I don't know.
S3 (45:43):
If there's toothbrushes in heaven, but, you know, uh. God
bless you, Kim.
S1 (45:47):
Thank you for being faithful with not just the pain,
but with the redemption and with.
S3 (45:52):
The the truth.
S1 (45:54):
That you've come to know in your life. God bless you.
S2 (45:56):
Amen. Thank you.
S1 (45:58):
Her name is Kim Erickson. Ericsson. And now you know
why I wanted to air this conversation again. Originally from
April of 2017, eight years ago. If you go to
Chris Oliver, our featured resource is Kim's book His Last Words. Now,
I've mentioned a couple of times tomorrow, the two Michaels,
(46:21):
Doctor Melnick, Doctor Van Laningham will talk about the Bible.
Friday we're going to again go back eight years to
hear from the heart of Fernando Ortega and an album
that was new at the time, The Crucifixion of Jesus.
Let me end with this. If you're running from God
because of something you can't understand, turn around. There's a
(46:43):
loving father ready to embrace you. Chris Fabry lives a
production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
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