Dan Wilbur (comedian, writer)

Episode Transcript
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Chuck Shute (00:00):
Well, it's always great to have a guest come back

(00:02):
and comedian Dan Wilber was oneof the first guests that I ever
had on the show way back onepisode 13. He's got a new
comedy special out titledhusband material. It's an audio
recording. It'll be availableApril 12 on all streaming
platforms.
So we're going to talk about thespecial plus we discuss mental
health food and dieting, openingfor Patton Oswald and so much

(00:24):
more coming right upYeah, so new my husband
material, the new album, this isthe first comedy special comedy
album that you've ever had.

Dan Wilbur (00:44):
Yes, this is my very first comedy special. And let me
tell you, I'm so happy. I tooktwo full years off during COVID.
I didn't. But what a great timeto put out your first album. Why
did I start there? It's a greatalbum. I'm very excited.

Is there? No, I listened to it. I listened to it
twice. But now is there going tobe video because I've seen clips
where there is video. But isthere a full special that will
be on video? Or is it only

Dan Wilbur (01:12):
there's no, there's no full special it's just the
audio. So if you're listening tothis, you know you gotta go old
school. You got to buy it oniTunes or you got to stream it.
The the chunks that we got aregood. And I want to release them
as clips. But but they're inservice to promoting the audio.

(01:35):
One day, one day I'll do a fullYouTube special.

Yeah, I think that's what like vehement did
that I think Mark Norman did itthat way. I think Ron and
Hershberger thought his was hisfirst one was on YouTube. I'm
not sure I know he has a new onecoming out, too. But

Dan Wilbur (01:51):
yeah, the label said we could do it. And then we only
recorded the second show forjust because that's when my my
video team decided to do it.
Because we're like, well, we'llget the first one we'll get
this. We didn't record themboth. And then we never had
planned to release it onYouTube. And we didn't really
have a budget to pay somebodylike a big production company.

(02:12):
And since since promoting itpeople have reached out to be
like, Why don't you do it now.
And I'm like, what? forceeverybody to hear the album and
then just do like the same setplus to dirty jokes. And then I

(02:32):
mean, I've written a lot ofstuff, but not enough that I'd
wanted on an album at thismoment. Like I've spent the last
like five months just beingcompletely free. And doing as
much new materials I want. And Ifeel really good. And I get why
people might put out a special ayear. Now because you get really
like a fire lit under you whenyou can just work on whatever

(02:56):
you want. After you've just beenhoning one set for months. So I
don't know, we'll see maybe bynext December, I'll have thought
of Enough jokes to put into aYouTube special, but I doubt it.
Because this one, this one took18 years. So that's I was just
saying, Yeah, I didn't mean tostart by saying like I quit I I

(03:17):
was just doing. I wish I haddone maybe in 2016 the first
album, and then it's like, well,there'll be time to do it. And
then 2019 2020 Some stuffhappened. And then screwed it up
for a little while. Right? So

when you do this, the latest one? How do you get
so because you said you had tohold it for months. So like a
lot of your friends and familyhave probably already heard
these jokes. So do you try toinvite people you know, to the
recording of the special or isit totally? People who have
never seen you before? Becausethen the jokes are all fresh?

Dan Wilbur (03:55):
Yeah, so most of the time in the recordings or
special shows, I've found it'speople I know, whenever I
released a book and we did acomedy show. It was just a bunch
of familiar faces in the crowd.
And I was just listening to AmyHawthorne, who is a very great,
she's great Booker. And she wasa great producer of comedy shows

(04:17):
and she has a podcast now shehelps comedians understand, you
know what they're doing rightand wrong, mostly what they're
doing wrong, which I like. It'sa lot of tough love. If you're
if you're interested inlistening to that kind of thing.
She put out this, this videowhere she was saying like nobody
cares if you repeat jokesbecause it was sort of in tandem

(04:37):
with why are we releasing allthese crowd Work videos? And the
answer is, well, you don't wantto burn your material. And you
still want content out in theworld. So what do you do? Well,
you you share something aboutlike, oh, you can only see this
at a live show this organicthing that happened it's it's
not a bad strategy to post crowdwork clips and get people

(04:57):
interested in coming to liveshows, but then they think
that's all you do, or they don'tknow your jokes. And my favorite
albums are the ones that I canreally listen to, even though I
know the jokes. And so I justtried to put my best stuff on an
album. Knowing that, well,people have probably scrolled

(05:18):
past the NBA Jam bit a coupletimes. But when they hear it in
the context of the album,they'll, they'll enjoy it and
nobody's mad at you. They'd bemad at me if there was no new
material on it. That would beupsetting. But I don't think I
did that. I think I, I so muchhappened in the last year that I
had a lot of stuff about movingand a lot of stuff like old

(05:42):
stuff that nobody's heard thatI've never put on a video. So my
hope is that Amy Hawthorne iscorrect. And that people love to
hear your best jokes. So it's amix

of your best stuff and new stuff, best stuff.

Dan Wilbur (06:01):
And then stuff about getting married stuff about
moving stuff, and you all you'velistened to it twice. So you
know, there's, there's I wouldhope there's a couple things
that you had not heard before.

Oh, definitely.
Yeah, I thought the part about adepressive realism. That was
really interesting. Like whereit was, like depressed people
have a more realistic view ofthe world. I remember learning
that in psychology classes whenI was in college, and I was
like, Huh, that's kind of aninteresting viewpoint. So it's
like it because the other sideof that is would be happy people
have a fake view of the world.

(06:33):
Right. And I think

Dan Wilbur (06:34):
that's, I think it's absolutely true. For me, at
least, it's funny, if you bringup depression, any in any
context, you'll just getcomments about people telling
you what caused it, when youknow, probably better than most
people, especially if you're intherapy, you you know yourself a

(06:54):
little bit. But people will Iwas just, yeah, I just posted a
video about it that like, if youjust say, Hey, I'm depressed.
And I think it's because theWorld War me down. And like, I
got so much rejection and havelike a weak spirit at the
moment. And I'm not exercisingenough to counteract how bad I

(07:15):
feel like all these things. Youcould list all the reasons and
all the reasons your therapisttold you and people will still
come out of the woodwork and belike, it's that you're not
taking vitamin D. They're nottaking like, you need to work on
your gut health. You need to fixyour chakras, you need to just
go outside and drink water andsuck it up, which is like, Yo,
suck it up was still around whenI was in high school. I remember

(07:36):
a Spanish teacher telling me todrink my orange juice and shut
up and because that's talkingabout how bummed I was in like a
poem I wrote in Spanish, youknow, like a clear cry for help.
And wow, he was like, why don'tyou stop being a dork anyway?
Why did that come up? Becauseyou asked me one question. And I

(07:58):
decided to bring it all, why notbring the entire volcano of sad
feelings up on a podcast? Butyeah, life has changed one side
of it. Yeah, I would neverbegrudge anyone, their, their
genuine happiness is what Iwanted to say. And if somebody
told you like, the reason I'mhappy is, and they listed a

(08:19):
bunch of stuff to me. I findthat really depressing. And it
makes me sad or so please don'tsend me any of those videos. But
anytime someone tells you like,what does it for them, they're
like, you know, I was feelingbad. And then I had a pumpkin
spice latte. And I talked tothree of my friends on the
phone. And then I watched a oneepisode of 30 rock and it cured

(08:41):
my depression. And I'm like,that sounds like a good day for
you. I I can't get out of this.
Thinking that I'm a failure forthe last 18 hours. So I've been
watching I watched 18 episodesof 30 rock. Yeah, isn't it
working?

It doesn't usually just happen like snap your
fingers. And when you startspiraling down like that,
sometimes it could you juststart getting in your head and
it's like, and then you know,it's like not realistic. You but
you know it's irrational, butyou just stick with it anyways.
And you can't you can't get outof it.

Dan Wilbur (09:13):
Yeah. Are you a depressed person?

i Oh, yeah, I've dealt with stuff. I mean, yeah,
then anxiety too. Like, that'sthe worst one. It's like you
have depression and anxietybecause you're like, wait a
minute, these should likecounteract each other. Like if
I'm if I have anxiety, I shouldhave all this energy and I
should want to go out and dothings. But then when you're
depressed you have no energy. Soyou're you have no energy and
you're worried about shit. It'slike it's a bad combo.

Dan Wilbur (09:37):
Yeah, well, as you know from the album, I I know
that the actual opposite ofanxiety is mania. Right? And
I've never felt better in mylife. I have to you know, I have
to tell my wife that like yes,our our wedding day was the best
day of my life. I hope of herstoo, but close second. That is

(09:59):
the four weeks That was onWellbutrin and just losing my
fucking mind. Yeah, that'scorrect. I didn't know if we're
allowed to swear. Yeah, if

I can swear I don't care. But now that's kind of
scary with the, theantidepressants like, I don't
know, there's like theoriesabout some of these mass
shooters took those and stuff,but I mean, they can cause weird
thoughts and stuff and did thatdid you just went off and
completely they didn't try tojust lower your dose, because if
it's working it made you happy,it could have just taken a
little bit less. And then

Dan Wilbur (10:27):
well, they I think the the jury's still out about
whether or not that means you'rebipolar. Like, if you have drug
induced mania, it means you'relike, there's like some
placeholder or something calledBP three. And it's, it's like, I
don't think it's true. I thinkI've unipolar depression. And
like, if I do cocaine, I willjust have a very good time for

(10:51):
maybe a couple of days, insteadof just 20 minutes or whatever,
whatever cocaine does to otherpeople. I just like, No, not to
mess with drugs, I was spendinga lot of time like not really
even touching alcohol, because Ifelt that I woke up with a lot
of anxiety. And then I wouldsort of spiral up if I took an

(11:15):
extended break, sort ofexperiencing it right now
because the weather's finallynice again. So I didn't like
just the fact that I feel likeI'm on MDMA, just because it's
spring, and like I've, myallergies haven't kicked in yet.
So I have nothing to complainabout. And I'm getting a ton of

(11:36):
sunlight. It's like, I've beenthinking about this because I
have a sad lamp for the winterthat you look at in the morning.
And you you sort of I mean, likeI read the news, or I write the
morning pages, as soon as I getup and I'll use the sad lamp.
And it says like, if you'refeeling jumpy, if you start to
feel manic, like lower your timespent with the lamp. And so I'm

(11:59):
just convinced that I've justbeen like mainlining sunlight,
go out with my dog and like, allof a sudden, it's not cloudy
anymore. And I just get insane.
I don't know why my voice didthat. Probably because I'm so
excited. And anyway, I'm so gladwe could start here. You know,
great small talk. No,

I love Yeah, we've already covered that. If people
listened to our other episode,we got like your whole life
story in there. Now we'regetting well, the deeper shit,
this is the fun stuff.

Dan Wilbur (12:28):
And if you're not enjoying this, I'm going to tell
you, you're not going to enjoythe first 10 minutes of the
album because it is just aboutthose. They're one liners.
They're just things that I sortof rift with my therapist at
times. And then there werethings that just happened to me
and I don't even think I've dugreally deep enough into my
thoughts on Wellbutrin. I meanyou brought up violence, which I

(12:53):
don't like to attribute tobecause so many people take
these pills and nothing happens.
So many so many people take thepills and they don't work. They
become worse. They becomesuicidal, they become even more
depressed and in introverted arelike pointing that lens back on
themselves. It doesn't sayintroverted, but like, they
become more depressed. Aftertaking the pills there. There

(13:17):
are many things and that's whyyou know, don't just don't just
take one without a doctor'sadvice. And then don't do what I
did, which was to experiencelike switching on a dime, my
mood, like needing to sleep forfour hours. And being really
driven for about a week andwriting a ton. I finished

(13:38):
reading the last 200 pages ofInfinite Jest. I was like,
crying from being so happy likeI was at a wedding. And and I
just went out and did shows andhung out with people and really
just embraced a whole new lifeand then didn't tell my doctor
that that was happening, whichyou're supposed to tell them

(13:58):
like, even if you're havingpositive side effects. So yeah,
what was other people's

reaction when you were on the the mania? It seemed
a little different or?

Dan Wilbur (14:10):
Well, it was all fine. And then I was on week
three and on vacation and I justhad racing thoughts. I couldn't
stop. And so and my mom waslike, let's all we're all gonna
have some wine. You're gonnacall your doctor you're gonna
like because I couldn't stopthinking like it wasn't violent
thoughts. It was just like,almost a OCD level couldn't shut

(14:31):
it off. Where? Where I wassaying stuff like, oh, man, what
if I'm, what if I'm dangerous?
Oh, what if I like hurt somebodyin my house? Oh, what if I'm
thinking that I must be adangerous person. I must these
these drugs must be doing this.
And then I had my friends voiceand I told her this. My friend
Olivia. I was like your voicecame in and it was like, Don't
tell them the pills are badbecause they'll take them away

(14:54):
and you feel so good. And thenso I was having a conversation
with my friend and my head and Icould not Don't turn it off. And
so I had to tell them. And Imean, when they said, when they
took me off it two days, I wasback, I was just back to normal.
And it sucked, because I was,you know, I was like, Oh, I'm
depressed again, like,immediately. Oh, but I felt

(15:18):
better, because I didn't feellike a danger to myself and
others. Just, that's sort of thebig, the big problem. And again,
I know plenty of people who havetaken it and it just doesn't
even work. I know, people whotook it to quit smoking. Wild,
just a wild drug, a wild drug toget people to quit smoking. But

(15:40):
just in general, like, I haveknown people that took it since
their teens, and then it stoppedworking when they were 30. And
they had to switch. And, youknow, just go with God, if you
take any pharmaceuticals. Andnow I'm on, you have two
different things that theymostly give to bipolar people.

(16:01):
And now I'm able to and I'm ableto do a podcast. Well, there

you go. I think it's the same with with weed.
It's like, you just never knowhow it's gonna affect some
people smoke weed all the time.
I do like one like, square like,corner of an edible. And I'm
like, I'm like you. I'm likehaving those thoughts where I'm
like, Oh, my God, I'm gonna,what if I hurt somebody? What if
I do something? Like, what ifI'm an evil person, like, and
then you start freaking out? Andthen like, why did they take
that? It wasn't?

Dan Wilbur (16:25):
Yeah, yeah, that's close to it. Because we does
have if you have ever beenparanoid on weed, yeah. On weed,
what I say, if you've ever beenparanoid, especially on an
edible, that's pretty close tothe racing thoughts, except
anytime I've been on edibles,I'm like, Well, I'm not going to
do anything. I'm just in my ownhead, I just want to leave
whatever party I'm at. I don'twant to talk to anybody. I don't

(16:48):
want to see anyone I don't know.
So I like to have edibles. Andthen have a plan, like,
especially a movie, like we'reno one's gonna bother me. And
there's snacks. And that's agood space for me. But if I ever
take them and like, go to asocial function, I really hate
that. And I've always hatedthat. And now that I Please
don't tell my doctors this. Butnow that I'm sort of, at a, on

(17:11):
an even keel, I can hit like,vaporizers I get, and especially
now that you can buy them in astore, you can like find sativa
is instead of indicas, you smokea sativa and you're sort of an
upper and just a mood elevator,and then, you know, you sort of
feel buzzed. I have no problemwith people who smoke marijuana.

(17:35):
I got a problem with people wholike drink and drive from people
who like destroy their body withother drugs, but like, we
doesn't seem to do much ofanything. Even though I think if
you are an unmedicated bipolarperson, it is very dangerous.
And like there's sort of, youknow, Fox News jumped on weed

(17:59):
psychosis and I don't see thatas like a big danger because
sometimes it's just somebodytook an edible and they had some
bad thoughts and they had to goto the hospital and it's like
well it's almost kind of funnyconviction outside of when you
have real mental illness andmarijuana can sort of exacerbate

(18:20):
it and that's or trigger itYeah. trigger it. Yes. trigger
it.

I used to work in a mental hospital for like one of
my internships and yeah, we hadthis guy he was like a young kid
and I don't suppose what theysaid he smoked some bad weed and
then he went it just triggeredlike a psychotic and he was like
that for like a few days a fewdays I don't know if he ever
recovered but this scares

Dan Wilbur (18:44):
Is it funny that that's that's like the end of on
the road I think is like one ofthe guys had some bad tea. And
they mean marijuana I believe ifI'm remember unless my teachers
were lying to me and they wereall doing heroin. You could
definitely have bad herointhere's there's hot shots and
there's fentanyl and cocaine andall these drugs that are
actually dangerous. But you lookback on the 60s and you're like

(19:05):
maybe it wasn't bad marijuana itwas just like the wrong person
who had been just not sleepingfor months and then like smoked
a really powerful indica likeright off the right after it had
been dried and cured. And itjust had like a lot of THC and
just made them you know,triggered their schizophrenia or

(19:26):
something rather than just beinglike this was a bad batch that's
all they could not they couldcome up with back in the day
must have been a bad batch.
Yeah, it was certainly couldn'tbe couldn't be an internal thing
that we've never paid attentionto. Just beat out of people
physically. until they're dead.
Yeah, that's right. Must be thatmarijuana.

Yeah, it works. But then there's like the the CBD is
like that's the one without theTHC. And I've been taken that a
little bit. I think it kind ofhelps. Like it doesn't Yeah, it
doesn't. You don't get likebuzzed or whatever. But like I
take it at night helps me sleepor whatever. And then I wake up
and it seems like it kind oflike mellows me out a little
bit.

Dan Wilbur (20:06):
Yeah, I've met a couple of people that swear by
it. And I've never, I have had agreat recent drug experience
where I took some edibles thatwere supposed to get your real
high. And then all that happenedwas I fell asleep at 9pm and

(20:27):
woke up at 9am. And I was like,That was actually pretty good.
So I'm assuming that was justthe CBD that was also in them.
Or it was just like a highconcentration of indica and I, I
just had like the best sleep ofmy life and woke up refreshed.
And was like, I guess that'sprobably why people take weed

(20:47):
gummies, too.

Yeah, I mean, there's, there's different ones.
But yeah, there's like, yeah,like I said, though, even if I
take a little bit like it justdepends, like, what kind of mood
I'm in. But definitely it canstart leading me down that like
weird path of like thoughtswhere you start? Like, you're
like overthinking things, and Idon't like that. I don't like
that. Yeah. Oh, wait, I don'tneed help with that.

Dan Wilbur (21:09):
Right. It used to be so much better. Like when I was
in college, I remember I'd gethigh and I'd be like, I think
everyone's flirting with me. Andit was just you couldn't
understand social interactions.
You you're adding tension wherethere wasn't any and you're
like, Yeah, this guy thatsterile. I think they're trying
to have a threesome. And theywere just like, we just asked if
you wanted to, like, have somecereal or something in their
dorm room. And I'm like, now Iknow what's really going on. I'm

(21:32):
seeing through the lines. Andthen. And then a bad night would
be like you burned your throat alittle bit on a joint and you're
like, that's cancer. That's whatit is. I've burned my throat and
it's over. I need to call myparents and tell them that I I
am dying. Yeah, what that wascollege.

That's not fun.
Yeah, but love the special NewYork you were talking about?
I've talked to people from NewYork that said it's gotten worse
with crime, but also like smallbusinesses like this one guy to
talk to you. He said, he's like,Oh, my favorite restaurants are
gone. And they're all replacedwith like a CVS or like a bank,
right? ATM. And I'm like, so isthat real? Is that a real thing?

Dan Wilbur (22:18):
Not for me, except for we lost all these comedy
clubs. I mean, we lost thecreek. The creek is in Austin
now. But well, I remember whenRebecca was sort of like, I'm
just not going to reopen it. ButI don't even know if she had
plans at that point to go toAustin. Maybe Maybe I'm Matt
messing up the timeline. And shewas gonna have both or

(22:39):
something. But basically, it wasnot that that club was gone. UCB
was gone. But where we had ourshow, our weekly show at UCB
east that was closed before thepandemic. And then the pandemic
got the rest of UCB? So for melike, Yeah, I mean, my whole
life changed. And we wentupstate, and stayed near where

(23:03):
Anya and I got married, which Ialso talked about in the
special, the New York upstateversus the New York City. And
no, I came back and like, Look,I've talked about this a lot,
because like, my worst years inNew York City, were like,
definitely 2008 2009 As far ascrime and like people bemoaning

(23:29):
the gutting of cool places. Likethat exact thing seemed to be
having in 2008 2009, but I wasalso out into the middle of the
night, like coming home at fourin the morning and seeing
couples fight and like, Iremember I met a pool shark.
Like, like telling me that hemakes all his money like
hustling people. And then heasked me if I you know, if I had

(23:53):
any LSD and then like, some guycame out some other side of it
sort of swearing in us and like,like all my bad experiences that
have happened on the New YorkCity Subway, were from that era,
like, like, I would say, oheight through 2011 Were like,
really bad. That's my friend.
That's when my friend Doug gotstabbed in the face like other

(24:13):
things that I think about likemy friends serving on jury
duties, or you know, doing juryduty where like, people just got
the their life kicked out ofthem by a bunch of people and
then you see all the videos, Ijust feel like all the New York
Post's exports to the world isis fear about a city that nobody

(24:33):
lives in. But I remember like,there's so many scarier stories
from that time that I rememberand now when I'm out, the only
thing that scares me isoccasionally get onto a subway
train. You're like, okay,there's there's more homeless
people sleeping on the subwaythat I've noticed, doesn't

(24:54):
bother me. I've gotten on atrain. There's four people like
laying across The seats butnobody else is here. Who cares?
The thing that really scared mewas like, during rush hour, one
day, I got on a train. And therewas a dude just smoking a
cigarette. And I was like, Thatguy does not care. And I'm not
going to be the one that tellshim to put up the cigarette, and
nobody else did. It was like areal New York moment where, you

(25:18):
know, the rules you got on thesubway, someone was doing
something that was like, inclear violation of all rules. It
is none of your business moveon. Like, they're not hurting
anybody, but they do not care.
Like what happens to them. So ifsomebody sees them and tells
them to put it out, that's anauthority figure, an MTA

(25:41):
employee, I mean, I would feelbad because that MTO employee
would get his ass kicked, butthat guy was that guy was scary.
And I didn't even I did not makeeye contact with this man. But I
knew like he was not homeless.
He was just did not care whathappened to him that day. And
that kind of stuff is wild,where it feels like there's a
breakdown of because there'salready so many social norms.

(26:05):
There's there's a lot ofetiquette, you have to follow on
the subway and there have alwaysbeen flashers, and like, you can
take videos of them and shamethem and make sure they never
come. You know, they get theirface printed on the cover of the
post. And that's all good. Butlike, the really weird stuff.
Yeah, it's it's around, but it'snot. Every time I've been I told

(26:28):
my friend like someone wasroasting me on Twitter for
saying like, I'm sorry, so andso made you scared of the
subway, but like, don't vote forhim. Just because you're scared
of something like you live inAlbany. You don't even live
here. You don't need to worry.
Like you live in Buffalo. Youdon't need to worry about the
transit system. In New YorkCity, a place that you've been

(26:50):
once to see the Lion King orwhatever. You know, some mean,
the mean spirited New Yorkerattitude thing. And my friend
somebody wrote back that waslike, the subways are a menace.
Like why don't you try goingafter 11pm You dork and my
friends chimed in. My friendMatt. And Dustin was like, every
time I've been on the train at2am There's a literal baby on

(27:11):
it. Like, like there's a there'sa literal baby in a stroller
with their mom at 2am. Like it'snot dangerous. It's not scary
for the statistically is not adangerous place to be. Yeah,

I think I went in like 2010 or something. And it
was, it was great then or 2011maybe I don't know, whatever it
was, but like we did all thetouristy stuff, and we rode the
subway. I feel like we were outlate. A lot of those nights and
I don't ever remember feelingunsafe. Then

Dan Wilbur (27:42):
I bumped into famous people. And that's what you told
me last time. Yeah, I mean,like, my did I tell you that
last

time you were telling me like you saw Maggie
Gyllenhaal and Chloe Savannah. Isee.

Dan Wilbur (27:51):
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah,

those are any other new ones. While I

Dan Wilbur (27:57):
probably was on the last one, then that that an
angry Michael? Michael Ceralike, brother. Oh, Ashmont. My
mom, I didn't tell you this. No,you didn't. My mom's a sweet
woman from Ohio. That makes itsound like she's dumb. She's a
doctor. So she's she's just alsohappens to be sweet. She's smart
and sweet. And a blind personwas getting on the subway and

(28:18):
blind people in New York arevery self sufficient. It's
actually incredible. There's,there's blind, like deaf mute
people who just hand will handyou like a laminated card to
tell you that. And they needhelp getting across like 23rd
Street. I've helped severalpeople that have handed me that
note. It's very strange. And butthat's like such a New York

(28:42):
attitude is like, I'm not gonnalearn that

trust, though. And I don't know if I Yeah, trust
people that okay.

Dan Wilbur (28:48):
Yeah, so that's a lot of trust. But blind people
are very, they're just veryefficient when it comes to
riding the subway. They, they? Idon't know. It's it is kind of
incredible. And so you see it,it just becomes commonplace. And
so one thing you don't do, whichis what my mom did is like she
saw a person trying to get onthe train and they hit the side

(29:12):
of the door. McCain, they canhear the the chime for get on
the subway now. And they'retrying to get on first and my
mom decides to like, help, like,guide her, like, grabs her on, a
woman started screaming. Andthen this like, Guy was right
behind my mom in a huff. Like,we're supposed to be getting off
the train first. To the right,while this person comes on who

(29:34):
can't see and just leave themalone. And so I was saying like,
Mom don't like don't help her.
It's okay. And I was off thetrain already. Like I was like,
just come through the don't. Andbehind her was just like, in a
huff trying to get around my momand this person like, was
Michael Cera trying to get tohis play that he was in and he
was clearly like in a hurry. AndI just remember him, you know?

(29:56):
So he brushed past my mom. Youknow, crotch first gets asked I
gotta kick his ass. No, he was.
It was just so funny like NewYork thing. And if you're a
tourist you don't know. That'sfunny. But just to help, it's to
help no one that's what you'resupposed to do in New York. Oh,
help no one. Yeah, apparently

they get to know that's good to know about the
etiquette with the blind peopledon't help them. They know how
to do it

Dan Wilbur (30:23):
sincerely like it's it's it's just sort of
incredible. Like how how peoplecan get around New York. With
with any disability it's, it'swild.

Yeah, though the subway system and it's just so
easy. You don't even have toUber, you can just take subway
and walk everywhere. It'samazing. Yeah. Talking about,
oh, I want to ask you aboutguitar, you kind of mentioned
this a little bit, and you'respecial. And then I saw a
picture of you playing guitar onstage. You don't play guitar on
the special though. What what doyou do when you play guitar on

(30:57):
stage, you do original songs oris like weird out kind of a
spoof song or what

Dan Wilbur (31:02):
I've done. If I was playing guitar on stage at my
show, it was mostly to getpeople in the room to sit down
and open the show. So I was justplaying covers of songs, I was
just showing off. Because I havegotten pretty proficient at
guitar. And so sometimes I wouldjust close out the show with a

(31:24):
song like as if we had a musicalguest or sometimes I would open
the song open with a song andI'll do some goofy stuff. Like I
have a three second song thatjust goes like if you're
thinking of starting a podcast,don't. And it's but it's too,
you know, right and fingerpicking. I wish I had my guitar
in this room, but I don't. SoI've written like very short

(31:50):
things that are funny. And it'salways fun to just like finger
pick and talk over it. But Ihaven't really incorporated it
into my act of written. I wrotea song about Law and Order SVU.
And it was maybe the first yearI had been playing guitar and I
had not played a single liveshow. And Joe Firestone was

(32:10):
like, You got to play that at myshow that we're doing like a
fake script for SVU. And you gotto open it. And I did this like
sold out show at Union Hall. Andthat was my first like, musical
comedy events. And I was sonervous. I practice it with my
this guy, Matt, who is mentionedby name in the album, mash

(32:34):
ladder, great musician, greatteacher, worked on it with me
for like, a month to get it inshape. And I was about to throw
the whole thing out and cancelit and he was like, No, you got
to do it. And so God bless him.
That was my first and then Inever really returned to it. I
post them on. I post them onlinebecause like, tick tock seems
sort of obsessed with musicalcomedy. Tic TOCs basically just

(32:58):
vaudeville. I know another comicis set. I think the guys I know
what a time to be alive. keepmentioning that that it's
basically like you could go onand juggle. You could do well. I
mean, I guess there's dark sidesof vaudeville. Don't do that
part. But you can do like,basic. You could do like

(33:19):
contortionist stuff. You coulddo anything that's visually
intriguing. Anything that'smusical anything that's comedy
sketch, like that stuff's justkilling on tick tock. So I, my
friend, my friend, Kim Denirotold me to just keep posting
music as I come up with it thatI didn't need to play it at the

(33:39):
show. So I honestly like havenot played live that often. I'm
not even comfortable enough tobusk on the street, you know,
I'm not comfortable enough toopen my guitar case. And like,
ask people for money, even if Iwas playing covers, which is my
dream. All my money that way,way more lucrative than comedy.

Seriously, like those people do make. And now
you have like, we go and see thelive music and we'll be some
somebody with an acousticguitar. And they'll have the
guitar case open. But alsothey'll have the Venmo now you
can just Venmo from your seat.
You don't even have to get heryou could just tip them five
bucks or whatever.

Dan Wilbur (34:15):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're in the right mood, like
especially if you had like twobeers, Lower East Side, you go
down to the Second AvenueStation, there's this girl that
will be playing an accordion.
And I just, I'm ready to drop,like five bucks in that bin that
I don't have. And she was youknow, I wish I knew I wish I

(34:36):
remembered her tag or whatever.
But you know, it's if it hitsyou and then there are other
people that I see and this iswhat keeps me for busking is
that you see other guys likescreaming with a, an acoustic
and they're doing like a ThirdEye Blind song or something you
know, like please stop this. BadDylan cover like playing a Dylan

(34:59):
cover. Not making it soundbetter than Bob Dylan. That's
sort of a feat. You know, like,Good job man. Couldn't couldn't
find the melody to that song.
That same talk song. Yeah, sir.
You couldn't you couldn't hitthe range of Springsteen in your
voice. I would love to do it.

Have you ever been to Nashville or Austin? Where
there's like so much live musicthere? There's a lot of Yeah,
yeah. Yeah. You see, likeamazing musicians like that's
what's kind of cool about thoseplaces, because people go down
there to make it in music. Sure.
I'm saying that LA in New Yorkwhen people go to make it an
acting and modeling comedy.

Dan Wilbur (35:38):
I know I was walking from this, I think it's true in
New York to is that I waswalking from the train to some
spot, and I was like, Man, I'm,I'm pretty cool. Like, I'm going
to do the thing. I'm going, Igot two spots tonight, whatever
it was. And then I just saw thisguy playing prints on an
electric guitar in the middle ofTimes Square or something, you

(36:00):
know, like in the subway. And Iwas like, Man, the most talented
person I'm gonna see today islike a street performer. Like,
that guy. That guy is like,really incredible. That guy
should have been onstage like, Ishould have just asked him, you
know, if it was a different timeand be like, Hey, man, I got
this spot. Why don't you justcome and do that Purple Rain?

(36:23):
Solo? For all of them, I thinkthey'd be really impressed. So
yeah, I think that is fun.
That's the fun thing about NewYork or Austin or Nashville is
that there are these people whoare just sort of doing it. Like,
it's like, they don't deservemoney. Like they don't deserve
attention. They're just tryingstuff out in the street or at

(36:44):
some local bar and, and you havethe, the joy of being able to
just walk in on it. That's acool spot. That's not happening
everywhere. In Cleveland. Imean, that with all like,
Cleveland is an endearing placewith a lot of good musicians in
it also. But anytime I've beento a good show in Cleveland,

(37:06):
it's because someone told me Ishould go to it. They're like,
please come to the show. It's myband. And then I'm like, sorta
on the fence. And I'm like,Well, I know this guy's crazy.
And then I go to the show, andI'm like, actually, they are
pretty good. This is a good rockband or whatever. But they're
not just the guy on the side ofthe street is usually like a
high schooler.

Okay? Under biblically, I still got a It's
on my bucket list. I actually dowant to go.

Dan Wilbur (37:32):
It's a good place.
It's a great place to visit.
It's a great place to live. Ican't go back. But I wish
everyone the best of luck.

Do you love it? Do you still love it? Or I love New

Dan Wilbur (37:45):
York. Yeah, I love New York. I mean, I live in Long
Island now, which we didn't talkabout yet. But it's,

again, from like Manhattan. I.

Dan Wilbur (37:53):
So if you drive it sometimes it's like 45 minutes.
And if you take the train, it'sdoor to door it gets a little
long because you're beholden tothe schedule of the LIRR, but
the LIRR is like, really cool.
Is there, is there anunexpressed, I have to deal with
traffic? Yeah, there's anexpress now to Grand Central
from. So I live in Huntington,which is north shore. And it's

(38:14):
about an hour long train ridefrom here to there, but you have
to drive to the train station,and then you have to, and then
you're once you're at GrandCentral now it's like in the
depths. It's really cool. It'sthey just added this. I'm
excited about it. And I thinkeveryone else on Long Island is
excited, or should be therecomplaining about transfers and
all the stupid stuff becausethey're soft. But it's like the

(38:36):
first time in the history of therail line that it goes to Grand
Central, I believe. So they'vealways been going to Penn
Station. And now all of a suddenthey go to Grand Central and
it's great. So I'm, I'm sorry,this is like such a middle aged
man thing to talk about. Butlike, I love trains, I guess the
sudden middle age that's fouryear old. guys heard of these

(38:58):
trains.

You don't have like one of the train sets with the
hat and stuff. And yeah, I

Dan Wilbur (39:06):
don't, okay, I don't, but I just appreciate not
being in traffic. And thatthere's an alternative. If you
are willing to give up like anextra 30 minutes of your life.
You can read a book and like,not have to worry. And then I
stay out like I went saw myfriends. One person show and

(39:27):
then I went to my friend'sbirthday party. I had a drink
with him. And then I went to doa spot at 1am and then I just
got in my car and drove home onenights. And then another night.
It's like, I leave. I get on thetrain. I do one show I turn
around and I come back to myhouse in the suburbs. And I'm
sort of just treating New Yorkthe way I've always treated it

(39:49):
except instead of living 20minutes away in Brooklyn. I live
an hour and a half away. So

do you still do most of your comedy there or can
you do some slobs in long Idon't know.

Dan Wilbur (40:00):
Yes, I do most of my stand up there. And then I have,
there's a good scene in LongIsland. There's on Long Island.
That's how you know, I'm notfrom here. It's on Long Island,
not in Long Island. So there's agood scene. It's a lot of like,
independently produced shows.
And then there's three clubsthat are all owned by governors

(40:21):
in Levittown. They ownbrokerage, and I think, a place
called McGuire's and they theirclubs where Liz, who's whose
book you have in the background,Liz Meili headlines it or, or
Brendan sag Hello, and likethese guys that are sort of all
over New York, come out. And soI'm going to do I'm going to

(40:43):
open for moody McCarthy, whohave opened for before at
brokerage at the end of April.
And then I hope I've done ahandful of times I've done those
clubs. And I'd hope thateventually I get to have a
weekend there and they trust meto come do it all the time,
because it would be convenient.
So yeah, that's why I'm sayingthis in case they're listening,

(41:08):
I'd really like to do more spotsat the brokerage. But honestly,
it's I don't have enough spotsout here. That would justify me
staying out here as a just LongIsland comic. And it's not for
wishing that I weren't out here.
It's just the fact that I justdon't know that many people. I

(41:31):
just don't know all of them. Buta couple of my friends left.
When we got here. They moved tothe south. Nice

to break it up. And at least do some of your shows
closer not have to go toManhattan. Oh, there's

Dan Wilbur (41:44):
there is a great show. That is one minute drive
from my house. And that guycalls me day of sometimes two
hours before and it's like, doyou want to do a spot? Yes.
Take? I'll take a minute longdrive. Yeah, for those. And I'm
not used to that. Where becauseNew York was such a pain. And

(42:10):
you're always trying to do threethings in a night. And I'm still
basically doing that. Like thatis the lifestyle of a New York
Comic is not to just do onething. In fact, anytime I and
now what I do go out and if Ijust do one thing, I feel dumb
for having wasted that commute.
So even though I occasionallyjust swing in, do my spot and

(42:31):
then just get out.

Yeah. That's New York, Pa if you like three or
four. I think that's what Lizsaid that she did. I feel like
did she even say like maybe fiveor six at night one time? I
don't know. Yeah.

Dan Wilbur (42:46):
I mean, that's great. If that's that's great
work if you can get it. I loveit.

Well, what tell me about this show, though, that
you did the this was crazy. Youopen for Patton Oswald and I
don't know if I say this becauselast sys is that I say

Dan Wilbur (43:02):
this is my Patton poster. Point it yeah, this
Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. of himis to face I was. I love that. I
love that poster. No, it's thesky. Okay, pants. I don't know
his real name. But he's fromCleveland. I think he's a
Cleveland guy. So there was alot of connections where I was
like, it's Cleveland is Pat. Andit's the shows I did. And yeah,

(43:26):
okay, pants is his handle. Hemakes some great stuff. And
yeah, sorry, was the question.
Was that fine. You want to

hear about the show? How did you what was that?

Dan Wilbur (43:40):
Yeah, I did it. I just didn't even hear the
question. I just wanted to showoff my poster.

No, just like how did you get hooked up with that?
And it because it was multiple,I noticed at the Orpheum theatre
but there was also some shows onthe road that you did with him
and Scott face is that is it.
CeCe piece, I believe? Yeah.
That guy is. He's like the IKEA.
He does those IKEA tiktoks thatare hilarious that.

Dan Wilbur (44:00):
Yeah. He's great. I think he's really funny. He's
He's, uh, I don't know where helives right now. I thought he
was in Baltimore. So he's sortof close. But yeah, he's come
and done. He did our show. inPark Slope. That's every week.
He visited New York a coupletimes. He's a very sweet, dude.

(44:22):
And he's very funny. And saying,bear Did you see that using
cocaine bear and I haven't seenit yet. Please don't share this
with him. Because a bunch ofpeople keep telling me how good
cocaine bear is when they comeinto this bookstore. Start
talking to me about cocaine bearand and I was like, Well, I get
the trump card. I'm friends withScott.

He follows you on Instagram. That's pretty big
compliment.

Dan Wilbur (44:46):
Yeah, I mean, we're friends in real life now. At
this point. Not just Instagramfriends. Yeah. So the the reason
the patent thing happened It wasbecause I had this funny and I'm
sure we talked about it lasttime, I had this funny blog
about books, where I made fun ofa book every day. And it's

(45:08):
called better book titles. Andyeah, so it was like a hyper
viral internet thing Tumblr blogback in 2010 2011. And I still
run it as a website, and we havelike, merch and stuff. And we
have, I try to post memes thathave something to do with books,
or at least our my funny friendson Twitter, and share that kind

(45:31):
of content. Because it, it neverslowed down, like, people
discovering it and, and likingit. So we have like 800 covers
on it. And so if you've neverheard of it, it was like, The
Great Gatsby is drinkresponsibly. And The Very Hungry
Caterpillar is eat until youfeel pretty. And there were all

(45:52):
these like funny names forbooks. And so Patton was my
first Twitter follower, like Iposted, hey, we have a Twitter
now. And Patton was like such arabid fan of this blog. And he
was sharing it me he's like, oneof the reasons that went viral
was he discovered it and juststarted posting about it on
Twitter before I had a Twitter.
And so we just sort of kept up,like, you knew I was a comic.

(46:16):
And we had met a couple times.
But I never really asked him,you know, for anything other
than to check out the book. LikeI was trying to get him to write
a blurb or something. And Idon't even think he remembered
the connection of why we wereTwitter friends, other than he
knew I was a stand up. And wewould like talk, we would like
complain about the same thingpieces or something we just sort

(46:39):
of had like some fun back andforth. And then one day, I saw
that he was doing a casino inJersey, sorry, this is way too
much detail. Now, if I could doit, and he was like, sorry, I
remember it was Michel balloonwas doing it, who I also love.
Because Patton just like loveshelping comics, I think. And I

(47:02):
went to an event where like Isaw him. And he was he's
promoting his late wife's book.
And there were like four peoplethere that I met who I'm like
friends with now, who are allsaying the same thing, which is
that like patent helped theirpodcast, get off the ground
patent helped these video essaysthat I'm sure are niche, get to
a wider audience just because oflike, patents, obsession with

(47:24):
finding cool stuff, and helpingthe people who make the cool
stuff. So I think he's justgenuinely interested in things.
And He's genuinely interested inhelping people get it to a wider
audience. And I honestly do notknow why that is. Because he
owes us

nothing. But if he's actually I mean, that's
like me with my podcasts like, Iwant to help some of the guy I
mean, obviously most of theguests I have on are bigger than
than me, but like I just hadthis local girl on from from
Tucson and I was like trying toconnect, she's like, I really
want to sound like Avril Levine,I go, Oh, actually, I had the
guitar player from Alpha Levineon your want you message him and

(48:05):
there's some now I'm like, Thisfeels great. Like it feels good
to help people.

Dan Wilbur (48:09):
Yeah, it feels good.
And I do it. Like I just helpedconnect to friends who like
already knew each other. But ithadn't occurred to them to work
together on this thing that Isaw them both basically doing
similar storytelling shows. Andthere was a very specific show
that my friend was doing. And Iwas like, You got to workshop it

(48:29):
with this other person. Becauselike, I can only do so much like
I can help you with all thejokes and stuff. But I don't
really know anything aboutstructure. As far as one person
shows, I've never done one. Ican't direct it. I can't do and
like hooking those two up like Iknow, they're going to have a
positive, collaborativeexperience. Mark my words, if
they hate each other in a month,I'll take it back. But I Yeah,

(48:53):
it feels good. And you'rehelping support like good work.
I mean, it's the same as shows.
Like, we love our show. Zach andI have this weekly show that
sort of down and dirty, free.
Free weekly comedy show.
Sometimes it's great. Sometimesit's awful. Sometimes it's
canceled. And it's in the backof a bar. And the only reason we

(49:16):
do it is so that we can work onnew material without necessarily
having to go to a mic. Or Or ifwe can't get booked at like five
shows like Liz is doing. We wehave to do our five or 10
minutes every week on our show,and it keeps us honest and all
this stuff. But then the addedbonus is that like we get to

(49:36):
give a bunch of comic spots. Andit's not about spot trade. Like
there's sometimes just comics Iwant to see. And comics like we
have to think about like whowill get some Butts in the Seats
occasionally. But for the mostpart, I'm just like, I'd like to
see a good lineup. And I'd liketo help those people out when
they ask so we always get comicsasking when they have something

(49:58):
coming up and so Yeah, it feelsgreat to have a whatever nominal
platform. Yeah, I literallywouldn't

did that for you though. That's pretty awesome.
Yeah. Oh,

Dan Wilbur (50:11):
yeah. So I sent I sent him a message being like,
hey, I'll do this casino. I feellike that's the right level for
me. I can do a I can open for acasino. And he was like, No,
you're gonna do the beacon. AndI just like, My palms are still
sweating, thinking about it,because that was just like the
best show that I think. I mean,it was the best show before or

(50:33):
since I think, even though theOrpheum was really fun. And I
did this show with Scott andPatton in Huntington, where I
now live. And that was reallyfun, because I'll still bump
into people like, especiallycomics who are at that show. And
I'm like, Yeah, that's yeah,that was me. And it's exciting.
Because I get to be, I washoping I'd be famous at like

(50:56):
Home Depot or whatever. Butit's, it's better to be famous,
like walking into a club orwhatever. And to comics, like,
because I'm new to this scene,like already know who I am. And
that feels really nice andrough. Matteo was there and that
was fun. Yeah.

Nobody got a selfie with him. Like even Patton
Oswald was too scared toapproach him.

Dan Wilbur (51:19):
No, I don't think he was too scared. I think they
just he's, I think he's agenuinely shy, dude. Macho is
okay. And to the point wherelike, our friend had come
backstage, and we're all justtalking. And we're just talking
about movies. And my wife. And Ilike, I was trying to get a
picture with Patton to just postabout the show, and me and Scott
and all the stuff. But we didn'treally want to ask, Ralph, and

(51:41):
that's when we all left. Ourfriend was like, Who's that guy?
Like, who's that guy was likechatting with his son. We're
like, Donna's fucking Macho.
What do you do? And she waslike, Why didn't anyone say it?
Why did anyone like, get thesephotos? But I met him. You know,
I lived in Long Island for like,two more months. And I met him
somewhere else. So I have apicture with him. Oh, really? We
finally Yeah, we did it. That'sawesome. He looks like a you

(52:04):
know, like a statue, a statuenext to me because I look like
I'm, I look hammered in everyphoto, but I'm actually just
kind of chubby. So if you'retrying to picture I run five
miles a day.

So you're really down? Yes. I hate renderable. I
walk on the treadmill walk. Butthat's like with the incline. So
I think it does something.

Dan Wilbur (52:28):
No, I've I've done this. I did this to myself.

Yeah, or how are you doing with that? Like, are
you do you? Are you trying todiet or anything are you just,
like, ask her at all run andburn off some.

Dan Wilbur (52:43):
I have lost about 25 pounds since we recorded the
album. So all of my fat jokes,by the way, were written when I
was this weight, and I went to adoctor and they were like, You
need to lose weight. So I justwant everyone to know who's
listening. I am stilltechnically obese. And so
that's, I have not changed that.
But I you know, I don't know howyou do it. But like, I just like

(53:08):
can't drink without eating. Butit's a New York thing is like
yeah, without if you have

a couple, you're trying to stick to a diet and
then you have like a couple ofbeers or something, then all of
a sudden you start craving junkyfood and you're like, oh, I can
eat there.

Dan Wilbur (53:24):
Yeah. So that that needed to go. But now I'm like
running all the time. So I I dosomething about it just makes me
want to drink. Like theendorphins. Like I just feel
invincible. And so sinceChristmas, that's when I started
like Christmas, I just startedto do suck. So sad. But all I

(53:47):
did was I decided I was going tocount calories. And it didn't
matter if I went over, I wasn'tgonna like punish myself if I go
over or whatever. But I wasgoing to try with everything
that I ate, continuing to eatthe same things, but eat what
the actual serving sizes, andyou find out like, what's not

(54:08):
worth it, like cereal is like athird of a cup or something of
Frosted Flakes and you like lookat it, like if you if you take a
picture of it just to see, afteryou've measured it, you're like,
That's the saddest thing I'veever seen in my life.

All those serving sizes are it's like oh, here's
six potato chips like yeah,eating six potato to

Dan Wilbur (54:28):
my gut ruffles. It's like 11 So I've been working on
the same bag of ruffles for likea month. They're disgusting.
Because

you're so following that with a light follow

Dan Wilbur (54:40):
it, I follow it and I just say like, you know what,
that's what it's supposed to be.
I don't need any more food thanthat. That's not it's not even
good food. It's not even like acorrect, you know, but rather
it's the only thing that'sworked recently and that I've
been able to stick with big Asthe other option is to do
something like the Mayo Clinic,which I started doing, where

(55:02):
they basically just tell you toeat the food pyramid, and
instead of counting calories,you just, you sort of eyeball
what you need. And they'll saystuff like, alright, well you
need is every day to softballsized servings of leafy greens
like you need like to eat like ahandful of spinach and a salad.
And then when you want to eatsweets, it should be the size of

(55:24):
like, a big dice, like two dice,like eat to basically like
chocolates out of a one, whichis the correct amounts. But
like, I could not stand doingthat. And there were all these
rules that were like don't likeif you're gonna watch a half
hour TV, you have to like earnit through exercise, it was a

(55:45):
wild, wild diet. But if you doit, you will lose weight, like,
immediately, because you arejust doing the doctor
recommended, like, this is whatfoods you're supposed to eat.
And I just can't live like that.
I need ice cream sandwiches. Ineed I needed to say on the
label, like how much is in it?
And what's in it. And then I canlook at that and be like, Well,

(56:09):
that's all I'm supposed to eat.
I'm not supposed to eat three ofthem. I'm not supposed to get
stoned and eat three of them. Ineed to eat one of them. And
like the rest of the day focuson, you know, eating the
softball size of spinach orwhatever. This is so boring. I'm
so sorry. It is all I think

the best foods always like restaurant food.
Like that's, that's when Ialways fall off the wagon is
when I go on vacation and I goout. Yeah, cuz then like, what
are you gonna do? You're gonnabring like some like a salad and
a bag on vacation. Like, you'renot gonna buy groceries when
you're in a hotel and stuff. Soyeah,

Dan Wilbur (56:44):
no, but I do think if you do it long enough,
because there's some great foodout in Long Island, by the way,
do it long enough, you can biteinto something like especially
like a good sandwich place. Likethere's a lot of good of Italian
restaurants and a lot of goodItalian sandwich shops. Like,
first of all, you should go, Oh,I'm only going to eat half of
whatever they give me. Like, I'msure that's what the actual

(57:07):
serving sizes. But you can like,eventually bite into something
and be like that tastes likeprobably is 500 calories and not
200. Like, it's probably notwhat I would have made at home.
Like I can taste the butter andthis and you sort of like have
to do that calculus. It's notcalculus, it's arithmetic, of
counting much and subtracting itfrom what your goal was. And

(57:29):
then just like not hurtingyourself mentally, or
physically, when you when youscrew it up just just keeping
track because I can't imagine.
Every time I've dieted where Iwas like, I'm cutting out this,
all I do is think about thatthing. All I do is like go like,
Oh, I would kill someone to eatcheeses, and then you go back to

(57:51):
it and you feel good. And thenyou're just eating bags of
cheeses all day. It'sembarrassing and sad. But it's
like, Well, it's because you cutit out and said, I'm never gonna
touch it again, when you couldhave just said like, I'll eat it
when I need it. And I'll eatwhat it says to eat. And it's
truly like, What a bummer. 25cheese. It's counting 25 You

(58:13):
know the numbers? I know. Butthat's what I'm saying. I don't
do it every time I just I lookat it enough times that I go
like, Oh, okay, it's this sizeof a handful or it's this. Like
especially like pistachios islike one big giant handful. I
think I'm like, pistachios,right? Yeah. Wild. Yeah. And
Pistachios are like, not thehealthiest of nuts, but they're

(58:36):
extremely satisfying.

So better than I think they say suppose yeah.

Dan Wilbur (58:45):
Versus like, what a regular diet would tell you to
do is like, okay, ignore allthat other food when you're
hungry, like just eat like bellpeppers with little dip. And
you're like, you can only dothat so many times before you're
like so bored, that you justwant to die. So I got Girl Scout
cookies this year, and I justran and earned them and only

(59:08):
ate, you know, four or twoservings of them instead of the
entire box in one sitting.
Which, you know, maybe thatwould have been healthier. Just
have one day of Girl Scoutcookies and then never touch
them again. But I decided I wasgoing to stick to this and it's
and I've stuck to it prettywell. I'm going to have to take
a walk after this podcast if Iwant to eat dinner but

All right, that's good. Well, yeah, everybody got
to find something that works. Ithink my the people my gym say
do the 8020 rule like 80% youeat healthy and then 20% is
like, no, and these guys arelike Trump.

Dan Wilbur (59:44):
Right? Right. I would love to talk to I mean, I
used to live in a building witha trainer. And we were mostly
focused on like, getting me backto working out because I used to
run a lot and I used to do I wasplayed football and all this
stuff. And we got to like whatWhat's the bare minimum I could
do in a week. And that wasreally fun that he was like, you

(01:00:04):
really only have to be here twodays a week. You know, if you'd
like walk, like if you'rewalking and doing stand up every
night and like in the city, itwas like you could get away with
running like, four days andlifting twice. And you would you
would be in like, way bettershape. And I was surprised. Wow.
And then he just was like, andhere's all the steroids you can

(01:00:26):
take night.

Chuck Shute (01:00:29):
Yeah, but supple.
Yeah, whatever. God I

Dan Wilbur (01:00:32):
hope. I hope I'm certain everyone has turned off
the podcast now. Guiding tip. Imean, I guess there's a niche
for this. It's like dieting tipsfrom like a normal, you know,
hoodie wearing, middle agedalways

interesting to hear what people are doing. Yeah, cuz
it's one of those things likeit's a middle aged thing. I
think my middle aged, everybodywho doesn't like think about
that? And it's like, trying tofigure out what do you do? Like,
do you exercise more G better.
Some people just say screw it.
I'm gonna eat whatever I want.
And I have friends like that arelike, I don't care. Like, I'm
just gonna eat whatever I want.
I'm like, I don't think we cando that anymore. It was great

(01:01:08):
when we were in our 20s. But

yeah, well, that's what was so damning about my 20
years and my teens was that if Iran like three days a week, I
could eat McDonald's every day.
I could just do anything becauseI would lose weight. And I don't
think it was like a metabolismthing. I think I was just maybe
I was just a little more activethan I am now because I started

(01:01:31):
gaining weight by the end ofhigh school in a serious way.
But yeah, I just the idea ofeating, eating whatever you want
means such different things todifferent people like because if
you meet up in person and like Ijust ate whatever I wanted
yesterday and you find out theyate like a bag of Lay's potato
chips. And like, half ofsandwich No, like I ate carbs. I

(01:01:55):
can't believe it. You're likeokay, well, that's not what I
do. When I get like a cheat dayor whatever, it's it's a
nightmare. Like eating until I'msick. It's a it's a Roman, you
know, so orgiastic amount offood like that movie The whale.

(01:02:15):
Have you seen that? I honestlylike I saw why people thought
that was problematic. That'sscripted is so corny. Like the
most boring ball. When acornball script or like my
daughter's nice, I did it. Butwhen he ate, like when he was
eating to kill himself, I waslike it was like not that. I was

(01:02:37):
like, I've eaten an entire pizzaover like about two pizzas in a
sitting. I've eaten ice creamafter I ate pizza. I never like
squirted mustard and sour creamon it or whatever. But like, it
wasn't far off. I have I'vedefinitely had a drawer of
candy. I've definitely eaten Iin college for sure. I was

(01:03:01):
stoned one night. And as I wasconvincing myself that if I
played Wii boxing, I would burnenough calories that it was okay
for me. After a full day ofeating to eat an entire like,
box of intimates donuts, andwhich is like 2700 calories.
Yeah, like it's like two days offood. What are those? Those

(01:03:23):
those chocolate covereddoughnuts? You know what I mean?
They're not even that good. Iate the entire box. While I was
ripped, and I was probablydrinking too. I mean, like, I
did this on Maria Hynix podcastonce when I was talking about
basically disordered eating. Andthat's the sad thing is that we
are discussing disorderedeating. And it's just that I

(01:03:45):
have the funny version of it,that I binge and don't purge. I
just consume, you know, wasfrankly greedy, and awful. But
an honest like this when we hadlike an honest discussion about
the addictions. That's what theI think it was like an
addictions podcast, I wrote downwhat I ate in a day, and how

(01:04:06):
much food I ate like off mywife's plate. And like, if I
really tracked it down withbeer, added onto it, it was like
5000 calories a day. And that islike, that's not good. Now
should not be consuming that.
And then I was like, but I waswalking six miles a day in New

(01:04:29):
York. And I was I was gainingweight. And I was going like,
why am I gaining weight? Andthen I look at it on paper and
I'm like, oh, because you'reeating in excess of like, like
3000 calories more than you needas a man. So don't do that and
seek help. And I'll be inOvereaters Anonymous. Someday,

(01:04:50):
I'm sure. And I'll take backeverything I said on this
podcast.

No, I think everybody has those days, where
you just eat two days. was aweek, month, month, whatever.
Yeah, there's so much good food,especially in New York, I can't
imagine the variety in this,like, you can eat something
different every day, a differentrestaurant.

Yeah. And it's so embarrassing, like, comedians,
because you keep late hours, andyou're trying to kill time, like
New York just eats up yourwallet, too. And you're, and
like, the best feeling in theworld is to do a show the best
feeling in the world. Yes, Isaid it, the best feeling is
that you can do like a bunch ofshows, or you do one big show.

(01:05:32):
And then you go to a diner witha bunch of comedians afterwards,
and you just talk for you. Andmaybe you have coffee, and maybe
you have, but like, it's reallyeasy to eat, like a plate of
like french toast, or likewaffle fries or something. And
like, just be in that moment,even though you've already eaten
three meals, and you probablybeen drinking during the show.

(01:05:54):
And then you get to the diner,and you're like, I'm going to
eat my fourth meal. Because thisis I'm going to keep the party
going. And like that is that'sthe danger of, of New York, too.
It's just, it's always open. Andthe timing is always off.

Yeah. And I'm like, I'm always a late night eater.
Like, I'm always like cravinglike shitty food, like late at
night. Like when I wake up Icould I know that's a big thing
now that people do is like,like, oh, like you fast in the
morning. I'm like, I used to dothat all the time. Just not eat
breakfast, I'd wake up be like,oh, like go to work and just
have a cup of coffee. And thatwas like, and then I like but
but dinner late at night. You'relike, Oh, I'm so hungry. And

(01:06:34):
that's when all the junk foodcomes out.

Right? Yeah. I mean, that's, I think that's a really
common error. And they can't, Imean, they're constantly
studying it, because people keepscrewing it up. So well, that's
never know what's thehealthiest? Yeah,

I mean, that's just like the whole, like this whole
podcast about, like, you'retalking about just things that
are normal things for mostpeople like mental health, like
getting sad and getting eatingtoo much junk food. Like, who
doesn't suffer if somebody waslike, What is wrong with these
people? They eat too much foodand they get sad. Like, you
know, no, that's like being ahuman.

Yeah, I mean, that's yes. I think that some people
have it worse. Yeah, certainly,a lot of people have it worse
than I am. I than I do. And Ithere's reality

shows for that.
Yeah, I've seen those. Right.
It's like sad, because thosepeople are like, they have no
clue like, yeah, I don't know.
Like, I wake up in the morning,I brush my teeth with soda. I
don't know what the problem is.
I don't know why I'm gainingweight, like, and you just see
what they eat. And it's like,it's like, sad, because they
clearly were like, raised onjust and that's a problem with
the kids. Like, I'm sure yourparents probably made you eat

(01:07:44):
your vegetables and like,probably taught you some sort of
nutrition.

Yeah, but like, think about how tied to your
personality and your growing up,like food is like, I think about
that all the time when I wasthinking about dieting, and oh,
I got to get rid of pasta. And Iwas like, I've eaten pasta my
whole life. Like, pasta is likepart of my identity, like, and

(01:08:08):
I'm not even Italian. But youcan you can definitely get rid
of McDonald's or whatever. Butbut to say like, I'm going to
get rid of, I'm going to stopeating this specific kind of
food that is just like alwaysexisted in my life. That's like,
wild, wild thoughts. And so Iunderstand when people feel

(01:08:31):
bereft of those things, becauseit's your whole and then, you
know, when I talked to my momabout it, because we all have
food issues, like she's like,Yeah, I mean, I had to
occasionally bribe you guys withfood. I think everybody just
does it. You have to, you haveto bribe a child with them. Egg
McMuffins or french fries atsome point. Yeah. And there's no

(01:08:54):
like, there's no real way to getout of it. I guess you could
dump money on your child, andthen he'll just go spend it on
candy.

Oh, the new thing is like, the new thing is
electronics like parents giveher like an iPad or something
like here, if I give you theiPad, we shut up.

Right? And that's a whole new kind of thing. But
I've hung out with my nieceslong enough to know that foods
still in there. They're they'rethese you know, these skinny
children, but they're, they'rejust, they're like in a constant
want of to reward themselveswith food and I can just see it,
but I think that's just kidsbeing kids. I just see see, I'm

(01:09:34):
just thinking about like howoften I ate cereal out of a cup
dry. Like into my teens. Justlike just like I'm drinking
lucky charm. Really? Which

one which what's your favorite cereal?

I liked well now. I mean, the thing I liked when I
was growing up was Cracklin. OatBran which has saturated fat.
Remember that? That's a deepfried cereal and I always
thought it was healthy when Iwas I thought it was Don't be
too and then I looked at thesite was like there's like trans
fat in this. This is wild. Howdid they get like animal fat?
And

I always thought that was like, I did love it.

I thought I think it is healthy. I mean it has like,
Bran, it's fiber fiber andstuff, but it's not good for you
and now I eat Frosted Flakesbecause they're low on the
glycemic index. They're likebetter for you than plums. Even
though they're sugar frostedcereal, look it up and drill.

That's interesting.
Yeah, I used to love. I love theCookie Crisp, but my parents
would know. Yeah, like, I thinklike one time I bought it. Like
my mom was like on vacation.
He's like, here. Yeah, well,yeah, we'll get this and I was
like, oh my god, this is they'rejust cookies. They're literally
just now they've changed therecipe. I feel like it's not the
same, but

now it feels it feels like cookies still. Isn't?
I don't know.

I think it's different. I feel like the old
one was like literally justcookies. And now that they just
they look like cookies, but it'slike fake. And

yes. Yeah, I would eat. I mean, we could just list
a bunch of cereals I knew. I wasa big fan of cocoa puffs. I was
big fan. I like anything thatanything that's like chocolate.
Yeah, or just anything thatsounds like Cocoa Puffs, but
they changed it a little bit ifthey had like Reese's puffs or
whatever I need all that kind ofstuff.

That's funny. I haven't even had like, I'm
trying to think of last time Ihad a bowl of cereal like it's
been maybe like a decade. I justnever am in the mood for that.
Yeah,

they've had like, they have healthier choices.
Now. If you eat rice checks,it's not actually that bad, but
they're not good. Yeah, it's notI guess it just kind of, I'm
trying to have fun at all times.
Yeah. And so I better be theretoo.

I feel like carbs are like bad or whatever. So
then now if I'm like, if I'mgonna eat carbs, like I'm gonna
go all in I want like a cinnamonroll or I want like, yeah, pasta
with garlic bread. Like I wantlike, like, not just a bowl of
cereal. That's not.

Yeah. Yeah, that's, I don't know how or why we all
did that. It's not good. Theyhad to keep showing the balanced
breakfast around it to remindyou that it wasn't food. You
needed to eat all this otherfood for it to be healthy. So

yeah, we got off on a hell of a tangent. This is
fun. But yeah, I'm so sorry. No.
Oh, it was so fun. This was likeI knew that we're just gonna go
down a rabbit hole. But yeah,new album comes out in like two
days if people are listening tothis, I'm gonna try to get out
tonight. So April is probablygoing to be out by the time
people listen or right.

Yep. Yeah, yeah, it's it's everywhere. Spotify
and iTunes and you can a title Ithink it's on and then hopefully
it's on Sirius. You can hear itif you have that.

And then are you do you have any like a you never
tour you never come down here.
Never come to Arizona. You nevercome to Vegas or somewhere like
it like

I know. I'd love to bring more. Yes, I have. I mean,
for the most part, I've justbeen opening for other people.
So that just takes me whereversomeone wants to bring me but I
should probably start doing itwith my own face as the
headliner. And I'll come to I'llcome to Arizona. Yeah, people

(01:13:15):
will say to you told me aboutsome club that

there's a bunch of codes. Yeah, there's sir crazy
there's Tempe improv there'sstandup live there's the what's
the one that the one up norththat I just Rick Bronson's house
of comedy. Yeah, so there's afew of them that you could get
like Ronon and or like a coupleother New York people. Can you
is that a good idea to do like alike two people like a dual

(01:13:39):
headlining thing like yeah,

splitting the bill is, is a good idea. And yeah, I
think it makes sense. I've doneit with Gabe and Gabe Pacheco
and Zach Sims and I all went on,like a little tour on the East
Coast. Before COVID But yeah, Ihaven't really tried to just
like, fly do a night. Come backor that's when it gets kind of

(01:14:04):
expensive. If Yeah, I thinkusually do not doing a weekend

weekend. Yeah, you do like they do Thursday,
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Ithink usually is what? I think I
would assume they'd pay for yourhotel or whatever.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I'll hit him up.
Yeah, hit him

up and and then I always end up promoting a
charity. I think last year onyou promoted the the Bard Prison
and the

only that's my only charity. Yeah, that's a charged
prisoner initiative. Yes. It's

like, I feel like that's something that people
don't really, like, everybodycould get behind that because
like, yeah, even if you like,Oh, I hate these damn criminals
or whatever. But it's like,okay, well, if they're out of
jail, like what do you want themto do? Like you like you don't
want them to go back to jail. Soyou want them to have a job and
be able to learn and have skillsand be people in the real world?

Yeah, so yeah, I mean, I've only doubled down. I
read The New Jim Crow recently.
And it's basically You that justjust that like the the prison
industrial complex is strongerthan it's ever been. And when it
gets destroyed, it will bereplaced by something just like
it. So you have to stay, staylook alive out there. I know

(01:15:14):
there's

scary that the prison gets like for profit,
isn't it like run bycorporations or something that
scares me? I don't know, like

the federal government said they were going
to stop working with on forprofit prisons, but it didn't
end. incarceration rates, Ibelieve is one of the arguments.
And it's never been focused onstrictly violent crime. Even
though there's like a reallycool logic thing in The New Jim
Crow that was like, well,there's more people in jail for

(01:15:48):
violent offenses, becauseviolent offenses carry longer
terms. So you have a one side ofthe prison that's just full of
rapists, and murderers. And, youknow, then they're there for 25
to life. So it seems like theprison is full of them. But it's
because they fill half theprison and the other people are
coming through or like doing ayear and change for a drug
charge. So it seems like well,we need prisons because they're

(01:16:13):
so full of these violent, theseviolent crimes. And you're like,
well, that's just like a numbersgame. There's always going to be
some violent crime. And you needsome way to deal with it, but
you'd like don't need to beincarcerating people for
marijuana anymore. That's legal,

legal, legal here.
It's legal in New York. It'slegal. And like most states now,
yeah, no, I

think they should grant amnesty for crack to so I
mean, genuinely like, like,let's just be done. Let's be
done with drug offenses, andreplace it with something else.
So the Bard Prison initiative islike one step that you can take
to rehabilitate anybody. And itI think it stops recidivism by

(01:16:58):
like, 97%. So exactly what youwere saying was, it's a

thing where they get people go in and teach, and
they can these prisoners can getdegrees and learn skills while
they're in prison. So then whenthey leave, they have something
that they can go do. Yeah.

And if you've ever read like a self help book, you
know, that just people thinkingof themselves as having value,
it changes your whole mindset.
And so even if the person nevergot a job, doing something with
their GED or their collegedegree, it's like that, yeah.
But somebody took the time totell them, they were valuable

(01:17:34):
and smart, and that they coulddo it. And then they did it. And
they did it from prison. And Iand then they have education
that they're, they can functionand, you know, enrich their
souls. So if you care abouthuman beings, you know, you
should donate to the Bard Prisoninitiative.

That's the best sales pitch. I think I've ever
heard you care about humanbeing. Yeah. Cool. Well, thanks
so much for doing this. Dan.
I'll get the pleasure. Yeah.
And, again, husband material outover 12 on all the streaming
platforms. And hopefully we'llsee do a show soon. Thank you
all come to New York. Yep,please. Okay. All right. Thanks.

(01:18:19):
My thanks again to the veryfunny Dan Wilber. Check out a
special husband material andfollow him on Twitter,
Instagram, Tik Tok all thatstuff. He has a lot of very
funny clips on there. And checkout his website in the show
notes for more information. Andremember liking, sharing and
commenting on the episodes andon social media. And YouTube
helps out the guests and theshow. So make sure you're also

(01:18:42):
subscribed wherever you watch orlisten, preferably YouTube, but
the show is everywhere. And ifyou're on iTunes or Spotify, you
can give us a five star rating.
And we'd really appreciate that.
So thank you so much forlistening. Have a great rest of
your day and shoot for the moon.

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